#AND THEN IT JUST GOES STRAIGHT INTO CANADA DRY AND I SWEAR TO GOD MY HEART GAVE OUT FOR A SECOND

[emptyspaaace]

*grips table* NO ONE WARNED ME TO LIVE FOR WHAT ONCE WAS AND CANADA DRY GO RIGHT INTO EACH OTHER

[ziggory]

Riverdale Liveblogs 3x07 - 3x13

Instead of making you all suffer through six separate liveblogs as I was catching up, have them all in on post!

3x07, “The Man in Black”

Remember when Jughead was the biggest woobie ever with a bunch of sad shit happening to him. Fun times. Honestly, Jughead’s just really taking advantage of finally being on the roadtrip he was denied

Justice for Jingle Jangle. Why did we need a new drug? Or I’d be fine with it complementing the other but NOooOooOOOO. It’s trying to shove JJ out of the spotlight!

Elvis’ granddaughter could’ve just drugged the eggs but instead she chose to nearly give Archie a concussion. Hiram might chop her head off if his Archiekins gets permanent brain damage

Let Archie kill a man!! Jughead got to skin someone who was fucking up his life. Why can’t he let Archie take his shot!? I can’t hear you about consequences

Your business is failing because trading away the final piece of the Soutshide to open a vanity project in the form of a dry speakeasy was not a great idea. Also, gamers can give you business. I’ve seen it!

The show can make Veronica say all these supposedly empowering lines, but I’m never going to forget that she supported a for-profit prison

MAYBE MY DAD’S NOT SO BAD!!?!?

This voiceover was completely unnecessary. Honestly, it’s sort of a slap in the face to Lili’s acting as if they didn’t think she could convey certain things without some hand holding

I’ve seen movies. They make you swallow that shit on the spot

So many negative thoughts being awkwardly confirmed

Honestly, this is what happens when you keep exploiting the place for abuses to help your investigations but never fucking shut it down

3x08, “Outbreak”

Does Moose need drugs to get it up? He said Midge liked to get wild, but methinks he liked it of his own volition as well. And just what I wanted. Shadowy makeouts while high on drug laced childhood candy

Kevin needs to find out who put a curse on his dick. ANOTHER hookup interrupted by bodies in danger

I don’t know why a group of high school boys acting like typical jackass high school boys with loud laughing is cause for thinking they’re all high.

“good people like Archie” 

Gladys being a Jarchie shipper is pure. I will not stand for this no homoing

Wait, Cheryl did actually get to be Student Body President? I thought they were just going to let that circle the drain and disappear

MY FAVORITE INCOMPETENT EDUCATIONAL ADMINISTRATOR

THE PRISON WAS A FUCKING COVER?!?!? So all of S2 was just…oh my fucking god, I’m going to do drown myself

“good looking shortsatck” Love it. Goddamn, I love Gladys

Do they know that the way they write Hiram and Veronica feels like it’s been dipped in ten layers of incest? He talks to her like she’s the mistress he wants to bed

The affection the Jones women have for Archie is cute

The Gargoyle King being a hallucination is the most disappointing thing

TABLETOP RPGS ARE NOT FUCKING BORN OF MADNESS. Ugh, my inner geek is angry with rage

Oh, now you care about the kids in conversion therapy

So I guess they didn’t go to Toledo for Christmas??

Lili should get a raise for this Griffin Queen shit

I’m more emotional than I would usually be over these Fred scenes given Luke Perry’s recent condition

PROTECT THAT FUCKING DOG WITH YOUR FUCKING LIFE!! THROW YOURSELF IN FRONT OF A BEAR

I missed alcoholic Hermione. And lmao this Watchmen realness

I love Silent!Kevin getting nothing to say in that office! Just fucking great

we need to know more about this fucking Governor. Racist piece of shit who gets upset about vandalized statues of genocidal war criminals, AND he’s under Hiram’s thumb.

3x09, “No Exit”

Will someone get bit by a monkey? I can only hope

Oh fuck off with the Star Wars reference. IT DOESN’T FIT

Stealing from the rich to give to the rich. How very one percenter. And Toni, all your friends are living in tents by the river

KEVIN. WHY THE FUCK DO YOU ALWAYS JOIN THE WORST GROUPS

While the implication of Jughead sleeping over is nice, what the fuck was the point of last episode’s cliffhanger. This timeline makes no sense

I’M GETTING FIREWATCH VIBES

They’re so fucking low budget that they couldn’t even show the bear, LMAO

I forgot what Fangs sounded like. Didn’t FP retire? ARE THERE EVEN ANY ADULTS LEFT IN THIS FUCKING JOKE OF A GANG. But Damn, Fangs is good at crying. So pretty

Aww, I actually missed the hammy ass warden

Every time Joaquin’s name is mentioned, another dagger in my heart

The fact that the sisters have been fake nuns this whole time is just…what the fuck. AND THE FUCKING SOCIAL WORKER KNEW AND JUST LET THEM KEEP OPERATING!?!? LET THIS WHOLE FUCKING TOWN FALL INTO A HELLMOUTH

Remember when Jughead was outraged about the Serpents being paid security at the Pickens festival thing? Time is a flat circle

CHERYL, WHY DON’T YOU JSUT KILL HIRAM THEN

“SAVED”!??! REALLY NANA ROSE!?! IS THAT WHAT YOU CALL THE CHILD GROOMING YOU DID!? And uh, Fred and Sierra should know about that sordid piece of Penelope’s past

Damn, Veggie is hot as fuck

You know who else could’ve gone undercover for the Serpents to infiltrate the Gargoyle gang?!????? I HATE YOU FOREVER, RAS. ANOTHER AU FOR THE DRAWER

3x10, “The Stranger”

