#Also can we talk about how caked up the artist decided to make Hank in those panels like gotdamn.

[positivelybeastly]

X-Men: Manifest Destiny #1 - "Boom Boom"

Writer: James Asmus.

Artist: Chris Burnham.

Colourist: Nathan Fairburn.

[mfmagazine]

Cake

Article by Kelli Kickham

Photo by Robert McKnight

In 1991, John McCrea formed Cake. Little could he have know what the next 20 years would lead to-- being repetitively on the Modern Rock Tracks music chart, band members leaving and making way for new musicians, and going from being independent artists to being on a big label back to doing things on their own.

While you may remember Cake for their earlier singles (Rock ‘n’ Roll Lifestyle, The Distance, Short Skirt/Long Jacket), they aren’t slowing down one bit. The band released Showroom of Compassion in January, which debuted at number 1 on the Billboard 200 charts, something they’ve never done before.

We had the privilege of talking to the infinitely talented, if not a bit drowsy, guitarist Xan McCurdy about the band: interests outside of music, how things have changed over the past two decades, and what it’s like to go from a big label to starting your own.

Without further ado, here’s the interview you’ve been waiting for your entire life (or, at least, since you started reading this a couple of minutes ago).

How are you doing?

I’m doing really great because I woke up 5 minutes ago from the best sleep I’ve had in weeks. And all I’ve been doing for the past five minutes is going over what formula of events and food and drink items that I had yesterday that could add up to such a lovely slumber.

That sounds fantastic. Have you come to any conclusions yet?

No, no. I mean, I can’t think of anything. I think I had a pretty good exercise day, I walked a lot and ate healthy food.

That is always a good. You recently toured in Europe, and right before you left you appeared on Letterman, how was that experience?

It was fun, we hadn’t been on Letterman in a while, so it was great to do it again. We felt really lucky because now that we’re not on a major label anymore we don’t have those ties to the big media outlets as much. There’s no relationship we have with the people who book those things. It’s just sort of like,we say, “Hey...you think maybe, because we did it before..?” and hope they’re cool enough about it to let us come back.

Once you were there,  was there anything really exciting that happened?

The guests on the show were really great. It was Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts. And Julia Roberts, when she was on air, she said nice stuff about us. We were just watching from the back room going, “Wow, this is crazy.” I think Cake is not really, for some people and critics, all that “safe” to like.

Right. There are always critics. Some of them critiqued your cover of “I Will Survive,” calling it a put-down to the original.

Well, everything is open to interpretation, and they misinterpreted it. There’s not a lot you can do. It’s not a put down, and anytime John did an interview around that time he was really vehement saying that it wasn’t a put down. You know, I think people have an issue with the timbre of his voice, really. He is singing a lot of that stuff. Of course there are songs, like “Short Skirt” and “The Distance,” for example, where he is speaking those words. He’s adding tonal inflection, for sure, but there’s no real distinct melody. But a huge majority of the songs he is singing. He just has a type of voice that’s not like (sing-songy) “I’m siiiinging!” It’s just the nature of it, and I think it’s cool.

But that’s also why Cake’s fans like them so much, because it’s so different from everything else that’s put in front of them. Speaking of which, your music is so diverse in terms of genre. To what do you attribute the unique blend?

We’re all different. James is a trumpet player, and he spent a lot of time in school learning classical pieces and apparently listened to punk rock outside of that. I mean, we all have a lot of  varied taste.  You know what I think it is? I think in this day in age, you have access to so much music that everyone listens to more than one type. We’ve all listened to a lot of music, and we’re up for anything. Bring it.

And then you don’t have to worry so much about being pigeon-holed.

Exactly. John writes these songs, primarily. He could enforce some sort of limits, but instead he encourages us to write parts. Because that’s what he does with us. He’s got his four chords and his melody and a lyric and he goes, “Now what?” And from there each of us will try anything. We’re all coming from different directions, so you can get some weird stuff. It’s a free kind of approach to music, which I think we all want.

Do you feel like anything has changed over the past 20 years in how you work together?

We’re always getting better and more comfortable doing what we do together. We’re better at working at our studio, which really helps in being able to convey each other’s ideas more efficiently. It’s becoming a little more seamless of a working relationship now that we know the rhythm of things.

When you were working on Showroom of Compassion, where there many outside parties involved?

There was no one else involved. It was just us. And then we had mastering engineers the last two days.

How did you like the recording environment with just the band?

