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mst3kproject · 4 years ago

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Frankenstein’s Castle of Freaks

This movie has a real all-star cast as far as us MSTies are concerned. There’s Rossano Brazzi, who was Phineas Prune in The Christmas that Almost Wasn’t; Edmund Purdom, whom we know as Griba from Ator, the Fighting Eagle; and Salvatore Baccaro, the leader of the cavemen in Starcrash. The film itself is absolute, irredeemable trash and I love it like my own garbage child.

We begin out of nowhere with a bunch of peasants beating a caveman to death. What? Where are we? When are we? Who are these people? Why is one of them a cavemen wearing a fur loincloth and the rest are just normal people in pants? Why are they beating him? Did he do something that pissed them off, or do they just hate him because they’re, like, anti-Neanderthal racists? What the fuck is going on? We will never really find out. We just cut straight to Dr. Frankenstein hauling the troglocorpse into his lab.

That’s how this movie rolls. Don’t bother asking questions, just try to keep up.

Count Frankenstein’s daughter Maria has returned to her childhood home, bringing along her fiancé Eric and her friend Krista, who has an unhealthy relationship with polka-dots. Krista is immediately fascinated by the Count and his work, and he with her in turn. It doesn’t take long for Krista to find out that Frankenstein is carrying on reanimation experiments in his basement, but that’s actually the least of the bullshit going on around here. There are more cavemen out there, but there’re also rivalries and love triangles among the inevitable gaggle of deformed assistants, and the local villagers are angry about a spate of grave robbing and determined to run the Frankensteins out of town. The ‘monster’ (I’m not sure it quite counts) is kind of an afterthought.

See, Hans the Butler hates Genz the Dwarf (even though it’s actually Kregan the hunchback who is fucking Hans’ wife) so he gets him fired, and Genz swears revenge on the whole Frankenstein household. Wandering in the woods, Genz meets and befriends a second caveman, naming him ‘Ook’ and teaching him how to rape women in the hopes that he will do violence to Maria Frankenstein. Ook, however, kidnaps Krista instead. At about the same time, Genz sneaks back into Castle Frankenstein to free the first caveman, Goliath, whom the Count has been keeping strapped to a table after bringing him back to life, and who has also fallen in love with Krista as the latter assists the Count with his work. Goliath goes on a murderous rampage, then follows Genz back to the cave where Ook is keeping Krista. Sure enough, this leads to a caveman-vs-caveman battle for the girl!

Man, I would love to see earlier drafts of this script, mostly because I’m dying to know whether some prior incarnation of it actually had anything to do with Mary Shelley’s book or even with previous Frankenstein movies. I mean, it starts with the servants digging up a corpse, and ends with a torch-and-pitchfork mob destroying the Count’s creation… the beginning and end of a Frankenstein movie are present. In between those, however, it wanders off on this bizarre tangent about the local cryptids. As it reached the screen, the only thing Frankenstein’s Castle of Freaks seems to have in common with its source material is the threat to the Count’s girlfriend, which was issued by the Creature in the original story. Technically, even the grave robbing and re-animating have nothing to do with Frankenstein, or the Modern Prometheus – the book never actually says how the Creature’s body was created. The idea of piecing it together from corpses originates with the Boris Karloff movie.

Let me describe some more of the stuff that goes on here, in order to give you the flavour of the experience. For starters, Salvatore Baccaro, playing Ook the caveman, is credited as ‘Boris Lugosi’ in the opening credits. The first time I saw this movie I snorted water up my nose when that popped on screen.

Later in the movie there’s a flashback to that first peasants-vs-caveman scene, and it answers none of the questions I listed above. Why are there cavemen in these woods? I dunno, there just are. What did the cavemen do to piss off the locals? I don’t know that, either… they may have been stealing livestock, I guess, but they don’t seem to have been a threat to the people until Genz taught them about rape. Kind of makes one wonder what happened to the cavewomen, since we never meet one and these guys don’t seem to know what women are, as illustrated by Ook initially thinking their nubile young captive is going to be dinner. Also, although there are two cavemen, they don’t know each other. Genz has to introduce them!

There’s a bit where Genz is hiding behind a clock to watch Maria and Eric have sex. The butler comes along and chews him out for it, sends him to his room, and then he stands there and watches them for a while.

In another scene, Maria and Krista go skinny-dipping in a mineral spring, and the longer it goes on the more the dialogue sounds like it’s going to break into lesbian porn. I am particularly fond of the exchange where Maria says, “don’t worry, this dress is designed to be easy to get out of,” and Krista, impressed, replies, “I’ll say it is!”

The subplot in which the butler’s wife is having an affair with the hunchback has no effect on the plot whatsoever. The butler never even finds out about it. There’s a scene in which they run off to the barn to slap each other and smooch, and then the movie forgets about it. Astonishingly, the same is true of the corpse the servants dig up early on. They exhume the body of a recently dead woman, Genz cops a feel and leaves some footprints at the scene so that the villagers can figure out who was responsible, and… that’s it. She doesn’t even hang around as a gratuitous zombie like the grave-robbed girl in The Atomic Brain.

According to Wikipedia, nobody will admit to directing this movie. Like many Italian films, the director used a pseudonym, and the cast apparently disagree on even such basics as his nationality. Some of them think he was Spanish, but Simonetta Vitelli, who played Maria Frankenstein, insists he was an American.

At the end of the movie, Ook is the first of the cavemen to be killed, and we get to see Genz weeping over his friend’s dead body. Then he and Krista hold each other as the mob closes in on Goliath. This is supposed to be a tender moment but it looks a lot like Genz (who is, you must remember, around four feet tall) is enjoying his faceful of boobs. Since all alternative love interests for Krista are now dead, maybe we’re supposed to think she ended up marrying Genz.

Finally, as Goliath’s body burns, Edmund Perdom intones, “there’s a bit of the monster in all of us, especially where there’s fear.” I’ll drink to that, my dude. ‘Twas beauty killed the beast. He tampered in God’s domain.

That probably is supposed to be the movie’s point. The villagers are depicted as suspicious, fearful, and quick to violence, while the cavemen seem to have been relatively peaceful types until Genz taught them how to rape. It’s very much the Homo sapiens who are the monsters there. Frankenstein’s servants are all assorted shades of horrible, from Genz the necrophile to the nasty cackling butler to the adulterous hunchback and cook. Count Frankenstein himself isn’t quite so overtly evil but it’s clear that he’s not very interested in the moral dimension of his work.

Even if that’s an intentional theme rather than just a pithy closing line, I don’t think anybody thought about it very hard. The rest of Frankenstein’s Castle of Freaks is too much of a mess. There’s no real plot, no identifiable protagonist, it’s sleazy and incoherent and at times it’s horrifyingly abelist… and yet, for reasons I cannot explain, it’s weirdly entertaining.

Maybe it’s just that everything in the film is so damn ridiculous. So much of what happens comes out of nothing and goes right back into it… a series of mind-boggling what the fuck moments that surprise the viewer over and over. The impression is that the writers are throwing horror concepts at the screen to see what sticks, but nothing does.

Maybe it’s that this is another villain-centric piece. You know I like those. I guess maybe Krista is the heroine? She seems to do the fewest horrible things over the course of the story, but she’s not a good person, either. She’s totally into the Count’s creepy reanimation experiments, and makes only a token protest about the idea of informed consent. Edmund Perdom’s Inspector character is one you’d expect to try and do something about these goings on, but he never does. Maria and Eric are only in the movie so it can have a sex scene.

Whatever the reason, the result is inexplicably charming. Between the easily distracted plot, the gratuitous breasts, the bad dubbing, the complete failure to either frighten or titillate, and the fact that it tries to tie itself to a lucrative franchise it really has nothing to do with, Frankenstein’s Castle of Freaks is almost the perfect example of a bad Italian horror flick from the 70’s.

#mst3k #reviews #episodes that never were #frankenstein's castle of freaks #tw: rape #tw: ableism #70s

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

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Survey #396

“every time i leave, you say you won’t be there, & you’re always there��

So, is it gif with a hard G or soft G? I used to say "jif," but now I pronounce it as "gif." If you use libraries, what is the largest overdue fine you’ve ever had? *shrug* Do you ever borrow things other than books from the library? I remember back in the day, they used to offer educational computer games, and I bought a dinosaur one as a kid that I was madly obsessed with. Are there still any movie rental places left where you live? Just Redbox things outside of some stores. Do you ever buy secondhand books (or DVDs, video games, CDs)? Yeah; Ebay is my friend. Or do you prefer them to be brand new? I mean yeah, but it's not a massive deal to me so long the thing is operational or not falling apart. Do you ever write fanfic? Of what? Nah. Do you ever READ fanfic? Of what? Also nah. Do you have a favorite classical composer? No. Have you ever had multicolored/rainbow hair? No, but I would LOVE to. What kind of hats, if any, do you like to wear? I don't wear hats. What is your #1 deal-breaker with friendships? If you're manipulative, byyyyyeeeee~ Who is your favorite character on Bob’s Burgers and why? (If you watch it) I've seen some episodes, but I don't actually watch it. Have you ever had a retro celebrity crush? Like a crush on an “old” celebrity who was most famous a long time ago or is long dead? Audrey Hepburn, for one, is drop-dead GORGEOUS. When you buy/receive new clothes, do you instantly wear them or wash first? It depends on what I bought and where it's from. What’s the weirdest item you’ve seen for sale on Ebay? Idk. Are parents to blame for what their kids do on the Internet? No; kids make their own choices. I do, however, believe the parents should monitor what they do until they reach a certain degree of maturity, as well as the child's history with what they've done on the Internet. Do you use acronyms to remember things? Sometimes. Do you take pills like Tylenol for the littlest aches and pains? No. Only if I'm really in pain will I take Ibuprofen/Advil. Don’t you think Crocs are ugly? Big time. I don't know why they're in vogue now when they used to be so widely hated. When was the last time you went roller skating? Oh, it's been years. Who was your favorite Ninja Turtle? I was never into the franchise. Horror flicks make you: laugh, scream, or squirm? I prefer the ones that make you uneasy. I'm not a big fan of the nasty ones, and I want to feel on edge when I'm watching a horror film, but it's EXTREMELY rare I become legitimately scared. If you could become a doctor, what would you specialize in? Uhhhh. Maybe genetic disorders. What’s the cutest thing a little kid has ever said to/in front of you? I'm sure it was something my niece or nephew said, but I'm unsure of what. They've said many adorable things. Did any characters from TV shows scare you as a kid? Which one(s)? FUCKING KING RAMSES FROM COURAGE THE COWARDLY DOG. FUCK he gave me nightmares. What’s the saddest thing you’ve heard on the news recently? I was very saddened to hear about the giraffe that died giving birth. Do you believe that acupuncture works? I'm not educated enough on this subject. Have you ever been hypnotized? No, and I don't believe it's possible to be. What’s the first food you can smell when you enter the mall? The soft pretzels, omg. That little stand is my favorite part of our local mall. They make DELICIOUS pretzels. What is the worst hurt you’ve ever experienced? Jason leaving. Are huge muscles gross or sexy? Like serious body builders, it's gross to me. I prefer a natural musculature. Have you ever fished and caught something weird? I know I have, but what isn't coming to mind. Do you use an umbrella when it rains? Unless it is absolutely pouring, no. Do you like getting caught in the rain? No. What is the hardest part of cleaning for you? It requires physical exertion and I am INCREDIBLY weak with non-existent stamina. Do you have any fake flowers in your room? No. Do you own any succulents? No. What is your favorite thing about spring? The only thing I like about spring are all the flowers. What is something you find hard to draw? HANDS. UGH. Was it sunny for your senior prom pictures? Sigh. It was a beautiful sunset. I REALLY wish I didn't delete all those pictures from existence. Have you ever seen a double rainbow? I've seen like, a triple rainbow. What’s one thing you want to learn how to make? Your ordinary meals. I really want to be able to cook my own food from scratch. Do you have stomach issues? Maybe TMI, but it's been questioned but not fully examined that I may have IBS. My stomach is very sensitive. When was the last time you apologized and didn’t mean it? I'm not sure. Do you prefer to be the “talker” or the “listener” in a conversation? The listener. What’s a movie that you think everyone should see? Johnny Got His Gun. If you could have any hair color, what color would you want? Either pastel pink or light creamsicle orange. When was the last time you saw your “first love”? February of 2017. Who’s the smartest person you know personally? My best guy friend Girt. What makes them so smart? He's just very intelligent. Book-smart. Are there any bands/artists that get you all emotional? Ozzy. He and his music are so important to me. What’s your favourite aunt or uncle’s first name? Robert. Have you ever done a first aid course? No. What time do you generally wake up in the morning? It varies from like, 6:00-8:30ish. If you could have one superpower, what would it be? Definitely shapeshifting. I'd love to be a druid, man. Do you ever make surveys? If so, are they long or short? No, but I combine them because I don't like surveys that are too short by my standards. When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? Honestly, probably never. I love my current hairstyle, but I most certainly plan on dyeing it maaaany more times. As a child, what was your favorite game to play? I was hooked on the first three Spyro games. I would play 'em over and over. Do any of your siblings have significant others? Do you like them? My older sister is married, and I am NOT a fan of her husband. He's WAY too conservative and bigoted and racist and misogynistic, etc. etc. He's wonderful as a dad, like holy shit he loves his kids, but his beliefs are abhorrent. Dad's daughter is also married, and her husband is awesome. Mom's eldest daughter is also married, and her husband seems cool. My brother has a fiancee that I've never met. Do you believe in the concept of global warming? No fucking shit I do. It's impossible to logically deny, especially as the years go on. When was the last time you took a picture of something? Was it yourself? I took some pictures of this beautiful hydrangea bush outside the TMS office a few days ago. When drinking soda, do you prefer bottles or cans or poured in a glass? Cans, because it stays colder. Do you wear deodorant? Um, yes? If you had a pet pig, what would you name it? Probably something very unoriginal, like Wilbur. Do you like Led Zeppelin? I LOVE "Kashmir." "Stairway to Heaven" was madly important to me, but yeah... I can't listen to it anymore. Like seriously, I haven't in years. Do you like hugs? I do. Have you read the Constitution of the United States of America? Only the Bill of Rights for school. Do you have your own computer or use a family one? I have my own laptop. Do you take out the trash? Sometimes. Is there a calendar in the room you’re in? Outdated meerkat ones. What is your best friend’s name? Sara Jane. :') Have you ever seen a real-life cop chase? Maybe? What is your favorite shape? Circles. Are pigs adorable or dirty? They're precious! And pigs are actually a lot cleaner than people think, if they're not muddy. Anything moldy in your house? Not to my knowledge. Our old house had a serious mold problem, though, which is the primary reason we had to move. Especially with Mom having cancer at the time, she needed to be in the most sterile environment possible. Have you ever been in an earthquake? No. Do you enjoy history? No. Are you watching TV right now? No, but rather GameGrumps on YT. Could you ever be a mortician? True shit, it actually doesn't seem THAT bad. Can you solve a Rubik’s cube? Never seriously tried. How many pets do you have? Just two right now. Are you more close with your mom or dad? My mom. Who is the person that has impacted your life the most? Jason. Or Mom. Have you ever had a pet fish? Yeah. Poor things, they had terrible husbandry. I've learned a hell of a lot from a YouTuber/streamer that is like obsessed with fish about just how misinformed people are on how to take care of various fish. Your goldfish in that little bowl died for a reason, you know. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes. Do you prefer tea or coffee? Both suck. Have you ever vaped? No. How did your parents meet? They were co-workers. What was your first word? "Dada." Have you ever had a kinky dream about a celebrity? ... I mighta lmao. When was the last time you had Nutella? A long time ago. It reeeeaaaally needs to stay out of my house, because I will eat it straight out of the jar. Name someone with a sexy sounding voice. So I don't know where this was, but Mark was once credited in something as "if chocolate had a voice" and I was like YOU FUCKIN BET YOUR SWEET ASS.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''jet city woman'' by queensryche

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radiantroope · 4 years ago

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The Chill Along Your Spine

Chapter Three: The Woods

co-written with @sortagaysortahigh and @letsgofullkook!! please follow them too!

warnings: horror au, horror movie concepts, mentions of blood and gore, mentions of murder, mentions of violence, cussing, possible spelling and grammar errors

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Sarah Cameron

Sarah was questioning if coming on the trip was a good idea at the events that had taken place in a spanse of less than twenty-four hours. She just wanted a relaxing get away with her friends to forget about the stress of college and growing up. She thought it would do them all some good. Sure, there was a divide still, but she hoped this trip could bring them all closer and they could consider calling each other friends.

