#ALSO the least qualified people always call themselves engineers

[terrorbirb]

Nothing against low level jobs really, but one of our engineering techs was only a food service worker before this. Like an associates does something for you (don't know if that's what he has even he may be a student) I guess, but no wonder these guys aren't ready for engineering.

[tf2-hellhole]

May i have some retirement hc like the mercs ( and ms. Pauling) settled down with thier s/o maybe started a family and just enjoying life

Sorry this is like a whole essay, I just already had some personal head canons for this so a lot of them are in here

I always imagined that Mann Co. is forcefully closed a little while after the comics and the mercs are forced into retirement, so that headcanon kinda feeds into this

Scout:

Scout’s sad that he’s done with mercenary work, but he’s excited to see what his future holds.

He wants to have a bunch of kids, but nowhere near as many as his mother did. He knows his mother did her best for her kids, but it was hard for her to give all eight of her boys the attention they needed, as well as work several jobs to support them, and he understands that. So he wants to have like 3-5 kids.

He has his S/O move to Boston with him and auditions for and joins the Boston Red Sox baseball team. He plays for them for a few years and becomes one of the best players the team has ever had. He never says it, but he dedicates every game to his family, his S/O especially.

After he retires from that, he coaches a team at the high school he attended. He sucks at it at first but eventually becomes an excellent coach and his team wins many awards. All of his children are big baseball fans like him and all of them have been on his team at some point

Soldier:

Soldier honestly doesn’t know what to do with himself. He wants to go off to fight in Vietnam, but now he has his S/O to take care of! He can’t just leave them alone!

So for a while he doesn’t work (he doesn’t need to, as the mercenaries were paid a lot over the years) to think it over. In the meantime, they consider having kids; He doesn’t want many, only about 1-3

But then he realizes what he wants. He just wants to be with his family. Part of the American Dream is to have a happy, healthy family, though that’s not the only reason he wants to be with them. He does genuinely love them and would lay down his life for his S/O or his children.

He actually never works again (highkey because no one will hire him) and uses his savings to raise his family and enjoy his retirement with his S/O.

Pyro:

Pyro will live wherever their S/O wants to live, they don’t care at all.

They never get another job, as they don’t need one nor want one. They just want to spend the rest of their life with their S/O.

Pyro doesn’t care about having kids, but if their S/O wants to adopt some, they’ll let their S/O adopt as many as they want.

They just live out their lives going on adventures and exploring the world around them. It’s a very carefree and joyful lifestyle for them.

Demo:

For a long while, Demo is kind of depressed after losing his job. That job had meant so much to him. It’s mostly because of the emphasis his family has always placed on keeping multiple jobs, though it’s also because he will miss his friends dearly. He needs lots of encouragement from his friends and S/O for him to get up and find a job. He’s actually very qualified, so he could find several jobs in demolition for construction companies and things like that. So he finds a few jobs in Scotland (he insists on having multiple) and brings his S/O there to live with him.

Demo absolutely wants to raise kids with his S/O, and he wants around 2-4. He’s totally fine with adopting.

He goes to rehab to stop drinking before they have kids, though. He relapses a few times but eventually never touches alcohol again. He and his S/O are so proud of his accomplishment.

He, over time, becomes very successful selling and using his bombs, and his family lives in comfort.

Demo never realized how unfulfilled he was when he was working for Mann Co. he’s so happy he was able to change his life for the better and spend the rest of it with his wonderful S/O

Heavy:

Heavy immediately buys a home near the one he bought for his family in America, and asks his S/O to come with him.

He probably takes a job in manual labor, and publishes a few successful books over the years

He really wants to have a huge family, like 6-10 kids, but he feels like he’s too old to be having children, which makes him really upset. He doesn’t say anything but his S/O knows him like the back of their hand and can tell how he’s feeling. They suggest adopting children. He’s a little hesitant at first because he wanted his kids to be biologically his but he eventually falls in love with several of the kids they meet at the adoption agency and realizes being related doesn’t matter. They adopt the kids and Heavy loves every single one of his kids more than anything and he calls them his cubs.

He devotes his life and his work to his family and would lay down his life for any of them.

He goes into a depressive state after his mother passes away of old age. It takes a lot of work but his sisters, S/O, and children eventually pull him from this state, and he’s eternally grateful for that

Probably cries when he meets his first grandchild. He doesn’t sob or anything but tears are running down his face and he has the biggest smile anyone has ever seen on him

Engie:

Engie wants to own a farm more than anything. He wants to go back to Texas but if his S/O wants to go anywhere else, he’ll go if they can find a place for him to have a farm. They’re able to make money off of the productions of their farm, but Engie also continues to invent and makes money selling his creations as well

Engie also wants a big family, somewhere around 4-8 kids, and he’s cool with adopting if they can’t have the kids themselves. He wants at least one of his children to become an engineer, though he won’t complain if none of them pick that career path.

He dedicates the rest of his life to doing what he loves; Inventing and spending time with his loved ones. Even if he spends all day in his workshop, he always makes sure to spend the rest of the day with his family and spends a lot of extra time with his S/O. His S/O is his main encouragement when he’s having trouble with an invention. They always make him feel better about it when he’s feeling really frustrated.

Medic:

Medic doesn’t want to go back to Germany, he wants to stay in the States with his S/O. He sets up a small doctor's office to make money; The only reason he doesn’t experiment on his patients is because his S/O told him not to

Medic isn’t interested in children and also thinks he’s too old to be having kids, but if his S/O wants some, he only wants 1-2. He’d prefer his kid(s) to be biologically his even though he’d get a little worried considering his age, but he isn’t against adopting. He makes sure his kid(s) receive the BEST education and are able to pursue any career they want. Like Engineer, he’d like at least one of his kids to follow his career path but doesn’t mind if they don’t.

He spends a lot of time traveling with his S/O once the kid(s) are independent; He enjoyed travelling when he was a mercenary and wants to explore the few corners of the world he didn’t visit when he worked for Mann Co.

Sniper:

Sniper, in all honesty, wants to get as far away from Australia as he can. It reminds him too much of his childhood and his parents. So he’ll go wherever his S/O wants to go, as long as it’s not Australia. He still occasionally goes back with them just to visit his parents’ graves.

He probably continues doing assassin work, though sometimes he gets a little salty about the fact that it doesn’t pay as well as working for Mann Co.

He lives in his camper when he’s out working (he’s often gone for a few days to a week), but he absolutely buys a house for his S/O and leaves them there while he’s gone so he doesn’t put them in danger. He makes sure to call his S/O when he can while he’s gone, at least once a day.

He doesn’t think he could be a good dad and doesn’t want to raise a child because of this fear, but if his S/O really wants a kid he’ll give in. Like Medic, he only wants 1-2. But once the kids are with them he grows more confident over time. He still knows he’s not perfect but he knows he’s learning every day and thinks he’s doing a decent job.

Once he’s older, people don’t hire him as much because there are younger snipers with better eyes and quicker reflexes. It hits him like a truck and he’s really distraught over it for a while. But he realizes that he has tons of savings now and can focus on enjoying the rest of his life with his S/O.

Spy:

Spy wants to take his S/O back to France with him. If they don’t want to live there, he’ll complain a lot so they compromise with spending half the year there and half the year where his S/O wants to live. He has a ridiculously fancy home in France, and will buy an equally fancy one where his S/O wants to live.

Like Sniper, he continues working as an independent assassin, but he spends much more time away from his S/O than Sniper. Spy is still really terrified of commitment because he doesn’t want to put them in danger, so he makes himself feel better by staying away from his S/O for a while. It takes him a while to work up the courage to stick around more often.

He gets really scared if his S/O asks him about kids. Like, he wants to run away and never come back, he’s so scared. He doesn’t think he could handle a child. He tells his S/O that his age worries him, though that’s not the actual reason. He’s scared of the responsibility, and he doesn’t want a child to have a father like him. He’s let down the many children that he fathered throughout his life and he feels like he’s gonna let down his S/O and the child if they have one. But when he sees his S/O so excited about the idea of having a family, he gives in. He only wants 1 child, and wants to adopt.

At first, he’s kind of cold to the child. But as he spends time with them he grows attached to them fairly quickly. His S/O can’t help but smile when he holds the child close or smiles and talks to them over dinner if they’re an older kid. He starts to spend even more time at home to bond with the child and eventually becomes an excellent parent

Like Medic, he wants to travel a ton once the child is independent. He’s also seen most of the world and does it more because he wants to show his S/O the places he’s been.

Ms. Pauling:

Ms. Pauling is absolutely devastated when she loses her job. Her work was practically her whole life and now she doesn’t know what to do. She’s so shell-shocked that she needs her S/O’s guidance to find a new job. She finds an accounting job since she did a lot of accountant-type work while at Mann Co. but also does independent assassin work occasionally.

She never thought about having kids and panics when her S/O suggests having kids. She trained in killing people and hiding bodies, not raising kids. She does want to have 1-2 kids but doesn’t feel she’s ready yet. They do have/adopt 2 kids eventually, and it turns out she’s an organized chaos type of mom.

In the end, Ms. Pauling and her S/O live a pretty normal domestic life, though they sometimes go on weird adventures with some of the mercs when they visit.

[heraldofzaun]

This is a post I’ve been thinking about making for quite some time, especially due to looking at how my own personal depiction of Viktor differs from what seems to be the general fandom interpretation - especially after the LoR cards released and gave us a few canonical acolytes.

I won’t beat around the bush here: this is going to be about why I personally believe that associating the Glorious Evolution specifically with headcanons about Viktor or his acolytes being trans, or Viktor performing gender-affirming surgeries, or things in a similar vein is a poor decision, and why I don’t include this interpretation in my writings. This isn’t meant to discourage people from writing Viktor or his acolytes as trans, of course - my Viktor is agender, although he’s not aware of it, and it would be absurd to say that his followers have to be cis - but I think it’s important to look at the implications that come from writing Viktor as explicitly someone who helps people relieve and manage their dysphoria through his work with the GE.

Firstly, no matter how you spin it: Viktor’s idea of the Glorious Evolution has always been painted in a negative light. I’ve done my work to portray it as idealistically as possible, but at the end of the day his goals have always been about removing (at the very least, negative) emotions from himself, as well as mechanizing himself and others.

“Desiring both to revolutionize his field and to eliminate the jealous human emotions which festered inside him, he engineered parts to replace and improve his own body... He saw himself as the patron and pioneer of Valoran's future, a future in which man would renounce his flesh in favor of superior hextech augmentations.” (Original lore.)

“He saw human involvement in any part of a process as a grossly inefficient aberration - a view that put him at odds with a great many of his fellow students and professors, who saw the very things Viktor sought to remove as the source of human ingenuity and creativity.” (New lore.)

“Jayce reported the incident [of Viktor creating a device that allowed someone to “effectively control” another person]  to the college masters, and Viktor was censured for violating basic human dignity - though, in his eyes, his work would have saved many lives. He was expelled from the college, and retreated to his old laboratory in Zaun, disgusted by the narrow-minded perceptions of Piltover's inhabitants. Alone in the depths, Viktor sank into a deep depression, enduring a traumatic period of introspection for many weeks. He wrestled with the ethical dilemma he now faced, finding that, once again, human emotion and weakness had stood in his way. He had been trying to help, to enhance people beyond their natural capabilities to avoid error and save lives. Revelation came when he realized that he too had succumbed to such emotions, allowing his naive belief that good intentions could overcome ingrained prejudice to blind him to human failings. Viktor knew he could not expect others to follow where he did not go first, so, in secret, he operated on himself to remove those parts of his flesh and psyche that relied upon or were inhibited by emotion.” (New lore.)

This, when combined with how Viktor has also always been intended as a more villainous character - his visual design language, voice lines, and how he leans into the “evil Russian scientist” stereotype all confirm that - mean that from an out-of-universe standpoint, we’re meant to see his ideas as wrong and misguided. Multiple other champions have lines specifically about how he’s wrong - Ekko calls him “everything wrong with Zaun”, Camille (who is morally grey at best, and a cold-blooded killer at worst) calls his work “quaint”, implying that it doesn’t go far enough for her liking, and Heimerdinger makes the point that without humans, no one will be left to appreciate Viktor’s work. It doesn’t matter if Viktor has good intentions - the narrative tells us time and time again that his path leads to a very dark place, especially in new lore where he’s comfortable with violating free will for the sake of preventing death.

It seems obvious to me that a character who auto-amputates as a way to cope with overwhelming emotions, who decides that emotions themselves are a burden, who is repeatedly described as having an obsession with the Glorious Evolution regardless of lore, who is described as who you go to when you’re desperate in new lore... is clearly someone whose surgeries (at least of himself, where they are implied to be unnecessary - again, auto-amputation) and end goals are supposed to be read as a violation of human nature and dignity. Here we pivot to talking about trans issues in specific.

I’m of the firm belief that it’s not a good idea to associate gender-affirming surgeries, HRT, or any other thing used for transitioning with a character whose surgeries are supposed to be read as a violation of the human form. This plays directly into the anti-trans idea that transitioning is, well, a violation of the human form. It is not a good idea to write the man who cuts off his own limbs to poorly cope with his emotions as a patron of trans rights. It’s drawing a direct parallel between Viktor’s auto-amputations, which we are supposed to read as not only a very bad thing and the product of obsession, but arguably self-harm, with life-saving medical care.

(There’s also the issue that some people seem to assume that transhumanism is, in any way, inherently related to being trans - but that’s a whole other topic that I don’t feel very qualified to write on. I consider myself someone interested in transhumanist concepts, when applied appropriately (i.e. not ending up in eugenicist territory), but I am far from an expert on transhumanist thought. I think it’s enough to say that no, they’re not related. They’re just two things with the same prefix. Please don’t confuse the two.)

In my opinion, Viktor should not be seen as someone whose work is a direct benefit to trans individuals. (Again, not to say that Viktor can’t have followers who are trans. But please, please consider before making him the person that they go to for help with transitioning. The man doesn���t even have a medical degree, and his canonical work is described as being all about function over form. He’s not the surgeon you want.) I don’t think that Viktor’s gender identity, whatever it may be, should be associated with his obsession with the Glorious Evolution - or at the least, it shouldn’t be portrayed as a positive association. (In the sense of Viktor using the GE/his own surgeries as a positive affirmation of his gender... I’m struggling to precisely define this at the moment, apologies.) The GE is, textually, an unhealthy coping mechanism.

(There’s maybe something to be said for a Viktor who has disassociated himself so far from humanity that he no longer considers gender applicable to himself... but please, be careful if you write this. I’m speaking as someone who’s agender: I’m tired of my identity being used as shorthand for someone or something becoming or being nonhuman. I’m tired of people treating Blitzcrank being reskinned as a they/them pronoun user as something revolutionary, if they themselves don’t use those pronouns or aren’t nonbinary. I’m not going to pretend that I’m the arbiter of what people can and can’t write, but I’m tired of seeing myself - as an autistic and agender person - represented solely by unfeeling aliens and machines and whatever else, and being told that it’s good, actually, because any representation is good representation. I’d like for people to be more mindful in what they write and promote, but I think that this is becoming a tangent.)

I guess it comes time for me to defend my own depiction, then, since as I’ve mentioned above I do write Viktor as agender. I admit that I want to see aspects of myself in the characters that I like, but I also strive to be aware of the implications that these aspects may have. My Viktor’s gender identity has absolutely nothing to do with his idea of the Glorious Evolution - he has no dysphoria that he attempts to relieve through his surgeries, he does not see roboticization as a way to move past the gender binary... he doesn’t even realize that he’s not a cis man, because he hasn’t had the time or tools to introspect on that aspect of himself. (He’d be rather confused if you told him that people generally tend to feel as if they’re a certain gender - he’s just... himself.) I’ve written him in this way to try to make it clear that he has always felt this way about himself - that the GE has nothing to do with it - and that it has no influence on his actions as the Machine Herald.

