#AU michael

[novastaree]

I think it's so unrealistic that Michael Lost or at least didn't win every single fight he was in

like that is the Prince of heaven?? known for war and beating the fucking devil?? What is he doing getting caught in holy fire and put in handcuffs??? excuse me? unacceptable he should beat their asses! stupid main characters syndrome

also when au! Michael let that one girl scar him i got mad like hoe get your guard up u trying to kill god are you not? Don't let one spear get in your way

HE'S HEAVEN'S SCARIEST FUCKING WEAPON AND I DIDN'T SEE HIM BEAT ONE BITCH UP????

i mean there was anna or wtv but i NEEDED more

[pollsnatural]

[susanoosama01]

AU Michael:

Lucifer: *flashbacks of the Cage and midam

Lucifer: Ah shit here we go again

[blondie20000]

SPN Season 14 Recs

Season 14, the season that had so much potential. As I am in an SPN mood, I'm going to recommend some season 14 fics that I love! Links are in the titles of the fics. Fics are from both Ao3 and FF.

I also added my fics because while I do have a masterlist in my pinned post if anyone is looking for a specific season, they can look here.

More fics may be added later on.

The Bringer of War by MadisonTheGeek

Summary:

"Now that the archangel Michael has made it to a new world and taken possession of Dean Winchester, he can begin to put his plans in motion for a new world order. Meanwhile, the rest of the Winchester group search restlessly for the missing Dean and slowly being to unravel Michael's plans."

Not All Good News by trevelies

Summary:

"Michael is caged inside Dean's mind for now. But there's grace leaking from the cracks, banging on the doors, and Dean knows what happens at the end of this story. With borrowed (and confusing) Archangel abilities, a group of mistrustful Apocalypse Universe Hunters, and too many Michael Monsters to deal with, Team Free Will 2.0 is ready to clean up the mess that Michael's left behind and stop another apocalypse. Not all the danger is locked inside a bar's walk-in freezer, though - and the Winchesters need to watch out for old and new enemies around every corner.

And at the end of it all, Dean needs to decide how far he'll go to get rid of Michael once and for all."

Gonna Leave a Scar by trevelies

Summary:

"Michael repossesses Dean in Kansas City, and Team Free Will 2.0 isn't exactly on board. It doesn't matter that their only weapon and chance at defeating Michael is currently broken into pieces - family never gets left behind. And that goes double for Winchesters. Sam does a deep dive into Dean's head because he's not letting Dean disappear on his watch, even if it means facing an Archangel on his own turf."

All On You by trevelies

Summary:

"The Spear" speculation. Dean's vision is swimming - literally. But Team Free Will 2.0 has much bigger problems. The angels have finally located Michael, and the Winchesters have Kaia's Spear, an angel and a half, and about three weeks of bad memories to take out on Michael's feathery ass."

The Abyss Gazes Back by Water_of_life

Summary:

"Dean was able to convince Sam to go along with his plan of locking Michael (and Dean) away in the ma'lak box and dumping it in the Pacific Ocean. Sam gave in to Dean then, but he never gave up searching for another way to save Dean and the rest of the world from Michael. Now that a group of deep sea researchers have stumbled upon the box, Sam is about to find out if he put the reprieve to good use, and if they are all ready to face what is coming."

Omission, Lies, and False Truths by GalaxyThreads, SpiritClusters

Summary:

"In the wake of Lucifer's death, with Dean missing, Sam falling apart, and Cas struggling to keep everyone together, Jack realizes there are a lot of things he doesn't know about the Winchesters and Cas. Things he should know. Things he's going to fight to learn."

10 Years Gone by cayuga

Summary:

"What if Nick had kidnapped Mary before she'd gone into Donna's workshop and saw the Ma'lak box in Damaged Goods? What might have happened if Dean had managed to go through with his trip to the bottom of the Pacific without telling Sam."

the lies I tell myself by randomfills (spnfanatic)

Summary:

"Alt. take on season 14, episode “Nihilism”. Sam and Cas have a plan to bring Dean, literally, out of his head, but Michael is ready for them and once they enter Dean’s mind, they quickly realize they’re in Michael’s playground and Dean has been hiding things...things that even Sam didn’t know. (mentions of abuse, flashbacks)."

