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lau219 · 2 months ago

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Hope

Part 4

Previous part here

*Warning: Brief/minor broach of religion, mild sexuality (nothing graphic), war time distress*

…………………………………………………………………………….

Though his faith was nearly nonexistent, and what scrap of it he had left could have been labeled agnostically, on that final night, Josef prayed to any God that may possibly be listening to bring the two of them through this together.

As the sunset gave way to night, his mind continuously alternated between savoring every last moment with her and repeating his silent plea like a mantra.

Alive and together. Please. Alive and together. Please. Alive and together. Please.

None of them could quite fully believe that tomorrow was the day, and the tiny apartment was so full of tension and emotion that it felt as if the very walls of the rooms would burst. After they reviewed the next day’s plan a final time, Josef looked up and met her eyes, which were so full of both love and fear. After a moment of silence, he crossed the room and walked out the door, exiting the apartment without a word.

Her, Marie, and Jan looking at each other with questioning confusion, they spoke only a few words of wondering before Josef soon returned with a key in the grasp of his fingers. He then calmly made his way over to her at the table and grabbed her hand with his free one, encouraging her to rise out of her chair. Firmly holding her hand, Josef then turned to Jan and Marie, speaking with his usual calm, even tone.

“We’ll meet you back here at 9:00 a.m. tomorrow morning,” he said, and that was all that was necessary to communicate as the two men simply nodded at each other in understanding. She was still confused, however, but she asked no questions as Josef then began walking and led her out of the apartment, and it wasn’t until they began descending the flight of stairs that she spoke.

“Josef?” she questioned quietly, her hand still in his grasp as he continued to lead her, now down the hallway of the floor below their apartment.

But he didn’t respond, only walking a bit further to the door of an apartment, which he then stopped in front of and lifted the key he was holding to the lock.

With the promise that it was just for tonight, the landlady had given him the key when he’d gone to her just minutes ago and inquired if there were any unoccupied apartments remaining in the building. To appease her curiosity, he’d fibbed that it was because one of the women was suffering from a migraine and needed silence as she recovered and slept. With a nod of sympathetic understanding, the landlady had handed Josef the key.

Now, as he inserted the key in the lock, she spoke again, still confused as she watched him.

“Josef?” she asked again.

But as soon as he had the door unlocked, Josef opened it and led her inside, then closing the door once again behind them and re-locking it before turning around and hastily pulling her against him.

She whimpered in surprise as their bodies warmly collided, her arms immediately wrapping around Josef’s neck as he held the back of her head with one hand while his other arm tightly wrapped around her waist. Their lips met and locked passionately, over and over as Josef gripped her tighter and she lifted a hand to lace her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.

In the small, dark apartment, illuminated only by the lights shining into the windows from the street below, they blindly made their way to the neatly made bed, Josef guiding her backwards as they remained pressed against each other. They both mindlessly tore at each other’s clothes as their lips met again between every discarded garment and heavy inhale.

As his bare chest pressed against her breasts through her thin silk slip, she felt the back of her knees meet the mattress just before she fell back into it. Her arms around his neck again as he followed after and then hovered over her, their lips locked again as she lifted her legs around his waist and Josef palmed her cheek with one hand while gripping her thigh with the other. His fingers unclipping her stocking from her garter belt before then gliding beneath her slip and pushing it up, the fabric bunched around her hips as he then alternated his hands and repeated his work on her other side.

She made similar quick work of his pants, reaching down as their lips parted again to remove them. Her hands fumbling with his waistband, Josef then caused her to pause after rolling down her stockings and urging her to lift her arms. Gliding her slip up her body, he pulled it from her before then following it with her bra. They moved deeper into the bed, their lips meeting again between heavy breaths as she finished opening his pants and pushed them down his waist.

Both of them knew what this night was, what minimal guaranteed time they had left together, now down to only hours. As deeply as they each could hope, the impending sunrise would bring the reality of danger and uncertainty, and the possible last time they’d ever see each other.

She tried to push those realities away as she felt Josef lift her legs around him again, but as she lowered a hand to his cheek and parted from his lips to press her forehead to his, she heard him quietly say her name and then pull away from her enough to meet her eyes.

“Josef…” she whispered as she looked up at him, her barely contained tears shining in her eyes as she stroked his cheek again. But he lifted a hand to her face, softly running his thumb over her lower lip as he took a moment to savor the sight of her beneath him for what could be the final time.

