#Aaron's my favorite character im not sorry

[old-schoolgenz]

Some Mystreet headcannons;

Aaron definitely has a tattoo sleeve on one of his arms, he still wears his dog-tags from military-school (despite the rules, he felt more free then with his dad.)

Aphmau has ADHD, like terribly, and will often hyperfixate on small things for DAYS, She's medicated, but often forgets to take it.

Garroth is a Bi disaster, he just doesn't realize it. People he currently has crushes on? Aphmau, Kim, Laurance, and Aaron (Brought on by watching how sweetly he treats Aphmau, go figure.)

Katelyn and Aphmau made out once in college, after Luca obviously. Neither have mentioned it since but both enjoyed it.

Kawaii~Chan and Aaron are incredibly close freinds, She knew about his chocolate allergy before Aphmau did and would make him peanut-butter based sweets. Aaron is also incredibly protective (and affectionate) of her, just much as he is of Aph.

Zane and Kim share snark, with them constantly trading barbs and antagonizing each other. It's fine, they love it, it drives Ghost mad.

Nicole is related to the Lycan family, not directly, but she calls the Lycan sibs "Cousin"

Vlayd can see the future, it's why he bailed after season 1, fuck that shit, he's in Vegas.

Lucinda has tried to get everyone in bed with her at least once, at varying points.

Laurance is trans. Fite me.

[meangirls-imagines]

hi! can i ask for more descriptions of the R in the poly!plasticsverse (i love the character descriptions btw, im just eager) like how tall are they and what music they listen to.

(also hi! is this the appropriate place to send my dumb little thoughts about them? because i know your requests are closed and i don’t wanna like overstep in any way. im also the person who submitted R getting up in the middle of the night to sleep [IT WAS SO GOOD AND SWEET AND CUTE, i love it so much] but i did not expect to get something written, and i felt bad because i didn’t know if that meant i made you feel like it was a request. if it did come off as a request, i am so sorry, i meant to be a gay little shit telling you how much it took over my brain to read poly!plastics)

HI YES OF COURSE YOU CAN SEND IN YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT THE POLY!PLASTICSVERSE! PLEASE DO!

Y/N is what @yungpoetfics calls "polyjamorous".

She vibes to female rappers with Regina.

She dances to vintage music with Gretchen. (Her and Gretchen have slow danced to Elvis in the kitchen late at night.)

She tries to listen to Kpop with Karen but can't get into it. (She doesn't tell Karen that so she doesn't hurt her feelings.)

She goes all "Thug Life" with Shane. (They showed up to school one day dressed like 2005 John Cena while blasting Tupac. Regina burned those clothes after Y/N wore them.)

She introduced Shane to emo rap. He became obsessed with Lil Peep in two days. (He tried to get face tats but Y/N shut that shit down quickly."

"Lil Peep looks good with them because he's handsome, you would look like you just got out of jail. Do you know what they do to pretty boys like you in jail? They make them bottom bitches." "Maybe I should go to jail." "NO!"

Her and Aaron listen to all kinds of things (but when they are alone, they blast One Direction).

Her and Janis have a similar taste, so they vibe with each others music.

Damian tries to get her to listen to R&B and she likes it.....kind of.

Y/N is a pop punk/emo at heart.

Y/N and Regina will jam to Paramore and Evanescence but Y/N's favorite band is Simple Plan.

Y/N went to a Simple Plan concert when she was a kid and it was the greatest moment of her life.

They got a picture of them meeting Simple Plan and it's their greatest possession.

She listens to classical music with Cady when she tutors Y/N. When they hang out on what they call "mother and son time", they listen to country. (Conway Twitty, Garth Brooks, Reba, etc.)

Regina and Y/N recreated the "Still Into You" video (Regina singing, Y/N playing guitar. Ballons, bicycles indoors, the whole thing) and posted it to their IG on Valentines Day.

It's their song.

Emo band hcs:

Y/N: Simple Plan

Regina: Paramore

Karen: Panic! At the Disco

Gretchen: Dashboard Confessional

Cady: Secondhand Serenade

Aaron: Fall Out Boy

Shane: Green Day

Janis: Avril Lavigne

Damian: is confused

Now, let's talk about about our favorite stoner.

Y/N is 5'6", she's just shorter than Regina.

She's got a scar on her nose from when she was a kid and she was jumping on her parent's bed and tripped over her dad's foot and busted her face. (I'm totally not projecting). And a birthmark on her stomach that is lighter than the rest of her skin (so it looks like a scar). When they get intimate, its her girlfriends favorite spot to kiss.

(She also wrote a song called My Girl for the plastics and plays it when one or all of them are sad.)

[jivvie]

okay so quick side note before I get into MY HEAD… THE DOGS DIED SOBB THORGI MY BELOVED

vij’s thoughts on mcd season 1

from the beginning I LOVED the whole aspect of the role playing. It felt like a visual novel and I LOVE visual novels. If mcd becomes a game or book YES PLEASEEE

it was super interesting to learn more about Irene. In mystreet, we don’t really learn about her backstory so it was nice to learn about things that fit in the mystreet universe

100 episodes is A LOT and I thought fillers were fine. It definitely felt like a RPG game with all the tasks Aphmau had to do

Dude when Zane finally spoke his first line, I KICKED MY FEET AND SCREAMED INTO MY PILLOW YALL

Garroth was a little baby bitch at the end istg i wanted to punch his face but i guess he sacrificed himself for the group

Aaron is very unremarkable. Little emo boy. I’m guessing he has more screen time next season? ALSO HE HAD A WIFE AND A KID TF

still not a laurmau fan. SORRY GUYS but I just hate flirty guys and I feel like he’s also the reason for pushing garroth away from aphmau by like taking initiative. I guess thats why people are like yass Laurence but personally nah

I like how slowly you could realize that this series got more serious. like more ideas and thought put in for bg characters, even though they weren't "important"

Dante. MAKING HIM WAIT FOR 15 YEARS SOB. And I like how it seeps into mystreet as well

MAN ZANE AS LIKE JUST A VILLAIN YESSS. I hope he does not get redeemed and is just a bad guy

favorite character would have to be Donna. I really liked her character!! Sassy women <333

also omg legit forgot half of the villagers. like... who tf is corey???? is it molly or emma thats married to him??? too many damn pretty blonde women

babe house. just babe house.

i liked unhinged aphmau. its more funny now thinking about this compared to her newer content

at the end, i think i just cried for a minute or two. not only because i finished 100 episodes, but more that i miss aphmau's old content. her roleplay series is legit what got me through my childhood. and its very unlikely she'll return to this kind of content or similar roleplays.

like s7 is probably only here to satisfy us old hungry aphmau fans, but like MID?? no news whatsoever about it.

ANYWAYS I LOVED IT SO MUCH!! it was nice to just boot up an episode and just draw while watching. i might release some mcd doodles if i feel like it :P

i never tried mcd because im not a fantasy reader, but i pushed myself out of my comfort zone and im glad i did!! 10/10 would probably not do again because 100 eps are too much for me sob

[starhvney]

another love letter to your subject 3 series. cuz. im obsessed. “dilf” “real” is my favorite interaction . ever. i love the relationship between aphmau and reader! like the older/younger sister they never had. its really sweet to see how they care about each other and stick together, even if they met not too long ago (and dont remember eachother). the contrast but similarities are so sweet i just love seeing them together. you pointed out in chapter 1 that “It was like her anxiety had overpowered yours, making you somehow feel a sense of guardianship over her.” and i think it describes them perfectly. cant wait to see how aaron and reader interact as well. theres a lot of ways you could write their relationship and im exited to see how you do! ein too tbh. hope reader sets him straight 🫶 (gives him the ivy treatment. watch gene pull up again like guess what quality i got the photo in. guess.) and the moms!! i think a mom trio makes more sense than a duo but. thats just me. they are soooo silly. zane noticing(?) the tears in readers eyes at the end of and a dinner…… my maternal instincts are acting up towards every character in this series lowkey. and our dad (trying to) give us a switchblade. and the moms exclaiming that it IS in fact on sight if anyone messes with their girls. catch THEM giving ein the ivy treatment. our dad and garte are recording w gene if you look closely. sorry none of these thoughts are in order i just need to ramble.

me reading this after spending my day at work wondering if my story building and planning was bad or not 😭😭😭 thank you so much

it genuinely makes me so happy that people are liking the fic so much, i’ve put a ton of effort and time into it so far :,) you made my day with this it means so much

i really wanted to write the characters having meaningful and trusting relationships that go deeper than surface level, so i’m really glad that’s coming across like i hoped!! i personally highly value platonic relationships and i really love writing about them!! plus i also want to make the adults way more reliable and involved than they are in the show. for as insanely protective as they act and are described, they don’t do a whole lot of… protecting and involving themselves?? idk i just feel like there should be more of that

