#AND BEAR HUGGER STEALING A TREE!!

[seahagart]

I'd love to see how Drifa handled the Emerald Grove between the druids and the tieflings. It's not the romance, but I think her straightforward nature would be interesting in that situation!

Ooo yes! It would be kinda complicated.

Drífa is very pragmatic and is a ‘survival of the fittest’ type, the strong overcome the elements, wilderness vs man, etc. she probably would initially understand the druids, the tieflings showed up and are taking their resources and the Druids are ‘protecting their own’, people have intruded on their territory… these people are intruding on holy ground, holy ground to a god of nature (she worships a goddess of nature) she doesn’t dislike the tieflings at all, she probably doesn’t even really wanna be involved, Drífa falls ass backward into doing the right thing because she’s a good person

But when Drífa finds out the head Druid is going to kill a child for stealing, in her eyes, a rock, she immediately changes her mind. She would listened to the situation from both sides before casting judgement, but to her Kagha is going to kill a kid for stealing a statue that… she has back?

Drífa is a very stalwart person, but kids are the only thing that can stray her from her teachings and she would immediately be disgusted by the Druids. To kill for the sake of killing or for a show is against her beliefs and that’s what kagha is doing. To say you are guardians of nature and willing to snuff out life for a ‘false idol’ Drífa isn’t materialistic so the statue is nothing. She would be very straight to the point her disgust, and probably be a bit hostile to everyone in the vicinity because the idea that ‘someone is the high Druid by ‘right’ so we can’t stop them’ is ridiculous. Obviously the strongest and best for the community should be leading, and these are weak and cowardly so she will find the Halsin to restore balance.

Probably give Arabella a gruff and stern talking to, and pat on the head… but deep down is thinking of her child that she couldn’t save. She would then be very motivated to find Halsin and help the tieflings since the ones sworn to protect the natural order are being complete morons

I do think it’d be funny if to her Halsin is a tree hugger comparatively and she’s like ‘oh lord… another elf… this one’s a gd hippie….’ Jkjk I do think she’d be disappointed when the bear turns into a man. Obviously Halsin watches her eat honeycomb with her bare hands and needs her carnally

She would then help the tieflings escape because they deserve a chance to start their own community elsewhere

She’d help the tieflings and then put her hands on and nod and just leave and they have to chase her down to go to the party because ‘why you have talk to Drífa? Is ok- I go now- why thank?’

[bucketspammer4life]

I was gonna suggest a cryptid AU were all the boxers are mythical creatures from their country of origin (Like Joe being a tatzelwurm or matagot, Aran being a puca, and Don being a oricuerno etc. Little Mac is just a human who joined the wrong boxing league.)

But now I kinda wanna hear about a Winx or general fairy type AU.

im sorry but i cant get the "she was a fairy" sound out of my head aughhhhhghgggh, fairy au hcs below

Glass joe - small fairy that keeps getting mistaked for a butterfly, guides people to safety away from danger when needed

Von Kaiser - somewhat smaller than average fairy that usually spooks kids who misbehave (not doing chores, not listening to your parents, not eating healthy)

Disco Kid - normal sized fairy that just dances around to cheer up people, has a large swarm of fireflies around him

King Hippo - normal sized fairy that brings good harvests to people who need it & steals crops from people who dont deserve it (by that i mean being generally bad)

Piston Hondo - another normal sized fairy that scares bad people into being good (people who litter, bullies, mean people) think of him as a upgraded Kaiser

Bear Hugger - normal sized fairy that will send a squirrel after you as a warning when you litter, if you keep it up he'll eventually send a entire ass bear to your doorstep, And it you somehow keep that up he turns your house into a animal sanctuary by filling it with birds, bears, meese, geese, cheese and BEEES!!

Great Tiger - somewhat smaller than average fairy that sings to warn people about the others, how bear hugger will send a bear to your house if you litter, how glass joe means no harm and how King Hippo will steal your crops if youre a dickhead

Don Flamenco - normal sized fairy that steals hearts (and names) by flirting with those out to get him, usually hides out in a tree trunk and will come out to help people get with their crush

Aran Ryan - small fairy that likes causing havoc, even being near him causes people to feel dizzy, hes that much of a problem, he'll steal your crops for fun, kidnap your livestock for shits and giggles along with chucking you in a lake if you piss him off

Soda Popinski - normal sized fairy that comes out during the winter to keep people who get lost safe, will usually guide them to their house, a shelter or somewhere warm

Bald Bull - normal sized fairy that does not want you near his territory, usually warns people by wrecking & twisting trees to the point where it looks like someone took a bite out of it, if you somehow dont back off he'll put a curse on you or make your livestock ill

Super Macho Man - normal sized fairy that appears to people who are too obsessed with their appearance and annoys them out of it by being more obsessed about his appearance to make them realize how dumb they sound, can and will steal any mirrors to look at himself

Mr Sandman - bigger than average fairy that appears to protect people who are in danger, usually putting a curse on the attacker and guiding them to safety, usually scares off the threat since hes tall as fuck

[theofficefantasyfootball]

WEEK 5 - Wrap Up

Crawl/Walk/Run/Win

It's one step at a time in fantasy football. You can't just start off a winner. Sometimes you have to learn to win, take babysteps. Well, unless you are Mitch White this year....then winning comes natural and is automatic. But for most of us - it takes a few weeks to get our confidence and know who to start and who to sit. In the end it's about maximizing the next 9 weeks to make it in the playoffs. Stay focused...lots on the line the next few weeks!

MOOSES ON THE LOOSES vs TuPADRE

I mean what the hell! Gully puts up his normal 125 points and the Moose says "that doesn't scare me I'll put up 145"! Insane. And we are not even a PPR league! I am not going to go down the list of people who scored for these two guys - you can go look for yourselves. It's very impressive. That's all - short and sweet - Moose actually had a chance tonight to steal high point away from Dana tonight with Olave but Olave Osucked.

HOWARD vs FUNK GUY

Nice try Rob. You thought you could swoop in and take down Dana to get over your little losing streak but it didn't happen. You have now dropped 3 in a row...it should be concerning for you. But, I know the excuse...it's October and in October I play like 30 shows with my polka band for Octoberfest's all over the world. Rob, it doesn't matter to any of us. A loss is a loss. Dana - great week from Lamar, Chase and Vikings D. Congrats and I see big things for you on the horizon! Stay strong! High Point winner ($20) - to be given in person cause no electronic footprint for the funk guy.

TREE HUGGERS vs MR AWESOME

Gabe said to Krippayne this week "Dude gotta go!" Actually, the truth is, Gabe just caught Scotty K on the right week. Metcalf with 3.5, Kinkaid with 3.4, Breece Hall with 3.7...you just can't win with those numbers. Meanwhile "Taco Boy" really didn't do much better but he did have a break out game from Drake London (26.40) and Bears Defense (18)...and that was enough! The more I see this GIF, I am thinking maybe Kamala is what we need. Just think of all the catch phrases we will have by 2028. Nice win Gabe!

LANAKILA vs BOOMER SOONER

91-81. How un-exciting is that. Also, done on Sunday. No fun at all. Not really sure what to say so just gonna end it. Cliff wins. Let's try and get into the 100s next week guys!

