#AND THE LIGHT NOVELS AND ALL THAT WAS CUT AND CONDENSED THERE

[professor-glasses]

People who only watch anime bsd really just get the tip of the iceberg

[when-wax-wings-melt]

Y'all wanted the presentation? Here's the presentation. Image descriptions are below the cut!

(technically this wasnt part of the assignment, which was "write an essay and read at least one full page to the class" so the reason why there's those huge blocks of text is because that is taken directly from the essay. i can condense things if I WANT to condense them)

[ID: 15 screenshots of a powerpoint presentation. The text is either white or gray, and the theme is various shades of purple, typically with bubbles of dark/light purple and images.

Slide one: Title reading "Keeper of the Lost Cities: A Love-Hate-Love Relationship, And What It Can Do To Your Psyche" with three images on the side. The first image is a meme of two stick figures, the first saying "kotlc lore is second nature to us rabid fans so it's easy to forget that the average person only knows the average special ability count and one or two vackers", the second figure saying "and valin, of course," and the first saying "of course." with text at the bottom reading "Even when they're trying to compensate for it, experts in anything wildly overcompensate the average person's familiarity with their field." The other two images are of Shannon Messenger, a white woman with blonde hair. The images are captioned "The dastardly mastermind behind it all" and "meet Shannon Messenger".

Slide Two: Title reading "Background" with a block of text and two images. The text reads "In total, the Keeper of The Lost Cities (KOTLC) series has over 7000 pages, split between nine and a half books (Book 8.5 was, uselessly, a novella) with a planned tenth coming in late 2024, and a graphic novel dropping in November. It’s the kind of series that hooks you the same way a fisherman hooks a fish: with a promise of a treat that goes very, very unfulfilled." The top image is the cover of the first keeper of the lost cities book, captioned with "book one of what will soon consume my entire brain for years and years and years" and the bottom image is a fish staring at the top image as if it is a tasty treat, captioned "Poor, innocent little 6th grade me".

Slide Three: A block of text reading "This is to say: KOTLC is a good series, at least at first. It’s certainly been my core obsession for a good (or bad) five years. It’s a hook because you can’t escape once you’ve begun. It’s my own personal brand of heroine, as Edward Cullen might say if Bella were a too-long book series that doesn’t resolve any plotlines or character arcs and instead piles more information on top of worldbuilding until contradictions are more plentiful than the packed main cast." An image of Edward Cullen from twilight is captioned "Me, apparently".

Slide Four: A small caption at the top reads "If the series ever ends you can call me Brant when Jolie asked him to leave the Neverseen the way I will burn down my house and kill everyone I love (haha just a joke to get us going)​" with an image of a huge explosion below it. Text reads, "Basically, KOTLC is a good series, but the idea of recommending it feels like I’d be violating several articles of the Geneva Conventions. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. The thought of it ending is an impossibility on the scale of the apocalypse and I hope (I'd rather) the world ends before this series does."

Slide Five: Titled "Queer-Coding in the Lost Cities" with the image of Sophie Foster and Fitz Vacker on the side. Text reads, "The queer-coding doesn't just stem from Sophie’s dedicated denial of both her worth as a human being and her desire to kiss her pretty girl friends. A connection called a “Cognate Bond” is often referred to in the text as the closest two elves can become, emotionally and mentally. Cognates exist when two Telepaths (such as Sophie) have such a deep and unbreakable trust bond that they become more skilled together than they were apart. In creating and maintaining this bond, they have to complete trust exercises and not hold back secrets keeping them from total confidentiality. Sophie’s cognate is her friend (and love interest, and, debatably, ex-boyfriend) Fitz, whose romantic relationship was in a large part focused on their cognate one. Their trust exercises involve staring into each other’s eyes, holding hands, having matching rings, and Fitz telling Sophie that she’s the only person he can truly trust. Fitz also asks his father at one point if cognates are allowed to date each other— his father affirms the statement."

Slide Six: Titled "Queer-Coding: Qualden, Tiertice, and such other 🤨🏳️‍🌈 moments​" with the text, "Notably, Alden has the authority to do so since he himself was a cognate, only undergoing a nasty breakup— sorry, only losing the bond after his cognate, Quinlin, kept too many secrets. It’s implied that two other characters were once almost Cognates, only to grow too far apart when one of them, Prentice, has his sanity forcibly shattered and is locked in prison, leaving his (gay lover) best friend, Tiergan (code name Granite), to raise his son. The choice to parallel Fitz/Sophie, Alden/Quinlin, and Tiergan/Prentice was possibly not a conscious one, since Messenger has never attempted to hint at the existence of homosexuality before, but it still resonates with hundreds of queer teen readers who look at the portrayal of utter devotion and trust between two men and think, wow. this is what i see in myself.​" The image is a quote from Neverseen, reading "'What did you give him?' Granite asked, cradling Prentice like a baby. Prentice's head lolled to the side, his body limp and pale." / "Granite held Prentice tighter, whispering, 'It's going to be okay.'"

Slide Seven: Titled "Honorary Errol "I have five identities and they're all the true me" Forkle Mention​". Smaller text below reads "Strut it Magnate "I inspired Loki but don’t even ask about the horse thing" Leto!​" A picture of Mr. Forkle is next to a tumble post by me about Forkle being trans based on the Loki thing. The slide is decorated with several trans flags.

Slide Eight: Titled "Beauty Standards" with text reading "Speaking of things Shannon Messenger did subconsciously, it’s so painfully clear that this series was written by a white American woman that it makes me break out in hives. Messenger establishes very early on in the series that all elves, no matter who they are, are gorgeous in comparison to humans. For some reason that I’m sure has no correlation to Sophie and therefore Messenger’s personal biases (aka Western hetero/cisnormativity and gender roles), every single elven character is slim with clear skin and no glasses. For some reason, beards seem to be impossible for elves to grow naturally, since the only time facial hair ever appears on anyone’s face is when they take an elixir to change their appearance." An image of Sophie with her human family is captioned "Sophie with her ugly nasty disgusting human family apparently​".

Slide Nine: Text reading "Valin is a member of “the drooly boys” who, had they been “human, would’ve been skinny, with acne and braces. Since they were elves, they were fairly good-looking—or they could’ve been if they hadn’t slicked their hair into greasy ponytails” (Messenger KOTLC 170). It seems elves have evolved past the need for brown eyes, acne, crooked teeth, facial hair beyond eyebrows, and variations in body fat—not to mention most other features that make people unique. ​There is indeed a single elf who is fat and even has wrinkles (elves also don’t physically age past 30, fun fact). He alters his appearance with berries that swell his skin, making him the only unique body type besides Sophie’s human family, who are consistently thrown in terrible comparison to her new, movie-star-looking adoptive parents. The berries also make him smell, interestingly enough.​" Images of Councillors Zarina, Terik, and Clarette line the right side of the slide.

Slide Ten: Text reading: "By portraying the elves as the standard for beauty and then removing any pimple, stretch mark, fat roll, body hair, crooked tooth, big nose, or any of the thousands of features that add depth to faces and bodies, Messenger tells us that perfection lies in eliminating all “flaws.” She tells her young readers that they are desirable if they look like Sophie, or Biana, or Keefe—not Stina with her curly hair, or Dex’s too-skinny arms, or Forkle’s large stomach, or my human body.​" The family portrait of the Vackers is also there.

Slide Eleven: Text reading: "Mostly, what defines KOTLC is how it’s interpreted rather than the content itself. I look at Sophie Foster and see parts of myself, but that does not make her me. These characters always feel so painfully real, desperately relatable, as if Messenger cobbled together a main cast from bits of my life, but they are not. In the end, they are just characters. ​In the end, it’s just a series made for middle schoolers, in the same way the sun is just the sun, and the stars are just there to twinkle merrily and not to be explored.​" Sophie on the cover of Exile is also there.

Slide Twelve: Text reading "Literally the day after I finished this presentation a new Marella short story came out in the paperback version of Stellarlune (book 9). This is a quote in the short story:​" with a picture of the short story of Marella being gay about Linh. Also on the slide is "🚨🚨🚨Alert Alert!🚨🚨🚨​" "🤨🤨🤨🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️​" and "Everyone is excited about Marellinh canon but I think she will simply never acknowledge it again.​"

Slide Thirteen: Just the text "Oh, By The Way, This Series Is Off The Walls Insane​"

Slide Fourteen: Text reading "Things that happen in this series: Alicorns have sex and then there is a graphic birth scene (but the Forkle as Loki thing is going too far 🤨)​, Love Interest confesses his feelings by telling Sophie he wants her to be assigned to marry him by the government​, An ogre bodyguard plays matchmaker with her charge and his crush (successfully)​, There's a guy who can sense "potential" except is definitely lying about this​, Villains die so disappointingly. So far we have "hit on head with rock" "smushed by door opened too quickly" "exploded" "fell into evil birthing sauce" (this last one was cool though)​, and A school principal becomes president​" Three tumblr screenshots and memes detailing other things that happen in the book are also there.