[hearts401]

not an ask. I just simply want to say how absolutely utterly fucking HAPPY I AM HOLY CRAP!!!!!,!! I watched this guy for four and a half years and he turned out to be a horrible person, so for quite a while I’ve been reading and watching anything I can to fill in the place for “what to get attached to for years again but still watch other things and get attached it’s just this one is always lurking no matter what my Brian will go back to them” and the unwanteds just so happen to be that. Surprise surprise Aaron just so happens to fit the closest out of literally everything I’ve watched and read (even the old four and a half year guy)- to the little personality that my brain has just consumed and placed onto my favourite character but like not actually ther all different but GUH whatever. That doesn’t matter I just can’t not over explain my self and it horrible because I explain myself horribly. Main point is I always get attached to one character and I love them so so much and they never leave my brain ever and Aaron actually just won’t go away. Every now and then I’d come back to loook at the tags here and see the same stuff again and believe me I was grateful for there being anything at all BUT OH MY GOSH!,!, YOU, YOU LITERAL ANGEL, HAVE BLESSED MY ENTIRE SOUL TODAY!!,!! I CAME HERE JUST TO LOOK AT THE SAME THINGS AGAIN TODAY AND YKNOW WHAT I SEE?? THE MOST GORGEOUS ART OF MY FAVORITE CHARACTER OVER AND OVER AGAIN WITHOTHER CHARACTERS WHO I ALSO REALLY LOVE AND I ALSO JUST REALLY LOVE THE RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS SO I ALWAYS SEARCH UP MY FAVORITE CHARACTER AND THEN SIME OTHER CHRACWTRE,,,, AND OBVIOSULY THAT DOESNT WORK TOO WELL WHEN THERES BASICALLY NO FANDOM, BUT AHHHHH!,! LIAM, EVA, PANTHER???? IM LITERALLY IN LOVE WITH YOU. Every time I scroll down I see another one of your arts and I just have to stare for five minutes, AND THEN THERES JSUT MORE!!! IVE ACTUALLY ENTERED HEAVEN AND YOU ARE THE GOD 🥹🥹🥹 anyways sorry if this is weird or anything lmao im just really happy and I can’t word correctly. Recently it’s been a lot asker to get over my fear of talking to others just to say they’re really cool or pretty (even though I’m still super scared) but this has made me so excited I just had to tell the amazing artist who did it GAHHHHH YOU ARE SO AWESOME AND COOL THANK YOU!!!

THIS MADE MY DAY HELLO???? IMGGFJ IM SO HAPPY YOU LIKE MY STUFF SM OMGHGHG IM SO PASSIONATE ABOUT THESE GUYS ITS AGHHG

im also super passionate abt how my favs interact with others ughhgguhfrrgr but theres very little liam and eva content i just had to draw them!!! I ALSO FEEL YOU SO BAD??? ITS SOOO HARD TO FIND CONTENT OF SMALL FANDOMS THAT FITS MY NICHE LITTLE BOX. I LIKE THE UNDERRATED INSIDE THE UNDERRATED 😭😭😭 WHICH IS WHY I LIKE TO MAKE A LOT OF MY OWN CONTENT!!!

I'm actually so happy im smiling os hard over this messagefdhdf i'll draw more of them soon just for you!!!

[maybeimamuppet]

I LOST THE ASK IM SORRY ANON BUT HERE

REGINA

favorite thing about them

heheeeeeehoooo i’m a lesbian but honestly she has so much like depth to her in a way that’s not immediately obvious and it’s really interesting as a writer getting to explore that beyond canon

least favorite thing about them

i don’t like that i relate to her!!!! i don’t like the idea of being mean and she is and i’m entirely convinced she and i have the same personality disorder and i am terrified that i’m like her. some people have said it and i just hate that it might be true

but like as a character in and of herself it’s how she uses people for her own gain. that’s not cool boo

favorite line

“boo, you whore” from the movie

“that’s what i keep trying to explain to the president on twitter but he blocked me” from the show

i can’t remember enough of what she says in the new movie rn but i’ll find smth later i’m sure lol

brOTP

damian. she and damian both love taylor swift and they listen to every song together and fangirl together and also damian gets her into musicals. regina likes the dark gritty ones with good music like les mis and little shop and damian likes the classics (obvs)

OTP

post redemption arc i ship her with like every woman in this. like any combo of gretchen and karen, i’m an absolute SUCKER for cadina (like i’m literally on my knees begging for cadina fic prompts please), rejanis is. it has potential not my fav but i do partake from time to time.

but like aaron would just turn out bad nobody really likes shane or kevin and damian. is gay. so none of the men lol

nOTP

this woman is GAY so again any of the guys lol. also if it’s done wrong rejanis can be real icky and i don’t like that

random headcanon

she can juggle. cady is the only one who knows and regina will absolutely kill her if she lets it slip

unpopular opinion

she is a victim who made the wrong choices and not the monster a lot of people make her out to be. she is not the villain of the story she is the villain of her own life by fault of her own mind which is the fault of her upbringing and she is making the only choices she knows how which just so happen to hurt a lot of people. she absolutely can be redeemed and she deserves it. which is why the bus doesn’t just straight up kill her.

song i associate with them

i think i said this for janis but monster from frozen has very much internal regina vibes to me that she like is terrified of letting anyone else see. also i know it’s about something VERY DIFFERENT but all grown up from bare seems like it would really speak to her. and also just all of renee’s songs bc duh

favorite picture of them

it’s a gif and this is how i lost the post last time but uh

like. holy shit.

DAMIAN

favorite thing about them

i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again but that boy drinks his loving janis sarkisian juice every morning as part of a balanced breakfast. he knows they’re each others person and i think he navigates their admittedly strange relationship really well. 

and also i love that this ~17 year old fat openly gay kid has SO MUCH confidence in himself. could he be overcompensating and actually have a lot internally that he doesn’t like about himself? yes absolutely . but the way he chooses to handle himself with such grace and confidence as he navigates such a complex web of social issues is really admirable to me and i don’t think he gets enough credit :))

least favorite thing about them

some of the stereotypes aren’t like super cool but like they had to come from somewhere so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

favorite line

damian is what got me into this show tbh i have so many

but i thiiiiiink it’s gotta be either “and they are more addictive than opioids and girl scout thin mints combined” (also hot take but i’ve been a girl scout for 18 years and thin mints SUCK)

OR

“did she just leave while i was actively caring about her? no. / she’s leaving! just like my DAD.”

honestly just like all of stop all of cautionary tale just him i love him yes

brOTP

besides the obvious answer of janis again i would say regina. but also he and gretchen get coffee at least once a week and bond over dances and choreography and whatnot and he and karen are joined at the hip whenever they’re together and you cannot tell me otherwise. and cady is basically his little sister

OTP

THEATRE BOY FROM THE NEW MOVIE OMGGGGG but also like. i don’t really know lol

i usually write him as being with aaron but that’s bc when i was writing like three months in i asked and all my (four) readers at the time said they wanted damiaaron it was not my first pick. but it has grown on me a lot and i think they’re super cute together

nOTP

i am terrified of the amount of romantic fic out there for him and janis?? like y’all ran face first into the point and hit ur heads so hard u still couldn’t see it huh

random headcanon

he kicked janis’ front teeth out in tap class when they were five and janis still has a small scar on her lip

unpopular opinion

i know i write about it a lot and stuff but making him trans feels really reductive of his personality sometimes. we need more trans rep obviously and i love people being able to take characters like him and feel seen but i question it with him in particular a lot. similar vibes to people who make matilda trans i just dk. lots of complicated feelings about it

also that he is the best goddamn character in the whole thing

song i associate with them

uhhhhhh for whatever reason 9 to 5 by dolly parton?? and jolene are the first two to pop into my head lol idk why

oh and also better work bitch by britney spears (i think??)

favorite picture of them

[ringotheman]

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!!!!! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 i dunno why i didnt think to post this sooner! i didn't feel like making anything significant for this year's pride month. but! im still really happy with this project, it was a lot of effort... and i didnt have a tumblr back then, so here it is. :3 21 characters!! i pretty much tried to think of all my queer characters and threw them into one drawing. i'm sure i forgot a couple people (namely, Carlos :[ sorry buddy.) also all my newbies aren't in here (Spaz, Sawyer, Sadie...anyone made after june of last year) but i'm honestly feeling more called out that this is like, 90% of total active characters- all my fellas gay as hell. fr tho this is one of my favorite drawings ever, it's nice to see all my characters hangin' about. I'd also like to mention that i was working on this mostly over the course of a trip to Texas, when i should of been hanging out with my family B) 💥 left to right, characters and their flag we got: Olly (rainbow), Al (vincian), Frana (Transfem lesbian), Strange (asexual), Ana (pansexual), Eliza (polyam lesbian), Chara (aroace), Elijah (aroace), Brook (bisexual), Atlas (pansexual), Lola (bisexual), Aaron (bisexual), Glass (vincian demisexual), P.B (queer drag queen), Mer (transmasc), Lavis (vincian), Bonnie (Demiro), Beau (vincian), Francis (vincian), Fly (agender), Bolette (pansexual).

