#AND NOW YOUVE SCREWED NOT ONLY ME BUT ALSO POSSIBLY EVERYONE AFTER ME OVER THINGS I REPEATEDLY TOLD YOU WERE BAD IDEAS

[adashelbysgirlfriend]

Falling in Love - John Shelby Headcannon

Alrighty then, so I'm not gonna lie out of the whole show i definitely sleep on John the most? i don't know why though because the mans a SALT and just an all round geezer. Anyway, i hope you enjoy! 

John: 

he sees you out somewhere 

like if you work in a cafe or bakery or something 

tries to slip you his number because he's a slick boy 

and i feel like at first maybe you’re not interested because like

he’s a Shelby you know so, angst 

or maybe you’re just playing hard to get you know 

so he just comes back everyday 

same time, day in, day out

it doesn't take long for his jokes to get to you and you start to come round to the idea of going on a date with him

‘does this mean you'll stop harassing me in my place of work?’

‘no promises, love’

he's literally always smiling when he's with you

even when youre not there and he's just thinking about you 

bragging to his brothers about how he's pulled the best bird in all of Birmingham 

Arthur and Tommy taking bets on whether you exist or not because  they are still get to see real proof of you being a real person

because he never takes you round the peakys

tries to keep you away from all that business as long as possible

you think its because youre just some bit on the side and he doesn't want to introduce you to his family 

he's actually scared of you finding out what he's really like

not that he would ever admit he's scared of anything 

he knows you are too good for him and he doesn't want you to run away and find someone better

because baby boy feels b l e s s e d

and John has some ‘baggage’ - as he would see it

he 100% knows his brothers will say something to screw it up too

and if not them then a drunken Ada or Polly

 you probably have had enough of all his secrecy one night and have a go 

“youre just better than that love, you deserve more than that and i don't want to lose you because I'm selfish”

he probably takes a lot of reassuring that he's good enough for you

even then i don't think he will ever actually believe that he actually deserves someone who he sees as so special 

hes also probably very nervous of introducing you to his kids

that a whole lot

i feel like he'd avoid telling you about therefor as long as possible

not because he's ashamed but he's worried its too much for you

when he does tell you he makes a massive thing of it and youre just like

okay?

a man youve only been seeing for like a few weeks has kids? not partially earth shattering news

you want to meet them but understand that it should wait so they don't get confused 

understanding way he's so secretive about his personal life and feeling blessed when he feels comfortable enough to share information with you

you open up to him a lot too, because who doesn't have past  

he grows to not hate feeling vulnerable around you, but he probably never enjoys it 

he wants to still be big bad John, but he also wants to show you all the little bits of his life he's never wanted to share with someone before 

so one night when youre out on some fancy date in some expensive restaurant 

and Johns wearing his best shirt or the  only one without some blood stainage somewhere  visible

you can't ignore how out of place he looks anymore

‘take me somewhere you loved as a kid’

and instead of arguing he takes you up the cut

tells you about all the fun him and his brothers had round here before the war

sitting in under the stars with him there and getting mud on your fancy clothes

Johns a hopeless romantic okay 

he knows right then and there he's going to make you his wife

him introducing you to Tommy and Arthur first 

right in the deep end tbh 

Arthur is just surprised you actually exist tbh

and mad he's lost a tenner 

them telling you all about the stupid shit he's done 

laughing so much with them your whole tummy literally aches 

then its Polly and Ada - which is what youre most nervous for

they love you straight away though

you are the ying to Johns yang and they can see how you bounce of each other and they very much approve 

Adas inviting you round to hers for some proper one on one girl time 

Pollys probably planning her outfit for the wedding 

she's also planning your dress

i feel like all the brothers would just forget to formally introduce you to Finn

like you'd just meet him at some point anyway they just don't think to introduce him properly 

like poor Finn honestly

You meet his kids lads and i feel like John has some sleepless nights about this

because like yer you might like kids but are you ready to be a mother?

they love you straight away

you love them

when he finally gets them off you long enough for you to leave they won't stop asking when youre coming back 

kinda pissed that they seem to love you more than him

him never keeping you away from his family again

keeps you out of the business side of things 

all he wants to do is protect you 

moving to the country with him

you tell him about how when you were little you used to dream of living in the country and riding unicorns 

so he just goes out and buys you a horse

“John why is there a horse in the garden?”

