#AND MY FUCKING SLEEP SCHEDULE LOL. OBLITERATED

[maddiemuu]

1 week (6 day lol) appointment w/ my surgeon tomorrow... i hope i get a good grade in Having Surgery

[realbeefman]

Do you have any good house fic recs? I am Struggling with my search.

for sure! although Disclaimer, i havent been reading house fanfic for very long and ive pretty much only read house/wilson so far, SO this is more of a hilson fic rec list than anything lol

Warning Signs by out_there - oneshot, 12k words, Wilson-POV, set around the end of s3. SUCH A GOOD FIC i laughed so much while reading this. genuinely delightful. possibly my fav house fic i’ve ever had the pleasure of reading.

The Line of Thought by tevinterimperium - oneshot, 12k, Wilson-POV, set after s3 e15. THEEE classic fake-dating AU. this was the first fic i read in this fandom and it absolutely fucks. im a SAP i love a good “no homo but OH GOD THE FEELINGS” plot!!

Desert Mesa Motel - 8 miles outside of Kingman, Arizona - 12:03 AM by plorp - ficlet, 1k, House-POV, post-canon. this makes me BAWL. very very good fic but SAD. and DEPRESSING. will make you CRY/pos

How Not To Be Boring by fourleggedfish - incomplete/abandoned, 497k, Wilson-POV, AU from around mid-s5. if u like whump (which i absolutely do) u will probably like this fic. if u are squicked out by sex, u will hate it bc these guys bang 24/7. this fic had me pacing, glued to my phone, sick to my stomach, crying (several times), and obliterated my sleep schedule. i can’t rec it highly enough. every chapters includes appropriate content warnings, but some major themes that appear throughout are character death (not of main characters), the aftermath of severe child abuse, and mental illness. if any of these topics are a trigger for you, please don’t read this work.

Forsake Me Here by MonsterBoyf - complete, 8k, Wilson-POV, ambiguous setting. Wilson has intrusive thoughts about mutilating House. He tries to cope. features a lot of very graphic imagery and does an excellent but extremely accurate job of portraying an OCD-spiral that could be triggering to people. i LOVE this fic i think about it so so much.

An Inconvenient Truth by anathaema - complete, 15k, House-POV, ambiguous setting. contains the quote “You’re the suicide bomber of revelations” and is one of the funniest things i’ve ever read. plus the way in which wilson’s sexuality in this fic is handled is honestly so realistic and entertaining. HIGHLY recc this to absolutely everyone who enjoys hilson

the more it took away by scribespirare - oneshot, 10k, House-POV, ambiguous setting. Omega!House has his first heat since presenting. Alpha!Wilson helps him through it. I LOVE OMEGAVERSE AND I LOVE FUCK OR DIE AND I LOVE THE WAY THIS FIC HANDLES THIS IS JUST GRAHHHH. If u don’t enjoy omegaverse u won’t like this but i can’t make a house fic rec list and NOT include this one

Aftershocks by black_cigarette - series, around 125k in total, various POV’s, set sometime post-Tritter arc. this fic IS gen, but honestly, i didn’t know that going in and didn’t realize it wasn’t a slash fic until the very end. tldr is that wilson is brutally assaulted because house has been gambling with some unsavory people, and house helps him deal with the aftermath. this fic does not pull punches. its is extremely graphic and everything wilson goes through is described in detail. it is a messy story about recovering from brutal trauma and everything that entails. DISCLAIMER: there are sequel(s) to this series available on the author’s livejournal, but i haven’t read them and can’t speak to anything they discuss.

no need to worry (making up your mind) by scribespirare - complete, 25k, House-POV, set sometime in the early seasons. House lies about having a Jewish boyfriend to get out of visiting his mother at Christmas. Things quickly get out of hand. THIS FIC IS SOOO *tears into it with my teeth*. I love when they scheme together <3

[moontheoretist]

Notes from tie-in MCU comics:

Part 1:

[DISCLAIMER: I was making those notes without actually writing down from which comic they come from, so now I am... well... confused about the proper placement of them, but I tried to discern them anyway.]

CAPTAIN AMERICA THE FIRST AVENGER:

Lol, Zola was developing exo-skeleton looking like Iron Man suit and Vanko's suit in 1934. I kind of think part of Steve's dislike of Iron Man was because of that exo-suit. Also, Steve just saved the guy in a suit.

"The chain is only as strong as its weakest link" said twice to Steve, once by military doctor and second by Schmidt.

Poor Erskine, his family was taken as hostages.

Howards says "carefully open the casing". Steve does smash instead.

Oh no, Red Skull said that weapon can always be taken from you so you have to become the weapon. It echoes the sentiment behind the creation of Iron Man too closely.

Lol, Roosevelt ASKED for Howard PERSONALLY.

"Car is bulletproof!" "and a convertible!" is a funny joke xD

Lol he has bulletproof car because of cigarette's girls angry boyfriends.

Ok, so Howard joined SSR because he HAD BEST FUN IN MONTHS.

Howard has rockets in car and "leaves best toys for himself".

First Steve saves a Nazi from a tank, now he obliterates them with said tank. Pick a side, Steve. I know guy in the armor was helpless, but c'mon. You either don't kill or kill. You cannot just willy nilly choose. BTW does it echo saving Iron Man or smth?

Call back to floating car by a joke about floating tank.