[dietdrpspper]

THE SPANISH LOVE DECEPTION !!!

Rating: 5/10

Plots and Tropes: fake relationship, slight enemies to friends to lovers(if you can even call it that), office romance, slowburn, grumpy/sunshine, unrequited love, forced proximity

Short Summary: Catalina (lina) needs a fake date to her sister's wedding in Spain. The reason being, the groom's brother is her ex. That relationship is the reason as to why she has the commitment/trust issues that she has. Catalina's family had been consistently bugging her about whether or not she had a boyfriend. So she decided to lie to her family and agree to bring her "boyfriend" to Spain with her to accompany her to the wedding. And what do you know? Aaron Blackford, her rival coworker, just so happened to offer himself to be her 'fake' date to the wedding.

MAIN CHARACTERS!

Catalina-

Okay so I'm going to be completely honest. I was not the biggest fan of Lina. In the nicest way possible, she is stupid. Almost the entire 400 something pages she acted so oblivious to the way Aaron felt about her. You're telling me he knew everything about Catalina and he HATED her? Be serious. He traveled continents to help her, knew her allergies and favorite foods, helped her work late, knows her favorite coffee place, etc. Aaron was so persistent in being her date to the wedding too, why do you think? Because he hates her? Why would anyone care to help someone they despise? Along with all of this, she was just simply so annoying. She is more than what is 'stubborn', she is petty and tiring to read about, im sorry. Moving on!

Aaron-

So Aaron was a decent character. I don't think there was anything absolutely off-putting about him. He definitely wasn't annoying like Catalina was. Aaron was truly a pretty sweet guy. I think it was kind of odd how much he knew about her, although he had liked her for a long time. It feels somewhat creepy, as if he was watching her creepily from a distance at all times LOL! He was also cringy as shit at times but I feel like at this point its normal. Other than that, there's really not much to say about Aaron.

BEWARE OF THE SPOILERS MENTIONED BELOW!

- Sentences marked with (**) are just thoughts I have about certain scenes in the book.

** The fact that they made out outside of his dying father's hospital room??? YUCK WTF!!

** THE SMUT SCENES?? Some of it was decently written, but there were certain things that he said that made me feel icky. There was a scene she was doubting things and their romance and he just mentioned that she was the one that made him "hard" and that they were "in it together" and that alone just made her want him again? LIKE OKAY!

** Continuing to talk about the smut, please tell me why Aaron's favorite word seems to be cock! The way he asks if she wanted him to CLAIM it with his COCK. I'm sorry, but no! How come he has to sound so odd in these interactions here like it cannot be this difficult to dirty talk well.

** "I'll give you the world," he said against my mouth. "The moon. The fucking stars. Anything you ask, it's yours. I'm yours."

- This was one of the only things that genuinely was sweet that I adored in this book. Unfortunate, but true.

- It's kind of sad because I genuinely wanted to love this book. I feel like almost every book coming from "booktok" is either okay or absolute garbage. The books are always incredibly sappy and overdone. Or they are just not enough.

- This book could have definitely been reduced down to at LEAST 300 something pages. There is so much repetition and so many of the plots/tropes are underdone and not written well. I can't deny that there were parts I enjoyed, although it wasn't much. I try to rate books kindly and with the mindset that there is always worse or always better. I rate books also by the way they touch me, if they do at all.

[formulapisces]

what's your favorite movie 👀

im sorry for my long answer of absolutely nothing but i have very weird feelings about movies

I FEEL LIKE SUCH A FRAUD BECAUSE I DONT HAVE A FAVOURITE BOOK, OR A FAVOURITE MOVIE, OR A FAVOURITE SONG 😭

do terrible comfort movies count? does anybody on f1blr even know what angus thongs and perfect snogging is? it’s SUCH a bad movie but also amazing and revolutionary for a weird prepubescent alèssi. aaron taylor johnson in that movie was one of my first ever celebrity crushes...

my adhd does NOT let me sit through movies. like the last question, i used to LOVE horror (i was also probably far too young) but i never really had a favourite that i’d come back to.

i can also just never form normal feelings about a movie - it has to be the worst thing i’ve ever seen or the best thing ever and i WILL be basing my entire personality around the main character for the next few months.

a while ago i used to be on marvelblr practically with a phd in tom holland but i fell out of love with marvel a few years ago :/

[rckyfrk]

3, 6, 8, 11, 21, 50 for fanfiction writer asks :)

I am SO very sorry for taking so long to reply to this. I double checked the date you sent this to make sure I was doing the right one.

3. Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

I really don't do either. I usually stick with characters from the source material, so I don't end up having many OCs. There are only two stories I've worked on that include an original character - Claimed and Summer of Learning. In Claimed, I added in a high school aged girl in "honor" of the exchange student that was staying with my family at the time and she had a great big crush on Aaron Paul/Jesse Pinkman, so I wrote them together just for shits and giggles. Summer of Learning is based off a prompt (Imagine your dad's best friend is Sean Patrick Flanery and he teaches everything you want to know about sex.) So I ran with it as an OC (but it's in first person, so technically kind of a reader insert?)

6. If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

Yeesh. I don't even know if it's still posted anymore, so... Anyway, it was from the very early days of Bethyl, and there was a song prompt for every day of the week, and I fell in love with "Poison and Wine" by The Civil Wars. I was a very new writer and I'd never done a prompt before and I took it fucking literally and made every reference to the song that I could. I mean, it wasn't cringey or anything, at least I don't remember it being so, but it was just so...very very literal to the song. Now I can look back on it and say, "Oh...prompts don't have to be word for word. That's just where you get the idea." Lesson learned.

8. Where do you take your inspiration from?

Anywhere I can get it. Inspiration doesn't seem to be a problem for me. It's motivation.

11.Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

The most I've ever amended was adding tags that I hadn't realized I needed. I've never actually changed any of the content once a story is posted.

21. Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

We are so fortunate in both the Bethyl and Hellcheer fandoms to have so many talented writers. I hate to leave anyone out, but you asked, so...in no particular order...

@gneebee for posting every single week like clockwork. I wish I had an ounce of your discipline? organization? time to yourself?

@piper1016 for how far she's come as a writer, and for never giving up, even when fandoms are waning.

@im-immortal for writing stories that suck me in, even when I have to read them in between my fingers because I can't look directly at them

@pipergirl17 for taking on that enormous task of creating 26 AUs in the yellow pages series. What I’d give for a fraction of that creativity.

@hangon-silvergirl @cunnninghams for writing stories that make me absolutely melt and swoon over Eddie and Chrissy

@majicmarker for taking my favorite characters and writing them as if I'm actually inside their heads, looking around at what makes them tick. And the smut. Dear GOD the smut.

50.If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

Fluff. All the way. I don't think I'm great at writing angst (although, fluff without angst is just...kind of filler, isn't it?) I've gotten incredibly gun shy about writing smut. (I think it's been close to three years since I've written a sex scene. Not sure how to get back into the groove at this point...) But cute, fluffy moments between these idiots in love, showing them fall for each other over and over and making sure they get the happy ending they deserve? Yeah. That's my bread and butter, right there.

