#Alder is N and Colress' dad now

[bespectacled-bookwyrm]

Alder: I was playing Dungeons and Dragonite with my kids and I tried to make an enemy sympathisable. I gave it a meaningful backstory so they would feel bad about killing it.

Marshal: Did it work?

Alder: No. When Colress, N, and Anthea were having second thoughts, Concordia said, 'It's okay, it's not real', and then they mercilessly brutalised the enemy for loot.

[raising-harmony]

[ In-person scene. ]

[Colress knocks sharply on an old wooden door. He's tired, he's low on patience, and he wants to get this over with. Behind him, all three of the kids linger in wait. While Anthea stands protectively in front of the other two, Concordia is doing her best to soothe and keep ahold of N, who is visibly shaking and pallid. He's glancing back like he's considering splitting off to hide away. All of them look slightly unwell, actually- the bite on N's hand hasn't been treated. Their hair is uncombed, and their skin looks sickly with a lack of flush, maybe due to their inability to eat, or just a lingering nauseous feeling in the wake of their anxieties.

... Colress looks at the kids, and then knocks again, harder this time. "Hello? Today, please!"

The door creaks open. Alder pokes his head out, expression neutral at first, but there's a concerned look on his face the moment he passes a glance the trio below. "Ah, um, hello. How can I help you?"

"There you are! Our good friend!" Colress immediately lays it on thick.

"Sorry, do we know each other?"

"Yes- kind of. By association. Doesn't matter," Colress waves his hand. "Who you DO know is Ghetsis, and right now, he needs a favor. Soo..-"

Alder furrows his brow a bit. He glances at the children again, and as soon as he does, his eyes light up with recognition. "Oh! These are Ghetsis's kids, huh?" He notices they really don't look well, but hesitates to comment on it. And what's this random guy doing with his ex's kids? "What's the favor? Is everything okay?"

"Ghetsis is in a bit of a pickle and desperately needs a last little minute babysitting help. You can do that for us, mhm? After all, he took care of yours for a bit."

Concordia perks up slightly, a tentative sparkle of hope in her eye. This is Ryuki's dad?

"Uh--"

"Wonderful!" Colress's smile strains, and he nudges Anthea forward. Concordia tentatively moves to follow suit, trying to pull her brother with her, but N isnt receptive in the slightest. As Colress attempts to "help" the girl by grasping N's shoulders and pushing N along, the boy plants his feet in the ground with a stifled yip, and his shoes leave drag marks through the gravel. He starts shaking harder.

"Woah, I didn't agree to this. I kinda need more context here.."

"Yeah, well, I kinda need to get going, so if you don't mind--"

"Who even are you? How am I supposed to trust you exactly?"

Colress's eye twitches. He pauses, thinks for a moment, then sighs. "I'm Ghetsis's partner, Colress." He announces rather vaguely, taking a bow. As he comes back up, he adjusts his glasses. Alder takes notice of the fact that this guy is in a lab coat, for some reason. How weird. "And I'm trying to get everything situated after he sustained a.. bit of an injury, so to say. It's a last-minute emergency, I know, and we're both very sorry."

Partner..? Alder didn't know Ghetsis still liked masculine people... Wait, injury?

"Okay, bye now! Take care of them!" He drops their bags and suddenly produces a phone from his pocket, hastily pushing it into Alder's hands. Seems like it's a burner of sorts- its totally empty except for Colress's number, and Rotomblr, where it's already logged into the raising-harmony blog. "You can contact me through this in case of emergency. And if you could, I dunno, post updates about the kids or something while you have them, that'd be great. Bye-bye!"

Alder fumbles to avoid dropping the phone. "Wai-"

Colress is already taking off.

"......." Alder looks down at the three kids. They blink up at him. Anthea attempts to smile politely despite the weariness on her expression, Concordia looks as if she's trying to decide whether or not she can trust him, and N.. well, of course, he looks terrified. Alder's confused and a bit agitated himself, but the hurt, nervous looks on their faces soften his heart. He opens his door wider. ".. Hello, you three. I'm Alder."

Anthea steels her nerves and sticks out her hand politely for him to shake, which he does. She's always been the people person between the three of them. "Hello, sir. My name is Anthea. This is my sister, Concordia, and my brother, N." She bows about as deep as she can, hands gripping her skirt nearly white-knuckled. She's trying not to show it, but she's so stressed that she feels she may get sick. "Pleasure to meet you. Thank you for having us."