TRADE WITH ME vs KENNY AND THE JETS

Well, this one was not boring. Kyle vs Brett. Comes down to Monday night. Brett has Kamara and Grupe (Kicker) still to play and Kyle with Kareem Hunt. Kareem comes out with a quick TD and gives Kyle the lead...the Saints are trying to get the ball to Kamara but he doesn't seem to be doing much with it. Can Brett have a break out? Will Kyle continue a win streak under this new name? The answer is yes! Hunt with over 100 yards and a TD for 22 points was more than enough to take down Brett...who hasn't won since "the episode" in Europe. Congrats to Kyle!

WHAM BAM THANK YOU LAMB vs LONG LEFT BALLERS

Lucky is what I am this week. When your opponent (in my case Bebo Norman who is 0-4 going into this week) has a QB that puts up 43 by throwing 5 TDs in the early game on Sunday, you are probably going to lose. It is only luck that every other player Bebo had put up single digits. Going into Monday night - he had Kelce left who hasn't been that great this season - but in the first 1/2 he was Mahomes favorite receiver . In fact just to give me some insurance I put a $2 bet in that Kelce would score 4 TDs...you know just in case!

Thanks to Harrison Butker it looks like I might not lose to the guy who is winless. Praise!

CHEERLEADER OF THE WEEK

This one said underneath the photo Ronald Martinez. Pretty sure that was the photographer's name and not the cheerleaders, otherwise this trans surgery stuff is getting good!

[kharak-the-skeleton]

AELVES IS THE GENERAL TERM FOR HUMANOIDS WITH POINTY EARS AND LOTS OF MAGIC.

WHERE I’M FROM THERES 4 DIFFERENT GROUPS, LUMINETH REALM LORDS, SYLVANETH, IDONETH DEEPKIN AND THEN THE AELVES OF SIGMAR’S CITIES (basic aelves).

THE LUMINETH ARE WHAT ARE USUALLY CALLED “HIGH AELVES” AND ARE FROM THE LIGHT REALM HYSH, AND ARE STUCK UP SHITHEADS, WHO SHATTERED THE GREAT LICH KING NAGASH.

SYLVANETH ARE FUCKING TREE HUGGERS

IDONETH BEAR NO SIMILARITY TO ANY OTHER AELVES TO OCCUR IN OTHER UNIVERSES, BUT THINK OF THEM AS AQUATIC AELVES WHO KEEP STEALING FUCKING SOULS. NAGASH IS GOD OF DEATH AND THE DEAD FOR A FUCKING REASON.

THE OTHERS JUST WORK FOR SIGMAR (the boring god)

ALMOST FORGOT DAUGHTERS OF KAINE, THEYRE MURDEROUS BLOOD AELVES.

SO THATS WHAT AELVES ARE, AND I FUCKING HATE ALL OF THEM.

You. You as well.

Into the cool people pile with you.

GLORIOUS, BUT I MUST RETURN TO MY LEGIONS.

WE NEED TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THE AELVES.

THANK YOU FOR CONSIDERING ME COOL THOUGH.

[sinner-as-saint]

I’ll Be Your Baby.

Sugar Daddy!Steve x Reader AU

Requested by my boo @fafulous​ 

Run-through: It was supposed to be a purely transactional relationship. But then it transforms into something so much more because you and Steve fall for one another at the perfect time.

Themes: fluff, smut, sugar daddy!steve

Mkay, but sugar daddy!Steve would be such a perfect man.

He’d be broody and mysterious at work; a successful business man who played with his billions all day every day. But then to you, he’d be so good, and sweet and gentle. Demanding cuddles whenever he felt like it, and stealing kisses anytime he wanted.

Cuddles with sugar daddy!Steve? He’d be clingy. Like really clingy. He’d often cuddle you in bed, holding onto you like a baby koala bear to a tree. Pushing his face either into the crook of your neck, or shamelessly in between your breasts. Caging you in his arms protectively, he’d be the complete opposite of the business mogul he often is while at work, when cuddling he’d turn into a big baby. 

In the beginning of your relationship, he was less so. But then as you grew closer, you concluded that the man was just one big baby who needed attention almost just as much as you did.

Within the first few months, Steve stole your heart. Completely. You fell for how confident, and classy he was. How he could step into a room and own it. 

But also how gentle he was, always putting your comfort and consent first no matter what. 

You still remember the first time you and him slept together. He was such a gentleman that you were the one who had to initiate it. Dressed in a  risqué nightgown, you made your way to his study that one night you stayed over at his place. Steve was sat in his study room, working - as always - and you went over and made yourself comfortable on his lap. 

“Hi baby. Can’t sleep?” he leaned back in his seat, making more room for you on his lap, wrapping his arms protectively around you. 

You shook your head at his question. 

He smirked. “Want anything?” 

You answered. “Yeah, you.” and then leaned in for a kiss. Which then ended up with the two of you fucking right there on his couch until the early hours of the morning. 

He was loud during sex; moaning, and growling, and grunting as he pushes into you. “Fuck... you have no idea how hard it’s been to hold back from touching you.” 

His thrusts were relentless. His mouth pressed against yours and he nibbled on your bottom lip occasionally as you gasped, and moaned. He was taking over all your senses and you were more than happy to let him while he fucked you raw

The pleasure was overwhelming; the feeling of his warm body pressing into yours and the feeling of his cock ramming in and out of you, stretching you out deliciously until you came undone all around his cock

He held you after that, all night long. And you slept soundly, in his arms, safe and warm.  

You’d often spend the night over at his place, as your relationship progressed, and you’d always wake up in his arms, or with his lips soft against your body; peppering your skin with kisses.

“You’re suffocating me,” you’d often playfully whine as he holds you tight against his body and kisses your endlessly, making you giggle uncontrollably.

He’d hum in satisfaction. “With love, yes.”

You secretly liked how he was able to switch from businessman to your gentle sugar daddy in the matter of seconds right upon seeing you. You’d drop by his work often, and you’d catch him barking orders to his people on his phone, but then minute you’d walk into his office, he’d drop everything and open his arms for you to walk in.

He’d be the best hugger as well, holding you tight in his strong, muscular arms. He liked how you’d innocently press your cheek right over his heart and sigh in content. “I missed you.” you’d say and look up at him to and stare into his deep, ocean blue eyes. You liked this; being engulfed in his arms, surrounded by his body heat and his scent. Him, all around you.

“I missed you too, babygirl.”

Okay but sugar daddy!steve would also LOVE to get down and dirty – whenever the hell he wants to

Be it kissing you senselessly, regardless of who’s around

Or having you on his lap in the back of his car, or on his private plane, or on his luxurious yacht

Making you sit on his cock, until you’re literally trembling with need and teary eyed, begging him to just fuck you already. 

“Please... please, I need you...” you whined, at the back of the limo as he carelessly scrolled through his phone, with you keeping his cock warm. 

“Hmm? Ask nicely, come on,” he’d whisper without even sparing you a glance. 

You’d whine again and beg him desperately. “Please daddy, I’ll be good to you. I promise.” You’d even throw a pout in there. 

And he’d melt immediately, kissing you on the forehead. “I know baby, I know.” His lips would trail down your neck. “Ride me.” 

Steve loved you. Your humor, your elegance, your intelligence and how you always managed to make his days better. 

He liked how you looked at him like he hung the moon

He’d tease you about it sometimes, “Oh, I know that look. What do you want, baby?” 

You’d smirk, but won’t say anything. And then he’d grab your hand and pull you over his lap, and once you sat comfortably, straddling his thighs he’d ask again, “Tell daddy what you want, and it’s yours.” he’d whisper in that low, deep voice. 

You’d play along. “Hmm, can you afford it though?” 