The Room by Fantasticly_Anonymous

Summary:

"Sam learns what it is that Dean’s been doing up at Donna’s cabin and he doesn’t like it. He doesn’t like it enough that he thinks up his own solution to their little Michael problem. A bit of a bottle episode, a ‘What If?’ scenario, and a character exploration between the different members of Team Free Will and the archangel thorn in Dean’s mind. In which, nobody, not even the entire world, needs to die."

Rather be the hunter than the prey by vrskaandrea (MalicMalic)

Summary:

"The story takes place in S14E15 Peace of Mind , only instead of Dean, Cas is the one to take Jack to Donatello to try and find out if he still has his soul. Sam and Dean take on a simple salt and burn where they meet up with Ketch. Upon their return, they are welcomed by a sight that has Sam experiencing Deja vu. Forgotten plotlines."

Match made in Heaven by vrskaandrea (MalicMalic)

Summary:

"Two people the world forgot about find each other by accident. Their love is so strong, so powerful when they run into an army of monsters, this unlikely couple ends up being a bigger threat their leader ever anticipated. Michael just couldn't let something as powerful slip thought his fingers and he will end up biting off more then he could chew. Set during season 14"

Roles Reversed by vrskaandrea (MalicMalic)

Summary:

"What if when Dean got hit in the head and the doors of Michael's cage opened, something happened that made them reverse their roles? That made Dean an archangel who could just snap his fingers and instantly kill demons? That made Michael nothing but a pitiful soul that kept drowning in his own nightmares? Come and see."

It's all in the blood by Becciehill1976

Summary:

"Faced with recurring fears about Michael returning as well as trying to fit back in to life in a busy bunker, Dean needs time away from everyone, so he can get his confidence back and find his place in the world Sadly, being a famous hunter has it’s draw back as Dean finds out the hard way when kidnapped whilst on a hunt. From there, Dean gets to find out that there are worse things than being the Archangel Michael’s vessel, as he battles powerful vampires. Will he be able to escape his new prison or will his family find him in time?"

One of a kind by MalicMalic

Summary:

"Someone told me that someone told them there aren't enough of Michael/Dean fics out there. Let's change that. While we're at it, why not add another Michael to the mix and see what happens."

Passenger by moonlightsdean

Summary:

"With Michael having escaped Dean's mind and caused destruction in the bunker, Jack took the initiative to end things once and for all with Michael. Now with Michael dead and Dean freed of having Michael trapped within his mind, he'll be able to relax and have time to deal with the aftermath of what happened with the AU hunters. But what if Michael's relinquish from Dean's mind wasn't as clear cut as it was made out to be? When things start going awry for Dean he's left to wonder what really happened during the time he was unconscious, and why he just can't catch a break."

The Price You Pay by Jadeys_World

Summary:

"It was a miracle that Sam survived taking on the Archangel Michael. Team Free Will is going to find out what it takes for a miracle like that to happen and what it costs when a Reaper and unreliable Rogue Angel each decide to help in their own way. There are secrets and betrayals, a world that needs saving once again, but at least they have each other."

An Alternative Ending by AnotherWriterWhoWrites

Summary:

"Michael isn't sure how long he's been in the cage, time is meaningless to him. But as his sanity slips further and further away, resentment to his father sets in. And once Lucifer takes Sam and Jack away a desperate Dean is more than willing to let what should've happened years ago, to happen now."

Of All The Burdens I Must Bear... by Jadeys_World

Summary:

"Chuck constructs the perfect punishment for Sam after the events of Moriah. Lucifer is given a new life to make amends for the burden his father placed on him when they defeated The Darkness. Sam is adrift and alone in his new life, left to find a new strength to cope without his new reality as the enemy."

At What Cost by Jadeys_World

Summary:

"Mary is gone, taken beyond any Winchester deal or pleading, but there's one option left to them. They can get her back, but it will come at a price, a price that might be too much for Dean to pay. A story of family, betrayal and the things you will do for the people you love."

