#AND SHE HAS TWO WHOLE CLASSES THAT SHE DIDNT LEAVE ANY PLANS FOR AHHHH

[eomma-jpeg]

Im trapped at a school (literally doing my job) but the wifi blocks discord SO I CANT RANT TO EVERYONE ABOUT HOW ANXIOUS I AM IM WORRIED I FORGOT TO PASS OUT SOMETHING TO THE STUDENTS EVEN THOUGH THE TEACHER TOLD ME THEY WERE FOR NEXT CLASS BUT ARE THEY TO BE PASSED OUT NEXT CLASS OR TURNED IN NEXT CLASS AHHHHHHHHH

[ma-hao-huh]

糟糕了！我昨晚開始寫一個好的貼，晚得我寫不完可是我已寫的作業完全忘了save。好吧，我要再寫：我昨晚跟一些室友們一起去見面也住別的share家的人，一起喝啤酒，很有玩，然後一起去附近的夜市。我把新的東西沒試試看，可是我高興地喝西瓜汁，我最喜歡的台北飲料。這個星期一個新的室友搬進房子來，他是二十六歲，又來自美國又學中文，雖然他的國語水平比我高，但是他讓我感覺很好，覺得他要常在夏天跟我們一起出去。不過，兩個星期以前搬進的人，跟我住一樣房間的人，兩個女生是有對他有問題，她們覺得他的态度對我們的家庭不合適，也覺得他一點奇怪。在我看來他沒有跟女生住的經驗，所以有的時候他說讓她們不舒服的話。我同意她們的感覺可是我知道他不是壞人，比方說星期天他送我開車去台南，開車多三個鐘頭到台南，而且他住台南的朋友很厲害，我們一起吃很多飯，吃的費��朋友一個人都付了，真的很厲害！那時候，我的室友看上去很好的人，還���一個不喜歡他的女生要快搬家，所以我希望這個問題自己解決。

（Ugh! Last night I started writing a great post, it was too late to finish but I completely forget to save it. Okay, I’ll start again: Last night I went out with some housemates to meet up with some of the people who live in the other share houses, we drank some beer together and had a good time, then went to the nearby night market. I didn’t try anything new, but I happily drank watermelon juice, my favorite beverage so far in Taipei. This week a new roommate moved in, he’s a 26 year old American also studying Chinese, and although his level is definitely higher than mine (he spent a year and half teaching English in Shenzhen, sooo...) he gives me good vibes, and I think this summer we’ll all be going out together frequently. However, my roommate who moved in two weeks ago, two of the girls in the house have issues with him. They feel his attitude isn't right for the house and that he’s a bit weird. I feel that he just hasn’t had any experience living with girls, so sometimes the things he says make them uncomfortable. (I don’t think that’s excusable, but I do think he deserves a chance to apologize and reconcile and this girl won’t give him that chance. I’m not super clear on how he offended her but they’re both Taiwanese so it’s like they should be able to figure it out...anyway couldn’t express that in Chinese back to the translation) I agree with their feelings but I know he’s not a bad guy, for example on Sunday he drove me to Tainan City, drove for more than three hours (both ways), and introduced me to a great friend of his. We ate a crap ton of stuff together and the friend paid for everything, what an amazing host! During those times (and when we’re hanging in our room) he seems like a great guy. Luckily the girl with the big issue is moving out soon, so I hope this problem takes care of itself.) 

Woo! I’m sure there’s plenty of little grammar things wrong in there but the main thing is it didn’t fucking exhaust me to put that out. I’m so happy to flex these muscles. Anyway, so my roommate drove me to Tainan Sunday, all the way to the other end of Taiwan. It has the biggest food reputation in the country and boy did we try a lot. I’m gonna post a master list of stuff I’ve tried with Chinese/English names and descriptions later.

I’m feeling good about the cast of people who are gonna be in the house for the summer. I think the main thing is, nobody really wants to take initiative and ask to go do things with each other. Most of us are here a good amount of the time but only a few of us are willing to galvanize the rest. One is a Korean girl who is definitely the shining star of us all and I’m so happy she’s here, and I think the new American guy is in the same boat as well. I am so happy to do anything if someone makes a suggestion so I’m glad they're here, but now that I’m getting more comfortable with everyone (and able to communicate better, slowly but surely!) I can do that as well. 

Had our third test today. I got an 89 on the first (but DIDNT SEE A MULTIPLE CHOICE so let’s call it a 92), an 84 on the second (the best girl in the class got an 86 so I’m happy), and I’m pretty sure around there would be the best case scenario after how today went. I will say, the class style is not the best. The teacher is super nice and the energy in the room is really good, but after three chapters we’re following a pattern that’s getting a little stale. Just vocab and discussion on its usage, memorize a dialogue and say it in class, answer questions about, go over grammar and discuss usage. Idk. Our new roommate is doing the other program, the one I got accepted to but was 4x as expensive, and I think it might have been worth it. He has three different classes every day, with different focus, including informal conversation(!!!) and 1-on-1 with his teacher for an hour a day, so like goddamn his level is just going to skyrocket. Oh well, no regrets. I just have to make the most of the opportunity in front of me. 