Aw, no, Erskine's family died in concentration camp from typhus. (Those camps were awful, but are not shown in the comics. You better believe that they weren’t very nice places to live even without being overworked and killed by the Nazis).

Oh no, Bucky was nearly killed by SSman! But Howling Commandos stopped him.

Bucky doesn't like his name lol. Also no Jimmy nickname for this guy.

Ok so Howard Stark was based on Hughes and Tony was based on someone Howard hated - Oppenheimer.

Ok, now Phillips made a foreshadowing for Cradle in the AoU. It even looks similar to Project Rebirth.

Oho my theory that Erskine heard Bucky talk to Steve and that doctor knew Steve lied is proved in this comics. They knew, they had a file on him and Erskine just picked him, saving his stupid ass from consequences.

Cap just threw a knife.

IRON MAN 2:

In the comics it looks more as if Obadiah sold Vanko instead of Howard, because Howard looks so surprised at what Vanko did, that it is impossible to assume that he was the one who sent the agents after Vanko. He looks surprised at the whole incident, Vanko betraying him and agents being there to apprehend him. One agent acts as if it was Howard's idea all along, but that line could be also read as just informing a bystander that they will deal with the issue instead.

Tony projected a drone which could clean whole desert full of mines with 100% accuracy and 0% detonation.

Also comics confirm that Tony cannot even have 12h break without Howard coming at him and demanding him to work when he is just a goddamn teenager.

Tony was just fighting for 19h, got a shower and has to go out again.

"If I hear of another innocent being put in a harm's way just to advance some pointless military agenda... there will be consequences" sounds like call back to Hulk.

Hm, Tony made 12 people work on one job? Also Natasha hates being called Nat and she drugged Samantha (the actual PA which applied for Stark Industries) to take her place.

 [As of now those comics confirmed to me that Captain America joined army out of selfish reasons and that Tony was overworking himself as Iron Man and when he wasn't he was either partying, probably to relax in that way, or making new tech which saves lives.]

Lol, Coulson was so excited to look for Captain. Nick even made a joke about finding his fav action figure.

Lol, World Security Council wanted to get Tony's weapons and nearly fired Fury for trying to make Avengers.

Fury is like Tony. He hates his superiors. He will do as they say but won't stop doing what he does.

Lol, Fury got a call Tony will be dead and he jumped out of his goddamn bed asap.

Fury was actively stopping Stern from getting Iron Man by scheduling his meeting with Department of Defense "when Stern is busy" xD

Lol Fury says no to Ross before he hears what he wants. This is so funny.

Ok, so Fury got Lithium Dioxide for Tony, asked if it could be made into permanent cure, how sweet of him, but also learned that it could INSTANTLY KILL HIM instead and still made Natasha basically inject Tony with it WITHOUT CONSENT! So I dunno if he really cared about him when he asked about permanent cure or it was just more optimal for his plans. Also he got the cure during Tony's and Rhodey's battle at the mansion, so we cannot say he had a cure and didn't give it right away when he could.

"Don't blow your cover unless Stark is going to kill himself". Hm. So he wants him alive.

And yeah, he ordered Natasha to stick him with lithium dioxide when he distracted him.

Lol, Fury yelled at Coulson for letting Tony leave the mansion xD

THOR??? (I got lost in my notes, I didn’t write which comic was which)

LOL CLINT CANNOT EVEN TAKE VACATION. Also the speed with which he responded to possible alien crashsite, epic. He jumped and went as if it was Christmas, aww Clint.

Why Clint is giving money back to some store which suffered due to their operation? I mean it was nice and all, but who will give the money back to Clint? Fury?

So it was Hawkeye's idea to let Thor loose.

In the meantime Loki was on scene and tried to get Mjolnir but it didn't respond.

AVENGERS PRELUDE:

Oho, poor Fury, didn't sleep in a few days.

Oho, Fury yelled at Natasha.

"Do not let Ross take Banner, dead or alive". How cute of you, Nick, to confirm that you do not care.

Blonsky is suicidal. Going at Hulk and kicking him in the face? That's a death wish.

Ah so Blonsky is enhanced.

Hahaha, joke about lifting a hammer but applied to the Asgardian sentinel, lol.

Ross literally accessed SHIELD databases.

Natasha was raised in Stalingrad lol.

After seeing Hulk, Abomination and The Leader Natasha finally says it is too much to handle for SHIELD.

Oho, so making Tony finish Howard's project was an objective, not saving his life. He wanted it for Tesseract.

I dunno if he is lying or really was doing this whole shit for the Tesseract. Also points for sticking in WSC's face that Ross nearly destroyed New York thanks to them.

Shield has whiplash suit and it's arc reactor!

THEY ACTIVATED THE SENTINEL AND THEN THEY WANT TO DISMANTLE IT AND MAKE DOZENS SMALL ONES!

Huh, implication that Natasha may beat the whole bunker of SHIELD agents up, because they're men, lol.

So Selvig used the element Stark invented to kick-start the Tesseract after all.

"Good for a laugh from time to time" lol. Clint the comedian.

Why that machine holding a Tesseract looks like Arc Reactor?

Huh so Selvig was Loki and he made a comment about Tony being strange for "badassium".

BLACK WIDOW BACKGROUND IN ONE OF THE COMICS, DUNNO WHICH:

Natasha talks about her cover personalities like vtubers about their avatars.

