#ANY CARDIOLOGISTS MUTUALS ABOUT? i have questions

[ronsenburg]

love the little notes I leave for myself on my wips:

[foxy-eva]

Heart Language

Summary: Spencer has a crush on his doctor (and the feeling is mutual)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x GN!Reader 

Category: Fluff

Content Warnings: Reader is a cardiologist, Spencer is worried about his health (but he's fine), mentions of (harmless) heart palpitations, blood tests, ECG and echocardiography 

Word count: 2.2k

Masterlist

For thousands of years the word heart has been used for metaphors relating to emotions such as love and pain in most parts of the world. It makes sense considering cardiac activity evoked by certain sensations and feelings is a universal experience. Some cultures even believe that the soul – the essence of who we truly are – can be found in the heart. 

Hearts have always been fascinating to me. So much so that in my daily life as a cardiologist I often forget my patients' faces but always remember their hearts. 

However, when Dr. Spencer Reid entered my office, I knew I wouldn’t forget his face anytime soon. 

He awkwardly waved at me when he stepped in, waiting for me to motion for him to take a seat. I had already taken a look at his chart and was wondering why he’d seek my expertise. 

“So, what brings you in, Dr. Reid?” 

He audibly cleared his voice before he began explaining, “I’ve been having very irritating heart palpitations lately so my primary care physician told me to come here to get it checked.” 

When I took another look at my screen to read over his blood work, I noticed him scanning my face but he averted his eyes once I looked at him again. 

“Your blood work looks fine from what I can tell,” I let him know. 

“Really? It’s just that my diet consists mainly of take-out and coffee,” he confessed. “And I know I’m not getting any younger.” 

I dared to ask the question most of my patients dreaded. “How often do you exercise?”

“Uhm,” he muttered, “about… once…”

Since I wasn’t sure if he’d be able to finish the sentence, I suggested, “A week?”

“A year,” he clarified, making it impossible for me to conceal the smile forming on my face. 

For the first time since coming into my office he locked eyes with me and I almost got lost in the warmth they radiated. His whole demeanor gave away how anxious he must have been. Most of my patients were worried about their health but I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was me who made him nervous. 

“I like honesty,” I snickered and he sighed relieved. 

“I know about the health benefits of regular exercise and a clean diet,” he stated as if to avoid getting a lecture (that I wasn’t planning on giving him). “It’s just that my job is very stressful.” 

That was to be expected from someone working for the FBI. We spent a couple more minutes talking about his medical and family history before I explained, “A lot of people have completely harmless heart palpitations from time to time. They can worsen with stress or too much caffeine."

"That checks out," he mumbled. 

He found my eyes almost apologetically, as if he was worried he'd be wasting my time. Little did he know that every chance to take a look at a heart was time well spent for me. Especially when it belonged to someone so interesting. 

I softly smiled at him when I continued, "I have no reason to believe that it’s anything to be worried about. But to be sure I would like to do an ECG and an echocardiography if that’s alright with you."

He nodded and followed me to the other room. As I stepped closer to my beloved devices, I pointed to his shirt and told him, "Take that off and lie down for me please."

As he began undoing the buttons of the fabric covering him, he said, "Just the shirt, right?"

Without thinking about it, I snickered, "If you want to take your pants off too you gotta buy me dinner first."

With widened eyes and rosy cheeks he stared at me, obviously unsure about how to react. I realized quickly how uncomfortable I had made him, already regretting my improper comment. 

"I am so sorry," I apologized. "That was inappropriate." 

The sweetest, most heart-warming smile spread across his face at my words. 

"It's okay," he chuckled. "I like honesty, too."

He shed his shirt and lay down for me to place the electrodes on his skin. His chest was flushed and heated, almost burning against my fingertips. When everything was in place, I focussed on the monitor to look at his heart rhythm. 

Spencer couldn't hide his nervousness from me. 

"Is your heart rate always this high?" I wondered without averting my eyes from the monitor. 

"I don’t think so?"

I found his eyes and joked, "So it’s just in my presence."

The rosy shade covering his face and chest turned a little darker when he confessed, “I’m uhm… a little nervous.”

"Try to relax, Spencer,” I whispered. 

Whether he noticed me using his first name I couldn't tell, but it seemed to be working. His heart rate got down slightly. "Take a deep breath."

He did as told and closed his eyes as he tried to calm down. It was interesting to see how good he was at following instructions.

When his heart was beating at an almost normal rate, I said, "That's better. You're doing great." 

It was then that his pulse went up slightly once more but I didn't comment on it. I removed the electrodes from his skin and was met with a concerned expression. 

Even though I knew he didn't have a medical degree, I still offered him a look at the printed paper. "Don't worry, everything looks normal."

He scanned the ECG with furrowed brows before he wondered, "We're still doing the cardiac echo, right?"

"Of course. There are still some things to rule out," I agreed as I moved to the other side of the bed to access the sonographic unit. "Plus, I never pass up a chance to take a look at a heart."

"You must love your job," he chuckled as I placed the probe on his chest. 

"I do, actually," I said while taking a look at his organ. It looked just as perfect as I'd imagined. "Your heart is beautiful, Spencer."

I could have sworn that I saw his heart make a little jump at my words. When I found his eyes, I noticed him looking at my face instead of the monitor. At first I thought he was trying to read my reaction, to know if everything was alright with him. That was not what was happening though. 

The man laying beside me with my hand pressed against his chest smiled at me. It was then that I realized how oddly intimate it was for me to almost literally touch his heart. Never before had a patient made me feel this way. 

The echo gave his current state away, showing me how much faster his heart began beating the longer we stared at each other like this. I wondered if he suspected to find a similar rhythm thrumming inside my chest if he had the chance. It was impossible for me to ignore my blood pumping organ threatening to jump out of its confines, almost as if seeing Spencer's heart had awoken something inside me. 

Before I could lose myself in the moment completely, I focussed back on the monitor in front of me and began to explain what exactly we were looking at. Spencer listened carefully as he watched his own heart beating. 

When we were done we sat back down at my desk where I made sure he'd understand that nothing was wrong with him. 

"There's no reason for you to be worried. What you're experiencing is completely harmless but you should still reconsider your caffeine intake."

To my surprise he didn't just get up and leave like I expected him to. Instead he waited a few moments as if he had hoped to hear more of my words. 

When he realized that I was done talking, he asked, "Should I schedule an appointment for another check-up to be sure?"

Shaking my head, I reassured him some more, "There's no reason to do a follow-up, you're perfectly fine."

"Oh."

Somehow that sounded more disappointed than relieved. I couldn't shake the thought that this wasn't about his health anymore.

He confirmed my theory when he asked, "Are you sure?" 

Spencer really wanted to see me again. 

And I really wanted to see him again. 

"Yes," I confirmed. "But even if a follow-up was necessary, I'd still have to refer you to another doctor."

"Why?"

The shocked expression written all over his face almost broke my heart, so I was quick to coo, "Because I can't go out with a patient."

"Oh," he breathed as his cheeks began glowing once more. He became a little flustered when he muttered, "Is that uhm… something you're considering?"

With a smug grin spread over my cheeks I suggested, "Why don't you call me tomorrow to find out?" 

He reciprocated my smile and promised, "I definitely will."

After handing him a note with my private phone number he disappeared from my office but his face never vanished from my mind. I couldn't quite grasp what it was about him that intrigued me so much but I knew I needed to see him again. 

Spencer didn't even wait 24 hours to call me and I couldn't have been happier. 

We were both eager to see each other again, so we agreed to have dinner the next day. When he picked me up from my place to drive us to the restaurant he seemed a lot more confident than the first time I'd seen him. Only when he spoke did I recognize the same awkward and slightly coy man that had become so dear to me in a matter of moments. 

Time flew by when we were together. Never before had a man shown that much interest in the things I was passionate about and he surprised me by sharing some facts about my favorite topic - the heart. The thought of him doing research in preparation for our date let a warmth spread through my chest. 

Spencer really was unlike anyone I had ever met. 

Although the both of us would have liked for our date to continue it had to come to an end eventually. Spencer walked me to my door and kept lingering in front of it for a little while as we looked at each other in comfortable silence. 

"So, how is your heart?" I finally broke the quiet. 

"It was fine all day," he chuckled, "until I saw you."

I took a step towards him, close enough to be able to feel the warmth his body radiated. We locked eyes when I reached out my hand to place it on his chest, just above where his heart sat under layers of fabric, flesh and bones. He didn't even flinch when I touched him, almost as if he had expected me to make this move. 

I felt his heart thumping steadily against my hand and remembered how perfect it looked the other day. 

When I noticed it beating a little faster, I reminded him, "You don't have to be nervous around me."

"I can't help it, you're very attractive."

"Don't worry," I breathed. "I feel the same way about you, too."

To my surprise I suddenly felt his palm pressed against my chest as well. For a moment I thought it was just some bold move to try to feel me up but then I realized what he was doing. 

He wanted to touch my heart as well. 

It answered him by jumping dangerously fast inside my chest, excited to possibly have found its counterpart after years of searching. 

His heart gave away his intention by raising its frequency before his body had even started moving. A split second later Spencer's free hand made contact with my cheek and his sight dropped to my mouth. His breath felt hot against my face when he leaned down to capture my lips in a kiss. 

Tentatively his lips ghosted over mine before I pulled him closer with my hand in the back of his neck. The sensation of his lips against mine sent sparks through my entire body. When he deepened the kiss and let his tongue meet mine, both of our hearts became erratic. 

My hand wandered from his chest to his shoulder in a desperate attempt to find something to hold onto. Spencer smiled into our kiss as he let his palm glide to my back, pulling me against his body. There was no distance to be found between us as we melted into one another in our kiss. 

Our hearts tried to touch as well as they thumped fast against our chests. When the urge to let more oxygen float into my lungs overcame me, I pulled back slightly and looked at the man before me. He wore the most beautiful smile I had ever seen, so I decided I had not yet had enough of him. 

"Do you want to come inside? Maybe have a cup of coffee?" I asked and added, "Decaf, of course."

"I would love nothing more."

If you enjoyed reading this story you should check out the other fluff fics in my SFW Masterlist!

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[awkward-and-fluffy]

Important little post for those who are still following me and wondering where I’ve gone...

I’ve obviously lost interest in Tumblr over these past couple of years. I’m not that active here anymore and a lot has been going on in my life anyhow.

If anyone wants to keep up with me on social media, I’m on Twitter the most! And I’ve actually gotten myself comfortable with doing Twitch streams as of May 2018. It feels like a great accomplishment for me to overcome most of my public speech fears through that!

