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Ep 04 Transcript: Purr-fidy

Episode 4

[intro music]

PAZ: Hello everyone, welcome back to Stairway to Starclan, a Warriors Cat reread pawdcast. I'm Paz.

JULIAN: I'm Julian.

LIZ: I'm Liz.

PAZ: And we're back today to tackle some very action-filled chapters. And because the reading this week, we finally get to go to Moonstone and tangentially get some of that StarClan action, I thought we could all go to the official site where they let you ask the Moonpool a question. "Seek the wisdom of StarClan. Enter a question with a yes or no answer and let them guide your path." And I think we should give StarClan some questions.

JULIAN: Hell yeah.

PAZ: I wonder if they'll let you curse in this. Will warriorcats.com let you say fuck?

LIZ: Wait, wait.

JULIAN: There's a nice little shimmer when you click the Start.

LIZ: "This page is currently not supported on your platform."

JULIAN: Oh no.

LIZ: And I'm getting a little crying cat emoji.

JULIAN: What browser?

PAZ: I'm on Firefox too. It's working fine for me.

LIZ: You'll have to ask Moonpool questions for me.

PAZ: I'll ask you a question for you. Okay. I think the first pressing question is, are these cats gay? [typing] "StarClan lights your path with a yes."

LIZ: [gasps] Get a screencap. Oh my god.

JULIAN: Word of God.

PAZ: Word of God. You heard it here from StarClan. These cats are gay.

LIZ: You know it.

JULIAN: I have a question.

PAZ: Yes.

JULIAN: Will these cats be held accountable for their many crimes? "We have heard your call and answer in turn. StarClan sees a yes in your destiny."

PAZ: Oh.

JULIAN: All right, StarClan, get the tribunal together.

PAZ: Okay. These cats are going on trial for their war crimes. They're gay and they're going on trial. Liz, what's your question?

LIZ: Will warrior cats and kittypets ever reach an accord and maybe be friends?

PAZ: Okay, I'm asking. "The stars shine brightly in favor of yes."

JULIAN: Does this thing ever give you a no?

PAZ: I feel like StarClan might be a bit of a yes man.

JULIAN: I want to ask another question and see if we can get a no. Will it snow tomorrow? "The strength of Starclan is with you." It didn't tell me yes or no.

LIZ: Maybe it's like prophecy. You have to interpret it.

JULIAN: Oh, I see.

LIZ: Like do you need the strength because it'll snow.

JULIAN: Yeah, I think this may just never tell me no.

PAZ: Well, you know what? That means everything we say is right.

JULIAN: There you go.

LIZ: Can you ask it like, does my cat know that I love it? Yes. No. Not me personally because I don't have one.

PAZ: Okay, does my cat know that I love them? If it tells me yes-- "StarClan guides your question with a yes." I was about to say, if it tells me no, that'd be real sad. Well, I'm happy that everything I said now has the support of StarClan. So that was a fruitful visit to the Moonpool. And I think we can go into the summaries now.

LIZ: All right.

PAZ: Okay. So this week we read chapter 15 through 18. Chapter 15 follows Bluestar, Tigerclaw, and Firepaw into the cave as they travel to the Moonstone. It was pitch black and they all have to follow Bluestar by scent who knows the way. Firepaw notices that Tigerclaw seems very scared as they travel inside. When they actually reach the Moonstone, Tigerclaw gets so scared he runs out of the cave. Bluestar then sleeps by the Moonstone while Firepaw watches. When Bluestar wakes up she seems very worried and insists that they return to the ThunderClan camp immediately.

In chapter 16, the cats begin the journey back to camp. The three apprentices have a brief conversation and Graypaw notes that Ravenpaw seems very on edge whenever Tigerclaw is around. On the way back, the group meets a loner named Barley, who lives near a Twoleg farm. Barley warns them to go back a different way because the dogs from earlier are now loose in the field.

And Bluestar takes his advice and the different way leads them to be attacked by a bunch of rats. Everyone gets really battered, but Barley comes in to help them. Tigerclaw says Barley sent them into a trap, and Barley was like, No I did not. Then everyone realizes Bluestar is gravely injured, possibly dead, but she soon revives. Bluestar says she lost a life. When they finally began to move again, Tigerclaw very nonchalantly asks how many lives Bluestar has lost and she says this is her fifth.

In chapter 17, which is a hefty chapter, the cats finally arrive back to the ThunderClan camp, only to see it under attack by ShadowClan warriors as Bluestar saw in her vision. There is a huge cat battle happening in the camp, and everyone joins in. There are some action scenes, and then Firepaw is the shadow plan deputy kill an elder who is guarding the kits. Firepaw is unable to get there to rescue them because he's fighting another cat. And by the time he rushes to the nursery, the ShadowClan deputy is gone.

Yellowfang, who is inside, reveals that she fought him off to protect the kits. The battle soon dies down, and one of the queens publicly declares that Yellowfang saved the kits. Then Bluestar delivers the news that Lionheart, the ThunderClan deputy is dead. Graypaw is devastated. Firepaw realizes that the whole situation is exactly like a dream he had before. There are some scenes of various cuts morning and being looked at after the battle.

Bluestar then announces she has to declare a new deputy before moonhigh, and uh-oh, it's Tigerclaw. Next to Firepaw, Ravenpaw reacts in dismay and lets it slip that Tigerclaw took care of Redtail because he wanted to be deputy.

JULIAN: Duh-duh-duh.

PAZ: Chapter 18 opens with Tigerclaw overhearing the conversation and menacing Ravenpaw. Firepaw quickly salvages the situation by saying Ravenpaw was wishing Tigerclaw was there to take care of Lionheart as well. Ravenpaw refuses to speak to anyone after this interaction. Firepaw then goes to sleep and is woken up when Bluestar calls another meeting.

Tigerclaw speaks at the meeting, declaring that he has decided Bluestar must be guarded at all times by his lackeys, Darkstripe and Longtail. He says that no cat is allowed to approach Bluestar otherwise. Bluestar then asks Yellowfang to officially join ThunderClan, which Yellowfang accepts. Tigerclaw then insinuates that there is a traitor in the camp who must have fed ShadowClan information, and looks at Ravenpaw. Both Firepaw and Graypaw are worried for their friend.

Firepaw goes check on Yellowfang first, and they have a brief conversation about how Yellowfang misses the old ShadowClan, before Brokenstar became leader. She then tells him to roll around in garlic to help heal his rat bites. Firepaw tries to leave camp to get to the garlic patch, but Darkstripe refuses to let him out. So he sneaks out instead.

And on the way to the garlic, he overhears a conversation between Tigerclaw, Darkstripe, and Longtail. Tigerclaw lies to the two cats and says Ravenpaw left the group and must have gone to ShadowClan during the journey. He implies they need to kill Ravenpaw. The chapter ends with Firepaw racing back to camp in the hopes of convincing Bluestar of Tigerclaw's danger and Ravenpaw's innocence. And that ends that set of chapters.

JULIAN: Lot of intrigue.

PAZ: Yeah. We're getting to that murder plot mystery. Who could have seen this coming?

LIZ: Yeah, you know that Tigerclaw is so subtle. I never would have expected it.

PAZ: I'm shocked. I put down the book. I was so shocked. I also put down the book because that was the end of our reading.

JULIAN: I was trying to remember like, what my reaction was to this when I first read it as, you know, a fourth grader or whatever, but I could not remember. I think that I saw it coming. But I was still like upset.

PAZ: Yeah, because I read A New Prophecy first, I knew that Tigerclaw was evil like, because I mean, it's all in the past at that point. So I certainly was not surprised when I read the first book and the first book only.

LIZ: Well, I have never read these before. And you can definitely see it coming. And I think that's like good. Because it's like, yeah, this is your first big series as a kid. Author is laying down clues to lead to like a conclusion that makes sense, which is that Fire-- sorry, not Firepaw. Tigerclaw is a shady little bitch.

PAZ: Yeah, and I mean, I think there's nothing wrong with a mystery being obvious or predictable, especially not in kids media. Like, that whole shit with like Game of Thrones, where they changed the ending or whatever because someone predicted what would happen, and they were like... and it's like, that's just good storytelling if people can predict what's happening based on clues you've put in the text.

JULIAN: Congratulations, you've successfully deployed foreshadowing.

PAZ: Yeah, exactly.

JULIAN: I was into like Tigerclaw being like afraid of StarClan in the Moonstone. I thought that was neat. Some sort of like, yeah, he's shady. Also. The ancestors fucking hate him.

PAZ: Yeah. That was very funny and very like, evil cats go to hell. Good cats go to heaven. You can't enter our good vibes cave, you little piece of shit.

LIZ: Yeah, um, I would like to draw some comparisons between two great pieces of literature: the first Warrior Cats book and Hamlet.

PAZ: They're on the same level, I think.

LIZ: I mean, listen, there's the dude who commits a terrible secret murder and is shown to be super shady, and then he shows fear at the first mention of any sort of, like, mystic or religious kind of influence. Like, oh, I've sinned against StarClan. The parallels between Tigerclaw going into the cave and what's his name's, Hamlet's dad.

PAZ: Hamlet's dad?

JULIAN: Claudius?

LIZ: Hamlet's stepdad.

JULIAN: His uncle?

LIZ: Hamlet's uncle. I read Hamlet many times.

PAZ: C-something.

LIZ: Yeah. Claudius being like, praying because he did a bad murder and knows he's going to hell. It's the same thing. It's the same.

PAZ: It's the same.

LIZ: Can't believe Shakespeare totally just like cribbed the style from Warrior Cats.

PAZ: And Graypaw is Horatio. It's all there.

LIZ: He is Horatio, right down to the people shipping him with Firepaw.

PAZ: Yeah, exactly. Um, I mean, I guess I can kind of go in chronological order now that we've gone back to Moonstone cave.

JULIAN: I have an important question about Barley. But if we're still-- if we have more on the Moonstone.

PAZ: I guess the one other thing was like Alix's question from last week about Bluestar like planning this was on my mind, when she like, decides to take Firepaw into the cave. I wonder if she was like, hey, Starclan is this who you mean? If she was hoping to get some answers there?

JULIAN: Yeah, he did have like a prophetic dream. So that was cool.

PAZ: Yeah. But yeah, that's the only other thing I had to say about the cave chapter.

JULIAN: My Barley question was just um, does he got balls? What's his soul doing?

PAZ: That's a great question. I wonder if my Cats of the Clan book will give me insight. I don't have it on hand. Um.

JULIAN: Let me pull up the trusty wiki.

PAZ: I feel like barn cats in real life aren't often like neutered or spayed.

LIZ: I guess only if like people do a lot of catch and release, right? Like they do that.

PAZ: Yeah, which obviously they're not doing in the Warriors universe, or all these cats would be fucking snip snip.

JULIAN: [muffled shriek]

LIZ: That would be so terrifying as a warrior cat.

PAZ: I think warrior cats--

JULIAN: I found some very tasty information about Barley on the the wiki.

PAZ: I like Barley.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: So I couldn't find a way to see if maybe he had had any kits to see if that would tell us his ball status. No kits, um, is gay.

PAZ: What?

LIZ: Wait, what?

JULIAN: He's gay.

PAZ: Wow. Barley, gay king.

JULIAN: His partner is kind of a spoiler, I guess.

PAZ: Oh, I think I remember. I think I remember that.

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: Wow, good for him.

PAZ: I didn't know they were officially partners.

JULIAN: Yeah, no, officially listed as a partner.

PAZ: Oh, fuck yes.

JULIAN: Barley's a gay.

PAZ: StarClan was right.

JULIAN: Gay ally and a gay.

LIZ: And Tigerclaw is homophobic. Of course.

JULIAN: You know what?

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: This whole story is about homophobia.

PAZ: Tigerclaw's like, that little fruit told us to come this way. He's betrayed us.

LIZ: Barley is a type of wheat, or grain.

JULIAN: And that's why Tigerclaw hates--

PAZ: Ravenpaw.

JULIAN: Right.

PAZ: My god, it's all coming together.

LIZ: I knew it.

PAZ: I do remember liking Barley because I think he shows back up in A New Prophecy because they, you know, go places. And he's like, chilling. And I was like, that's a cool cat. And now I know it's because I sensed a fellow in him.

LIZ: I just like his name a lot. That's a good name to have for a cat.

PAZ: It's a great barn cat name.

JULIAN: Oh, great news. Vicki believes that Barley will not go to StarClan when he dies as he lacks the necessary faith. No word about his balls, though. So he might still have them.

LIZ: He's an atheist.

PAZ: Does he go to that--

JULIAN: Kate however, believe that he'll live just on the outskirts of StarClan.

LIZ: Oh, there's some contention.

PAZ: What was that-- I was on the wiki looking at where like cats who don't go to StarClan and don't go to the Place of No Stars go. It was called like the something residence. Let me see if I pasted it.

LIZ: Just another neighborhood? Because that's what it sounds like. Yeah, it's like StarClan is like Los Angeles and the whatever residence is just the outer LA County.

PAZ: It's the ghost residence.

LIZ: Yeah, that's where I live.

JULIAN: Incredible.

PAZ: "The unnamed residence serves as a place for ghost cats, acting as a purgatory of sorts."

LIZ: That's still where I live.

PAZ: The ghost-- no, okay there's another residence. Unnamed residence. "This is a list of cats that currently reside or have resided in an unnamed residence. Cats in this category our cats that have died and been seen as spirits but do not reside in StarClan, The Place of No Stars, the Tribe of Endless Hunting, or as ghost cats."

JULIAN: I love that there are ghost cats.

PAZ: Me too. What?

LIZ: What?

PAZ: There's another gay cat in this place.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: The gay cat that Liz doesn't know about yet. Unnamed residence is the gay commune of Warriors.

LIZ: You know what, good for them.

JULIAN: Stray cats go to heaven. Gay cats go to unnamed ghost residence.

PAZ: The homophobic cats do go to hell.

LIZ: Confirmed.

JULIAN: Yes.

PAZ: Yeah. Um, well, yeah, I love Barley. Um, it does lead to an extremely funny scene of rats attacking these cats and like, absolutely wrecking them. Like, they killed Bluestar. I was like, what the hell are these rats?