The middle Cameron child had followed her father’s wishes in attending Chapel Hill. It may not have been exactly what she wanted, but she didn’t want to let him down. Her and John B. had broken up before they went off to their separate schools. They didn’t want to hold each other back from truly living and experiencing college life. Yet somehow, when they both visited home, they ended up in the sheets together. Maybe because it was familiar or a sense of intimacy that a lot of college boys couldn’t give her. It wasn’t a healthy habit but the blonde girl still went with it.

Being so close yet so far away from home was good for Sarah. She was able to live her own life, yet could still visit whenever she wanted. Which she did quite often, mostly for Wheezie, but also for JJ. She wanted to make sure he knew he didn’t get left behind and his friends still cared about him. They’d go to weekend Boneyard parties together and a time or two, snuck off together, but that was something they’d take to the grave. Sarah enjoyed the nostalgia she felt as she watched teenagers run around the bonfire, or a fight would break out and she’d have a memory of a John B. and Topper from all those years ago.

A lot of kids who attended Chapel Hill and came from Kildare got caught up in the crazy parties and drugs — not to say Sarah didn’t dapple in it a bit as well. The freedom they had in the OBX couldn’t compare to what they had on the mainland. No more suspecting parents and having to look over your shoulder constantly to avoid being caught. She’d heard many kids let their grades slip and were on the verge of flunking out. Visiting home almost every weekend helped keep the blonde girl’s head on straight.

Truth be told, she had absolutely no idea what she wanted to do with her life. She knew she wanted to be successful and build a life for herself. Ward pushed her to go for business, follow in his and Rafe’s footsteps, but she was conflicted. Most of the time she just wanted to drop out and join volunteer groups to help rescued sea animals and clean up the beaches. Ward would surely cut her off if she did that, despite being the favorite in everyone’s eyes. That’s why she valued trips like this with her friends. She didn’t have to worry about those things and was able to just live in the moment.

After a day out fishing on the lake, the group retreated back to the cabin. Sarah walked arm in arm with Kiara, giggling as the alcohol they’d consumed pumped through their bloodstreams. Kelce has offered to grill up some steaks for dinner and the blonde had remembered there were some expensive bottles of wine stashed somewhere within the house.

The former Kook princess slipped away from her friends and started searching for the wine she knew she’d seen. Though, the cabin was so big she wasn’t positive where exactly it had been. Was it John B’s room? She thought to herself as she ascended the stairs and made her way to said boy’s room. She came up empty in there and moved onto Rafe and Kelce’s room. God, did someone fucking move it? She scoffed to herself as she inspected the surprisingly tidy room.

Sarah paused as she heard a creak above her head. She looked up at the ceiling and drowned out the other voices downstairs, listening for another sound. She let out a soft breath and summed it up to the house settling. It was old so in her mind it was a perfectly acceptable answer.

Bingo. She smiled as she walked beside Pope’s bed to the winerack in the corner. It was a bit odd that there was wine kept in a random bedroom but they also didn’t know who else had been staying at that cabin before them.

Sarah went to make her way back downstairs but halted as the wooden ceiling above her head creaked once again. She’d just crossed the threshold into the hallway, eyes following the sound of the creaking as it moved towards the back of the house. Her eyes fell on a door at the end of the hall, gut twisting at the mere sight of it. She stepped towards it, wondering if anyone had inspected the suspicious door with a deadbolt lock.

As she inched closer, she tried to ignore the chill that ran along her spine. One hand gripped tight on the neck of the wine bottle as the other reached for the shiny knob. Her amber eyes slipped closed as she braced herself to find if the door was unlocked.

“Sarah!” Kiara’s loud voice made the girl jump, nearly dropping the glass bottle as her other hand caught it. “Did you find it?”

“Yeah! Coming!” Sarah called back, backing away from the door slowly. She retreated back down the hall, stealing one last glance behind her at the erie door as the creaking above her head subsided.

The next morning Sarah Cameron woke up with a brain splitting headache. She didn’t know if it was from going overboard on the wine the prior night, or the lack of sleep she’d gotten. Her subconscious mind was restless thinking about the door and the footstep like noises in the attic. She was ignoring that thought, choosing to believe it was because of Kelce’s prank and JJ’s irrational fear of someone on a nonexistent boat.

The blonde girl forced herself out of bed and changed into a pair of leggings and a tank top. A hike would do her some good. She could clear her head and get a better look at the woods surrounding them in broad daylight. She made her way downstairs into the kitchen where everyone had already gathered, munching on their own breakfasts. She grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and popped two Ibuprofen from the cabinet beside it.

“Rough night?” Rafe snickered, eyeing his sister from the stove as he prepared eggs.

Sarah responded with her middle finger and a roll of her eyes. She grabbed a banana and sat down at the kitchen table across from John B., choosing to get something in her belly before her journey.

“I’m gonna go on a hike, anyone wanna come with?” she asked the group.

Kiara’s response was inaudible around her mouthful of food but with the way she darted for the stairs — Kelce hot on her heels — Sarah assumed it was a yes. She chuckled as the two disappeared up the stairs, shoving each other along the way. Her eyes met John B.’s hazel ones that were swimming with concern. Oh, here we go.

“Are you sure a hike is a good idea?” the brunette asked, fidgeting in his seat as his mind went over the events that had taken place.

“It’s broad daylight out and I’m not going alone. Yes, I’m sure a hike is fine,” Sarah retorted, holding back the bite to her tone. Even broken up, the boy still tended to be up in her business. She was starting to regret revisiting the past with him the day they all arrived.

The Cameron girl stood from the table and disposed of her banana peel in the trash as Kiara and Kelce came back down. She smiled at the two and made her way to the door, hearing a chair scrape the floor as someone hastily stood up. She didn’t need to turn around to know who it was.

“I’m coming with you,” John B. said as he stared at Sarah from the table. The group looked between the two and at each other, an uncomfortable tension filling the room.

Sarah sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, the headache that had started to dissipate returning. “I can take care of myself, John. I don’t need a babysitter,” she said through gritted teeth.

“I know you don’t but I-”

“Then stop acting like we’re sixteen again!” Sarah snapped, her hard gaze meeting his again. He looked hurt and she knew she was being harsh, but he needed to hear it. “We aren’t together anymore. I’m a grown woman and I can make my own decisions.”

She didn’t wait for him to respond before she ripped open the front door and walked out. She heard the door shut from behind her and the hasty steps of her friends moving to catch up with her. Neither of them addressed what just happened, which she was thankful for.

The three of them fell into step, walking their own path through the trees. Kelce and Kiara talked about school and what they were going to do with their futures. Sarah chimed in every now and again but her thoughts were elsewhere. Her mind was going back to all of the weird things they’d encountered. A face in the window, a person on a boat that disappeared, footsteps in the attic and deadbolt locked door. She couldn’t help but feel a little uneasy as her eyes gazed over the wilderness around them.

Sarah’s breath caught in her throat, feet becoming glued to the Earth beneath her. Ghostface was a few yards ahead of her, disappearing behind a tree when she stopped. She watched the trees around where he’d been, waiting to see if he popped back up.

“Sarah?” Kiara turned to look at her friend.

The blonde shook her head slightly and started walking again, trailing behind the other two. That’s when she saw him again, this time on her right and closer. She saw the sun reflect off a metal object as he waved it at her and disappeared behind a tree again.

Get a grip Sarah. Your mind is playing tricks on you. You’re paranoid.

Sarah’s brain was spinning as she saw him out of the corner of her eye on the left. Approximately five seconds later again on the right. Her hands started shaking, breathing picking up. Kelce noticed and turned around to face her, hands coming up to hold her shoulders.

“Sarah? Sarah, what’s wrong?” Kiara’s concerned voice reached the blonde’s ears.

Though, the Cameron girl wasn’t looking at them. She was looking behind them, directly into the black eyes of ghostface who was only about three feet away. The masked person tilted their head slowly, raising their hand and waving tauntingly.

“Guys,” Sarah’s shaky voice managed to get out, she raised her hand and pointed, unable to tear her gaze away. She didn’t want him to disappear and the other two to think she was crazy. Kiara and Kelce turned, faces paling as they too saw him.

“Run!” Kelce yelled, turned Sarah roughly and pushing her ahead of him.

The three of them moved as fast as their feet could carry them, weaving through the trees. They couldn’t look behind them to see if they were being chased or they’d run smack into one. Kelce was screaming for the others as they neared the cabin. Kiara was on the verge of tears. Sarah’s lungs burned, eyes watering as she broke the tree line and saw her friends. JJ grabbed her, eyes wracking her body to see if she was hurt after he heard the commotion. Everyone joined him outside quickly.

“It was ghostface! We fucking saw him!” Kelce yelled, hunching over with his hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath.

“What?” JJ asked, pushing Sarah behind him and Rafe.

“He was following us. He was fucking with me the whole time,” Sarah told them, hands folded over her chest as she grabbed her shoulders.

Pope grabbed Kiara, wrapping his arms around her to relax her shaking frame. He glanced around to the rest of them as he rubbed the girls back. Everyone wore similar faces of shock and fear.

“What do we do?” Topper asked, glancing around.

“Fuck, dude. Fuck!” Rafe yelled, kicking the old wooden boards of the porch steps.

John B. had his hands on top of his head as he started pacing, scolding Rafe for what he’d just done. Then they all started yelling, fighting over what to do next. But they didn’t know what to do. This wasn’t some silly prank one of them was playing. This was real. Someone was watching them — taunting them. They were living a nightmare.

tag list: @scandalousfemale @drewswannabegirl @ilovejjmaybank @pheyward @allielozoya @x-lulu @teenwaywardasgardian @wtfstarkey @queenk00k @letsgofullkook @sortagaysortahigh @jjmaybcnks @jjmbanks @ims0golden @jjsmentalpolaroids @netflix-imagines @bolaurel @apoguecalledjj @sweetlysilent @canibeoneofthepogues @kaitieskidmore1 @erraaxh @rottencoregirl @cindercock @talksoprettyjjx strike through means i couldn’t tag you!

if you want to be added to the tag list for this series let me, @sortagaysortahigh or @letsgofullkook know!

#sarah cameron #sarah cameron imagine #obx #outer banks #sarah cameron au #outer banks fic #outer banks imagine #outer banks au #outer banks horror au #the chill along your spine #chyna writes

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thestray · 4 years ago

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The 62 2020 Movies Releases I Watched During 2020 Ranked

Like the awkward title says, I’m going to rank (and talk about) all the 2020 movies I watched in 2020. This is not meant as any empirical list of what was best, it’s ranked by what I liked the least to the most, and my main criteria is what kind of impact it had on me and/or how much I enjoyed the experience of watching it.

Little bit about myself, I went to art school for animation, then after art school I went to a community college where I studied screenwriting. Never ended up pursuing either thing professionally, but I still write screenplays in my free time and read screenwriting books and listen to screenwriting podcasts. I'm the type of person that loves special features, seeks out behind the scenes information and director interviews, and watch youtube videos analyzing films. I love film, and thinking about film and talking about film and sharing the films I like, and maybe one day making films of my own, who knows.

Ranking and reviewing 62 movies was a more ambitious and challenging task than I anticipated, I rearranged this list swapping titles back and forth so many times, and then I’d remember a movie I forgot I watched and have to add that and figure out where it ranks. I started this on January 1st and am just now ready to post it on the 17th, I was still switching rankings right up until posting this. Even looking at it now there are some kinda want to switch but I’ve accepted that this is more or less arbitrary, lol.

The more I learn about film and what goes into creating a movie the more lenient I am about them. It’s not like I’m never critical of films, but I try to consider both the good and the bad of a movie instead of thinking in a binary of films are either amazing or trash. Some of these films aren’t great, but I typically still enjoyed them to some degree. Except Mulan, lol. I’m sorry Mulan. Speaking of Mulan...

62. Mulan

I'm going to try to say something nice about all these movies even if I didn't like them at all. So... I like the cast, and there are some nice visual moments. I actually was looking forward to this movie before reviews started coming out, it has 2 of the martial arts G.O.A.T.s in it, Donnie Yen and Jet Li, and also Jason Lee as the bad guy, so I figured it might at the very least have some decent action, but they were all underutilized. There’s not a single moment in the film where I felt anything at all. I think all these Disney live-action remakes are doing is making a case for how effective animation is for storytelling.

61. Color Out of Space

I heard a lot of good things about this movie, and it’s really cool visually, and I love Nicolas Cage always, but I really couldn’t get into it. I guess my main issue is that it starts off already too campy for any of to the Lovecraftian horror to really hit. It felt like a B-movie with great production value, and maybe that’s what they were going for? I really wanted to like this but I really just did not feel invested in anything going on, did not relate to anyone in the family, so I don’t think I got much out of it besides the cool visuals.

60. Bloodshot

I think the main flaw of this movie is that is that Vin Diesel was a producer on it, and Vin Diesel should be kept away from making creative decisions on movies. How Did This Get Made did a great podcast episode on this movie. It’s absolute nonsense, it has a couple of cool sequences and special effects in it, and Lamorne with a British accent is great, he’s the main redeeming value of this movie.

59. The Midnight Sky

It seems like this movie wants to be Interstellar, it’s structured in a very similar way, but it just didn’t quite have that same emotional punch. It looks very good, it’s well-acted, it has it’s moments.

58. The New Mutants

It's not as much of a trainwreck as people make it out to be in my opinion, I think the cast is good and it has some good character interactions, but it mostly suffers from the fact that it's way too predictable, from the beginning you're way ahead of the characters, and it doesn't help that they're in this confined setting so there's not a lot for them to actually do. But I appreciate the attempt at using mutants to do a horror breakfast club thing, good concept.

57. Vampires vs The Bronx

Vampires as a gentrifiers taking over the hood, great idea. Mero is in it, the brand is brolic. It was a fun set up, but it was neither funny enough or scary enough in my opinion. The vampires die so easily it's like okay whatever. It's like a really long Goosebumps episode.

56. Freaky

I don't think the execution lived up to the great concept, but Vince Vaughan was really great in those sincere moments playing a teenage girl. Horror fans will appreciate the gory kills. I'm not going to spoil anything but I do think there are some narrative issues that keep this from being stronger than it could've been. If you made the killer a creepy janitor at the school or even one of the teachers, then I think that would've created more interesting situations.