Steve would chuckle darkly and slide his hand through your hair, grab a bunch and tug on it gently, tilting your head back just a little and stare deep into your eyes, “Look who you’re talking to, babygirl. Now tell me.” 

You’d smile and give in, “I want you. Forever.” 

He’d smile back, “You got it. Would you be my baby forever?” 

You leaned in for a kiss. Then whispered against his lips, “I will.” 

[vitiatasxinficit]

Come Home Part One

@hi-its-teamfreewill @whattheciel

There is a fear that Sebastian harbors. It resides deep down, in the dark corners of his soul nestled up with the demon that prowls within, the thing capable of the worst. 

A fear born from accomplishing that which they had fought and cried and bled to do. To bring Vittoria home. It was now, a matter of waiting. It could be any second. Any day now, and he’d hear her voice and while that filled him with something akin to joy, eagerness, a restlessness that made him anxious, it came burdened with a fear. 

It was brought to bear as Sebastian moved quietly about the Estate. He was headed for the apple tree outside. He couldn’t find his angel and as habits would predict, he should be outside at the apple tree. Waiting for him. 

As he passed by the large windows, he stopped for a glance. One of the many things he enjoyed doing. Stopping to watch the angel just...be. 

Except he wasn’t there. 

His eyebrows furrowed, disgruntled and now somewhat concerned. He changed course and scoured the entire estate. Why didn’t he look, however, in the one place he saved for last.

He approached her room with caution. He had not entered since the day that he laid her body there. Blue eyes seemingly forever closed and he had fell at the feet of her lifeless body and broke in a way that he had never done before. 

Sure enough, there he found him. He was busy tidying up. He’d brought in fresh flowers and opened up the curtains and when he did enter, Castiel looked up, surprisingly startled. 

Sebastian’s mind is clever, but it can also play tricks on him. It was sharp, and knew every detail, especially when focused on Castiel. He knows that surprise. Labels it immediately. This was not a space he often occupied even when she was alive. They would disappear into the room with her secrets and spells and potions and stories of a world Castiel didn’t know. 

Was he ever banned from entering? No. But he’d knew to respect them. He’d been the last to join their little family and he wouldn’t dare impose himself on their happiness. 

Perhaps that is why Castiel was startled to see him there. Perhaps he didn’t belong. 

Still, auburn eyes look over the room with curiosity before landing on Cas. 

        “You’ve been quiet all day, I had wondered what you were doing.” 

       “I’m ready for her to come home.” 

His look of pleasant happiness at the idea of her returning sparked the thought. Then his look of distress. 

       “What if she doesn’t remember anything? What if she doesn’t remember us...me? What if it isn’t the same Sebastian I’m--” 

       “Worrying for no reason.” 

He blew out an even breath, eyebrows raised. “She’s coming home. Perhaps you should brace yourself so she doesn’t crack one of your ribs in a hug.” 

He almost pout should’ve eased him but it did not. Because for certain their reunion would be glorious. These two had defied the odds before. They’d died for one another, stuck together so that they’ve survived and made a home together.

Nothing can trump such a relationship. 

Not even Sebastian.

The fear took root at that. 

A fear that upon her return, what had become of himself and Cas would fall aside for Castiel being reunited with her. He could almost see it. How they would fall back into their routine. Their love had nothing on their history. 

He excused himself on the premise that he too, needed to begin preparations for her return home. That delighted Cas, who promised to join him as soon as he was done. 

That night had been long and full of doubt. And he wrestled with those thoughts alone in bed. Only because he chose not to occupy the day bed Cas insisted on sleeping in, in case she turned up during the night. 

Two months passed. 

In early March, on a windy warm day, Sebastian was tucking roses into a vase to place on the large dining table when a voice brought him out of his revere and thoughts. 

       “You always had an eye for such things. I once thought that was silly but I can not tell you how much I missed it.” 

Laying eyes on her, in all her glory, was a flooring thing. The vase rocked as he released it, threatening to tip over and fall to the floor but settling itself, her laugh rang through the room as she found herself swallowed up in a hug. 

       “I didn’t know you were such the hugger Sebastian.  You’ve changed.” 

      “Well it’s not every day you have to lose someone, now is it?” he grumbled, breathing her in. 

       “I know. I’m sorry. Sebastian?” 

He’d grit his teeth and closed his eyes against the way his chest caved, saved from being called out for being on the brink of perhaps almost maybe tears, by the noise Castiel made when he entered the room.

        “Sebastian the crystal in her room is missing and she needs that to get--” 

He released her in time for sure. The way they collided, years worth of happiness and fears and love and need seemed to blossom in the way they wrapped around one another. Tears came to her eyes, both of them as they collided to the floor. Their laughter mixed with sobs filled the air and despite the warm smile on his face as he quietly exited the room, Sebastian left with only one thought.

His worst nightmare would surely enough be reality. 

The morning after saw a bit of normalcy return. He began the morning with the idea of breakfast, sleeves rolled up, arms deep in pancake batter when he sensed more than saw Castiel sleepily wander in. He looked like he wrestled with a tiger and was just waking from a coma and it saw Sebastian smile, a quirk of his lips at the messy haired angel who padded his way over, peering at the beginnings of a delicious breakfast. 

He forgot, temporarily about the second set of footsteps as he trapped Castiel against the counter and leaned in. A normal morning for them was Castiel talking about the new flowers outside, or wanting to drag Sebastian to some new place he’d discovered on the estate grounds while Sebastian either tried to finish making breakfast, or his lips along his skin in reverent sweet kisses.

This morning, Castiel in pure awkward nature attempted to squirm and shy away but Sebastian would have none of it. Cute how he was still shy around the demon, as it were. Sebastian captured his lips a kiss that was pure hunger and love and need. He stripped off the gloves, content to let his work wait until he heard her clear her throat and pulled back to look behind him.

Vittoria looked like she couldn’t smirk any wider as she watched them, far more put together than Castiel. 

      “Oh don’t stop on my account. I mean I heard but I wanted to see for myself--” 

Castiel wriggled away from him and he let him go. 

      “I’m going to take Vittoria to the waterfall, do you want to come?” 

His lips remained sealed for a moment longer before he replied smoothly, “Go ahead. By the time you return, I’ll have finished breakfast. You two will work up quite the appetite.” 

Castiel didn’t seem at all content with the idea of Sebastian remaining behind but with a soft nudge toward the door from the demon himself, they retreated to their rooms and then waved goodbye as they headed out the door. 

Months rolled by in the same fashion. Saw that the Knight of Hell withdrawing completely almost. It led to arguments between the two, which would lead to Castiel stealing away to Vittoria’s room to not be seen for hours or even once, days. 

He’d rather push him away than say goodbye. 

Sebastian was leaving. He didn’t want to say it, goodbye. Those words would hurt him. Before the incident, before Vittoria’s death they had once meant nothing to him. He felt nothing. But now, Hell forgive him, he felt everything. So perhaps it was time to return. Vittoria was back, the job was done. 

The afternoon had seen to a nasty fight in the household. One that shook Vittoria in a way she hadn’t felt since she had died. Her boys were so angry and it was distressing. She couldn’t figure out what was happening. How was it that now, after her resurrection, was her home falling apart. 

      “It wasn’t like you helped!”

      “You wouldn’t let me! You were too scared but I’m just as badass as you!”

       “Yeah right, tripping over your own feet is scary? You’re a pile of feathers, just go back home or did you not fit in there either?” 

       “Well, go back Hell, cause I don’t want you here.”

The air in the room seemed to shift, and Vittoria, content to allow her boys to fight this one out, was on her feet in seconds.

