#AU for this could've been a heroine's greatest regret

[petroltogo]

The saga of Tsuna as the Varia’s unfortunate, unappreciated handler continues [I blame @glorilian]

In true Tsuna fashion it doesn’t occur to Tsuna that resigning as the Varia’s handler is an option. So he gets used to it instead. It looks something like this:

Tsuna gets used to flinching and squeaking everytime Bel throws a knife at him [but after two months that’s fueled more by habit than genuine fear for his life]. He gets used to the weight of Mammon’s presence that builds a pressure up right behind his eyes that Tsuna can’t grasp, can’t put into words, and learns to shrug it off. Tsuna gets used to Lussuria’s sharp smiles and the way he goes into disturbing details on every piece of paperwork he hands in [which he thankfully often doesn’t bother with]. Tsuna gets used to the way Leviathan breaks equipment when he’s bored or upset or both and how Squalo sharpens his swords everywhere just because he can.

They probably would’ve remained stuck in this sort-of-but-not-really working limbo for eternity if not for the fact that Vongola -- for all its faults as an employer -- values the education of its employees. Which means that two weeks into the murderous hell Tsuna’s life has become, he gets signed up for his first advanced training in leadership and team management.

[continues under the cut]

It’s not the last. Turns out there’s a lot that Vongola Inc. feels squad leaders and handlers need to know [and how embarrassing is it that Tsuna recognizes some of those ‘how to resolve conflicts and encourage your team members to do their best’ strategies that Mochida-san used to use on him?!] and as usual it’s Tsuna’s job to learn them, whether he wants to or not.

[Establishing authority? Productive conflict resolution? Please. The day Tsuna manages to end an argument between the Varia alive and with no serious collateral damage is a rare win.]

The thing is, though: While Tsuna scoffs and rolls his eyes [inwardly] at most of what he’s taught and can’t quite picture himself applying these lessons with the Varia without shuddering, there’s some things that do stick out in his mind. Things like work with your team, not against them and how to identify, encourage and support individual team members in building on their strengths and improving their weaknesses.

What really rocks Tsuna’s world, what takes a full four months to fully sink in because his mind refuses to accept this simple truth, cannot handle the implications is that, no matter how laughable it sounds, the Varia are Tsuna’s responsibility. [Tsuna has never been responsible for anyone. No one has ever trusted him to be -- for good reason too. How can you take responsibility for someone else when you don’t even have your own life in order? And yet.]

There is no one else. Tsuna is all the Varia have. [And quieter, more fragile, more ground-breaking: They are his.]

It’s not a huge change. It’s not as though Tsuna’s world [never mind his personality] flips on its head all of a sudden. But there is a slow, creeping realization that Tsuna’s best -- no matter how pathetic -- is all the Varia have and so maybe, maybe. He has to try. And maybe it won’t matter, maybe they won’t appreciate it but maybe they will.

Maybe every bit of effort counts.

And so Tsuna gets used to filling out the paperwork to get unusual weapons approved for his squad that they can play with, to get his hands on R&D’s most interesting prototypes because Irie-kun is a godsent and Bel will light up over anything that cuts or explodes and if he has fun then Bel’s much less likely to terrorize Tsuna. Tsuna gets used to justifying the ridiculous expenses Leviathan racks up every time he goes on a destroy-the-gym-headquarters-fucking-world trip as a training exercise that sounds so reasonable on paper, that Finances approves the payments without question. Tsuna gets used to the way he has to pitch an assignment to Squalo and how to present the information to him to get it done the way Vongola wants it because Squalo’s the one who’ll take the lead in the field and all the others will fall in line if he does. Tsuna gets used to reading Lussuria’s moods and pushing grittier assignments at his squad when tensions rack up again (to send Mammon on solo-missions when they grate against each other like a train wreck trapped in slow-motion). He gets used to slipping Mammon’s frankly ridiculous expenses into their books and make the numbers work out somehow, even if his head kills him by the end of it.

Work with your team, not against them, is what the instructor told Tsuna in his first ever leadership seminar. So Tsuna does. And it works.

[petroltogo]

Pls

Tsuna gets angry-kun out bcs his minions love him.

Pls.