JULIAN: Maybe the rat situation is like, you know, these are like concerted rats. These are like, a lot of rats working in concert for a shared goal, which is to beat the fuck out of the cats.

PAZ: Oh my god, okay.

JULIAN: Like rats will like kill a baby.

PAZ: Will they? What?

LIZ: Probably.

JULIAN: I'm actually basing this off of the plot of the dog movie? Lady and the Tramp, which may not be accurate, now that I think about it.

PAZ: I think maybe that might be inaccurate. Um.

LIZ: Well, I've got a very reliable source and it is Dishonored. And rats will totally eat a cat and a baby. Like all the way to the bones right in front of you. Definitely.

PAZ: "Cats or rats? Rats win in New York hands down." I'm clicking. I want to learn.

JULIAN: This is an educational podcast.

PAZ: This is like Goku vs. Darth Vader. Who will win?

LIZ: Why do we have to pit two queens against each other?

JULIAN: Yeah, this study says that cats are not good predators of rats. The rats actively avoid the cats and the cats only recorded two rat kills in 79 days. That's not a good record.

PAZ: Damn. These cats really need to step it up. Well I guess-- this doesn't say anything about the rats killing the cats. But it does say that cats suck at fighting rats, I guess.

JULIAN: Yeah, I guess that's why we have like terriers for rats.

PAZ: Yeah. This article says that people see fewer rats and assume it's behavior-- it's because the cats have killed them, whereas it's actually due to the rats changing their behavior so the rats will just like leave.

JULIAN: I mean, that's not-- that's like, fine.

PAZ: Yeah, it achieves the same result.

JULIAN: I don't mind if the rats live in the sewers. They're allowed. I don't go down there.

LIZ: This is their city.

PAZ: It is their city. Well, I still think it's very funny that all these rats fuck them up.

JULIAN: It is. it's very good. Bluestar loses a life.

PAZ: She loses a life to these rats.

LIZ: Yeah, just like in Dishonored.

PAZ: Should have just gone on with dogs.

JULIAN: God. I also like, if I were Bluestar, I would not have told Tigerclaw my life count.

PAZ: No. Once again, she's--

JULIAN: I realize that she's very trusting but like, you can't tell him you only have four left. He's counting.

PAZ: That was so suspicious.

LIZ: He's just gonna bring some more rats.

PAZ: Like who is like, hey, like, how like-- what are your weaknesses? Can you tell me them? Can you make a list of them? Not for suspicious reasons. Thanks.

JULIAN: Yeah, deeply sus.

PAZ: Yes. I do also gotta shout out Barley for saving them and being the only one who knows how to kill rats apparently. He jumps in and fucking owns these rats.

LIZ: Yeah, he has--

JULIAN: He does a great job.

LIZ: --the rat eating term?

PAZ: In Dishonored? Yeah.

LIZ: He gets HP from it. Crunch.

PAZ: Oh, I looked down at my notes. I did indeed write "died to rats, dot dot dot... just like Dishonored."

LIZ: It's like in the same brain here. Okay, hold on, speaking of Barley, I googled him and there's on his Facebook page or something, there's just a picture of a regular black and white cat.

PAZ: Oh my gosh. That's his face cast.

LIZ: I love it.

JULIAN: That's him.

LIZ: Perfect part nose.

JULIAN: Are Barley and Chloe related?

PAZ: We have no choice but to stan Barley.

JULIAN: And they have this like horrible, brutal rat fight. And then they go straight to like, fucking horrible, brutal ShadowClan fight.

PAZ: I know.

JULIAN: It's just, it's out of the frying pan that's full of rats into the fire full of cats.

PAZ: That's what they always say.

JULIAN: That's how the saying goes.

PAZ: Yeah, shout out to the action sequences. They are fun. But--

JULIAN: They are fun. They're good to read.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: Yeah, so the next next bit is the fight at ThunderClan cat camp. And it's kind of a bloodbath, huh.

JULIAN: Is it time to talk about war crimes?

PAZ: War crimes and murder. Uh-huh.

JULIAN: Yeah. Like, they go after the kits.

PAZ: Yeah. Julian, I did think about you saying, like, are they stealing the kits, which I still don't remember, cause it was described as Blackfoot, the ShadowClan deputy was like picking them up. I was like, oh, is he gonna whisk them away? But I don't know. We never find out.

We never find out.

LIZ: Also, that's an unfortunate name for a cat to have.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: Yeah, that is-- that already belongs to something. And you should not be using it.

JULIAN: Yeah...

PAZ: British authors not doing their research, I guess. Or...

LIZ: Yeah. Hey, there's eight of you. I know you're all very old, but come on.

JULIAN: Also, I feel like you know, Harper Collins is... I'm sure they have a UK imprint. But like there are also editors in the US. Surely someone should have, uh.

LIZ: Someone out there must know what Google is.

PAZ: Yeah. Hopefully that character dies soon. We don't have to see the name anymore.

LIZ: They use that name so much in this chapter.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: But yeah, back to the kittens, right?

PAZ: Yes.

JULIAN: Yep.

PAZ: A cat does just die also. He kills one of the old cats, cold blood.

JULIAN: Yeah, I'm looking at the Wikipedia page for war crimes.

LIZ: Like in general?

PAZ: Yeah? Do you have a list? Do you have a list of what constitutes a war crime?

JULIAN: Well, so there's a lot of them. But intentionally killing civilians or prisoners is definitely one of them. So I think killing an elder kind of counts.

PAZ: Check that off.

JULIAN: Yep. Destroying civilian property. They did destroy the camp. So that's one. They did not take any hostages. So that doesn't count. I don't know what performing a perfidy is.

PAZ: Me neither.

JULIAN: Oh, it's when you like, lie about... Basically, you're like, oh, I'll make a peace treaty and then you don't.

LIZ: So is that spelled--

PAZ: Mm, I don't think they did that.

JULIAN: P-e-r-f-i-d-y. Perfidy.

LIZ: Not p-u-r-r-f-i-d-y?

JULIAN: [cackles] Damn. We don't see any child soldiers onscreen. At least I don't think so.

PAZ: Are the apprentices child soldiers, though?

JULIAN: Are the apprentices here?

PAZ: They're not...

JULIAN: How old are they?

PAZ: The book says apprentices are more than six moons old.

JULIAN: I mean, you're basically an adult cat.

PAZ: So most of them are probably under a year. Yeah, I guess they're like adolescent, I don't know. Yeah.

LIZ: Teen?

JULIAN: Like, it's not great, but.

PAZ: Yeah, they get away. They get away with that. Not a war crime.

JULIAN: Pillaging? Oh, looting. Um, I mean, they don't take anything. So I don't think they pillage.

LIZ: No. There's not really anything to take this except like food and maybe medicine. There's not a lot of like, property.

PAZ: Yeah, unless they take those kits.

LIZ: Well, that's a person.

JULIAN: Well, that would be-- that would be taking a hostage.

PAZ: Okay, yeah.

JULIAN: Declaring that no quarter will be given, which they did at the gathering. So that was sort of a pre-war war crime.

PAZ: Really talented.

JULIAN: And then it just says "seriously violating the principles of distinction, proportionality, and military necessity." And I don't know what the fuck that means, but I think we can check it off.

PAZ: Yeah, I think they do that.

LIZ: It's quite a count already.

JULIAN: Yeah, they're not doing great.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: Yeah, this book also absolutely does not shy away from like death.

LIZ: Nuh-uh.

PAZ: Like on screen death too.

JULIAN: Onscreen death. Like very brutal onscreen death of like the elderly.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Right off the jump.

PAZ: Yeah, it's like, very soon after the chapter starts.

LIZ: Yeah, and the part where that one cat is trying to get at the the kits. That's very distressing. Like there is--

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: Like, whether it's for a hostage or just, you know, straight up child murder. There is definitely like the threat implied in a very effective way.

PAZ: Yeah, I mean, like, good job to the book for making like, a distressing battle scene. Like, because it did. It did. It was like, intense.

JULIAN: Yeah, yeah, I was watching a lot of Warrior Cats AMVs this afternoon. And a lot of the many great animators in the Warriors AMV community have really picked up on the style of the books, which is very bloody.

PAZ: Great, because that's important, essential aspect of the book. It's in the name.

JULIAN: Yep.

LIZ: Yeah, these are not peacetime cats.

JULIAN: No. These are... I am really glad that Yellowfang got to save the kits and redeem herself.

LIZ: Yay.

JULIAN: Good for her.

PAZ: She's so cool.

LIZ: She's the best.

JULIAN: She's so cool.

PAZ: Old, like badass lady. And then Bluestar is like, you're so cool, Yellowfang, haha, will you join my clan?

LIZ: What if we were both old lady cats and I asked you to join my clan? Haha, just kidding, unless.

PAZ: You should make an edit for that. Post to Twitter. I'm sad we don't get to see her fight on screen.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah, I would have liked that.

LIZ: It's a good moment to have it. We're almost at the end of-- we're like at the last quarter of the book?

PAZ: We're very-- more than a quarter.

LIZ: I don't know, I switch between like--

PAZ: I think we're about like 70% done, 75% done.

JULIAN: Let me see. We're 69.3% done.

PAZ: Oh nice, nice.

LIZ: Nice, nice.

PAZ: I did write down, "all these cats are dying. Just go live inside, idiots." Which, I'm like reading these horrible battle scenes. And I'm like, if you were just kittypets, you wouldn't have to deal with any of this shit. No rats. No cat murder.

JULIAN: It's true. No one is gonna tear your throat out if you just live here.

LIZ: Just Temptations and cushions.

JULIAN: If you live in my house on the heated bed I bought.

PAZ: I was absolutely right about the Lionheart death flag.

LIZ: Uh-huh.

PAZ: Fucking typed it. I was like, wow, I called it.

LIZ: What was it that Graypaw said before they left, like I will always remember what you taught me.

PAZ: Yeah, it's like, exactly. I was like, this is a little...

JULIAN: Like, oh, good job, Graypaw. You doomed him.

LIZ: Just start--

PAZ: I wonder-- Oh, go ahead.

LIZ: No, just start saying shit like that every time you say bye to anyone. Like I will always [dissolving into laughter] remember you.

PAZ: Oh no.

JULIAN: You just never thank your mentor. That way he'll never die.

PAZ: Yeah, I do wonder if Tigerclaw-- I assume Tigerclaw murdered him as well. Or rather than it being a happy accident, but I don't know.

JULIAN: I also assume that. I don't think there's any way that, given Tigerclaw's significant looks at Ravenpaw, that Lionhart died of ShadowClan-related causes.

PAZ: Well, I assume that significant looks are just still like Redtail-related like, don't give out my secret, but it would really suck for Tavenpaw if he had to watch this, like, shitty guy kill another person.

JULIAN: He has so many traumas.

PAZ: Poor Ravenpaw.

LIZ: Ravenpaw's just Hamlet but like without any... He's not angry. He's just sad.

JULIAN: Well, he's like, he's Hamlet. But he also like he doesn't have any of the doubt.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: He just saw it happen.

PAZ: You know that video of the guy yelling at the cat in the store, like I'm gonna get you out of there? That's me with Ravenpaw.

LIZ: Ravenpaw, come into my house. [everyone laughing]

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: Get a Temptations every other day. I think that's-- I don't know what's healthy to give cats. Like what's the rate of Temptations?

PAZ: Probably not too many.

JULIAN: I feel like you can get them like a treat a day.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: One treat.

LIZ: You'll get a Temptations every day.

JULIAN: I don't know, though, cause last time we went to the vet, the vet said we had to feed Chickpea less, so my calibration may be off.

PAZ: Tigerclaw's really setting Ravenpaw up to take the fall.

LIZ: Mm-hmm.

PAZ: And I don't know why anyone would believe him because that's like a young adult. That's like a-- that's like if you were pointing at like a high school senior and being like, they committed these war crimes, not me.

LIZ: They killed the vice president and the other vice president.

PAZ: And now that I'm vice president, that means nothing. It was this teenager.

JULIAN: Well, it's also a teen that he's responsible for. Like if your apprentice grows up and becomes like a conniving little shit, isn't that partly your fault? Like, if you're so mean to your apprentice that he runs into the welcoming arms of ShadowClan, which he didn't, but like if he had.

PAZ: Yeah, I wouldn't blame him.

JULIAN: You know, I think I think it's a little bit on you.

PAZ: Yeah. Where is the accountability in like this mentorship program?

LIZ: He's not even--

JULIAN: The unpaid internship.

LIZ: Ravenpaw's not even that conn-- he's just like, terrified so he doesn't talk to anybody.

JULIAN: Yeah. But like, Tigerclaw is making him out to be this like, big sneaky, you know,basically being like, all these things that I did, this person that I am, that's Ravenpaw.

PAZ: The fact that he already has like lackeys, is like so much. Tigerclaw does. But it seems like he's like lying to them versus them knowing he's trying to do a weird takeover.

JULIAN: Yeah, I mean, I think Longtail at least, it was like, easily persuaded to to believe in like, this secret outside conspiracy because he was the one who attacked Firepaw at the beginning.

PAZ: Yeah. Didn't we read the other day that Longtail is Ravenpaw's like, sibling?

JULIAN: Oh, you're right.

LIZ: That sucks.

JULIAN: I think he's his half-sibling. That sucks.

LIZ: Aww, Ravenpaw.

PAZ: Man.

LIZ: He's getting like a really raw deal.

PAZ: He really is. If the book was from his perspective, it would be so sad.

LIZ: My sibling hates me enough to conspire against me. Or at least believe that I'm a terrible murderer.

JULIAN: Poor little guy.

LIZ: My mentor hates my guts and also is trying to frame me for murder.

PAZ: Yeah, and it takes Firepaw so long to figure out what's happening.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: It has to be explicitly spelled out for him.

PAZ: Yeah, literally.

JULIAN: Like, he doesn't figure shit out.

PAZ: Yeah, Ravenpaw just says something and then he overhears it.

LIZ: Firepaw is so very dumb.