LMAO that they tried to make us think Archie died

Being attacked by a bear in Canada means not having to suffer through crippling debt because of the hospital bill for the rest of your life

Sidenote, but I really thought the painting of Veronica would have a bug or something. The fact that she just kept the painting instead of burning it says something

Oh so the core four are THOSE type of friends

Betty’s money >> those kids

Claudius just doesn’t want to do actual work

They let a kid pass the first grade when he couldn’t read? So the educational system has always been rather shit

Hey there, Silent!Kevin! Just sitting silently with your slowly developing biceps

Does Reggie know what PTSD is

I spy with my little eyes Kevin in the corner putting his PE clothes away! Once again robbed of a shirtless scene

FUCKING TALL BOY!?!? Lol, this is really good for my drawer fic actually. Keep sounding like a spiteful man! It’s semi feeding me

Wow, they really crammed in two Varchie sex scenes

Hiram deserved this and every agonizing second of pain he felt

Raw milk, huh? Yeah, that’s all you need to bait Kevin into this cult

Bye Claudius, no one will miss you

I want Hermione/FP to fuck

Jughead throwing a party to make things better is the biggest twist this series has ever done

Archie the alcoholic, eh. If this lasts more than one episode, that’d sure be something

3x11, “The Red Dahlia”

This is the noir episode, isn’t it. I’m…really bad with noir so an episode from THIS team is going to be…very trying

Awww, FP mentioning Joaquin is an extra pang. I wanted to know more about their relationship

I’d love to see the notes on this draft when Jughead tries submitting it to a publisher. Unless he goes the self pub route

Who even runs the newspaper now?

Betty, you’re like the last person to talk about black and white morality

Archie sounds like the protagonist of Office Space at the end when he finds his calling in construction

ELIO HAS SPOKEN MORE THAN MELODY EVER DID. EAT SHIT, RAS

I still need Jughead and Veronica arguing about classic cinema

I wonder where Penelope learned those crocodile tears, Nana. Like I never need a scene of her criticizing her ADOPTED DAUGHTER again

Cheryl is pretty forgiving of the uncle who sort of helped with her institutionalization

Have these boys never watched an episode of Breaking Bad? Put that body in a barrel

So has Veronica had a change of heart about Daddykins? I’m so confused

SMITHERS!?!? YOu’RE STILL ALIVE!? Protect this man

Remember when Betty was a camgirl for ten seconds and watched all of her fake brother’s porn videos

Josie’s voice is pure butter, and the show needs to stop pretending that we want to hear anyone else sing

Why doesn’t Toni have a job at Veronica’s dry speakeasy? She used to be an actual bartender!

“Kevin’s dad boxes at the gym” being a line from Josie is the most beautiful line in this episode

Well at least they explained the seizures.

YYYAAAAAASSSS, KELLY RIPPA!!

What is even the point of Minetta having faked his death just to be Hermione’s kept man

Well, damn, I really didn’t see this FP reveal coming. I wish he was the sheriff Hermione was fucking. And given all the things Jughead used to say and aim at Keller, it’s interesting to see him have to deal with his dad being somewhat in Hermione’s pocket

PULL THE FUCKING TRIGGER, ARCHIE

Lmao at this Bad Boys line. I see you, synergy

Honestly, how dare Archie shoot the person who was going to kill Hiram. I guess that’s one way to bury the Archie/Hiram grudge

Hermione’s trigger finger is life goals

3x12, “Bizarrodale”

So first off, fuck that title and everything it implies.

Second, this is the episode where I’m supposed to finally get fed, eh? FINGERS CROSSED

I forgot what Kevin sounded like after not talking for four episodes

WHEN CAN WE MEET KEVIN’S MOM!?!? I HAVE MANY FANCASTS

Veronica watches Netflix confirmed, and yet I guess she just scrolls past Orange is the New Black every time it’s recommended to her

Why are Kevoose makeouts always in shadow? Is it to disguise the fact that when they makeout it’s with their lips sealed shut

The actor who plays Major Mason followed me back on my burner instagram

Awww, Sweet Pea is a relationship guy with a gooey little heart!

Sierra pegs Tom confirmed. Love these two kinky fuckers

The way Tom says “Gargoyle King” goes straight to my nether regions

So does Britta have a kink for people outing others against their will? I swear this is a plot point in Ship It too

I feel like these issues are something they should’ve talked about way more. Making Moose’s coming out be an ultimatum is pretty gross

How DARE they not let us hear Josie sing?!??! Ohhhh, if we’d heard Josie sing then we would sent death threats to the fake Juilliard board. I never want to hear Josie’s teary little voice again because it hurts my feelings

Lmao, this is the second time a parent has been judgmental of how the Lodges involve Veronica in their business

Remember that time Moose and Cheryl made out? I’m forever traumatized by that

Hiram and Hermione strolling in like a fucked up Gomez and Morticia

I’m sure that Dilton would approve of his friend from another lifetime using his secret bunker to pop his cherry. But only Moose. Yes, I ship comics Dilton/Moose

Oh, HeeEYEEEEEEE, IT’S LIKE A BUNCH OF MY FIC DREAMS COME TO LIFE. Wow, I finally got pandered to. Kevin being in dagner is like…the basis of the majority of my drawer fics

I’M FUCKING PSYCHIC X2!!!! Well huh, this puts that earlier diner scene in a new light

Yesss, please keep calling him Tommy and talking about how Kevin looks like your old friend with that sad, wistful tone. Please feed my fic bunnies

Christ, Ashleigh has such a fucking amazing voice. I can actually bear KJ’s singing

Moose having to leave makes sense. ALSO MAKE SURE YOU WATCH CODY”S SHOW ON NETFLIX TO MAKE THIS WORTH IT

I never want to see Kevin cry again. Fucking Maramaduke

Gladys can step on me, and I’d apologize

3x13, REQUEIM FOR A WELTERWEIGHT

I’M FINALLY ALL FUCKING CAUGHT UP

I don’t think that bacon is fully cooked

So Veronica just decided to not move back out because the path of least resistance?? And she’s back in her Daddy’s clutches because....he got shot???