It’s great. We weren’t “on the clock” so much. Once you’re done with the album, and you’ve all decided that you done, you feel like you did it. Then if it fails miserably, you can blame yourself. And if it does OK, you can pat yourself on the back, which we don’t do very often. But we did this time.

How long were you in the studio?

About two years.

Wow. That’s long time.

Yeah, we treated it like a day job. We went to work at 9 or 10 am and left at 6 or 7 at night. We spent eight hours a day there everyday Monday through Friday. We got to try lots of options and play with it. We weren’t on a major label that was telling us we had to have a release out soon, so we got to learn how to explore different ways to work in the studio. Plus, we got to work on a lot of other things that weren’t in the album that we can use later.

When you spend eight hours a day with the same five people, does it ever feel a little claustrophobic?

Oh, yeah. Of course. But we’re all really polite to each other. So if anyone is starting to feel like that, you go take a walk. Our little studio was just a bunch of gear thrown into a tiny house in the Bay area. So you can take a walk, go grab a coffee, and come back refreshed.

It’s understandable. You were there enough that you might as well have lived there.

I actually did live there. This house is in Sacramento, and everyone else lives there or in the area, but I lived in Portland, Oregon. So I flew down and I stayed there five days a week and then usually I would stay two days with friends and family in the area.

Wow! So you spent eight hours a week working there, and then you would just go upstairs?

Well, it was a one story house. So I would walk twelve feet to the bed. Everyone else would go home and I’d be pretty much stuck there. I would actually continue working because I was bored.

Well, that’s really gas efficient.

Yeah, my carbon footprint was pretty much nonexistent. And the studio is even solar-powered.

How did it feel to get back into the swing of normal life after two years in the studio?

Well, you go from being in the house working on songs at arm’s length everyday, to then getting on an airplane with everybody, and then getting into the van with everybody, and then into the dressing room with everybody, and then onto the stage with everybody, and then back into the dressing room...I think it’s just a different job all of the sudden. You get into the flow of writing and producing everyday. And then suddenly you aren’t making music anymore, you’re performing it. You’re playing with everyone with precision on a stage every night and not screwing up while people are yelling and stuff. It’s a completely different gig. One day you’re sitting in chairs in a room, and the next you’re in this loud chaos. People are telling you they really think you’re great, and then they’re also throwing bottles at you. Then you have to be a little bit of a personality. We have to put on some sort of face. I think it’s an interesting switch of jobs, going from the job that’s totally private to the one that’s totally public.

Do you prefer one, or do you just like that you get to switch it up?

I definitely like switching it up, but if i had to pick one, performing music on stage with other people is really enjoyable. And then you get to see people who appreciate your work... there’s nothing better, it’s really fantastic. Especially when you’ve been working in the studio for two years.  Then, when you’re done, eight months later people are listening to it. You don’t know how it’s going to be received. You know you like it and you think it’s great. But then you see people like it, because they’re clapping or dancing or smiling or whatever, it’s a really big perk of the job. A lot of people don’t get that-- they work in a toy shop and make toys, and then they get shipped off somewhere else. We get the satisfaction of seeing people receive what we’ve made.

Well, you just got to see people’s reaction in Europe. How were you received?

Europe was great. We were nervous. You know, we hadn’t been to Europe in a long time. So, we have no idea what our musical currency is at this point. You know, it fades if you don’t kind of keep it up and keep coming back. But it was a great reaction. We had a great time.

What was the most memorable thing that happened, music related or not?

We had some time off to site-see. We got to see the Acropolis in Greece. Me and James, the bass player, hiked up the hill to see it, and it was beautiful and ancient.  We also all went to rent a bike, for free, in Zurich. And we rode around the lake there and swam in it. What was very cool, is the last night we were there, we were in Liege, in Belgium, and we opened for Snoop Dog at a festival. Can you believe that?

No way!

Yeah, it was really fun. I had a good time with this guy named Carl Barât, who used to play in a band called the Libertines. And we watched Snoop Dog, which was a lot of fun to see up close. And then seeing him backstage with this amazing line of photo-ops, which I think he was somewhat obligated to give. He’s such a pop-culture icon, getting a picture with him is a big deal.

That would go right up on your Facebook.

That’s your Facebook for the rest of your life, are you kidding? People would get, like, a tattoo on their chest of that picture, “This is me and Snoop Dog. What?”

Would you get a tattoo on your chest of you and Snoop Dog?

