#AND THEN SOME OF THEM WERE ROGHT ALL ALONG

[to-rise-above-monsters]

2014 snk fandom hits different.

hearing the name krista still. just finding out about reiner and bertholdt’s identity. rba and ema dynamics at their finest. everyone having different spellings for the same character. lots of focus on the veterans and the cadets and squad levi. such silly and wholesome dynamics that the fandom lowkey just created. cosplayers running wild. eruri + hanji parents of the 104. reibert, jeanmarco and yumikuri. levi (no last name). people actually caring about side characters. actual mourning of squad levi and miche and nanaba. just finding out about the beast titan??? just so much fan content.

all the art, fics, analysis, comics, cosplays, headcanons, theories,, they all just take me back. to a simpler time, to a happier time, to such a different time.

[3s-diary]

you know what I feel like this story is not complete, let me talk about katelyn. she had been in our class since 5th,along with two other kids but had a seperate teacher because she was actually supposed to be at a different school , something like special ed but like way more poorly executed and pointless, trust me, her,laika and ufo just sat there and did nothing for the most part. whatever, the 3 of them were always 2 years older than the rest of us, they left our school after 8th grade. so, about katelyn, she had issues from the start I think. i just remember her mom wouldn't give her lunch for school and wouldn't really wash her clothes either. she was really nice, and in around 7th she liked all that edgy kid music I liked too. which, she liked bts while I was a metalhead, but we had lil peep and billie eilish in common. also she was on tumblr and would watch anime, i had nobody else i had common interests with, so i thought she was rlly cool and wished to bw closer to her than i was. (also she was good at drawing and pretty,so i might or might not have had a tinyyyyy crush on her at some point).during the time I was s.elf harming, she was too, although we never talked about it. i remember i hadn't s.elf harmed for a few months, she didn't come to school one morning and her teacher walked up to the other girls and asked whether they knew something. lisa showed her katelyns sc story i believe, i didn't have snapchat at that time so i had no idea. she had basically c.ut a lot the nighy before and posted it all, she was really c.utting like with blades and all, while mine were basically scratches at that point. when she came to school later, her teacher walked up to her ans hugged her, they had a whole conversation in which the teacher told her to snap a rubber band on her wrist when she feels the urge to c.ut and whatevee else, i think shw was really worried about her. so, in the lunch break we talked to her. and that's when i actually heard lisa say her injuries were self inflicted, because she said like yeah i've done it before too and regret it and won't ever again. katelyn said it was a habit for her and hers actually hurt because they were deeper. well, i shut my mouth, i was self h.arming too but i didn't want anyone to know, mind you that was before lisa found out and all. I also remember pou really just not getting it and being like wtf, why do you guys hurt yourself are you like insane??? what the fuck (mind you we were 12, katelyn was 14). she really didn't get it, and while what she said sounds super insensitive, i am so fucking glad that she couldn't process why someone would want to hurt themself to cope with something. i am so glad she was metally stable and happy enough to not get it. however, katelyns sh habits didn't evoke mine, they triggered me tho. her talking about c.utting and posting on her story definetely resulted in me doing it more frequently. in that summer period, roght around the time lisa noticed, i was doing all types of dumb shit to hide my c.uts like wear way to many bracelets or whatever,and if you looked closely, you could see something. katelyn was sitting next to me, I'm quite certain she saw, however she said nothing and my only concern was that she'd think i only did it bc i imitated her or something. it was really stupid. whatever i hope she's alright, the last time i texted her was in dec 2019.

[alex-in-wonderlandd]

Honestly i wish i could disappear. I feel so fucking useless and im a complete ass CLOWN for thinking that you fucking care about me still when you dont. At all. And it hurts. Its almost as of overnight you fucking just. Stopped. Why? I dont understand? Just a few days before you got angry with me for something as trivial as waking you up. We were completely fine, if not more than that. It really seemed like it was that “head-over-heels” type of love. And you want to know why i think that? Because you fucking told me it was that. I dont think you remember at all though. The little things you would say to me while you were half asleep in my room.

