#AND LIKE?? the comment about how carmen is just gonna use him for her own gain and she had to be dragged towards thatbecause first

[grahamcarmen]

[yuraimi-lee-bunny]

Same anon that asked about gray's analysis, just wanted to say that it's nice to see that you're writeing "the 13 reason's why" inspired fic, I remember you said that it was based on a speech the boy (forgot his name) wrote to hannah. Looking forward to it

would also like to share some anti-rc arguments as you were asking

Gray groomed carmen.

Carmen is trying to 'fix' gray.

Gray chose a corprate job over his little sister. Would also like to rant about the last argument you taked about refering to gray keeping quiet for six months(hope you don't mind) can I just point out that carmen kept quiet about gray's brainwashing for 18 months, that's 3 times the amount gray did and you don't see anyone talking about that, the hypocrisy. It's also important to understand why they did that, they've both wanted to not be on opposing sides, carmen see's gray's date as a "second chance" before realising that she could gray in danger and walks away same goes for gray who after carmen is brainwashed doesn't do anything for 6 months and then does something when carmen is awarded faculty and is going to kill shadowsan. I feel like a lot of people would just say that what carmen did was fine since gray wasn't a criminal anymore but gray was living a life without choosing it/being himself and that's still wrong, that's something they're totally gonna be trauma bonding and apologising about. Anyways best of luck on the fic and hope you have a great day.

Hi! Oh my! Did I comment on my idea here? I didn't remember it (it must have been in 2021 or 2022 that I mentioned) Thank you very much for your support and desire to read it!

About the other reasons why they come to deny/hate Red Crackle: hmmmmmm let me comment on it point by point.

1.- huh?… how? when? like why? There is no reason or proof for that. The word "groomed" shouldn't be used lightly.

2.- Carmen? That Carmen? Our Carmen Sandiego? The one that in the second chapter, basically because she didn't agree to return to Vile, 5 minutes later, kicked Gray in the face and handed him over to Chase? Are we talking about the same Carmen that in Chapter 4 of the fourth season, when Gray told her that he was returning to VILE and asked her not to continue messing to them, she immediately blew up half a laboratory and ran away, thus saying goodbye to Gray?

……..let me first laugh freely.

I guess since there is no real reason to deny Red Crackle, they have no choice but to lie.

3.- ……………………. Carmen left Gray, her older brother, to make her own path. Gray chose to let Carmen free because of her criminal career (and because of threats than mere pleasure). Everyone chooses her path…

And about you rant. I somewhat agree. I mean, Carmen didn't do anything for 18 months because she didn't really know what VILE had done to Gray. I mean, she believed that only Gray had his memory erased from his time in VILE, but not from the change in morals. And yet, Carmen didn't have the tools to do that. And even if she had them, she was going to choose hers well and it was best of her not to make him remember her past with VILE. As for what happened to Gray when Carmen was brainwashed, let's go to the same thing: he may have first thought that it was a "good plan" because FINALLY he wasn't going to be with a high probability of having to face him again Carmen, and that if the Faculty ordered him to "get rid of her" he would have no choice (again, for his life, not for "loyalty" to VILE, that one left when he returned, but again, I will talk about it later in my analysis)

He no longer liked the plan because he saw what happened at the fair (because Gray saw himself in Carmen, he projected himself, but again, I talk about that later in my analysis) he started to take care of her in those 6 months. , but once she became part of the Faculty, she was in their hands and with the rumor about Shadowsan, he had no choice but to take risks.

Both in the ENTIRE SERIES ALWAYS took risks to take care of each other. Yes, some were of dubious actions and morals, but there were no other options. It was what they both had at that moment, for the sake of their own well-being. Why everyone believes that Gray returned to VILE with such pleasure? it's TOO obvious that it wasn't like that, that he only did it out of fear for his life and Carmen didn't do anything in those 18 months because she didn't know the change in morals, she didn't have the tools and for her own good?

Anyway, thanks for your ask! And thanks for your encouragement to my fic!

[popvlcr]

the femme seeing the necklace she had gifted them made her want to cry. she had reached out to touch the chain around their neck. carmen had remembered the day she bought it. it was a custom piece she bought from a small shop in cuba. " it still looks good on you." she commented. " kinda wished you called me when you got arrested. i would've bailed you out. my number hasn't changed since the first day i got it." but on the other hand, she was glad she didn't get a phone call from them. carmen didn't know what she would have done if she got a call. " you didn't die to me, and im glad you didn't. you just...vanished. you actually did start to feel like a distant memory." all the good memories and times she retained. the bad ones she tried her best to store in the back of her mind and never look for them again. " it takes time to heal and forgive, even if it means trying to be a better person for yourself. considering how well you're doing right now, i believe you're on the right track." a soft sigh escaped her lips. " ashton is doing fine yes, but it doesn't mean they're doing fine without you. being in the middle of you both wasn't always the best of times but didn't mean i chose sides either." and that was always the case. all three of them living under the save room with her dating dax and ash being her best friends, it was a blessing and a curse. she was the middleman and she felt like she waas still just that. " eventually both of you have to face one another. having you two a part has sucked. we all used to be three peas in a pod, the three musketeers or whatever." despite feeling the tug between the both of them, she found the twins to be one of the best things to happen to her. she loved the matthews twins so much. they were family. " i didn't expect you to be angry at me, i only hoped you understood why i had to let you go...why i had to let you go." her thumb ran along their's in a comforting manner. she couldn't help but to laugh at their mention of letting her father down. " do you know how hard it is to let my dad down? the last thing i remember him being disappointed in me in was having you and ash stay in the basement when you guys were kicked out and i didn't tell him or my mom about it." another laugh left her lips. " he loves you. i think you're like son he always wanted." she shook her head. i never stopped loving you. her ears had perked up more than ever. having used the past tense previously, she had thought that maybe dax had felt the same. the love was there but not enough to still be in love with carmen. her stomach was full with butterflies. the same effect it had when she began to have feelings for the other. with her head up, her light eyes looked at daxton with nothing but happiness and love. sadness no longer felt like a feeling she had, or confusion. it felt that nothing mattered anymore when it came to what happened between the two of them. " i never stopped loving you either, dax." she said. her words were soft. " i don't think i ever did, nor could i ever. you have always been the love of my life. no one could ever replace you." feeling their heart pound against her chest was the same exact feeling she had with her own heart. every pound felt like it was getting harder and harder as if her own heart was gonna burst through her chest. " and i wish you could see yourself through my eyes. you'd see how incredible and irresistible you are. you have always been my person, even if it meant i thought i'd never see you again. you never left my mind, let alone my heart." she told them. " you will always be perfect to me daxton alexander matthews."

as carmen pulled out the familiar necklace, daxton could feel another wave of big emotions coming on, listening to her explain that she'd basically never taken it off, that a piece of them had always been with her. gently they reached their hand to hold the charm for a brief moment, their thumb grazing the locket before letting it go. they didn't need to see the inside to know what the photo or engraving was, they remembered. the fact that she had thought she had lost it broke her, broke them. daxton could only imagine how devastated they would have felt if they'd lost the photo of the two of them. it was hard for daxton to express how they felt, how much it meant to them that she carried them with her.

the love they had for her only grew in that moment. they too reached under their shirt to pull out the cuban chain around their neck she had gifted to them to show her, "i understand. i've never taken this off either, except when i got arrested, they had to force me." the daxton she had known and loved more or less had died, it wasn't a silly thing for her to say. "in a way i had died," they shrugged, their voice soft. "there wasn't one day where i didn't wish i could be with you so i'm glad you found comfort in that necklace." hearing that she had no hate for them just didn't feel right, it was something they deserved, especially what they had put her through and they couldn't imagine what she'd have thought when she found out what they had done to ashton. "i wish i could forgive myself the way you have forgiven me."

the one thing about carmen was she had always continually showed up for them, proved it time and time again when no-one else did. it really made daxton realise how far they'd pushed her to get to her extent. their mind still lingered on her use of past tense, a part of them hoping that she still loved them the way they loved her. "it's okay, there's only so much one person can take. i know you offered me help and i wanted to take it, i knew i needed help but i just couldn't break the cycle," they sighed glancing at their hands, "you had to take care of yourself and that meant letting me go. i wasn't angry at you for it." from helping feed them school lunches, to tutoring them, to patching up their injuries and pulling them out of fights, carmen was there. there was no-one like her. no-one that loved them the way she did.

a small smile broke on their lips hearing about the woman's mother asking about them. "you'll finally have some news for her." at the mention of ashton, their smile faltered. they weren't sure their twin would be ready for something like that or if they could even face them. "it sounds like they're doing just fine without me." for a moment dax stayed quiet, "i use to watch our old vlogs together. i can't believe how i treated them, what i did to them after everything they were trying to do to help me. that's not who i am. we've always been so close." sure daxton had been talking to a therapist but this was different, it felt so much better talking to someone close to the situation, that really understood how vulnerable they were. dax nodded, of course they had noticed that he was harsher on them, thinking it was because of their interest in carmen. "he was just another person i'd let down for multiple reasons. he'd given so much of his time to them making an effort to be involved in their life in a way their own parents couldn't."

the moment they felt carmen curl up even closer into them made dax want to wrap an arm around her and they would have if their hands had been free, aching to hold her, even for just a moment. their bodies had always said so much, even before they started dating, the years of secret pining leading up to the moment they'd kissed for the first time. as carmen's hand found their cheek, daxton instinctively leaned into it, the only touch they allowed. no-one had touched them like this, the way carmen did in years, something they would not allow while with anyone else. processing her words, it was hard not to kiss her. it made them want to stay. stay for her. as their eyes searched hers, they spoke softly, "i never stopped loving you. i will never stop loving you. ever and i know my heart is safe with you, just like it has been the last four years." they didn't expect anything from her, they just needed her to know how much she meant to them. that she had their whole heart and always would. they had almost died and they promised themselves if they ever saw her again they'd tell her just how they felt.

the woman's smile was captivating, it always had been. it made daxton weak at the knees, her words so familiar. "when have i ever just said that to you? huh?" they teased giving her a playful nudge before taking their entwined hands and gently held them up to their rapidly beating chest, "believe me now? the effect you have on me?" it was what they had done as a teenager when she hadn't believed them. their heart raced whenever she was near. "i wish you could see yourself through my eyes, you'd never doubt it again." when the compliment was turned on them, there was a tint of pink in their cheeks. nothing made them feel more validated then being called handsome. they were looking much healthier than the last time she'd seen them, all their hard work being appreciated. they'd been working out, defining their arms, their hands. "we're quite the pair."

[skamenglishsubs]

Subtext and Culture, Young Royals, Season 1, Episode 2

Episode 2 picks up the morning day after the initiation party, the girls are having breakfast lunch at their dorm, the boys at theirs, and everyone wants the juicy details about what happened at the party...

Culture: Tell me more, tell me more, did you get very far? Although, it's pretty funny how the roles are reversed, Maddie is all "meh" about it, while Nils tells a different story. Then again, since when do you get together after a blowjob?

Culture: I actually have no idea why Simon is having breakfast at Skogsbacken, since regular schools only cover lunch for students, everyone eats breakfast at home, and then goes to school. Then again, it allows a scene where (Never mind, they're having lunch, thanks @kamand !) Blink and you miss it: Wilhelm casts some nervous glances at Simon after having been called out for disappearing at the party and almost forced to confess to making out with someone.

Culture: I know Felice is trying to put August down, but don't knock a proper Swedish pizza! As much as I like living in the US, they can't fucking make pizzas here, and the first thing I eat every time I go back to Sweden is always a real pizza. With pineapple and shrimp as God intended pizza to be made!

Culture: August is namedropping ski resorts in the Alps, which is where you go skiing in Europe if you have money, although Saint-Martin-de-Belleville is actually near Val Thorens in France, while Verbier is in Switzerland. It does have a three-star restaurant, though. Sweden and Norway have a couple of decent ski resorts, but the Scandinavian mountain chain is simply not as impressive as the Alps.

Subtext: Remember Wilhelm getting up and hurrying to math class in the beginning of the scene? It was so he could grab the other seat next to Simon, because he knows Simon is gonna sit next to Sara, since no-one else does.

Culture: Formally greeting your teacher before class is very uncommon in Sweden, but since Hillerska is all about discipline and tradition, of course they do it. Note that they're again using the formal Swedish title for male teachers, Magister, which in a regular school would be kind of a joke, since teachers and students are on a first-name basis with each other.

Subtext: Wilhelm is exposing how the world works if you have money. At Simon's old school, studying alone would result in good grades, but Hillerska is slightly corrupt and almost expects the students to essentially pay for getting a good grade.

Subtext: Simon is lying to his teacher, he absolutely hasn't talked to his parents about paying for private lessons.

Subtext: No, Sara absolutely does care about what other people think about her, and when she directly tells Felice that she would actually like some friends, that's when Felice gets it and starts making an effort to become real friends with her.

Culture: They're all bilingual at Simon's home, they're all speaking Spanish and Swedish, although Linda has a very noticeable accent to her Swedish. Based on demographics and statistics, the most likely scenario is that Linda immigrated to Sweden from Chile, met Micke, and started a family. In real life, Omar Rudberg was born in Venezuela and grew up in Sweden, while Carmen Gloria Pérez was born in New York, and grew up in Puerto Rico.

Subtext: Remember how I talked in the intro post about how distant social classes know nothing of each other? Ayub and Rosh are either working class or lower middle class like Simon, and since rowing is a typical upper class sport, they know nothing of it, they don't even think of it as a real sport. Unlike football, which is a proper working class sport, they know all about that!

Subtext: Scandinavia has Jantelagen, and everyone there thinks it's uniquely Scandinavian, but all countries have some form of Tall Poppy Syndrome. In this scene, Simon is starting to make a class journey, he started rowing, he started trying to fit in with the other upper-class kids, and getting into a relationship with someone as upper-class as Wilhelm would definitely move him all the way. But going on a journey means leaving things behind, which is why Rosh and Ayub are cutting him down and literally turning their backs on him. They like it in the small town of Bjärstad, why can't he be happy there too? Why is he betraying his roots?

Subtext: This comment from August nicely foreshadows a later episode when August does something traceable on a School computer...

Subtext: What August means is that he's not sure Wilhelm has the same desire to be accultured into the upper class, to play the part of a proper prince, in the same way that he and Erik have accepted their roles and are even enjoying them.

Culture: Although it's impossible to read the name of the medicine, the paper tag on the bottle indicates that it's some kind of prescription medicine. From the conversation with Vincent, we learn that it's some kind of ADHD medication, probably some kind of Dextroamphetamine since those improve athletic ability and cognitive functions in healthy people.

Culture: Birkenstock sandals are associated with hippies in Sweden as well as in many parts of the world, so August is actually saying that the school counselor isn't really part of the same upper-class society as the rest of the staff. And again, his use of the word sosse drives the point home.

Subtext: Consequently, the counselor sees right through August and refuses to immediately prescribe him the medication that he wants...

Subtext: ...even though August tries to both bribe him and threaten him into giving him the medication he wants.

Subtext: A big theme of this episode is class journeys, and in this scene and a previous exercise scene, August gushes about how good a thing that is, how proud he is of Simon for going on one, and spouts some crap about how everyone can make it if they really want to.

Subtext: Thankfully, Madison says what we're all thinking: August is full of shit, life isn't fair, and they're only at the school because they were born into privilege.

Blink and you miss it: After Wilhelm has nervously texted his crush for the first time, he starts to bite his fingernails, but quickly stops himself, because why would he be nervous? He's just texting another boy about rowing practice, there's nothing more to it!

Subtext: Simon's texting game is on point though, he knows exactly what he should write to get Wilhelm to go on a totally-not-a-date with him.

Subtext: In the same way that August couldn't convince the counselor about being sick, I don't think Wilhelm's atrocious acting here convinces August that he's sick either.

Culture: Public transport in the greater Stockholm area - or wherever we're supposed to be - is of course cash-less, and you pay by either charging a special card, or by signing up in their app and buying tickets through there. The point of this scene though is to drive home how Wilhelm has never ever had to take the bus before in his life, and therefore has no idea how it works.

Culture: The totally-not-a-date starts at a Circle K, which in Sweden is just another gas station, but it is actually a Canadian multi-national convenience store corporation. The price of gas is of course posted in kr/l, and 13.98kr/l corresponds to roughly $6/gal.

Subtext: Throughout the totally-not-a-date, Wilhelm is trying to reach for common ground with Simon, trying to show him how he's just a regular guy...

Subtext: ...but then real life intrudes, Wilhelm is recognized by some local girls, who call out to him and run away giggling, which shows how he's not a regular guy, he's going to get recognized wherever he goes.

Culture: Kokt eller grillat, boiled or grilled, are the two ways you can get your hot-dog at pretty much any hot-dog place in Sweden, and ketchup and mustard is always offered. The correct answer to this question is of course grilled, with ketchup and mustard, and this just shows that Wilhelm is a man of culture and good taste. Unfortunately, they were out grilled ones, so they all got boring soggy boiled hot-dogs instead. Is there a metaphor here? I don't know.

Subtext: Again, the show drives home the point that absolutely no-one has a problem with people being gay. Simon is clearly out to Ayub and the rest of his friends, and Ayub immediately picks up on the fact that this is totally a date.

Blink and you miss it: Ayub nudges Simon with his elbow to tell him that he should make a move on Wilhelm.

Culture: What we're looking at is just the local junior/high school football team, Bjärstad, playing a match against some other unnamed junior football team. Since the stakes are super low, the audience basically consists of whichever parents and friends of the players that could be bothered showing up.

Culture: Driving age is 18 in Sweden, and even then getting your own car at that age is extremely uncommon. However, you can easily get a license for a moped when you turn 15, so these are the vehicles of choice for teenagers to get around.

Subtext: August found out about Wilhelm's trip to town, but his main problem with it is that he wants Wilhelm to stop slumming it with lower class people, and to start hanging out with everyone at school instead, so that he can be properly accultured into the upper class. Again, sosse in this context means working class, not socialist.

Subtext: Although Simon felt really great about his first date with Wilhelm, the text message reminds him that Wilhelm isn't a regular person, and that even this innocent little trip generates interest and scrutiny, and can't be posted publicly.

Culture: As everyone should have noticed by now, Madison keeps speaking English, while everyone speaks to her in Swedish, so clearly she understands it. But here she gives her motivation for sticking to English, and that is that she doesn't feel she's good enough at speaking Swedish. Boarding schools like Hillerska attracts international students that have some kind of connection to the country, so a likely scenario is that Madison grew up in the US with a Swedish parent, and she's being sent here to experience Swedish culture and get immersed in the language to learn it better.

Cinematography: This shot of August drives really home all the pressure he is under, he's out of drugs, the headmistress just hinted that he's out of money, and he's literally being weighed down by books and work-out weights.

Subtext: Simon has kept his visits to Micke a secret from Sara, so here he has to intervene to make sure August doesn't accidentally reveal this to her. He also wants to protect his sister, so he's redirecting August's search for drugs onto himself.

Subtext: And on the flipside, Simon isn't really telling his dad that Sara still hates him and really doesn't want to see him, so he's vague when Micke asks about Sara and Linda.

Culture: Finally a bottle of medicine where we can read the label! Unfortunately for Simon, this is Tramadol, an opiate prescribed for pain relief, which is the complete opposite of the kind of drugs August wants.

Subtext: If you haven't figured out yet that this episode is about class journeys, August spells it out for us here. However, the reason he's "congratulating" Simon in front of everybody is because Simon just supplied him with more drugs, so this is his way of thanking him, since he can't really pay him.

Blink and you miss it: For a split second, Wilhelm grabs Simon's leg during the scary scene.

Subtext: The entire dialogue of the movie works as subtext for what's actually going on between Wilhelm and Simon at this point, and Wilhelm is getting a little freaked out by this sneaky display of affection.

Subtext: The movie also puts words on the implications of Wilhelm getting together with a boy, what about having kids in the future? Can you carry on your family name and traditions, or will they die with you?

Lost in translation: The plaque actually says "FEEL YOUR RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE HERITAGE". Even though the plaque means the heritage and legacy of the school itself, Wilhelm is thinking about his legacy, his heritage, and how getting together with Simon would threaten that.

Lost in translation: Wilhelm actually says "jag är inte en..." - "I'm not a..." before he stops himself. So it's not possible that he was trying to say "I'm not gay", because that doesn't work grammatically in Swedish either. He could be trying to say "I'm not a guy like that" or "I'm not a guy who likes guys", that would work.

Cinematography: The framing and silhouetting of this shot is just chef's kiss. The outline of their hair allows us to see who is who, and we can see from their poses that Simon is welcoming a kiss, while Wilhelm is still hesitating.

[pizadowa]

Ooh!!! That was lil sick ficlet was so well written!!! I love it<3!! They were SO in character??? Your crazy talented!! 😭

Bonus that I thought of; Carmen goes BACK into Ivy’s room, and Ivy is still buried under her blankets and all. But, her arm is stickin’ out from under the covers. Carmen, while sitting at her bedside, reaches over and takes hold of her hand gently. (Ivy is silently freaking out under the covers) I can see Carmen trying to start a bit of conversation but when she sees Ivy isn’t up to respond, she asks her if she wants to be left alone. Ivy quietly says “no.”

So Carmen stays a bit longer. The two are still holding hands.