       “Now wait, don’t we think we need to talk this out--”

Sebastian’s face seemed to fall, smooth out like glass and Vittoria’s heart plummeted to her stomach. “No! Sebastian wait a second, hold on you two stop it right now! Sebastian turn them back ON!” 

Castiel’s chest hurt. It ached. Words fell from the same lips that used to always promise love and protection and acceptance and now they spewed poison and ....it just fucking hurt. 

       “Yeah run away but turning your stupid humanity off. At least I had the balls to live when she died but you run every chance you get! So run now!” 

It was like the air was hot passing in and out of lungs so rapidly, full of anger and a pain that was slicing through him hot and burning away at rational thought. 

Vittoria watched as Sebastian reached over onto the counter to retrieve his gloves and slowly slid them on.

         “I shall.”

The look, Vittoria had seen it before. It was the old Sebastian. Aurburn eyes glittered. In a flutter of black feathers and ashes, he was gone.

[the-13th-rose]

Imagine post for how it feels to hug my f/os

Demongo: His body is warmer than a human’s. The warmth is comparable to clothes fresh out of the dryer or the bottom of a laptop. He has sharp claws, but takes care not to scratch me. He’s easily the most pleasant to hug on a cold night.

Beast: His body is hollow and has no warmth. It’s made of wood and is a bit rough to the touch, like tree bark. Nevertheless, he offers a firm embrace and will drape his cape over my shoulders if I seem cold.

Grievous: His steel outer body is cold and hard. He runs his hands through my hair and across my skin out of old habit, then becomes disheartened when he realizes he can’t feel me. He leans in and brings his face to mine, nuzzling against my face and neck. I speak comforting words to him as he does.

Horned King: His flesh is somewhat cold and clammy to the touch, but he offers a firm embrace. He doesn’t request hugs, but is so starved for a warm, kind touch that he practically melts when given one.

Christine: She’s warm by default and always tries to steal a kiss when we hug. She’s a clingy hugger and won’t let me go until she’s ready.

Harry: He’ll sometimes grab me by surprise for an embrace. He gives serious bear hugs and sometimes I have to tell him to loosen his grip a little.

Ventress: She’s not much of a hugger and always reacts kind of awkwardly whenever I try. She’ll do kisses no problem, but hugs weird her out.

Asterios: He gives bear hugs times 20. He’s usually very gentle, but sometimes gets so excited that he forgets his partner is tiny and fragile. He’s very nuzzly and lets me bury my face in his hair.

Hassan: He doesn’t use his cursed arm to hug me out of fear of hurting me. So he does exclusively one-armed hugs, but he’s content to let me bury myself in his cloak with his hand petting my hair.

Yorktown: She gives hugs that feel almost maternal, gentle and warm. 

Kurogiri: His hugs are especially comforting, and his mist feels cool to the touch. It’s nice when I have a fever.

Green Mage: Hugging them basically means hugging their entire body since they have no legs. When hugged, they sometimes start leading me in a little dance to a magical song.

Licorice: He doesn’t seek out hugs on his own, but when I hug him he also sort of melts and gratefully returns the embrace.

Millennial Tree: His hugs are gentle yet firm, and he wraps his clothes around me, smiling softly.

Mint Choco: He’s surprised when hugged, but leans into it and starts to hum softly.

Scorpion: She giggles and wraps her sleeves over my head. “Do you still love me now that I’ve blinded you?” she jests, as she lifts a sleeve and steals a kiss.

Jake: He always wriggles out of it unless it’s cold or something’s got him spooked. 

Shen: He’s usually not in the mood, and just wriggles free.

Future: Its body and clothes are ice cold. It’s nice on a hot day, but can be uncomfortable if we stay together for too long. 

Anubis: Regardless of what form he’s taken, there’s always a softness to the hug and a sort of divine warmth. A hug that welcomes an old friend.

No Face: His body is kind of jello-like and I sink in a little when we hug. He’ll nuzzle me with his mask sometimes.

Valtiel: His twitching affects the comfort of the hug somewhat, but he also gives off a feeling of divine warmth that can be very comforting.

Saki: She’s not much for hugging but will allow it when I seem like I need one. She’ll pat my back reassuringly and ask if she needs to beat anybody up.

Marvin: He has to stand on his tiptoes to hug me, but gets pretty excited whenever I ask for one.

Sam: He’ll tug on my hand and hold his arms up, waiting to be picked up. Once I pick him up, he wraps his little arms around me and buries his face in my clothes. 

[caslikescoffeeandfreckles]

219, for the prompt list! :) alsooo, I was wondering if I could be added to the tagged list?? or tagged for when you post new ones? They are honestly amazing and I love your writing!

Prompt #219: “I didn’t ask for any of this! But do you know why I put up with it all? Because I love you!”

I changed the wording a bit because it was a little too overdramatic for the scenario. Also, sorry for taking so long to write this! I tried to make it up to you by making it longer :)

Let it be known that Castiel Novak is a pain in Dean Winchester’s ass.

But he’s also the kindest, smartest, greatest person Dean knows — and the hottest to boot — and Dean is a good boyfriend so he doesn’t even hesitate when Cas asks him along on a nature excursion. 

Which is why he’s awake at the ass crack of dawn on a fucking Saturday freezing his balls off with Cas’s weird tree-hugger club.

Cas shivers next to him and bounces back and forth. “Aren’t you excited?” he asks, a suspicious amount of cheer in his voice for someone who once threatened to break all the windows in Dean’s car for waking him before 10 a.m.

Dean works up the fakest smile in his repertoire. “Can’t wait, babe.”

Cas sidles up closer to Dean’s side, burrowing his cold nose into Dean’s neck. Dean tenses until he feels Cas’s nose slip higher until his lips brush his ear. “I can’t wait to be up there with you,” Cas breathes and it may be 5 a.m. but Cas’s deep voice still gets Dean’s blood pumping. “Hiking, star gazing, sitting by the fire.”

Getting eaten alive by bugs, shitting in the woods, waking up with crippling back pains from sleeping on the fucking ground, Dean thinks sourly.

But Cas is still snuggling him and his voice is so warm and happy so Dean just hums and dips to press a kiss just at the edge of Cas’s beanie. “Sounds wonderful.”

The bus arrives ten minutes later and Dean nearly cries with relief. He steals a seat in the very back for him and Cas and there’s a vent right above them blowing warm air on their numb faces. Dean tips his face us and sighs.

He can feel Cas laugh at him and he scoots closer on the seat. “Don’t worry; it’ll be a lot warmer by the time we get to the park.”

It’s a nine-hour drive to the Rocky Mountain National Park. They only stop four times for food and/or bathroom breaks and Dean spends every second in between stops either making out with Cas or clinging to the small 21st Century luxuries he’s about to be robbed of for three days.

They get to their drop off and Dean wants to sob as he watches the bus drive away. But Cas takes his hand with an energetic squeeze and Dean returns the pressure with a wistful smile. 

He can do this. He can rough it for three days if it means seeing Cas this happy.

But his resolve is already crumbling three hours up the damn mountain. He was complaining about freezing before but now he feels like he’s walking toward the gates of hell. Sweat is soaking through his clothes and burning his eyes. He can taste the salt every time he licks his dry lips because he’s fucking thirsty but refuses to drink too much because he hates pissing outside. Just because having a penis makes it easier doesn’t mean he likes whipping it out for all the squirrels and butterflies to see, okay? He can’t help but toss the women of the club some sympathetic glances. 

