#All I need is someone to help me. Not with writing or anything. Just someone to talk to about my ideas and what I'm doing and what I'm

[softness-and-shattering]

This +, I dont remember who said it but it stuck:

"I was a child. I shouldnt have had to be strong. I should have been safe"

For adults too, Id much rather have my needs met, including safety - even if it makes me 'weak' - than to have to be Brave and Strong and Resilient.

And resilience is mostly about the supports you have access to (adds to it) and the hardship youve endured already (subtracts from it) than anything innate.

Trauma doesnt make you better or stronger, it makes you worse and more hurt and more vulnerable.

Healing is what strengthens you and improves you as a person.

And theres no inherent reason you have to be hurt before learning how to heal. How to heal is also how to maintain health; rest, gratitude, deliberately noticing and revelling in the small joys of being alive, setting and maintaining boundaries, learning social skills, following what makes you happy and feel like yourself and avoiding stress and misery, working on and improving skills, making and maintaining social relationships, seeking advice and mentorship, going outside, moving your body as is comfortable. No ones great at balancing it all, but it all contributes to happiness, contentedness, safety, and good-challenge.

And yeah theres absolutely survivorship bias. A lot of people dont make it. As I dont have capacity to change that beyond being as good a friend + aquaintance + person as I can, I try not to think about it too much. Ive had some narrow misses myself. If youre someone who does have the capacity, look into orgs and charities that help people who are struggling. Start a neighbourhood food pantry. Give money to people in need unless they ask for something specific - trust that they know best how to spend on what they need. If thats cigarettes, maybe its the only thing they have to look forward to thats keeping them alive. Offer more help rather than less. Look for ways to help people who are bedbound, housebound, because you wont just see them. Donate old books or write to people in prison. Theres so many ways to be helpful and make life more bearable to your fellow humans.

[mythalism]

i think what people need to understand is that no amount of essays assuring me of veilguard's strengths, of which i agree there are plenty, is going to change the fact that the emotional experience veilguard prompted within me (and for many others) while i played it was a deeply negative one. discomfort at best, painful at worst. im talking stomach aches. visceral, somatic creeping disappointment and dread that i tried to fight for hours and hours but eventually had no choice but to accept. i stopped wanting to play entirely around 30 hours. i felt vaguely ill. i felt anxious. i could not sleep for a few days. and im not saying i felt sick because it was so bad, but that i felt sick because of the sinking realization that i was about to be terribly, horribly disappointed after so, so long. you could call me dramatic and im sure someone will. idk what to tell you. my emotions manifest physically long before they become decipherable or understandable to me mentally, especially when they're 10 years in the making. probably an autism symptom. regardless, it was genuinely pretty awful, especially because i had immense good faith for this game. i was so hopeful and optimistic and generally thrilled and literally anyone who followed me before october 31 would know that. the emotional whiplash and crash was intense and devastating, and i was reeling for days. you cannot tell me that this experience was "wrong" or "toxic" due to it's negative nature. it was entirely involuntary and outside of my control, as i would expect many people's joy was. emotional reactions are not beholden to fandom discourse.

any post i have made criticizing the game since is attempt to make sense of the emotional roller-coaster of the past 10 years, this summer, and finally this game's release. i do not come on here and write out my criticisms of veilguard because i want YOU to dislike it too. the nature of my essays are not persuasive. if they do persuade you its just because i am a well-trained essayist. sorry. if they dont, great! that wasnt the point. i have no desire to change anyone's mind on the game, in fact i actually would not wish the disappointment i felt on anyone. the fact that i have a lot of followers who agree with what i say and who spread the thoughts i express across tumblr is literally out of my control. when i write out my long-winded criticisms, it is out of a need to express and externalize that sinking, cold feeling i had while playing, in pursuit of understanding exactly why playing that game felt that way to me. identifying, analyzing and verbalizing is the only way i have been able to process my experience. its confessional and therapeutic more than anything. it helps other people understand their own difficult emotional process with the game. its not an attempt to ruin your fun. my negative experience with veilguard does not invalidate anyone else's positive one.

i see so many posts acting like all criticism is an intentional, targeted hate campaign and i dont understand that assumption. to what ends? what would that achieve? why would i bother with such a thing? maybe that is some people's intention in the deep hater corners of this website, and im blissfully unaware. if it is, fuck them. its certainly the intention of annoying grifters, but i feel the distinction between transphobe grifters and devastated fans is pretty clear, so im not sure why the lines are deliberately blurred as if those groups are remotely similar. some of my criticisms come from a more objective place. the writing comes to mind, and it's a consistent criticism from thousands of players. but just because i consider it to be poorly executed, does not make it unlovable. and when i say that i think its poorly done, i am not saying that you cannot or should not love it, or that you are stupid for loving it. maybe someone out there is saying that!!! but i am not. things do not have to be perfect to be enjoyable. they dont even have to be well executed to be enjoyable. "i think x aspect of veilguard is poorly done for yz reasons" is a completely different sentence than "you should not like x aspect of veilguard for yz reasons". these are not the same statements. i see so many posts that are so vitriolic and acting like two experiences of this game cannot coexist, that one has to win and be objectively right, moralizing them on a false axis of positivity = good and negativity = bad, and acting like the existence of one negates the experience of the other. and why? why would that be true? i literally love so many things that other people think are absolute ass. i also love plenty of things that i myself think are actual ass. i love them anyway. this is allowed and really fun. i am not sure who told you that it is not.

however, i have just as much of a right to express my disappointment as you have to express your excitement. i am genuinely happy for everyone who loves the game, i am glad it resonated, or that you saw yourself in its characters, or that it just scratched your hyperfixation itch. but whatever je ne se quoi it had for you, it did not have for me. i have written out so much criticism about so many aspects of the game, but fundamentally what it comes down to and what i cannot express in words is that while i played after waiting 10 years for that moment, it felt wrong. it wasn't that i had specific expectations for game story that were not met, in fact, it exceeded my expectations in a lot of ways. i mean that in terms of how i felt, something was off. it did not resonate. it did not land. it did not hit the right cord with me. i did not have enough moments of joy to outweigh the feeling of emptiness. i did not walk away from it feeling the way that the previous games made me feel. and ive been trying to figure out exactly why that is for three months now by talking about it with people who feel similarly. i am not sure that i will ever be able to analyze my way into figuring it out. it might just have to simply be that it left me bereft.

and so my posts are not anti-veilguard hater propaganda to make you feel like shit for loving the game. rather, they are me verbally processing exactly why i feel like shit so i can hopefully stop feeling like shit. to assume that people who are trying to process these negative feelings are toxic and intentionally malicious is a projection made in bad faith. i love dragon age, and it is because i love it so much that it disappointed me, and it is because disappointed me that i have to verbally process it on tumblr.com so that i dont go absolutely insane. i tag my posts properly. i do not go into tags where i do not belong. i do not rage-bait. i am participating in post-partum dragon age therapy between me and my followers. if it ends up on your dash, sorry. my therapy is popular i guess. so please for the love of god enjoy the game, freely and enthusiastically. i am happy for you. i will sit here and be jealous that it spoke to something in your soul that it unfortunately did not speak to in mine, and nothing i say can take that away from you. please stop interpreting it as an attempt to.

[corpsedogs]

✿ my annoying siblings (req)

tim drake x f!assistant

more focused on the bat-family

( ♡ he just likes his assistant, is that wrong? )

“Yeah, okay I’ll see you tomorrow. Thanks again.” Tim says before looking at the end call screen on his phone. Dick, who was sitting on a chair leaned back to look at him, “Who was that?” he asked. Tim didn’t look back but answered, “My assistant.” Dick’s eyes raised as he looked towards Bruce’s direction.

“Do you know about this?”

“No.” Bruce answers as he looks through his case files.

Stephanie perks up from the conversation. “Why’d you hire one?” Tim looks up at her, “I just needed help at work. You know, to balance my work better.” Tim shrugs, placing his phone in his pocket.

Damian crosses his arms, “Since when are you not capable of doing your tasks?” Tim glared at him, “I am capable, I just needed some help.”

Tim had hired a new assistant, you. It's been a few weeks since he has hired you, his initial plan was to keep you for a week before working by himself again. But god, how it made his life so easier.

Schedules, back reading paperwork, research. It was all done once he went back to see you. Not only that, but he also found you endearing. He would always admire how hard you worked and how you would always get the job done.

He can’t help but smile when you enter his office as you hold onto some paperwork in your arms or when he listens to your voice on the phone as you update on his schedule.

Jason raised his brow as he saw him staring to space, “You good?” Tim was snapped from his thoughts “Huh? Yeah.. just thinking about work.” Jason shrugged, not giving a care as he walked towards the exit of the batcave.

A day passed by and Tim was in Wayne enterprises. He looked up ahead and saw you making some coffee, he didn’t hesitate and walked to your side. Tim cleared his throat as you looked at him surprised, "Oh, sir. I'm so sorry I didn't see you. Did you want some coffee?"

“Yes please.” He says giving you a warm smile. You nodded as you prepared a cup, “Do you have any preferences?”

“Two sugar, with a splash of creamer would be great. Thank you.”

You nodded at his request and started to pour the warm water onto the cup.

Tim crosses his arms, “Anything I should take note of today?” he asks, you thought for a bit before shaking your head “Uh, no one seems to be asking for a meeting and.. the things you requested should be coming in here soon. So I suppose your schedule is quite free, should I write something down?”

Tim didn’t realize he had been zoning out while staring at you until he was back to reality. He blinked twice when he noticed you had been speaking. “Sorry, what was that?” he asked, feeling a bit dazed. “There's nothing important to report,” you repeated, “So your schedule is quite free today.” you said as you gave him his coffee.

Tim slowly took the warm cup from you, “Thank you.” he said, his fingers brushed against yours when he took the cup from your hands.

Free time.

He had been so busy lately that having a free day seemed strange. "You sure I don't have anything scheduled?” he asked, a bit of skepticism in his tone. You took out your phone to double check and nodded, “Well, yes. Unless you want to meet with someone today.” He took a sip of his coffee, savoring the bittersweet taste, “I was thinking…”

“I was wondering if… you’d like to have lunch with me?” You blanked out for a minute, “Me?” you pointed to yourself. “Oh, I mean. Sure, I’d love to sir.” Tim was surprised by how easy it was to convince you to accept his invitation. Not only that, but your eagerness to go was also surprising. Normally he’d expect someone to be skeptical when a boss asks you to have lunch with them.

He smiled warmly at you, “Great, I’ll pick you up at your desk at 12.”

Noon arrived. Tim was a bit nervous as he stood in front of your desk. He had taken off his suit jacket and loosened his tie for the occasion. Tim took a deep breath before tapping the top of your desk to get your attention. “Ready?” You nodded, “Yes, let me just tidy my things.”

Tim watched as you gathered your things, placing them in their proper folders. Once you were ready, the two of you left the building as Tim gestured to you to walk ahead of him.

The cafe wasn't a 5 minute walk for the building, when you approached the cafe, he opened the door for you, gesturing for you to walk in first. You sat down in one of the booths, “Is there a reason why you took me out for lunch sir?” you asked.

Tim shrugged his shoulders as he sat opposite of you, “I thought I’d treat you since you’ve been such a great help lately.”

“Oh, thank you.” you said. Tim could sense a bit of embarrassment in your voice as he replied.

The waitress came by to take the two of your orders. Tim looked at you first, “What’re you gonna have?” You looked down at the menu, then back up at him, "I’ll have the chicken parm and water, please." Tim nodded, then ordered once it was his turn, "I’ll get an iced green tea and the club sandwich."

The waitress took your orders and left the two of you to chat. Tim leaned back in his spot and studied you a bit more before he spoke, "How’s being my assistant like so far?”

You avoided eye contact a bit, “It's nice, the job is for me and I get nice pay.” you answered. He tried to reassure you, “I’m glad you like the job. And also, I don’t bite. You don’t need to be so nervous.”

“Well, it’s a little difficult for me to talk friendly to a higher up.” you nervously chuckled. “You don’t need to feel nervous talking to me. You’ve been doing a fantastic job as my assistant, if anything, I should be nervous talking with you.” he said jokingly, trying to lighten the mood.

You softly smiled, “Well, it was nice for you to take me out to lunch sir.” He smiled back at you as he spoke, “You’re welcome, but don’t call me ‘sir’ when we’re outside of work.”

Night time passed, Tim was on his Red Robin suit sitting on one of the rooftops watching from below. Behind him was Jason and Stephanie who accompanied him on patrol. Jason sat by him as he tapped his fingers on the stone floor, “So..” he trailed, “Who’s your date?” Stephanie asked.

Tim raised his brow at the two, “What date?” Stephanie crossed his arms “The date you had at the afternoon.” Tim looked at the two of them, deadpanning “What date...” oh no.

Tim stood up, “Have you two been spying on me??” Dick’s voice entered in the earpiece “And me.” he fuzzed in. Tim rolled his eyes in annoyance, “All of you were spying on me??” he asked, a bit frustrated.

Jason smirked, “What’s the matter, Red? Didn’t want us to find out who you were swooning over?” Tim narrowed his eyes at Jason, “I am not ‘swooning’ over anyone.” he replied.

Stephanie smirked as she joined in, "You definitely were. Who is it?"