“well i couldn't find any unicorns”

(insert John smirk here)

riding with him on summer nights

waking up to the kids in the bed with you 

John loves seeing you all snuggled up with them

makes it impossible for him to leave the bed

he's never known love like this

he met his first wife when they were young and everything was so fast and new

and then after losing her he was a bit of a player

never settling for any one girl

but now all he wants is to come home to you forever. 

he marries you a soon as you will let him

its a BIG wedding like his whole family is there and so are yours and all the kids friends 

he still can't believe he managed to make someone like you his and he wants everyone to see it happen

he cries when he sees you coming down the aisle 

like UGLY cries and everyones shocked

including you 

Arthur is gasping for air because he's laughing at him so hard

he just loves you so much and seeing you in your white dress and flowers in your hair is just all a bit too much for him OKAY

he will never live this down though, his brothers make sure of that

Okay so lets get a bit smuttyyyyy

just want to get this out the way but 

johns got a big dick okay 

i dont make the rules 

anyway

hes deffo got a breeding kink 

wants you to have loads of his babies 

deffo very sexually attracted to pregnant you 

he just loves the whole idea of it 

other than that i don't think he's that kinky 

maybe sex at work - like in the office 

but its more just because he literally love shaving sex with you, he doesn't care about the time or place 

hes not more turned on because he's in the office 

it just is what it is 

big giver

loves going down on you 

he just loves the power of making you squirm you know 

probably a bit of a teaser 

and love being teased 

although he's quite crass i feel like he's good at hiding how turned on he is in public

like if youre deliberately trying to get him hard

he won't let it show that youre getting under his skin

but when you get home 

oh boy 

good luck to you 

hope you don't have to walk anywhere the next day 

hes definitely loud when he  can be

at home he's used to holding it all in because the kids are in the next room

but like when you guys are away in a hotel or something everyone on that floor hears way more than they would like too

your first Christmas together you go to Tommy’s for dinner and end up drinking late into the night and staying over

nobody can look at you the same the next morning 

and now theres a yearly argument over who has to sleep in the room closest to yours and Johns 

[pathos-logical]

One Picture, a Thousand Words

Roman is a wonder that cannot be put to words, Logan a marvel that ink cannot capture. They try anyway.

Hoo, this sure was a labor of love! Love because I love @bleepblopbloop56​ with all my heart and labor because HOLY HECK WAS THIS HARD TO WRITE. But never mind any of that, because HAPPY BIRTHDAY, my friend!!! I absolutely adore you, and I hope your year is as fantastic as you are!!!

Trigger warnings: Food mention; a joking mention of hallucinations. I think that’s it, but please tell me if I need to add something!!

There are a thousand words Logan could use to describe Roman. He would pull a Shakespeare and invent a thousand more if it meant finding a word that could accurately chronicle the tapestry of Roman, all colorful patches and carefully stitched seams. But Logan is no artist, and his words seem an inadequate medium. 

Beautiful, he thinks and immediately discards. That is too obvious, the truth of it plain to see. Lovely is- better. More intimate. But too soft, perhaps, for Roman’s flame-edged hair, the bronze of his skin and the steel in his spine.

He has tried countless words, none of them quite right. Larger-than-life. (And no, his charisma and magnetic smile absolutely did not excuse the way he didn’t seem to know how to shut up.) Captivating. (Roman did have a way with words, when he wasn’t being an idiot.) Extraordinary. (He was quite the artist and actor.) Brilliant. (Again, Roman was rather intelligent when it came down to it.) Perfect. (Technically impossible. But.)

All those words he longs to say, not one spoken aloud.

(Or- once. Alone in his room, he had tried the shape of mine on his mouth, thought about how it tasted on his lips and imagined the look in Roman’s eyes if he ever dared to say it in front of him. Once, and never again.)

Oh, he wishes. But Logan has always been better with words on the page than to other people.

Well, he thinks, looking down at the piece of paper in his hands, I suppose that’s what this is for. His eyes rove over the paper, skimming over phrases without really taking them in. If he reads it he’ll try to fix it, and at this point there’s too much of his heart in the words for him to change them.