The Serpent with the awesome dreads is still there! Can he be an actual character with a name? He deserves it

Between last episode and this one, I am being fucking BLESSED with Daddy Keller content. 

VERONICA IS a FUCKING REPUBLICAN CONFIRMED. I guess we all know who scrolled right past 13th on Netflix! 

They’re really trying to sweep up their awkward plot mistakes from last season, eh

I need a flashback of young Alice in this ugly fucking wedding dress

This is some Rocky and Mickey shit. Hopefully Keller doesn’t have a heart attack while confronting Mr. T

YES, GLADYS!!! CALL OUT THAT LEADERSHIP!

San Junipero water, huh. 

Why is Archosie so perfect

Ehhhh, the last time they talked was eight episodes ago. Will this scene be about how Kevin’s recovering post-Moose?? Of course not. My hopes for investigative Kevin are once again yanked away. Though of course remember that time she got him to catfish a murderer without telling him that Chic had killed someone?? Fun times

“cute gay farmies”

Veronica is the opposite intimidating ESPECIALLY in the face of Gladys who we all know has actually fucked up a bitch

The monstrous Freeform ate Malachai, eh. Ghoulie jackets are still the best jackets

I’ve never watched Apocalypse Now so this scene is wasted on me

THUNDERDOME!!?!?

Keller looks like he gives good hugs

How the fuck did Jason learn about The Farm?

This is Polly’s revenge for being sent to the Sisters

It’s awkward how Choni just sort of disappeared from the episode

Damn, Archosie has everything going on

Hermione, you should’ve just killed Hiram when you had the chance

PROTECTIVE BIG BROTHER JUGHEAD!

Gladys doling out gang advice is just everything I wanted from her

[allthingsfuckingconsidered-blog]