“It’s nothing. Just lunch with an assistant,” he said. Jason scoffed, getting more of an idea of who “that assistant” was. “Since when did you start taking an interest in your assistants?”

Dick chimed in again ”That was your assistant??” Tim looked up at the sky in frustration, and nodded. Stephanie started to laugh, “Oh my god, you’ve got the hots for your assistant!” Tim huffed, he knew where this was going to go. “Why were you three spying on me anyway?”

“Because, we’re nosey.”, Dick said through the comms again. Jason crossed his arms, “You should get used to it by now.” Before Tim could say anything, Barbara chimed in. “Guys, task at hand please.” she said, thank you Barbara. “Let’s talk about this later.” Dick said, before he tuned out.

Tim is positive he won't see the light of day soon.

🍰 part two? maybe? please reblog and comment to support me 🙏

[mylovesstuffs]

OT13 reaction to their s/o hiding their sickness

Request: Hello, I was the same anon who requested the safe word reaction. I really liked the way you describe each reaction, so I was thinking of a ot13 reaction for reader hiding their sickness and them discovering, I am craving some comfort being sick and telling nobody about it :/

A/N: I really enjoyed writing this, and I hope it warms your heart as much as it did mine. Please, remember to take care of yourself—drink lots of water, get plenty of rest, and don’t hesitate to let someone close to you know how you’re feeling. It’s okay to ask for help; the people who care about you want to be there for you, just like you would for them. I believe this turned out beautifully, and there are some (yes, not only one) members part that I absolutely adore. I hope it brings you comfort and joy.

Seungcheol: You’ve been sneezing a lot today, but you brush it off with a weak smile when he asks if you’re okay. Seungcheol can’t ignore it though. "Baby... don’t think you can fool me. You’re sick, aren’t you?” He walks over, wraps a blanket around you, and gently touches your forehead. "You’re not getting away with this. I’m here, okay?" He’ll keep an eye on you for the rest of the day, making sure you have everything you need and probably nagging you to rest. He’s firm but soft, doing everything in his power to make you feel safe and cared for.

Jeonghan: Jeonghan catches on quickly when you start acting off. He notices you barely touching your food and yawning a little too much. His eyes narrow, and before you know it, he’s sitting next to you, "You’re not slick, you know. You’re not fine, are you?" He sighs, wrapping a blanket around you before you can take action. “If you’re not going to tell me, I’m just going to make you relax anyway though I’m a little offended you didn’t tell me.” Though he pretends to tease, his nurturing side takes over. He’ll make sure you’re comfy and always one step ahead in taking care of you.

Joshua: You’ve been trying to hide it, but Joshua knows something’s off. He stops playing his guitar and watches you for a bit, not needing to say a word. "Love, don’t think I didn’t notice," he says gently. When you try to lie, he stops you, ”I don’t want to hear it.” He takes your hand and places it against his chest. “I can tell you’re not feeling well.” He’ll make you a hot drink and quietly stay by your side, serenading you soothingly or just enjoying the silence together. His presence is calming and so he'd remind you it’s okay to rely on him.

Jun: You’re curled up, trying to hide it, but Jun’s a bit too observant. "Y/N... really? Hiding it like this?" He raises an eyebrow crossing his arms and walks over. "I get it, but you’re not fooling anyone." He’ll throw an arm around your shoulder, pulling you into a comforting side-hug. Jun wouldn’t waste time—he’d make sure you’re bundled up, bring you some food, and keep an eye on you. "You need rest. Don’t worry about anything, just focus on getting better. I’ll make sure the world doesn't fall apart without you for a bit."

Hoshi: Hoshi is the type to be extra, and when he realizes you’ve been trying to keep it together while clearly not feeling well, he can’t help but fuss over you. "Y/N! No way! You’re sick and didn’t tell me?" He’s already running around the house looking for remedies, and you can hear him loudly talking to the others about how important it is for you to get rest. He’ll make a big fuss—not to overwhelm you, but because he cares so much. Expect him to bring you all the comfort items he can find, sit by your side, and keep you entertained until you’re feeling better.

Wonwoo: Wonwoo is subtle but perceptive. He's a little quiet, but when he notices your tired expression, low energy and pale complexion he’s quick to confirm it. "Babe," he says softly, but there’s a concerned and disappointed look in his eyes. "You’re not feeling well, are you?" He won’t make a big deal of it, but he’ll handle everything. He'll gently guide you to the couch and ask if you need anything. He’ll read a book to you, maybe bring some warm food, and just be there without a lot of fuss, letting you rest in peace.

Woozi: Woozi notices everything. He doesn't’t miss a thing, even if you think you’re hiding it well. The way your energy is low and your voice is soft. "Y/N, stop pretending. You’re obviously sick." He sighs, shaking his head as he grabs a blanket. When you act confused, his tone is sharp, but there’s a softness hidden under it "Why didn’t you tell me? Do you think I wouldn’t care?" He might sound a little stern, but it’s only because he’s worried. He’ll make sure you’re resting properly, practically force you to drink fluids and might even hum a soft tune while working nearby to keep you comfortable. "Rest. No more excuses. You’re not getting better by pretending you’re fine."

Dokyeom: Kyeom's usual first instinct is to make you smile, but when he notices the lack of energy in your usual laugh, he gets concerned. "You’re sick, aren’t you? You can’t hide it from me!" His pout is impossible to ignore as he gathers pillows and blankets for you. He’s extra affectionate, staying close to make sure you’re comfortable and cheering you up with his contagious smile. His efforts might not always work, but he’ll try to keep the mood light while making sure you have everything you need. He'll go around fumbling in the kitchen to make you warm soup, mashed potatoes and what not.

Mingyu: Mingyu’s protective side comes out the second he sees you looking a bit pale. "Hey, no way! Why didn’t you say anything?" He’s getting you comfortable on the bed and running around to grab all the supplies you need. "I know you like being strong, but it’s okay to lean on me. I’ve got your back. Let me take care of you." He’s practically in full-on ‘nurse mode.’ Expect to be babied by a big baby.

Minghao: He’s so observant, you can’t hide it for long. His expression softens when he notices you looking drained. "You’re not okay, are you? Don’t try to deny it." His voice is calm but firm as he gently guides you to rest. He sits next to you and just quietly asks if you need anything. He won’t press you to talk, but he’ll show up with food, a warm blanket, and his presence. He’d literally take care of everything without overwhelming you. "Don’t worry. I’ll be here with you." His way of caring is to help you feel safe and reminding you to prioritize your health.

Seungkwan: Seungkwan is a little dramatic when it comes to taking care of his friends, so once he realizes YOU’RE hiding your sickness, he’s already over the top. "Are you serious right now? You’re sick and didn’t tell me?! Baby, do you know how worried I am?" He’d go all out—making tea, tucking you in, and probably scolding you lightly for not saying anything sooner. But his concern is genuine, and he won’t leave your side until you’re feeling better. He’ll probably sing you some comfort songs though with Seungkwan, you’re not sure if they’ll help you feel better or make you laugh instead.

Vernon: Vernon is the kind of guy who notices when things feel off but doesn’t always know how to approach it. When he figures out you’re sick and you're trying to hide it, he gets a little awkward but tries his best to comfort you. "Okay, Y/N... seriously? You’re sick and didn’t say anything?" He’ll make a comfortable spot for you, but instead of being all mushy, he might throw in a dry joke to ease the mood. He'll bring you water or medicine and making sure you’re resting. He might not say much, but his actions speak louder than words—he’d stick around to keep you company and make sure you’re okay.

Dino: When he realizes you’re trying to hide your sickness, he’ll be the first one to come running. "You’re sick? Why didn’t you tell me?" His tone is full of concern. He’d fuss over you like a protective boyfriend that he is, making sure you’re cozy. He'll try to make you feel better by cracking jokes, bring in your favorite comfort foods, and staying by your side. "I know you’re trying to be tough, but I’ve got you, okay?"

[dexastres]

sweet melody, part two

jude bellingham x black reader

summary : elena wants revenge on her ex-boyfriend, who cheated on her, and jude will help her.

wc : 1165

part one

Jude couldn’t shake off the strange feeling that overcame him ever since he laid eyes on Elena. His inner voice yelled at him to stand up and go find her in the bathroom, but his body refused to listen. So, he stayed at the bar, lost in his thoughts, wondering if she was fine and if she needed a shoulder to cry on. The young man closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The music faded gradually, along with Enrique’s voice. For a moment, Jude felt like he was in his own world, an island in the middle of the ocean, with nothing but Elena filling his thoughts. 

He couldn’t put it into words what he was feeling right now. It was unlike anything he ever felt before. Jude couldn’t explain why she attracted him so much, but he sensed a certain connection with her, a bond only they could understand. His heartbeat intensified every time he thought about the moment their eyes met. A smile tugged at the corner of his lips. Enrique noticed and couldn’t hold back his laughter.

The Englishman looked towards the bathroom door, hoping to see the young woman. He didn’t know how long it had been since she locked herself in there, but it felt like an eternity. Once again, the little voice in his head shouted at him to get up, but before he could, the door opened, revealing the person who made his heart beat. Elena walked into the club with a newfound energy, fuelled by a burning desire for revenge. A radiant smile lit up her face, and her confidence grew with every passing second. She attracted everyone’s attention, as if she was the star of the nightclub. Jude couldn’t take his eyes off her, and his heart skipped a beat when she stopped in front of him.

“Is this seat taken?” Elena asked, her voice sounded like music to Jude’s ears. He found her slight accent very cute, though it could go unnoticed unless you paid close attention.

“No. You can take it.” She nodded in response and sat next to the footballer. She felt the warmth Jude radiated, which surprisingly brought her some comfort. Normally, she’d go out of her way to avoid talking to strangers, but this time, it was different.

“Hey, what can I serve you, young lady?" Enrique’s sudden appearance startled Elena, who shyly turned towards the bartender.

"I’ll just have water, thank you." The middle-aged man nodded while writing her order, along with the others on his list. Jude noticed the subtle change in Elena’s attitude, and how she tried to keep the conversation short with the bartender.

"Can I have more water, please?” Jude said, holding out his glass towards the bartender. 

“I should start charging you for refills, Jude. This is your third time. Are you trying to put me out of business?” Enrique teased, raising an eyebrow, and the Englishman responded by rolling his eyes. Elena watched them arguing like cats and dogs over the most insignificant thing. While the two men bickered, she pulled her phone out of her tiny bag. Notifications from the group chat she had with her friends flooded her screen. The young woman looked around her, searching for a familiar face, but found none.

“Looking for someone?” Jude asked, and she nodded.

“I’m looking for my best friend, Sierra. The girls are blowing up our group chat, asking where she is. I checked her location, and it says she’s still here, but she’s probably somewhere with a guy." She shrugged.

"This happens every time we go out. She disappears, then suddenly reappears and tells us all the crazy details. But I get it, though. She’s the most beautiful, hilarious and intelligent person I know. You never get bored when she’s around. So yeah, I can’t blame any guy for falling for her." 

Elena’s eyes sparkled as she spoke about her best friend, a sign of the deep affection she felt for Sierra. Their friendship meant the world to her, and she couldn’t imagine what she’d do if it suddenly ended.

“Well, I should probably go because the girls are blowing up my phone again. It was nice to talk with you, Jude.” Elena got up from her seat and grabbed her glass of water.

"Wait..." Before Jude could even ask for her name, she had already disappeared into the crowd. “What an idiot.” He muttered under his breath.

"Why didn’t I ask for her name?” He sighed, placed his glass of water on the counter, then stood up. His feet moved before his mind could react. Moments later, he was near the dance floor, where Elena had just stopped. From where he stood, he saw her body trembling slightly. Confused, he moved closer to her, only to see her tearful face.

“What the fuck?” Elena said. She couldn’t look away from the scene unfolding before her, and felt her heart break, as if a blade had pierced her chest. For a second, everything around her disappeared, except for Alejandro and Sierra, who were kissing on the dance floor.

“How could you?” Her voice barely rose above a whisper, drowned by the music, but it was loud enough for Jude to hear.

“What have I done to deserve this?” The young woman couldn’t believe her best friend would stoop so low. However, she wasn’t surprised by Alejandro. After all, he had cheated on her and didn’t even try to deny it when Elena confronted him.

“My best friend and my ex…” Elena stopped mid-sentence when a soft, unexpected warmth seized her wrist. She looked up to see Jude gazing at her with a softened expression. He wiped away her tears, and without thinking, Elena buried her face in his chest and let them flow. Normally, she would have run away, but she felt oddly comfortable in his presence.

“Come with me,” he whispered in her ear. She nodded, too tired to fight back, and followed him towards the exit door while staring at the floor.

“Oh, Elena....” Sierra murmured as she watched her best friend leave the club with Jude. A knot formed in her stomach, and her pulse quickened when she locked eyes with Alejandro. She forced a slight smile to hide her sadness, knowing that this moment would mean nothing to him tomorrow.

Sierra stared at the exit door, her eyes filled with tears. She bit her lips, her heart heavy, as she reflected on all the moments they shared. However, a shadow hung over each of them, reflecting the jealousy she always felt towards her best friend.

