#ANYWAY yay Paulo!!! literally so happy for him!!!!

[white-weasel]

Just thought I’d share for those who aren’t subscribed to the Film Reroll patreon: Paulo got married to his two partners this week! They’d been dating for the past four years and they were able to have a ceremony he says represented them all within it. Congrats to the happy throuple!

[dulharpa]

this is for hayley! @whistlingwillows a dear friend <3333

it’s meant to be a birthday present haha. i just want to shower you in love;;; so thought maybe i could go through as many of your fics and comment on them :^)))

(TO EVERYONE ELSE: please go to @whistlingwillows blog and read her fics!!! they are SO FCKIN GOOD AND AMAZING AND UGH HER MIND (it’s a lot of mcu and her bucky and steve fics are a*. i DEFINITELY RECOMMEND))

i wish you a VERY happy birthday and i hope we stay friends for many more years <3333333333 

i’m going through your masterlist heehee ;)))

ah first off, nice theme! i never could rlly see it before because i’m always on mobile heehee. also sorry for not reviewing them before??? i don’t usually read fics on tumblr as you’ve probably guessed;;

anyways, IM GON REVIEW THE SHIT OUT OF THESE >:DDDD

far from home -  bucky x stark sister!reader

firstly, i like how youre introducing the reader from buckys pov, like you can sort of already gather what shes like from them

‘Bucky can hear Tony’s soft inhale, feel the intensity of the man’s glare directed at Steve. He shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but a twitch of muscle would be enough to alert both men that he’s here. With the amount of tension crackling in the air, a brush against the wall would be equivalent to a thousand cymbals crashing in cacophony.’

IM CRYING ALREADY. the imagery in here is GLORIOUS. your tone here is so fitting! oo and the alliteration here is perfecto

ooooooo!! the backstory coming in  👀👀

‘despite what some people think that Steve and Captain America are two different personas, there will always be parts of Steve in the Avenger, and parts of the Avenger in Steve. They both want to believe in something good. They are, after all, one in the same.// Just as how Bucky and the Winter Soldier are the same man despite everything. HYDRA simply amplified the hate, fertilized the seeds of rage, curated the quiet thunder within his soul, within James Buchanan Barnes so that the Winter Soldier could thrive.’

yIKES! lol this is very character study like! nICE. it hurts tho, my poor children, i love you both 

oo ‘starlight eyes’ that is a very nice way of describing them

‘“Then what was London?” The protesters. “São Paulo?” The earthquake. “Vancouver?” Freezing cold water.//“Look, I care if Stark’s gonna run us over trying to find her. I care enough because she’s part of our team. Come off it, Steve. I know she can take care of herself. I’m gonna take a nap. Dr. Cho said no partying post-Singapore and what do you know, we throw the biggest party ever.’

ooo singapore uwu and london? (coincidence? haha jkjk) and the hints abt reader and buckys background are so good?? but so annoying??? like i just wanna KNOW yknow?? 

‘The water runs copper and the sting bites at his palm as he tries not to think. Tries to focus on the numbing cold that runs over his skin.’ 

your imagery is so vivid?? im actually in awe??? i am so regretful i havent kept reading your fics. like i know they are amazing, i just keep putting them off??? idk man. hopefully this makes up for it (gd tho, im still not done with commenting on one fic. this is what im doing with my motivation teehee ;)

‘ He feels weak. Tired. He wants to go back to bed but he also wants to stay out in the sun for a few hours more. The sun kisses his skin through the windows and he squints against the blue sky, wondering ‘

mood during this quarantine lol

‘“Oh, right.” Your voice is flat, uninterested, cold, as you stare at him. “You killed my parents.”Shit.‘

 OUCH LMAO THATS C O L D, O GOT +100 PHYSIC DAMAGE FROM JUST READING THAT

ooo robin as a nickname noice. very much gives me batman vibes lol

oh! and the way of doing the ‘flashback’ is neat! very original. it both tells us what happened AND buckys reaction to it again. he can re-analyse himself and reader. very cool

‘If you walk away now, don’t bother coming back!” Silence. Bucky can hear his own strained breathing, your soft sigh as you soaked in his ultimatum.’

