#AND DISNT CHECK UP ON HIM

[hiraethwrote]

another update in showing my best friend jjk

we finished premature death, and she is a geto defender as she should be as well as very upset about the satosugu breakup

[urapunk]

(TW; mentions of self harm and vomiting.)

A Gary Smith writing that I made, and'll probably make more of.

People Dont Consider Me a Tradgedy And I Wish They Did

It's funny how alike he is to Petey. He's no different, he gnaws his nails quietly in class and listens to conversations around him because its embarrassing to start a conversation other than being the one spoken to. But thats a lie. He's just nervous and it tastes bittersweet and disgusting in his mouth like straight syrup.

But he cant even get better. He just cant. And so in the back of the ambulance with his snapped arm and new cuts from glass, he found himself crying. Crying for once. He's going to be fixed up and.. And well.. Sent away. Three months they said. Thats an entire summer. A summer in a looneyhouse and then its right back to the hell of bullworth if his grandpa decides to offer enough money. Those same faces. Those same, disgustingly familiar faces that he knows are staring. They're always looking, looking and looking and looking.

The EMT can see the cuts lacing his arms up and down until they get to his upper arm, because they feel even worse there and he doesnt hate himself so much as to make it sting even worse.

But he still does it. Theres atleast 12 cuts on his upper arm and they were all from really bad times. Times he's repressed and forgotten, times that make him want to rip his arm off and grow a new one, times that make him vomit from the anxiety of them happening again.

The lights are so bright in the roof of this death van. They hurt his eyes so bad, and he's sure his ankle is broken or wrist is shattered. He doesnt even know its his arm yet. Why didnt he just get Jimmy kicked out instead? Did he have to take over bullworth? Couldnt he just... Couldnt he just talk.

But he doesnt know how. He babbles like a small child when it comes to his stupid emotions because what are they. They all feel the same, his heart races, his face contorts, and thats it. Thats only how it feels and it will never feel different, and thats only the literal sense. They can either make him feel like hes driving a bumpy road or they can feel like his guts are spilling out so disgustingly in his lap.

It doesnt stop, and when they give him a therapist in happy volts itll still be the same. His therapist would ask him questions, like 'what caused this for you,' or 'why'd you do it?'...

'Why'd you do it?'

'Why'd you do it gary!'

And thats when he let out a loud, frustrated groan of pain.... He couldnt hear the sirens. Where had the sirens gone? Why couldnt he hesr the ambulance that he was in-?

He noticed he was wrong. He wasnt in it. He was now in a hospital bed, light beaming through the curtains and illuminated the cast on his right arm.

The cast. The cast that would restrict him. He was restricted now. Restriction is a bitter word. He doesn't like it because it specifically restricts him. Restrict, restrict, restrict.

It hit him that he had just woken up. He disnt remember falling asleep, maybe they out him out because he was writhing too much or- crying. Did he cry? Was he crying? He shouldnt have been crying. But nevermind that. He had obviously woken up from something frustrating him and he had no clue what it was. Maybe its best he doesnt remember.

It wasnt much longer in the day when he was checked into happy volts. He felt sluggish, and he quickly recognized the disgusting, stomach churning 'calm' of medication. His therapists all said the same things throughout those 3 months. Each time he was first meeting them he'd do a survey; with one question that stumped him every time, not matter how many times it was explained. 'Are panic attacks frequent? On a scale of one to 10, how bad do your attacks get?'

What is a panic attack. His therapists all just gave him the same answer, but he was searching for one that really set it up in him. He underatood it, a little, but it was like the knowledge of the ocean. It has fish and is very deep; it's emotional and very scary.

The thin mattress he slept on was annoying, and he couldnt tell if it made his slouch better or worse. He didnt have to wear one of those stupid gowns, they gave him a nice blue sweatshirt and white sweatpants with...

Grippy socks.

It made him want to die the amount of times he tried to slide down the hall only to remember, these arent normal socks. They have GRIP to them. He'd nearly fallen a less than safe amount of times. He couldnt even be childish, he had to be reduced to a 'calm' medicated zombie that felt sick all the time.

The clothes were comfortable though, the bed was.. Okay, but the showers were awful. He didnt feel clean. It never got hot enough to help him feel soft and fuzzy.

And it reminded him that he'd never wipe away the punches thrown at him over the years.

But that was for his therapist to hear, only because she was paid to. He's talk to his grandpa when he got home, but.. His grandpa wouldnt want to hear that. He wouldnt want to hear about how his grandson fought more than he should. That his grandsontried to take over the school and broke his arm in the process, that he fought ontop of bulworth academy and his last name would be slandered now. They shared nothing but the word Smith sometimes.