Burned Away by AnotherWriterWhoWrites

Summary:

"In which Sam is the one with Jack at S14E17 Game Night and as a result, a different person dies."

Testing by AnotherWriterWhoWrites

Summary:

"Mary takes a pregnancy test. Post Episode 13 Lebanon."

Peace When You're Done by kittenofdoomage

Summary:

"Dean puts himself in the box in S14 when there’s no other way to defeat Michael. Canon divergent from the end of “Ouroboros”."

Dean in the Box by Secretwrittenword

Summary:

"The box came to a rest on the deepest floor of the ocean. The pressure pushing down on it caused the structure to creak and groan... Set in Season 14, with no other option, Dean seals himself into the Malák box and sinks to the furtherest depths of the ocean. Once there he has nothing but time to kill and an Archangel to annoy."

Dog Dean Afternoon by Secretwrittenword

Summary:

"Sam and Cas go on a hunt leaving Dean and Jack alone in the bunker to recuperate. After going for a walk Jack finds something that just might be the key to help Dean recover from his ordeal with Michael."

Escape of the Archangel by themodernteen

Summary:

"Adaptation of the 14x14 episode "Ouroboros" when Dean is unconscious after getting his head slammed into the wall by the demigod. My own interpretation of the episode, what goes through Dean's mind in his internal battle against Michael, and a worried Sam and Castiel watching him endure it."

Nemesis of the Mind by TiTivillus

Summary:

"In an attempt to save Dean from Michael, Sam delves into Dean's mind. Things don't go as expected."

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap by TiTivillus

Summary:

"Dean is back… or is he? Coda to 14x02 "Gods and Monsters".

Consequences by Jadeys_World

Summary:

"Season 14 AU. Sam is determined to free Dean from Michael and turns to Rowena and the Book of the Damned for help. She finds a spell that will work, but, of course, there will be consequences, and this time, Sam will be paying the ultimate price unless Dean can find a way to save him in return."

Consequences by Blondie2000

Summary:

"For some reason, Lisa found herself drawn to him. She reaches out and places her hand on his cheek. As soon as she touched him, she felt a jolt of electricity go through her. The touch it felt so familiar. The buzz it gave her felt familiar."

"Dean." She repeated his name. "Dean."

Black by Blondie2000

Summary:

"AU of Game Night. Jack wanted Mary to leave him alone. He gets what he wants and accidentally sends Mary to a place where no humans go. Now with Mary gone Jack has to get her back before the Winchesters and Castiel find out and Mary has to survive the dark forces that lurk in the Empty."

Snow Day by Blondie2000

Summary:

"Jack experiences his first ever snow day."

One Time Deal by Blondie2000

Summary:

"Sam and Jack have been kidnapped by Lucifer. Time is running out. What if Dean never said yes to Alternative Michael but instead says yes to our Michael. It is a risky deal but Dean will do whatever it takes to rescue his family and beat the devil once and for all."

The French Mistake 2: An Archangel Nightmare by Blondie2000

Summary:

Dean is gone, Michael has retaken control, and his army is outside, ready to come in and tear everyone apart. With no way out, Sam seeks out help that causes everyone to be sent to a world where their lives are a T.V show and they are actors. Not only do they have this world to worry about, but they still have Michael riding around in Dean's body on the set. Can TFW 2.0 get back home?

The Road to Hell by Blondie2000

Summary:

"The Winchesters find a way to save Dean from Michael. This results in Michael becoming the thing that he grew to hate. He ends up going on the road to Hell. Will he make it to the end? Read and find out."

Who is a Wee Cutie Pie? by Blondie2000

Summary:

"To stop Michael, Rowena puts an adorable curse on him. Set Season 14 Episode 14. AU where Michael never possessed Rowena but stays in Dean instead."

We are One by Blondie2000

Summary:

"Dean confronts Michael. It leads to unexpected results."

[shallowseeker]

The thing you'd change about season 15?

I thought about this for THREE days. It's such an unfair question! Without grossly altering any PLOT (because that's a rabbit hole we could go down got DAYS), I think mostly this:

Dean's longlasting, complicated feelings about the AU Michael situation and the Ma'lak box must be more overtly spelled out for the audience.