OMG! Ahhhh, on Saturday I went hiking alone. I didn’t have an exact plan except to go to Elephant Mountain, one of the really popular trails with an overlook. This was tourist central and honestly a ridiculous climb up the steepest staircase, but it was only about 10 minutes. I wanted to keep going so I just followed the trail to the next mountain. This was an extremely well-tended, brick trail so although after leaving most of the tourists it was very serene, it didn’t quite feel like I was in the wilderness. So, instead of following the main trail as it circled up the next mountain, I turned off it onto a steeper, more natural trail that zigzagged up an almost flat slope. After like 20 minutes I got to some ropes and steel handles and I knew that would have to be the end of it for me that day. I hadn’t passed anyway on the trail in at least 15 minutes and I had no equipment other than my green bag with some water. But I, perhaps foolishly, decided I would give it a go and if no actual free climbing was involved I could do it. I got lucky and didn’t need any equipment or help and made it straight up the mountain, and when I emerged at the top it was a short walk to the mountain peak! I can’t tell you how happy I was to have the wind on my face. Then disaster struck as, walking across this little path at the very peak, I lost my footing and fell backwards into some bushes. I honestly got so lucky because there was a little flat outcrop before the slope really started tumbling into the abyss, so I didn’t get injured. But my glasses did fly off my face into the brambles. Great. 

LUCKILY some very experienced hikers strolled by and I, after working up a bit of courage, asked them for help. I could say, please help me, I lost my glasses! But I couldn’t understand their questions and I was so freaked out I couldn’t make myself calm down and ask them to speak slowly or use simpler vocab. Anyway this amazing man really flattened two whole bushes trying to find the glasses and even started climbing down the mountainside (I was ready to give up) when the lady with them, who hadn’t really contributed yet,  walked over and IMMEDIATELY found them right in front of our faces. Praise the lord. The guy took a picture with me but I DIDN’T THINK TO TAKE ONE ON MY PHONE! Le sigh. 

Okay, tonight I’m going to a club with some of my classmates. It’s free for foreigners on Thursdays and it’s a pretty electro/techno scene which I honestly don’t think I’ve ever even been to anywhere so it’ll be interesting. 

Yay for things slowly getting better. :D 

[3inghao]

HI CRUSH ANON HERE AND I WANT TO START OFF BY SAYING TO ALL THE PEOPLE THAT FEEL EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN MY LOVE LIFE I LOVE YALL HAHHAHHA I DIDNT EXPECT FOR ANY OF THIS TO HAPPEN :'))))) at the same time tho i feel like things might have to be put on hold for a while i dont know !!!! ok sorry sorry ill explain so ,, ive figured out that im like really really into this boy. in a way thats probably not the best for me right now, esp bc ive got a lot of things to juggle right now (1/17)

but also bc ive been thinking and like ,, ok so this story might put things more into perspective. so its like monday and i get a text from him thats just like ‘hey what are the rest of your classes for today/do you have like 15 min or something to be in a shoot of mine before it gets dark’ and im like PANICKIN bc ofc hes asked some of us to be models for his photography hw before and its always super casual BUT this is the first time that IVE ever been asked specifically (2/17)

and so obviously i jump at this offer and im like ‘umm i dont have any more classes today so sure just lmk when and what to do :) also whats the shoot about?’ and hes like ‘ok cool we can meet at your room at like 5:15 and ill tell you about the shoot when we meet up :)’ and he wanted us to go to this reaaaaally pretty park at sunset and do the shoot around that time and i was like ‘ok do u want me to wear anything specific’ and he was like ‘nothing in particular :)’ (3/17)

and so i start getting ready and im nervous af bc it meant spending more time alone with him and i felt so unprepared for that LMAO but yeah so he comes up to our room and i open the door and my heart skips a fucking BEAT and i almost slam the door in his face but i force myself not to aha and so we go and hes like ‘ugh im so tired i want coffee lets get coffee’ and so we went into the starbucks around the corner but then i was like yo will we make it to the park in time (4/17)

and hes like ‘o shit yeah’ so we leave without getting coffee rip but yeah we go to the city park and oh my gskldgskd it is so fucking pretty its right before sunset so everything is golden and the sky is rainbow but you can already see the moon and holy one of the prettiest views i think i have EVER seen !!!!! and then he explains to me what the project is finally and hes like so its an experimental photo set thats supposed to represent all the things we left behind in modern society (5/17)  

and so for me he said he wanted me to pose in the city park at sunset sitting on a bench with my hands cupped like i was holding a heart (hes going to photoshop the heart in later when hes editing the pics) and then like leave it behind on the bench and look at the sunset behind me which is supposed to represent and i quote “leaving love behind in the pursuit of beauty” and i literally was like 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 the whole time LMAOOOOOOO (6/17)