👀👀 yikes that ultimatum. :// not good bucky. tbf theyre both trying to hurt each other but Yikes

eyy!!! readers pov!! finally! and the switch after we find out the outsiders pov? brilliant

oh no :(( more angst

‘When’s the last time you saw your therapist?”“Don’t have one. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”’ they BOTH need therapists;;;;

very good fic!!! :DD they rlly do hate each other! i definitely like how you went back and forth with the timeline! it gave me a v strong idea on what yn was like even before we rlly got introduced. i am now very curious on where reader is? i love your characterisations! 

i will read the 10k+ fics but heck the last one took me ages lolol (i will comment in the future tho!! i promise <3 ) (that took me over an hour jjhghgdjh)

slipping away- amnesiac modern bucky x reader

omg,,, AMNESIA! >:DDDDDD

‘ Put your fucking seatbelt on’

oh no, istg theyre going to have a car crash arent they (’ doesn’t put the seatbelt on to spite you.’ NO PLEASE PUT IT ON U DUMBASS)

ok,,,,, at LEAST he put it on before he got hit, thank heck. but still. youre so cruel to your poor characters lmaoo

oh gosh

‘You fall apart slowly, like pieces of you peeling away until you’re nothing more than your broken heart. The sobs that wrack your body are relentless and you shove your forearm into your mouth to muffle your cries. You want to bite into your skin. You want to distract yourself from the agony tearing you to shreds. You want to feel anything but the pain.///Tears sweep into your hair, cloud your vision and your whole face floods with heat as you try to breathe through the pain. You’re cleaved into pieces on that bed, eyes squeezed shut as the tears keep flowing, and your throat burns’

this hurts damn, it is so vivid?? i can really feel it 

i am so glad you got into writing yk?? so glad

NO PLS, TELL HIM. TELL HIM :((( ‘shes nice once you get to know her?? shes known nat for years now!! years!!

oh god ‘he looks younger without the burden of your time together’ this is so angsty omg

‘Well, he was stumbling through his apology and I just let him finish.” Your body fills with warmth as you remember his embarrassed smile, the way he shoved his baseball cap farther down his head, chin tucked to his chest, trying to hide that face. “When he was done, I opened my mouth to say something polite but what came out was ‘You look like someone I’d very much like to kiss’.”

this is so soft i stg im crying in the club

OH SHITTTTTTTTTTT , you left it off like that!!! thats so cruel!!!! i can’t!!! how dare you!!!! :””””””((( im typing this with tears in my eyes ill have u know!!

anyway!!! very good fic!! you could honestly make that into a longfic very easily lol. i felt too many emotions :(( 

i was just about to say where is the fluff!! where is it!! when i saw the next one and yay :))) pls i cant have more angsty stuff rn

.

cookies and rings and things bucky and reader

‘how much do you love me?’ ‘count the snowflakes, multiply by a million’

did you have to start the fic off with such a SOFT line? its so soft! so TENDER 

‘He wonders what kinda insane person wears socks without any clothes on, but then decides that it’s the kind of person who’s fallen in love with him.’  jesus, the soft moments filled with love are the greatest <3

you can write fluff so well, whyd you have to pain me with all that angst ;””””) (1/10 hurt, 9/10 comfort is the way to go lolol) (jkjk ill read the angsty ones too when i have the spoons) (gonna reread that hydra steve one and ik thatll fuck me UP)

‘ Then, he can feel the cold metal of the ring she slid onto her own finger less than twenty-four hours ago and realizes that he had thought a lot of things shouldn’t be possible, and yet they still are. ‘

you literally brought me to tears reading this softness, you have truly found my weakness

‘ She’s so damn gorgeous with flour on her face and eye bags beneath her eyes that he’s sure she will inevitably make his heart burst ‘

he already likes her so much! i can’t believe this is affecting me so much :’)

‘Bucky is quite sure Sam is in love with his girlfriend in the fact that he’s in love with the fact that his girlfriend is possibly in love with Bucky’

this is so soft??? sam loves reader bc reader loves bucky sm. pls my hear <3333

you do fluff SO WELL DAMN 

‘F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice echoes in his small little perch and he still thinks it’s weird without having the side effect of Stark in his suit chasing after him to hear the A.I. but he shoves that uncomfortable feeling of the dead man out of his head. That is too much regret to unpack right now on a mission. ‘

yike bringing back that reminder oof

but thats so soft??? (i am def overusing soft but,,,,, i love it and the vibe) she sent him cookies! god i can feel the love  

‘She expresses her feelings through cooking, which Bucky has learnt the hard way. One time, they got into an argument over something stupid—he can’t even remember what started it—and came to the kitchen at 2AM to see her sitting at the kitchen island crying her eyes out and surrounded by baskets of muffins.’

