#ARGHHHH this feels so bad but I lost motivation so so fast idk where the story is goingg

[lucasandlily]

In another life (What could have been, what it can still be), Part 1

A/N: Hiiii, I wanted to post the whole thing at once because I feel like it's better experienced that way cause of how they continue between each other, but I started to feel pain writing it so I'm just posting it in two parts 🙏

Rui's POV! Second-person pronoun "You" is used. Somewhat established relationship in some of them. 5 universes he could have lived + 1 he still can. Is this a Rui x reader disguised as a character study, or a character study disguised as an x reader? Your guess is as good as mine. Rui gets so so much affection in this. World’s most touch-starved man meets writer who just wants to give the guy so many headpats (3019 words)(and counting!)(This is the longest fic I've written guys) AO3 link here

The anomaly is fast, zipping around in the air, defying the very laws of gravity itself. Its eyes are bright in the dim lights of the laboratory, phasing through states of matter as Lyca jumps and slashes, his claws doing nothing as its body shifts into nothingness, then back again as Lyca lands, growling at it in frustration. 

Rui can empathise, leaping aside when it dives at him another time, leaving cracks in the tile floor where he was standing. It's obviously corporeal, and he has landed a couple lucky shots at it, though it doesn't really seem to care.

“Amazing. Amazing! This goes against everything we've learned! This, this could lead to an incredible breakthrough!” 

Rui hears the scientist exclaim somewhere behind him, who would've been the next victim had they not stepped in. 

“Um, ma’am-” he hears you start to say, but the shouting seems to have gotten the anomaly’s attention too, as it turns to face the both of you. 

“Hey, wait!” you shout, as the lady marches forward, dragging you along when you try to hold her back.

He watches the anomaly rise into the air again, glowing eyes aimed at you, now in front of the scientist as you try to push her back. 

Rui tries to rush to you, warn you, arm out to push you out of harm’s way, stopping short when he remembers how that malevolent spirit looked after he had drained the life force out of it. How you had startled away from his hand after. 

Then, the anomaly dives. 

And he's brought back to his first mission with you. How he had hesitated then. How he had failed to keep you safe. 

How he promised himself not to let it happen again. 

He does the only thing he can think of. 

The anomaly crashes into him just as he steps in its way. 

His back hits the ground hard, the anomaly crouched over him, its clawed feet pinning him by the shoulders. Its eyes seem to shine into his soul, like a searchlight into his mind, and it opens its gaping mouth to shriek in his face. 

It is loud, and then it is nothing. 

Rui would be worried he'd gone deaf if he wasn't staring into its mouth, like a sea of stars in the night sky that he just can't look away from, glittering specks of colour in an endless expanse. He sees stars, planets, universes, surrounded by the vastness of space, enveloping him like a blackhole he just can't escape.

And then, everything goes dark.

2.

The sun is warm in Jabberwock, shining down on Rui as he ruffles the soft wool of the anomalous sheep, a small smile on his face. 

Suddenly, he leaps back from the living creature, staring between its startled form and his ungloved hand in horror. It retreats away when Haru runs up to him.

“Rui! Wha happened? Everythin’ okay?” 

Rui looks up from patting himself down, still processing everything that just happened.

“Harurin! Where- where are my gloves?”

“Huh? Whaddya need gloves for?” 

Rui pauses. Looking into the distance, where the sheep are, he tries to pinpoint the one he just touched, eyes tracing the grass for piles of ash. 

“You okay buddy? You look a lil tired.” 

Rui turns back to his friend, worry written all over the redhead’s face, and he realises he does feel tired. Like all the energy he's accumulated over the years never existed at all. He's hasn't felt like this since-

“It's alright!” Haru interrupts his thoughts, “I can handle it for today, you go get some rest! Don't want you gettin’ heatstroke now!” 

Rui almost argues, but he sees Haru start to approach, to push him toward the dorm, and instinctively takes a step back. Haru backs off in surprise, but if he's offended, Rui doesn't wait to see.

