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zrtranscripts · 8 years ago

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Season 6, Mission 7: Lessons in Love

Revenge of the Nerds

MAXINE MYERS: Wait, wait. So and Nadia's gone to work with Amelia because Amelia's taken over New Canton?

SAM YAO: Not so much taken over as, um... well, yeah. Taken over. But it's not like she's running things for them. She's got them mostly running things for her. She's just very... you know. Decisive.

PAULA COHEN: People do like a decisive leader. And I suppose they can't do much worse than they were before. Any word on the location of the babies?

SAM YAO: Mm, no. We're working on it. Even the Laundry can't find anything for us. You see, ideally, we need someone inside Sigrid's inner circle, but well, that's going to be hard to arrange. In the meantime, getting parts for this transmitter of Jody's is a good start.

MAXINE MYERS: So that's what we're heading to this comms station for. We've caught snatches of their transmissions. We know they are bound to have the cables that Jody needs. I, for one, am glad to be serving Abel.

PAULA COHEN: It didn't need to be us, though, did it? Tom was going to go, and you insisted we went instead. Five, has Maxine told you the real reason she wanted to go on this mission?

MAXINE MYERS: For Abel?

PAULA COHEN: It's because she hasn't been able to find any copies of Xena: Warrior Princess since the apocalypse, and that just happens to be what this place is broadcasting.

MAXINE MYERS: That's just a coincidence! Back me up, Sam.

SAM YAO: Oh whoa-ho-ho, no. No, no, no. You two can leave me out of this. Remember our co-parenting contract?

MAXINE MYERS: I don't think that really applies...

SAM YAO: Oh yes, it does. I can read you the exact clause. When we agreed to be co-parents, I got it from both of you, in writing, that I would never, ever be asked to adjudicate in a row.

PAULA COHEN: Fine. Five, listen to this: Max volunteered us for a mission, on date night - a date night where I was planning to make latkes - because she has a crush on Xena flipping Warrior whatever.

MAXINE MYERS: You've never seen Xena: Warrior Princess! [laugh] Right, we need to make that right immediately.

SAM YAO: Yeah. Guys, before you get Xena: Warrior Princess, you're going to have to make it through that playground full of child zombies. I think they must have been trapped in the school until the storm the other day.

MAXINE MYERS: Oh God! The kids are the worst! Run!

SAM YAO: Okay, I think you lost them. Hey, it's weird, though. That school playground's been safe for months. I've got the report here. We sent in runners to check it clear, room by room, last month.

PAULA COHEN: You think it could be a deliberate deployment, then? By the comms station?

SAM YAO: Mm, maybe. I mean, it's a bit weird for a comms station, to be honest. Not only are they broadcasting Xena, their building used to be a distribution center for Geek King. You know, you know, the online retailer.

MAXINE MYERS: Yep. Which is why they have access to Xena DVDs.

PAULA COHEN: I'm surprised it hasn't been cleared out before now. People always want DVDs and stuff.

SAM YAO: [imitates Boromir from the Lord of the Rings] "Ah, but one does not simply get DVDs during a zombie apocalypse."

MAXINE MYERS: There's a dumbass rumor that this warehouse is full of kind of extreme nerds. Dangerous. Murdery.

SAM YAO: The Winchers. Like, imagine nerds, but if they went feral. Took cosplays too far, reenacted all the goriest parts of the stuff they're into. The rumor is they used to be 4chan "alpha male" believers, and then the zombie apocalypse came, and they blamed the feminazis, and - [sighs] they just went down that rabbit hole and just kept on going.

MAXINE MYERS: They're broadcasting Xena. No one who broadcasts Xena could be an evil man.

SAM YAO: What, even if they're setting zombie traps around their perimeter?

MAXINE MYERS: Well, we don't know that was them. We'll probably find some people holed up in there, sending out Xena clips to make contact with other fans. We'll get the cables and come back later with everyone's orders for specific Blake's 7 episodes and plastic lightsabers. [laughs] It's going to be great. Come on!

[door creaks open and clangs shut]

SAM YAO: Are you in?

MAXINE MYERS: We're in. This place is huge! And... kind of spooky.

[zombie moans]

PAULA COHEN: Uh oh. Not all the warehouse pickers are gone. Some of them have turned zombie. Look, they're still at work trying to fill internet orders. See that one stacking Game of Thrones box sets?

SAM YAO: Ooh, ooh! Do they have the last season? Because I never -

MAXINE MYERS: No, Sam. We're just here for Xena. I mean, Xena and those cables. Anyway, we've got to move fast. I think that one of them spotted us.