He looks at the last paragraph. It’s the kind of declaration he sneers at in the romance novels Roman so adores, the kind of thing he would’ve sneered at barely years ago. But Roman always did have a way of making him question things he’d taken for postulates- himself included.

I tried, over the course of this letter, to pin down what exactly about you has drawn me so irrevocably into your orbit and left me floundering in unfamiliar space. However, as the length of this might indicate, I soon discovered that I could not.

You know me. It is very rare that I find myself lost for words. But I find myself unable to find the correct words to describe you, or even the correct words. Not because I have run out of things to say, or even because you have left me speechless, but because I could use a whole dictionary of love letters and fail to find the words that capture the way your eyes shine in the light when you laugh at your own jokes, and all the cliches in the world cannot express how I feel about every mundane, breathtaking thing about you.

But despite all that, I have three words for you, Roman, and I suppose there is no better day to deliver them than today (as of the day you receive this, at least).

I love you.

 Roman has a sketchbook no one but him has ever seen.

The drawings are all in pencil, and Roman aches to paint them, to mix his colors until he finds shades that will truly bring them to life. But Logan is a peculiar kind of monochrome, with his navy hair and black polo shirts and countless blue ties, and Roman fears that no amount of paint could do that justice.

It’s undeniable that the warm brown of Logan’s eyes is a color he itches to find in a colored pencil, that the almond of his skin is one he longs to see redden at his touch. But those aren’t the things he really wants to capture when he puts pencil to paper anyway. No, when he draws Logan, his focus is on the subtle gleam that comes to his eyes when he speaks about something he’s passionate about, the curl of his lips when his emotionless facade breaks at some stupid comment Roman made.

Roman wishes he could show Logan the notebook, sometimes, the days when his longing overpowers his surety in the fact that it could never be reciprocated. He imagines coffee-colored eyes looking through the pages with delight, taking in the devotion clear in the meticulous lines. He pictures the hands he’s spent hours perfecting skimming over paper, taking care not to smudge the lead.

(He sees disgust settling in the curve of Logan’s lips and rejection showing in the set of his shoulders, and he pushes away the thought and hides his notebook under his pillow, pretends that he hasn’t memorized the shape of Logan’s smile.)

But he doesn’t think of any of that today. It’s Valentine’s Day, and Roman is dressed for it. He dons his armor that he definitely did not spend a whole two hours deliberating on and sets out the door armed with a kind of desperate false bravado, which is immediately undermined by how he jumps at his roommate Patton’s encouraging “go get ‘im, tiger!” shouted through the walls.

Still scowling at the door behind him, Roman briefly debates how desperate a text will make him sound before deciding, screw it.

Hey, we still on for lunch at Cream of the Cup?

The reply is prompt, as always, and Roman makes a futile attempt at smothering the smile he knows is blossoming across his lips.

>> Of course.

I’ll see you then!

Roman can so do this.

Virgil I can’t do this

>> why not?? youve been planning this for weeks, youll bbe fine

actually, knowing you, orobably months

Jfkdkfkfkfk

it’s

LOGAN

>> im aware, weve only veen best friends for years now

… 

if yoy send a long rambling text ahout how wonderful logan is and how you dont deserve hkm im gonna lose it

roman i swear to god

HE’S JUST SO SMART AND AMAZING AND I’M JUST ME I DON’T DESERVE HIM AND WHAT IF I SCREW THINGS UP BETWEEN US FOREVER AND HE HATES ME OR WHAT IF IT’S AWKWARD I’M OKAY WITH JUST BEING FRIENDS REALLY HE PROBABLY DOESN’T EVEN LIKE ME THAT WAY ANYWAY I MEAN WHY WOULD HE

Whoops sorry

>> youre not

I’m not

But

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>> okay roman, listen up, because I’m only gonna say this once. 

first of all, cut it with the self-deprecating crap. one, that’s my thing. and two, I WILL pull a patton and fight you.

stop doubting yourself, it doesn’t suit you

I might not have known you as long as I’ve known logan, but I know 

I can see you typing. shut up.

maybe I haven’t known you as long as I’ve known Logan, but I do know you’re a good guy, and you /clearly/ love him