There isn’t really a good way to wrap this up. Again, I am not saying that Viktor or his acolytes shouldn’t be written as trans, nor trying to stop people from writing that - only that their transness shouldn’t be directly associated with his idea of the Glorious Evolution. I think that we need to be mindful of what kinds of tropes that our depictions can fall into, and in this case a non-mindful depiction of Viktor as trans can seen as equating being trans to what’s easily read as self-harm/a violation of human nature. I doubt that anyone genuinely intends this association, but it can be made regardless, and so I prefer to keep the two concepts wholly separate in my depiction.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading. I’m willing to answer any questions that arise from this.

[todaydreambelieversfic]

Author Spotlight: Darriness

Author : @darriness​

How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

Depends on which of my fics we're talking about. For Fic A Day, I usually just spew the whole chapter out in the evening and then I'll read it over once or twice before posting. The whole process has been known to take no longer than an hour (though sometimes longer). For my linear longer fics I revise constantly (too many times to count) while I write, and then my beta reads them over usually at least twice, and then after I make all the changes she suggests I'll go back once or twice to read the whole thing. How many times I do that last step usually depends on how soon I plan to post. For 3 on 1 I probably read/revised that fic a hundred times while waiting to be able to post it for the Big Bang.

If you were to revise one of your older fics from start to finish, which would it be and why?

Hmmmm, probably Life In A Year but only because I wrote 365 chapters/fics without a second set of eyes looking at them to tell me when I made stupid mistakes (I've caught a few as I've reread chapters over the past couple of years.) I probably wouldn't change the stories themselves though. I would just want to fix the silly grammar and spelling errors.

What do you look for in a beta?

Someone willing to put up with me? lol I didn't use a beta for a long time. The only reason I got one is because I did a Glee Fic Exchange and one of the 'rules' was that you had to have a beta. Luckily a Tumblr friend of mine offered to help and has been my exclusive beta ever since (I don't mean exclusive like she can't beta for other people, but she's the only person I use as a beta). If I were looking for a new one (which I hope not to have to do ever!) I would want someone who is enthusiastic, able to catch sneaky grammar and spelling errors (I like to think my work isn't riddled with obvious ones), and someone available for me to bounce ideas off of (if I ask you a question about a fic and it takes you a week to get back to me? That idea is either gone or I've already worked it out myself).

If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

I don't think *I* would want to write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there. Are there fics I would like to see the story continue for? Of course (though do you think I can think of any specific fics right now? Of course not lol). But I would like the author to do the writing, not me.

Do you take liberties with canon or are you very strict about your fic being canon compliant?

I call most of my fics, that aren't clearly AU, 'canon adjacent'. I follow canon pretty closely but there are three main things I always 'conveniently forget' about canon when I write - Finn's death, Blaine cheating, and Klaine breaking up. Most of my canon adjacent fics take place after canon ended but I do still follow the history of canon except for those things listed above. Oh, and I usually 'forget' Puck existed at all. I'm not sure he's been in my fics at all after that whole thing happened.

Talk about a review that made your day.

Here comes the cliché but legit true answer - ALL reviews make my day. Getting a notification email that someone left a comment on AO3 never fails to make me smile and clicking on people's reblogs on Tumblr to see if they've left comments in the tags is a lot of fun for me! The fact that someone took the time to comment on my silly writing? Blows my mind. I will say though that the comments I got nearing the end of A Life In A Year (including the last day) were especially satisfying. They were congratulations about finishing the year and as I was feeling pretty proud of myself, having other people share their congratulations was really special.

Do you ever get rude reviews and how do you deal with them?

I don't think I've ever gotten a rude review luckily! There was one on one of my very first fics in fandom (that I posted on FF.net, it's not even on AO3 or Tumblr) that felt the need to correct an error in my grammar but I wouldn't necessarily have called it rude. I felt it slightly unnecessary but I actually took their comment to heart and think about it every time I go to make that error in my writing today.

What advice do you have for people just starting to write?

I don't feel qualified to give advice but here we go. WRITE AND READ AND HAVE FUN! Your ideas are never going to get put on paper (or document) and you're never going to improve your writing if you don't actually write! Even if you don't think it's very good (I'm sure it's good!) if you don't write it, you can't improve. Write, and then get someone you trust to read it and help you make it better (or even take a course!). Also, READ. And I don't mean read your own writing (well yes, read your own writing) but read OTHER people's writing. Read fic, read books, read the newspaper - the reading and writing skill are so interconnected that your writing will improve the more you read! So READ! And then write some more! And lastly, have fun writing and reading. If it's not fun, then it's not worth doing it. It shouldn't be a chore or a job and even if it IS your job? If you're not having fun then it's still not worth doing in my opinion.

Which fic do you most like to discuss with other people? Why?

I love discussing all my fics with other people! I'll choose two fics for this answer though that I don't get to talk about a lot with other people and wish I could more - Roadie and Evolved. I love those fics/verses personally and wish I could really discuss them with people :)

What's one aspect of writing fic that gets you really excited?

Narcissistically? Rereading my own fic. I love going back to an old fic of mine and reading through it again. It's simultaneously a comfort because I know it so well and a bit mystifying because I think 'I really wrote this?'

***

Check out Darriness’s Fics: 

Roadie -  Blaine Anderson is the lead singer of one of the most popular bands in the United States. His life is chaotic but he loves it. One day, a new sound engineer joins the tour and turns Blaine's already chaotic life upside down.

Like You Wanna Be Loved -  A new boy moves in and catches Kurt's attention...but everything is not as it may seem.

Quality Time -  Kurt and Blaine try a little quality time activity together!

[dontasktheradiodemon]

Orientation Talk

Alastor realizes he and Telly @usedhearts have, in fact, never discussed with each other how they see their sexualities. Which seems like a rather important thing to know about the person you're dating.

From there they segue into talking about their experiences with antemortem queer communities and drag.

Alastor

The door slams open. “SEXUALITY!” Apparently this is how Alastor is saying “hello” today. “That’s the word of the decade, isn’t it! Everyone wants to know what everyone else’s sexuality is! There’s thirty new labels and all of them are color-coded!” A wave of his hands and a bunch of magical miniature pride flags flutter around like confetti and then disappear. “And for all that, I’ve made the ghastly error of just—taking for granted that I already know yours! So!” He looks around. He got through that monologue confident that Telly is, in fact, in the room, without actually checking.

THERE he is. “So!!” Alastor crosses the room to plop a hand on Telly’s shoulder. “You... what do you consider yourself? Anything in particular? You ARE inclined toward both ladies and gentlemen, aren’t you?”

Sir Pentious

At the slamming door and the sudden shout, Telly's hood flares and he lets out a mighty hiss!! Look at him, how scary!!!

Oh, it was just Alastor. Alastor asking about his.... sexuality? Well, alright, that was new.

"Yes, of course. I thought that would be plain to see? I think the modern term is 'bisexual'? Yes." His head tilted. "Why the sudden interest, darling?"

Alastor

“Well, I thought you were!” A shrug! “But your alternate thought you’re only inclined toward men, so...!” ANOTHER SHRUG. “I thought I ought to check.”

Sir Pentious

There was a slight, momentary BWUAGH at that revelation-- Penny had thought he was only into men? How? But he shook away the thought to focus back on the conversation.

"For a while I thought I might, honestly-- be just into men, that is. But well...." He smiled sheepishly and shrugged. "Ladies...."

Alastor

Alastor nodded slowly in comprehension.

Then shook his head slowly. No. The nod was a lie. He didn’t comprehend. “I’ll take your word for it.”

Sir Pentious

"I always liked ladies, but the only one I truly fancied before I died was Olivia. But well we....you know. And then I fell for George." A shrug. "So until I died, I didn't really think of it. And then after, it wasn't really important for a good, oh, decade or so."

Another shrug. "What about you?"

Alastor

He nodded again, taking mental notes. So that was attraction without the full-blown romantic feelings? Outside of Hollywood, attraction was such a mysterious, malleable thing—

—oh, but now Telly wanted to know about *Alastor’s* mysterious malleable thing. At least Alastor’s was a lot smaller. “Well, that depends! Would you extrapolate an orientation from a sample size of one?”

Sir Pentious

Telly tilts his head, thinking about it. "Not really? If there's only one, than that's an outlier and shouldn't be counted."

Alastor

"That's generally what I think about it! And going by that, my preferences are for none of the above, thanks, I'm just fine—which these days I'm told is called 'aromantic and asexual'—you need both those terms, apparently—which, sure, fine, they get the job done. But you *do* have to throw out that outlier."

Sir Pentious

Telly thought a moment. "Am....I the outlier? Or, rather, Sir Pentiouses?"

His head tilted, his claw tapping at his chin. "Hmmm..."

Alastor

"Yes, sir, you are." A crooked smile. "So, count the outlier, and I'm stone cold gay. All the people I've ever been attracted to have been men, all one of 'em. So, it depends on the qualifying criteria for all the different terms—and that's out of my hands. The terms belong to other people, not me."

Sir Pentious

"Well, the terms are there for you to slap on yourself and say 'this is me'. But if you don't wish to slap any on, then, who can _make_ you? No one!" Telly smirked, leaning closer to kiss the tip of his nose.

"It'sss none of anyone elssse'ss business anyway! You don't want anything with anyone but me, that's fine by me." He snickered.

Alastor

Alastor shakes his head. “No, no—the terms don’t exist for slapping on yourself, they exist for showing off to other people. That’s the *only* reason they exist. It’s like a soldier wearing a uniform—you don’t wear one because you like it, you wear one to ensure your side doesn’t shoot at you and that you get let into the mess hall for food. The terms tell other people which groups you belong to. It’s the business of the groups to decide which criteria qualify individuals for membership, and the business of the individuals to learn the criteria and whether or not they qualify. So that’s the question, see. Not ‘am I gay’ but ‘would the gays consider me gay.’” He slings an arm around Telly’s neck—not for any particular reason, he just feels like hanging off of Telly. “Personally, I don’t much care, but! You asked about me, and those are the closest labels I can get without knowing how the population at large handles outlier cases.” He shrugs.

Sir Pentious

"Perhaps more research is required. I'm _sure_ you're not the ONLY person to ever exist who's been like this when it came to romance and sex." He flicked his tongue against Alastor's cheek. Get licked.

"I find the term bisexual works for me. And I say that whatever you are, I like it. The terms change so much, who's to say if we will not have new ones in a few decades anyway!"

Alastor

“What, a man who fell for one man but nobody else? Oh, I’m sure there’s been more! There’s certainly enough pulp novels about them. Although they’re usually about repressed men having their gay awakening. I don’t think that applies to me—I considered that I might be inclined toward men long before I considered that I might be inclined toward no one.”

He gets licked. That shouldn’t make his heart flutter, *and yet.* Just ignore how goofy his smile looks for a couple seconds, he’s TRYING to focus here. “Oh, I’m sure we will! They’ve got to reshuffle all the categories every couple decades or so, haven’t they? In my time I would have gone by ‘confirmed bachelor.’ Told people exactly what to expect from you without telling them a thing about what you got up to. Category X was my favorite descriptor, though—it sounds like something out of a science fiction horror picture show.”

He leans more heavily on Telly while he gestures with his free hand, like he’s indicating the words on a movie poster: “‘The Mystery of Category X!’ ‘The X Category from Outer Space!’ ‘You can run, but you can’t hide, from... Category X!’” He laughs, then glances up at Telly. “I suppose you haven’t always gone by ‘bisexual’ either?”

Sir Pentious

"I like that one, too. Category X has pizzazz!" He let out a hissing laugh, squishing his cheek into Alastor's.

"Oh, certainly not, I don't think they had a term for it in my day! I started hearing it sometime in the 1900s, I'm not sure when exactly." Telly shrugged briefly.

"I never really encountered anyone else who was like me, at least not one that I wasn't ensconced with at the time! I never had that sort of 'community', I suppose."

Alastor

“Really? No one?” Had Telly died thinking he and George were the only men in the world who wanted to sleep with other men? No, that couldn’t be possible—he was an upper-class gent, surely he’d at least read Greek poetry and such? Homer? “Never crossed paths with Oscar Wilde’s crowd?”

Sir Pentious

A slight BWUAGH at the mention of Wilde and Telly blinked rapidly. "Wilde? No? He was an artist, I was an engineer. We hardly ran in the same circles. I was also a recluse and generally only socialized, when forced, with people that my mother approved of, and she certainly did NOT approve of him."

He snorted and shook his head. "Probably thought he would've queered me up even more, if we had crossed paths."

Alastor

“Hah! I suppose that makes sense. Inventors and and entertainers aren’t frequent bedfellows, are they?” A wink; yes, he realizes the irony. “I suppose I’m the lucky one—I fell in with the *theater crowd.* From 1922 on, the only straight people I knew were my mother and my coworkers, and I’m not sure about my coworkers!” He laughs. “No, that’s an exaggeration. Not by much.”

Sir Pentious

"Ah yes, _actors_ the bane of my parents' existence! How they loved to talk about how _actors_ 'corrupted the youth' and all that hogwash! Looking back, it's funny to think about." He laughed again, leaning against Alastor.

"But tell me more about it, I'm dreadfully curious."

Alastor

“And they were *right!* Why, I hung out with actors in my youth, and look where I am now!” He gestured around himself. At Telly’s room. “... I meant ‘in Hell,’ but our present surroundings don’t quite convey that, do they.” He laughed.

“What, the theater crowd? Or the queer crowd? Granted, there’s a lot of overlap...”

Sir Pentious

"And yes, I, who never did, am also here! Though perhaps that is more because of the whole murder and blowing up half of London thing." He laughed more.

"Oh both! Or either! I don't know much about either one, both sound fascinating."

Alastor

“Well, if you weren’t hanging out with *actors,* I guess all that murder is the only explanation left, isn’t it?”

Oh, if only they had the time to sit together while Alastor told Telly every single detail of both his theater career and the queer scenes he’d been involved in—and then the rest of his life—and then get Telly to share every detail of *his* life. But for now, he’d have to narrow it down.

“When I first got involved in New York City, the scene was a little bit of both—theater *and* queer! The crowd I fell in with was very performance-oriented. You know, drag balls, that sort of thing. They started drawing in tourists, even! Straight folks would pay money to come to the balls and be entertained by the men in dresses—that was how we were referred to then, ‘female impersonators’ they were called. If I ran into the souls I knew back then today, I think some would still consider themselves that, but others by now might consider themselves transsexual women who decided to make a show out of their transformations—but those weren’t different categories yet. All of us wore trousers at our day jobs and wore skirts at parties, and that made us the same as each other, even if our private reasons for putting on a skirt were different.”

He’d let go of Telly and started pacing around as he spoke, gesturing, playing snips of party music, briefly summoning up shades wearing the silhouettes of elaborate gowns, dancing with them for a measure or two. “It was such a big tourist draw that if you showed up with a skirt and an Adam’s apple, you could get into a ball at a discount! It was a *thrilling* party scene, but... well, it was a party scene.” The energy of the music and shadows started dying, like a wound-up music box slowing down. “It got exhausting. New York wore me out. Or I wore myself out in New York—one or the other.”

Sir Pentious

Telly watched the show-- and what a show it was! Alastor was always the entertainer, even now, with an audience of one. He settled onto his coils, eyes following Alastor's every gesture, smiling when he twirled with shades.