Aside from getting into streaming, I managed to finish enough of my website for it to be hosted! I put a lot of money into that, but it’ll last about 2 years. :’D

Sooo...

My Twitter: https://twitter.com/WolfKat777

My Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/wolfkat7

My Website: https://wolfkatworks.com/

Sometime soon I’ll be able to complete the HTML/CSS tutorial pages for my website, but it wasn’t possible to get it launched ASAP when those pages take the longest to put together. I’m not sure when I can get them done yet, but I hope it’ll be before Tumblr completely crashes and burns... I need my old tutorials on this blog to reference back to for how I organized everything. There are lots of mistakes to fix and new screenshots to take for better lesson examples, etc.

But yeah, a lot’s been going on. I’ve been trying to search for a new job (with no luck yet), managed to reach Affiliate on Twitch by some miracle, various family issues took place, my dad had to get heart surgery, etc.

Before going to a read more, if you don’t quite want to read a big wall of text or are scared of reading any medical topics (I get that), I’ll provide my thanks and more right here.

It’s been awesome to meet all the people I have on here - mostly through Gravity Falls! Writing and replying to theories was such a freakin blast, no matter how ridiculous things would get at times. Granted, I don’t like Tumblr itself as a social media platform and community if I’m brutally honest... However, I still had a little good come from this regardless of my bitterness from my old account before this one.

To you old mutuals of mine, and some of you old pals, keep being awesome! I hope you’re doing well in life; and if not, I hope for things to improve. Fight a good fight, but be careful in picking those fights. Life’s worth living and all that cliche junk that may or may not have much affect on you as motivating advice. 

This all goes to my general base of followers too if any of them come across this post. Thank you guys for following this dumb blog and enjoying and sharing so many of my fun posts for Gravity Falls! The show is still super important to me, and my all time favorite cartoon to exist. Whether you sent asks, replied, reblogged, or simply liked, all of that was awesome in its own way. Having discussions on the series is one of the best memories I’ll have on this most often unbearable website! (I hope that doesn’t sound too insulting or generalizing about this site...)

And thank you for anyone who enjoyed the rest of my content here, and bearing with any personal ramblings I may have had on some bad days.

It’d be cool to come across anyone here again in the near future, but at some other online platform. I’ve provided my active links above, so feel free to find me elsewhere if you want.

Goodbye to you all, and have a great rest of 2019 and beyond!

This new year is also already off to a very... Surreal and terrifying start. In case you haven’t already checked my Twitter from the time of this post to see what I wrote there, I got a severe case of my rapid heartrate and ended up hospitalized rather than stuck in Urgent Care on its own. Just 3 weeks ago, I was in UC from a less severe but still terrifying rapid heart rate that woke me up at 5am and wouldn’t calm the heck down.

I know it seems weird to include this following story for my “farewell, Tumblr” post, but I think it’ll help give some interesting record of closure here. I’ve had personal posts and ramblings on this blog about my cardiac terrors and fears. I don’t recall exactly what I’ve written here, but maybe it’d be interesting for me to search for any of those posts again to kinda look back on those thoughts...

It’s been a few years since I’ve had a bad case of rapid heartrate... In fact, I remember writing about that experience back then here on my blog too. I was put on a heart monitor for only 3 days and yeah. Of course 3 days wasn’t enough to catch anything significant... So my heart issue was still freakin shrouded in mystery and only ever connected to my anxiety/panic disorder.

Welp, I was put on a heart monitor again just last week and I requested for it to last 30 days. Lo and behold, about 8 days later, my most severe case occurred and my monitor recorded a 250bpm max rate... This monitor is linked to cellular wifi thankfully, so the company got alerted of it and called my local UC to take me in and then called the house for my mom to answer and help drive me there. (Some moments before leaving home, my heartrate went back down to the 140′s or so, but still really bad and wouldn’t return to normal.)

In UC, I had to get X-Rays as well, but I have no idea what they found from ‘em? I wasn’t really told what they resulted with... I’ll have to ask sometime.

However, with everything going on and not even medication getting my heartrate back to normal, I was moved into a hospital shortly after my stay in UC. That was my first time ever being in an ambulance.

At the hospital, I got more blood tests done, more EKGs, all that stuff. There was also talk of me needing a uh... An ablation procedure. Then later that night, a cardiologist visited me and explained that I FINALLY got a confirmation on my issue. I’ve waited 10 years for answers on why my heart would be like this... Ugh. I’m relieved, but also frustrated it took that long to figure it out, y’know?

At this point, I didn’t have the name of the condition, but I was feeling more at peace when the cardiologist mentioned this condition isn’t life-threatening and doesn’t increase my risks of heart disease. The most common issue of it is how disruptive it is, and some other symptoms it can induce (dizziness,fatigue, etc.) Gosh, that cleared away so many worries and questions I had throughout these years.

But yeah, it’s something that people are just born with and it causes a faulty circuit or two in the heart giving it weird signals at times. Stuff like that. Those with the condition have a chance to never have symptoms of it, while others start showing symptoms between 11 - 50 years old. Mine started showing when I was 13, so that was... Great.

The only way to most likely treat it, is through an ablation... And that’s where things get really scary. I’ve always had nightmares about needing heart surgery, or my heart getting shot by bullets, etc. Like, that’s how bad I felt from never knowing what’s wrong with my vital organ.

My other option was medication, but it wouldn’t be guaranteed to help by itself. Afterall, I’ve had a few times in UC throughout my life where these meds didn’t help much if at all. They also figured it’d be good to get this procedure done the earlier the better, since it can be much more complicated if I were to have it done at an older age.

-big siiigh- After spending my first night there, yep, I’ve had that done. I don’t want to describe it ‘cause it was a terrifying experience, but I hope it helps in the end. I indeed had a faulty circuit they found, and they uh... Did what had to be done.

After I was sent back to my room, the cadiologist returned and gave me the name of my condition. Of ALL THINGS, it’s “Wolff-Parkinson-White Syndrome” or “WPW Syndrome” for short. Despite all the straight-up trauma I’ve had, I guess in a way I can kinda thank God for the bit of humor?? (For context, I developed an interest in wolves and werewolves during my teens and loving them about as much as cats...)

I was keeping my closest friends up to date on this through my phone during all this too. I kinda knew what I’d get myself into when revealing the name of my diagnosis to them... But the friendly teasing (such as “wow, so you DO have a wolf’s heart!”) cheered me up. I’m just really thankful for my friends for keeping me company even if only possible through online chat. And despite my conflicts with my mom, she stayed by me and helped me, spending nights in the hospital with me and all that stuff. I would’ve been so much more terrified and - errgh, for lack of better words - heart broken. Being all alone without someone I know being nearby during these types of things, regardless of how much I like being alone, is stressful. I would’ve otherwise only had doctors and nurses, but they’d come in and out and not always be in the room.

So, my heart needs to adjust to this, and the recovery is a little scary at times too. I’m pulling through the best I can, using guidance from my doctors. They had me stay one more night, and as of yesterday, I’ve been able to return home. Gotta spend a week relaxing and healing up, keeping up with certain medications to help, and so on.

With all that said, and for those who read this entire mess of a thing, see you all elsewhere!

[happinessisdownsyndrome]

Deanna and Baby

My husband and I were late bloomers to meeting each other. I was 31 and he was 33. We were set up by a mutual teacher friend. We are both teachers, but I teach kindergarten and he is high school Chemistry so we never would have crossed paths otherwise. Even before we were married, we knew we wanted to start a family together. Our families are our everything. We got married July 14, 2019 which was the 3 year anniversary from the day we met. It was the best day ever! Everything that happened afterward decided to challenge us to our core. We got pregnant fairly quickly only to find out at 9 weeks that I had what was called a blighted ovum. It meant my body thought I was pregnant, positive test, belly growing, but it was empty. What a mind mess that is! A few months after recovering, we got pregnant again, this time a chemical pregnancy. Since we had two unsuccessful pregnancies in a row, we were sent for extra testing. We both came back totally fine, but were sent to a fertility doctor to do cycle monitoring to help us along. After only a month of that, we were pregnant again! Terrifying to say the least that this pregnancy would be like the two beforehand. Everything was going great...very few symptoms...only slight nausea...and they assured me there was indeed a baby in there this time! Alleluia!

At 12 weeks I went in for some prenatal testing since I am 35 years old, they recommended it. I knew during the ultrasound that something wasn’t right. The usually chatty tech that I had gotten to know quite well over the time we were monitoring, was all of a sudden quiet and asking if I was ok over and over again. After the ultrasound I knew I needed to meet with my OB, so I hope she would reassure me that my anxieties weren’t real. She sat me down (alone, since you have to go to all your appointments solo due to Covid) and told me there was likely “something wrong with the baby.” At that point, we didn’t know what it was yet. Could be something chromosomal or a heart condition. I was a mess! I couldn’t get ahold of my husband as he was teaching online, but thankfully my mom was home and my doctor was able to call her, explain the situation and she could come get me and drive me home. I was devastated to say the least. Why was this happening again? I thought this baby would be healthy since it’s siblings were not. I was immediately given a requisition to do an NIPT to better confirm the diagnosis, but it takes 10 business days to get the results so we had a waiting game ahead of us.

Only 3 days after the “there might be something wrong” message, we received a video chat appointment with a geneticist. Since they didn’t know what was “wrong,” she went through all the possible scenarios. Overwhelming for sure! I held it together pretty well until she started rhyming off all the “what if’s” and what it would take to terminate this or pregnancy. What?! Terminate? We don’t even know what’s going on, and now you want to know what it’s going to take to lose our third baby in less than a year?! It took the full 2 weeks to get the results of our NIPT test. This whole time we had been connected with a genetic counsellor who was much less direct and abrupt in her questions and was willing to let us ask the questions we needed. The geneticist called back again to let us know we had a 90% chance that our baby has Down syndrome. Again, even though it was a possibility, you somehow think you’ll be the exception and the test must be wrong. I was heartbroken, but then I felt worse for feeling heartbroken. This was still our baby. Why was I so sad? I talked to a friend of mine who is a doctor (and also the mama to a special needs daughter who has since passed away) and she said, no. You need to let yourself grieve. Grieve what you thought would be and then when you’re ready, you’ll accept this new reality. My husband was so great through this whole thing too. He said, “you’re going to be the best mom to any baby we have. This is the card we have been dealt. We will figure it out.” He was right! They asked if I wanted to do the amnio to confirm that extra 10%, and while I initially said yes, I ended up cancelling it before the appointment. That 10% wasn’t going to change our minds on anything either way. Our friends and family have been incredibly supportive. This baby will be well loved with or without an extra chromosome.