KSKFKFKKFKGD W H A T

>> yes, everyone knows, no, Logan does not, LET ME FINISH

it means a LOT to him that you actually read the articles he sends you about mars rovers at 3 am and that you don’t tell him he’s annoying for infodumping about alpha centauri or whatever star system he’s planning to go to and that you deal with his hypocrisy about sleep schedules and his general inability to do emotions

also, knowing him for years means I know his type, and trust me, you’re it

and even if by some miracle he doesn’t like you back, you guys are too close to ruin your friendship. okay? so however this ends, I promise you’ll still be friends

>> But

ROMAN

listen, you don’t tune him out when he starts babbling, and he does the same for you. he loves listening to your rants about art theory, he goes to every single one of your shows, and he started learning Spanish just to impress you. yes, he’s learned more phrases than just insults, he’s just been hiding it so he can surprise (aka impress) you later

and roman? he really really does value your friendship. you know that we’ve known each other since forever, so you know I mean it when I say that I’ve NEVER seen him get so close to someone this quickly.

and… you’ve been good for him too, okay? he’s not really the type to get lonely, but that’s just because he gets so tied up in his giant brain he forgets there are people in the outside world to talk to. but it really is important to him that you’re always there for him, and… I can tell you right now that he’s told me how much he appreciates you for it

after all that? I’d say he loves you too, dude. go for it.

you can talk now

Holy heck you DO love me

>> eh

Holy HECK

Wait

Did you turn on autocorrect just to yell at me???

>> Only for you, babe.

Please never do that again

yeaj that was oncredibly unconfortable

now GO GET YOUR MAN

 Roman, for all his theatrics about love at first sight and true love’s kiss, hadn’t mentioned Valentine’s Day plans once in the weeks leading up to it. Then, exactly one week ago, he’d texted Logan with a simple request to meet up at a nearby cafe. Logan knew him too well to miss the possible connotations of such an invitation. But it was entirely possible that this was merely meant to be an outing between two friends. A platonic outing.

A platonic outing where there was barely room to stand, forget sit. Logan curses under his breath. He’d decided for once to not show up fifteen minutes early, as that would only give him more time to second-guess himself, especially as Roman was notorious for being chronically late. But he had failed to account for the obvious fact that, it being both a Saturday and Valentine’s Day, the usually quiet cafe is filled to the brim with couples ordering the heart-themed specials and kissing and generally clogging the air with sweet words and PDA. And no, Logan is not irrationally annoyed about this, he’s just worried he won’t be able to secure an empty table for him and Roman.

But just as the thought crosses his mind, he catches a familiar head of fiery hair at a table against the wall, bent over his phone and apparently completely absorbed by whatever he was looking at. An incredulous “Roman?” slips from his lips unbidden, because- well, Roman had once nearly been late to the first show he was the lead in. But there he was, reserving a table at exactly 12:30 with a croissant in front of him. Maybe today really was a day for miracles.

He watches with amusement as Roman jumps and looks up at the sound of his name. His face lights up as soon as he registers who it is, and Logan abruptly goes from amused to filled with some kind of fluttery warmth he doesn’t want to quantify.

“Logan!” Roman exclaims, hurriedly tucking his phone away. “Hey! How are you?” His smile beams out like the sun, but it dims upon Logan’s next words.

“Not well, unfortunately,” Logan informs him gravely. “I fear I have been having severe auditory and visual hallucinations. For example, I am currently experiencing one so vivid that I believe I am conversing with a friend in a cafe when I know that there is no chance of him being here yet.” Maybe Logan should feel bad about the way Roman’s expression morphs from worry to alarm to overblown outrage, but the challenging gleam in his eyes arrests him as surely as that of of Roman’s heart-shaped studs, and he can’t bring himself to regret it.

“Hey, I’m not always late!” he protests so loudly several patrons turn to look at him, perhaps expecting a scene.

Logan can’t help the smirk that creeps across his face as he slides into the seat opposite Roman, surreptitiously tucking a navy blue folder besides him. Thank goodness for Roman being typically Roman and reserving a booth that could seat six for a party of two. “Roman. Once Virgil and I deliberately told you to meet up an hour after we were actually supposed to meet so that when you inevitably showed up late, it would only be by five minutes rather than fifty. And the very idea that you could be on time for something went so flagrantly against the laws of the universe that the universe struck back by making your car break down, and you missed the meeting entirely.”

