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ultrawaterpurification · 4 years ago

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According to medical science, how much water and in what order should be drunk?

According to medical science, more than 60% of our body is made up of water and experts say that a person can live for more than 3 weeks without food but without water he will barely survive for a week because drinking water is better than eating food. More importantly, it plays a key role in maintaining our health. We usually have a meal schedule in the morning, lunch and dinner, but water is drunk when you feel thirsty, but medical science says that it Should be reversed and food should be eaten when you are hungry and you should make a timetable for drinking water, whether you feel thirsty or not. Indicates the times that get up at 8 o'clock in the morning and if someone gets up before or after 8 o'clock in the morning then set your timetable accordingly ie

The first glass every two hours when you get up i.e. at 8 o’clock:

Drinking a glass of water early in the morning is very useful because when you do not drink water for a long time during sleep, your body begins to dehydrate, so the first thing to do in the morning is to drink a glass of water. Must drink

The second glass at ten o'clock:

Have breakfast at least one hour after drinking the first glass in the morning and drink another glass of water one hour after breakfast whether you are thirsty or not and then start your daily routine.

Third glass at 12:30:

Drink a third glass of water at 12:30 and try to eat your lunch half an hour after drinking it.

The fourth glass at half past two:

Drinking this fourth glass of water at least one hour after lunch break is very helpful in digesting your food and also helps you to get full energy from food and At the same time, it energizes and re-energizes your brain

Fifth glass at 4 o'clock:

During office hours there is usually a tea break at this time and drink tea without sugar during this tea break and before or after tea whether you feel thirsty or not but you must drink a glass of water and tea during the day. A glass of water must be drunk whenever possible

Sixth glass at six o'clock in the evening:

A glass of water during this time of evening helps you regain energy and avoid overeating at dinner and relieves brain heat.

Seventh Glass 9 o'clock:

Drinking this glass of water one hour after your dinner is very useful and digestible and taking a bath after this glass gives you a deep and fresh sleep where it can relieve your body fatigue which will keep you awake all day long. Helps you work.

Eighth glass at 11 o'clock:

Drink this glass of water at night at least one hour before going to bed. This glass will help you to stay calm all night and will keep your body from dehydrating. Drinking does not make you thirsty during the rest of the time and 8 glasses or 2 liters of water satisfies your body's daily requirement of water but if you feel thirsty beyond these times then definitely drink water and drink less water. Drink small sips of water and take at least 3 breaks while drinking.

Drinking healthy water is key to health using water filters for whole house. Water purification system in Ireland and online filters are available at home delivery.

Some amazing benefits of barley water

According to historians, "barley" is the first grain that man began to cultivate about ten thousand years ago and today "barley" is the fifth largest crop in the world which is cultivated all over the world and is cultivated on such a large scale. The reason for this is the immense usefulness of this grain.

The benefits of barley water:

Barley is used as food in many ways, but the following are some of the best benefits of barley water, which you can read to understand how it affects our health.

Barley water is the king of beverages and has innumerable health benefits as it is a nutritious drink especially since it contains a large amount of soluble and non-soluble fiber as well as innumerable minerals (calcium, iron, magnesium, magnesium, zinc). , Copper) etc. and contains many vitamins as well as antioxidants and phytochemicals which are extremely useful in heart diseases and diabetes.

Let us know why we should make it a part of our daily diet

Excretion of waste products from the body:

Daily use of barley water helps to get rid of waste products from our body. It cleanses our intestines. Barley water contains a special type of sugar (beta glucan) which cleanses the waste products of our internal system. Does

Eliminates urinary tract infections:

Barley water is a natural medicine that has been used for centuries to cure urinary tract infections. Physicians give the patient a few glasses of barley water daily until the infection is gone. Also Greek medicine and Ayurvedic medicine. Experts say it breaks down kidney stones and excretes them in the urinary tract.