PAZ: It's so funny too, because Yellowfang has like a section where she's praising him for being clever. And I'm like, Yellowfang, he's so stupid. There's nothing going on upstairs.

LIZ: It's air. It's just fluff.

JULIAN: Is Firepaw a himbo? The greatest thread.

LIZ: Since we're talking about Ravenpaw too, the part where later on Bluestar asks him to go train with her alone, where no one's gonna bother them. And he's like, I should tell her about Ravenpaw and Tigerclaw. And he's like I should tell her. I should tell her, and he just forgets.

JULIAN: He was too overwhelmed by her girl boss, uh. Her girlboss nature.

LIZ: It's very overwhelming, true.

JULIAN: I do think like Tigerclaw appointing bodyguards to-- "bodyguards," quote unquote, to like, prevent anyone from ratting on him, was a very savvy move, even though it's like patently evil. It was smart.

PAZ: He's a decent conniving villain for a kids' book in which the protagonist is very stupid and doesn't realize what's going on.

LIZ: And just forgets key points.

PAZ: He has a little cat brain. How's he supposed to remember all that?

LIZ: His friend's gonna die! Okay, but yeah, the guard thing is like very smart. Feels really ominous too because like there's an extra layer of removal of Bluestar from like everyone else.

PAZ: Yeah, he's like already like, taking over like public power by, like putting her behind a wall, essentially.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Security theater baby.

PAZ: Yeah, there's also like another like thread of-- I mean, like the continuing thread of intrigue with like what happened with Yellowfang and ShadowClan because she kind of drops more like, oh, everything was fine till Brokenstar was leader. So that's also a mystery we have going on.

LIZ: Um, yeah, there's a cute section when she's talking about like what ShadowClan used to be like. And I think she and Firepaw are like joking about like, who replaced her as the medicine cat, and she's like, oh, not Runningnose.

PAZ: Yeah, like, he can't even cure his own cold. It's cute.

LIZ: Hey, maybe it's allergies. Don't be mean. Cats get allergies.

PAZ: Cats also get chronic infections.

LIZ: That's what Oliver has, right?

JULIAN: Especially if they live in the outdoors and won't visit the vet.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: Like, wow, a whole bunch of nonvaccinated, fighting cats on the brink of starvation all the time feel sick. No shit.

JULIAN: It's okay though. They have berries.

PAZ: Why are they doing that? Go inside.

JULIAN: I do have a-- when Darkstripe tells Firepaw that he can't go roll in the garlic, which is just really funny as a premise. But also, Firepaw like mutters under his breath, "Dirtstripe," which is such a teen thing to do.

PAZ: Got them.

LIZ: Owned, wow.

JULIAN: It's such like a shitty little teen move. It's really fun.

PAZ: It's very funny.

LIZ: You're not my real dad, Darkstripe. I will roll in the garlic if I want to. God.

PAZ: Do we think rolling in garlic has any medical backing, or?

LIZ: Smelly.

PAZ: Cause it's very funny.

LIZ: Smelly cat.

JULIAN: So garlic is-- like I don't know about the greens of it, but like garlic bulbs are antibacterial, like slightly.

PAZ: Oh, okay.

JULIAN: Which is why, like if you have a throat infection, sometimes like doing like a garlic rinse can be sort of helpful.

PAZ: Good to know.

JULIAN: Not a doctor, not a doctor. But yeah, I think that's where they're getting that.

LIZ: Just like the picture of like this. Like Firepaw at this point is like, not an adult but like the kind of teen cat that's all like gangly, I bet.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: And just picturing that like having a fun time in some garlic is so good to me.

PAZ: I do love it. [inaudible] a good picture of these little cats doing stuff.

LIZ: He's a garlic boy.

JULIAN: And then he overhears a conspiracy.

PAZ: Yeah, very very classic of the villains to just openly talk about their evil moves.

JULIAN: Well, they said no one could leave so I'm sure it'll be fine.

PAZ: Yeah. I mean, I don't-- I think, I mean that covers everything.

JULIAN: I have just, uh, "that'll go well" about him going to talk to Bluestar.

PAZ: Yeah, Firepaw, I think you might also get blamed.

LIZ: God.

JULIAN: Yeah, all is not well in the kingdom of ThunderClan.

PAZ: No.

LIZ: I'm still just a little like, aghast that he does, he just forgets. I know she's the most amazing girl boss you've ever seen. But oh my god.

PAZ: It's fine. He's--

JULIAN: He's just a stupid little boy.

LIZ: I know. He's orange too. He's a little orange cat, you know.

PAZ: Yeah, he's gonna go work on it now. It'll be fine.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Bless him.

PAZ: Should we move on?

LIZ: Yes.

PAZ: Maybe get some levity after the war crimes chapter.

LIZ: So we've returned to wikiHow, a wonderful font of knowledge and activity. And this article is called "How to host a Warrior Cats themed birthday party." Who's birthday is coming up in June so, a little...

PAZ: Mine's in August.

JULIAN: Mine's in July. Lotta summer babies here.

LIZ: Well, we got time to prep then.

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: Yeah. I want to note that this was last updated June 20, 2020. There are 26 co-authors.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: And 42,000 views. So you know this is a good, good peer-reviewed article.

LIZ: Yeah, let me give you the blurb that will entice everyone in. "Do you sleep, dream, smell, and eat Warriors? Do you want to have a party sleepover for your birthday based on the books? Well, this guide to a snappy party is a great idea." It's also available to download as a PDF just so you know, in case you need it.

JULIAN: Oh good, so you can print it out.

PAZ: Yeah, and check it off.

LIZ: And you know, in the wikiHow to set up their beautiful, beautiful illustrations that-- I don't know, is it legal for us to post wikiHow images?

PAZ: I don't know.

JULIAN: Yeah, they're public domain.

PAZ: I mean, they're all traced, so really, how can they get on our case?

JULIAN: I'm really pretty sure they're Creative Commons. I think we're good.

LIZ: Yeah. Okay, so let's plan. "One, make sure your parents agree." So, let's go check.

[laughter]

PAZ: Uh....

JULIAN: Wait, I need to call my dad. Why does-- I just want to describe to our listeners, um, the parent in this image has the largest nose I have ever seen.

PAZ: You could land the plane on that.

JULIAN: It's like, you know the phrase, a ski jump nose. This is a ski jump.

LIZ: Because we're seeing the back of his head so it's the perspective, that's all. This is a front nose on--

JULIAN: It looks like a Hershey's Kiss is stuck on his face.

LIZ: This young man asking his parent for permission looks very smug, too, so I think he got a yes on that. "Step two, start planning early."

JULIAN: Oh, we're doing step two.

PAZ: Well, we are, because we're all summer birthdays.

LIZ: There's a picture of a person looking very determined, with a little three mouth. And that's because this is about cats. "Invite a couple of people to the party. See if they like the idea of having a Warrior Cats theme." Okay, well, I don't know whose birthday we're actually celebrating, so we're all invited in a circle.

JULIAN: There we go.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: You guys okay with the theme?

PAZ: I love it.

JULIAN: Yes.

LIZ: Wonderful, wonderful. Okay, we're getting to the meaty part of things. "Part two: decorations." Now to just give you a word picture of what's going on, there's a sort of cushion bench chair thing, covered in sticks and leaves. The floor is also covered in leaves. The wallpaper has grass on it. There are paw prints on the wallpaper and the floor. There is a separate panel of just a spider web, with a spider in it. And there's another panel of some-- seaweed?

PAZ: It's vines.

LIZ: Vines.

JULIAN: The green silk or fabric.

LIZ: Does anyone else want to have a have a stab at reading this? It's very good.

JULIAN: Sure. "First, decorate. Before your guests arrive, decorate your houses with posters, paw prints, and anything else that will complement the theme. If you have any party games, make sure you have anything you need for those games. Instead of decorating the whole room, make a fort and say it's the den, and fill the blanket draped chairs with the items suggested. To make it even more forest like, you could use camouflage blankets and cover them with sticks and leaves, if strong enough."

I'm not sure if that's the sticks, or the blanket. "Take out spider webs from Halloween and decorate a few corners with the spider webs. Cover doorways with green silk or fabric, and cut some of the fabric into slivers, making a vine-themed door entranceway."

LIZ: Finally a use for my green silk.

JULIAN: I'm just, if I were an adult and my kid is like, I want to have a Warriors-themed birthday party, I'd be like, Oh, sweet. That sounds fun. And then they brought a bunch of sticks and leaves into my house, I would not be thrilled.

PAZ: Yeah, it doesn't specify like fake sticks and leaves. I think it just means you're, like, go out into your garden.

LIZ: That's authentic to the books. You have to.

JULIAN: It is.

LIZ: This also sounds like something a kid would absolutely do.

PAZ: Absolutely.

JULIAN: Oh, step two. "Make each room a den." They have suggestions for each of the rooms. How many rooms do they think your house has, cause this is a lot. They have a kit's room with pillows and stuffed animals, and spiderwebs scrunched into soft play balls, which apparently is a thing that kits play with.

LIZ: Aw.

JULIAN: A warriors den, a leaders den for the largest, least occupied room. An apprentice den, "which can be made just like the warriors den, but larger, and less comfortable." [laughter]

"Make the medicine cat's den. Outside, in the kitchen, or by a window would be the best place, because there are plants you can use to heal. For the comfort of the person who volunteers to be the medicine cat, place down multiple blankets on top of one another, to get that carpet effect, just like inside. Use a brown or blue tarp to make a ceiling, and add cozy green spiderweb beds, and the best pillows you got. Offer spoons, forks, sticks, and ground-like bowls to be able to make the treatments. To ensure your medicine cat is comfy and not lonely, ask a friend to be the apprentice of the medicine cat." Yeah, it would suck to be the medicine cat.

PAZ: So is everyone separating into their room and not interacting? Is this how the birthday party goes?

JULIAN: They have instructions for making the High Rock, and a fresh kill pile. Um.

LIZ: We should--

JULIAN: And then we get to games.

LIZ: We should describe the fresh kill pile.

PAZ: It's very good.

JULIAN: Oh yeah, you're right, I'm sorry.

LIZ: It is a cardboard tree stump drawn pretty well and also shaded, and some green pillows surrounding it, and a bunch of stuffed animals. There is a panda, a teddy bear, a lion, some sort of pink horse thing, and a monkey. You know, regular parts of a cat diet.

PAZ: And the final step in the decoration part is, "decorate the forest, or, quote, 'forest'. Your outside or quote, 'forest' can be a room decorated with cardboard cutouts of trees, spiderwebs, and badger holes. Under furniture you can place a skunk, or borrowed stuffed animal, green moss, or a fake river." I think you should just use the actual forest.

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: What if we don't have a forest? What if you live in, say, just shot in the dark here, LA County, where--

PAZ: Don't.

LIZ: Okay.

PAZ: Problem solved.

LIZ: Everyone's telling me that lately.

JULIAN: Just move.

LIZ: [claps] All right, part three.

JULIAN: Part three is games, which is really important.

LIZ: One for the gamers here.

PAZ: Okay, "step one, welcome each guest, maybe with a dip of your head or a whisper of 'Welcome to the home of the clans.'"

JULIAN: The next picture. [dissolving into shriek-laughter]

PAZ: The art for this is extremely good as well. So we have-- it's featuring that beautiful green silk vine curtain from before. And in front of it is a girl, in like-- doing that like butler pose, where it's like, come in, sir. Except she's wearing a black t-shirt, and nothing else except a black bow tie and a cat ears headband with cat face paint.

LIZ: She also has these um, these side bangs that are very like 2010-specific. Maybe earlier.

JULIAN: I was specifically losing my shit over the next picture, for "start with some roleplay."

LIZ: This is our new header image.

JULIAN: Which features some incredibly drawn visitors who have attended this party, all wearing all black, all wearing those same drawn on whiskers. There's some really interesting things happening with their faces. And the girl in the back is on all fours.

LIZ: She's doing it right.

JULIAN: She is, she's--

PAZ: Dedicated to her role.

JULIAN: "Once everyone has arrived, why not pretend to be warrior cats?"

Why not?

"Everyone could be one RP character-- roleplay-- and one real warrior. If you have the time, you could make name badges." So you have the time to spray paint spider webs green to make moss, but you couldn't make name badges? So everyone can remember who Pinestar is?

PAZ: You hit the deadline.

LIZ: Is that a soap? It sounds like soap.

PAZ: It really does. Moving on to step three of games, "have a hunting party. People can hide stuffed animals while others try to find a stuffed animal with a number they were assigned to written on a card around their neck."

JULIAN: I like the next one a lot.

PAZ: Yeah, we can just move on to four.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Sorry, the art for number three for having a hunting party is very good. It's a child with a cat hat, just really smirking.

LIZ: At a little giraffe stuffed animal.

JULIAN: But game number four, "have a twisted version of egg toss."

PAZ: Welcome to my twisted mind.

JULIAN: "Have everyone pair up and give each pair a spoon. Fill water balloons up with dyed water." Nothing to do with cats.

PAZ: That's so twisted.

LIZ: What's the catness?

PAZ: Uh, you know. Self-explanatory.

JULIAN: You know, cats.

PAZ: Number five, "come up with a collect a resource game. In this game, each den will be removed of its items and hidden among the forest. Teams assigned to each den must collect the items and amount wanted. Give them a checklist to cross off items safely brought back to the den. The first to bring back and arrange the interior like before everything was pooled will get prized with an extra piece of fresh kill and a new piece of bedding from leftover pieces not collected."

LIZ: The image for this is--

JULIAN: My favorite part of a birthday party, resource management.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: Can we--

JULIAN: Sorry Liz, please describe the image.

LIZ: Yeah, it is a picture of four people. There is a just a camping tent and two of the black jumpsuited cat headband ear wearing people are sneaking into it, while two other people in just shorts and shirts, holding a giant caterpillar and different colored hats of of cat like description are walking away totally unaware. I think this is a war crime. This is looting, I think.

JULIAN: Oh, you're right, this is looting. This is pillaging.

LIZ: War crime. Number five, commit some war crimes.