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 my hEART

you show how much they love each other in so many ways??? i am dying

“Alright, I like it.” Rolling his eyes, he pecks her forehead and she smiles victoriously. It’s so adorable that Bucky, with less than three hours of sleep, adds, “God, I want to marry you.//”“What?”//Oh.Shit.

oh my god! i am literally tearing up!!! AGAIN!!!!!!!!

oh shit o am literally crying

your fluff got me crying harder than your angst i hope youre happy

I really hope you enjoy reading this?? i keep forgetting to like text you but i wanted to do something for your birthday. especially in quarantine when everythings gone crazy. one year i swear ill do something REALLY good for you. not making promises bc i hate if i dont. but ill like, learn how to podfic because you D E S E R V E  I T 

ive spent like three hours doing this lolol 

thank you so much for everything hayley!

[weekendwarriorblog]

30 Minute Experiment: Money #30ME

Okay, let’s do this... I just want to make sure that no one thinks I’m just grabbing Pink Floyd titles for topics for this experiment, although I did recently watch Pink Floyd’s “Pulse” movie now on YouTube where the post-Waters Floyd performs “Dark Side of the Moon” in its entirety. Bummed I missed that tour when it hit Yankee Stadium. (No idea what I was doing but I was pretty busy in the ‘90s.) Anyway, this is a topic that is likely going to be a little touchy and maybe get a little personal, so strap yourself in!

Yeah, money is a touchy topic because like many people across the country right now, I don’t have a lot of it. In fact, not for the first time in the past two years, I have practically none of it, as I wait for one of three possible checks to show up. 

I’ve never been good with money and even when I was making a fairly decent living with a full-time job which was probably during my ten years at ComingSoon.net, which is the longest I’ve ever been at a single job either before or after. But I was never good with money when I had it which just makes it even harder to make due with very little money when those cases arise, which has been a lot since leaving CS four years ago. 

Don’t get me wrong. I have no desire or goals of being rich beyond my dreams, as frequently or infrequently I might throw away a few bucks on a Powerball ticket, but not being able to manage money has been an ongoing problem with me to the point where last year I ended up selling the comic collection that I literally wasted THOUSANDS of dollars both collecting and keeping in storage for way less than the collection was worth more because I could no longer afford the storage spaces than actually needing the money.

I’m gonna throw out that chestnut of a cliché that “money can’t buy happiness.” I’m not sure who came up with it and if I didn’t want to spend a solid 30 minutes of straight writing, I’d go look it up. But it’s also bullshit. 

Anyone who has ever gotten to the point where they have to go on welfare, which I’ve now had to do twice in my lifetime -- oddly the first time RIGHT before I was hired full time at CS. Not sure if it was my pathetic phone call to tell my boss that I couldn’t get to the Fantastic Four junket because ... get this... I couldn’t afford the subway fare (absolute truth), and this was in 2005 when subway fare was closer to $2.00, I’d imagine.

But yeah in the last two years where I haven’t had a full-time job, it’s been an ongoing struggle and it didn’t take long before I realized I’d need to turn to the city for food stamps (now called SNAP) for the first time since 2005. This happened because I filed for unemployment (as I just did again) and then had to wait THREE MONTHS to see any money. I was let go at a time when I was already living paycheck to paycheck and basically given a half week’s payment since they weren’t obligated to give me severance. (This is one of the ongoing issues with having full-time employees who work as independent contractors, especially working in another city than the main company.)

Anyway, that left me with barely enough money to survive until I found a job, and I didn’t find another job or even any work for almost eight months! The unemployment money did eventually show up and it helped but not before I had to go to the city for “Cash Assistance” which is exactly what it sounds. It was something I did in 2005, too, and back then, it became a problem cause I was trying to cover movies/junkets for CS and I constantly had to make excuses to get out of the MANDATORY job work program you have to take when you ask the city for financial help. 