Corrects the digestive system:

The soluble and non-soluble fiber in barley water plays an important role in digesting food and eliminating wastes by increasing the amount of waste and is extremely beneficial for patients with diarrhea and constipation. Eliminates the infection I have

Reduces weight:

Water is an elixir for weight loss because it contains two types of fiber and this fiber keeps our stomach full, which helps us to avoid frequent hunger pangs. Melt fat and digest food faster

Eliminates Depression:

When the amount of hormones that cause grief and sadness in the body increases, we suffer from diseases such as stress and anxiety. Water which controls these increased hormones and makes our body happy.

The body develops immunity against diseases:

If we make barley water a part of our daily diet, the natural antioxidants and nutrients in barley water strengthen our immune system and give it the strength to fight diseases and prevent germs from causing infections.

Strengthens teeth and teeth:

The vitamins and minerals in barley water, especially magnesium, phosphorus, calcium and copper, strengthen our bones and teeth. Experts say that barley juice contains 11 times more calcium than milk, which is very good for our bones. Is

Extremely useful for pregnant women:

The powerful ingredients of barley water have a very good effect on the health of pregnant women. While it digests food quickly, it does not cause any health problems in pregnant women and keeps them in a good mood. It is very important for both babies to be born

Extremely useful in anemia:

Anemia is a common disease that affects women, men and children, and is caused by a lack of iron and vitamin B in the body, which is caused by high levels of iron and vitamin B12 in the water. Incorporates and increases blood production where it cleans the blood.

Extremely useful for the skin:

The zinc in barley water is a very useful mineral in healing the wounds of our skin and the selenium in it improves the elasticity of our skin and keeps the skin healthy and young and since barley water has anti-inflammatory properties. If its water is applied on the face, it cleanses and whitens the complexion where it helps to remove facial blemishes and nail pimples.

Makes hair healthy and long:

The iron and copper in barley water, where it cures anemia, increases red blood cells, which stop hair loss. It produces a chemical called melanin in our body, which causes the hair to lose its color. Heals and restores the natural color of the hair.

With over 30 years’ experience the Nature’s Water Ltd. brand product range has been solving Irish Water Treatment issues with pride. During this time Nature’s Water Ltd. has become a market leader nationally in Water Treatment with thousands of Irish families loving the benefits that our systems produce.

Water is key to health for better life and we need to drink fresh and purified water for better health. Some water filters you need to know about them for purification of water. Tap Water Filter, Water Softeners, and water purification systems also the best water filter systems available. Water treatment systems in Ireland.

The cooled gas in the water pipe is forced through a valve to make it even colder. When the refrigerant is in a gas form and is circulating in the pipes, it has the ability to absorb the heat away from the mineral water in the reservoir, leaving cool and refreshing water that is readily available.

Water is key to health for better life and we need to drink fresh and purified water for better health. Some water filters you need to know about them for purification of water. Water cooler, Tap Water Filter, Water Softeners, and water purification systems also the best water filter systems available. Water treatment systems in Ireland.

#According to medical science how much water and in what order should be drunk?#water #drinking healthy water #food & drink industry #Tap Water Filter Water Softeners and water purification systems also the best water filter systems available. water treatment systems in Ire

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yes-dal456 · 8 years ago

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Sorry, But You Should Absolutely Not Use Beer As A Painkiller

For SELF, by Zahra Barnes.

We hate to be buzzkills, but if you recently heard that a study proved beer is a better painkiller than medications like Tylenol, that’s not quite the case. In reality, the study results aren’t as cut and dried as that. The meta-analysis in question was published in The Journal of Pain in December 2016, and it’s making waves again (we get it — the weather warms up, everyone gets extra excited about the prospect of a cold beer, us included).

In the meta-analysis, researchers looked at 18 different studies involving 404 total participants in an effort to study beer’s potential to dull pain intensity and boost pain threshold. They found that achieving a blood alcohol content (BAC) level of 0.08, or three to four drinks, was associated with a rise in study participants’ pain thresholds, although the effect was small.