"Yes, it _does_ sound like that would get exhausting after a while! I could hardly stand the stuffy balls that I went to in my day, I can't even imagine what ones intended for FUN must've been like, especially doing it all the time." He set his chin on his hands, now resting on his tail.

"What about New Orleans? What was it like there? More parties?"

Alastor

“No! Well, *some*—it *was* the twenties—but it wasn’t like New York’s scene. All the masculine women and feminine men sort of clustered together in the *Vieux Carré*—now *there* was where the *artists* hung out—and you’d have your speakeasies and your rowdy nights, but it wasn’t a *spectacle.* New Orleans was very laid back, always had been.” And just talking about it, Alastor looked more laid back himself—less frantically energetic and more comfortable. Like he’d actually *come* home instead of just talking about it. He even stopped waltzing around and plopped down on Telly’s coils.

“They were very French about the whole thing, which primarily meant ‘mind your own business.’” He laughed, conjuring up a shadow pantomime of a couple of gossips whispering to each other. “Try to tell one neighbor about spotting another with his tongue down a man’s throat, and the neighbor’s more likely to be offended that you’re spreading this around than they are to be offended at what the other neighbor’s been up to.” One of the gossips silently scolded the other for bringing up the subject, and then the shadows dissolved. “It wasn’t wholehearted *love,* by any means—but you get a little extra privacy when nobody wants to know about everyone else’s affairs. That’s what New Orleans was like.”

Sir Pentious

Telly hummed, nodding along. "Yes, that sounds better to me too. I like the New Orleans way, but then again, I always did like the French!"

He laughed a little. "That's not very English of me, is it? I should hate the French! But here I am, with a French lover-- or at least, French adjacent. How scandalous!" Another, louder laugh, as he wrapped his arms around Alastor's waist.

Alastor

“A *French lover!* Me!” He laughed loudly. “Well, aren’t we a pair fit for a saucy short story! You could be the unworldly English student studying abroad in Paris, and I’d be the pretty French girl who keeps throwing you come-hither looks. You’d fall for my mysterious sexual allure and I’d fall for your... you know, none of those short stories ever explain what it is the French girls see in the English students. Probably because they tend to be written by British men.”

He tapped Telly’s chest, “Did they have those stories when you were alive? There’s this *one* author I read who only wrote two things: bone-chilling horror, and artists falling in love with nubile young French girls. I couldn’t *stand* when he wrote about French girls.”

Sir Pentious

Telly couldn't help laughing at that. "Oh, sounds like every young man I knew who went to spend a year abroad. They _all_ wanted a French mistress, or an Italian one, though those seemed to be harder to come by."

His head tilted as he thought. "It's not ringing a bell, but I'm sure if I saw his name I would recognize him. I've always been a fan of horror." He flicked out his tongue. "But back on topic! You joined in with the balls and such in New York, but what about in New Orleans?"

Alastor

Alastor dragged his head back from trying to remember the name of a war story by the same author and an entirely unrelated book about a *male* French lover—to be continued later, maybe—and back to the question at hand. New Orleans balls?

“Oh, New Orleans didn’t have balls, not like New York. Not that I got invited to, anyway. There were *professional* ‘female impersonators’—they were on stages all across the country in the twenties—but that was show business. In the *Vieux Carré* bars, anyone dressed unusually was doing it for themselves rather than for an audience.”

Sir Pentious

"Did you ever join in there?" His head tilted, and he flicked his tongue at Alastor. A fully captivated snake, that's what he had on his hands right now.

Alastor

“In *New Orleans?* Goodness, no! Far too close to home! It was Prohibition! What if the Mabel men came knocking? If my mother had to see me locked up in a cell, I wanted to give her as few questions to ask me as possible!” He laughed. “Anyway, the New York scene burned me out for the next couple of decades. Once I left the North, I didn’t pick it up again until I’d been dead a while.”

Sir Pentious

"What, the 'female impersonation'? Or just generally being more openly a part of queer spaces?" Cue a head tilt, but this time in the OTHER direction. Such versatility.

Alastor

“Female impersonation—although I don’t like to call it that when I do it. I’m not trying to impersonate a female, I’m... well, whatever I’m doing.” A vague shrug. Thoughts. “I prefer ‘drag.’ It... implies less about one’s motivations, I suppose.”

Sir Pentious

When Alastor said that, something finally clicked in Telly's mind and he sat up suddenly, letting out a loud "Oh!"

"SO _THAT'S_ WHAT DRAG IS! I'D BEEN MEANING TO ASK YOU AT THE BALL BUT WE GOT, WELL, DISTRACTED!" He laughed.

Alastor

“Y... you didn’t know—?” Alastor blinked at him, then wheezed in laughter. “Telly, *mon roi,* YOU were in drag!”

Sir Pentious

Telly rolled his eyes (all of them) and crossed his arms, giving a huff. "YES, I KNOW THAT _NOW_. BUT AT THE TIME, I HADN'T HEARD THE TERM BEFORE! OR I HAD AND JUST NEVER CONNECTED IT TO THE WHOLE SUBCULTURE OR SOME SUCH THING!"

A couple more huffs. Huff huff. And then he settled. And he pouted.

Alastor

Oh no, not the pouting. Alastor tried *very hard* to stop laughing. “Well—“ a giggle escaped, “—you know now.”

Sir Pentious

He huffed again but then relaxed a little more, reaching to take Alastor's hand and play with his fingers.

"Well, you've seen ME in drag, when do I get to see _you_ in it, hm?"

Alastor

“Oh?” THAT got Alastor to stop laughing, although it didn’t do a thing to banish the mischievous sparkle in his eyes. “In ten minutes, if you want.”

Sir Pentious

Telly's tongue stuck out and he blinked, before grinning. "Really? Just ten minutes? Doesn't it usually take a long time to get into drag? I mean, it took me _hours_ to get fully ready, and that was before the paint!"

He chuckled.

Alastor

“It depends on how you do it. I’m a bit more minimalist in my approach.” He was going to take that as a request to see. He winked, slid off of Telly’s coils, and ducked into the false bathroom to change. He slipped of his shoes and used them to wedge the door a couple inches open so they could keep talking. “It’s why I can’t get into the whole drag *scene.* It gets so competitive! Even more than it was in the twenties! Some crowds are laid back about it, but other crowds treat you like you’re going to get scored 1 to 10 on how feminine you are and your objective should be to hit a 12—and then other crowds still actually *will* score you. And oh, it’s a fantastic show to *watch*—but that’s not why I do it. And not how I want to do it.”

Sir Pentious

"Hmm. Yes, I think I agree with you there. I wouldn't want to be scored on something like that." He made a face-- not that Alastor could see. Telly leaned against the bed, chin resting on his arms.

"I do think it would be fun to watch, though-- maybe we can see if there's ones to watch here in Hell sometime!"

Alastor

“Oh, sure, there are drag shows and balls all the time! Competitive and otherwise. Just let me know what kind you want to see, and if I don’t know where one’s happening within a month I’ll know somebody else who does.”

Sir Pentious

"Perhaps sometime in the future, both our schedules are fairly full currently!" He chuckled.

"I never thought of drag as a performance before, but after the masquerade, I can see why some would want to put on a show! It seems fun..."

Alastor

“Maybe in a few years you’ll be the one getting on stage!” Running water sound~ He’s got to wash out and restyle his hair. In the sink, apparently. “When did you start doing drag? Surely the masquerade wasn’t your first time?”

Sir Pentious

He hummed again, giving a soft sigh.

"I wanted to, in life, but of course, Mother and Father would never allow it. They'd punish me if they saw me trying to try on any of my sister's gowns. And my elder sisters would tattle on me, too. So I stopped trying.

"But then, once I got to Hell, I realized that not only was it easier now, but also more practical, considering I don't even wear pants anymore. And there was no one around to tell me no! I had a few dresses commissioned-- they're still in my closet. But I only ever wore them in private. It was still the late 1800s and early 1900s at the time, after all, and I had a reputation to keep.

"I got more and more as time went on, and started wearing them casually whenever I didn't need to wear my suit. But still, I only wore them out a couple times before the ball. And I'd never worn one as extravagant as that costume!"

Alastor

Oh, he’s got to ask to see those older dresses sometime. “You certainly wore it well!”

The running water stopped as he got to work combing out and styling his wet hair. “And... what does it *mean* to you, when you do it?”

Sir Pentious

Telly fell silent, thinking on the question. He puzzled over it for a good bit before he answered.

"I'm not sure, really. I just like wearing them! But they're just clothes. I'm as comfortable in them as I am in my suit, or even nothing at all. I _do_ enjoy the way they swish around me, though."

Alastor

Alastor wasn’t sure what he was expecting—or even if he’d been expecting anything at all—but somehow the fact that it was that simple disappointed him. What *had* he wanted to hear?

He could wonder about that later. He kept his disappointment out of his voice as he asked, “So it’s just another fashion option, nothing more nor less?”

Sir Pentious

"Yes, I suppose. They make me happy, though, and that's what's important! Though, honestly, so do my novelty snake themed tee shirts!"

He hissed out a laugh.

Alastor

“I *am* a fan of those shirts!” And not just because he’d started stealing them to serve as his undershirts. What was he wearing now? He pulled out his collar to check. Ah! The bananaconda. One of his personal favorites. “I especially like the ones with puns! Some of them are... *hiss-terical.*”

Sir Pentious

Another, louder, and hissier laugh!!! "Oh yes! I adore them! They're so comfortable and give me a good guffaw!!"

Alastor

Okay, he was on the finishing touches. He slipped his shoes away from the door and back on, and... “Ta-daaa!”

Not a whole lot changed. He redid his hair, added eyeshadow (he was already wearing lipstick), removed his coat and bow tie, unbuttoned his top a little, and switched his pants for a skirt and his socks for stockings. Most of his time in the bathroom had been spent on rinsing out his hair, combing it into a slightly more feminine bob, and gelling it in place. It was, as he’d promised, very minimalist drag.

Sir Pentious

Oh, but the changes, no matter how small, added up to a lot in Telly's eyes-- which were currently blown wide like a cat seeing a new toy. He got up and slithered over, cupping Alastor's face in his claws.

And he just leaned in and kissed him.

Alastor

Alastor returned the kiss, then leaned back and winked. “You know, I *thought* you might say something like that.” He had a very convincing Southern Belle voice he used when fully dolled up.

Sir Pentious

Oh. _Oh._ That voice. That voice!! It did things to him. He grinned lifting Alastor off the ground, arms wrapped tight around his waist.

"Madame!!! You are lovely and charming, and I am filled with adoration!!"

Alastor

“Well, aren’t you just the most *flattering* gentleman!” Alastor pulled out a fan (the ray gun fan) to “cool off.” “You’re going to put me in a swoon, talking like that!”

Sir Pentious

"Of course! What gentleman _wouldn't_ be caught up by such a darling belle!"

Telly leaned in, kissing all over Alastor's face and neck. He simply couldn't get ENOUGH.

Alastor

*Oh—* Alastor returned as many kisses as he could, peppering them across Telly’s face and hood. When he finally started laughing, it was in his usual voice. “Amazing the difference a little eyeshadow and re-parting your hair can make, isn’t it?”

Sir Pentious

He needed a moment to come back to himself, his grin face splitting.

"Oh, yes! It's quite amazing!" And he's going to nuzzle right into the neck and start purring. He lives here now.

Alastor

Alastor will waive the rent if Telly keeps paying in purrs. It’s like a free neck massage. He laughs. “Do you like it that much?”

Sir Pentious

"Well, I think if it wasn't you, then I don't know. But it IS you and so, yes, I like it very much." He pressed kisses to Alastor's neck, still purring there against him.

"The accent is very cute, too."

Alastor

Alastor slung both arms around Telly’s shoulders to keep himself steady under the barrage of kisses. “Oh, the accent was a hit in New York, let me tell you! I never was decorated enough to turn heads, but if I could get someone in a conversation, I’d have a whole crowd hanging off of me in five minutes! It’s even better now that I can **play with my voice.**” Radio Demon, bass boosted.

Sir Pentious

Telly laughed at the bass boosting, his hood flaring out-- this time with delight! That's a new one, but a good one.

"Yes, I bet you can do all SORTS of things with your voice now, can't you?"

Alastor

Most people were freaked out by the sudden bass boost. The fact that Telly laughed gets a wide smile that crinkles the corners of Alastor’s eyes. “Truth be told, I mainly use it to discourage fights or sing a little better. Not *that* much better, mind. I’ve always been pretty good.”

Sir Pentious

"I _do_ like it when you sing, you should sing more!" He leaned in to pepper more kisses onto Alastor. Mostly on his neck. Smooch, smooch, smooch, and then....his mouth opened and he scraped his fangs against his skin. Time to be a tease.

Alastor

“Oh, *should* I!” Dangerous words around the Radio Demon A musical backing track started up...

And sputtered, and started and stopped again, as he was distracted by the teeth scraping. “... Gladly, when you’re not giving me something else to do with my mouth.” He tries to catch Telly’s mouth so he can get those teeth on his lips.

((And after this they get raunchy, so part 2 tomorrow))

[longgae]

How to win every sexist argument (11 points)

1. Women are equal now, aren’t they? Surely we no longer need feminism. 

As long as 85,000 women are raped every year and 400,000 sexually assaulted in England and Wales alone, it’s hard to argue that there isn’t a problem. Not to mention the fact that fewer than 1/3 of our MPs are female, that women write only 1/5 front page newspaper articles, that they’re less than 1/10 of engineers and that 54,000 a year lose their jobsas a result of maternity discrimination… to name but a tiny sample of issues. It’s not ‘going too far’ to demand equality, and we’re certainly not there yet.

2. Women are biologically more empathetic, so they should be the primary caregivers.

As girls are given dollies and pushchairs while little boys are frowned upon for picking them up; while men are ‘congratulated’ for occasionally ‘babysitting’ their own children and women are castigated for daring to combine motherhood and career; while baby changing facilities are provided in women’s toilets but rarely in the men’s, is it any wonder we tend to take on the roles society stereotypically pushes on us when it comes to caregiving?

3. If it’s really about equality why is it called ‘feminism’ not ‘equalism’ or ‘humanism’?

It’s not secretly about women taking over the world or hating men (just look up the definition of feminism in the dictionary if you don’t believe me). Yes, it really is about achieving equality, but to get there, we have to recognise that while gender stereotypes can have negative impacts on men as well, the vast majority of structural gender inequality: socially, politically, professionally and economically, as well as the overwhelming burden of sexual violence is disproportionately borne by women. That’s why the ‘fem’ part is in there - because in order to achieve that end goal of equality it is a very gendered oppression primarily affecting women that needs to be tackled.

4. How can you be a feminist and like pink/make-up/high heels?

Because feminism doesn’t mean hating pink, make-up and high heels! It means believing that everybody should be treated equally regardless of their sex. Which happens to include the right to wear whatever you want, for your own reasons, without being forced or pressured into wearing what’s considered societally required because of your sex. 

5. If you don’t want to get raped don’t dress like a slut/like that.

Rape is about power and control, not attraction or sex. The idea that men ‘lose control’ around a woman in a short skirt is insulting to men, completely relieves perpetrators of responsibility, and erases and ignores male victims.Women of all ages in countries around the world are raped at all different times of day, in different circumstances, wearing all different kinds of clothing (including in countries where the majority of women wear completely covering clothing). The one thing they all have in common? They came into contact with a rapist. So logically by far the most effective way to tackle rape is to focus on rapists - both by prevention and education, and by fully placing the blame and responsibility with perpetrators.