Scorpion / One Year Later  

To say that Drake has captured mainstream media attention to heights that only dreams are made of is an understatement.  Born Aubrey Graham to Dennis and Sandra Graham in Ontario Drake’s musical roots can be traced directly to his paternal lineage. It was while performing at Club Bluenote in Toronto that Dennis and Sandi first met.   Flash forward to 2018 Drake is one of the worlds biggest stars and anytime he decides to release new music he moves the needle and stops hip hop and sub genres promptly in their tracks.  January 19, 2018 “Scary Hours” the EP was released to digital platforms confirming what many of us had assumed from photos of him in the studio on his instagram page @champagnepapi that Drake had new music to soon share with the world.  At the stroke of midnight we received two new records “God’s Plan” a light hearted song that would end up charting and earn him his fourth Grammy the following year.  Also on the EP was “Diplomatic Immunity” which was straight bars, no hook.  Drake addressed his rumored quick relationship with Jennifer Lopez as well as his light beef with former rapper turned podcast giant Joe Budden.  The video for God’s Plan took off and was one of the years most viewed videos on YouTube it unfortunately drew the ire of some who felt it was all a publicity stunt namely Peter Rosenberg of Hot 97 (click here) .  Skip to April and Drake releases “Nice For What” a ladies anthem with a New Orleans bounce to it with a video featuring some of Hollywood’s leading ladies (Tracie Ellis Ross, Issa Rae, Rashida Jones, Tiffany Haddish, Zoe Saldana and Tara Shahidi to name a few.  It was officially Drake SZN.  Shortly thereafter via instagram tons of celebrities started posting pictures of satin jackets with the title Scorpion on the back and we had our album title.  Now this story is very much Drake’s but there are so many moving parts we must address to understand the final version of Scorpion that we received on June 29th.�� Good Music headed by Kanye West which features Drake’s current number one nemesis and Bar Gawd Pusha T were also slated to release a plethora of music during the month of June.  The first shot fired (double entendres) from the G.O.O.D. camp happened to come from Terrence Thornton aka King Push.  “It was written like Nas but it came from Quentin”  from the song Infrared a direct reference to Drake’s alleged ghostwriter Quentin Miller who was credited as a writer on 4 of the standard version of the albums 17 songs (19 total on the physical cd release).  Now remember Meek throwing the ghostwriter allegation out and DJ Drama’s ex wife exposing him as the leak for the reference tracks do to her alimony payment not arriving in her bank account on time put serious chinks in Drizzy’s armor he had no choice but to step up and go toe to toe with Meek.  In the end Drake came out victorious in his war with Meek but there was an underlying beef that was still lying in the weeds.  Drake and Push have been trading barbs since Pusha released “Exodus 23:1″ on May 23rd 2012.  Drake sent subs and some direct shots Pusha’s way after a botched performance with 2 Chainz that didn’t go over too well Drake brought out Titty Boi and stated “that’s how the fuck you bring 2 Chainz out!” also then giving the crowd an inpromptu freestyle “If you was doin' 16s when I was 16, and your shit flopped and you switched teams, don' t talk to me, my nigga!” Ouch, well let’s do the math Drake was born October of 1986 which means he would’ve been 16 in the year 2002 August of that year the debut album by Virginia brothers and rhyme duo The Clipse “Lord Willin” was released featuring arguably one of the most infectious beats in hip hop history (click here).  Yes the same group that featured Pusha T and his older brother Malice who eventually gave his life to the Lord and now is an ordained minister that goes by No Malice.  The duo was under the label Star Trak which is headed by super producers The Neptunes (Pharrell Williams and Chad Hugo) who happened to be old neighborhood friends of the Thornton brothers.  So if we are paying attention Drake was 16 when Lord Willin was released.  Pusha would eventually end up on G.O.O.D. Music sometime between 2009 or 2010 the dates still aren't clear.  So in this freestyle without saying his name it was a direct shot at King Push not bad for a former child actor from Canada right? (Don’t sleep Degrassi is a good fucking show! you can watch it here) Ok back to current times sorry I got a bit carried away.  I was in the shower with Pusha’s “Daytona” album playing on my beats pill when I heard the shot thrown at Drake also keep in mind the song that directly precedes “Infrared” on the album is titled “What Would Meek Do?” I swear to you this stuff can’t be made up.  I remember getting out the shower drying off, getting dressed for a doctor’s appointment thanks to my employer (bleh).  I remember texting my cousin asking did you listen to the Pusha album and did you hear that direct fucking dart he sent towards Drake.  We both were under the belief that there was no way he could tip toe around the situation he had to come right for him say his name or give direct references.  I’m sure we’ve all heard “Two Birds, One Stone” where Drake threw subtle jabs at Pusha but nothing direct funny thing is Kid Cudi caught the most direct shot “you were the man on the moon now you just go through your phases” which of course are direct innuendos to the title of Cudi’s debut album and his struggles with mental health.  But his El Chapo bar as nice as it was within the cadence just didn’t hit like the Cudi bar did.  Now keep in mind if you’ve been following all of this in real time on your own time you would’ve heard two responses from Pusha about “Two Birds, One Stone”.  His first stance was “he aint talking about me” Pusha would later recant this statement by saying that “Infrared” was a response to Drake throwing the shot on “Two Birds, One Stone”.  Wait what?  Yes rappers are walking, talking, living, breathing contradictions.  So here we go back to May 25th 2018 the release date for Daytona.  I had gotten back from my doctor’s appointment was scrolling my twitter timeline to find out The Boy had dropped a new song on Soundcloud “Duppy Freestyle”  which is by far my favorite Drake diss of his career.  Truth be told I have to admit I can’t really consider this a full diss to Pusha because there was not really anything Drake said that was detrimental to Push most of the heavy lifting came at the expense of Kanye who Drake felt had played him.  Drake had arrived in Montana to help Kanye work on his album that would follow Daytona a week later.  Drake’s right hand man and OVO Sound in house producer and basically the man responsible for Drake’s sound OVO 40 showed up a day early and told Drake the energy was off.  Per Drake’s telling of the events on HBO’s “The Shop” produced by LeBron James and his business partner Maverick Carter; Kanye convinced Drake to tell him the release date of his album Drake also shared some very personal details about having recently learned he had a son by former adult film star Sophie Brussaux .  Now for myself I had heard this rumor on the podcast “The Read” cohosted by Kid Fury and Crissle West as early as May of 2017.  It wasn’t the first time Drake had been accused of fathering a child but this would be the first time his camp didn’t vehemently deny the allegations (where there’s smoke, there’s fire).  Fast forward March 2018 a night that gamers will remember as the night Drake, Tyler “Ninja” Blevins and Pittsburgh Steelers wideout Juju Smith Schuster played Fortnite on Twitch and set a streaming record.  It was during a break in the live stream that Drake had found out via results of a DNA test that was indeed a father.  Ok so this information found it’s way to the ear of Terrence Thornton aka Pusha T, remember where I referenced above that DJ Drama’s wife spilled the beans on Drake’s reference tracks yes pillow talk is a dangerous game guys but we will cover that a bit later.  So Duppy is out and twitter is going crazy as a fan of hip hop and being the chief reason for the song Pusha T heard and it asked Drake to send the invoice over he referenced at the end of the song.  Ok so we wait........ for a response that is, but in the interim we got “I’m Upset’. Keep in mind it’s Memorial Day weekend and we all kept refreshing and in my mind I said to myself Pusha is going to respond after we’ve all had our barbecue and are getting ready to return to work and then...... nothing or so we thought.  Leaving work Tuesday I was sent a link “The Story of Adidon” wait what?  Pillow talking ladies and gentleman, pillow talking Pusha shot back at Drake and brought baby Adonis into the war as well as Dennis and Sandi.  Y’all remember the face y’all made while listening?  I do lol!  So Drake went quiet, we knew Scorpion was coming June 29th.  But what were we getting?  Drake poked his head out to respond to the artwork for Pusha’s response via his iOS notepad and that was it save for him pressing the emergency button.  Wednesday June 13th Drake gathered his Degrassi : The New Generation alumni together on their old stomping grounds for the video to “I’m Upset”  Remember how I referenced Degrassi earlier in this piece? Ding ding this was the video that made me sit in front of the tv for hours watching old episodes.  Drake had survived the coup de grace from Pusha with some help from his adolescent friends just remember whatever it takes, I know I can make it through!  So the two weeks before the album’s release promotion kicks into high gear billboards with lyrics from the forthcoming album also a billboard that referenced “A Side” and “B Side”. If you remember the promotion leading up to the album Views the artwork for the singles, Pop Style and One Dance were similar one in white cursive script on a black background the other in black cursive script on a white background had people thinking Views would be a double album some went as far as to say there was a white disc and a black disc.  Contrary to these thoughts Views was one succinct album though it featured 20 songs they were all part of a single composition, interestingly enough Views is the album that initiated the rift between Drake and Joe Budden but nonetheless let’s continue shall we?  Mal of the Joe Budden podcast dropped the info that Scorpion would in fact be a double album with “A Side” being the more aggressive rap offering whereas “B Side” would be more of Drakes more melodic records.  As I refreshed and refreshed OVO 40′s instagram for more info all we could do is wait.  Eventually we got the album artwork which is very basic if we are being completely honest but its honest just a black and white headshot of Drake with his signature and the word Scorpion which I would assume is in his own handwriting.  Thursday June 28th the track list was revealed and hours later the features - Jay Z, , Ty Dolla $ign, the late great Static Major and the late iconic Michael Jackson (current social climate notwithstanding) also included concert audio from his Young Money family Nicki Minaj, the City Girls, Lil Wayne audio  and an instagram clip of Plies. The trackless resulted in one of the funniest tweets about Michael Jackson considering the fact that the Jackson family patriarch Joseph Jackson had just passed away earlier that week. “How’d Drake get Mike on his album......Joe Jackson died got to heaven and told Mike to get back to work” 