“Did I ever tell you that I'm not doing well? You see, jealousy is incurable and I'm sick of you.” Elena’s presence served as a brutal reminder to Sierra that she would always finish second, that she would always remain the second choice, her understudy, and that she’d never step out of her shadow.

"I've always hated you."

[minaharkerdailymirror]

Mina did not feel better when she woke. Instead what she felt was exhaustion followed by different waves of resentment and then nothing. She didn't go out of her way to comfort Daniel like she normally did. She didn't really talk to him at all other than let thim cuddle up to her or making small talk.

She was grateful the last leg of the cruise when Lestat came on board. She handed him the key to her room, took his from him and went back to the bar to drink.

Louis was there, "hi." Jesus Christ.

"Get Armand here and it's a vampire jamboree," she muttered.

He gave her an amused look and put his card down, 'Get the lady what she wants."

"I don't need your charity."

"It's not charity," he said, "I'm worried about you."

Mina nearly bit his head off but she was too tired, and really he had always been far more pleasant to her than she'd been to him. She just could never forgive him for all those men he'd killed in San Francisco.

"Get me whiskey," she said.

He watched her, "You're angry."

"I'm always angry."

"This is different."

She wanted to change the subject, "Daniel and Lestat are in the cabin, I can give you the number if you want."

"I'm not here for Daniel, I'm here for you."

"Oh, a double team is it?" she asked. Lestat gets one, Louis looks after the other.

He seemed amused, "Something like that."

"You two are nowhere near ready enough to be marriage councilors."

He broke into a grin and then laughed, "That is true, but when Daniel's in his spiral, you tend to get ignored. Sometimes thats your own doing, other times it isn't. We've been doing this dance for years now and yet you're the one holding off on being as close as you could be to the rest of us."

Mina was quiet, looked away a bit. What the hell, it was Louis. It wasn't like she was talking to someone outside their family. And it CERTAINLY wasn't like he was looking for anything intimate with her in exchange for talking, "My pain becomes his pain and I have to stifle it because it's suddenly his pain. I had a breakdown working through these memoirs I'm writing just for me and I had to comfort HIM because I was worried what HE would do. I tell him I need to get away, I need him with me. He's suddenly worried about Lestat. Perhaps i'm not a person to him, perhaps I'm just an addiction he has enough of so he focuses on the drug he doesn't have in front of him.'

"You know that's not true, You know he loves you."

Mina knew he was right. She knew Daniel was a complicated person. Very flawed, but she couldn't help but be angry and hurt by his behavior, "HE will give me the big wet eyes, say he's a piece of shit. And then where does my anger go then? It just sits there. I cannot talk to him like I want."

"Then talk to me," Louis said.

MIna hesitated....just for a moment...and then she just pushed herself through and talked to him. Working out her feelings in the past, how she felt about processing them now and the conflicting confusing feelings she had in the present as she dealt with everything around her.

“So, you want to interview vampires, so you?”

[hearts4werka]

TW for this whole post, there’s mentions of a lot of stuff so like be aware of what you’re getting into guys

Okay so I didn’t expect to be making this post but this is just completely disgusting and I cannot leave this just without adding a say into this, the whole situation happening rn and going around with @sturniololuv08 is just genuinely making me sick to my stomach, I met Bri when I was in the group chat on discord with her but previously we were following each other on here, she hasn’t private messaging me like it was with Kay and gray (check out their posts) but a lot of the times I would be on voice chat with bri in them and some of the stuff I would hear in them, there were other people but they would leave quickly cuz they said it made them uncomfortable, I didn’t wanna be rude so I was the one that stayed the longest in them and I heard almost everything the others said she was saying. The one thing that freaked me out when she said was about the poll for her next fic, the axe option that was winning currently she said that sadistic!matt would take the axe and cut off the girls toe and make him suck the blood out of it, the cnc fic was just sickening, personally I haven’t read it cuz it feels triggering for me, I’m so sorry for anyone who has read it and was either triggered or traumatized from some of the asks my friends have sent to the group chat of anons in their inbox talking about it, and I also want to talk about the relationship between bri and grace who is freshly 18, all of us are concerned for the most part for grace cuz having such a big age gap and being freshly over the age of 18 is also kind of weird to engage in it, I don’t know grace’s side of the story so I’m not going to assume anything but this relationship doesn’t seem like a good relationship at all, especially with a person like bri. The stuff she was saying in the chat as well as the voice chat were just very uncomfortable to everyone involved, including myself, every time she would write something or send anything about her fics she would constantly ping either me or everyone and was you could say pressuring us into reading it even though if someone wasn’t exactly comfortable with reading it, she would as well not add much tw with snippets she would send to the chat, gabby who is the owner of the group pointed that out multiple times and told her to put it as a spoiler or put it in tw - main but her excuse was just that everyone should know that her stuff is triggering content. The whole situation is very uncomfortable and overwhelming but I’m making this cuz bri hasn’t taken full accountability for her actions as well as she keeps making excuses for them, if you’re reading this then I advice stop texting minors to say the least and don’t do shit like this anymore nor write ‘different’ type of fics cuz we are perfectly fine with the ‘basic repeative fics’ on here, for your age i thought you would take a more mature approach to this and actually take accountability and properly apologize for this cuz talking to people way younger than you in this way is not okay, I fear you need mental help and a therapist first and foremost, maybe I’ll make another post about this maybe not but for now this is my response to this. Peace out.

Please block/report her accounts

@/letstrip1975 & @/sturniololuv08

— @mattslilies @m4ggvt @y3sterdaysproblem —

[isuckatwritingsobenice]

Hello! I really like your writing! If it's not too much trouble, may I request headcanons for Alastor and Vox (separately) with a reader who's like Yor Forger "Thorn Princess" from the anime Spy X Family? They can be human, demon, or both. That's up to you! Thank you very much!

Warnings: none

Navigation!!

Thorns

Alastor would be instantly captivated by someone as multifaceted as you. At first glance, your charm and grace would seem like traits he could admire from afar, but the hidden lethality beneath your poised demeanor would absolutely thrill him. He thrives on complexity and chaos, and discovering that you’re a master assassin would feel like unearthing a rare treasure. He wouldn’t be scared of you; if anything, he’d be delighted by the dark elegance you bring to your craft.

Your ability to compartmentalize—switching seamlessly between polite, unassuming behavior and deadly efficiency—would fascinate him. Alastor would likely notice your duality almost immediately. His supernatural intuition wouldn’t let him overlook the way you carry yourself, the way your body language shifts depending on the company you’re in. The moment he catches you in the act of your deadly work, he’d applaud. Not mockingly, but as though witnessing an artist at their peak. “My dear, such finesse! You’re not just effective—you’re graceful. How inspiring.”

He would become a strange sort of ally, neither fully interfering with your work nor staying entirely uninvolved. He’d enjoy giving you cryptic hints or sharing information about potential targets, just to see how you’d handle it. However, Alastor would never make things easy for you; he’d enjoy testing your adaptability, putting you in situations where you’d have to blend into Hell’s chaos while maintaining your cover.

Though Alastor isn’t the type to coddle or openly protect someone, he’d take a certain pride in your independence. The fact that you don’t need him to save you would make you all the more appealing to him. If anyone dared to exploit your moments of vulnerability or threaten you, he’d consider it a personal affront. His retaliation would be swift, theatrical, and completely over the top—if only to remind everyone that you are not to be trifled with.

In quieter moments, he’d revel in your company, intrigued by the glimpses of insecurity or self-doubt you might reveal. If you ever expressed guilt or questioned the morality of your dual life, Alastor would assure you in his own twisted way that your complexity is what makes you extraordinary. “A killer with a conscience,” he might say, chuckling. “You truly are one of a kind, my dear. Keep spinning your web of lies and blades—it’s a masterpiece in motion.”

On the other hand, Vox would be drawn to you for entirely different reasons. Your elegance and subtle charm would immediately catch his attention, but it’s your deadliness that would make him stay. Vox has a taste for flair, and someone who can blend lethal efficiency with grace would strike him as the perfect combination of danger and beauty. He’d see you as someone who can rival his own sharpness, and that would make him want to know everything about you.

When Vox discovers your identity as an assassin, he’d be stunned but impressed. “You? You’re the one who’s been taking out high-ranking demons? Damn, sweetheart, I underestimated you.” Vox would admire your ability to move unnoticed through high society, flawlessly maintaining your cover while eliminating targets. He’d want to be involved—not because he thinks you need help, but because he’s curious and enjoys the thrill of watching you work.

Vox would often offer to lend his expertise, suggesting ways to use his technology to make your missions easier. He’d insist on creating gadgets for you, like a weapon disguised as jewelry or a hidden communication device to keep in contact during your jobs. Though he trusts your skills, he’d feel better knowing he can watch your back, even from afar. “Don’t get me wrong, I know you’ve got this, but let’s just call it… insurance. For my sanity.”

He’d also be drawn to your softer side, finding your kindness and occasional awkwardness endearing. Vox would tease you relentlessly about how someone as sweet and polite as you could also be a deadly assassin, but there’d be an undertone of genuine admiration in his words. He’d especially enjoy watching you navigate situations where you have to switch between your personas, marveling at how effortlessly you transition from deadly to demure.

If you ever felt conflicted about your work, Vox would take a more reassuring approach. He’d remind you that the world is full of people playing roles, and yours just happens to be deadlier than most. “Everyone’s got a part to play, babe. You’re just better at it than the rest of us. Own it.” His support would come with a bit of playful arrogance, but his words would always carry sincerity.

Vox would be more protective than Alastor, though he’d try to mask it behind his usual bravado. He’d insist on being involved if he thought a job was too risky, even if it was just to make sure you had a backup plan. The idea of losing you would unsettle him more than he’d ever admit, so he’d channel that fear into ensuring you’re always prepared.

Both Alastor and Vox would find your duality irresistible, but their approaches to your relationship would be vastly different. Alastor would see you as a kindred spirit, someone whose complexity matches his own love of chaos and performance. Vox, meanwhile, would view you as the perfect partner in crime—someone who can keep up with his wit and energy while matching his flair for the dramatic. Both would respect your strength and independence, but they’d also take pleasure in the rare moments when you let them see the vulnerable side of yourself that you keep hidden from the rest of the world.

[marvelandponder]

I'm gonna speak from my experience and it's probably going to be different than OP's and that's okay

I had super bad social anxiety from about 10th grade through most of university. I straight up believed that if I didn't have anything "worthwhile" to say, it was a burden to say anything at all, because then you'd be subjecting people to a painfully awkward social interaction they didn't want

So basically everything I had to say wasn't "worth it" and I felt like I was failing every social interaction, or cowarding out by hiding myself away when it became too exhausting

I think over the course of those years I had about 4 or 5 therapists?

Each was helpful for different reasons but the one that was the most helpful was a guy who had me write out what I believed about socializing. And we picked them apart until we got to the underlying truth

The one that really stuck out to me was we basically got to a point where he was like "so you believe human beings are inherently judgemental"

That didn't feel right. Like, yeah, we have automatic passing thoughts, but most people don't really care about what's weird with others for more than few seconds. Then they're focused on themselves again

So that stuck out to me as a belief I could revise. Where were examples of when people didn't care about me being awkward or not knowing how to socialize?

We devised a plan to test the new theory

I was in university at the time, and there were scheduled meet ups in our LGBTQA+ centre's on campus. That seemed like a pretty safe place to try things- I had even been there before

So I went. I went a few times. It was still tough sometimes but I started to feel more safe saying things, contributing to set discussion topics, or just being quiet when I didn't have anything to add (and not beating myself up for having nothing to add)

That built a little bit of confidence, then I had a few job experiences that helped too. At first those sucked - I would have panic attacks sometimes. But then around the time I was doing this therapy, I got one where I could tell my managers first thing, hey, I've got anxiety, this is what it might look like if I have a panic attack. And I didn't have a single one that term, or the term after.

I built up confidence just by reinforcing my new beliefs that people really weren't as hyperfocused as I was. I became more social - I had a cubicle of three other students around me, so I joined in on their discussions and even had a good time

Fast forward a few years, I'm now more comfortable and confident in any social situation than ever. I call with friends every week, I go out with my partner and do all sorts of stuff together, I have this huge community of people around me in all kinds of capacities!

I'm not you, and what worked for me isn't gonna be what works for you. Also? It's valid as fuck to not be in a place where you can at all comfortably socialize with any human beings at all, and to be there for so long that you just straight give up. Or maybe it's all you've ever known

That's fucking valid and you don't need to feel ashamed for it. And also, in my personal experience as someone who couldn't socialize without anxiety for several very formative years, people can become social

Doesn't mean you have to, or that one is better than the other. I'm just saying I was in a big doomer place before about my own ability to socialize and if I was talking to my past self, she'd be so fucking relieved to hear that things get better and she doesn't have panic attacks about talking to people anymore. She actually likes it

people are way way too generous in assuming that you can just “learn to be social” and everyone will welcome you with open arms and forgive you forever for all the years you spent not talking to people. sorry no. if you don’t start out social you never get the opportunity to become social. people assume that’s just how you are and treat you accordingly, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy

[blkkizzat]

I've been holding this in for a while but the latest "lets flood the x reader tags with posts complaining about what writers write" has pmo to my limit. allow me this please and i will put the rest under the cut...

for the love of god please stop calling people on tumblr, especially smut writers/enjoyers, 'porn addicts' because you sound like an uneducated, highly sheltered, dumbfuck.

i'm sorry but you sound slow and like you have zero life experience. and it seriously makes me question if you are a minor hiding behind an 18/19 age tag. (because it is always y'all especially saying this).

do y'all know what addicts are? have you ever had an addict of anything in your life? do you know what that entails?