And you say you left because its whats best for both of us. Thats not true. You dont know whats best for me and my happiness at all. Its not a decision for you to make. You only care about yourself. And i guess that i didnt make you happy enough and i was a tie you had to cut. But im not allowed to be upset over that am I? It seems to you that im not supposed to allow myself to be sad and grieve. But it also seems like i would be marked as a whore andca bitch if im happy and trying to move on right? (Dont worry. Im not though.)

I wanted you to be happy i really did but. Now i think i want you to hurt. Because you shattered me. And you know you did. And now you’re picking up the pieces from the mess youve created of me and stronging them along a frayed red thread thats tied not to your little finger like in the old Japanese folktales. But to your ego.

Honestly fuck you for saying that you love me and that you dont want this break between us to be permanent. Fuck you for saying that you’re probably going to come back. Fuck you for saying that you care about me and that you’re still always going to be here for me. Because you know what. I was drowning that week and when i tried to approach you about it, i was suddenly inconsiderate and it was the last straw for you or whatever and you? Left? Me? During my time of need.

And god i cant even tell you how your selfish timing fucked me over. Not only did you make me drive all the way across town so you could break up with me in person and waste my time, but you really had to do it to me right before my big finals. Before my first shift with my new promotion at work that same night. And roght before summer. So i cant even distract myself with school or friends because everyone is busy with their summer classes, traveling, or work. The 3 friends i do have cant always be there. And i dont even get the opportunity to attempt to make more.

And whats even shittier is the fact that im stupid enough to believe that you’re going to check up on me like ive been checking up on you. I dont know why ive been so fucking nice to you when all youve done to and for me is break my heart, and then get mad at me after we broke up for asking for a little more clarity as to why. You get in my face and tell me that im not listening to you. I am fucking listening but it dosent make any sense?

Seriously how does that make any sense?

“Im breaking up with you because i love you”

What?

No you dont. You obviously dont.

And you shouldn’t have lied about it.

Because all that did was confuse me and hurt me more and here we are a little over two weeks later and i think the wound thats bleeding tonight is deeper and bloodier than the original cut you made when you cut me off.

But it dosent even matter because im not allowed to be hurt over our breakup am i? I bet you the second that i go out with another male friend thats not a safe boy like matthew or will or my two male friends at work or someone you see as a “threat” you’re gonna get all butthurt because im trying to “move on” or whatever right?

Why do you care? Its not like im going to throw my superego out the window and give into some carnal instinct that kicks in and fuck the first guy i see to get over you. Thats not who i am. Thats not what i want. But even if it were, you dont get tobe angry about it because you were the one who left me. You ask if im seeing anyone new the few times weve talked. You claim you’re just trying to “check on me and my life” but quite frankly asking me that one week after we break up at 11:00 at night because i “seem like im doing fine and having fun with my dudes” seems more like an attack.

But did i let it slide? Yeah.

Why did i let it slide?

Because im a fool for still being in love with you and fucking myself up over it.

and you know what else? I dont even know what to do with your things. I have a trillion photos of us. I have your clothes; a hoodie, 3 shirts, your belt, and strangely enough a pair of your boxers. I remember you brought an extra pair to disneyland the first time we went together and you let me wear them after my pants got soaked on splash mountain. I bet you don’t remember that though.

I have the chest you made me only a month ago on our one year. With the glass rose inside of it that you gave to me and insisted that you would love me until it broke. Well there dont seem to be any fractures so i guess that was just a lie too right? And i have the jar you made for me on my birthday with all the nice notes in it.

I packed them up the night before you left because i already knew in my gut what was about to happen, and when i presented them to you after the fact you cried. You told me to hold on to them just in case. And honestly i should have just threw them off an overpass. But i still have them. Because theyre too special to me to destroy because nobody has ever treated me as kindly as you have. (Until now i thought you were an angel. I really did.)