Wanna see it

*cracks knuckles* Alright, Varia handler! Tsuna and the Kokuyo Gang planning a heist for the sake of the Varia’s greater good. Here we go:

Chikusa hadn’t expected Tsunayoshi to contact him. He definitely hadn’t expected Tsunayoshi to want his help in infiltrating Vongola Inc. to release one of their most valuable prisoners. But fucking with Vongola isn’t a job, it’s a damn pleasure. Besides Ken’s been getting twitchy lately. [There’s also the matter that there’s very little Tsuna-kun could ask for that Chikusa wouldn’t grant. But it’s not like Mukuro-sama doesn’t know that so there’s no point in bringing it up.]

The plan is simple and bloodless which is a damn shame, though not unexpected considering it’s Tsunayoshi who’s come up with it.

Vongola Inc.’s HQ looks like an impenetrable fortress -- and they come close, Chikusa will give them that. Their security is impressive and even the most talented hackers can’t infiltrate a system that doesn’t have any entry points. However, Vongola Inc. is a company. Is made up of humans who come and go every damn day. One of those humans is Tsunayoshi. And it doesn’t matter how great the security system is when someone pulls the door open for you.

[continues under the cut]

Not for Chikusa, mind. He and Ken get the fun part because they get to blow Vongola Inc.’ entrance up [taking care not to kill the security that Tsunayoshi greets by name because of course he does] and make a great show of being far more trouble than two supers against an entire organization could ever be.

That’s not to say no one dies. That would be a lie. Sure, they could’ve avoided the bloodshed entirely, maybe, but would Vongola Inc. have taken them seriously? Would them holding back have endangered their own lives? They leave the bystanders and the unarmed be and that’s more than Tsunayoshi dared to ask of them.

[Mukuro never forgot his origin. Chikusa doesn’t remember before but the sight of the Vongola Inc. logo brings long, too-bright hallways to mind and Ken has killed his first three Vongola operatives before the memories fully settle within their consciousness and Chikusa follows him like he always does.]

In the meantime, Mukuro ghosts through the chaotic hallways on the lower levels in Tsunayoshi’s shadow, unseen. They’ve entered the Rubbish Bin before the attack even started and the moment the first -- and unknown to Vongola last -- explosion shakes the building, one of his darling puppets [little Tsu-kun’s knowledge of which employees are responsible for what is proving so very useful] cuts the camera feeds on the five lower floors. It wouldn’t do to give their true target away after all.

Inside the Rubbish Bin, Tsunayoshi points out the sculpture in question and with an order from Mukuro to one of his favorite puppets, it disappears. 

[Mukuro doesn’t normally keep his puppets around long enough to pick favorites. Most of the time they’re too broken for him not to lose his patience but teleporters rarely run out of usefulness. And sure, Vongola Inc. has defences against them -- every organization worth their power does. But bringing those shields down from the inside isn’t as hard as people think it is.]

For a long moment, Tsunayoshi and Mukuro both stare at the empty space where the sculpture used to be. “You sure about this, Tsu-kun?” Mukuro asks after a moment, ignores the flinch in response to the nickname. He’s not sure why he asks -- he already knows what the response will be. [Knows it’s far too late for Tsunayoshi to change his mind.] But. It doesn’t have to be him. Mukuro’s hands are covered in blood and for all that it seems like such a negligible difference, saying ‘blow it up’ and pushing the trigger isn’t the same thing. It’s something that Mukuro could shoulder, for he wouldn’t even notice the added weight. And that thought, that desire is-- odd. Mukuro has never wished to shelter anyone else. How curious that Tsunayoshi still hasn’t lost that hold over him, even after all these years.

[Ah, sentiments. They will be the death of him one day.]

Tsunayoshi grits his teeth. His hands are trembling faintly as they reach for the explosives he carries in his unremarkable backpack that no security personal has given a second look, but that doesn’t stop him from walking further down the narrow aisle between the shelves. “Let’s get to work.”

Ten minutes after Chikusa’s and Ken’s frontal assault starts, they get the hell out of dodge. Two minutes after that the Rubbish Bin in the heart of the Vongola Inc. HQ is blown up, taking a good third of the first floor with it.

Everything that was stored within is lost in the explosion.

