#AUGH. spiraling we’re so back etc

[lavampira]

okay no actually I’m thinking about the sidalia wip and how ridiculous they are about not discussing their feelings

[knives-out20]

Weird. - Erik Lehnsherr x Male!OC

Fandom: X-Men 

Pairing: Karmel Rosenstein (OC) x Erik Lehnsherr

Warnings: Internalized homophobia, gay shit, angsty backstories, 

Notes: So...I’m not back in the marvel fandom, you couldn’t pay me to come back. It’s just...I kinda started watching the X-Men movies, and after spiraling for Lt. Archie Hicox, I’ve caught myself slipping for Erik. So yesterday I made an oc, Karmel. Let me tell you about him: 

About OC: Karmel Rosenstein is an American-Jewish mutant. He’s a -deeply- closeted bisexual, who, as you may have already guessed, has a crush on Erik. He’s a year younger than Erik, and his faceclaim, as you can see, is Brad Pitt as Detective David Mills in Se7en (1995). He’s rich like Charles, and was automatic heir to his family’s, well, EVERYTHING after his parents got pelted to death by rocks for simply being Jewish. He’s tried killing himself twice, both at the hands of his powers. His powers are classified as vine powers, because he can summon/create+control vines. He can shoot them out of his hands (or really any part of his body) and control where they go, what they do, what’s on them (thorns, flowers, nothing, leaves, etc), along with make them appear from the ground. His hero name is ‘Caramel Climber’. More to come from these two. But for now; enjoy.

Karmel lay flat on the bed of his room in the X-Mansion, a hand raised so that he could control his vines. He sighed softly, stretching his hand all the way up as his vines formed a heart shape above him.

”This isn’t right,” Karmel thought to himself, for around the millionth time in his life.”You’re a man, so is he. This isn’t right, this isn’t normal. It’s weird. You’ve got other things to worry about, anyway. Stop pretending” he groaned.”Some phase this is. It’s lasted since I was thirteen” Karmel mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut.”Charlie thinks my thoughts give him headaches, my thoughts give myself fucking migraines.”

He wasn’t very content with the fact that when he opened his eyes, his vines had written ‘ERIK’ inside the heart, along with an arrow going through it. Karmel scowled, waving an arm to make the vines disperse away.”Fucking faggot” he thought, rubbing the bridge of his nose.”What I feel isn’t real...it can’t be. Boys can’t like boys, Rosenstein. You’re sick in the fucking head, what is wrong with you?” Karmel sat up, picking up a bottle of water and throwing it across the room, the bottle just about missing Erik, who stood in the doorway. 

Erik flinched away, watching the bottle hit the floor as he closed the door behind himself.”Some welcome that is.”

“Erik...I didn’t see you. I’m sorry” Karmel apologized.”Did it hurt you at all? A small graze, maybe?”

“No, the wall took all of the damage. Bad timing?”

“No, no, it’s just...midnight thoughts.”

“It’s 8:30 in the evening.”

“Night time thoughts, then. What are you, the time police?”

Erik held back a chuckle, approaching Karmel on the bed. He watched as Karmel’s vines slowly seeped away, disappearing behind Karmel’s back.”Something bothering you?”

“I mean, spending my early thirties to use my weird powers to stop a nuclear war and for some reason co-exist with the very same species that killed my parents based on their religion is...not how I saw myself spending this week” Karmel explained.”My powers are one of the main things I spent my whole life repressing. And now I need to use it to stop a third world war? Erik, man, I just...damn.” Is all he could muster up. 

“You’re lucky you had the option to not use your powers most your life” Erik pointed out, looking away.”But, trauma isn’t a competition, now, is it? I’m just surprised that I’m still here.”

“I’m glad you’re still here. The group would be so boring if you had left that night...you think outside the box, you have more balls than anyone in this group. I’m glad you stayed” Karmel explained, fixing his tie.”I fear you’re the only one in this group who can...handle me, I’d say. Who understands me the most, and what I’ve gone through. You’ve gone through more, no doubt, but...I feel you know what I mean” he smiled for a moment. 