I get what they were going for, that it's a ChALLenGe to the audience to suddenly "hide" Dean's previously-flaunted emotions, but for me, it just didn't land.

///

I think one of the hallmarks of Dean's character is that he feels intensely that things are his fault. From his past behavior, we can infer that he:

(a) feels guilty that Jack took on Michael and lost his soul in order to protect them (b) feels like Jack shouldering "Dean's burden" is what indirectly led to Mary's death

Ergo, in Dean's head, it's Dean's fault everything went to shit. Because Dean wasn't strong enough to keep Michael reined in, it all fell apart. I feel like this is a throughline that previous seasons would have bent over backward to bold and underline.

///

It's there if you choose to look for it. Like here in Moriah:

SAM: He doesn't have a soul. DEAN: And whose fault is that? SAM: Mine. I'm the one who brought him back, and I brought him back because he's family. DEAN (disbelievingly): Okay. SAM: And then he came back, and he burned his soul off to save us -- you and me.

The undercurrent of this whole convo is Dean's inability to keep Michael under control. It's Dean's fault Jack's soul is gone. It flew over Sam's head, sure, but it was still there:

Because Dean didn't get in the box, now Jack has to get in the box.

But it's too subtle, I think. Even as a seasoned audience that "should be able to guess Dean's probable-feelings" by this point, it wasn't enough.

It needed to be in all caps, bolded, and in bright red, not just here in 14x19 but throughout season 15.

///

It's there a little bit, too, in the scripted version of The Trap:

DEAN TO CAS: "I put on you what I couldn't take."

And I feel like this was one of the moments where Dean could have/should have returned to this typical characterization with actual WORDS.

We should have gotten to hear out loud his probable framing of the Jack-soul situation, lamenting his own guilt for not controlling Michael. Dean put all his emotions on Cas because he can't bear to face how he really feels about it.

-OR-

Dean could have shifted the fight with Cas in an another direction, blaming Cas for making Dean wanna stay out of the Mal'ak box. Something like:

Jack and Mary should still be here, Cas! And I should be at the bottom of the ocean.

My thinking for this: In the scene in Ouroboros where AU Michael escapes, we see visually that Dean is squared up to Cas. I have a meta about it somewhere...

In truth, Dean's anger is directed at BOTH Sam and Cas for asking him to stay, but if you look closely and "read" the Cas-diner scene prior more closely, AND if you read Dean's body language, he certainly seems more honed in on Cas here...

I don't think it's a stretch for the lizard part of Dean's brain to blame Cas for being the thing that prevented him from carrying out his ocean-coffin-done plan. We get a whiff of that in how Dean had to avoid Cas to, quote, "not get shaky about his plan."

The Trap even calls back Dean's ocean-box plan by having alternate-future Cas being in the one doomed to the box is just... yeah.

The undercurrents are all there.

///

Anyhoo.

I actually kind of dig Dean getting his "turn" with an existential crisis, and I don't even hate Dean dealing with a flagrantly Michael-coded nihilism. (I mean, it was a Michael-coded nihilism. Dean even echoed Michael's own words about Jack "not being family.")

The pain of all that can stay. I just think it'd pair so much better with the above re: Dean's guilt being spelled out.

That Dean's "failure" to control Michael is what destroyed his family.

[soullessjack]

fucked up in the club thinking about how absolutely devastating apocalypse world would’ve been for Jack to be in. like this is a whole world being destroyed and ruined and turned into a literal desert of petrified wood and ash, with eternal storms and death and sadness every single day at the hands of something jack is biologically tied into. something that he intrinsically is, alternate universe or not. there’s just no way he can live in this world and not feel inherently guilty because of his heritage.

and as if its not enough for him to be part angel, but he’s also specifically part Archangel, literally on par with the enemy Michael. and Michael knows this! he fucking says so in s14! they’re not family by blood, but by virtue of their power level being equal, as nothing is ever supposed to equal an Archangel besides another Archangel. and what else does he tell Jack? that he’s young, inexperienced at being what he is; too human now to know the full scope of what he will be when he grows older. he will grow older, to live forever, until he eventually outgrows his own humanity, and his empathy for them, and out of thinking he is one of them.