[Here’s the thing: They don’t need to attack Vongola to rescue Xanxus. They don’t need to destroy countless of unidentified and identified objects and material that ranges from worthless to priceless, don’t need to blow up all those records. The most valuable information is kept elsewhere anyway. But then, isn’t all information valuable. If it was just about getting Xanxus out, all Tsuna would’ve needed was to borrow the services of Mukuro’s teleporter. It would’ve taken ten seconds, if that.

But. It’s not just about getting Xanxus out. Tsuna has to think longterm. Has to consider that he doesn’t know yet how to get Xanxus out of the ice, what kind of damage he’s dealing with. Has to cover the Varia because they will fall under suspicion immediately, reasonable or not, the second Xanxus disappears. Has to buy time. As much as possible. And there’s no way to make Xanxus disappear subtly.

So Tsuna does the opposite. Because an attack by some villain brazen enough to openly move against Vongola, to be crazy enough to set up explosives right in the heart of their HQ -- that’s a statement and a powerful one at that. That Xanxus di Vongola is among the collateral damage, well. That’s just too bad, isn’t it?]

aka the one where Tsuna decides there’s no half-hearted way to move against Vongola. If you aren’t with them, then you’re blowing them up, there is no middle ground.

[Mukuro, Chikusa & Ken in the background: Well, actually you could just...

Tsuna: No. middle. ground.]

Is this me shamelessly poking fun at Vongola for failing to notice Xanxus’ disappearance in the main fic? No, why ever would I do that

[petroltogo]

In the Varia Handler AU, I'm so curious what the Varia's reactions would be to so many different things. What about when they realize Tsuna has genuinely been trying to help them? That he sent them away partly to protect them? That he saved Xanxus? That Tsuna's been told nothing of the situation, and didn't know they were working with Vongola under duress? What about when Lussuria realizes he's been purposefully traumatizing someone that the Varia should actually adopt? I'm dying to know, lol.

Okay, so, as much as I’d love for the ‘verse to do a 180 and for the Varia to suddenly look at Tsuna the way he deserves and wrap him up in bubblewrap, that’s probably not how it would go.

Because the bitter truth is: They appreciate that Tsuna is genuinely trying to help them, but not that much. Because that is Tsuna’s job. 

[Sure, they’ve had handlers before who were a bit too into their power fantasy of having complete control over the Varia, but they don’t suffer fools so those never lasted long. Most of the handlers were actually competent and, more importantly, professional. They might not have liked the Varia -- and those feelings were returned -- but they didn’t go out of their way to make them miserable because overall Vongola is smart enough to know what a valuable resource the Varia are and they want to put them to use.]

And the Varia are professionals, but they also despise Vongola. Tsuna doesn’t make things worse but he can’t make them better either because he’s still a symbol for the leash Vongola has on them and they hate it.

[continues under the cut]

[That Tsuna sent them away while planning Xanxus’ rescue? We all better hope the Varia never learn of it because they would be fucking. pissed. Just. Xanxus is their boss, their leader and they, his strongest, his most trusted, his most loyal, are sent away. For what? Their honor? Their reputation? Their safety? Like they give a single fuck about that when Xanxus’ life is on the line? What if Tsuna had failed? They would’ve never gotten the chance to learn what happened to their boss and probably still take the blame regardless of how airtight their alibis would’ve been and-- Yeah. That would not be a pretty conversation.]

That Tsuna had no clue about the blackmail -- well, it depends when, exactly, they realize it. In all likelihood, they either find it hilarious, use it to their advantage or are supremely unimpressed by this kid because he doesn’t just suck in the field, apparently he can’t even do proper research.

[Never forget: The Varia don’t want to like Tsuna. And they take their work and their skills very seriously.]

Now Tsuna saves Xanxus.

[And if you believe that he simply reveals that to the Varia I have bad news for you, my dear friend, because Tsuna would go on the run from Vongola with a frozen statue without backup before he ever considered clueing the Varia in. Aaand now I think about how hilarious it would be if Tsuna went on the run with Xanxus and the Varia were tasked with hunting him down lmao]

Let’s move fast-forward to the point where the Varia find out. Which is plenty of time after the actual rescuing happened. So of course they’re elated and so damn happy -- right up until it dawns on them how long their stupid handler’s been keeping this shit from them. “Strongly mixed feelings” puts it very well.