55. Eurovision

I love Will Ferrell, I even love some of his flops like Casa De Mi Padre and Kicking and Screaming, and even the House I think had a lot of really funny moments. This was definitely one of the least funny movies he's done to me. I think the director David Dobkin couldn't commit to being silly the way Adam McKay can cause there's a lot of this movie that just has no jokes, and the movie is over 2 hours long which isn't normal for comedies so you spend a lot of time watching unfunny scenes and extended musical numbers.

54. The Wrong Missy

I'm not a big fan of most Happy Madison movies, the jokes are very hit or miss for me. I'm a big fan of Lauren Lapkus though so I watched it to support her, and she plays an absolute psycho in this. It's so over the top it's like this character is not a human being, but I have to admit there are a few moments where she made me laugh pretty loud. I'd never watch this movie again, but maybe I'd look up certain parts on youtube.

53. The Platform

High concept dystopian sci-fi horror. Reminds me of the Cube. It's one of those things that makes you think about what you'd do in the same situation. It's a very on the nose allegory, so by the end of it my only takeaway was "Yeah, it really be like that."

52. Archenemy

Another high concept movie. Joe Mangienello is good in it, but Glenn Howerton and Paul Scheer are my favorite parts of the movie, it's fun to see comedy actors play bad guys. My main problem with the movie was that I did not find the teen character to be interesting or relatable at all, in fact he can be kind of obnoxious. In his introductory scene he's REALLY bothering this random guy minding his own business, not respecting his boundaries at all. Then the rest of the movie is about him exploiting a homeless man and being really pushy for likes on some app, and he doesn't really have a character arc. Also wasn't a big fan of the animated sequences but I forgive that knowing this was a low budget movie and those sequences were done by a team of just 3 people.

51. Power

Jamie Foxx is great. I think he makes almost anything he's in watchable to some degree. The idea of this movie is fun but I think the action sequences are kinda underwhelming, but Jamie makes it worth watching in my opinion.

50. Birds of Prey

This movie was all style and absolutely no substance. When your main character doesn't have a solid purpose or goal you're really just watching shit happen, and that can be okay if the shit that's happening is occassionally fun or funny, but it doesn't really make for a memorable story in my opinion.

49. Wonder Woman 84

The most panned movie of 2020 maybe? It's got flaws for sure and some narrative choices I just can't understand why they made. It has some fun performances though and I ultimately appreciated that our superhero wins not by using her fists but by appealing to goodness. I feel like you rarely see that kind of idealism any more. It may not be realistic but I think that's one of the things fantasy is good for, showing us a way things could be better to strive for. But yeah, the Steve Trevor things was fucking weird, why'd they do that? And neither Steve or Diana seem concerned with about this random guy's fate. I'd probably rate this film higher if they had Steve simply appear out of thin air, I mean why not? It's magic. But I loved Kristen Wig and Pedro Pascal in this. Pedro is performing with his whole body, did he film this after season 1 of the Mandolorian? Maybe being under that helmet for a season made him want to be really expressive. The films overall kinda campy but I didn't necessarily mind that.

48. Peninsula

Sequel to the already classic Train to Busan, this film decides the up the scale, which is what sequels often do, but I think it was a mistake in this instance. This is more of an over the top action movie than a character-driven horror film like the first. There's a climactic Mad Max-esque car chase scene that is almost entirely CGI. I don't think it was a bad movie, it's an okay popcorn flick, but it definitely doesn't live up to the original.

47. The Old Guard

In terms of action I don't think it did anything interesting, but I like how they explored how horrific and heartbreaking it would be to be immortal. Coming to terms with your own mortality is a tough thing to do, but we often don't consider the idea that death is a blessing we take for granted.

46. Sputnik

A Russian sci-fi thriller about a young doctor being tasked with trying to figure out how to separate an alien parasite from a Cosmonaut that's returned from earth. Good performances, creepy vibe, and lots of interesting questions about ethics. It has a sort of epilogue ending with a reveal I didn't quite understand the significance to the story, but didn't take away from either. Solid.

45. The Invisible Man

Fun sci-fi thriller about toxic abusive relationships and gaslighting. Elizabeth Moss is great in it and my favorite sequences are before her character actually catches on and you have moments where the camera is just focusing on a random place, very creepy and effective.

44. Sonic the Hedgehog

Personally I would've preferred a fully animated film taking place in Sonic's world. I don't know why they always feel like they need to make these movies about human characters and then spend a lot of time having to hide your CG character and having people do comical reactions to them. It feels very played out to me. BUT Jim Carrey is great in this, of course. Jim Carrey is the reason to watch this movie. He makes the movie. And it goes without saying thank God they changed that character design.

43. 2067

What I liked about this dystopian future is that the cause was basically everything. War, famine, ruining the environment, pandemics, just all our collective fuckery has resulted in a world where the human race is on the verge of extinction, plants are extinct, and oxygen is synthetic. Enter time travel, a young man is tasked with traveling into the future to bring back the solution to saving the human race. Very timely obviously. I liked it.

42. Monsters of Man

Some asshole tech bros let some killer robots loose on a remote southeast asian village as a trial run. It has lots of flaws but I give it some leeway because this is the first film of a guy who wrote, directed and was the cinematographer by himself, he didn't have a huge budget or much experience, so it's hard to expect perfection. My biggest criticism is that the film centers a white guy living in this village and some westerner medics, not the actual Asian people of the village. Could've been so much more of interesting commentary about racism and eurocentrism dropping these robots in a village of brown people no one will miss just for practice. That aside though I think it was a solid enough thriller and the robots looked pretty good.

41. Family Romance LLC

An interesting movie about a Japanese entrepreneur who has a business where he'll play whatever role in your life you need. Father, husband, coworker, etc there's a scene where someone even pays him to be scolded in his place by his boss. The main thrust of the film though is him playing the role of a girl's absentee father, pretends to reconnect with her and take her out on the town for activities. It's shot very documentary style, and there are a mixture of first time actors and non-actors. Sometimes there are long awkward conversations that feel just as awkward as real life. I really liked the premise, and the only thing that keeps it from being higher on my list is it doesn't have a strong enough conflict nor does it really have a satisfying conclusion.

40. Over the Moon

Directorial debut of animation legend Glen Keane, I really liked this visually. It was sufficiently enjoyable, but it doesn't have that emotional gut punch that Pixar or Disney films tend to have. But I guess cartoons don't NEED to make you bawl your eyes out to be good. I think there were some missed opportunities narratively, like I guess this is spoilery so just scroll ahead if you don't want to know, but she gains a step brother that she doesn't like and doesn't want to spend time with, once the adventure starts on the Moon they get separated very early on, and don't ge reunited until towards the end, but she somehow now cares about him and considers him her brother. I didn't feel like that was really earned, they should've been together throughout the adventure getting to know each other. But I otherwise liked the story aside from that nitpick. Loved the colors of this movie, almost everything in the moon world is luminescent which provides some nice visuals. Hope to see Glen direct more in the future.

39. The Croods 2

Nothing revolutionary but it has some solid physical comedy and great voice acting. All of Nicolas Cage's overacting is perfect for animation, and I liked Peter Dinklage as Mr. Betterman as well. There's a lot going on thematically but it all works pretty cohesively.

38. #ALIVE

Another Korean zombie thriller. I really liked this because I felt like as far as zombie outbreaks go this is the most realistic scenario. Once you realize what's going on you will just stay in your house rather than risk going outside and fighting zombies. But that poses the problem of a limited supply of food and water. The main thrust of the movie is not how this character survives though it's about him trying to retain his will to live. It's the perfect pandemic isolation allegory.

37. Love and Monsters

It looked kinda corny but I actually enjoyed this more than I thought I would. I like Dylan O'Brien, I love Tom Holland as Peter Parker but I've always felt like Dylan O'Brien would've been a great choice too, he has a good everyman relatable quality. There's also a dog in the movie that I loved. Put a dog in peril in a movie and I will be on the edge of my seat guaranteed. It's a fun movie with some interesting creatures in it and a solid character arc for our main protagonist.

36. Extraction

I love the trend of stunt coordinators directing films. That's the main reason why the John Wick series is so good, and the reason why this also has some very solid action. Nothing crazy here in terms of story or themes, everything is an excuse for Chris Hemsworth to fuck people up and it delivers on that. There's one scene where he slaps around some kids attacking him that I found hilarious as well. Fully welcoming an Extraction 2.

35. Save Yourselves

A couple decides to take a break from social media and get away to a cabin outside the city. While they're disconnected from the world an alien invasion occurs, furry little basketball sized poofs. This movie was pretty funny. I'm a little ambivalent about the ending but I enjoyed these hipsters arguing about what to do about aliens.

34. Bill and Ted Face the Music

A most bodacious movie. Fun gags and a robot that steals the show. It's not as good as the first 2 but I don't think that's any surprise. I think it borrows a little bit too much from the previous films, like the collecting legendary musicians thing, could've done without that. It was a fun movie though, and the daughters really worked.

33. An American Pickle

Seth Rogen playing an orthodox Jew who's been preserved in pickle juice for 100 years and his modern day app developer grandson. I think this may be Seth Rogen's best acting role, as silly as this movie is he's kind of endearing as this character from 100 years aro, and as the grandson he's a lot more understated than he usually is in movies.

32. Tenet

Tenet! Is it controversial that this is not higher up on the list? I really like Nolan's films, actually been a fan since watching his first film Following in a film class. Nolan likes playing with time in his movies so it was inevitable that he'd do something that addresses it very directly eventually. I love the time travel genre and I think this is one of the most ambitious and unique approaches to it to ever done. I actually braved theaters to see this because I did not want to miss the opportunity to see it on the big screen. I did it as safely as possible and booked a reserved seating theater where I knew I wouldn't be sitting by anyone, had a mask, gloves, antibacterial gell on deck, sanitized my seat with wipes, etc, there only 2 other people in the theater all of us sitting way for from each other. Weirdest moviegoing experience I've ever had but glad I saw it on the big screen because the visual spectacle of this is excellent. The reason it's not higher on the list is because as conceptually cool as it is as I did not feel invested. Just on a story level having a character we know very little about pursuing a goal he knows very little about for no clearly defined reason makes it feel like... we're just watching events unfold as opposed to watching a character-driven story. There's a moment at the end that you can tell was meant to be an emotional moment, but I felt nothing. They try to introduce some emotional stakes with the female character, but idk, since it wasn't tied to the inciting incident it felt more like a b-plot than fundamental to the story. So it was a really fun cool looking puzzle, more like watching a cool Rube Goldberg machine, but not something I really thought much about after it was over.

31. Guns Akimbo

I really have been enjoying Daniel Radcliffe's post-Harry Potter career, he'll do some solid dramas he seems to prefer doing fun weird shit like Swiss Army Man, Horns, his role on Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, etc. This is in that vein of fun weird shit, a guy who gets guns bolted to his hands and is running around the city in a robe trying to survive essentially a real life video game. A lot of the movies lower on this list had fun concepts but were lacking in execution, but this is one that is just as fun as the idea sounds, even more fun actually, it's funny, the action is good, and there are some great visuals. I found it all around enjoyable.

30. Let Them All Talk

Glen Close as a celebrated author who invites her nephew and 2 estranged best friends on a cruise with her. It's a very light-hearted movie with some underlying conflicts that the characters are afraid to address head on. Glen Close is great, obviously, she plays this pretentious self-important woman with affectations but is still likable and warm. It's a fairly pleasant almost slice-of-life until the 3rd act where everything comes together. To me it was a movie about communication, saying what you mean, saying what you feel, and those unspoken assumptions of what those around you are thinking or feeling about you. I know I can relate to the idea of wanting an apology from someone who might not even be cognizant of the fact that you feel slighted by them, or vice versa finding out someone's had a long standing problem with you when you thought you were cool. One sided grudges do no one any good.

29. True History of the Kelly Gang

I've heard of Ned Kelly, but I've never seen the Heath Ledge or Mick Jagger movies about him and I don't know much about him other than he's a famous Australian outlaw and something of a folk hero to some. The performances and cinematography if this are great. George MacKay from 1917 is the lead and he's amazing, sometimes vulnerable and soft, other times a madman. It spends a lot of time in his childhood and the child actor who plays Ned is great as well. It's gritty and sometimes surreal in it's imagery. From what I can gather previous films seemed to focus more on what happened with him and his gang, while this movie seems to focuses more on everything in his life that led up to him becoming who he is and forming that gang. Like a 3rd of the movie is spent in his childhood, and once the gang is actually formed things move at a pretty brisk pace, seemingly skimming over the exploits of the gang to the conclusion. The film feels very raw and gritty and very fuck the police which I always appreciate.

28. Lucky Grandma

A stubborn grandma in New York's chinatown gets her fortunte read and is told that she's going to be very lucky and come into a fortune, she then comes into possession of a bunch of money that belongs to a gang and she decides to try to keep it feeling it's owed to her by the universe. A funny crime drama with the unlikeliest of protagonists.

27. Da 5 Bloods

Spike Lee is an icon but he can honestly be a little hit or miss for me. I don't always enjoy every choice he makes, for instance he uses real footage of war attrocities in this, and it's really upsetting to see REAL people, including children, be killed, when you're not expecting that. I understand it's meant to be upsetting, but it does make the movie something I'll probably never rewatch. Spike Lee's films to me can also feel at times heightened to the point that it feels a little cheesy (Miracle At St Anna), and there moments in this that kinda took me out of it to be honest, but overall I enjoyed it. The performances were great, Delroy Lindo in my opinion is one of the most underrated actors of all time, he's just always good no matter what he's in, everyone else in it is good too, but of course I have to mention Chadwick Boseman who was great. At the end of the day it gave me a lot to think about in terms or race, war, America, forgiveness, trauma and so many other things.

26. The Devil All The Time

There's a LOT going on in this movie, maybe a little too much, it's like 2 or 3 movies smashed into one, but... I really liked it, and that's probably because Tom Holland is so good in it. Really liked Robert Pattinson in it too. I can’t really think of more to say about it say I won’t. Next movie.

25. Bad Education

A true crime movie about school district officiala who stole from the budget of a highschool. Hugh Jackman is great in this. I loved Jackman as Wolverine, but now that he's done with that I'm excited to see him other stuff cause he's always interesting to watch; The Fountain, Prisoners, The Prestige, he's always solid. I enjoyed this, it was done with nuance, it doesn't let them off the hook for what they did but it doesn't paint them as absolute monsters either. I really have to ask myself, if I could get away with stealing money that no one would miss... I don't know, I think I'd not do it out of fear not altruism, lol.

24. My Octopus Teacher

This is a documentary on Netflix about a diver who immerses himself in the world of underwater life and documents the life of an octopus. It's really beautiful, both in terms of visuals and in content. There's not a lot to talk about because it's fairly straightforward, but it was really fascinating to learn about this octopus and see the bond they mutually formed, and again I can't talk about how great this movie looks, it's like you're in a different world. This is something I could put in and mute while I draw just for the ambiance.

23. Kajillionaire

A quirky dramedy about a family of really obtuse poor scam artists. As absurd as their behaviour is I can totally imagine a trio of weirdos like this living in Los Angeles ( I can say that cause it's my hometown and where I lived most of my life. It's Evan Rachel Wood's best role, I never would've imagined her doing something like this but she's great as "Old Dolio". It's funny, at time sad but not in a hammy melodramatic way, and I feel it had the perfect ending.