The more impressive effect was on pain intensity—once study participants reached 0.08 BAC, they experienced a moderate to large decrease in pain intensity. “We found that when people were given alcohol, their pain ratings were around 25 percent lower compared to when nothing was administered or a placebo was given,” study coauthor Trevor Thompson, Ph.D., faculty of education and health at London’s University of Greenwich, tells SELF.

Both effects were related to the amount of alcohol ingested: With every additional 0.02 percent increment in blood alcohol content (around one drink), the participants’ pain thresholds generally increased and pain intensity generally decreased.

Overall, alcohol may be an “effective analgesic,” aka painkiller, the study authors concluded. But that’s nowhere near the full story, so it’s not time to ditch your painkillers for brews instead, Thompson says. Here’s why.

For starters, the studies included in this meta-analysis all looked at one category of pain.

Whether beer is actually a “better” painkiller than something like Tylenol is “actually really difficult to say,” Thompson says. This is partially because the meta-analysis was limited in scope. “The studies that we looked at used short-term, acute pain that was induced by experimental methods,” Thompson says. Think: dunking your hands in cold water and dealing with pain from heat or electricity. This is as opposed to trials that examine how over-the-counter or prescribed pain medications treat longer-term persistent pain.

“Even though experimental pain inductions offer a great deal of experimental control, short-term pain and long-term persistent pain are different in many ways,” Thompson says, explaining that it’s not necessarily accurate to think this meta-analysis’ results apply to all sorts of pain across the board. “Chronic pain tends to be more intense, produces greater distress, is less controllable (in experimental pain studies you can just take your hand out of a bucket of ice cold water whenever you want), and it involves several different neural mechanisms,” he says. Apples and oranges, basically.

Beyond only looking at short-term pain rather than any sort of chronic condition, there was another major limitation. “It may be that these painkilling effects are reduced for those who consume alcohol regularly, but we simply didn’t have enough data to be able to test this,” Thompson says. “We would really need more than the 18 relatively small studies that we were able to look at before we can understand the effects of alcohol on pain.”

So, experts aren’t sure why alcohol may have this effect on pain, but there are some theories, like that alcohol’s mechanism of depressing the central nervous system results in lowered pain intensity and higher pain threshold, women’s health expert Jennifer Wider, M.D., tells SELF. At this point, science doesn’t have a clear answer.

There’s also the fact that you’d have to drink a lot to experience alcohol’s maximum painkilling effects.

The data suggests that in order to reap the most painkilling benefits, you’d need to go above and beyond guidelines for low-risk drinking, or no more than three drinks on any given day for women and no more than seven drinks per week, according to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. For men, low-risk drinking is limited to no more than four drinks in a day and no more than 14 drinks per week.

“Although most painkilling drugs are clearly not completely safe, it is quite clear that alcohol can be severely toxic when consumed regularly in sizable quantities,” Thompson says. Beyond the immediate danger of alcohol poisoning, over time, drinking too much can contribute to health issues like high blood pressure, cancer, and liver disease. “Ironically, [drinking that much] could even present an increased risk for developing other future chronic pain conditions,” Thompson says.

Instead of this meta-analysis being a sign that beer is an appropriate painkiller, the data gives a clue as to why people with chronic pain conditions might self-medicate with alcohol and wind up developing substance abuse problems — even though it didn’t specifically look at chronic pain patients. “It suggests that raising awareness of alternative, less-harmful pain interventions to vulnerable patients may be beneficial,” Thompson says.

So, sure, next time you’re craving a beer, go for it — but if what you’re really looking for is something to deal with pain, you’re better off grabbing actual medicine instead (here are some of the best pain relievers for whatever hurts).

“For people who are in physical pain, consulting a doctor to get properly treated is much more prudent than numbing the pain with alcohol,” Dr. Wider says. “Alcohol will never address the root cause of the problem.”