[attourney-at-lycan]

OKAY i finished love love paradise. now. THOUGHTS.

not enough garroth. i want more garroth. i need more garroth.

you can tell the huge difference pdh has had on mystreet if you watch s1 and llp back to back. they reference it a lot so you’d probably be clueless for some of the mentions, though they do vaguely explain some of their references. 

at the beginning the voice lines were a bit weird, there was always such a weird awkward pause between the lines that was extremely obvious but it does get better after the first couple episodes

the whole dante, jenna and nicole thing bothered me. IT WASN’T. problematic per say. i dont think it was b a d but it could’ve been done much better? i do like how nicole and jenna didn’t act as if nothing happened and didn’t try getting back w/ him or give him a second chance at love. i like how dante knows he cannot repair the damage he’s done. his plot lines can be mature which sometimes takes me in for a loop. however when zane said “dante is trying, he’s just being dumb” it made me.. yknow the kombucha girl cringe meme? yeah that one. i feel like........ it was taken a bit too lightly imo? IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT. i just wish it was taking more seriously.

also the travlyn thing towards the end kinda.. gave me whiplash. LIKE I KNOW it was sorta foreshadowed w/ travis going “i can’t take it” in his convo w/ dante but.. IT WAS SO WEIRD? because initially it was written as a funny joke but then it wasn’t and travis was actually feeling hurt. it’s just i don’t think it was done well enough so it came off as a sudden change in tone thats jarring

oh my god am i being too harsh- i feel like i was being too harsh bc this was not written by a genius so idk why im critiquing it so harshly im so sorry. but i’m still going bc i can :]

BUT ANOTHER THING. the whole aphmau being scared of swimming was hhh? on one hand i feel like it was taken wayy too seriously but at the same time i feel like it wasn’t taken seriously enough at times. by that i mean, aphmau seems to be the type to trust her friends a lot regardless, and she encourages her friends to tell her things no matter how embarrassing they may be, but when it comes to her, she stubbornly refuses to tell anyone but zane. but then when everyone knows, no one takes her fear seriously w/ pushing her into the water or going “lmao you’re overreacting”. maybe it’s me because i also cannot swim and it’s sooo fucking scary being in chest level water. tbh im honestly overreacting bc i would also laugh if someone was in my position ngl

WHERE WAS LAURANCE. WHERE THE. FUCK. WAS MY FAVORITE QUEER?

gene was great i love gene he’s so fun. it was honestly so weird him appearing like that. also what did they do to ivy. i wish ivy kept her haughty behavior but i do get her maturing or wtver but i just wish there was still that spunk now to me she feels like a bland.. character who’s just changed to good.

ONE MORE THING. i forgot what i ti was. GOD I SAID THIS ALREADY BUT SYLVANNA REALLY PISSED ME OFF THIS SEASON. i was fine w/ her not knowing that her daughter had a boyfriend but still going against her wishes despite knowing she has one afterwards simply because you don’t like him hrggghr. i know that mom’s can be annoying like that yeah but jesus fuck it does not help.

honestly aaron was just.. The Boyfriend, yet again. i did like how it was obvious that aaron was becoming more comfortable w/ the people around him and being more outgoing. it was cute. however. most of the things coming out of his mouth was aphmau. EVEN WHEN IT WAS DANTE’S PROBLEM HE COULD NOT HOLD BACK FROM BRINGING UP APHMAU IM SO TIRED. 

anyway i give this season...... honestly 8/10? i know i complained a lot abt this seasons but it was genuinely fun to watch. i liked the other little side characters like the token gay couple (guy and nate + teony and The Girl who’s name they mentioned but i forgot), the dad and his son, also the bartender- 

ONCE AGAIN i would love to mention this mini review is totally based off my personal taste yaddah yaddah, this is a very subjective and biased post so :thumbsup:

[mah33n]

Hi Maheen!! I'm sorry for being super socially awkward, but as an attempt to know you better could I ask you a few questions? (If you feel uncomfortable or don't want to I totally get it <3 [I really hope I dont seem like a bot])

• What's your favorite color?

• What's your favorite mythological creature/creature from a book?

• What song hits you in the feels every time you hear it?

• What is your favorite possession?

• Who is your favorite book character of ALL TIME? (You can totally pick more than one)

HII SORRY FOR THE LATE RESPONSE IVE JUST BEEN SO BUSY THESE PAST FEW DAYS

dw you’re not awkward and I appreciate the wanting to get to know me better bc like same but I literally cannot bring myself to ask my mutuals questions 😭😭

Lemme stop rambling and answer these now

• Honestly my absolute favourite colour is Emerald Green but a few have come close to beating it (none ever did though); Purple, Marlee (aka @spaceagebachelormann ), and the lovely colour Pink

• I’d genuinely have to say a fairy because idk what it is about them that’s so pure and exquisite but I just love the concept of them.

Dragons are cool too

• ugh honestly I’m gonna have to make a post for this bc like I’ve sm but just to name one of them, Reflections by The Neighbourhood

• My tiny green pillow I got many moons ago, I love it so much I still remember the day I got it and somehow I just got attached to it tbh — I love simple things like that. Probably gonna have to make a post for this too bc like I’ve a couple special fav possessions

• Kazzle Dazzle (Kaz Brekker from Six Of Crows), Sadie Hunter from Sadie, Keefe Sencen from The Keeper Of The Lost Cities, Aaron Warner from Shatter Me, Ravi Singh and Pippa Fitz-Amobi from AGGGTM, Literally everyone from the maze runner except gally and Teresa (I don’t mind them but js bc like idk)

and there’s more bc im literally a compulsive reader

[fatherramiro]

okay im going to be honest im not in the world’s most coherent headspace but like... a lot of the mistakes the writers made were fucking amateur and/or driven by their own internal biases. some stuff that got fucked up in later seasons was not their fault! they couldn’t have planned for a writers strike, and that strike was necessary! 

but first off, we have to acknowledge that these are cishet white men in the aughts. of course they’re going to play favorites and of course those favorites are going to mostly be white men. it is not surprising to me that they fucked over every woman and person of color on the show! and this is not me saying that neither showrunner is a bad person because lindelof showed much more nuance with watchmen and with the leftovers, but we have to understand that the writers are human and they made a series of really terrible decisions because they wanted to prioritize the fan favorites (and their favorites) instead of doing what the story called for. if they actually did what the story needed, sawyer wouldn’t have made it to season six, im sorry.

and the amateur thing is also really fucking blatant and im sorry, as a queer and trans writer who would love to showrun something like lost if i pulled some of the shit they did id never run another show after it! because they just straight up gave up on continuity after a certain point in time! take charlotte’s age, take dan’s age, take eloise knowing about desmond in flashes before your eyes, take  annie, take walt, take aaron, take the volcano... they set up a million plots and fucked around with them. and if you don’t believe me on this, please listen to rebecca mader talk about season five. and i can imagine that the process of writing a massive mystery box ensemble show like lost is daunting and difficult when you’ve got fan expectations and you’ve got network notes, but also there is a very basic truth that lost is littered with unfired chekov’s guns and weird errors. 

also the shortened season choice was a bad one because they had to speed run character development, emotional beats, and plot. lost thrived because the show had time to breathe in the early seasons. we couldn’t have gotten flashes before your eyes or tricia tanaka is dead or the other 48 days or half of lost’s really good episodes if we hadn’t had enough time to breathe during the show. and yes, if the show had been longer, we would’ve had a longer season six which could’ve gone either way but also we could’ve gotten maybe like. miles having a personality and plot? 

also in general, i feel like they wanted to add mysteries on top of mysteries. truthfully i don’t get why we needed to have a frozen donkey wheel thats never explained when i still don't know why dharma was created. the temple water and the temple as a whole make no sense but id sure love to know more about that statue. and as a fan, im allowed to go “this was a wasted opportunity” and it says nothing about lost’s merit as a show, because it is! 

as a writer, when i approach an original project, my outlines are more “here’s the theme of each major player’s story, a vague notion of how id like said story to end, and a possible ending for the whole narrative” because im usually writing lost-like stories where i want each beat to matter. i too spend 90% of the writing process making shit up as i go along and/or going with the flow of the story. but also, im unpublished as fuck! these guys were writing one of television’s biggest shows so for them to make really basic errors is not a great look and that’s why im roasting them regularly. lost is one of my formative texts and tbh without it i wouldn't have Boat Show but god damn. like yes characters > plot but also when the plot errors cannot be excused because the character work starts thinning... we have a problem.

who wants to hear me talk about lost’s biggest problems that go beyond the planned vs unplanned debate and actually break down the mechanics of why lost’s back half (seasons 4 -6) doesn’t work as well as seasons 1-3?

someone please encourage me

[willowbird]

Prompts open? Bet maybe foxes(and Andrew) slowly finding out how fucked up Neil’s mom was to him?(I get it was to survive but it was still abuse)

Since this one got kinda... Uh... Long... And answered both of these prompts I decided to combine them!! I didn't include a separate one for Andrew because he's present for a couple of them and by the time I reached the end it was like 6600 words and an Andrew POV would probably add another 2000 because I'm me and I always get carried away with Andrew POV.

If you’d rather read this on AO3 you can do so here.

4 times the Foxes found out how fucked up Mary was to Neil, and the 1 time Neil actually admitted it

ONE - ALLISON

Allison had been taking Neil shopping, which in itself wasn't really a weird occurrence. Allison would take any of her teammates shopping if that's what needed to happen to get them to stop looking like a dirty hobo. As it happened, Neil was just the worst offender and so she pestered him about it more often than not. It was remarkable how the guy could be dating the Monster and still look like that. Not that Andrew Minyard was a fashion icon or anything, but the miniature psychopath at least understood the concept of aesthetic and made sure the people around him wore things that actually fit. 

Well, most of the people around him. 

Point being, Neil needed a bit of extra help, and Allison was more than happy to supply it. So she'd taken to dragging him out shopping with her once a week. It was basically therapy - and fuck if that boy didn't need some of that.