I started researching Down syndrome and that was not a good idea. Everything was so negative online and it just became too much. I decided to connect with people online instead. People who have had the same experiences with us that could relate and would be willing to answer my questions. The cardiologist we met with was the first professional who sat us down and made us feel like this wasn’t the end of the world. He explained everything other doctors had found and what he would be looking for (complete with his own doodles and diagrams). Before we left, he actually said to me, “do you feel better about all this? That was my goal today. Your baby is going to do everything any other kid will do, they just might take a little longer or need a little more help.” He was absolutely right!

I’m now 31 weeks along with this perfect baby growing inside me. Excited and anxious for the weeks to come. Every kick or movement is a blessing. Every ultrasound is a nerve wracking experience, but one I will never take for granted. Baby is measuring small, but has a great looking heart! We cannot wait to meet them in a few short months and see just what amazing things we will all be able to accomplish as a family!

[justasparkwritings]

Codename Cupid Chapter 18

Previous: Cricket & Bunny

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x OFC

Genre: Secret AgentAU, Government AgentAU

Rating: PG15

Word Count: 1.4K

Warnings: Swearing

Summary: Our resident P.I. finds who she's been looking for, and gets an unwelcome surprise. 

(two shorter chapters today!) 

Harboring Hoseok

Present Day

           I found Jung Hoseok.

           Let me back track that statement – After months of digging, harassing my sister for more help, using all my contacts in various bureaus, lying to Euna that I’d made progress when I hadn’t, I finally have found Jung Hoseok, Hoseok Jung.

           I know, you’re wondering, how? What finally cracked the case? How did I, the person incapable of finding Min Yoongi, lucky enough to stumble into Park Jimin, find Jung Hoseok?

           You’ll be shocked, you’ll be amazed, you’ll be dumbfounded that I stumbled into him in the most millennial way possible, because I found him on, don’t hold your breath:

           Instagram.

           That’s right, I stumbled upon Jung Hoseok on fucking Mark Zuckerberg owned, Instagram. It was a coincidence, a twist of fate, that I was even in the vicinity of him, because we do not live in the vicinity of each other. I wasn’t sure he was even alive; I wasn’t sure if he had moved continents or countries. But, in the ether, he resides.

           Sometime after Jungkook told me he loves me, and after I created permanent scarring on his back from my too long fingernails (they’ve since been cut multiple times), I went to my favorite Barre3 studio. I’m not going to lie, I go regularly. I’m addicted. Yes, it can be cult-ish, but have you ever worked out so thoroughly your ass hurts when you stand? Or listened to a teacher relay the message that you are strong, that your body is powerful, that you can accomplish any challenge? If not, and I know this is propaganda, but like take a class. I can give you a discount.

           The point is, somewhere between sumo squats and parallel bridge lifts, I noticed this woman, stunning, who seems to come to class every day before or after she hits the gym with her trainer. The. Stamina. Can you believe? On a Wednesday, I accidentally bumped into her, spilling some of my water down her Sweaty Betty matching set. I apologized profusely, and she laughed it off, saying it cooled her down. She noticed my earrings, liked them, and ever since then we’ve been texting. We’ve even gone so far as to get coffee, which prompted me to do my favorite activity, troll her Instagram. Some people say Instagram is going the way of Facebook, which it easily could be, but it’s so damn fun that I pray every day the trend continues in its favor.

           A public figure, Genevieve Yang is the height of couture. She is at every fashion week, Milan, Paris, New York, and donates nearly as much as Kwan and Seo, combined. Leaving the spotlight to work on a smaller sect of her organization, focusing on women’s reproductive rights, specifically women in poverty, she’s rarely photographed or seen outside of said events. Instead, she works 8-5, exercises regularly and rumor has it, is vegan. She’s the eldest of three, and her siblings are a pediatric cardiologist and a Rhodes Scholar. Within the universe of the Lee’s, she’s looked down upon for being biracial, her father, a first generation Nigerian-American, fell in love with her mother, a first generation Korean American from Busan, during their study abroad stint in Italy. I’ve been dying to find a connection to the Lee’s, and here, in all her melanin glory, is Genevieve.

           In scrolling through her Instagram, I came across a photo series from a few weeks ago. To my surprise, standing with his arm around Genevieve’s shoulder, stands a man with dimples so deep and rays of sun beaming through the photo and barreling past my phone screen.

           Jung Hoseok.

           And who should be next to him?

           Lee Kwan-Min.  

           They’re in an ornate ballroom, gold ceilings and ball gowns, masquerade masks held in their manicured fingers. They’ve been drinking and dancing, as is evident in their, what Jungkook would call Asian Glow, and in the caption.

           Drink every night bc we’re drinking to our accomplishments

           A paraphrase from a Drake song, it seems to ring true as I scan through the other photos of the evening. It must’ve been Lee Enterprises semi-annual gala, masquerade theme taking turns with Gatsby or in the era of Bridgerton, Regency London. Their summer event, Polos & Picnics, is as you guessed it, a Lacoste and Perignon soaked day drinking celebration of everyone’s summer tans and Hampton houses. It’s anyone’s guess which event raises more money, or costs more to put on. Jun-Seo and Kwan-Min throw a few other smaller events, brunches and casino nights, all earnings going to their philanthropy. The galas are the hottest ticket in North America, and I am still stunned that Hoseok had made it into the embrace of Kwan-Min.

           Think Crazy Rich Asians meets the Met Ball. It’s all anyone ever wants to attend, and damn if I’m not jealous every year.

           Hoseok is tagged in the photo series, and by clicking on his name, I can see our mutual friend, and nothing more. The age-old question every millennial has to ask themselves is this, is that enough to send a follow request? I don’t know if it is, but what’s the worst that can happen? He blocks me? Alright, that gives me information that I can use. Sure following him would be the best case, but he could leave it pending for weeks.

           I send the request and text my newest friend, Genevieve Yang, who immediately calls me.

           “Oh Y/N, what do I owe the pleasure?” Genevieve asks.

           “I just thought we could chat, I was looking at your Instagram and-

           “Oh my god! Do the pics from the Masquerade look good? I can’t tell if people love them, or just tolerate them, you know?” She sips loudly on what I assume is some green smoothie, her favorite non H2O beverage.

           “Sure, absolutely, I totally know,” I lie.

           “Don’t lie to me,” Genevieve scolds.

           “They’re beautiful, but I didn’t recognize who was in that first one with you,” I bait.

           “Come off it, you absolutely know,” She laughs but I swear I can hear her rolling her eyes.

           “The woman looked familiar, but I don’t know from what,” I tell her, curiosity in my voice. “I have no clue who that man is.”

           If she could see me, she’d laugh. A barely eaten sandwich, cold coffee in a travel mug I got when I was 20, and dark circles under my eyes from my inability to sleep the last few nights. The paranoia of the last letter has seeped into my subconscious, and I can’t bring myself to sleep unless Jungkook is nearby, of which, he isn’t. Gone on a business trip for the last three nights, gone for five more. How incredibly rude of him, but there isn’t much I can do when his boss could possibly be 007 incarnate. Or Danny Trejo.

           “She’s one of the heirs to Lee Enterprises,” She tells me.

           “The Lee Enterprises?”

           “Oh so you do know?”

           “I’ve heard of them, how could you not? Their parties are exclusive, and that’s putting it generously,” I respond sipping on my own beverage. Two can play ASMR phone games, Genevieve.

           “Oh, the most exclusive, top of the line guests, one year, Beyonce performed, and the next, Adele,” She regales me, tempting me to go off topic.  

           “Are you dating that guy? He’s gorgeous,” I inquire.

           “Hoseok? No, no, not for me. I think he was going to ask Kwan out,” Genevieve says.

           “Really? A new boyfriend?”

           Scoffing loudly, “Just because she isn’t like her siblings doesn’t mean she doesn’t date.”

           “None of them have a particularly stellar track record,” I remind her.

           “Does anyone?” She breathes.

           “I suppose not,”

           “Mm, anyway, Hoseok is eying Kwan, I’m single and you’re still with that guy, who?”

           “Jungkook,”

           “Mm, I think Hoseok might know him,” She says.

           “What?” I ask.

           The thing with being a P.I. is accepting the reality that nothing is a coincidence. There are no happy accidents, nothing is considered fate. I’ve been so, blinded, by my personal connection with Jungkook to see the larger picture. What if he is part of this? Could he be conspiring with these other men? Does he know them, like they seem to be implying? How fucking blind have I been?

           “Yeah, he said something to me later, about knowing a Jungkook and wondering if they were the same. He said that it’s not a common name in Korea, so why would it be here?” Genevieve’s soft voice pulls me back from my panic attack.

           “Yeah, say, does Hoseok know a Namjoon?” I ask.

           “I don’t know, do you want me to ask?” Genevieve sets her drink down, the sound clinking through my phone.

           “Uh, no, no, that’s okay,” My hands hastily move against my keyboard, searching Hoseok’s followers for Namjoon.

           But I don’t find him.

           Instead, my blood runs cold at who I find.

Next: Codename Miss Cuttlefish, If Ya Nasty

[jungee]

Memories

A/n: Hi guys! I know it’s been awhile since I’ve written a fic but I hope you guys like this one! It’s going to become a series~ thank you and hope you all like it!!

Pairing: Yoongi x reader

Summary: Everything was happening way too fast at the age of nineteen for you and him. A young boy who suffers from heart disease wanted to live a normal life with his girlfriend. A life where the both of you overcome many fears and obstacles.

Genre: Angst/Fluff

Word Count: 1402

It was a tradition for you to do this everyday when you would come to visit. A bouquet of flowers that he had requested along with a box of his favorite snacks. Your smile adorning your face as you welcome Yoongi with a “good morning.” Your face flushed from the cold winter air as you handed him the things you got. Bringing a chair beside the bed as you happily watch him open the box. “It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?” You ask tilting your head a bit to the side as Yoongi chuckles because of this old habit of yours. He replies with a nod as he grabs onto your hand and places a kiss against your knuckles, “I missed you so much.”

“Ah, such young love,” the both of you hear from the entrance of the room, only to find out it was your father, the man who was in charge of Yoongi’s health. Embarrassed by his words, you retract your hand from Yoongi’s grip and place it on top of your other hand that was on your lap.

“Hello doctor Yoo—”

“Yoongi, it’s time for an examination,” your father interrupted only to have the young man nod as he gets off of the hospital bed.