But Cas looks so in his element. He takes turns walking at the front of the group with their guide and lagging behind with Dean, which Dean feels a little bad about until Cas starts rambling about plants, ones that can be eaten and those you should avoid. He talks about insects and Dean tries not to cringe every time Cas finds one and holds it up for Dean to see.

Dean points out a beehive at one point and Cas squeals, pulling out his camera to take photos from a respectable distance and talks Dean’s ear off for another half hour about bee colonies. Dean smiles and takes Cas’s hand.

They stop about two hours before sunset to create a camp. Dean volunteers to set up the tents because that’s at least one thing he knows he’s good at and Cas goes off with a few others to gather firewood. 

They end up seated next to each other around the fire eating some weird packaged gunk. 

Dean only has to suffer through three bites before Cas slips him a bag of trail mix and Dean stares at him in awe. 

“You’re a literal angel,” he declares.

Cas rolls his eyes and holds his hand out and Dean pours some of the trail mix into his palm. “You holding up okay?” Cas asks as he picks out the raisins. 

Dean takes them and tosses a handful into his mouth. “Of course,” he says between crunches. “Doing great.”

“Tomorrow night is supposed to be clearer so I think we should go stargazing then.”

Dean wants to grimace. Stargazing. Aka freezing your ass off away from the warm fire; just the two of them laying on the cold, dirty ground, vulnerable on the mountain at night with the fucking bears and probably like wolverines or some shit.

But the fire catches Cas’s eyes as he starts rambling off all the constellations they’ll be able to see more clearly than in the city and he makes a joke about Dean’s freckles and all Dean can do is smile back.

“I can’t wait, Cas.”

Cas’s smile softens before he rests his head on Dean’s shoulder. 

And it’s nice.

Dean has the cool mountain air at his back, a hot fire at his front, and Cas’s warmth at his side and he takes a deep breath through his nose and lays his head over Cas’s. 

I can do this, he thinks again. 

Tomorrow will be better because at least he knows what to expect.

You poor naive bastard, he thinks in the morning.

Everything hurts. Like everything.

His back, his legs, his feet, his neck, his shoulders, his throat, his fucking bladder because he hasn’t peed in like twelve hours.

He lies perfectly still on his back in the tent. He’s pretty sure he has some Advil in his backpack. It probably won’t help a ton but it’s something. The problem is he can’t fucking get to it because it hurts to just breathe and Cas is already gone; Dean can hear him outside the tent with the rest of the troupe.

He knows he should call for help. He knows. But he fucking can’t. Like what the fuck is he supposed to say? Cas, I can’t move my entire body and my bladder is straight about to explode?

No thanks. He’d rather die with dignity.

What if I die and piss myself? 

Fuck.

He’s trying to muster the energy to make a move when the tent door unzips and Cas crawls in, smile bright and sunny and Dean kinda wants to kick him for it.

“Morning, sunshine,” Cas greets as he continues his journey up Dean’s body until he’s straddling the paralyzed man. “Sleep well?”

Dean can only grunt a response. Cas apparently doesn’t find it odd because his eyes kinda go cloudy and he’s leaning down, lips parted.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

He kisses Dean’s throat, lets his soft lips skirt across Dean’s skin. Dean clenches against the pleasure, trying to get the strength to say something. Then Cas’s hand is wandering down his chest and stomach and it incites a hiss from Dean. He can feel Cas’s lips smile against his neck before Cas starts nibbling and it makes Dean’s body go lax for a hot second as Cas’s hand drifts lower before- NOPE.

Dean lurches up, throwing Cas off him and every muscle in his body screams. He keeps moving though, using the momentum to tumble toward the door.

“Dean?” Cas asks, sounding offended. “What the-?”

“Sorry,” Dean almost yells. “But I- I gotta go. Gotta go. Oh my jesus fucking christ.” It’s like the pressure is increasing the more he moves and he trips out of the tent door and away from the camp without his shoes.

Cas tries to talk to him when he returns but Dean can’t. He just can’t. So he starts taking the tents down instead and the awkward moment is forgotten in their rush to get continue their hike.

It’s hell. Absolute fucking hell.

Dean’s thighs are burning like he’s straddling the fucking sun and he feels even nastier than yesterday with all the sweat and the fucking bugs that keep flying into his face.

And of course no one else in the damn group seems to be affected. Oh no, they’re just having a grand ole time talking about the fucking trees and their favorite hiking trails back home.

Like these fuckers do this shit for fun. Regularly. What the fuck?

“Do you think we’ll see any of the wildlife?” some chick named Hannah asks.

“Oh yeah, don’t the bighorn sheep give birth in the spring?” Alfie wonders. “That would be amazing to see!”

“The elk would be cool.”

“Or bears,” someone pipes in.

Dean’s head snaps up. “Bears?” He looks to Cas. “Bears?”

Cas smiles like Dean’s just being cute and takes his hand. “Don’t worry, Dean. I’ll fend off any bears that come toward you.”

Bears turns out to be the least of Dean’s worries that day because in the next few meters Dean manages to rip his pants on a bush.

Then Cas finds a giant ass spider in his hair and Dean takes off so suddenly he runs into a tree.

He falls in a stream while refilling their water bottles and has to hike is soggy boots that squelch with every tired step.

By 2:00 Dean is praying to get mauled by a bear.

Instead he steps in a pile of shit and that’s fucking it.

“MOTHERFUCKER!”

His roar echoes through range and everyone in their group turns to him.

“Oh my fucking- this stupid fucking son of a-”

“Dean, it’s all right,” Cas tries to tell him.

“No it’s not!” Dean screams. “This is so fucking typical! I can’t fucking believe it this is such fucking bullshit what the fuck was I thinking letting you bring me here?”

Cas’s shoulders tense. “Excuse me?”

“Maybe we should give them some space,” Alfie suggests and the rest of the group sneaks away.

“Why are you so angry?” Cas demands. “It’s a simple accident, Dean, it’s not that big of a deal.”

“Because there’s shit on my shoe, Cas!” Dean points at it for emphasis. “And my feet are soaking wet and they hurt and I’m tired and I haven’t pissed since this morning and I’m fucking hungry because I can’t eat that disgusting goo you guys try to call food and I fucking hate this! Goddammit!”

“You said you liked camping!”

“I said I used to go camping. When I was a kid. Like I was forced to go with my fucking dad. I hate this shit, Cas! I fucking hate it! Everything is gross and dirty and you have shit outside! It’s the worst!”

“Then why did you even come?” Cas yells.

“Because it makes you happy! The only reason I put up with any of this shit is because I love you!”

Dean’s voice carries again and they can feel the leaves tremble. Just like that, Cas’s angry face is replaced with something surprised and... touched? He looks soft and happy and it nearly gives Dean whiplash. 

He can’t figure out why they’re not fighting anymore when Cas gives him this look from under his lashes.

“Love?”

Dean blinks. “What?”

Cas takes a couple steps toward him, smile getting broader. “You said love.”

“I-” Dean gasps as his own words circle his brain. Shit. “Cas, I-”

But Cas’s hand is there suddenly, covering his mouth. “Please stop talking,” Cas whispers and Dean can only nod as his heart beats wildly in his throat. Cas’s hand drops to encircle Dean’s wrist and he squeezes. “I love you too.”

Dean swoops in to kiss Cas, arms snapping around his waist to pull him close and Cas is just as excited for it. His hands slide through Dean’s hair, holding his head in place as Cas deepens the kiss and steals Dean’s breath.

And it’s fucking amazing. 