"Dad? Who's at the door? You're taking forever," Ryuki calls from within the house, poking his head around a corner. ".. Eh?" He trots over real quick. Both Anthea and Concordia wave at him. "... Why're Ghetsis's kids here. I thought he didn't want you seeing them."

"We'll talk about it later. Help me get their things inside, please."

"They look like shit."

"Language! Come on, son, you know better."

"Tch. Am I wrong?"

... No. He's not.]

[The False Dragon: End]

[cosmicourple]

*manifests into existence graphically & gruesomely* *walks over to mic* Pokémon A.U ideas I’ve had buzzing around in my brain for a bit (that I will also explain rlly poorly) haha cough dies:

-Sycamore & Diantha are funni siblings, Xerneas is their smooshy grandmother, real world mythology (specifically Norse) exists, Yveltal does not like Lysandre or his ancestors (…also Fae & similar forces exist & are hungry :))

-Rainbow Rocket keeps getting its arse beat by (some not so anymore) trauma fuelled children, Sycamore, R.S.E! Maxie & Colress are friends (and really should not of been God Save Us), the Ultrabeasts share one braincell (and Guzzlord ate it)

-the world is an unknowable horror filled with nothing but pain and suffering, forcing those who dare to think themselves above it and the power it holds to choke on their hearts, their voices, their thoughts, until all they can perceive is that nothing is for them and all shall be as it is, cursed and shattered because of arrogance and ignorance, tortured and twisted, swallowed up by the light and the fire that should not of been.. And oh how You should of Known, oh how You all should of Thought better than That and now you are Here and there will be no escape from The Voið øF Wħő Ý ò ų ÆŘß —- (AKA Cyrus calls an ambulance, the others eat shit, Lysandre gets scammed by love & Xerneas is a amazing mum AND baker 🥰)

-live family reunion

-“how to care for your now deceased lover’s (Xerneas.net) children and also teach them how to control their powers because they are the heirs of Nature plus how do you teach creatures with Natures Abilities how to control them when you yourself are technically Death incarnate (Yveltal.net)” (AKA Yveltal get’s reading glasses, Zygarde is very happy to be an uncle (figure only. -Yveltal) & Augustine n Diantha luv their dad :3)

-there are three (read many) different variants of Sirens, Maxie & Maxie won’t stop arguing, the Pirate Life was (not) for Lysandre, only in Ancient Greecetm

-three very important rule:

Be very careful what you wish for,,,

Don’t finger fuck reality.

Never ever let a group of villain’s children play a metaphorical-game-of-Russian-Roulette-as-a-represention-of-their-descent-into-and-inability-to-escape-the-life-their-arsehole-parents-somewhat-accidentally-pushed-them-into-and-then-building-off-of-it-to-create-something-objectively-more-dangerous.

-Augustine go’s to Hoenn for rocks, accidentally gains two husbands, freaks out to Diantha on the phone Malva chuckles as she watches from her comfortable spot on Dian’s’ bed. Her girlfriend makes such funny expressions when exasperated >03

-typical fantasy adventure turned sideways then promptly trampled. Augustine HATES the ‘damsel in distress’ trope, Lysandre just wanted to court normally, Cyrus is forced to third wheel everyone & Diantha is all here for the chaos 👍

-“Cynthia! This is suppose to be a celebration! Where is everyone?????” “Alder is in a coma, Sycamore is being held captive by Legendaries or something, Rainbow Rocket has gone cuckoo & Kanto (& soon the rest of the Southeast Continent) is basically fucked.” “😨” “anymore questions smartass?”