Slide Fifteen: THE END. A screenshot captioned with "Credits for the fake book 7 cover go to @/aphelea on tumblr​" shows a canva/booktok style fake cover for Flashback, with a dancing couple, a horse, and the words "he was a boy. she was a horse. could I make it any more obvious?"

/end id]

[ask-the-prose]

Step 0 of Writing a Story

Everyone has a different method of planning and writing a story, whether it’s a novel, novella, short story, fanfiction, or anything else. The steps can look different for everyone and go in many different orders depending on what works for you.

But I want to talk about Step 0: developing the premise.

Many of us will use story premise and story concept interchangeably, but they’re quite different. The premise takes your concept and focuses it, including the basic bare-bones of the plot. A premise should have a few things: a protagonist, their motivation, obstacles they will face, and a setting.

The Protagonist

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve discussed characters and how to build a character arc; this comes into play here. Your protagonist is your main character, and the story revolves around them and their actions, motivations, and goals.

Your protagonist does not need to be the “hero,” “likable,” or “relatable.” They can be anything you would like them to be, so long as the story centers on them and their actions. Who is the story about? What is their name, and who are they at their most basic?

It’s important to know what the protagonist’s motivations are regarding their goals. What is their goal, and why do they want/need to achieve it?

The Setting

The setting is where the story takes place. This part can be a lot of fun! But when writing your premise, be sure to keep it concise. Worldbuilding comes later, and the premise is mostly about the plot.

What is most important to know about your setting? Is the world magical? Are there zombies? Condense it down to a sentence or two.

The Obstacles

The bread and butter of your premise comes down to what’s stopping your protagonist from achieving their goal immediately. As romance writers put it: why can’t they be together now?

The obstacle can be an institution, a person, or a group of people. The conflict between the protagonist and the obstacle is the core conflict of the story. Condense this struggle down to a sentence or two.

Drafting Your Premise

Now it’s time to put it all together. Some tips for drafting a strong premise:

Cut out extra words - imagine you’re trying to fit your premise into a tweet. What can you cut without losing meaning?

Use active voice

Leave room for curiosity

Your premise can be your guiding light for the rest of your story, from outlining to drafting to editing. The premise is there to help you build your story concept into a fully-fleshed project. Your premise should be short and to the point, something you can explain in an elevator.

– Indy

[winchesterlesbian]

I've been having transfem!Sam x Charlie feels so I had to write something super quick just to get it out:

"Charlie?"

The woman looks up from where she's been lounging in bed, halfway through a huge fantasy novel that's about as thick as a dictionary. Sam is standing in the doorway, looking uncertain. His large frame is leaned up against the doorframe, his hands fidgeting with his shirt buttons. Despite his size he looks like a lost child, waiting for their parent to come find them.

"Hey Sam, what's up?" Her voice is light but tinged with concern, the man's demeanor unusual. She pats the end of the bed, waiting for Sam to sit down in front of hed. He does, distractedly, practically swaying as he walks. He clearly isn't focused, his mind somewhere else. Charlie looks at him expectantly.

Sam bites his bottom lip, chewing at the skin there. It doesn't look like the first time he's done this tonight, his lips peeling and chapped. He doesn't meet Charlie's eyes at first. "I, uh, I need your help." His eyes flicker to hers, just for a moment, before looking away again. "Advice, I guess. Girl stuff. You seem like you might... understand."

Charlie breathes a sharp sigh of relief. "That's what you're stressing about? Girl stuff?" She crosses her legs in front of her, looking at Sam. She wonders what drama he's gotten himself into that he looks this shaken up. "I have to admit, I'm rusty in the relationship department nowadays, but I can still-" Sam cuts her off, holding up a shaky hand.

"No, not girl stuff as in, like, dating girls." He sounds awkward, but there's fear there too. His voice trembles. "I..." He looks down at his hands, the nails bitten to the quick. They're trembling, too. Charlie reaches out, placing her hands on top of Sam's to steady them. She gives him a reassuring smile. "You can tell me, whatever it is." It's clearly eating Sam alive, so Charlie listens, waiting patiently for him to tell her.

Sam takes a deep breath, letting it out in a shaky exhale. "I feel like... I want to be a girl. No, that's not it. I... feel like I am a girl." His head is tilted downward but he looks up at Charlie through his lashes, anxiety visible in his brown eyes. He'd imagined having this conversation, with her, with Dean, with Cas, and each time his worst fear was that they would look at him with disgust, or pity, or maybe they'd just laugh at him and tell him how delusional he was, make it all into one big joke about what a failure Sam was as a man.

"M-maybe that doesn't make sense, I know it sounds stupid." His anxieties grip him, strangling him, his throat feeling like it's going to close up from the nerves vibrating through him.

Charlie intertwines her fingers with Sam's then, squeezing them. "It isn't stupid, Sam. Far from it." Sam lifts his head and Charlie gives him a reassuring smile. It makes Sam choke up a little, makes him want to cry. She isn't laughing at him. Sam practically deflates in relief, and instinctively he leans against Charlie, still holding her hand as his head rests on her shoulder. She lifts a hand up to rest it in his hair, comforting him. Sam doesn't seem that much bigger than her, then. He seems to condense himself, makes himself seem small when he feels vulnerable.

"Am I the first one to know?" She asks, and Sam nods. "I didn't think anyone else would understand. I'm not even sure I understand. I just... I don't feel like a man. I never have." He lets out a shaky sigh, like each word took something from him. Charlie hums softly, running her hands through Sam's hair. "When the time comes, I can help you tell the others. Help them understand, if you want me to," she offers, and Sam takes in a sharp breath. He still doesn't know what to say to Dean yet, or anyone else, when the time comes, but the thought of it is daunting. The thought that he wouldn't have to do it alone makes his chest feel tight.

"You would? How?" Sam asks, and Charlie shrugs, caressing the dark strands under her fingers. "I've have a few transgender friends, and I've read some books on the topic. You aren't alone, Sam. There's lots of people who feel the same way you do."

Those words make Sam's eyes fill with tears, as if a dam had broken when Charlie had uttered the words you aren't alone. She lets out a sob, and Charlie pulls the girl in closer. It seems right, to call Sam a girl. She just holds her, not saying anything. Sam needs a good cry, and she is more than willing to hold her while she lets it all out.

"Thank you, Charlie," Sam says quietly, after the tears have subsided. She sits up to face her, and although her eyes are red-rimmed and her face is blotchy, she looks lighter. Like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders.

"Don't mention it," Charlie says, reaching out to tuck a piece of Sam's chin length hair behind her ear. Her sounds right, now that Charlie is thinking it. It fits Sam like a glove. "I may not be the girliest of girls, but I'm always here to give womanly advice. Just don't ask me about boys." She winks and Sam laughs, her smile wider than it has been in a long time.

"Noted."

[jamesfrain]

🎬📽️🎞️Wolf Hall: The Mirror and The Light | Episode One Analysis

Part I [First minutes, and Wolsey references]

The new series premiered yesterday (10 Nov), and I am keen to analyze the first episode titled 'Wreckage.'

── .✦First and foremost, I want to clarify that my analysis is based on the novel, "The Mirror and The Light" At times, I may reference historical events as well. ── .✦Secondly, this analysis is grounded in my personal perspective; yours may differ, and I welcome a respectful discussion in the comments. ── .✦Lastly, please be advised that this analysis will contain spoilers.

At the end of the first series, Anne was executed, and the final scene showed Cromwell being greeted by Henry, who appeared pleased with the outcome of the recent events. We now revisit Anne's final moments from a new perspective. At the same time she is being executed, Henry is marrying Jane Seymour. Cromwell is away ensuring that everything proceeds as planned. This may be the first significant change in the adaptation for the new series. In the book "Bring Up the Bodies," Cromwell has a series of interactions following Anne's execution and was with the king prior to the wedding ceremony.

However, in this version, he returns home to prepare for attending the newlywed couple. (I must admit, I missed the interactions that occurred after Anne's death. The burial scene, coupled with the dialogues featuring Suffolk, Norfolk, and Kingston, plays a crucial role in highlighting Gregory's character development at that moment.)