When he finally got out his grandpa had brought him clothes to change unto before leaving, a soft white tshirt and black cargo jeans, and a dark green jacket. He loved that jacket so much. It was like the perfect shade, the color that was the embodiment of gary! When he finally settled in the car he noticed his grandfather gripped the wheel angrily.

"So why'd you do it Fish?"

'Why'd you do it?'

'WHY'D YOU DO IT GARY!'

That made him wanna hurl. He couldnt stop thinking of Jimmy when anyone asked, but hearing it from his grandpa was sickening. Especially with the nickname he had aince a boy. He always loved aquariums and fish and all to do with fishing, so papa called him Fish, or just... Gary.

His grandpa was met with silence... And it did worry him. A little bit. But there wasnt room for worrying about gary now.

"Fish, tell me." He wasnt spitting venom out alongside his words, but more like a bittersweet syrupy medicine thats overly sweetened, the kind you'd take as a child and wanna throw up after.

"I dont know."

...

[noro-noro-noro]

fell back asleep, the rest of the dreams

1. going to the beach. when I get there, the people I was GOING to spend time with include my ex & my old roommate. i decide that I can talk to F but not J. mikharl is also there. I'm opening my suitcase to check on my stuff & it's full of random stuffed animals that don't beling to.me. and no pairs of clothes or sswimsuit. who packed this?? the only thing that was in there that was good was.my.zebra. I'm getting along ok with F, & she's talking a lot to HER ex Mikhael, and I'm ignoring J. theres also 2 more people that idk. this isn't my room apparently, thank god, so I went to go find it - 8134 iirc, and F & M are in there watching a youtuve video about child of light while I try to unpack my stuff. I decided that my dad must've packed for me but I'll digure out what to do tomorrow wince I arrived at lik 9pm & wasnt gonna drive 5 hours round trip back home to get my stuff. I wasn't sure if I had my laptop but I decided that as long as I didn't look for it incould pretend I had it.

2. something about psychic people & space travel. teru might have been there briefly. the scientists found us & there was a group that was nice & a group that was wanting to use the powers for their own. there was also a corrupting force - some kind of new energy source or smth? and soke eolle would handle it and some would start acting as if they were possessed by something that disnt know how to move in a human body. one of the evil scientists was ezta miller. it's such a shame they're a creep and an asshole bc they are hot. anyway there was also smth about going to see a mobie with my sister and my dad but they rescheduled? the movie ticket? so it was 8am in the next city over rather than an 8pm movie at the local theater, and so I missed it. my sister was like well I didn't even order a ticlet bx I changed my mind so that's yor problem! I was disappointed bc I wanted to see a movie with da family. then I get a call from the nice lady scientist - they were trying to build a space shuttle using the new source but it wasnt woekong & started to fall & they wabted my help. I was like ma'am this is out of my jurisdiction. but... & I called my friend who had like telekinetic powers & he stabilized it with ease. it was so nothing to him. and then the Erza milder got possessed by the source and confronted the lady & I was watching in 3rd person (that was my power ig like throw my consciousness) & he tried to shove her into the source anyway I woke up

[goldylockswriting]

Stray kids reaction to being called baby boy

Soo I disnt have much time to post this week. But luckily my amazing friend and writer @kpopwillruinourlife made this adorable cute post for me. So thabk you for making this ans i hope you all enjoy her writing ad much as I do❤️

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♥︎ Chan would be shocked by the sudden new nickname

♥︎ But wouldn’t hate it

♥︎ He’d find it rather adorable being called baby boy

♥︎ And would most likely like being called baby boy when he’s in the right mood

♥︎ Like when you two are joking around and you call him baby boy as a joke

♥︎ Or when he’s in a very soft mood and you call him baby boy

♥︎ He’ll turn into mush for a while but still saying things like:

♥︎ “Stop it~ you’re the baby here!”

♥︎ “Says the baby her/himself.”

♥︎ But don’t do it too much he won’t like it too much

♥︎ Woojin wouldn’t like it that much

♥︎ He’d chuckle at first thinking you’re joking around

♥︎ And would find it funny until he notices how many times you’re calling him that

♥︎ And when he notices that you actually mean it

♥︎ “Do you really think I’m a baby boy?”

♥︎ Confused since he doesn’t see himself that way

♥︎ Is rather honest about it in the end though

♥︎ So he would actually tell you that he prefers not to be called baby boy

♥︎ “I’m sorry... it’s not really my thing to be called a baby boy.”

♥︎ “What did you just call me?”

♥︎ Yes that would be Minho his exact reaction the moment you’d call him baby boy

♥︎ In other words he’d be shocked and would honestly not like it that much

♥︎ Cause he rather wants you to see him as a mature man

♥︎ Someone that can protect you and keep you safe and happy

♥︎ Not a baby that needs to be taken care of

♥︎ “Please don’t call me that.”

