#Alongside Penguin who single handedly funds the penguin exhibits lol

[puppetmaster13u]

We keep having so long things lol. Thank everything for the Keep Reading lmao.

Oh my god the Bats having an emergency bottle of Gotham water for emergency transformations that’s a wonderful idea. Probably more like a smoke bomb but water that they can smash open. Water balloon/bomb? Idk if it makes sense lol. 

 Gotham definitely has like, crazy skincare stuff for if you’re going Outside. Things to help you not dry out or go crazy because of so much sudden sun. It’s almost always at least partially cloudy in the city after all. Lotions to help combat drying out, extra large water bottles that hold gallons worth of water and keep it chilled. Honestly along with dried skin issues I bet they have some dehydration issues. Gotham is pretty damp and humid being surrounded by water and partially built upon a swamp so they probably blame it on that. Dumping water on themselves is definitely a thing lmao. One of the teen titans have walked into Dick (or any of the Robins really) laying soaking in the bathtub fully clothed so many times they joke about it getting sunny and warm out soon. (Because lets be honest they get dried out more in hotter weather lol) 

 Ras, pointing at the JL: These imbeciles would fall apart without you, and you know it! How can I trust them to guard your back?! How can I trust them to guard my grandchildrens’ backs?! Bruce who has had this argument so many times: *Large sigh around his cup of tea* Dusan & Nyssa: I agree with Father, how did you even find them? Bruce, sighing again and so tempted to say fuck it and let them continue testing the JL but they’re his friends sooo: 

 The poor hero is freaking out about the vampire-thing your so right lmao. Just kind of frozen as Batman uses his teeth (his hands are full with hungry baby) to pull off his glove and take a fleshy bite of his wrist. And then lets the baby gnaw at the wound while he finishes preparing the bottle like what the fuck- Bruce, far too used to Gotham, sees nothing wrong with this. The rule is if you spill blood you clean it up, and he did the same thing with all his kids! It helps build poison resistance! Which a lot of them needed with not all of them exactly being from Gotham. 

 Oh my, Amanda was not expecting the mini batbrats to be so much trouble. They may have been born to someone not from Gotham, but Bruce’s genes run true there. Very uncanny valley horror movie children even as babies. And I bet the very moment they’re anywhere near Gotham again, there’s a loud thump. And something big causing the boat that the Suicide Squad (Why are they transporting a pair of babies huh? One is like, 1 at most and the other is younger than that! Seriously who wants several murderers to do that-) is in to tilt. It’s the first time practically any of them have encountered a Gothamite. And Bruce? He may not have heard those chirps and squeaks before, but he still recognizes them. Talia recognizes them. Selina recognizes them. All of the babies made them when they were hungry. The only reason none of them died is due to Bruce’s own no-killing rule- and a bit of King Shark retreating with a few clinging to him because holy fuck Predator- Predator Following Me! 

 Alina was a one-night stand (hypothetically) in canon and she’s around 6. Though again we never get confirmation on if she’s actually Bruce’s, and the other father option is Joker. But she’s adorable and even got one up on Joker at one point after being kidnapped and it’s great. 

Bruce with his 15+ Children & 2 Wives: I am very happy. Also getting crushed right now, but very happy. 

 You are so right, so many people think he has scars from all his fights and well, it being Gotham. But no, most of them are from his kids. Lots of bite and claw marks that become more visible in his aquatic form (mostly due to how he’s usually wearing full armor or a sweater lol) Ones not from his kids are like, major injuries (like being speared through with rebar) or ones that are huge. There’s definitely debates the first time someone sees a shirtless Batman, probably during training or perhaps after a mission where there’s some sort of spores or something similar that requires stuff to be cleaned. Also staring. Half because Bruce is a fit man, and half because holy fuck it looks like he got mauled multiple times. There’s even a recent wound on his shoulder that he doesn’t seem to notice! 

 Poor Aquaman at the gala is just inwardly nervously laughing as he huddles by the fish tanks. Hilariously I bet he finds comfort in Talia who doesn’t give off the uncanny valley feel yet when she brings him into a discussion with who he’s pretty sure is one of Gotham’s rogues (Ivy) about water conservation. Wonder Woman is having a pleasant discussion with one Al Ghul about history. She’s having quite a bit of fun while everyone else is inwardly screaming and crying. Unknowingly she is the One member of the JL who has gotten his approval. The Wayne children are purposely freaking the JL out. Pulling full horror movie children. Cass and Jason are being horror twins and Tim has pulled his sickly victorian child self to the full. Tiny baby Helena steals the show for the hour or so she’s there. All the other socialites coo over her and how adorably bitey she is. 

Damian (exactly 10 apples tall): These are my younger siblings, if you make them cry I shall cut your tendons and force feed you your own eyes Gothamites: *cooing over adorable older brother* JL & other Guests: *nervous laughter* 

Honestly Bruce wouldn’t have freaked out about the scales on Dick’s arms if the kid hadn’t been freaking out. He was worried about the kid being injured or sick when he came running in clutching his arm and crying. Bruce then had to calm the crying nine year old & had the oh shit we forgot to explain this moment lol. It is a lesson he takes to heart with every future child, even the ones he’s certain come from Gotham lol. 

 I think Alfred and Ras should have a frienemy situation. A friendly rivalry. Would maybe try to poison each other during tea. It is a very petty friendship, though they do enjoy each other’s company. Will they admit that ever? Not even upon the threat of death. They’re friends but tea rivals. 