On his way home, he has an interesting interaction with Rafe, which I noticed had a different tone than what the book conveys. In this scene, Cromwell appears emotional, or perhaps remorseful. When Rafe asks if he has any message for the king, Cromwell responds, "No message. Back to your new master," with tired eyes that suggest he is possibly worn out.

In the book, the tone is a bit different. After indicating he has no message for the king, Rafe mentions his wife, saying, "Helen will be glad to know the lady is beyond her misfortunes now." Cromwell is taken aback by this statement and replies, "She does not pity her, does she?" Rafe answers, "She thinks that Anne was a protector of the gospel, and that cause is, as you know, dear to my wife’s heart." This exchange leads to a sharper tone, as Cromwell responds, "Oh, well, yes. But I can protect it better." Here, Cromwell seems to be justifying his actions toward Anne with a hint of passive-aggressiveness.

"Anne was not pitiful," Cromwell insists. "Have you not told Helen how she threatened me with beheading? And she was planning, as we now know, to cut short the life of the king himself."

To be fair, I believe the script tries to condense all of this into Cromwell's line:

"When negotiation and compromise fail, then your only course is to destroy your enemy. Before they wake in the morning, Rafe, have the axe in your hand."

Whoever had the idea of bringing Wolsey back as a ghost has my respect. To me, he serves as Cromwell's own conscience—a figure who fully understands him. The reference to the coat is brilliant. In the series, Wolsey states, "When I was alive, my people wore orange tawny. The king might not want to be reminded."

In fact, in the book Cromwell has owned this coat since the days of Wolsey. When he searches for it, Richard Cromwell remarks, "You put that coat away when the Cardinal came down. You had no heart for it."

Wolsey appears once more in this episode, consistently acting as Cromwell’s conscience. He reminds Cromwell of his actions to avenge his deceased Cardinal. I believe Cromwell tries to justify his wrongdoings by relieving his mind in these reflections. In the book, Call-Me brings up the topic:

"People have been talking about the Cardinal. They say, look at what Cromwell has wrought in two years against Wolsey's enemies. Thomas More is dead. Anne, the queen, is dead. They look at those who slighted him during his lifetime—Brereton, Norris—though Norris was not the worst..." Cromwell responds, "If I wanted revenge on Wolsey’s enemies, I would have to strike down half the nation."

The idea that Wolsey introduces in the series—that Henry could also suffer from Cromwell's vengeance is intriguing and suggests further development. I speculate that perhaps Cromwell's eventual downfall may relate to a sense of vengeance toward Henry. The lack of Cromwell’s presence and his constant support of the king could be interpreted as a form of revenge against Henry in the years following 1540. (I can elaborate on this if needed, but it's just a speculation.)

Wolsey says: 'You've wreaked a terrible vegeance on my enemies in these days, my friend. Thomas More and the queen, her brother... Brereton, Norris.'

'Of course, some might ask who was the greatest of Wolsey's enemies? Some might ask when chance serves, what revenge will Cromwell take on his sovereign?'

"When he says, 'Such thoughts might reach the king, and that would be the end of it,' it serves, in my point of view, as a warning of the dangers he will face when he lets his guard down and speaks too much."

TO BE CONTINUED...

[samuelroukin]

"it'd come down to no more than 50k if i cut all the smut out" do you hear yourself. oh this cake would come down to no more than a bunch of frosting if i cut all the cake out of it. this house would come down to no more than a cement structure if i cut out all the bricks. this forest would come down to no more than a giant field filled with unsheltered wild animals if i cut out all the plants. this story would come down to a much smaller story if i cut out most of the story

the smut is important and even if the fic was literally just porn it would still be fucking impressive. but it isn't. and much of the plot is actually in the porn (much of the house is actually in the bricks). so. um. stop being mean to my favorite author that's what i meant by all that sorry for rambling again

LKJDHKJFG no i actually agree, maybe not all the smut is necessary but most of it is part of the plot in this fic, i mostly meant that comparing it to actual books doesn't work when the word count is porn instead of u know. world building and lore and action. like the smut isn't unimportant but if we're strictly talking story it could be severely condensed u know. actually idk if i'm making sense

like it's only long because i describe someone's boner and o-face in great detail when those things really don't serve the plot. but then again this was meant to light on plot and heavy on the porn before the worms took over

actually what i'm trying to say is i don't think you can compare fanfic lengths to novel lengths because unless you're writing an au so far removed from the source material that it's its own thing, playing with someone else's dolls doesn't feel like it has the same weight. in an original novel the author creates something from nothing, i'm just making some dudes bang lol

[cousticks]

hii question here!

not that sure about my knowledge of BEAST; did Dazai destroy other universes?

omg hi sorry this took me so long to get to! i've been distracted all week </3

anyway... i'd say "destroy" is a strong word? we don't exactly know how the other universes ended (other than somewhere in them, oda has to have died), but we do know that there were several other universes before the BEAST universe we know and loathe. it was not the first universe dazai created with the Book. he created countless other permutations of the world with different variables changed to try and create an outcome in which oda was able to live and write his novel.

however, considering the ultimate purpose was for oda to live? i'm assuming he rewrote the book each time oda died, thus "ending" the previous book universe, as to the best of my understanding only one can exist at a time (someone correct me on that if i'm wrong!). so you could say he destroyed them, in a sense. More Book mechanics under the cut!

here's Dazai's explanation on how the Book functions in the novel:

"Dazai replied brightly, as if reciting poetry. 'Yes, but 'whatever you write becomes real' isn't exactly how it sounds.' The Book is more or less the origin of this world. In this Book you'll find an infinite number of potential worlds that can branch out into an infinite number of different paths depending on the choices made and conditions set. And the moment something is written on a page in the Book, a world tailored to what was written is 'summoned.' The potential world inside the Book and the real world change places.'"

'"'Simply put, the term world refers to both the single physical reality that exists outside the Book and the infinite possible worlds that are tucked away inside the Book,' Dazai explained nonchalantly as if it were common sense. 'This world is a possible world. In other words, it's merely one of infinite worlds inside the book.'"

"'But reality is still reality. This world holds just as much weight as the outside world. The fact that the Book--which is something like the world's origin--exists in this world as well proves as much. But this world's Book is a drain, so to speak. Orders from the outside world can rewrite this world or even destroy it..."'

"'You two must defeat every one of them [various organizations after the Book] and protect this Book at all costs because if they write something, this world will be overwritten and cease to exist."

From the BEAST light novel, approximately pages 146-147, give or take.

If I were to condense his explanation as well as what I know from the main story: The Book of the original, outside world can create countless sub-universes OR change its own reality. Within these sub-universes, the Book which exists within them can only sustain its own sub-universe, and if it is edited, it will rewrite it's current state and erase that existing world to create a new one. That's my understanding, anyway.

So to answer your question to the best of my understanding: BEAST!Dazai definitely destroyed several of these sub-universes to create the one BEAST takes place in, as he rewrote the sub-universe Book each time.

Tysm for giving me something about BEAST to ramble about!

[oaktaro]

The Birth of the Horror Game Genre

What was the first horror game?

Killer Shark – 1972? – Cabinet When the question of the first horror game comes up, the poorly kept, early history of video games as a whole becomes an obstacle. You can find conversations about what the first horror game is, bring up seemingly lost cabinets of uncertain construction, or a scene in the 1975 movie Jaws in which it cuts to gameplay of an arcade game called Killer Shark where the player is a deep sea diver, armed with a speargun, shooting said killer shark, who appears from the darkness of the deep ocean… The arcade cabinet has a Sega logo, with various websites sighting it as having a 1972 release in the U.S. with no month or day specified. There's also a flyer, circulating, that shows the machine with 2 play prices, whose currency implies a Japanese release that may have been simultaneous or prior, considering the space for its second coin slot still exists in all the pictures of the U.S. release. Both sensible information and interest in this game are sparse due to its stroboscopic disk approach to film being considered so primitive that it becomes divisive as to if people even consider it video, thus making its historical value as a horror game as divisive, causing the credit of the earliest known horror game to often be split between it and another 1972 game, Haunted House. 