Fjodorov knows something about stolen bootleg technology of Tony Stark which he managed to acquire?

Natasha really likes narrating her story. Time slows when you have a training? Like roller coaster on first ridge?

"With some small regret, I bid farewell to Tatiana. She's outlived her usefulness" thinks Natasha after she took off her wig and no longer plays Tatiana. "If she were real. She'd be dead". "It's nice though, to pretend while it lasts... that I was ever as innocent as her".

Natasha really likes playing those roles.

Haha, Natasha holds one mission over Coulson's head forever even though he never failed as her control again.

"Part of the reason why I am so good at the undercover work is that I actually like being other people. There is a lot I've done that I regret. When I leave that other identity behind, whether I slip out from underneath it voluntarily or it's ripped away from my grasp, it always hits me like a shock. Like being awakened from a deep sleep, back to who I really am". "It's good to be home". Is she speaking about her slip into Black Widow again as home or is she referring to Russia?

Natasha left a guy dangling from a building and said it could be worse, he could be naked.

"Good man" says Natasha as if she was training guys to obey her will.

Oho, Natasha is interested in someone who wants to be her.

Also she is narrating that police in Russia would not suspect Tatiana to be so resourceful.

Natasha wants to save that girl from herself, because nobody did that for her when she was in the same position.

I mean, Natasha killed some people that day already so I don't get the point of her not killing those guys and saying that she changed, when in the club she killed a few of the goons already and later too. Where is the point of her change if she kills anyway? What is this change about Black Widow - Natasha Romanoff if she kills people but just not always? She cannot claim to change for the better just because she didn't kill two goons. And Sofia should see that not killing all of them doesn't mean she doesn't kill at all. But I guess leaving so many alive still counts for Sofia as Natasha going soft.

Coulson, you idiot, I am happy you came to save Natasha, but Sofia thought those guys were Natasha's back up. It all wouldn't happen if not for you making them appear there. You fucked up everything for Natasha, Coulson.

Uh, Natasha has the same weird shtick Tony does. She blames herself for the decision of her superior? Yeah, she enabled him to make that decision, but it was still his decision to send those men to find Natasha, so their death is on him, not on Natasha.

Huh, so Natasha's model persona Konn feels empty when nobody looks at her, because her whole life was being the centre of attention? It's kind of sexist cover.

She is a hand model and this guy is disgusting. Natasha I agree with those YUCK.

Natasha doing tehee is so weird.

Also playing a "he sent me here so hours would fly by" is so gross, but inner Natasha voice says nothing yet.

Lol the guy just assumed she is stupid, because she made tehee sounds. Like, goddammit, men are so easy to fool. Condescending little creep indeed.

Ok, so Natasha doesn't have any computer knowledge to say what those lines of code are, but she knows Stark can.

Ugh, Natasha, that line about telling his friends that they did something he imagines is so not feminist of you. It just enables creeps like that to objectify women more and treat them like idiots and fucktoys.

Sofia killed the agent even when Natasha gave her what she wanted.

Natasha wants to save lives and often fails at it too.

She jumped off the yacht to save the guy even though she knew he is dead? I mean shot in the head usually means instant death.

She doesn't get lines of code but can upload tracking device on it. Good. Also she wanna kill Sofia now.

"When I go in for the kill, there's no one I'd rather be than who I really am".

Ah so they had a targeting software for the copy of the Jericho missile manufactured by Hammer.

So they were moving Jericho in parts around the world. They should be happy Tony didn't notice. (Because then they would all just go boom and be dead lol).

"Berserk bots a girl's best friends!"

Frampton wants to have space tourism.

Ten Rings again.

Why Frampton wants to strike Korean DMZ?

Aha, global destabilisation for Ten Rings, gotcha.

Oho, so the info about Natasha busting the trafficking ring comes back. It turns out she accidentally trapped the girls inside when she busted the place. She basically says she didn't know they were there but even if she did she wasn't nice back then.

So Natasha says that Sofia was more her than she ever was, meaning the Black Widow, meaning that Natasha always had softness in her which Sofia didn't have and that Sofia got her just reward for wanting to be the perfect Black Widow.

Still sexist move to make a victim of sex trafficking ring become a morally corrupt murderer who would destabilise world for free if she could, but does that for money, because money is nice addition to her new hobby of fucking humanity up.

"Some people are not worth saving" Not so long ago plenty would say that about me".

AVENGERS:

Oho Stark Tower is the first fully clean-energy powered skyscraper.

Pepper thinks inside the box and Tony thinks outside the box.

Oh, so Tony still says that Rhodey had stolen the suit, but then he admits that it could give him heart attack, because it was not calibrated for him, so I wonder if he really wanted Rhodey to have it or never wanted Rhodey to have it at all.

"I got them to agree that all starktech remains proprietary to you as long as War Machine is on loan to the department of defense".

Lol wow, War Machine was an insult? Anyway he means that Rhodey won't be using Mark II because Tony has new suit for him.

"I am not Iron Man" people yell Iron Man at Rhodey "Ah, forget it" xD

How is Tony saying that he couldn't find anything to go after Gulmira when he was literally busting Ten Rings in Iron Man 2 tie-in comic?

Hahaha, Rhodey wanna get a publicist so people would recognise he is War Machine, not Iron Man.

Rhodey is so vicious. "I could have taken your hand with it but not doing it is more fun".