Ivy squeezes Carmens hand three times, the code for I love you :]

AW THANK YOU!!! :)) I don't normally do pure fluffs and "I love you"s, but I was feeling inspired :)   (for anyone out of the loop, this is a mini continuation of another ficlet ask here)

-- --

Ivy stares ahead at the vague room scenery bleeding through her porous blanket from the light at her window, unable to handle the brightness and quickly flipping over towards the door. She sticks a leg out, then an arm, though refuses to emerge any more of herself despite the heat quickly catching up to her. But it’s fine, she tells herself. She has to sweat it out, right? At least until Carmen returns with that fancy-sounding soup. She closes her eyes, aching all over and feeling like the Earth's core is pulling her entire soul down, desperate to quell her discomfort with at least some positive thoughts. Her mind wanders for a moment to the previous few days in their new headquarters, of normal activities filled with comfort and absolutely no stuffy noses, hoarse throats, or tired muscles.

She really can’t stand being so weak and fatigued.

If only Carmen could read her mind and waltz back in to put her so-called massage powers to the test. What she wouldn't give to have those delicate hands on her working every tense knot like they’re dough and—

“Oh, before I forget, I'll probably add a little kick to get those sinuses opened up again, hope you…hm?”

Ivy startles under her covers at Carmen’s sudden voice before remaining absolutely still. She waits for her to finish, still refusing to let out any more of her body from her blanketed cocoon after that last gesture undoubtedly did a number on her reddened face, but it never happens. There’s a quietness in the air but Ivy can tell that Carmen is standing watch over her, emphasized even more so by a gentle sigh and muffled footsteps re-approaching the bed. The mattress sinks under additional weight, and then they’re back to their previous exchange. Ivy can see an ambiguity of Carmen’s silhouette through her peripherals but keeps her eyes dead-set on her extended arm in front of her.

“I really mean it when I say ‘anything you need,’” Carmen starts, the lilt in her voice flowing like a lone creek. “You don’t have to worry about anything.”

In lieu of expressing her request she stays silent, unable to provide any insight into her wants or needs once actually confronted. The thoughts are nice, but saying them out loud? She’s not sure she’s ready for that yet. Even if...Carmen is the one offering.

And...it is already turning out to be better than when her bro is in charge of nurse duties.

Would it be so bad if she tells Carmen how she feels, even when it's about this one little thing?

Before she can get the engine going on her thought train, Carmen inches closer and grabs onto her exposed hand, effectively cutting off any progress Ivy would have made in her mind and wiping it clean. She holds her breath without meaning to, trying with all her might to neither jerk her hand away nor squeeze too tightly, and allows a current of heat to flow through her from the touch. When Carmen begins running her thumb over Ivy’s knuckle, she finally expels all the air in her lungs as slowly and inconspicuously as she can. Suddenly the whole world feels a lot lighter.

That may be the sickly headrush, though.

“I’m not letting you get away from my sopa de mondongo,” Carmen adds sternly yet lightheartedly, “but other than that, do you...really want me to leave you alone?”

Ivy internally smacks herself. Even when she says nothing she somehow sends the wrong signals.

In an attempt to right an accidental wrong, she states plainly in a surprisingly meek voice, “No.”

Carmen seems to take to it, sitting still by her side again and not once letting go of her hand, not even when Ivy can feel her palm turning clammy from what are surely incoming fever sweats. She tries to not think about how gross she is right now, how unappealing it must be for Carmen to have a moist palm clinging to her own, and chooses instead to be grateful for their moment together, however unorthodox.

“Uh oh," Carmen pipes up after a long pause. Ivy's heart clocks into overtime.

"'Uh oh'?"  

“I touched your hand. I’m breaking common cold violation one-oh-one, now I’m super infected.”

Ivy verbally cringes. “Car-meeeeeeen.”

“What’re you gonna do about it?” the other girl says with a hint of laughter in her voice.

“Nothing,” Ivy sighs after a much-needed deep breath, “'cept lay here��”

“—and let me take care of you?”

Ivy finally concedes; Carmen always bests her at her own games. “Yeah, yeah. All of that. But at least promise me you’ll wash that hand. And no touching your face!”

“You don’t have to tell me twice, I'm about to go cook! Ivy, have you started sick-hallucinating that I’m your brother?”

They exchange laughter. Ivy inadvertently clings harder to Carmen’s hand as she tries—and fails—to conceal another cough that pushes even more heat over her skin. Carmen doesn’t pull away. Instead she continues to sit there for the few more minutes she allows, and Ivy takes advantage of the time to relay her subconscious affections with three repetitious hand squeezes. Her secret code that she’s used all this time, inconspicuous without too much commitment, nice and safe and sound. She can continue to do it in the rare chances they hold on to each other, and Carmen is none the wiser. She’ll tell her when the time is right.

That is, of course, if Carmen hasn’t already figured it out.

"Guys, you do know that you're supposed to dress down during a fever, right?”

As if to act as a mental guide away from her wandering thoughts, Player’s voice pings from somewhere Ivy can only assume is Carmen’s athletic pants pocket.

“As in, the less clothes and blankets the better?" the disembodied voice continues.

In one fell swoop Ivy withdraws her hand, throws the covers off her, and shoots a wild look at the only other person in the room.

“Whoa,” Carmen reels.

“This is meant for him, not you,” Ivy clarifies with more intensity than she means to, unsure where to direct her flustered gaze. It’s unfair how perfect Carmen looks despite having just worked out.

Carmen angles herself on the bed to better fish her phone out from her pocket, instantly casting furrowed brows down at the screen. “How very nice of you to join us.”

“You can’t force-sweat a fever out of your body,” Player goes on to explain, of which Ivy’s body seems to respond to with a single bead of sweat gliding down her back. “Overheating will just dehydrate you more. And yes, Red, you did accidentally leave the call open.”

Carmen raises her hand into view of the camera—“Thank you, Player, I'll take it from here.”—and promptly returns the phone to her pocket.

“An educational PSA is the last thing I need right now,” Ivy complains through a sniffle.

“Can’t actually argue with him, though. Let’s ditch the duvet for now so I can finally go make you some food.” Carmen pulls the covers clean off and replaces them with lighter sheets that had been bunched up at the end of the bed. Once everything settles she turns to Ivy with a sly smirk painted across her face. “No comment on the ‘less clothes’ part.”

Ivy’s cheeks light up more than she ever thought possible as she collapses back onto her pillows and tosses her companion a woozy pout. “I’m still in my fever dream, I swear.”

From the door frame, Carmen chuckles with a wink. “Not if I can help it.”

[aestheticaxolotl]

Lets Talk about Roundabout

I have... Opinions about this man. 

Let me start with “Nigel  Braithwaite” Roundabout first as seeing the Carmen Sandiego Wiki, starting with appearance and personality (Excluding the comments around his action in the show)

“Roundabout is a man of Asian ancestry, with short cut black hair that is graying at the temples. He wears round glasses, a suit, and a bow tie.”

His has to be around the same age as the youngest member of the Faculty, this is complicated seeing as we never get exact ages in the show, so I’m going to go with the easy option of mid to late forties. That’s SUPER AMBITIOUS seeing as this man is in HIGH profile. This is also provided on the wiki with his very, very, very high profile job as a MI6 Agent in the United Kingdom.

If you don’t know that the MI6 is, then let me provide you with this

“ The Secret Intelligence Service, commonly known as MI6, is the foreign intelligence service of the United Kingdom, tasked mainly with the covert overseas collection and analysis of human intelligence in support of the UK's national security.”

Roundabout is the UK’s Secret Services.

I don’t know about you but I’m now even more interested in how this man met V.I.L.E. But as of this point I can only theorize.

Now, let me move to the Personality section of the Wiki page, I had to really filter out a lot to leave out the sections of the show, so please bare with me!

He seems to be very proper in his speaking, as seen when he is talking to Professor Malestrom. Like his namesake, "Roundabout" speaks in a roundabout way with people, making sure to imply something without saying it, and covertly having people tell him what he wants to hear. Such was the case with a British Intelligence worker, as Roundabout had informed his department to be on alert for any suspicious or illegal criminal activity.  He is a man of elite education and standing, having both the intelligence and foresight to maneuver parties within British Intelligence to give him information to monitor possible actions against V.I.L.E. from afar. Due to this, while not physically present for Faculty votes or discussions, he still shows interest in holding the position now empty by Shadowsan's betrayal.  His pride has diminished and was replaced with nervousness after he was placed under the threat of mind-wipe. He was clearly fearful of the other Faculty and his punishment after his failure, only to be dragged away to the dungeon for his punishment.

Let me take a second to point out the bold font. These are the bullet points that I would like to take a second (Or more) to focus on. “ Roundabout" speaks in a roundabout way with people, making sure to imply something without saying it, and covertly having people tell him what he wants to hear.” Roundabout as a vocabulary term means “ To imply or convey something in an indirect, vague, or evasive manner.”  This is very indicative of the character of Roundabout seeing as (with his position in power) and his way of speaking causes people to trust and listen to what he has to say, and causes them to give him what he wants to hear. It’s a form of Gaslighting.

Next lets move to the next bold mark. “He is a man of elite education and standing” This is less of a focal point and more of a fact. I MEAN THE MAN WENT TO OXFORD. Come ON! Okay, that’s all for this one-

“ While not physically present for Faculty votes or discussions, he still shows interest in holding the position now empty by Shadowsan's betrayal.” Update, in reading the history of Roundabout in the wiki (Link will be at the end), it is pointed out that Roundabout did attend V.I.L.E, then was Faculty instructor who had infiltrated Her Majesty's secret service. Roundabout teaching is an important detail seeing as we have only seen the Faculty (Maelstrom, Cleo, Shadow-San, Brunt and Bellum) teaching classes. WHAT?! In retrospect this has to be a retcon for him but I have found NO confirmation of this. I have a feeling, a theory perhaps, that during the same time as Shadowsan was hunting Dexter Wolfe, Roundabout was starting the one  illegal diamond mining operation in Botswana. I believe that this was to see who would take Wolfe’s place at the table. As we all know Shadowsan ended up taking this place and it ended up shoving Roundabout to the background where he literally, began to plot his over throw of Shadowsan (Which never happened because he defecated before Roundabout go the chance to kill him).

Now, onto my favorite point in character. “He was clearly fearful of the other Faculty” But what? He was part of the faculty for a portion in time! Perhaps but just because you can respect people, but also fear them.  Roundabout is about to have his memories wiped for his failure, but is fortunately spared due to Dr. Bellum’s malfunctioning tech. This was a gift sent from GOD to him as this gave him the ability to prove his worth, and makes it clear that he will not be forgiven if he fails again to Maelstrom and the others. I mean he obviously failed because Mimebomb and Neal do NOT work well together (Also no bias at all because of my Axoleelship). But I assume he was ‘rescued’ at the end of the series? The never wiped his brain so I have... Many questions about this.

Now onto the most painful part of my day, We are going to talk about the abilities and advantages of Roundabout.

As one of the five masterminds of V.I.L.E., Roundabout had near supreme authority in the organization, and with his former position in British Intelligence, he was perhaps Carmen's most formidable adversary. As a high position agent of MI6, Roundabout was able to access and monitor information not easily accessible to others. He made use of his position to gain intelligence on when authorities arrive and keep track of both V.I.L.E. and A.C.M.E. movements and coordinate V.I.L.E. operatives to stay one step ahead of A.C.M.E. upon learning of Carmen's "alliance" with them. Appropriately for someone filling the position held by Shadowsan and Dexter Wolfe, he too is a master of stealth, but his stealth expertise is by avoiding detection through diversionary tactics, diverting attention away from himself rather than avoiding it altogether. In combat, Roundabout is shown to be a highly capable fencer, claiming he was previously the captain of the Oxford fencing team and was skilled enough to overwhelm Shadowsan, a skilled swordsman in his own right

Again take note of my bolded marks.

“Roundabout had near supreme authority in the organization.” As a V.I.L.E faculty member I hope this doesn’t have to be explained.

“He was perhaps Carmen's most formidable adversary” On the other hand is a very interesting thing to take into account, and the proof behind this is very reliable. This man is part of the MI6, in a high position, has access to many different reliable sources that relate to A.C.M.E. AND V.I.L.E. He’s playing a massive game of chess with HIMSELF. And I LOVE THAT FOR HIM. I’ll link the second bolded quote here as more proof. “He made use of his position to gain intelligence on when authorities arrive and keep track of both V.I.L.E. and A.C.M.E. movements and coordinate V.I.L.E. operatives to stay one step ahead of A.C.M.E.” 

“He too, is a master of stealth, but his stealth expertise is by avoiding detection through diversionary tactics, diverting attention away from himself rather than avoiding it altogether” I find this as one of the most telling things about Roundabout. He is not one for direct conflict unless it is absolutely needed, I’ll point to the battle between Shadowsan and Roundabout on Big Ben. He’s got to be on really good terms with the Cleaners with how often operatives get caught or mess up.

Finally, may favorite thing to point at.

“Skilled enough to overwhelm Shadowsan”

WHAT?! Roundabout is SKILLED enough to fight off Shadowsan, WHO WAS PART OF THE YAKUZA?!  I LOVED watching the dream daddies duel. It was so impressive and smooth and perfect. 

In conclusion, Roundabout is a really awesome character who doesn’t get as much praise as he deserves. He doesn’t really get as much screen time as I think he needs and was possibly a retcon, but one done fairly well. I’m not gonna finish with anything too fancy or great, except for the fact that I like this character. 

Welp, thanks for reading!

[floralguccistyles]

epilogue

...he probably loves you

After four months of dating Niall, our families and friends still couldn’t believe it. 

Apparently, Niall’s feelings had only been apparent to my sisters, because when we told our parents that we were dating, they had stared at us with supportive confusion. Niamh had mourned the loss of the five hundred dollars four our Jamaica trip, but she had thrown an arm around my shoulders and congratulated me. And then, in a surprising turn of events, had started crying when Patrick announced he couldn’t contain himself anymore and proposed to her shortly after Niall and I had made our announcement. 

Niall had just smiled his beautiful smile at me and pulled me closer into his side, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

“I’ve just realized!” His mom shouted in the middle of our movie. It was Greg’s pick tonight, so naturally he had chosen a Disney movie that Theo would actually be interested in. His wife had already dozed off to sleep, pregnant with number two and according to Greg, “unable to stay awake for more than five minutes.”

“Christ, Mum,” Greg complained, jumping from her loud exclamation.

“We can get Rose and Niall couples gifts for their birthdays!”

Niall raised his brow. I was curled up against him, my own eyes falling shut every couple of moments. The new job working for Eric’s brand was exhilarating and exciting, but it was a lot of work getting a start up business off the ground. Often, I would come home late and simply collapse on my couch while Niall took pity on me and made me dinner.

“Mum, our birthdays are five days away. Have you not gotten us anything yet?” he joked, his thumb running back and forth across my arm.

“You’ve always been hard to shop for,” his mum said simply, waving us off, her brain looking like it was going a million miles a minute with the new possibility of a couple’s present. “Not you though, Rose. You’re an angel to shop for.”

I grinned up at Niall. “I’m an angel,” I whispered.

His nose wrinkled. “Whatever.” But he quickly kissed my nose, ignoring Violet’s protest against PDA.

Violet was sitting on the floor by my feet, her nose buried in her phone as she waited on a text from the cute guy in her summer anatomy class she had a crush on. She had been hesitant to tell me about him, but three weeks ago, at one of our weekly-Thursday lunches, she confessed that he’d asked her to study with him. After hearing that, I had pushed and demanded she show me a picture and tell me his name.

He seemed nerdy and sweet. His name was Arjun, and he had helped her study for the final, where he stammered his way through the entirety of their study session before blurting out that he thought she was pretty and wanted to take her on a date.

They had been texting each other back and forth since. 

“Don’t make a big deal out of this,” she had told Lily and I while we gushed over how cute it was that she had a crush on someone, especially after her good friend started dating the last guy she’d had feelings for. 

Lily, on my other side, was leaning on the arm of the couch, her eyes slowly blinking in and out of sleep. She officially had her law degree and was going through what her coworkers lovingly called “Hell Year.” Her first year of being a lawyer and dealing with all the shitty cases was getting to her. However, she still managed to drag herself to our weekly lunches and had even mentioned that she had decided to go on a weekend getaway to London with Carmen, her coworker.

Violet caught me looking at her phone and shielded it from my view. I just playfully kicked her side.

After the movie, Niall drove us back to my apartment. It was nothing special, just a one bedroom, one bath. But it was mine. And while I still didn’t sleep all the way through the night except on the nights when Niall stayed over, I was working on it. I unlocked the door and let the both of us in, kicking off my shoes and flipping the light switch on.

Before I could take another step, Niall’s arms were around my waist and his mouth was on mine. I would never get tired of his kisses, of the way his hands would tease under the hem of my shirt and touch my heated skin. He always kissed with an eagerness, the kind of happiness that only someone who had been in love for a long time possessed. 

“It’s so hard to sit next to you at family functions,” he sighed out against my lips. I laughed, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Unlike my mother, I already got your birthday gift.”

“If you say my birthday gift is sex with you, I might actually have to hit you.”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “That would be your birthday gift to me, Rosebud.” 

I knew he didn’t mean anything by it. We hadn’t taken that final leap into our physical relationship yet. He was cautious and I was still unsure it was something I was ready for after my incident with Kent. The group I had been attending had been a huge help and I got coffee with Wendi and Carlos (two sexual assault survivors I had met and befriended at group) occasionally. Still, there was a small part of me that wondered if I would ever truly get over it.

And I wondered if Niall resented that.

He saw the look on my face and his smile melted away. “I didn’t mean it like that, Rosebud. You know that,” he said softly, reaching out to tuck my hair behind my ear.

“I know,” I replied, “I know. I’m sorry I’m a piece of work.”

He shook his head, his arms encircling me and pulling me into his body. “You are not a piece of work. You’re the girl I love and will continue to love, no matter what boundaries you set. You know that. Nothing could make me love you less.”

I leaned my head against his shoulder, letting out a contented sigh. Every time he told me he loved me, I got butterflies in my stomach and my lungs stopped working properly. “You staying over tonight?”

“If you want me here.”

I rolled my eyes. “I always want you here, Niall.” 

He kissed me again, his lips soft and gentle. “Mind if I shower really quick?”

“Go ahead. I’m gonna make some hot chocolate.”

I watched him walk up the stairs, a smile on my face when he turned back to wink at me. When I heard the shower start up in ym small bathroom, I turned towards my kitchen and grabbed two disposable coffee cups and a Sharpie. Niall liked his hot chocolate made with the little chocolate sticks I bought at the store, so I poured milk into the saucepan and heated it before depositing one of the little sticks inside. He was also a big baby who demanded the little marshmallows, so I grabbed the bag from my pantry and set them on the counter to add to his drink later.

My heart was pounding. I had been planning this for a while, but just tonight felt confident enough to do it. So I poured his hot chocolate into his cup with shaking hands and raised the Sharpie to the side of the cup, scribbling down the message. I still had pictures of all the notes he’d written me, including the one from this morning, when he had written “love you more than you know, Rosebud.”

And he did. He loved me more than I could ever comprehend. The four months being with him, he had never failed to show me just how much. He held me when I woke up with a nightmare, kissed me on the forehead when I was frustrated with work, held my hands when I got home from group. But I’d realized the things he’d done for me before, too. Like picking me up when Lily couldn’t, staying on the phone with me when I asked it of him, always making me laugh. 

Niall Horan truly loved me. More than I’d ever been loved.

And I needed him to know that his feelings were reciprocated.

I heard him before I saw him. He was loud as he walked over my hardwood floors, chattering on about some thought he had in the shower. I should have been a better girlfriend and listened properly, but my hands were still shaking and I felt like my heart was going to leap out of my chest and run away. I turned, catching sight of him in his comfy black sweats and a white tee with that signature grin on his face.

“I forgot my shampoo at my place, so I used yours and now I smell like a lovely lilac spring.”

Just like that, my nerves evaporated. I didn’t know how Niall did that, make me so sure of myself, but he did. This man loved me. And I loved him. He deserved to know how much and not have me chicken out at the last minute. 

I walked over to him, giving him a little sniff. “Very nice, very manly.”

“Nothing manlier than using my girl’s shampoo. Just shows how much I love her.”

“Is that what it does?” I asked playfully, reaching his cup out towards him. He took it in his hand, bringing it up to sip at it.

“Hey, you put in the little marshmallows this time,” he commented happily, taking another drink before he pulled the cup back. His large thumb covered my small writing, but he caught the tail of the ‘y’ and maneuvered his hand so he could read it. I saw the moment the words caught up with him, the moment he registered what I had written.

I love you more than you know.

“Rosebud…” His voice was delicate, like it could shatter in a single moment. “Do you mean it?”

In lieu of a response, I took the hot chocolate cup out of his hands and set in on the coffee table. I grasped his face in my hands, giving him a watery smile. “Thank you for being patient with me. I’m sorry it took me so long.”

“You don’t have to apologize for anything,” he breathed out. I felt honored and cherished when I saw the tears in his eyes just from my simple confession. “God, I love you so much.”

“I love you too. So much.”

The earth could have collapsed around us. The ground could have opened up and swallowed us whole. All that mattered was Niall as he surged forward and kissed me hungrily, his tongue delving into my mouth to tangle with mine. His hands were tightly wound in my hair, but didn’t pull or tug. He just held me there, like if he let me go I would dissipate. He’d never kissed me like this, but I’d never kissed him when he was a Niall who knew how much I loved him. And he’d never kissed the Rose that had finally stopped running and admitted her feelings to him.