Erik nodded.”Indeed I do. A bunch of rocks compared to a gunshot...”

“Aching, twitching bodies compared to a limp one” Karmel muttered.”Was watching it happen worth being taken under my uncle’s care? Being the automatic heir to my family’s wealth, when I was older than you were, then? I remember ordering that every rock, no matter the size, to be removed from every square inch of the property...couldn’t even stand the word” he chattered on, hand balling into a fist. 

Erik stayed silent. Always one to listen. 

Karmel waved a hand dismissively, a vine slithering to fetch the water bottle.”What brings you to me, anyway?”

Erik shrugged.”Fresh breath of Jew never hurt me.”

Karmel chuckled, heart beat picking up the pace.”Glad that my religion could be of service” he joked, all previous thoughts against his feelings for Erik leaving his head.

It couldn’t be that bad, right? Evolving romantic feelings is natural, it’s human nature. We can’t control the gender of who we fall for.

”I feel torn with Charles’ whole idea. Co-exist with the same species who pelted my parents with rocks for their religion. Co-exist with the same species who lynch and arson other peoples of their species for simply being attracted to the same gender. Co-exist with the same species who destroy what they don’t understand...it’s kinda a load of nonsense.” Karmel explained.”He can’t possibly pretend that they’re all like Moira...but I guess that means I can’t act as if they’re all like the ones who destroyed my parents- augh, I hate it here” he covered his hands with his face, lying back down and closing his eyes.”Competent thought is a nuisance.”

Erik sat down by Karmel, careful not to disturb the serenity of the rest of the bed.”You certainly have a lot on your mind, hmm?”

“Me talking is like a faucet I forget to turn off. I’ve never had anybody listen to me that often, so once someone shows the smallest sign of wanting to listen, I go on for as long as I can...I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I’m sure we know more than anyone how it feels to bottle things up, yea?”.

“...Yea.”

Erik pat his knee, giving Karmel a forcefully-short-lived, ecstatic feeling.”What say I only stayed because I knew you’d go crazy being the only one with our alike morals on this team?”

“I’d say you’re only saying that to try ‘n’ make me feel better.”

Erik raised his eyebrows.”And?”

Karmel’s lips twitched awkwardly as he opened his eyes again.”I’d say it’s working.”

“Perfection” Erik winked playfully. 

Karmel gulped, heart set aflame.”Whatever. What do you say we even do about this? Our differing views to Charlie’s? Stick around, see if it does us any good? If it- If it’s worth it?”

“I’d say so, yes.”

“You’re both men,” Karmel thought again, “control yourself, it’s weird.” He averted his gaze.”Some names Raven gave us, yea? Mag-neet-o and Caramel Climber” Karmel scoffed.”Magnet-o would make more sense. Because..magnet. Not mag-neet, it’s simple.”

“You act like your name is any better, Caramel Climber” Erik sassed.

“I was just getting to that. It sounds like I literally climb caramel- which I don’t! It’s just ‘cause of my weird hair colour, and- and how my name sounds like caramel. And then vines are classified as climber plants, so there’s that” Karmen explained, draping an arm over his eyes. 

“At least it’s pronounced correctly” Erik rolled his eyes, adjusting the neck of his turtleneck.”Professor X makes the most sense. Didn’t you say Charles was actually going to become one?”

Karmel smiled softly at the fact that Erik remembered something he said.”Yea.  He’s gonna become a professor, his last name starts with X...We got stuck with the short straws, huh?”

“I guess so” Erik agreed, standing back up and turning to face Karmel.

Karmel gazed up at Erik, a soft smile on his lips. He was unaware of his vines growing from behind him and forming a heart shape behind him, him being in the center. 