Oho so Tony THREE MONTHS after Tony was putting S on Stark Tower there is Battle of New York and Rhodey is in Hong Kong.

Incoming call: Martini, seriously? You call Tony MARTINI?

Also for some reason this Tony has blue eyes.

Rhodey is so cocky lol. "I haven't seen anything that can take me down".

"When am i gonna learn to keep my mouth shut?" xDDD Rhodey cursed himself.

So after Iron Man 2 Tony realised that he couldn't be iron solder alone anymore and made Rhodey an armor? Still, trust was a huge factor here.

Lol did he just make a joke about being so beat up as after clubbing with Tony to a commanding officer? Rhodey, you vicious little shit lol xD

"Battle tank that's about to make me street pizza! But only if I stand and take it, which I have never done in my life". That's useful info. It gives me some insight into who was protecting who at MIT. Rhodey never was taking a crap of other people, so he probably was used to fighting bullies. And I can imagine him standing up to bullies who targeted a kid - Tony Stark.

Rhodey chooses to fight smarts with smarts.

DID HE JUST MAKE HIS WAY OF LANDING A FRIGGIN MISSILE STYLE? XD

His commander asks if he is crazy. He definitely friggin is lol.

Rhodey just gave his superior a scare when he let a tank run him over. They thought he died.

OMG Ten Rings assumed War Machine is easier target to get tech from and Rhodey feels offended, but happy they know who he is.

Rings had stark tech in that tank, oh no. Tony will be pissed even if those are old black market stuff.

AWWW RHODEY WAS WORRIED ABOUT TONY WHEN HE DIDN'T RESPOND!

"Don't do this to me, man". "Holy...! That was SOME situation" says Rhodey when he saw chitauri flying whale dead. Ok so Avengers met Rhodey in that shawarma place.

Pepper decorates according to feng shui?

So Ten Rings scanned Rhodey's armor with any scanner available and collected a lot of data on the armor anyway.

[muertawrites]

Immunity (or Make It Work, Part 2) [Loki x Reader] {nsfw}

Summary: Reader reveals the dress she made for the gala, causing Loki to lose all his shit at once. When Loki spies his half brother taking a liking to her during the midst of the party, he gets hella possessive and makes a point of showing her how much he cares (... with a rough quickie in a hallway. You know, romantic stuff).

Word Count: 3,300

Author’s Note: I thought I was done with the first draft of this until I read it over and absolutely hated it, so I rewrote the middle part and now it’s better and my sleep schedule is totally fucked. As if it wasn’t already fucked before, tho. Also, this installment of Make It Work is lowkey (Loki, lol) inspired by @maiden-of-asgard‘s Frostbite series, which is super great and I’m addicted to it and you should 100% go check it out if you love yourself or even if you don’t love yourself, it can be your first step in learning to love yourself. I’m starting to get delirious with lack of sleep, so I’m gonna post this and hope that I can be a functional adult tomorrow. Goodnight, ya horny bastards, I love you.

                                              ~ Muerta 🌸💀🌸

(Part 1)

You had always believed that the key to sex appeal was subtlety. This was apparent in everything you designed, each garment focusing on the suggestion of a person’s body without ever showing too much of it. A bit of mesh or lace, a slight peeking of skin, a cinch in the waist that revealed what sins lie just beneath the fabric; these were all your weapons in making a piece of clothing maddeningly sexy, and you had applied all of them to the dress you’d made at Loki’s request for the gala he was hosting.

You stood in the hall just outside the reception room of the Asgardian royal palace, smoothing out the fabric of your gown and swallowing the lump that had formed in your throat over the last few minutes as you anticipated the arrival of your escort. Hours ago, a hoard of beauticians had been sent to your apartment within the palace, styling your hair and makeup to suit the dress you’d crafted for the evening. Your hair had been pulled back into a tight, plaited bun that fanned out at the base of your head, with a few loose tendrils falling elegantly over your cheeks. Your lips had been painted in a dark berry shade, and you were adorned with large golden earrings and a matching collier and headdress, chosen from a selection that Loki had sent for you. You were stunning, the picture of an Asgardian goddess, and you had grinned smugly at your reflection as you’d inspected your final look. You had transformed your mortal self into a creature that could put the otherworldly beings of the realm you now called your home to shame, and were endlessly proud of what you had done. You only hoped that Loki would be just as impressed.

The god’s footsteps coming down the hall startled you, pulling you abruptly from your thoughts as you turned to face the direction he was coming from, your heart slamming against your ribs. He turned the corner to where you were standing, and when you came into view, he stopped dead in his tracks. His frozen blue eyes drank you in, scanning your body up and down so that no inch of you was left unseen. He had given you a challenge, and you’d obliterated his expectations; the gown you had designed was absolutely breathtaking, made of a silk so deeply evergreen that it was almost black, shifting and changing hues with the light. The neckline was cut into a severe plunge, stopping just below the space where your breasts met, leaving him thirsting to see more of your skin. Mesh panels mirrored each other on either side of the dress’s bodice, extending down into the skirt until they where lost within its cascade of lush fabric, and a belt cast in gold hugged your waist to accentuate the voluptuous curves of your body. The gown’s sleeves were long, laden with more panels of mesh and accented with lace decorated in Nordic patterns, matching those etched into Loki’s helmet. You were exposed to him, but only just, and the promises of what was hidden beneath your latest work had his mind racing. He swallowed, clearing his throat and bowing politely to you.