Absolutely perfect.

Until Dean sways a little and they hear the disgusting squelch of his boot.

Dean pulls away, beat red. “Oh my god.”

Cas only laughs. “We should really clean your shoes.”

Dean drops his head to Cas’s shoulder. “I don’t think I can do this anymore, Cas.”

“Yes you can,” Cas promises as he strokes Dean’s hair. “Because when we get home, I’m going to make it up to you. We’re going to take a long shower and I’m going to order enough take out to feed us for a month, we’re going to sleep and then I’m going to-” He leans in to whisper in Dean’s ear and it somehow make Dean redder.

He nods furiously as Cas steps away with a sly smile, beckoning Dean to follow. “O-okay. Y-yeah, that sounds fair.”

[hdawg1995]

DnD Antics: the tree spirit dies at midnight...

so today was fun! quick summary (not everything but like the major/funny bits)

the necromancer got drunk, Ranger’s animals arn’t happy, and the one time the bard doesnt do an arcane knowledge check...and other things happen!

so yeah! hydra had a mate...with 30 heads...  DM: you see shiny things at the bottom of the deeper part of the lake. shafeek: imma go down there Ryan (spine): im going with him! ryan (frost): same envoy: DON’T DIE! frost: NO PROMISES!

they find the remains of one of the DM’s former games; “they were a joke campaign but kinda not. they once made a bucket and enchanted it to summon fried chicken. they gave it to a king in order to gain his favor.” the party consisted of bacon bits the wizard (blue star cloak+hat and staff) a nameless knight (plate mail, 2 bags of holding, long sword) a bard named bard marly (black turtle neck, a beret, bongos and 2 daggers) a rouge who juts so happened to be named mcgiee (fishface family cloak-PURELY because of the concordance- 2 daggers) and a witcher (2 legendary swords). 

being the bard i got all the old bard’s stuff... which was cursed...

DM: you have to speak in a french accent me: i can’t DO a french accent D: imma just do remove curse. DM: do what? me: remove cu- oh fight me... linsy: sure you can! just add a Z to everything! me: *makes at least 10 attempts. resorts to just head nods.*

we get everyone out before the hydra’s mate wakes up. meanwhile the bear is very upset about being dropped like a potato nuke on the hydra, the griffion is scared of the bear, and the poor spider is so scared shes hugging onto Vale for dear life. she goes full blown face hugger at one point the poor thing is so scared.

me: *attempts a french accent again*....zhe at is curewsed. DM: *losing it* ryans: *knee slapping laughing*

we get the rod and take the path out of the maze. also Spine found some lake moss which was near the hydra nest which Nazul ALMOST STOLE AN EGG FROM (you guys don’t know this, but during our first inconuter kinda spine and the samurai went missing due to spelunking in a cave full of spider eggs. spine and nazul basically recreated a under water version of these events).

rolls a nat 1 while trying to make it a lazy boy chair. sets my house on fire.

envoy: YOU ARUE ZHE GROUHNDAD, ZPINE! spine: but- envoy: FIX YAT! spine: how- envoy: YOUR ZOOR? ZE GONE! 

it gets fixed and spine helps but he is still grounded. his door is just s sticker in the house to let people know where his room is but yeah. no door.

envoy: *uses remove curse* hat: hon hon hon you fool! zhere is but won way to remove me! me: ZEIPLOMACY! hat: to remove ze naughty beret, you must hit ze two headed monkey ze proper way. me: two headed monkey? linsy: do we have to punch Tim in the nuts?

envoy gets a nat 20 on playing the bongos and the hat falls off. arcane check shows that who ever wears the hat can cast a 6 level bard spell (even if they arn’t a bard).

envoy has a snow ball fight with gnome children. it is glorious. they built a fort. the yak made a snowball bigger than the gnome houses. anyone that dared to talk with the bard (or in spine’s case just happen to be in rage) was pelted with snowballs.

vale: envo- *snowball misses her*... Envoy can you do a arcane check for me? envoy: sure! *checks* your hydra bone arrows, when you fire them, turn into TWO arrows. vale: thanks! *throws a snowball at envoy. leaves* envoy: *THUMBS UP!*

spine uses word of recall after frost crystal used it to go find a new pet with the ranger. he goes back to see our friends sperlock hobbles and plotson! he also gets drunk... i repeat- the necromancer got drunk.

spine: PLOTSSSON! howsss the town doing ssshow me around! *note: ryan is swinging his arms around* DM: he takes you out of the office and shows you the town. Spine: wait i... i forgot my clock. *hugs cloak* need my clock. DM: you put your cloak on and he shows you the town. roll reflex. ryan (spine): *fails* DM: your coin purse is stolen. Spine: PLOTSSON! THERE THEY! *falls over* ryan (spine): i scry my hand to see where my gold is. Spine: *holding the bottle of liqure and using it to see his gold in the reflexion* where is dissss?

they eventually find who stole it. the halfling child who survived the accidental slaughter of her faimly at the hands of Spine and the witcher. Spine sees her and casts a grabby demon hand spell.

Spine: don-t... sorry she is alive jussst captured *toung thing snakes do* splotson: and how do you know that? spine:...MAGIC EYES! *hes not lying* splotson: go home Spine you’re drunk Spine: but my gold. splotson: go home you’re drunk Spine: but my gold. splotson: Spine. spine: i wanna talk to her. splotson: i don’t think i want you to talk to her. Spine: but i wanna. someone steal’s Spine’s backpack and Splotston runs after them. Spine get to where the halfling is and it turns out it was a dummy, but there is a decoder device. rolls a nat 1.

DM: you speak into it. “hello?” “hello.” “who is this?” “who is this?” “Spine” “who is spine?” “who IS Spine?” roll to be interstitial. Ryan (spine): *fails* DM: you are now having a existential crisis.

mean while more snowball fights. Envoy has in listened the children into pelting the witcher. also she plays a song that makes it rain snowballs.

Frost crystal and Vale go on a hunt with a giant wolf pack! (well the wolves are giant, the pack is just the mommy and 3 pups) they track a dire moose but it was killed by a frost giant which SUCKED cause now they have to fight the giant and they break it’s legs and cut its hand off and it flails and kills the mamma :( vale is saved by The Hunt and it’s divine intervention, one of the pups saved Frost crystal and is now her new pet.

elizander: Envoy, could you make a planter for me in the pokeball? Envoy, atop the yak:.....BEAT ME IN A SNOWBALL FIGHT AND WE’LL THINK ABOUT IT! elizander: *pelts envoy with snowballs, knocking her off the yak* HA! envoy: *nat 20 on a snowball. hits eli in the face and knocks him down* Nazul: *shadow teleports and buries Eli in snow. DM: you start to feel the affects of the snowballs. its very very cold.

Zack’s wife informs him that she is pregnant. he also admits that he touched the hag’s butt so shes not happy.

envoy: *throws snowball at zack* Zack: *catches it. throws it on the ground* envoy: you suck at fun, your kid is gonna be so bored.

vale and frost are off on their own adventure, so is tim and his wife. Spine was told to go home cause he was drunk so he went home.... to the swamp... so Envoy, Nazul, and Elizander go on an adventure!

Nazul: we should play a game. i spy with my little eye- envoy: *throws snowball at elizander* elizander: *throws snowball at envoy who ducks and it hits Nazul.* Nazul: *nat 20 on a tackle and pelts eli with snow* yak: *buries them both in snow. starts rolling giant snowball with Witcher and ghost boy inside*

envoy learned a song that summons snowballs from the sky

also the witcher and Zack met a very gay and very flamboyant saitr. he had kidnapped them and taken them to the fay wild. i left the table at this bit so i don’t know how they got away. all i know is the satir really really really liked the witcher.

frost got a wolf, spine was teleported back via death.