jack doesn’t want to admit that it could be possible. he’s known since joining the fight against Michael that he’s strong and powerful and he knows how to use that power. but again. he’s lived for an entire year in a world ruined by his kind, among people who’ve suffered because of his kind. he’s seen the damage he is truly capable of, and not even that, because he is stronger than Archangels and therefore could literally do worse than what already looks like the worst. and we’ve seen how easily he can spiral if he causes harm or fear or violence unintentionally, how deeply and horribly afraid he is of ever losing control and causing it again, how genuinely angry and frustrated he’s been with himself for it for practically his entire life. how much he’s genuinely hated himself for it.

and for Jack to be stranded in a world that is essentially a reflection of his worst fears, of just how dangerous he could ever become. for him to see and experience the danger he could pose.. man. it’s so absolutely fucked up. but he stays anyways, because stranded yes, but also because it’s like a guilty obligation to help them. to repair something he could potentially rupture. to pick up all the little pieces of something he’s terrified of breaking. idk man it’s just. It’s just.

Can we please please talk about apocalypse world jack or I’m gonna start eating my teeth

[spntoxicfemslashevent]

Michael's female vessel from season fourteen was so pretty she could have toxic yuri with someone. Personally I vote werewolf Claire

she can should and must do weird experiments on claire. makes her into a loyal attack dog. was originally just doing it as another tool of psychological warfare against the michael sword, but she’s starting to find this pet interesting. might keep her around a while longer

[skykiuwu]

As promised, Midam with that one female vessel apocalypse Michael had and bi panic

Dropping this here before I go to bed

[stemroses]

I wish Michael and au Michael met.

[420technoblazeit]

Lucifer meant to possess Sam, but ended up body swapping with him instead

[kjosi]

Jackles saying Benny is one of his favorite characters and so was Au Michael (dressing him up in his gay little outfits) 🤝🏼 Me, personally

[novastaree]

supernatural is a bit ridiculous because why did they have to introduce alternate realities just so Dean could be possessed by Michael? we already had one of those we didn't need two

and also for that Michael to be evil

and also when they could have just had Michael escape the cage

[pollsnatural]

Masterlist of polls for other characters

"Love of my life", "my best friend" etc are just names for the tiers. If you think that in your ranking system a character is at the top of your list and is your favorite, then you should vote for S tier. If you think that a character is good but not your favorite, then it's A tier. And so on (only exceptions are E tier and H tier, I think that they just kind of represent mixed feelings).

The picture is taken from Supernatural wiki

[shallowrambles]

Michael + wants

Revelations of key SPN themes in 14x01

In 14x01, Michael visits a devout human, a rebel angel, and a vampire. In trying to figure out who he wants to have on his side, we get a window into some of the key themes of the series. I've put this in my side blog, because I know my pessimistic views on Purgatory and vampires are not sexy nor preferred in the world of Supernatural, but I do like to throw out contrary themes from time to time...so here I go.

1. Humans: They don't know what they want.

Why are we here? (Later, we will learn that AU Michael believes it's all meaningless.)

///

Interestingly, even though AU Michael scoffs at love, two characters (Dean & Anael) will want LOVE in the very next Michael meeting.

This taunt is something Michael drums up specifically to taunt this "devout man." Michael wants to call out his hypocrisy of pretending to care and not caring.

More importantly, is it true? Probably not completely. AU Michaels' whole shtick is taking truths and applying the worst possible conclusion in order to get under your skin.

This devout man may indeed want love and peace, but he's indecisive and self-sabotaging because life is fuckin' hard. (We know that repeat trauma can cause an emotional numbing, too.) This man's made so many mistakes, like betraying loved ones. But those mistakes don't magically cancel out the desire for love and peace. Michael is either being willfully cruel OR in his perfectionism and rigid worldview, he can't process nuance or the concept of forgiveness.

This devout man calls to mind Sam, at least when it comes to Sam's constant search for meaning and answers. (Sam is Solomonari). There's also a bit about this Jamil leaving his friends behind in the war to die (soldier-deserter) and being unfaithful to his wife/family, and now, he performs religious rituals to soothe his inner anxieties and find comfort.