PAZ: Yeah. Gotta be accurate. Number six, "play pin the tail on the warrior. Select a cat from one of the books and make a large cardboard cutout of this cat, and make its tail separately. Put a pin or tack on it to make it stick to the back of the cat." Now which cat do we want to do this to?

LIZ: Longtail. Obviously.

PAZ: Haha, No-tail. [laughter] Got 'em.

JULIAN: How long until Firestar-- sorry, Firepaw does that?

LIZ: In the heat of battle, haha, No-tail.

PAZ: Number seven, "do some more evening activities. Once you've eaten, maybe you could play some Warrior Cat games with your friends on the Internet. In the evening, have a mini battle– doesn't have to last long– and then a gathering, if your party is on a full moon. Lucky you. Otherwise, make an exception just for the party." Well, there are many Warrior Cats games to play with your friends on the internet. So great suggestion.

LIZ: Start a podcast. That's a game, basically.

JULIAN: There you go. That's a game. That's a game that keeps on giving.

PAZ: Number eight, "sleep over, if that's part of the plan. Not all birthday parties need to be sleepovers, but they can be lots of fun. In the morning, depending on the time you wake up, you could play some party games or read books and have breakfast." This does picture people sleeping outside in a tent. Should we move on to part four?

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yes.

PAZ: Food.

LIZ: Okay, so step one of food is "make dinner Warrior Cats themed too. When it's time for dinner, call it fresh kill instead, and ask everyone what they would like. Obviously don't really serve mice at the table. Think of something everyone would enjoy, maybe something fresh, like a pizza you can have delivered to your house." So, this is the--

PAZ: Same thing.

LIZ: The image is the previous fresh kill image from before, with all the stuffed animals, but, um, the children are sitting and having a great time with pizza, just chomping down. Makes me, you know, makes me think we should do this.

PAZ: They have more suggestions for food in step two.

LIZ: Okay, "provide lots of meaty foods. Food is fresh kill warriors, so you must get something close to meats, Think, think, think. Have meat skewers, steak, meatballs, pepperoni, salami, and hamburgers. Anything with tasty meat will do. If you have a vegetarian, then offer veggie patties, cheese, and anything that sticks to the theme."

PAZ: Wait, why does cheese stick to the theme?

JULIAN: How does cheese...

LIZ: Wait.

JULIAN: You know. Fresh killed cheese.

PAZ: I mean my cat right now is extremely into eating cheese, so I guess...

LIZ: Yeah, see, it's accurate. The image for this is just some food. There are kebabs. You know, like cats enjoy. Just like a whole steak, you know, like children should have. A very smooth sliced hot dog, and just a burger. Just a burger with the cheese on entirely different levels of the burger, which is new to me. Like there's multiple cheese. Okay.

JULIAN: My favorite image is--

LIZ: In three.

JULIAN: Step 3, the birthday cake.

LIZ: Yes. "Get a birthday cake. The best birthday cake can have something printed on it, such as the cover of your favorite book from the Warriors series, or a map of the territory. Some local businesses in your city may offer custom cakes. Even better as some may even be able to design a 3D landscape." That is not what's on this cake that they've shown us and--

PAZ: It's a beautiful cake. It's so good.

LIZ: It's so much better. Yeah, it's a round yellow cake with just a little-- like just a huge cat face on top of it, and a candle. It's very happy looking. And then there's like little black and white cat silhouettes like around it.

PAZ: I want this to be my cake.

LIZ: It could be.

PAZ: It's so good.

JULIAN: It's so good.

PAZ: The face on top is so good.

LIZ: Beautiful. What flavor do you think it is?

PAZ: Um, red velvet because it's red inside like fresh kill.

LIZ: Got it.

JULIAN: Oh, we don't have to go through the whole Q&A but the first one is I think very important. Um, "what do I have for food if I have a vegan friend?" And the answer is, "provide berries and greens for them to eat. Warrior cats use them for medicinal purposes, but you can pretend they are an elder or a sick cat."

PAZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: If you're vegan, you're old or sick. "You can also just ask your vegan friend what they like to eat and provide that." Yeah, I would go with that one, animebread.

LIZ: That's exactly the answer you'd--

JULIAN: wikiHow user anime bread.

PAZ: Here's another question, "how do I not be embarrassed about my Warrior Cat party?"

LIZ: Aw.

JULIAN: Aw.

PAZ: "It's a decision you make just not to care what others think. Of course, if you're selective about who you invite, you'll be less embarrassed. Invite friends who will enjoy this kind of party." If your friends have a problem with your Warrior Cat party, then they're fake. They're fake friends.

LIZ: Okay, these questions are really good. I have one more. "What if my friends make up unreal Warrior Cat names such as Fluffyhead?" This is a community answer. "Just tell them that it makes no sense, or provide everyone with a name badge at the start of the party using names you've chosen. Of course it's important that everyone have a good time, so it's fine to loosen the rules a little bit for your friends."

JULIAN: God.

PAZ: Isn't there a canonical cat Fuzzy-- like Fuzzypelt?

LIZ: Yeah, that's--

JULIAN: There is, yeah.

PAZ: I would say Fluffyhead is accurate.

LIZ: Yeah, he's like Ravenpaw's dad. That's like an immediate connection.

PAZ: I think Fluffyhead is a perfect name, and if you come to my Warrior Cat party, you can have that name.

LIZ: Oh, there's some tips and warnings.

JULIAN: Oh good.

LIZ: The best one from tips to me is "ask older siblings to be rouges." Not rogues, rouges, "who hate the Clans. Maybe they could get their friends to help making a rouge group."

JULIAN: You know what I love about a birthday party, built in bullying.

LIZ: For your older siblings specifically.

JULIAN: The warning about, "make sure everyone is comfortable with the battles, or anything else you may be doing," and then "make sure nobody gets hurt."

LIZ: Very important.

PAZ: That's good advice all around.

LIZ: Yeah, So we've got three months till any birthdays happen. Better get planning. I wanna see those cardboard cutouts.

JULIAN: We got time to plan.

LIZ: Just ready.

PAZ: I'm going to give this five stars.

JULIAN: Do we each have to provide our own?

LIZ: Communal effort, you know. They have the fresh kill pile, we have the freshly made and painted cardboard scenery pile. This made me want pizza. That one person in the corner on the right, eating that pizza at the Warrior Cats party is just having the best time I think.

PAZ: Yeah, I could go for some pizza too.

JULIAN: Well, is that it for us?

PAZ: Yeah, I mean, we covered the war crimes and we covered the party, and I think that's all. So, thanks everyone for joining us again this week. May StarClan light your path. [outro music begins] Bye.

LIZ: Bye.

JULIAN: Bye.

[outro music ends]

PAZ: I'm gonna post some little Barley art. Very handsome.

LIZ: Love to see some Barley. Oh, he's a little cow.

PAZ: Black and white cat.

JULIAN: Aw, he's just a little guy.

PAZ: He is a little cow.

LIZ: I love that. Is this official?

PAZ: Uh, no, this is Warrior-- he has official art but it's the weird manga art style that I--

LIZ: He deserves better than that.

PAZ: His pants.

LIZ: Oh my god, pants.

PAZ: Anyway, back to the rats.

JULIAN: Um, yeah, the rats, I guess it's like a sort of...

LIZ: Wait, I'm listening and I can't. It's gone. Sorry, Julian, Julian.

#into the wild ep #transcript #ep 04 #purr-fidy

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michelles-garden-of-evil · 4 years

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Episode 31 Review: Danger to the Cryonics Capsule

{ Not available on YouTube }

{ Full Synopses/Recaps: Debby Graham | Bryan Gruszka }

{ Screencaps }

And now we reach Episode 31, the first episode that isn’t currently available on YouTube. In fact, none of Week 7 is available on YouTube, which means no Bad Subtitle Special until the end of Week 8. (Is anyone else disappointed, or is it just me?) It’s a pity, because this is both a good episode and probably relatively unchanged from Ian Martin’s original script, although the absence of cheesy one-liners about the Devil does suggest some rewriting.

Here's the synopsis for this one, by the way, from the October 24, 1969 issue of The Plain Dealer:

It’s interesting to note that, while this summary comes from the period of the Lost Episode summaries, it still accurately describes the plot of the aired version of the episode. It doesn’t describe all of it, but then, none of the newspaper summaries do, before or after the Lost Episodes period. So, without further ado, let’s hurry back to the crypt on Maljardin and check on Erica Desmond’s cryonics capsule.

Dan trying to stop the cryonics tank from malfunctioning, despite knowing nothing about how it works. Not generally a smart idea.

While Jean Paul and Elizabeth are still with Vangie at the French Leave Café, the cryonics capsule's cooling mechanism malfunctions and its tank starts spraying water upwards. Dan tries to get it to stop spraying, but his efforts are in vain and he calls for Alison. She freaks out and they both run down there, but it doesn’t stop until just after Quito arrives around the corner.

There’s a scene where they’re trying to fix the machine and both of them are talking to each other, but the only audio we hear is the background music. Not sure if that was deliberate on the part of the writer or the director, or if it’s a blooper.

Alison asks Dan what he was doing down there, and he confesses that he was searching for the missing cyanide. There’s an interesting part where he says “I’m not sure I trust [Raxl] or that zombie,” and Quito--who is still hiding--clenches his fists as though angered by the reminder of his undead state.

Quito clenching his fists just before the intro.

After they return to the Great Hall, Alison blames Dan--"perhaps you inadvertently crossed the wires," she says--but he denies it. I'm surprised that Alison would accuse cautious, practical Dan of something so careless, but I don’t know him as well as she does. I’m also not sure how inadvertently crossing the wires would cause a tank to start spraying water, and I’m not sure the characters have any idea, either.

On the main island with Jean Paul and Vangie, Jean Paul recaps his cryonics scheme in a way that makes it clear that Ian Martin and/or the meddling executives really didn’t want him to repeat his catchphrase from the earlier episodes again:

Jean Paul on Erica’s resurrection: "It WILL happen. I made that vow the day my darling wife was stricken IN SPITE OF GOD!"

Raxl, of course, blames THE DEVIL JACQUES ELOI DES MONDES for the leak in the capsule’s tank. Raxl may be right--she usually is about matters of the occult--but after learning of the note from the Episode 30 script about who pushed Holly down the stairs, I’m thinking that the true culprit is someone else, someone less obvious. This scene also provides some blatant foreshadowing for the aborted plotline involving Tarasca:

Raxl: “The master must be protected from all demons, from the past and in the present, especially the witch who seeks to own him!”

The next shot.

A clear shot from shortly after of Elizabeth’s dramatic eye makeup.

The witch’s own version of Bissits Face™?

Meanwhile on the main island, Jean Paul convinces Vangie to hold a séance to contact Erica's spirit, which she is willing to do if slightly reluctant because she knows that she will eventually die on Maljardin. This suggestion excites Elizabeth, whom he has to remind that "it is not a game." She also asks if he would ever let her go, and he says that he would only let her return to Maljardin: proof that Jean Paul is still on board with the whole detained guests thing.

In the lab, Alison is searching the drawers of Dr. Menkin’s cabinet for his notes on Erica and finds a small notepad hidden among the papers in one. She reads it, her mouth agape, as Raxl enters.

What could it say about Erica?

Raxl lets Alison know that she knows about Dan searching for the missing cyanide in the crypt and is not pleased. She asks Alison if Dan doesn’t trust her, and she defends him, saying that none of them can trust each other anymore. Then they debate whether or not one of the other characters made the machine break down. Alison says that she now thinks it most likely broke down on its own, but Raxl still insists that someone (by which she means Jacques) tampered with it. Raxl has a point, because brand-new water tanks don’t generally start spraying out huge amounts of water on their own like the capsule’s cooling tank was doing.

SCENE INTERRUPTING DAN: “Hello, Raxl. I didn’t know you were interested in lab experiments, too.” (LOL)

Even though the leak was clearly the work of supernatural forces, Alison still tells Dan, "Don't make any more waves around here." Good luck with that. You may want to talk Jean Paul into having Quito buy you duct tape the next time you see him, then tape Dan’s mouth shut and tie his hands behind his back to keep him from tearing it off. That’s the only way to stop him from accusing Jean Paul of being a murderer and imprisoning all of you here. (It will also make it easier to get with your far more attractive brother-in-law, especially if you leave Dan in his bedroom while the two of you wrestle with your unresolved sexual tension in the Great Hall.)

In the crypt, Raxl tells Quito that it’s time to begin searching the caskets for the conjure doll and the silver pin--which I thought she said they already did in previous episodes, but I could be wrong. Maybe they just want to double-check to make sure they checked everywhere in the basement. Quito begins pulling open Jacques’ casket and we cut to a couple filler scenes with the other characters. When we return to Raxl and Quito, we find her back upstairs searching the fireplace in the Great Hall for the doll and pin. When Quito arrives, she asks him if he found them in the casket and he shakes his head. They head upstairs to continue their search--which, again, I thought she said that they already searched upstairs in Episode 29, but I suppose they just want to double-check.

Alison tells Dan when he next visits the lab that Dr. Menkin was trying to learn how to recreate an entire human body. Reminds me of Frankenstein. Dr. Frankenstein and Dr. Menkin both tried to play God by creating a living human body, but their experiments differed in that Frankenstein used cadaver parts to build his man, while Menkin’s experiments involved cellular regeneration and possibly (based on the sources referenced in Episode 26) robotics/artificial intelligence as well. I don’t know if Martin had planned to draw a direct parallel between the Drs. Menkin and Frankenstein at some point, but I suspect he was.

But Alison still doesn’t know enough about his experiments to satisfy her (or us), because all of Dr. Menkin’s notes from the six weeks before his death are missing. This is suspicious for obvious reasons, given his death shortly after her arrival, which she still doesn’t know was Jacques’ fault for no other reason than that she was upstairs at the time when he told Raxl his highly suspicious story about Menkin’s “accident” in the water.

Really, Dan? A bottle of cyanide goes missing and yet you willingly drink alcohol that’s been sitting out where anyone could pour poison into it? SMH Yet another reason why Alison should duct tape your mouth shut.