“You have brought more love and joy to my life in the last year than I ever experienced before. You’ve changed me for the better, and given me something to live for, something to hope for.”

As he spoke, the tears she’d previously barely been able to contain now flowed silently down her cheeks. As she looked back up at him and heard him speak, she felt as if her heart was both breaking and fuller than it had ever been, and she replied with her tears still falling.

“You are so full of goodness and love. I’ve never wanted anything more than to give my heart to you, and you have it, completely. The joy I feel with you, I can’t even begin to describe.”

Hearing her, Josef had never felt a more debilitating and contrasting feeling of both extreme euphoria and extreme angst at the same time. And she felt the exact same. How could the world be so cruel as to put them in this situation? To take from them what they hadn’t even had a chance to begin yet.

But as Josef held her eyes, he knew that all they could do was savor each other here and now, and he pressed his forehead to hers as he closed his eyes and slowly inhaled before he spoke.

“Tonight, there’s nothing but us.”

He then pulled away enough to look at her once more.

“Just us…together,” he finished.

She met his eyes once more as he spoke, and when he’d finished, she responded in a whisper of affirmation.

“Just us,” she repeated back to him with the tiniest nod.

“I love you,” Josef said then, and he wiped the tears from her eyes as she replied.

“I love you,” she whispered.

After that, nothing else needed to be conveyed with words, and as Josef slowly entered her and held her tightly, the two of them poured everything they had into each other. She clung to him as every kiss, every touch, every sensation of bliss was exchanged and shared, every whisper and promise, and it wasn’t until sheer exhaustion crept upon them that they finally had no choice but to surrender the rest of their time to the night.

Holding each other as they remained in their temporary sanctuary, each of their minds were flooded with images as a light sleep overtook them, flashes of a could-be future displayed in their dreams. A future they each so desperately hoped would somehow come to be.

Through the scattered, worn patches of the window curtains’ thin fabric, the sunlight seeped into the room and, though unavoidable, robbed them of their safehaven. Her back still tucked tightly into his front, she forced herself to finally open her eyes as she savored the remaining moments of feeling him against her. She couldn’t bring herself to move just yet, but when she flexed her fingers along the soft blanket that covered their bodies, she felt Josef’s arm tighten around her waist, and when he shifted his legs to entwine with hers, she slowly rolled over.

His eyes already open, she met them as she faced him and settled snugly into him once more, entwining their legs again as they looked into each other’s eyes. Josef then moved his head closer to hers, and when he did, she lifted a hand and lovingly laid it on his cheek, the two of them nearly nose to nose as she stroked her thumb over his skin.

There were no words to say right now, only these final few minutes of peace, and as their lips met as Josef threaded his fingers through her hair, they each repeated the silent plea to themselves in their heads.

Alive and together. Please. Alive and together. Please. Alive and together.

This was it.

No more trials and observations. No more reasonable assumption that they’d return to the apartment later and be reunited. No more pushing it to the back of their minds.

This was it. The time had come.

As Jan and Marie stood further down the block and whispered their own intimate, painful goodbye, she and Josef stood in the partial shadow of the building, and momentarily, it felt like they were in their own bubble again.

Briefly looking over his shoulder to assess their surroundings, Josef’s focus returned to inside their bubble as he turned back to her. Willing herself not to cry, she was looking down with her eyes closed, but when she suddenly felt Josef’s finger under her chin, she opened her eyes and looked at him as he tilted her face up to him.

The unshed tears immediately pricked her eyes as she looked at him, and after lowering his finger from her chin, Josef reached out and gently took both her hands in his, pulling her closer as he held her gaze.

“You gave me hope,” he said to her as her hands remained in his. “You gave me hope when nothing and no one else ever could.”

He then closed the last bit of space between them and pulled her even closer.

“Thank you,” he whispered as he squeezed her hands.

Unable to contain the tears anymore, she sobbed as she squeezed his hands back, shaking her head in helpless disbelief of their situation as she felt the tears run down her cheeks.

Looking at her, Josef could see the terror of the unknown in her eyes. The fear of losing each other and the last thread of hope she had dangerously close to fraying as the reality of the day only continued to press down on them.

He lifted his hands to her head and cradled her face between his palms.

“You are my reason,” he said to her.

He then lowered his hands from her face and reached into his pocket, and from it, he withdrew the delicate wedding band he’d sworn he’d return with to put on her finger when it was all over.