Of course, he calls to mind all alcoholics, as well. Which is most hunters. (John, Bobby, Dean, Sam, even Mary... Also Raphael's despair in just wanting to escape/for it to all be over.)

Michael's verdict: Humans are a mishmash of complicated imperfections. In the world of Supernatural, phrases like "simple, pure" are a warning signs of unreality and idealizations. Humans, on the other hand, are messy. To Michael, they're not worth saving because they're complicated.

We can almost hear Chuck talking to Amara in 15x17 Unity: "Humans...they'll let you down every time."

That's humanity! Because people are real and imperfect.

You can also hear echoes of Metatron from 11x20: "Yeah, sure, they're weak and they cheat and steal and... destroy and disappoint. But they also give and create and they sing and dance and love. And above all, they never give up! But, you do!"

///

2. Beaten-down soldiers: longing for home

Next, we come to Jo (Anael). She counts a wad of cash:

///

LOVE.

So, indirectly, Michael IS telling us what Dean wants, too. It's a bookend to OG Famine wondering what is the thing that Dean can't fill up, not with booze or drugs, not even with sex. (Ergo, love is the thing Dean wants but he can't have. His core wound.)

And Oh, Sister Jo.

Her is a reverse of Jamil: it's a hypocrisy of pretending NOT to care to cover up how much she actually cares.

///

///

///

Anael wants love, not material things.

Dean also wants love. He passes the time with other things to try to cover up what he really wants, because going after what he really wants is scary, and more importantly, not allowed. He is like Anael.

///

So, washed-up angels soldiers are lost, sad, fallen things. They're weak.

This could call to mind Cas, especially the part about "rebellious angel who never played by the rules," but I still think this Anael is mostly about Dean, like Jamil Hamed is mostly about Sam.

///

3. Vampires: Pure, won't let you down, no baggage

So, Michael finally settles on vampires. But why?

What are vampires in this context? They're pure. Simple. They won't let Michael down. I've said before, of Purgatory's "pureness":

Dean's simplified Purgatory world of black-and-white kill-or-be-killed (no-mistakes-can-be-made-here-no-one-can-let-me-down-here) is his False Answer to ending the difficult decision-making associated with hunting in a complex world AND maladaptively dealing with disappointment

This is Michael's False Answer, too. Because the world is meaningless, Michael doesn't appreciate metaphorical shades of gray, much less colors and vibrancy. Michael's better world is just simple, with clear rules. Michael is bringing back heavy season 8 vibes, what with calling out Jamil's deserting of his friends in Syria, and now bringing up the "purity" of vampires.

Season 8 is all about figment-like wisps of Romanticization, all the way up to romanticizing solutions to the world’s messy problems and romanticizing relationships that either don’t fit in the real world, or don’t allow for the full expression of your imperfect self. It creates ghosts that represent the perfect home life + companion, with no baggage and the perfect war + perfect comrade, with no baggage.

Here, Michael is looking for perfect war companions, his blood brothers if you prefer, because "war is what Michael does." Michael has become his worst self. He's fruitlessly killed everything he cares about, just to get his father's attention. After all, there seemed to be no archangels left in AU Earth, and the complicated civil wars of the angels are not pure. Angels were never simple; it was always brother-against-brother and extreme politicking in the world of the angels. So here, he arrives in a new world and finds an ally in something he views as pure. There's no baggage.

But importantly, these figments (a) cannot disappoint you due to their purity and/or simplicity and (b) elegantly solve issues by eliminating the messy business of decision-making and disappointment.

I know vampires have a lot of valid sexy themes, but often in Supernatural another theme swirls around them more strongly, and that is this one: simplicity. Like Purgatory. They're one-dimensional, uncomplicated, and they do what you want / never let you down. They are perfect war companions. Keep them fed, and they'll owe you.

Not like complicated humans.

That's why, in season 15 (The Trap), Sam and Dean's "worst" ending is becoming vampires. They devolve into singularly driven, one-dimensional characters that lack complexity. They are devolving into a metaphorical Purgatory, a "suicide" of no longer being willing to engage in a complex world. It all becomes blood.