More From SELF:

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7 Completely Doable Tips for Your Best At-Home Blowout Ever

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-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://huff.to/2qsC12h

#Healthy Living - The Huffington Post

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monkeyscribbler-blog · 8 years ago

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THE HUNDRED

Two days after getting laid off from my last job, I woke up, walked into an Irish pub five blocks from my apartment, took a seat, and didn’t leave for nine hours. It was here, after six proper pints of IPA and three shots of Jameson, I first became aware of the transcendent beauty of a bar. It unveiled itself to me, a fleeting vision of the Virgin Mary to a Mexican peasant farmer. The mysterious, moody browns in a bottle of Woodford Reserve. Patron Silver’s intimidating squat, daring eye contact. The embossed decanter – Sherry? Cognac? – peeking out of the middle shelf, evoking memories of grandma. To extend my entry into this higher level of enlightenment, I humbly ordered another shot, deciding upon Jim Beam, the fuel of blue-collar America (according to movies). With total understanding that comes only with daytime drunkenness, I watched as the bartender skillfully turned the bottle over, releasing a silent, smooth pour into the endless void of my glass.

It was the prettiest shot I ever saw.

Shot 1:

A twenty-three-ounce can of Coors Light, on the other hand, is not intended for shots. It gurgles out its beer, reluctantly, as if questioning your decision (along with everyone else you know). Immediately, my one-and-a-half ounce shot glass, the one with “Welcome to Jamaica” embossed on the side, overflows. Examining the beer that has spilled upon the wood floor below, my cat pauses, and then decides it is worth lapping up.

The shot is cold, carbonated, harsh, delicious. This is less beer than I usually consume in a single sip, and years of conditioned drinking immediately make me want more.

Taking ninety-nine of these is not going to be a problem.

•

I've never done The Century Club before, or, for that matter, any college drinking games: beer pong, quarters, asshole, that game where everyone sticks a card to their forehead and bets.

[EDITOR’S NOTE: Indian Poker. What this game has to do with Indians is still with research.]

[EDITOR’S NOTE: The editor is just a sober version of the writer.]

[EDITOR’S NOTE: The editor is unaware if you can put three editor’s notes in a row, and if so, which punctuation you use to separate it.]

While other nineteen-year-olds were exploring the vigors of fucking under black lights and constructing six-foot high bongs from root beer cans, I was hiding inside a dorm room with my Seventh-Day Adventist roommate. At the time, I considered my support of his weekend lock-ins to be a result of my ceaseless selflessness, always putting others ahead of myself. Years of reflection (aided by New York’s finest bartenders) revealed the truth to be more mundane: I was insecure, with a mild case of social anxiety.

Without intentionally trying to insult your expertise in vice, I’d like to inform any of those unaware that The Century Club involves drinking a shot of beer every minute for one-hundred minutes straight. (A Google search for “The Century Club” reveals a surprising number of disparate definitions for this club. It is a club for those who have traveled to 100 or more countries, had sex with 100 partners, cadets who have marched 100 hours, FIFA players who have played 100 or more matches. It seems the drinking beer Century Club is the least impressive club even within the realm of Century Clubs.)

The Century Club makes the most sense in college, when you have one class a week (which you miss) and compete with your roommates to find creative ways to get drunk as quickly and cheaply as possible (jungle juice). It becomes less useful as an adult, where a drunk face accompanied by passionate conversations about how awesome it would be to have Gatling guns for hands no longer entertains your roommate, now called a wife.

So why am I doing it now, at age 33? A man can only take so many baby showers, 401(k) statements, cholesterol tests, and $115-dollar-a-ticket musicals featuring singing monkeys before The Century Club becomes a self-evident way to reverse lingering regrets and stake a claim in the country of man. In fact, it may be the only way. So I bought two cases of beer, called my friend John, set up a sanctuary in my small Brooklyn apartment, and started consuming beer from a shot glass, one minute at a time.

The following is a live transcript of what transpired, written under the increasing influence of these beer shots.