“I see you took our conversation to heart,” he said as greeted you with a devilish smirk. You grinned back, offering a shallow curtsey in return.

“I was hoping I’d stun you enough to shut you up for once,” you replied.

Loki held his arm out to you, allowing you curl your fingers around the crook of his elbow as he led you to the doors of the reception room.

“Almost, darling,” he hummed. “Almost.”

As the twin doors swung open towards you, you were greeted with the sight of an entire room populated by the lofty, vexing creatures known as the Jotun. You had never seen them in person, but you knew from the history books in the palace’s library that they had a rocky past with the people of Asgard, characterized by war and bloodshed, and Loki was attempting to pose a sort of treaty between the two realms by hosting their royal family. They were enormous, some of them spanning over ten feet tall, and entirely blue in color, their skin patterned with grooves that supposedly meant different things and were unique to each creature. Not a single one of them was clothed in full, each of them sporting various levels of exposure to supposedly assert dominance and status (as you had read), and you noticed as Loki led you further into the room that many of them had their teeth filed into vicious, shark-like points. You looked up at the king standing beside you, shuddering at the fact that his lean, rangy stature was dwarfed by theirs, finding it hard to remind yourself that he was, under his alabaster skin, one of them. You pulled him a bit closer to you, thinking of how tiny your human form must have looked to the giants. Didn’t you read somewhere that they used to keep Midgardians as pets?

“My kin,” Loki addressed the room as he came to stand in the center of it, your shivering self still huddled beside him, “I welcome you to my adoptive home. Being of Jotun blood, raised by the hands of Asgard, I hope to bridge the gap between our two peoples and move our realms toward a peaceful future. Enjoy your time here. Indulge in our culture and our warm hospitality. We are happy to have you.”

He bowed to the crowd before him, and as the band in the mezzanines circling the reception room began to play, he spun you about and led you away from the fray, raising your hand to his lips in a gentle kiss.

“I thought you were fearless,” he murmured into your skin, teasing you. “I can feel you shaking like a leaf.”

“These people are the size of small buildings,” you quipped back at him, giving the hand holding yours a light squeeze and digging your nails into the back of his palm. “I also don’t think I need to remind you that they used to keep humans as playthings in their recent past.”

Loki smirked.

“Reading up on your history?” he mused. “What a good little thing you are.”

For a significant portion of the evening, Loki paraded you around to his guests, showing you off as if you were a prized trophy. His Jotun visitors poked and prodded at you, intrigued by your soft mortal body, the women toying with your hair, petting it and admiring its silkiness, while the men inspected your figure, some of them getting a bit handsy and groping at your breasts and backside with fervent interest. Their touches made you wildly uncomfortable, wanting nothing more than to slap their hands away and inform them that you were, in fact, a sentient being and not just the dumb little pet they perceived you to be, but their intimidating stature and the shaky relationship they had with your employer made you wary, reminding you that they could literally dismember you if they had a reason to – or even if they didn’t have a reason to. Loki stayed at your side throughout the ordeal, however, skirting you away when his guests got too intimate for you to tolerate.

After two hours of being handled by what could easily have been every single frost giant in Jotunheim, you were able to steal away to the large banquet table that had been set up on one side of the reception room, pouring yourself a strong glass of Asgardian mead and stuffing a few hors d’oeuvres into your mouth, trying to regain some of your calm. You had just scarfed your fifth mini quiche when your indulgent stress eating was interrupted by a soft voice addressing you from behind.

“Miss?”

You turned, coming face to face with yet another giant, but noticing that this one was considerably younger than the others, probably only a teenager in Jotun years. He was also more sparsely dressed than the rest of them, leading you to believe that he was a member of the royal family. He gave you a slight bow, his eyes wide and nervous, not leaving yours.

“I am Prince Býleistr,” he introduced himself, straightening his back once again. “King Laufeyson’s half-brother.”

You had heard of Býleistr fleetingly before, knowing him only as the child of Loki’s biological father, Laufey, and the current Queen of Jotunheim. You brushed a few crumbs from your fingers and onto the skirt of your gown, attempting to maintain what little dignity you had left as you dipped into a curtsey.

“It is an honor to meet you, Your Highness” you addressed him.

Býleistr looked you up and down, his eyes gaping as he took in the sight of you.

“King Laufeyson says you are mortal,” the young prince said, sounding almost breathless. “Is that true?”

You nodded, unconsciously taking a step back from him as you prepared yourself for more unwanted contact.

“Yes,” you replied. “I’m from Midgard.”

Býleistr’s eyes widened in wonder at the confirmation, and you couldn’t help but feel slightly endeared by him. He was just a kid, after all, and it was very likely he’d never seen a mortal in person.

“May I…” the prince lingered on his words a bit, as if unsure they were the right ones. He swallowed, then held his hand out to you.

“May I touch you?” he asked.

Shocked by his considerate act of asking for your consent, you silently gave him permission, raising a bewildered hand for him to take. He grinned excitedly, clasping his massive fingers around your much smaller ones and raising your arm above your head, being cautious in his movements as if afraid he would break you. You smiled faintly back as you allowed him to twirl you, spinning so he could take in your foreign appearance.