And then 11 PM CST came which meant it was 12 AM EST I went directly to Tidal on my iPad and Apple Music on my phone to refresh and there it was Drakes double album Scorpion.  His power move all of hip hops true legends have done the double disc Jay - Z “The Blueprint 2″, Tupac “All Eyez On Me” , Nas “Streets Disciple”, The Notorious B.I.G. “Life After Death” , Wu-Tang Clan “Wu-Tang Forever”  Clearly the precedent was set in order to consider himself among the greats Drake felt a double disc was necessary hell even his one time nemesis Chris Brown had give us a double disc worth of content albeit in the streaming era it actually broke down to 3 albums worth of content but schematics. 

I HATE WHEN DRAKE RAPS

DRAKE SINGS TOO MUCH

DRAKE IS A POP ARTIST

DRAKE DOESN’T EVEN WRITE HIS OWN SONGS

DRAKE TOOK AN L

DRAKE DIDN’T START FROM THE BOTTOM

DRAKE IS FINISHED

I LIKE DRAKE’S OLDER STUFF

DRAKE MAKES MUSIC FOR GIRLS

DRAKE THINKS HE’S JAMAICAN

DRAKE IS AN ACTOR

DRAKE CHANGED

ANBODY ELSE > DRAKE......

YEAH YEAH WE KNOW

the aforementioned excerpt comes directly from the iTunes / Apple Music page for Scorpion.  Clearly Aubrey and his camp are well aware of the pundits and their feelings toward Drake and everything he represents.  Having said all of that let’s talk about the music side A opens with Survival in which Drake references his previous issues with Meek Mill and Diddy “I’ve had real Philly niggas try to write my ending” “I’ve had scuffles with Bad Boys” I’ve always said Drake’s biggest strength is being able to live in his own truth and Survival is just another track where he excels at this.  The album then goes up a notch where Drake and Taykeith meet again for one of my favorite songs on the project that is still in my heavy rotation to this day “Nonstop” is as self explanatory as you can get the crazy thing is per Drake this wasn’t on the original iteration of the album it was his feud with Pusha T the month before that birthed this and other songs on the album such as the commercial standout of the album that is found on the album’s B Side “In My Feelings”. Drake told LeBron and Maverick that in the  wake of his back and forth with Terrence he got back in the studio and used the energy to create these songs.  Elevate the albums third song is still a skip for me but it’s the albums 4th track “Emotionless” where Drake finally decides to allow us into his personal life on a deeper level when first referencing his son Adonis “I wasn’t hiding my kid from the world, I was hiding the world from my kid” The Mariah Carey sample that 40 flipped is masterful and it serves as the perfect canvas for this moment.  Emotionless is followed by the albums second single and God’s Plan which originally appeared on January’s “Scary Hours” EP. After these we get Drake’s routine hookup with Boi-1da “8 out of 10″ which features the Plies vocals from IG (word to Plies please bring back “Sweet Pwussy Satday).  I would be remised if I didn’t express that this is where A Side takes a dip to me with “Mob Ties” and “Can’t Take a Joke” neither song has grown on me a year later still they don’t grab my attention.  Sandra’s Rose a dedication to Drake’s mother is where the first volume picks back up for a fantastic crescendo.  Finally Drake get’s to rap over a Preemo beat which he had been campaigning for since the early days of Take Care, if this is the end result I’d love to hear what other instrumentals Preme cooked up for The Boy the collaboration had been in talks since the pre production days of Take Care which is widely viewed as Drake’s opus.   “Talk Up” is the next song up with a gritty Memphis 808 supplied by Three Six Mafia alum DJ Paul which also has a verse from the Brooklyn God Sir Shawn Corey of Carter aka Jay Z.  Honestly listen to this song and tune the vocals out just listen to the 808 kick in the background masterful very reminiscent of early Three Six Mafia / Tear The Club Up Thugs real Memphis shit.  One very important moment of note surrounding this track is Jay’s verse music now lives in real time because of the advent of the internet a verse can be recorded emailed and mixed then released in half a days time thanks to the internet.  Jay recorded this verse within weeks of the release of the album and you can tell by his bar “y’all killed X let Zimmerman live, streets is done”  Xxxtentacion was murdered in Florida June 18th 2018, his funeral service was June 28th 2018 the day before Scorpion was released.  The first part of the album finishes with “Is There More” which features a sample of “More Than A Woman” by the late Aaliyah.  On any standard Drake release this would serve as the conclusion to the album but on Scorpion it only closes out the album’s first half.  Post intermission Scorpion opens with “Peak” which couldn’t be more of a 40 creation if it tried.  This is Drake in his bag the Drake everyone came to know and love on So Far Gone (now available on all streaming platforms).  Honestly most of the content on the B Side much like it’s A Side counterpart could’ve been left on the cutting room floor the standout from this side is definitely the Ty Dolla $ign assisted “Jaded” If you haven’t put this song on repeat and slipped into one of those moments Drake is so masterful at crafting then I question if you are even living.  Finesse is another powerful moment but other songs like Ratchet Happy Birthday feel completely out of place here.  The commercial standout “In My Feelings” was created out of complete happenstance if memory serves me correct and it initially wasn’t going to be a single for the album but Shiggy’s dance craze was a moment that Drake and his camp just had to capitalize on.  