Haunted House – 1972, Aug-Oct? – Odyssey When attempting to create a variety of first-party games for their new home console, horror would join the likes of sports, education, and science fiction games, the Odyssey would see. While the creative mind behind the console would be against packing in games that required more than TV and controller to play, the console was under Magnavox, who would ultimately lean into the more board game design, relying on physical pieces in attempting to capture the family market. Released around September of ‘72, Haunted House would take advantage of the video game format by having a multiplayer game where one player is a ghost that can hide within things with the illumination of their body standing out while also blending in with the natural illumination of a CRT screen that lit the entire environment. The other player would be the detective, attempting to survive the mansion, with physical cards guiding the game without having to approach condensing text into hardware, which was meant to be cheap and thus simple. The game’s approach to horror relied on the tension of anticipating a failure state that allowed the player controlling the ghost to initiate a jump scare that would flash the screen white while they screamed “BOO!” Real scary, I know.

So what’s the earliest known survival horror game?

Hunt The Wumpus – 1973 – printed BASIC code After arcade and console players got their horror fix, the following year would see the release of a desktop computer horror game that would rely less on visuals and more on painting a picture through text like a horror novel. Gregory Yob found the output of the trend of hide and seek games published by People’s Computer Company to be… underwhelming considering what could be accomplished. He would avoid the easy grid pattern level design and have the player explore a cave system where a man-eating beast called the Wumpus was sleeping somewhere around. Also within the cave… were bottomless pits and bats—so great, they can carry a person right off! The player, armed with 5 crooked arrows, named for their… unrealistically generous movement through the air in the game’s dodecahedron-shaped world, would need to explore the cave system to hunt the Wumpus in complete darkness via their other senses like smell and feel, as light would alert the beast, and if you move too close to it, you’ll turn into it’s prey. Because of this, it’s retroactively referred to as the earliest known example of a survival horror game: exploring it’s cave system, managing your limited arrows, to hunt the monster while trying not to squander your limited inventory and become its prey. It was sold via mail order in 1973 and People’s Computer Company who advertised it as a possible tool to teach first grader’s math is credited as its publisher.

It became a franchise.

By 1975, multiple horror games were being released per year. Hunt the Wumpus’s source code was released in Creative Computing Magazine and became a series with ports, sequels, and custom alterations. Wumpus 2 would focus on re-playability. It’s new cave systems bringing changing difficulty and strategy, being described as “the same old Wumpus in a different setting, including those of your own design,"  referring to the ability to create your own cave system in this new entry. Wumpus 3 would advertise new hazards to the mix like earthquakes and bat migrations. Jack Emmerichs is credited with the creation of Super Wumpus, a more complex version of Wumpus where the beast would be aggressively active, while an Altair 8800 parody of the original, titled Wampus, would give players the option to primarily try to escape the cave and avoid confrontation all together.

What was the first video game adaptation of a horror movie? Could it have been inspired by:

Maneater – 1972 Mar? – Cabinet In 1975, Project Support Engineering released Maneater, advertising up to 2 players can indulge in it’s “video terror!” Controlling divers in shark-infested waters, players are to retrieve packages from the bottom and bring them to the surface, and this would be far from the last shark game…

Shark Jaws – 1975 Sep 25th – Cabinet Video game adaptations of other media predate Pong, and Pong’s company, Atari, would join on this, forming Horror Games, a front to take the bullet in case they were sued for their unlicensed adaptation, Shark Jaws, though keen eyes would recognize it using an Atari Tank II cabinet, and those who got inside might note its circuit board, marked "Atari,"  whose marketing VP is quoted as saying the company behind Jaws would find out Atari is behind Horror Games in only 3 days. Advertised as “exciting underwater video terror!” Shark Jaws had you swimming for fish in a third person while trying to avoid being shark food. It’s been praised for it’s sound design, using heavy reverb to emulate its setting, and despite claims of it selling thousands, tracking serial numbers have led to collectors finding it, more likely, only had 500 ever even made. Coincidentally, much like Killer Shark, it too would be used in a movie and 3 years after its release, to boot!

What was the first journalist attack on horror games?

DeathRace – 1976 April - Cabinet Games in the horror genre would, of course, eventually attract backlash. In December of 1975, Destruction Derby would release where the player, controlling a car, would attempt to ram into others. It was licensed to Chicago Coin by Exidy, who would clone the game to also profit from it without competing with their licensee. New hire, Howell Ivy, said the easy approach would be to replace the visuals, which was done by replacing the other cars with fleeing people! Allegedly titled Pedestrian before becoming Death Race 98 and then shortened to Death Race. The cabinet featured 2 Grim Reapers, driving cars, with the pedestrians being named Gremlins, who would scream before being run over. A reporter would see kids lined up to play Death Race and run a story in Seattle, beginning a snowball of media covering the controversial game about running over fleeing pedestrians. Becoming taboo, of course, caused the game’s sales to shoot from hundreds to thousands, with video game magazines reporting it in the top 10 highest grossing arcade games for 2 years! 

How much of an arcade game is in the cabinet’s construction, itself?

Triple Hunt – 1977 April – Cabinet On the market in 1977 was a new 3 in 1 arcade cabinet by Atari, Triple Hunt: a collection of shooting games, featuring Raccoon Hunt, where you shoot raccoons before they get to the top of a tree; Hit the Bear, where you take aim at bears with attached targets that, because the sprites display horizontally stretched, look more like eyes; and a game called Witch Hunt, where you’re firing at a haunted mansion where a witch circles the sky. The game tracks the gun’s position on the screen via 2 potentiometers in the gun, while a display mask and a one-way mirror in front of the monitor let light through and reflect the game’s sprites, creating a sense of depth and allowing them to pass behind and in front of objects. This allows the game to advertise multiple 3D environments. The game’s creator, Owen Rubin, would explain that the more complex method of gun tracking was chosen over using a light-gun, sensing the sprites when they’re not behind objects out of fear that outside lights like fluorescents would get in the way. This cabinet’s construction is an example of how I think so much of the experience is often lost when trying to translate an arcade game to a 2D screen. So much of the experience is in the cabinet’s construction itself, which is often not even attempted to be replicated. The game’s spooky sound design came from a combination of the game’s microprocessor producing sound effects and an 8-track tape producing the ambient environmental noise. Witch Hunt would have the most tape and not be the only witch game of this error.

There’s a horror game of a city’s tourist attraction.

The House of Seven Gables - 1978 - Apple II, TRS-80, Sorcerer Perhaps the most well-known thing about Salem, Massachusetts, is the witch trials of the 1600s. During the time, stood the Turner house that would eventually sell to the family of Susanna Ingersoll, who would entertain her cousin there, telling him stories of its old history. The attic had bits of framing and plaster from former gables built in 1668. This cousin would make the house famous by being inspired to write the 1851 novel, The House of the Seven Gables. The house is now an icon of Salem, becoming a museum and one with a horror game. Greg Hassett’s 1978 text adventure, The House of Seven Gables, advertises you raid for valuables but must defeat the witch to escape…  and said witch is not the only danger. Lurking the house are life-threatening ghouls who—you can throw chemicals in their face. A GHOST who also doesn’t want you to leave with valuables and can be life-threatening himself if you refuse to relinquish your plunder. There’s even a vampire who you can drive off with garlic found in the kitchen, but it won’t work forever… so you might want to prepare to combat it a different way.

Conclusion The number of horror games released was increasing every year, but what even constitutes a video game is divisive, from Killer Shark’s stroboscopic disk approach to Haunted House’s absence of memory or a processor to the House of Seven Gables' absence of motion picture. The line of what is video and what are video games may be forever debated, and especially when a game lacks a stereotypically horror setting or characters, it can become as divisive to decipher which game’s creator’s intentions were horror or if that’s even what YOU define as a horror game. What is certain is the word "horror" can catch the interest of many people who previously enjoyed media described as such.

[schmaltzydoodles]

oh look at that, I'm making art again

excuse the inactivity, you can blame school for giving us a literal mountain of homework that were all due in the following week they were assigned, christmas break, general lack of motivation/procrastination, school starting again, yeah.

Anyway here's Maomao from the Apothecary Diaries with asexual colors because...well, if you know the anime, I'm sure you already know why ;) also this outfit of hers is so pretty, it's one of my faves aside from the garden banquet one

I haven't finished the anime, but I highly recommend reading the manga and light novel, tho I haven't read the latter myself. There's quite a good chunk of juicy details and stuff that the anime left out. Like I completely understand why they needed to condense much of the dialogue and exposition, but as much as I like the anime, I feel like they sometimes cut out important things in some episodes and the pacing feels weird. idk, could just be me. anime-only watchers seem to enjoy it, so I guess I can't complain.

🌸 Steal my art and I'll steal y'alls kneecaps <3 good day and night to you all🌸

[brotherslayer]

Recently I inhaled all translated volumes of the Ascendance of a Bookworm light novels, and I realized that the full beauty of this light novel cannot be appreciated until one has consumed a truckload of shitty otome isekai manhwas.