MAXINE MYERS: Quick, into this storeroom.

[door creaks open and snaps shut]

PAULA COHEN: Wait, this is the transmission room. See? There's the broadcasting equipment.

MAXINE MYERS: Yes. These are the cables, and - !

PAULA COHEN: Oh, the DVDs. Xena: Warrior Princess. Let's see. You know you said I'm your Gabrielle, but looking at this, maybe you're the Gabrielle and I'm the Xena.

MAXINE MYERS: Honey, you have never seen the show. How can you possibly know who's the Xena?

PAULA COHEN: Uh, because she's the one who has Warrior Princess in her name? I know what you like.

SAM YAO: Okay, I've got the cams up. Uh, yup, it's clear for you to come out of there. Those zoms are trapped in an aisle of Funko figures. Oh my God!

MAXINE MYERS: What? What is it?

SAM YAO: Well, they've got an Ursula from The Little Mermaid! Do you have any idea how – well, dear God, don't eat it! Look, if you pass those Funkos on your way out – oh God! I need another camera. There's something coming, in the shadows. Someone. Guys, I think you should get out of there. Go, now!

SAM YAO: Yeah, okay. Guys, just really keep running. I've got more cams up, and [sighs] no, it doesn't look good.

PAULA COHEN: More zoms?

SAM YAO: I don't really know how to say this, guys. It appears to be Voldemort.

MAXINE MYERS: What? Voldemort is coming after us?

PAULA COHEN: Someone dressed as Voldemort.

SAM YAO: Well, I guess. It just looks so like him! Ugh, no! I just got a full face view. Actually no nose.

PAULA COHEN: Someone who has dressed up as Voldemort, and taken it so seriously, they've cut off their own nose?

SAM YAO: He's heading your way. And oh. Oh! He has a mob behind him.

MAXINE MYERS: Death Eaters?

SAM YAO: More like Ewoks, or um, Daleks? But sort of a costume mash-up? They're Darwoks? Ewoleks? Oh, that is so wrong.

PAULA COHEN: I can hear them. Oh God, they sound so weird!

MAXINE MYERS: It's not just weird, it's them. Winchers are very real. Okay, I can admit when I was wrong. They're not going to be our friends. We are not going to reenact Xena together. We've got our DVDs, we've got our cables. We need to get out of here.

SAM YAO: Uh, okay, okay. Yeah, uh, right, then left, then third right. Go. Run!

MOB: [chants in the background] Sacrifice! Sacrifice...

PAULA COHEN: Sam, this is a dead end. And it's dark.

SAM YAO: Yeah. They've turned off the lights. And I think they've cut access to half my cams!

MAXINE MYERS: Where are the Winchers?

SAM YAO: Uh... no, I can't see them on the cams.

PAULA COHEN: If we hide here for a while, maybe they'll lose interest and we'll get away.

[door opens, MOB chants in background]

WINCHER: Oh, I don't think you'll be getting away. Not now, or ever!

MAXINE MYERS: Oh God, it's Voldemort. Ugh, your nose! Did you do that to yourself?

WINCHER: Call me Harold! Harold Wincher. And I was Voldemort, but now I am – [chokes] Ah. Sorry. Uh, could somebody help me with my robe? It was meant to fall dramatically to the floor by itself, but it snagged on the Elder Wand.

MAXINE MYERS: Sam, get us out of here!

WINCHER: I am... Lord Summerisle! ... It's uh, it's from The Wicker Man. Look, I had to put it together very hastily when we saw you approaching, and he doesn't have the same striking look as our old Voldy. But you know, I've yet to actually master Avada Kedavra, but everyone loves a barbecue!

SAM YAO and MAXINE MYERS and PAULA COHEN: What?!

SAM YAO: The end of The Wicker Man! They burn Edward Woodward alive! I think the Winchers are going to reenact that. Guys!

MAXINE MYERS: The mob are going to burn us alive!

PAULA COHEN: This was meant to be a date night.

WINCHER: Ewoks! Daleks! Seize them! Bind them to the poles!

SAM YAO: Yeah, I've got a clear eye line on the mob now. Oh my God, this is so many kinds of horrible. Uh, they're all in costume, but that one is wearing a Sith Lord robe with a Time Lord headdress. How could you? Also, guys, most of their costumes are bloodstained. They're really for real.

PAULA COHEN: Maxie, if this is it, I'm sorry I was so whiny about coming here. I love spending time with you. I can't believe I was jealous of your stupid show. I love you, Max.