Blue Tint is another song that feels lost on this particular side of the album not that it fits the A Side either which suggest that maybe Drake and Future leave this in the vault for “What A Time To Be Alive 2″ which is coming at some point.  The other songs like “That’s How You Feel” which features tour banter from Nicki Minaj and her DJ is a great song I often wonder though would the song sound more cohesive if you removed the Nicki vocals and add a hook sung by Drake or someone else.  The album eventually builds to Final Fantasy which I assume would absolutely have some sort of a reference to the Squaresoft turned Square Enix video game franchise and the March 14th in which Drake closes the album having a conversation with himself that he hopes his son will discover as he is older and understand.  Though March 14th officially closes the album it is the closing of Is There More that gives us a glimpse into Drake’s future “soon as the album drop I’m outta the deal”. Many had speculated when Drake’s deal with Young Money/Cash Money would cease to exist even going as far back as If You’re Reading This It’s too Late some thinking the title was a nod to Drake’s original contract coming to an end.  As of late Drake has released new music to celebrate the Toronto Raptors first NBA Championship the music is licensed to Frozen Moments LLC under exclusive license to Republic Records a division of UMG Recordings.  Drake is apparently prepping another full length project which was teased for the end of 2018 by Young Money president Mack Maine.  Oh yea remember earlier where I kept telling you guys how bad pillow talk was. Drake months after Scorpion was released appeared on The Shop with LeBron and Maverick and insinuated it was Kanye who told Pusha about Drake having a son.  Days after the episode aired on HBO Pusha T reached out to Joe Budden of all people to appear on his podcast finally revealing that it was Drake’s producer, business partner and friend Noah “OVO 40″ (click here) who had been involved with a woman who had loose ties to people close to Pusha T.  For sometime 40 had been complaining to this woman about his positioning within the business end of things and how he apparently didn’t think he was being compensated fairly.  Noah also disclosed information about Drake and others flying to meet Adonis and to bring him gifts.  There has been no word from Drake’s camp on these allegations or the fact that Drake offered money to people around Pusha T for information about his personal life.  There was also the fact that Rap A Lot Records founder J Prince that Drake had indeed recorded a response to the story of Adidon but it would’ve potentially been damaging for Pusha T and Kanye.  If hip hop history has taught us anything at some point if this is true the hard drive holding those files will come up missing and that song will leak if it in fact exists.  So here we are a full year later and what have we learned well Drake is as teflon as teflon can get had any other rapper experienced what he did in the lead up to Scorpion it could’ve had long last effects.  Ja Rule was one of if not the most played artist on terrestrial radio until 50 Cent started throwing jabs at him on wax next thing you know everyone was screaming G-G-G-G Unit and Ja was an afterthought.  Drake weathered the storm by staying the course sticking to what he does best and and then jumping on one of the hottest songs of summer 2018 “Sicko Mode”. Pusha T came back to cause a ruckus among the OVO camp because quote “that narrative has to die, Kanye didn’t tell me anything it was 40!” Yet Drake remained unbothered he went across the nation on his Aubrey and the 3 Amigos tour squashed long standing beefs with rivals Meek Mill and Chris Brown.  Patched things up with his son’s mother and came to some sort of a cordial understanding and then toured the UK. In the middle of all of this he told us he had a new album coming, gave Nick Nurse the head coach of the Toronto Raptors a shoulder massage during an NBA Playoff game.  Drake partied and celebrated the Raptors title as if he suited up and played actual minutes and then took a million pics with the Larry O’Brien trophy with his friends no less.  The question I pose for you will the music on Scoprion stand the test of time?  Take Care still sounds as good today as it did in November of 2011.  I admit I like Scorpion but I don’t love the album I have my own condensed version of the album where I’ve removed the filler songs in favor of the standouts in my opinion.  I invite you all as readers to revisit Scorpion this weekend and give it a grade based on its replay value, how it holds up today and if you really love/like the album or if you were a prisoner of the moment.

[piesforjack]

CANADIAN THINGS PART 2, THE SEQUEL NO ONE ASKED FOR!!!!

hiiii yesss!! so if you’ve seen my last canada post (HA that’s a pun bc our mail service is called “canada post” har har har...anyway) u know that i had some records to set straight, so to speak, so i’m back at it again w canada FACTS aka things you probably don’t know but might be useful and helpful in your attempt to flesh out realistic Canadiana™. this is in honour of me hitting 500 followers, thank y’all so much ily all and thanks for bein awesome!!!

without further ado, buckle up, buds, here we go again!!!!

canada eradicated pennies not too long ago. basically, we don’t have a 1¢ coin anymore, we only have 5¢ coins ergo all payments paid in cash are rounded up/down accordingly. jack and ransom 100% hate this because now they’re so annoyed by the concept of carrying around pennies (”what’s the point!?!? 1¢??! USELESS!!)

along this same vein, canada doesn’t have a $1 bill, we have coins known as a loonie ($1) and a toonie ($2), the smallest bill we have is $5 (jack is still consistently weirded out by paper dollar bills. it feels wrong.)