Although he wouldn’t voice it, they both knew of the horrible reality that that may never be able to happen, and if that ended up being true, he wanted her to have the ring. It belonged with her, not to be found on him as he lay lifeless. Whether or not he made it back to her, he needed her to have it.

Holding it between his fingers, Josef looked at her as he spoke.

“Keep this safe, and when I come back, I will put it on your finger.”

Looking back at him, her heart was breaking. Not only for the fear of losing him, but…

Should she say it? Should she tell him? She knew it would be too much, knew it meant more weight pressing down on him, but she had to tell him.

Swallowing the lump in her throat and blinking away more tears, she quietly spoke.

“Josef…you should know…”

She trailed off then, looking into his eyes for another moment before reaching out and gently grabbing his hand, pulling it towards her and placing it on her belly. She held his eyes as she silently communicated the rest.

As he heard her words, his brow momentarily furrowed, but as soon as she’d brought his hand towards herself and placed it where she had, the clarity of what she was saying came, and his eyes briefly widened as he looked at his hand on her belly. An overwhelming rush of emotions ran through him and he was momentarily unable to speak. But finally, he looked up from where she held his hand to her stomach and met her eyes once more.

She couldn’t read his expression, and her heart was pounding. She felt terrible for dropping this sudden, unexpected weight on him, but she had to tell him. He had to know. And she had to tell him now, because as much as they each hoped he’d return, this could quite possibly be the only time he’d ever be in the presence of his child.

“I’m so sorry,” she said as she looked back at him, tears falling again as she couldn’t tell whether he was just shocked or possibly even upset. Yes, he’d said that very first night that it was something he dreamed of. But now, it was a reality — a shocking reality.

To some degree, they’d tried to be careful, but between all the lost moments and uncertainty, it hadn’t been a prominent concern, the reality of everything else much more at the forefront of their minds. But now…

“I’m so sorry,” she repeated with quiet tears. “I didn’t mean for…I thought we…I…” she didn’t even know what to say.

As what she’d just revealed to him continued to sink in, Josef watched her in front of him, briefly frozen in stunned silence. But as he saw her tears fall again and the look of anguish on her face, he was pulled out of it, and as he heard her apologize, his heart nearly stopped. Not in anger or in regret, but in indescribable love and a need to protect her, cherish her — her and this new life inside her, and assure her it called for no apologies or regrets.

Before another tear could slip down her cheeks, he urgently stepped forward and grabbed her, holding her face in his hands and forcing her to look at him as he spoke, cradling her cheeks.

“You have given me everything now,” he said, nearly imploring her to believe him and assure her he had no regrets. “Everything.”

Looking up at him, her heart felt such contrasting emotions of such happiness yet such heartache, and when Josef wrapped an arm around her and pulled her against him, she couldn’t stop the small sob that escaped her once more.

As he held her close, he felt her hug him back tightly, and after momentarily closing his eyes, he pulled away enough to briefly look at her once more, his eyes full of love and adoration as he made the promise, even though they both knew it had the possibility of going unfulfilled.

“I will come back to you,” he said to her, keeping her close. Then he slipped his free hand between their bodies and gently laid his palm on her stomach. He whispered a final time as he pressed his forehead to hers.

“Both of you,” he said.

A moment of silence passed before they then heard Jan call to Josef from behind them, and as they regretfully loosened their hold on each other, their eyes met once more before their lips then joined for a final kiss. Each of them savoring the possible last time, Josef held the back of her head as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

“I love you,” he said to her, doing all he could to reveal no fear or uncertainty, to show her he still had hope.

“I love you,” she repeated back to him, trying to appear hopeful as he held her eyes. But it took everything in her to allow him to walk away as she felt his arms slip from her body and watched him step back.

Every fiber of his being was begging him not to leave her as Josef forced himself to release her and took several steps backward. His hands slipping from her body, he held her eyes until he was forced to turn around when Jan met him at the curb, both he and Marie in a similar state of despair at their own parting. With fresh tears, she watched silently as the two men crossed the street and walked further away down the sidewalk.

Upon reaching the corner, Josef slowed, then turned around and looked at her a final time.

For one last moment, their eyes locked as he stopped, and they held their gaze until they no longer could. Her heart going with him, she watched helplessly as Josef took the final steps and disappeared around the corner.

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