Dan is suspicious of Raxl--who is just about the last character they should suspect of hiding the cyanide or murdering either Erica or Dr. Menkin--but even more suspicious of Jean Paul. He and Alison also discuss how Jean Paul may not have filed Erica's death certificate with the authorities and how suspicious this makes him look--which is recap, yes, but which I bring up again because it is still relevant. I am really thinking (and was really thinking as far back as last fall) that Martin was originally planning to reveal that Jean Paul killed Erica and was trying to resurrect her out of some combination of guilt, regret, and fear that Erica's death would make him look suspicious. This would not only make these clues worth more than red herrings (or, should I say, kippers?), but it would also connect to all the things that Jacques says about he and Jean Paul not being so different. I have a whole theory about this, which I plan to discuss in a future post sometime later in this arc.

Alison also mentions some sea caves five hundred yards from an unseen cove on Maljardin, which she says Raxl told her about (unfortunately, I don’t remember in which episode). This seems to be foreshadowing something--I’m guessing the discovery of Jacques’ pirate ship that’s mentioned in another episode--but they never visit the caves, unless that’s where the Temple of the Serpent is located.

Back on the main island, Jean Paul has returned, but Vangie has left to go somewhere. Jean Paul says that she is probably packing a few days’ clothing for her stay on his island. Elizabeth is relieved to hear that she will only be there a few days. She also reveals that she sees Vangie as "competition" for Jean Paul's affections. (LOL) I would say that she is deluding herself, but then, she is unaware that Jean Paul was possessed all the times that he flirted with her; in her mind, Jacques is the real Jean Paul and the Jean Paul who mourns Erica is “not himself.” It does explain, however, why she was clinging to him in that one scene from last episode. Even so, Vangie never has any love interests on the show. I’ve suspected for a while that she and Raxl secretly have a thing for each other. Obviously they wouldn’t have shown that on TV in 1969, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t still ship them together.[1]

Elizabeth’s profession of interest in him motivates Jacques to possess him again, and we get

HEADACHE FACES! Yay!

After possessing him, Jacques reassures Elizabeth that he is very much still interested in her (Elizabeth, I mean, not Vangie). He also sends the audience more false hopes for Holly's death: "I'd stake Jean Paul Desmond's life, virtually every day…What’s one life, more or less? It doesn't even matter whose life. Take your daughter for example, before she's twenty-one and inherits all those millions."

Elizabeth looks appalled by this suggestion, but it’s hard to say if she truly is or if it’s all an act. I’m sure, though, that this is, roughly, the thought process going through Jacques’ mind:

Coming up next: Jean Paul and Vangie make more arrangements for the séance to contact Erica and Raxl reveals more of Maljardin’s history.

{ <- Previous: Episode 30 || Next: Episode 32 -> }

Notes

[1] In the books, Quito is Raxl’s husband, but that obviously isn’t the case on the show, or else she would most likely be jealous of his affections for Holly. The fact that she isn’t suggests that the two aren’t married (or, at the very least, aren’t married anymore) in the show canon. This means that Raxl doesn’t have a canonical love interest.

#strange paradise #maljardin arc #ian martin #week 7 #episode 31 #review #analysis #bissits face #comics #cryonics capsule #headache faces #makeup #raxl/vangie #SCENE INTERRUPTING DAN #speculation on ian martin's original story #tarasca

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momestuck · 6 years

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Let’s read Hiveswap Friendsim - volume 10!

We’re over the halfway mark. Nineteen friends. This time, Of Faraway Lands and Nearby Pals.

Our trolls are going to be...

These two.

Incidentally, I haven’t commented, but every troll select screen has a different drawing when you mouseover the troll. Usually they’re just the same troll with a light shining on them, looking more enthusiastic, but you gotta see Tegiri’s one...

In addition to the Jojo-like art style, that’s the katakana character ゴ ‘go’ repeated. For some reason, katakana is commonly used over hiragana for sound effects in manga, such as laughter. So yeah. We’ve finally found the mall katana guy mentioned waaaaay back in Polypa’s route!

Oddly, while ‘Tegiri’ would be valid romaji (although not, I checked, on lists of Japanese names I could find... I wouldn’t want to guess at a pseudo-’translation’, there’s a few possibilities), ‘Kalbur’ is decidedly not, and would be turned into something like ‘karuburu’ if it was transliterated into Japanese. That might be significant...

But that’s as far as my rudimentary Japanese knowledge can take me. We’ll come back to Tegiri shortly. First of all, it’s...

youtube

...beloved The Magic Roundabout character, Zebedee!

I really hope that’s not a coincidence.

Zebede

Zebede is the third and final troll by Magdalena Clarke, author of Vikare and Elwurd. Well, I enjoyed Elwurd, so that’s a good sign... hopefully...

This begins with getting a chittr notification. God, push notifications, am I right?

The name suggests we’re going to deal with the bees that made Sollux’s ‘mind honey’, granting goldbloods fantastic powers. (The game seems to have decisively chosen ‘gold’ rather than ‘yellow’, so I will defer to this.)

Who is this new friend? It seems to be someone who knows Cirava...

Their speech quirk seems to be using z in place of s, but not always.

Zebede invites us to download a video chat app...

Surprisingly, this does not result in our phone getting inducted into a botnet. Apparently the app we downloaded is called ‘grype’.

It’s weird to have so many Skype jokes given that Skype has pretty much given way to other messaging apps, at least in my experience...

He’s really excited to hear about how we know Cirava, and we tell him. He lets on rather unsubtly that he’s lonely and would appreciate a visit. Apparently he lives a long way out, for the sake of the bees.

We get our first choice...

Honestly no idea which one is the instant death option here. Probably asking if it’s really fine, but the ways we die are so random in this game, who knows?

Let’s go with asking where he lives.

We mention we went out to visit Skylla in the countryside, which leads him to... more self-deprecation. Wow, this guy sure is insecure.

And he decides like... we’re not really interested in visiting him. ‘A wall has been raised’, as the game puts it.

Dude, no wonder you don’t have friends.

OK, well, that was a short branch. Let’s try asking about his living situation and his lusus, whether it’s really fine.

Ah yes, play on his feelings of resentment. Get him to complain and wheedle in that way. That’s our narrator.

This guy’s face is so... pointy... I don’t have much commentary to add.

This leads us to a non-choice of saying we’ll go visit him immediately. This seems like a really healthy, non-manipulative friendship we’ve got going on here.

Apparently Zebede’s got some of whatever concentrated loneliness and fetishisation of friendship our narrator is suffering.

The narrator goes through a few friends to try and figure out who to get a lift from... and after rejecting Tagora, Amisia, Zebruh (oh god no), taxis and public transport, they decide the only option is to do crimes. Hey, I can get behind it.

By crimes they mean, finding an unlocked car and nicking it. Unlike Konyyl, they can’t punch locks off.

Apparently we know how to turn on the auto-pilot in a troll car. Not sure when we figured that one out!

Fittingly, Zebede’s hive is full of bees.

Inside, too, it’s a nice rustic bee farm.

We get a text message from... Cirava, it turns out. I wonder what they want...

We have the choice of ignoring it or letting it go to voicemail. Wow, we’re getting a lot of phone calls in this episode! Let’s try chatting with Cirava, maybe we can invite them over and all chill here...

It’s nice to see Cirava again. The protagonist’s weird obsession with collecting more friends instead of spending time with the ones they’ve made is highlighted...

What’s up with that?

The matter of Cirava’s clothes comes up.

Oh right so that’s what happened to Cirava’s clothes... I honestly forgot.

Anyway, Cirava’s a little worried when we say we’re hanging out with Zebede, who they know by chittr handle if not by name. They are worried that we’re tight, and we say we’re working on it.

Called out!

Anyway, Cirava warns us about getting too close to Zebede, and links... his fanfiction. OK, sure. It turns out to be... RPF. Of Cirava.

Oh dear, we’re gonna get into the RPF discourse in this episode, huh? That is something I generally want to stay a long way away from.

Anyway, Zebede comes back while we’re reading one of his fics.

That sure is an expression.

Anyway, when we explain that Cirava linked this, Zebede decides we’re not prioritising him after all, and clearly Cirava is more important than him.

I’m really not sure we want to be this guy’s friend.

He breaks down crying at the perceived slight of mentioning that we have other friends.

The protagonist starts feeling like a dick. There’s a poke at the blurry line between inner monologue and spoken dialogue on the protagonist’s part...

But anyway, that’s that for Zebede’s route.

So, how do we actually befriend this guy? Trick seems to be to pretend we care about literally nothing other than him, I guess. So let’s go back and ignore Cirava’s grype call.

Instead of answering the call, we work on our chittr profile. God, that’s hard enough irl, let alone when you’re on an alien planet...

So, we assure Zebede that we weren’t about to take a call in the middle of a hang sesh, and he starts showing us some pirate films. Then, switches to space pirate films. Poor guy’s really thrown for a loop by our indecisiveness.

The narrator is sympathetic, but unhelpful. Honestly narrator, just pick something. Fake some enthusiasm. If you really want to be friends with this kid...

We suggest watching the last thing he watched on grubtube. Which... seems like a shitty suggestion to me, since like, if it’s the last thing you watched...

But to Zebede, that seems to be something much worse.

You promise you absolutely won’t judge him. We may regret this.

Mostly, it turns out to be videos of Cirava. Yeah, we get it, he’s got a crush.

He shows us some music videos of a group called hatched2dance. I’m guessing this is a KPop (or perhaps JPop) parody, especially given the whole RPF angle...

Honestly like I probably couldn’t stand this guy in real life but I have some sympathies for his whole awkward gay teenager reading fic thing.

Anyway, seeing themselves reflected in Zebede prompts some reflection in the narrator.

The narrator has kind of a freakout on realising how offputting they’ve been - that they’ve been ‘a big phony’.

We’re saved from an existential crisis by someone showing up to reclaim their scuttlebuggy.

The narrator decides they should probably go out and face the music before this troll carves their way into the hive. This wins over Zebede even harder.

We learn that Zebede’s psychic power is... controlling bees. Using the bees, they drive off the troll outside.

And so we chill with Zebede, and the protagonist takes notes on ‘not being such a desperate piece of shit’.

We’ll see if this whole change of heart actually lasts.

The Alternian text in the picture says ‘ALTERNIA K-POP ALL-STARS’ in the Hiveswap version of the alphabet. Just in case you had any doubt what videos he’s into.

Tegiri

And now... time for things to get anime. This is the debut of David Turnbull.

The protagonist notices the edges of sunrise, and concludes they need to make a friend before daybreak. At that moment, someone accosts them.

Tegiri also gets chiptunes, in common with our other anime troll. I think it’s a remix of one of the tracks elsewhere in Homestuck. But it could easily fit in with a genuine 8-bit game.

Reassuringly, Tegiri concludes that since we’re an alien not a troll, he doesn’t have to cull us.

His typing quirk is that he replaces the letter ‘L’ with slashes.

And his character trait is, sure enough...

HUGE WEEB. Though, glass houses, stones, etc....

Naturally, the initial instant death choice is...

Unusually, we get three choices.

I can assert with 100% confidence that if I click anything other than ‘subs’, I will be executed by katana. So let’s try... both are good.

He casts us out for our indecisiveness.

The Alternian text here reads ‘PATHETIC.’ The drawing here recalls a particular anime meme... after some digging I was able to identify it as a screencap of Asuka from eva:

Think this is probably from End of Evangelion? But I can’t really recall.

...god I’m not helping my case for not being as much a weeb as Tegiri here, am I?

OK, let’s try subs now.

...lol, I’m wrong. He prefers dubs. What kind of weeb is this guy?

However, even though we’re wrong on the Most Important Question, we get to come back to his hive.

We can see body pillows around his recuperacoon, an improbable number of katanas, a bunch of figurines... the text above his bed says OPPAI, which is, well... Japanese for boobs. Yeah.

If you look closely at the anime figurines, I’m sure you can identify a few.

But except for Luffy in top right, I’m not sure about the rest. Someone who knows more about anime, feel free to fill me in. Bottom right might be a machine lifeform from NieR Automata, but that seems too recent, and wouldn’t 2B be a more in-character one for him to have?

Anyway...

I like how this casually assumes that the reader knows what an otaku is, but then again who reads Homestuck without knowing that I guess.

The narration says Tegiri has sorted his merch by blood colour, which is like... contradicted by the illustration which clearly has a bronzeblood troll at the top, but who cares I guess.

This guy is just too quotable lol.

Anyway, we get to meet a lusus again. This time, the lusus is actually drawn, not just a filtered stock photo!

It’s also mildly terrifying :D

It’s called Tadashi Inu, which means... well it kind of doesn’t mean anything (‘however dog’???), but if it was Tadashii Inu, it would mean Correct Dog.

Anyway, naturally what does an anime club do but watch anime?

He’s presently in the middle of watching ‘Philosopher’s Half-Iron’, which I’m guessing is a joke about Fullmetal Alchemist? Instead, he proposes Schoolfed Heroism (BNHA maybe?) and Kismet:Stuck Morning (no guesses for this one... I’m a fake weeb).

It’s also interesting that we’re watching on DVDs. If they wanted to go full weeb, they could put in fansub jokes here... but then this guy prefers dubs to subs, so maybe he likes to buy official releases.

Naturally, we run into translation issues.

He wanted the first edition and ‘paid extra for it’. So rather than enjoy the rest of the episode, we set off to have a word with the importer...

I have to ask... how does the troll economy work? There’s hints at a capitalist economy, money is mentioned and we had the guy running the club just now, but none of the trolls seem to have jobs. They seem to just get issued money according to their blood colour?

Speaking of which, we get some comments on troll retail...

So yeah, we’re gonna find another weeb I guess.

If that’s the billboard in the background, it's too small and blurry to work out what it says, unfortunately.

He seems pretty opposed to any ‘rebel sentiments’. Which of course he discusses with the weebiest metaphors. Alternia balances on...

He goes on about katanas for a while, like he’s going down a checklist of orientalist tropes. Naturally it’s a prelude to a challenge to ‘dance’.