“My birthday present to you feels shitty now.”

I couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled to the surface. “This wasn’t your birthday gift.”

“You’re right,” he agreed. “This was more. So much more.”

He kissed me again, his touch sure and unwavering. “Thanks for loving me, Rosebud,” he whispered, repeating my words from so many months ago. 

So I decided to repeat his back. “It’s the easiest thing in the world, Niall.”

~

Oh my god. Wildflower is over. I cannot believe this. This started as a random thought in my head one day because I needed a good friends to lovers but with a twist, and suddenly Rose was born. This is the first story I’ve finished on this blog and will always hold a special place in my heart. Thank you to everyone for reading this little story and for all your support. I refuse to let go of Niall and Rose forever, so don’t be surprised if I write little drabbles for them, but I’m excited for what the future holds in terms of my writing. 

I give one big giant virtual hug to all of you. You don’t know how much you guys mean to me.

[bluewhale52]

- Love & Zombies -

Aaah I know I’m late to the party but this literally came to me today at work after watching Train to Busan with my hubby yesterday 😅

Summary: you and your boyfriend stay in for Halloween for a movie night, and the movie of choice is Train to Busan! Not only your boyfriend is a scaredy cat, he also asks you a pretty heavy question that may affect your relationship.

Pairing: Jung Hoseok x reader

Genre: fluff, domestic, established relationship au, idol au

Word count: 1600

Warning: none other than it’s heavy with plots and spoilers of the movie Train to Busan! And of course depiction of JHS in the story is pure of my imagination.

—

Halloween has always been one of your favorite events in the year. You like cosplaying, making your own costumes and putting on an alter ego even for just a couple of hours. You even came up with this year’s costume right after Halloween last year. You were excited when you found a beautiful red trench coat in a vintage shop just a few days after, complete with the red wide brim hat. Unfortunately because of the pandemic, your Halloween plans are cancelled, and your debut as Carmen San Diego has to wait for another year.

Fortunately, because of the pandemic, your boyfriend’s travel plans abroad are cancelled, and for once he is able to spend Halloween with you. Despite his busy schedule for the upcoming comeback, he has made sure he has 31 October free. You both are pleased to spend the night together at your place, away from the other members, for your Halloween movie night. He even bought matching Snoopy pyjamas- yours has Snoopy and Woodstock jumping out of a pumpkin shouting ‘Boo!’ and his has poor Charlie Brown clutching his heart in shock.

You know your boyfriend is the jumpy type, screaming and squealing at the smallest sound. And he has been very adamant that you will not be watching any horror movies of the supernatural type. So you have chosen Train to Busan and Shaun of the Dead. Although both are zombie movies, there aren’t many jump scare scenes and the gore level is pretty tame. You are quite sure your boyfriend won’t be hanging on to you for dear life throughout the night.

Hoseok settles on the sofa with a big bowl of popcorn on his lap as you start the first movie, Train to Busan. He claimed he has seen it before, albeit he covered his eyes 99% of the time.

He is still quite relaxed over the opening scene, until the dead deer on the road came back to life. He sits closer to you, pressing his side tightly against yours.

“Hobi-ah, it’s not even 5 minutes into the movie!” You tease him.

“The deer, YN, it’s a zombie deer!” You chuckle and pat his head. He laughs and tries to relax, but you feel your body starts leaning to one side with Hoseok pressing so much onto your other side.

Hoseok makes some comments as the movie unfolds- how cute the little girl playing the daughter is, how good looking Gong Yoo is in his suit- and you know it is just his way to calm and distract himself over what is to come. He hides behind your back when the injured young woman gets into the train and squeals when the little girl saw a person getting jumped by a zombie at the train platform.

Everything goes downhill from there. He keeps telling the characters to run, to hide, to fight the zombies, all the while with a deathly grip on your hand. You even had to save the bowl of popcorn from falling off his lap because he is moving too much, agitated.

“It’s ok Hoseokie, I will protect you,” you coo at him.

“Ah, YN, I should be the one protecting you but I don’t think I’ll be able to do anything.” He laughs nervously.

“No babe, we’ll work together, right. I’d arm myself with a baseball bat to smash the zombies’ heads.” You tilt your head. “You know, I don’t understand why they don’t just aim at their knees. Break their knees, they wont be able to chase after you.” You wonder out loud.

“Wah YN, you’re really thinking seriously about this.” Hoseok is practically sitting behind you know. His hands are on your shoulders, massaging them gently except for the few times when the zombies get too close to the characters and he squeezes your shoulders hard. Super hard.

“Of course, in an apocalypse we must think critically to survive. I’d kill the zombies, you can be in charge of food. Rationing, cooking. You’re much better at planning than I am. And when I’m tired of killing zombies, you can give me shoulder massages.”

Hoseok chuckles at that, and kisses the back of your head.

You both continue the movie, Hoseok now sitting behind you and you between his legs. You crack up a few more jokes, pointing out some of the mistakes the characters in the movie commit, and promising your boyfriend all those errors have been etched on your brain to ensure you wouldn’t do the same in a zombie apocalypse. Hoseok is more relaxed now, laughing and teasing at how serious you are planning your and his survival.

Until you come to the scene where the selfish executive pushes the high school girl to the zombies to save himself.

“Poor Wooshik,” Hoseok says, “he has to see his girlfriend turn into a zombie!”



You scoff at the scene, especially at the part where Wooshik’s character is cradling his girlfriend and apologising to her. “It’s stupid,” you comment, “he’s gonna die soon.”

And sure enough, once the girl has stopped convulsing and truly turned into a zombie, she bites her boyfriend.



“See!” you shout. “He’s so stupid, he’s survived all this while only to die because he can’t leave his girlfriend!”

Hoseok pulls your body aside, half turning it so you can face him.

“Babe, if I got bitten by a zombie, you’d stay with me, right?” He asks, eyes serious and voice earnestly worried.

“Of course not! You’ve been bitten!” You answer, perhaps too quickly.

“So, you’d leave me behind?” His voice is rising, full of disappointment and hurt.

“Well, do you want me to die with you or to continue surviving?”

Hoseok looks puzzled at your question, and unable to answer.

“I mean, if I can put you in a place where you’d be confined after you become a zombie, yeah I’d stay with you,” you think out loud, “but say in that same situation like in the movie, where you’d easily jump me and eat my brains, I’d probably kiss you goodbye right after you get bitten then I’d run to save my ass.”

“I am seriously hurt, YN. I can’t believe you’d leave me.” Hoseok pouts.

“Well if I don’t leave, YOU would kill me! Is that any better?” You counter.

He huffs and you both continue watching the movie in silence. You find it funny that Hoseok would take it so seriously and you want to laugh at the silliness of it. But you also know you need to do some damage control to cheer up your sunshine.

“Hobi, in an apocalypse, we have to think logically and critically. We can’t let emotions make decisions for our survival.” You turn slightly so you can drape an arm around your boyfriend. Your position has shift so now you’re sitting sideways in his lap, and you kiss his cheek tenderly.

“I love you, and I’d never ever leave you, you know that. And even if I had to, because you’re turning into a zombie, I’d be crying and crying over losing you for days, months, and even years. I won’t stop thinking of you. And I’d be blaming myself for failing to protect you. And I give you permission to haunt me to my dying days as my penance.”

You turn his head to face you, and you kiss him softly on his lips. “I love you, Jung Hoseok.”

“I love you too, YN,” he replies, wrapping his arms around you and kissing you back sweetly.

Then he suddenly lets go of you, and you stumble back on the sofa. “Oh my god YN! Gong Yoo! That evil executive bit him!”

Hoseok is practically fuming, “Ah, that selfish man, I hate him! Why does he have to bite Gong Yoo? That poor girl, she now has to see her father turn into a zombie!”

You right yourself up, staring at your boyfriend in amusement. “Aish YN, I can’t believe Gong Yoo is turning into a zombie.” Hoseok is truly looking very, very affected by the turn of events in the movie. And when Gong Yoo’s character throws himself off to save his daughter, you are pretty sure your boyfriend is in the brink of tears.

Hoseok is now leaning forward, and asking you if the little girl will survive. You feel like telling him that no, the girl will become a zombie too just to tease him. But he is gripping your hand so hard at the ending scene of the movie, shouting at the soldiers not to shoot the girl and the other survivor. And when the girl starts singing while crying, Hoseok is shaking your shoulders while still screaming for the girl to survive and live.

Once the end credits roll, Hoseok plops back on the sofa, breathing heavily in relief. You look at him, and announce, “OK, let’s not watch Train to Busan anymore. This movie does not do you, or us, any good.”

“I agree, YN, it’s just too sad. Too sad!” He laments.

Too sad? You scoff and swat your boyfriend. He reacts in his typical manner- eyes wide and face full of innocence while asking you what he has done to earn a smack on his arm. You jump on him, tickling him and pretending to eat him like a zombie would, and he trashes around, laughing hysterically, trying to escape you.

He finally manages to flip you and pin you down. His laughter dies down to a soft smile, and he leans down to kiss you.

“I love you, my zombie killer. Happy Halloween.”

—

Thank you for reading! 💜

[deathonyourtongue]

Resurrection | 10

Summary: A ragtag team of Spec-Ops operators are brought out of retirement for all the wrong reasons. When the dust settles, only the best will be left standing. Pairing: Pablo Schreiber x OFC, Henry Cavill x OFC (listen, she gets with the whole team, okay? Don’t lie, you would too.) Word Count: 2.6K Warnings: Nothing much really. A/N: The one you’ve all been waiting for! 😈

As the unofficial dad of the team, none of us are surprised when Rick floats the tab not only for dinner, but for the strip club afterwards. 

“You gonna give us money for working girls too, pops?” Dom jokes as he shuffles past, collecting the money Rick’s doling out and patting his shoulder gratefully as he does so. It’s the same with the rest of the team, each of us getting enough money for two lap dances if we choose to, although I have a feeling we’ll end up pooling our funds towards the end of the night for a group dance. 

We’re good and liquored up by the time we make it through the doors of Prowler, the bass of the music reverberating through our chest as we file into the VIP area, two bottles of champagne there to greet us. Sitting between Max and Jake, it’s not long before I have a glass in my hand, raising it to toast a reunion none of us imagined possible. 

“To the walking dead. If you two fuckers ever go off on your own again, I’ll personally drag you back and kill you both. Love you guys.” Rick grins as our glasses clink, all of us nodding our agreement.

Before long, I feel a head slump on my shoulder, and looking down, find Jake, eyes at half mast. The realization that this is the first time he’s probably been able to relax since everything happened is a sobering thought, and in that moment, I want nothing more than to drag both he and Benji back to our safehouse and curl up with them until they both get as much sleep as they deserve. Logically, I know this is the only respite we’ll get until Wallace is in the ground, but it doesn’t stop me from wishing for more. 

“You should get up there and show Lil’ Miss Daddy Issues how it’s really done,” Jake grins, giving me a wink to make sure I know he’s kidding.

“As tempting as that is, I feel like my time’s come and gone,” I laugh, shaking my head and earning a raised eyebrow from Max. 

“I’m sorry, I thought I heard you disparage yourself, love,” Max comments during a lull between songs, one hand scratching at his short hair before he gently strokes a lock of mine behind my ear.

“It’s the truth. I’m not built the same way I used to be. And I’m definitely not as flexible.” Giving him an appreciative smile, I stroke his cheek in much the same way I had Jake’s, though Max nuzzles into my touch far more. 

“Bet Max is dying to find out just how flexible you are.” Jake smirks, earning a light swat from me just as one of the girls comes around, offering herself up for a lap dance. 

“If he wants to, it’s his,” I grin at Jake as I hold up my night’s allowance, figuring if I can’t beat ‘em, I may as well join ‘em. 

Both Jake and Max’s eyebrows go up as I shift in my seat, making room for the dancer to grind in my lap. As the music thumps through the nearby speakers, the redhead slowly takes off her top, giving all the boys a front row seat. 

Discreetly watching their reactions, it’s easy for me to spot the fact that out of all the boys, Max is the only one who seems ill at ease with the situation. It confuses me, because a few weeks prior, he was in the same position I’m in, and was only bothered when I took the girl away in favor of dragging him along on this mission. Although I’ll be the first to admit that his behavior’s changed in the last little while, this feels like another level, even for Max; like a breaking point.

Before I can even determine what to do, Jake flashes a $100 at the dancer and pats his lap, giveing me a kid-in-the-candy-store grin. Shaking my head, I’m about to say something, when I feel a tug on my hand. Looking to my left, I find Max standing and motioning his chin towards the exit, looking for all the world like this is the last place he wants to be. 

I shoot a quick look back to the rest of the team, doing my best not to laugh as I find them entranced by three different girls, all of them vying for the attention of men who aren’t over 60 and actually know how to dress. Satisfied that they’re all occupied, I let Max pull me under his arm as we step outside, the comparative silence of London at night one that makes me instinctively shake my head to clear it. 

“Where we going?” I smirk, my voice a little sing-songy as Max looks both ways before jaywalking us towards the direction of the safehouse.

“Home,” he smiles, tucking me back in. Although the stroll through the more historic part of town is a nice change of scenery, there’s no missing the fact that both Max and I are keeping our heads on a swivel, both of us keenly aware of everything that’s led us here. 

Scanning our thumbs to get into the safehouse, I only manage to get my heels off before I feel Max pull me close, our lips colliding gently. 

“Hey,” I murmur once we both pull back for air, my hands cupping his bearded face and forcing his gaze to lock with mine. “Are you sure? Or did I misread and you’re just planning another movie night?” I ask softly, not wanting Max to go any further than he feels comfortable with.

“If yesterday taught me anything, it’s that we don’t often get second chances, and that I may very well have been wasting what could be my only shot. That, and well...I love you, Carmen.”

I must recoil a bit, because a look of disappointment crosses Max’s face. 

“Max,” I start, holding onto his face with just a bit more firmness, not wanting him to assume the worst. “In our line of work--”

“I know all about the superstitions and the old wives’ tales, Carmen. I just...After this I’m out, and I hope you are too. I want to enjoy what’s left of our lives, you know? Don’t want to keep looking over my shoulder forever.” 

“I was out until this happened, so I understand, but Max..Me? Really?”

The tension leaves his face in lieu of a relieved and joy-filled smile, Max pulling me close and kissing me deeply. I sink into his arms, his mouth moving against mine without hurry as he walks us back towards my room. 

I kick the door closed, hearing the woosh of the automatic lock behind us at the same time that Max’s calves hit the bed frame. Smirking, I push him back, enjoying the confusion on his face.

“I’m not exactly Mrs. Robinson, but I just might be trying to seduce you,” I joke, lifting one leg onto the chair across from the bed and slowly pushing down one of the thigh highs I’m wearing while simultaneously putting on some music, hellbent on making his first time as memorable as possible.

I watch Max sit up, his eyes roving over my body as he leans back on his elbows. Never has a man looked at me with more hunger and more love, and I know that tonight will either end quickly, or cause us both to walk into tomorrow’s meeting a little sleep-deprived; I’m hoping for the second option. 

Though I have as many questions as I’m sure all the guys do when it comes to Max and his situation, I put them aside, focusing instead on being present and reading his body language for any sign of anxiety. Swaying my hips in time with the music, I come close enough for him to reach, only to pull away just before he can, sticking my tongue out teasingly as I slowly strip for him. 

I make sure to face him when I drop my bra, not missing the tent in his slacks or the adoring look in his eyes. Max sits up further when I straddle his thighs, his hand slipping up my back as his lips find my breasts on instinct. I let my eyes close as he takes his fill, grinding against him without shame, learning how his body responds to mine. 

Blindly, I push Max’s jacket off his broad shoulders, my fingers finding the buttons on his shirt soon after, a soft inhale escaping me when I feel his teeth gently nip in just the right spot. Raking my hand through his curls, I pull back just enough to admire a body I know he’s worked hard for. 

Max uses my distractedness to his advantage, flipping us around so that my back is against the mattress. I let out a whoop of surprise, laughing softly as I watch him practically tear his clothes off, leaving only his black boxer briefs on, the thin fabric leaving little to the imagination. If the bulge is any indication, he’s big, and I’ve got my work cut out for me. 

I motion for him to come back to me with both hands, and he obliges with a big grin, kissing his way up my body even as he pulls off what’s left of my clothes, leaving only my g-string intact. Neither of us hesitate as we eachother’s lips once more, Max cupping my breasts while I let my hand slip over his bulge, feeling a tingle go through me when he responds with a shiver and a thrust closer. 

Pushing him back so that he’s sitting on his heels, I let my gaze flit between the waist of his briefs and his own blue orbs as I slowly pull down the material. His cock springs out, hard as marble and my eyes go wide, having expected the length, but not the girth that comes with it.

“Suddenly, your call sign makes so much more sense,” I shake my head with a smirk, waiting for Max to tug his briefs the rest of the way off before I take hold of his hips. Eyes meeting his again, I kiss through the thick thatch of hair that leads from his belly button to his base, feeling the jolt of anticipation go through him.

Max cards a hand through my hair as I lick my way up to his tip, a soft sound of enjoyment leaving my lips as I collect the precum drooling from his slit. I can’t help my smile when Max inhales sharply, the reaction making it clear that he’s been honest about never being with anyone. 

Holding onto his muscular thigh with one hand, my other gently cups his sac, rolling gently as my lips seal around his shaft. Max’s breathing increases as every lick and suck brings a new feeling he’s never experienced before. 

“Oh fuck!” He pants out, gripping my hair a little tighter as I take him all the way down, swallowing around his head before pulling back with a gasp of my own. I can’t help but moan as I lick down his shaft once more, popping his balls in my mouth to further tease him. 

I can feel Max get close as his muscles contract, and with one last lick to his tip, I lay back, waiting to see what he’ll do. Max doesn’t hesitate, nearly diving between my legs, eyes wide with need. His enthusiasm earns a giggle from me, one that’s quickly silenced as he kisses over the sheer material of my g-string. Sitting up, I stroke my fingers through his curls, appreciating how good his mouth feels against my most sensitive area. 

A soft moan escapes me when Max pulls the thin fabric aside and lets his tongue slip through my folds, the feeling reminding me of our deeper kisses and causing the same weightless sensation he’s so good at making me feel when we’re cuddled in bed. I lay back, putty in his hands as he lifts my legs over his shoulders, taking off my final piece of clothing as he does. 

“Darling?” Max’s voice is hoarse but gentle, the question in his tone equal parts uncertain and hopeful. 

“Bare, babe. Want to feel nothing but you inside me,” I answer, having already felt the swollen head of his cock brushing against my entrance; it’s one of the most arousing sensations I’ve experienced in a long time. 

With a kiss to my calf, Max pushes his hips forward, groaning softly when he slides in with ease. I can’t help but reach up and cup his face, smiling as I experience the moment with him. Knowing how long he’s waited, I don’t take it lightly, honored to be his first. 

“Feels so good inside you,” he whispers, eyes still wide, as though any minute he’ll wake from his dream. 

Biting my lower lip, I can’t help but roll my hips, grinning ear to ear when my movement elicits a choked noise and a look of utter bliss. The growl Max gives me sobers any laughter, and before I can even open my mouth to squeal, his body is covering mine and his hips are rutting. 

My mouth falls open in utter shock as Max cocoons my body in his arms, his lips searing every inch of skin he can find, while his thrusts push me up the bed an inch at a time. I can almost see stars at the crown of Max’s head as he brings me up so that I’m nearly seated on his thighs, his cock going even deeper and making the breath catch in my throat. 

His lips find mine for a torrid kiss, Max’s pace picking up as he shifts the angle once more, making me moan loudly as his hips grind into my clit while his cock sweeps my g-spot relentlessly. There’s no doubt that Max’s need is primal, born from years of waiting for this very moment. Our gazes meet and I can’t stop myself from cupping his face, seeing beyond the lust to the depth of his feelings beneath and knowing that after tonight, nothing will be the same. 

Max comes with a cry of my name, and I follow suit, gasping and jolting my hips, having never experienced an orgasm as intense as the one he’s given me. By the time he rolls us to our sides, our bodies still connected, tears are streaming down my face. 

Everyone’s heard about the elusive orgasm so good it makes you cry, but I never thought it was true; until now.

“What’s wrong, love? Did I hurt you?” Max’s voice holds a razor’s edge of panic, and though I manage to shake my head and smile, the tears won’t stop.

“I j-just...I’ve never...Y-you love me?” I stammer out nonsensically, burying my face in Max’s chest as I feel his arms tighten around me.

“Yes, darling, I love you. I’ve loved you for a very, very long time. I’ve just been too chicken shit to do anything about it until recently. I love you with all my heart and I’m not sure I’ll be able to spend another day without you.”

I look up as Max brushes my hair off my face, finding his gaze filled with the same tenderness, love and devotion that I’ve seen in his blue orbs time and time again over the years. My face finds his chest as the sobs come once more, Max chuckling softly as he holds me close.

[jbbarnesandnoble]

Hungry Eyes: One-Shot

Pairing: Modern!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: a night out with your friends leads to you singing karaoke in front of an entire bar. you might be singing in front of them, but everyone knows who you're singing to.