What IS a porn addiction.

being an addict means your entire life is centered around your addiction.

it means your work, school, home and general relationships with everyone in your life is being negatively affected by this addiction

It means if you are driving/taking public transport, you watching porn.

out with friends or dinner with family? you're sneaking away to consume porn or reading smut.

At work/school, you watch or read in the background (think of all the stories of kanye west in adidas boardroom meetings literally having porn playing in the background while they discuss shoes... insanity and i can only imagine the amount of paperwork HR had to do to ensure no one would gets sued).

Overall, you are constantly consumed by the urges to consume smut/porn and its the main priority in your life. THAT is addiction.

What is NOT a porn addiction:

It's not after a long stressful day of work, school, and just surviving in this fucked up world (especially if you support yourself 100% and pay bills) wanting to decompress and escape by writing, consuming or enjoying smut/hentai/porn about fictional characters.

hell it ain't even a porn addiction if to fall asleep or decompress you need to self-soothe rub one out to it at night to relax to smut or hentai or porn links.

It's more of a reflection of a fucked up world who majority of people are so stressed because they can barely afford a living or have no access to mental health services, let alone medicines, or maybe they have all that but they also are just trying to exist in a country that either wants to take all their rights away or see them d3@d. it could be literally anything that causes them stress and they just want some relief and endorphins. that is not an addiction. sure its not the solution to their issues, but its helping them get by and they are perfectly functional without consuming porn.

now COULD there be some people on this app who do have porn addictions? Sure, but those aren't the people you know about who are taking the time to write fics, or engage with others or be apart of the community. they are likely just blank accounts liking/reblogging so they can just binge all day.

and low key the once or twice i did see someone say "they had a porn addiction" they literally just sounded like the actual root of the issue was depression and using smut/porn as an avoidance to dealing with issues. BUT it didn't quite qualify as an addiction because they were easily able to disengage cold turkey and not have it negatively effect them when they did decide it was getting to be unhealthy. thats also not an addiction, maybe heading towards it but not there yet. addiction means dependency you dont have a dependency if you are able to give it up easily.

wanna hear about someone who actually had a porn addiction i've personally seen? so storytime...

i've worked in media most of my career. at one point i worked for the mouse's sports company (think about it lol should be obvious). for orientation i was flown out to big HQ. everyone is given a tour of the facilities where they film everything at. also we saw behind the scenes. you know in tv/movies you see those dark rooms where producers/editors sit during a live broadcast? those rooms. so at this company they allow people to see into those rooms without disturbing them (as they could be live on air) as there is a dark one way type of mirror so you can see in, but they cannot see out/see hallway light that would be distracting.

one of the jobs in the production rooms at this sports company is a sports analyst. now this aint no easy job to get, it is probably one of the hardest jobs in the entire company to get, harder than executive interviews, as they open applications once a year and there is probably 6K+ applicants for that ONE position. your job is to feed the sportscasters sports facts live as they are on air. 95% of what you give them has to be off the top of your head, so you literally just have to know hundreds of random sports facts and just be able to give that to them at a moments notice. its a very respected job in the company cause these guys know their shit and study sports facts for years to get this position.

so wouldn't you know one of them had a porn addiction.

on my tour, literal first day at the job, and we were walking by one of production rooms. there sitting at the back row, so the row we can see the easiest that is in front of the windowed mirror. he is literally sitting there with three monitors: whats happening live on air, random files/notes, and then hardcore porn of this woman getting fucked from all angles by like different men. He wasn't even jerking. He wasn't even looking at it. He was just doing his job like having that porn up was the most normal thing in the world, like it was a fuckin podcast lmfao. LOL our tour guide was so scandalized, she immediately rushed us away from there and phone in on her walkie talkie. (it was a kiiii though me and this other guy were trying not to laugh but i was literally in tears trying to hold it in. i think other people thought i was crying cause i was upset but it was just too funny but i had to play it off cause people got yelled at for laughing).

but the sad part is i heard later that the guy didnt even realize he had it up. that watching porn was just so normalized to him and something hed do all the time he didnt even think that he had pulled it up at work. Now he fucked up his dream job and is unemployeed with a super niche skill having to provide for his family and i think he had like 3 kids too. He'd studied 5 years straight to get that job and he blew it. THATS what addiction looks like. That's how it can utterly destroy your life. Even an addiction that is not drugs can physically destroy you can still tear apart your life.

I don't think anyone who calls people reading smut on tumblr 'porn' addicts understands that. nor do you have the proof to know what people do outside of this app to know how it is or isnt consuming their life.

this was long and alot but i needed to get his off my chest cause some of y'all really be pmo by how ridiculous you sound throwing around the term 'porn addiction' please grow tf up, quickly.

imma start blocking y'all saying it too cause regardless of your age im going to assume you are a minor cause theres no way an actual adult with any kind of education or life experience is saying this shit.

cut it tf out.

xoxo, Kali.

p.s. this also includes haters of twt porn links saying people who like/enjoy them have addiction. im callin' your dumbasses out too.

[starlighttsv]

i’ve had some people asking about fics so here’s everything in my drafts and in my notes app

drafts: (have a post ready, just need to write the fic)

sick - p and a take care of blakely while she’s sick requested

pretty girl - p and a take time off school to go see the #2 espn pick after azzi requested

2 girlfriends? - p and a ask blakely out requested

secret admirer - r has a secret admirer and that so called secret admirer just happens to be her best friend requested

secret - p and fudd!reader date behind azzi’s back requested

i got all i need - p and a decided to go out for all holidays for rory including valentine’s day

state championship - the bueckers and fudd family go support their granddaughter/niece at her state championship requested

basketball practice - paige watches saylor’s first basketball practice back after being grounded from it for two weeks requested

i can’t do this again - blakely gets hurt during a game against the connecticut sun with the whole uconn wbb team in audience

christmas getaway - p,a, & b get a cabin for christmas break a few hours away from the dmv - only driving there for christmas eve and christmas

valentines getaway - p and a take their disney obsessed girlfriend to disney world

jealous jealous girl (smut version) - 🤗 requested

someone to stay - p x gf!reader

notes: (do not have a post ready for them: they just sit in my notes app until i write the ones in my drafts)

gf!reader/gf!oc:

x reader:

Sick - Jana x Reader requested

spoiled - Jana x Reader requested

Period - P x Gf!reader

Clingy - P x Gf!reader

oakley - nothing yet!

paige’s daughter:

x reader - nothing yet!

willow - nothing yet!

lilah - nothing yet!

paige’s sister

x reader - nothing yet!

taylor - nothing yet!

kaleigha:

Big East Media Day - pt2 to senior night

Sick - kaleigha is sick and paige takes on her big sister roll and cares for her

pazzi (poly)

x reader - nothing yet!

blakely - all in my drafts

pazzi’s daughter

x reader - nothing yet!

rory:

Bowling w/the huskies- cute moments with p&a + the team

Knicks game at MSG - cute moments with the team at the game

Off Day Mornings - p&a’s morning with a 10 month old

Gaming cuddles - fortnight cuddles!

Sick - rory gets sick at paige and azzi help her

WNBA Draft - paige takes rory to the 2025 draft with her

Ro’s first steps - rory takes her first steps at a uconn game requested

saylor:

What is going on with you?! - Saylor comes home in the evening drunk

No car for a month - P & A take Saylor’s car and keys away from her, after she snuck out while the were asleep requested

Why? - Azzi finds a vape in Saylor’s room requested

big sister - saylor finds out she’s gonna be a big sister requested

i’m sorry, WHAT? - paige and azzi get a call from saylor’s school saying they found her smoking weed requested

bad influence - saylor brings her bf home and p&a think he’s a bad influence (he’s the person that gave her the weed) requested

transferring - flashback fic to when paige and azzi told saylor she was moving schools requested

breaking point - saylor finally breaks requested

acting out - paige and azzi figure out what’s going on requested

you’re not a disappointment- paige and azzi get saylor to talk and finally what’s going on in her head requested

pazzi’s sister

x reader - nothing yet!

avia:

i don’t like me - paige and azzi find the younger fudd crying in the bathroom requested

platonic x reader/oc

x reader - nothing yet!

x oc - nothing yet!

new ocs:

stepmom!paige + mom!azzi : don’t have a name yet

azzi’s sister / samantha logan : don’t have a name yet

i know a lot of people aren’t gonna read this post but if you have any last minute requests send them in (it can be for team members, paige, pazzi’s daughter anything on my masterlist)

and if you want to be on the tag list for everything or just a certain group of fics lmk

[wintfleur]

𝓒OSMIC LOVE

aka iris’s profile

━━━ ❛ I took the stars from our eyes and then i made a map

ꪆ୧ BASICS .ᐟ

name: iris elle auclair 

nicknames:

rissy (close friends) 

izzy (friends) 

ellie (family) 

bambi (brothers) 

birthday and zodiac: november 13th 2003, scorpio 

age: 21

location: 

paris, france (born) 

montreal, québec canada (former) 

new jersey, united states (currently) 

ꪆ୧ APPEARANCE  .ᐟ

eye color: green 

glasses? iris does not need glasses, but she does like wearing non-prescription glasses as an accessory, finding ways to match them with her outfits. 

hair color: dark brown 

hair styles: iris usually likes to keep her hair down at mid-back length, either it at her natural wave or straightened. But she likes to put her hair up in a ponytail or bun to get her hair out of her face, often putting her hair in one or 2 braids ��� even in low pigtails. 

skin tone: ivory 

height: 5’4 

scars: none 

piercing(s): both of her front lobes, bellybutton 

tattoo(s): none 

face claim: elizabrowne_

ꪆ୧ ABOUT  .ᐟ

personality: iris has a charming and sweet personality, she’s on the quieter side but despite that her presence is strong, people just naturally gravitate to her. She’s been described as someone you can always count on, someone who you can talk to for hours about anything. Iris's spirit animal is a deer, she's someone who is gentle, kind, loving and innocent. She can also be very playful and energetic, she loves to tease her friends and family. She prioritizes her intelligence and learning new things, and she loves finding new ways to express herself through art and writing. Just overall a very sweet and smart girl.  

good traits: creative, kind, comforting, warm hearted, organized, charming, helpful 

bad traits: self critical, people pleaser, often over works herself, clumsy 

quirks: gets stressed when her things aren't organized, says random facts, rants when excited, doodles on anything, hums to herself a lot, taps her nails on things, switches between french and english when she gets excited or overwhelmed, always fixing her hair 

likes: snoopy, getting her nails done, going on walks, rain, studying, library, deep cleaning her apartment, reading the newspaper, cloudy weather, autumn, stephanie soo’s youtube channels, collecting snoopy related things, miffy, horseback riding, crocheting, playing guitar 

dislikes: feeling sweaty, people disrespecting the people she loves, her neighbor across the hall, being the center of attention, overly crowded places 

hobbies: reading, baking, cooking, journaling, chess, scrapbooking, photography, guitar, coloring, golf, stitching, dancing

fears: snakes, drowning, heights 

strengths: creative, quick to help when needed, detailed and organized, hardworking, kind, multitasking 

weaknesses: not good at speaking up for herself, perfectionism, her anemia 

languages spoken: english (fluent) french (fluent) korean (learning)

occupation/profession: a student at princeton university ; majoring in journalism and history, works at her aunt's bakery 

ambition/dream: to live a long and happy life 

current concern: learning how to skate 

currently listening to: never let me go – florence + the machine 

ꪆ୧ RELATIONSHIPS  .ᐟ

parents:

louis auclair

gabrielle auclair (nee’ braun)  

sibling(s):

arthur auclair 

hugo auclair 

close relatives: iris’s closest relative is her paternal aunt, aunt opal. 

best friends: louis hofmann, ethan yoon, lara myers, bailey bass 

friends: louis partridge, blanca soler, lily chee, luke’s friends and brothers, charlotte seo, and more 

love interest: luke hughes 

pet(s):  a male brown British shorthair cat named, moose 

ꪆ୧ MORE .ᐟ

scent: in the words of her closest friends and family ‘sweet and comforting’ she either smells like flowers or warm pastries or her signature perfume chanel number 5. Her scent is very welcoming and lingering, not overwhelming at all. Her comforting scent goes perfectly with her warm personality. 

outfits: iris has a very large wardrobe. A few staple items in her wardrobe is; mini skirts of any style, boots of any kind, sweaters, and short dresses. She really takes her time in picking her outfits, she loves expressing herself through them. She's known to have a great sense of style, always looking her best. Here is a link to her wardrobe. 

accessories: iris doesn't like to over-accessorize with her outfits,  but she has a ton of different accessories. She loves changing bags, and having cute little pins, keychains etc on them. She loves wearing glasses and sunglasses, scarves, earmuffs, gloves, leg and arm warmers etc. using them to make her outfit look the best.

jewelry: iris doesn't have a favorite between gold or silver, she loves both. The only new jewelry iris gets is from gifts. She prefers getting jewelry from thrift shops, through her family etc. She loves jewelry with gemstones/crystals. She likes to layer necklaces, wear multiple rings and bracelets at a time. 

makeup:  iris doesn't really use a lot of makeup. Mostly just her eyelashes, eyeliner, a little bit of eyeshadow, some blush, and then her lips. Sometimes she likes to add some highlighter on her nose, cheeks, and in the corner of her eyes. Its very ‘natural makeup’. 

sexuality: bisexual 

health issues?  iris has severe anemia 

ꪆ୧ FAVORITES .ᐟ

food(s): potatoes, muffins, chicken wings, macaroni and cheese, soups, any pastry really 

drink(s): cherry limeade, hot chocolate, arnold palmers, coffee

color(s): browns & reds 

animal(s): deer, bunnies & cats 

bands and artist: imogen heap, laufey, hozier, florence + the machine, creed, clairo 

show(s): gilmore girls, the walking dead, kim possible, the snoopy show, stranger things, the last of us 

movie(s): harry potter, lord of the rings, inception, twilight, scooby doo 

person: luke hughes n moose 

ꪆ୧ BACKGROUND .ᐟ

a heir to his fathers business, louis auclair, meets a new inspiring fashion designer, gabrielle braun, during a party in france – which was the start of their relationship. After 2 years of dating they got married. Living in a beautiful château in France. 

in 1998 they had their first son, arthur. And then in 2001 they had their second son, hugo.

and then in 2003, they had their last child and first daughter, iris. 

when iris was 5 her parents put her in ballet  and made her start golf lessons, doing competitions/tournaments for them both. She was naturally talented at them both – she stopped dancing at 16 and continued to golf competitively until she was 18.  

iris and her family moved to montreal, quebec for 2 years, because of her fathers work. from when she was 12 to 13. 

iris lived in France with her family until she turned 18, moving to New Jersey for college, having been accepted into princeton. 

she lived in a dorm for her first year at Princeton before moving into her own apartment. 