“Yeah you're right. I think I'll go back.” he says, turning back to the Jabberwock house, throwing a half-hearted wave back.

He stuffs his hands in his pockets. It's not the coolest pose to be walking in, but his hands feel too exposed to care. 

He breathes in the smell of the grass and flowers on the walk back, trying to figure out how he got here in the first place. He tries to remember what happened after the darkness. The stars. The shrieking. Slamming onto the tiled floor. Stepping in to protect you. You. 

He does a full body jump when he feels hands on his shoulders. You quickly let go, startled by his reaction. 

“Woah! I didn't mean to scare you! You just seemed so lost, and you didn't hear me call out!” you quickly try to explain, in that flustered tone you use when you try to defend yourself. 

He chuckles reassuringly, relaxing a little at your appearance. He puts everything else aside for now. 

“It's okay, it’s okay. What did you need me for? You know I'd do anything you ask~” he lilts, throwing in a wink. 

You giggle, handing him a case file, “I've been assigned another mission with Jabberwock, so I need you to look at this!” 

He takes the file carefully, avoiding your hands, and gives you a look of confusion, “Wait, then why are you showing it to me?” 

You blink. “Because Haru’s not here?” 

“Shouldn't you be giving it to Towa, then?” 

“Well, you're the vice-captain, so I thought…” 

“You can't be showing the Obscuary vice-captain Jabberwock documents you know~” he tells you gently, shaking his head. Maybe you got confused somehow, he thinks. 

But your previously raised eyebrows have become knitted, and suddenly he's not so sure. 

“Lyca’s not vice-captain yet. Subaru and I barely even got him out of trouble with the general students,” you say, slowly. “And you're the Jabberwock vice.”

That can't be right. Your voice feels far away as he tries to piece everything together. Maybe he really is just tired, because suddenly everything isn't making sense, and he's just not used to it because he hasn't had this little energy since the curse and-

He feels a warmth on his forehead. It's comforting, even under the sun. Grounding him back to reality.

Your face is close to his as you feel his forehead with your bare hand for a fever, another on your own forehead to tell if it's warmer than usual. 

His blood runs cold. He can't look away as he waits one dreadful moment for your body to start disintegrating. 

No. Not again. Not you. Please. Especially not you. He can't lose you like this. 

Nothing happens, as he waits, continuing to plead in his mind, but he realises he doesn't feel the rush of your life force becoming his own. Not even the pull of it under where your bare hand makes contact on his skin. 

Your touch is just warm, the way he always imagined it would be, when he threw glances at you handling glasses when you weren't looking, or ruffling Lyca’s hair. What he doesn’t expect is the comfort it brings him. Not just from the relief of not seeing you wither away like so many others, but from how long it’s been since he’s had anything like this. 

“It doesn’t feel different…” you mumble, finally looking up, “Ah! But your face is so red!” Rui’s sure his face becomes redder when your hand slides down to his cheek instead. 

“It’s heatstroke!” he squeaks. It’s too much too fast, and he doesn’t quite know how to deal with it. He backs away quickly, pushing the file back into your arms and running off. “I gotta go. Haru’s in the fields if you need him!”

“Huh? O-okay!” he hears you call behind him, “Feel better soon! Remember to drink lots of water!”

“I will!” he returns, waving back.

“I didn’t even know ghouls could GET heatstroke.” You mumble to yourself, but he’s already long gone.

-

“Hey, did you hear? They’re gonna make the werewolf vice-captain!” Rui hears a girl not-quite-whisper to her friend. 

“Eh~ really~? Poor Subaru-kun’s had his hands so full because of him…” her friend doesn’t even pretend to keep her voice down as she fidgets with the lavender jewel on her lapel. 

“I guess it makes sense since Obscuary doesn’t have a vice yet…” she trails off, missing the grimace on Rui when he hurries past. 

-

Rui finds himself in the familiar woods of Obscuary, stumbling through the overgrown weeds. 