•

Shot 2 - 10:

Despite my early enthusiasm, the next nine shots go down with unexpected and worrying difficulty. I can already see where the challenge will arise as I continue on my path towards collegiate immortality: Time. Minutes just aren’t as long as I seem to remember. Sure, I can drink a lot, but at my own pace. This pace is forced; a war prisoner’s march through a hot Filipino jungle, not a jaunt through the local park. I also begin questioning the amount I ate this morning. A friend who tried this before ate too much sushi before his attempt, and said it messed him up, so I didn’t really eat. But now, it seems my stomach has shrunk. By shot seven, i'm Googling “belly blow up”. Fortunately, the results assure me stomachs rarely explode, which I confirm via a linked MythBuster’s video clip in which they unsuccessfully try to explode a dead pig’s stomach with an infinite amount of Coca-Cola and cherry Pop Rocks. Did you ever see the movie Urban Legends? It wasn’t very good. I think they did something with Pop Rocks and Coke in there.

•

Shots 11 – 20:

The shots are small, but maddeningly frequent. Chinese beer torture: Shot. Pause. Shot. Pause. Shot.

My quest to add this accomplishment to my impressive drinking resume is already becoming doubtful. I’m swallowing the shots, as I would a glass of water, which is the only way I know to consume foods and liquids. (Which gives my throat a chance to approve or disapprove of the size and type of material that shall pass its gates, ensuring I don’t swallow an entire chicken wing.) John says I should be shooting them, not drinking them. The truth is, I am too much of a pussy to shoot anything. Open the throat and pour it down, John says. I try it, start to cough, spill more beer. This is going almost as poorly as the time I tried my first beer bong, viewable on YouTube under the title “World’s Worst Beer Bong Ever”. It seems I am a decent drinker until it reaches competitive status, at which point I revert back to a terrified little school boy.

John has inherent advantages in this quest that quickly become apparent. First, he has done this before. (He was in a fraternity. I was in College Bowl.) Second, he’s big. The kind of big where a shot glass in his hand seems like a pen cap. Third, he’s from Rochester, New York. I’ve never been, so I’m not sure what that means, but I imagine if there’s anywhere where men regularly do Century Clubs for fun, it’d be there.

I’m pretty sure Alice the kitten is drunk.

•

At age 12, I developed a serious acne problem. Pimples raised off my skin like magma bubbles, and it was critical I correct this issue, quickly, as my emaciated 135-pound body, replete with heavy eyewear and history of poor fashion choices, already had me reeling in the complex social orbits of the 8th grade universe. In response, my doctor blithely prescribed tetracycline, an antibiotic he'd been using since he became a doctor sometime during the last Polio outbreak. I blame this medical failure on doctors failing to appreciate that an acne diagnosis as a youth is the emotional equivalent of a cancer diagnosis as an adult. Your fragile mind is devastated on all levels. The fear of mockery in front of Michelle (Imagine: A smoldering, four-foot-seven-inch seductress, very good at naming state capitols) or Tara (Imagine: A playful, innocent blonde with a talent for woodwind instruments) was a terror perhaps only felt by the mice my science teacher regularly dropped into the snake tank. These fears scar you worse than the acne itself, resulting in a stunted development of self-confidence, a problem never truly conquered, no matter how much money, vaginal experience, or success you accumulate.

The inherent problem with Tetracycline, beyond its utter ineffectiveness, was actually masked by an altogether different problem: as a hypochondriac-in-training, I was certain I would choke on the 50-mg pills I was prescribed. This choking fear had manifested itself throughout my childhood, such that at this point, I had only swallowed one or two pills ever. But the acne had to go, even at risk of death-by-pill-choke. I initially tried cutting the pills in half, then swallow them. This proved unworkable, as the jagged edges of the cut pill scratched my throat upon the swallow. I tried dissolving them in water. I tried eating them. Eventually, I realized if I drank a huge gulp of water with a pill thrown in I could swallow the pill, though even getting to that point took about eighteen terrifying minutes a night.

In the end, none of it mattered. The doctor's lack of imaginative, or accurate, treatment resulted in little improvement. The acne remained for another year, before the wondrous drug Acutane rid me of it forever. (While simultaneously ridding me of a functioning liver, lower pancreas, and left kidney).

