#Also his missed opportunity big bro little sis dynamic with a-qing... SUCH A WASTE

[wifiwuxians]

I feel like xue yang is a character who would be hesitant to reveal the things he likes to someone or even the things he wants because of course, knowing what someone wants is equal to having leverage over them and is sort of like handing someone a weapon and showing them where to cut to make the most damage. I think that then, considering that, the fact that xue yang disclosed to xxc about the candy and what happened to him as a child (and a qing too, but I think as a child herself, a qing would be indignant about what happened in a way that children are when perceiving injustices, whereas xxc would understand the effect an event like that would have on a child and respond kindly rather than with anger), he's sort of baring his neck to xxc - it's not just candy, it's a euphemism for naivety, for innocence, for a sweetness that xue yang couldn't have - and then xxc's response, giving xue yang the candy, is almost his own tentative form of offering himself to xue yang as a source of kindness, a relief from the pain.

Which is why I think xue yang was so obsessed with bringing xxc back. I dont think it was love at all, rather I think xue yang was almost addicted to xxc and the relief he gave him, much like an addict is addicted to drugs. That relationship was self destructive and more of a facade than anything else, and even while knowing this, xue yang still dared to find solace in something he couldnt have - in this way he mimicked his past self, the child on the road with a hand on the ground and a cart driving towards it with no intentions of stopping.

Ah, this is probably just me rambling, but it's a hot take I guess :)

I don't think it should be a hot take, I think you're onto something! The way I've always seen it has been that, despite how much he says he isn't stuck in the past, he has a desire to live out what he never had but somehow stumbled upon by accident. Does he deserve it? Absolutely not. Will he admit to even wanting it? Absolutely not. And yet it's plain as day.

I'm not sure I'd call it an addiction outright (since I don't wanna give people ANY AMMO LMAO) but it is very, very close. It's the fulfilment of a childhood wish! It's security and hope and a relief from pain. He has someone who cares about him and the life he deserves (or that he thinks he deserves shh) and everything is sunshine and rainbows. His little kid self, buried deep inside and locked away under layers of being a total dick, must be jumping for joy.

And then he blows it all up.

He can't even admit to himself that of course he'd like for things to go back to the way they were, because to do so would be to admit weakness, right? He has to cling to the image of someone who has no care for another and no interest in people outside of what he can use them for.

Omg okay my friend @aoxue and I literally talked about this the other day, how it genuinely could have been anyone. It just happened to be xxc. But like, anyone who showed xy kindness and lenience and patience, who cared for him as a parent or elder sibling would, would've received this twisted loyalty. I mean, jgy supposedly beats him to death and he still calls him a friend, right? It's just part of his character!

But there comes the interesting aspect of the undeniable hatred he has/had for xxc. How does he combat those two things, hating him and everyone like him yet wanting to be cared for? He mellows out for a good while but still doesn't hesitate to douse the coffin home on fire with everyone inside. He's just such a wretched person that he can't even just say, idk, "Hey I'm looking to restore his soul as a personal favor", no, he's still trying to cling to that hatred because let's be real, it hurts a lot less than to have to admit that you killed the only person who kind of cared about you.

"You" being "the person you pretended to be for years" and not "Xue Yang" bc we all know xxc doesn't care about him at all ekfjskcmsg

STILL... Oh no now I'm the one who is rambling. Anyways thank you for the ask! It's refreshing to see a point of view that doesn't rely on romantic love for once and I think you're very correct, and I also think xxc just has such a nurturing presence that it would've been impossible for xy not to end up conflicted about him in some regard

Closing thoughts I guess are that xy as a character within canon is frustrating because you see him have all these chances to just pack it up and be decent and he just throws it all in the trash. He can't even recognize affection within himself. He throws himself and everyone he refuses to admit he cares for under the wheels of that same ox cart from all those years ago, and it sucks.