Warning(s): fluff, drinking, bar setting, cringy dialogue (i did not hold back on this one yall) happy ending, my bad writing, and this was only edited once (by me, i can tell you in full confidence that my editing skills suck)

Word Count: 3,059

Prompt: Hungry Eyes by Erik Carmen

A/N: this has been sitting in my drafts since june i believe, and i have wanted to post it so badly! so naturally when i try to post it (after MONTHS of not postint) tumblr stops working and messes my whole plan up... im sorry my friends, but second times the charm (that's how the saying goes, right??)

(not my gif)

It is 9:38pm on a Saturday night, Dirty Dancing plays on your TV in the background while you get ahead on some work. It is your fifth time watching it this week, but you can’t not watch it, it is your favorite movie after-all. On the coffee table next to you, your phone vibrates. Picking it up, you greet your friend on the phone.

“What up babe, I hope you’re wearing somethin’ sexy ‘cause we’re going out tonight!” Natasha announces into her phone. You sigh, knowing there is no way for you to escape going out tonight, not after bailing on her the last four times.

Which is how you find yourself here, at O’Malley’s Bar and Karaoke. Sitting at a center table in the dimly lit bar while an intoxicated man belts out a Fleetwood Mac song. You choose a seat at the mostly empty table. Nat, who is talking with her younger sister, Yelena. Sits on your right and Sam -your other best friend- sits on your left.

“Y/n, haven’t seen you 'round here in awhile. How’s it hanging?” Yelena asks, shifting in her chair, she tries to hear over the sound of the man's bad and loud singing. If you can even call it singing.

“She's been avoiding us,” Nat says, pushing all your buttons perfectly. You do your best to ignore her antics. The wood chair scraps against the hardwood floor as you pull it out and sit between your two best friends. You answer Yelena’s question with a generic answer, ignoring her sister - and her comments - who doesn't seem to care.

“What’s up, kid. It’s been a while since you last came out with us. Nat finally blackmailed you to come with?” Sam jokes with you. You turn to face him, as he sips his water. Ice clinks around in his glass from the quick movement.

“Drinking water tonight?” You ask, more out of intrigue than anything else, though it is a good way to turn away from the current topic. Since you don’t feel like explaining your reason for not hanging out with your friend group much anymore.

It isn’t like you don’t want to go out with them, you do. But you aren’t all that fond of being around Bucky and his girlfriend Dot. You have had a huge crush on Bucky since college and have been best friends for even longer. You thought that over time that small childish crush would go away, but much to your dismay, it did not. In fact, it grew and it never stopped growing. So now, here you are, years later, in love with your best friend who you can’t have because he’s in love with someone else.

That explanation is a great way to kill everyone’s fun. Which is why you haven’t told anyone why you don’t want to hang out anymore. It’s too hard to see them together. You pushed past the pain for almost an entire year, but you aren’t sure that you can do it anymore.

“Somebody has to keep an eye on these kids,” Sam explains, acting as a true mature adult. “Also I drove,” he adds, quieter than the first part, he hides behind his drink.

“There it is.” You say, to which he responds by pretending to be hurt that you didn’t believe he would be the mature one by choice.

A waitress comes around moments later asking you what you would like to drink and eat. A smile on her face the entire time, one you recognize as a customer service smile. Completely fake, but real enough that the customers are none the wiser. You thank her, asking for only a glass of water.

“Forget whatever she asked for, she would like a beer.” Natasha interrupts the young waitress as she is about to leave the table.

“Natasha!” You shout at her, she shrugs in response taking a swig of her own beer.

“I agreed to come out with you, but I didn’t agree to drink.” You point out and it’s true. You don’t feel like drinking tonight and you have to drive yourself home so you really shouldn't be drinking.

“You agreed to drink when you said you would come out with us, plus Sam’s driving.” The redhead tries to argue as she leans back in her chair.

“Yeah, he’s driving you, unlike some people I drove myself.” She shrugs, becoming uninterested in the conversation. She goes back to talking to Yelena.

The same waitress from before comes back, water in one hand and a beer in the other. She sets them both down in front of you, a smile on her lips the entire time. Her long black hair sways back and forth as she moves around the table. She checks in on the rest of your friends who had just arrived.

“Y/n!” Clint and Tony yell in unison. While Steve greets you more calmly than the others as he claims a seat across from you. You offer a kind smile in return. Your eyes scan over the group that had sat down at your now full table and you notice two faces missing from your group.

“Are Bucky and Dot coming out tonight?” You ask no one in particular. Everyone shares glances and avoids looking in your eyes.

“It’s been so long since you’ve been out with us, we all forgot you didn’t know.” Tony said, eyebrows drawn together and a sympathetic smile on his lips.

“Know what?” you ask, letting your intrigue get the best of you. Sam is the first of your friends to speak up, seeing as he is one of your closest friends the duty fell to him.

“Buck hasn’t been out with us for a while, kid. Once you stopped hanging out with us we started to see less and less of him. Now he rarely hangs out with us.”

Your eyes scan around the table, no one is looking directly at you except for Sam and Nat. You shrug, not seeing the huge deal about the whole thing. It’s his choice not to come out, just like it is your own.

“He’s been distant with us.” Tony adds, hiding behind his drink

“His loss.” You state causally, though deep down you are a bit disappointed. It has been a while since you last saw him, it would be nice to know he is doing well.

-------

Two beers and most of the bar’s nachos later, you’re having a better time than you expected to. You forgot how much fun being around your friends is. You wish you hadn’t been such a child about the whole Bucky thing. You could have been having so much fun had you simply ignored your own feelings instead of dwelling on them.

A group of young girls is on the stage, singing along to some new pop song you have not heard before. They are not the best singers, but you can tell they don’t care. They are having fun and enjoying themselves that is all that matters. The song ends and the crowd, filled mostly with drunk people, clap and cheer as they exit the stage.

Someone’s hand pulls three times on the sleeve of your shirt. Grabbing your attention from the drunk guy who stumbled onto the stage. His friends cheer loudly as he gets ready to sing and someone from the crowd yells happy birthday. Across the bar, you find a table full of young guys and girls. Balloons and streamers decorate the booth. A banner hangs above it, written in bold blue marker reads, ‘Happy Birthday Tom'.

“Y/n, you know what you should do?” Yelena starts and you can tell the alcohol is starting to kick in the tiniest bit. Though she seems to be better at holding her liquor better than some of your other friends. “You should go up there.”

“No, no way. There is no way I’m going up there.” You argue, holding your hands up as if trying to physically stop her idea.

“Come on, it would be so much fun! Plus, if you do it Clint will pay you twenty bucks.” The blond bargains with you, both of your eyes look to where Clint is happily unaware of her idea. A smile spreads across your face.

“Fine, but I’m gonna need one more of these and you’re buying,” you say, waving your empty beer bottle back and forth.

You take your time finishing your beer, your nerves grow larger with each sip. Soon enough, Yelena caught onto what you were doing and yelled at you to drink faster. Well, you think that’s what she was doing. With her switching between Russian and English it was hard to tell what exactly she was trying to say. And Natasha’s so-called “help” did nothing, seeing as she was also speaking in Russian.

“You’re up next,” Sam announces which earns cheers from all your friends. Settling back in his chair, he pats your shoulder offering an encouraging smile. The next four minutes go faster than any other song before. The girl on stage announces your name and you reluctantly walk onto the stage. Your friends cheer you on, which helps ease your nerves. Also, the fact that most of the bar is drunk, the chances of anyone remembering this is not very high.

“Hey Sam, why didn’t you tell her they broke up?” Steve asks from across the table, which gains the rest of the group's attention. Except for Clint who never knows what’s going on. Which usually has to do with the fact that his hearing aids are off about half of the time.

“That’s his job, not mine. I’m not his babysitter.” Sam says curtly.

“He can tell her when he gets here,” Tony tells everyone in the most nonchalant way possible. All eyes are on him, confused by what he means. “I texted him, told him she finally stopped avoiding us," he pauses to correct himself, "Him, and came out for the night.”

“You drunk genius!” Clint shouts

“You’re drunk too, you idiot,” Yelena yells at him. He promptly turns his haring airds back off and mumbles something about being the soberest one there in response to her statement.

“Shut up all of you, she’s singing,” Nat yells at them.

An upbeat melody begins playing over the speakers. A small screen in front of you flashes the lyrics of the song you picked on it. Another second passes and it’s time for you to start singing. You start off quiet, not quite believing in yourself yet.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you,

I've got this feelin' that won't subside

I look at you and I fantasize

You’re mind and tonight.”

Your friends, after being quiet for a while, start cheering you on again. Their support gives you the confidence you need. From in the crowd, Sam yells, “That’s my best friend, y’all, stay jealous.” which causes you to laugh, you collect yourself and keep on singing.

“Now I’ve got you in my sights,

with these, hungry eyes

one look at you and I can’t disguise”

The song continues on and suddenly you feel like Jennifer Grey in Dirty Dancing. Feeling more confident you attempt to do some of the dance moves that you can remember from the movie. You aren’t the best dancer, but you don’t care all that much, you’re having a lot more fun than you thought you would. In fact, you’re almost happy Yelena encouraged you to go on stage.

“I want to hold you so hear me out,

I want to show you what love’s all about

darling tonight.”

The next set of lyrics pop on the screen, not that you need them, you know this song by heart. It’s then the front door swings open and your eyes find a set of steel-blue ones, your heart skips a beat or two, or maybe three. You stutter over the words once or twice before you collect yourself enough to sing the next words.

“I’ve got hungry eyes

I feel the magic between you and I

With these hungry eyes

Now I’ve got you in my sights.”

Lyrics that meant nothing before, now mean a little too much to you. All thanks to Bucky, who had to enter the bar while you were on stage. With your heart pounding a little harder thanks to him, you keep on singing and the crowd keeps cheering. You watch as he chooses to stand a few feet behind your group rather than join them.

“I need you to see

this love was meant to be.”

Your dancing has slowed to a slow sway back and forth, your eyes never leaving Buckys. The music is quieter than before and all you can see is him. You try your best to look away, but it’s too hard when he’s staring at you like that. With his soft and gentle smile and his hair that is so fluffy all you can think about is running your hands through it. At this point, you’re well aware that you are singing to him. What you don't notice is that your friends - and everyone else in the bar - are also well aware of what is happening, and who you are really singing to.

“I feel the magic between you and I.”

“Now I’ve got you in my sights

With my hungry eyes.”

Just like that, as quickly as the song began it ended. The bar fills with applause as you leave the stage. Making a b-line to your friends who are all standing when you reach them, ready to pull you into a hug.

“Dude, that was amazing. I was even considering giving you twenty bucks myself… But I won’t, I’ll let Clint do that.” Yelena says, patting you on the back and leaning her arm on your shoulder.

“I didn’t know you could sing like that.” Steve complements, in his usual awkward manner. You thank him as he pulls you into a small hug.

“Get out of the way losers,” Sam yells from the back of the group, which makes you laugh, “You got some pipes on you, kid. I’m a bit hurt that you never told me, your best friend, that you can sing. But I’ll forgive you this time. All it'll cost you is a pizza.” he says with a wink so you know he’s only kidding, not that he needed to do that. He is your best friend, after all, you know him better than Steve and Bucky do.

Sam pulls you into a huge hug when your eyes meet Bucky’s who is standing behind the group. You turn your eyes away when you go to hug Nat next, “You should probably talk to him.” she whispers into your ear before letting you go and yelling, “Next rounds on me!” Which is the perfect chance to escape. “Waters all around!” You hear her add while walking away, boos erupt from all of your friends and a smile pulls at your lips.

“Hey, wanna get some air?” Bucky asks when you’re close enough to hear him, you nod without hesitating.

It is a bit colder outside from when you first left your apartment, a cold, Autumn breeze blows through your thin blouse. You regret not grabbing your jacket before leaving the bar. In an attempt to gain some warmth, you wrap your arms around yourself.

“Dot and I broke up,” Bucky blurts out, the sudden confession causes you to stop in your tracks. He does too, choosing to stand next to you. “I feel like an idiot about the whole thing if I’m being honest. She said that she couldn’t date me while I am in love with someone else. It took me too long to realize who she meant, when I did, everything else began to make sense in my life again.”

“So, who is it?” you ask, somehow convincing yourself that it can’t be you.

"And I thought I was an idiot." he states, a smug, joking smile on his lips.

Before you have the chance to ask him what he means. His lips crashs into yours and his hand cup your face. The kiss is slow and sweet and everything you ever imagined it would be plus more. It’s the kind that sweeps you off of your feet and steals your breath, and leaves you feeling a little dizzy afterwards. It’s the kind of kiss at the end of a rom-com when the guy finally gets the girl.

“I feel it too,” he says through soft pants, his forehead resting against your own. You hum, silently asking him what he means. “The magic between you and I, I finally feel it. Although it’s about five years overdue.” His words, as cheesy as they might be, are perfect and romantic in every way possible. Your arms wrap around his waist, pulling him closer so that your noses are almost touching.

You’re about to say something when your stomach speaks first, doing it’s best to be as loud as possible. There is a moment of silence between you before you both start laughing. Bucky’s hands fall from your face and down to your shoulders to pull you into his chest. You stand there laughing with your face buried in his chest.

“Let’s go find you some food, yeah?” he asks you, fingers running through your hair. You nod into him, more than happy to find something to eat.

“You never answered my question from before.” You say and you begin to walk to find food, your arm looped around his waist, his around your shoulders. It takes him a moment to realize what you’re talking about when he does he says,

“This girl from work, I've been in love with her since I first saw her.” He teases with a playful smirk on his lips.

“You are really mean, you know that?” You complain, faking a pout. A laugh bubbles in his throat before he plants a kiss onto your head.

“Yeah, but you still like me.” he points out before stopping to shrug off his jean jacket, after he notes the goosebumps littering your skin.

“Can’t have you catchin’ a cold on our first date.” You smile up at him as you walk to the closest pizza shop that is down the street.

[guessimjoiningthespidermanfandom]

Hell and Back Pt. 2

Peter Parker x bisexual!reader

Peter Parker x fem!reader

Peter Parker x black!reader 

Peter Parker x villain!reader 

Warnings: Language, hospital mentions, mentions of drug abuse, allusions to suicide, allusion to self harm, self deprecating thoughts, a gun, mentions of knives, mentions of the dead, anxiety, signs of abuse, abusive and toxic relationships, and fainting.

Word Count: 6.1k 

Songs: Pleaser-Wallows, 505-Artic Monkeys, Sweater Weather- The Neighborhood, Daddy Issues- The Neighborhood, Paper Planes- M.I.A, We come running- Youngblood Hawke, Young dumb and broke- Khalid, Do I wanna know- Artic Monkeys, Break the Rules- Charli XCX

“I smiled, I know as much as we get into petty arguments or try to annoy each other on purpose but I’d go to hell and back for those girls. And that’s exactly what I was going to do.” 

A/N: There might be some typos and grammatical errors sorry for those, I you want to be added to the Taglist just message me about or comment it. I’ll have a google form for it soon. 

Series Masterlist   Previous Part   Next Part

When I saw my little sisters, that all went away. Sure I still called them a lot but nothing could compare to actually seeing them in person. Sapphire launched herself into my arms and I stumbled back a bit.

“I missed you too,” I said.

I hugged Aaliyah too. When I entered the apartment I heard voices. My dad’s and some feminine voice. 

I walked in to find some woman who couldn't be older than 25 in my kitchen. Talking and laughing with my dad. I didn’t want to assume anything or start a scene so I just went into my room to catch up with my sisters. 

We were talking about some kid who gave me a DMT pen once and I was tripping balls which I probably shouldn’t be talking about, but I want them to feel comfortable enough to come to me. Makes it easier to keep them safe. 

Our dad opened the door and hung in the doorway.

“Hey… Y/N do you mind coming here for a sec?”

“Yeah sure…” 

I stepped out of the room. 

“Is something wrong?” It wasn’t often that he initiated a conversation that would end positively.

“No,no, not at all, I just want you to meet someone,” 

When I entered the kitchen the same woman from before was still there. My dad walked over to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. 

“This is my girlfriend, Camilla” 

I knew it . I knew it! I was trying not to be hostile toward her every problem I had was towards my dad so I smiled and waved to her.

“Camilla this is Y/N,” he pointed to me. 

“Well I’ll let y’all get acquainted,” He said before leaving the room.

I sat on the kitchen island and waited for her to say something first. 

“Look, I would just like to put it out there that I’m not trying to replace your mom in anyway.”

“Thanks I appreciate it,” 

“Also, are you okay now?” She asked in a low voice.

“Huh?” I questioned.

“Your dad said you ran away,” Of course he did “and I saw the news with your school at the Washington Monument.” So I guess she knew more about me then expected. Not surprised she was the one to ask me and not my so called dad.  

“Thanks for your concern but I’m fine, and sorry to cut this conversation short but I’m drained.” 

“Oh, okay, have a nice night,” 

“You, too,” 

I didn’t have time to think about anything. I just made it back to my room and face planted onto my bed. My whole being was sore including my brain. I didn’t have the energy to change my clothes, to shower, to think about my dad being a pathological liar or anything else that happened today.

I was awoken by my dad. I didn't know how long I slept but the sun was out. I can’t remember the last time I was able to sleep while the sun was up. 

“Hey we’re going out, for family bonding and I want you there with us,”

Family.

We ain’t ever been a family before why start now. Is what I really wanted to say but I sucked it up because again I hadn’t seen my sisters in a while. 

The movie was really boring. If we’re being honest. 

I pulled Aaliyah and Sapphire aside as my dad and Camilla were deep in conversation. 

“You know how I was staying at Wade’s house right?” 

They both nodded.

“What did dad tell you about this,” 

Sapphire just shrugged and Aaliyah was the one to post.

“I dunno he didn’t say much like usual he just kinda said you just left,” 

I felt my jaw tightening as I processed her words, my fist clenching by my side. 

“Oh, oh okay,” I breathed in through my nose and out through my mouth a couple times “Well I just want you to know I’d never leave y’all without a very good reason, and I never won’t come back,” 

By the time we got back to the house it was around twelve since we watched another movie and went to a restaurant. Then got ice cream. This is the most money my dad could’ve possibly spent on me in a long time. I mean he didn’t because I didn’t get anything and bought my own ticket. I didn’t want him to be able to use the fact he bought me stuff against me. I’d gotten tired of the “after I’ll I’ve done for you,” excuse. 

I couldn’t sleep. No matter what I tried I couldn’t sleep. I tried NyQuil, melatonin, and even tea. The tea really did more harm than good. 

This was an extremely stupid thing to do so don’t follow my lead but I was bored. 

I grabbed a lot of useless shit from the floor of my room and made my way to the roof. I poured hand sanitizer on it and set it on fire. Putting aside the fact that it was really weird the fire was oddly beautiful. I sat there watching it for a minute before stomping it out. 

I was going to text my friend Carmen but I realized she was supposed to be asleep and I didn’t want to get her in trouble. 

I ended up scrolling through Zillow for a while then that turned into me applying for like four jobs. In which turned into me making spamming multiple friends saying we needed to hang out.

While I was on Zillow there was a relatively cheap apartment in Queens. Which was close to my school. It kept drawing me in for some reason. I bookmarked the tab.

Before I knew it the sun was up. I figured if I couldn’t sleep I would go on a walk to the park. 

When I got back to the complex everyone was still asleep except my dad who walked outside like he was waiting on me. He grabbed my arm, squeezing it tightly. 

He basically told me I looked like a prostitute. I was running so my sports bra and leggings were actually pretty appropriate. He said that I was probably going out to fuck people and that’s where I always was. I opened my mouth to defend myself.

“Actually I was just going to the-“ I was cut off by a sharp sting on my cheek. 

He fucking slapped me. Hard at that. He then grabbed my arm even tighter than before dragging me into the house.

 I don’t know what hurt worse my face or that fact that I wouldn’t be able to blame him being drunk on all the times he’d hit me before. He was just an ass.

  By the time I made it back to my room it felt like my body was burning itself from the inside out. My face was red and so was my arm from my elbow to almost my wrist. To try to cool myself down I took a cold shower and took some Tylenol. 

I still couldn’t sleep but tonight it was because it was so hot. I really needed a fan in my room. It was already 6 so I just decided to get a head start at the school. Not without taking pictures of my bruises before covering them with green concealer and foundation. I wore a hoodie for good measure. 

I felt dizzy and decided it was probably best not to skate at the moment and I’m 90% sure I fell asleep on the subway.  Apparently we had an art project due which I had no idea existed in the first place so I wasn’t going to that class today. Even though I did truly love Ms. Kramer. I was just gonna skip and go to Bri’s class. Which just happened to be chemistry. 

I wasn’t surprised Mr. Cobwell asked no question when I walked in. I ate lunch in his class a couple times, he was chill. He continued on talking about Quantum Theory. 

I made Flash move from his seat next to Bri which he immediately did. I guess he was scared of me now. 

“Hey,” I said, placing my non bruised side of my face on the desk.

“Hey,” She whispered back. “What class are you supposed to be in?” 

“Art,” 

“Why are you there? You love art,” 

“I’m not feeling it today,” 

“Alright,” she nodded.

“Lemme use your AirPods,” 

She reached into her bag handing them over going back to taking notes. That didn’t last long.

“What ya watching?” She asked.

“Bad Girls Club,” I smiled knowing she liked this show. 

“What season?” 

“7,” I whispered because now I felt too weak to waste my energy on speaking. I placed the phone on my lap and she took the other AirPod and before I knew I class was over with Tasha throwing trash everywhere.

I figured I was feeling sick because my blood sugar was low or something so I drank some Apple juice at lunch and called it a day.