ALSO while we’re on the topic of money, all our bills are different colours (blue for $5, purple for $10, green for $20, red for $50, brown for $100), they’re also waterproof (not heatproof tho!!!), and the $100 ARE NOT officially created to smell like maple syrup but i can assure you i’ve sniffed some bills that do smell like maple syrup and i cannot explain why (ransom still gets confused w american money “it looks like monopoly money, jack!” “i know, bro, i know”)

IN OTHER MONEY RELATED TRAINS OF THOUGHT, there are two main canadian airlines: air canada and westjet. they both have a total monopoly on canadian travel so it’s real damn expensive to fly anywhere in canada from within canada. it sucks a whole lot. (just remember than whenever you write ransom/jack flying home. it’s a pretty penny even if jack is loaded)

age of consent is 16 across canada

the drinking age in canada is 18/19 (dependent on provinces), however, CANADA WIDE the legal adult age (to vote, essentially) is 18.

driving ages differ province to province (you’d have to google because even i don’t know every province)

SPEAKING OF PROVINCES, canada is split into provinces and territories: 10 provinces and 3 territories. here’s a breakdown of each (it’s long, skip if you wanna!!):

british columbia (BC)

west coast best coast, lots of mountains, very hippy dippy, home province of vancouver aka movie city central, capital city is VICTORIA not vancouver, rains a lot, is known for being the birth city of ryan reynolds (your welcome), is split into two main sections: the mainland and the island (even though BC is composed of many islands, vancouver island is referred to as THE island), bland football team, even blander NHL team.

alberta (AB)

neighbour to BC, cowboys, hyper-conservative, also mountains, capital is EDMONTON not calgary, lots of extreme weather (sunshine and +20 (celsius) and then it’ll snow. alberta is weird like that), oil oil OIL, two mediocre football teams, home of the calgary stampede (again, cowboys), i often refer to alberta as the texas of canada and i’ve never had someone disagree tbh, mediocre hockey teams (including connor mcfuckingjesus don’t get me started)

saskatchewan (SK)

neighbour to AB, pronounced SASS-CAT-CHEW-WAH-N, flat flat FLAT, farmers galore, capital city regina (hahaha laugh it up it’s not that funny once you’re beyond the age of 10), even more mediocre football team (i’m only saying that bc i’m from manitoba, the rival province), tbh i don’t know much about saskatchewan except that we drove all the way across it once for a roadtrip and i swear to god we didn’t see another vehicle or human for the entirety of our trip across

manitoba (MB)

neighbour to SK and also the prime rival, capital city winnipeg (YES IT’S A REAL PLACE, I WAS BORN THERE, I LIVED THERE FOR 18 YEARS, CAN CONFIRM, STOP IT), cold as FUUUUUCK in the winter (-40 (celsius) and schools don’t close until it’s -45, so, deal w THAT), mosquitoes fucking galore (it’s disgusting and awful and makes being outdoors AWFUL), we also have polar bears!! (more north, but, still!!!!), really cool live theatre and music vibes, very dry heat, UBER MEDIOCRE FOOTBALL TEAM (but still better than SK rough riders bc provincial rivalry!!!), SUPER mediocre NHL team (i only say this because my mom’s a jets fan whereas i’m a pens fan...lmao BYE MOM), tbh can’t say many mean things bc i still love wpg with at least half my heart!!!!

ontario (ON)

neighbour to MB, capital city toronto, home of the capital city of CANADA, ottawa, muskoka chairs, so many fuckin lakes (everyones fave place to camp/own a cabin), extreme winters just like MB, niagara falls, again a rly cool arts district here (in TO and surrounding area), 3 football teams bc why the fuck not (fffffuck the TO argonauts), 2 NHL teams (everyone in canada hates the leafs. that’s not a fact but i could find enough evidence of it to convince you it is), basically TO is considered the center of the fucking universe according to everyone who lives in TO and everyone who lives outside of canada bc no one knows anything else about canada. canada might as well JUST be TO for all people fucking care. just. fuck toronto. (i think it’s a canadian thing to be Bitter and Annoyed about toronto’s unending praises from every corner of the map) ((jack is V much “fffffuck toronto” and ransom is V much “fuck you toronto is RAD”)

quebec (QC)

neighbour to ON, pronounced KUH-BECK not KWUH-BECK or KEY-BECK and lord have mercy on your soul if you dare say it like “Q-BECK”, capital city quebec city, french-canadian province that’s threatened to “leave” canada multiple times, HOME OF OUR DING DONG HIMSELF, MSSR. ZIMMERMANN!!!, poutine holy fucking HECK god bless poutine (if you think it’s gross i already don’t like you sorry 100000% NOT SORRY. jack and ransom love some good ass poutine oKEEEEER), a rly good music scene (osheaga music festival is top notch), essentially a canadian paris except people speak quebecois not france-french (but you can get away with it in most respects, there’s differences but the foundations are the same, bc DUH they’re the same language but essentially different dialects, KIND OF similar to mandarin and cantonese (although that particular case has more nuances than this one but you get the idea))

newfoundland and labrador (NL)

neighbour to QB, capital city st. john’s (not to be confused with saint john, NB...yeah there’s another province w almost the EXACT SAME CITY NAME sigh i know it’s dumb and rude) i’ve never really been to the east coast so idk what to tell you but LOBSTER and FISHING and WEIRD FUCKIN ACCENTS, another coastal place so it’s p weird and hippy dippy, but i’ve only ever heard that they’re lovely people, often referred to as newfies.