Spine: *summons litch* hey do you have anything that can get me from here to the gnome city? litch (tiffiny): yeah but you’re not gonna like it. Spine: why? *dies* spine: *clawing his way out of a shallow grave in the gnome city* NOPE. I DID NOT LIKE THAT.

envoy: *flying through the sky on a yak* Spine: *flys up* HI MINION! envoy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

nazul: *enters center of market* ANYONE KNOW WHERE THE BLACK MARKET IS? random gnome: what the FUCK are you doing? shut up! gnome police: *shows up* who was yelling about the black market? nazul: him *points to gnome* gnome: *is dragged away kicking and screaming* DM: the only person who could have showed you where the black market is is now being dragged to prison.... shafeek: breaking out of jail is easssssy!

they bust the gnome out and he tells him how to get there. Nazul then kills him.

spine... is hella shady. he gets into the black market and gets a tree spirit and a black sapphire. its midnight as he flies back to the grave yard to murder the tree spirit and imprisions the soul into the gem. he then drops the gem+tree spirit = death seed into his necropolisp. he now has stronger zombies and the ones that needed to regenerate due to the nuke will regen 4X faster.

at this point i had to go home, so there was probably 1-2 hours more of antics

see you next week!

[theofficefantasyfootball]

WEEK 1 - Wrap Up

It's Week One - RELAX

That's what I am telling myself...there are so many weeks left in the season - we just got started...it's week 1, so just relax and remember how long the season is. I am sure if I had won I would be singing a different tune and I am man enough to admit that. Basically I just want everyone to stay engaged and don't give up after week 1, so much can happen. Also if this weeks wrap up seems a bit scattered compared to years past - It's not that I don't care I just had a busy day and had to put this together quickly. But, here we go!

WHAM BAM THANK YOU LAMB vs MOOSES ON THE LOOSES

Guys...I know you are all worried about me...and yes, my mind is blown that I lost in week 1 but it was all my fault. I did this. I don't expect people to be paying attention to what I did - but I owe it to you to explain....I had Tee Higgins set at WR's and all my backups played earlier in the week so when Higgins went Inactive - I had to figure something out. I figured everyone was going to be playing their top QB so I would quietly drop Baker Mayfield and pick him back up later in the week...well, that didn't work. Mitch grabbed him and played him against me and of course Baker put up 37 fantasy points. Mitch also had a great week from Chargers D, Stevenson and Bass...so even with a normal QB performance he probably would have won but, I have to admit to my failures! Rookie Week 1 mistake...it won't happen again. Congrats Mitch!

HOWARD vs LONG LEFT BALLERS

Once a champion, always a champion. Rob Howard coming off of his epic season last year comes out hot in week 1. Even with his WR being detained (Tyreek Hill) he didn't let if phase him and put up 24. Meanwhile Bebo had glimpses of hope with AJ Brown and Cupp but devastating performances from Burrow, White and Travis Swift - I mean Kelce. Guys, I just don't know what to do if Howard wins a 5th championship...can we all come together and stop the steal? Let's GO!

TREE HUGGERS vs TRADE WITH ME

Hey, I've seen this one before...#1 draft pick guy, picks the best RB in the world (CMC) but the RB doesn't play in week 1 due to injury but it doesn't matter cause he still wins with 131 points without the star of the league even playing. And who loses you ask? The guy who didn't bother to come to the draft at all. The guy who put up the least points of the week. So Brett takes the 1st high point win of the year ($20). Congrats!

LANAKILA vs MR AWESOME

Well, actually...not awesome. Mr Awesome by name alone sets the standard pretty high...and don't get me wrong he scored more points than I did in week 1 and I had an A+ draft rating...but when your defense (Bears) is the highest score you have you are going to lose. Now, Cliff on the other hand came to play! Starting Anthony Richardson and watching him put up 30 points was brilliant. Having Barkley go off to show he loves his new home in Philly was something to watch. 17 points from a kicker (Fairbaim)...now that's Awesome. Sorry Gabe...there is always next week...congrats to Cliff on a great week.

BOOMER SOONER vs TUA NACUA MATATA

It was so good to have Kyle at the draft this year. When you all left - he picked his new name - which was an epic choice of a name Tua Nacua Matata...great name. He said to me "I don't see how I lose this year with this team"...well he lost in week 1 to Stu Jones. He also lost Puka Nacua for at least 4 weeks and let's be honest - will he ever really be the same after an injury like that? So, good job to Stu for putting up less than 100 points and grabbing a win, but what will become of Kyle. Will he need to change his name again? Tune in to find out. Congrats to Stu Jones...1-0.

FUNK GUY vs TuPADRE

I'm so confused. Gully against Dana in the "it's close battle". Gully with Aiyuk still to play on MNF - but Aiyuk doesn't do anything to make it interesting? I thought he got a big $ contract and was going to be the man? Dana had a huge start to the weekend when Lamar put up 32 points. He had 2 solid performances from him RB's...oh and his Defense I thought was going to get the 10 point bonus for a shut out....so hear me out...he did great. But, I just thought from the draft that Gullahorn was going to be a threat this year...I guess not. Is he the new Mitch? Is he who I make fun of all year? If he wins next week I will pull back if he loses to Bebo I will have no choice but to ramp it up. It's in your court Gully. Nice win Dana.

SURVIVOR

What a week...all of you (except me, stu and Gabe) are out! Bengals disaster. What a year! I might just win this thing!

CHEERLEADER OF THE WEEK

This year we are going to honor the cheerleaders of the Dallas Cowboys. No backstory...no names just a tribute to what the Dallas Cowboys have given to us by setting a very high standard of excellence. I think it's the best idea since Minka Kelly.

[theofficefantasyfootball]

WEEK 4 - Wrap Up

THE GOLDEN BACHELOR

Listen. We are in week 4. There are some of you in this league who have been waiting all year for football to start and more importantly for fantasy football to start but you are having a rough season. You are feeling a bit like you are already ready for the season to be over. If that's the case...I want to encourage you to maybe take a few weeks off from watching the games. Find another show. Maybe instead of being a football fan - you are now a "Golden Bachelor" guy. No, I am not talking about Brett Rutledge...I am talking about the show on ABC. Personally, I have not seen it yet but I am posting a clip above for those of you who might find it interesting. For those that are still interested in football...maybe this wrap up will give you some insight on how to prepare for the weeks ahead.

MALIK MY BALLS vs LONG LEFT BALLERS

F*#K You Bebo. That's All.

Bebo remains undefeated.

LANAKILA vs TRADE WITH ME

Well here we go again. Brett loses. I am sure it's because we are not a 1/2 ppr league but whatever it is he is now 1-3. Cliff had a great week putting up 119 points even with Mahomes throwing two INT's and laying down on the 1 yard line. He didn't need it - he won without those bonus points. A big shoutout to Cliff for picking up Achane on the waiver wire and actually playing him. He put up 29, the most of any player on his team. Great job Cliff. Brett, I don't what to say except the obvious...maybe make some trades?