ꪆ୧ FUN FACTS  .ᐟ

iris is very family oriented, very close with her family. 

iris is known to not be a very good skater, her clumsiness not helping at all! 

she was a child model and modeled all throughout her teenage years, but stopped in 2021. 

iris has a love hate relationship with scary movies/shows, she cant watch them alone or in the dark 

iris works at her aunt opal’s famous bakery in New jersey. 

she has a obsession with playing minecraft & stardew valley 

moose (her cat) is 4 years old, he's her baby

iris has always been a big fan of anything apocalyptic/dystopian, her family and friends teasing her for being a nerd about it. 

iris prefers rainy/forecast over sunny weather

iris has a big sweet tooth, especially for candy, she always has a good collection of sweets in her apartment. 

iris is an excellent cook/baker. She loves trying new recipes, and she loves cooking for others! 

she loves making meals and treats for her neighbors. She has a great relationship with all of them besides her neighbor Emily, who for some reason hates iris. She's extremely petty and rude to Iris, but is ‘nice’ to her in front of others. 

iris and her close knit group of friends love having little hang outs every week, either at her apartment or they go out to do something together, usually to their favorite bar or go to karaoke. 

iris is at the top of all of her classes, she's very passantie about learning. 

iris absolutely loves thrift shopping 

she always has her headphones with her, listening to music or an audiobook 

her favorite Disney movie is Lemonade Mouth, the soundtrack is one of her favorite albums and she could recite the whole movie if she wanted to. 

her best friends are extremely protective of her, she's the baby of the group! 

iris has a huge collection of vinyl’s, most of them being from her father who gave them to her. 

has been told a few times that she has an old soul. 

She writes in her journal every single day. 

her favorite things in her apartment are ceiling to floor bookshelves, her brick wall and her large windows. 

iris gets sick easily

has never passed out because of her anemia but does have to get iron infusions every once in a while. 

she likes to keep up with dancing, going to the dance studio to rent out a room every other week. and she still likes to go golfing. 

iris is very popular on pinterest, spotify and tiktok. 

when she gets stressed out she likes to do puzzles or color. 

iris’s main instagram is @/iris_auclair 

iris’s private instagram is @/snoopybrainss

iris’s private twitter is @/snoopybrains

ꪆ୧ VISUALS  .ᐟ

ꪆ୧ POSTS N MORE  .ᐟ

iris_auclair just posted !

liked by dylanduke25, trevorzegras, nicohischier and more

🏷️ lhughes_06, laramyersss, baileybass, ethan_yoon

🎵: hella good - no doubt

iris_auclair friends night out 🍻

view all comments

jackhughes why am I never invited to these things 😕

iris_auclair ur like….old 😕

laramyersss my ears are still ringing from you and ethan’s singing

iris_auclair I’ll never be able to talk the same 😩

ethan_yoon JEALOUSY TURNING SAINTS INTO THE SEA 🎤

louishofmann looks like fun ❤️

iris_auclair I’m already planning the night out when you come to visit!!

OfficialGabrielleAuclair oh my darling girl you look beautiful. Your father says to answer his texts, he sent a meme? what is that?

hugoAuclair LMAO MA 😭

OfficialGabrielleAuclair Do not ‘lmao’ me Hugo.

iris_auclair I answered him maman 😭

OfficialGabrielleAuclair why are you guys crying?

markestapa look at that handsome man 😍

iris_auclair oh I’m looking 😵‍💫

ethan_yoon awe thanks guys 🤓

markestapa who’s gonna tell him…

username that pic of luke….oh I fell to my knees 😍

username BAILEY IS GLOWING 🤭

username name a more iconic friend group 🧏‍♀️

iris_auclair mystery inc!

baileybass ethan is a freak for chasing us with that sword.

ethan_yoon you weren’t having fun?

iris_auclair no eth we weren’t 😭

edwards.73 my invite must have got lost in the mail huh

lhughes_06 sorry bro, sent it to the wrong ethan

iris_auclair LUKE 😭

Arthurauclair that’s a lot of alcohol 🤨

iris_auclair lara is an alcoholic

laramyersss IRIS WTF 😭 everyone knows I don’t drink

iris_auclair I PANICKED 🤷🏻‍♀️

louispartridge taking a flight rn just so I can be at the next one

iris_auclair next one is at Ethan’s!

louispartridge actually I think I’m busy

ethan_yoon louis ur literally in love with me shut up ✋

username I love how Iris’s friends are all so close with Luke

username Iris you look so pretty

username can Luke fight?

lhughes_06 I can and will ✋

lhughes_06 how are you so good at cards??

iris_auclair arthur taught me and then made me go against the old people at the park to get candy

lhughes_06 so he used you….

iris_auclair big brothers am I right?

lhughes_06 ur the prettiest to ever exist 🤩

iris_auclair wrong because that’s actually you my love 💗

roro’s note. IRIS MY LOVEEE ☹️ I feel like out of all my ocs she’s definitely the most like me, I really hope you guys like her!! Please send in some asks mwah 💋

𝓶y 𝓵ove 𝓶ine 𝓪ll 𝓶ine 𝓶.list

˖ ་ taglist : @winterbarnesblog @toasttt11 @cixrosie @iceflwers @lesrflms @bunbunbl0gs @lovings4turn

©️WINTFLEUR ; you can't copy, translate, reproduce, repost my fic, use my plot or layout.

[late4the-party]

Many things I want to say, I hope I won't forget anything. I'm not part of any mob. It's just me, one tiny blog that if people had taken the time to look at they'd see how little I post. Please, do take a look at my archive. At the beginning I had made only three posts about TDP. I'm not a blog dedicated to this show. If the first blog that reblogged my post hadn't done that I bet no one would had noticed my words. I didn't want this to blow even more so I had muted that post. I'm still getting notifications, so I guess the muting didn't cover my reblog too. I would like to mute the whole thing now because the more I reply the more it will really look as if I were part of that mob. And I don't have the time nor the interest in making a campaign against the show. I just wanted to speak my mind and that be it. Btw, taking a quick look I saw someone saying that if I don't like the show then just don't watch it. I did take it out of my list after I finished the season. I'm genuinely surprised when I read you saying that there's a mob wanting the cancellation of the show. At Rotten Tomatoes it is rated with a 100% likes. At twitter I just found three comments in Aaron's tweets. And a couple of videos at YouTube. All these expressing their discontent, not promoting cancelation. Maybe that mob is mainly just on Tumblr? If anyone reading knows of a website or an app that helps finding a person's comments on other people's posts on Tumblr, check me. I'm not on the look out for new posts related to the show, throwing hate on those who think different than what I think. I don't do that. I see your point in how my words are contradicting themselves. What I meant was this. If they have material that cannot be covered in say 5 seasons, they need 10. Ok. Go, present your project and leave it there. I don't like when they see their show doing good and then extend it more and more seasons. Stretching the story through filler episodes.

The show premiered in September 2018. That's 6 years, 4 moths ago. For 5 years, 10 months it was going to be 7 seasons long. People has complained about how the story slowed down after season 3. If there hadn't been filler episodes I would had thought "Ok, no biggie, they just didn't plan correctly". But those filler episodes,... it's hard not to think that they are trying to stretch the story as much as possible to get as many seasons approved as possible. To gain as much as possible. Filler episodes don't contribute to the development of the story. They build nothing or very little. Now, how to stretch the story and not get the fans bored? That's what I was talking about when I first wrote about them just giving us cute moments with our favorite ships. It's no secret Netflix in general only approves 3 seasons. They approve more only if a show is doing incredibly well. There have been many shows that even after ending in a cliffhanger they didn't get approved. This is no secret. Aaron cannot claim ignorance on this. They could had ended the story in season 7 as they had originally planned. They could had chosen not to slow the pace. They took the risk of not getting renewed. With that tweet Aaron is trying to get the fandom to pressure Netflix into approving more. Sorry but he do is manipulating the fans here. I think it's so clear I don't understand how people are choosing not to see this. About what you wrote about offering criticism. I did write a previous post mentioning some points about season 7. Previous seasons to that I didn't have the blog to write them on. In this previous post there's something that will be contradictory big time: Among other things I wrote how the show deserved a better planned ending or end it with a movie. At that point I didn't know Aaron wanted that 3rd arc. Someone's comment on my post made me aware of it. I checked his twitter and saw that message from him. My head went through all those thoughts that I explained after the Facebook screenshot. I got mad at him. Again, he could had chosen to stick to his original 7 seasons plan. (Sorry to be repetitive) If every episode had been loaded with things that were really building the story then I wouldn't had gotten mad. It would had been bad planning. I cannot see how this is not greed from his part. That's what changed my mind from "come on, at least one movie to give us closure", to "no, no green light so other show creators don't start doing the same". As I mentioned in my first post, this is not the first show to do this. There is one other who has been using this same technique. It is frustrating seeing a show starts being so good and then slowly turn into this. "What? Did I say 3 seasons? No I meant 7." Then on season 6 "Did I say 7? I meant 10". The story is affected by this stretching but most of the fandom are so obsessed they don't see that. They don't care. It's frustrating seeing this. Do you really think ATLA would had been as epic as it was if that same story had been dragged for 10 seasons? That's what I'm against of. That's my reasoning. @lawchan89 I never wrote that they don't deserve to have jobs. Don't change my words please. I agree that there is a lot of unhealthy toxic behavior is going on in social media. Believe me when I say part of me wishes there were no social media at all. Or at least that creators didn't listen to it. On one hand because there are some who have altered their stories just to do fan service. On the other hand because all that fanatism is what fuels this never ending series. "The fans are loving it! See how you can stretch the story!" I did say I didn't like season 7. And as I said before I had muted the notifications. (didn't know I also needed to mute my reblog or I wouldn't had seen both of your comments) I did remove the show from my list. I seriously think a future trailer could make me want to retake the series. There's a chance this will start more reblogs from other ppl. I don't want to keep this soup cooking any longer. So I may need to mute this too.

Thanks for reading.

It is normal to develop some emotional attachment to fictional characters in a TV show or a book. It is not nice of him to use that attachment to keep his show going, to keep making profits.

This is not the first time a show creator does this. They add beautiful moments with the couples that we love to keep us obsessed and asking for more. And there we go falling for this manipulative trick. I’m so glad I found that tweet by Alexandria. Be conscious of this people and have a little bit of pride in yourselves. Don’t let them use you to keep making more money.

Seven seasons was more than enough to develop a great story with a satisfying ending. I’m sorry but I hope Netflix won’t greenlight more. Creators and producers need to stop doing this.

[she-whatshername]

this is dark so i get if you don’t wanna go there but what would xaden, garrick, bodhi and liam be like comforting a reader who just went through a traumatic experience?

Don’t we all need a little comforting after this weeks past events in the fictional and real life non fictional world. I’ll try my best to keep this light, and full of comfort. Because I know they’d all be such gems at this.

Xaden:

I have not finished Onyx Storm so no spoilers but wow, I did not realize what a fucking sweetie Xaden is

Yes, I am late to the party on this, but I bring the best snacks so let me in lolol

I could see Xaden reacting one of two ways when he finds out about the experience

One - he loses his beautiful fucking mind and goes hard on revenge. Trying to keep calm while you explain but simmering on the inside. In fact he doesn’t let you finish before he gets up, kisses your forehead and walks to the door to take care of business. Whoever or whatever hurt you, its their last time

Two - he’s in comfort mode. Pulling you in to a deep hug, kissing the top of your head. Running soothing circles on your back or just listening quietly, giving you space to talk. He’s so fucking gentle with you.