6. But men have problems, too…

The idea that feminism is a ‘battle of the sexes’ about blaming all men and setting up a ‘gender war’ is a handy, controversial media hook. But it doesn’t reflect reality. A huge amount of what feminists are fighting for would have major positive impact for men as well as women. Take the male suicide rate, for example. In part, the problem arises from the idea that men are tough and manly, that ‘boys don’t cry’ and it’s embarrassing for them to talk about their feelings. So men are less likely to reach out for help and support with mental health issues. But that gender stereotype, which exists alongside the converse notion that women are over-emotional, ‘hysterical’, or ‘hormonal’, is one feminists are fighting hard to debunk. Meanwhile, if there’s a specific ‘male’ issue you think is really important and overlooked… why not start a campaign about it?

7. How can you argue for quotas when the best person should get the job?

If you think quotas mean the best person not getting the job, you have to believe that the best person always gets the job at the moment. Do you really believe there are more than three times more men named John qualified to lead FTSE 100 companies in the UK than all the women put together? All the 32 MILLION women combined? Just statistically, that doesn’t make sense. So you have to recognise that there’s already a system of unofficial discrimination in place - just one that we’re not talking about - and this is what positive action seeks to try and correct. Nobody thinks quotas are a great win for women - the win would be removing the discrimination and inequality that creates under-representation in the first place. But in the short term, alongside other measures, they can be an effective way to make progress happen faster.

8. Not all men are sexists, what’s it got to do with me?

Protesting against sexism doesn’t mean saying that all men are actively sexist. But if that’s your first response, you’re probably making the conversation about yourself, which isn’t particularly helpful. While not all men are sexist, all women face the impact of sexism in some way, so the point is there’s a massive problem to be solved, and you can be a big part of the solution. That doesn’t just mean not being sexist, it means speaking out, educating other men, objecting when you witness workplace discrimination, stepping in when you see street harassment, supporting women’s campaigns and much more. We can’t create a shift in normalized attitudes and behaviors without everybody on board, so not being sexist isn’t enough - get stuck in and start tackling sexism too.

9. The gender pay gap is a myth propagated by feminists.

It’s true that the gender pay gap is complicated. It’s true that it is very slowly getting smaller. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. It would have to be a pretty HUGE conspiracy for every reputable major news outlet to report on it annually if it was a massive feminist lie. The argument goes that the pay gap only exists because of women’s ‘choices’ of work type, hours, and child related career breaks, effectively making it a myth. But research shows that while those are factors, they don’t account for the whole gap, suggesting that discrimination certainly plays a role as well. What’s more, the fact that traditionally ‘female’ jobs are paid less, that women end up working part-time because they’re societally pressured into caring roles, and that having children has a negative impact on women’s wages but a positive impact on men’s, are all problems that should deeply concern us, not ‘explanations’ that can be happily accepted. Add in the extra issues that women perform the vast majority of unpaid caring and domestic labour; that women of color earn significantly less than white women; and that women also bear the hugely disproportionate burden of austerity cuts and you have a very gendered economic problem that is complex, yes, but certainly not imaginary.

10. Why make such a fuss about X when Y is so much more important?

Do you ever ask anyone else this? Do you accuse a pancreatic cancer charity of not dealing with multiple sclerosis? Do you think the police should stop investigating fraud until they’ve solved every murder? Turns out, this ‘whatabboutery’ is a classic way of silencing women when you don’t like what they’re fighting for. Don’t panic, feminists are quite capable of fighting multiple battles at once! To say ‘how can you make a fuss about street harassment when there’s sexual violence’ sounds suspiciously like saying ‘think yourself lucky if a man follows you shouting about your breasts in the street because at least he isn’t assaulting you.’ In the 21st Century, I’d like to think women have the right to live lives free of both sexual violence and daily harassment, as well as any other form of inequality. Is that really too much to ask?

11. What’s wrong with catcalling? Can’t you take a compliment?

A compliment makes someone feel good about themselves. A catcall is harassment. The vast majority of men are perfectly capable of distinguishing between the two. Telling someone you know (regardless of gender) that they are a good friend, or look nice today, or bake a mean lasagne, is quite different from screaming ‘TITS’ at a woman from a moving car. Is this really so hard to understand? If your compliments are making women feel uncomfortable, scared, anxious, annoyed or harassed, you’re probably not doing it right.

Credit: https://www.stylist.co.uk/people/feminism/how-to-win-a-feminist-argument-laura-bates-women-sexism/10687

[stone-man-warrior]

June 24, 2020: 8:41 pm: A generalized look at what is happening, and what took place to get us into this predicament.

I want to try to put things into a basic nutshell with information that just only touches the turning points with regard to where the terror coup Global Domination take-over began, how it grew, and how I see the history of what I have been calling #SAGcoup, from just after it's beginnings in World War Two, to where we are today. I'll start with the Diary of Ann Frank.

The Diary of Ann Frank is an important document with regard to the US involvement in World War Two. 1970's US Public School education taught students that the Diary was used, considered, and then acted upon, by the president of USA, Theodore Roosevelt. US School students were taught the the Diary was the single most important contributing factor for US involvement in World War Two. After consideration, I feel the document is false. I see that it is more likely to have been a lure, to get USA involved in a war far from home. A Humanitarian effort, and effort to keep that kind of Nazi oppression from gaining momentum in the world.

I am not a historian, and don't know much about that war, I only start there, because it makes sense to start there with explaining where we are today. It might be beneficial to leave that out of an explanation of circumstance, for fear of having the explaining that I do, viewed as false. I am only trying to get some help, no help comes, the things I explain are things that happen, are as true as my eyes and ears will allow me to understand them, and the time it has taken to learn what I explain in order to get help, has included much eye-witness of mass murder, and thousands of attempts to kill me, because of the information presented here. With that, I maintain that the Diary of Ann Frank is an important place for more qualified historians to reconsider with regard to it's intended purpose. So the next place I want to skip forward to, is the attack at Pearl Harbor Hawaii. That is where things may be easier to see truth. Since I am not a historian or war expert, I don't have much to say about that attack. What I do have to say, is I also believe what we are told, is false. You will need photographic reference materials that were published from as close to the time of the attack at Pearl Harbor as is possible, to see the truth. The Japanese Zero's, were fitted with Mercedes Benz engines. They were not Japanese airplanes. They were other, European manufacture aircraft, and were modeled after the Japanese Zero.

I propose that the reason none of the US Navy boats made it out of the harbor, is because all indications were that the only vessels in range of radio communications, patrols, and radar, were “friendly” vessels. I propose that the “friendly” vessels is where the “Zero's” came from. I further propose that the US Navy was in contact with the “friendly” vessels, and there was no apparent threat from them. The attack came from European “friendly's”. The Zero's were powered by Mercedes Benz engines, and that much can be seen in old photographic evidence of the attack. There are a number of photographs of crashed “Zero's”, and their engines contained in US Public School books that were in circulation in the 1970's. I have seen them, and they are clearly Mercedes Benz engines. After the attack, the retaliation on Japan from USA was in the form of basically one bomb, that Hiroshima Hydrogen bomb. USA stopped short of annihilating Japan. Why was the USA response limited to one bomb? The attack, if from Japan, should have warranted a more comprehensive response in my opinion. Nothing less than complete elimination of all of the controlling government, and it's military forces is what should have occurred if USA truly believed that it indeed was an attack at Pearl Harbor from Japan. I say, the truth about the Zero's being fake was known by US Military command, just at the point of the detonation of that hydrogen bomb, and USA stopped short of destroying Japan completely because of knowing the truth, at least in part. Who made the fake Zero's, and who specifically was responsible for the Pearl Harbor attack, was still an unanswered question. So far, I told about a false document that was designed intentionally as a lure to get USA into a European war, on their turf. I have told you about fakery, by Europeans, to blame Japan, for an attack on a US Navy base on Hawaii. Now, I want to fast forward to 1962. John F. Kennedy is shot to death on live television during a parade, while riding in a convertible Lincoln Continental. The Lincoln Continental Convertible is more important then anyone has ever publicly considered. I will just remind you of the importance of symbolism, and move on with the generalization of circumstances of Global Domination efforts of European origin. There was a parade, a US President. There were television cameras everywhere, the news networks knew of the route ahead of time. There was a shooter. The US Presidents head was rolling around on the trunk of a Lincoln Continental Convertible on live television during a parade. There was a magic bullet, a warehouse, and a grassy knoll.

There was another shooter, that shot the shooter, that shot John.

Symbolism on television news:

Warehouse = Coup

Grassy Knoll = Grass

“Coup de Gras”

From Google: Coup de grâce. A French phrase meaning blow of mercy, that is, a final killing blow that puts a fatally wounded person out of his misery; used to mean the action or event that finally destroys or ends something.

Now, with the murder of John F. Kennedy, on television and live on a parade, I offer this to sum up how it fits into the other parts of this generalization, where the Diary of Ann Frank is false, is a lure into a European war on their turf, and an attack on a US Navy base, when the Navy was never able to get into a defensive position, because there was no perceived enemy anywhere to be found, and the response to the attack, was far less then what it should have been if Japan indeed was the offensive party. Enter Britain, at some point after the attack at Pearl Harbor, and before the assassination of John F. Kennedy.

Make some assumptions here. Do a “Quantum Leap” to find truth. Historians may be able to find further, more compelling and evident history to support a notion that Britain is behind the fakery, has always been behind it, and Britain still feels that USA belongs to Britain, discounting anything that occurred post Boston Tea Party. “The Brit's feel that they are the rightful owners of USA”, is the kind of Quantum Leap that is necessary to get at truth.

So, with that, and at some point after Peal Harbor attack and before the JFK parade spectacle, make an assumption that the Brit's made an alliance with the US News Media Networks. The Brit's shared their plans of Global Domination with US News Media executives, and made an offer. “Prove that you are able to handle the task, and we will grant you equal controlling share in the resulting domination efforts” Something like that was offered to US Network News Media. US News Media Networks were not amused by this speech:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-AZV3qnwkA They agreed to prove themselves to Britain in exchange for equal share in the controlling parties of “Global Domination Under the Cross”, which is the direction the advance of Global take-over efforts were drawn from, same as they ever have been, a Christian Crusade of “global cleansing”. US News Media Networks arranged the Jacqueline Onassis would murder John F. Kennedy during a parade on live television, and they used Marilyn Monroe as the catalyst in order to convince Jacqueline that John was cheating on her, with Marilyn. “US News Media US President Live Television Murder on a Parade w/Lincoln Continental Convertible”, was a success. US News Media, proved their worth, to Britain. So, now Britain, had gained the strength of the backbone of every US household's main source of information, and entertainment, the television. Britain shared the secret weapon with the entire US News Media, and the whole Screen Actor Guild Union, and all of its sub unions was at the command of Britain, with the secret weapon, Nitrous Oxide. Britain, with full blown global take-over and domination in mind, and with a thousand years of knowledge about the power of music, enlisted the Vatican Choir, in the form of “Rock & Roll Music”. The Brits invented Rock & Roll, and used it as a means to enter the US entertainment arena. The British Invasion of 1964 was more than a musical one. It was the beginnings of a command language, and served as an excuse to travel across the Atlantic, for business in the entertainment industries, for the purpose of planting British and Vatican operatives throughout USA into positions in the entertainment industries.

New York, where the transatlantic flights need to land first, provided that Broadway was established as a base of operations. Midway, Nashville Tennessee became a command center. In Hollywood, the brass of the offensive British/Vatican war machine was installed. It was 1964.

Plans, language, and agreements were made.

Britain began to secretly train Canadians for a terror attack on USA, and by 1970, the Canadian terror army was ready.

With the help from US News media, the attacking army began to decent from the skies, in the San Fernando Valley California.

They came by parachute, one adult, and one child per parachute, thousands of them, armed with nitrous oxide, and swords. They hit the ground in metropolitan parts of the San Fernando Valley, waited at the traffic lights, and when the traffic stopped for the red light, the terror soldiers murdered the drivers, at the stop lights, and disappeared into the San Fernando Valley with the vehicles that belonged to the people they killed at the traffic lights. The terror soldiers simply took the victims cars, to the addresses listed on the victims drivers licenses, and went to those addresses with the cars that belong there.

They killed as they needed for cover at the address where the vehicle owner lived. Many thousands of tandem paratropping terror soldiers from Canada descended, armed,  trained to kill, to find a vehicle, find a home, and blend in to the population of San Fernando Valley California.

The air-raid sirens howled for two weeks. No help ever came. Then, there were no more air-raid sirens. The terror soldiers turned them off. It was 1971.

News media in Hollywood covered the advance of the terror soldiers with silence and confusion tactics to fool public safety personnel, and aided the terror soldiers to take over West Valley Police Precinct right away.

Police station take-over was the immediate goal of the terror army, and US News Media helped them achieve that goal in the greater Los Angeles area. The schools were immediate targets, all of the students were killed and replaced with the children of the trained, Canadian terror army. There were no police to stop them, and US Military was fooled by SAG. That provided the seeds of the take-over of USA, in the form of a trained army from Canada that looks exactly the same as the people who lived in the area. The Los Angeles area taken over by the terror army, helped to allow that the US Media in Hollywood, could command them. The army protected the media, and the media protected the army, while provididung their marching orders on the evening news, and eventually, as parts of the script and screenplay of our favorite sit-coms, movies, plays, news programs, and the commercials in between. The advertising agencies were consumed and made part of the command chain.

SAG gained a terror army to command, compliments of Britian, and the terror army was trained and eager to take their commands, from SAG, over the airwaves on television news, in the music of the 1970's, and in newspapers and magazines.

Today, in 2020, we have the culmination on the cusp of the beginnings of a new Kingdom that will be replacing Canada, USA, and Mexico, by this time next year.

The end of USA, is upon us now.

No one has answered the calls for help, no one is willing to defend the USA, and there are no US Military or National Guard left alive anywhere to stop the new Kingdom, and the extreme communism and slavery it will bring with it from becoming a reality etched forever in the blood of many millions of USA Citizens, stained on the hands of our favorite entertainers. SAG's equal share of control of the global domination, is that Screen Actor Guild members, and it's sub-union members, are to be the “Master Race” in the future of that new Kingdom. Public education will include that the students, are taught that they are a human sub-species, and taught that they are put on Earth, to serve the needs of the “Master Race”, SAG. That, is why the forced amputation victims that are called “Partners, Side-Kicks. Companions” and other terms to describe them, are being experimentally crafted, so the the surgical advance will create a situation where humans are born in captivity, surgically altered with amputation and plastic surgery, such that the people do not resemble human beings anymore. They will be taught from birth onward that they are not human, and are there to serve the Screen Actor Guild, “Master Race”. Since the surgical interventions are applied from birth onward in parallel tandem with the “British Still” education, the subjects will not recognize themselves as ever having been a human being. They will be crafted with surgically specific goals in mind to perform specific tasks, while machinery is matched to the standardized varieties of human, custom made, slave labor, to serve the Screen Actor Guild. Custom made people that ergonomically fit into custom made machinery for the purpose of performing tasks to serve the “Master Race” that SAG will have become, by order of the Queen of Britain.

======================================

That is a generalization of what is going on in USA and around the world, and what took place to get us into this predicament, and is what the future holds for human beings all over the world, in the event that there is no army available and willing to fight against the advance of Global Domination Under the Cross. There is much information here about more specific details. I have seeking some help for a long time, and am held captive in my home, by aggressive, and offensive terror soldiers from Canada. There are no police to call, all of the police in Oregon have been killed and replaced with impostors.

[f1chronicle]

The Lewis Hamilton Fallacy

With Lewis Hamilton setting a new FORMULA 1 win record, and closing in on a record-equalling seventh World Championship, the vitriol on social media has been increasing, causing many to no longer wish to participate in Facebook groups that tolerate driver-bashing and hatred.