-the Ultrabeasts adopt Lillie + evolved, kinda not human anymore Lillie

-Eggman’s announcement but it’s Arceus (+ Cyrus w/ the Space Police (Ultra Recon Squad or whatever their called)

haha I’m gonna blow up one day :DDDDD

[ghostchanuwu]

Realizing that a LOT of people in AniRedux has mythicals/legendaries at some point

Leaf-Articuno (revenge buddies really said fuck dragons fr fr)

Lt Surge-Zapdos (given to him as an egg and has had it for the better part of 30 years now)

Brock-Mewtwo (for all of like 5 minutes lmao)

Prof Oak-Mew (they're besties)

Gold-Raikou (hasn't caught but they're chill)

May-Latios (ORAS ride style)

Steven-Jirachi (yk)

Wallace-Walking Wake ('but it's a Suicune I swear' MY GOOD SIR THAT IS A DINOSAUR) (he also had the blue orb for about half a second before it decided to scorch his arm and his left eye leaving him blind in it)

Zinnia-Zygarde 10% (she yoinked a gather cube from Devon Corp and turns out it had enough to make a doggo)

Winona-Shaymin (late ORAS arc,it's her little buddy that also wipes full teams)

Juan-Manaphy (Paldean Royalty/Aristocrat with a literal prince of the sea what could go wrong)

(Frontier Brains are the same except Noland's goes from Articuno to Moltres bc someone needs the fire chicken)

Dawn-Lake Trio (temporary bond in Distortion World)

Cynthia-Giritina (Volo 2.0 but isn't hyper destructive and is just a tiny bit crazy as a treat)

Cyrus-Palkia & Dialga- (temporary under the Red Chain's control)

Riley-Heatran (Mt Stark,Buck originally had it but handed it over since Riley is a much more experienced trainer)

Marley-Darkrai (has been with her since she was very little)

Cogita-Cresselia (ancient woman + moon duck = the best duo)

Hilda-Victini (literally everything about her character screams Victini)

Hilbert-Meloetta (pretty much his co-star on stage)

Colress-Genesect (let the man have his cannon bug he just wants to be silly)

N-Reshiram (BW story plus Reshi just fits him better)

Iris-Zekrom (need to go into AniRedux Iris more since her explanation is loooong)

Bianca-Virizion (PokeMas and also her finally coming out of her shell during Opelucid)

Cheren-Cobalion (he's a teacher but also unleashes everything he has worked for and trained for for the past 8 years on Plasma's asses)

Cedric Juniper-Terrakion (he may be old but he still has a promise to Alder he needs to uphold)

Rosa/Nate-Keldeo (the twins have a pony that is ready to rock)

Ghetsis-Kyurem (self explanatory,it freezes him after he loses lmao)

Sycamore/Diantha-Xerneas (hasn't caught but they have received its blessing)

Lysandre-Yvetal (temporary,he gets yeeted by it after the ultimate weapon fails to fire)

Serena-Magearna (it's the prize for becoming Kalos' top coordinator,it's a replica of the original color one with the only difference being instead of red it's rose gold)

Bonnie-Zygarde (Squishy is eternal,Zinnia 'donated' (Steven took it right before going to Kalos) her cube so Zygarde 100% could happen)

(Ash's legendary/UB encounters are the same from Alola)

Lillie-Nihilego (the counterpart to her dad's jellyfish,her's is shiny)

Lusamine-Pheramosa (PokeMas,it also took a liking to her)

Guzma-Xurkitree (he wants to catch it but the damn thing thinks they're playing 'Wheres Waldo' and its Waldo)

(Galar/Journeys legendaries are the same except Goh gets more Suicune screentime)

[tunasama13]

OKAY OKAY I GOT BACK INTO PLAYING MY OLD POKEMON GAMES, and *sighhhhh* holy fuCK-

Pokemon White:

- N MY BABY BOY WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE YOU AAAAAAAAA

- Bianca is a mood

- That. Fucking. Ranger. With the. Overpowered. Marcactus.

- I got into the game, tried to get my old team back together only to find that besides my starter, EVERYONE WAS UNDERLEVELED AS FUCK

- Did I mention how much I want to punt Ghetsis into the Distortion World? Giratina needs some dinner.

- (Not me headcanon N to be a half Zoroark AND biologically related to Lusamine, Lillie, and Gladion from his bio mothers side)

- NOT ME GETTING WAR FLASHBACKS IN VICTORY ROAD

- Elesa my QUEEN.

- I mayyyyy or may not ship Cheren and Bianca?

- Alder is N’s adopted dad now, FUCKING BATTLE ME.

- My game card was all fucked up because of my shitty DSi with an eternally dusty cartridge and me trying to scratch out the nonexistent dirt.

- Okay okay, TELL ME HOW I NOTICED THIS. Ghetsis= Lusamine/ N=Lillie/ The Sages= Faba x7/ Anthea and Concordia= Wicke(?) (sorry Gladion my baby 🥺)

- I will keep making connections to Team Plasma and the Aether Foundation until the day I die.