We say swords are cool and this gets a little rant about bushido. You know, that self-serving horseshit some guy in the late 1800s fabricated as nationalist mythology...

We arrive at the anime store.

More text to transcribe, oh joy. At the top of the store it says the name of the shop, mentioned in dialogue, ‘SUPER TOPATO IMPORTS’. Above the door behind the counter it says ‘EMPLOYEES ONLY’. On the bookshelf full of manga it says something too squished to easily read.

Anyway, we’re having a look around, but Tegiri starts kicking up a stink.

It’s basically the navy seal copypasta, slightly modified to be more trollish.

Meanwhile we’ve accidentally knocked some anime and manga out of someone’s hand.

Still not getting these references, unfortunately.

The troll with a pink sign is apparently against troll law - ‘depiction of nonstandard hemological attributes’.

This is all going over my head at this point. The references, I mean. Obviously the text - that Tegiri is an entitled douchebag - is clear enough.

Oh, this one I get - Ace Attorney, of course.

Anyway, this is where we get a choice. Do we stop Tegiri straight up murdering someone for peddling the wrong kind of anime?

Obviously we will try. Even though this seems like a great way to end up dead ourselves.

We speak up for the shopkeeper, and manage to convince Tegiri not to straight-up kill him. This leads to... a story, of a previous time he showed mercy, in contradiction to the law.

Of course, we know who this baby - who should have been culled for lacking a lusus, by troll law - would have been. God, I’d sure rather be hanging out with Polypa than this guy.

The narrator, of course, has one thing on their mind...

We suggest that the law, and what is right, are maybe not the same thing...?

The hard decisions such as ‘do I murder this baby?’

The narrator decides they know something about bad ways to manage loneliness...

The narrator manages to divert his rant by asking about his eyes. Which are... any guesses? Contact lenses. For cosplay.

Before we can make the error of accusing him of breaking the law by cosplaying a nonexistent blood caste, who should show up but...

Oh thank god. Save us, Polypa.

Of course he says 何 nani instead of ‘what’. And as for 後輩 kōhai, that’s basically the counterpart to senpai, the junior partner in an informal hierarchy within an organisation, dictating the use of certain honorifics. If my reading of the wiki article is right, he’s using it quite incorrectly.

Polypa lets on that we’re moirails. This causes Tegiri to be a little taken aback. The narration has some fun.

Tegiri claims - despite his huge stack of body pillows and figurines - that he has no time for quadrants.

‘Were it not for the laws of this land’ is most commonly associated with a meme from a Ghanaian film, not anime, but the sentiment surely fits.

Polypa tries to talk some sense into him.

So we end up doing an anime sleepover...

The dog is saying ワンワン (wanwan), which is standard Japanese onomatopoeia for a dog barking.

The text in this screen says... ‘Ore wa kaizoku-ou ni naru otoko da!’, which is a One Piece reference, meaning ‘I'm the man who will be the pirate king!’.

So, Tegiri may be insufferable, but at least with Polypa around we can keep him more or less under control.

There’s a few more options to explore. What if we’d picked dubs, not subs, near the start? He praises our choice, but otherwise, the story proceeds in the same way. I think that’s actually the first time we’ve had branches merge.

Now, what if we let him kill the shopkeeper?

Shockingly, he’s not as much a swordsman as he makes out. And the shopkeeper, it turns out, is psychic, and zaps him before legging it.

I was under the impression that psychic abilities were rare in goldbloods, but what do I know?

We ask like... was that really necessary?

Well, he’s certainly a tool, he got that part right. (Sorry.)

We go to report the shopkeeper’s terrible crimes to the drone, but unfortunately... it seems that the protagonist has a rap sheet themselves!

They can’t pin it on us! We’re innocent!

God, the ‘everything happened’ approach to continuity is still fucking with me. Did we make friends with Remele? Did we not? Earlier, the narration mentioned making ‘between 1 and 19′ friends. What if someone didn’t obsessively explore and replay every branch? They’d be so confused!

But despite his ineptitude with a sword, our attempted escape over an overpass leaves us...

Dead.

I’m sure this shot is also an allusion to an anime meme, but I can’t say which one, so yeah.

That’s Zebede and Tegiri. Not the best friends we’ve made, but I enjoyed the chance to be a huggggeee neeeerrrd in this post. (>implying that I could be anything other than a huge nerd on my homestuck liveread blog)

#momestuck #lets read hiveswap friendsim

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rays-of-fire-and-ice · 6 years

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HITSUHINA DAY THEMES, DATE, AND RULES

THEMES

Here we are everyone! Using this random number generator, I had drawn the themes for Hitsuhina day. For anyone who wants to see screencaps of the list and generated numbers, you can see them below the ‘keep reading’ (I’m trying to save space on this post). The six official themes are:

Sky

Flowers

Fluff

Hair

Confession

DATE: May 26th

The general consensus seemed to be late May to early June. I went with May 26th because it’s a weekend and it’s a little more then a month away from the day I stopped collecting themes. I hope this date will be okay with most of you, I’m afraid I cannot please everyone.

I’m sure some of you would have wanted the day to be on Momo’s birthday, but I felt it should be kept seperate. As it is, I’m already thinking of running an event over on my Momo blog to celebrate her birthday.

RULES

Tag your submission/s with either ‘#hitsuhinaday’, ‘#hitsuhinaday2018’ or ‘#hitsuhina day 2018′ to be included in the event.

Submissions can include fanart, fanfiction, edits, metas, AMVs, gif sets, and headcanons.

Submissions shoud include the name of the event (Hitsuhina Day) and the theme/s you are basing your submission on either in the description or author’s note.

Your submission should not be a tracing or copy of an existing artwork. Any entries that are will not be included as part of Hitsuhina Day. As such, your submissions should an original work by you. For edits and AMVs, do not use fanart (unless it’s your own) as part of the submission.

Give credit where it is needed (such as a link and the OP’s name to a stock image or reference for drawings, or to photos for edits/aesthetic/mood boards).

You can create as many pieces as you want for any of the six themes.

You can also incorperate as many or as little themes as you want, just so long as you create a piece for at least 1 of the themes above. If you're up for a challenge, you can try to create one piece for each of the themes.

You must have your submission/s in on the 26th or 27th of May. I’m giving leeway here because of the different timezones. Essentially, make sure your pieces are up before the 12 am on 28th May.

If your piece contains mature content, please tag appropriately (and give a warning in the author’s note for fanfics).

You may include other characters in the pieces, but the focus should be Hitsuhina. Of course, this is a day to celebrate Hitsuhina, not to undermine or bash on other characters/pairings. Any submissions with this will not be included as part of the event.

On a side note, for those who were hoping that a particular theme would be drawn but wasn’t, you can always try to incorperate the theme you wanted into one of the official themes. For example, for those of you who wanted to do a piece for the ‘historical/time-travelling AU’ theme, you can still do a piece by doing something for the ‘AU’. Or if you were hoping to do something for the theme ‘parasol’, you can do something for the ‘sky’ theme and incorperate it there.

That’s all for now. I will keep you updated if anything changes, and also put up reminders at two weeks and one week from the event. If you have any questions, don’t hesistate to send them to me :D

On the left is the list I pasted into Word, and on the right is the results of the random number generator. I wrote down the themes and shuffled them around using this and then pasted the results from there into Word and numbered them in the order they were shuffled. I’ve highlighted the first six numbers in the sequence given to me from the random number generator to show the chosen themes.

#hitsuhina #hitsuhina day 2018 #toshiro hitsugaya #momo hinamori #hitsugaya toshiro #hinamori momo #hitsumomo #hitsuhina day #bleach

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researchmiscellanea · 4 years

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Dr Winifred Muirhead: A Very Partial Biography

I am terrible for seeing something and then going down a rabbit hole, in this case a biographical one. Looking at the 1911-12 Edinburgh and Leith Post Office Directory, the fact that the Asylum had a female doctor caught my eye.

So I present a very partial biography of Dr Winifred Muirhead: bacteriologist, pathologist, and first woman doctor in Northern Transvaal.

In looking up these references I’ve had to presume that they are all referring to the same person; the names (married and unmarried) are uncommon enough, and the timeline fits for a single person, but it’s always possible I have gone astray in places.

I haven’t been able to find out anything about her background, but she studied medicine at the Edinburgh School of Medicine for Women, which was founded in response to Edinburgh University refusing admission to women for its medical degree. A lot of the School’s students were local, so it’s at least fairly likely that she was from Edinburgh or nearby; in the years she worked at the Royal Edinburgh Asylum there is noted a Mrs Muirhead of 5 Ettrick Road in the list of regular donations to the Asylum - proud mum, or just a coincidence?

Winifred completed the Triple Qualification, a set of exams run by the Scottish Royal Colleges which offered an alternative route to qualifying in medicine outside the universities. She passed the first examination in July 1896, and the second in 1897 with a distinction.

In 1900 she was working at Plaistow Maternity Charity in London, which seems at that point to have offered mostly outpatient care for women in the locality.

The next place she turns up is near here:

This was a slum in Johannesburg called “Coolie Location” (which was pretty much as offensive at the time as it is now), which suffered an outbreak of plague in 1904 - the article “Pneumonic Plague in Johannesburg, South Africa, 1904″ (pdf and source of the photo) gives an interesting look from a medical point of view. Our reference to Winifred is that in April 1904 she was working in the hospital bacteriological laboratory during this plague outbreak (warning for racism).

There is a not-quite brush with history here; one of the people involved in the plague outbreak was a 35 year old lawyer called Mohandas Gandhi. Did Winifred meet him? Possibly, but there’s nothing that points strongly towards it.

Something brought her back to Scotland, or maybe South Africa was only ever meant as a temporary situation. We next find here here, Stirling District Asylum:

In 1907 she was Assistant Medical Officer here, and had a paper in the Lancet, A Case of Typhoid Fever: A Note on the Bacteriological Examination of the Blood.

She became a member of the Medico-Psychological Association (the forerunner of the Royal College of Psychiatrists) in 1908. She seems to have had a very specific set of interests in the intersection of infection and mental illness which means that she must have been pleased with her next career move, to the Royal Edinburgh Asylum. Edinburgh was where the central Laboratory of the Scottish Asylums, run by Dr William Ford Robertson, was based. Ford Robertson had written A Text-book of Pathology in Relation to Mental Diseases and was an enthusiast about the connection between infectious disease and mental illness. However, there is no evidence I can find that she ever actually worked with Ford Robertson; I must admit that he comes over to me as rather opinionated and arrogant. The vast majority of his works are his sole authorship; the few which are not are co-authored with men, though this isn’t all that unusual at that time. I may be doing him a disservice, but I wonder if he was a draw in the abstract and a disappointment in person.

By 1908 Winifred was the Royal Edinburgh Asylum’s Bacteriologist and Pathologist, with prominent billing in the annual report:

Not particularly relevant, but that same annual report included photos of the accomodation for private patients, including this:

No photos of accomodation for everyone else. Safe to presume it wasn’t like this.

In 1909 she published a paper, The Occurrence of Organisms in the Blood and Cerebrospinal Fluid in Mental Diseases in the Journal of Mental Science, which apparently was awarded a “special prize” by the Medico-Psychological Association.

In 1910 she was supervising another doctor doing research in the Asylum laboratory, Dr Alice Babington. Just after that mention comes this paragraph, which I feel beholden to both screencap and transcribe:

“I desire to point out how suitable work of this nature is for lady doctors. Neatness and dexterity in delicate manipulation are required for it as well as great patience and attention to detail, and in all these respects women excel. On the other hand there is a minimum of responsibility and strain associated with the work, which is what women feel most.”

Can you imagine working with that level of patronising waffle?

In 1911 she was “recognised by the University as a lecturer on the subject of Practical Bacteriology in its relation to Mental Diseases.”

The 1912 annual report mentions a paper “done conjointly by Dr Henderson and Dr Muirhead, on the different forms of cells found in the cerebro-spinal fluid in disease, would have obtained on its merits the Bronze Medal granted by the Medico-Psychological Association, but for a technicality.” Now there is a sentence which is hiding a story, and almost cetainly a mighty argument. I haven’t been able to find the paper which this refers to, which just makes it more intriguing.

She resigned on her marriage in 1912, becoming Mrs Montgomery, and the Asylum annual report for 1913 says “for five years she had been Pathologist to the Institution, and organised on very satisfactory lines the new laboratories, &c, provided by the Managers. Her work was most methodical and accurate, and was of the greatest help in the treatment of the patients”

There were two papers she published jointly with others around that time, A Report of a Case of Insanity Associated with Chloral Bromide Poisoning and a Brain Abscess likely before her marriage, and Toxic Exhaustive Insanity Associated with Chronic Suppurative Otitis Media, Labyrinthitis, and Extra-Dural Abscess likely afterwards.

She seemed to disappear after her marriage, with lots of irrelevant search results for either Winifred Muirhead or Winifred Montgomery, and no more published research. Then I realised that I’d seen the name Montgomery before, as one of the other doctors in Johannesburg. Had she gone to South Africa? Yes!

An article written by her husband in 1933 (warning for racism and graphic medical descriptions) also shows that this was quite a change of scene - not laboratory medicine but extremely rural and extremely hands-on medicine. “Delivery of such presentations as this one is still more complicated when one’s sole light is a storm-lantern, and one has to grovel on the floor of a hut.”

It’s also noteable that after the two uses of “I” in those first two paragraphs, everything medical thereafter is “we” - this was a joint operation, not just him calling the shots.

They seem to have lived in what is now Polokwane (Pietersburg at the time), which is now a city, but in 1904 it had less than 4,000 residents. Quite a change from Edinburgh, which at the time had more than a quarter of a million residents.

She is recorded as having her named removed from the medical register as deceased in the August 1946 South African Medical Journal, and has a very brief obituary in the 1946-48 report of the National Council of Women of South Africa.

“The first woman doctor in the Northern Transvaal” seems an appropriate note to end this on.