First off, there's actual worldbuilding. Praise be to the gods!

The following is... technically spoilers but I think it'll spark your interest and enhance one's appreciation for the author's brilliant execution.

The protagonist isekai's into a fantasy world, but doesn't really realize it's a full-on high fantasy world until she gets involved with the nobility because she was reborn into a peasant girl and peasants don't have much to do with magic and mana and all that jazz.

The protagonist, a peasant girl, gets adopted into nobility by her home duchy's highest-ranking nobleman (the archduke or “aub” as they're called, but don't let the name fool you— all rulers of duchies are called archdukes and her home duchy's actually somewhat on the lower end) but the process isn't all sunshines and rainbows, she loses her peasant family, they're alive but they're bound by a magic contract to never treat each other as family ever again— and it's heartwrenching because they truly, truly love each other and her family committed treason to save her (and she in turn was forced into the adoption to save her family from an execution). It's traumatizing.

The world is a fucked up place and the protagonist acknowledges it, and the dissonance between her own modern morality and the world's accepted customs make it hard for her to adjust, and she frequently comes across as an oddball or a threat/wildcard because of it instead of... I dunno, the modern protagonist taking over a reviled character's body and makes everyone love her by “girlboss”? (*side-eyeing Cha Siyeon* but ehhh it's not like she's the only one)

There's politics! Actual politics! And the protagonist starts off as a merchant apprentice and unlike so many otome isekai's that attempt to do merchant work this is actually... it's a world I can sink my teeth in and actually feel satisfied.

The first two arcs (or “parts” as they're called, the story's volumes are usually marked as “Part [#] Volume [#]”) are a bit more on the slice-of-life side with the world's darkness and politicking mostly in the background because the protagonist simply wasn't aware of the shit that was going on behind the scenes or outside her field of influence as she spent those two parts in the lower city as a peasant girl. And then she's forced into an adoption and shit ramps up.

The story doesn't allow itself to lull, there's always one thing or another constantly shaking up the status quo and honestly, I fucking adore it.

I can't quite vouch for the anime's quality as I haven't watched it (apparently a lot of stuff got condensed or cut out?) but I can wholeheartedly vouch for the light novels.

(it started out as a webnovel so I can see how it was written to be a deliberate subversion of the otome isekai genre as many korean manhwas of the same genre also generally start out as webnovels)

I remember Ascendance of the Bookwork! I must have watched the first few episodes when the anime first came out. Although I found the idea of a bookworm commoner protagonist refreshing I don't know why I didn't continue watching the series. It could be just like you said because they cut things and as a result of that the atmosphere seemed more lighthearted than in reality or it might have been that I didn't watch far enough and kind of forgot about the series as I often do with media where you have to wait for the next episode/season once you've caught up.

I had a totally different impression of the anime back then. I thought that the heroine would invent the letter press and start a book binding business. My interest dwindled when I saw a spoiler that she'd got adopted by a noble after her powers were revealed and mistakenly assumed that it would go the cliche route. I'm pleased to see that for once the adoption created a conflict and the real family actually cares about their child. (I think they discovered that she wasn't the real Myne but came to love her anyway? Which is great but must have come as a great shock to the family.) I might start watching the anime again. I don't know if I'll try the webnovel, because honestly I've never managed to fully enjoy a webnovel so far. Much to my regret, I want to feel what y'all are feeling. 😭 Why is classic lit a breeze for me but I struggle with webnovels?

Though can it be really a subversion of the Otome Isekai genre when the world is not a dating sim/romance novel? Is there something like an og hero/heroine protagonist who she runs into much later? When I think of subversion of Otome Isekai I think about stories like Surviving Romance and The Concubine Walkthrough.

[blinkbones]

Rivages lointains -- Anaïs Flogny

I've been putting off writing about my recent reads for life reasons but perhaps this one in particular because -- ah, man, the author is on here. Makes me feel awkward lol!! Anyway, hello @lescarnetsdehaku , this is her work!

Cutting to the chase; this is just very good work, and an enjoyable read. It was both startling and refreshing to be given a story that only takes a few hours to read (i been reading chonkers). Although as a comic it's... it's big isn't it. (<- not usually a graphic novel reader) wait. was that actually my first? oh no i read maus as well

It felt like a movie in many ways. Firstly because it is visually very nice to look at -- the artist's style is all precise and delicate lines and beautiful color palettes. I'm not sure of how to say it... but there's a strong sense of what the light is like in each scene. Some felt like distinct times of the year & day. Secondly due to the narrative style being somewhat light in text + the condensing of so much story and evolution in so little time... yeah man it's movielike yknow! Needless to say I loved it.

It's kind of hard to comment on the story itself, because I don't want to spoil a thing, and also because, like... it doesn't miss a single beat, man. I ain't got nothing to say that isn't a variation of "it's good!" "it's fun!" so um... i'm gonna leave it there.

[animehouse-moe]

Fate/Strange Fake: Whispers of Dawn - The Abridged Rundown

I'll be real, it's an hour long special, there's a lot to get through in regards to it. I'm going to keep things short, and try and condense my thoughts as much as possible which means I'll be skimming over character (and story) related stuff quite a bit. So here's the gist of it: the US is making a fake Holy Grail War without the Mage Association in hopes of it becoming a real one, and we're thrown into the chaos that is fake and real servants colliding in a story that began as a joke on a website in 2009. Yeah, it was originally a joke, turned light novel, turned manga, and now turned anime, so I really recommend reading up on Strange Fake a little bit and as much tertiary Fate information as you can if you want to grasp it, because that's not the goal of this post.

What is the goal though is explaining my thoughts on this hour long special episode, and what it spells for the series going forward (and maybe just a little story and character stuff, who knows).

I'll get it out of the way right off the bat. The production quality? All over the place. In quite a few moments I was left wondering if characters like Faldeus were off model or if it was a creative decision, and there's plenty of examples of downright questionable animation and decisions. I'm rather disappointed in A-1's output considering the addition of a delay. Was the delay to accommodate a single episode special turning into a full series? Or was it just trying to buy time for the more rough pieces displayed in this episode? It's hard to say, but my prior statements still stand. With the help of a few examples, that is.

Anyways, how about some cool stuff? If there's one thing that Strange Fake has going for it, it's style. Weird, right? Production isn't quite there, but the style really is. One of the more bold and interesting examples of Strange Fake's style is through its camera rotations. Sometimes it leads to super odd and rough cuts like the above, other times it creates really striking and inventive scenes like the following. It adds a very nice feel to the content that it appears in, and draws out that sense of drama and suspense quite well. Also, I love that since it's in America they just couldn't help but feature guns and military.

Of course, rotation isn't the only thing that comprises the visual style of Strange Fake. If you were to draft the number 2 spot for most used approach, it would certainly have to be the aggressive camera angles. Not as flashy as the camera rotation or movement itself, but it still plays into that almost melodramatic feel that this story displays for viewers, steeping itself in grandeur and showmanship.

Now, I will say that it misses the beat on its showmanship nearly as much as it nails it, as layouts aren't the only important thing in selling viewers a story. Right alongside it is character acting, and quite often it's relegated to just sort of vibrating pngs on screen that will interact with one another. For comedic effect I think it has a time and place, but I don't think it needs to be used as much as it is early on in this episode. Thankfully though, the good pieces of character acting are really good. Just take a look at Fake Caster here (even though it's just a hand). It captures their personality, their feel, the emotions of their voice (which you can't hear) incredibly well. Though I'll also say that the camera work adds a large amount of feel as well. Just an all around impressively well

Hmm, so where to next? I think, a fun thing to chat about would be the nature of servants, which ironically, plays a really big role in the pairings and purposes of characters throughout this story. I won't go on spoiling things (though I really don't have any information that is spoilers, unless this is your first fate series). Anyways, lets get it started with the coolest and newest servant: Enkidu.

Enkidu is Gilgamesh's counterpart, and the anime makes sure you understand that. Gil is summoned in the middle of a desert, into the hand of a young girl who completely surrenders herself to Gil. Enkidu on the other hand appears in a forest, summoned by a wolf Chimera. The symbolism of the tree of life that appears as lightning is no joke in poor taste, no sir. Enkidu is the blood-brother of Gilgamesh, a warrior who fought side-by-side the king of legend. The parallels are endless between this infamous pair. The disparity between control and freedom, ruling and harmonizing, so on and so forth ad infinitum. This pair was made for one another, and the anime does a great job of conveying that.