I also think Xaden’s got a plan up his sleeve for you. If you’re at Basgiath and say, you go through something traumatic. You loose a member of your squad, you just get out of RSC interrogation, etc. You know you can’t break in public, so you’re holding it in. So, he takes you into the forests that surrounds campus after classes wrap and towards a clearing. Unbeknownst to you, you walk right into a warded dome that’s hidden to the eye. The dome is soundproof. You turn, realizing he’s on the other side and start pounding to get out. But Xaden is there, lifting is fingers to say “No one can hear. Grieve, scream, punch the barrier. You’re safe. Let it out. I’ll be here when you’re done.” He turns to give you privacy, and you spend the next fifteen minutes doing just that. When you’re done, you sign at him to release you, and he pulls you into loving embrace

Garrick

This man. This dimpled man right here

This sweet giant

Like Xaden, he’s thinking revenge. And will probably use the leverage he has either on campus and as Xaden’s right hand to see it through.

But what I love best about the made up facts I made for Garrick is that I bet he is the best diffuser.

I have a scenario I need to finish writing but i image that you’ve experienced the trauma and you’re not alright. You’ve been wounded during a patrol during the Riorson House days and you’ve fallen after getting stabbed in the side. You’re in shock, panic and pain taking over you. Garrick is at your side in an instant, cupping your face and in his hands, “Baby! Baby, look at me…there you go. You’re alright, you’re alright - no. No you’re not going to die. I’m here, yeah? You have to breathe, I know it hurts but look at me. Take a breath…good, good - don’t close your eyes, love. Keep them here, on me, okay? Don’t be falling asleep on these good looks, the boys will never let me down for this. Help is coming baby, Hold on…”

I’d be like “okay!” Lolol

Garrick also seems like someone who would give you space. He wouldn’t be constantly at your side but when you pass each other or at meals he’s always looking in your direction and waiting for you to give him indication that you’re feeling better or not.

Bodhi

A true sweetheart

Kind

Caring

Gentle

Compassionate

And maybe a little protective, but we need that now. And he’s ready to give it to us.

Bodhi is such a great combination of knowing what you need and giving you confidence to say what you want.

I totally imagining him sitting next to you saying “How can I help?” And if you’re too shocked or scared to say anything he’s asking, “I have a few ideas in mind, can I try something?” And the moment you nod he’s giving you exactly what you need to help feel calm and protected. He just knows you that well. If affection and touch is what you need, he’s pulling you close, and wrapping his arms around you, physically putting himself between you and the outside world. His embrace is protective.

He’s also in full caretaker mode. If we’re in the Aretia days he’s pulling you into his room, drawing you a bath in his private bathing chamber, setting out clothes for you to wear and helping you get in bed to rest. He’s bringing up food from the halls, and picking up on any missed assignments or missives.

He will also just cancel his schedule if you need him to. If part of taking care of you is being with you, done. Everyone else can wait.

At bedtime, he’s curling up next to you, kissing your shoulder and rubbing your back to help you sleep. If you need space, the bed is your’s and he’s curled up on a chair at you side for when you need him.

Also I know his bedside manner is just top tier. The way this man will give your verbal affirmation after verbal affirmation. Yes.

Like Garrick can help bring your emotions down, Bodhi is helping to lift you up

Liam

Very much like Xaden i believe

But i think what Liam excels at is distracting through storytelling.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed with the trauma. Whether you are healing body or mind he’s sitting next to you, carving up something and just talking. He’s got a story for every emotion you may be feeling. If its grief, he’s telling you about the days when he lost his parents, or losing contact with his sister. If you need a funny story to distract you, he has one of those.

I can imagine he throws Xaden under the bus if you will, sharing a funny story when they fostered together at Xaden’s expense, “And if Xaden can fall on his ass and get scared shirtless, you can too, love. We’re human after all.”

Though, he’s also giving Xaden praise as well, “If I didn’t have Xaden…I dont know how I would have gotten through those years after my parents, after being taken away from Sloane. But, just like Xaden was there for me, I’m here for you. I’ll always be.”

[loveswrites]

Hi! Hope you are doing well !🫶🏻

I was wondering of you maybe could write a poly! Volturi fic? I really like your work 🫶🏻

Winter War Poly Volturi X Reader Pt 1

Word Count: 800

Time it took: I can't even tell you I don't even remember ngl I just finish it today.

To anon: Hello my love, I am doing well I hope you are as well and if not I hope you will be when You read this. I am so glad you enjoy my writing! So Here you go. I hope you enjoy <3

“No you can’t go.”

“I’m the queen! literally, why wouldn't I go?” You yelled. You had been fighting with your loves for about 30 minutes now. There was this ‘war’ coming so said Cauis. A girl named Bella and some vampire Edward had ended up long story short making a baby. It's not human and now it’s our problem. They had made a ruckus before in the castle but you had only caught the end tail of it, And by it I mean the fight. The only thing that could be heard besides Bellas scream and Edwards threats were your “Damnnn!” and “Shit you getting your ass beat!” And that was that.   

But now you're hearing about them again and they have been the only names who have been running through the dry cobble walls of the castle. And you're sick of it to say the least. Bella this, Bella that, Edward this, Edward that, The Baby, I’m sorry the monster. That’s all you’ve been hearing, It’s like you're in high school all over again. You graduated so why does it feel like this? 

So when you heard about them preparing for a fight you were the first one who was up and ready to go. Finally end this long drug out gossip and let you go back to your everyday life of being a queen. But to your surprise you were immediately told no. You’ve barely ever been told no since you met your loves. So you’ve gotten used to always hearing yes so at that moment when you didn’t, you didn't know what to do with yourself besides look at your loves like they lost their minds because excuse you? 

What do you mean no? Maybe becoming the queen had something to do with this new found spoiledness you had. But it’s not your fault that they promised you the world with everything you wanted inbetween. 

You thought as queen you had the right to be at these meetings or wars. And you were told that you do. So excuse me for having only one thought run through your head. 

Why can’t I go? Why can’t I go? Why can’t I go? That’s all that has been ringing in your head. 

“It’s not safe!” Alec yelled back at you. Making you immediately roll your eyes. 

“You act like it’s ever been safe for me!” You yelled back. Why would he say that like it’s an excuse or something new?

“You can get hurt.” Jane said also not agreeing with you going. 

“I can get hurt everyday! I could get hurt now, I’m human!” You yelled, taking a breath to add to your statement but you were cut off

“Exactly human! You're human! How could you possibly help us during this time like we need your help or anything?!” Cauis yelled.  

“Morale support! We all need it!” You yelled back.

“That doesn’t help us if someones trying to take our head off.” Felix stated.

“I don’t know, it might help me.” Dem said shrugging. 

“Oh my.” Marcus groaned, shaking his head with his eyes closed.

Long story short the world can only give you what you take from it. As you walk through the thick cold fluffy snow you can't help but feel proud of yourself. Your childish thoughts are filled with I got what I want. You can't tell me. You knew like hell this was extremely dangerous and you could end up more than dead to no return. But the fact that you've been crowned queen and you've never stepped out to come with your loves to settle a.. disagreement with other vampires upset you. How can I be worthy of being queen when I never get my hands dirty? Not even once. That's why you fought so hard to come here today with your loves. You also couldn't help but think fucking hell it's cold as shit out here. Your toes grew numb with every step. Which prompted you to turn and ask the closest one of your loves.

“So Are your toes constantly numb?” You asked Caius. Who immediately sighed deeply.

“You beg to come here and yet you ask such a stupid question.” He replied, speeding up his walking knowing damn well you won't be able to catch up to him.

“Hey It's not a stupid question! I'm genuinely concerned about the blood flow in your toes! It's important!” You yelled at the back of his head which he shook.

“Okay you can pick me back up, I don't want to walk anymore!” You said to no one in particular. 

“About time.” Jane picked u up and all you could hear was the loud whistles of wind in your ear.

Let's go see what all the drama is about shall we?

[nhl-stories]

i'm not sure that you want me – Kent Johnson

Summary: Kent's confused. About nothing. About everything. Mostly, he just wants someone to give him the answers.

Author’s Note: Someone sent in a request that just said Kent Johnson. Gender. I didn't really know him before but somehow his weirdly, pretty bug face broke me out of my writing rut. So thanks anon, I feel like i could have explored so much more but had to rein myself in

Word Count: 6.8k

You still live in Columbus right?

Kent gets the text after a particularly grueling rehab session, he’s out to lunch with the boys and a little tempted to order a drink to take off the edge off the day, even if it’s only 11 AM.

A second text buzzes in before he can answer.

I could google but thought I’d get it straight from the source

It had been a while since they texted each other, the last text telling him to get well soon in February. Not that they ever really communicated a ton. It was mostly when either saw something that reminded them of the other.

Like seeing one of Kent’s old teammates at a basement party doing something stupid.

Yeah, trying to come visit?

They hadn’t actually seen each other in person in a year or so. When he went back to school to get his ring, and that was only a brief hello when he had a million other obligations.

Trying to move just got accepted into OSU law school, it would be nice to have a familiar face

Kent doesn’t know how to respond right away. With the injury he feels a little more lost about his future. Not playing the last months of the season makes it harder for him to get traded, and he’s pretty sure the new contract in the works with Columbus will work out. But he really doesn’t know.

Wow congrats, lmk if you need anything I probably won’t be much help though

He doesn’t want to make any promises.

You’re saying my friend who is strong enough to move my furniture and rich enough to get me a nice meal after can’t help? What a ripoff 🙄

Kent can’t help but smile, unfortunately that gives Silly a chance to pounce.

“Who’s got KJ all smiley at his phone?”

The season has been a grind for everyone, not just Kent who’s had to helplessly watch from the sidelines for so long. They take they’re laughter when they can get it, Kent just made himself an easy target.

Adam peers over his shoulder, “You texting yourself? Getting that desperate?”

“It’s a different KJ,” he deadpans while he feels his face warm, “a friend from college.”

“Is this ‘friend,’” Silly obnoxiously uses air quotes, “hot?”

Kent rolls his eyes and throws a balled-up napkin at him. Slips his phone in his pocket to respond to later.

++++

KJ had lived in Columbus for almost five months before meeting up with Kent. In part because of the off season, but they had a hard time locking down plans. First a coffee meetup that fell through, then lunch, then she excitedly suggested they get drinks since they were both actually legal now.

KJ said they would be in the park after work and they could walk to a place. He found her reading on a bench. If he hadn’t followed her location pin, he wouldn’t have been sure it was them.

He had checked her Instagram before he left to see a more recent picture than what he had in his head. They don’t post a lot, even less of pictures of them, mostly books, plants, or friends. The last picture was a blurry picture of people dancing on a table, he couldn’t even pick out KJ if he tried.

Her hair was much longer than the last time he saw them, it had been shorter than his and dyed a blue that was so dark it was almost black. Now, it was mostly a light purple, except the blonde roots. Kent wasn’t sure if she was a natural blonde. Can’t recall what shade her shaved head was when they first met.

That was when their Women, Gender, and Sexuality professor paired ‘Katrina Johnson’ and ‘Kent Johnson’ for the first project of the year and as she slid into the chair next to him, said ‘you better not be one of those dumb jocks who drops this class before we finish the project.’ Kent didn’t even try to joke about how he took this class because he heard it was easy and could tell his teammates he had to leave to study women.

And that’s how boy KJ met girl KJ, which they would amend months later: ‘I’m really more of the girl-ish KJ, emphasis on -ish.’

KJ doesn’t notice him walking up so he takes a seat beside her before saying anything.

She jumps a little before a smile breaks through, “holy shit I forgot how low your voice is.”

KJ shoves the book into their backpack, the same beat up maroon JanSport he remembers from college. She reaches over and Kent thinks she’s going in for a hug, but stops turning when they touch the ends of his hair.

“And your hair is so short! People won’t confuse us for a cute lesbian couple anymore,” she faux pouts.

Kent rolls his eyes but can feel the upward quirk of his lip, “Shut up.”

“What? I liked when my friends would ask me about the cute, butch girl they saw me walking around campus with. It was good for my rep.”

Their smile doesn’t wane, “I’m glad we could finally meet up.”

Then she moves in for the hug, it’s a bit of an awkward angle while they’re still sitting. But they squeezes him tight, makes him think about the last time someone really hugged him. Probably his mom, before he flew back to Columbus.

They walk to a bar nearby, KJ asks Kent about his summer, training camp, how his shoulder feels.  When they get to the bar, they both get carded; she elbows him excitedly like they’re getting away

He finds out they’re deferring law school for a year, hoping to get some more savings for food and rent before getting more student debt. Currently she’s part-time clerking at the ACLU and some other law firm that pays better but they seem iffy about the work they do. Then volunteering at a queer community center closer to her apartment and campus.

Kent worried that once they caught up on life basics it would be awkward, they got along pretty well at school, but they didn’t actually have that much in common.

Before meeting KJ, Kent hadn’t even spent a lot of time with women who weren’t interested in him, for hockey or romantically or a combo of both. It had been a nice change of pace when KJ came into his life, but that didn’t mean it would work outside the limbo of college life.