22. The Gentleman

Guy Ritchie doing what he does best. It's fun, stylish, witty, has layers and twists and reveals. Everybody's good in it. It doesn't have anything poignant to say, but it's fun to watch the entire time

21. Run

A thriller about a wheelchair bound teen who suspects her mother is drugging her and tries to get to the bottom of it. You can tell this director is a Hitchcock fan because it definitely has that Rear Window vibe but takes it a step further, and in many ways it's even shot and paced like Hitchcock. The lead actress is actually wheelchair bound herself so it really adds to the realism of all the things she does in this film. Oh, and Sarah Paulson is the mom, when is Sarah Paulson ever not good?

20. Horse Girl

Alison Brie is an awkward neurotic woman getting over recent grief and a history of mental illness in her family, she starts to have weird dreams and then notices people from her dreams in real life, starts blacking out and having gaps in time, and starts to believe it's due to alien abduction conspiracy. Is she losing her mind or is it really happening? Alison Brie is really really good in this, and she co-wrote it too, it has a lot of moments where you really feel sorry for her or scared for her and you start to question what's real yourself.

19. Swallow

I found this movie really fascinating, it's like what if you turned one of those My Strange Addiction episodes on TLC into a movie. It's about this woman who ostensibly, at least from appearances, has the perfect life (at least by societal standards), she came from nothing and is now housewife to a rich successful man, and behaves almost like a Stepford wife. Then develops a compulsion to swallow inedible things, like marbles and batteries and thumbtacks, which is a real condition called pica. Its the kind of movie that gives you a lot to think about but no easy answers.

18. Time to Hunt

A Korean heist thriller set in the near future. A bunch of childhood friends rob the wrong person and have an Anton Chigurh-esque killer sent after them to retrieve the money and kill them. It's a really tense cat and mouse thriller with good performances. The ending seemed to turn a lot of people off based on a lot of youtube comments I read, but I didn't mind it. My only real gripe is that they set this in the near future but aside from some imagery in the beginning it doesn't seem to come into play that much, this all could've taken place in modern day or even the past with no alteration of the story. I think the future setting was more just for some social commentary that maybe went over my head a little bit because I'm not from Korea, but I think if they were going to do near future they could've added some futuristic weapons or something. But that's just nitpicking, while the future setting didn't add to the story much it didn't take away from it either.

17. Tigertail

As I get older one of my worse fears is making decisions that I will regret for the rest of my life, so this movie really hit home as a cautionary tale. It's a kind of quietly devastating movie. There's no huge tragic horrific even, just a huge miscalculation. Decades of your life of work and unhappiness go by and all you can do is wonder what things could've been. I also especially appreciated the cinematography and music of this film.

16. Mother

It's been a while since I hated a character this much, but this titular mother really pissed me off. She's a neglectful mother who only sees her son as a tool, but he sticks by her cause he loves her. It's definitely not a fun movie to watch, but it made me feel a lot and meditate on the idea of love and whether it in itself has innate value.

15. Call

I went into this movie cold, having no idea what it was really about other than that it was a thriller that revolved around a woman getting mysterious calls. I'm glad I had seen no trailers and did not know the gist of the plot becuase it went places I really was not expecting. One of the most fun thrillers I've seen in a while. So, I'm not going to talk about the movie but what I will say is that Jeon Jong-seo, who played the woman in Burning is in this, she was great in Burning and she's great in this. After watching it I googled her to see what else she's been in that I can watch and this is only her 2nd film. Apparently Burning was her first audition EVER and she BOOKED IT! Like, one a million success story right? But she deserves it cause she's great and I look forward to seeing what else she does.

14. Possessor

This was directed by Brandon Cronenberg, the son of David Cronenberg, big shoes to fill, and I think he's going to fill them fine cause this is already a cult classic in my opinion. The visuals in this, which look like they were mainly created with practical and in camera effects. There is some very graphic very realistic violence in this. The movie is about an assassin who works for an organization and uses some type of scientific process to "possess" people to carry out hits. When she's in a body for too long who's in control starts to blur. It's really fucking trippy, like a fucked up Black Mirror episode.

13. Borat 2

Been a fan of Sacha since the old Da Ali G Show days when Borat was just a side character. I'm amazed with out Sacha can stay in character the way he does, especially when later on in the movie he shelters in place with some Qanon conservatives with who knows how long staying in character. Maybe they'll reveal they were paid actors who knows, but whatever I fucking laughed a lot at this movie. There's a black woman in this movie that I hope to god was not an actress cause I loved her and her reactions so much. It was a breath of fresh air to watch something that's just goofy in 2020 because it wasn't a good year for comedy. As much as I love film sometimes I got a little fatigue from watching so many things with very heavy themes, this also had heavy themes it was satirizing, but also chimp pornstar jokes, so.. a fun time.

12. A Sun

A drama about a family's eldest son going to juvenile detention for his involvement in a violent crime. We see how his father, his mother, his brother and his pregnant girlfriend all deal with this. I found it very engaging. My only gripe is that there are some moments of levity where they use this really generic comedy music score it and it really takes you out of the film. No music at all is better than bad generic music. Other than that I really loved it and the ending is great. I really thought this would end up in my top 10 but the following films just had more personal relevance or were more fun to watch.

11. Ma Rainey's Black Bottom

R.I.P. Chadwick Boseman, this movie is like an acting showcase for him, he has so many great monologues here, the ending really took the wind out of me. It's also packed with really still relevant commentary on race.

10. Onward

You already expect a Pixar movie to make you cry, but this came from angle I was NOT expecting and I bawled hard at this. This movie was so applicable to my life experience it's like they specifically engineered it to make me personally cry. Honestly there are better movies lower on this list, but movies are just like any other art, when a song touches you on a personal level it doesn't need to have complex instrumentation cause it's how it made you feel that matters.

09. Palm Springs

A comedy released during a pandemic about trying to find stimulation and meaning when every day is the same thing? Ya don't say! Another take on Groundhog Day, which at this point I feel like it's its on genre with the amount of times the concept has been done, but I'm not complaining, I typically enjoy a good time loop movie (or show; Russian Doll). I don't know what else to say besides that it's really funny and Andy Samberg and Cristin Milioti are both charming and great in it.

08. Scare Me

This movie was funny, creepy, the performances were great, and it's just really unique and clever. Written, directed, produced, and starring Josh Ruben, who I know primarily does really idiosyncratic "impressions" on instagram. It's 2 people alone in a cabin telling each other scary stories, they don't cut away to the stories you just watch them act it out. 4 people in the cast, one location, and it still manages to be a fun ride of a movie and manages to touch on some good themes in the overall story. I really hope to see Josh Ruben direct more films because I think he's really creative.

07. Ride Your Wave

A romantic comedy about a woman trying to find joy and purpose in her life. I often go into movies very cold, so I didn't know much about what this movie was about, just knew that it was from an animation studio and director that I really respected. It's very beautiful, very grounded, until it's not. Kind of movie that breaks your heart so it can uplift you later.

06. Uncle Frank

I really did not expect a lot from movie, not that I thought it would be bad, I just thought it be your middle of the road movie. It's about a teenage girl who really looks up to her uncle who she learns is a closeted gay man, in an era where that was potentially dangerous to be. They go on a road trip home when his father dies and learn about each other and themselves, it sounds kinda cookie cutter, but it really surprised me. Paul Bettany is so very good in this, and it made me cry. Easy way to get on high on this list is to make me cry lol.

05. Children of the Sea

This film had to be in my top 5 because I'm an animation nerd and this is one of the most beautiful animated films ever. Ever. It's right up there with Akira and the Ghibli catalogue, and the works of Satoshi Kon, and all the Disney movies and everything else. It focuses on details and nuances in a really gorgeous way. The story is VERY ambiguous and gets very metaphysical towards the end, the climax is like watching an acid trip. It's about a girl who meet 2 young boys who have adapted to living underwater, and they form a bond, and then... uh... there's no way I can concisely explain it. The creator has said it's not supposed to be understood logical, instead it's supposed to be felt. There's a lot of symbolism and metaphor, it's very philosophical and explores themes of connection and the cycle of life. It's produced by Studio 4°C, which is my favorite animation studio because they really push the envelope, they're responsible for Mind Game, Tekkonkinkreet, and the recent Mutafukaz, and other, if you've never heard of any of those definitely look them up, they're unlike any anime you've ever watched before. Anyway, beautiful movie and the cryptic plot allows for you to rewatch it multiple times and take different things away from it. I can't wait to own it on blu-ray.

04. 37 Seconds

I saw this very early in the year and love it. It's about a young woman with cerebal palsy who is also an aspiring hentai artist trying to get laid. Her mother who takes care of her like a child smothers her, so it's not only about trying to get laid but trying to have some independence. Firstly the performance of this woman who actually does have cerebral palsy and is a first time actor is so natural and endearing, secondly there are things they portray with an uncomfortable amount of realism and awkwardness that it really draws you in to the nitty gritty of her reality and what it can be like for someone who is wheelchair bound to try to have sexual experiences. I like that there were 2 films this year about characters in wheelchairs that used unknown actresses that face the same things their characters do, it adds to the authenticity of either film. Films like this are why I think diversity in film is not just about doing something for the demographic you're depicting but also giving everyone else not of that demographic new unique stories and perspectives.

03. Soul

I guess spoilers if you haven't seen this because it's easier to talk about why I liked it if I talk specifically about the plot. I wasn't expecting much from this when the initial trailer dropped, it made it seem like it was going to largely take place in this imaginary soul place with these blue things, and for most of the first act it seemed like that's what it was going to be, but when they come back to earth and the story really starts I really started enjoying it. This movie tricks you into thinking the film is about finding or fulfilling your purpose, only to throw a curveball that living life in and of itself is the "purpose", and this movie resonated so much with thoughts that were already on my mind. I relate so much to Joe as a creative person myself with so many unfulfilled dreams, at 36yrs old, having to put many of my goals on the backburner just to survive, and generally having that feeling that I'm still waiting to live life because I'm not fulfilling my "purpose". Sure reaching for goals is great, but I think our culture breeds this idea that happiness is a destination, an accomplishment, a certain amount of recognition, a monetization of your passion. I really loved how the film depicted that there's a dark side to focusing on your passions and how it can become a source of stress and unhappiness. This movie is just about savoring life itself, which people have been expressing through platitudes since forever but this film illustrated it in a way that words fail at, and that's what makes film such a great form of art.

02. Sound of Metal

This movie had one of the best trailers of 2020, I couldn't wait to watch this movie. FIrst of all I love RIz Ahmed and think he's an underrated and underutilized actor, he's fucking amazing in this, he needs an Oscar nom FOR SURE. His frustration is so palpable and he feels so natural in this movie. It follows a metal punk drummer who loses his hearing and goes to stay in a deaf community to acclimate. One thing I think is absolutely brilliant about this movie is the sound design. I'm not deaf so I can't speak from any type of experience, but they try to replicate what going deaf sounds like, what the audiologist tests sound like, what hearing aids and cochlear implants sound like, it's very immersive. I almost think of it like a companion piece to Soul, cause I had almost the same take away, it's just coming from it at a different angle.

01. I'm Thinking Of Ending Things

Okay, so I’m going to have a lot to say about this movie.

Maybe a very controversial pick for my number one because so many people absolutely hated this movie, lol. I am biased given that I'm a huge fan of Charlie Kaufman, he's my favorite screenwriter, and his films have only gotten weirder and weirder, so I know to expect the unexpected when going into one of his films. I can understand how this would be an offputting experience if you're expecting the conventions of normal narrative structure. It was surprising and perplexing to me how this film unfolded but I've watched non-narrative and experimental films before so I was intrigued rather than frustrated. You think it's about a woman who is thinking of breaking up with her boyfriend as they head to meet his parents. Once we get to his childhood home things start getting surreal, and that surrealism just escalates to the point where you realize this film is not at all attempting to depict reality and doesn't even have any continuity. This is the most a movie has ever felt like one of my dreams. I don't know how other people dream but this was so much like every weird nightmare I've ever had where I feel trapped in a situation.

There's a scene where the family is talking about art, the dad says he hates abstract art because it takes no skill, he prefers paintings that look like photographs because that takes real skill, the son asks why make a painting look like a photograph when you can just take a photograph, the woman states she paints pictures of landscapes and tries to imbue them with a sense of interiority, capturing the way she feels, the dad asks how can a landscape be sad if you don't have a person in it looking sad. I felt like this was a bit of meta commentary on the film itself. After I watched this movies I had my own theories, I watched some analysis videos on youtube that confirmed a lot of my ideas and gave me insight on other parts of the film, I watched the film again and formulated more ideas, it's so dense with things to project meaning onto and interpret it. I went on instagram and ended up having lengthy discussions about what the film meant both with people who loved it and hated it. Everybody I spoke with had slightly different interpretations and takeaways. One woman who initially did not like it came away with an appreciation for it after we had a lengthy discussion about it's meaning.

All of this is why it's my favorite film of the year, not only did I relate to it on a personal level because I'm in a stage of my life where I'm approaching middle ages and afraid I'm going to end up like the guy in this film, but I can't remember the last time a film led to such meaningful conversation about life, death, love, mental health, loneliness, trauma, etc. So like the scene where they're talking about art, I think this movie is neither intended to be abstract or realistic, it's supposed to be imbued with a sense of interiority. I know I sound way pretentious right now, but I just really appreciated Charlie Kaufman for making something unabashedly expressionist and serving it up to mainstream audiences. I really feel like I grow as a person and an artist every time I watch one of his films.

------------------------------------------------

So there ya go. That’s it. That concludes this arbitrary exercise in ranking the movies i saw last year, thank you for wasting your time on this, lol. I think it was a very good year for movies.

If there was a movie you were expecting to see on the list and it’s missing I just didn’t get to it in 2020, I may do an unranked follow up list of 2020 movies I missed in 2020, maybe.

That’s it.

End of post.

Bye.

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vespiiqueen · 4 years ago

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List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the ask box of the last 10 people who reblogged something from you (if you want !! 💛💖)

Wow I rambled a lot with this but i can't add cuts bc I'm on mobile rn DHSISHSJ sorry :"))))

1. Ik Ik "haha how cringe are you" of me to say, but honestly? Homestuck. Homestuck helped me in a time of need and when i so desperately wanted something to latch onto. Finally, I caved into my friends telling me to read it-- and it's been a blast!! The epilogues / hs^2 make me feel kinda sad though, because so much of what I loved about the original was yeeted through the nine circles of hell and into the trash. I love Y/ffany's (I call her Yippi tho) design, the art is really pretty at times, Harry is a major dork, I LIVE for seeing Vrissy bc honestly?? Her design is 10/10, very early 2000s emo style and I also live for that. Tavros is cute and a nerd and I think that's swell!

But in terms of story and how any of this happens, it makes me sad to see it happen. If Vriska could return as Vrissy, why not OTHER beta trolls? Where's my Eridan fish man, writers?? Give me the boy or perish by my fury.

2. Also super "haha how cringe are you" but,,, murder cats (Warriors), esp the early 2005-2015 amvs and stuff. I remember watching Flightfootwarrior's "I Will Not Bow" Scourge amv for HOurs and having no clue what was happening, but all these edgy kitties were KITTIES! It's introduced me to a lot of music I still listen to to this very day (Imagine Dragons, Young/the entirety of Hollywood Undead, Breaking Benjamin). And yknow what?? This new arc is absolute chaos, but in the good way.