now, the maritime provinces....starting with new brunswick (NB)

just south of QB, capital city fredericton, v small in comparison to other canadian provinces (as u can tell), again don’t know much about NB but i know they’re big on fish and are basically Maine The Second (they’re pressed right up against maine so, it’s basically maine 

nova scotia (NS)

south-ish of NB, capital city halifax, HOME TO THE REAL LIFE DING DONG OF MY HEART, MISTER 87, SIDNEY CROSBY, a full on island, full of wonderful kind people a la mister crosby himself (honestly, it’s just a bunch of super kind people), really cool coastal scenery with amazing seafood (as you’d expect), home of the city that many a traveller has confused for sydney australia, very old-fashioned (idk how to explain???) but just like...you feel like you’re in a storybook when you’re there, lots of lighthouses, overall a v nice place to be

prince edward island (PEI)

the teeny-tiniest place in all of canada i’m certain, north-east-ish of NB and NS, capital city charlottetown, honestly i’m running out of things to say, it’s exactly like NB and NS had a baby that never grew out of infancy it’s so small.

now onto the TERRITORIES which are all up north...yukon (YT)

pronounced YOU-CON, north of BC, east of alaska, capital city whitehorse, cold as heck (tundra baby!!), extremely expensive living conditions ($9 for a 2L of milk, $18 for some fuckin apples...absolute fuckin robbery), lots of hunting and fishing goes on up here (aka lots of people hunt/prepare their own food), lots of mountains and such, v beautiful.

northwest territories (NT)

above AB and SK, capital city yellowknife, used to be bigger but then it was divided up (creating the new territory nunavut), v similar to yukon but with less mountain and more lakes, again v cold bc TUNDRA, my cousin met her husband while working in yellowknife...she’s from MB and he’s from ENGLAND aka what kinda fucking fateful BS...amazing, p cool w lots of islands and such far up north, it’s neat and suuuper beautiful in the summer (so many flowers lksdfjlskad)

nunavut (NU)

pronounced NEW-NUH-VUH-T, north of MB, capital city iqaluit (pronounced EE-CAL-EW-IT) used to be part of NT but they separated into two territories circa 1999, again v similar to the other territories, beautiful scenery with an OBSCENE amount of islands (colouring in maps was always a fucking DOOZY), again, not much to say. just a rly lovely place.

WOO congrats if you read all that lmao now lets get into some other stuff!!

our thanksgiving is in october, the second monday in october to be exact. it’s only been a thing since like??? the 60s??? like it’s a brand new concept, essentially, and i’m not even 100% sure why we have thanksgiving but we do (it’s mostly a charade, thanksgiving means nothing in canada, it’s a completely arbitrary reason to be grateful and eat some fuckin turkey) (jack and ransom both support arbitrary turkey holidays)

canada’s national sport is actually, like, officially lacrosse?????? i know what the fuck (i bet ransom follows lacrosse)

marriage equality has been a thing since 2005 (doesn’t mean jack wasn’t excited about the USA, just, not quite as overcome as bitty was)

winnie the pooh? based on a real bear from winnipeg, MB. yeah, be fuckin jealous y’all

if you didn’t know canada has universal health care. it’s pretty fucking rad.

idk if this is Too Obvious but canada has two official languages, english and french, so all of our packaging/instructions has to be in both languages. everything. from toothpaste to trampolines. everything. signage is a bit more dicey, most trans-canada highway signs are in both languages but more rural/urban ones probably aren’t (jack gets thrown off still when he instinctively looks for the french translations on packaging for nothing to be found. it happens more than you think)

oh also?? we used british spelling, meaning we add a bunch of ‘u’s where they don’t really need to be. this is 100% a point of contention between bitty and jack. 

CANADA IS METRIC. IT’S RLY SIMPLE PALS. everything is in groups of 10s. 10 millimetres = 1 centimetre. 100 centimetres = 1 metre. 1000 metres = 1 kilometre (aka how we measure speed, km/hour) you get it? (the prefixes, ie. milli, centi, kilo, are huge helpful hints)

the exception to this is baking measurements??? unlike the UK we couldn’t escape the wrath of cups and teaspoons and all those other arbitrary measurement devices. we still use those (for the most part)

we use fucking celsius okay (except on ovens, mostly because they’re american distributed machines ergo run in fahrenheit) anyway it’s p straightforward:

celsius is in relation to water temperature, ergo, 0 degrees celsius is waters freezing point, anything below that is freezing (relatively, of course), anything above it is not. this is especially useful for discussing weather, as, y’know, most people typically use temperature for (outside of the kitchen and hospitals, that is)

+20? nice summer day. -40? typical MB winter, +30? typical fuckin central canada summer, +7? dependent on where you live it could either mean SHORTS!! (central canada) or a light jacket (west coast), again it’s all relative to your acclimatization

okay i think this is long enough!! here’s some random nostalgic things that ransom and holster def remember/love dearly

i pray with all my heart that jack has this funny little soft spot for ‘corner gas’ in the same way i do (it’s a canadian prairie sitcom CLASSIC and i love it SO MUCH)

jack and ransom both have a strange crush on rick mercer

MO FUCKIN FRAGGLE ROCK BIIIIITCH

ransom definitely had some misconceptions about what being 16 would be like because of this fuckin show (he also 100% did the air guitar to the theme song)

this show meant a whole heck of a lot to lil bb jack (who 100% watched cartoons in english AND french okay????)

ALSO (i think i mentioned this in the last post but!!) ransom grew up watching caillou in english, jack in french, and they argue all the time about the differences between the two.

ransom remembers being a little bab watching this nonsense right before bed with a cup of warm milk and exactly two oreos (just me??? pshhh i don’t believe it)

jack had very strategically thought out how he would destroy his competitors at this game show

jack loved babar. don’t even touch me. just. imagine tiny jacques w a lil stuffed elephant my hearT!!!!!

ALSO MCFUCKING T’CHOUPI ET DOUDOU!!!!!! i watched this one in english but i can only imagine jack loved it

okay. okay. again, thank u for reading, i hope this was helpful!! lemme know if there’s anything i missed!! who knows, i might make a third installment one day!?!??!