#Aeri appealed to the darker sides of Alex

[cadrenebula]

The Rage Inside

((Will contain blood and some pretty dark stuff. A bit of torture and abuse. So please read at your own risk. This is before Alex 'mellowed with age'? XD Okay mellowed a little with marriage. He's made a lot of progress since this was written. This one of the entries I'm moving here from my side blog. Original post was 4 yrs ago June 6th 2017.))

The rage boiled in his blood. Seeing her like that had started the howling inside. Anger at the man she had chosen to love and get hurt by. This was a mess. His emotions were a fucked up mess. All over a girl. Over someone who understood him on a level few could.

Hands clenched and released multiple times. Needed pain and blood. Needed to make something hurt. Yet he had nothing. Nothing to release the beast that roared for a throat to tear open. A soft belly to gut.

The thud of flesh meeting stone. A low dangerous snarl. The sound repeated as Alex beat his fist into the wall until his knuckles bled. He couldn’t get the satisfaction of beating the other man’s face. Couldn’t rip into him because he knew what it would do to her. The pain of his bloodied knuckles helped take the edge off the rage howling through him. Yet it wasn’t really enough.

Halone have mercy on him... He’d let himself care about her to the point she had him such an emotional mess. But he couldn’t very well leave her like that. The temptations of that other side of her... Seven hells he wanted to give in so badly but that wasn’t the woman he had fallen for. He had been doing his best to respect her engagement. It would have only hurt her worse to let that dark side of her lure him to the bedroom.

So instead he snarled and pinned her down on that couch. Made her listen to him. Appealed to the better side of her. The woman who saved his life and gave a shit about someone as worthless as him. He could still recall the bite of those nails on his arms as she resisted.

Two broken monsters who clung to each other. Monsters created by heartless people who sold them to the cruel people who would mold and break them. Until they were nearly as heartless. Sharpening claws and fangs. Stoking inner fires to the point of shaping those broken children into dangerous beasts who would prowl the shadows and enjoy letting the blood of others soak their skin.

Ever since her though... He’d been walking a finer line. Something about her made the beast easier to deal with yet more terrible at the same time. Like now...

Alex prowled off, blood dripping from his fingers as it ran from his busted knuckles. Went hunting. Except not for people. Not yet. He was too unstable to hunt people. Yet he needed to stab something. Anything.

It was hours later that he returned to the place he shared with Aeri and Cotoka. Quietly he checked in on the Au Ra girl as he had promised. Sleeping soundly it looked like. Silently he prowled to his own part of the place, cleaning the blood and wounds. Finally Alex laid down on his bed in only his trousers. He stared up at the ceiling for a long time before finally drifting off to sleep.

If it could be called sleep. Nightmares that had not assaulted him in ages decided to torment him tonight. Most likely due to his current turbulent emotions. He thrashed slightly at the sound of that whip in his head. Kiss of a blade to the soft skin on his back. Sneering face of that Ishgardian highborn leering at him in the darkness of this nightmare.

Shaking hands ran through his hair after he had bolted to sitting upright in a cold sweat. He looked over in the direction of Cotoka’s sleeping quarter. No sign of movement so he hadn’t disturbed her. Good. Silently he grabbed his gear and weapons. Sleep was no longer an option.

Perhaps his old allies in the Shroud would have something to ease the beast inside tonight.

He stalked into the sleepy bandit camp. Hadn’t been here in ages. Not since the days he spent hiding after the job that made him betray Lancefer. His old buddy and leader of this ragtag bunch was of course near the center where the fire still burned.

A brief exchange of words between them. His old friend noticing the hollow and primal look to Alex’s crimson gaze. A curt nod before leading the duskwight towards where they kept their prisoners.

“Traitor. Do as you wish. Just try to keep things down. Most of the camp is asleep.” The man said before leaving Alex alone with a wide-eyed man.

A wicked grin began to form on Alex’s lips as he looked on. The trembling man only enticing the beast within. Fear was good. It was as if the man looking upon his doom could see the monster that was about to feast.

Screams were muffled but it was clear something unpleasant was occurring in that prison cave. No one dared go anywhere near it. There was an silence to the camp now though. A fear of drawing the ire of the beast that was playing with it’s prey within that cave.

Alex’s eyes were hollow as he looked down at the bloody mess that was once a person. The screams were silent now. Dead as the man before him. Blood coated his hands and parts of his clothes. A splash of crimson across one cheek. The kill had been slow and methodical. Meant to bring about the most pain possible in the hours he spent working.

