#Alasdair’s bros are there too to help tho

[senditothemoonn]

Oh my gosh!? I can't believe you wrote all this it's so completely heartbreaking 😭 I'm actually speechless like I'm just sitting here with tears in my eyes.

Alasdair living on Arthur's sofa because he can't bear to step foot inside the home he shared with Francis >>> It hurts just to walk past the outside of it, not to mention the places he used to go with Francis. Which is why he never leaves Arthur's house anymore. The outside world in general is just a reminder of what could have been... And low-key he starts feeling petty resentment towards all the happy couples that seem to crowd him anywhere he goes because they're just everywhere. And seeing other people happy just reminds him of the fact that he'll never be happy again :(

I’m so glad he has Arthur ❤️ (its so good to see him being torn up over it too ahhhh losing a friend is just as painful as losing a soulmate and gosh I can see him being absolutely distraught for a long time afterwards. I can see him cooking something and, after inevitably burning it, coming up with a comeback for one of Francis’ incoming jibes before realising he’ll never get to hear them again) and GOSH the part at the end about him going to build the cottage they wanted to live in together 🥺🥺🥺 you’re killing that’s so bittersweet. I can’t see him moving on either, like with another person. I can imagine his bros setting him up with people they think he’ll like and maybe he goes on a few dates just to humour them but none of them really make him feel the way he did about Francis. I can see him even making friends with a few of them but nothing romantic ever happening lol.

There's this usuk amnesia fic actually called a forgotten note? Or maybe that's the author... (I found it, it's called In Loving Memory if anyone's interested) but basically at the beginning Alasdair's wife and unborn child die and he spirals into a deep depression, using alcohol to cope and he just becomes upset and angry all the time and a husk of his former self. I think(?) the name of the wife in the fic is Marie(????) could be wrong but in my mind I was like 👀👀 Marianne 👀👀👀 Fran 👀👀 Francoise 👀👀👀 Regardless, when I read the fic of course I was imagining his dead wife as Francis 😂😭

(This might be spoilers I'm not sure I can't remember) but the amnesia part comes in when Arthur goes to pick Alasdair up from a bar one night after he's been drowning his sorrows. Arthur tells Alasdair he shouldn’t drive home but Alasdair gets a little violent and does it anyway, Arthur ends up in the passenger seat and, surprise, surprise, they get in a terrible accident. Arthur loses his memory and Alasdair loses his life. This is extreme angst I know XD but I love it!! It might be a little too sad but for me personally no angst is too extreme 💕✨ the more sad and pathetic a character ends up, the better.

The saddest part about this au in the fic is how different Alasdair was before he lost his wife. When they were children, he was such a fun, kind and loving older brother. He always looked after Arthur and his other little brothers but now he's just got nothing of what he used to be, nothing is left of what made him him. Which I think is particularly sad for Arthur because he's not only lost his best friend but now he's lost his big brother too and it seems less and less likely that he'll ever get him back. Alasdair was his rock throughout his whole childhood and to see him so completely broken and almost unhealable, he feels lost and even scared.

A scenario I like to think about sometimes after Francis' death (because I'm a sadist - or maybe it makes me a masochist because I'm the only one ACTUALLY suffering here 😭😂) but I like to think about the ways Alasdair would try to cope. Like deluding himself into thinking Francis is still alive.

He goes to a bar with Arthur and Ianto (Wales 🥺) after months of being unable to do anything and they're both like "you seem a lot better" and he's just oblivious to what they're talking about. And then he starts talking to Francis who obviously isn't there and that's when his brothers share a look and realise they can either let him spiral into a comforting yet horribly damaging coping mechanism or tear the plaster off then and there before it becomes irreversibly serious.

So they tell him that Francis isn't there and WHY he isn't there and of course he gets upset, calls it a "sick joke" but when he turns back around Francis isn't there and off he goes frantically looking for him to no avail. He ends up outside the bar crouched down on the pavement, face in his hands when he realises he's not going to find Francis in there. He cries so much and it's so loud and visceral and tears him open and you can feel the pain he feels, almost as if he's lost Francis for a second time. But Arthur and Ianto are there to be beside him. I think ianto would hug him first (walesis obviously is the only hugger and most likely to hug him in this situation) usually they'd all shrug him off but now Alasdair just doesn't move, he doesn't quite reciprocate the hug but he doesn't brush him off either. He just lets it happen and Arthur takes the opportunity to join the hug awkwardly, wrapping an arm around his brother's shoulder and they just let Alasdair cry. He often keeps things bottled up and this is no exception. He has cried over Francis' death obviously but mostly he's just been completely numb and so he lets it all out, he doesn't care about putting on a front for his brothers or even for himself.

Also since you mentioned Ghost, I can’t stop thinking of an au where Alasdair is the one to die and leave Francis behind…

Usually in a ship, I think it’s fun to kill of the ‘sunshine’ character and leave behind the emotionally closed off one to deal with their emotions in unhealthy ways because it just hurts so good! Like Alasdair: he’s already kinda closed off and beaten down by life, he meets Francis and everything starts to look up, maybe life isn’t so bad after all them boom Francis dies and he’s proven correct about how shitty life is and now he doesn’t have a reason to try anymore because everything always ends up shit anyway, doesn’t it?

BUT Alasdair leaving Francis behind? While Alasdair never leaves Arthur’s sofa and drinks whisky all day, Francis would stay in his bed and drink wine until he can fall asleep again. He can’t find joy in the things he used to love - cooking and fashion or simple things like reading books or watching movies because it’s all stuff he used to do with Alasdair. He can’t cook enjoy more or enjoy his favourite food if Alasdair isn’t there to interrupt his cooking to steal bites of food before it’s finished and how is he supposed to go shopping for new clothes if Alasdair isn’t there to give his opinion on them. Everything else is the same. How is he supposed to enjoy anything, without Alasdair to share the enjoyment with him. I think Francis is the type of person to go through life thriving on the experience he shares with others and for me the most important person he shares anything with is Alasdair (obviously asdfghjhgf) and so losing Alasdair means that experiencing life in general just isn’t worth it, it’s not the same anymore, he doesn’t get the same enjoyment out of anything like he used to.

I think Francis is a very lonely person in general, he feels very isolated which is why he reaches out desperately for human connection. He knows so many people and has so many friends but a lot of it is just surface level, he never truly lets anyone in because he doesn’t think, or rather is afraid that no one will understand him. Until Alasdair comes along. Which is why, when he dies, he feels more alone than he ever has in his entire life.

Of course he has Arthur, his best friend, who slowly shows him that life is worth living again.

But what if also just normal Ghost au where Alasdair’s ghost is actually trying to get into contact with Francis 🤔 NOW I WANNA DRAW THIS AHHH

Bad ending