- ALSOOOO, the Juniper’s father-daughter relationship is wholesome as fuck.

- N has a boyfriend and a girlfriend, their names are Piers and Flannery (DON’T WORRY SHE’S 19 IN MY HC, also, she’s never given a specific age, and she looks slightly over 18?)

- I laugh everytime I defeat a Team Plasma grunt

Pokemon Ultra Moon:

- LILLIE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU INNOCENT LIL BEAN

- GLADION, MY EMO BABY BOYYYYYY

- Lana is adorable, BUT I HAVE TO TRADE A FUCKING EMOLGA TO MYSELF TO DEFEAT THAT DAMN TOTEM ARAQUANID.

- Lusamine is Ghetsis but she’s attractive and actually gets redempted, I STILL HATED HER FOR THE FIRST PART OF THE GAME THOUGH.

- Speaking of Lusamine, Lillie, and Gladion. I will die with my headcanon that they’re N’s biological aunt/cousins.

- Hau, YOU ANNOYING RAY OF SUNSHINE.

- Kukui and Burnet’s relationship is sooooo sweet 🥺 IF YOU TEAR THEM APART I WILL BEAT YOUR ASS

- I love how Kukui found Lillie washed up on the beach and went, “HONEY GET THE ADOPTION PAPERS”

- Nebby is baby, I would willingly adopt the scared cloud baby.

- I don’t know why, but that flying type Elite Four member pisses me off. WHATWASHERNAME???

- Guzma is a traumatized stinky gremlin, and I love that traumatized stinky gremlin.

- FABA CAN FUCKING FALL IN A DITCH AND DIE

- Ghetsis you asshole, HIT LILLIE AGAIN AND NEBBY WILL RIP YOU APART.

- Also, uhhhhhh, Ghetsis just threatened to murder his “sons” cousin.

- Wicke? More like, THICKE

- Oh yeah, my dumbass made my Pokemon player character Lillie and Gladion’s younger sister, SUCH A DUMBASS I AM.

- Nanu, Acerola. Stop giving me Killian and NBB vibes. ( @usernose )

- ALRIGHT N AND LILLIE SIMILARITIES. THREE TWO ONE GO!

1. They have mentally abusive fuckwad parents (except Lusamine got redeemed)

2. Lillie has Solgaleo/Lunala, N has Reshiram/Zekrom

3. They leave at the end of the game (in Sun and Moon and Black and White) WITH EMOTIONAL ASS PIANO THEMES

4. Obviously show signs of being abused (I’ve seen theories with N having bipolar disorder/Multiple Personality Disorder, and Lillie just has straight up PTSD in the manga.)

- Of course, in my HC, N is Lillie’s cousin, soooo...

- THE ULTRA WORMHOLE IS SOOOOOO FUN

- I have PTSD from that fucking Totem Araquanid constantly murdering my team

- Wh- Colress. WHAT.

- I felt so bad for Popplio 🥺

- The fucking contrast between the girl preschoolers and the boy preschoolers. The boys start bawling and throw temper tantrums and the girls are like, “YAY I LOST! :D”

- Gladion is baby boy, emo baby boy, protecc him.

- Illima gives me weird Aoyama vibes, and that’s okay.

[lesbianmichelmishina]

random thoughts on my pokemon magical girl/boy au:

the protags/rivals fuse with their pokemon to become heroes. it’s not rly like ash-greninja or mother beast though. maybe a bit more like su fusion?

their powers come from the legendary pokemon of the region in question, via these things called “hearts”, which are weird artefacts found at the sites where leagues are built. the champions (+ kukui and burnet) look after these and watch over the heroes. the powers are specifically handed out by talking electric rodents (plus a mimikyu that got hired bc togedemaru wasn’t around and silvally couldn’t hand the power to gladion itself).

geez this got long let’s put it under a cut

red = charizard, blue = blastoise, leaf = venusaur.

red signs his dramatic speeches. leaf and blue thought initially maybe he could try speaking with his charizard’s help, but he still can’t speak any human languages. fortunately he’s still able to trash-talk giovanni, who learnt sign language because you never know who you’ll be dealing with in his line of business.