“Is that what happened?” Roman asks, looking so genuinely gobsmacked that Logan can’t help the snicker that escapes him. Roman’s expression flips to one of self-satisfaction, and Logan tries to ignore the little burst of fondness in his chest at the sight. Even if the rest of today goes horribly, at least he can savor this easy banter between them.

And banter they do, debating over whether Logan’s physics professor or Roman’s marketing professor is more inept before commiserating over the “perpetual hell week” that is college. They bounce from the disappointing latest installment of one of Roman’s favorite series to a terrible documentary on aliens Logan had found on a “science” channel (“It’s called a having a basic grasp of eighth-grade geometry, Roman- which, unlike this nine-thousand year old civilization, these morons have clearly never achieved!”) to every little thing in between, their food forgotten in front of them.

It’s nothing special, technically- they’ve been friends for years now, and they often have talks about everything and nothing. But today Logan can convince himself that an electric current is charging the air between them, flushing Roman’s cheeks and lighting up his eyes as Logan is drawn in, helpless against his magnetism.

There’s no decisive moment where Logan thinks, this is it. There’s just Roman, his laughter like bells in the breeze, and Logan, gazing at him like he’d put the stars in the sky.

“Roman,” he says. That’s it- Roman.

Roman is still giggling at his rendition of the student who’d spilled their coffee on the drama professor on the first day, but he sobers at whatever look is on Logan’s face. “Hey- you good, Lo?”

The nickname catches at something in Logan’s chest, pulls it open so the next words come just a little harder, just a little easier. “Roman,” he says again, looking down. “I do not wish to… ruin the mood, but I have something to confess.”

(He’s looking down, so he misses the way Roman jumps at the last word.)

But when he meets Roman’s eyes, open and curious, Logan’s confidence abandons him. He exhales slowly in an attempt to regain some of the feeling from before, like the memory of Roman’s voice will fortify his. But all that comes out is: “I wrote- would you-” 

Logan’s throat fails him entirely, something a little like dread and a little like hope clogging it up. Without another word, he slides the folder he had kept tucked at his side to Roman. When Roman raises a curious eyebrow, Logan simply smiles- a quick, brittle thing- and motions for him to open it.

Earlier, the noise in the cafe had distracted Logan, had made him frown when it rose over Roman’s voice. But suddenly it all fades into the background, the chatter of voices and clatter of spoons receding in favor of the thwip of the folder opening, the little breath Roman takes when he reads the first two words.

Dimly, Logan thinks he must have used up all his words in the letter. His fingers lay still at his sides, mind is utterly blank as he watches Roman read it. But his heart is pounding loud enough that for an absurd second, he’s sure Roman can hear it in the sudden quiet.

Logan waits for a minute, maybe five. He thinks he’d wait for Roman forever if he asked. But Roman doesn’t make him wait that long, because when he looks up his eyes are wet with tears, and when Logan uselessly opens his mouth- to do what? His voice certainly hasn’t returned- Roman lurches forward, clumsy in a way Logan has never known him, and seals their lips with a kiss.

And when they finally draw apart, Logan thinks he’s regained his words (or maybe just these three), because they force themselves out of his lips like they’ve been waiting to do so since Logan said Roman’s name. And Roman, his face a study in the kind of shock and delight that can only come from a thought-to-be-hopeless dream coming true, returns them.

[tumblunni]

Random headcanons for Directator/Mr Movien

* The dub changed his name but that just gives me room to headcanon it was his real surname when he was alive

* His mom is Madam Mushroom cos they have the same hair. I can imagine a funny scene of her coming to visit the set one day and he's like 'oh no so embarassing' so his coworkers are all expecting some cliche overly loving mushy grandma or something. But then she bursts in with a cloud of smoke and foretells everyone's death and it turns out he's embarassed cos 'man i've been training for years and i still could never be as theatrical as mom'. Also she probably gives all her coffee orders in the form of riddles

* Depressing headcanon: he wasnt a very successful director as a human, and died before getting to see the premiere of his first big screen production. But it turned out one of the shinigami yokai was secretly his biggest fan, and helped finance the startup for a new studio in the afterlife. Since then, Directator has finally found his happiness! His weird super surreal artsy scripts have a lot more success in the goofy world of yokai and he's finally able to beat his depression and start living his life again. He's so hammy and loopy cos he hasnt had such happiness in years!