I didn’t do it. I’m not the type of person to go up to people and hassle them with... well, not anything really.

That’s such an odd mix, you guys and Snoop Dog.

Yeah, it’s a European thing I think. Before us was a pretty heavy rock band.

Aside from playing, do you guys do much together?

You know, not really, we’re all getting older. A lot of it’s family-oriented. Everyone in the band besides the drummer Paulo and myself have kids. But, I mean, when we’re on the road we like to go see concerts together.  Last time we were all in Australia we went to dinner and went to go see George Clinton, which was really fun. And then we all like to go bike ride sometimes.

Is everyone in the band really active?

You know, being in vans and hotel rooms, you just wear yourself out. I always think that if I get some exercise during the day, I come to the show really feeling sharp. If you just sleep through the day, you never really wake up.

Do you do things outside besides exercise?

Vince is mostly the site-seer. He does something for our website called the Road Journal. He films things that happen to us, and that’s really cool.

Do you ever use the gyms at the hotels?

You know, I prefer to be outside, but I always find out if there’s a gym at the hotel. But, you know, sometimes the gyms are great, but a lot of times you go to their “fitness center” and they have a exercise bike from like 1984 and one dumbbell that weighs nine lbs and one that weighs 40 lbs. It’s ridiculous.

Well, then you can all five go to the gym and share the nine lbs dumbbell, right?

Yeah, “spot me, John, spot me!”

But sometimes the gyms are OK, right?

Yeah. And we’ll use them. It’s good for your head. And it also keeps you from getting fat. But, really, mainly for your head.

So when you go out on the road, do you bring anything that you’re really attached to?

You know, I try not to take anything really special with me. Things on the road so often get lost or broken. Except, of course, my guitar.

Yeah, that’s probably a requirement.

Definitely. But anything super special, like if I had a talisman or a vial of my great-grandmother’s ashes... I would never take anything I couldn’t live without. Too many things could happen.

What about when you’re at home. Do you have anything that you feel like you couldn’t live without?

Hmmm... a favorite thing that I own, that is so special to me. I mean, I’m a guitar player. I have a guitar that I absolutely adore. Sometimes people ask if they can borrow it at a gig and I say, “not that one.”  It’s this beautiful Gibson SG that’s exactly like the one that Angus Young would play. And it’s from 1968 and it’s really fantastic and it’s beautiful.  It’s the best guitar in the world for me. I wish I could play it on the road, but it’s too easy for it to be lost, or stolen, or broken. So I only play that when we’re close to Portland. It’s too valuable for me to take far from home.

[joshuazev]

On a most wonderful time of the year:

With Seattle continuing to pour down and do its best impression of a wet Christmas, New York City, which has got to be one of the cities most associated with a classic wet christmas (east coast bias) was as dry as could be.  Between being Jewish and not stepping out of my room to holiday lights and a tree and then simultaneously getting some snow photos from my mother of a winter wonderland 3,000 miles away, I seemed to be reminded time and time again today that I was far away from home…and Christianity.  Today, as I mentioned previously, I had no real plans but to think about family, see a movie and go get some Chinese food.  I wasn’t terribly optimistic about either of the latter two plans being a cake walk because those plans on a day like today are damn near universal.  The last time I tried to get Chinese food on Christmas was back in 2013 (ok, so maybe that’s the last time I can remember) and I tried getting some food to go at Honey Court in the international district to then be brought back to my other roommate Alex’s house before a group of us went to the old Metro Cinemas in the University District to see “The Wolf of Wall Street.”  The Metro never had a reputation for being automatically sold out on extremely busy holidays.  I mean, I think I saw almost every Harry Potter movie there on opening night and while “Wolf” was crowded, we were all able to get in (we must have purchased our tickets ahead of time that day).  The place we got Chinese was called “Honey Court,” and when I went there it was bananas.  The wait time was absolutely insane.  You could barely step inside the lobby area and there was a line outside of people waiting to get in.  It all ended up working out, but the stress levels were peaking.  