So how did we get to this point?

There are many factors at play here such as most drivers having a big presence across social media, but a key premise is we all have a different model of the world.

How you see things is completely different to how I see things, and generally speaking, this is a good thing for society as we can all bring our different points of view to a scenario and find a way forward.

Sadly this is not the case in the comments of nearly every F1 group on Facebook, where people are adamant that their point of view is right, yours is wrong, and you’re an idiot for thinking the way you do.

Let’s take a look at some of the common arguments in F1 groups, and see if they hold water…

Driver X Is The GOAT!

The GOAT argument isn’t specific to the world of F1, just look at the NBA, where LeBron James fourth NBA title stirred great debate as to whether or not he takes the mantle from Michael Jordan.

In F1 we have Lewis Hamilton vs Michael Schumacher, 93 race wins vs 91, six championships vs seven.

So how do we work out who the GOAT is?

Well, we can’t.

And even when F1 and AWS put out their ‘Fastest Driver’ analysis it still didn’t appease people if their guy wasn’t deemed the fastest.

Different drivers, different competition, different cars, the list goes on.

What we can have though is our favourite, and our own criteria for choosing a GOAT.

Personally, I didn’t much enjoy the years where Schumacher and Ferrari dominated. However, he has the most titles so to me he is still the greatest.

Some say the best of all time is Jim Clark, some say Fangio, some say Ayrton Senna. But unless they have seen them race, how can they compare?

Because if they’re using statistics, well the numbers don’t add up.

If they’re using stories and YouTube clips, then they’re comparing some drivers highlight reels against other drivers careers.

The passing of time plays an interesting trick on the mind, where we often forget the flaws, the disappointments, and the losses, remembering only the triumphs and victories.

And that’s ok.

You can have your GOAT, I can have mine, and neither of us can (or should) try to convince others that their GOAT is wrong.

Lewis Hamilton Has The Fastest Car (Or Best Car)

This one is odd, as I’m yet to see a car that wasn’t the fastest win a race.

When Pierre Gasly won the 2020 Italian Grand Prix, on that day, his car was the fastest.

Maybe there is something in the air in Italy, as in 2008 Sebastian Vettel won in a Toro Rosso to claim his first win in F1. Funnily enough, on that day, his car was the fastest.

You wouldn’t think you’d need to explain how motorsport works, but what happens is the driver who crosses the line first, ie completes the race distance the fastest, wins. It’s that simple.

These ‘fastest car’ or ‘best car’ arguments add to the Lewis Hamilton Fallacy.

Formula 1 is a meritocracy, and as such, the best drivers usually find themselves into the cockpit of the best car.

From 2010 to 2013, it was widely acknowledged that Red Bull Racing were producing the best cars, as they powered Sebastien Vettel to four consecutive World Championships.

Today though, people are rewriting history as they claim Hamilton has ‘always’ benefitted from being in the best car.

So which one is it?

Because clearly it can’t be both.

The Good Old Days Were Better

This one is always fun, and is something that likely happens to all of us as we get older!

I’ve found myself opining that the English Premier League was better in the 90s and 2000s than it is now for example.

Often, the ‘good old days’ coincide with a time in history where our favourite teams and stars were winning. Funny about that.

Have you ever met a Ferrari fan who thinks the current era is better than the 2000-2004 period?

No, you haven’t.

However, where this one gets really interesting is when people argue that the drivers no longer drive the cars, and that everything is controlled by engineers sitting on a pit wall.

The problem with this is the Williams FW14B, built in 1992, is still considered the most technologically sophisticated car in the history of F1.

It’s 28 years old.

The FW14B had semi-automatic transmission, active suspension, traction control and, for a short time, anti-lock brakes.

It also had Adrian Newey in charge of aerodynamics.

In fact, Williams found the FW14B was proving so successful that when the FW15 was ready half-way through the 1992 FORMULA 1 season, it wasn’t used.

The argument (often made by people who reach their limit reversing out the driveway) that Hamilton turns up on a Sunday, plants his foot on the accelerator, and drives into the distance is disrespectful of the amount of work he puts in to keep his body and mind at peak performance, as well as the staff at Mercedes who put in countless hours perfecting the car.

Mercedes Should Get Max Verstappen, He Would Beat Hamilton

This would be a terrible idea for Mercedes, so it’s a good thing they don’t listen to public opinion on social media.

First of all, it sends a message to drivers in their development program that even if you progress through the program the seat will go to the big-name with more runs on the board.

Second, do you recall the Senna v Prost years?

Sure, Ron Dennis had two prodigious talents at his disposal, but the infighting, egos, and crashes out on course disrupted team harmony, causing factions in the garage and distrust at all levels.

Mercedes currently have the perfect set up, and it’s obviously working, as they pick up championship after championship.

As we’ve seen throughout history, having a genuine #1 and an able deputy leads to both Driver’s and Constructor’s Championships.

During the aforementioned ‘Schumacher Years’ of 2000 to 2004, he was the undisputed #1 and teammate Rubens Barrichello understood his role and performed it admirably.

Lewis Hamilton Doesn’t Have Competitive Teammates

Former Formula 1 World Champions Fernando Alonso, Jenson Button, and Nico Rosberg would probably all argue that they are competitive drivers, capable of going wheel to wheel with Hamilton.

And they would be right, because they have the race wins and championships to prove their credentials.

When Hamilton joined the grid in 2007 as a teammate to Fernando Alonso, the belief throughout the paddock was that Alonso was #1 and Hamilton would be there to learn the ropes in F1.

In reality, it didn’t work out like that.

As Hamilton performed well, taking podiums and race wins, tensions mounted, and boiled over at the 2007 Hungarian Grand Prix, where in the final qualifying session Alonso deliberately delayed Hamilton in the pits, ensuring he wouldn’t be able to get in one last run.

The pair didn’t speak for weeks after the incident.

At the end of the season, both drivers secured four race wins and 12 podiums. Clearly they were allowed to race each other, there were no team orders.

Funnily, after tensions thawed, in 2017 Alonso said “[Hamilton] was able to win with a dominant car, with a good car like 2010 or 2012, or with bad cars like 2009 and 2011. Not all the champions can say that”.

Is Alonso suggesting Hamilton hasn’t always had the best car?

Facebook commenters would disagree with the two-time World Champion…

In Jenson Button’s book ‘Life to the Limit’ Button goes into detail how competitive Hamilton was, and makes it clear that he too was there to win, not just to act as a rear-gunner for Hamilton. An interesting fact Button points out in this same book is that when Rubens Barrichello was his teammate at Honda, Barrichello had it written into his contract that they were equal drivers, he was not to be a #2…

When Hamilton moved to Mercedes for 2013, a move derided by many given Mercedes lacklustre performance in previous years, it was Nico Rosberg’s team.

There is evidence that team orders were used on at least one occasion in 2013, where at the 2013 Malaysian Grand Prix Rosberg was ordered to stay behind Hamilton in the closing stages, rather than fighting for third place. Hamilton felt the call was wrong, and that Rosberg should have been allowed to race.

During the 2014 Formula 1 season tensions again boiled over for Hamilton and a teammate, as several early exchanges throughout the season threatened to compromise both drivers title aspirations.

The pair had a wheel-to-wheel battle in Bahrain, a down-to-the-wire tussle in Spain, and made contact in Belgium.

In 2016, the year Rosberg won the championship, the two came together at the 2016 Spanish Grand Prix, in a move that infuriated Niki Lauda, as both drivers crashed out of the race.

The duo came together again at the 2016 Austrian Grand Prix, however both drivers could continue, with Hamilton taking the win.

Nice Rosberg went on to win the 2016 Driver’s Championship, which gives Hamilton detractors a curious dilemma.

On one hand they laugh, saying he was beaten by Nico Rosberg, yet on the other, they say he has never had to race against competitive teammates.

So, which one is it?

Lewis Hamilton Needs To Prove He Can Win With Another Team

This one always brings a smile to the face 😊

I have no problem with fans being new to F1, it’s great! The sport needs more and more fans to keep it going.

The issue is people forgetting that the sport was going before they saw it on Drive to Survive, then commenting on Facebook posts.

For the record, Lewis Hamilton won the 2008 Driver’s Championship with McLaren.

Although they had a Mercedes engine at the time, they were indeed their own team then, as they are now.

And that is a different team to Mercedes.

Hamilton has won championships with two teams.

Before the 2008 season Felipe Massa of Ferrari was the favourite to win the title, and Ferrari did indeed win the Constructor’s Championship, however, in a thrilling finish to the season Hamilton won the title by one point.

His teammate Heikki Kovalainen finished seventh.

But wait, doesn’t the best car always win the Driver’s Championship too?

Well now I don’t know what to believe.

Put Lewis Hamilton In A Williams, Let’s See How He Goes

If Hamilton was to drive for Williams, we already know how it would go – terribly.

Why?

Because it is a poor car that has suffered at the hands of bad management and a lack of finances for several seasons now.

Fernando Alonso drove a horrible McLaren from 2015 to 2017.

Jenson Button and Rubens Barrichello had a terrible Honda to drive in 2007 and 2008, and not just because it had a map of the world painted on it. The aerodynamics were poor from the start, and the car just wasn’t competitive.

Does this diminish any of these drivers achievements before or after?

Does it prove their car is what won them races?

No, what it does prove is that Formula 1 is a team sport, and that it takes everyone rowing in the right direction together to deliver a package capable of competing at the front.

If Lionel Messi signed for Newcastle they still wouldn’t win the league. Likewise if Lebron James joined the Knicks, they wouldn’t win an NBA title. The teams they would join are still terrible, but having a champion on the team would improve them and make everyone life their standards over time.

Hamilton wouldn’t win in a Williams, just like Raikkonen can’t win in an Alfa and Vettel can’t get near a podium in a Ferrari this year.

However, the one thing all these drivers have in common is the ability to wring every ounce of performance out of a bad car, and Williams would expect nothing less if they had Hamilton in their race seat.

Politics Don’t Belong in Sport

As a middle-aged white man, this one makes me cringe the most.

Middle aged white men on Facebook, telling a black man what he should and shouldn’t do, how he can protest, and how he is ‘ruining’ the sport for them.

Yikes.

The purpose of a protest is to bring issues to light, to have people questioning their attitudes and beliefs.

Telling someone how they can protest against their perceived suppression is, er, suppressing them further.

You may not agree with ‘We Race As One‘, the BLM movement or drivers taking a knee before the race, but that’s the point. An issue being highlighted is an opportunity for you to question your thinking, to reflect, and possibly make changes. There is no harm in admitting that at one time you held beliefs that you now feel are wrong.

While we’re on the topic of politics in sports and how the handful of minutes it takes to show drivers supporting the ‘End Racism’ message ruining peoples enjoyment of Formula 1, what of other sports?

The ‘Old Firm’ derby is one of the biggest rivalries in sport, and it is founded on religion and politics. People are born into a side based on which side of the clearly divisive line they fall, Catholic vs Protestant, British vs Irish Scot, Conservatism vs Socialism. People have been killed on derby days, and violence in Glasgow increases any time the two clubs play.

Politics don’t belong in sport though, so they must be fighting over something else.

In 1967 Muhammed Ali refused to serve in the US Army during the Vietnam War, uttering the famous line ‘I ain’t got no quarrel with those Vietcong…no Vietcong ever called me nigger.’ Since then he has, rightfully, been lauded as a hero for his stance.

The Vietnam War probably wasn’t political though, was it?

Even the sport of Bandy isn’t immune to politics!

Norway declined to take part in the 1957 Bandy World Championship because the Soviet Union was invited, due to the Soviet invasion of Hungary the year before. The country made a similar protest for the 1969 Bandy World Championship because of the Warsaw Pact invasion of Czechoslovakia that year, handing over the hosting of the 1969 event to Sweden.

Indeed Formula 1 itself is no stranger to politics in sport, with the 2011 Bahrain Grand Prix cancelled due to concerns over human rights protests led by Avaaz.

You may not agree with the stance Hamilton has taken, you may not like it, but you do have to respect that in a free society he can use his platform however he sees fit – he built it.

What To Make Of The Lewis Hamilton Fallacy

Now I’m not naïve enough to think that the words on this page will make everyone stop arguing on the internet, that will never happen.

What I do hope though is that it has loosened the grip for some people, and will help them take the blinkers off.

We’re lucky enough to be living in a time where each Sunday, one of the finest Formula 1 drivers the world has ever seen jumps into his Mercedes and puts his life on the line to win trophies, and entertain us.

I’m lucky enough to have seen this level of performance twice, once with Michael Schumacher, now with Lewis Hamilton.

Should I live long enough to see Hamilton’s records beaten, I won’t waste time arguing over who is the GOAT, who had the best car, or why this bright new talent needs to jump through made up hoops to prove themselves to the folks in the bleachers.

I’ll simply be grateful to have witnessed three drivers at the absolute peak of their powers, doing what they love.

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[dailycharacteroption]

Base Class Review: Summoner part 2

 Utility and Builds

 So without further ado, let’s get into the nitty gritty of the summoner class!

While not skilled with weapons beyond the simplest, these casters do learn the basics of wearing armor while casting spells, able to do so reliably in light armor, similar to bards.

Speaking of their spellcasting, summoners are middling casters on par with bards, magi, inquisitors, and the like, suggesting they’ve also learned how to cast a few spells reliably, much like bards.

The bardic comparisons of their arcane casting end there, however, as their spell list revolves around various conjuration spells of both the summoning type and calling type for more permanent minions later on, buffing spells for their eidolons and summons, conjuring-themed battlefield control, and even a few buffs, debuffs, and healing specifically built to be used on eidolons, either their own or hostile enemy ones. There’s even some damage and utility in there as well, but it’s usually conjuration or transmutation-themed.

 The real meat of the class comes from their eidolon, however. This outsider companion is considerably smarter than an animal companion, and can be summoned with a minute’s work, remaining until dismissed or slain until the next time they are called. On the one hand, they don’t heal naturally, and are resummoned with half hit points if slain, but on the other their bond with their summoner is so strong that banishment and anti-outsider protections don’t apply to them, at least, when summoned normally through the ritual.

The eidolons are also entirely customizable, starting with a base form, they gain a pool of evolution points to customize their appearance and abilities, and the summoner can change their appearance and how the points are allocated every level, or with the help of certain spells. These evolution points are simultaneously used to both grant body parts, but also to grant abilities. For example, if you want a creature with multiple bite attacks like a hydra, you’d have to spend a point for each additional head, and then a point for each bite connected to that head. While the eidolon always looks fantastical in nature, they can always be identified as being linked to the summoner by the matching mystic runes on both whenever the eidolon is on the same plane as their partner.

 The bond between the two is based on distance, and therefore, eidolons cannot get too far from their summoner or else be weakened or even forced back to their home plane. However, it does let the summoner to sacrifice their own vitality to keep the eidolon stable and in this reality, effectively sharing health between the two. Later on, the eidolon has the ability to do the same for their summoner, though it is more compulsory.

However, it would be foolish to think the summoner is defenseless with their eidolon not present, for in addition to their normal spellcasting prowess, these mystics have a reserve of magical energy built for casting long-lasting summoning spells. (which isn’t to say having the summoning spells on their spell list is useless, since they can only have one casting of this special summon up at a single time, meaning multiple castings of the normal spell is viable).

In addition to lasting much longer than normal summoning, however, the potency of this summoning magic goes up as they gain levels, eventually allowing them to not only cast the strongest summoning spells, but also cast open a gate to another plane, passing through or inviting truly powerful outsiders through.

Through their bond, summoners can even perceive the senses of their eidolon by focusing, making them viable scouts in short bursts due to the limitations of how often they can do so.