* the main trio of film crew yokai are actually some of his employees when he was alive. They were really loyal to their boss and wanted to see his dreams come true, so they were the only three who stayed with him when his streak of constant failures caused the studio to go bankrupt. But with their very small team they were able to still make a small film for a film festival, and it was the first time it actually got good reviews from the organizer! So Directator had hope again, and was banking everything on it being a success when the audience finally got to see it. Aaaaand then a falling stage light set the place on fire and kinda put an end to that. I feel like the most tragic possible way for it to play out would be that he just stood there staring in disbelief at the burned remains of his final film until the flames consumed him, and his crew died running back in to try and save him. And then as yokai he was like 'your contract is over, you dont have to keep following me' and they were like 'dammit boss we're not gonna let you give up on your dream!' They helped motivate him to keep going after such a traumatic experience, and eventually they found the success they'd been denied in life. But still he feels like its his fault that they died...

* uhhh less depressing headcanon his favourite food is candyfloss because hair. Also naturally he loves all cinema food, and now he's a ghost he's like 'screw it nobody can stop me from eating nothing but this!' In between takes you just see him in the background spraying one of those soda fountain things directly into his face. Struggling to carry an entire garbage bag of popcorn. Stacking hotdogs on his head like sans. "Sir dont you think youve had enough-" "I'LL TELL YOU WHEN IVE HAD ENOUGH"

* more depressing headcanon again: when he was human he was a bit of an alcoholic. His life was a real sack of shit and he couldnt manage to keep up that fake optimistic egotistic persona in front of his team without copious amounts of wine. The assistant trio probably had to carry him sobbing to his trailer more than once. "DONT LET ANYONE KNOW HOW I LIIIIIIIVE" Possibly he even had a few close calls with dying even earlier than he did, if the trio didnt manage to stop him from drunk driving/stagediving/picking fights with a random bear (he was so mad they didnt film it)

* he's gone teetotal in his afterlife though! Generally got his life together and nowadays his smile is real.

* he has a bunch of different coloured ascots for different occasions. The ever coveted polka dot one only comes out for red carpet premieres~

[aastrumnautaa]

The Phrase“My ex was/is crazy” is Self Destructive

An incident happened on my facebook over yesterday and today that I would like to address somewhere. Before I get into this incident I would like to apologize to the people who are in this post if I have (or seem to) come off insensitive to their situations. I however did not what to write this in the space where it is happening because it would just add fuel to a fire that needs to be extinguished.

To let you know a little bit about me; my name is Danni I am 26 and I had been in an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist for 2.5 years. I currently try to spread as much information about this kind of abuse as positively as I can, but sometimes there are hiccups. Things can get a little dodgy when it comes to people’s feelings. I like to think I am an empath and understand every person in the scene that follows but I may be mistaken.

I would also like to talk about my relationship with the word “crazy” for a moment before we begin. “Crazy” was a word that, in my past relationship, was on the equivalent to calling someone the “N” word. Because we were neurodivergent, using the word “crazy” was a HUGE deal. Out of everything I carried with me out of that relationship; everything I have had to process through, this is still something I carry with me every day. Now we can start;

I reposted the tweet as follows;

Where normally I get a few likes and reposts from things this particular image got quite a bit of negative feed back to it. I will not be using names in this post, there are 3 people of interest; Person 1, Person 2, and Person 3 respectively.