Today, the stress initially was very very low.  My plan was to see “Phantom Thread,” the new Paul Thomas Anderson movie and last Daniel Day Lewis film at Union Square.  That was the plan.  My friend and I even went early to try and get a ticket, suspecting that it would be very crowded and we thought we would be able to get in with our MoviePass.  We thought.  We arrived at Union square about an hour and a half before the showtime, opened up the MoviePass application, selected the theatre, the movie, the showtime, then checked in, and we saw a “SUCCESS” screen pop up, letting us know we were in there!  We were both super excited and my anxiety levels vanished instantly.  When we got to the theatre though, we were met with some unfortunate disappointment.  After seeing on the showtimes screen that both the 3:20 and 3:50 shows were sold out we shrugged it off and tried to still “purchase” our tickets at the kiosks, however, after selecting “Phantom Thread” we saw that both of the reasonable shows had lines crossed out and to our great sadness, merely checking in with movie pass does not guarantee a spot in the theatre.  We were crushed.  Then it seemed as if every other show on the screen was also sold out.  “The Post” with Meryl Streep and Tom Hanks, directed by Steven Spielberg, was sold out for all of its shows by 3 PM.  “Star Wars” was sold out.  “Disaster Artist” was sold out.  Christmas at the movies was most definitely in full effect.  For the most part, neither of us could agree on a movie to see, so we decided on “Loving Vincent,” an interesting looking animated film about the death of Vincent Van Gogh, which was playing at the nearby Quad Cinemas.  What can I say?  It was a cool looking theater.  Was playing some good movies.  Had a little Daniel Day-Lewis month going on to honor his incredible movie catalogue.  Those were all plusses.  MoviePass worked.  That was another.  But did I want to spend my Jewish Christmas watching “Loving Vincent”?  Probably not.  I went in and out of sleep through the ninety minute movie.  The parts I was awake for looked beautiful—100 artists collaborated for years to make that movie happen.  It certainly was animation unlike any I had ever seen before so that was definitely cool to see, but did I love the movie?  Not really.  My good friend might be more of a movie lover/Daniel Day-Lewis admirer than me though because immediately after the movie was over she bought a ticket to a later showing of “Phantom Thread.”  (She told me later on that it was excellent, so I’m definitely looking forward to seeing it at a later date when I can).  

Step one of the Christmas mission was complete, but it was only a quarter to six and the next part of the plan was to have Chinese food in Chinatown around 7:30.  I ended up killing time at “The Bean,” which luckily was open across the closed “Strand” bookstore.  I was hoping it would be open so I could get a couple more chapters of the book read that I was essentially checking out during my visits there, but not this time around.  “The Bean” was as lively as ever as most places would be when everywhere else around it was closed.  Small groups, big groups, chatting, smiling, enjoying each other’s company.  I passed the time surfing the internet and screwing around with social media and, as expected, it got close to seven o’clock before I knew it.  A hop and a skip later, a 6 train transfer to the D train at Bleeker/Broadway Lafayette St. and I was in Chinatown along with the rest of the “stayed home for Christmas” New Yorkers.  You couldn’t necessarily tell that it was crowded because only a few places had really really crazy lines.  The first that my friends and I tried was “Joe’s Shanghai,” which after turning the corner on Pell and Bowery, you could see the line hundreds of feet away.  At first I didn’t even know if that was where the line was coming from, but the closer I got I knew we had no chance.  It was freezing cold outside, too!  If that wasn’t an indicator of the desperation and craziness of everyone trying to get Chinese on this specific day than I don’t know what it is.  I asked one couple who was warmly dressed for the Ice Age what the wait time looked like and they jokingly replied, “Forever…”  The next spot we went to was a sneakier spot that my friend knew about through some other friends of his, but when we went there and he looked at the crowd he said, “Nope.”  So, we ended up settling on the place I thought we could try first.  It was the same restaurant I went to last year and I knew the menu, more or less.  

The meal was pretty awesome and even now my stomach seems content with the food baby it will certainly be trying to get rid of for the foreseeable future.  It was a cool type of scene because it was pretty crowded in the front and we were sat at the last table in the back like some goodfellas.  We had two types of dumplings, rice noodle and pan fried, got some orange chicken, sliced beef, and shrimp fried rice.  It took us a little over an hour before we had to tap out and call it a night, but not without some awesome, memorable conversation along the way.  The main topic at the dinner table was the Washington Huskies basketball team.  It started with retired numbers, transitioned to Coach Romar’s run as the head coach, went from our current tournament drought to past glory days, and ended with some of the most memorable and some of the painful games we ever endured as fans.  It was clear that despite pretty separate experiences we were all die hard Husky basketball fans.  One of the hot topics was which play was bigger between Nate Robinson’s dunk against Arizona or Isaiah’s cold-blooded shot that was also against Arizona.  Which was the best all around team?  Which tournament loss was the most devastating, which of course blossomed into a play by play analysis of where everything went wrong.  The end of the UConn game in 2006.  Plays in regulation.  Plays in overtime.  The West Virginia game in 2010.  The North Carolina game in 2011.  And from those deviations, we covered the crazy and hectic regular season games during those years.  The dialogue became heated, sedated, argumentative, and then passive, when we looked back at how invested we were and still are today.  At one point it became cynical—we wondered if we would ever see them getting to the Final Four or even win a championship.  We had high hopes.  The “what-ifs” ran rampant throughout.  Luckily for me we didn’t talk about the Mariners or the night would surely have been soured.  At the end of the day, none of us knew if the current direction would be the right one.  It made this year easier to think about now that Michael Porter, Jr. was out for the season.  This current team is so young, we all agreed.  In some ways, it was hard to get used to the idea that we were really starting all the way over…from scratch.  