Now time for Physics. I hate physics. Why would science ever require so much math? 

It was so hot. Like on the face of the sun, hot but I couldn’t take my hoodie off because I felt like I’d sweat my foundation off. 

“Are you okay?” Peter asked me “You look pale,” I swear if he doesn’t learn to mind his business.

“I’m fine,” I told him, not sure if I was trying to convince him or myself, I gestured to his notebook. “Do your work,” 

“Alright fine,” he said reluctantly, glancing at me once before getting back to writing whatever we were supposed to be doing down.

 I pulled my hoodie back over my head and sat up in my seat about to try to do my work again. But it was so hot and I was so dizzy that I couldn’t focus.

The world began to swirl and I knew the switch in my brain was going to flip off. I just didn’t have time or enough energy to tell anyone. 

When I woke up I was in a bed in the nurse's office and the first thing I noticed was I didn’t have my hoodie. Shit. I used to make fun of people for passing out because how does your own body clock out on you? Until it started happening to me like last year. 

I went into the bathroom and sure enough the giant bruise on my cheek and arm were kinda visible. 

Again shit.

I patted my forehead with a cold paper towel because the nurse’s bathroom actually had paper towels unlike all the others, before the nurse came back. 

“Hello, Are you feeling okay?” 

I nodded. She smiled down at me before giving me water and checking my temperature. 

“You have a fever,” she said after looking down at the thermometer “We called dad to come and pick you up but we got no answer. Is there anyone else that can come and take you?” 

I shook my head, not trusting my voice. 

I drank some more of the water before speaking up. 

“I have a friend who’s at this school she could maybe drop me off?” 

“I’m not sure if that’s allowed,” she said. 

“You know what? Go back to class, get your friend and come right back.”

I pushed off the bed and headed out of the nurses office surprised to find Peter sitting on the bench outside it. 

“Are you okay?” He asked me again 

“Yes I’m okay” I nodded. Apparently I wasn’t as okay as I thought because I almost tripped over my leg trying to move. But Peter immediately reached his hand out to stabilize me. And I don’t know why that made me as angry as it was but I said “I don’t need you to help,” harsher than I need to. 

“Sorry,” I said calmly almost immediately after. 

“It’s okay,” He said scratching the back of his neck.

“If you don’t mind me asking where’d these bruises come from,” 

“I fell,” was all I said. He looked skeptical but that was all he was going to get, I didn’t need CPS all up in my business. That’s also payback for him lying to me about “cat scratches”. 

“Can you do me a favor?” I asked.

“Yeah, anything,” he said. 

“Can you go get Briana from Mr. Dell’s class for me?” 

“Yeah I’ll be right back,” he said before sprinting down the hallway. I giggled at his giddiness. It was still extremely hot everywhere my body was tingling. 

Bri ran towards me 

“Oh my god are you okay,” 

“I’m fine, I just need you to talk to the nurse with me real quick,” 

She apparently didn’t have her car with her today so she was a no go. 

“I’m sorry girl,” she said, pulling me into a hug. 

“It’s okay, go back to class now,” I said.

“Alright feel better,”

I walked back out of the office to find none other than Peter still waiting there.

“So what happened?” He asked.

“Looks like I’m walking home,” I smiled sarcastically. “Yay,”

“I can walk you home,”

“No, thank you” 

“I insist,” I laughed again 

“I still think that word is funny,” I said.

“Okay, now let me walk you home,” 

We were walking in no general direction. No one but MJ and Bri know my address and  I’d like  to keep it that way. 

“Wait, you need food,” He claimed.

We ended up at this place called Delmar’s Deli. I’d passed it a couple times while walking home and during my less legal “hobby”. I really wasn’t hungry at all. I took all of like two bites from my sandwich claiming I’d take it to go before throwing it away. It wasn’t bad, it was quite good, actually I just wasn’t hungry. 

“My aunt is a nurse at an emergency room, she can check you out,” I hate anything that's anything like a hospital at all brings terrible memories, but I didn’t want him to know where I lived so I agreed. I’d ditch him then.  

It took us a while to get there but by the time we did I had to stop and catch my breath. He offered to walk me home and got me food. What a Spiderman thing to do. I’d say I had much solid proof to go on by now.  

“Peter!” The gorgeous brunette woman came over to the waiting room “What are you doing here don’t you have school?” 

“Yeah but my friend-“ When her eyes ghosted over to my face she cut herself off. “Oh my God are you okay,” she referred to my bruises “What happened to you?” 

“Did Flash do this to her?” She asked Peter and I had to stifle a laugh at that. I wish he would try to lay a finger on me. 

“No, she just told me she fell, we’re here cause she fainted and I don’t know if the school nurse is very capable of actually helping,” 

Is this a new thing Peter just decides to randomly worry about me for no good reason and forces me into taking care of myself. Because I hate it. 

“Oh, ok,” She nodded her head. “Grab one of those questionnaires over there,” She pointed to the sign in table. “Are your parents going to come too?” She asked and I shook my head. 

She and Peter moved over to the side and started talking about something I had no interest in. I grabbed the questionnaire and sat on the edge of the closest seat.  

1. What’s your age?

That’s easy 15.

2. Specify your race 

African American of course.

3. Select your highest level of education

Some high school

4. What’s your marital status? 

Single never married. Unless you count that un-ordained wedding I once had.

5. Specify your employment status

A student. 

6. Have you ever been treated in an emergency room (specify age)? 

Yes, as a child. 

7. Have you ever been rushed to the hospital? If yes, do you remember why?

Okay wow. Yes. 

I sat on the cold bathroom floor, vision blurry from tears forming in my eyes. 

“Y/N, you okay in there?” I heard my brother ask after lightly rapping his fingers on the door. 

“Yeah, I’m okay!” 

No I wasn’t. I wasn’t okay at all. In fact I was the farthest thing from okay. I glanced down at my thighs, you could see cuts from the night before and scars peeking out from underneath my shorts. I was sobbing at this point. 

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered. I wasn’t sure if it was for myself or to everyone I knew I’d hurt by this. I already had the headache. I was just waiting for the rest of the pills to kick in. 

I was holding onto the sink for support when the left side of my body started to feel tingly. The whole situation felt hazy. I was shaking hard before I fell, taking almost everything on the sink with me. 

My head hit the bathmat and I could feel my heart slowing and hear my breath become shallow. I heard the doorknob jingle and that was the last thing before a feeling of true bliss and peace took over my body. 

I could hear screams and sirens and I knew I was in an ambulance. Slowly I awoke with wires all over my body and an IV in my wrist. My limbs were dead weight, I couldn’t move. 

A single tear fell from my eye alerting me off my surroundings. I quickly came back to myself. I made up the excuse of a family emergency and left.

I ended up halfway across the city. Then in Brooklyn visiting a friend. 

I knocked on the window of Aaron’s apartment. I could see Miles sitting on the couch.

“How’ve things been over here?” I asked once I was settled on the couch as well. 

“Uh, pretty tame, and you?” 

“There was that whole elevator stunt and I almost fucking died which was fun.” 

“Forgot you never take anything seriously,” He rolled his eyes. 

I laughed in response “Well one of us has got to be fun for us since it’s clearly not you,” 

“In celebration of me not dying I’m making sundaes,” 

“Alright,” He said leaning back on the couch. 

“Hey uh, When’s Aaron coming back?” I asked, getting the whipped cream out of the fridge.

“I’m not sure,” 

This is actually like really fucking dangerous. Like it could kill me. It’s just I was already in pain and had a headache. I also wasn’t thinking. I’d already made the sundaes. I turned around so Miles couldn’t see what I was doing before I- Okay I’m not going to do this. Get it together God you’re acting like an addict. The amount of people who’ve died from inhalants were insane. There it is again death. 

“Drawn anything new lately?” I asked, wanting to get my mind off of the topic of death that seemed to be plaguing my brain lately.  

“Some small sketches,”

I got the text that’d I been waiting for. I’d been talking to Aaron for the past few days. I’m not sure how Miles would feel about that. So I haven’t said anything. 

But I got the text. 

Staten Island Ferry 3pm

I immediately popped up from the couch.

“I have to go like right now, it’s an emergency,” 

I sprinted towards the door almost running into the punching bag in front of me. 

“Y/N-“ 

It’d been a week and things were looking up. I had a great day yesterday without the use of any drug. But nothing good ever lasts too long. I didn’t have to worry about that now. What I needed to worry about, was getting Peter to stop falling on his ass. 

I tried not to laugh at him and failed. 

“It’s not funny,” he said, pulling me down with him as I reached out to pull him up. Soon he was laughing too. 

I felt a vibration in my pocket and saw that Aaron texted me. 

hey the results from the search came in.

what???? don’t play with me I’m on my way right now. 

“Uh hey I gotta go sorry,” 

“No it’s fine I probably should get home too,” He pushed off the ground reaching down for me. 

“Do you wanna do this again tomorrow?” He asked a hopeful glint in his eye once we were both on our feet.

“Yeah sounds nice,” I smiled.

“Okay,” He nodded.

“Okay,” I echoed heading off. 

Ned was being fucking stupid.

“NO!” I slammed my hands down on the table “You don’t stab anyone especially if you plan on using bleach to clean up the blood. At least use vinegar and lemon,”

“Okay, jeez,” he said reeling back, “How would you do it then?” 

Before I could say anything MJ spoke up

“You could just use a needle full of air in between their toes, Their heart would fail” 

“Orrr,” I said spinning around on top of the table towards Ned. “You could overdose them on potassium and by the time the police get there the potassium in their blood is back at a normal level,” 

“Yeah that works too,” MJ stated going back to whatever she was drawing.

“You guys scare me,” Ned muttered making me smile. 

“Where’s Peter?” I asked and Ned pointed across the room. 

There he was sitting by Liz. It was cute I knew about his little crush on her. I’m sure the whole school did. Glad it’s working out for him. However that did not stop the pain in my stomach. 

I got up from the table because suddenly I did not want to be at school anymore. 

“Where are you going?” MJ looked up at me.

I shrugged. In all honesty I had no I idea where I was going. Somehow I always end up at Wade’s house when I don’t know where I want to go. He wasn’t home but I had a key. I can’t remember if he gave it to me or I stole if we're being honest. 

Clearly I hadn’t passed by a mirror in a while because damn. I look terrible. 

My eyes were red and circled with a dark hue from lack of sleep. I still had a yellowing bruise on my cheek. I was pale. I looked to be on the verge of death. 

I looked frail, like at any second I’d just fall apart. 

It was so unfair. My bones dragged down my body. The pieces of my soul that were mined out and removed from my mind. There’s a hole leaving me forever longing and I cannot fill nor feel. Hiraeth, a beautiful word for a ugly feeling. longing for a home that I never truly had, a home in which I’d never return. I would like to drift to where my spirit lies. It’s in the eyes of you and me and everyone in between. Drifting on a small boat in the sea. Viridian. Yes! That's the place I would like to be, that's where my soul lies yes you see.

 I kept punching his punching bag over and over again. Until I was on my back on the floor begging my lungs to allow air into them with Time (Is) by Solange playing on loop. Something put it into my head that I had to kill Vulture. I’d never directly killed anyone but that was gonna change. Having people killed or knowing someone was going to kill someone and not doing anything about isn’t killing anyone in my book, but I’m sure it would be in Spidey’s

That’s literally Liz’s dad though…

Okay maybe I’d just get him locked up. Great now I gotta be a snitch. That’s new. I showered not even caring about my hair now my curls were sticking to my face. I was freezing now though. I didn’t know whether to be glad that my body wasn’t on fire anymore or be upset that I was covered in goosebumps. 

Wade’s laptop was sitting right there on his bed. I was only taking a shower but, I think I should be allowed to watch Netflix and he wouldn’t mind, I was already on his account anways. 

After like 3 episodes into this random show there was a folder that was calling to me for some reason. 

It’d be okay to take a sneak peek. I thought to myself. 

I clicked on it and it was locked. I guessed the password in like three tries. He’s really gotta up his password game. It opened to multiple folders, one with my mom's name. Okay I had to click this then. 

I opened it which opened to more folders one titled ‘In Case of My Death’. 

Okay, okay cool my mother has had a video of what to do all if she died all along. This would’ve come in handy five years ago. 

There were three videos with the names of myself and my sisters. I clicked on mine then paused it. 

Then unpaused it again. 

I couldn’t do it. Okay, yes I could. I played it again. As soon as I heard the beginning of the word “hi”. I shut the computer off. I couldn’t do this. Couldn't do it because I was weak, I couldn’t handle myself. I was stupid and weak and a fucking disappointment. Guess my dad had been right all these years. I knew there was always some truth to the words he spoke only a matter of time until I started acknowledging it. 

I don’t remember coming home to the apartment. And I definitely don’t remember writing all over the walls of my dad’s room. But I had a marker in my hands and it looked like a toddler had gone to town. 

Holy Shit 

He was actually going to murder me, in cold fucking blood.  I trashed, the living room area, his room, and then mine. I was not coming home tonight. Looks like I’d need to find a new home now. At this point that sounded like a pretty solid plan. 

I text my sisters a quick text ‘stay at grandma’s house tonight dad is going to pissed like Super Sayian mode’ before grabbing my go-bag which was: a bag of the essentials, like hygiene a couple shirts, shorts, hoodies, pants, and of course the flash drive can't forget the flash drive. 

The flash drive that’s driving me crazy. I’d yet to open it though.  I knew I was crazy because I did all this while fucking sobbing.

I wandered around for hours. Making my way to Brooklyn, Manhattan, Harlem, AND actual New York City.  

Somehow I still ended up at Olivia’s door at the end of the day. I honestly believe we were soulmates. Most people don’t know you get many soulmates in a lifetime. I think Olivia and I would be the karmic kind. A karmic relationship is meant to help you grow, but it is never meant to last—it's often playing out a bad experience from a past life. I’m guessing I hadn’t grown yet because here I was.

She opened the door after a second. I’m surprised she did because I used our special knock so I knew she knew it was me. 

“I can’t fucking do this anymore,” I screamed in her face. 

“You're the one going off and being secretive and shit, like you’re scared I’m gonna hurt you or something,” she yelled walking up the stairs. 

I followed after her, 

“Maybe you would hurt me. I don’t know you are insane,” I said, tears brimming my eyes. 

“Just because you have fucking daddy issues, doesn’t mean you have to carrying them into every part of your life,” 

“I have daddy issues?” I screamed soon turning into me choking on a laugh making an unhinged noise “Oh, I have fucking daddy issues, now? Oh, okay,” I nodded. 

“Your parents didn’t even fucking want you,” I pointed at her. “At least my mom stuck around before she died,” 

“You’re an asshole, you know that?” 

“Yeah well right back at you,” 

“You’re fucking psychotic! Literally you’re so much like your dad and you don’t even know it, You’re trying to please him and he doesn’t give two shits about you, Wake up Y/N! Wake up.” 

“I’m hard on you because I love you so much,” She claimed, but her love was suffocating. 

“Oh yeah? I asked “Well i don’t know how much more of this ’love’ I can take,” 

“Fine then,” She screamed. 

“Fine,” I said before she slammed the door in my face leaving me standing out in the cold crying. 

That wasn’t even the worse we’d said to each other. It was the first but not the last time we’d break up either. I do believe we loved each other though in our own twisted way. Well at least I know I loved her. 

“Hey,” She said softly as she could sense I was due to break at any second. My cheeks were probably tear stained. 

“Hey,” I whispered back. 

“Are you okay?” She asked. 

“No,” I shook my head. One thing I liked about her is I didn’t have to fake it around her, because masking my real emotions was so draining. At least I didn’t have to do it with everyone. 

“Wanna talk about it?” 

“No,” 

“Okay,” she said softly “My parents aren’t home, so you don’t have to worry about them,” not surprised. 

I nodded before she grabbed my hand bringing me inside.

“I missed you,” she said stroking my hair as I laid on her bed, my head in her lap. 

“I missed you too,” I wasn’t lying my head drifted to her from time to time. It wasn’t that I wanted to get back together I just missed her presence.  

She smiled sadly at me running her finger over the bags on my eyes. 

“Heavy is the head that wears the crown,” She quotes.

“Yeah well, ’m not queen or princess and definitely don’t have a crown, so we don’t gotta worry ‘bout me,” I said. 

“You’re a princess to me,” I gave a genuine yet tired smile at that.

“You can go to sleep, it’s okay,” She said.

That was the first time I was actually able to fall asleep and without medicine or having to go on a walk or do anything really. 

I woke up in the bed alone only to find Olivia sitting at her kitchen island eating spaghetti. 

She smiled when she saw me coming into view. 

“Sleep well?” She asked.

“Yeah surprisingly,” How long had I been asleep for I wondered.

“It’s 10 pm,” She said, still being able to read me. 

I made my way over to her and sat across her.

“So what’s really going on with you miss Y/N?” She questioned. 

I shrugged “I don’t know, nothing,”

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself? Cause I’m not buying,” 

I explained to her how my dad was being weird and how I wanted to move out now. How I had pretty much vandalized the house. How I found the video of my mom. Just everything. Well maybe not everything I didn’t tell her about Vulture because I feel like she’d try to do something and I didn’t want her to get hurt. 

“Oh wow, damn... holy shit. Are you gonna watch your moms video?” She asked. Huh I hadn’t thought about that.

“I mean of course I will, yeah,” I nodded “Probably, I don’t know I’m scared,”  

“Wouldn’t you rather just push the fear back and watch then wonder the rest of your life what it says.” 

I sighed. Can't argue with that logic.

“I’m assuming you came here because you need a place to stay?” She said. 

“Yes, I need a place to stay just for a while but I don’t want it to seem like I’m just using you I can find somewhere else,” 

“Now it’s fine stay as long as you need but my dad gets back at the end of the month and we both know he doesn’t like you,” She chuckled at the last sentence and I laughed too. 

I was on the ferry heading towards Staten Island now. I knew the sale was for these weird alien shits but that's pretty much all I knew. I figured I’d sort of “out bid” the buyers then get rid of everything. By outbid I mean straight up steal. Some guy in a white pickup truck is officially my target. Thorn was still on hiatus. Meaning no knives unless you count the pocket knife I always had on me, no suit. I did have a trejo though, you know just in case. I couldn’t help my mind from drifting to Pop Smoke’s “I got it on me”. I let out a small laugh.  

I was hiding behind some car waiting for a crack in the plan to slip in. 

That was until Spiderman showed up. It’s like he had a sixth sense to ruin all of my plans. 

Shit 

Well abort mission. Just as I started walking around to get to the side of the boat. The van I was next to had Vulture literally coming out of it. I knew it’d looked familiar. 

I made it up to the top deck looking down on everything unfolding. So a quick rundown,  the FBI was here, meaning Tony Stark or someone with government clearance probably did something because I highly doubt that Spiderman, the Spiderman that I’ve seen hit a window like a bird while swinging, had any government clearance. 

See now I was looking to find a good time to make my escape. That was until that purple alien shit started spewing stuff beams of light through the ship. And fuck, I look away for one second and the new Shocker guy was gone. I turned around and saw he was running in another direction. I chased after him the rubber of my sneakers squeaking on the deck. 

I jumped down onto Shocker’s back sending us both to the floor before he pushed me off. I was definitely going to be sore tomorrow and I’m pretty sure I heard something pull in my leg. 

He jumped off onto the Vulture and I knew I couldn’t do anything anymore. Not like I was just going to shoot them down in public. I saw the light shooting down the middle of the ferry. I was gonna make a run for it but the loud squeal noise was so loud I fell over. Soon I was slung back into what I think was a bench not entirely sure I just knew it hurt like a bitch. 

I’m pretty sure I feel unconscious for like 30 seconds. 

But that was enough because the boat had already split in half and I couldn’t get to the deck or a lifeboat. However Spider-Man was frantically trying to get it together. 

I was trying to be hopeful because everything was looking up, as the parts of the ship got closer together but I think we all know the saying ‘what goes up must come down’ 

Over the ringing in my head I could assume that things were fixed because people were cheering. One thing that comes from cheering is movement and if I learned anything from the elevator it’s that moving in a very unstable metal death box is not a good idea. 

The ship was falling apart again until it wasn’t. It was pushed back together by I could only assume would be our government clearance guy Tony Stark. I looked out the window and yep there he was. 

As soon as I got on solid ground I called my sisters.

“Hiii!” I exclaimed. “Where are you, are you okay?” 

“Yes we’re fine, and where at grandma’s house like you told us to go to where else would we be,” I could almost hear the eye roll in Liyah’s voice. 

“Okay little Miss attitude stay there until I can feel everything out with dad,” 

“Alright,” 

“Okay I love you guys,” I said, getting a small “love you too” from Sapphire. 

“I know,” was the response I got from Liyah. I almost gasped the audacity of this child. 

“Say it back,” 

“Say it back,” She mocked, evoking laughter from both sides of the call. 

“Okay love you too byeeee,” She said hanging up. 

I smiled, I know as much as we get into petty arguments or try to annoy each other on purpose but I’d go to hell and back for those girls. And that’s exactly what I was going to do.