Yoongi then runs his fingers through your hair as he reassures you that he’ll come back as soon as possible.

Once left alone, you begin to remember all the moments you both have shared up until now. It had been only two years since you and Yoongi had met. The both of you confessing to each other about your mutual feelings at the age of seventeen. This was what others would call, “puppy love”. Having two adolescents in love as both of you were each blinded by the affection given from one another. Now with the both of you nineteen and still going strong, you felt as if nothing could stop your relationship with Yoongi.

Your father and Yoongi barge back into the room fifteen minutes later as they both tell you that everything is fine. News that Yoongi would soon be discharged by tomorrow and able to start his normal life. You thank your father for everything he’s done to take care of Yoongi. He then tells you that he has to run some tests in the lab as he gives you a forehead kiss as a goodbye for now. Finally alone, you bring your arms to wrap around Yoongi’s waist. “Is something wrong?” He questions as he hugs you back.

You give out a small giggle, “I should be asking you that. You’ve been a bit fidgety ever since you came back.”

“I have something to tell you,” he answers, the sentence giving you chills as you could feel as if your stomach could drop any moment, unsure if it would be good news or bad news. You retract from the embrace as his hands grip onto your shoulders, both yours and his eyes never waver from the contact given. “I—I’m getting a heart transplant!”

“Oh my god Yoongi, this is good news!” You exclaim as you bring him in for a hug once more. Just the thought of your boyfriend getting one step closer to becoming healthy was joyful in its own way. “It truly is a miracle.”

“It sure is,” he replies in a whispered tone as he kisses your forehead while his arms wrap around you and his hands run through your hair once more.

“When is the appointment?” You ask only to find him freeze in place. “What’s the matter? Is something wrong?”

He shook his head no, a smile adorning his face only for the smile to be a weary one as he began to hesitate his answer. “I—It’s not until a year.” Your shoulders slump downward to hear how long he’d have to wait, a small frown now placed on your face. “Hey, it’s okay. We can both wait, I know it,” he began to say as his words were to comfort you while his hands had held your face for a few minutes. His eyes examining your face as another smile pops onto his face.

“What is it?” You inquire as your hands grip onto his, “Is there something on my face?” He shakes his head no as he then brings a hand into the pocket of his jeans, rummaging for something that seemed to be a box.

Your hands covering your mouth as you’re overwhelmed with so many emotions rushing through you. “Min Yoongi, you did not—”

“It may not be the real deal yet, but it’s a promise,” he says as he pops open the dark red velvet box, a ring with four dots of little diamonds across as the inside had written the word promise. “In a year, after my transplant has been a success, I will definitely propose to you at the age of twenty.” He had confessed, his cheeks flushing at his proposal as he fits the ring upon your finger. Your hand wriggling your fingers around as the light had bounced off the tiny diamonds. A huge smile adorning your face as you then tippy toed your way up to give Yoongi a kiss, “I love you, Min Yoongi.”

Your confession leaving the young man blank as you left his embrace and exited the room.You begin to run towards the lab room so you could display the beautiful present Yoongi had surprised you with, “Look at what Yoongi gave me da—”

“Doctor Yoo, are you sure tha—”

“Yes, I’m quite sure nurse. I am the best cardiologist here and that boy won’t be able to live past the age of twenty,” he interrupted, his thumb and index finger pinching the bridge of his nose. “But I will do my best to keep that boy living, after all my little girl is in love.” He gave out a forced smile knowing that his abilities can only help him do so much.

Yoongi won’t live past twenty?

Tears ready to fall from your eyes as your hands covered your mouth from the shock. Slowly walking back to Yoongi’s room before you could hear much worse. As you slid the door open, this was the moment where the tears ran down your face. Yoongi’s once smiling expression falls into a worried one. “Y/n, what happened?” You don’t answer as all you could was just shake your head in denial. His arms carefully wrapping around you bringing you in for another embrace. A few minutes later the hug is broken by you. “Are you okay?”

Your head looks up to his, nodding your head very fast as you responded with, “Yes, I’m fine Yoongi.”No, I’m really not. You might die earlier than expected. You tried to hide the negative deep within your head as you tried to not show any concern in your expressions, but it was too hard to keep them away. They’ve already been stuck in your mind as if they will surface whenever they want. You lowered your head as you didn’t want Yoongi to see you cry anymore. Clutching onto the ends of your shirt until you began to wipe away the tears with your sleeves.

Yoongi gives out a sigh, quite flustered what to do in a situation like this. He has his hand hold onto yours as he leads you to the bed having you sit down. “I’ll go get you some water, okay?” As soon as he turns around he’s surprised by your actions as you grasp onto the ends of his sweater. He stops in his tracks only to get even more surprised. You hug him from behind, your hands clutching onto the front of his sweater. Yoongi’s cheeks begin to heat up as he also freezes up from your sudden moves.

“Y/n—”

“Promise me that you won’t leave me.”

“Y/n, what is all of this about?”

“Just promise me that you won’t, okay?”

He gives out another sigh but he complies, his hands grip onto yours as he turns around to face you, “Until death do us part, I, Min Yoongi, promise to never leave you no matter the circumstances.”

A kiss is shared between the two of you, one that tastes sweet yet bitter because of the sorrows yet to come.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, y/n.”

If only you knew Yoongi, if only you knew.

[ellymackay]

How Collaborative Care for Sleep Disorders Could Be Better

The post How Collaborative Care for Sleep Disorders Could Be Better was first published to https://www.ellymackay.com

When physicians and dentists communicate well with each other, more sleep apnea patients are diagnosed and adherent to therapy.

By Jennifer Q. Le, DMD, DABDSM, CPCC

The following story is an example of what I have seen many times. It’s from a sleep disorder patient who came to me in despair. Ready to do anything to feel better, she sought consultations and self-help remedies before coming to me.

“My story began almost 5 years ago. I felt weak and tired, and I could not tolerate the stress in my job as a nurse. I would wake up with my heart racing and struggle with anxiety day after day. I went to my medical provider, who sent me for my first sleep study and eventually told me that I had mild sleep apnea. She advised me to call the sleep study provider for a CPAP machine. The CPAP blew air into my stomach, which led to painful bloating and horrible gas. Seeking alternate solutions, I found a dentist who made oral appliances, but the cost was prohibitive, and my insurance plan did not cover it.

I continued to suffer with my condition, untreated, for nearly 4 more years. I left my job, which I loved, because I felt I could no longer handle the demands. My day-to-day living situation had become nearly unbearable. I would wake up feeling like I had the flu without the fever. I would quietly dread any outing. I would cry for no reason and thought I was losing my mind.

My husband asked me to see a sleep doctor, and in my search, I found Dr Le, who turned out to be exactly what I needed. The sleep doctor I had seen previously had looked at the results of my first sleep study and insisted that I did not have sleep apnea. On Dr Le’s advice, I underwent another sleep study, which showed moderate to severe sleep apnea. Dr Le made my oral appliance almost a year ago now. In the past year, I have felt better than I could ever have expected. I now have a life I look forward to living, which all stems from a simple oral appliance and a knowledgeable, supportive doctor.”

T.J.

This is not a story about me being a hero. It is a story of why collaborative medicine is both crucial and severely lacking. I played one role in a larger picture. It is my hope that this story will motivate others, both inside and outside the medical community, to strive for a higher standard of communication and teamwork in the co-management of sleep-related disorders.

Communication

In sleep medicine, we talk about collaborative care when managing obstructive sleep apnea (OSA) patients alongside our medical colleagues. Different organizations form “collaborative working” partnerships, which can take on a variety of forms. Options range from informal networks and alliances to joint delivery of projects to full mergers. Since 50 to 70 million Americans have sleep disorders,1 it is more important now than ever to develop a wellness management team based on one shared definition of a successful patient outcome. The single most crucial element of collaborative care is communication.

At the recent Sleep Medicine Trends 2020 conference in Tampa, Fla, organized by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM), I listened to more than 500 medical doctors as they shared their questions and concerns for the management of alternative therapies for OSA with their dental colleagues. The dialog illuminated a growing opportunity for both the medical and dental communities. As the public increasingly begins to recognize the central role of sleep in overall health, physicians and dentists can expect more patients to turn to their medical providers for remedy. The necessity for clear standards and best practices for the diagnosis and treatment of sleep disorders has grown more apparent than ever before.

As studies continue to support the effectiveness of oral appliance therapy (OAT) in the management of OSA, physicians are referring their patients to their dental colleagues for guidance in selecting alternative therapies. Several questions arise. How can a physician best determine where to send patients and what to communicate to the dentist? What diagnostic follow-up procedures are most essential to a successful patient outcome? What role should the medical provider continue to play in the patient’s management and care? How might factors such as cost and insurance coverage influence patient compliance and follow-through? How can both physician and dentist remain “in the loop” about important developments in the patient’s care?

The importance of collaborative efforts is self-evident when we accept that sleep-breathing disorders arise from disease processes that most often involve comorbidities. They have been linked to an increased risk of conditions such as heart disease, diabetes, obesity, depression, anxiety, and countless others. Our physician colleagues must be able to trust that their patients are under management, referring back to the dental sleep medicine practitioner. They need to follow up with objective testing and further assessments of clinical findings to address the patient’s other medical comorbidities.

Co-Management

Early in my practice of dental sleep medicine, I found myself quickly humbled by the complexity of the patients who were presenting to me. There was no question that I needed to attain the most unbiased education via stringent programs to appropriately equip myself for the management of sleep disorders. Equally, I knew I would need my entire team to continually improve their education and their professional peer networks, developing key mentoring relationships in the domain of sleep medicine and OAT.

More often than not, patients sit in front of me with little to no clear understanding of their condition or the consequences of nonadherence. The patients are surprised by the effects of insufficient oxygen to their bodies and minds. They present with a list of medications, diagnoses, and outdated sleep studies, frequently frustrated and emotional about the lack of control they feel they have in their personal and work lives. More importantly, they feel they were not given options or given conflicting professional opinions.

Over the past 10 years, I have heard numerous physicians express concerns with home sleep test (HST) findings, which can underdiagnose the severity of a patient’s OSA and result in a misdiagnosis and treatment recommendation of OAT. Referring a patient back for follow-up sleep testing by a physician-monitored lab can be crucial in determining whether the patient’s OSA has been adequately managed. When physicians develop partnerships with dentists who they feel will communicate with them, this reduces the likelihood of a common “recommendation” that patients often hear: “You can just ‘Google’ a dentist that makes oral appliances.” (I doubt that same physician would suggest a patient requiring three antihypertensive medications “Google” a cardiologist.)