The plates on the table were empty, for the most part.  Our teas had been refilled.  The waters untouched to avoid getting filled up and spoiling our appetite.  A Christmas complete.  Not exactly wanting to rush outside into the windy, chilly cold we stalled, until finally we realized we should just get on with the night.  They headed east to the Grand St. D train and I picked up the pace to a light jog on my way to the Canal St. J.  The transfer to the Queens bound A train came along dreamily and I arrived at Nostrand with an hour to spare of my 2017 Christmas.  My roommate had plans of his own, so I found a good spot on the couch to write my summary post and think back on what is, what was, and what will be.  After all, while Christmas is a beautiful day, it is also a day of reckoning.  Of sobriety.  One more week left of the year and many thoughts how it will end and what measures will be taken in the year to come.  Future focused, if only for this week.  The blueberry pancakes that I made for myself this morning were having a tug of war with my stomach for who could occupy more space.  The unfilled and unfulfilled water bottle on the coffee table seemed to be staring at me longingly in the hope of resuming our reciprocal relationship.  I told him to chill and that I’d be there in a minute.  Today, I realized that I could air-type a keyboard.  I didn’t know whether to be happy or sad, but if it’s because I tried and succeeded with my goal of writing every day for an entire year (predominantly on the computer?), I’ll take it.

Six more days.

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs, 2.25.2017

or should i say, yellin’ at seangs this week! you know, ‘cuz of all the big sean they put in there, these are seangs this week, i say! my wit is grand and deserving of mass attention.

22) "No Favors," by Big Sean ft./Eminem 70) "Sacrifices," by Big Sean ft./Migos 74) "Halfway off the Balcony," by Big Sean 76) "Jump out the Window," by Big Sean 86) "Owe Me," by Big Sean 97) "Light," by Big Sean ft./Jeremih

...I prepared myself for a lot of things when I decided my weekly routine would include this silly project. Did I know I'd be listening to and thinking about a lot of songs I otherwise never would have made time for?  That couldn't be avoided. Was I aware a song I loved and would stand up for could fall off the chart the very next week? It hurts that we lost "Run Up," but yes, I know no pop song is destined to hit the top 40. ...Did I prepare myself for six Big Sean songs. I was cognizant of a newly-released Big Sean album. Did I realize relatively deep Big Sean cuts would make their way into my life. Did I realize that, thanks to this fractured world where major artists give their preferred streaming service the right to be the sole host for their album, how difficult it would be to find a song with an Eminem feature on The You Tube. I worked harder to listen to "No Favors" than I ever otherwise would have. I could have said, "Eminem is on this track! I bet that's bad to listen to." Nope. I had to spend three minutes clickin’ on various YouTube videos until I found the actual song so I could confirm that Eminem is still not worth anyone's time, to say nothing for the time it took to find this song. Eminem describes himself as "rapey" and describes beating Jamie Lee Curtis with a spaceheater. Eminem, still incredibly not cool with the fact women are alive and breathing the same air as he does! Still thinking as he ever has, that one. Eminem turns 45 this year.