also red accidentally caught the pikachu that was trying to give him superpowers bc he was like “wow a pikachu!! they’re rare!! let’s catch it!!” pikachu has never let him live this down.

ethan = typhlosion, silver = feraligatr, kris = meganium, lyra = azumarill.

silver got picked up by the spiky-eared and pikachu-coloured pichu bros first. they regret this decision right up until goldenrod when the character development starts kicking in.

lance: “why this kid though?” pichu bros: “well... he has a good heart deep down!! we just didn’t realise how deep down it was.” lance, getting out his #1 dad mug and a barbeque: “guess i’m going to have to handle this one myself.”

kris actually gets her powers last, they meet her in ilex forest with her bayleef.

may = blaziken, brendan = swampert, wally = gallade.

SORRY SCEPTILE. i love you but... can’t have two greens...

may loves this job way too much. wally is so determined to do this right. brendan... is just getting dragged along for the ride.

wally’s costume has a face mask designed to help his breathing as part of it, so he can stay active for longer than he normally could. it actually really helps his health.

archie and maxie are also getting way too into this. archie is enjoying being the big bombastic magical girl villain, and while maxie won’t admit it, he’s going very shiny-glasses-and-tch on the gang.

dawn = torterra, lucas = empoleon, barry = infernape.

barry has fire powers, arceus help us all. wait, this is partially arceus’s fault. fuck.

cyrus is your standard super fucked up why is he in this genre at all villain.

looker figures out who the trio are basically immediately, but promises to keep their secret so long as they work with him against the team galactic. they agree because looker’s awesome and fuck cyrus.

dawn very much enjoys using the move wood hammer.

hilbert = samurott, bianca = emboar, cheren = serperior, n = zoroark.

the nacrene museum affair is a complete disaster for n, who realises at the last second that the skull isn’t what they want, and then has to go magical boy mode with hilbert to get it back, which confuses the HELL out of the plasma grunts.

please imagine bianca punching ghetsis through a wall. it is a great image.

cheren thinks this is stupid but he LOVES his costume.

rosa = lucario, hugh = unfezant.

the first one is based on the pokestar studios first movie. rosa stars in a film about herself, playing herself, and almost no one knows. hugh and bianca die of laughter when they see it.

the second one... firstly he gets a pidove fast, secondly, that MASK. imagine it.

my apologies to hilda and nate. you guys are cool but i couldn’t fit extra protags in on this one.

serena = delphox, calem = greninja, shauna = chesnaught, tierno = clawitzer, trevor = florges.

they love this. they love this so much. it is the best thing that has ever happened to these kids. especially tierno. he quickly becomes known as the most graceful of kalos’s legendary heroes and he loves it.

trevor is in kind of an odd situation - everyone else has gender match-ups on their pokemon but he can’t. so technically “florges hero” is non-binary. it’s an interesting opportunity for self-exploration if nothing else.

serena would probably end up very usagi-like just for the joke in the names. meanwhile calem is a fucking ninja and he loves it.

shauna in a suit of armour. it’s so stupid. i love it.

moon = incineroar, sun = primarina, hau = decidueye, lillie = lunala, gladion = silvally.

LILLIE PLZ. GLADION PLZ. that’s just excessive??

sun and moon are twins. scary twins. meanwhile hau is robin hood. he just wanted a type advantage over his grandpa.

the plot would be some convoluted mix of sm and usum with necrozma and mother beast and all of that thrown in. 

episode rr is the movie where they get all of the teams together. giovanni is like “???” when he sees silver. archie and maxie end up working together because if they don’t then this tiny blaziken girl will destroy them both. cyrus has now seen it all. ghetsis laughs at n being there until he can’t fucking find anyone because of all the illusions, also it’s not funny to harass someone who is beyond the point of caring about it. lysandre cannot believe this is happening. faba runs screaming the moment the big fight starts.

fwiw: lance = dragonite (he adopts like seven unruly kids in this mess), steven = metagross (probably shiny for the aesthetic), wallace = milotic (most fabulous magical mentor ever), cynthia = garchomp (if you actually make her transform you’re screwed), alder = whatever his partner was in the past (you never see him change form), iris = haxorus (tiny princess girl with an axe), diantha = gardevoir (bow down to the queen or get moonblasted), kukui = lycanroc & burnet = musharna (they found the heart so they have to deal with it).

the villains also generally manage to imitate these powers with varying levels of success. giovanni manages it but doesn’t enjoy it. archie and maxie do fairly well because their pokemon like them. cyrus thinks it’s a weird but useful tool. ghetsis... max frustration hydreigon... it’s not pretty. n obviously nails it. colress never personally tries but it’s an interesting phenomenon all the same. lysandre also does well because his gyarados actually does seem to like him a lot. lusamine should not have tried this with an ultra beast. guzma goes all street samurai with his golisopod and it’s AMAZING.