You know what? Bruce in a dress for most galas. Most of the Gothamites in a dress. Dresses and skirts are definitely seen as very gender neutral in Gotham. To the Outsider reporters confusion because surely someone is reporting on this?? No? O-okay??? No one is talking about the (to the Outsider’s) crazy fashion crimes going on?? Why are those colors going together!? Why the feather boa? Why those shoes? Oh the patterns- isn’t Gotham supposed to be all dark and moody!? (Bruce, wearing what looks like is all black at first snickers at the pained expressions of reporters & turns, revealing that even his clothing is iridescent)

 Oh my god Oliver learning about Bruce being a sea horror but being oblivious to all of Gotham being the same. He came over when it finally reached outside of Gotham that lovable himbo Brucie Wayne has a son now…. Which is about a year after Dick first became his ward and has just officially adopted him lol. Bruce was not expecting Oliver to practically slam the door open and go, “YOU HAVE A KID!?” while holding Dick from the edge of the pool (to help him build up his tail strength, the kid wants to be able to do flips in the water). They both stare at each other for a solid minute with their brains stalling. There is a bit of screaming and Bruce just blurts out an “I CAN EXPLAIN-” He admits about the Curse and Oliver just assumes that it’s like, a Wayne curse and not, say, a Gotham curse. (He does not realize Dick is not a bio kid, or any of the Wayne kids who mostly have black hair, blue eyes, or both, are not bio kids lmao) 

Oh my god, imagine Black Manta having the bright idea to set up in Gotham waters since the atlanteans avoid it. This is a Mistake. A Very Big Mistake with Sharp Teeth- PFFT, oh my god imagine Batman, who has no clue what to do for any sort of gift. And knows any food gifts he could give would be deadly- besides Superman who keeps giving him puppy dog eyes. So he just… gives fish. Everyone now has a pet fish. Or hermit crab. Or a corn snake in one case. His kids do the same thing. M’gann is delighted with her growing amount of tree frogs and Wally has a hermit crab now. Dick gifts him different shells that he’s made to mimic the different hero merch too. 

(I also give pics of Terry & Matt (from Batman Beyond) & Alina Shelley)

@puppetmaster13u

It was getting too long so...

Okay this was VERY long but I love it all. So much food, and very much alive when possible. And yeah they're very much venomous.

... oh gods you're making me hungry for food that isn't even safe even if it existed 😂

Also, I feel like Ivy's plants would, ah, sometimes move if they don't like where they're currently planted. If your neighbor is taking better care of your flowers then you might wake up and see them over there, you just learn to deal. 😅

Ooooo I love that. And I feel like, to Aquaman, it would be like speaking in Pig Latin + Esperanto mixed with the heaviest Scottish accent ever. He can tell it's words, but he can't really understand it.

Also, Bruce singing lullabies to the kids, just imagine. Jason or Dick or anyone shows up having a panic attack and Bruce starts calming them down. First in English, then aquatic, and slowly morphing into a lullaby.

Oh definitely, those other heroes will be struggling. Almost feel bad for them.

The medical professionals must be paid well, and Gotham University probably ends up with a very heavy metal degree that most people might assume is for vets not human doctors. 😂

Oh my gods Helena yes. Poor Supes, and I love the JL freaking out. Also, her bottle HAS to be a little pink, because of the blood that's probably in it. Also, I imagine they're born with weak venom, and drinking their parents' blood lets them process and produce stronger toxins.

I bet Dick and the other kids probably have the same weird food habits and their teammates aren't really sure what they're supposed to do. Sometimes Tim will fall asleep in the middle of lunch and whoever is in the same room will get to see his lunch run away. Probably a bit unnerving. 🤣

I like the idea they might do them for 'major holidays'. Not on the holiday, because Calendar Man (on the holidays is Gotham only, they fully expect him to show up, he's practically invited without saying anything outright), and that's the Outsider Galas. Not just one a year, but not like 20 of em either.

And yeah, aside from runaway food, Tim is pretty good with outsiders. He probably wouldn't eat 'normal' (normal for Gotham anyway) around his team if he didn't trust em or something either. This is probably another reason Bruce made him CEO. 😅

Yesss uncanny valley please. Everyone is freaking out internally, and yet at the same time they can tell they're safe... for now. Servers doing their job, and Gothamites not revealing anything, unless someone does something wrong.

Yesss the rogues. Honestly I just want an AU where the rogues are basically family.

||=====||=====||

"Oh yeah that's aunts Harley and Ivy, they can be fun but don't drink the wine."

Then (controversial I know but also heavily depends on the AU)

"That's Uncle J, we're on tense terms with him but he's got the best drinks if you don't mind letting a bit."

Maybe

"There's not-dad Harv-"

"he's Uncle T right now-"

"-that's Uncle T, don't gamble with him or ask about his coin collection unless you want to stay a while."

Or

"Don't mind Uncle Cobbles, he's a little competitive with B about their family histories, but other than that and birds he's pretty calm."

Even

"Yeah don't mind Uncle John, he's probably more nervous than you are, doing spook him and you'll be fine."

||=====||=====||

Yesss so many photos.

Also, there's two wedding photos. One he shows to outsiders, the other is up at the major as a painting and is the same wedding photo but underwater.

... Ras don't bother your son-in-law's friends please, they have enough on their plate. Seriously, stop. 😂😅

Bruce probably confuses everyone even more by knowing the assassins.

Oooo yes. Sharks, aquariums, oh my. I love all the animals you mentioned too.

... so I randomly looked up 'Victorian modern punk' because why not and...

This was the top result.