Fiercely loyal, the eidolons do their best to protect their summoner whenever they are in reach of each other. Later this applies to all allies, but most vigorously to the summoner.

Sometimes, when separated, summoners will use their conjuration to call their eidolon directly to their side when already summoned.

Additionally, sometimes foes will try to outmaneuver the summoner and eidolon, so they learn to swap places via teleportation, giving foes eager to strike down a vulnerable mage a nasty surprise.

Some summoners choose to divert some of the quintessence that is used to empower their eidolon into themselves, gaining a trait that matches one possessed by the eidolon. Later on, they can divert more for more potent evolutions, and they double the amount of points gained from the loss.

More impressive at later levels, the summoner can actually merge into one being with the eidolon, being protected inside it and able to cast spells while inside.

The absolute most powerful summoners can transform into a copy of their eidolon, creating two potential poweful combatants, albeit one retains the spellcasting ability of the summoner, not to mention equipment the summoner chooses to remain un-merged.

Of course, there are alternative capstones available, namely one that bolsters the number of evolutions their eidolon beyond what others are capable of. They also qualify for Deep Magics (granting even more spells known), Perfect Body, Flawless Mind (granting increases to stats), The Boss (granting them a large amount of authority over others, potentially at an academy of magic and conjuration), With This Sword (for a potent artifact item), and Won’t Stay Dead (for legendary survivability).

 The summoner is an interesting class with it’s focus on summoning and support dynamic between the summoner and eidolon, and from what I understand, is a very fun class to play, though it can be vexing to run a game against due to the sheer versatility of the summons and eidolon alike. Eidolon builds alone can be super diverse, making for tanky or agile attackers, or focusing instead on spellcasting support on their own, mobility, and the like. Meanwhile, the summoner may be an entirely back-like supporter, or could fight alongside their eidolon as a backup melee combatant. I’ve even heard of people going for a mounted build, with the eidolon becoming a mobile engine of destruction while their summoner casts spells and strikes from their back.

 That does it for today, but tomorrow we’ll look at archetypes for the class!

[edebiyat-mavisi-blog]

Thumbnail Blaster Review and Bonus

Welcome to my Thumbnail Blaster Review and Demo YouTube first became popular like an on the net platform regarding musicians to produce a new title for themselves and having even more views was, and still is usually, the ultimate goal for online video content creators. Back in the day, people would use unreliable title, tags, and thumbnails to a good extent to obtain more views and now nights Search engines has won typically the war on spam simply by integrating different voice and image popularity technology to get an idea associated with what exactly a video is in relation to when compared to what the content material creator claims in often the title, tags, and outline. This helps to offer people with a much much better person experience when looking some thing up on YouTube. Movie content creators are right now confronted by having to truly make quality movies that people will delight in and to get more views, the idea has to be seen by sufficient individuals to find the right audience who will upload that on his internet site, at least share that on Myspace. Legally therefore, Google's top goal is user working experience over this content provider's look at count number, however some professionals say the new changes to be able to the algorithm will trigger old video clips, that men and women have already found, have more attention than new versions and could actually produce it challenging for typically the user to find refreshing content in search success for well-liked search conditions. So, just how can a video content creator this year and the years to come battle the latest changes in order to the YouTube Algorithm? Make Movies Like Never Prior to Develop a Following Comment The Way to The Top Down Site Marketing Know The Difference Concerning Unsolicited mail In addition to Optimization Make Videos Such as Never Prior to Having YouTube's 92 Billion web site views a thirty days together with climbing, a movie must be exclusive for it to get recognition. Planning a movie and server scripting are these days a must along using image quality. By comparing the particular videos with millions connected with views to the lesser associated with the tribes, you can see the fact that high definition and exceptional lighting are two widespread traits shared by the particular most viewed videos. That doesn't result in you have to get an expensive HIGH DEFINITION camera to get more views. Vimeo features a set of formatting tickets, again to support provide a a great deal better end user experience. yt: crop=16: nine yt: stretch=16: nine yt: quality=high Use all these tags to eliminate window boxing and poor video top quality if you do not really have access to HIGH DEFINITION equipment. Pay attention for you to your video's thumbnail models careful never to be flagged for junk mail. "OMG" encounters are popular thumbnail models just providing it can be what will be inside it. The. 25. 5 various and. 75 points on your online video media used for you to be what determined your own thumbnail selections when publishing. With so much mistreatment, Search engines came up having the bright idea to use the three longest fasteners from your video clip and semi-randomly picking a good point from three timeline points. Sound and picture root document names are also added in to the equation to better give appropriate thumbnail alternatives. Spammers is unable to just add a small image flash at often the halfway stage of their own videos to get a lot more opinions.

Build a Pursuing As with Facebook, Twits, and MySpace, Dailymotion is certainly also a social networking. Being mixed up in community can be a must for fresh plus old video information builders looking to come to be popular on YouTube. Create your channel around a individual specific niche market that has the mid-sized level of rivals. Visit similar channels plus comment on their video lessons with sincere compliments or maybe inquiries. Treat your subscriber's video clips the same approach so you are definitely not to work as a dormant number in their request foodstuff. The old SUB4SUB approach is still being utilized and has developed in its own community or maybe niche. If your target audience is usually teenagers, go intended for it! Be careful not to be called out there as being a spammer because the idea of, "You join to me and I may subscribe to you" is often frowned upon by means of people of a qualified background. YouTube picks upwards about heavily repeated responses plus auto-marks them as junk mail so just apply a SUB4SUB profile impression and be participating in often the SUB4SUB channels inside the Vimeo community. Set aside a new day to work upon building a good following in other online communities such while Facebook, Twitter, plus Bebo. This extends your current using to those who don't have the channel on Facebook which will surprisingly enough can make up for the majority of the web site's 92 billion visitors every month. Comment Your Approach On the Top Uploading a good video double a week and strategies on the readers video lessons and stations the particular day before is a wonderful principle of thumb. Being constant in doing so will be the work section of the full thing. However, in this way an individual brand yourself with the members and build a curiosity among them which commences the snowball effect involving even more sights in addition to subscribers when they brief review and share your videos. This is why you want for you to stay within your specific niche market. When leaving comments, possibly be sincere about what anyone sort. Never just state two words and abandon. That totally defeats this purpose which is definitely not proceeding to make people would like to know that left said review. Leave comments people need on their videos plus share typically the comment with Facebook and Myspace for you to make it show right up as a "linked comment" on top of the particular review feed. Each period a fans from Facebook or even Tweets clicks with the idea, typically the comment is normally moved back to the best of the comment supply. Be creative in your current feedback and it could get thumbed right up as well gaining more and even more attention towards the article writer of explained comment. The ultimate goal here is to compliment the video user's work which brands your own personal username and route so when your video clips appear in their subscription feed, it will be hard to withstand. Off Web page Optimization In this article is more "work" that has to be carried out in order to move your videos to this major of search success. When people are looking for anyone, it is best in order to be readily accessible. Just using a lot of tags consumers are searching for basically going to slash the particular cake. Google wants to find out back links on famous web pages leading to the online video to support your claims of whatever you have as your title. If a well-liked website has a url to your video using the particular words in your headline, it gives ADVERTISING things for that phrase after the certain amount of time period. However, if you go around posting not related back links, odds are that will always be taken away and wouldn't depend as a new back url anyway due to the time aspect threshold. Add your video to other web-sites connected to your niche along with participate in forum chats and even post your movie like some sort of hyperlink when it is in connection with this discussion. You have to keeping it related and the idea has to add value in order to the conversation. If the links get eliminated, it will have a change effect on your search results position so always be sure and respect the particular terms and conditions connected with forums of which allow backlinks to video clips and net sites. Know The Change Between Spam And Optimisation The fine line concerning spam and optimization is important to breaking through the bulk amounts of video clips on YouTube if folks interested in your materials are likely to even know this prevails. For anyone who is Fred, in addition to your personal route (Lucas) says your age is usually 33, it is very impossible you will acquire called out for lying about your age when anyone created your account. If a person are like many different Youtube . com celebrities and your information abounds with advertising the social networks together with T-shirt sales instead of conveying the video, you may possibly not get called out either. However, chances are you happen to be not necessarily a YouTube movie star and if you follow suit, it is solely a new couple of time just before you are forbidden coming from the site. When choosing a title for your movie, you should be creative and make use of terms that are intending to get results via search engines like yahoo at the exact same time. Decide on a search word you wish to be found by (that best identifies your video) and use the idea in your title. Yahoo and google like variety so give a few support words to your phrase. For example: Concentrate on term: Remote Control Garden Mower A great title would be: Remote Control Lawn Mower vs. Steep Inclines Write a brief explanation making use of the target phrase only once for the top nonetheless not necessarily because the first sentence. Be organic and discuss to your viewers. The tags for the online video should be specific to your own target key phrase with plus without quotations. For example: "remote control garden mower" remote control lawn mower. After the month of positive viewers reactions, you will see your movie climbing the charts. For competitive terms, your online video has to produce lots of good viewer reaction before it is going to show up on best of search engine results and eventually on Google as a new movie result. Patients, really hard work, plus reliability are a must. thumbnail blaster need to publish videos on a typical basis all with a little bit different target phrases relating to your niche market. The idea is a lot regarding work. Yet , when an individual get your first online video media up to a thousand views, you may be hooked on YouTube, wearing Youtube . com Tees, and even making guides to help others.

[voicesfromthelight]

What to Expect from A Channeled Reading with Me

Today, I’d like to share some information on what people can expect when they book a reading with me, what kinds of questions I can best help with, and some useful information on preparing for your reading. Since my methods are somewhat idiosyncratic, I think it’s worth going into some detail on the whys and hows of it all.

First of all, if you would like a book a reading with me, please email me at eliorareadstarot[AT]gmail.com.

The price of a full, channeled reading with my spirit guides is $150, which covers several hours of work on my part, several questions, as well as any and all areas of the client’s life the guides see fit to address. This type of  reading involves at least one initial appointment and one follow-up. A detailed, written report will be provided.

I am also available for detailed Tarot consultations for $50, or short, one-topic channeled readings for $75.

As you may have learned through reading my blog, psychic and mediumistic readings are two slightly different, though overlapping, disciplines. Psychics read and interpret energetic imprints of people, places and things, whereas mediums act as intermediaries between the world of spirit and the physical world, often being consulted when one wishes to communicate with a departed loved one. Strictly speaking, my readings are more mediumistic than psychic in nature. Though I am still in the process of mastering evidential mediumship in the sense of acting as an interpreter between the living and those who have passed, I usually rely most heavily on information passed onto me from my spirit guides, and less on directly reading the energetic imprints of the people I work with (though this is a skill I do possess.) You might say it’s my guides doing the bulk of the psychic reading for me. This allows me to do readings at a distance more easily. Any work done in a full channeled reading through psychic reading, or with tools such as tarot cards, etc., will be used in a purely supplemental manner, to gain additional insight into a given situation or personal trajectory. In the interest of maintaining the highest possible standard in my readings, any mediumistic work passing on messages between clients and their loved ones on the other side will need to be incidental to my channeled readings at this time. (I’ll be sure to let everyone know when I am ready to offer evidential mediumistic readings as a separate service! My practice is constantly evolving.) However, it is of utmost importance to me that the information I channel in my readings be truly meaningful to my clients, and contain details from their lives that prove I am not just making up “mumbo-jumbo.” In short, I would describe myself as an evidential psychic, or channeler.

Natalie and Salvador have encouraged me to strive to give readings that, if taken to heart, will dramatically change my clients’ lives for the better. My job is to help people make better decisions and align with their highest purpose. My guides will always respect free will and privacy. They will never intentionally sow discord. Their approach is never judgmental, only truthful, loving and compassionate. Furthermore, they will not predict the future unless it is truly in the best interest of the client to know something. This is a very important point: The future is malleable through free will. Any prediction is a likelihood that is increasingly changeable as one looks further into the future. It is more important for my clients to learn how to create better futures for themselves than to fatalistically resign themselves to whatever lies in store. This is why my guides emphasize advice over divination. Their mission is to support our spiritual growth and help us be the best, happiest, most productive selves we can be.

What can my guides help you with, then? Well, it is important to understand that they see life on Earth from a bird’s-eye perspective. They are generally excellent judges of character, as they sense people through their soul’s emotional and energetic vibration. They are especially good at honing in on the roots of larger networks of problems and patterns of behaviour that could benefit from being shifted. The great thing about this is that you can come to a reading with one question, and they will branch out from it to address several other, interrelated issues in your life - sometimes even pertaining to other family members. They are wonderful at bringing higher perspectives to interpersonal conflicts that encourage healing, understanding,  reconciliation and forgiveness. Natalie’s strong suit is  bringing comfort, encouragement and higher perspectives to life. Salvador, on the other hand, is a life-coach of sorts, who offers practical solutions to life’s many challenges. They will help you hone in on your strengths, and suggest what steps you can take to align yourself with your highest calling, perhaps in unexpected ways.

Usually, a full-scale reading with me will unfold over the course of a week or more, as the guides and I take on your “case.” Because of the highly involved nature of the channeling and its ensuing analysis, I have to take into account the time-consuming nature of the work in my pricing. When you decide to book a reading with me, we will first book a time for an initial consultation via video call, during which you can explain to me what areas of your life you would most like insight into, and my guides and myself get introduced to your energy. There is no need to go into excessive detail about your life during this consultation. In fact, the more room there is for my guides to give evidence by providing details I am not privy to, the better! It is best to have at least one specific question, which helps us forge the necessary energetic link, but no more than four. The guides will always hone in on what they think is most important for your growth and happiness, even if it is not the question you started off with.

After taking initial notes at our consultation, over the next few days, I will work with the guides on my own time to bring through as much information as possible for you, through as many channeling and psychic techniques as are necessary. Some of the raw channeled information can come across fairly cryptically, kind of like notes taken at lecture that then needs to be reverse-engineered by me, so, analyzing the information is its own task in the process. When all the information has been thoroughly sifted through, I will type up a detailed report on it  (usually a few dense pages), and also provide you with some of the written or recorded raw material, if appropriate. After this, you will have an opportunity to ask for clarification on the report, and we will schedule a follow-up appointment to discuss the results.

Here are some important points, disclaimers and preparation tips for my readings:

Most importantly, though I offer this service with complete dedication, integrity and sincerity, I am not infallible. As an obligatory disclaimer, I must state that for purely legal purposes, my readings are for entertainment purposes only. I cannot be held responsible for any actions you may or may not take as a result of a reading with me.

It’s a good idea to prepare your questions in advance, before our first meeting, to make sure you will get the most out of the experience. Please refrain from asking for medical advice, or pregnancy-related questions, as I am not qualified to answer them. Sometimes the guides will wish to bring your attention to a habit that needs to change, or offer reassurance, but any such suggestions or statements should not be acted upon without first checking with a qualified physician.

If you can, before our sessions, take a moment to meditate, relax, or uplift your mood. It is important to come to an appointment in as calmly receptive a state as possible for both of us to get the most out of the reading.

Remember that the future isn’t set in stone. Don’t be discouraged if the guides focus more on giving advice than explicit predictions. This only means that you can still have a lot of positive impact on how a given situation will play out. Think of it as an opportunity!

Remember that everything the guides say is going to be a suggestion, for your benefit. Their advice should never trump your free will. You are in control of your life. Enjoy it!

My guides and I always strive to communicate in a way that is compassionate, sensitive, honest and encouraging. Should something nonetheless come up in the reading report that is upsetting to you, we warmly encourage you to communicate with us and help us be of service by following up on it in our second appointment. While you may opt out of this, you will get much more out of the reading if you stick with the full process and stay open to exploring the results through discussing it with us.