But the awkward moment never comes.

They keep talking until KJ looks at their phone.

“Shit, we’ve been here for like 2 hours. You probably have other things to do.”

“Not really, do you want to get dinner?”

Kent takes them to one of his favorite restaurants, it’s another two hours before they wrap up the evening. Kent’s cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

KJ gives him directions to her apartment; he pulls up into front of brick building, it’s easy to tell how close they are to the college now. When he turns after putting it in park he sees KJ staring at him, looking up at him while she leans on the console.

“KJ?” They bat their eyelashes.

“Yes, KJ?” His throat feels dry.

“Are you going to invite me to a hockey game?”

He can’t stop the snorting laugh that comes out.

“Um, yeah.”

She raises a brow like she’s expecting more.

“Do you want to come to a hockey game?”

“I’d love to! You probably don’t know your schedule off the top of your head so just tell me when you know some dates.”

“Cool, have good night.”

KJ leans further in for a hug, whispers against his ear, “I’m so happy we get to hang out again.”

They pull away and ruffle his short hair again, then kisses his forehead before he can even process what’s happening. He watches them walk up the drive and disappear through the door.

++++

She told him he was pretty once. Honestly, probably more than once, but the first time is what he really remembers.

Kent doesn’t know why that’s the memory that’s pinging around his head while he’s taping his stick.

Going over to KJ’s to off-campus apartment to work on their assignment, she had answered the door in a silk robe before leading him into the living room and plopping on the floor with notes on the coffee table. She sat cross legged on the couch facing him, flashing her underwear that he would have described as a ‘laundry day’ pair.

KJ started talking about what readings they could cite, like there wasn’t a borderline stranger in her house while she was half naked, like she had never felt self-conscious in her entire life. He had never met a girl like that before.

“I know I don’t look it, but I like sports,” she’s painting her toenails while trying to make a point about how masculinity hurts men too, “how do you think I knew you were a student athlete? You don’t exactly look like typical jock.”

Kent widened his eyes at that, “what’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know,” she grabs his ankle and moves his foot closer to her, he has a hole in the big toe of his sock, she slathers a layer of purple glitter polish on the exposed nail.

She looks up when she’s done, “You’re really pretty for a guy.”

He wasn’t sure how to react, he didn’t get a chance because one of her roommates came in.

“Whoa Cage brought home a boy,” the new girl fist pumped with a wicked grin.

Then she’s crawling into KJ’s space, kissing her on the mouth, slipping a hand under the opening of her robe and groping her chest. KJ smiled into the kiss, Kent felt a vague lecherous swooping in his stomach, he felt a bit like a pervert for not looking away. But really, he wasn’t sure if wanted to be KJ or the roommate.

He shakes the thought out of his head, he has a game to focus on.

The game starts out well enough, despite the time apart, playing Owen is still weird. Maybe extra weird since his head seems to be stuck in Michigan today. But he gets an assist on the first goal, and his head snaps back into focus.

And then as quick as it comes together, it falls apart.

When he falls, he immediately knows something is wrong, a sinking feeling of déjà vu. Surgery, rehab, months away from hockey; it’s a dizzying thought and he forces himself off the ice and down the tunnel before it becomes overwhelming.

The trainers gingerly take him out of his top gear, give him a fairly thorough look over to determine he’s definitely out for the game. He’s poked and prodded while he watches the teams trade goals. The useless feeling from last season starts to rear its ugly head.

The second period ends and so does the exam. He’s not going back in tonight, how long he’ll be out to be determined later. For now, he can take some pain meds and the rest of his gear off.

The guys are in the locker room when he starts to undress, he gets a few pats on the knee, most of the guys try not to give him that ‘sucks you’re injured’ sympathetic smile, but a couple slip through. A knee jerk reaction.

His phone is buzzing incessantly in his locker, like an annoying bug in his ears. Once he’s down in his base layers, he just soaks in being around the guys as they hype each other up for the last push. The sour feeling in his belly makes him worry he won’t get this any time soon.

Once the guys are back on the ice, he pulls out his phone. A text from his mom, some of the Michigan guys all hoping he’s okay.

The last one’s from KJ: That looked nasty, let me know if you’re still up to meet up afterwards, no pressure

He had gotten her a pass that would let her down to the family room, and he doesn’t want the night to be a total bust for her. He gives her directions on how to get downstairs before taking a shower, hoping to wash away some of this awful feeling.

The Blue Jackets win, which feels like a consolation prize for his shitty night. That and he’s given a free pass to skip any media obligations, since his injury is still of an uncertain severity. No one even seems to care that he leaves without changing back into his game day suit.

He turns the corner towards the family room and sees KJ talking to a group of WAGs.  They’re having an animated conversation like they’re all longtime friends. KJ looks up and sees him, quickly saying bye before she comes running over, their high ponytail swinging until they pull up short on Kent.

“I was gonna hug you, but that’s probably a bad idea,” They hold out a fist to bump instead.

“It probably doesn’t mean much since I’m clearly bad luck, but I had a lot of fun.”

“Injuries happen, not your fault. Besides you saw me at school all the time and I never got injured there.”

“Excellent point, we’ll have to do further research when you’re better,” she grins up at and he can’t help but smile back at her.

“Yeah, and you made some friends,” he nods towards the girlfriends who are still talking, maybe shooting subtle glances their way.

“Oh yeah, they just saw me awkwardly standing around and asked who I knew. Said we’re friends from college and as you can see, I’m wearing a pretty gay outfit so they definitely don’t think we’re dating.”

He looks over her outfit and can’t really point out what of the baggy jeans and jacket over a vintage CBJ t-shirt that looks like it’s seen a thousand washes is really gay, but he’s not really the expert. He thinks maybe it’s the Doc Martens before his eyes catch on the pins: A bright rainbow flag and one that says she/they.

He realizes he probably should have just responded, said something like ‘I don’t care if they think we’re dating.’ Which overall, yeah, he doesn’t particularly mind, he’d get equal amounts of chirps for his singleness or if he had a new girlfriend.

“Do you want to get some ice cream?”

“Huh?” He shakes himself out of his head.

“Ice cream? People tend to like to eat it when they’ve had a rough day, and you, KJ, have had a rough day.”

“Yeah, sure.”

KJ directs him not to an ice cream place, but a grocery store. Buying two pints by claiming ‘my treat’ before they end up on his couch. She lets him put on the Kraken game and talk her ear off about Matty and how teams across the league look for the new season.

When he starts to nod off, KJ takes his pint and puts it in the freezer and gives him a kiss on the cheek on the way out. He falls asleep forgetting about the pit in his stomach from earlier.

++++

The injury is deemed day-to-day, but the doctors seem to think it will be about a month before he gets the all clear. The dark pit in his stomach grows a little deeper. Sure, he doesn’t need more surgery or anything. But it doesn’t feel great going down two games into a new season. The season where he was finally going to prove himself in the NHL.

He goes home and eats the rest of the pint ice cream for lunch, because it’s not like he has to play tomorrow or the day after that or even the day after that. The feeling subsides for a bit, but it gnaws away enough that he has to leave his place. Before he knows it, he’s parked in front of KJ’s house.

He hasn’t been inside, just dropped her off. He rings the bell of the middle door he’s seen her enter. There’s an almost eerie silence after the ringing stops, he thinks about pressing the button again but then hears someone coming down the steps.

KJ opens the door in a fuzzy red robe.

“Hey KJ, this is a surprise,” they smile up at him.

“Yeah, I- uh- had a shitty day and wanted to see if you wanted to hang out?”

“I’m just watching TV in bed, if that interests you? My roommate is sleeping before she goes to work so we just have to be quiet.”

Kent takes off his shoes and follows them up the stairs and to the room off the kitchen before he has a chance to really look around. There’s a small TV on top of beat-up trunk at the foot of the bed that KJ hops back onto, getting comfy against the pillows and headboard.

Her room is lit up with pink-ish fairy lights, that kind of hide the clutter around the room. But he can’t stop from staring at strap on hanging on the wall, a graduation tassel hanging off the yellow harness.

They look between Kent and the wall, trying to hold back a laugh.

“It was a graduation gift for the seniors at The Spectrum, for graduating with honors. Like Some Cum Loud, it’s embroidered on the harness.”

She raises an eyebrow waiting for him to finally make eye contact, they can’t tell if his cheeks are actually pink or it’s just the lighting. He finally flicks his eyes toward her.

“That one’s never been used. The one I use is in a box under my bed,” KJ can’t hold back the giggle this time and gets a twisted smile from Kent in return.

They pat the spot next to them on the bed and wait for Kent to unclench a bit and get on the bed. Moving around some pillows trying to get comfortable.

“We’re watching Girls, it’s problematic and a little annoying but also iconically messy,” they press play without any room for discussion or comment.

And the pair drift into a comfortable silence. KJ fans her hair out on the pillows, it’s damp and will probably dry funny. Kent wonders if it’s soft.

An episode ends and new one begins before KJ finally says something.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Kent shrugs, when he speaks his voice croaks more than usual, “not really.”

KJ hums, doesn’t say anything for a moment, then twists her body to face him. The slit at the front of her robe doesn’t move, revealing her pale leg all the way up to her hip and the pink underwear she has underneath.

“Do you want me to paint your fingernails?”

“No.”

“How about your toes?”

Kent scrunches his face, “No, I’m good.”

“I could braid your hair.”

“Do you need an activity?”

“I don’t know, I don’t have boys in my bed that often.”

“And that’s what you think boys in your bed want to do?”

She shimmies he shoulders, “no, I know what boys want in bed…”

Kent feels his face heat up, he didn’t mean to imply anything.

“But this has more slumber party vibes.”

They suddenly sit up onto their knees, and bounces on the bed, she brushes up against Kent’s thigh.

“We can order pizza and gossip about boys… well probably girls in our case.”

“I could go for pizza… not the gossip though.”

KJ adamantly slaps his thigh, “oh come on, you’re a professional athlete you’ve gotta have some fun stories from the road or something.”

He can’t stop the crooked smile in response and KJ knows she’s got him.

“I’ll find a way to crack you open, just you wait KJ,” they raise their brows a few times before grabbing their phone to look at pizza places.

And suddenly this is how most of Kent’s nights unfold. He’s still keyed up from not being able to play, watching from the press box helplessly, desperate to get out and skate. But it seems more manageable when he can pick KJ up from work and out to dinner or for TV in her bed or his couch.

He never really had a distraction outside of hockey before. He had class or studying at Michigan but that mostly meant hanging out with his teammates with books open in the athlete study hall or on rare occasions, the library. He tried to fill his empty injury time last season with reading, but it still felt like work for hockey when it was mostly books about mindset or other athletes.

This is different.

KJ smiles when he casually brings it up, that he likes having someone outside of his hockey bubble.

“Dumb, jock boy learns about work-life balance,” they laugh and goes back chopping vegetables in his kitchen.

He doesn’t bring up that he liked hanging out with her in college in the same way. That they only lived in the same place for about nine months and some of his time with KJ is still his fondest memories.

He liked when she invited him to parties.  Ones that didn’t always blast the same music he heard at the hockey house. Where people asked where he was from or what his major was rather than how was the Olympics or when are you leaving for the NHL. Liked that they talked about things he didn’t know anything about and didn’t make fun of him (much), just told him in a way he could understand.

He’s glad he gets to have this with KJ for the foreseeable future, even if it’ll less frequent when he gets back on the ice.

“Are you going to be playing again next week?” She dumps the vegetables in a frying pan.

“Probably not, I think I’m going to be able to practice maybe, or at least skate.”

“That’s exciting! And I hope maybe you get to play sooner than you think, but if you’re not, do you want to go to a ‘Boob Voyage’ party with me?”

“A what?”

“My friend is getting his top surgery, so we’re throwing him party to say ‘ta ta to his tatas.”

“Clever.”

“It’s not your usual crowd, but it’s basically gonna be a college party at a place with a less sticky floor. And I’ll make sure no one posts anything with you on social media, just thought maybe you could meet some of my friends.”

She says it a little too fast, like they’re nervous. Something Kent’s not sure he’s ever witnessed. He can’t tell if it’s nerves about him saying no or him meeting their friends. KJ has met a couple of his teammates; Adam lives nearby and is coming over for dinner in a few minutes.

“Sure, I’ll go,” and it’s worth the answer just to see her smile.

++++

“Maybe you don’t need to change, you’re dressed like a lesbian,” KJ laughs when Kent opens the door.

“What?”

“I have that exact outfit in my closet,” they laugh pointing mostly at the Birkenstock clogs he’s been wearing since he left the rink.

A retort dries on his tongue when KJ takes off her coat. She’s wearing a white sweater vest with nothing underneath, only the top button holding it together. The loose knit not hiding their dark, rosy nipples underneath.

Thankfully, KJ doesn’t seem to notice the staring.

“Do you mind if I finish my makeup while you get dressed?” She’s holding up her purse, shaking its contents in his face, “But no pressure, you can wear that, you’d fit in pretty well.”

He rolls his eyes and leads them up to his bedroom, a place they haven’t been to except for the brief tour he gave during the first visit.

She walks into the ensuite like she owns the place, leaving the door open and looking at Kent who feels like he’s helplessly staring.