Dentists are familiar with patient education, through the ongoing practice of explaining disease processes and therapies. We are accustomed to using referral pads to communicate our treatment recommendations with other healthcare providers and in asking for specific assistance in the co-management of a disease process. Yet in collaborative management of sleep-breathing disorders with our medical colleagues, many of us seem to forget how to communicate effectively. We need to communicate back to our medical colleagues the progress of the sleep-breathing disorder and ask their assistance in determining whether the therapeutic outcome is sufficiently managing the breathing. Dentists may refer a patient for a sleep study as deemed appropriate by their physicians who are familiar with potential comorbidities. Qualified dentists should be able to communicate to their medical colleagues the treatment protocols they follow in the management of OSA, ask the physicians to clarify their preferences with regard to when they would like to reassess the patient, and what information they would like included in follow-up communications. Physicians can communicate, via letters of medical necessity, their preferences for mutual patient management.

Patients vary in their anatomical structures, parafunctions, psychosocial needs, and preferences in what they perceive as therapies they can tolerate. Understanding the various types of custom fabricated oral appliances and their specific benefits and limitations allows for greater predictors of appliance success in managing OSA. The process of fitting an oral appliance involves multiple office visits involving patient education and reinforcing critical patient behaviors such as oral hygiene routines and usage of AM/PM fitted repositioners. Just as patients present to their medical providers with comorbidities, these patients also present with a plethora of existing dental conditions and areas that must be closely monitored for the stability of the patient’s dentition as well as the long-term stability of the oral appliance therapy.

Finding Compatible Colleagues

I have often heard physicians express confusion in the cost differences amongst dental providers for the management of OAT. Not all appliances are created equal and not all styles of management are the same. It is important for a dentist to communicate what fees include (for example, follow-up visits, working with various types of appliances, inclusion of AM/PM positioners, warranties, and patient education). The cost of dental care for sleep disorders can vary significantly from one dentist to the next. This is due to mechanical variations in the design of the appliance itself, anatomical variations from patient to patient, and variations in parafunctions such as bruxing, jaw-clenching, and other associated movements. Follow-up care is vital, but often inconsistent. For instance, an appliance may initially show promising results, but then require additional adjustments a few weeks later. The level of dental sleep medicine training and experience in case management varies amongst dentists as well. Physicians alternately have the option of working with dental sleep medicine practitioners who are in-network with medical insurance, which is a more standardized fee.

The American Academy of Dental Sleep Medicine (AADSM) and the AASM have authored joint statements regarding best practices, guidelines, and standards for the management of OSA.2 The AADSM also outlines the didactic content of its mastery program, giving the referring physician an idea of what a “Qualified Dentist” designation means. The American Board of Dental Sleep Medicine (ABDSM) oversees the credentialing process for dentists who are qualified in the field of sleep medicine. Any physician can reference the AADSM website to locate a qualified dentist by zip code (available at aadsm.org, then navigate to “For Patients,” then “Find an AADSM dentist”). Many physicians are unaware of this resource—as I recently confirmed in Tampa when I polled the physicians in the room.

Jennifer Q. Le, DMD, DABDSM, CPCC

Dentists who are committed to the practice of dental sleep medicine have access to multiple avenues of higher training and credentialing. Dentists can also consider joining nonprofit organizations such as the AADSM, thereby giving them access to guidelines, standards, research, and mentors. Physicians who find limited access to qualified dentists can share the AADSM’s resources with dentists in their local communities and create partnerships with credentialed dental sleep medicine practitioners.

The seriousness of sleep disorders, and their central effect upon all areas of patient health, cannot be overstated. The body cannot heal itself from illness or injury without regenerative sleep. Lack of sleep contributes to systemic conditions, leading to a chain of effects that cause overall health and quality of life to deteriorate. Patients and their physicians often do not recognize the role of sleep as an aggravator of other conditions until obvious symptoms appear. Treatment of sleep disorders necessitates a multi-layered management approach.

Physicians and dentists must work together to co-manage patients by screening, making appropriate referrals, and establishing clear communication protocols to help guide sleep-deprived, frustrated patients toward therapeutic options that best meet their needs. The key to a cohesive treatment plan is clear communication between providers on a patient’s wellness team. When providers work collaboratively, this empowers the patient to make well-informed decisions on a modality of therapy that they will be most compliant with resulting in better management of their sleep-disordered breathing.

Jennifer Q. Le, DMD, DABDSM, CPCC, is a dentist at Wake Dental Sleep in Raleigh, NC.

References

Sleep studies. National Sleep Foundation. Available at https://www.sleepfoundation.org/articles/sleep-studies.

Policy statement on the diagnosis and treatment of obstructive sleep apnea. American Academy of Sleep Medicine/American Academy of Dental Sleep Medicine. 7 Dec 2012. Available at https://aasm.org/resources/pdf/aadsmjointosapolicy.pdf.

from Sleep Review https://www.sleepreviewmag.com/practice-management/marketing/peer-referrals/collaborative-care-sleep-disorders-could-be-better/

from Elly Mackay - Feed https://www.ellymackay.com/2020/06/04/how-collaborative-care-for-sleep-disorders-could-be-better/

[thisdaynews]

Meet the Silicon Valley investor who wants Washington to figure out what you should eat

New Post has been published on https://thebiafrastar.com/meet-the-silicon-valley-investor-who-wants-washington-to-figure-out-what-you-should-eat/

Meet the Silicon Valley investor who wants Washington to figure out what you should eat

Dr. Joon Yun. | M. Scott Mahaskey/POLITICO

Helena Bottemiller Evich and Catherine Boudreau cover agriculture and nutrition for POLITICO Pro.

Joon Yun strolled the white marble halls of the Cannon House Office Building looking like the Silicon Valley hedge fund manager he is, no tie and his collar unbuttoned, California style.

It was his first visit to the U.S. Capitol, the beginning of a quixotic quest to persuade Washington of an idea. His first meeting was with someone who at first glance might appear to have little interest in policy proposals peddled by Silicon Valley types: a Trump-supporting Kansas lawmaker who sits on the Agriculture committee.

Yun, 51, is a radiologist by training, but he is best known for putting up millions in prize money to spur innovations to end aging. Over the past two years, however, he’s been transfixed by another issue. He is here today to help convince lawmakers, including Republicans who often think government is the problem, that there is at least one problem the feds can help solve: the country’s epidemic of diet-related disease.

Nearly half of American adults now have diet-related diseases like obesity or Type 2 diabetes, yet the connection between illness and food has perplexed the best scientific minds for decades. Meanwhile, the federal government has failed to make nutrition research priority. Fixing this requires a new federal agency dedicated to the issue, Yun argues, and it should be set up under the National Institutes of Health.

America, Yun says, needs a National Institute of Nutrition.

“There’s public appetite for this to happen,” Yun said, after a meeting in March with Rep. Roger Marshall, the Republican from Kansas. “We all grow up hearing that food is a source of life. But in our lifetimes, we’ve started to hear that food is killing us.”

The statistics speak for themselves. An estimated 318,656 deaths in the U.S. each year are attributed to diet-related disease. Treating these ailments is among the top drivers of ballooning health care costs and is fueling national debates over how to overhaul the system, whether by scrapping Obamacare or implementing “Medicare for All.”

Yet preventing these diseases ― through better diet and other interventions, like physical activity ― is largely absent from the political conversation on Capitol Hill.

For decades, the federal government has spent a tiny fraction of its medical research dollars on nutrition, a POLITICO analysis has shown. Last year, for example, the National Institutes of Health invested $1.8 billion, or 5 percent of its total budget, on nutrition research. The Agriculture Department’s main research arm, which is responsible for developing America’s nutritional guidelines, spent even less: $88 million ― an amount essentially unchanged since 1983 when adjusted for inflation.

No one in the federal government seems to be setting strategy for nutrition research, either. Installing a new agency at NIH with fresh leadership would raise the profile of nutrition, help set research priorities and, ideally, secure more funding, Yun said.

Most navy suit-donning visitors to the Capitol are selling ideas that financially benefit them or their employer. This does not appear to be case for Yun. A new National Institute of Nutrition likely wouldn’t inflate the biopharmaceutical assets managed by his firm, Palo Alto Investors. In theory, a healthier population would mean fewer prescriptions and medical treatments.

So here he is shaking hands with Marshall, who’s become an unlikely ally in this quest for a new institute. Marshall is a physician, an OB-GYN who thinks a lot about how to bring down the cost of health care. He has seen firsthand the effects of poor diets on mothers and children in his practice. The second-term lawmaker is supportive of Yun’s idea and says he wants to hold hearings to get the issue on the radar of more lawmakers. After all, without support from GOP lawmakers, any move to create a National Institute of Nutrition can’t be approved by the Republican-led Senate.

“Right now, I pick up the paper — and I know a little bit about nutrition — and what I read confuses me,” Marshall said, recalling that when he was in medical school, nutrition was only offered as an elective worth about an hour of credit. “I just think that we’ve turned our backs on nutrition.”

IN THE LATE1990s, while still a practicing radiologist at Stanford Hospital, Yun began investing in health care with Palo Alto Investors. He went on to become president and managing partner of the physician-led firm, which manages $2 billion in assets primarily in the biopharmaceutical industry.

His foray into nutrition science began with a chance meeting in Los Angeles in 2017 at the Milken Institute’s annual conference attended by the who’s who of global politics, science, philanthropy, business and entertainment. The headliners that year spanned from George W. Bush to Reese Witherspoon to Jim Yong Kim, former president of the World Bank.

Yun was there to talk about longevity, a personal project on which he once gave a TED talk. Following his panel, he met Dariush Mozaffarian, dean of Tufts University’s nutrition school and a cardiologist, through a mutual friend. Mozaffarian “talked about things I’ve never heard anyone else talk about,” Yun said, so he asked for a meeting, and another and another. They met four times during the multiday conference.

Like Yun, Mozaffarian wants the health care system to pay more attention to nutrition, and major research institutes like NIH to make it a higher priority.

“We have a system that spends billions on treating diseases, yet very little on researching the basics of prevention, like nutrition and stress,” he said. “At the same time, nutrition science is improving, but much of what it points to is more questions. What’s the role of the microbiome? What about probiotics? What about supplements?”

Yun had his own questions, too. He had long wondered what are the effects, if any, of consuming plants and animals stressed by their environment. If a cow has high levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, do humans pick that up when they eat beef? He realized no one knew.