I'm an "OG Fan". I prefer the first arc, The Prophecies Begin, to almost any of the other arcs. I just could never get into the other arcs-- not to say I haven't read them, I HAVE and the Fire Scene was probably one of my favorite moments beside grumpy Jaypaw, god complex Lionblaze, and fear the gods Hollypaw. I thought the build-up for it was SUPER satisfying. Gray Wing is my baby and I fully embellish in the Gray Wing is Silverpelt theory.

This new arc is definitely something new for the universe. While I didn't read aVoS (but I may do that if i can find the files for it), and so I don't know the major events of it other than what I've seen M.A.P.'s (Multi-Animator Projects, for clarification,,, bc unfortunately that term is also something disgusting). There's fucking cat possession and all the Clans questioning their belief system, yo. Shit be on fire.

Also the Imposter is 100% Ashfur, that's canon now, yeah??? Also im sorry but fuck Root x Bristle that's the dumbest shit I have ever seen. Give me Root x Shadow or face the wrath of my dragon plushies.

RiverClan is my Clan and my gov assigned warrior name is Fireshell 🌟🌟

3. As much as I hate the author,,,,, Harry Potter. It's been a major part of my life for as long as I can remember. I can never really remember why, but I've always just loved it- the movies, the books, the extra little merch that would pop up in my local Walmart. Of course my favorite character is Draco Malfoy. I could go on and on and ON about how I think his character arc was SHIT and JKR didn't have the balls to make him a confident gay man that was always implied through the text (at least, my lesbian ass thought it was implied but i may just be projecting, idk). I could ramble about Draco for HOURS and what I think his character SHOULD have been and how his parents are horrible (more specifically, Lucius bc Narcissa [?] Actually showed a few good moments), and a child should never have to pay for their parents sins.

Oh noo, Draco's a villain because he's a victim of major abuse and peer pressure? He's a villain because a literal child can be horrible and they'll always always always stay as a horrible little fiend?? Fuck that. He's a child.

Unlike manchild grease pan Snape, who was a racist piece of shit and shouldn't have became a fucking school teacher but it's okay because he was ~~~in love~~~. No, fuck you, he was a creep. James Potter n Co may have been a little posh bitch to you, Snape, but that's no fucking excuse to continue to bluntly be a little cunt all the way into adulthood. You're an adult who flatly changed your PATRONUS to imitate Lily's. You have no excuse. And Harry went and named his child after you LIKE JESUS CHRIST, DID RON'S SISTER NOT HAVE A SAY IN THE NAMES TOO?????

I also fully adore the idea that Muggles can run into Hogwarts and their patronus can 100% be a made up, fantasy creature. Imagine you learn the patronus spell and suddenly fucking ARCEUS comes from your wand. Imagine learning the spell and CHTULU (i did not spell that right but im so tired) comes from your wand-- an entire ass fucking Lovecraftian, Eldrith horror is just the embodiment of you. What if it was a fucking Homestuck character like Vriska? How fucking METAL would that be?? Hskajssowjjsjs get on it fandom.

4. Hee hee very evident by my url but Pokemon is another major thing of mine. While vespiquen isn't my favorite (that title goes to Hydreigon), it is definitely up there!

I've ALWAYS enjoyed the idea of Pokemon. You run around, training up these fight monsters and collecting them. I remember playing my sister's Ruby version on her flip-up Gameboy. I couldn't even read but I ran around catching god only knows how many of the same pokemon wherever she was. Apparently, I had fought for hours in the same area and leveled her Blaziken up to lvl 50 something and left her lvl 30s in the dust LMAO.

I got my first game when it was Pearl/Diamond. It was Pearl, and it still holds a very fond place in my heart. I could barely read, I could barely write-- I had named my Turtwig something along the lines of "MmorpHy" and my player boy "ZbsibJ". Yes I remember the names slightly. I really didn't get far-- I barely got to the first gym but I was just so happy to play it.

I eventually lost the game, as a 5 year old would do, but I can still vividly remember what was happening when the game arrived. I had just came back from the dentist and was quite tired from fighting the dentist bc I was super scared. Mom suddenly handed me a box and said it was mine-- my overseas (at that time) dad had bought me Pearl and my sister Diamond, because I lost my shit about it when he visited one time.

Well, tdlr, I played it for about five minutes while struggling to stay awake against the loopy gas they made me take. I fell asleep listening to Twinleaf Town's soundtrack. Every time I play a rom of Pearl and I get to where the player's house fades in and I hear that first tune of the song, I get a huge smile on my face and cry-- as.. Weird as it sounds.

A few years later, I had gotten Pokemon Black bc I liked Reshiram on the cover. Now, this one I could actually READ when playing, but I don't remember a lot of things about it. I probably lost this one too, as a 8/9 year old would do. I DO remember, I chose Snivy and my sister chose Tepig (hrmm there's a theme here of grass/fire goin on......) and vibing to the music. I was so amazed by the sprites moving, I just kept getting into encounters to see the sprites move (oh boy, no one tell younger 7-9 y/o me about Zelda......oh wait....)

Playing Pokemon NOW, as a 17 year old """gifted""" chick, I stil have very fond memories. I recently beat Pokemon Black again and GOD the OTS SLAPS. I fucking adore the soundtrack-- the track that plays when you battle a trainer, the low health dings being turned into a legit song that also slaps, the battle! gym leader themes-- and oh my gOd, the legendary theme is amazing? It really tells you just how glorious these pokemon are supposed to be. It's not intimidating like Groudon/Kyroge/Rayquaza's themes. It's not action packed like Palkia/Dialga's is, it's not filled with tension like Giratina/Arceus's is-- but it radiates the GLORY that the beasts portray. And I live for that. (Also, Kyurem's version is my favorite because it glitches in the beginning and that's rly cool)

P/D/P and BW/BW2's stories, imo, are some of the greatest ones. Yeahhh, US/USUM's is cool and I haven't played XY nor SwSh-- but the ones I can find memorable are PDP and BW/BW2. I love N. I love Barry. They're my sons. Ghetsis is fucking terrifying, Cyrus needs a hug. Giratina scared the piss out of me when I was younger, which was NOT helped by Giratina and The Sky Warrior.

I think my favorite movies are the gen 4 ones. The Rise of Darkrai having a tear-jerking theme for such a mysterious pokemon (i still tear up when i hear Ocarion), Giratina being spiteful is a mood and Shaymin was cute, Arceus being angry is also a mood. Yeah, Pokemon 4Ever made me cry my eyes out over Celebi, Mewtwo Returns made me again cry because Mewtwo accepting who he is, I remember how vastly different the BW movies are-

I just. I have a lot of memories with the series, even if Gamefreak and Nintendo kinda do the series dirty a lot (your top-grossing thing and you made That monstrosity for the Switch? How dare you.). It's comforting to be stressed and pull up my roms for the games and to play them. Mystery Dungeon is incredibly fun to play, Pokemon Ranger is really fun with the concept (Shadows of Almia continues to kick my ass to this very day and FUCK the Jungle Relic, I hate the Water Challenge fucking gyarados bullshit). I remember the pokemon I got for MD (I got Time, my sis got Darkness) was Mudkip, if that is any help.

I love my little fictional pixel monsters.

5. Yup, someone told tiny 7-9 y/o me about console games. The legend of Zelda. My first Zelda game was Twilight Princess on the Wii and BOY did I play the fucking SHIT out of that game.

Honestly, looking back and looking at playthroughs now-- I still love TP. Twilight Princess is still one of my top favorite Zelda games-- yes, even after playing OoT, Majora's Mask, Wind Waker, Skyward Sword, the anniversary four swords edition for the DS where you could play by yourself (Nintendo pls bring that back, I don't have friends to play it with ;-;), Phantom Hourglass- ect.

Something about Twilight Princess grabbed me by the head and yeeted me into the world. I can remember playing it for hours with little to no breaks. I, a tiny 9 y/o, had gotten the hang of the controllers and managed to get past the tutorial quite easily. And then, I was launched into the game and I wasn't stopping for NOTHING. Mom and Dad would have to force me to save and get off to go and eat dinner. THAT sucked.

I had done everything on my own up until the first temple, the forest temple. Not where/when you saved the dumb kid, but when you were saving the spirit's light. Theeeeeeennn I got stuck on the fucking Forest Temple for deadass six months straight. I'd play for hours, running around in circles, unable to figure out where to go, and because I didn't grasp the temple's purpose of being that way- I'd get angry and get off. It wasn't until dad looked up a walkthrough and talked me through what I was supposed to do that I learned how to get through temples.

I had gotten to the last little fight with Ganondorf before the Wii broke and i could no longer play. Despite the Wii being broke and we got rid of it, I was ADAMANT on keeping the game, and I kept that game for YEARS. It was an original copy out of a sealed box, and I eventually lost it when I left it accidentally at my now ex-friend's house.

She had a Wii and I went "hey I have a Wii game!" And I brought my Zelda over. Worst fucking choice of my goddamn life. Mom called me to come home and said I couldn't sleep over like the original plan was, and that was it. My ex-friend stashed my Zelda and I never saw it again. And, even if I wanted to-- I couldn't get it back, which makes me upset. We had a BAD falling out. She likely doesn't even remember it's there, or sold it to the local game junkie kid who buys ALL games.

But I still love the game. Midna was amazing, and I loved how snarky she was and she has a very cute design! The game's OST is fucking phenomenal. Midna's Desperate Hour makes me cry bc goddamn it really sells how serious that situation is. I love Hyrule Field's theme in this game. I love the Twilight Realm's song. Zant was fucking hilariously scary. Ganondorf's design in this game scared the piss out of me when I was younger.

Midna and this game's Link and Zelda are def my favorites. Yeah yeah, Sheik is cool and all I Guess but dhsushwishs Midna holds the special place in my heart. She was totally my gay awakening BUT

For other game antagonists, I adore Ghirahim-- let's go you funky little queer-coded villain. Skull Kid was great, I love the entire dynamic of him. Prankster lost soul stumbles upon Majora's Mask and the mask makes him act out due to powers-- which, I actually took very heavy inspiration from for one of my OCs. The moon falling to Hyrule was a fucking terrifying looming threat.

But the game series holds a place, and I've yet to be able to play BoTW-- although, I'm fairly certain I'll like it. The playthroughs I've watched of it are all fairly decent! I just. Gotta save up enough money to buy it haha.

Dang guess I gotta go watch a Twilight Princess playthrough again.

Honorable Mentions:

Avatar: the Last Airbender, specifically Book 3

my OCs definitely make me happy, they're my children and I'd ramble A LOT longer if given the chance WHEEZE

My friends, but I didn't add them here bc it's more fictional stuff, I presume

Baking. I love to bake cupcakes.

Painting is fun. I'm an artist and goddammit im going to use painting as an excuse to make a mess.

Fire. I rly like fire, down to a pyromaniac level. However, i hate the fires that happened to my home town, the Great Smokey Fires of 2016-- THAT pissed me off. How dare you burn mountain landscapes to the ground. Perish.

History. I'm a history nerd.

I'm also a science nerd.

But fuck math, I cannot comprehend math to save my life.

For some reason, I rly like learning how the human body works??? like did you know, organs are actually sticky when touched by a bare hand?? Did you?? How fucking cool is that.

Bakugan. I love Bakugan, esp the DS game. I love my Darkus Leonidas. Give me back the online world, you peasants-- I want my Darkus Dragonoid. (Also fuck all my friends from when I was in kindergarten- my theory that Alice was Masquerade was somewhat correct.)

#admin ace #admin ace speaks #communistvriska #inbox tag #homestuck #warrior cats #harry potter #pokemon #legend of zelda

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timeagainreviews · 5 years ago

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The Doctor visits Villa Diodati... Again

It’s rare that an episode of Doctor Who can upset the fandom before it ever airs. Even rarer is the fandom actually having a valid reason for being so hacked off. The reason for this week’s outrage? That would be none other than the inclusion of the famous writer Mary Shelley into the story. If you’re a fan of Big Finish, you may know already that Mary Shelley acts as a bit of a companion in the Eighth Doctor audios. So when she shows up with the Doctor on the same night when she meets the Eighth Doctor, you start to wonder if anyone thought to actually check.

There’s a really great thing called the TARDIS Data Core. It’s a wiki maintained by the type of meticulous nerds (see: me) who care about this sort of thing. And it’s absolutely free to use. So if you want to throw in someone like say, Houdini, you can read up on the many instances when the Doctor met the man. I’ve said it before, and I will say it again, Doctor Who writers have a bizarre fascination with that man. I won’t fault Maxine Alderton for having not listened to the audios with Mary Shelley. I’ve only listened to one of them. But hell, check the damn wiki.

The world of Doctor Who gets its mileage out of perception filters. They play a huge part in the mythology of the show, and especially tonight’s episode. Maybe this is why the Thirteenth Doctor doesn’t remember her travels with Mary Shelley, it’s filtered out. And maybe that’s why when Lord Byron answers the door to Villa Diodati, he reacts with shock despite the massive windows with a clear view of the Doctor and her companions. Was he shocked by the fact that literally nothing changed? Pro tip- if you’re going to show someone surprised by who is on the other side of a door, wood is more effective than glass.

The Doctor and her companions have arrived at the Villa Diodati in the rain-soaked summer of 1816. The very same rain that has relegated Lord Byron, Mary Shelley, Claire Clairmont, and John Polidori housebound, has also forced the TARDIS crew to seek shelter at the villa. The episode wastes no time reaching for cliches as the Doctor says to her companions to brace themselves for meeting some of the greatest minds of human history, only to have the door open to a room of drunken buffoons. They did the exact same joke when the Tenth Doctor met Shakespeare. It’s not egregious, but it’s played out none the less.

Rebounding from cliches, director Emma Sullivan gets some great horror movie vibes as the appearance of a skeletal hand stalks through the house like a spider looking for prey. Clips of ghostly apparitions flicker in and out of existence. I was already very excited about where this was headed. Lord Byron is quite taken by the Doctor, who pays him very little mind. But this doesn’t stop the sleepwalking Dr Polidori from getting jealous when Claire appears to be flirting with Lord Byron. Much of the information about these four is conveyed by their proclivity to gossip, which I thought was a very clever way of sneaking a history lesson into the story. Once again, they’re making better use of edutainment moments by incorporating them into the story.

However, it is Lord Byron who has Claire’s eye. Unfortunately for her, she doesn’t stand a chance against the Doctor, or whoever catches Lord Byron’s attention that week. Claire laments Lord Byron’s mixed signals in a conversation with Yaz, leading Yaz to convey her own issues with someone she fancies. She never outright says it’s Ryan, but I’m guessing it’s Ryan. I’m also guessing we’re still doing that? She also very well could have meant the Doctor. Meanwhile, Graham is lost in this labyrinthian house whilst searching for the loo. I love that Graham is the companion that thinks about eating and going to the bathroom. I’ve always wondered why there weren’t more action movies where someone needed to take a piss. You never see Ethan Hunt stop a bullet train while needing to poop. Now that’s an impossible mission.