(But Allison wasn't going to say that in front of Neil or he'd probably get hives…)

Usually, the shopping trips all went about the same. Allison would drag Neil along, Neil would acquiesce until he got hungry, then he'd get bitchy and after Allison fed him he'd calm the fuck down enough to try on more things before refusing to get anything. On a very rare occasion she would get him to accept a shirt or a new pair of pants. His weakness was shoes, but she tries not to exploit that too often.

Today, however, was different - because today Allison caught Neil's eyes catching on a particular hoodie. If it had been just once she would have passed it off, but this was at least the fourth time Neil had sought it out in the whole ten minutes they'd been in the narrow clothing store and his eyes didn't just catch, they lingered. Which meant that Neil was interested, that he liked something. This was a breakthrough! Especially since the hoodie was new and had color, rather than the drab shit he was always wearing. It was a very pretty cerulean blue with black stitching and was of a less bulky design than the other two Neil owned (one of which was the Foxes one she'd never seen him wear off-campus). In the proper size it would fit his frame nicely, she could tell just by looking at it, and she was low-key impressed that something with general style had been the thing to catch his eye. 

Allison grinned and nudged him. "Hey, just grab it. You could use a new hoodie."

Neil's attention snapped to her and Allison wasn't prepared for the flash of instinctive panic that raked through his eyes. "No, I didn't- I don't-" He raised his hands apologetically, which was weird, then seemed to catch himself and dropped them immediately. Allison could see him struggling not to look over at the sweatshirt and for the life of her she didn't understand why. But now she needed to know.

She gave him a look. "Uh, yes you did, and you do. What's the big deal? So what, you like it. Get it." She shrugged, hoping nonchalance would encourage him to stop being a weirdo about it.

"Nah," Neil said with a shrug. "It's fine. I've got hoodies."

Allison thought about letting it go, she really did, but she was too curious. But she also knew that the more she seemed to care about the answer she was prodding for, the less likely Neil was going to give it. So she pretended to look at some of the surrounding clothing without really registering what she was shuffling through. "You act like you've never bought something just because you wanted it before," she said with her usual level of scathing judgement.

"It was too dangerous," came Neil's distracted response. When Allison peaked over at him, her hand freezing on the shoulder of a sweater, about to slide it down the rack, she saw that he was looking at the hoodie again, studying it with a too-careful blankness she was beginning to recognize as Neil-in-memory.

"Getting something you wanted was too dangerous?" It was harder this time to keep her tone casual but she managed it well enough that Neil didn't fully snap out of his thoughts, wherever they were.

He shrugged. "It was distracting. If you had things you cared about you'd lose sight of survival, or make stupid mistakes."

Allison just stared at him. "You weren't allowed to have things you wanted… because they'd be distracting? Neil that's really fucked up." 

Neil looked over at her and grimaced, pulling away from the hoodie. "Whatever, it's not a big deal. Come on, are you done shopping yet?"

For another moment Allison stared, then she stalked forward and violently grabbed the hoodie from the rack, ignoring Neil's startled protests. 

"No," she said, pointing at him with her free hand. "You aren't some kid on the run anymore and you don't have to follow your mom's fucked up rules. If you want something, you're going to get it, damn it." If Neil tried to protest again she didn't see it because she'd already whirled around to head up toward the checkout.

Fuck you, Mary.

TWO - DAN

Team Night was something Dan instated right after finals last year. One night a week they all got dinner after practice. The whole team had to be there for at least part of the time. Sometimes they got along, sometimes they fought like half-crazed rabbis raccoons, but they were all together in a situation that wasn't about exy (no matter how many times Kevin or Neil brought it up). If there was anything Dan had learned over her years as Team Captain, it was that they would always operate better on the court if they could also work together off of it.

Tonight they'd gone out to dinner with the whole team before splitting off into various groups back at the dorms. Renee had gone off with Allison and Nicky while Aaron had left right from the restaurant to meet up with Katelyn. The freshmen had split into their own groups - they were still working out their hierarchy among themselves and Dan knew by now that she just had to let it happen - which had left her and Matt and, surprisingly enough, Neil and Andrew. She hadn't really expected the other two to accept her invitation to join them in Matt's room for a movie, but when she's offered Neil had easily agreed and Andrew hadn't protested. 

A part of her had still expected Andrew to peel off and go back to his own dorm once they'd returned to Fox Tower, but the reticent goalkeeper had followed them all into the room with no complaint.

"All right!" Matt announced with a grin once the door was shut and locked behind them, crossing to where he kept the booze. "Power Couple Movie Night! Whatcha guys want? Babe?"

Dan chuckled and rolled her eyes affectionately. "You're ridiculous and I love you. I'll have a whisky sour." She looked to Andrew and Neil. "What about you guys? He just stocked up so there's a bit of everything."

"Babe, you're making me sound like an alcoholic." 

Dan dismissed the complaint with a wave of her hand and smiled over at the other two. 

"Whisky straight." That was Andrew.

Neil just shrugged. "I don't need anything," he said.

"Do you have Dr. Pepper?" Andrew asked, apparently not done.

Matt nodded, lifting a mostly-full two-liter for him to see and setting it on the surface of the cabinet. 

"He'll have that with amaretto."

"Andrew."

"Neil."

Dan tried not to be too obvious about how closely she was watching them. It wasn't even a 'how could they be together?' thing. It was just that… Neil was this big mystery, and Andrew was also a big mystery. And now they were together and that just made the mystery balloon exponentially. The two of them fit together in a way that was somehow both surprising and like nothing in the world could make more sense. They had a whole language together of looks and gestures, of silent understandings that the rest of them couldn't even begin to interpret. In a way, this was just like any other couple. Even now, Dan shot a glance over at Matt and they shared a look of their own before resuming their subtle observations of the other couple. Somehow it was different with Andrew and Neil though. Somehow it seemed… heavier. It was fascinating and also kinda unsettling, which only made Dan want to figure it out even more.

After an extended silence where Neil and Andrew had some indecipherable conversation with their eyes alone, Neil sighed, apparently conceding defeat, and nodded agreement to his boyfriend's drink order. 

"All right! Neilio is drinking with us tonight!" Matt pumped a fist into the air, shattering the residual tension with his enthusiasm. Dan had probably never loved anyone so much in her life.

Neil smirked his own affection for the big lug and flopped onto the couch, Andrew following with less flourish but a level of relaxed comfort that made Dan's heart soar. It was really happening. Andrew was letting himself trust them, letting himself be a part of the team, letting himself be… one of their friends.

Matt finished making their drinks and brought them over on a serving tray he had been a little bit too excited to buy.

Neil took his drink and cautiously sniffed it, wrinkling his nose. "It smells sweet," he complained.

"You have two choices when it comes to liquor, Josten. It either tastes sweet or it tastes like alcohol." Andrew was entirely unsympathetic, though his gaze remained focused on Neil even as he sipped his whisky. Apparently, this was some either-or that Neil was willing to concede to because he sighed and sipped the drink. After a moment he hummed and took another sip. Another sip turned into a second drink as the four of them collectively decided to skip the movie and instead hang out and talk about the worst movies they'd ever seen. Andrew, surprisingly, had a lot to contribute - as he had apparently seen a lot of movies and had Opinions about all of them. It was very weird and kinda surreal, but also made Dan feel almost giddy.

"Well shit, Neil, if it was just a matter of you not liking the taste of alcohol we'd have stocked up on wine coolers ages ago," Matt said as he handed Neil his third glass later on in the night. He grinned and perched on the armrest of her chair. Dan smiled up at him when he put his arm around her, leaning against him and sipping her own drink as she turned her attention back to the other couple.

The other couple. Well, that was weird.

"Nah, I still wouldn't have had anything," Neil said after another, fuller drink. He leaned back, comfortable. Dan noticed that he and Andrew weren't touching but there was still a weird intimacy with their proximity. It hurt her brain to think about so she didn't focus on it overmuch. Then Neil said, "Mom only brought out the alcohol when I needed to be stitched up," and Dan froze with her drink halfway back up to her mouth. Neil didn't seem to notice, looking into his cup as he continued. "No hospitals, you know, and when I was a kid I always cried a lot and was really loud about it unless I was too drunk to feel anything at all."

And when I was a kid I always cried a lot and was really loud unless I was too drunk to feel anything at all.

When I was a kid…

It felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. Dan peripherally noticed that she wasn't the only one who had gone still. It was so rare for Neil to say anything about his time before he joined the Foxes. It was even more rare for him to bring up his mother - especially in such a… disturbingly revealing way. 

Matt was the one to break the silence. "When you say you were a kid you mean…?" There was a false lightness in his voice, like he was trying not to alert Neil to how much he was revealing. Andrew cut him a glare but then looked to Neil without interrupting.