In November 2017, he took a Silicon Valley-style approach to the problem and convened researchers from universities and companies like Nestle, investors and food writers at a science museum on San Francisco’s waterfront. He wanted to find out if he could make a difference by throwing some money at the problem. But a key takeaway from the event was the lack of public funding for and coordination of nutrition science across the federal government.

“I entered this thinking, ‘Can I fund some scientists?’ I came away thinking this is far larger than I can do myself,” Yun said. “The opportunity is really for public agencies to reimagine what it means to create the knowledge base needed.”

Yun took what he learned from that Bay Area event and began studying legislation that created other institutions, like the National Cancer Institute in 1937, and drafted a bill dedicating one to nutrition.

Yun’s belief that only Congress has the power to jump-start an overhaul of nutrition science is rare for Silicon Valley, where investors are more inclined to “move fast and break things” than to work within institutions. Yun himself is known for having an anti-establishment bent.

To spur breakthroughs in extending the human lifespan, Yun launched a $1 million contest in 2014 to “hack the aging code,” in part by challenging competitors to extend a mammal’s life by 50 percent. He also has an intense interest in political cartoons and countercultural art; he attends the Burning Man festival regularly.

Yun’s vision for an NIH institute focused on nutrition fit into a new push by Tufts University’s nutrition school, which wanted to expand beyond academia and have a tangible impact on policy.

“We need to bring together diverse allies. This can’t just be about health, but about business expenses being crushed by health care costs,” Mozaffarian said, adding that both the military and the food industry should be on board. “It requires a consortium of people across the political spectrum.”

Yun and Mozaffarian are careful not to criticize NIH, which historically has been resistant to major changes in its structure at the whim of Congress. Not criticizing NIH is politically savvy: Mozaffarian’s own research is often funded by NIH through a competitive grant process. In 2018, he was awarded $1.5 million to run an epidemiological study looking at consuming animal products and cardiovascular disease risk. Tufts as an institution is also a significant beneficiary: It received $57 million in 2018 from NIH for many different types of clinical research.

“We’re not intending to say existing USDA or NIH research isn’t useful,’’ Mozaffarian said. “It is useful. It’s just not enough.”

ON CAPITOL HILL,the idea of creating a National Institute of Nutrition is a long shot. Political polarization in Congress has largely paralyzed legislation, only exacerbated by the ongoing impeachment inquiry into President Donald Trump. Asking lawmakers to come up with new money for an entirely new agency may be comically out of touch.

But Yun and some lawmakers are thinking about the long game.

“I understand that we’re perhaps on day number one and it may be 20 years from now before this nutrition concept is prioritized by Americans, but it has to start somewhere,” Marshall said after his meeting with Yun and Mozaffarian last spring.

Marshall says the idea for the institute meshes with traditional Republican values like fiscal responsibility: “I tell people I can never touch the national debt if we don’t start driving down the cost of health care,” he said.

Yun and his allies are hoping that Rep. Rosa DeLauro (D-Conn.), who chairs the House Appropriations subcommittee that oversees the NIH budget, will be the Democratic champion they need in the House.

They already have one high-profile supporter in the Washington policy community. David Kessler, who led the FDA during the George H.W. Bush and Clinton administrations, teamed up with Yun and Mozaffarian in the summer of 2018. He had taken part in a panel hosted by The Washington Post at which he called the U.S. government “clueless” about how to reverse the nation’s alarming obesity rates.

“I would go back to the basics. Set up, in the National Institutes of Health … a National Institute of Nutritional Sciences,” Kessler told the audience. “I would try to answer very basic questions: Is a calorie a calorie? What’s the basis of insulin resistance and diabetes? What’s going on with my brain?”

Kessler’s comments made waves on the health and nutrition Twitterverse, and it wasn’t long before he got a call from Mozaffarian. Several months later, Kessler was on a plane to visit Yun at his home in the Bay Area. The two had never met or discussed a national institute. It was a coincidence they had the same idea.

In an interview, Kessler said that if DeLauro decided to use the power of the purse that comes with chairing the Appropriations subcommittee, she could propel a plan forward much more quickly than stand-alone legislation would.

“I know from 30 years of friendship that she gets this,” Kessler said of DeLauro. “When the time comes to sum it all up, and they ask, ‘What did I accomplish?’ This is one of those things lawmakers can say made a difference.”

DeLauro told POLITICO in a brief interview she’s “taking a very serious look at the proposal.”

Meanwhile, Rep. Tim Ryan (D-Ohio), a former 2020 presidential candidate, has introduced a bill that would set up a National Institute of Nutrition. He was inspired after reading an op-ed in The New York Times that was co-authored by Yun, Kessler and Dan Glickman, a former secretary of agriculture.

“We are having the wrong conversation right now around health care,” Ryan told POLITICO in a phone interview. “If half the country has diabetes, the system will still go belly up.”

“I want to shift the conversation to prevention,” Ryan added.

Yun acknowledges that creating a new institute at NIH is a big ask, one that could take decades. But he is prepared to work on the effort for as long as it takes, hosting meetings, writing op-eds and showing up on Capitol Hill. He wants Congress to take the idea and run with it without resorting to the typical tools of influence. He’s not hiring lobbyists or making political contributions.

“I don’t think we can afford not to have a National Institute of Nutrition,” he said.

Helena Bottemiller Evich and Catherine Boudreau cover agriculture and nutrition for POLITICO Pro.

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[reomanet]

