#AND PERHAPS SHOOTING DAGGERS OUT OF HIS EYES BUT IT'LL BE WORTH IT WEIDUHWEDUWEHDIWUEDH

[jeoseungsaja]

"You take matters so often into your own hands, why is that?" He longs for the times when he wasn't a smartass in an expensive suit, when he didn't bully humans because it fortified his role as a monster in the grand scheme of things, and when he was young enough that perhaps he could have spoken to Yeo like this all the time, asking in earnest. But even now Rang doesn't feel natural or casual, not with the hesitation in his eyes to not snap at Yeo, not with the tension in his legs (subconscious) to run if need be, not with the regret already building at the back of his throat. He looks young, way too young, like a child waiting for a slap. "Why can't you just... let things go? Who cares what other people think? They won't change their mind anyway. Even the monsters you hunt, they won't change their ways. They'll just hate you. And others will talk badly about you, too." A meddler. "You only ever get hurt and no one even says thank you, right?" ((i was FEELING THINGS PLS FEEL FREE TO IGNORE IT IF-- FOR WHATEVER REASON, i was just feeling foxy bros and now I need to go curl up into a ball lie down, try not to cry, cry a lot--))

@mythvoiced ♚ i’ve become one of those edible water spheres from also curling up into a ball and crying to the point of becoming liquid---

♔ -----------

   Things change, it’s something he’s profoundly noticed throughout the centuries. Palaces where Kings and Queens used to live have been transformed into touristic spots, grass has been replaced by asphalt and running cars; clothes of Goryeo now being much more frequently seen in books or museums than on people walking on streets. He’s unconsciously seen evolution and has also been a victim of it, long hair no longer there; dragon robes non-existent in his closet. Some things do change, that’s more than evident...but some others dare to stay and cling onto bones ferociously; you carry them regardless of refusal or denial. 

    Sentiments and memories, he’s noticed, are really difficult to simply pour them into a different mold; to convert them into something else. Some run too deep, you could try to stab them with a knife and they’d ruin the blade without even getting damaged; you could toss them into the most profound of oceans and waters would still bring them back, as if to say that they’re not dealing with emotions and remembrances that are supposed to be another’s. And wouldn’t it be so easy? To peel them off like cheap stickers with poor glue, to get them out of your mind by simply tilting your head to a side so they can escape through ears. 

     Wouldn’t it be so simple, to use a cloth and wipe away the stains of pain and heartache and all those things which make chest sting. 

     It’s not so easy, it’s not so simple. For Yeo, at least. Beyond that bold-faced attitude that helps him pretend all problems are fixed, rests a fox who’s still wearing all the arrows of past; who’s unable to effortlessly release himself from them. He can still see the fire in his nightmares and he can still hear the screams of those he couldn’t save when he should’ve. He can still see faces pleading for salvation and receiving death instead. How do you ignore all of that? How do you live so casually when you still think you could’ve done more? How do you comfortably forgive yourself when you allowed a Kingdom and its people to be completely ruined once upon a time; an effect of manipulation and later, blinding rage? How?

    He sighs. Yeo should dismiss this with some sassy retort or a way to annoy Rang. Yeo should brush this away and not speak of heartfelt matters because it’s not something that they usually do. But this rare conversation, the rarity where half-fox decides to ask something in a way that sounds earnest, is not something he wishes to shut down, because Yeo feels that if he does, it’ll be even more difficult to get more moments like these...where they finally have the opportunity to see more than wit.

    “I don’t do it to receive praise or words of gratefulness. I don’t do it to get into the good graces of anyone. I do it because it’s my penance. A...way of atonement. What people and monsters might think of me doesn’t really concern me.” 

    He’s not sure if he should...delve further into it. He’s not sure if he should mention more. But he moves his head as to look at Rang and something...pulls within him. Rang’s eyes...they look different. He looks different. His posture; an added tension as if waiting for something negative to happen because of his questions. Why does Yeo feel the sudden urge to tell him that it’s okay? That nothing will happen, at least not in Yeo’s presence, if Rang ever decides to speak more than what sharp tongue usually expresses? He even wishes he could...squeeze his shoulder, but all he can do is give him a softened stare. 

   “It wasn’t always like this. I used to care more about opinions and fitting in when I was younger. Especially when I had the feeling that I wasn’t like others and couldn’t be like others. But then you learn that seeking acceptance from everyone will only drive you mad. It’s best to...only give importance to those who matter.” 

   He thinks about Kim Shin. He thinks about Miyoung. He thinks about...the one who’s younger than him; the half-fox asking these things...he thinks about Rang. Because, yes, he’s become important. He matters. 

     Some things change, indeed.

     Like how they started brawling over a bench and now they’re sitting together on one. 

   “Letting things go. Has it worked for you?” 

   Yeo doesn’t say this as a way to retaliate or defend himself, more so out of curiosity, because something tells him that Rang carries his own boulders as well. He’s seen all that rage and all that venom coming from Rang; endlessly shielding himself from things that might make him feel differently than initially planned. He’s seen him walk away when Yeo tries to lend a hand; he’s heard him hiss and groan at the mere mention of kindness, as if such thing didn’t suit him or wasn’t made for him. 

    Somehow, the nine-tailed fox believes such an attitude wasn’t born out of thin air; didn’t magically appear. Does Rang have secrets that sting, too? Are his hands still tightly latched to thorns? He’d like to know. Yeo would like to know as to understand him better, as to know if he’s always been like this or not. Not that he’ll pressure the other into confessing...but he’ll be there to lend an ear if needed. 

    “It’s easier said than done, isn’t it? You think all these ruthless storms were made for you and only you to walk under. But sometimes...souls appear to bring you an umbrella; to try and accompany you in the journey even if it’s not their responsibility nor their obligation. And these storms, though still there, don’t look that bad anymore. You could...even swear you see the sun after years of gray skies.” 

   A pause; head tilting to a side, still looking at Rang for a moment before deciding to direct his gaze at the clear skies above them. 

   “All you have to do is let these souls in. Will you?” 

----------- ♔