Next on the list of incredibly curious has to be our new Berserker and their master, Flat Escardos. I love this idea so, so much. Two peas in a pod these characters are. Unrestricted, unforgiving, and unlimited. The pair are two sides of the same coin with Jack The Ripper comprising the dark of the pair, while Flat the light. It's a really great dynamic, and the character play off each other incredibly well for comic relief and surprisingly dark comments. It's also with Berserker that we get treated to the first of our trio of title cards (though neither of the other two give names). That is, image stills that represent who our servants are, what their story is. Really, really great stuff.

Next up we've got our Assassin, who tells a very simple story alongside the poorly done slam poetry provided by their master. Not a lot to comment on, but I enjoy how not-so-subtle they are with Assassin's background as a religious woman before her fall from grace. Very befitting story, for sure.

Now, the last and certainly not least is our 'wild card' servant and master combination. This one's really something else (I'll share more afterward), but their concept is 'Pestilence'. You might call them a horseman of the apocalypse, the Pale Rider, the Black Plague, whatever name you might fancy. But what they are remains fact: disease. It's really interesting when paired alongside the youthful and innocent Tsubaki, especially as her father takes on the rot/curse of Pale Rider rather than his daughter. Neither like Berserker nor Assassin, Pale Rider is more symbiotic with Tsubaki. A curse, certainly, but one that also cares for and understands Tsubaki, contradicting their very existence as Pale Rider. It's a really curious character that puts even Enkidu and Gilgamesh on alert, so I'm incredibly interested to see what they get up to in this story.

And that's where our information in regards to servants and masters ends. Of course, I've still got a bit more to go so bear with me for just this little bit more.

Strange Fake's style really is something else, as I've said before, but I think one of the more important pieces to it is how fluid it remains. There's all sorts of crazy interesting ideas, from the title cards I've just shown, to the insane impact frames, the dazzling approach to lighting, or even the art style itself. Hell, they use CGI with Pale Rider and it works perfectly to convey that disturbing feel they exude.

Now, this one's separate just because I wanted to chat about it a little. Francesca here's a little drama queen. You already know from her appearance and disposition that she likes to show off, but it extends far past that. Much further past into truly commendable territory all for the sake of showing off. She knows of her short stature, but wishes to impose upon Reeve in this scene, so what does she do? Make a show of trouncing all over his desk. Kicking his lamp over only after performing a perfectly executed stunt to show that she didn't need to kick the lamp over, positioning herself above him so that the shadow she casts is far greater than that of Reeve's, and (effectively) stomping on his police hat to squash his sense of justice underfoot. It's an incredible setup all for Francesca to toy with Reeve in this scene, and I absolutely love it.

Okay okay, last piece. The super cool Gil and Enkidu impact frames. Love that their color schemes are opposite as well. Very very well done, though I wish their fight itself had a bit more impact to it.

And there it is, the end of this Strange Fake special episode. Would I say I'm completely satisfied? Not really, no. There's a lot of production weirdness and concern that I have with a large amount of material through the episode. The story itself is outstanding though, and is presented impressively well. It's just that the animation and some of the creative decisions in regards to that animation is subpar and in poor taste. Strange Fake: Whispers of Dawn is held back from greatness by a single chain, strained at each link, almost begging to be let loose. We didn't get the perfect beginning that A-1 might have hoped for, but I think it's one that plenty of viewers will be enthralled by nonetheless.

[escarlatafox]

"Before we are forgotten, we will be turned into kitsch. Kitsch is the stopover between being and oblivion." - Milan Kundera

Milan Kundera died a few days ago. May he rest in kitsch... So, I've compiled a list of ten quotes of his that I find resonant/poignant from two of his books (The Unbearable Lightness of Being and The Book of Laughter and Forgetting) under the cut, along with a poll. If you'd like, you can give 'em a read, and vote on which quote you like (/which stands out to you) the most!

I've numbered the quotes to make it easier to vote in the poll! The poll cites condensed versions so they fit :P

1. In the sunset of dissolution, everything is illuminated by the aura of nostalgia, even the guillotine.

2. Anyone whose goal is 'something higher' must expect someday to suffer vertigo. What is vertigo? Fear of falling? No, Vertigo is something other than fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves.

3. Our dreams prove that to imagine--to dream about things that have not happened--is among mankind's deepest needs.

4. What is unique about the "I" hides itself exactly in what is unimaginable about a person. All we are able to imagine is what makes everyone like everyone else, what people have in common. The individual "I" is what differs from the common stock, that is, what cannot be guessed at or calculated, what must be unveiled, uncovered, conquered.

5. Einmal ist keinmal. What happens but once might as well not have happened at all. The history of the Czechs will not be repeated, nor will the history of Europe. The history of the Czechs and of Europe is a pair of sketches from the pen of mankind’s fateful inexperience. History is as light as individual human life, unbearably light, light as a feather, as dust swirling into the air, as whatever will no longer exist tomorrow.

6. The characters in my novels are my own unrealized possibilities. That is why I am equally fond of them all and equally horrified by them. Each one has crossed a border that I myself have circumvented. It is that crossed border (the border beyond which my own "I" ends) which attracts me most. For beyond that border begins the secret the novel asks about. The novel is not the author's confession; it is an investigation of human life in the trap the world has become.

7. It takes so little, so infinitely little, for someone to find himself on the other side of the border, where everything - love, convictions, faith, history - no longer has meaning. The whole mystery of human life resides in the fact that it is spent in the immediate proximity of, and even in direct contact with, that border, that it is separated from it not by kilometers but by barely a millimeter.

8. A question with no answer is a barrier that cannot be breached. In other words, it is questions with no answers that set the limits of human possibilities, describe the boundaries of human existence.

9. In the political jargon of those days, the word "intellectual" was an insult. It indicated someone who did not understand life and was cut off from the people. All the Communists who were hanged at the time by other Communists were awarded such abuse. Unlike those who had their feet solidly on the ground, they were said to float in the air. So it was fair, in a way, that as punishment the ground was permanently pulled out from under their feet, that they remained suspended a little above the floor.

10. The two sisters stretched out on their bed are not laughing about anything in particular, their laughter has no object, it is the expression of being rejoicing in being. Just as someone in pain is linked by his groans to the present moment (and is entirely outside past and future), so someone bursting out in such ecstatic laughter is without memory and without desire, for he is emitting his shout into the world's present moment and wishes to know only that.

[cambria-writes]

my prompt for you is: orange light!! good luck deciphering that!!

it took a few days but as soon as you said orange light i knew exactly what i wanted to include and what i wanted this to be about. this is actually a very personal and emotional piece for me, so i actually do hope you like it!

i even put this through two spell checks and a grammar check, so i made a genuine effort!

title from a novel by andré aciman called 'plus tard ou jamais', which means 'later or never' in french.

𝐏𝐥𝐮𝐬 𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐝, 𝐨𝐮—

pairing: male!oc x gn!nameless!oc (barely tbh) rating: t cause i think there's swearing? warnings: nothing really, dreaming, revisiting the past, talking about feeling safe, mention of chronic illness, bitching about climate change the heat, this is just a vent piece where my boyfriend catches me at the end that's it lol

masterlist

It’s too hot. It’s been too hot for three days.

The air conditioner is barely providing any relief. In this heat wave, it would probably take three 18k BTU units to satisfy me. It’s horrible; everything is damp, everything smells like humidity and AC condensate. Every 5 hours, I have to force myself up and away from whatever I’m doing to haul The Bucket—used to be used with the mop, but since last summer, it’s exclusively used to collect the condensation from the air conditioner—to the bathroom and back again.

My fingers hurt. My head hurts. My back feels like it’s been twisted out of and back into shape too many time. Misshapen, I feel misshapen.

It’s 3:47AM and I’ve been on my back on my bedroom floor for... too long. Feels like forever, but I know it’s only been half an hour. But there’s nothing to do; I’m in between jobs, I did all the laundry in a bout of mania last night, the dishes were cleaned after I made myself dinner earlier...

There was a time when I would have known what to do with myself in a situation like this. Would have had a list of things that I could easily do whenever I happened to have the time for them. That list is long gone, though.

Maybe it's with my motivation; eloped, and forgotten about. Good for her.

Beneath me, I feel the old wooden floor shake when a loud clap of thunder sounds outside. Ah, finally, I think, something to cut through this wretched humidity and maybe return some sense of normalcy to my life. I pat my hand around on the floor to find my phone, but when I pull up the weather forecast, it’s grim.

92% humidity for tomorrow and yet more thunderstorms.