Erik noticed, arching a brow.”Uhm...” He vaguely gestured for Karmel to turn around.

Karmel did so, eyes going wide and waving his hand, the vines quickly shrinking away.”That’s...That was weird, my bad.”

“Quite...” Erik squinted.”You’re yet to take complete control over your vines?”

“Afraid so. They’re semi-sentient sometimes, it- it’s weird” Karmel shrugged, sitting up. He put one hand flat on his knee, the other over his other thigh. Karmel glanced up at Erik, then down, noticing how the toes of their shoes were just about grazing each other. He pursed his lips, turning away.

“I know how you feel about me.”

“I have no idea what you mean-- what?” Karmel asked, head snapping in Erik’s direction.

Erik sighed silently.”I know how you feel about me, Karmel. As if that vine-heart you did wasn’t obvious enough- you’re not very good at hiding how you feel, you know” he told, crossing his arms.

“I- I...” Karmel stuttered, searching for something to say.”I don’t know what you’re talking about, Erik. We’re friends, of course you know how I feel about you. We’re just two dudes, two guys, who feel for each other in a way that friends should. Anything otherwise is weird” he coughed, tugging the collar of his button-up.

Erik rubbed the bridge of his nose.”It’s just the two of us, Karmel. No need to pretend...Please.”

Karmel defensively crossed his arms, huffing. He looked into Erik’s eyes, and saw nothing but complete, utter honestly. Karmel groaned in defeat, “okay.”

“Finally.”

“I’ve denied and bottled up any feelings I ever had towards any man in my life that wasn’t platonic for practically my entire life, especially you. I thought of it as...Weird. Not right. Not normal, y’know? Because, to me, I feel it isn’t normal. It’s inhumane- which is funny for me to say, because I’m a literal mutant” Karmel explained, slowly unfolding his arms.”Falling for you, Erik, was completely unintentional. Yet...it was on-sight. And I tried getting closer, I’m sure you’re well aware,” he gestured a hand up at Erik, who nodded.

“Well aware.”

“Exactly. I just...it’s weird, weirder than my powers. I’ve thought about you, me, and us, Erik. More than I ever have for any other man. I didn’t really let myself repress my thoughts about you like I usually do, it’s strange. But...I guess since you know, you deserve to know. I’m in love with you, Erik. As much as I don’t want to, as much as I’ve tried falling out of love with you, I’m deeper in love with you than ever before. Do with this information, uh, what you wish, I guess. Whatever the statement is.”

“Do with this information what you will” Erik corrected, a hand on his hip. He sat beside Karmel, who shifted away.”I won’t hold this information against you, first and foremost” Erik stated.”I’d much rather you indulge in these feelings, and I accept them with open arms, because it appears I’m better at hiding my romantic interests in other people than you are.”

“Huh-?”

“You heard me” Erik raised his eyebrows, fingers brushing over Karmel’s.

“You...” Karmel furrowed his eyebrows, a vine emerging to point at Erik.”You feel the same way-? About me?”

“Strangely so. Possibly as unintentional as your feelings were, but they came to me slower. It’s....weird, like you said” Erik nodded.”How about we keep this,” he gestured between Karmel and himself, “on the down-low for now? Or, as long as you want, I’m okay with however long that may be. We’ll work our way though this, and see how it goes. Sound good?”

Karmel maintained eye contact with Erik, blinking as he processed the weight of it all.”Uh- yea, sure. That’d be...cool.”

“Wonderful” Erik cracked a quick smile, patting Karmel’s cheek before standing back up.”We have a supposedly big day ahead of us tomorrow. Get some rest, Karmel. I’ll see you in the morning?”

Karmel nodded.”I’ll see you in the morning. Goodnight.”

Erik chuckled as he opened the door.”Goodnight” he replied, closing the door behind himself.

Karmel’s jaw dropped, replaying the recent scene over and over in his head.”Huh...” he breathed, cheeks filled with colour.”Weird.”