But i also cant stand to look at them without breaking down.

I really dont think youd be able to comprehend what youve done to me. Ive lost about 12 pounds in a 2 week period. Because i just feel absolutely sick to my stomach. And you know what? You made me throw up. In my 11 years of having nausea for what I thought was no reason up until senior year when i was diagnosed with anxiety and gastritis and emetophobia. Ive never actually thrown up unless i was sick with a stomach bug or on an airplane. But you... you made me throw up for the first time out of anxiety and heartbreak and panic. Despite all the drugs ive been doing to make myself feel better like the bottles of antacids and the cases of ginger beer and even prescription medication that was supposed to guarantee I wouldn’t vomit. I did anyway.

My stomach is flatter than it used to be. I remember you told me you would help me get my summer body and i was so excited at first. And you did help me get it. But my heart is broken and id rather have the food baby back and feel disgusted by my appearance and happy than looking fit and feeling...

How am i feeling?

Im a little bit depressed. Im a little relieved. Im nauseated, obviously. Im starving but i cant eat because two bites make me feel full even if im still hungry. Im angry. Im empowered though too because this has been hard for me and im still standing i guess.

But above all im feeling foolish because for some twisted, fucked up reason.

I still love you. And i miss you more and more each day.

Maybe im a masochist. I stayed with the actual spawn of satan for like 2 years. He hurt me. He disrespected me and my body for the longest time. He turned all my friends against me. I was so desperate to get out of that situation, but i didnt. I wanted to so bad. But i was so scared to leave. Maybe i do this to myself subconsciously because id rather be miserable in a relationship than alone.

But we weren’t miserable. We really weren’t.

You dont deserve my love anymore though. You practically cheated on me and i forgave you. You blew up and got angry at me for the smallest an most trivial matters like movie times and jokes in bad taste. I check on you still whenever you post something about wanting to disappear or feelig like crap. I check on you even when you dont post that stuff and ask you how your finals are going and if your family is doing ok.

And that makes me 🤡 of the day because I think that youll check on me too but you wont. Im drowning and you’re standing over me in a life raft just watching.

I just wish i could get closure.

But you know what? Actually i think i get it now.

I love you. But i need to get away from you.

[the-firebird69]

We decided today to stop fooling around with these wizards and get aggressive. Something you said yesterday stuck. When are we going to decide to win. We all good talk about it. Then thought are we going to win. How. When. It stick we want to win now It hit us we are skulking along and you said now fast. NIW we see why they nip until recovered. We splat them now heavily were roght on lots of things wrong on some big ones we make up for mow. Now we strike. They made faces all afternoon so far as if invincible. Worked to make it stick too. I felt them creeping up on you again said no let's do it to them. We woke up heard them talking across the street no no he cannot we grabbed him it was Tommy a. And his we knocked them down. Tons saw it he had a revolver. Won't stop walking by and saying stuff plans to run in screaming firing at you for what you did to him. We use you as a shield you wouldn't have it. Tried distracting him with the lizardnope. We hit you all again. He emwoukd too shoot you all dead wound him and make him walk as he has been his master plan he never succeeds at. And we laugh but it's no fun there bone we don't laugh much. Tommy a. An asshole...yes a great big asshole yes needs no encouragement has tons as the Chinese use him to advance. We put a global apb on him and he was signalling them we pulled them all in questioned grabbed tons if Macs. Tons a septillion. Got more now we raid wholesale. Huge piles of cash tons if gold millions of silver uncut gigantic piles if valuables. Gems diamonds huge ones too all ours due to your one asshole corky We would keep him around but has too expensive ok What a sorry sack of shit too had two knives and a chest protector and a waffle iron to hit Ken with. We took it with us in case We zap here now need Intel Arrianne See how he had it too