‘Someone really needs to clean this place up,’ he thinks, carefully stepping over the untrimmed plants. 

As he nears the mansion, he hears the familiar sound of Lyca yelling. 

“You gotta clean this up you moth-eaten casanova! It’s starting to smell bad!” 

“Ah, but I’m not used to the new machines of this era you see. I have no idea how that washer machine works.” 

Opening the door to the mansion, Rui finds random junk scattered across the floor. It’s less decorated than he left it, the walls stark of paintings and decor. It reminds him of the mansion when he first moved in, brimming with ill-gotten energy in a new environment. 

The memory urges him to the bar, or where it should be. As he opens the door, he is greeted with a room that is mostly bare, save for a table and a few chairs. He paces to where the bar would be, tracing the walls empty of shelves. He decides not to linger, following the noise up the stairs.

Lyca whips around and growls, ears up, when Rui enters Edward’s room. He’s right, it does smell. Clothes are scattered about everywhere, far worse than he’s ever seen. He doesn’t even want to imagine what the strange green sludge on what’s probably a table is. 

“There you are.” Edward says easily at what Rui suddenly realises might be an intrusion. 

“You know this guy?” Lyca asks the vampire, eyes darting to him for a second before going back to keeping his eyes on Rui. Even the fur on his tail is upright. 

“I’ve seen him around.” Edward replies, leering wide at the blonde. “The body you’re in isn’t going to be very happy to be here, you know.” 

Rui’s response dies on his tongue as Edward approaches him, Lyca still watching cautiously behind them. 

“Here, let me help you out.” Edward says. Rui doesn’t know what he does before he’s out like a light. 

3.

A sterile light shines over Rui, blinking in disorientation. He just barely manages to make out the surroundings of a lab in time to hear Yuri finish his explanation. 

“That’s right. I, Dr. Yuri Isami, have cured your curse!” 

“What?” is the only thing Rui manages to say. He blinks. What? 

“I- Weren’t you listening!?” Yuri shrieks, hand to his chest and lip curled. 

“I think the patient might be in shock.” Jiro says in his defense. Yuri opens his mouth, then huffs. 

Jiro tells him something else before they both leave the room, but Rui is too overwhelmed to notice. 

His curse is cured? Just like that? Everything is just happening so fast. He can hardly believe it. He tries to remember everything he wanted to do when his curse was cured, everything he thought about doing, before the disappointment made him stop. He wishes he made that list now. 

When was the last time he’d gone surfing? Felt the sun on his bare skin? Not worried about the potential danger?

When was the last time he’d felt grass on his fingertips? A dog licking his face? 

When was the last time he walked around in a crowded street? How many festivals had he missed? Why couldn’t he remember? 

When was the last time he reached out to someone? When was the last time it was okay? 

“Rui..?” you call out to him hesitantly, bringing him back into the lab with you, still sitting on the medical bed where the other two left him. “They were briefing me about your curse, cause you looked like you weren’t going to be listening for a while…” 

You approach slowly, hands tucked into your chest as usual as you come close. You stop in front of him, an expression he can’t read on your face. 

Cautiously, you raise your hands, like you’re presenting them before stopping near his face, in front of the apples of his cheeks. It takes everything in him not to flinch away. You look into his eyes, and he knows the question before you say it. He thinks you might know the answer too. 

“May I?” you ask.

“Yes.” he breathes, barely above a whisper. 

Slowly, your fingertips. An experimental touch. 

Then, your palms on his cheeks, cupping his face. He puts his hand over yours as he leans into it. 

Your thumb brushes his bottom eyelid, and he realises he might have started crying, though he doesn’t know when. You are there to wipe away all the wet hot tears with gentle warm hands. 

What strikes him now, of all the things happening in the moment, is the expression on your face as you gaze at him. Your eyes are soft despite the hard lights, but he feels the sneaking urge to rub his finger between your knitted brows. 