Carelessly throw my phone in the general area of the head of my bed. Miserable, this is absolutely miserable. I can’t go out like this; ten minutes in that kind of heat and nevermind heat exhaustion, I may as well just go straight to the nearest hospital for the inevitable heat stroke I’d be suffering from.

From its new place, probably half under a pillow from the sound of it, my phone dings. Probably another email to tell me that though my candidacy was appreciated and my résumé was impressive, they’ve gone ahead and hired someone else for the position.

Someone who was asking for a lower salary, probably.

Miserable.

The amount of motivation required to get myself on my feet again is gargantuan. But at this rate, I’m never going to sleep, and I’m not going to do anything productive. So I shuffle to the bathroom at the end of the hallway, pull open the mirror door, and pluck the bottle of melatonin from its shelf.

Mm. No. Put it back and grab the THC gummy bottle next to it instead. That’ll do. I only grab and pop one in my mouth to chew; I made the mistake of taking two once and only once, and I would rather lick the underside of my shoes than do that again.

I don’t both to get under the covers when I let myself fall into bed. Limbs akimbo, staring up at the ceiling, I wonder. I wonder what my life could be like if everything didn’t have to be so... this. There’s a bitter kind of resignation that sank in year ago, when my then-fiancé simply ghosted me the night before our trip to Japan.

Shit always happens. And sometimes who you are matters.

The light-headed feeling from the edible starts to sink in. I should’ve just grabbed a beer from the fridge. Or maybe made myself a rum and coke. I’m always a happy, sleepy drunk.

Forgot that I tend to get too pensive and subsequently high when I’m too baked.

Ah, god dammit.

My eyes feel dry and sore. I feel so much more exhausted than when I fell asleep. At least, I think I do. I don’t remember falling asleep. I definitely don’t remember falling asleep outside, out on the grass. But the feeling on my exposed arms and legs is unmistakeable.

Freshly cut grass that will undoubtedly make me break out in hives.

I remember this place so clearly. It’s the playground behind my old elementary school. When I sit up and twist to look around, there’s a swell of something in my chest. Some unknowable emotion that’s probably an amalgam. The unkept field is still there, and so are the woods behind it. They flattened it all out and made condos there years ago.

So this is definitely a memory, then. Probably of one of the fundraiser spaghetti dinners they would do a week or two before school let out. If I look out to the softball diamond, there’s a mountain of old wood and pallets for the bonfire that would happen later.

There’s only me here, though. There isn’t the tell-tale chatter of parents by the doors, no shrieking children, no firecrackers. I remember, being freshly eleven years old, looking at my friends and the setting sun and thinking, yes, I need to remember this. This is a moment I’m going to need to remember, someday.

Basking in the setting sun, it’s easy to understand why. Despite the lack of people, I can still smell the industrial quantity of spaghetti sauce simmering in the cafeteria kitchen. The heat isn’t overbearing; it feels comfortable, actually. I remember getting a rash on my arms and legs from the freshly cut grass. The small scar on my forehead left there by a burning ember that got blown my way.

The sun never sets, here.

Through closed eyes, I notice the shadow falling over me.

"Go away," I say quietly. There’s no bite in my voice—no one who would be here would be anyone I get angry at. "I’m trying to nap."

A scoff. Then, "The chronic fatigue doesn’t hit for another..." A brief pause, for contemplation, I suppose. "Seven years."

I shrug as nonchalantly as I can. But I recognize that voice. I didn’t know that voice when I was eleven. Wouldn’t get to know it for a few months still. I sigh anyway and prop myself up on my elbows. I keep my gaze ahead when I open my eyes. I don’t want to know which version of him is here quite yet.

"Why are you here, Michael?" I ask, leaning heavily on my hands. I let my eyes flit from window to window, pausing on the windows I know look into the library longer than the others. I can just barely make out the diaphanous curtains my mother hung over one of the couches. The sheer fabric almost glistens in the orange glow.

"I show up whenever you need a reminder," he answers as he takes a seat next to me. Our shoulders are touching. He nudges my arm with his elbow. "What have you been forgetting?"

I can’t help but laugh. What have I been forgetting? Is that a joke?

"Everything," I grunt, scooching back a bit to lean forward and pull my legs up. "A lot."

Michael chuckles good-naturedly next to me. I missed—miss him. I miss him.

"Shooting stars, sib," he whispers, and I can feel the warmth of his fingertips when he starts to dig them into the nape of my neck. "You’ve forgotten that we’re shooting stars."

All at once, my eyes burn and my nose feels hot and itchy. I reach up for the hand at the back of my neck and bring it to my cheek instead. A thumb awkwardly brushes away the first tear to fall.

"I love you though," I manage to choke out. Look up at the sky like that’ll help my eyes dry out. "I haven’t seen you in forever. Did you get married? Do you have kids? Do you..."

Michael’s thumb stills on my cheekbone. I can feel him leaning in closer.

"...do you even think about me at all?"

Micheal sighs and I feel him rest his forehead against the crown of my head. His breath feels warm there, too. I can hear him inhale to answer, but I rush to speak first.

I don’t know if I want to hear his answer.

"I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not having been a better friend to you. I called you a brother, called you family, but I—"

"It’s fine," Michael cuts me off, gently,quietly. Pulls his head up off mine and his hand away from my cheek in favour of wrapping an arm around my shoulder and pulling me in. "We were young and stupid. You couldn’t have known. It’s not like anyone was helping."

"You did," I counter, a bit more petulantly than I’d like. "Even if you just let me get passionate about things, you—I didn’t get that from anyone else. You made it safe to like things."

Ah. There it is, isn’t it. Michael’s laughter is still so wonderfully soothing. A perfect combination with the warmth of the setting sun. The sound of his voice like perfume in the air, sparkling and sweet.

"Yeah," Michael says eventually,giving my shoulder a quick squeeze before letting go to lean back and get a better look at me.

I forgot I didn’t want to look. He’s got the braids in, like I’d done when we were kids. Otherwise looks just like he did last time I saw him nearly a decade ago; smart, dark slacks, a button-up with the sleeves rolled up with no tie in sigh, shoes shining like his eyes. I can't help but reach a hand out for his own face—to feel the thick beard he’s growing, run a hand through the hair I’d straightened and braided and put flowers in.

"He’s done a great job too, y’know," Michael says, looking away with a smirk. He doesn’t take my hand away where it’s brushing back hair at his temples. "Your husband, I mean."

"We’re not..." I start, but trail off. We’re not actually married, which doesn’t feel fair. "Yeah," I settle with. "He does, despite it all. Despite everything."

When Michael turns back to look at me, it’s a boy, and I find us sitting in his mother’s basement, on her dark green leather couch. The outro to Fortier is playing on the TV.

"He’s not the only one," Michael says, and it’s strange to hear an adult voice come from such a young face. I remember feeling that way after his voice changed over summer break in 9th grade, too. He turns to look back at the TV, but grabs the remote on the couch arm closest to him to turn it off.

I can hear his mother talking to his younger brother upstairs. I hear plates being taken out of a cupboard and pots and pans being moved.

"You were always welcome, you know," Michael says, throwing an arm over the back of the couch. His fingers just barely reach my hair to play with it. "Mom worried about you like her own."

"I felt that," I laugh, quiet and airily. "I just never wanted that kindness to be revoked."

"Dinner’s ready!"

"Come on," Michael urges me to stand up. "She made shepherd’s pie just for you."

The smell of a fresh, home cooked meal lingers in my nose when I wake up. It’s a slow process; I eventually remember that I fell asleep, and work carefully to unstick my clammy limbs from the floor beneath me.

"There they are," I hear next to me, and I can only muster the energy to hum in acknowledgement. "Floor comfier than the bed?"

"F’koff," I mutter, rolling over on the side before pushing myself up. Rub a hand down my face when I taste salt on my lips. Sniffle a few times while running my hands through my hair to try and loosen up some of the knots.

I can still feel the hand on the nape of my neck.

"Bad dream?"

I shake my head. "No, not bad, just..."

"Hmm, just maybe a bit too much?" When I don’t answer, my boyfriend—husband?—crouches by me and guides me to my feet with patient hands. Brushes the hair out of my face and kisses my forehead before pulling me in. A hand at my lower back and the other on the back of my head until I let my forehead rest against his shoulder.

"It’s okay," he whispers, kisses the top of my head. "We’ll go to sleep and you can tell me all about it in the morning."

"Even if it’s ab—about Mike?" The question is out before I can think better of it. He exhales like it’s funny.

"Obviously."

When I wake up again, the sun filtering through the thin curtains above the bedroom window make everything look like molten gold. The dust in the narrow sunbeams coming through look like glitter. Boyfriend pressed up against my back, his nose pressed against the top of my spine, a leg between mine, and a hand curled over my stomach.