With Dr Polidori being a sleepwalker, his demeanour is anxious and agitated causing him to take Ryan’s playground trash talk as a major slight on his character. He challenges him to a duel, but before he can put a cap in Ryan’s backside, they’re interrupted by the presence of the skeleton hand. I really have to give it up to Tosin Cole here. His comedic chops this series have been spot-on. Watching him try and fight off a flying hand was just as funny as watching him try to impress Mary Shelley with a stumbling rendition of "Chopsticks," on the piano. After a bit of hot potato, the skeletal hand is taken out of commission by the valet, Fletcher with the serving tray assist. The hand smacks into the ground in a fine powder.

The Doctor reveals that she believes the house is giving off really evil "vibes," and they set about looking for answers. It’s at this moment that the perception filters begin toying with their minds. Stairwells lead down to their tops and exits lead to their entrances. It’s a very wibbly-wobbly moment that leads you to wonder what exactly is going on. Is the house haunted? Does it have anything to do with the bones Lord Byron is keeping at the villa? Why are vases breaking against the wall? Who is this apparition that keeps blinking in and out of existence? Who are the woman and child that supply Graham with a sweet plate of sandwiches?

Stuck in what seems like a time loop, Mary begins to panic as she hears her infant son William crying from a room she is unable to reach. It is then that the sleepwalking of Polidori actually comes in handy as he is able to walk through walls as he is unaffected by perception filters while asleep. This allows everyone to navigate the house by closing their eyes. The Doctor assumes that whatever is happening has turned the villa into a sort of panic room to protect it from something horrible. Perhaps this something has to do with room they’ve discovered which is covered in mad writing scrawled in an alien language. I’ll forgive them the cliche of the madman furiously scrawling walls as at this point, I am fully invested in the story.

It takes them almost no time to discover who the house is protecting them from, as the Lone Cyberman as warned about by Captain Jack arrives looking like Frankenstein’s monster. I absolutely loved the horror movie visuals. The decision not to reveal exactly what the Cyberman was at first, really amped up the anticipation. I knew he was coming at the end of the series, but I didn’t expect him so soon. His image cut like a hunched monster in the darkness of the hallway portrayed a man or monster that has clearly travelled a very long distance to get here. We’ve never had a chance to see a Cyberman look so fatigued and battle-worn. This concept is driven home as we’re able to see the human underneath the mask. One of his hands is left exposed calling back to the Cybermen’s first appearance in "The Tenth Planet."

The Doctor kicks into Doctor mode as she commands her companions not to follow her. The Cyberman goes about looking for "the guardian," which doesn’t pan out too well for poor Fletcher or the maid watching William. However, the Cyberman spares the baby because, after all, this is a family show, and we are still pre-watershed. The Doctor confronts the Cyberman who is unable to attack. Noting his emotions are still intact, the Doctor tries to negotiate with him. This is a rare opportunity for the Doctor to do something more with a Cyberman than exploding his head. However, it would appear this lone mechano man is the cause of all of the freak weather happening, as he recharges himself with a very Mary Shelley style lightning.

Meanwhile, the companions and their new friends have discovered Percey Shelley in the cellar. The Doctor reads Percy’s mind to discover he had found something shiny in the bottom of Lake Geneva, like some sort of sexy Smeagol. Upon picking it up, it begins seeping into his skin, connecting to his mind where it would attempt to hide from the Lone Cyberman. The object is a sort of intelligent liquid metal known as the Cyberium. Within it resides all of the knowledge and history of the Cybermen. In its attempt to hide, Percy returns home to discover nobody can see him no matter how many vases he throws against the wall. The Cyberium puts up a series of perception filters that obscure him from sight. Who sent it back in time, and why it wants to hide from the Lone Cybermen is left a mystery.

The Doctor is forced to make a decision- ignore Jack’s warning not to give the Lone Cyberman what he wants, or allow the Cyberium to destroy Percy’s mind. Ryan tries to make like this is a simple decision as one life weighed against billions is an easy choice. However, the Doctor’s curt response shows the situation to be far more impactful. I loved her speech about being the lone person at the peak of a summit. That was some "curse of the Time Lords," level pontification which I have yearned so much to hear from Jodie’s Doctor. She almost seems disgusted with Ryan here. She doesn’t hide her contempt for always having to be the strong one. This may be one of my favourite Thirteenth Doctor moments as she seems genuinely pissed about being the one to make the big decisions.

Mary Shelley has a moment that clearly sounds like she was working out the basis for what would become her book "Frankenstein," as she tries to reason with the Cyberman. She sees the monster made of disparate parts, but she also sees the man within. But it would appear that this man within has the brain of a criminal as he thrashes about wildly looking to harm. Percy passes the Cyberium to the Doctor. Once again they touch on cliche by claiming the Doctor is the perfect host for the Cyberium. I found this odd considering they have always said the Doctor is not compatible with Cyberman technology, but whatever. The Doctor makes her decision which is to give the Cyberman the Cyberium. That’s step one of the plan, step two is to fix the problems she created with step one. I’ve never heard Doctor Who so succinctly summed up. The Doctor just keeps putting out fires until the problem is solved. Brilliant.

For now, we’re left to ponder the future of this Lone Cyberman. How will it play into the Timeless Child if at all? Is this the beginning of storyline spanning three different episodes? I’m hoping the answer is yes. That would be really cool to see not just the Timeless Child and the Lone Cyberman come together, but also the Master as well. If Chris Chibnall can actually find a through-line with all three stories, I would be very impressed. There’s a lot to like in series twelve, which makes it almost sad that so many people have been tuning out. I’ll admit I understand the trepidation people may have after series eleven. There was a sort of aimlessness that series twelve definitely does not share.

I wouldn’t sit here and say the entire series has been home run after home run, but I’ve not hated a single episode. Even the weaker efforts like "Orphan 55," and “Can You Hear Me?” were completely watchable. Even if "The Haunting of Villa Diodati," does mess with the Eighth Doctor canon, it doesn’t waste its time. That Cyberman reveal was so effective that I audibly said "Woah!" as he beamed his way into the house. And it’s still too early to say what is and isn’t canon at this point, as the Timeless Child could play into it. We could be dealing with pocket realities or alternate timelines. All could very well be revealed in the end. If not, well, it just gives Big Finish a chance to do what it does best- retcon the shit out of something until it fits. It’s Doctor Who, it can take the strain.

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bravest-notts · 5 years ago

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”10*″ favorite characters from 10 different things! tagged by @brightandshinynewstories and doing this before i close that tab and forget i was tagged in something

dedicated to all those other times people have probably tagged me in something that i haven’t seen because this is a sideblog and i never check my activity

*there’s only seven

do i even remember ten individual pieces of media with characters i like enough to be a favorite oh god NOPE!

these are in no particular order because i’m having a hard enough time coming up with ten different fandoms, let alone ranking them.

10: Caleb Widogast, Critical Role [*hurriedly mutters under breath* andyashatoo] - my, uh, dnd character level of Tragic Backstory Life means i relate to, and understand, caleb [and yasha, i can’t pick between them and you can’t make me] heavily. i also really, really, really love unflinching portrayals of grief and mental illness and what that does to you as you deal with, or don’t deal with, it. also i am big gay and caleb is attractive and i WILL die on that hill god dammit.

9: LORD ADMIRAL BABEY Jaina Proudmoore, World of Warcraft - yes i am wow trash, i have been playing for a decade [*long pause while i stare into space and reckon with the fact that its been a decade*], and i have always loved jaina. they very very nearly put her in the same goddamn Traumatized Women Goes PsYchO!1!!111!!!! that they’ve done to sylvanas but by god we’ve escaped that fate [for now...], making her the.... only........... female faction leader of any, uh, relevance who isn’t a barnacle character or undergoing some level of character assassination via bad writing. i could complain for at least five more paragraphs, so i will just end this here and spare everyone. she’s badass and laura voices her and you should watch this right now.

8: Gollum, Lord of the Rings - yes i know this is a uh, an odd one, but he’s the best goddamn character in the entire series in terms of someone you can really sink your acting teeth into. i did a... god how long was it, ten minute? i think? gollum monologue - 1/3rd i wrote myself, 2/3rds spliced between the LotR movies - for an acting competition and again at a theatre showcase and he is now My Boy. yes i can do the voice. i blew my voice out doing it once but it’s very fun. pretty easy once you figure out how to get into it.

7: Lup, The Adventure Zone - she’s my absolute favorite character in the whole story, i love her, she’s perfect. i will never forget the jaw dropping horror of that last stolen century episode when you realize and the absolute apeshit delight at her return.

6: Alistair, Dragon Age: Origins - he’s a sweetie and a dork and he’s Trying His Best and i love him so much. i have to sit on my own hands to avoid romancing him every goddamn playthrough. he’s also the #1 reason i always leave morrigan at the camp, because she’s mean to him and i feel bad.

5: Utsuki/Kureha, Kuon - another vidya gaem entry bc that’s all i can think of off the top of my head rn. really the game overall, because her story is just half [...ish] of it. her trauma and the rituals she’s undergone warping how she sees herself and experiences the world, namely by seeing herself as her sister, and how it relates to the grudge cycle and the Buddhist concept of complicity, is... fascinating. all of that depends on how you interpret the game and the vast difference between the two storylines, and it’s very hard to explain without context, but. cool shit.

4: i’m calling it here because it’s nearing midnight and i cannot for the life of me think of four more separate things. i can think of plenty within what i already listed - queen azshara, every single character from critrole, solas because god i love complicated characters, and i couldn’t possibly single out a character from the soulsbornes because what really makes it for me is just the world as a whole so its like... i CAN’T say a fav boss bc they aren’t a favorite character.

3: thor.

#not cr #i feel... mildly self conscious that these are almost all from video games #and not like. books. or stuff.#i never read fiction anymore sldkjflds so my characters to pull from are... limited #if i remember [i won't] i will go back and add four more things if i ever think of em [i won't]#[the pain meds are not making this easier also so i should just. go slepe.]

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author-parker · 5 years ago

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The Fragile Winter, Pt. 1 (11/6/19)

Dusk nor dawn had broken the deep black sky in a long while. The cold winter beat down on to the city for another day. Rather, what I had assumed was another day. Any indication of a passing week, afternoon, hour, or even minute had been lost once the cold had arrived and took everyone with it. It had become maddening not knowing how much time had passed since this whole mess started. For at least four days – and I was sure it had been four days – the clocks still worked, and I could watch the hours pass and count them down waiting for help. But while I was sleeping, the power had finally checked out and left as well. I woke to my bedside clock, a digital model, empty of any of its seven segments. I tried to wake the light, but it too had went away. I grabbed a flashlight and ran down the hall. I check check-in, the dining hall, and every other room to the dismay of my friends. In a fit of uncontrolled madness, I wept furiously and screamed finding myself face to face with an analog clock left on the wall. The hour hand remained shy of midnight, and the minute hand hadn’t been able to carry it there.

“Tragically poetic.” Doctor Spitzer remarked, “I suppose we’ll have to find a work around then. Let’s see if we can find any candles or torches.”

I didn’t hear him say that, but I felt his hand grasp my shoulder and leave as he did. I stared at the analog clock for hours, or maybe just seconds, before something sparked in me as I caught a whiff of cranberry shortcake. My knees buckled as I stood up and I realized where I was. It was the office behind the front desk, where the manager had done business. Old checks and documents trashed his desk, and some dirty, crumpled pin-ups hung on a cork board by it. They weren’t bad looking ladies, but I despised that the landlord had put them there. The old man had always made nasty remarks about the women who came here, complaints or undesired attention. He was usually given what he deserved for being so cruel, but he still managed to keep this place open as more guests stayed in the rooms. The most sickening thing about the pin-ups were all the holes from the thumbtacks he’d kept his ladies up with. I got the feeling he couldn’t make up his mind – or that he was just mad – as I stared at the empty black holes in the head, eyes, nose, mouth, and ears of a women in a pretty, red bikini motioning towards me with a seductive finger. She remained on that cork board, trapped by a matching red thumbtack placed directly under her chin.

“Keep your chin up, beautiful.” The manager had said to me once with a phlegm-filled throat, scratching his crusted neck with a greasy smile. My throat tasted of iron thinking about it, I was glad he was dead.

I exited the office and found the source of the smell. Spitzer had successfully found what he had been looking for. A rosy red candle wick burned as its matching old wax melted into a pool. I had never been one to use candles, often given headaches by the stench in fact, but I was grateful for the illumination. The kind doctor had placed the candle on the desk by the bell and had left it there alone. The melted wax told me it hadn’t been there for long, perhaps lit only a few moments ago. The small concept of passing time comforted me, and I closed in on the candle. The fragile, flickering flame stood still in the dim room, and shook at a bit as I softly exhaled in relief. The smell did indeed disgust me, but I remained over it as the pool grew a little larger. Proof that time did indeed pass.

For a long while, I watched as the pool grew to the size of a small coin, to a golf ball, and then to a coaster. My head pounded and demanded I retreat back to my room to ail my oncoming nausea, but instead I defied it and lowered my wool sleeve. I held my hand out over the wick, the heat intensified, and I wondered if my palms were indeed growing less soft. As I lowered my hand and close my fingers in to grab the darting bud, footsteps pounded down the hall and I pulled my hand back and sleeved my forearm. The jerking motion nearly extinguished the candle. I tried not to appear to have any malicious intentions as Kim entered the room. She looked excited and stood in front of me, pulling my hand towards her chest.

“Melody!” she exclaimed, “Isn’t this wonderful?”

I stared at her in silence, puzzled as to what was so wonderful about the loss in power. Maybe she was happy that we’d soon freeze to death if we weren’t careful.

“What do you mean?” I asked slowly, treading over her upbeat mood.

She gave me a warm smile, almost as warm as the candle I had nearly burned myself with, “Don’t you like the dark, Mel?”

I looked down the hall she had come down, filled with black, “I don’t suppose I hate it.”

“I’ve always loved it! A nice cozy bed and a large comforter over your head compliments it well, finished only by the ambience of night.”

She cooed as she remarked on the beauty of darkness. She was poetic in her descriptions of all things, even the nasty horrors of the world. Most people who met her were shocked at her interests because she didn’t look like she ought to have them. Her frizzy, red hair piled all around her head, parted in the front to reveal her sapphire eyes which had twinkled in the candlelight. Before this abrupt winter had come, she would dress in colorful, long-sleeve shirts with bright t-shirts over them accompanied by designer jeans and her favorite brown boots. Now she wore a large wool sweater, much like mine, but was thicker and a deep red to match her mop. Instead of boots, she wore some fuzzy, purple socks and was standing on the sides of her feet in excitement. She tried to coax me into her room to settle down in the dark with her and watch scary movies on her phone before it finally died. She was absolutely the love of my life, and I yielded to her request.

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antomec · 6 years ago

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our nights are endless, just like the stars and sand

heyo! back with another fic. this one is the third part to the series the skies are bright tonight, and so are you. [part 1] [part 2]

beta’ed by the lovely @newghet

summary: gray hadn't expected that their first date would go flawlessly. hell, he had absolutely zero expectations even for the second one. but the fact that they have had to reschedule their first date three times – probably because the universe hated young love – keeps throwing gray for a loop.

words: 4.5k

rating: T for swearing

you can also find this on AO3 and FF.net!

gray is a man of simple habits. he wakes up, suffers through classes, and maybe goes out to the convenience store on the corner of the street to stock up on instant ramen and the rare vegetable. he even gets dragged to the occasional party. although that was more cana’s thing than him.

but dating someone like natsu would be a...first.

don't get him wrong, gray adores natsu. he's utterly sweet, texts gray all the time, listens to him ramble. he even showed up with emergency coffee that one time gray tried to pull an all-nighter for his midterms.

but natsu is wholly different from gray than he first assumed. and gray doesn't know why, but he’s attracted to natsu. it'll probably take him a month at the very least to disentangle those feelings, and gray has no plans to do any kind of emotional dissecting soon.

perhaps there's some truth to that old phrase: maybe opposites do attract.

cana grumbles, and shakes her nearly empty styrofoam cup. “i really don't wanna listen to you go on about how natsu is the moon to your sky, please. i've already suffered through one of these with juvia, i don't wanna go through this again.”