[bespectacled-bookwyrm]

Alder: We call that a "traumatic experience".

Alder: *turns to Benga* Not a "bruh moment".

Alder: *turns to N* Not a "Major L".

Alder: *turns to Colress* And certainly not "oof lmao".

[bespectacled-bookwyrm]

Whumptober 2024 - 8

Summary: A tiny visitor informs him of a certain scientist's distress.

[bespectacled-bookwyrm]

Anthea: Where is everyone?

N: Colress had a nervous collapse, Alder is looking after him, and Connie's off planning ways to kill Ghetsis, so I’m in charge.

Anthea: Oh sweet Arceus.

N: I know, right?

[bespectacled-bookwyrm]

N: Hey. . . What's with these sweets Alder shared with us?

Colress: These are definitely Vitamin C supplement drops.

Anthea: He said these were his favourite sweets. . .

Concordia: Well, he won't be dying of scurvy any time soon.

[bespectacled-bookwyrm]

Alder: Okay, kids. Here are your rules while I'm out.

N: Oh, okay. These make sense.

Colress: "Don’t use the food microwave for science"? That's easy enough.

Benga: Gramps, mine just says "Benga, no".

Alder: *sagely nods* Yes.

Alder: And I want you to apply it to every possible situation.

[bespectacled-bookwyrm]

Whumptober 2024 - 13

Summary: Their usual routines aren't being followed, which meant something was wrong.

[bespectacled-bookwyrm]

What are your thoughts on N, Concordia, and Anthea? Just curious since you’re a fellow Pokémon fan :P

I find them all so fascinating, and they're characters I'd love to explore more through my writing!

Anthea and Concordia don't have much in the way of characterisation, but that leaves a lot of opportunities to fill in the gaps with headcanons! (And, in a way, their status as basically living decorations is a form of characterisation itself, no?)

I find N in particular interesting, and he’s a character I should really write about more; he’s such a fascinating fellow, especially with his ideals and innocence, and how both were influenced by Ghetsis' false truths and manipulations, which eventually leads to him finding his own dream to pursue.

Thank you for the ask! ^°^

[bespectacled-bookwyrm]

Alder's Adopted Family Cooking Skills:

Colress: Master Chef*

Anthea: Knows a few recipes**

Alder: Can follow instructions on the box

Concordia: Made toast once

N: Banned from the kitchen

*Curiously, despite being a very good cook, Colress is an absolutely atrocious baker - for whatever reason, things always seem to go catastrophically wrong when he attempts to bake; apple pie provides the most consistently decent results, but even that has a 50/50 chance of going wrong.

**Given time, Anthea will evolve into a Master Chef; her upbringing simply stopped her from flourishing. Now she's out of that environment, she will quickly blossom into an incredible cook due to a lack of restrictions.

[bespectacled-bookwyrm]

N: Colress and I were crossing the street, and this guy drove by and honked at us.

Alder: *sighs* What did Colress do. . ?

N: He chased him to the next red light, reached into his window, and. . .

Colress: Who wants a steering wheel?

[bespectacled-bookwyrm]

Ghetsis: *looking into the house through a pair of binoculars* There’s no point in me asking the Triad to poison all of the salad; as long as nothing stops them from eating the tomatoes, they'll die.

Colress: *staring at a tomato on his fork* Hm. . .

Ghetsis: EAT IT!

Colress: Hhmm. . .

Ghetsis: EATITEATITEATIT EAT IT!

Colress: HHHMMMmmm. . .

Ghetsis: EAT THE FUCKING FRUIT!

Colress: N!

Ghetsis: *scream of frustration*

Colress: Now that Alder's out of the house, we can skip straight to dessert!

N: Colress! . . . That's a great idea!

Ghetsis: I KNEW I SHOULD'VE TOLD THE TRIAD TO POISON THE WHOLE FUCKING SALAD!