From across the room, Loki’s eyes fell upon the scene that was unfolding. He watched, indignant, as his sniveling little weasel of a relative spun you about, laying his grubby fingers on your cheeks, your hair, your waist, your back, and Loki felt the searing sting of envy rising in his chest as you allowed it. You actually allowed him to touch you without any of the hesitation you’d had with the other frost giants. Loki slammed down the rest of his drink and glided furiously over to the two of you, fueled by rage and the alcohol in his blood.

Býleistr was holding your hand, marveling at the minute size of your fingers when Loki interrupted the two of you, clearing his throat and causing you both to jump, startled.

“Dear younger brother,” Loki crooned, his lips spread into a malicious grin and words dripping with acrimony, “as much as it pleases me to see you making such diverse connections of friendship, I am afraid I have come to retrieve my favorite toy.”

Loki took you by the arm, not waiting for Býleistr’s response as he wrapped his arm around you protectively, skillfully maneuvering you through the reception room and slipping with you through a hidden side door, into one of the palace’s many empty corridors. You wheeled on him as soon as you were alone, smacking him hard in the chest with the side of your closed fist.

“What. The. Fuck. Loki!” you snapped, hitting him with each word and glaring up at him. He glowered down at you, his mouth turned downward into a furious grimace.

“How could you?” he growled, taking you by the wrists to stop you from beating him.

“How could I?” you exclaimed, incredulous. “How could you, you piece of shit! Why the hell would you let them molest me like that?!”

Loki smirked, his eyes lazily drifting down to where your chest met his as he held you against him, then back up to meet yours.

“I wanted to see your scared little face, my dear,” he chided. “I am the god of jokes and trickery, after all.”

“You’re the god of some kind of fucking bullshit,” you spat at him.

A guttural hiss escaped Loki’s throat as he pushed you forward, pinning you to the wall on the other side of the corridor. His hands splayed out on either side of your head, and he kept you in place by pressing his body against yours, his hips pinning you harshly to the surface behind you. If your senses didn’t fool you, you were certain you could feel him harden beneath the leather material of his pants.

“I tire of your games, my sweet little pet,” he growled mockingly, his lips pressed to your ear. “You have always been such a tease to me, even when you haven’t meant it.”

You simpered, tilting your head back so that you could stare up into his eyes, your hands pressed firmly to his chest.

“I thought you had an immunity to my mortal charms,” you taunted him, mocking him right back.

Loki shook his head slowly, one of the hands beside your head moving to capture your chin between his fingers as he fervidly licked his lips.

“My darling, you are the one thing that makes me weak…” he purred as he leaned in, taking your lips in a heated, passionate kiss that left your body burning and your lungs gasping for air. You immediately kissed back, your mouth opening and tongue clashing with his as your hands moved upward to clasp the sides of his face, fingers tangling in the abyss of his black hair. You could feel him in full now, his erect cock pressing up against your heat through the fabric of your dress, straining against the crotch of his trousers. He was going to fuck you, right then, right there against that wall, and you barely had time to worry about one of his guests stumbling in and interrupting you, as he was already lifting your skirt above your knees, desperate to be inside you.

Your lips didn’t leave his as you reached one of your hands down to palm at his member through the leather dividing you, the corners of your mouth curling into a smug grin at the needy whimper that escaped from his throat at your touch. You could feel the wetness that had been pooling between your legs start to drip down the insides of your thighs, thankful for once for Asgardians’ aversion to undergarments, as it would make the task at hand much easier and much, much more savory. You continued to work Loki as his hands kept traveling up your legs until every bit of skin below your waist was exposed to him, two of his fingers moving to stroke tentatively at the lips of your pussy, letting out a deep growl when he found you soaked and ready for him. He broke the kiss then, moving his lips to knead at your neck, leaving red marks where he sank his teeth hungrily into your flesh.

“Oh, how long I’ve wanted you, my sweet girl…” he purred against your skin, the fingers that had been stroking you gently slipping inside you, working you tenderly as he marked you as his own with is mouth. You let out a soft moan into his ear, the hand that had been resting on his cheek falling to grip lightly at his shoulders.

“Loki…” you murmured wantonly, your lips pressed into the shell of his ear.

As if halted by some greater power, Loki stopped everything he was doing and fell perfectly still. He pulled away from you, just enough to glare down at you, frozen in place as every muscle in his body stiffened. You gazed up at him, wondering if you’d done something wrong, when you noticed the blood red hue that suddenly flooded his eyes, his blanched skin taking on a deep cerulean tone as he gazed at you like he was going to rip you limb from limb. You swallowed, fearing what would come next as Loki let out a guttural snarl and reached down to where you had been stroking him, shredding the material of his pants so that his cock sprang free from them, promptly wrapping one of your legs around his hip and thrusting inside you without ceremony, groaning at the sublime feeling of your silken walls closing around him.

You yelped as he stretched you to your limits, never having had such a considerable width inside you and savoring the feeling of nearly being split in two. It was painful – so, so painful – but in the most delicious way, and you bit down into the meat of Loki’s slender, glacial hand as he pressed it to your lips to silence you.