If there is a specific topic you absolutely do not wish to hear about or discuss, please do let us know in advance! 

If you are coming to a reading as a skeptic, that is totally fine! We do, however, encourage you to come with an open mind, and perhaps a sense of benign playfulness.

Please do not not casually cancel or reschedule readings or appointments. It can take days of energetic and mental preparation for me to raise my energy to optimum channeling levels, so please only cancel or postpone if absolutely necessary.

Natalie, Salvador and I would love to work with you on any challenges you may be facing in your life. What are you looking for in a spiritual consultation? Do you have any suggestions for us? Let us know!

[bigskydreaming]

Some of the X-Men novels from the 90s were actually pretty good, now that I remember it. They were original stories, not novelizations of already existing comic book arcs, which tends to be my preference when adapting characters to other media, but the downside is sometimes they come up with stuff that you’re like ugh, dammit, why can’t that be in the comics now too.

Like Smoke and Mirrors was this one novel I read in high school where Sinister was the main bad guy, and it had some pretty great stuff in it, and also probably my favorite Betsy POV stuff, though it hopped around to a bunch of characters’ POVs.

Including these five original teenage characters who were like the most adorable little nerds ever. They called themselves the Ohio Mutant Conspiracy to sound cool, but they were basically like the Breakfast Club and were these five high schoolers who nobody knew were mutants until one of them, Slapshot, set up this message board online in the hopes of trying to figure out if there were any other mutants like him in his area. And they eventually met up and started out hanging out every week in this abandoned warehouse after school and talking about how they should totally do something cool or fight crime with their powers. But mostly they were just bored lonely teenagers who were all really bad at admitting that they just wanted to hang out with other ppl like them even though they were from totally different social circles. And the main plot of the novel was this goon squad (hired by Sinister) busting into their warehouse and capturing three of them because kidnapping innocent mutants for nefarious purposes is like, his thing, and the other two got away and then were like okay we’re gonna rescue our friends! We have no idea what we’re doing! This will absolutely end badly! Ready, let’s go!

And meanwhile of course the X-Men were like oh hey, Sinister is kidnapping innocent mutants again, we need to find them and also spank him. Okay not that last part but I’m just saying, I’ve always felt like they could stand to put a little more effort into just like....plain old murdering the dude. C’mon Logan, what are you even doing, you pat yourself on the back for being the best at that like ALL the time.

Anyway, yeah, the kids the author created just for this storyline were really fun. I remember the youngest of them and most gung ho about being a mutant and wanting to be a superhero team and always trying to convince the others they should do that, she was a black girl who was a couple years younger than the rest, I think a freshman while the others were all juniors and seniors. I can’t remember her real name, because she was always insisting the others call her by the codename she’d come up with, Charade. Her power was she could convince anyone that whatever she was saying was true. Like anything from ‘you don’t want to hurt me’ to a bad guy or ‘you didn’t see me here’ to boosting one of her friend’s powers by telling them they could totally do the thing they were trying to do even though they’d never tried anything like it before. 

And she was closest with the oldest of the group whose name I also can’t remember, but who was this tall awkward white guy who she’d basically adopted as her surrogate big brother and he just kinda shrugged and went okay, and was super protective of her, it was way cute. He had some kind of basic super strength and enhanced senses power, and could never settle on a code name and tried a bunch of different ones throughout the book until finally settling on Red Rover, which one of the others called him as a joke and he was just like yeah I know, but I kinda like it.

And they were two of the three that were kidnapped, with the other one being Slapshot, the one who found the rest of them and kinda always defaulted to being the leader even though he was this shy nerd in school and always getting down on himself and the remaining two of the five were way more popular than him. I think his name was Jason, and he was this short Asian kid who was really into hockey for some reason, and that’s why he picked Slapshot for his codename. He was convinced he had a lame power, like all he did was change the trajectory of things that were already in motion. But when the three of them were locked up and didn’t know what had happened to the other two or if anyone was coming to rescue them, he figured out how to bust them out when he realized they thought his power was too small to bother making sure he couldn’t use it. So he took a quarter he had in his pocket and threw it, and started reversing its trajectory in mid air back and forth, over and over until the constant change in direction was like, building momentum, so when he finally let it go it just punched straight through the door lock like a bullet. He was very proud to discover he was secretly a dormant badass and it gave him a total self-esteem boost. Also way adorbs.

And the other two of the group, the ones who got away initially were both white seniors and one of them, Peyton, was a cheerleader and she called herself Rewind, and the other Adam was the quarterback and called himself Pipedream. His power was to just project this dream state on people so whatever they were doing, they just stopped and stood there and were stuck in some lucid daydream for a few minutes, though he couldn’t control what they saw, just initiate it. 

And everyone was always constantly looking at him to know what to do because he was supposed to be the popular football captain and have all the answers and he’d get all frustrated like ‘how does any of that make me qualified to know what to do here’ and Rewind was on the verge of a breakdown and screamed back ‘well fine if you dont want to help I’ll just save them myself’ and he was all ‘I didnt say I dont want to help, I just dont have a clue what that looks like!’ and she was like ‘FINE, I guess I’ll just figure it out myself and you just come along and do what I say” and Adam was all “Yes, finally! That’s what I’ve been saying, that is a much better idea than me being clueless and in charge, god!” And then this was where usually they’d realize they have Feelings for each other but haha no, they were actually just awkward road trip buddies and when they eventually found the others breaking out as they were breaking in and were like oh hey, we were just coming to rescue you, Slapshot was like oh yeah, sorry, you took too long so we kinda just did it ourselves. 

And Rewind was very impressed in his newfound leader-ness which Adam was more than happy to also concede to him when Jason was worried he was gonna want to be in charge now, and so she was basically like, okay, new plan. I’m still gonna be Prom Queen, because duh, but now you will be my Prom King. Everyone on board? Excellent. Let’s blow this popsicle stand. Which they did, mostly via Peyton’s power, which was to rewind time in her area, but like, nothing longer than thirty seconds back, just enough for her to correct recent mistakes. 

But then she found out it also worked if she told everyone to stand back with a scary gleam in her eye that had Adam and Jason like ‘we feel that whatever you’re about to do, you should probably....not’ and she was like, ‘are you going to stop me?’ and because they were not dumb they were both like ‘no ma’am!’ And then she hopped in one of the golf cart kinda things the security guards in the place used to drive around, revved the engine, Adam whispered ‘hold me, I’m scared’ because she drove the whole way there and they almost died like twenty times a minute. Who knew the girl with the ‘its fine, I can fix it’ power had a tendency to be reckless, right? But she just like floored the golf cart and drove straight at the big giant locked doors blocking their exit and they were all “PEYTON NO!” and she was all “PEYTON YES!” and crashed right into the doors, denting them a little and like, totaling the golf cart. Except then she rewound time but just around the golf cart and not the doors, so they were still just as dented while the golf cart was good as new and ten feet away again as she barreled into the doors all over again with “PEYTON YES” (well, whatever she was actually screaming, I forget, it was 25 years ago) playing over and over again on a loop as she kept crashing into the doors, rewinding time to fix the cart and crashing into them over and over with them getting a little more busted each time until finally she busted all the way through them.

And Slapshot was like “How did you know that would work?” and she was like “Huh? Oh, I didn’t.” and he was like “Holy shit, marry me” and Peyton was all lol slow down, you’re cute but I have a Life Plan, that’s not happening til we’re at least 25.

Anyway, yeah, the Ohio Mutant Conspiracy were adorable and honestly some of the best X-characters ever and its a shame they never made it into the pages of an actual comic as X-Men students. Oh, also, that book had a female clone of Wolverine called Mantrap who was hunting Sinister for Reasons also, but not like a clone clone, obviously, as she was also Native American, I think? But clone-ish. There was a kinship. This was pre X-23 and might have been part of the inspiration for her, who knows.

But yeah. I lost that book years ago and could never find it anywhere, lame. It was def my fave of the X-Men novels though there were a couple other good ones too. 

[citycentralgas]

5 Things To Consider When Hiring A Boiler Repair Service

There are some vital factors that you should focus on when using a boiler repair professional.

Buying a house is an exciting event, but when the boiler in your home malfunctions, it can be an annoyance. You might think you can save money by attempting to fix it yourself. This isn’t exactly true. In fact, you can end up making the situation worse. 

Hiring a professional boiler repair expert can save you money in the long run. Boilers can be a fiery, problematic beast, and even the smallest mistake could lead to a much bigger problem.

The following are some things you should keep in mind when hiring a boiler repair service: 

 1) Check the company’s reputation online

One of the best ways to find an honest boiler service is to go online. Boiler repair companies want to put their best foot forward. So, they are likely to advertise themselves on their website and social media accounts. The company should have a few customer reviews online to read over to see what other people thought of them. 

 2) Ask for recommendations from friends

Boiler repair services aren't too common. It wouldn't hurt to ask around and see if anyone you know has had any work done by a particular company or knows someone who could recommend a reputable company. Since boiler problems can be tricky to fix, it might not hurt to ask around to make sure you hire someone who knows what they are doing.

3) Get at least three estimates

It's always good to get several estimates when hiring someone for a service like this. Boilers don't need repairs very often, so this is probably not something you'll be hiring someone for regularly. Because of this, it's unlikely that any company will try to charge you an arm and a leg for the work they are about to do. 

Moreover, professional services tend to fluctuate in price depending on where you live. Hence, getting a few estimates is the best way to find out which company you feel most comfortable hiring and how much it will cost in the end.

4) Check their qualifications

Always check the qualifications of the experts that you tend to hire. Capabilities ensure whether an expert is qualified enough to handle a job or not. So, don’t forget to conduct a background check on the company you have your eyes on. 

5) Check their insurance

Boilers are dangerous pieces of equipment. Thus, the company you hire must have proper insurance if anything happens while working on your unit. 

Boilers can cause severe burns if touched while they are running; so, it might be a good idea to make sure the company has general liability insurance if someone gets hurt. Boiler repair service companies should also have boiler-specific insurance that covers damage to your property if something were to go wrong during repairs.

Are You Looking For A Boiler Repair In Ealing? 

If you are looking for a reputed and trustworthy boiler repair company in Ealing, City Central Gas is your one-call solution. Backed by a competent team of registered gas engineers, we provide nothing but top-notch services. 

You can always rely on us for

boiler repair, installation, and maintenance service

s. Contact us to learn more about our company and services.

[camerasieunhovn]

Wading Into Local SEO: 7 Absolute Beginner FAQs, Simply Answered

Is life about to throw you into the deep end of the local SEO pool? Maybe you’ve just opened your business or have slowly realized that your existing business isn’t showing up very well on the Internet. Maybe you just got a new job at a local business that’s struggling because no one on staff has a background in online marketing and the boss is looking to you. Maybe you’re trying to learn new skills to become a stronger candidate for a digital marketing agency job opening.

Splish splash, hang on! I’ve got water wings for you in this column, answering seven of the most common questions Google receives from folks like you searching the Internet for an introductory understanding of what this thing called “local SEO” means, who needs it, how it works, how to study it to benefit a business you need to market, and more!

Instead of expecting you to tread midstream as though you magically already know all these things, we’ll wade in together gently before we start swimming anywhere near the high water mark.

1. What is local SEO?

Local search engine optimization (local SEO) consists of many actions you can take online and offline to make it easier for people in your community to find and choose a business you’re marketing.

It’s simplest to think of local SEO as a form of customer service. In the real world, you take all kinds of actions to make a business visible, accessible, and appealing. For example, you rent or buy a property at an address near your customers, buy a phone number, organize and display your inventory of goods and services, hang bold signage, seek advertising, and train staff to greet people who walk in, answer their questions, and resolve their complaints. You do all of this to connect with customers.

Local SEO has the same goal of connection. It builds a digital mirror image of what you do offline and enriches it with online-only opportunities, as you become an Internet publisher and promoter of your business’ contact information, offerings, reputation, expertise, and customer service amenities.

When done well, your local SEO efforts convince search engines like Google that your business deserves to be visible in their results when people are searching for what you offer in the place you offer it.

2. How do you know if you need local SEO?

What are the rules, guidelines, and circumstances that determine whether local SEO is the right match for your business?

If your business is physically located near customers who need to find it, then it’s likely you need local SEO to run as profitable a venture as possible. However, needing and qualifying for a complete local SEO campaign are two different things.

If you want to be seen by customers in a specific geographic area (like a neighborhood, city, or county) then you need local SEO to become visible online to these people. However, the number of local SEO actions you are qualified to use in promoting a specific business online is dictated by two things:

The exact model of the business you’re marketing

Google’s interpretation of how businesses of your model can use Google’s products

Take these three steps to determine your eligibility opportunities:

First, answer a simple question:

Does my business serve customers face-to-face? Or, at least, did it do so prior to the COVID-19 pandemic and plans to resume in-person transactions once it is safe for society to do so again?

If your answer is “no”, because you are operating a completely virtual business with no face-to-face interactions with the public, then a complete local SEO campaign is likely not the right match for you and you should read this article: How To Do Local SEO Without Physical Locations in 2021.

If your answer is “yes”, read on.

Second, identify your model

There are more than 10 different local business structures that Google recognizes:

Brick and mortar, like a retail shop or restaurant customers can visit

Service Area Business (SAB), like a plumber or caterer who goes to customers' locations

Hybrid, like a pizza restaurant which also delivers

Home-based, like a daycare center

Co-located/co-branded business, like a KFC/A&W chain location

Multi-department business, like a hospital or auto dealership

Multi-practitioner business, like a real estate firm or dental practice with multiple staff

Solo practitioner business, like a single attorney operating in two areas of law

Multi-brand business, specific to auto dealerships vending multiple car makes

Mobile business, like a stationary food truck

Kiosk, ATM, and other less common business models

Determine which of the above descriptions most closely matches how your business operates.

Third, read all of Google’s guidelines that apply to your model

Give yourself thirty minutes to read though The Guidelines for Representing Your Business on Google, making a special note of all of the guidelines that specifically call out the model you’ve identified as describing your business.

These all-important guidelines teach you what you can and can’t do to promote a local business via Google’s local platforms. Failure to comply with Google’s guidelines can result in penalties and removal of your information from Google’s system (a disaster!).

If, at this point, you’re wondering why this article is referencing Google so heavily, it’s because Google’s platforms dominate where local businesses list themselves online and where local consumers search for local businesses. In fact, their market share is more than 92%, making them central to your local SEO activity. There is much more to complete local SEO than just Google, but Google tends to set the tone of how we view and promote local businesses.

To sum up, if you need people in your community to be able to find your business online, your business normally transacts with customers in-person, and your model matches one of those recognized by Google, you likely both need and qualify for a local SEO marketing campaign.

3. How does local SEO work?

If you’ve now determined that local SEO is the right lane for you to swim in, you’ll want to know the specifics of how to actually do the work. Now is your chance to learn how local businesses do SEO and what local SEO includes.

How local search engines work

Google is a search engine. It’s an “answer machine” that exists to discover, understand, and organize information on the Internet so that it can present that information in response to people’s searches.

Google gets information about local businesses from a variety of sources including:

The Google My Business listings you create for your business

Your company’s website

Other websites, directories, and platforms that list, mention, or link to your company

Information the public submits to Google about your company, such as reviews, ratings, photos, suggested edits of your Google My Business listings, and other forms of feedback

Unconfirmed relationships with other local business data providers and indexes

Your Google My Business listing is something you get to actively submit to Google, but Google also looks all over the internet for information about your business (this is called crawling), then stores and organizes the information they’ve found (this is called indexing), and finally, provides a ranked display of that information to humans who are searching for it.