Taglist: 

@tomdiddlyumptious

[maria-scribbles]

glitter + crimson (let’s start a riot)//part four

summary: carmen actually steps foot inside her own house after discovering her daughter isn’t the only teenager living there. the hurricane hurtling toward the island matches the tempest in sailor’s heart as she finally gets some long-overdue words off her chest that her mom isn’t very happy to hear and two friends inch closer and closer to crossing that metaphorical line.

word count: 6.6k+ (oops, i did it again 😅)

ship: jj maybank x oc (sailor flynn)

warnings n stuff: mentions of abuse/neglect, gambling addiction, child abandonment, being kicked out of home, fluff, swearing, underage drinking, flirting, having shitty dads, mentions of weed, star wars, and sailor’s unhealthy addiction to nutella, mention and direct quote of the percy jackson and the olympians series (again), subtle nod to new girl (i love seeing how many references i can make lmao)

a/n: first off, i just want to thank each and every one of you for your likes, reblogs, and especially your wonderful comments! they mean to world to me, seriously ❤ now, here comes the dramaaaaa! we get to dive into sailor’s complicated, turbulent relationship with her mother (sailor, like john b, has a very big, very real fear of being abandoned by people she loves because of her dad) before heading toward the canon timeline of the show. the quote about the sea near the beginning is from jaques cousteau, legendary french naval officer, marine explorer and filmmaker who co-created the aqua-lung and paved the way for modern scuba diving. he also pioneered marine conservation and discovered the wreck of the hmhs britannic, sister ship of the rms titanic! so overall, he was a pretty cool dude and i feel that he’d be a personal hero to ocean-loving sailor (maybe even kiara as well, considering her love of the environment/conservation).

unbetaed as usual so all mistakes are my b.

gif credit to @toesure (who has the most beautiful gifs, ngl)

~Masterlist~

part four: high tide

The sun’s just peeking its rays over the horizon, painting the deep blue sky the softest shades of pink and orange. Calm, steady waves lap against the shore and over Sailor’s bare feet as she stands alone on an empty and desolate beach, the only signs of life coming from the seagulls squawking overhead. The air is thick and sticky with early morning humidity, the type that makes it hard to breathe and frizzes the hell out of her wavy hair, and she can already feel moisture starting to collect on her skin.

Why’s she here again? She can’t remember a reason and come to think of it, she can’t remember exactly how she got here, either. Did she drive? She turns her back to the ocean and its entrancing pull to look for her truck but finds the surf shop is the only thing she can see clearly, the world surrounding it blurred in an incomprehensible mess of color; the sight should’ve caused anxiety to take root in her chest but somehow she finds herself unbothered, relaxed. Somehow, she feels at home.

“The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever.”

Sailor’s head snaps to the left at the sound of a painfully familiar voice. A tall, redheaded man now stands in what was only a few seconds ago an empty space, smiling out over the water with the brilliant colors of the sky reflecting in his green eyes.

“Dad?”

Ryan doesn’t seem to hear the incredulous tone in her voice or even the fact that she spoke at all as he turns to face her and asks a question of his own, “It’s true, don’t you think?”

Of course she does. The sea has had her under its captivating, magnetic spell ever since she first laid eyes on it when she was a toddler, a baby, even. Her parents always said she wanted to spend every waking moment at the beach, combing the sand for shells and staring out at the water, imagining what new discoveries were waiting for her in its depths. Her mouth moves on it’s own as she replies, “You know I do.”

It’s not what she wants to say at all. She wants so badly to yell at him, let out her frustrations and hurt and pain ‘how dare you leave us’ ‘what did I do wrong’ ‘why haven’t you come back yet’ but finds that she can’t form the words. It’s like she’s watching a video, or maybe reliving a memory -oh. It feels like a memory because it is one, she recognizes with a start, of the week before he took off and abandoned them for the very first time, leaving behind a gaping, bleeding wound that neither Sailor nor her mother ever managed to properly stitch back together.

Ryan’s smile widens. “Always got your eyes on the horizon, Starfish. Just like your old man.”

Her heart clenches at the old, familiar nickname that she hasn’t heard in years, like she’s looking at a favorite pair of childhood shoes or an old t-shirt from a family vacation long past and realizing she doesn’t fit in them anymore, that she’s moved on, and surprisingly, it doesn’t sting as much as she thought it would.

“Come on,” Her father says and when he reaches out to her, Sailor finds herself reaching back with a much smaller, eight-year old sized hand that’s swallowed by Ryan’s larger, calloused palm. “Think you can go fifteen feet today?”

“Fifteen? I’m gonna go twenty!” She declares confidently in her most grown-up voice, giggling when her dad beams and hoists her little body up into his arms, the stubble on his face tickling her skin as he plants a kiss on her cheek.

“That’s my girl.”

He runs into the surf, tossing a laughing Sailor into the ocean when it’s waist deep before they wade out, further and further until the sandy floor drops away from their feet and they’re left treading water.

“Ready, Starfish?”

“Ready!”

The sun breaks over the horizon and casts its golden light on the pair, turning their hair an identical shade of fiery red just as they dive below. She has to work harder to keep up with her father’s longer strokes but she does it and reaches the bottom the same time he does; he smiles widely and reaches out to quickly cup her cheek, pride shining clearly in his eyes and she beams back before turning away to scan the floor for any worthy shells. Finding a knobbed whelk a few feet away, she swims over to grab it before pushing off toward the surface, Ryan following close behind. The sun becomes brighter and brighter the closer she gets and just when her head breaks through the waves-

Sailor wakes.

The early morning sun shines across her eyes through the curtains as she stares up at the surfboard above her bed, the very shelf were the whelk from that day still sits, proudly displayed with her other finds. Yawning, she runs her hands over her face and blinks away the last threads of sleep still clinging to her lashes, along with the memory of her dream. Moments like that with her father were rare. Ryan was a blast to be around when he was happy doing something he wanted to do, like diving for shells, hitting up the bowling alley for a few games, or taking his old, beat up boat out into the marsh to fish for hours on end (never something mundane as doing the dishes or folding the laundry, no, those were children’s jobs and being an only kid, those responsibilities fell to Sailor.). Moments like that were when she felt that -naively, foolishly- her dad was actually proud of her, that he wasn’t horribly inconvenienced by her having the audacity to be his daughter, to be born, that maybe he loved her as much as she loved him.

Cold from a sudden shiver that runs through her body, she rolls onto her side to seek out the best human space heater she knows but her arm only finds empty sheets lacking warmth, her hand reaching for someone who’s no longer there. She frowns and sits up, fingers automatically running through her sleep mussed waves in a semi-futile attempt to fix them into something less resembling a bird’s nest. A quick check of the phone she doesn’t remember plugging in to charge reveals its just before 7 in the morning and her confusion over her missing bedmate only grows; JJ’s rarely ever conscious before 9 AM at the absolute earliest and almost never by his own volition unless surfing’s involved. Even Binx is gone from his usual spot at the end of the bed, leaving her truly alone in the tiny room.

On the floor alongside his boots, the backpack she never noticed him having yesterday is still where he dropped it with its zipper open wide, while his phone rests next to hers on the bedside table and Sailor feels an almost embarrassing wave of relief wash over her knowing he’s still here, that he didn’t just up and disappear in the middle of the night, that he stayed (of all the times he’s come to her before, only once did he leave before dawn and, after she’d frantically tracked him down at John B’s place, tears in her eyes and streaming down her face at the thought of him returning to the lion’s den that he called home, he held her close and promised to never do it again.). She pulls herself out of bed and crosses the room to pull on a random hoodie from the closet before pocketing her phone and padding into the hall, the wooden floor cool under her bare feet.

A demanding meow comes from the kitchen followed immediately by a vexed, “Binx, my dude. For the last time, you can’t have this.” JJ’s bright laugh echoes throughout the room when Binx meows again, this one more insistent than the last and the redhead smiles, quietly shuffling forward to lean against the wall. He doesn’t notice, instead holding a finger to his lips as he shushes the cat sitting on the counter beside him, then turns back to whatever he’s doing. “Be quiet, dumbass! You don’t wanna wake your mom up, do you?”

“I don’t know, sounds to me like he might need my help.”

He startles at her teasing voice, nearly dropping the butter knife in his hand as she steps forward and scoops Binx into her arms, pressing a kiss to his fuzzy cheek. “Is mean old J not feeding you, Binxy? That just won’t do!”

He rolls his eyes but the grin tugging the corners of his mouth upward betrays his amusement as he says sarcastically, “Yeah, I’m the bad guy for not giving the brat Nutella. Great.”

With a laugh, Sailor gives the cat another loving scratch behind the ears before gently setting him on the floor and hoisting herself onto the counter beside JJ, her legs swinging back and forth and lightly brushing against his side. “So...you’re up early.” She says, watching him scrape the last bit of Nutella out of the jar and smear it on some toast, another piece already made on the plate at his elbow.

“Yeah, I woke up and couldn’t go back to bed.” He shrugs, tossing the knife in the sink and the empty container into the trash; her stomach does a little flip when he brings his hand to his mouth and licks away the chocolate left behind on his thumb, then continues, “Sorry if I woke you up. I tried to be quiet but that shithead over there wouldn’t shut up.”

He nods his chin in the direction of a lounging Binx, stretched out on the back of the couch in the sun and she shakes her head. “Don’t worry, you didn’t. I-” She shrugs, too, and meets his blue-eyed gaze. “I guess I couldn’t sleep, either.”

“Bad dream?” JJ asks, holding the plate of toast out to her and she takes a piece with a grateful smile as she replies, “I’d call it more of a bittersweet memory.”

They both fall into a comfortable silence while they eat until he suddenly asks another question around a mouthful of breakfast, “About your dad?”

Sailor freezes mid-chew, her father’s green eyes flicking away from her best friend’s face toward the floor as she swallows thickly, her free hand anxiously clenching the fabric of her shorts. After a long, pregnant pause in which they finish their food and he puts the dirty plate in the sink, she finally says softly, “I’m sorry.”

“Huh?”

She apologizes again, staring down at the floor and swinging her legs back and forth, her bare feet hitting the cabinet with dull thuds.

“For what?” His brow furrows in confusion while he takes a step forward to stand between her legs, one hand reaching to hook a finger under her chin and lift her head so he can look her in the eye, the other resting on her knee. “Seriously, help me out here ‘cause I’m confused as fuck.”

“Because I feel guilty, okay?” She starts, eyelids briefly closing as she takes a deep breath before snapping open again and continuing before he can interrupt, “Here I am, getting upset over a stupid dream I had about my gambling addict dad that ditched me when your dad does that,” -she points to his bruised ribs- “and this,” -her palm rests on his cheek, thumb skimming over his scabbed lip- “and God, I just-”

“Whoa, hold up there, Sail.” JJ cuts her off, his free hand joining the other in cupping her face, “Just because your dad never hit you doesn’t mean you don’t have something to be pissed about. He abandoned you, stole your mom’s money, and made you feel like shit! You have a right to be mad as fuck about it.”

“But-”

“But nothing! We’re not having a fucking competition about who has the shittiest dad,” -He smirks devilishly, brushing a wayward red curl off her forehead- “because they both suck major dick. End of story.”

In spite of herself, Sailor snickers as she winds her arms around his neck and pulls him close, resting her head in the crook of his shoulder while his own arms slide around her waist. “We should start a club.” She jokes lightly and feels his snort of laughter against her ear in response.

“‘Shitty Dad Society,’” He declares proudly, “I call being president.”

“Well, I’m your VP! Binx’s our secretary- shit, I’ll be treasurer, too ‘cause I don’t trust you with any type of financial situation at all.”

He laughs again, hand tightening its grip on her waist and she smiles into his neck as he says, “That’s fair. We should make shirts.”

They settle into another comfortable silence after that, both more than happy to relax in the other’s arms and just be. It’s one of her favorite things about..whatever they are, the ease, the contentment, the familiarity felt when they’re together are sentiments she never, ever wants to lose and a thought, an exciting, dangerous thought pops into her head: what if he never has to leave?

“Come live with me.”

“...what?”

Oh, fuck, she just said that out loud, didn’t she? Brain, enter panic mode. The redhead abruptly pulls out of his embrace and buries her already blushing face into shaking hands, closing her eyes tight for good measure, stammering between her fingers, “Nothing, nothing! I said nothing!”

“Pretty sure you said something,” His hands encircle her wrists and gently pull them down to her lap. “And it wasn’t ‘nothing.’”

She stares down at their entwined fingers resting on her thighs, the backs of his hands deliriously warm against her exposed skin and grounding her to this (scary, exciting, vulnerable) moment, and blurts out in a rush, “I said, come live here. With me.”

JJ doesn’t speak, but the way his hands almost imperceptibly tighten their hold on hers -she would’ve missed it if she hadn’t already been looking- compels her to raise her head and meet his eyes; the indescribable depth of the ocean is behind his gaze, as well as the barest hint of pure, brazen hope, and it says everything his mouth won’t.

“Remember yesterday, when you said you don’t know how much more you can take?” She asks. At his tight nod, she weaves her fingers even more intricately with his and admits softly, “Well, I’m not sure how much more I can take, either.”

Sailor’s eyes sweep over the cuts on his face with all the gentleness of a lover, his lip first, followed by the one on his cheekbone before meeting his again. “I can’t...I can’t see you hurt like this anymore.”

Blue stares into green for an insurmountable stretch of time, long enough that she starts to think that she should’ve just kept her big mouth shut, until he finally whispers, “Seriously?”

“J, I’ve never been more serious about something in my entire life. I can’t let him do this to you anymore.” She finishes with a shrug, “My mom’s never here, anyway. It’d be, uh, really nice to not be alone all the time ‘cause as much as I love him, Binx doesn’t count.”

His eyes become stormy at that casual admission of loneliness for just a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment before brightening into their natural blue, the same color of the sky on a clear day as he says simply, “Okay.”

“Seriously?” It’s her turn to ask it now and the smile that breaks over her face when he nods is one of unabashed relief; without thinking, she leans closer and presses her forehead to his. “Good.”

He smiles, too, and briefly lets his eyes fall shut at the contact as he jokes, “Just so you know, Flynn, I’m probably not gonna be the best roommate.”

“Please,” She giggles, freeing one of her hands to playfully push at his shoulder, “I live with the most spoiled, demanding cat in the world. I think I can handle you, Maybank.”

The teasing smirk on his face makes her heart beat a little faster. “We’ll see about that.”

Sailor decides to pretend she didn’t hear his loaded comment (she’s not quite ready to open up that particular can of worms just yet), instead pulling her phone from her hoodie pocket to check the time. “Alright, here’s the deal: in one,” -she glances at the time again because holy shit does she have the short-term memory of a fucking chimp- “two hours, we’re going shopping and, hey, don’t give me that look!” She laughs at the pained expression that crosses his face, “If you’re gonna live here, get ready to put in the work.”

JJ offers her a lazy salute with his free hand and she rolls her eyes, trying her best to ignore the butterflies in her stomach as he says coyly (again, damn him!), “Yes, ma’am.”

“Until then, though,” The redhead continues, hopping off the counter to grab his hand and starts pulling him toward the hall to her room, “We have a book to read and you have some Greek to mispronounce.”

“Fuck, you’re bossy.”

“Don’t pretend you don’t like it.”

-

It goes like this: for nearly three weeks, life for the pair is pretty damn good. The summer days pass the same as they had been, either spent lazing around with the rest of the pogues or working their variety of jobs -Sailor at the ice cream parlor, along with her weekly shell dives and the beginner surf classes she teaches for The Sandbar, JJ at the country club and doing whatever odd jobs he can find around the island- as June slowly bleeds into July. They find themselves doing everything together: shopping, cooking dinner, sharing her tiny room, and it’s so painfully domestic, so natural and so right that it hurts to wrap her head around it.

If their friends notice, none of them comment on it, even though she sees the looks sent their way whenever they both hop out of Sailor’s truck together (most are curtesy of eagle-eyed Kiara, but Pope and even the ever oblivious John B raise their eyebrows a few times). At night they continue to read through the Percy Jackson series, taking turns reading aloud each evening and for a short, blissful time, they let go of the burdens weighing heavy on their shoulders. For a while, everything is close to perfect.

Typically, predictably, it doesn’t last and when shit finally hits the fan, it happens in epic fashion because nothing is ever easy when they’re involved.

It happens a few days after the Fourth of July. It’s late-afternoon, Hurricane Agatha brewing off the coast causing the clouds to streak faster through the sky and, with the rest of their friends working or otherwise occupied, the two teenagers decide to spend a day lounging at home, getting in a few more chapters of The Battle of the Labyrinth and drinking the beer left over from a night of partying at John B’s house.

“’Jumping out a window five hundred feet above ground is not usually my idea of fun,’“ Sailor reads as she relaxes on the couch, book in one hand and can of PBR in the other, the wind blowing in through the open window ruffling her hair, “‘Especially when I’m wearing bronze wings and flapping my arms like a duck.’“

“I’ll drink to that,” JJ says, briefly lifting his head from her lap to chug the rest of his beer before settling back down, feet propped up on the couch’s arm. They’re both a little buzzed, having lost count of how many drinks they’ve downed but she’s had enough to make her start giggling at his comment as she struggles to keep reading while Binx, fed up with the noise, jumps down from his spot behind her and slinks down the hall to find some peace and quiet.

“Damn you, stop it!” She laughs harder as he pulls a ridiculous face at her pronunciation of Daedalus, then shoots her an impish grin and she responds by ‘accidentally’ dropping the paperback on his face. Both are so caught up in hysterics that they don’t notice the sound of a car pulling into the driveway or a key unlocking the front door.

“Sailor!”

The girl freezes at her name, green eyes widening at the sharp tone of her mother’s voice. Slowly, she turns her head to look over her shoulder where she stands, arms crossed, and she’s so shocked Carmen’s actually looking her in the eye that nothing comes out of her open mouth but an oh so eloquent “huh?”

“What the hell is going on here?” The older woman demands, moving around the couch before either teenager can react, and her eyes narrow when she catches sight of JJ’s head on her daughter’s thigh and the empty beer cans on the end table. “Are you two drunk? Get up, now.”

He hastily does as she asks, eyes downcast to the floor and shaking hands clenched at his sides; ignoring her mother’s glare, Sailor deliberately reaches over and rests one palm on top of his as she says tightly, “Nice to see you home for once, I’m surprised you remembered where it is.”

It’s a low blow and she knows it but she can’t find it in her fuzzy, alcohol-numbed brain to care when Carmen reels back like she’s been slapped before she seems to compose herself, mouth pressing into a thin line. “Sailor Giselle, don’t you dare talk to your mother like that!”

The redhead feels something inside her snap and she glares up at the only parent she has left, all but spitting her next words, “Then start acting like my mother! This is the first time I’ve seen you here in four months!”

“I had to come home after Rachel told me you were shacking up with some boy! Do you have any idea-”

“Rachel?!” Sailor explodes at the mention of their obnoxiously invasive old biddy of a neighbor whose sole mission in life is knowing everyone’s business, “God, that hag just can’t keep her nose out of anything can she?”

Carmen crosses her arms once again and glowers at her daughter. “You know how hard it is for me to be in here, Sailor. I asked her to keep an eye on you for me and I’m glad I did.”

The teenager stares at her in disbelief before barking a loud, humorless laugh. “Let me get this straight: you asked our neighbor to spy on me so you didn’t have to come home...so you didn’t have to actually put in some effort?” Carmen opens her mouth to defend herself but before any words can come out, Sailor continues, throwing her free hand in the air, “You’ve got to be shitting me.”

“This is my house!” Her mother thunders, not noticing the way the silent blond boy flinches at her yell and how her daughter tightens her grip on his hand. “This is my house and I can do whatever I damn well please, including having someone look out for you when I can’t.”

“When you won’t, you mean.” She scoffs, shaking her head in thinly-veiled disgust, “I’m doing just fine on my own, no thanks to you, Mom.”

“Does ‘doing just fine’ mean living alone with this kid?” Carmen spits and when she glances at JJ like he’s gum on the bottom of her shoe, Sailor’s finally had enough and takes a step toward the older woman with a furious glare.

“Will you just let that go? God! He’s my best friend and he needed somewhere to stay, that’s it!”

“I don’t care.” Turning to JJ, she demands coldly, “Go pack your shit and get out.”

“No.” Green eyes hardening into chips of emerald, the redhead grabs his other hand as he goes to leave the room and steps in front of him protectively. “He’s not going anywhere.”

Carmen pinches the bridge of her nose, her voice low as she threatens, “I swear to God, Sailor, either he leaves or I’ll make him leave.”

When she feels his whole body go rigid behind her, she knows her mom’s won this particular battle and before she can even turn to face him he’s disappeared down the hall to her room without a word. Sailor whirls to face her like the wind outside, red hair flying over her shoulder like a whip as she seethes, “How dare you.”

The older woman sighs like she’s the one hurting and crosses to the window before closing it with a firm hand. “Drop it, I’m done arguing.”

“I care about him, Mom, you can’t just kick him out!”

“I said drop it! I don’t give a shit how you feel about him, I’m not having your homeless boyfriend mooching-”

“Jesus Christ -his dad beats the shit out of him!”

The words ring out like a bell, loud and clear and impossible to ignore. Carmen freezes in the middle of picking up a discarded can, tan skin turning pale as she stares, mouth slightly agape, at her daughter; the girl stares back unflinching, and despite her heart’s rapid staccato in her chest, her next words cut like a knife.

“He’s not homeless, okay? But his dad hits him, all the damn time. You’re not gonna stand by and let that happen, are you?”

Her mother’s eyes soften -for a fleeting moment, she looks like her old, caring self again- before they harden to steel, the open expression on her face slamming closed with all the force of a screen door in a hurricane.

“I’m sorry -really, I am- but that’s not my problem.”