Loki wasted no time being delicate with you, immediately slamming his hips into yours as he worked himself in and out of you at a beastly, rapid pace, his monstrous groans filling your ears like heavenly music. You were totally and utterly consumed by him, gazing up lustfully into his crimson eyes as his clawlike nails buried themselves in the plush flesh of your thigh so harshly they drew blood. His stare met yours, cutting into you as he took you without mercy or remorse, pounding into you so deeply you could almost feel him in your chest. You peaked within moments, the current of divine electricity swallowing the whole of your being under a veil of carnal bliss. Loki followed soon after, his cum filling you until it began to spill out, his own cry of absolute pleasure echoing through the hall. He leaned over you for a long moment, keeping you propped against the wall as his forehead rested in the crook of your neck, his chest heaving against yours as he panted with the exertion of having given you the quickest, yet most mind-blowing orgasm you’d ever experienced. You were dazed in the aftermath of his sex, uncertain you were still on the same astral plane as you had been just minutes before.

Once Loki had collected himself, the shade of his skin and eyes returning to their Asgardian palette, he slid out of you, clearing his throat as his hands followed the folds of your skirt as it cascaded down your legs once more, his nimble fingers smoothing out the fabric to hide the remnants of the delicious sin you’d just shared. You dragged yourself back to reality, reaching up with trembling hands to adjust the lapels of his coat, fixing his extravagant horned helmet where your touch had set it askew.

You sighed in defeat as your eyes fell on the tattered fabric of his trousers, tugging and clasping his coat closed to hide the damage.

“I spend a month killing myself to make clothes for you and look what you do to them,” you huffed.

Loki chuckled, the sound rumbling in his chest as he leaned forward and kissed your forehead.

“I suggest making the seams more durable next time,” he teased.

“Fuck you,” you mumbled, your words swallowed by his lips as you pulled him into a heated, affectionate kiss. Loki hummed, smirking as you parted.

“Later, my love,” he promised you, taking you by the arm and leading you back into the reception room, lips pressing to your knuckles as he did. “We still have a party to host.”

[canaryatlaw]

alright I should actually get to writing this and not just waste time on my computer. of course I just realized I didn’t take my meds and they have not been kicking in over the last hour which means it’ll take longer for me to fall asleep so that’s fun. but yeah, today was pretty good? Last night before I fell asleep I remembered today was small group sign ups and small group sign ups are basically a free for all whoever signs up for the group they want first gets in, and they fill up very fast and there are waiting lists, it’s this whole big thing, so when this occurred to me last night I changed my alarm title from “church” to “SMALL GROUP SIGNUPS NOW” so I would remember it in the morning, and I did, so upon waking up I spent like five minutes sitting on my bed before I did anything else and signed up for small group. I’m always looking at their “young adult” groups because sometimes they have like a singles group but nothing there looked promising so I just went with the international group I’ve been with for a while (despite not actually being international, but they like me so it’s okay) because they’re my friends and we go out and get food every other week which is always fun. but yeah, I had woken up to my alarm at 8 and gotten ready for church. Made it on an 8:41 bus, which put me on a pretty good schedule time wise, I thought I might be early but it was also like really fucking cold out (like 10 degrees) which probably made things more difficult so I ended up getting there just on time. Service was good, it always is, we had one of the church leader ladies speaking who is always really good of course and this past summer I found out she was one of the first accusers in the sexual abuse scandal that recently pretty much obliterated the pastoral staff of a nearby mega-church (and I mean like, really fucking huge) which is information I pretty much just stumbled across on the internet and I know she mostly wants to be past that so I just file it away as mental information for now. I managed to duck out right as the service ended and before everyone started leaving to get to the kids volunteer lounge where we had our little sending off powwow before the last service. We weren’t expecting all that many in the last service so I wasn’t very concerned, and things went pretty smoothly really. I was with another girl who was around my age-ish maybe a little younger and one of my mom-friends (her little girl used to be in the babies room but I think she’s like 3 now) who ended up going over to preschool because they needed more help and we were very much under control lol. We had one girl that wouldn’t stop crying but we ended up texting her mom fairly early on (wasn’t my decision, but it was probably time) so then we didn’t have to worry about her. I had one little girl who’s been in there a few times that the other girl couldn't get to stop crying so she handed her over to me (we do that, sometimes a different person just does the trick) and I got her to stop crying fairly quickly, and then I thought she was going to cling to me the whole time but I was actually able to put her down and she crawled around and pulled herself up on absolutely everything (she was like 9 months, so right at that stage where they’re so close to being able to stand and they have to do it constantly) and we threw balls from the ball pit around the room, it was very fun, there was another kid or two that were just generally around and behaving well, the son of the kid’s ministry leaders was in there but he’s always well-behaved. So once service ended I started journeying home, I ended up with about a 15 minute wait on the next bus after getting off the train and it was the first time this year that it was definitely too cold to just tough it out and sit on the bench, so I went inside the coffee/donut shop right there and got myself a hot chocolate that was actually very fucking good, and the bus showed up around when it was supposed to so that was good. I had some rice from last night and started watching last night’s SNL episode on hulu because I wanted to see Rachel Brosnahan hosting, like halfway through Jess showed up because the date she went on with a BOY from “rich people tinder” (aka the dating app I got her to sign up for because I got perks if I got someone to sign up) was over and she didn’t want to have to walk home and then walk back to my place for Supergirl at 7 when she was already very close by, so she just came over and after SNL finished we watched some Sabrina because we didn’t really want to have to pay attention to anything too much (we were debating between that and Runaways but Runaways definitely required more of a commitment and we wanted to be more distracted) and watched that for a bit until it was Supergirl time, and we ordered some ramen (from like the fancy ramen place) for dinner because I’ve low key been craving it for a few days now. Supergirl episode was a nice change in pace from most of the other ones this season since we didn’t have to deal with any human terrorists (just alien assassins) but of course the actual events of the episode don’t really matter it’s just what gets us to the point at the end of the episode where (spoilers, obviously) Alex has J’onn wipe her memory so she can’t remember Kara is Supergirl when her crazy boss lady tries to forcefully extract the information from her mind (okay like, pretty much all the stuff she was talking about to “control�� Supergirl was high key illegal and not at all something the government should be able to do to a private citizen (which Kara is at this point) and they frankly have no business snooping on what her secret identity is but when has that ever stopped a fictional government?? never, of course. So obviously that was a tearjerker but I mean we all know this is temporary, she’s gonna get the memories back sooner or later, and from the looks of the preview for next episode probably sooner. So I wasn’t too terribly upset by all of this (and I mean, I’m not really all that invested in Supergirl at this point, but Kara/Alex is one of the dynamics I do still enjoy because I’m a sucker for a good sister relationship because I love my sister so damn much). Jess went home afterwards because she has to go sleep so I started watching season 2 of Marvelous Mrs. Maisel which has been very amusing so far, her parents in Paris have been very funny so I can’t wait to see where they go with that. Eventually I stopped watching that and started getting ready for bed, then wasted a bunch of time and was not letting my meds kick in because my genius ass forgot to take them, and now I’m here. They have at least kicked in a bit since it’s taken me a while to write this, and it’s past midnight now so that’s probably a good thing. Not that I have anywhere to be tomorrow, or anything I really need to get done (I’m gonna try to do the dishes and I need to do laundry at some point this week but I’m gonna need quarters first and I’m gonna wait till I have so other reason to go outside to get them because like I said, it’s gonna be real fucking cold this week), but you know, structure and all that. So I guess this is a good place to stop as I’m basically just babbling on about nothing of real importance now. Goodnight my dears. Enjoy your week.