And then I remembered that I have Amazon Music, because I am a 51-year-old office manager who needs all the Steely Dan he can handle and is thus in the Amazon Music target market, and a cursory search showed that Big Sean did not make his album exclusive to one streaming service. So while I am not thrilled to put four other Big Sean songs into my life (there's an Official Video for "Halfway off the Balcony"), I am elated to give you a version of Yellin' at Songs which is complete and honest in its evaluation of every pop song to make its chart debut in 2017, except for the 1.7.2017 chart, that chart doesn't count for... some reason, don’t ask, I’m weird I AM PLEASED however, to report that my opinion on Big Sean is the same as it was when we discussed "Moves:" Big Sean has made great strides as a rapper, and while I wasn't looking forward to hearing any of these songs, I didn't mind them! Why, I downright enjoyed "Light," though I'm just a big fan in general of the first song of albums. (I like introductions. I like starting things. It's the middle and end parts here I'm like, enh, I don't know how to do this, but beginning a new thing is always a rush.) "Sacrifices" was also somewhere better than okay. So we have one song I'd be okay listening to again, one song I mostly enjoyed, one song that might end up being the worst thing I'd heard this year (remember that this year has included a Brantley Gilbert song and "Body Like a Back Road," and know that we're about to get to "Look at Me!"), and three other songs. Given that this easily could have been 24 minutes of nothing, I'll gladly take three songs I could have thoughts about!

43) "Believer," by Imagine Dragons

Listen, we have our fun with Imagine Dragons. It's pretty nuts that this is the biggest rock band we have going, imagine going back in time and playing this for Chuck Berry and telling him this song is a direct descendant of his work, but this song, it's pretty okay! It's a nice "love letter to the fans" sort of song, there's nothing terribly offensive about anything that's happening, it's a perfectly competent rock song that is going to serve well as the walk-up music for the Kansas City Royals' back-up utility infielder in two years' time. My opinion of this is absolutely colored by the fact that this song contains an itemized list. 1) I'll say the words in my head. 2) Don't tell me who you think I could be. 3) Thank God for the haters. 4) We made it, you and I, and I gotta give mad love to you, the fans. I dig any song with a list. I still defend Jay-Z's verse in "Monster" on the grounds that rap could use more lists.

68) "My Old Man," by Zac Brown Band

Before the Grammys hit, I went through every nominee field for Record of the Year to see how representative the Grammys had ever been of trends in pop music (spoiler: THEY NEVER WERE), and something I wanted to do was go through each year and determine the true Record of the Year field. I didn't have time for that because I started writing the post early Saturday morning and wanted to get it out before the Grammys started, but I ended up doing it anyway, and I present this to you: "Chicken Fried" absolutely would have been an ROTY nominee for the year 2009 if the Grammys had any got damn sense. I don't know if there's been a country song this country has been more in agreeance with since. Everything about that song works, it even earns the ode to the flag! 2009 wasn't one of the best music years in recent memory, either, you don't have to stretch the imagination to see a nice song about how great fried chicken getting ROTY consideration. Zac Brown Band puts out really solid country music. They're not Chris Stapleton-y throwbacks, they're not trying to revolutionize the genre, but they have their niche, and they know exactly how to operate within that niche. Most country songs about a strong paternal figure would be insufferable, but this is about as good as that sub-genre gets! Zac Brown Band, generally pleasant to hear since 2009!

87) "Beauty and the Beast," by Ariana Grande ft./John Legend

The least necessary thing on the planet is pop remixes of signature songs from Disney musicals. It only worked for Elton John, but those were songs he was writing, so that is a CLEAR EXCEPTION. The pop remix didn't work in the '90s, it didn't work with "Let It Go," and it doesn't work here. I REPEAT: Angela Lansbury or GTFO.

89) "I Don't," by Mariah Carey ft./YG

The most amazing line on Wikipedia is "Mariah Carey (born March 27, 1969 or 1970)." That says so much, and not all it says is about Mariah Carey, but we learn so much about Mariah Carey from that biographical tidbit. But why was I on Wikipedia looking up Mariah Carey's age? Because I just had to listen to a 39-year-old man sing a love song with a woman 15 years younger than him, and one of the reasons that Mariah Carey is a legend is that she is nearly 50 years old but still getting in those slinky dresses and getting 27-year-old gangsta rappers to write guest verses about how hot she is. That’s amazing. Like, think about female romantic leads in Tom Hanks movies for a second, or in Woody Allen movies, or in any movie, literally any movie, it’s always, the dude is hella old and the woman is portrayed by an early-20s ingenue, and here Mariah Carey is FLIPPING THE FUCKING SCRIPT. That’s what you get to fucking do when you’re a legend. Think about YG for a second. In the same 12-month span, YG released a song called "Fuck Donald Trump" and wrote a verse about proposing to Mariah Carey. That's not a mark against YG, that is a testament to Mariah Carey's legend, that we’re nearly 20 years removed from “Heartbreaker” but she still wields the same influence. I did not start writing this series about pop music to besmirch Mariah Carey's good name. What I think of this song is immaterial. She is a goddess come to earth, and her every movement is a blessing.