♥︎ Honest and direct with telling you that he dislikes it a lot

♥︎ Even if you’d be disappointed, he wouldn’t want to feel like a baby

♥︎ Please understand

♥︎ Changbin would be shocked at first and wouldn’t reply to it

♥︎ Because he’s asking himself wether you mean it or not

♥︎ But when you do it again

♥︎ Smiley cutie

♥︎ He would actually secretly love being called a baby boy

♥︎ But each and every time you call him that he just doesn’t reply

♥︎ Just his huge smile kinda shows that he loves it

♥︎ If you’d ask him why he keeps smiling

♥︎ “It’s not the nickname! Not at all!”

♥︎ You never even mentioned the nickname you gave him

♥︎ Obviously enjoys it

♥︎ Hyunjin his eyes would turn wider then normal

♥︎ Cause seriously did you just call him baby boy?

♥︎ Shakes it off and just continues with whatever you two were doing

♥︎ But will most likely come back to it later when he’s too curious to keep it in

♥︎ “Why did you actually call me baby boy? You think I’m a baby?”

♥︎ You truthfully tell him why you call him baby boy

♥︎ If the reason is indeed that you see him as a baby he wouldn’t want you to continue cause he doesn’t want to be a baby in your eyes

♥︎ If the reason is that you just think he’s super cute he’d most likely turn into mush

♥︎ Don’t call him baby boy too much or he might get insecure

♥︎ He wants you to look at him like a mature man not a baby

♥︎ Jisung would freaking reply to it as if it’s normal

♥︎ As if he’s completely used to it

♥︎ Probably confusing you in the process

♥︎ But it’s just his simple way of showing you that he likes it

♥︎ No, loves it actually

♥︎ So yes do continue what you were doing

♥︎ Keep calling him baby boy and you’ll get rewarded with a happy boy

♥︎ Cause being taken care of would be something that he loves too

♥︎ Though sometimes he would want to show he’s a man

♥︎ And would act like he hates being called baby boy but yeah no he loves it

♥︎ Felix would get mixed feelings

♥︎ Wouldn’t know what to say or do at first when you call him baby boy

♥︎ Also cause I see him being someone to call his S/O baby girl/boy

♥︎ So in the end he would ignore it also using this method to kinda show that he doesn’t necessarily love it

♥︎ But he would love to be called baby boy when he’s in a mushy soft mood

♥︎ When you take care of him when he’s sick etc.

♥︎ And he would be all smiley and cute

♥︎ He does love other nicknames more then this one

♥︎ He’s a sucker for cheesy nicknames

♥︎ Seungmin denies it hard

♥︎ Wouldn’t like it and would honestly push it aside immediately

♥︎ He kinda tries to like it for you cause you seem to like it

♥︎ But he just simply can’t get used to being called baby boy

♥︎ “Every time you call me baby boy I just think of Jeongin.”

♥︎ In the end just wouldn’t like being called baby boy

♥︎ He really sees it more as a maknae thing

♥︎ So honestly you shouldn’t keep it up in the end cause he wouldn’t like it

♥︎”I’m no baby.”

♥︎ Is such a baby though

♥︎ Jeongin would secretly love it a lot

♥︎ Whenever you call him cute he would love it but deny

♥︎ He is a very tsundere type so honestly he will never tell you wether he likes it or not

♥︎ But please just keep giving him compliments

♥︎ Keep calling him baby boy

♥︎ It’ll make him happy and mushy

♥︎ Blushy too

♥︎ And another plus, he will most likely get more confident hearing all those sweet words and that cute nickname

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Again thank you @kpopwillruinourlife. If you dont know her already then definitely check out her blog!

Love you,

Goldy

[loveperfectsummer-blog1]

Giving Birth.

June, first to second week, and was also running on my 40th week, Iam already having hard time on walking but still can manage, sitting & even on my lying position. I was also so pissed off with my urinating patterns.

Iam making myself more than ready to pop!

June15. Ihave an usound appointment with my sonologist, to check & make sure tht my baby was already on his birthing position. I have also visited my OB for my weekly checkup. She decided to briefly check on my cervix. And, to our surprise, Iwas 5cm dilated. She immediately jump out of her scrubs & called the hospital. She told me to rush to my chosen birthplace and shell also be there in a minute.

Iwas so excited & at the same time, so scared. Iwas with my parents only, and theyre panicking! Aldrix was home, on his uncles birthday party. I hurriedly called him up and told him tht I am about to deliver the baby in an hour o two. He rushed to the hospital but disnt managed to see me before I went to the OR.

Before sending me off to OR, the nurses checked my BP and it was ridiculously HIGH, like 200/100. But, Iwasnt feeling anything painful or different. Ibelieve, it was just because of the rush!