Science Has Begun Taking Gluten Seriously – The Atlantic

Science Has Begun Taking Gluten Seriously – The Atlantic

Health Science Has Begun Taking Gluten Seriously New research from Harvard and Columbia says gluten does not cause heart disease. Why is that even a question? James Hamblin May 18, 2017 Shutterstock / Ratikova / pirke / Zak Bickel / The Atlantic Every year more money is being spent studying the now-infamous plant protein gluten. The studying raises more questions. That leads to more money being spent. And then more questions. If there was more than one lecture in medical school where gluten came up, I don’t remember it. The one I remember was in 2007, in the context of celiac disease. After the lecturer mentioned “gluten,” a classmate raised a hand and asked him to repeat himself. People who eat what? Make your inbox more interesting. Each weekday evening, get an overview of the day’s biggest news, along with fascinating ideas, images, and people. Email Address (required) Sign Up Thanks for signing up! Please check your email to confirm your subscription. Your newsletter subscription preferences have been updated. An unknown error occurred. Of course gluten, which comes from wheat, rye, and barley, was all around us then, as it is now. It’s a sort of mortar in the walls of the modern food system, in so much of what we eat or otherwise ingest and apply to ourselves. But we were barely, if at all, aware of it. More Stories How Much of an Herbicide Is Safe in Your Cereal? Angela Lashbrook AI-Driven Dermatology Could Leave Dark-Skinned Patients Behind Angela Lashbrook Swim Caps Are Keeping Black Women Out of Pools Marissa Evans Treating Teens’ Depression May Be Great for Parents’ Mental Health, Too Angela Lashbrook When someone with celiac disease eats gluten, it causes an immune reaction that destroys the lining of the small intestine. But as long as people with celiac disease avoid gluten, they’re fine. Got it. And like most medical doctors, that’s what I remember learning about gluten. Cut to a decade later, and this month there is a headline that says eating gluten doesn’t cause people to develop heart disease. Heart disease. I don’t actually have a “no shit” folder but my trained impulse was to commandeer a file cabinet and start one. I’d also put a study there that said gluten doesn’t cause rickets or global warming. Why or how would gluten cause heart disease? In fact, not only does gluten not cause heart disease in the general population, but people who go gluten-free seem to actually be putting themselves at an increased risk of heart disease, insofar as it means eating fewer whole grains. This discovery is among those slowly painting a picture of a diverse array of harms that come with blindly avoiding gluten. The finding comes from a group of prominent nutrition and gastrointestinal researchers at Harvard and Columbia. In a prospective cohort study in the latest BMJ , they concluded that people without celiac disease “should not be encouraged” to adopt gluten-free diets. In the language of academia, that’s a stern admonition. It’s coming late, though, and it’s less compelling than the myriad promises in glossy magazines and miracle books and celebrity-endorsed facial creams. The scientists’ advice is at odds with the fact that gluten-free diets are promoted everywhere and Googled more frequently than any other diet. By my own rough estimate, in April some $700 quadrillion in gluten-free products were sold in California alone. Still, the new research is among the most meaningful to date on the relationship between gluten intake and health outcomes in people without celiac disease. It is based on data from more than 100,000 people over almost two decades. Outside of this, the few small trials that have been done to study the effects of gluten intake—in which blinded participants are divided into gluten-free and gluten-containing diets and then monitored for symptoms—have been short-term and small. A study like this new one can look at dietary patterns in real life and health outcomes over the course of decades. The strongest evidence in gluten’s favor is that the longest-lived, healthiest populations on Earth have long eaten diets that include grain products. No study has yet suggested that gluten causes heart disease. So why was this being studied at all? The lead researcher is Benjamin Lebwohl, a gastroenterologist with the Celiac Disease Center at Columbia University. He has spent more time thinking about the societal role of gluten than anyone I’ve met before. “If we’re going to consider science as orthogonal to whatever the public is doing, it’s just going to worsen polarization,” he said. “We’ll just continue to talk past each other.” In talking to patients , he notes an important difference between saying that there’s no proof that gluten has health effects in the general population and saying that there is proof that gluten has no health effects in the general population. To a concerned patient, that distinction can be huge. I talked with Lebwohl one morning recently in the hours before he started scoping , as he put it, or performing endoscopies and colonoscopies , looking through a fiberoptic tube at the parts of us most of us never see. There he has come to understand that celiac disease––and the effects of gluten––are still largely mysterious. The textbook take on celiac disease is still that it’s an autoimmune condition. It is usually diagnosed by testing for antibodies called tissue-transglutaminase, and by taking a biopsy of a person’s small intestine after the person has eaten gluten. If a person has celiac disease, then Lebwohl expects to see that the finger-like villi of the intestinal wall have been obliterated, flattened like a mowed lawn. But sometimes things get strange. Some of the people Lebwohl sees who have severe atrophy of their intestinal villi eat gluten and feel totally fine. It’s only when they stop eating gluten, and then are exposed to it at some later point, that symptoms arise. He and the rest of the celiac team at Columbia also see many, many cases of the inverse: people with normal-looking bowel walls who feel horrible when they eat gluten. “Why is gluten making people without celiac disease ill?” Lebwohl asks rhetorically. “And why is there such variability in symptoms among people with celiac disease when they eat gluten? There are people that appear to have symptoms that are triggered by gluten, but they definitely do not have celiac disease. This is likely because it’s a new disorder, one for which we don’t have good biomarkers [lab tests] and don’t have an understanding of its mechanism.” The condition likely involves some degree of placebo and nocebo effects, and variations in intestinal flora probably also play a part. He also notes that symptoms may actually be related to FODMAPs—an increasingly popular acronym for a group of carbohydrates that some believe are actually the cause of the symptoms that many people attribute to gluten (or to dairy or soy, et cetera, or simply chalk them up to “ irritable bowel syndrome ”). And nothing about these explanations is mutually exclusive. “There’s also a good chance that there’s a distinct clinical entity out there we just haven’t discovered yet,” he said. “If that’s the case, we have a choice. We can roll our eyes and say this isn’t in the medical textbooks, which often then drives patients to ‘alternative’ practitioners, and they start taking multiple supplements, or we can listen and study these patients.” Lebwohl spent his undergraduate years at Harvard studying music. After four years of medical school, four years of residency, and three years of fellowship, he did a masters degree in patient-oriented research at Columbia, and a post-doctoral fellowship in cancer-related population sciences. He came out the other end less developed than he imagined—less prepared to care for people who exist in the real world than he imagined. “After all that, I realized that people were asking me about ‘leaky gut’ and candida,” he said. “I had zero exposure to any of these concepts, or how to approach patients who are coming to you with concepts that are totally foreign to medical training.” I’ve felt the same, and I know my classmates have. When I write about these things that people ask about—like cryotherapy or chelation therapy or lectin-free dieting—I inevitably hear from science-minded readers who are concerned that these subjects are not worthy of any coverage at all. The best course is to simply ignore them. Lebwohl’s team—which includes veteran researchers like Harvard’s Walter Willett —see it otherwise. They decided to devote their time and money to studying the relationship between gluten and heart disease not because it seemed that they could be plausibly related, but simply because people believe them to be. And they believe this because of a monstrously popular 2011 book called Wheat Belly , which includes the implication that eating gluten has adverse cardiovascular effects. The book was written by William Davis, who is a cardiologist based in Milwaukee, but whose concern about grains is substantially out of proportion to that of academic medicine on the whole. For example, he has likened eating wheat to smoking. One post on his blog warns: “Whole grains are indeed healthier than white flour products—just as filtered cigarettes are healthier than unfiltered cigarettes.” Though blindly avoiding gluten is not recommended by any body of cardiologists or preventive-medicine experts, the outsider status of Davis’s alarmist hypothesis was promoted as the angle that seems to have made his book enormously successful. He promised readers secrets that few others were willing to tell them, and superiority to the sheep who had been played by the system. This narrative tends to sell. I’ve previously traced the modern multi-billion-dollar gluten-free obsession to Wheat Belly , which is published by Rodale, along with subsequent spinoff books in the franchise. ( Wheat Belly Total Health: The Ultimate Grain-Free Health and Weight-Loss Life Plan ; Wheat Belly 30-Minute (Or Less!) Cookbook: 200 Quick and Simple Recipes to Lose the Wheat, Lose the Weight, and Find Your Path Back to Health; Wheat Belly 10-Day Grain Detox: Reprogram your body for rapid Weight Loss and Amazing Health , and Wheat Belly Cookbook: 150 Recipes to Help You Lose the Wheat, Lose the Weight, and Find Your Path Back to Health .) In all, five books to tell people to stop eating grains. The accomplice to Wheat Belly was the comparably fictive 2012 Grain Brain , the author of which has called gluten “this generation’s tobacco,” and which also became a number-one bestseller by promising secrets that no one else was willing to tell us, namely that avoiding grains would prevent and reverse dementia. It’s also based on the idea that gluten sensitivity causes inflammation throughout a person’s body, which has not been shown to be true. The idea has been picked up by theorists and presented as certainty, though, even the founder of The Ultrawellness Center and embattled doctor to the Clintons, Mark Hyman, who has written that even in the absence of celiac disease, gluten “creates inflammation throughout the body, with wide-ranging effects across all organ systems including your brain, heart, joints, digestive tract, and more.” According to his web site, he has written ten books that were number-one bestsellers. Davis’s publicist said he was unavailable for comment in time for this story, as he was doing a radio interview and then driving to Cleveland as part of a press tour for his new book. This new one is a break from the franchise in name, but not in subversive tone. It’s called Undoctored: Why Health Care Has Failed You and How You Can Become Smarter Than Your Doctor . The title is not hyperbolic. The text literally sells superiority: “Let’s be absolutely clear: I propose that people can manage their own health safely and responsibly and attain results superior to those achieved through conventional health care—not less than, not on par with, but superior.” This is the same anti-establishment, outsider spirit that sent Davis’s first book to the number-one spot on The New York Times bestseller list and brought “gluten free” to such a pitch that it can now be found as one of very few nutritional distinctions on restaurant menus around the world. At a time when some best-selling books sell just a few thousand copies, Wheat Belly has sold more than a million. “In that book, a lot of the science from celiac disease has been sort of co-opted and extrapolated into the general population,” said Lebwohl. “Like the notion that gluten is intrinsically pro-inflammatory. That’s something for which we have very shaky data.” But since people believe the story, these ideas are now the topics of serious study. They came to popularity among crowds that felt alienated and unheard, and so were susceptible to demagoguery, and now a medical establishment that has long been seen as elitist and closed-minded is paying for the power dynamic it created. The funding for the new gluten-heart-disease study came from grants from the American Gastroenterological Association, Massachusetts General Hospital, and the National Institutes of Health. Any entrenched system is going to have a backlash; in the case of gluten, the rebellion is now leading the discourse. The team at Columbia is now working on another study looking for any relationship between gluten and cancer. (They have no reason to think that gluten causes cancer. But some people do believe this.) “I believe we need to research and study rigorously the things that patients are interested in,” said Lebwohl. “This is, in my view, a necessary part of science’s mission—to go to where the public is interested and provide sound analysis. If the public is barking up the wrong tree, we shouldn’t ignore that.” Some find this concerning—that we’ve entered a cycle of buying and belief that will require so much research that science will never catch up, but only ever be chasing whatever people have already chosen to believe gluten is doing to them. Others say this is exactly how science is supposed to work. In the meantime, Lebwohl tells gluten-wary patients to be wary, rather, of “any practitioner who is telling people that the problem is that their gut is leaking.” And as a general rule, “beware of any lab tests that tell you what foods you can’t tolerate. If there is a lab that does tests that can’t be paid for by conventional means––insurance companies––maybe that lab is testing things that are totally unproven. There are countless people who will take advantage of those who are looking for answers right now.” James Hamblin , MD, is a senior editor at The Atlantic . He hosts the video series If Our Bodies Could Talk and is the author of a book by the same title . | More Facebook Logo Facebook Twitter Logo Twitter Email Icon Email

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[bruceeves]

“Work # 950: From Birth to (Near) Death and Back Again -- In Four Parts”

The fluidity of power – the idea that authority can be both effectively enforced from afar as well as allowed to fester quietly within – is a proposition that has been explored in much of my work over the course of my career. While the task at hand is to address the issue of “risk”, I’ve chosen to tackle this question by greatly expanding upon an artist’s statement accompanying four works that were presented together at the Robert Kananaj Gallery during the summer of 2015 to celebrate its fourth anniversary. These works were created over the past five years – from the birth of a culture-defining method of social control with centuries-long ramifications, to the acceptance over a brief period of time the tyranny of aging (along with tangents about the death of the avant-garde and the trouble with selfies) this further elaboration and close reading of the four works at the centre of this discussion both explore and expose the political, psychological, and emotional implications of power dynamics from the macro (on a societal level) to the micro (on a cellular level). This closer examination reveals a continuity of spirit and an intellectual engagement supplemented by real-world (as opposed to art-world) experience firmly grounded in art history.

1

As a work of literary fiction, the first five books of the Old Testament (Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy) may provide a gripping narrative, but in 1604 when James I commissioned a translation from Hebrew and Aramaic to consolidate regal authority his intent was never to lay out the blueprint for an equitable society, but was to produce an officially sanctioned standardized document to regulate daily life as well as act as a blunt force weapon entitling the sovereign the power to supersede the rule of law. By allegedly relying on the services of the leading literary lions of the day (Shakespeare et al) to gussy up an otherwise dry narrative, the King’s political mission reached fruition. “Work # 808: Leviticus (Updated)” is the first in a series of large scale conceptually-driven photo-based works begun in 2010 after suffering a crisis of faith that the future viability of art was something other than that of a diversionary caprice for the so-called one percent. A crisis actualized by the seemingly near-universal desire to kowtow to the limitless demands for the familiar and the safe and the conventional; a crisis triggered by the despair of witnessing in the late 1970s what little remained of the historical avant-garde devolve into a morass of triviality and disposable mass entertainment. To swipe a couple of lines from Michel Houellebecq  “at this stage we don’t give a damn about the reviews. It’s no longer there that the real decisions are made, [and] we’re at the point where success in market terms justifies and validates anything, replacing all the theories.”  (I have my own theory about the late ‘70s collapse – having been a part of it – but that is fodder for a separate discussion.) We’ve reached a point in which an increasingly public debate (Bürger, Danto, Foster, Vargas Llosa et al) questions whether art even continues to exist. From Manet forward to the beginning of the Reagan/Thatcher/Mulroney era artists willfully maintained an antagonistic relationship with their patrons. And while every art student makes an unspoken pact with the notion of capitalist consumption, any engagement with or against the marketplace is a situation fraught with peril. I can think of no significant time during that century and a half before the late ‘70s when artists were willing and eager to service the slumming diversions of the well-heeled as today. The death of innovation that followed the avant-garde’s collapse saw the advent of post-this and neo-that. It’s not for nothing that “In the Return of the Real: The Avant-Garde at the End of the Century” (MIT Press, 1996) Hal Foster dismissed the “neo-s” as the “necro-s”.

  With “Work # 808: Leviticus (Updated)” the idea was to hit the reset button and return to the beginning. Relying upon David Plotz’s exceedingly witty and acerbic “Good Book” (HarperCollins, 2009) as my guide, my “Bible for Dummies”, my “Coles Notes for Scripture”, allowed me to approach the inherent foreignness of these foundational texts as raw material and to respond to and contemporize a work introduced to the world by King James by reducing the words he authorized to their visual essence.