but yeah so we did that in like 15 min but after we were done i legit didnt want to leave bc (i wanted to spend more time with him but also) IT WAS SO FUCKING PRETTY SKDHJDFH and ahhhh i like looked over at him and he looked sooo at peace just like looking out over the water and the sunset and the scenery was so beautiful i almost blurted out hi i think ur beautiful but i stopped myself in the nick of time thank god LOOOOOL (7/17)  

but he like made eye contact with me and i like held myself together but there was a moment where i felt like djdhskjdkd idk how to describe it i was kfskshdhdjdh idk it could be just my imagination but I FELT LIKE THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE AHHHHHHHH and i was so tempted to ask him about the hand holding on saturday but i didnt i held myself back again thank god lol and then all of a sudden he goes ‘hey do u want pics’ and im like wot (8/17)

and hes like ‘do u want some pics of urself? like we r already here so !! plus i want some photos to put on my photography insta’ and i was like sljkddjkd ok why the hell not so he directs me into different poses and stuff like that and after the sun sets we finish and then we r walking back bored af so we start wandering around the little shops nearby and then we finally get home and then our friend texts the group chat like ‘hey anyone want dinner now’ (9/17)

and we were already really close to a dining hall so the two of us went and got dinner and our friend just joined us later and then during dinner when it was just the two of us we started talking about me losing the bet of when our friends were gonna hook up and so i have to treat him to japanese bbq and we were talking about when and hes like ‘well theres nothing im gonna celebrate for a while except my best friend from home is coming bc her sisters getting married here” (10/17)

and i was like ‘omg thats great ??? congrats to her !!!! omg’ but idk this is where it gets kind of confusing bc idk we were talking about maybe going this weekend but his best friend was coming and he was planning on spending all his time with her but i think he said that we could go get japanese bbq with her too ?? and i think i said ok but i dont think we locked down any like specific date and time at all ??? this part is a lil confusing to me (11/17)

so anyways that happened and i havent really interacted with him after that whole thing like we still have a streak on snapchat lol but he will do this thing where he wont open or respond to my snapchats for like literal hours ,,, even though i know hes ON snapchat bc he will like watch my stories ??? like w o t ???? i dont think hes doing it on purpose if that makes sense ?? but its still annoying and borderline infuriating and sldkghsldkgh (12/17)

and also like ok ,, his best friend came like yesterday and i saw her on his snapchat story and h o l y g o d she is the most beautiful girl on all of fucking planet earth i shit u not like i actually !!!! screamed when i saw her shes so fucking gorgeous and on his story theres a bunch of snaps of the wedding etc and a pic of him and her in a photobooth and sldkgsldkghs holy ???? i dont know how to put this into words but they are p e r f e c t for each other (13/17)

like in every way possible they are literally best friends and shes an actual goddess and together they look sooooo aesthetically pleasing it is legitimately intimidating and ahhh sldkgldgkh so the thing is !!!!! i already have practically no self esteem left ,, and a dinner with like HER and THEM will probably d e s t r o y m e from the inside out i will literally just feel inferior in every single way possible and i have NO IDEA HOW TO EXPLAIN THIS UGH !!!!!! (14/17)  

but yeah that kinda just made me realize that i might need to take a couple steps back ??? from this entire thing and him in general ,, and also that before anything happens i really want to work on me first like obv x has got his shit together and theres that whole thing with his best friend and idk !!! i like have pledged to go to the gym way more and get my fucked up sleep schedule back to some resemblance of normal and f o c u s on my academics and skincare and eating more healthy !! (15/17)

like i wanna be a person that everyone can look at and be like yes !! u go girl shes got her shit together and yeah !!!! aha :’) and also i need to COOL IT with my feelings about x like as amazing as he is and as fun as it is to spend time with him and as much as i want to pursue everything about this relationship i dont think im in a place mentally and emotionally where i can handle that so !!!!!! for now im gonna (try to) just distance myself a lil (16/17)

and yeah !! if he asks to go out for japanese bbq tonight/tomorrow i think im just gonna be like ‘ahh i wish i could but im super swamped with work rn sorry :(((‘ (which is 100000% true) and just leave it at that *deep sigh* anyways thats where i am at this point thanks for tuning in yall aha :’) i just need to not be hurt in this relationship and distancing myself for now is the only way i know how to prevent that ,, and i probably wont be that successful but !!! heres to trying :) (17/17)

awwwwwwwww crush anon BUT THE SUNSET DATE (yes im calling it a date) does his best friend go to the same college as you guys?? bc if he’s single and she doesn’t live anywhere near him there probably really isn’t anything between them that you need to worry about. I def support the focusing on yourself bc the more confidence you have in yourself the less insecure you will be once you actually get into a relationship so go you!! my gf and i are actually starting to facetime each other and work out together too so all of us can struggle in that tryin to be healthier lyfe! i think in one of the other asks you mention more happened? but i also think that maybe a bbq date with him wouldn’t be bad? and i think you should try to have it with just him and no one else! idk fill me in on any new developments :0