Michael (God) doesn't want Jamil (Sam) -- he's too unmotivated and messy and he lets you down. Michael (God) also doesn't want Anael (Dean), because she's weak and wants that ooey-gooey love stuff. Gross. What Michael (God) wants are vampires and Leviathans.

It's as if Chuck is a symbolic fourteen-year-old dudebro writer, insisting his show is about "only two brothers who hunt," and that's all. (No messy human shit, and certainly not love n' romance.) As he tells Becky in season 15: "Monsters are so cool, right? All those teeth! People read for the monsters!"

[blondie20000]

AU Michael Fic Collection

Link to the fic is in the title below

Somebody That I Used to Know (One Shot, Smut, Angst. Christian Keyes Michael)

Summary:

Set in the Apocalypse World. While Lucifer is vessel searching, Michael goes and explores the world. Everything changed when he met her. Reader\Michael. Starring Christian Keyes' Michael.

[shallowseeker]

The inherent shame in loving angels: Dean & Castiel

I think 14x09 The Spear & 14x10 Nihilism have some marvelous built-in lines pointing to the guilt concerning angelic possession.

Pamela Barnes's presence and subsequent blinding in Dean’s dreamscape is so, so fascinating. It implies that, despite what Dean says in The Spear, Dean is strugglingwith what the reality of Cas is and a new perspective on the brutal knowledge of what his presence means.

Take these lines from The Spear:

CAS: You seem good lately. Happy, even. [ Dean is getting gear from back seat ] You -- We have a broken tape deck, we drove this whole way without music, and you did not complain once. DEAN: [ Closes car door ] You know, I guess I'm just fired up. I mean, look. We got -- We got Jack back. When was the last time we had a big, no-strings-attached win like that? CAS: But now we have Michael. DEAN: I know. CAS: And, Dean we're taking a big risk going after the spear like this. DEAN: I know we are.[ Stopping Cas ] Listen to me. Michael conned me. Kept me trapped and drowning inside my own body. Now, when you and Sam were possessed by Lucifer, I -- I thought I understood, but I didn't, not really. So, yeah, if we get a chance to trap him, I'll take that, but I won't be truly happy until he is dead and I kill him. And now I have a chance to do that, so, yeah, I'm good. Let's go.

On the outside, Dean is happy. There's just one thing left to defeat, and then, maybe finally he can be happy. (We know from 12x23 that his happiness, the 'everything he's ever wanted' includes his makeshift little family: Cas, Mary, Jack.)

But Michael's possession left him psychologically injured. Angelic power and possession is on his mind. He's still struggling with the horror of what that felt like.

He does not mention the elephant in the room--that Cas not only know what's like to be possessed, but to possess.

///

Then, we see Pamela Barnes in 14x10 Nihilism, and yes, she's conspicuously dressed in Hell and wing motifs. Michael reminds us that it was Cas who pulled Dean from perdition, and then we get this:

(Flashback to Pamela's eyes being burned out) DEAN (looks at Pamela, whose eyes are now pure white): You're blind? PAMELA: Yeah, I've been blind for a while. Thank Feathers here for that one. CASTIEL: That was -- Dean, that was an accident. ♪ And I'm searchin' for a rainbow ♪

This is Dean's subconscious. It's taunting him that he's been blind...for awhile.

It's an ominous undercurrent reminding him that yes, he's loved Cas for awhile, and yes, that's blinded him to what Cas truly is. His subconscious is struggling and balking at the new perspective he has on Cas's human victims. Pamela was an accident, but Jimmy wasn't. Countless others weren't either.

He can't help but think about it, and he's desperately suppressing it. He loves Cas. But Cas blinded Pamela, like he blinded Dean. And Dean loves him anyway, and that's horrific, isn't it? He can't have that. They can't possibly deserve that happiness together. They're both here at the expense of others. It's frightening and ugly and drowning him with guilt.

Beyond Pamela lies the specter of Jimmy Novak. The ugly truth is that the third member of Team Free Will stripped a man of his free will so utterly.

And yet, Dean's subconscious is chanting, “I love you. I can’t help it.”

It's true what they say: love is blind.