He’s pulled into you, your arms around him and your hands clutched on the back of his shirt. A hug, when’s the last time he had one of those? He wraps his arms around your waist, his head buried in the crook of your neck. He breathes in a shuddering breath. 

He smells the shampoo in your hair, stronger than all the times he caught a whiff of it when you walked past him just a little too close. He catches the scent of your fabric softener, which he’d only gotten once when you’d forgotten your jacket in the bar, and he’d been feeling particularly needy. 

It’s comforting, familiar despite having never held you this close before. It feels like coming home after a long day. Feels like being greeted by your loved ones at the door. Like a sense of normalcy he didn’t think he’d ever be allowed to have again in this life. 

He doesn’t remember Edward’s words to him just before he got here. 

-

The two of you walk back to Obscuary together, hand in ungloved hand as you lead Rui along the path. You explain that although the curse has been cured, he will still keep all the excess energy until he runs out, but he will gradually be able to start sleeping and the like. 

He squeezes your hand gently, like he has a dozen times already during the walk back from Mortkraken. You squeeze back, like you have a dozen times after, your thumb stroking the back of his hand. 

You don’t let go even as you’re opening the door to the mansion.

“I guess all those tests really were worth it in the end, huh?” you say, smiling back at him. 

He begins to question you but stops short when he’s greeted by the sight of his friends at the door, streamers lining the walls, creating a sharp contrast with the gothic furniture. Someone’s even managed to wrangle a party hat on Lyca.

“Is this…real?” is the only thing Rui manages.

He doesn’t notice the look Edward fixes on him as you giggle, “Well, we figured that after everything you went through, this is cause for celebration, no?” 

“You’ve been through a lot all this time.” Haku says, clapping a hand on his shoulder. If he notices Rui flinch at the contact he doesn’t mention it. 

Rui can’t help but laugh, each breath like a gasp of disbelief, almost startles when he feels his tears on his bare skin when he goes to wipe them, but it’s a genuine happiness he feels. The party feels almost like a haze in the midst of it. 

He makes himself a drink alongside Haru and Romeo’s. 

Lyca begrudgingly lets himself be convinced to stay still as his hair is ruffled. 

You stay latched onto his arm all the while. 

Rui steps out into the chill air of Obscuary for a breather. Despite the act he puts up, he doesn’t quite know what to do being in the centre of attention for so long. It’s a little dizzying, so much close contact after so long, but he feels a fullness in chest he doesn’t quite know how to describe. 

“Enjoying yourself?” he hears Edward’s voice behind him. He turns to see an enigmatic look on the vampire’s face. Rui doesn’t manage to respond before Edward continues, “No matter. Celebrations can always be held again.” 

He disappears back into the mansion to let Rui figure out what he meant by that. You follow him out shortly after, so he doesn’t. 

That night, you stay over in his room. Your body pressed against his, only your clothes separating the two of you. Before, it would’ve been too little, too risky. Now it feels like too much in the way. 

He toys with the hem of the T-shirt you borrowed from him before you gently guide him under it. 

“I didn’t think I’d get to do this, have this ever again…” his voice is barely above a whisper, his words only for you to hear. Your flesh is soft and pliant under his hand when he kneads your belly. You giggle when he pokes your side a little too hard, and he thinks he’d like to hear the sound over and over again. 

“You deserve it. You can have it as many times as you want.” you press your forehead against his in response. Your hand running down his chest leaves him feeling breathless. The motions of your hand slow until it rests on his back, your breath slowing and evening out. He doesn’t notice himself matching you as he watches the rise and fall of your stomach, each a reminder that you are alive. 

He holds you close, and closer still. He hopes this is real. He hopes he gets to stay here forever. 

When he sleeps, he dreams of stars.

I don’t really know what I’m doing, but that’s okay, because I just know that I wanted to feel, and I did. I hope this made you feel too (I hope you enjoyed it). 

Reblogs and Comments are appreciated! I love you (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠✧⁠*⁠。