#hope I've done you proud Dr Muirhead #women #women's history #medical history #history of psychiatry #social history #Edinburgh

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aiwannadrawit · 7 years

Text

Time: Friday 25 th

Place: Art Department

Between: Desmond & Anabelle

Plot: Desmond and Belle hang out a bit and Des learns of the issues between the people important to him

There's still so much to do, enough to have Belle's appointment book and day planner overflowing with notes and dates and assignments. She drops both books on one of the tables in the studio, along with a bag full of gigantic hardcover textbooks for the upcoming semester. Rubbing the back of her neck, she flops into a chair beside Desmond to look over his class schedule, more awkward with him now since the fight with Alex but trying her damndest not to take it out on her relationship with her favorite person in the department. "You should take the afternoon life modeling class on Wednesday, I'm doing the modeling again this semester. The professor brings in donuts and keeps a space heater on in winter so it doesn't feel like an ice box. Who do you have for animation?"

Desmond had been feeling pretty good so far. He had his whole thing with Alex and they talked, which was really needed now that he thought about it and now he could focus on other things. Like stuff going on with Belle. He knew she was busy, with the wedding, the kids, and everything else. He couldn't really imagine how she kept her head on straight but he commended her efforts. He scratched at his chin, "I dunno...I do so much life modeling already," he mumbled, mostly to himself as he thought of the countless sketchbooks with people in them. But really...taking it again couldn't hurt. "Uuuuh," he blinked searching his head for a name. "I lost it...but the paper's somewhere in my bag...I dunno."

"Yeah, but not with me. I'm the best." She grinned, tilting her head to beam at him cheekily, then looked back at the papers in front of them. "I'm thinking about the graphic design 101 thing and dropping journalism. Would be nice to be able to do my own marketing instead of subcontracting..." She leaned against him, head tilting to his shoulder. So many things had been changing in her life, it was nice to have something that felt normal. "Someone said they saw you hanging out with...whats his name. Rolan? What's up there?"

"I got you to pose covered in glitter though?" He laughed. He thought about it. "Sounds smart, best to cut out the middle man and all that jazz. Plus...if you really wanted you could always pick journalism back up some time later." He smiled at the relaxed feel of it all tilting his own head slightly to rest it on top of hers. "Hm...don't know any Rolans. Unless you meant Riley. Then nothing really," he grinned, "he's a new friend of mine." He took small moment. "You're okay? With all the planning and stuff? You don't need any help?" He kind of like a jerk for only asking this now, but he felt partially intrusive when she had so much going on. Even though he knew that wasn't really the case in the end.

"That was photography, not drawing," she pointed out, but smiled at the memory. It felt like she's ago now. "Eh, I was only in it for fun and to do the advice column. It ran its course." She tried to picture a Riley in her head, the image clicking with another notable redhead on the school's Instagram radar. He was cute, and available if she remembered right. "New friend with potential?" She nudged his side a little, hoping that the issue with Alex's public displays with another guy and everything that had happened since had finally put him off of the older man. "No, it's fine actually. Easier than I thought it would be, I just stuck some post it's in a magazine and gave them to my planner and Mitchell. All I have to do is show up and look pretty. You're coming, right? For sure?"

Desmond shrugged, he couldn't argue that. "Oh, so you're not gonna be offering up advice anymore? Those were always fun to read." Desmond couldn't help but to roll his eyes. "Potential for what," he asked in feigned ignorance. Though...he was still very much looking forward to his blowjob at some point. He let out a sigh of relief himself. "Whew, glad it's all so simple. I used to watch those wedding reality shows when I was younger. They always kinda looked like a nightmare. And of course I'm coming. Wouldn't miss it for the world."

Belle gave him a withering, if affectionate, look. "You know what. Are you seeing him? Or anyone really? Gotta know if you're bringing a date to the wedding," she tacked on as an excuse for her nosy prying. She stood up to stretch out her lower back and walk around the table, sitting on it instead and laying back so that she's looking at him upside down. She finally cut to the chase, even though it wasn't an easy conversation. "Are you still seeing Alex?"

"Oh is that all," he shook his head. "Well no I'm not seeing him... though I did end up blowing him." He mumbled that last part. "And I wasn't planning on bringing a date to the wedding. Except maybe Kuroko's if she's allowed." Desmond looked down at her, an eyebrow raising at her question. "Yeah..." He said slowly almost cautious. "I last spoke to him Tuesday...he's been gone for a bit."

Belle gasped out loud at the admission in false shock, but real delight. "He's cute, good on you." Unfortunately, that apparently didn't mean that things were off between him and the music professor. She couldn't hide the grimace. "Of course you can bring her. Can I ask why? He's not exactly claiming you in public, unless I missed something major. And it's been what, six months? Longer?" There was clear bias and distaste in her voice, she still hadn’t gotten over the argument, what she thought of as the last of several straws.

Desmond smirked, "He is cute." He nodded, glad this was pet friendly affair since he had gotten her a suit and everything. The grimace surprised him. "Almost a year I guess, and...he doesn't have to claim anything. We're not dating." He narrowed his eyes at her tone of voice, the shift in mood making him frown. "What's up you huh?"

"He's not dating anyone, as far as I know, but that doesn't mean he's not out with other people. It just seems...unfair. Especially considering his gripe with you telling me about the two of you. Since he was going to so much effort to keep you a secret but has no problem making out with someone at a public school event." Sighing, she sat up and turned on the table, crossing her legs to sit in front of him. "Not long ago he showed his true colors to me, that's all. He's and trust me when I say I don't use the word lightly, an asshole."

"He was," he took a deep breath. "He was doing that for my benefit. And that---" he waved a hand in relation to the incident, "was dealt with. We talked about it already. He can do whatever he wants and I can do whatever I want." He was being defensive, he knew, but they-- him and Alex-- had a really good and needed conversation. He thought they were in a better place than they had been when he left. "I know he's an asshole," he said, "what he do to you?"

Belle hesitated. Desmond was obviously still defending Alex, and she didn't feel like getting into another fight with someone she considered a friend - but she also wasn't about to lie and say that it was no big deal, when it was. "Aside from sticking his opinions where they didn't belong, being patronizing and implying that Mal and I don't have the kids' best interests at heart, he told me that I'm setting a bad example for them and that my upbringing was bad, apparently because I had a nanny. He made Mal think that the government would take the kids from us if we hired help, if I didn't quit school and work and stay home with them. Here." She leaned over to pull her phone from her bag, finding the conversation with Alex, and the screencaps she'd taken of what he'd told Mal, and handed it over to Desmond. "Full disclosure, I said some harsh things. I meant it."

Desmond read through the whole text conversation twice and then skimmed it a third time. This was...bad. Which, in and of itself, an understatement. But...from what he had read... Desmond sighed and handed her her phone back, sitting back in his seat. Well...he certainly could figure out what had Alex so upset that day. "Really? You'd try to end his career?"

Belle shrugged. "Maybe. It wouldn't be unwarranted, with his behavior lately. Unprofessional doesn't even begin to cover it." She paused, shaking her head. "They're my kids. I'm not going to let anyone put it into Mal's head that someone else will be taken away from him, that he's an unfit father. Marcus is old enough to understand things, if Alex said anything like that around him, implied that we don't care about him, it could kill the trust we're trying to build. So yes, if it came down to losing my family or Alex losing his job, I would."

Desmond didn't know anything about courts or child custody or anything else in that ball park. But Desmond didn't get that vibe from the conversations. At least not so much so that Alex was trying to destroy their family. "Job and career aren't the same thing."

"I could wreck his career or his job, and I would do either if he insulted my family again. I've done worse for less, and I tend to be...mellowed out these days, but I don't take it lightly when someone goes after the people I care about." She held her hand out for her phone. "We did nothing to him and he went on the attack because of how we're choosing to navigate a situation he can't know anything about, but that he decided he was the authority on because, what? He almost had a child? It's not a hypothetical for us, and it's none of his business to insult us over."

Desmond didn't see it as an attack. An unwarranted opinion that didn't go over too well, but not an outright attack. He didn't think throwing out the fact that he didn't have a kid was appropriate though. This whole situation was messy though. He ended up shrugging. "Okay." This certainly turned his mood sour. But he didn't want to start a big scale argument, even if he thought Bell was out of line and overreacting on some accounts. "Well, it's over now, yeah?"

Belle: Belle measured her words carefully - she didn't want to insult Desmond, he wasn't a part of all this. He was, in that he was seeing, if not dating, Alex still but he wasn't the one insulting her or her future husband. "I don't particularly want to be around him anymore. Ambivalence is about the best I can do." She paused, considering. "If he comes at my kids or my parenting style again, I won't be ambivalent anymore. Besides that, yes. I suppose it's over."

Desmond nodded slowly, "Well that's fine." He said; ambivalence wasn't so bad and he was sure with the way the conversation had gone Alex wouldn't be too keen on getting involved again. "So are you banning him from your wedding?"

Belle grimaced at that. The problem was that it wasn't just her wedding, and Mal didn't seem so inclined to burn bridges as she was. "If Mal wants him there, he can come." She shook her head. "I've ignored people with less to distract me. As long as he doesn't throw another fit of snapping at my guests, I don't care."

Desmond frowned at her second grimace of their conversation, but he supposed it was only fair. "I'm sure that won't be an issues," he said simply and then opted for a lighter conversation topic. "Do you wanna see Kuroko's in her suit?"

Belle brightened once the subject changed, though she was significantly less present, more guarded and defensive than before. "Of course! You got a little suit for her? That's amazing, I didn't know they made cat suits. Well...not that kind, anyway."

Desmond smiled, though he could feel the shift in her."Yup, they make all kinds of clothes for cats and the like. I wanted to get her a little flowers to go with it too, but I was worried she would try to eat it or something."

"Send my pictures, I'll make sure she gets some lilacs if they're safe for cats." She glanced at her watch, hopping off the table and gathering up her things. "I have a meeting with the new department head. You'll call me if you need anything?"

"Oooh...lilacs would be great." He nodded and sat back, picketing his phone and sighed. "Okay and yeah I will...you just do the same."

#chatzy para #anabellebeauregard

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redrackham87 · 8 years

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COMMISSION ME TO CREATE YOU SOMETHING?

Hey everyone!

The short version is that due to continued unemployment, my financial situation is edging ever closer to Defcon Dire and a good friend gave me the idea that I might try opening myself up to commissions, so here we are. I’m hoping that someone out there just might be willing or interested in taking me up on this. :D

What I’m offering:

-fandom graphics (like these or these or these)

-fics (drabbles to 5k or so, to start, but we can talk if you want something bigger - my ficpages here and here)

-general graphic designer stuff (do you need a poster? A fake book cover for you story? This friend who needs wedding invitation designs and has a tiny budget? Etc?)

-heck, I’ll even do a hand-drawn doodle if you really want one (examples here and here and here. These are not high quality – they’re just fun, silly things, but you want to donate a little for one, I’m 100% game!)

INTERESTED? LET’S TALK SOME MORE.

(either check below the cut or go here)

~~~

If you’re interested in a FANDOM GRAPHIC:

This includes: computer/laptop wallpaper, banners, icons/avatars, forum signatures, art for your fic, art for somebody else’s fic, fanmix covers, general fandom graphics. (ficart examples here and here and here)

1. Fandoms: the list is long and mighty. I strongly prefer doing something for a fandom I know, but I am willing to branch out into fandoms I don’t know, as long as I can find decent screencaps of the characters or actors in question. (Note: I am not super great at doing heavy manips (ie. for AUs) though if you absolutely need a manip, let’s talk!) Crossovers welcome.

2. Pairings: pretty well any gen theme (about a character, quote, episode, show/movie/book, etc) or any het pairing including rare pairs, AU pairs, and crossover pairs (preferably no slash, but I might be to make it work). There is the odd pairing I’m completely against doing, so just ask me. :)

3. Restrictions: Nothing explicit, rated R. No incest, underage, or extreme age gap pairs (unless there’s timey-wimey reasons for it). I have zero clue how to do gifs/animated gifs and cannot offer those.

4. Timing & Process: a graphic typically takes me about 1-4 hours, give or take, depending on how easy it is to find caps, quotes, etc and how easily it comes together. I will create the graphic and send it to you for your approval.

Unlike my tumblr gifts each year, this is a graphic you are donating to make, so you can request any changes you’d like (within reason) and I will do my best to accommodate you! You get the final approval on it. Once the changes are complete, I will send you the completed file (jpg). You’re free to share it wherever, however, as long as I am credited where you can (ex. In your author’s note if it was ficart, on your blog if it’s a post on your tumblr, in the description if it’s a fanmix cover, and so on).

5. Pricing: for the most part, it will depend on the size of the item and time involved, but as a baseline:

-small graphic (icons/avatars, forum signatures): $5 per

-medium (fanmix covers, banners): $10

-large (wallpapers, ficart, custom posters, etc): $15-30, depending on complexity

~~~

If you’d like A FIC:

This includes: drabbles (5 to 500 words), fics 1-5k long. If you want something larger, contact me.

1. Fandoms: Supernatural, Avengers/MCU, Star Wars, Lost, Chuck, Better Off Ted, Star Trek, Doctor Who (2005), Man From Uncle (2015). These are what I’m most comfortable writing in, but if there is a fandom on this list that you have a burning need for, talk to me. (It’s been 84 years since I wrote Harry Potter, but I’d willingly give it a try again!) I may need time to re-familiarize myself with canon. ;)

2. Pairings: pretty well any het pairing including rare pairs, AU pairs, and crossover pairs. There is the odd pairing I’m against doing, so just ask me. :) Gen fic also VERY welcome! I can’t write slash, as it’s just really not my cup of tea. (That being said, I can write gen friendship and you are totally fine to read it however you want.)

3. Subjects/Themes/Genres: adventures and/or angst with or without a side of ship, genfic, hurt/comfort, humor, character study, mystery/suspense, sappy fluff, tragic death (canon or not), tropey fic like best friends to lover, sharing a bed, fake dating, found family, i hate you stop saving my life, unexpected broship. Anything time travel related. Also willing to try AUs - especially monster hunter, assassin/thieves/spies, fairytale, coffeeshop, apocafic (if you want an AU, let’s talk, because some AUs just don’t work for me) - and crossovers between my listed fandoms.