MAXINE MYERS: Paula, I know, love. I do. And we've been through too much for it to end up like this. Right? They are crazy fans. I am a crazy fan. I know how to get under their skin. Wincher. Harold Wincher.

WINCHER: How may I help you, heathen? A last request before you are condemned to the flames?

MAXINE MYERS: Yes. My request is: be better! [MOB quiets] Harold, this reenactment is terrible! You're just wearing an Aran jumper. Lord Summerisle had a tweed jacket. Your mob of supposedly bloodthirsty pagan villagers look like they've run naked through the merch hall of Comic-Con, covered in glue! [MOB grumbles] And we're meant to be burned in a wicker man, not tied to poles.

WINCHER: Okay, but the wicker man is a very big prop. We had no lead time, and – oh God, she's right. This is a mess! None of you are even standing like bloodthirsty pagan villagers! I – look, I'm sorry. This was a rush job, and it shows. All right, take five. Let them go.

PAULA COHEN: That was amazing, Max.

MAXINE MYERS: Not now, honey. Quick, before they change their minds. Run!

PAULA COHEN: Okay, I have to admit, that was a pretty good date night for someone who likes seeing her girlfriend save the day by being brilliant.

MAXINE MYERS: What can I say? I'm pretty motivated when I'm trying to get home so I can watch Xena with my hot girlfriend... maybe dress up in my old Xena outfit for my hot girlfriend... reenact a few Xena bathing scenes with my hot girlfriend.

PAULA COHEN: Xena outfit, you say? Like the one on the DVD box? Mm, I don't hate it.

MAXINE MYERS: Oh, mine is way better than that. I made it from scrap metal in my spare time. What? [laughs] Isn't that what anyone would do in their spare time? [laughs] [continue chatting in the background]

SAM YAO: Hey, Five, now you've got those cables, I think I've worked out an alternative route home for you. How about you and me take a little detour and leave the doctors to it, hmm?

#zombies run #zrs6 #s6m7 #lessons in love #zr transcript #zrs6 spoilers

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fredericksmeg-blog · 8 years ago

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2 more weeks in London.

featuring: Edinburgh, Scotland! Riveting. I think I am always exactly a month behind on this blog, so naturally, here is an update.

Monday, March 20th On Monday I woke up and went to Covent Garden again, but this time I went to the Transport Museum’s gift shop to pick up a few things to take home with me, aka I needed a poster of the tube map. I had a very nutritious lunch at Pret, and then went to the National Portrait Gallery since I hadn’t been before. Aside from being a very interesting concept, I really liked the historical aspect of it. I especially loved the portrait of Dame Maggie Smith. What a lady.

Then, I walked through Westminster and went to the Churchill War Rooms. I’d been meaning to go for a while and I’m so glad I did. You visit the actual Cabinet War Rooms that were used for government meetings during the blitz – it was supposed to be a safe place. There was also a museum inside the space about Winston Churchill, which complimented the whole visit really nicely I think. It was really well done, and I feel like I learned so much when I was there. I went straight to my Internship class after that, and then went home and recuperated from the day!

Tuesday, March 21st I had my BLC class in the morning, and we walked around Kensington and Queensway for another very effective class period. I went home afterwards, made lunch, and got ready to go on another Archives field trip. We went to the Wellcome Collection on Euston Road, which is like a museum of medicine and biology, but with an edgier twist on it. After we saw the exhibits, Emily and I hung back with a few other people from our class, and our professor got us tea and cakes. It was pretty great actually. After that I stopped at Sainsburys for some essential groceries and headed home. I made a quick dinner before I went to go do my laundry and work on a group presentation I had to give in my Internship class. I got home on the late side and went to sleep.

Wednesday, March 22nd Wednesday was interesting. I went to my internship and had a normal day, until around 2pm when the attack in Westminster happened, and the Internet flew off the rails and I could hear helicopters flying over to the river. I don’t work too close to there, but it certainly isn’t very far. I got lots of messages asking if I was okay, so I appreciate all of the people who checked in on me! London is so tenacious and the whole “keep calm and carry on” thing is way more than a slogan that gets put onto mugs and pillows – you can feel that kind of attitude here for sure, and you could definitely feel it after the attack. TFL did a really good job keeping the tubes running and everything was absolutely normal.

After work, I met Bri in Soho and we had some delightful ramen before we went to go see Les Mis at the Queen’s Theatre. Les Mis was phenomenal. The man who played Jean Valjean was absolutely unreal.