•

Shot 21 - 30:

We've encountered our second serious barrier. Neither John or me are able to figure out how to count all the slashes on the napkin that is acting as our semi-official scorecard. Because drunk college kids aren’t known for their responsible administrative skills, when we looked online for rules to The Century Club, it didn’t mention anything about scorekeeping. In drunken retrospect, we agree we should have invited a third as an official counter. As this exercise has taught us, two things you quickly lose when drinking is an ability to count, and ability to make marks that you will later be able to count. The good news is I’m definitely in some sort of zone. It’s that drinking twilight period where the alcohol begins to eliminate worries and improve confidence. (In my past, this confidence has gotten me to believe that I could take a 6’8” bouncer, walk 40 miles home, and, well, drink 100 shots of beer.)

•

In college, I was a basketball referee for the university’s intramural league. This was a bad idea on many fronts, most notably that I was trying to impose rules upon people who were either my age, or older, and often times in class with me. Watch an NFL, MLB or NBA game some time. Notice that the referees and umpires are without question a minimum of ten years older than the players they are supervising. This guarantees a certain amount of respect. Granted, America is certainly no Asia when it comes to respect for elders, but there is still a lingering regard that serves as a buffer between player and regulator: grey hair means wisdom. When you strip this age gap away, you have the situation I was in. Players would ignore my whistle and continue to play. They’d call fouls on themselves. If they didn’t like my call, they’d look at me curiously and drop the ball at my feet. These disagreements would find their way into classes and parties.

I quit after the fall season was over.

I imagine this is the same reason The Century Club doesn’t call for a sanctioned referee. Unless you are able to find a fifty-year-old willing to sit and watch you drink one-hundred shots of beer, you are stuck to someone your own age. And someone your own age is probably drinking with you. This is why there has probably never been a fully accurate Century Club ever.

•

Shot 31 - 40:

The minutes are flying by. To prove my point, apparently writing “the minutes are flying by” took a minute, because John just announced the next shot. John is very non-descript when he speaks. Just informs me. Like he's telling me that my cable bill is due. To further prove my point, these are all the notes I have from those ten shots.

•

Shot 41 - 54:

Not sure what is happening here. It is 5:33 PM. Not sure where we are on the shots. Not sure I can type, actually. I'm definately drunk. Why is Microsoft Word underlining definately? Am I spelling it wrong?

[EDITOR’S NOTE: Yes]

This fucking spell check is like an evil fucking warlock. You can’t trust it. What is the difference between a warlock and a wizard? I wanted to say wizard but then chose warlock. What about a sorcerer? What is that? How are they different? What is a female warlock? A Warlockess? I know sorceress works. Jesus. It seems like John calls "shot" every fucking second. Seriously, he must be fucking with me. This is not every minute. No chance.

I have no chance of hitting 100. No fucking chance. I just gotta hit 70, cause that seems cool.

Amazing. Before trying this. 100 shots of beer sounded like nothing. I thought I'd have no problem. But this is definately added up. FUCK FUCK FUCK! Fucking stop underlining definitely!

[EDITOR’S NOTE: It is definitely.]

I know it is right!!!!

[EDITOR’S NOTE: It isn’t.]

fuckers.

•

When I was in fourth grade, I hung out with two middle-school kids, Scott and Eric. They introduced me to the secretive game of Dungeons and Dragons, which seemed to me akin to time travel. My parents were troubled with the arrangement. They knew as adults what I didn’t as a kid: eighth-graders shouldn’t want to hang out with fourth-graders, unless they couldn’t make friends with other eighth-graders, which would indicate some sort of social adjustment issue. Regardless, the advantage was that I had access to well-seasoned Dungeon Masters who would spend weeks planning elaborate adventures, pitting my Level 4 thief with high dexterity against the challenges of deceitful innkeepers, purple dragon knights, and beguilers with multiple spells. I spent an entire fall on one adventure, racing home after school to jump back into the world of paladins, water forests, and underground castles, which certainly beat the other world of math homework and shoveling up the dog shit in the backyard. To this day, this is the reason I have such strong opinions on the differences between shamans and duskblades, particularly after fifty-one shots of Coors Lite.