[jadenight]

Changes

I was thinking about a couple friends who used to be extremely close to me, but now it’s dramatically different how they aren’t so much a part of my life anymore.

It still makes me really sad, but I realize as the new year is here, that they may not be a part of my new path. They were a huge part of my old path, and people I still care about deeply. But there are some things I know I feel I want to pursue and I know my respect for their strong opinions might cloud my own intuition. When I was super depressed, sad and weak I clung on to strong opinions to guide me because I felt so hopeless myself. Words, actions and opinions of others almost became my God and I felt like I was just constantly letting others down, while feeling empty inside because I wasn’t listening to myself. Things slowly started turning around when I decided to do my first 100 day lettering project, some artsy thing that decided to do on my own, something none of my other friends had an interest in doing. That’s a big deal. And it was the beginning of slowly coming into myself. I don’t really have artsy design friends, but the Instagram community open and kind. so it felt good.

I still love to consult and constantly, lifelong learn from others (via podcasts, books, internet and friends). And I’ll let myself be influenced by what I feel is right for me. I love learning about new ways to keep motivated, it keeps me afloat. It keeps me sane to feel like I am constantly trying to learn and improve. It’s so funny because, I’m a generally positive, smiley, jokey person. I heard that people thought I had a perfect upbringing. Little do they know I suffered a bad, stagnating case of depression that kept me living with my parents for years. Little do they know of my physically and verbally abusive grandmother who took care of me growing up (ugh, that one is still hard and ugly to even type out). But I gotta keep learning and improving to help me out of those dark crevices. God and prayer and church has sometimes helped. Therapy has sometimes helped. Medications helped me at some point. I also relied heavily on friends, I guess to the obliteration of some friendship. I was too insecure to even date much, nonetheless stay with any guy in a healthy relationship. I used to take so much Benadryl with my anti-depressants that I slept most of the time. I probably wasted at least 2-3 years mostly sleeping. And I had no energy the time I was awake. It was awful. The world felt so heavy and like I couldn’t stand it, because I wasn’t at some idealized stage in my life and I constantly constantly constantly beat myself up about it, and I didn’t realize how cruel I was to myself. My thoughts were very dark and defeating. Living sometimes didn’t feel worth it. And I retreated to myself. But in my sleeping I tried to keep positive podcasts or something playing as I slept, so that at least something good could override the negativity going on in my brain, even subliminally. And I think some of that has helped too.

I don’t know why I woke up here at 5-6 am to type this whole tangent, but here it is. And it’s very fucking vulnerable. But I’ll press post anyway. Whatever peeps in my life know I love them. Life just keeps moving and God puts them in our life for differently phases. This is a time to stand more on my own. Good thing it took me moving out of state, because I would have easily retracted to those old bad behaviors to cope with this tough job. This post really stings I don’t know why i keep typing on my phone. But i need to remind myself that I have truly come a long way. And the hard work on ourselves will always be constant. But that’s okay. That’s where the change finally happens. Feels cheesy, but true.

By the way, I would never ever post something like this on my old blog. I am comforted in the anonymity. Only one IRL person knows about this (and maybe now her boyfriend, but whatever he is busy). I have a follower or two who probably followed by accident lol. But I’m glad I have some kind of vulnerable release here, even to a stranger. Or the World Wide Web of space.

PS. don't know if I should call off tonight. I feel like complete shit at the moment. This holiday work schedule kicked my ass. My sleep is all fucked. Maybe I'll just suck it up, we will see.