BACKDOOR BANDITS vs MR AWESOME

Kyle won! Kyle actually won! He only put up 83 points....but after starting the year off with 3 losses in a row he grabs one and begins his climb back into relevancy. And of course with every winner there is a loser...and this week that loser is Gabe Scott. Yes, that means Gabe moves to 0-4. Is that Gabe's fault? Well, yes, kind of. Bottom line, he didn't believe in DJ Moore and the Chicago Bears. If he would have played DJ instead of Rashid Shaheed...then tonight, he would be that little girl in the GIF above. But, he didn't...probably because of his bias against the Bears from being brainwashed his whole life into thinking the Lions are good and the Bears are bad...but whatever it was - he lost. NIce win Kyle. I BELIEVE.

BOOMER SOONER vs TREE HUGGERS

Do we really think Scott Krippayne is shocked? He won again. He won with 2 players still to play on MNF. Will anyone beat him? Stu Jones tried but came up way short. He even had 35 from Diggs and 25 From Herbert and couldn't get it done. Sorry Stu. You did all you could do...it just wasn't enough. But, you know what this means. Next week Scott Krippayne who is 4-0...plays Bebo Norman who also is 4-0 - in an epic battle to determine who remains undefeated through week 5. Should be an amazing match up!

FUNK GUY vs MOOSES ON THE LOOSES

Well well well. Dana Cappillino going into MNF with the lead and the high point. Mitch White who loves to take that free $20 whenever he can - still has Seahawk Defense to play but he will need just over 14 points to steal the win and potentially the high point. As always - Mitch started the night with a free 20 points...and as we all expect...those numbers will go down right? Well, no...not when the defense is playing Dana's favorite team - the New York Giants. Sacks, Fumbles, INTS galore...and then a pick 6 when Giants were just ready to score and boom just like that Dana's great week ends up being a loss. So for a 3rd time in 4 weeks Mitch White takes the high point and the win.

HOWARD vs TuPADRE

Well, the final match up of the night was close when it started and stay close all night. TuPadre had a small lead and both guys had a running back yet to play. Rob with Seattle's Kenneth Walker III and Gully and Son with Matt Breida on the Giants. It all pointed to a slugfest on Monday night to determine the winner but as the night went on Rob creeped toward a win...with a TD from Walker III and then finally late in the 4th Quarter a break out run that put him in the lead and taking the win. Sorry Gully and son...what a brutal beatdown to have to watch that horrible game and end up losing in the final minutes. Congrats to Rob Howard.

SURVIVOR

Everyone moves on. Well, everyone that was still in. The lucky 7 as I call them.

CHEERLEADER OF THE WEEK

Meet Jesse Hernandez. The first ever male cheerleader in the NFL. I don't want you guys to think that all I do is post pictures of hot girl cheerleaders in the wrap up. If i did that - I, as your commissioner could be viewed as being chauvinstic...and maybe even homophobic and anyone who knows me knows that I am as inclusive as they come. So, here you go. Check off the male cheerleader box. What do we know about him? Well, he loves dancing. He's very happy when he dances. I am more mad that I didn't think of this when I was younger. I would have made a hell of a Dallas Cowboys CheerBoy!

[theofficefantasyfootball]

WEEK 3 - Wrap Up

Donkey Kong Sucks!!!!  You know what U Suck!

No no no...I’m not going to make this week all about me...I just love Adam Sandler - and especially Billy Madison - and I love how he ends the clip saying YOU SUCK!!!!  Which is what my entire season is about.  So - that’s all...nothing more to say just enjoy some Sandler as you end your fantasy week!

U SUCK vs SHART N SWEET

The “GOAT” is spinning you guys.  Sure, he’s hung up on that whole thing where he changed his name and how doing that once again screwed up the draft order and so we had to push the draft an hour and then how his “computer froze” and he picked Watson instead of Mahomes...but, the two losses he has had so far this year, if you replace Watson with Mahomes he still loses...so I can only feel bad for him for so long.  The real story is I am 3-0.  Not sure when that has ever happened to me in the past 15 years.  Also, going into MNF I had the high point but Stu Jones had Bears Defense left to play and just like last week...my $20 was taken right out of my hands.  So, I have to just be happy with the win....and I am!  Howard - get ready to suck next week!

HOWARD vs BOOMER SOONER

Howard loves to cook.  Also, I just stumbled across this GIF and it was so disgusting I had to use it!  Ok, so Stu got the win - he deserved it he had Julio, Watson, Lindsay and Bears Defense - which all had stellar games.  But the best thing about Stu winning was his late Sunday afternoon tweets to me saying about how he is planning on making the playoffs.  The playoffs are 10 weeks away but Stu is already plotting and planning.  I guess he wants to be the first champion (first 2 time champion) to win with an auto draft team.  Totally possible!  Rob, it’s always hard to lose when you put up 100 points...so go put a chicken on the smoker...  Nice win Stu.  Oh and nice high point steal.  Bears Defense are legit! $20 for you!

MR AWESOME vs TREE HUGGERS

Maybe, just maybe Gabe was focusing on tacos this week I told myself.  Maybe he is just trying to a launch a business and is playing this season just to be polite and remain in “the club”.  Thinking with all of these distractions, maybe he just didn’t set his line up correctly.  But then I saw his bench, and the entire bench brought in 7 points so...he did do his best, “but I guess his best wasn’t good enough” (sung like James Ingram)...It’s a deserved win for Tree Huggers who moves to 2-1, but my theory is Gabe is checked out as he moves to 0-3.  Shart N Sweet - next week is your week..grab a win...playing Gabe is like playing against the Dolphins - guaranteed Win.  Nice win Scott!  Hope you made it home from France!

MOOSES ON THE LOOSES vs FUNK GUY

Dana receives “the office” gif this week for showing up and taking down the Moose.  Little known fact - the Moose is one of the few members of this league who have never won a championship.  I too am among that list but with Mitch, it just seems like in his “younger days” he might have been a champion. Now as the years go on, I feel like we are all worried that it might be over for him.  It’s sad - it is...but when I have to spend 15-20 min explaining how the waiver wire works, you just start to worry.  I worry because I care Mitch.  I care.  Dana...great win!  113 is solid!  2-1 is a great start!  And congrats to your renewed New York Giants.  It’s all turning around!

TuPADRE vs LANAKILA

A Minka with over 100 points doesn’t seem like it should happen but this week with all the scoring that went on - that’s exactly what we have.  Cliff earns the Minka with a 104 point win over TuPadre.  This win just goes to show you how crazy fantasy football is.  Who would predict that LeSean McCoy would put up 20 while James Conner would put up 3.70.  And for Gullahorn...what will become of him now that Barkley is banged up and set to miss 4 to 8 weeks.  Maybe he will hit me up to trade Barkley for Frank Gore?  Anything is possible in this league right!?.  Cliff - I hope you are enjoying your time in Tahoe...and you can take some time an enjoy the win!

LONG LEFT BALLERS vs TRADE WITH ME

What a good sport Trade With Me is!  I mean the guy was heading toward an 0-3 start...and each of those first two losses by fractions of a point.  And in the final moments of his match up this week against Bebo, it looked like the same thing was going to happen.  Which really should not happen when you are putting up over 125 points.  But, lucky for him, Jamis Winston and Mike Evans were trying to beat the New York Giants and their fancy new QB Daniel Jones and kept throwing and catching and making touchdowns together...which combined totaled 73.50 of his 133.90 points to grab his first win of the season.  Sorry Bebo...I know it’s hard to lose when you do that well, but Brett really deserved it.  Way to hang in there - good thing is the average lifespan of an armadillo is 7-10 years in the wild so you will for sure finish out the season!

SURVIVOR

Everyone is safe!  Moving on!

Commish!