Neil shrugged, swirling his glass lightly, apparently fascinated with the ice as it clinked gently against the sides of the glass. He poked at them with his mixing straw. "Mm, Lola scared me, y'know? I didn't want her to stitch me up. So I begged mum. Dad would hurt her too if she couldn't keep me quiet. I tried, but being noisy was always a problem for me. 's how I usually got in trouble anyhow. Or by not being still enough. Or dropping knives." Neil shivered, his free hand rubbing against a spot on his abdomen like he was worrying away at a memory, some phantom ache from a past that he could never quiet escape from.

Andrew, apparently, had decided this was enough. He reached forward and pulled the glass from Neil's hand with a gentleness that shouldn't surprise Dan anymore. He set the glass on the table and stood, then tugged Neil up with him. He didn't let go of the striker's hand even when he got the other man standing. Once he was sure the other would be steady he glanced over at them with a dark, steady threat in his eyes. "We are leaving now."

A sound beside her alerted Dan to the beginning of Matt's protest and she elbowed him before he could complete it. In its place, she gave a strained smile and nodded. "Of course. You guys are probably tired. See you tomorrow!"

Neil raised his hand in a small wave but he still seemed a little lost, his expression closed, his mind somewhere else. 

When the door closed behind them, Matt stood up and walked over to lock it, then he stood there for a moment before turning to face her. His expression was dark and angry and echoed the storm stirring in his own heart.

"Neil went on the run when he was ten."

It might have seemed a random statement, but Dan was following the same line of thought and she nodded. They'd known that Neil's dad was a bastard, knew he'd been hurt by him and his people when they'd been on the run and it wasn't a far toss to infer that he'd been hurt earlier too. But this confirmation was blood-chilling. Mary's part in it was not comforting.

"She did nothing, Dan. She did nothing. She let him get hurt and then she got him drunk as a little fucking kid to stitch him up again. I know it was a fucked up situation, and I'm sure it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows for her but fuck Dan. Fuck."

Dan nodded, setting down her drink and rising from the chair so she could go to Matt. She knew that she only had a surface understanding of the situation. She couldn't imagine what Mary might have gone through herself, but she couldn't find enough compassion in her heart to make excuses for her. Maybe that made her heartless, she didn't fucking care. What she cared about was that Mary let her own son be hurt badly enough that he needed to get drunk and get stitched up over and over again, before and after they went on the run. What she cared about was that Mary hurt her son over and over herself in order to control him, to keep him under her thumb. Maybe she did it because that's how she thought she was protecting him but intentions meant shit.

Lesser evils were still evil.

There are always choices, always options, and Mary's choices had traumatized Neil just as much as the Butcher's had. Maybe Neil had complicated feelings about his mother but Dan didn't. She had a very clear opinion, actually.

Fuck you, Mary.

THREE - MATT

"Okay so, but why Andrew?" Matt didn't mean anything negative with the question, but he flipped a hand in apology when Neil glared over at him. "I didn't mean it that way. I mean like -- is your type short, blond, and stabby or…?"

"I don't have a type. I don't swing."

Well that made no sense.

"Except for Andrew," Matt clarified, reminding Neil that he was self-admittedly committed to the Monster.

Neil nodded without hesitation. "Except for Andrew," he agreed.

"Right… but… why? Why only Andrew? Didn't you ever like… like other guys, or girls?" Matt studied his best friend, desperate to understand him. He wasn't even being anti-Andrew about this, he was just trying to learn more about Neil and this integral part of him. Neil said he didn't swing, and then of all people to fall for - he falls for Andrew. Matt had thought that maybe Neil had been shy about admitting he was gay or something, but Neil was pretty confident about the whole not-swinging thing. Matt got that there were other sexualities out there, but the idea of just… not wanting anything just didn't make sense to him.

He was surprised when Neil actually said -- "Sure, yeah, when I was like, fourteen or whatever. I wouldn't say I liked anyone, but I noticed girls."

Matt blinked and looked over at him, letting the game controller rest on his lap. "Wait, you did?"

Neil shrugged. "Yeah, but it wasn't allowed so…"

"It wasn't… allowed?" Matt frowned, lost.

"My mom knew they'd be a distraction, that it was too dangerous for me to fall for someone. I don't think it occurred to her that I might like a guy, so when she realized I was noticing girls she made sure I didn't anymore."

Matt was silent for a long moment, letting the implication of that sink in. "When you said she 'made sure' you didn't notice girls…?"

Neil shrugged. "I was stupid. Just telling me wasn't going to do anything." But his friend's casual nonchalance was gone and Matt watched as the other man withdrew into himself. His expression closed down and he scratched his nails through his hair, against his scalp in an anxious tick Matt was pretty sure Neil didn't even realize he did.

A flare of rage heated his lungs and it took concentrated effort to swallow it down. He could imagine what Mary might have done to her son to drill the lesson home. 

"That's really fucked up, Neil."

Neil just shrugged, then nodded at the tv. "Are you gonna play or what?" Matt could see that his friend didn't want to talk about it so he let it go, but he wasn't going to forget it.

"Yeah. How about you order some pizza or something? I'm getting fucking hungry." A bit of the tension broke and Neil flashed him a small smile before pushing off the couch to go get his phone to make the order. Matt watched him go and took another breath to make sure his anger was packed away for later.

Fuck you, Mary.

FOUR - NICKY

Christmas! Nicky was so fucking excited about Christmas this year. Not only would Erik be coming into town, but the whole family would be there! Well, the family that mattered anyway. Aaron was bringing Katelyn, Andrew would be there and participating, and Neil was staying with them for the entirety of winter break. It was going to be amazing!!

Already, in the few days since school had let out, Nicky had set about Christmas-ifying the whole house and it was looking amazing if he did say so himself, which he did.

Today was going to be particularly exciting because he had managed to get Neil to agree to go Christmas shopping with him. Erik would be arriving tomorrow morning and Nicky still hadn't gotten his present. Or Aaron's. Or Andrew's. Or Neil's… He'd gotten Katelyn's though! He'd seen an absolutely gorgeous sweater at the mall the other week in just her color so he'd swiped it up. Point being, he had some catching up to do and he suspected that Neil was also behind on his Christmas shopping.

This was confirmed shortly after they arrived at the mall and Nicky asked Neil what he'd gotten for Andrew.

Neil blinked at him, like he was caught off guard by the question. 

"I don't think we're getting each other anything," he said, looking downright confused.

"Oh. Oh Neil. Oh Neil no. No, you are definitely getting gifts for each other. You're a couple!"

Neil looked vaguely uncomfortable as he shrugged, but he didn't deny the label and Nicky counted that as progress. "I don't think we're the gift-giving kind…"

Clearly, Neil hadn't been paying attention to the fact that Andrew had been gifting Neil at every fucking opportunity since they'd met. Clothes, keys, food, drinks, more clothes, a phone. At first, Nicky had just thought it was Andrew being possessive in the way he was possessive of all the people he'd decided we're his. It wasn't until after the two had come clean about their relationship (relationship!!!) that Nicky had thought back and realized that Andrew wasn't half as generous with the rest of them. Honestly, Nicky was a bit embarrassed for not noticing it all sooner. This whole time, Nicky thought he was being cryptic when he was just being really, really gay. For shame.

"Mm, well," Nicky hedged, feeling pity for the poor blind idiot. At least he was cute. "You're wrong, but we won't get into it. Just trust me when I say that Andrew has definitely gotten you something." Probably multiple things, actually, but Nicky didn't want to shock the poor cute dummy. "And you can't tell me that you don't want to give him a gift." Nicky stopped, frowning at Neil in disapproval.

"It's not that," Neil admitted, and Nicky wasn't sure he'd ever seen the younger man look more awkward. 

"Then what is it. Come on, kid, tell Uncle Nicky."

Neil made a face. "Only if you never say that again."

Nicky laughed, though he realized Neil had a point. That might have been a bit much. "Deal. So what is it?"

Neil shrugged, fidgeting in a restless way that Nicky recognized as one of Neil's tells when he was uncertain or nervous. Neil was someone who needed to be in motion, someone who needed to do things. Nicky related to that, heavily, so he linked his arm through Neil's and tugged him into walking again. The motion seemed to help, and after a few minutes, Neil finally spoke up.

"I've never really done the whole Christmas or birthday thing. Especially not since me and my mom, you know…" He drifted off vaguely, gesturing with one hand like that's was supposed to indicate all the time he and his mom were running from his psycho dad and his evil butcher-buddy minions. Nicky nodded like it had and Neil continued. "It just feels… weird, you know. Like it's a thing that real people do. They go to school and they have holidays with families that don't want to kill them or each other. They buy each other presents that they don't need and that's… normal. But it just doesn't make sense to me."