I am possibly willing to write an OC, but bear in mind if you have an OC as the lead or secondary lead, writing time will be MUCH longer so I can work that out. I will even be wiling to attempt some shorter, sappy or gen, non-explicit, reader insert imagine-style fics for SPN or MCU. Again, if there’s something you don’t see listed, just ask me! :)

3. Restrictions: Nothing explicit/smut, rated R. No incest, underage, or extreme age gap pairs (unless there’s timey-wimey reasons for it). Unending darkfic, super violence/gore, rape/abuse of any kind (*unless it’s just referencing a canon event), incest/threesomes/moresomes, kinky fic, horror, mpreg/pregnant/kid fic (just super not interesting to me and I wouldn’t do it justice!), crackfic.

4. Timing & Process: fic writing time for me varies enormously. As a rough baseline, after we speak initially about the idea, I’d like a few days to brainstorm and then present a vague outline to you for your approval. Once writing actually begins, I estimate taking a few days to bang something out, then editing begins. I can and will send you weekly email updates and/or snippets (and you are 100% free and encouraged to poke me constantly about progress!).

You are free to keep the finished piece to yourself or share it however you like, as long as I am credited as the author. This is for you, so I want to do what I can to make you happy. So in the event that I’m not doing something you like, we can chat about that!

5. Pricing: depending on the prompt, pricing will range anywhere from $10-$75. If you’d like to negotiate a price, I’m totally cool with that.

-under 500 words: $10

-1 to 5k: $30 – 75

-5k+ : talk to me

~~~

If you’re interested in GENERAL GRAPHIC DESIGNY STUFF:

This includes a very wide umbrella, so it’s probably a very good idea if we chat first. But some basic items that could be included here: posters, cards, invitation design (wedding, birthday, finale party, etc), fake book covers for your story project, labels, banners, nicely put quote on a t-shirt, etc.

1. Whether you need something for your blog or for some personal project, hit me up. I’ve got a hearty portfolio and experience with freelancing I can share with you, so come talk to me.

2. Restrictions: I can’t do your art/school project for you so don’t ask. I can’t print your item (that’s up to you on your end!)

4. Timing & Process: this will depend almost entirely on the project at hand, so again we’ll have to talk first. A simple project (ie. poster) can take as little as an hour, where as a set of wedding invitation options can take as much as 6 hours. Regardless, I will create the item and send it to you for your approval and keep you updated on general progress.

This is something you are donating to make, so you can request any changes you’d like (within reason) and I will do my best to accommodate you! You get the final approval on it. Once the changes are complete, I will send you the completed file(s) (jpg, pdf, etc). You’re free to share it or print however. I’d love some form of credit, though I recognize a physical printed thing doesn’t allow much for that, so do whatever you can. :)

5. Pricing: for the most part, it will depend on the size of the item and time involved, so talk to me first and I can give you a better quote (all prices negotiable). But as a baseline:

-small/simple (ex. simple poster, labels, quote on a t-shirt): $10 - 20

-medium (ex. fake book covers, smaller banners, simple invitation): $30 - 50

-large (ex. multiple invitations, wedding stationary set, set of cards, more complex/time-consuming projects): $50 - 200, depending on complexity and number of pieces required

~~~

If you’re actually interested in a HAND DRAWN DOODLE:

Congratulations! I honestly did not think anyone would be interested! XD

1. Fandoms: the list is long and mighty. I pretty much can only manage fandoms I know. Crossovers welcome.

2. Pairings: pretty well any gen theme (about a character, quote, episode, show/movie/book, etc) or any het pairing including rare pairs, AU pairs, and crossover pairs. There is the odd pairing I’m completely against doing, so just ask me. :) Also willing to do lowkey, non-shippy doodles of Dan and Phil.

3. Restrictions: Do not expect a note of realism. Seriously, you clicked on the example links, right? XD Nothing explicit, rated R. No incest, underage, or extreme age gap pairs (unless there’s timey-wimey reasons for it).

4. Timing & Process: usually, I just get an idea or feeling and sit down and doodle it. I could call it a sketch, but that’d be doing a disservice to sketches everywhere. XD It takes me anywhere from a few minutes to as much as a few hours to complete a doodle, depending on complexity. I would draw something up and send it you for approval and/or changes, if any.

5. Pricing: for the most part, it will depend on your prompt and the complexity of the scene, but as a baseline:

-simple doodle (one character, no background): $5

-medium (1-3 character, minimal or no background): $10 - $20

-large (3+ characters, minimal to moderate background): $20 - 40, depending on complexity

~~~

“Okay, I’m interested, what now?”

Message me. Drop a note in my ask, send me a tumblr message, a FF.net or LJ PM, and we can exchange emails and go from there!

~~~

If you have any questions about anything I listed or didn’t list, JUST ASK. :) I would love to chat with you about this project before you spend your hard-earned money!! I want to be able to create something just for you and hopefully help out my weeping, hollow bank account in the process.

Thank you!! :D

~Red Bess

#commission #commissions open #fic commissions #graphic commissions #come talk to me!#everything is negotiable #:)#redrackham87 #tumblr things #fic things #writing things #art: redrackham87

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kuwaiti-kid · 4 years

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The Force of Funding: How Star Wars Fans Stay Positive

Fandom has always been a challenging field to navigate.

When you take a large group of people who are passionate about something, mix in contradictory opinions, disappointment, and the internet’s ability to instantly connect fans with content creators, actors, and other creatives, it’s easy for fandom to turn toxic. But what happens when fandom takes their disappointment and their passion and turns it into something positive?

The Star Wars fandom has never been immune to toxicity. Infamous fans — or rather haters — are known for harassing Star Wars: The Phantom Menace performers Ahmed Best and Jake Lloyd. Despite the critical success of Star Wars: The Last Jedi, actress Kelly Marie Tran deleted Instagram due to fandom backlash, following Daisy Ridley’s 2016 social media departure.

In 2018, an academic report revealed that haters had been weaponized by Russian trolls to sow seeds of discord in the wake of The Last Jedi, leading a strategic campaign against director Rian Johnson, members of the cast, and vocal fans on social media. Data analyst, Katie McCort, identified a systematic pattern of targeted harassment against female Star Wars fans by analyzing thousands of tweets between 2017 and 2019.

It would be easy to counter hate with hate, but fans have actively fought against perpetuating a toxic narrative within the Star Wars fandom. Following the release of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, disappointed fans of Adam Driver’s character Ben Solo banded together to show their gratitude by raising funds for Driver’s non-profit Arts in the Armed Forces.

In one month, over four thousand fans contributed to the fundraiser, raising a total of $90,000 (after processing fees, $86,413 was donated to AITAF). This is the sort of positivity that should be uplifted and celebrated in fandom space. While people from all walks of life contributed to the fundraiser, the majority of the fans were members of the Ben Solo fandom and the overlapping Reylo fandom (those who ship the characters Ben Solo and Rey).

When Star Wars author Charles Soule announced on April 15th that he would be hosting a benefit auction for the Book Industry Charitable Foundation, Star Wars fans were quick to jump at the opportunity to lend their support to comic shops and indie bookstores. For the first auction item, Soule agreed to appear on a Star Wars podcast for an in-depth discussion.

The second auction item was a signed copy of Soule’s wildly successful Rise of Kylo Ren comic, as well as a 500-word non-canon and unofficial story about Ben Solo or Kylo Ren with art by Will Sliney. Brad Whipple started the first GoFundMe fundraiser to help “fans around the Star Wars community who want to contribute” and “guarantee Ben Solo’s newest story is told to all fans!”.

Yet again, the draw of Ben Solo inspired fans to come together, already raising over $13,000 between the two auctions in just four days. Brad Norris organized the second GoFundMe fundraiser to bid for Soule to appear on the What The Force podcast.

Interviews

I spoke with a few of the fans at the forefront of the campaign to get a closer look at their involvement, their love for Ben Solo, and the impact of positivity in fandom.

Brad Whipple is the host of Friends of the Force Podcast and the driving force behind the GoFundMe fundraiser to bid on the unofficial short story. Whipple explained that “the majority of people, especially during COVID-19, can’t afford to donate $700+ individually on a comic book. But when we’re talking about a $5 donation? That’s a lot more realistic.” He was shocked by how quickly the fundraiser grew: within 45 minutes, they had raised over $1,000.

“A lot of people are saying [that] this is the happiest they’ve felt in months because we’re getting a new Ben Solo story in addition to helping charity.” The draw of Ben Solo has certainly helped the success of this campaign, as well as past efforts. “I think [it] shows that movements like #SaveBenSolo do ultimately have a positive impact.” Whipple believes that a character like Ben Solo “gives us all hope that even in the worst circumstances, we can come out on top, and I think that’s why he resonates with so many fans.”

Whipple noted that the money that has been raised by the campaign would help to change someone’s life and help businesses stay afloat during the COVID-19 crisis. “At the end of the day, I think everyone will be thankful for whatever new story that we get because it will help us keep the love for Ben Solo alive, give us hope that maybe we haven’t seen the last of him, and enable us to be a positive force for change in our communities during one of the most pressing circumstances of our lifetime.”

Brad Norris started his GoFundMe page after seeing Brad Whipple’s. He was drawn to the fundraising efforts, “As a person who worked in an independent bookstore in Chicago all through college, and who loves comics, and my local comic shops, it is a cause I can get behind in a heartbeat.”

Once he saw that Soule was auctioning off an appearance on a podcast, he knew exactly which podcast he wanted to have that honor. As a Patreon supporter of Marie-Claire Gould’s podcast What the Force, he reached out to her to see if she would be comfortable with the opportunity before he set up the GoFundMe.

Norris believed that the campaign was one that all Star Wars fans could get behind. “However,” He was careful to point out, “within that fandom, it’s Reylos who have moved monetary mountains to support causes like this that center around Ben Solo.” A sentiment that the author of this article agrees with. Consistently over the years, Reylos and Ben Solo fans have turned frustration into donations, making a positive impact in the world.

“Charles Soule knocked it out of the park with his The Rise of Kylo Ren comic series, and the fandom was so hungry for more Ben Solo content after The Rise of Skywalker.” Norris continued, “I don’t think there’s another single character in current fiction that has united as many people around them as fervently and continuously as Ben Solo. And it’s great to see that love translate into real-world charity and assistance for people in need.”

Marie-Claire Gould was overwhelmed by the opportunity to interview Charles Soule when Norris reached out to her. Before the GoFundMe began, both he and another fan and friend of the podcast had already committed to a $300 bid. After Soule upped the ante by offering to answer an ‘I shouldn’t answer the question’ if the fundraiser reached $1500, and additional questions for each additional $500s, she has been looking for ways to drum up interest on social media.

“There is an [misperception] on who consumes Star Wars media now. The base of fans interested in feminine gaze has grown over the last five years to the point of pushing comics to be sold out. Ben Solo fans are a huge factor in that, as a character, he is identifiable to many people who consume feminine gaze media, and [he] drives a desire to have more content and stories about him.”

While Ben Solo is certainly a draw for the short-story auction, Gould also praises Soule as “a trusted creator of Star Wars content for a long time, his handling of Poe, Anakin & Obi-Wan, Vader and the Fall of Ben Solo all required a careful touch. He is a thoughtful, thematic, and symbolically driven creator that many in especially the female side of the fandom were drawn to even before he took on Ben Solo.”

Gould tempers her enthusiasm, wary of the double-edged sword of positivity. “[When] anything positive happens in fandom [it] tends to come with backlash driven from the global village wanting to judge what others enjoy in fiction. I think people should focus on the positive things we produce and ignore the negative. As George Lucas said, “Seek Joy,” and you will know you are on the right path.”

Evie Giacomo used to work in comics, she was inspired by everyone’s enthusiasm for Soule’s campaign and found herself quickly outbid. “The fact that everyone wanted to pool their money together so we can raise more money together than any one person alone and share Soule’s story widely meant a lot.”

She also participated in the AITAF campaign, “I especially love how Joonas Suotamo threw his energy behind the campaign, too.” Referencing the Chewbacca actor’s promise to participate in the viral #BenSoloChallenge if fans got the fundraiser to $75,000. Vee noted that this is how the Ben Solo and Reylo community responds, “We turn those negative feelings into something positive.

We really latched onto the AITAF campaign and poured a ton of energy and money into it.” She also pointed out that the fandom “decided to channel our misgivings with Episode IX into campaigns thanking Daisy Ridley and Kelly Marie Tran for their performances and role in shaping Star Wars.” Her favorite fundraising campaign, however, was the Reylo Charity Anthology, which raised $25,000 between two volumes for non-profits like RAICES, Save the Children, and many others.

For those who donate to the campaigns, Giacomo decided that she wanted to find another way to give back and incentivize supporters. “For the past few weeks, I’ve been making little needle-felted blue butterflies inspired by [Star Wars Roll Out: Ben Solo and the Bug Hunters Chapter 2]. For anyone who donates to the campaigns and shares a screencap confirmation with Giacomo, she is raffling off a handmade felted blue butterfly.

With two days left in the campaign, Whipple wanted to “thank everyone who donated to this cause. It has been such a bright spot for many during these tough times we’re living in, and I think this will all be something we can look back on with our Star Wars family and remember the positive impact we made.”

Conclusion

Unfortunately, toxicity tends to garner more attention and page clicks across pop-culture news. It’s important to remember that there is an incredible fanbase that is dedicated to spreading positivity and helping where they can. It is often easy to listen to the loudest, angriest, and most hateful voices — but there are forces of good within the Star Wars fandom that are giving their time, money, and creative efforts to make a change wherever they can.

The Ben Solo and Reylo fandom are just one part of the Star Wars fandom, but they deserve a round of applause for everything they have done. While the character of Ben Solo may have met an untimely demise in The Rise of Skywalker, fans keep the legacy alive through charitable acts of goodwill.

Charles Soule’s auction ends on April 20th. At the time of this article’s publication, fans have raised nearly $15,000.

The post The Force of Funding: How Star Wars Fans Stay Positive appeared first on Your Money Geek.

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