Thursday, March 23rd A whole lot of hoopla at work, not too much to say here. It was a pretty normal day. Would you like to know what a normal day is? Of course you do. Here it is:

I wake up between 7:30 and 8:15 depending on how ambitious I am. I wash my face, get changed, do my makeup, and eat either a bagel or some yogurt with granola, or both. I make some sad instant coffee, and make my lunch (unless it’s a Friday, when I let myself buy lunch at the market). I pack my bag, make sure I have everything, and leave between 9:15 and 9:25. I take a bus from outside my flat to Green Park (the closest tube station to Buckingham Palace), and then I take the Jubilee line to Southwark, which is about a 7-minute walk from the market. I get to work, put my lunch in the fridge, and someone usually gets us all coffee. I check my email accounts and check up on any projects that I was involved in the day before or last week. Sometimes I’m given something to do, sometimes not. If I don’t have a task (probably almost ½ of my days), I work on homework, blog, or do extra research for projects that I’ve already worked on. I wait for meetings or for someone to ask me to do something. Between 4 and 5, depending on workload, I go home. To go home, I take the Bakerloo line from Elephant and Castle to Piccadilly Circus, and then the Piccadilly line to Hyde Park Corner, and then a bus to my flat, because it’s better to tube longer during rush hour because of the bus traffic. Then I make dinner. Or lay in bed for a long time. Work on some homework. Plan my free days. That’s a typical internship day. Exciting, yeah?

When I got home I facetimed Will for a reaaally long time because he was on spring break and with a whole bunch of friends. So that was really nice. I made dinner, and packed for Scotland!

Friday, March 24th On Friday, I zipped over to work with all of my stuff for Scotland in my backpack. From work, I went right to Stanstead and met up with my roommates there. The flight was just fine. When we got to Scotland, it was late, but our actual angel of an Airbnb host picked us up at the airport. She gave us a little tour of the flat we were staying in and it was actually so nice. Sara was great. Huge fan. We flopped around a little bit and then went to bed.

Saturday, March 25th On Saturday morning, we dragged ourselves out of bed and headed into town to get on our bus tour of the highlands. At 12 hours long, it is the longest day tour in Europe! So that was exciting. Our guide, Barney, was excellent, and also wore a kilt the whole day while he drove us around the whole country and told us some great stories. The tour was technically titled, Mountains, Monsters, and Massacres, so that’s what we heard about for the most part. Initially, we passed Stirling Castle, and heard a little bit about William Wallace and all that good ol’ Braveheart stuff. We also passed Doune Castle, which was used in the Game of Thrones pilot as Winterfell. Also, it was used extensively in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Yes, this castle:

I’m so sad that we couldn’t stop there. Add it to the list for next time.

Our first stop was at the base of the highlands for some tea and coffee. We heard a little bit about Rob Roy from our guy Barney, and then drove right into the heart of the whole thing and went to Glen Coe. On the way there, we stopped a few times for pictures and some fresh air. Scotland is just phenomenally beautiful, and it was a warm and sunny day, it was just so good. We eventually made it to Glen Coe, which is infamous for being the site of a massacre that involved one family hosting another rival family for a long time, feeding and housing them, until the rival family killed the host family on the King’s orders. This was the inspiration for the Red Wedding in Game of Thrones! The area surrounding Glen Coe was also the home to Ian Fleming (the author of James Bond), and they even filmed parts of Skyfall there. Somehow I spent the whole day out in nature and still ended up on a GoT Pop Culture tour. Despite all of the murder, Glen Coe is absolutely stunning.

From there, we drove on for a bit, listening to some Scottish music which included Loch Lomond, which was a band throwback, and stopped for a lunch break near Ben Nevis, the tallest mountain in the UK. Then we drove to Loch Lochy, which I believe literally just means Lake Lake-y, and saw the sights, etc. We then reached our target destination of Loch Ness, and hopped on a little boat cruise. We saw Urquhart Castle, which is a big ol ruin, and listened to a man sing in Scottish for about 45 minutes. After seeing Loch Ness I totally understand how the Loch Ness Monster became a legend. It’s pretty choppy and also really dark in color. So yeah, I get it. I’m on board.

After that, we headed back to Edinburgh, stopping once more to take in more mountain sights. I’m not gonna lie, I fell asleep for pretty much the entire time. I know that Barney played us some Proclaimers, and then talked a bit about Mary, Queen of Scots. I did listen to that. When we got back, we went to a place called Maxies for dinner and it was just fine. It was nice to just hang out with my roommates over the weekend. After that we walked around a little and went back to our Airbnb. We hung out for a while and then went to bed.