“cana, for the love of all that's holy-”

“whiskey, definitely.”

“-will you just help me plan a goddamn date?”

cana stands up. “you're a big ball of fluff, that's what you are. just ask him out already. take him out to see a movie!” cana throws her hands up in the air, flinging the cup expertly into a nearby trash can. “for fuck’s sake, he's been staring at your ass ever since that party i took you to.” cana pauses, and adds, ”you know, i kinda regret that decision now.”

gray bites his lip in worry. “do you think he’ll want to go out with me?”

cana sputters in disbelief. “i literally just told yo-you know what? i'm leaving, goodbye!”

gray watches mutely as she walks away. he yells her name, and cana gracefully reacts by flipping a finger above her head.

was it just him, or did cana seem sort of averse to all his planning? maybe he should just listen to her and take natsu out for a movie – he couldn’t fuck up a movie, right?

this is it. moment of truth. all he has to do is walk up to him and ask natsu out. knowing himself, that's probably the one thing that he'll fail to do.

juvia kicks his foot under the table. “it won't be weird unless you make it weird.”

“sage advice,” gray grumbles.

juvia kicks him again.

they're in natsu's place of work, the university coffee shop, and maybe the universe really has it in for him, because no sooner does juvia kick his ankles again – “god, how does lucy put up with you,” he hisses under his breath – natsu looks up from the register and locks eyes with gray. he waves him over, gesturing wildly.

gray swallows. takes a deep breath. and gets up to go over.

natsu smiles when he approaches. “took you long enough. don't worry, i don't bite,” natsu adds, snapping his teeth playfully. “your usual, then?”

gray nods, and hands him the change. gray moves over to the next counter, where lucy’s already making his drink, and he's not completely sure, but it feels like juvia’s staring holes into his coat, so he just goes, fuck it, and says in a rush, “why don't we go out tomorrow? there's a movie playing that i wanted to watch.”

and this is when gray’s stomach drops, because natsu was serving a customer when he'd asked, so now he has four pairs of eyes on him.

the customer clears their throat awkwardly, and moves on the next counter. gray is flushing. he can hear juvia snickering behind him.

natsu, though – oh bless this adorable man – natsu simply laughs and repeats himself. “took you long enough.”

natsu comes over early to pick him up for their date. gray nearly has a fit over the callous attitude cana adopts – until she gets fed up and throws a dark blue sweater at his head.

natsu's wearing a peach coat, and gray finds it oddly adorable, the way it doesn't clash but rather complements his similarly coloured hair.

and judging by the way natsu blushes when gray catches him staring, natsu must be a little less confident tonight.

gray: 1, natsu: 0.

since the theater is close enough to walk, they decide against a taxi and take to the streets. as they walk, gray notices how long natsu's arms and how they swing past. he's wearing long sleeves under his coat, so there's no chance of seeing his tattoos tonight. gray sighs inwardly.

they make idle small talk as they walk, and gray's eyes keep darting to natsu's (empty, his mind supplies unhelpfully) hand, until finally, gray prays to the stars above and quietly takes hold of natsu's hand.

natsu jerks and looks at gray for a second, but immediately softens and smiles. gray’s eyes are still wide.

natsu softly squeezes back in reassurance.

snacks? check.

drinks? also check.

movie? the ads have begun playing, so partial check.

natsu? in the bathroom; he promised to be quick.

it's just a simple date, but he anxiety keeps blowing it out of proportion. no, natsu is not doing this out of pity, it's out of genuine interest in him. no, nothing will go wrong eith-

“hey! so, did i miss anything?” natsu says as he plops down next to gray.

“nah, you're just in time.”

gray passes over the popcorn, and settles in as the movie begins playing.

they're barely fifteen minutes in before gray suddenly sits up, and whispers urgently, “natsu, is it just me, or do you smell something burning?”

natsu looks confused for a second. he takes a deep breath and frowns. he suddenly smiles and leans in to whisper in gray's ear, “maybe it's my heart burning for you.”

gray pulls away and looks at him with unconcealed disgust. “really? of all the things y-”

gray stops, because the acrid smell of smoke suddenly gets stronger, and someone in the front row screams.

natsu and gray both get up, and with the added height, they see the source of the smell.

the screen is burning. flames lick across the edges, and gray is suddenly jostled out of the row, as natsu pulls him along to the outside.

“call the fire department!” natsu yells at the cashier.

between the two of them, and the cashier, they manage to get out the very few people inside. it isn't long before the fire department shows up and hurry inside. meanwhile, the rest of them are carted to the street, and the police take down their information in a notepad like a badly written cliche.

natsu bumps his shoulder against gray's. “well, this is a date i won't be forgetting soon,” he jokes.

gray stares at him in horror. “i can't believe this happened.”

natsu laughs. “yeah, but our friends are gonna get such a kick out of this.”

gray swallows. “how about we go home?”

natsu grins. “and reschedule?”

“definitely.”

“you should have just taken him to a diner.” cana’s lying on gray's bed, head hanging off the edge. she yawns, flips over on her stomach, and holds her chin in her hands. “cheeseburgers and fries solve any kind of crisis, trust me.”

gray lifts his head from his desk and looks at her murderously. “you're the one who convinced me to take him to a movie,” he grits out.

“well,” cana begins, “in my defence, it was like nine in the morning, much like right now, and i'd only had one cup of coffee.” she himself, and adds thoughtfully, “you know, now that i think about it, that theater’s been standing for like thirty years. what did they say caused the fire?”

gray lets his head hit the desk with a low thud. “the projector apparently overheated,” he says.

cana lets out a loud laugh. “this is not funny, cana!” gray says, but he can't keep off a tiny smile from his face.

“yeah, but can you believe the timing of-” a sudden chirp causes her to jerk, and she balances herself on one elbow as she pulls her phone out of her pocket.

gray gets up and falls on his face next to cana. “who is it this time?” he asks, voice muffled by the bed.

“mira – she wants to meet up.” cana sighs deeply.

“oh, really? have you told her what happened with laxus yet?”

cana glances darkly at gray. “no. and she doesn't need to, either.”

“just saying, it would've been better for her to hear it from you than someone else. that would be like a bad cliche.”

cana grunts.

“alright then, shakespeare,” gray snarks. cana gets up and sits on his back in retaliation.

gray's trying to shake her off his back when there's a knock on his door. it takes cana by surprise, and it's enough for gray to topple her to the ground. so when gray looks up at the door, natsu's wide eyes are trained on cana.

“huh,” natsu says. “is this a bad time?”

“life is a lie,” cana says from the floor. “time is a concept made by capitalists. what are we humans, but mere-”

“okay, that's our cue to leave,” gray interrupts as he gets up and grabs his coat from where it was hung on the back of his chair. “we can listen to your existential crisis later.” he pushes natsu out of the doorway and waves goodbye to cana. “i'll buy some instant ramen on my way back!” he yells as he pulls on natsu's wrist and runs through the corridors.

once they're outside the dorm building, natsu stutters to a stop, halting gray as well. “well, that wasn't weird at all.”

gray laughs. “nah, i needed to get out of there, anyway.” gray cocks his head. “wait a second, why did you come over?”

natsu scratches behind his ear, and says, “i wanted to ask you if you wanted to go out. with me, i mean. there's this flea market in town and i thought you'd want to go – with me, obviously.”

holy shit, he's so adorable, gray coos internally. thankfully, he doesn't say it out loud. instead, he says, “yeah, i'd love to.”

natsu takes him to the park on the other end of town. thought he doesn't mention it, it isn't gray's first time at this particular park. the only way natsu will ever know his past adventures with cana would be either over his dead body, or if he got cana drunk enough.

the market is big, bright and colourful; the vendors sell cheap trinkets like bracelets and plastic toys. they're beautiful, but gray can tell that they won't last a month.

natsu is almost like an overexcited puppy in the way that he pulls gray to each stall. natsu pulls him more often to the food vendors but gray won't complain. cana had begun her spiel early enough that he wasn't able to eat any breakfast, and once natsu learns this, he eagerly pushes gray to the closest park bench.

“you have to eat,” natsu repeats, and gray smiles fondly at his actions. it isn’t long before their table is filled with enough food to supply a small army. natsu laughs at the analogy when gray tells him.

“sure, but we’re a two-man army, we gotta fill up,” natsu says thoughtfully. “oh,” he adds, “let me go buy a bottle of water. be back soon!”

gray watches him walk away mutely. if he hadn’t been fortunate enough to walk into the university coffee shop rather than the one he usually goes to, gray wonders if he would have met natsu in some other way. maybe it was meant to be.

or maybe the sap in him was clawing his way out.

gray hasn’t taken his eyes off natsu even though natsu had muttered a quiet, “you can start eating, it’s okay,” before leaving. it’s precisely because he hasn’t stopped watching natsu that he sees what happens so very clearly.

natsu’s walking on the bicycle path back to their table, but before gray can tell him to step off the path, he sees a cyclist behind natsu coming at an unimaginable speed. gray gets up and yells, but the damage is already done.

natsu’s on the ground, hand clutching his head. the bottle of water he had bought rolls away from him, and gray scoops it up as he runs over. a few people are already crowding around natsu and the cyclist. gray pushes his way forward through the crowd, and kneels next to natsu.

“that was a hell of a crash,” gray starts. “are you okay?”

natsu doesn’t reply, and merely points to the cyclist next to him. she’s clutching her foot, and her face is screwed up in pain. gray shifts over to her, once he glances over natsu to see he’s okay. “on a scale of one to ten, how much does your foot hurt?”

“ten,” she whimpers out, and gray blindly reaches back for the bottle of water he had set down before. he hands it to the girl and she gulps it down hurriedly. natsu appears behind gray, and nudges him. “do you wanna take her to the hospital?”

the girl doesn’t seem to hear natsu, so gray relays the question once again. she hesitantly nods, and says, “i need to call my parents though.”

“sure. do you want to borrow my cell phone?”

the crowd dissipates, and after a while, gray talks to the girl’s parents himself. they agree to meet at the small clinic close to the park (gray doesn’t know where it is, but natsu shakes his shoulder and says he’ll guide them), and gray hangs up.

“so,” gray begins awkwardly. natsu jabs him in the ribs with his elbow and helps the girl onto her feet. she’s shaky on her feet and her knees nearly buckle, but natsu holds on.

“i’m asuka,” she says. gray notices natsu cock his head slightly at her voice.

“wait,” natsu interrupts. “asuka connell?”

asuka grins in surprise. “yeah!” she suddenly frowns. “i'm sorry, do i know you?”

natsu shakes his head. “no, no, i know your parents! i haven't seen them in a long while – this is going to be fun.”

gray crouches down, and with natsu's help, they get asuka perched on gray’s back. gray stands up straight, and asuka giggles.

the clinic is right around the bend, and they arrive in less than a minute. natsu barges ahead and opens the door for them, and a little bell sounds overhead. the place smells of faint disinfectant, gray notes, though that was probably expected of medical centres.

a head pops up from behind the counter, and gray whips his head around. asuka giggles from behind his shoulder and exclaims, “hello, wendy!” wendy is a short blue-haired girl who looks younger than gray, but seems to be old enough to hold down a job, judging by her nametag. wendy frowns at gray, and gray is confused for a moment before he realises that he still has asuka on his back. he moves to set her down, and wendy comes closer. “i’m pretty sure we’d be out of business if asuka didn’t come in every other week,” she jokes. “what is it this time?”

asuka's parents arrive fairly quickly, and after a quick lecture on safety, they spot natsu, and there's a sudden cry of joy. natsu hugs them so fiercely it has gray feeling slightly jealous, but he’s soon pacified when natsu holds his hand afterward and introduces gray as his boyfriend.

it isn’t until they’re walking back that it suddenly hits gray – their date was ruined again. gray looks over at natsu to voice his thoughts, but he falters when he sees the serene smile on his face.

gray holds his hand a bit tighter.

he opens his mouth to speak but natsu beats him to it. “this is sort of funny, you know.”

“how so?”

“i don’t think i’ve had to work this hard for a date in a long, long time.”

“that’s a big fucking mood,” gray breathes out, and they both burst into a fit of giggles.

“do you wanna try again? i mean, there’s only so many dates that could go wrong before the universe decides to throw us a bone.” natsu shrugs, and gray finds it endearing enough to want to tease him.

“someone’s pretty eager,” he remarks, and gray won’t deny it, it’s an absolute pleasure to see natsu’s ears go red.

natsu glares in faux anger, and gray laughs and pinches his cheek. natsu gently shoves his hand off and pouts. “let’s reschedule again,” he sighs.

and gray doesn’t know what possesses him to do it (cana would say that he was “in the moment”), but he tugs on natsu’s hand, leans in, and softly kisses him. when he pulls away, natsu’s looking at him with wide eyes. “that was... nice,” natsu tells him.

they both flush red, and natsu refuses to speak a word out of embarrassment all the way back to the dorms.

gray still kisses him again when they get to his room, even if it’s just to see the red on natsu’s face again.

cana slaps his thigh in laughter. “watching you two dance around each other is giving me an aneurysm,” she tells him mid-cackle.

they're in the common grounds in front of their dorms, cana sprawling across the grass and gray with his legs crossed leaning against a tree. the tree is large enough to provide shade for a good two meters in perimeter and gray wonders how old the tree actually is.

cana slaps him again. “hey, don't ignore me!”

“i wasn't aware you had anything to say.”

“you know, it sucks being the only single one in your friend group,” cana huffs, “because then i have to listen to all of your whining.”

gray narrows his eyes. “juvia's been talking to you, huh?”

gray laughs when all cana does is groan out loud. “you don't get to comment,” cana says. “i still think you should take natsu to a diner.” “cana, please.” “it’s indoors, safe, and also an additional bonus: food. the worst you can get is a coffee stain on your clothes.”

“is mira not available to annoy? or is this special treatment?” “i oughta lock you out of your room for this disrespect.”

“i still have your photos from when you were a teenager, do you really want to piss me off?”

“...have fun on your date.” cana acquiesces. “that’s what i thought.”

gray whips out a pair of tickets and waves them in front of natsu. “so? how about it?”

“you’re delusional if you think i'm going to turn that offer down,” natsu scoffs. “i mean, cotton candy? it’s a big yes from me.”

“good, the carnival’s only half an hour away and the next train is in twenty minutes,” gray says, grabbing natsu’s hand and pulling him along. the wind is cold against their face, and gray pulls up the collar of his coat. he’s wearing his lucky brown coat, the one that’s long enough to cover his knees. this is the third time they’ve rescheduled – gray is going to need all the luck he can get.

natsu pays for their train tickets (“you got us the carnival tickets, so shush”) and the train pulls in exactly ten minutes later. natsu looks a bit green when they climb aboard, but gray doesn’t mention it. it’s only after a while when natsu looks absolutely dead inside that gray cautiously asks him if he’s alright.

“oh yea- just peachy,” natsu chokes out. gray gapes at him in shock.