•

Shot 55 - 62:

Food is helping. Not sure if that is allowed in college level. But true Century Club means no pissing, no food, no anything. But that's bullshit. I'm 38, i Make the fucking rules. That was nice just now. Capitalizing the M in make. NOt sure why. But the .

hmm. forgot the sentence there. Jesus. Another shot. One sec. I got a second wind. but then lost it.

This is like sixteenth wind. Now I feel like i'm gonna puke.

Just got an update. shot 59.

•

At some point in college, once I ditched the Seventh-Day Adventist roommate and started experiencing the miracle of drinking, I was filmed while drunk. This was in the mid-nineties. Film cameras were around, but rarely in the hands of a broke college kid. Usually, you only saw film of yourself at important (boring) events, when parents would be filming: high school graduations, birthday parties, grandma visits. Because I had never seen film of myself living real life, I had created a vivid picture in my head of what I looked like and how I talked in these instances. During the filming in question, I was maybe six beers in, sitting at a table with two of my roommates. In my mind, we were having a clear, rational conversation about sports. I distinctly remember it being very subdued.

Then I watched the film about two weeks later. I was slurring, standing on a chair, talking loudly, and laughing. It was a completely different reality to what was in my head.

It was then that I forever became aware that the minute you think you aren’t drunk, you are.

•

Shot 62 - 72:

Hmm, not sure why I wrote 5:50. It is 5:47 Pm.

small m. I'm definately getting a small wind. I swear to all of you, those of you who read, those of you who don't read, those of the small children of people who wear undergarments, and to the walrus professors, if this fucking this underlines hmm or

definately one more time i'm gonna fucking freak. why is i'm underlined? cause it isn't a capital I? fuck this system. fucking grammar fucking nazi fucking

carpet fucker.

•

Have you ever sky dived? I haven’t. Pussies don’t sky dive. We’d spend every second in the air mortified that the parachute won’t deploy, and once proven that it did, the remainder of the time worrying that we were going to land in water and die. We didn’t play Little League as kids out of fear we’d get hit in the head with a fastball. We don’t scuba dive: Sharks! Moray eels! Regulator malfunctions! We don’t eat carpaccio (stomach worms), use public toilets (AIDS), or visit the inner city (stab wounds). We don’t like to ski (avalanche) and certainly not ski jump (obvious). We keep stickers on products that say “please do not remove this sticker”. We put trash cans in front of our bedroom doors when we go to sleep, because an intruder wouldn’t expect it.

It is with this in mind that The Century Club becomes a larger achievement. I am overcoming a fear of shots, alcoholism, hangovers and ruptured stomachs. I’m a regular Sir Edmund Hillary of drinking.

•

Shot 72 - 81:

Jesus. The benefit here is that the drunker I get the easier it is to take shots. I'm in respectable territory. 7yso shots. whoops. 70 shopts. FUCK. 70 shots. power hour accomplished. stomach doesn't feel good. lik a little gnome is digging a grave in there (i am not drunk enough to forget that gnome needs a g, unlike nome, alaska. not sure if that is right).

Jessie is talking in Babylonian sanskrit.

[EDITOR’S NOTE:: Jessie is John’s wife who showed up midway, unamused.]

Not sure what is happening here. Concentration is difficult.

Stomach hurts.

discussion has turned to the golden anniversary, which john assures me is 75 shots. what are all of those? the diamond anniversary, golden, hairy beaver, etc. stomach is hurting,. not like in vomit level, but in like it feels like Seattle is sitting inside of

it. All of seattle. the drunker i get the better chance i have.

hey: fuck you!