   “Work # 808: Leviticus (Updated)” is enormous. It consists of a 228.6x304.8 cm (90”x120”) photograph of a drought-stricken riverbed chopped up into a framed grid of nine 76.2x101.6 cm (30”x40”) panels randomly covered with the word ‘no’ repeated twenty-four times. The source material’s narrative was intended as an instrument of rigid social control through behaviour modification and took the form of an exhaustive litany of prohibitions combining the ludicrous and the lethal (from the sumptuary to the sexual). My visual rendition of the document takes it’s laundry list of diktats and offers them up as a series of tiny but emphatic, foot-stamping no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no’s sprinkled like seeds across a desiccated landscape that will never allow anything ever to grow. Leviticus was the book that fun forgot; it’s only value has been to allow generations of sanctimonious hypocrites the free rein to pick and choose their weapons of mass bullying. And like the book, the artwork that dares to speak its name is heavy and dour and negative, hung so low to the floor that it becomes an all-powerful, all-enveloping vehicle of oppression.

2

Accepting as its personal saviour the guiding spirit of “Salò: 120 Nights of Sodom” – Pier Paolo Pasolini’s 1975 enumeration of abuse of power, corruption, sadism, sexual perversity, and fascism – “Work # 864: The Nature of God” (2013) is one work from a series that explores the outer limits of masculine behaviour – a behaviour that is traditionally still expected from the boy before he is considered to be fully a man. While I have long delved into the question of the "gay sensibility", this is neither a trip down memory lane nor a retreat into the stereotyped suck-and-fuck paradigm. I'm positioning myself as an ironic spectator of this world of men ripped from the daily headlines where the 19th century notion of a romantic friendship is kicked into the gutter. With titles like “Trailer Trash Terrorism”, “Behave Work Obey”, “Yes I Will Yes”, “Cell Block Bitch”, “Ash(And)Tray”, and “Shhh . . . (How to Conduct a Successful Interrogation – Lessons 1-20)” this is not a series of works intended for the faint of heart.

  Cherry-picking at will from mutually exclusive sources - the morning headlines, the official record of 20th century art, the signs and signifiers of the gay male underground – has allowed me to explore the spaces between these charged relationships. What I do with this series is the opposite of aestheticize the gleaming muscleboy or explore the romanticism of male bonding. It is old news that the male body continues to be a provocation; ironically, a critique of masculinity has gone largely unexplored. Herein lies the challenge: it furthers the proposition examined in much of my work that it should be possible to be simultaneously hot and sweaty and critical and detached. It is desirable – even exhilarating – to question the givens of our cultural baggage while at the same time allowing ourselves to be wrapped in its brawny arms.

  Work # 864: The Nature of God” allows that the rigour of discipline often morphs into the disciplinarian running amok. Notwithstanding the fact that this work has been described as ‘the water-boarding piece’(which is an interpretation that I don’t dismiss), it is a multi-image cum-soaked force-feeding enacting either the predetermined choreography of an arcane sexual ritual or the resolution of cold-blooded revenge. That’s up for you to decide; it’s September and (reform) school is now in session.  

3

The seven rows of deceptively random, densely packed, brightly coloured and seemingly arbitrary numbers that completely fill the 76.2x101.6 cm (30”x40”) picture elude easy interpretation. The clue to unlocking the meaning of this secret code is somewhat revealed by the presence of “Untitled Self-Portrait #49 (Nine Readings)” along the bottom edge of the image. With study the apparent randomness resolves into a series of dates and medical readouts, and carnival-coloured though it may be and written in the language of numbers that only cardiologists would love at first sight, it is a work perhaps at its most personal and exposed because it addresses my own mortality.

  As a darkly witty attempt at wresting control away from the terrors of aging, “Work # 842: Untitled Self-Portrait # 49 (Nine Blood Pressure Readings) Old/Sick #01” (2012) is a work that grudgingly acknowledges my being granted a visa to enter the Republic of Oldmanland. After being diagnosed with a heart condition that required a surgically-implanted stent to open a dangerously blocked artery close to my heart, and thus narrowly avoiding a probable fatal cardiac event, a six-month stint in cardio rehab was mandated. It’s not without a sense of irony that the author of this self-portrait fails to appear in any recognizable form. (A target blood-pressure reading should be anything below 140/90. During the period when this piece was being put together the high point, so to speak, was 181/114. This was moving into stroke territory.) At the most recent annual meeting with my cardiologist there was no mention of me as a person but the evaluation was based entirely on my numbers. All of my numbers were below the desired targets. My electrocardiogram numbers looking good; my blood pressure numbers look good; my heart rate numbers look good; my cholesterol numbers looked good . . . With only having to rely upon minimal medications and lots of walking and a decent diet I’ve been given a clean (if slightly diminished) bill of health; so there.

  There’s obviously a difference between quiet introspection and narcissistic self-admiration, between mindfulness and histrionics, between documenting an experience after the fact and being the experience itself. There’s something charming about the humbled expressions on the faces of tourists posed in front of a wonder of the natural or built world that moved them to such a degree that total strangers were asked to document the memory of what they just witnessed compared with the more than too many sensitivity-challenged grinning idiots in front of a death camp episodes. Every moment, every experience, is reduced to having the same value as every other moment and experience. There’s something desperate and needy, something deeply anti-intellectual about not understanding the importance of an insightful experience because it’s been clouded by auto-infatuation. Karl Ove Knausgaard states that “only a poet would see the difference between poetry and poetry that resembles poetry [and] you were constantly on the verge of the insight that what you were doing actually had no value.” A quick search of Google for answers to “why I hate selfies” produced 6,090,000 results. This makes plausible the fictional encounter of a selfie taken in the Sistine Chapel where photos and video are forbidden: “God is right next to ME and he’s sticking his finger in my ear LMFAO!”

4

As a piece of conceptual art about the state of art as art “Work # 937: April 5, 2015 (My Bedroom)” a 101.6x76.2 cm (40”x30”) is a mound of trash made up of dirt, and dust, and dog hair, and dead leaves swept up from my bedroom floor. Aside from everything else, it is perhaps a rather too gentle commentary full of Duchampian disdain for two unfortunate trends – the sentimental pining over disaster and decay and the hauling-piles-of-rubbish-into-gallery-spaces-and-calling-it-baroque practice among those armed with freshly-minted but pointless MFAs. (As an aside, does it need to be pointed out the Baroque was a reactionary response that arose at the behest of the Vatican in its counter-assault against the Protestant reformation? Then as now, reactionary times foster reactionary art.) Even though it’s tangential to the fact that if you go all squinty-eyed over this pointedly ugly pile of crap it begins to resemble the face of some hominid-like thing, it is a self-portrait in all but name. Notwithstanding a nod to Quentin Crisp’s brilliant fib that after five years the dust doesn’t get any deeper, the work operates against a backdrop of darker cultural significance as one that confront ageism – the last acceptable form of bigotry allowed to be voiced openly across all sectors of society, but most pointedly and shamefully within the art world itself. (Given that one of the edits from the Kapsula writing workshop hosted by Gina Badger made reference to grumpy old men merely reinforces my contention in this regard.) The allusion to everything else that had been set aside resides in the visually whispered text “My Bedroom”, embedded in the centre of the photograph; grounding itself as a self-deprecating auto-assault and a psychological marker of loneliness and depression and its power to destroy.

  It’s not for the lack of an alternative that I’ve expropriated control over a formal studio portrait from my boyhood and claimed it as my first self-portrait, repurposing it as my profile pic on various social media sites. It’s assumed the photograph was specifically chosen by my parents from an extended session; they saw something in my pose – The slight sneer? The slight arch of my brow? The ramrod straight haughtiness? – that foretold that this little boy from the late 1950s was never destined to be the archetypal man in the grey flannel suit.

  Over the course of the past number of decades I was the little boy in the iron lung who survived most of the ravages of polio; made it through years of vicious and violent teenaged bullying almost unscathed; escaped the genocide of AIDS by sheer dumb luck when living in New York City throughout the 1980s and ‘90s while thousands of my peers were dropping like flies; watching helplessly as my partner of twenty-five years went from robust, burly masculinity on our wedding day to a shriveled corpse after six months of being eaten alive by cancers so ravenous he didn’t stand a chance; but was finally nearly taken out by a silent genetic predisposition beyond my control. It’s the missing pieces implied by ‘surviving most of’, ‘made it through’, ‘escaped’, ‘watched helplessly’ and ‘nearly taken out’ that are the seeds from which my art has be able to sprout.                                                             BRUCE EVES September, 2015

As a visual artist, Eves has been influenced by the theoretical issues raised by performance and conceptual art. This has been supplemented by experience as art director of the New York Native, chief archivist for the International Gay History Archive (now part of the Rare Books and Manuscript collection of the New York Public Library, and assistance programming director of the Centre for Experimental Art and Communication (CEAC).

Work # 950: From Birth to (Near) Death and Back Again – In Four Parts was published in the November 2015 issue of Kapsula.

[glowerygal]

get to know me tag !

tagged by: @sunflowerprincess ((thanks for the tag love)) rules: answer 30 questions about yourself then tag 20 people you want to get to know better

nickname: jen, or jennha because of how my name is spelled(:

gender: female

star sign: libra!

height: 5'5"

time: 10:29 pm

birthday: september 30th

favorite bands: yikes so this is a hard one, i really love music..nirvana, red hot chili peppers, muse, the killers, and eden are my long time favorites.

favorite solo artists: depends on the day tbh, but lorde, lana del rey, halsey, dua lipa, harry styles, and zach farache are probably my all time favs.

song stuck in my head: the loser by zach farache (highly reccomend)

last movie watched: spiderman homecoming!! for the third time!!

last show watched: rupauls drag race

when did i create my blog: mid april 2017?

what do i post: honestly anything yellow. or regarding equality or coffee. mostly just sunlight and flowers (:

last thing i googled: oregon coast

15: do you have any other blogs: i have a meme blog lol

16: do you get asks: no, considering my blog is 'newer' i dont have a lot of mutuals or people who send asks.

17: why did you choose your url: because my name is jennah, and i just added a few letters. its kind of lame, im considering changing.

18: following: 362 lol

19: followers: 54

20: favorite colors: deep forest green, and black.

21: average hours of sleep: like 10

22: lucky number: i dont really have one...i was born unlucky and i will die that way

23: instruments: some piano.

24: what am i wearing: black metallica shirt with ripped jeans.

25: how many blankets do i sleep with: 1

26: dream job: currently working to be a cardiologist!

27: dream trip: a trip to the beach, in the phillippines. and around europe, greece, rome, venice, london, paris, etc.

28: favorite food: original lays chips, and plain vanilla ice cream. gosh, they're fantastic.

29: nationality: italian!

30: favorite song now: i really love hotter than hell by dua lipa, and writer in the dark, by lorde.