This time around, I was pretty much swindled because the person I saw at the city’s HRA center didn’t tell me ANYTHING about the mandatory appointments I’d have to keep... like the ones at 9AM up on 125th Street (I live near Canal) that I’d have to attend five days a week for job search training and that I couldn’t miss a day if I wanted to get financial assistance. I was up there every morning on time at 9AM (and they gave me a MetroCard at least) but by the time I was done with the first part of this program, the Unemployment showed up. The amount I got from the city? About $170 towards one month’s rent. Great.

By now, if you’ve gotten this far, you’re probably wondering, “Why is Ed even talking about his money problems? We’re ALL having money problems right now! Get over yourself!”  Well, I go back to that idea of “money buying happiness” and I know that while I was never great with money or how I spent it or even paying taxes on time (that’s a story for another day), but I was watching a concert from Sao Paulo, Brazil last night, a massive concert in a stadium filled with what must have been 80,000 people minimum and thought, “Man, I’d love to go to one of those giant concerts someday.” I made this wish knowing that I’ve barely been able to save enough money to do any sort of traveling over the years outside of work-related trips where I was reimbursed or covered by either job or studio, but also knowing that even if I did suddenly get the money or find a job where I can save up enough to make this trip and be in one  of most crowded stadiums with absolutely social distancing (man, I’ll be happy to never hear that word again past year), I’m just not sure it’s any sort of reality.

Don’t get me wrong. I have had a lot of wonderful friends who have had helped me out with open-ended loans and even those who just gave me money saying “Don’t worry about paying it back.” And not just my closest personal friends but even just acquaintances who I’ve met over the years during my “journeys” or time spent online. I mean, wonderful people who have reached out to me and helped me out of the kindness in their hearts because they had some available cash that they could use to help me rather than ... well doing anything else that’s far more important for their own happiness. I’ve also gotten help from my brother and mother to the point where they could help. Heck, my brother has saved my ass more times than I care to mention. I probably him a kidney at this point and I couldn’t even give it to him if he needed it because... remember that stem cell transplant I’ve mentioned a few times during these experiments? Makes me ineligible as any kind of blood or donor. Waugh waugh... Sorry, Rob!

So I’ve had help and I’ve had friends who were kind enough to give me jobs outright, although as of now, I haven’t had any job opportunity last longer than a year since leaving CS.

That puts me back in the place now where I’m still living “check to check” with less knowledge about when checks might come and knowing that almost every cent I earn or bring in from now until forever I’ll probably owe to someone, whether it’s the landlord or any number of creditors or monthly bills. (I’m just glad I only have one cheaper storage space now because trying to pay $900 a month for storage on top of rent was insane especially without a regular job! Hence the unfortunate sale of my comic book collection. Still such a bummer...)

So yeah, I hadn’t intended to mope or try to gain sympathy with today’s #30ME but I certainly have found a LOT more empathy with homeless people and those struggling to feed their families, and I’m so thankful that I do have so many good friends and that I do have a roof over my head and I don’t have a family I need to support... just my own sorry-ass. But it does suck that no matter how hard I try my best not to let the current situation get me down, just the thought of not having money to ... I dunno.... order a pizza (or even get a couple slices if my local pizza place was actually open right now)... it just makes it harder to stay in good spirits through this rough period of time.

Oh, going back to those friends who lent or gave me money, I can never forget when a couple of friends, learning that I had been diagnosed with cancer with NO HEALTH INSURANCE (Yeah, I was never good with doctors, hospitals or insurance a bunch of years back, too)... they got together to do a GoFundMe (completely without my knowledge) and raised a shit-ton of money to help with my medical bills. I don’t forget shit like that, and I’m thankful for everyone who donated including many who barely knew me or only knew me from my writing.

So that’s a few (but not even remotely all) of my current thoughts on money and how bad I feel for others who may have to go through what I’ve been dealing with the last two to four years. Not knowing how you’re gonna have money for food in one or two week’s time is not fun. (Don’t worry... I HAVE FOOD. I stocked up on a lot of dry food using my SNAP and I have enough to do another market run Monday to get things like milk.) I totally feel for those who are suddenly thrust into this situation after years of having a stable job and suddenly not realizing how they’re gonna earn a living or feed their family, which is way worse than any situation I might put myself in. As always, I’ll figure these things out and hopefully figure out some way to get some paying work... but yeah, that government check would be really nice right now, even if I’d have to give most of it directly to my very patient landlord.

And with that, I’m out of time for today. No #30ME tomorrow cause it’s Sunday but I may already have a topic for Monday... so Yay?