#Also i listened to both Johnny Cash and NIN versions of Hurt while writing this and I cried a little

[cozy-possum]

Imagine if Edward hears news that his bf is dying of old age. What If Edward visits his bf from school? The old man is telling his family about his friend Edward who tragically ‘died’ of Spanish flu. Perhaps when he is alone in his bed, Edward appears as a ‘ghost’ to him. I wonder what the old man and the ghost would talk about?

Spirits cannot speak to the living. Also I hope you like pain.

Music: Hurt- by Johnny Cash, or covered by Nine Inch Nails

Edward doesn’t normally spend time in the hospital’s Carlisle works at, he doesn’t mean to linger, but the almost scream in his head that bubbles forth, the voice he hadn’t heard in decades, has him still, turning and rushing to find it.

He finds it in a family, a group hovering nervously around a bed. Nurses soothing their worry. They smile at Edward. They know him, the voice in his head knows him too. He catches silvering hair and a crumbling face and he flees. He knew he would be the death of him.

He hides in the hallways, in the closets, and the space in between the bed and window. The hospital room blurs into the room he had during his time in private school. He can hear his voice, nothing had changed in the timber, in the rich mellowness that puts Edward at ease all over again. He instinctively reaches for a cigarette, frowning when the pack isn’t in his pocket.

“Smoking’s bad for you.” He can hear the same chuckling as when he had to hide the newest pack by throwing it in the lake.

-Neither is half of what we used to do.-  The man doesn’t startle. Simply continuing his story. Edward keeps himself pressed between the cabinet and the bed unmoving as the family listen to him talk of his boyhood friend. How they had grown up together, two odd children thrown to a private boarding school and left to rot, oh how they flourished instead he recites. Edward wonders how many times he’s told this story.

-wow.- I can’t believe grandpa’s friend died at seventeen.- that must have been horrible- not even able to go to the funeral cause nana was so worried about the flu- Edward swallows his annoyance at the opposite of his own mother he can barely remember. the thoughts of her from both himself and the family make him grit his teeth guiltily thinking how glad he is she has long since passed.

He doesn’t reveal himself until the family is gone and the nurses switch shifts. He doesn’t say anything, just watches quietly at the mans eyes wet with heartbreak.

“Oh Edward, what has become of you?”

-What has become of you?- He steps forward, noting the man doesn’t flinch, he leans towards him, only drawing breath as Edward’s hand brushes his cheek. Edward sighs, the man hesitates reaching a hand up before putting it down.

“Spirits don’t speak.” he seems almost disappointed as Edward nods.

-We cannot speak as we do not live-. Not a lie, he tells himself.

“Does it cause you pain? This unfinished business we have?” He looks pained himself.

-You could never hurt me.- The man cringes back, eyes welling up with tears. Edward moves to carefully wipe them away.

“We do have unfinished business right? It’s why you’re here... were you waiting long? Have I been delaying you from; from moving on?” He whisper’s the last part fearfully watching Edward’s face. Afraid for him, not of him; Edward’s smile is warm.

-We do, it is nothing painful. I have not been waiting long, it is worth it either way to see you again. Now- He pauses stretching slightly as he sits on the edge of the bed before moving closer to the man.

-What do you want to talk about?- The man grips his hand, not responding with a topic, but instead carefully avoiding any mention of Edward. He talks of his family, of his parent’s death, his older brothers family, his own family, his grandchildren, how nervous he was when his daughter had called an told him. Of the weddings he had gone to, the war he’d fought in. How angry and bitter he’d let himself become when he returned. How he changed, how he had aged and grown. Finally after hours he grows quiet. his fingers loosen their grip and he shivers slightly. Edward appears with another blanket draping it around his form.

“Do you remember when;” He breaks off coughing. Sighing slightly as he drinks water

“When we skipped class the first time. We went all the way up to that massive lake, saw a couple of deer. And like idiots we decided to follow them, ended up lost in the woods for two whole days. You remember that?” He looks hopefully towards Edward who offers a soft smile, ducking his head sheepishly.

-You pushed my in the lake and then had the nerve to get mad at me for pulling you in.- They both laugh, the man smiles leaning back on the pillows. Edward pretends not to hear his heart slowing as he sneaks the morphine drip adjustment higher. He can’t let him be in pain anymore.

“Do you think we’ll end up in heaven?” The man’s voice is quiet his words slurred. Edward nods, standing and kissing his forehead.

“Of course you will, I’d expect nothing less from you than to put St. Peter himself to shame.” Edward watches his eyes go wide, before a smile cracks his face as his eyes close once more. Edward swallows the scream he wants to let out, carefully memorising his face, etching and carving every detail into his own stone. he grips his hand as he can feel the mans heartbeat dull. He nods when Carlisle comes in, pulling him away, he shoves Edward back, his body moving automatically with the force Carlisle puts into it.

-I should have saved him. I should have saved him. He was mine. He was mine. I should have saved him.-