Still, they are greatful and they do like Tsuna. The reactions and relationships vary with each member and I imagine that this Tsuna is probably closest to Squalo and Bel. Squalo because Tsuna had to learn to work with him to have functional team and so they already have this professional understanding they can build on. Bel is a very simple person: he either considers you interesting or only worth killing. Once Tsuna makes it into that very small, very exclusive first category, they get on pretty well.

Leviathan is more distant in this. Not unpleasant but here Tsuna isn’t the miracle savior popping up out of nowhere and that makes it harder somehow, makes him more suspicious. [What’s your motive?] 

Viper is watching, more intrigued by Tsuna than they will admit, but here Mukuro is also circling Tsuna like a vicious guarddog and the distance he inforces is very real. Plus he makes for an interesting and distracting opponent, so...

And it’s funny that you mention Lussuria specifically because Lussuria is probably the one who dislikes Tsuna the most. [Lussuria hates traitors more than any of them and just because he can benefit from Tsuna’s actions right now doesn’t mean he can trust them.] Lussuria plays a good game, is very good at faking it, but he’s the most emotionally distant member of the Varia and has no plans to change that any time soon. It’ll take more than a favor he owes Sawada for him to change his opinion on the kid. And even once their relationship improves, he’ll probably never go quite so far as to regret how he’s treated Tsuna.

And all this probably makes it sound worse than it is but you have to understand: This isn’t a ‘verse where the Varia adopt Tsuna, it’s a ‘verse where Tsuna adopts the Varia. He considers them his long before they acknowledge him and it will take more than Xanxus’ return for quite a few of them to really realize it.

[Hell, maybe a few of them don’t want to realize it. When it comes down to it, you can only be loyal to one person, to one cause that you can put above every else. Who says any of them are eager to seek out someone else to tie themselves to? Especially with Tsuna essentially in a position of authority over them, a position only Xanxus is supposed to hold. This Tsuna, after all, is so much more of an active player than his AU counterpart already. So much more of a threat.]

I know we all want to see some of that main fic fluff but here’s the thing, the irony: These Varia already respect Tsuna much more than the Varia in the main fic do at the start if in a different way. The categorize him as a threat and despite his bumbling that wariness never really fades. They might not respect Tsuna as a person, but as a Vongola operative they take him seriously in a way main fic!Varia don’t. They probably will one day soon, but that’s not the point right now.]

[petroltogo]

@sagaduwyrm said “Oh this is fascinating. I wonder, would Tsuna's relationship with the Varia be the same as in the original AU, or would they murder him? I feel like that's kind of the only two options since they can't make his mental health any worse than it already: constantly either on the edge or in the process of having a mental breakdown.”

It wouldn’t be the same relationship because in this AU they don’t have that instant reason to be nice-ish to Tsuna. At the same time though it wouldn’t be Xanxus’ verdict that essentially forces them to accept him, so their relationship would evolve more naturally -- whether that’s good or bad is still up in the air.

It probably goes something like this:

First day is a disaster. [Tsuna cries. Tsuna has a panic attack. Tsuna is trembling from head to toe and the Varia haven’t even arrived yet. Needless to say the Varia are not impressed.] Second day isn’t any better.

The Varia are offended. They pride themselves on their skills, the quality of their work. Getting stuck with a shaking green leaf of a supervisor who flinches before Bel even starts giggling and can’t look at Mammon without shuddering and doesn’t hold Lussuria’s eyes for more than an accidental second- What the hell even is this? Where the hell did they get this kid from? That his last name is Sawada just adds insult to injury.

[continues under the cut]

[Bel likes the squeaky sound the worthless Vongola rat makes when he flings his knives at him. Mammon considers their time wasted and doesn’t bother showing their face again after the first meeting. Lussuria wonders what kind of medication could help this anxiety along a little further and how he could go about creating it. Levi scowls and puts his fist through a couple of walls and now their supervisor doesn’t even raise his eyes up from the paperwork when he addresses them with his stupid shaky voice that Xanxus would’ve shot him for. Levi hates the kid on principle just for that. Squalo gets tired and nervous just from looking at the unimpressive, twitchy thing they’ve gotten assigned to. Really, who did this kid piss off?]