•

I’m the patron saint of missed opportunities. Unfortunately, the awareness that an experience is in fact an opportunity usually doesn’t form in my consciousness until about four minutes after the opportunity has already passed. However, this doesn’t stop me from returning to the scene of the opportunity after those four minutes to see if I cannot correct my mistake and actually grab the opportunity, if it is in fact still there. Which it never is. Sometimes I’ll linger at the scene of the opportunity for hours, such as the time I hung out near the bathroom at a house party, reeling in guilt from my previous missed opportunity of talking to the most beautiful girl at the party, who was trying to strike up conversation with me, to which I was unaware, assuming she was directing her conversation to someone else, until the point where I actually had to go into the bathroom, concluding a period of very awkward gestures on my part. Despite resolving to redeem myself by looking for her the rest of the night, she had, in fact, left.

And so it is, four minutes after quitting Century Club, I resolve to re-join it.

•

Shot 82:

Drunk just happened. shot 81, but our recording has been off. stomach hurts. full, nauseus, everything.

can't go much longer. we busted out the music, hope

that helps. literally. at this very moment, right around the second l of literally, i got drunk. i am fuly drunk. can't spell or think right. hurting. not sure ican take another.

bakc in the game.

tapped out for four shots. the amount of beer cans is amazing. reminds me of stephen upstairs. taking a bunch of shots doesn't mean much. but when you see the cans you realize your accomoplishment. amazing what you can do when you put your mind to it. usually that means one-legged people scaling mt.

everest or women going to mars, but now it means

mark anderson drinking 100 beers.

•

I’ve never achieved anything of real note. Mostly, I’ve assembled a life that would’ve have been great in 1955: I graduated college, I pay my bills, I visited Europe, I’m not fat. But any real accomplishments – selling a screenplay, playing Division I college basketball, swimming the Atlantic – have not been in the cards. That isn’t to say I haven’t gotten close: I was almost on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and got into the third interview of an available writer position for The Onion. But I’ve always been a fourth place kind of guy … that guy in line at a club that reaches maximum occupancy when he reaches the door. So rather than upgrade your achievements, you eventually learn to change them. Get published? No, but I will get drunk. Get into the 40/40 club? No, but I will get into The Century Club. And I’ll take as much pride in that as Barry Bonds did with his.

•

Shot 83 - 91:

[EDITOR’S NOTE: There are no intelligible notes for this section of the Century Club]

•

Shot 92 - 99:

i need someone other than jesus to say where i am right now. usually jesus is enough but not tongith. usually jesus is for before 80 shots. this is for past that. i need some new savior. like from the egyptians. Io. i think that is the god of the sun or something. so now, Io. Dear Io, I am hurting.

[IO’S NOTE: Be strong, like my bosom]

Stomach is full beyond capacity. Literally, this is like putting a 27 inch cock into a woman. Just can't take anymore. That's what i'm doing, only i'm the woman. Some fat greasy hairy guy is sweating on top of me trying to stick it in. and more than anything i want

him off. oh, there was a good burp, helped me. i might not do century club in 100 minutes, but i'll fucking do it you assholes. Dios Io!

I’m close.

•

When I was in the eighth-grade, my best friend at the time convinced me to join my school’s cross-country team. Now, I neither liked running nor the country, but I was impressionable, and running seemed a whole lot easier than volleyball or la crosse or the other sports in school that needed people so bad they took whoever signed up without even needed try-outs. So I bought a pair of New Balance and hit the ol’ cross country trails in the canyons of northeastern San Diego.

It wasn’t long before I realized I had a fatal flaw when it came to cross-country: The closer I got to the finish line, the less I felt like running, until I’d almost stop and walk to the end. I’ve always been content with getting close. The actually finishing is just a forethought. Which is why I’ve started fifty different hobbies over the years: trumpet, acting, basketball, but ended all of them when I got “ok”.

There is no such thing as “ok” in the Century Club. Either you cross that finish line, or you are out of the fraternity for good. Even as a 38-year-old.

•

Shot 100:

Guest blogger Jonh Graham, as I am unable to continue with my blog due to drunkennesss. I sjust ended 100 shots, and i don't think you will believe me, so i need esxplanation from John:

[EDITOR’S NOTE]: There is no explanation from John. The transcript ends here.

0 notes