There was a lot to unpack there, but Nicky's mind caught on the first thing Neil had said and it kept replaying over and over on his head like a skipping record.

Like it's a thing that real people do.

Like Neil wasn't… real.

Nicky stopped walking again, his heart clenching suddenly in his chest. "Wait, hold on. Rewind. Neil, you realize that you are a real person, right?"

Tension wiped Neil's face into an awful blankness and normally Nicky would let it go. He'd make a joke and try and get them back to something lighter, but this was… something was just so wrong about that and he couldn't ignore it.

"Neil," he implored, hands on both the younger man's shoulders, gripping tightly, willing him to open up to him.

Maybe it was a testament to the season of sharing, or maybe it was proof that he and Neil had come a long way since those first few months over a year ago, but for whatever reason, Neil didn't brush him off and he didn't pull away. Instead, he sighed and gave a small shrug, shuffling his feet as he apparently searched for the right words like they were hidden between his shoelaces.

"I didn't feel real for a long time, you know. I couldn't be. Mom was the one who made all the identities for me, the one who chose the names and the covers. She was the one who created everything about the boys I was supposed to be, down to their interests in school and outside of it, just in case someone asked me when she wasn't around. She'd test me on them. I studied those boys with more dedication than I studied for my classes when I was actually in school."

Nicky frowned, confused. "What about your interests and what you were like."

Neil shrugged. "I didn't have any. I wasn't like anything, unless you can count fear as a personality trait."

That… didn't make sense. Neil was saying words, and individually, Nicky knew what they meant, but his brain was struggling to comprehend exactly what they meant when put together in that order. 

"But… that's not possible. What about when you saw something you liked, or wanted, or did something that you just… enjoyed. A tv show or, fuck, math. You like math right? That's a part of your personality." He heard the desperation in his own voice but he was too distracted by the conundrum of Neil's 'I wasn't a real person's reveal that he didn't even care to attempt to rein it in.

"Not until I got to Palmetto," Neil admitted. "I didn't have to take a math class my senior year because my forged transcripts already had the required number of classes to graduate and it seemed conspicuous to take more than that. Your average teenager doesn't like math."

"But you thought about it, right? When you were signing up for classes, you thought about adding math, then actively chose not to." A picture of understanding was beginning to form and Nicky felt a little bit sick with what it showed.

Neil frowned, like he was thinking about it, then gave a small nod of reluctant agreement.

"So… there was something you liked, something that was you and you just, what, instinctively went 'No, bad idea'. Why?"

"It's what my mom would have done," was Neil's instant, confident reply. He hadn't even had to think about that one. Then, to Nicky's horror, he elaborated with, "Mom was a stickler on that kind of stuff. If I liked something, if I felt pulled to anything, it was dangerous and bad. I learned quickly enough to avoid anything that interested me so it wouldn't distract me. Surviving was what was important."

Yeah. Yeah Nicky definitely felt a bit sick now. 

"When you say that you 'learned quickly enough'...?" Nicky wasn't sure he actually wanted to know, but that didn't stop him from asking the question.

"Mom--" Neil actively stopped himself this time. "It isn't important. Look… are we going to go shopping or what?"

Nicky wasn't willing to let it go. "Neil. Did she… like, hurt you? For having interests?"

Now Neil looked more than just a little uncomfortable, and the way he didn't meet Nicky's eyes was all the answer he needed. Nicky wanted to hug Neil just then, but he managed, at the last second, to hold himself back. He'd probably pushed harder than he should have already and he was trying to be better about boundaries. Instead he squeezes his shoulders and then pulled his hands away.

"Well, come on. Let's finish shopping. I'll help you pick out something for Andrew if you aren't sure what to get him." 

Neil looked so visibly relieved that Nicky's heart broke. "Ah, yeah… thanks Nicky." The small smile he shot him was enough that Nicky forgot the boundary thing and just hugged him. Ugh, that poor kid. No wonder he was so confused whenever anyone was kind to him if his own mother had treated him like he wasn't even a real person to the point where Neil had legitimately started to believe it. Nicky had his issues with his parents, all the Foxes did -- it was part of what made them Foxes -- but this was kind of another level.

Nicky kept his arm around Neil's shoulders as he lead the younger man off to shop, now determined to make this the best fucking Christmas ever. Because Neil was a real fucking person and he deserved that frivolous normalcy. He deserved to like things and to want things.

Fuck you, Mary.

+1 - AARON

Aaron didn't usually care about whatever was happening in Josten's weird little brain. It wasn't a place he was eager to explore, to be perfectly fucking honest, and he was unfortunate enough to be subjected with the assshole's proximity often enough as it was. However, it was hard to ignore the man when he was having a literal mental breakdown right in front of him. He wished he could. He wished he could turn around and walk away, shut the door, and go back to not caring. Unfortunately, parallels had just been drawn that he couldn't unsee and now turning his back on Neil almost felt personal. It was incredibly uncomfortable and for a long moment Aaron just sat there, silent, in the wake of what just happened.

It had gone like this:

Andrew and Neil had been on separate ends of the couch doing homework. Nicky and Kevin were still sleeping off the trip to Eden's Twilight last night, and Aaron was slowly letting himself wake up to a hot cup of coffee and some random show on tv. Then that random show had transitioned into some kind of true crime show that had dragged everyone's attention to the screen with a single word.

Wesninski.

As it turned out, the show wasn't actually about the Wesninskis, but rather about crime in Europe. The Wesninski mention was due to the current segment on the Hatfords, a British crime syndicate -- the one Neil's mother hailed from. It was her picture on the screen when their collective attention all snapped to the screen, and the tension in the room suddenly increased tenfold.

Mothers were a bit of a complicated topic for everyone in the room. It was also probably the one thing that Andrew was unwilling to touch with a ten-foot pole, not even for Neil - and Aaron was long since past denying that those two had something going on far deeper than sexual tension and a disdain for ninety percent of humanity. 

So the room had frozen, holding a breath with a shared lung. Then Andrew had stood, moving to snatch up the remote so he could turn off the TV when Neil said, "No."

Aaron had never seen Andrew stop so fast in his life. His twin's face remained blank, but there was a darkness in his eyes that Aaron was queasily familiar with. It was a cruel, angry darkness and he didn't envy Neil for being the subject of it as Andrew turned his gaze on the striker. 

"If you want to cry over that bitch I am not going to stick around to suffer it." The words came out low and hissed and even Aaron could hear the sharp rage beneath the forced facade of indifference Andrew was attempting to keep in place.

Neil looked like he wanted to hit Andrew but he managed to keep his response to a sharp, venomous, "Fuck you." 

Andrew held the remote up to eye level then dropped it. It landed hard enough on the table that it bounced off, the back popping off and the batteries scattering. Then he was striding out the front door. Aaron expected it to slam, but somehow the gentle click of it just under the murmur of the crime show was just as finite.

It was like getting to watch a moment he'd lived over and over again over the course of years from the outside for the first time. In fact, it wasn't like that - that's what it was. Something anxious and sick curled in the pit of his stomach as Aaron looked from the closed door to Neil's tense, shaken form. He hated this. He hated sympathising with Neil. He hated understanding Andrew's anger. He hated not being able to pick a side. Aaron had heard enough about Mary Hatford to know that she was just as fucked up as Nathan Wesninski, dragging her son around, forcing him into isolation, beating him, fucking him over socially for his whole damn life when she probably could have just saved them both by either going straight to the FBI or calling up her own crime family. He knew that Neil didn't blame his mom when he probably should. He knew he made excuses, that he grieved for her. He knew he missed her and he also knew that it was really, supremely fucked up.

He also knew that he was just as guilty for the unworthy idolization of an abuser. It had taken him years to get to the point where he was willing to admit that, though. It was meeting Katelyn that had him finally looking at his past with a sobering dose of reality. It was only after months of wrestling with himself that he'd finally been able to accept the truth. Months of Katelyn's steadfast support, months of sessions with Bee beyond the joint sessions with Andrew, months of introspection that left him mentally and emotionally wrung dry -- and Tilda hadn't had half the physical and emotional ammo that Mary Hatford had probably levied against her young son.

Aaron watched Neil vibrate in place, watched his hands curl and his throat work, watched the pain and the rage and the grief flash through his eyes even as he tried to swallow it all down. He watched Neil, but he saw himself, and it was more than disconcerting.

He didn't make the conscious decision to speak before he said, "I get it." In fact, he almost didn't realize he had spoken until Neil snapped his attention over to him like he'd forgotten he was still in the room at all.

Neil didn't respond, probably too caught up with the war in his own head to form words -- a rarity for the loud-mouthed striker.