But never let it be said the Varia don’t know how to turn things to their advantage: Sawada has no spine and no authority and if they don’t show up or go against mission orders, well, it’s not like he does anything about it. Just pathetically sink into himself and mumble something along the lines of “I see”.

Suffice to say, it’s a disaster. [Also the orders Tsuna hands out to the Varia give him nightmares. As do their reports. When they hand them in.]

The thing is, when Squalo first caught sight of Sawada, he gave the kid a week. Then Sawada whimpered and Squalo revised that opinion to ‘won’t last to the end of this meeting’. It’s happened before -- and those handlers were made of sterner stuff than Sawada. Only. Sawada doesn’t run. Doesn’t quit.

[Squalo is so preoccupied with how ridiculously pathetic the kid is, he doesn’t even notice until one day he glances at the date on his mission report and realizes Sawada’s been around for three months -- more than double the lenght their average handler lasts. Squalo doesn’t know what to think about that. He also doesn’t know why he fills out this report. It’s not like Sawada complains when he doesn’t. Just pulls a double-shift during the weekend to catch up on all the paperwork. It’s probably habit. Yeah. Let’s go with that.]

The thing is -- and it will take a while for that to sink in, for anyone to notice -- even and especially the ones at the center of this mess: Tsuna’s the best Vongola Inc. handler the Varia could’ve gotten.

[Whether or not that’s a good thing for Vongola Inc. is of course an entirely different question]

[petroltogo]

What if Hana had succeeded in getting Tsuna transferred to HR in [this could’ve been] a heroine’s greatest regret?

The funny thing is it would’ve gone well. For all of 2 seconds.

Tsuna would’ve been freaked out and super anxious during his first two weeks because new coworkers, new routines and he doesn’t know what’s expected of him what if he screws up?! 

But it turns out the worst thing to happen when Tsuna accidentally sends out the draft version of their internal monthly company newsletter out is that one woman stops him by the coffee machine and suggests that maybe they should have someone proofread the official communications in the future. Which is one hell of a step-up from Mochida’s mangled shoulder that was the result of Tsuna’s last screw-up on his old squad.

So. Tsuna gets to know his new coworkers. Who are all pretty used to former attack squad members being twitchy as hell, so Tsuna’s anxious nature actually doesn’t register as that odd. They always make sure to make noise when they approach him and walk towards him in his line of sight if possible [not that Tsuna really notices that part] and so far he hasn’t dropkicked anyone out of any windows -- which is coincidentally the reason why HR is now on the ground floor. There was an incident with a former tranfer.

Tsuna gets used to his new jobs. They can still be demanding and deadlines are an absolute nightmare and sometimes Tsuna has to answer the phone or worse make a call which gives him Anxiety™ but. All in all, it goes surprisingly well.

Then the newest supervisor of the Varia has a nervous breakdown in the middle of the HR office -- which Tsuna learns later is common, the Varia are apparently an absolute nightmare to work with and go through supervisors like his new boss goes through sugarfree gum -- and the list to replace them is short. As in non-existent.

[Everyone who would qualify at this point is also smart enough to ensure they get off that list before their name is fully put down. You don’t fucking get dragged into the messy unacknowledged cold war between what’s left of the Varia and the Ninth, you just don’t.]

Which is when some unfairly diligent and worse well-meaning coworker remembers that Tsuna has an off-the-charts security clearance. And spent a year on an attack squad. And sure, there’s a reason he transferred, but being a supervisor is not going back into the field, it’s basically just filling out paperwork and surely if anyone can handle the Varia’s attitude problem it would be a former attack squad member?

I’m sure we can all see where this is going. Except for Tsuna, who’s unfortunate inability to say no really works against him here.

Sooo. HR was fun while it lasted. Being the pissed off Varia’s newest babysitter on the other hand...

[to clarify: this is an AU where Xanxus hasn’t been freed yet because Tsuna never made it to that point in the story, so we’ve got the Varia blackmailed by the Ninth and still searching for their leader, Tsuna who’s just trying to keep this insane squad alive, make them happy and not die [all of which is harder than it looks] and Hana somewhere in the background, facepalming so hard she knocks herself out]