I want to tell Michael that he’s right. Despite everything, I do feel safe, here.

I won’t know until I’ve had breakfast and I’ve gone down in sleep shorts and an oversized Five Finger Death Punch shirt that definitely doesn't belong to me, with a coffee mug in hand, that there’s a wedding invitation waiting for me in the mail box.

[shazzeaslightnovels]

Fate/Strange Fake 1

Author: Ryohgo Narita

Illustrator: Shizuki Morii

Label: Dengeki Bunko

Release Date: 10 January 2015

My Score: 4/5

Genre: Action, Battle Royale

This series is part of the Fate franchise and it follows a “fake” Holy Grail War in America. The rules are a bit different to the usual Holy Grail War, in ways that aren’t made all too clear in this volume. This volume serves as an extended prologue as we are introduced to the masters and servants that we will be following throughout the series. Each chapter introduces a new pair and focuses on them.

This was a really good first volume. It got me intrigued to follow the story and the characters. The characters are all interesting and the story has a lot of potential. it’s definitely an introductory volume that made me more excited in what this series will become rather than enjoying this volume on it’s own. I was amazed at how quickly I was able to get through it but it was the kind of book that always made me want to read on. I‘m super interested in how this series is going to progress and I ended this volume just wanting to read the next.

As much as I enjoyed this volume, I don’t feel like I have a lot to say about it and I’m worried this is going be recurring issue with this series so I am going to talk about the characters that appear on the covers for each volume that I do. Similar to what I did with Youzitsu, but I want to go more in-depth.

On the cover for this volume is Archer/Gilgamesh and Lancer/Enkidu. Their identities are revealed soon after they are introduced so I wouldn’t consider it a spoiler (also, I think everyone in the Fate fandom knows what Gilgamesh and Enkidu look like). For most of the servants, their identities are either explicitly stated or we are given enough clues to make an educated guess. The exception is a certain someone who is introduced at the end of the volume and I haven’t been spoiled as to who they are so I am very excited to learn more.

Gilgamesh is the first servant to be introduced in this volume. Gilgamesh would have to be the servant with the most appearances in this franchise. He was in the original, he was in Zero, Extra CCC, and this, and of course he appears in Grand Order and I’m probably forgetting something. Gilgamesh is always a fun and interesting character so it’s not hard to see why people love him and each writer is usually able to do something with him to make things interesting. Here, it seems to be his relationship with Enkidu that will be explored, and I really am excited to see more of their dynamic. I might be more interested in Gilgamesh’s master though than Gilgamesh himself. His master, Tine, is a Native American, and it’s so cool to see Native American representation in anything. I’m really interested to learn more about her and what her role in the narrative is going to be.

I think this was Enkidu’s first appearance in the franchise. They later appeared in Grand Order but I think this predates that. I love seeing a non-binary take on a figure like Enkidu and I really like the way that they are portrayed. Enkidu’s master is a wolf and I love them. I hope nothing bad happens to them. These two are my favourite pair so far. I really hope the wolf survives this series.

Also, I had to laugh at Nasu’s afterword where he talks about how Narita pitched this as a 5-volume series. Nasu says, ‘Narita, do you really think this plot is going to fit in 5 volumes?’ The series is ongoing at 8 volumes so I had to laugh.

Adaptation Notes:

A TV Special anime adaptation came out recently. I watched and it motivated me to finally read the light novels so it definitely works well as an advertisement for the series. It condenses the first volume into a 55 minute episode and it does a pretty good job of it. There’s some stuff that’s cut out and some details are lost and it makes it feel more like highlight reel than anything else but it manages to tell a coherent story and get you pumped for the full anime. Because of the way that the original volume was structured with each chapter focusing on a specific master/servant pair, the anime did some restructuring of scenes to make the timeline more linear so that we jump between different storylines. We get more backstory and details about the masters and servants in the light novel. In particular, the anime cut a lot of details about Assassin’s identity and the situation with Tsubaki. Also, most of the last chapter, where we are introduced to Ayaka is cut from the anime.

A full-length TV series has been announced and there’s been some speculation as to whether they will continue where the special left off or readapt the first volume more faithfully. I feel like they will continue where the special ended and adapt that last chapter fully. I feel like they will have to add back in the details that were cut with Assassin and Tsubaki at some point but maybe there will be a good time in future plotlines to do that and they won’t do it straight away. I don’t think they will just readapt the first volume. The special is a perfectly serviceable adaptation to introduce the characters and, aside from those bits, I don’t see any point in readapting it.

[kat-earnshaw]

silence of the lambs

I used to lie like it was second nature. Still do, mostly to myself. That summer, I worked cancer research in a university lab, boxed in by PCR machines, Erlenmeyer flasks, and petri dishes streaked with colonies that I’d grown, scraped, and plated. Pipetting cultures, isolating DNA, loading gels, calibrating every damn machine in sight. Day in, day out, transferring minuscule droplets, incubating samples, waiting for results to manifest under microscopes and UV light. It was a mindless loop of testing, analyzing data, staring at rows of numbers until they made sense, like cracking a code. And sometimes, yeah, I’d get absolutely blitzed and see if the pieces fit any better.

Thing is, the lab barely paid, so I found ways to keep my stash green—mostly through this guy. One of those rich kids in summer school, probably close to failing out, from some Jersey suburb everyone knows because it’s where all the rich jerks live. I’d bum weed off him in exchange for what he probably thought was stellar company. I’d let him smoke me up; he’d get to play the philosopher with his three-sizes-too-big-for-him words. He wanted to “unpack” things I’d already buried deep and forgot about in middle school. He was dumb, but I was broke, and even broke-r that summer. So I took his weed, answered his questions, every answer a decade-old truth. And in between his decade-late mental growth spurt, he peppered me with personal questions, too.

What’s my favorite book? I’d say Looking for Alaska because it was when I was twelve. Movie? Silence of the Lambs, because I remember staying up past my bedtime to watch it, subtitles-only so my mom wouldn’t hear. Song? I told him Sleeping Sickness because it’d been stuck in my head for days, looping, maddening.

And caffeine? No coffee back then, it made me shake like I was coming undone. Just tea, weak and barely steeped. The panic attacks were daily, and meds? They hadn’t crossed my mind yet. When he asked me what kind of tea, I said, “Green,” just to shut him up.

Next day, walking out of the lab, there’s this giant plastic cup from Starbucks waiting for me on the staircase outside. Sweating, condensation running down its side, some pale yellow liquid diluted within. On the cup, in small, weak letters scrawled out in Sharpie: Alaska. Maybe he wrote it. Or maybe he had some barista write it because he couldn’t even manage that much. Took a sip, winced. Something sharp and wrong. Another sip—there it was, that tang. Lemonade. Lemonade cutting through dirt-flavored water. Fought the urge to leave it behind for him to see, but guilt caught me first, so I dumped it in a trash can just outside.

That night, we’re passing a joint around with all the summer burnouts, and he leans in. “Did you get it?” I nod, mutter thanks, watch him puff up like some kind of romantic hero. When someone else in the hazy circle asks me what kind of guys I’m into. I say, “Athletic,” loud enough for him to hear. He wasn’t exactly lean. Figured he’d get the message, but he just started showing up at the gym. Everyday, without fail. Synced with my schedule. Thing is, he actually dropped like fifty pounds by the end of the summer. I probably did him a favor.

But he kept bringing those cups, one Alaska after another, every damn day. I’d dump them like clockwork. By fall semester, he’s outside my dorm window, strumming Sleeping Sickness on this likely overpriced guitar his parents no doubt bought him. The kind of guitar that deserved a lot more respect than three mangled chords it took him two months to learn. My roommates cackled in the corners as I shut the window, hoping he’d take the hint. And the next week he texts me a photo of his laptop screen a scene of Jodie Foster and Anthony Hopkins, distorted and grainy, captioned, “Thanks for the recommendation.”

How do you tell someone who can’t pass American Lit 101 that your favorite novel is Blood Meridian? Or that your favorite song is something you can’t listen to without your chest aching? And seriously, who the hell hasn’t seen Silence of the Lambs?

Eventually, as you can imagine, it all came to a head. I couldn’t have this guy tailing me everywhere, waking up the whole sophomore tower with his midnight Dallas Green massacres. And secondly, I wanted to screw one of his friends. So one night, I told him, flat out: I hated lemonade, and he could kick rocks. I still wonder how much his dad shelled out for all those venti Starbucks drinks.