93) "Now & Later," by Sage the Gemini

So, I don't know about this song's long-term ability to stay on the chart. It's been out since last October, and it's apparently part of a popular Snapchat filter, and I'm not sure I'm ready for a world where songs can get big via Snapchat. I barely got used to Vine hits, now I've gotta worry about Snapchat? Anyhoo. Take a trip with me. On last year's year-end Hot 100, the hip-hop entries were all either trap or Drake, with the exception of "All the Way Up." It's been way too long since we've had a solid pop/rap song hit the charts. And this is such a blast! Even the rap singles I've enjoyed over the course of this project, they're still slightly ponderous. This young man just wants to eat candy, and it's like "Cake by the Ocean," yeah candy is a metaphor for something but this dude doesn't want you to think about it too hard, he just has this dope song you can enjoy. It's nice to hear music that isn't taking itself seriously. Bless you, friend.

94) "In Case You Didn't Know," by Brett Young

Meanwhile, the world has hundreds of versions of this exact pop/country song. We're all good. We don't need more. This is a new dude! How do they keep finding dudes like this to sing songs like this? Are they just in a mall somewhere scouting dudes like this in line at the Auntie Anne's? Do they just go to baseball games and look for tall dudes with stubble? Do they just carry guitars to karaoke bars, and when they hear a voice just nasally enough to be considered twangy they give him the guitar to hold for a few minutes and evaluate how hot he looks while holding that guitar and smiling? “Oh, yeah, that could be an album cover. I could see that on an album cover.” “So y’all from ar” “Shhh, shh shh shh, you talking ruins everything we like here.” Where do these guys COME FROM even?

95) "Look at Me!" by XXXTENTACION

But I kind of understand the appeal of bro country. At this point, when I see a white dude's name on the Billboard chart, I know I can expect one of two things: a fast jam about a hot summer night in a Chevrolet truck, or a slow jam about a hot girl the bro truly loves. And there's a certain safety when you know what to expect. If you feel safe enough in an environment, you'll want to spend more time in that environment, and if you spend enough time in that safe environment, you'll eventually call that place your home. This is all to say that, as I listened to "Look at Me!" I found myself appreciating the mundanity and predictability of "In Case You Didn't Know," and it takes a certain kind of aggressive unpleasantness to make me consider the bro-country universe's redeeming qualities. This song is horrendous. There's no musicality, the lyrics are the most misogynistic thing I've heard IN A WEEK WITH A FUCKING EMINEM VERSE, there's nothing here that suggests this is something meant to be enjoyed. Who is this for? Who's listening to this song that would subject themselves to it more than once? There is neither creativity nor artistry, just a horrible worldview presented abrasively. Y'all rejected "Run Up" for this and I will never forgive you.

Anyway, we’re a month and a half into this thing, and I think we’ve encountered enough Cs and C+s to expand the Top 10 into a Top 20! 20) "Road Less Traveled," by Lauren Alaina (2.11) 19) "I Don't," Mariah Carey ft./YG (2.25) 18) "El Amante," by Nicky Jam (2.18) 17) "Timeless," by A Boogie Wit da Hoodie ft./DJ SPINKING (1.14) 16) "Beibs in the Trap," by Travis Scott (1.21) 15) "My Old Man," by Zac Brown Ban (2.25) 14) "Castle on the Hill," by Ed Sheeran (1.28) 13) "Call Casting," by Migos (2.18) 12) "Running Back," by Wale ft./Lil Wayne (2.11) 11) "I'm Better," by Missy Elliott ft./Lamb (2.18) 10) "Way Down We Go," by Kaleo (1.14) 9) "Light," by Big Sean ft./Jeremih (2.25) 8) "Guys My Age," by Hey Violet (2.11) 7) "Good Drank," by 2 Chainz ft./Gucci Mane & Quavo (2.11) 6) "Now & Later," by Sage the Gemini (2.25) 5) "Shape of You," by Ed Sheeran (1.28) 4) "Despacito," by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee (2.4) 3) "Issues," by Julia Michaels (2.11) 2) "iSpy," by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty (1.14) 1) "Run Up," Major Lazer ft./PARTYNEXTDOOR & Nicki Minaj (2.18)