“You can give me a little fashion show if you’re not sure what you’re going to wear, but whatever is probably be fine. James, who’s party it is, is totally basic dude fashion.”

Kent nods and wanders over to his walk-in closet. He tries not to overthink anything while he flips through his hangers.

Once he’s dressed, he leans in the bathroom door until KJ notices.

“Oooh, I like the red, very The Ohio State,” they smile at the bright red button down he’s wearing over a cream shirt.

Kent rolls his eyes and moves to go back to his closet.

“You can’t be mad at me for being an Ohio native. But let me try it again. Go Blue! And you look very Canadian, patriotic.”

“Better,” his mouth twists into a smirk while he looks in the mirror to fix his hair, after wearing a beanie all day.

KJ finishes applying mascara, one eye has swoosh of blue eyeliner and the other pink. Then jumps to sit on the counter, in between the his and hers sinks he doesn’t have a real need for.

“Let me do your make up,” it’s easier for them to bat their eyelashes when they’re thick and sooty like this.

Kent can feel his face contort in a look between confusion and disgust, he doesn’t even need to look up at his reflection.

“Come on, you’ll look so cute! I mean, you’re always cute but even cuter,” she pushes a lock of his hair out of his face, “I’ll keep it simple, just highlight your perfect cheekbones and a little eye makeup.”

She stares him down like she’s not going to beg, but she’s also not going to give up.

“Fine, but only cause you’re making me feel underdressed.”

He lets KJ rearrange him between their open legs, they grab his chin and positions his face the way they want. She gets the intense, focused look on her face when she starts. Her mouth hangs open a bit, their tongue pushing against the gap in their front two teeth.

Kent wants to put his tongue there, too.

He shakes his head like the intrusive thought will fall out, KJ laughs when it causes their brush to go off course. She uses her thumb to try and correct the mistake.

“All done,” they give his cheeks a quick squeeze together and hop off the counter.

She’s still standing in front of him, back pressed all against his front. Looking for approval from his reflection.

He feels kind of pretty.

His cheekbones look somehow sharper and softer at the same time, his eyes brighter than usual with sharp black eyeliner, a sprinkling of glitter at the corner of his eyes.

“Do you like it? I won’t tell anyone if you do,” biting their lip, looking a bit nervous.

Kent can only wordlessly nod, he doesn’t hate it and he’s not quite sure how he feels about that.

“Okay, let’s go.”

They arrive to the party and roar of cheers come with KJ’s arrival. They hold Kent’s hand while they make introductions.

“Let’s play beer pong, loosen you up a bit,” pulls him towards the table, let’s go of his hand for the first time since they arrived.

The beer pong is familiar enough to make him relax a bit. The balls are bright pink and they’re using champagne glasses, when they sink a shot it kind of looks like nipple. He guesses that’s sort of the point.

They win a game and KJ jumps into his arms to celebrate. He feels drunk even though he’s only had maybe one drink.

But then there’s shots and dancing where he can feel the heat radiating off KJ’s body.  

There are more shots and people asking Kent questions he normally would never think about, like how the NHL insurance is.

Another shot and then getting shoved into a rented photobooth with strangers.

He gets another drink and laughs from couch with KJ’s friends, KJ comes and plops half on the arm of the couch, half in his lap. His hand carefully rests on her hip.

“Cage, when you said you were bringing a straight boy, I didn’t think you meant your beard from Mich!” A bleach blonde woman Kent vaguely remembers meeting in college shouts from her chair across from them.

KJ flips her off, while she tells their new friends that they used to call them gay KJ and straight KJ after they learned he was in fact not a butch lesbian.

“I’m expanding our hetero horizons, we’re like one more shared ex-girlfriend from being an incestuous cult,” KJ laughs and slides completely into Kent’s lap

“You’re really enjoy that hetero exploration,” a man whose name Kent forgot catcalls.

“Guys stop! You’re gonna make him think we’re really narrow-minded gays.”

KJ laughs and wraps an arm around Kent’s shoulder, as the conversation ping pongs into another direction.

They stumble out into the street at about 2 AM, Kent thinks it’s the drunkest he’s been since college.

“My place is closer, let’s walk there,” KJ slurs and pulls him in that direction.

They’re arm in arm while they walk towards her place, it reminds Kent of the time KJ came to a hockey party and at the end of the night she begged for him to give her a piggyback ride home because she was so tired.

KJ fumbles with their keys and falls through the door with Kent on top of her when it suddenly opens. They both can’t hold back their laughs.

“Shh, shhhh, we don’t want to wake your roommate,” Kent tries to stop laughing.

“She’s working at the lab this weekend, we’re all good,” they start up the stairs after hanging up their coat.

Kent strips to his boxers and crawls into bed, he’s never gotten under the covers here. Just sat on top of the duvet with KJ like they were two teenagers worried a parent would walk in and assume the worst.

KJ comes back on wobbly legs, her hair piled on top of her head with a claw clip holding it in place, it looks kind of stupid. Their makeup is washed off and they’re wearing glasses that remind him of Owen’s, which is the last thing he wants to be thinking about right now.

Especially when KJ is crawling on top of him.

He’s about to say something when they move to hold his chin in place. Her thumb drifts up to his lower lip, nail pressing against the soft flesh. He sucks in a breath, their thumb drifts into his mouth.

KJ’s gaze is so adoring, he feels paralyzed by all the emotions going through his head.

She then brings a washcloth up to his face and gently wipes away the makeup. Kent hates that he has to close his eyes, like it’s breaking some spell that hasn’t finished casting.

When they pull the washcloth away, they tilt his head side to side, checking their work.

“Perfect,” KJ leans in close.

Kent has to hold his breath, tries to stop himself from being impulsive. Then KJ’s lips are touching his and he knows deep down it’s probably meant to be a quick peck, but he has to try or he’ll regret missing his perfect chance.

He grabs their hips with one hand and gently cups the back of her neck with the other. His grip is loose enough that KJ could break away if she wanted to, but instead they start to kiss back.

The washcloth slaps to ground while KJ moves to use Kent’s shoulder for stability. Their tongues meet in the middle and it all feels that much more intoxicating than any of the alcohol he had tonight.

Now that he knows she’s not pulling away he moves his hand at their neck down her chest. KJ hasn’t changed yet, and it’s easy to flick open the one button and expose their bare chest.  He grabs a handful and she moans into his mouth.

KJ can’t seem to hold themselves up anymore. Pinning Kent’s hand between their bodies. KJ is soft and curvy everywhere Kent is flat and firm, and their bodies seem to mold together.

“I’m sorry, I’m drunk.”

Kent’s suddenly cold and KJ seems to have flung herself across the room.

He doesn’t know what’s the right thing to say, he doesn’t know why KJ is apologizing; he’s the one who started this.

She’s taking off her sweater and pants, changing into their pajamas and all he can do is gawk like a moron, until they turn off the lights.

“I’m drunk too,” he finely says, lamely late into the dark.

“Good night, KJ,” she whispers into the dark.

“Night KJ, I had fun,” he whispers back, a hand reaches across the bed and squeezes his, it might as well be squeezing his heart.

++++

He leaves the next morning before KJ wakes up; a walk of shame for his actions, for the conversation he doesn’t know how to have, for the things he’s not ready to admit.

Then he’s back on the ice for a full-contact practice and there’s not much time to think about it. It doesn’t stop the guilt from stewing deep down in his gut, but it’s easier to ignore when he’s back in the lineup.

Harder to ignore when he gets a series of texts from KJ:

ur game is on at this bar

saw you score 🍻😘

 first game back baby 💖🥵💪

He knows he should probably invite her to a game now, make a peace offering that might make things seem normal. They’ve been texting like everything is normal, KJ sent him some pictures from the party. Maybe KJ is showing him mercy by ignoring what happened, maybe they don’t even remember.

He hearts the texts and talks about plans to celebrate with some of the guys.

They continue to live in ignorance while the guilt and confusion gnaws at his insides.

Then it’s shoved in his face at team’s Thanksgiving dinner. The first thing someone yells at him, “KJ where’s your girlfriend?”

He tries to play it off, making a joke about Fants who he carpooled with, it holds them off for approximately 10 minutes.

Zach’s fiancée, who had all of one conversation with KJ, asks him next, “Why didn’t you bring your girlfriend? Afraid of the full team interrogation?”

He doesn’t even know where to begin. That’s KJ isn’t his girlfriend? That they wouldn’t even be his girlfriend if they were dating? She would be his partner? Some other term he doesn’t even know yet?

“Um, she’s­ – they’re volunteering with some friends.”

“Okay, so not at the introducing to all the friends or spending holidays together phase, I understand,” she winks and walks away and Kent knows she doesn’t understand anything.

He gets a small reprieve with a week-long road trip where he feels so busy, that the plane-bus-hotel-practice-game-sleep repeat has never felt so good. And if he’s acting weird or aloof, no one comments. He takes it all as a win, even if they lose three in a row.

They lose the first game of the homestead; he wakes up to a text from KJ.

The washer in our building broke can I come do laundry?

It’s maybe the most innocuous thing they could have texted. He invites her over that night, offers to order dinner for them.

They come over in a pair of threadbare sweatpants and rainbow block M shirt, dragging a large rolling suitcase, pushing past Kent at the door to go to the laundry closet. They just start dumping things into the washer, pouring in soap, and ignoring Kent who doesn’t even know how to start talking. Even if there might not be anything to talk about.

She slams washer door and punches buttons until it comes to life, finally turning to Kent.

They cut their hair since he lost saw her. It’s almost as short as his hair, a choppy approximation of a mullet. It suits them.

“So, let’s sit down and talk about that kiss,” they come right out and say it, Kent chokes on his breath.

“You brought laundry for an ambush?”

“Our washer really is broken, so it was a good excuse. And I get free laundry done.”

He can’t fault her for that, let’s himself get pushed towards the living room couch to face the music.

“I’m sorry,” he blurts the moment they’re both sitting.

KJ bites their lip, her tooth gap barely peeking out.

“For what?” she says it so timidly, like she’s just as unsure about all of this as Kent.

Which can’t possibly be true, because they always know. They’re always so sure and headstrong. And Kent’s the one who misread everything, pushed himself on her without thinking about what KJ really wants. Only his own selfish desires.

“I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you when you were drunk, I know you don’t— you wouldn’t— I’m not—" he doesn’t know how to fill in that blank.

“You’re not what? My type?” Kent can only shrug, “and why’s that? Cause you’re straight?”

“I don’t know, I’m just confused,” he mumbles, can’t even look up to see what kind of expression KJ is making.

“Well having a crush on me does make you a little less straight,” KJ snickers and it makes him look up.

They’re giving him a sad kind of smile. He doesn’t know how to take it, but he doesn’t feel like he’s about to be reprimanded.

“And that’s what that was right? You have a crush on me?” Kent purses his lips, doesn’t want to make the wrong move.

“Because, I have a little bit of a crush on you too,” she puts a hand on his knee and squeezes, it’s electric.

“But you stopped us, and then apologized.”

“Being drunk isn’t usually a great starting point for big monumental changes between friends and,” she takes a big breath, “and I’ve never actually had sex with um—” they gesture in the general direction of Kent’s crotch.

“What?” Kent cocks his head to the side.

“I mean, I didn’t even know I liked boys until college and by then I was pretty comfortable with the lesbian sex and—"

“Didn’t you have a boyfriend like a year ago?” He remembers seeing something on Instagram.

“He was trans so… it’s not the penetration part cause, trust, I’ve had my fair share of penetration. I’ve given my fair share of penetration,” they ruffle their own hair while they ramble, Kent’s kind of endeared.

“And like the one time I gave a blow job in college I was like super drunk and threw up on his dick… so I went back to the lesbian sex because I’m good at that.”

He can’t hold back the surprised laugh. He’s not used to this squirmy KJ.

“So, the biological equipment is all kind of new to me; it’s soft and then it’s hard and then there’s a mess and—”

“KJ, shut up.”

Kent cups their face so she can focus on him.

“As much as I love you being the uncomfortable one for once, just shut up.”

She stares at him with wide eyes, waiting for his next move.

“Here I was worrying I forced myself on you and questioning my identity, and you’re having an existential crisis about my dick?”

Their eyebrows shoot up to their hairline, “you were questioning your identity?”

“We can circle back to that later,” he leans in to kiss them, before they can say anything else.

The first kiss was nice, but this one is great. There’s certainty behind it that makes Kent feel warm all over. He pushes KJ onto their back, her legs fall open and Kent slots between them.

After what feels like eternity, they come up for air. They tangle their fingers in his hair, keeping him from getting too far away. Her legs tighten around his hips, like she’s testing where the new boundaries might be.

The washer chimes that it’s done.

KJ kisses him once, twice then pushes him off to go to the laundry. His eyes follow her helplessly.

She comes back sans sweatpants, the t-shirt falling just past the tops of the their thighs, and stops at the foot of the stairs.

“I think your bedroom might be a more conducive learning environment,” she gives him a lopsided, shy smile.

He jumps over the back of the couch, scrambling towards them. He grabs their hips and pulls them back into a kiss, but stops before he gets in too deep.

“What if this ruins our friendship?”

“Eh, have other friends,” she has a wicked grin, Kent bites their lip in retaliation.