Sunday, March 26th On Sunday morning, we forced ourselves out of bed and got ready to climb Arthur’s Seat, which is basically a mountain in the middle of central Edinburgh. It was a real deal hike. I really need some hiking boots if I’m going to be doing this as regularly as I have been for the last few months. We made it up there, though, and it was amazing. The sun had basically just come up, and it was absolutely beautiful. The way down was definitely not any easier then the way up to the top because somehow we ended up literally shimmying our way down the side of a very rocky path. If you know anything about my ability to balance, let alone walk properly, you’re aware that this was a difficult time in my life. Jasmine had to coach me down, and thank god she did, I really needed it. After that experience, we went to grab coffee and some food, so I had a latte and a little toastie. Then we headed over the University of Edinburgh campus.

Now, my personal hero, Joanna K. Rowling, lived in Edinburgh and took some classes at the University of Edinburgh after she moved there with her daughter, freshly separated from her husband, to be closer to her sister. At this point, she’d already started what would become the first Harry Potter book. In Edinburgh, she continued to write the book, mostly in cafes because her flat didn’t have any heating. So naturally, I needed to see everything in Edinburgh that inspired this woman. We went to see the private school that inspired the look of Hogwarts, a gravestone for a man called Thomas Riddell, as well as the pub that she wrote most of The Philosopher’s Stone in. We also walked down Victoria Street, which is a winding area full of colorful shops that served as the inspiration for Diagon Alley. Huge fan. At this point, I had picked up some map prints from a really cool store that sources and reproduces old prints exclusively. I had a nice chat with the storeowner as well and talked to him about Geography. Scottish people are so amicable, it’s the best. After that, we bought smoothies! From there, we walked to Edinburgh Castle and saw what we could without paying to go in. We pretty much trekked around the whole city, went into some more shops, saw Scottish Parliament, and somewhere along the way I bought a denim hat. Once we’d made a huge circle, we went back to the café that’s most famous for J.K. Rowling writing there, and had some late lunch. I had a fish pie and whisky coffee, both of which were phenomenal. From there, we walked back to the Airbnb, packed up, and left to go to the airport. It was a really quick trip, but it was so good. I wasn’t expecting to fall in love with Scotland as much as I did, and I think that now it’s one of my favorite trips of the semester.

Monday, March 27th On Monday, I woke up and worked on my presentation for Internship class, which was on the Map exhibit at the British Library that I went to a few weeks back. It didn’t take me too long, and it was a beautiful day, so I rented a “cycle” as they call them here (or worse, a Boris Bike re: Boris Johnson). So I zipped around the park a little bit and it was a really lovely time. When I returned the bike on the North side of park, I went into a café and got my first iced coffee of the year. Then I went to Boots to grab some cold medicine, because I’d woken up with a sore throat that morning, which usually means I am going to get sick. I had my internship class that night where we gave our presentations, and afterwards went to Tesco for a good grocery haul. When I got home, I fired off a few job applications and watched Harry Potter with my roommates.

Tuesday, March 28th I woke up in the morning for a nice BLC class in Foundation House. Don’t remember what we talked about if I’m being honest. I came home and ate lunch. Then I had my art class, which consisted of more presentations. After class, I went to go flop around in the park with Bri and we saw some really great dogs. I made dinner and uploaded my picture from the weekend. I think I went to go get ice cream with Jasmine later in the night. It was nice. It was so warm outside all day.

Wednesday, March 29th March 29th was Brexit Day! Depressing! Article 50 was triggered, as was I. I had a full day at work. We were going to go over to Imperial College’s Union that night but all the students were on break. Alas.

Thursday, March 30th Another internship day. I did some homework because it was pretty slow. When I got home, I made dinner and watched Deadpool for the first time with Will. Just a chill day, chill night. You know.

Friday, March 31 Yet another day of interning! After work I went home, and then Bridget and me accompanied Will to Clapham where he was participating in a King of the Wing eating competition. It was soooo long but it was super intense and it was fun to watch Will inhale a large bucket of wings. After that we went to a pub called the Miller and had a few beers. There were lots of youths there, and we sat outside on some picnic benches. I would’ve almost forgotten that we were in London if the Shard wasn’t a block away, hangin out, being a cool skyscraper.

Maybe I’ll have some April blogs posted before I go home, maybe I won’t. We’ll see. I can’t believe I’m leaving London in just 4 days. Then, I have a week on the West Coast of Ireland with my Mom and Aunt, which should be amazing.

Leaving here is a harder goodbye than leaving home, because I genuinely don’t know when I’ll be back. I do miss home though, and I’m so excited to see everyone. Bittersweet, but I’m gunning for the terrace.

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