Sailor flinches at the icy edge in her voice and looks down at the floor, jaw clenched tight as she tries to blink away the sudden burning behind her eyes. “I...I don’t know you anymore. My mother would never say that.”

She hears Carmen heave another deep sigh as her footsteps slowly head toward the front entry, “You and I have a lot to talk about when I get back from work, Sailor.” She says, followed by the snatching of keys and the door handle turning. “And that boy had better be gone when I do.”

The redhead looks up from her feet, watching the door slam behind her mother’s retreating form before hastily making her way down the hall to her room and like that morning, the wave of relief that she feels when she sees JJ still sitting on her bed, realizing he’s still here, is downright embarrassing but she’s well past the point of caring. In a flash, Sailor’s in his arms, face pressed against his neck as she cries, “I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry.”

“Sail, you’ve gotta stop apologizing for things you can’t control.” He whispers when she eventually falls silent and she can’t stop the rough laughter bubbling in her chest, even as her whole world feels like it’s falling apart around her.

“Sorry.”

His own laugh is short and low in her ear, and then he’s pulling her closer as his hand draws soothing circles on her back. She lets herself relax for a brief moment, eyelids fluttering closed at his touch, before she takes a deep breath and pulls back to look him in the eye, hands carelessly wiping away the tears on her cheeks, “Help me pack.”

“...what?”

“When she kicked you out, she kicked me out, too.” She says matter-of-factly at JJ’s confused look while she abruptly kneels, pulling her old suitcase from under the bed and heaving it up onto the mattress.

“Okay, so she didn’t actually kick me out but she might as well have!” The redhead strides to her closet and starts picking out her favorite clothes, tossing them haphazardly onto the bed as she fumes, “God, I even told her about your dad -I’m sorry, shit I did it again- and she said she didn’t care! Not to mention she had our neighbor spy-”

“Sail!” She’s so caught up in her rant that she doesn’t notice when JJ moves to stand beside her, and only when he puts his hands on her shoulders does she stop short, a Kildare County High School sweatshirt dangling from her fingers; she can feel him watching her and when she flicks her gaze up to meet his, she’s not at all prepared for the tempest of emotions -admiration, pride, empathy, something else she can’t name- all crashing like the surf behind his eyes.

Blue. Oh so blue. It’s been her favorite color ever since she knew what colors were and she thinks her favorite shade has to be the one she finds in his eyes: bright, clear, and ever easy to drown in if she’s not careful.

“You’re amazing, you know that?” He says it in such a casual way that it’s impossible to think it’s not as intentional as the fingers that slowly tuck a stray curl behind her ear and the thumb that brushes along her flushed cheek.

She just shakes her head with a tiny, bashful smile and her words are an echo of a quiet, rainy night all those weeks ago, “I’m just doing what feels right.”

They fall into an easy rhythm after that, one that helps them both sober up as they fill her suitcase to the brim with everything Sailor thinks she’ll need for a long stay, wherever she ends up. The Chateau makes the most sense of course, but with the DCS breathing down John B’s neck recently, she’s not sure how viable of an option that is but there’s one thing she knows for sure: there’s no way in hell she’s coming back here any time soon. It hurts to leave her shell collection behind -for a brief, dark moment she toys with the idea of tearing the shelf down and smashing them all until they’re turned to dust but she pushes that thought away- so she takes her favorite, the lightning whelk that reminds her of JJ and that day on the beach, and gently tucks it away in her backpack to ease the sting, as a promise to one day return for the rest.

“Jackpot!” JJ exclaims and she looks up to find him on the floor by her chair, pulling up the loose wood board that hides her secret stash of booze and money and reaching in to snag a nearly full bottle of Jack Daniels, holding it above his head with a triumphant smile.

“Shit, I forgot that was even in there,” She replies as she kneels beside him and snatches the whiskey from his hand before he can take a swig, slipping it into her backpack, “Not yet.”

“Oh, come on,” He laughs when she rolls her eyes at his pout and reaches into the dark space to pull out an old plastic lunchbox, along with a small flask that gets thrown in her bag without a second glance. “Boooo.”

“Patience,” She teases, opening the cracked lid to take all of the cash inside and stuffs it into the ziploc bag that doubles as a purse (“it’s cheap and waterproof, what more do I need?” was her argument when Kiara asked her why she didn’t have an actual handbag), which she then stuffs in her backpack. “We can get drunk after we get out of here.”

“You had me at ‘drunk,’“ He slides the floorboard back into place after Sailor tosses the empty lunchbox inside and then stands, pulling her up alongside him with his hand in hers, the other reaching out to grab the handle of her suitcase. “Ready when you are.”

The redhead takes one last look around her room, from the assortment of shells and pictures on one wall to her poster of Bethany Hamilton on the other and everything in between -her sanctuary for the longest time- before turning away from the familiar comfort of the old to face the enticing uncertainty of the new. “Let’s go.”

After a quick stop in the bathroom to grab her shampoo, conditioner, and toothbrush -no way in hell is she gonna share any of those with the boys- then the kitchen to grab some food for Binx and the cat himself from the back of the couch (surprisingly, he doesn’t put up much of a fight), they head outside and throw her suitcase and their backpacks in the bed of the truck along with her surfboard.

“John B’s probably gonna be pissed about the cat,” JJ says, leaning against the passenger door with his arms crossed, smirking as she gives him a flat look and unceremoniously dumps Binx onto the bench seat through the driver’s side window.

“Well, John B’s just gonna -stay, Binxy!- have to get used to it. I’m not leaving him behind.”

Across the street, Rachel perches on her porch as she watches the two teenagers with her beady little eyes and Sailor, feeling particularly defiant, grins wickedly. “J, watch this.” Waving to the woman to catch her attention she calls over the wind, “Hey, Rachel!” before slowly extending both middle fingers toward her, one at a time. “That one’s for my mom and this one’s for you, you nosy bitch!”

He instantly joins in and both hold their hands high, cackling with laughter, until the old crone scowls and slithers back into her house like the snake she is. “Good riddance,” the redhead says, opening the truck’s door and sliding behind the wheel, “Let’s blow this joint.”

“Joint?” JJ asks, climbing into the passenger seat and slamming the door behind him, Binx instantly curling up on his lap, “Did you say joint?”

“You and weed, I swear...” She laughs and goes to start the engine before she realizes she’s grasping at an empty ignition and lets her head fall against the steering wheel with a thunk, “Son of a bitch, I forgot my keys. I’ll be right back.”

Going back inside isn’t as hard as Sailor thought it would be, but leaving is a whole other ball game. She snatches her keys from the bathroom sink where she left them and heads back toward the front door; she’s just passing by their family portrait when it hits her: this is it, the last time in who knows how long she’ll be here. It’s now or never. She thinks of it as a weight on her shoulders, one that’s been dragging her down for far too long, like Atlas holding up the sky, but unlike him, she’s going to break the chains and set herself free.

In one final, sudden burst of years of anger and hurt and frustration, she rips the picture from the hook and smashes it to the floor, sending pieces of glass and wood skittering down the hall before striding from the house and all its memories without a backwards glance, slamming the door behind her with a resolute bang.

-

Surprisingly, John B doesn’t give a shit about the cat when they show up at the Chateau but he does give a shit about Sailor and her well-being after they give him a quick rundown of the afternoon’s happenings.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Sail?” He asks as he and JJ carry her bags into the house and deposit them in the spare room, the redhead trailing behind with Binx in her arms.

“That’s the age old question, bro,” She deflects with a shrug, taking a seat on the bed and setting the cat down beside her; he instantly takes off to explore his new home as she continues, “Who actually knows if they’re okay? What’s okay to one person can be completely different to another-”

“Sailor, seriously.”

She glances back and forth between the two boys -two sweet, caring boys- watching her with twin looks of understanding and relents. “Look, I’m still kind of...processing everything, alright? I’m not exactly sure what I’m feeling and I don’t know how long it’s gonna take for me to find out but I promise you,” She says softly, looking them both in the eye, “I’ll let you know if I’m not okay. Deal?”

JJ shoots her an enthusiastic thumbs up while John B opts for a simple nod and she grins before pulling the bottle of Jack Daniels from her backpack with a flourish. “Good. Now, I think we could all use a drink.”

The trio (and Binx, house thoroughly explored) bums around the living room while the afternoon slowly turns to evening, the wind outside getting worse with each passing hour the storm moves closer, passing the bottle back and forth until none of them are anywhere close to sober. What started as a game of truth or dare quickly dissolves into straight up truth as they get remarkably philosophical about what animal they’d want to be (an eagle for John B, a wolf for JJ, and to absolutely no one’s surprise, a dolphin for Sailor) and then have a deep, animated discussion about the best Star Wars movie and why it’s The Empire Strikes Back. Later, when the whiskey’s down to a few sips left and their collective demons have retreated to the very back of their minds, JJ drunkenly suggests playing strip poker and both Sailor and John B have to remind him that none of them a.) know how to play poker or b.) even own a deck of cards.

“Damn it!” The sly grin falls from his face when he realizes they’re right and he dejectedly sinks back into the couch, head coming to rest on the redhead’s shoulder. “I wanna see you take your clothes off, Flynn.”

She laughs loudly and grabs the bottle from his hand before taking a big sip and passing it to John B. “You’re gonna have to try harder than that, Maybank.” Whiskey, she found out few months ago, hits her hard: her filter? Gone. Blushing? Aside from the flush in her cheeks from the alcohol, gone. Self-consciousness? As long gone as her father. She’ll flirt her heart out without giving a single shit and it’s both a blessing and a curse, as well as an endless source of secondhand embarrassment in the morning.

“That’s okay, you know I like a challenge.” He declares with a wink, cracking up when she plants her hand directly on his face and pushes him off her shoulder as John B snorts and downs the last of the liquor without either of them noticing.

“Jesus, get a room,” He uses the empty bottle to point down the hall, then sets it on the side table with a hollow thunk as he leans back and stretches his arms above his head. “There’s one right there.”

Sailor gives him a swift kick in the shin with her bare foot for that, plus the shit-eating grin on his face. The trio lounges around for a little while longer, relaxing in a whiskey-induced haze; the redhead finds herself nodding off every so often, slipping back further and further until her head finds a place to rest on JJ’s lap and her legs end up on John B’s. The feel of fingers running through her hair is so feather light that she can barely keep her eyes open and before she knows it, she’s down for the count.

When she wakes some indefinite amount of time later the room is dark, the only light coming from the moon shining through the windows and John B’s gone from his spot by her feet, Binx curled up in a ball on the cushion instead. JJ’s dead asleep, hand stalled in her curls and the sight of his head tipped back against the couch with his mouth slightly open is so damn endearing that she can’t help but smile, even as she reaches a hand up to gently shake his shoulder.

“J, wake up.”

“Five more minutes.” He groans, free hand sluggishly pushing her arm away. Sailor sits up and swivels to face him before shaking him again, giggling quietly at the way his head lolls from side to side.

“Come on, the bed’s way comfier than this.”

Sleepy blue eyes open to give her a heavy look that screams both gratification and longing and so much hope as he quips, “You just want me in your bed again, don’t you?”

She reverently rolls her eyes but reaches to grab his hands anyway and pulls him to his feet, both swaying in place before they find their balance. “And if I do?”

The corner of his mouth rises in a small, adorable smile as his fingers entwine with hers. “I’d say that’s right where I want to be.”

“Well, you’re in luck ‘cause that’s where I want you to be, too.” Still a little bit tipsy, her words are honest, sincere, and as she leads him down the hall, she realizes that old saying is true: drunk words are sober thoughts. After three weeks sharing a home, a room, a bed, she just doesn’t think she can sleep without him anymore and that belief doesn’t quite scare her as much as she thought it would.

Lying wrapped up in his arms in the dark, Sailor finds herself dreaming of a future -as much of a future an impoverished, quasi-homeless, not-quite alright, not-quite-seventeen year old can dream of- with the damaged boy that holds oceans in his eyes.

-

A few miles away, Carmen Flynn sits on her daughter’s bed with a broken picture frame in her hands as she cries, all alone in an empty house with no idea how to make things okay again.

-

let me know what you think! also, fun fact: sailor compares her short-term memory to a chimp because studies have shown that chimpanzees are the absolute worst at remembering things, not goldfish as we previously thought (they can remember things for at least five months, compared to chimps who, despite their similarities to humans, forget things in about twenty seconds). sailor, being a zoology nerd, would definitely find that fascinating and make it her mission to educate the masses that goldfish aren’t that stupid jj finds it both adorable and kind of hot

taglist ❤: @sinkbeneathwaves​ @jiaraendgame​ @hmsjiara​ @obxsummer​ @maysbanks​ @alexa-playafricabytoto​ @sunflowerbecca​ @obxlife​ @obx-adventures​ @sexualparkour​ @coltonparayyko​ @miawantsapuppy​ @jjmaybanky​ @ethereallust​

[virtuemoired]

i'm not sure if anyone has asked this already but can you do a top 5 best costumes for scott?

hi anon, i thought you’d never ask! today was a pretty rough day, so hopefully this cheers u up, anything 2 share my thoughts w the class! enjoy :’)

5. umbrellas small town boy: 9.2/10

starting off STRONG bc umbrellas!Scott was truly a sight to behold. in this picture, he is 20 years old, and all i have to say is that they don’t make ice dancers like that anymore. EVERYTHING about this look is *chef’s kiss*, from the collar right down to the carefully sewn chest pockets. scott moir woke up at the crack of DAWN to carefully roll up those sleeves to perfection, and made sure to tuck in his shirt precisely into his cottage boy pants to really sell the program. this is au naturale soft scott, only rivaled by mahler!Scott and latch!Scott WHICH WE WILL GET TO. in my humble opinion, 2008-2010 scott is peak scott, no matter what latch!Scott supremacists might have u believe. it is ONE thing to be a good ice dancer, but it is another to completely EMBODY the character of Guy Foucher and skate ur HEART out to the soundtrack “i will wait for you” over and over to tessa virtue. this costume never missed a beat, and i thank my lucky stars everyday for it.

4. latch: 9.5/10

latch!Scott is just one of those things where you can’t not include it, bc it is so ICONIC. if i’m speaking w 100% honesty, the real star of the show is his hair™️, but bc it is all about the full ~package~ we are gonna include his hair as being part of the costume. u know how v/m always say that they let their skating speak for itself? well i think that scott let his HAIR speak for itself bc when i was coming up w this list, my first thoughts were “latch scott” before i was like wait. what did latch!Scott even WEAR? for the life of me, i couldn’t remember. it was only until i googled that i realised he was wearing a blue costume (pictured). when scott said that his job was to get people to focus on tessa, he was lying bc his hair overshadowed his plans, and ended his own career. he thought he was smart wearing this unassuming blue shirt but we know ur game, moir. ur hair had more flow than dare i say tessa’s latch dress, and that’s the tea on that.

3. mahler: 9.7/10

u must be asking urself, what could possibly top latch? in which case, dear reader, u are in for a TREAT. you see, while latch!Scott had the best hair, mahler was the og soft scott. umbrellas was just the beginning, and i am so glad that mahler!Scott came through with this LEWK. i feel v strongly about the fact that we rarely ever got a chance to see scott in white with black pants, bc i personally love the pure, can-do-no-wrong vibe™️ going for him, right down to the cut at the back of his pants that NO ONE appreciates, but i do, scott moir. i do. 

2. great gig turtleneck: 9.9/10

legend has it that if you look up the definition for perfection, great gig!Scott will show up in the results. if tessa’s green dress was revelatory, black turtleneck scott is quite possibly the GREATEST thing that has EVER happened to ice dance. this is the creation by the hands of FATE, bc if their suitcases hadn’t gotten lost we would’ve NEVER had the honour of appreciating this MASTERPIECE in all its 1080p glory. it was truly divine intervention and if u look at the men’s and ice dance field now, every single skater has tried at least ONCE to accomplish even HALF of what scott did here, but NONE of them have even come CLOSE. not even scott moir HIMSELF could replicate this iconic gem, and today we send our thoughts and prayers to this work of art sculpted by the skating gods to get them on the worlds podium. truth is, turtleneck!Scott is a mirage and quite frankly i ask myself everyday if it really did happen. he would fit in at a patisserie in paris, france and no one would bat an eye. i feel like this picture deserves to be hung in the LOUVRE, so everyone can appreciate this underrated chef-d'œuvre of a costume. look, he even got me speaking in a foreign language, the POWER. don’t even get me STARTED on the hair, bc this is i-just-woke-up-and-oh-my-god-i-have-a-competition-in-5-mins scott moir hair and i am HERE! FOR! IT! he said, screw it, let me show u the greatest serpentine lift and WATCH US get onto the podium w minimal practice and DOMINATE. the BDE of it all. one of the commentators said that they had the cheapest costumes in the entire competition, and while that MAY be true this was the beginning stages of carmen!Scott and for that we should all bow down to it.

1. long time running: 10/10

tessa virtue can claim the colour green, and scott moir could OWN the black long sleeved shirt any day of the week. this was turtleneck!Scott 2.0, and i’ll gladly take what i can get. carmen!Scott walked so this look could run, and i’m so glad their last skate at the olympics was when scott was looking his absolute FINEST™️. the simplicity of it all is just too beautiful for words, but i’ll try anyway. 

this is the person u take home to meet ur parents, the kind of guy that ur grandma wants u to marry, and who all ur other boyfriends will be relentlessly compared to. take long time running!Scott and put him with tessa virtue wearing her stunning red dress, and ladies and gentlemen, you are seeing whatever greets u at the gates of ice dance HEAVEN. i fully believe that angels were sent down to bless us with this look, and scott’s hair here is really just the icing on top of cake.

scott often talks about “showing tessa off” and so everyone pays his costumes DUST, but when the commentators said “they made ice dance a little more classier”, this is EXACTLY what they meant. the whole i put this on as a sign of respect for the last skate of our careers on olympic ice energy really speaks to my SOUL, and as i previously said i am a SUCKER for a can-do-no-wrong vibe™️ so this ticks ALL my boxes. this is like the AU of moulin rouge, and it is the place i would put under the “mentally i am here” meme. i just think it’s so beautiful how, like turtleneck!Scott, we only got to see this finished look ONCE during the olympics, and then never again. but that’s okay, because this look watered my crops, fed my soul, and made me believe in true love again.

let me tell u, it was a journey to get to this look, a long time running if u must, but u know what? HE WAS WELL WORTH THE WAIT *mic drop* 

[octothorpetopus]

Half-Past Midnight (Rafael Barba x Sonny Carisi)

It's 12:32 a.m. and Rafael Barba and Sonny Carisi are still awake.

A/N: okay, so technically I wrote this last December, but I never put it on tumblr so I figured I’d share it here, because I thought it was pretty good! thanks for reading, and I always read and appreciate any comments or feedback you have!

There was only one office still lit up at 1 Hogan Place this late at night. In the darkened DA’s office, it seemed to Rafael Barba as if it were the only light on in the whole of Manhattan. Laughter echoed through the empty building, a rare combination of Sonny's unrestrained, drunken giggles and his own hysterics, which sounded unfamiliar without the usual air of constraint. There was no need for constraint now, with a half-empty bottle of tequila between them, jackets, vests, and ties all discarded and littering Rafael's desk. He had his feet kicked up on his desk, not caring if Sonny could see his solar system socks.

They had been drinking for almost two hours now, sipping tequila out of coffee mugs (Rafael's custom-made #1 ADA mug, a secret Santa gift from last Christmas, and Sonny's favorite glow-in-the-dark Batman mug. It was the only mug that Rafael allowed to stay on the shelf below the coffee maker in his office), and they had been working long before that, but when Rafael suggested breaking out the tequila, Sonny had suggested that maybe they shouldn't get drunk while they worked. It didn't matter, anyway. They had reached a dead end in the case- no one more to subpoena, no more witnesses, no more evidence. They weren't going to win, and that was clear. So they drank, and they smiled, and they laughed, because what else can you do?

They were playing Never Have I Ever now, having exhausted all of their normal conversation topics (politics, the Rangers- that's it), and having played far too many rounds of ADA/defense attorney/cop Fuck, Marry, Kill, a game which, despite their best efforts, they would never be able to clear from their minds. Both of them still had all of their fingers up, and the game had just begun.

"Alright, never have I ever... had sex with a coworker." Rafael rolled his eyes and took a long sip. Sonny snorted. "Really? Who?"

"Trust me, you don't want to know." Rafael muffled a laugh at Sonny's horrified expression. "Not that it's that bad, I just don't want it to be weird the next time you see each other." Sonny's eyes widened even further. "...I'm just making it worse, aren't I?"

"Can you give me a hint, at least?" Rafael considered for a moment. He liked how easy it was to fuck with Carisi, because he could fuck with Rafael right back.

"Okay, fine. She's not a cop." Carisi visibly relaxed, then tensed.

"Wait. If she's a woman, not a cop, and I've met her, then... oh my god. Oh my god." He finished off the rest of his drink and refilled it. Then he chugged half of that, his green eyes watering.

"Hey, it's not even your turn!"

"I'm sorry, but no amount of alcohol will ever wipe the image of you and Rita Calhoun having sex out of my head!" Rafael snorted.

"I never said it was Rita." But Rafael's poker face got weak when he got drunk, and he flushed a little.

"Jesus Christ, Rafael! Was it at least before she became the enemy?"

"Yes. Mostly."

"Fuck." Sonny made a retching noise.