Person 1 replies to this post: “ Or she's really batshit insane and was the abusive one. Yes some guys do say shit about their exs but other times the ex is the one that's the problem. “ I reply in their thread: “ Depends on what he says after it really.” Person 2 replies in thread: “Yeah the fact that this is such a thing bothers me. You've got guys that really haven't been taught to recognize abuse who've been through shit and have no other way to express this, and you've got the absolute knobs on the other side using this as an excuse for their own abuses and it just makes a confused mess of things.” I reply in thread: “I also like to believe that everyone is motivated by something. If someone is being "crazy" there's a reason for it. The reason is subjective to who is experiencing that motivator and the "crazy" is subject to who is experiencing the person being motivated. Also just don't use "crazy" to describe people's behaviors... there a a ton better ways that are at the very least better descriptions of how someone is acting.” Some time passes Person 3 replies to post:” Or she's just crazy. Like maybe she slept with your roommate leading to intense depression and substance abuse and then when you passed out one night she tried to murder you and when that failed she told the emts you tried to kill yourself forcing you to spend 3 weeks in a mental hospital being told you were having delusions. And then when you got out she kicked you out of your own house and months later when you filed for divorce she took your dog that your boyfriend bought for you on the threat of extended litigation just so you could continue to be unhappy. And then 2 years later after youve moved on told all her friends that you threw away a bunch of shit that she left you in the divorce causing a huge influx of people to go out of their way to call you trash. But nah she must have a reason for it so it's totally justified and all the guys fault. “ Person 1 replies in Person 3′s thread:” ^ This... This is my whole thought as well. Sometimes bitches be just crazy abusive assholes. Abusers don't need a reason they just are. Yes all of us understand that the post can be true to an extent but when you post it you have to be ready to have people talk about it and at times disagree. I've learned that when someone says "Bitch crazy" It is not your place to try and justify behavior. Their reason could have honestly been they were abusive and legit crazy. “

So now I look like I am justifying abuse to these people, which is exactly why I have moved myself from the situation to continue my thought process of this subject. I assure you that is exactly what I AM NOT doing. My whole point is to help Person 1 and 3 (and possibly the person reading this) see that they are supporting what I believe is self destructive behavior.

Lets continue now that the basis of the situation is stated;

First I would like to talk about my response; “I also like to believe that everyone is motivated by something. If someone is being "crazy" there's a reason for it. The reason is subjective to who is experiencing that motivator and the "crazy" is subject to who is experiencing the person being motivated.” To say “ - nah she must have a reason for it so it's totally justified and all the guys fault.“ Would be a false statement. To clarify, I am making the abuser take responsibility for their actions;” The reason is subjective to who is experiencing that motivator “. As well as having the victim take responsibility for their reaction;” the "crazy" is subject to who is experiencing the person being motivated.” I understand how in a lot of situations the abuser makes the victim think they are the motivator of their actions, however that is not what I am talking about here. Instead the motivator of abuse would be something like fear or being alone for example. To take this statement at face value would mean that the person who thinks I am justifying abuse is still possibly under the influence of their abuser and thinks that THEY were or still their abuser’s motivation.  To give the victims of abuse the power to understand they can control how they respond to abuse is how my second statement should have been taken. There are very few things you can control in this life, how you respond to hate and abuse is very important in how we see ourselves and how others come to understand who we are.

Now for a moment let’s examine the phrase, “My ex was crazy.” By throwing everything that happened to you under the “crazy” rug you not only diminish the true nature of your abuser but also diminish your own experience. You are blanketing a HUGELY significant presence on your life just to have it under a term that makes it easy for others to understand? Why not say “My ex was abusive” instead? Because that is the truth. That doesn’t cover up what happened to you and doesn’t sprinkle who you’re talking to with doubt that you’re possibly in the group of people that are described in the tweet.  The problem isn’t just that some people have a hard time vocalizing their feelings but also that people don’t identify where it is that they are not respecting themselves.

It goes without saying that battling abuse with hate is only hurting yourself. There is a difference between being angry and being hateful. Please understand that being angry is completely alright. That being angry is natural and normal and that you have every right to be angry at what you have experienced. However when you confront abuse with hate you are negatively directing your energies. Understand that is not good for you and for your own well being. I hope you do not do that.

Next, I would like to point out that this post isn’t for the people who have been abused. It is unfortunate that there is such a big problem with people covering up their abusive behavior like this for new relationships. This post is a warning to those who are currently seeking new companionship and how this phrase should be seen as a red flag for exactly the reason described in the tweet. The fact that is NEEDS to be seen this way is extremely unfortunate because that means you feel the need to have to have to explain yourself (like you have). But in all honesty you don’t need to explain your abuse, not to me, not to anyone. It is the abusers that force us to need to explain ourselves, still manipulating us way after the relationship ends.

In conclusion; Please respect yourselves more than to dip low enough to be misunderstood by others, perpetuating the cycle of abuse. Just don’t use the phrase “My ex was crazy”.  But also fuck me right? I am just some fat chick on the internet with opinions. You do what you feel is best for you for your healing and screw everything I say if that’s how you need to heal.