Yet the rage was quieter now. The beast sated for the time being. He half stumbled out of the cave, leaning against the wall at the exit. His old comrade waiting feet beyond.

“Come.” It was not a question. A simple command as he lead Alex towards his own tent. Alex plopped down to sit on the dirt floor as his old ally rooted through a trunk. Tossing Alex clean clothes and a cloth before fetching a bowl of water. Finally a strong bottle of whiskey. “Stay as long as you need.”

It was about as friendly as it ever was. There was a sort of unspoken connection between them. Not exactly true friendship but an understanding. An acceptance. People who didn’t fit into the world with those considered normal.

The man left Alex alone in his tent. Finally bloody fingers took that cloth and began to make an effort to clean up. It wasn’t in any way a perfect job. Alex didn’t care. Inner rage was quenched at least for now. Yet he still felt unsettled. So he prowled the woods in the hours after dawn and into the afternoon.

It was hours later that he heard Aeri’s voice over the linkpearl. Asking him to join her for drinks.

[cadrenebula]

Alexois Dubeltaire

So in reblogging all that old writing from the earlier days of Alex... He’s really come a long way. So forgive me for rambling about my boy. He was created back at the very end of 2016. (Like days after Christmas.)

Alex started out as throw away villain, meant to die at the end of the plot for Destiney. Meant to kidnap her and likely die dealing with those coming to rescue her. And he nearly did. More than once he had a brush with death in the course of that plot and barely managed to escape each time. He wasn’t going to go down easy.

But when the dust settled and I was struggling to finish the plot’s end because some bad things happened... (Not going to get into that mess here though. It’s over and done and I’m not in the mood to dwell on it.) Alex found his place among my characters in a more permanent fashion while I tried to find a path for Destiney and Lancefer.

He fell in love with a girl just as broken and monstrous as he felt he was. Only problem is their relationship was started on a lie and wasn’t supposed to be that deep. But he fell hard for Aeri and by the time he was willing to admit that... She was already in love with another. She was the one that saved him when Soren nearly killed him. Taught him to fight with daggers instead of a spear. Started him on a path that would be good for him in the long run. She became a sister to him since he couldn’t love her like he wanted and he was okay with this in time. (She wouldn’t have been good for him anyways. She appealed to the darker sides of Alex.)

Over time Aeri helped saved him in more ways than one. It started a process where he actually wanted a chance to be happy. Got him through the plot with his mentor and all that entailed. And he dated someone else for a bit around the time he started going to the Gin Mill to work on his frustrations. Unfortunately it was not meant to be for him to stay with her for many reasons. (Yet another one I won’t get into. Things happened.) The best thing to come of his time with her was her getting him to pick his hobby. He started to learn to cook. He’s still no fancy chef but it gave him something to do with his hands that wasn’t violence or other things that dulled his pain.

It wasn’t too long after till he met his future wife. His injuries at Gin Mill sent him to Sanagi. And eventually she just started going to the Gin Mill because otherwise he waited till the next day or so to get treated. Alex tested their relationship with his own prejudices and behaviors. But he found he cared enough to work on being a somewhat better person. Is he perfect? No. He’ll never be perfect but Sana gets this and knows he’ll try if she calls him out on his worst behaviors. Because some of that behavior is so ingrained in him from the years he grew up in Ishgard and the following years in the Shroud among bandits.

He drinks and smokes a lot less since marrying Sana. Spends time making them nice meals and occasionally lets her help with small things when cooking. He even adopted a scruffy black cat with part of one ear missing. Still goes to the Gin Mill as his date night with his wife. Yes she knows he’s an assassin and she’s accepted him for who he is. (An she’s not as sweet and innocent as she used to be either since falling in love with Alex and having a plot of her own.) Because he no longer finds the thrill in his work. It’s a job that is necessary and what he knows best. Sometimes he’ll do some odd jobs to make up for the fact he won’t take just any assassinations anymore.

He’s still sometimes an asshole. But he’s improved a lot since his early days as a character. He has a family. Sanagi, the cats, Maeve, Valentin, and Aeri even if he’s still mad at her. A best friend named Arik. Kinda likes Elynni and Elliot. Likes Renaux even if all he does is threaten to punch poor Ren in the nose at Gin Mill and they give each other shit. Even has his former friend back, Lancefer. And I am proud of him. (And I love my friends for giving him a reason to exist.)