"You know, for a catholic boy, you've got a hell of a mouth on you."

"Fuck you." Rafael took another sip. "And it's your turn." He considered momentarily.

"Never have I ever... lost a karaoke contest." Sonny sneered and gulped tequila.

"Not all of us have Broadway-worthy musical talent, Rafael."

"Yeah, but not everyone has your ability to never, ever sing the right note, Dominick."

"Karaoke night with the whole squad was a horrible idea and I still resent you for it."

"That's just because you lost."

"Shut up." Sonny tapped his fingers on the side of the mug, a familiar action that meant he was thinking hard. "Never have I ever gotten suspended from work."

"Low blow."

"Takes one to know one."

"That doesn't even make sense in this context!" They both burst out laughing, and by the time they were done, they weren't 100% sure what they'd been laughing about in the first place. "Never have I ever been in love." Sonny stopped mid-chuckle, the amused expression on his face fading into confusion and curiosity, clearly jarred by the sudden change in mood.

"Never? Like, never?" Rafael just nodded. "I... how?"

"Don't know. It just never happened."

"Oh." That seemed to be all Sonny could say, because he repeated it. "Oh." He tried to smile, but it didn't go any further than a small curve in the corner of his mouth. "That took an unexpected turn."

"Sorry." Rafael coughed. "I'm a shitty drunk. All over the place."

"We've gotten drunk together enough times that I know this is the time I'm supposed to walk you home. Come on." Sonny stood, but Rafael didn't move. "Let's go." Rafael still didn't move, just gestured towards the window with his chin. Sonny followed his gaze and they watched snow fall onto the sidewalk below for a few minutes. It had begun to pile up, just wet enough to be icy.

"I live twenty blocks away, it's the middle of the night, and it's snowing like a Hallmark movie on Christmas. Do what you want, but I'm not going."

"What, you're just going to sleep in your office?" Rafael pulled open the bottom drawer of his desk and pulled out a thick fleece blanket. "Oh," Sonny replied, his question answered.

"The armchairs by the fire are decently comfortable if you don't have back problems. You can stay, if you want." Sonny regarded Rafael oddly for a moment, somehow detached and yet curious.

"Thanks." He sat back down. Rafael's head tipped back. All of his limbs were heavy with exhaustion. They didn't talk for a bit, just drank and watched the snow fall. It was falling faster now, somewhere between a flurry and a blizzard. Every so often, Rafael sneaked a few furtive glances over at Sonny, watching the reflection of the snowfall in his eyes. He was struck with a vision of Sonny standing out in the snow, flakes catching his eyelashes, coming to rest in his hair, on his coat, drops of water trickling down his forehead as it melted. "What?" He was snapped from his thoughts by the realization that he was staring, and he had finally been caught.

"Nothing." He cleared his throat and flushed pink.

"You lied."

"Hm?" He met Sonny's eyes again.

"You lied."

"Yeah? About what?" Now Sonny blushed, but he didn't look away.

"When you said you'd never been in love. You lied."

"How would you know?"

"You've got a tell."

"I do not-"

"You look to the lower right and scratch your left ear." Rafael froze, thinking. "Trust me, you do."

"Oh."

"So, why would you lie about that?" Sonny arched an eyebrow. "You had no reason to. It was your turn to come up with the question. So you were, what, trying to convince yourself? Why?” Rafael couldn’t even tell if Sonny knew the answer. Hell, he didn’t know if he himself knew the answer. Sonny stood up again and circled the desk, sitting on the other edge so close to Rafael that Rafael could see the shallow rise and fall of his chest. “Why?” He asked again, and this time, Rafael answered. He wound his fingers tight around Sonny’s collar and pulled down. The space between them seemed infinite, but closed within seconds, and then Rafael’s lips were on Sonny’s, a position he’d imagined they would be in only in his dreams. In fact, this had happened in his dreams a hundred times in the last two years. Not always in his office, sometimes in the empty squad room or their favorite dive bar or even the secluded courthouse stairwell. And just like in his dreams, Sonny didn’t pull back. He pushed forward, leaning into Rafael, his movements intense as he slid one hand into Rafael’s hair, tangling his fingers into the gray-black mess. His other hand rested lightly on Rafael’s cheek, radiating warmth into his already warm face.

His own hands had somehow teleported to Sonny's waist, one or two fingertips brushing over bare skin where his shirt had ridden up. Sonny reached back just for a moment to yank the rest of it out, never once breaking the kiss. Rafael pulled back first, his breathing shallow and heavy.

"Are you-?"

"Yes." Sonny knew what the question was before it was even asked, and his own answer long before that. He leaned back into the kiss, this time reaching up to unbutton his own shirt, then Rafael's. They slid to the floor, gathering Rafael's soft, quilted blanket around them, not that they needed it. As cold as it was outside- and it was plenty cold, a near-blizzard- the office was bathed in a soft gold warmth as they melted into each other like snowflakes on the window pane.

"Thank you." Sonny snorted as Rafael rolled onto the floor beside him, breathless.

"For what? My d-"

"If you say your dick, I'll throw your clothes out the window."

"Okay, well, I wasn't gonna say that." Still, he quieted.

"Thank you for making me- for letting me- Christ. For wanting me, I guess." Rafael turned onto his side so that he was facing Sonny. "It means a lot. It means everything."

"Don't thank me for that. It wasn't a choice." Rafael chuckled.

"Way to make a guy feel good about himself."

"That's- shit. That's not what I meant. I meant... I would want you no matter what. I didn't choose to want you, I- I had to. It's like... it's like I'm drowning, and you're the lifeguard who's giving me mouth-to-mouth. In more ways than one, if you know what I-"

"I got it."

"But I would want you even if it were my choice. That's just who you are to me."

"Oh." Rafael brushed Sonny's cheek with an uncharacteristically tender thumb. "We should probably get dressed. I don't know what finding us like this would do to Carmen, or god forbid the DA, but I don't want to find out."

"Right." Sonny stood and offered Rafael a hand. "So, do you remember which clothes are yours and which are mine?"

Carmen did find them the next morning, although they were both very much dressed. She found them asleep in Rafael's twin armchairs, pushed together so that the blanket could be draped over both of them. Sonny's head was resting on Rafael's shoulder, and their hands were interlocked in a vice grip. They looked rather peaceful. Rather than wake them, she just adjusted the blanket, closed the blinds, and shut the door, allowing them a few more moments of peace and quiet.

The snow outside stopped falling.

The storm was over.

[rioskingdom]

Amor Pasado

Chapter 3

"I think I'm gonna puke," I slammed my eyes shut, taking the precaution of even covering them with my hand.

"Why did you come into an empty room," Cesar shouted. I heard the sound of objects being stepped on.

"Oh were gonna be judging me for coming into an empty room, not the sex-crazed teens, getting it on, in the teacher's desk!" I cringed at my own comment, shaking the thought of the kids having sex. "I have a free period, so I come into this room, it has the best signal in the whole school," When the room fell silent, I opened my eyes, moving my hand away.

Monse and Cesar both stood straight up, looking guilty as ever. "so we're just gonna go," Cesar tried walking away, Monse following close behind him but I called them out.

"how long has this been going on," I asked them.

Cesar was scratching the back of his neck, "the first time was before camp,"

"Then it started again about two weeks ago" she added. "Don't tell the crew," Monse pleaded. Why she was scared of telling Ruby and Jamal beat me, but it wasn't my secret to tell.

"Monse, I'm honestly trying to forget about it myself," I sighed, rubbing my hands against my face.

"I always did find you two very cute, even when you were kids," Both of them beamed, "You know you cant keep it a secret forever," they both nodded their heads. "Be careful where you guys are having sex, next time it'll be a teacher" I warned, as they left the room.

This room would forever be scarred in my head, not making me want to sit here anymore. I darted towards the library, while you still had a free period.

---

"You sure you dont want to go to the dance?" Olivia was picking pieces of clothing, shoving them in a bag. I shook my head, lowering my laptop screen.

"Dances aren't my scene, plus it's gonna be filled with ninth and tenth graders, no offense," she laughed, grabbing her bag. "Ok, have fun alone in this room," She giggled.

"Im gonna have so much fun, working on my homework!" Ruby came in, talking nonsense about being woke, after a few years with him, I learned how to turn my hearing off with him. Once they left, I focused on my homework. My grades had to be perfect, I had to give Cornell no reason to reject me.

There was a knock on the door, at first, I was gonna ignore it, but when I heard the second knock, I got up heading to the door.

When I opened the door, Victoria stood there, "Hey Carmen," I leaned against the doorway, examining her. "I missed you,"

"I dont," I responded, making her take a step back.

"I talked to the headmaster," she continued. "she's willing to forget the past and let you back into the school," Of course she would, hoping I dont tell the school board about her rendezvous with her students.

Her hand moved to hold mine, "we could be together again,"

I considered the possibility of returning, missing my friends, my professors, actually having a shot of going to Cornell. I looked down, watching as her hand, which once felt warm and comforting, now felt cold and stonelike. I peered up at her, my hand slipping from hers.

"I think its time for you to go," I mumbled. Focusing my attention on the flower pot, outside the door.

"Come on Car' we all missed you up there," She leaned closer.

"Dont call me that," I snapped at her, pushing her back. "you lost that right when I caught you screwing the headmaster," I spat at her.

"It wasn't like that, you're naturally smart," she defended herself, "I had to find a way to keep my grades up to stay in Gardensfield,"

"Are you expecting me to feel sorry?" I asked her. Whatever excuse she tried giving, it didn't change the fact, she cheated on me. Her eyes fell on my wrist.

"You took off your bracelet?" I walked away, going to my room, grabbing the bracelet that I threw on the floor weeks ago. I got to the door, handing her the bracelet.

"Have a nice life, Victoria," I slammed the door shut, resting my back against the door. My breath growing ragged as my chest felt heavy. Someone came from behind me, giving me a hug. I turned to them, seeing Abuela.

"Abuelita?" She backed up, coughing behind her, I'm assuming to not cough on me.

"Im sorry you had to see that Abuelita," I apologized, taking in a deep breath.

"no need to apologize, you should go out, have fun, forget this Victoria person,"

"I have homework," I tried to explain, but abuelita started nudging into my room.

"Nonsense, youre only young once," she was right. I couldn't go back to writing math problems. But where would I go? I'd never step foot in a high school dance. I sent Cesar a message, see if maybe he knew of a party, since he was in the gang.

there's a party at Monse, dance got canceled

Good enough excuse. I grabbed my phone, heading to Monse's.

----

I was getting lost in Jasmine's story, as I finished downing my beer. I walked to her fridge, grabbing another one.

"You sure thats a good idea, thats your third one," Monse told me. Who was she to judge?

"Hey im the adult here," I told her, keeping my sentences short and sweet.

"You're 17, "I stuck my tongue out on Monse, opening up my beer.

I looked to Jasmine cheering her on, "Jasmine, so tell me that story about your third nipple," I started drinking my beer, walking to her as she started gushing on how she discovered it. The minute I sat on the couch, I stood back up, coming to the realization that I had to pee very bad.  

"I have to pee," My memory was pulling tricks on me, I couldn't remember where Monse's bathroom was. I've been here a few times, so why can't I remember the location. I stumbled into Monse's bedroom, realizing this wasn't the restroom. My eyes fell onto Cesar, who was on the phone.

"Cesar," I whispered, trying to be quiet. He looked up at me.

"Oscar hold on," he turns to look at me

"That's Oscar?" he nodded his head, "tell him he's a poopy head," Cesar smiled, saying something on the phone. I looked down, spotting a penny on the floor. It must be my lucky day.

"Yup," He hung up the phone as I reached down for the quarter. I shot up, acting as if I didn't have my hand on the cookie jar.

"Cesar I'm lost, I need the bathroom," He looked confused.

"What?" he laughed, not understanding me.

"I have to pee," His mouth shaped into an "o" taking me to the bathroom. Once I finished using the restroom, I went to the sink, washing my hands, before spattering some of the water onto my face.

I stumbled outside of the bathroom, seeing Jasmine passed out on the couch. I walked outside, taking my bottle with me, needing some fresh air.

I sat on the porch, looking at the night sky. Oscar came up to me, sitting next to me, "Aren't you a little too grown for this party," I asked him, giving him a smile.

"I would say the same to you," He said.

"I can do whatever the hell I want," I answered, lifting the beer bottle, getting ready to take a sip. Oscar grabbed the bottle from my hands, moving it away from me.

"Pendejo!" I cursed, turning to him.

"Que te pasa?" he scolded. Okay, dad.

"Nothing," I told him, but his face read that he wasn't gonna give up. By now I was tired of Oscar's bullshit. I haven't even forgiven from last week, leaving me hanging that way. My anger sobered me up pretty quickly, causing me to stand up, so I could face him.

"Oh my god, what is up with you, no quieres ser mi hermano, pero jodes de ser mi amigo, you dont want to kiss me?" I ranted to him.

"Not this shit again," He rolled his eyes, getting up but I pushed him back down so that I was the taller person here.

"yes, this shit again," I scolded him, he leaned back, resting his arms against the steps, almost enjoying my outburst.

"I said no to going back to Gardenfields because of a past relationship biting me in the ass, and now you-" I massaged my temples, feeling an incoming headache.

"I mean am I crazy? did I read the signs wrong?" He had a smirk, written on his lips.

"Why the fuck are you smirking," I ranted. He stood up, pulling me flush against him. Bending down, he crashed his lips on mine. The mixture of cigarette with spearmint caused my body to melt into his, as he held on to me, keeping me upright. As he pulled away, he brushed his thumb against my lips.

"you're not crazy," he breathed. I gasped, running to the bushes, puking the contents from my stomach.

[aestheticaxolotl]

Lets Talk About Gunnar Maelstrom

Evil Daddies is where it’s at.

One of the meanings of the word "Maelstrom" is 'A situation of state of confused movement or violent turmoil.

Let me start with Maelstrom, usung the Carmen Sandiego Wiki to break him down as a whole, starting with appearance and personality (Excluding the comments around his action in the show, this will be hard seeing his major inclusion to the story so please bear with me once more as I do this).

Professor Maelstrom is a middle-aged man with pale skin and white hair with a receding hairline. He has broad shoulders and wears a black blazer over a dark gray turtleneck. As stated previously, Maelstrom is seen as being an almost unnaturally pale color, hinting towards possible Albinism.

Now, Middle aged according to the wiki page is between 50 and 60. Seeing the receding hairline and the lines on his face (Also can someone point me to a source about those random chin hairs? Like please I need context). 

He obviously has stress and sleep lines. I imagine these are due to his life choices and idiot operatives. His ethnicity is stated as being Swedish but continues to contradict itself when it later states that Maelstrom is from Scandinavia. I think this is to throw the readers and deep show watchers off and it would work better if both ethnicity and race were left as unknown. 

Now we move on to the easier things, personality, which is LONG. So let me start writing!

Of the five members of V.I.L.E's faculty, Maelstrom seems to command the most authority and serve as the de facto leader of the group, being the first to speak as well as hand out orders. As one may expect, Professor Maelstrom is criminally insane, which is ironic, considering his forte is psychiatry. Professor Maelstrom often likes to tinker with his patients' psyches and enjoys psychologically evaluating students, much like someone finding joy in pulling the wings off a butterfly. He does possess some level of awareness to his own insanity, though he is quick to brush it off as a mere label that other weak-minded people have given him. He also has an apparent fondness for the more psychotic recruits. In keeping with his name, his main desire is to spread chaos and disorder, with any actual gain being a secondary concern at best. Carmen considered him to be creepy, and rightfully so after he and Dr. Bellum collaborated to wipe Crackle's brain. Professor Maelstrom loathes Cookie Booker as he has no tolerance for her stuck up behavior towards him. He seems to have a fondness for marine life, as his office hosts a giant aquarium filled with jellyfish and other specimens. His use of the term "bait" as a pun is in reference to fishing bait, and in the novel adaptation, it is used twice. Further expanding the psychological exam scene from the show, in the novel, he declares that Carmen gave the "wrong" answer to the Rorschach test, stating that the image was a seahorse. The novelization expanded his sense of humor, though it mentions that even that had a dark and unpredictable tinge to it, showing delight in the lengths that his students would go in order to not be called upon in class. The show does have him throw a small quip every once in a while, often tinged with exasperation at his colleagues' antics or ignorance. He also enjoys making Countess Cleo envious of his fashion style, having asked Le Chevre and El Topo in the "The Fishy Doubloon Caper" to acquire an Ecuadorian Eight Escudos doubloon to be melted into solid gold cufflinks.

As done in my previous post, I will be diving deeper into the statement in the bolded font. 

Maelstrom seems to command the most authority and serve as the de facto leader of the group,

I don’t see any major reason for this face besides that there is a level of respect among the Faculty that centers around Maelstrom, seeing as he is one of the psychologically smarter than any of the other members, except Shadowsan but that is a post for another day. He is a very scary character because he is unpredictable, and possibly in the minds of the other, can be blamed for their crimes should they ever had been caught, but this leads me to my second quip with Gunnar Maelstrom.

Professor Maelstrom is criminally insane, which is ironic, considering his forte is psychiatry

When one looks up the term ‘Criminally insane’ we get the following “an accused person that is deemed to be suffering from cognitive illness or fault which frees then of lawful accountability for the unlawful behaviors” from https://psychologydictionary.org/criminally-insane/. 

I cannot at all say that I support this terminology on the stance that Maelstrom is more than aware of his action, to the point where he logically makes the choices to leave his fellow faculty behind at the prospect of capture. One cannot say that a “Criminally insane’ person is able to make these choices so quickly and with such calculation as to pack a go bag and hire an escape driver. But I digress.

He does possess some level of awareness to his own insanity, though he is quick to brush it off as a mere label that other weak-minded people have given him.

I don’t think that Maelstrom can stand to be labeled by other people. The exact use of the phrase “Weak-minded’ points me to believe that Maelstrom sees himself as mentally stronger, powerful, and far beyond that of the average person. This points to his class, and I’ll explain this in the next part, being the most critical and important to V.I.L.E as a whole.

His main desire is to spread chaos and disorder

This is WAY too specific to just be a drop in detail. No character is created be be a chaotic mixture, but they are built to SPREAD chaos, and Maelstrom is the perfect character to do this. His favor to Paperstar is a direct jab at this detail about him, she is an element of chaos that he put into play, the disorder of her is why he places her, while the other faculty hate Paperstar, he finds her the perfect wild card.

Professor Maelstrom loathes Cookie Booker 

I fully think this is, as the wiki and al of my sources say, Cookie Booker represents the original 1998 Carmen Sandeigo. And the loathing between them is a reference to the original game and books.

He seems to have a fondness for marine life, as his office hosts a giant aquarium filled with jellyfish and other specimens.

Not gonna lie, but I love this detail. The details, that caused me to GO BACK and watch the episodes with Maelstrom, was that the man likes fish. This adds onto the effect that he is rather cold and uncaring towards people, seeing them a thing to observe and keep. I also just love the idea of him having a fish tank and spoiling his goldfish that he named Clyde or something equally related to big time crime, like Al Capone or as said before Clyde.

He also enjoys making Countess Cleo envious of his fashion style

I’m sorry but Cleo and Gunnar challenging each other to see who is better in fashion? I’m sorry but they are the fashion police. Also I think this places WHO he is close to in the Faculty. I am very willing to bet that Maelstrom, who left Coach Brunt to drown and die, would NEVER leave Cleo or Bellum (Possibly) to die because they align more with HIS goals.

Brunt is... Dare I say... THE DUMBEST OF THE V.I.L.E FACULTY

WHAT DOES SHE DO?!?!

WHY IS SHE HERE?!

SHE’S STRONG AND THAT’S IT!

I digress (i used that phrase twice now), I just think his goals line up more with Cleo and (Again, possibly) Bellums’.

Now I go onto my favorite part of these paragraphs, the trivia/abilities. I love trivia/abilities, just because everyone sees this word and they are like ‘oh it’s just dumb facts’. BUT NO! It’s DENSTRAMENTAL to the character and links to their personalities.

He is capable of expertly performing a bait and switch. Professor Maelstrom specializes in psychiatry. He has been shown to have a favorite student, similar to the other faculty, in Paper Star; despite her disregard of the protocol in Mumbai. His grudge against Cookie Booker could be a subtle reference to the hostile relationship that his previous incarnation had with Carmen Sandiego in the 90's cartoon. As shown in the season three episode, The Haunted Bayou Caper, he has a fondness for Halloween.

Most od this is already covered, i know, so I won’t go over what I already did. SO let me just say... I know-

He is capable of expertly performing a bait and switch 

I NEED to SEE Maelstrom just- *Pulls and Bait and switch* -STEAL FROM SOMEONE. Like. I could totally believe that Maelstrom is the sleekest, most sneaky, most Swiper is swiping guy in the world. I am okay with letting them tell me this, but NO okay with them not SHOWING ME.

Netflix, I HOPE you see this so you can give me a SHOW on HOW GUNNAR MET MY MOTHER, COUNTESS CLEO.

He has a fondness for Halloween.

Charlie Pants. 

Do I need to say any more?

Okay, big ending time. So Gunnar Maelstrom, a deeply interesting character, mysterious backstory that a person can read into, different fun facts that lead to speculation and interest and amazing stories. I love Gunnar Maelstrom’s character, his personality, and his appearance. His effect? 100. His story? 100. His ability to make me rewatch the series? 100. 

Thanks for reading this. I’ll have another one out soon! Requests are open