“no way,” gray says. “are you motion sick?”

natsu doesn’t reply – rather, he just looks at gray pleadingly. if that look was supposed to make gray sympathetic towards natsu, then he had another thing coming.

gray pulls out his phone. “blackmail is always a good choice.”

they’re entering the fair when gray cheekily pipes up, “so i suppose roller coasters are a no, then?”

natsu whines as gray laughs at him. “don’t be mean to me,” he pouts, and it’s so unbearably adorable that gray reaches up and kisses him. natsu smiles at him so sweetly afterwards that it physically hurts gray, and since gray doesn’t know how to handle it, he pulls them to the closest food stall. by his logic, natsu should have his attention diverted.

“cotton candy!” natsu exclaims. fuck yeah, gray thinks.

natsu sneakily puts his hand in gray’s coat pocket, and gray simply curls his fingers around natsu’s and doesn’t mention it. they make their way around each stall, not buying much, content with just perusing.

“haunted houses are a must,” natsu says a few minutes later, through a mouthful of cotton candy. gray fights back a smile because natsu probably thinks that he’ll scream, but gray doesn’t know how to break it to him that he’s never been one for jump scares.

he doesn’t tell him, and instead enjoys the disappointed look on natsu’s face when they come out. “you didn’t even scream once,” natsu accuses.

“were you expecting me to?” “it would have been appreciated, seeing as i was the only one who did scream in there,” natsu says.

“yeah, but you have to admit – it was sort of funny.”

natsu scowls and walks ahead, forgetting that gray still had his hand in a vise grip. as a result, gray gets pulled along roughly too, and he nearly trips. natsu looks over his shoulder at him, and asks in a singsong voice, “are-you-okay?”

“that’s it, come here,” gray yells, and natsu books it. gray chases him as fast as he can, but natsu’s too fast for him, and gray ends up having to rest on a little bench by the entrance. natsu tries to walk past him, pretending to ignore him, but gray reaches out a hand and pulls him down to sit next to him.

they sit close together, natsu slightly out of breath, and gray humming. they sit in silence, watching family and friends enjoy the carnival. there’s a little girl with a teddy bear running around with her brother, and gray points them out to natsu. he smiles at the sight, and in turn points to a boy piggybacking a girl through the carnival. gray laughs – the scene is absolutely adorable.

“okay,” natsu says. “not to freak you out, but i think it’s – maybe? – raining.”

gray sticks his palm out and almost immediately catches a few drops. “oh fuck,” he utters.

natsu grabs his hand and pulls him quick to the exit hoping to outrun the rain, but the rain is hard and it is fast. it doesn’t take long before they’re both completely wet, and gray has to fling his overly long coat over the both of them to protect them. they duck into an storefront that has a sunshade over the front. they're accompanied by a family of five, and gray stands as close to natsu as possible so as to let them stand comfortablely. it's while he's shifting that gray sees it – a diner, right across the street.

cana's words float in his head, and gray laughs out loud. natsu cocks his head and looks at him oddly, and gray simply points to the diner.

“do you want to go in?” asks natsu.

“it's warm, safe and there's food. you're delusional if you think i'm going to turn that offer down,” gray says with a cheeky smile.

they run through the rain one last time and approach the door of the diner. they're shielded from the rain at this angle, and natsu shakes himself dry like a wet dog. gray puts his arms up, and yells, “no, stop it! bad natsu!”

that only makes natsu shake his head faster, and gray’s previously dry face is now completely wet.

“you’re horrible,” gray tells him. natsu sticks his tongue out at him in response.

the blast of warm air from inside the diner nearly knocks gray off his feet – he wasn’t expecting it at all. the diner’s pretty crowded, mostly full of people who were caught in the rain like themselves. the waiters are passing out spare towels to the ones who came in, and gray and natsu thankfully accept. gray starts toweling his head and watches as natsu does the same. when they’re done natsu excuses himself to go to the restroom and gray tries to find a spare table.

he finds a small table in the corner, wedged between two others, and natsu joins him soon. they flag down a waitress and they order themselves cheeseburgers (gray can already hear cana's laughter in his head) and fries.

“why do you keep giggling like that?” natsu suddenly asks.

gray's caught off guard. “say what?”

natsu repeats the question. gray buries his head in his hands. “that's because cana kept telling me to take you to a diner as a first date, and i kept shooting her down.” gray gestures around them. “and now look where we are.”

“and why didn't you? take me to a diner, that is?”

gray pauses. “because i wanted to take you someplace fun.”

natsu clicks his tongue and places his hand on the table. gray automatically places his hand on natsu's and natsu clutches it tight. “you keep forgetting that i'm trying to date you because it's you. as long as you're there, any place will be fun.” natsu has an earnest look in his eyes, and fuck, if gray isn't weak for big expressive eyes.

“that's...a very sweet thing to say.” gray finally says.

“i meant it,” natsu tells him.

their food arrives and they unlink hands to dig in. it isn't soon before they're done and paying the check (“let's split it,” natsu says, and gray agrees). the rain hasn't completely stopped but it's turned into a light drizzle. the station isn't far away, and they make it there before the rain picks up again.

“are you sure we can't walk back to campus?” natsu chances.

gray looks at him, affronted. “campus is half an hour away, natsu! and that's by train!”

natsu grumbles, and he turns a little green when the train pulls in to the station. gray holds his hand tighter and tells him, “you can lean on me if you want.”

“that would be appreciated, thank you,” natsu answers gratefully.

he's adorable, gray thinks. and when they're seated and the train begins to pull away from the station, and natsu immediately leans his head on gray's shoulder, gray thinks that it would be very easy to fall in love with natsu.

very, very easy.

#gratsu #gratsu fanfiction #fairy tail #fairy tail fanfiction #fanfiction #gray x natsu #natray #natray fanfiction #TTTF writes #ft #ft fanfic #our nights are endless just like the stars and sand [gratsu]

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marsreadsthings-blog · 6 years ago

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“Great Expectations” by Charles Dickens

Did you miss me? Did all 2 of my followers think I was dead, kidnapped, or on hiatus? I wasn’t, I was just slowly plugging away at this novel whilst keeping up with my studies, fitness stuff, creative outlets, blah blah blah. Life, right? I’m not here to bore you, I’m here to review and rate this book.

Preface: It has come to my understanding that many high schoolers were as well as are currently made to read this for curriculum. I am happy that I did not have to, because reading it for pleasure instead of homework made my reading a lot more thorough and appreciated than it would have been otherwise, since everybody knows that you tend to dislike the books you are “forced” to read. (Though this isn’t the case for me. While others drooled and squinted sleepy, drowsy eyes over “The Old Man and the Sea”, I quite enjoyed it. Same goes for Pride and Prejudice. I chose to write a research paper on that book so, I must have liked it to some degree.. pst, the review is on here somewhere, in fact it may have been the last one I posted! Don’t quote me on that, just go read it if you haven't!)

So, let us jump right in.

Charles Dickens is an impeccable storyteller. This novel and to my knowledge, most of his written work came out in monthly installments. This was the equivalent to the movies for people in the 1800s. Absolutely marvelous this man is at crafting characters, their motives and a story that is enriching for the reader and enjoyable. I love how it spreads across many years, so you feel like you are watching Pip grow up and go through his childhood, his teenage phase and so on. If you don’t fancy longer novels, I wouldn’t say to stray away from this one on account of it being very well written, but I’m also not not saying that... how’s that for an algebra problem? Anyway, I’ll recount an interaction I had with a peer while we were, no joke, peer reviewing each other’s papers. We’ll call her Mary.

Mary: Ooo, whatcha readin’? I love to read. My mom’s like, an English teacher and shoved books into my face since I popped out the womb.

Me: That is... weird imagery to disclose to me, Mary. It’s Great Expectations by Charles Dickens.

And then, her face morphed into a look of horror, like she was remembering some car accident of long ago where her younger bother flew out of the windshield.

Okay okay, take it back a few notches. It was not that bad. At the very least, she did look sorry for me. Like my cat had just contracted feline aids, or something.

Mary: Oh, yeah. I had to read that in Highschool.

Me: It’s taking a very long time for me to get through, it feels like.

(A required interruption: It DID take me a very long time. Four months of a long time, which is virtually unacceptable under normal conditions, but my life is pretty busy during the college months. Apologies, resume.)

Mary: Charles Dickens tends to be very verbose. Didn’t you know he got paid by the word?

Mary, Mary, Mary. This statement was clearly a joke, a sort of bibliophile jest that I was supposed to laugh at and immediately understand as such.

I thought she was, under no doubt, serious. Not only did I think she was serious, no. I thought what she said was a fact.

I’m embarrassed to admit this. Being paid by the word is not a conceivable way of paying a writer because there is no doubt they would start to value quantity over quality in a lucrative driven state. But you don’t understand. When I was immersed in the loquacious qualities of our Dear Dickens, I took this to be a perfectly viable truth. Dickens writes a lot, and very long winded sentences that I sometimes had to reread and decode since the intelligent part of my brain was left behind 2 paragraphs ago. It did not seem impossible that he was paid by the word to me. In the back of the mind I did think, well, maybe people just say that since he can be a bit.. wordy. Maybe it’s just a saying. At least initially, I did think it was the truth. And that will haunt me to the grave.

About our dear Pip, I liked him in the beginning as much as I could like a child character. He was a down-trodden, his elders not really giving him much credit. His sister raised him under the circumstances that children are not to be shown affection or congratulation for their progress, which led to Pip seeking solace where he could find it with Joe. Don’t even get me started on Joe. Joe is by far the most likable character in this whole novel, save for Magwitch towards the end. He was the only character that I consistently liked, and I use the word “consistent” because there were times when Pip fell upon his Great Expectations that I really did not care for him. I thought he was far too entitled with no merit, and I found it annoying that he chased after Estella when she seemed to me to be such an obvious lost cause. Dickens no doubt meant for this reaction to be spurred, because when Pip falls out of his Great Expectations and has to once again become more humble, he is very apologetic and admits his faults to Joe and Biddy. This redeemed him, and I suppose you can't expect a 21 year old guy to not get a little.. immature, with his money, when he just has so much of it.

Here’s what my personal opinion of the character’s are.

Joe Gargery: A very gentle man who prizes character, pride in ones work no matter what it is, and kindness above brains. In turn, he is very lovely and kind, extremely likable. The way he looks out for Little Pip and older, ill Pip warms the coldest of hearts no doubt. @Estella.

Georgiana: Mean?? Sort of likable, in an odd way though? Her argument with Orlick made me laugh so hard. And I couldn’t help but feel awful for her and the accident. She may have been mean to Pip when he was younger, but I think that has to due with how young boys were treated in the 1800s. She always boasted of “bringing him up by hand,” so I think she thought it was sort of her responsibility to not make him into a loser.

Orlick: Annoying and the worst, thinks he’s really cool but deserves to be in prison like the GARBAGE he is. Also, why does he call Pip a wolf so much in that one scene? He’s trying to equate him to a beast so he can make it easier to hurt him, I know but. He’s just loitering trash, he really gets my frogs a leapin.’

Herbert: Bad at fighting but good at friendship :D

Pip: I do like Pip, and I feel like he’s a good one. Sometimes he’s a bit unsure of himself and his place in the World, but I think that’s due to his coming into such a large sum of money unexpectedly. In the middle of the book, he did annoy me, because he made his problems seem awful. “Oh Estella, why won’t you look at me, oh god, this pain, I can’t possibly bare it in my nice pressed suit from Drummle’s, how can I go ON like this, also Biddy, I try to make myself like you but it just won’t work! Any advice?” Pip.. Shut up.

Ms. Havisham: I love her and everything about her character. She was the eccentric oddity of the bunch. The clock that was set at the same time that Compeyson left her, the old wedding dress, her walks with Pip around the room, the fire scene.. I see her as an interesting character because in trying to prevent her misfortune concerning love from reoccurring with a girl of her own, she made Estella’s heart pretty much non-existent. But I think she wanting revenge, she wanted to feel the satisfaction of seeing a Man love hard and get his heart broken.. but when she got just that, she realized very quickly what she had done. I really like her character.

Magwitch: In the beginning, obviously I found him sort of humorous and very prison-escapee in the animal like sort of way, desperate and mean. When he comes to Pip and reveals all of the Great Expectation stuff, the twist was enough for me to like him right there, but I really loved Magwitch at the end. He got such an unfair treatment out of life, and all he wanted was to make someone better than him, to set him up with these “great expectations” to lead him into success. I think he thought of Pip like a son, and likely felt bad for how he treated him when he was 7 years old. I think he wanted to make a wrong right, and I actually surprised myself when I shed tears at his death scene. It was so beautifully written, and you could feel that fragility of himself and the circumstances surrounding his demise and the connection between Pip and him. I was so glad that Pip came to be with him everyday. He deserved that much.

Estella: Did not like her, but it’s *technically* not her fault, I guess? I mean, she is a very hard character to really like. She’s not funny, she’s entitled and far too proud, has no emotion, yes, all of that, but that can be credited to Ms. Havisham and how she brought her up. So, I think she served her purpose well in the context of the novel, I just am not particularly fond of her. I liked the first ending, though, the one where Pip and her grab hands.

This is the last line, and it’s awesome.

“I took her hand in mine, and we went out of the ruined place; and, as the morning mists had risen long ago when I first left the forge, so, the evening mists were rising now, and in all the broad expanse of tranquil light they showed to me, I saw the shadow of no parting from her.”

Isn’t that just kickass? The connection from when he first left the forge and the mists were rising to the present time was very enjoyable.

Wemmick: I picture him as a sneaky, short guy with a top hat and a mustache and a monocle. Wait, a monocle? Surely not. Oh gosh, do I picture Wemmick as the monopoly man? He’s great. I love his double life, the idea of this strict businessman who never lets his “personal affairs” known to anybody but Pip and Aged P is a great concept. His house sounds lovely and interesting as well, and I hope his marriage went very well for him. Everything he did for Pip and all of the information he gave him led the novel along nicely, so we have him to thank for that.

Mr. Jaggers: I always picture him as the tap-dancing lawyer from Chicago. Like, he’d be the one to flip out and have a mini tantrum in a trial about the “erroneous facts” being spread. I liked his character, he held himself to a certain standard and never let anyone see past that wall really. Maybe it would have been interesting to see the flip side of that, like what he did at home and such. Also, did he rape Estella’s mother? I don’t mean, like, got her pregnant with Estella, clearly that was Abel, but like.. he says he tamed her “the old way” and that just sounded fishy to me. That aside, he was aight.

Aged P: An angel. His happiness with Wemmick and how the simple things bring him pleasure would just bring me the most relief. Aw, he loves being nodded at and acknowledgment, aw, how cuuute.

Drummle: Death by horse?? Oh no

Pumblechook: Needs to sit down, chill out and shut up pretty much every time he makes an appearance.

And with that, I think it’s time to try to wrap up this very lengthy review. I would give this novel 5/5. There is a reason it is taught in schools, it is great for discussion and the story is almost delectable. I very much enjoyed it, and yes, it is a long book, however; if you can muster up the (in today’s world) seemingly impossible strength to read it, I think it’s a classic that definitely deserves to be remembered and talked about.

I leave you with a quote from Pip that really just touched me to the core.

“Windy donkey as he was, it really amazed me that he could have the face to talk thus to mine.”

#great expectations #charles dickens #book review #bookworm #library #books #books and libraries #pip #estella #book blog

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