"She was all you had," Aaron said, and he wasn't sure if he was actually talking to Neil, or talking to the version of himself that still clung to the corner of his memories, desperate to validate the only person that might have loved him, the one person that should have loved him, when he needed it the most. "She was all you had, and that's what kept you going. Not her rules and not whatever it was that she did to make sure you survived. That it was her and you, that you had each other, and that that meant something. She'd do whatever it took to protect you, she was the only one who would do that, and it was everything, right?"

He could tell by the widening of Neil's eyes that he'd hit the nail on the head. He didn't look away as he continued with his truths, knowing he was probably the only person that had ever vocalized an understanding -- that he was probably the only person who could understand. 

"And then she was gone. And it wasn't only her that died. It was everything that she was supposed to be. She died, and all you had left were the 'almost's and 'not enough's and the 'never again's. And if you let yourself believe that she was just as bad then everything was for nothing. All the times you cared. All the times you tried. All the times you did everything you could to be what she expected of you. None of it would matter, because she was gone, and she could never redeem herself, and it was all pointless." Aaron heard his voice like someone else was speaking. It was too calm, too quiet, too knowing. It didn't feel the desert in his chest, scorching and dry and far too exposed. He saw Neil's reaction like he was looking in a mirror and it was more than a little bit unsettling. He understood the flash of anger in his eyes, the stubborn refusal in the set of his jaw, then the reluctant acceptance when his shoulders dropped. Aaron hated understanding anything about Neil Josten. He hated even more that it was this that they had to share. Something so raw, so close to home it had a permanent home inside his chest, nestled between his lungs. It wasn't fair.

Then again, he was a Fox for a reason he guessed. Life just wasn't fucking fair to a Fox.

Neil looked away, then deflated against his corner of the couch. He tilted his head back and Aaron saw his throat work as he fought emotions neither of them wanted Aaron to be a witness to. Aaron averted his eyes. He only looked up again when Neil spoke. The other man's voice was quiet but steady.

"The one thing she harped on most, more than anything else, was how attachments to anyone or anything other than my own survival were going to get me killed. Even to her. She told me so many times to run, leave her behind, but I… I never could. She never left me behind, even when there were times when I wanted her to. She'd probably be rolling in her grave if she could see me now…" Neil's voice drifted off as his gaze locked on the front door over Aaron's shoulder. Aaron didn't need to be psychic to know that he was thinking specifically about Andrew, about how much he'd risked for Andrew - not just to be with him, but also to protect him. Going to Evermore, allowing Nathan's men to take him quietly… yeah, Mary probably wouldn't be too happy about that, and not in the caring, not wanting Neil hurt way. She'd be pissed that Neil cared about something so much to take that risk, after all she'd done to try and beat that ability out of him.

"She was trying to make me soulless," Neil said without taking his eyes away from the door. "She hated it so much whenever I showed any glimmer of a personality. Whenever I was anything other than a possession she kept and controlled. My mother loved me, in her own way…" His mouth tensed, pursed, then he looked at Aaron.

For a moment, the two of them just looked at each other, a shared understanding between them.

"That's not enough," Aaron finally said.

Neil looked down, then up, meeting his eyes. "No," he agreed, "it's not."

On the tv, the show was still talking about the Hatfords. Not all that much time had actually passed since the segment started. Neil looked at the tv, then stood and gathered up the scattered pieces of the remote. He put it back together and spared one more glance at the screen, which now showed a picture of the Hatford family at some event when Mary and her brothers were teenagers. Then he lifted the remote and resolutely changed the channel.

"I'm going to take the car to pick up some food, you want anything?" Neil asked as he moved to get his shoes, then take his keys from the hook near the door.

Aaron snorted. "No. I'll order something if I get hungry." There was still some time until he'd want lunch, but he knew this dance by now. Neil and Andrew would drive off together. If he wanted food he was better off taking it into his own hands. It was entirely likely the other two wouldn't be back until closer to dinner.

Neil nodded once, then was out the door. Aaron watched him go, then sighed and turned back to his coffee, considering it.

He didn't like sharing something with Neil fucking Josten. It was annoying and uncomfortable. But all the same… he understood. And like it or not, they were tied together now. Maybe he wasn't ready to say 'fuck you' to the memory of his own mother, and Neil definitely wasn't ready to do the same regarding Mary Hatford, but they could acknowledge the similarities in their stories and that was a start -- for both of them.

Aaron sighed and closed his eyes. He pointedly didn't think about his own mother and instead let himself eagerly latch onto the other man's sympathetic demon as he thought, with vehemence, 'Fuck you, Mary.'

[actualbird]

hihi zak, hope youre doing well

its the anon who said they werent a luke stan (yet)

well. you see. i just.

I think personal story 4 did it for me. Converted me. i was shattered. broken. i said before i couldnt think about Luke without being sad, well, now i Cannot Stop Thinking About Him. he has suddenly infested my brain and will not leave. like those worms inside of apples(why is that a thing anyway?? do worms actually live in apples????). THE VOICE ACTING.THE CRYING?? THE. HIM. i swear i almost burst into tears. he. i. he cares so much.. And. i. ykno. i care he. how. how does he. im distraught. Special thanks to Aaron Yishmir for Keeping Me Sane. i wont go into details bc this would be much MUCH longer and also spoilers for the poor people looking at your blog. But know i am Feeling Things and they go from Joy to Sad to me becoming reminiscent of a rabid animal(in a good way).

he’s currently sitting at 2nd place(more like 1.5 but shh). Unfortunately i Can’t make fun of him for being ridiculously Down Bad (since he’s probably been dealing with these emotions since he was a kid + also 8 years of yearning and distance+ whatever other sad complex he’s come up with in his head. he gets a pass.) like i can with Vyn, so he sits all pretty with deep care and appreciation from me at 2nd place. You were right, he can get ya. Beware of The Luke, he Strikes without Warning or Hesitation.

sorry this was long yet again, hope u have a lovely day/night !! ty for coming to my long rant of the day. -K

hello, anon!! i want to first tell you how Delightful this ask was to get. seeing those first three lines, so succinct and simple, followed by two wonderfully chunky paragraphs.

i now diagnose you with Luke Pearce Worms In The Brain. if theres a cure, i sure as hell dont know it, ive been like this for nearly a wholeass year JHVKAJSHKFAJSH

RIGHT!! RIGHT, HIS PERSO STORY 4 WENT SO HARD...ive been going crazy about the jp dub but ive also heard the cn dub and Hoo Boy, The Lake Scene goes JUST AS HARD THERE. i assume all of the VAs across the language dubs were given the key direction "you need to break people's hearts here. absolutely shatter them. disintegrate them with your performance" and they all went Aight and flexed tf outta their voice acting prowess

aaron is such a king and also truly the funniest side character and my Favorite, i wanna explore how he'd interact with the rest of the team cuz this story made me realize hes like. SO MUCH WEIRDER THAN I HAD INITIALLY THOUGHT AHVSKJFHSVKJFHA. when my brain decides it wants to write fic again, i gotta make aaron fic where hes weirder. i need this for my wellbeing

anyhoo, luke really GETS YA. even if he doesnt become a fave, his stories are just really really great and they hit hard in so many ways that i am also becoming a rabid animal along with u <3

and no worries about ask length!! especially if it's about luke. i Adore This Dude, i'd read kilometers of text if it's related to him JHVAKJHVFKJAH

[maschotch]

penelope and hotch for the character ask game :)

penelope garcia

first impression: i honestly cant remember aksdhglas im sorry baby

impression now: literally the heart and soul of the team she IS the glue that keeps them all together

favorite moment: when she snaps at hotch in house on fire. amazing showstopping incredible

idea for a story: penelope babysitting jack and henry

unpopular opinion: i like her season one personality more? she had more of that dark humor even if she was still uncomfortable looking at/imagining all the bodies and stuff. i think they could've added more color and maintained that balance without woobifying her

favorite relationship: i loooove her relationship with hotch i love that she can always make him smile

favorite headcanon: she cooks for the team all. the. time. she loves bringing in food for people to try and on days when they're just chilling at the office she brings in lunch for everyone and they spend like an hour in the round table room just hanging out like a family

aaron hotchner

first impression: i spent the first half season not being able to tell hotch and gideon apart aksjdhgkl white man on a cop show. uninterested

impression now: he's my boring man. he's my silly rabbit. he's my everything

favorite moment: "eVeRyOnE rIgHt NoW wHaT's My WoRsT qUaLiTy???"

idea for a story: working for ambassador prentiss and having to deal with the whirlwind of emily visiting from college

unpopular opinion: he's a bottom. what is wrong with you people

favorite relationship: hotch and emily are literally best friends idc how many times i have to say it. i dont think there is a single person in the world either of them trusts more than each other

favorite headcanon: screaming trans autistic hotch from the rooftops until everyone agrees with me