Google uses secret, internal calculations (algorithms) to rank the information they’ve indexed. One of your key goals in spending time on local search engine optimization is to persuade Google that your business deserves to be ranked highly when someone searches for something that’s relevant to what you offer. When Google decides a searcher’s query has a local and intent and you’ve convinced Google that your business is a relevant answer, local SEO can help you show up in all of the following displays:

Search engine results are often given the generic name, “SERPs” (search engine results pages) but local SERPs also have these more specific names:

Google local packs

Google business profiles

Google local finders

Google Maps

Google organic results

Additionally you can show up in image, video, and shopping results, if pertinent to your business model. Your overall goal in investing time and money in local SEO will be to convince Google that you’re a good result to show to people searching for what you offer.

How do you do local SEO?

So what is the work that actually goes into a local business doing SEO? There are many, many possible tactics and strategies, but a “starter kit” will almost always consist of these 4 basics to get you into the game:

1. An operational local business

You need a business founded on a product or service that local customers want and that is actively building an offline reputation for excellent customer service.

2. A website

While it’s possible to market your business without a website, you should consider one as an essential business asset.

Your website should:

Present what your business is, does, and offers, centering customers’ needs and customers’ language.

Include your geographic terms (neighborhood, city, etc) in the website’s tags, text, and links.

Provide accurate contact information, hours of operation, and abundant cues about how to connect with the business.

3. Local business listings

You need to actively create online listings for your business, such as your Google My Business listing and a variety of other listings (also called “structured citations”) on local business directories and related platforms. Fill out as many fields and provide as much information as possible when creating these listings. Be sure you update your listings any time your information changes (Moz Local can help with this time-consuming task!).

4. Online reviews from your customers

You need to actively acquire and respond to customers’ reviews on your Google My Business listing, all your local business listings that have a review component, and any review platform profiles you’ve created.

You’ll be off to a strong start with the above four basic local SEO components, but as you become more advanced at marketing your business, you will want to explore these additional promotional avenues:

5. Market research and competitor analysis

You’ll want to actively survey your community to refine your understanding of local needs and supplement this with ongoing keyword and trend research to add to your knowledge of the language people use when searching the Internet for what you offer. Your findings can then be used to grow your inventory, service menu, and the optimization of your website for an expanded set of search phrases.

Meanwhile, you will want to regularly search Google for your business, while you are located at your place of business and at different spots around town, to see how you are showing up in their results. Where competitors are outranking you, you’ll want to audit their websites, listings, reviews, and marketing strategies to develop theories of why they’re ahead of you. Your goal, then, will be to emulate their tactics and eventually surpass them.

6. Unstructured citations + links

Unstructured citations are any online reference by a third party to your company’s complete or partial contact information. You can learn more about them here. Links are the clickable elements that take an Internet user from one place to another, and if you’re ready for a more technical explanation, read The Beginner’s Guide to Link Building.

The more often Google finds your business referenced by other relevant sources, the better your chances of them considering your company a good result to show to searchers. The relationships you build with local colleagues, local media sources, different groups in your community and industry can be reflected online when these entities cite your business and/or link to it.

For example, if your business sponsors a town food drive, the charity may list you as a benefactor. Or, if you host an exciting contest, a local lifestyle blogger may pick up your story and link to your website for further details. If the platforms that cite you and link to you have achieved a strong local or industry standing, this will help build the authority of your website in the eyes of Google, as well as expanding your visibility to customers. Finding opportunities for unstructured citations and links is a key part of an advanced local SEO campaign.

7. Expanded media

Each business will need a custom approach to expanding its reach. A social media presence on sites like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram might be right for you and your customers. Or it could be email marketing, video media, podcasting, blogging, or publishing articles on respected third-party sites in your industry or geographic region that will solidify connections with your customers and introduce your business to a wider audience. Experimentation is key.

8. Advanced analysis

Learning to track how the public responds to your local marketing strategies is what will set your company apart from less savvy competitors. Using free tools like Google My Business Insights in your GMB listing’s dashboard, Google Analytics, Google Search Console, and a variety of free and paid SEO software, you can discover what works and what doesn’t for your customers.

Profitability is your bottom line goal, and you will get there by becoming a continuously-chosen resource in your community. Customers can come to you via many paths, but the ultimate endpoint is a first transaction followed by repeat transactions once you’ve earned loyalty. Analytics tools help you track stages along those paths (like customers clicking on your listing to find driving directions or to phone you) so that you can improve the experience the customer is having at each step, increasing the chances of a transaction.

Whether basic or advanced, all eight of the above components are ones you will be sustaining, improving and expanding on for the life of your business, in addition to other efforts you may explore as your company grows.

How can anyone know how to influence rankings if Google’s algorithms are secret?

The entire concept of SEO is based on decades of business owners and marketers testing activities to see how Google and other search engines react to them and how the business then benefits from this reaction. From this ongoing testing, we arrive at theories about certain actions we can take that tend to cause Google to make a particular business or other entity become more visible to searchers.

For example, let’s imagine you own a pizza place in Sacramento, California with a one-page website that simply lists your menu items. You don’t rank very well for “gluten free pizza” even though it’s on your menu, and you seldom receive orders for this item.

You decide to create a second page on your site to tell the story of how and why you make this type of pizza, and you carefully include keywords like “gluten free pizza crust” and “Sacramento” in the page’s tags and text. A month later, your orders for this item triple, and when you check, you find that Google is now bringing up your new page for local customers seeking “gluten free pizza”. You’ve successfully taken an action that has influenced the search engine to the benefit of your business.

All local SEO and organic SEO basically comes down to this sort of experimentation, however complex a given strategy or tactic may be. Decades of such testing and clues from Google have enabled local SEOs to summarize Google’s local algorithm as having three main components:

Proximity: the distance between a searcher and a business

Relevance: the result that is the best match for the intent of the searcher’s query

Prominence: how well-known and well-cited a business is, based on what Google has learned about it by their crawl of the Internet

In practical terms, if I search for “gluten free pizza” while located in close proximity to the pizza place example, and Google finds the page you’ve created about this menu item with lots of relevant text on it, and Google has also found a lot of other websites referencing your gluten-free pizza (making it a prominent local resource), then your restaurant has a good chance of being shown to me as a result.

So, while the hundreds of factors that make up Google’s several algorithms are secret, you’re standing on established ground by doing all you can to work on the relevance and prominence of your business so that Google returns it as a result to searchers within Google’s concept of appropriate proximity.

4. What are the benefits of local SEO?

Once you dive into local SEO in earnest, you can expect to find treasure.

If the goal of local SEO is to make your business easier for customers to find and choose on the Internet, then the most obvious benefit for your company will be increased profitability. Customers reward businesses that make things easy for them, and a greater number of transactions should ultimately result from your work. But, the total array of benefits is enormous! When done well, local SEO can increase your:

Customer service quality

Knowledge of your customer base

Sales

Repeat sales (customer loyalty)

Bookings

Rankings

Publicity

Foot traffic

Website traffic

Phone calls

Texts

Chats

Reviews

Form submissions

Brand awareness + positive reputation

Email subscriptions

B2B relationships

Word-of-mouth referrals

Power for civic good

And so much more!

The amount of benefit you can expect to enjoy from engaging in local SEO will depend on:

1. Your budget of both time and money

2. How far that budget takes you vs. how far your market competitors’ budgets are taking them

3. The maximum growth potential defined by the size and characteristics of your local consumer base

A very small business in a very small town can make a modest investment in local SEO, easily surpass a few disengaged competitors, and reach pretty much every local customer who is on the Internet, plus new neighbors and travelers. As the competition and the consumer base becomes greater, local companies will have to increase their investment to see optimum return.

5. How local is local SEO?

Google indicates that lots of folks are asking about this, and I’m having to make a best guess that what business owners and marketers are wondering about is how big the radius of their visibility in Google’s results will be if they invest in doing local SEO. For example, if a business is located at 123 Main Street in Somewhereville, will they only show up for searchers who are walking along Main Street, or for people anywhere in the town, or for people beyond the town’s borders, or for several adjacent cities, or even the whole state?

The answer to this common question depends on Google’s idea of the intent of the searcher coupled with the competitive level of the market. For instance, Google might only cast a very small radius of results if someone searches for “coffee downtown Portland”:

But if I change my search to just “coffee portland”, Google expands the radius of the results being returned to a much larger area:

Meanwhile, if I signal to Google that I’m not searching for something quick and nearby like “coffee”, and instead search for something where my intent might cover the whole state, like “wedding venues oregon”, Google again expands the results to show me quite a large region:

In general, queries with a very “nearby” intent or queries happening in a dense city with many competitors located near one another will typically return a tighter radius of results. By contrast, queries that could be reasonably fulfilled by the searcher driving further, or that are seeking a rare good or service, or that take place in a rural area with few businesses tend to receive a larger radius of results.

Please note my use of the phrase “in general”, because there are so many exceptions. Moreover, Google’s own products deliver varied results. For instance, I’ve noticed that Google’s local finder often delivers a tighter radius than Google Maps. Meanwhile, Google’s organic results can behave quite differently than their local ones. And, it’s foundational knowledge for you to know that Google delivers different results to each searcher, based on their physical location at the time they search, the exact search language they use, and their search history.

One of the commonest local SEO forum questions comes from business owners located at a specific place on the map and wanting to expand the radius in which they show up for users’ queries. For a deep dive on this popular topic, read I Want to Rank Beyond My Location: A Guide to How This Works.

6. How do I check my local SEO rankings?

This is an excellent foundational question. First, you must know that local and localized organic rankings are not stable. As mentioned, above, Google orders results for each searcher based on:

Google’s perception of the searcher’s intent coupled with an algorithmic calculation of which results are most relevant to that intent

Google’s knowledge of where the searcher’s device is located at the time of search

The density of competition for the search term

The searcher’s history of previous searches.

The time of day

Because of this, consider it a myth and a mistake when people talk about being #1 for a search term, because local rankings are so highly customized and can literally change from hour to hour. The best you can aim at is a general sense of your visibility for a particular search phrase for people located at different points on the map at different times of day.

The most bare-bones, manual approach to understanding your visibility is to search for a phrase while standing inside your business and note the local and organic rankings. Then, physically move out from there, searching from a block away, a few blocks away, the other side of town, the city border, and beyond the city border. It can be an educational experience to try this, but it’s not one that’s practical to replicate on a regular basis.

For the sake of convenience, many platforms have developed location emulators and local rank trackers that can approximate the results you might see if searching from different geographic locations. It’s important to note that no tool can claim to be 100% accurate, because of how highly customized results can be for each searcher, but as we’ve covered, you’re looking for a general idea of your visibility rather than set-in-stone numbers. There are many popular emulation and localized rank tracking options. Consider these:

For free, you can use the GS Location Changer Chrome extension and Firefox add-on to set the location of Google search to a specific locale to see local pack rankings that come up in that area.

On the paid side, both Whitespark and BrightLocal have sophisticated local rank tracking dashboards, and LocalFalcon is also lauded for its nifty visual interface. Mobile Moxie has a 7-day free trial of their rank tracker so you can give this type of analysis a test drive.

Moz Pro customers can use the beta of Local Market Analytics to see localized organic rankings mapped out with innovative multi-SERP sampling.

You’ll want to track your rankings on a regular basis, but always remember, it’s “conversions” that deserve the lion’s share of your focus. Learn to think beyond how your business ranks to how that visibility is resulting in clicks on your listings, clicks-to-call, requests for driving requests, reviews, chats, questions, leads, bookings, and sales!

7. How can I learn local SEO?

Having read this article, you’re ready to move out from the shallow end of the pool into more exciting waters. The important thing is for you to find resources for further local SEO learning that are worthy of your time and won’t steer you wrong. I suggest these as your next 4 laps:

1. Read The Essential Local SEO Strategy Guide

This free, eight-chapter guide has been praised by readers as being not just about the “how” of doing local SEO, but the “why”. Studying this guide will get you into a strong mindset for engaging in holistic local search marketing in an authentic way that takes your business and its community into account.

2. Go where the advocates are

Specific organizations, media outlets, and publications are making names for themselves through pro-local business advocacy. Get to know these entities and rid yourself of the feeling of “going it alone” as a local business owner:

The Institute for Local Self Reliance publishes some of the best local business/local community reports on the web with statistics you can work into the narrative of your business’ story.

The American Independent Business Alliance can get your community started with a formal Buy Local program, if one doesn’t yet exist in your city, and they offer events you can attend virtually.

Near Media is an emerging outlet featuring thought leadership from top local SEO industry experts in strong support of independent business owners, with a growing library of articles, podcasts, and video media.

Plan to virtually attend a LocalU seminar for presentations by local SEO experts on the latest tactics for local search marketing success. This popular conference circuit is special for its all-local focus.

Ask local SEO questions for free at Sterling Sky’s Local Search Forum to help you better market your business

3. Make a regular local SEO industry reading schedule

Local search changes continuously, meaning your opportunities for marketing your business consistently alter. Bookmark these publications and make time for a weekly reading session:

Read the Local SEO column here on the Moz blog for in-depth coverage of local search marketing and strategic local business insights.

The Sterling Sky blog offers excellent takeaways from their ongoing tests, discovering what works and what doesn’t in online local business marketing.

Search Engine Roundtable’s blog has some of the fastest reporting of emerging Google features, updates, and bugs of any publication out there.

Streetfight covers both small businesses and enterprises, with a strong focus on developing technologies.

I’m also a longtime fan of the good minds behind the Whitespark blog for the sound advice they give

It may seem obvious, but read your local newspaper to keep tabs on the business scene nearest you

If you get tired from reading so much, many outlets like Moz, Near Media and LocalU offer audio and video media, as well, so you can kick back and listen for a bit. Also, multiple platforms have popular newsletters that round up the latest happenings for you so that you don’t have to seek them out yourself. And to follow local SEO industry experts on your favorite social media platforms; here’s a starter list of Twitter accounts you might like to check out.

4. Hire a local SEO to teach you

In some cases, it’s the right fit for local businesses to outsource all of their local SEO work to agencies. Not every business owner is going to have the time to become an expert in this form of marketing, on top of running their company.

That being said, if you can learn to do some or all of your brand’s local SEO or train your employees to do it, you’ll be acting from a place of ultimate knowledge, power and control. If this sounds appealing, you may want to consider hiring a pro to tutor you for accelerated learning.

My advice would be to find a small local SEO agency with an excellent reputation and inquire if their consulting services can be customized for you into training sessions with one of their talented team members. Ideally, you’d set up virtual meetings in which the tutor can visually walk you through tools and tactics, using your business as the workbook. Expect to pay well for this specialized training, knowing you’ll be using what you learn for years to come.

5. Learn from experience — it’s a good teacher!

Provided that you adhere to the guidelines of the third-party platforms on which you’re marketing, it’s your own experimentation that is likely to teach you the most about local SEO. In fact, many of today’s most-recognized local SEOs started out as business owners who became excited by what they realized they were able to do online for brands.

There are excellent free guides to get you started, amazing software to support your journey, and experts who freely share their advice on blogs and social media. All of these will strengthen you. The most essential takeaways will be ones that match the right technology and outreach to your specific customers. When you’ve mastered applying what you learn, and commit to ongoing experimentation, you’ll be ready to swim with the best of them.

Image credits: David McKenzie, Kenneth Lu, Aguamont, John Haslam, ThinkPanama and Lis í Jákupsstovu

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Wading Into Local SEO: 7 Absolute Beginner FAQs, Simply Answered

Is life about to throw you into the deep end of the local SEO pool? Maybe you’ve just opened your business or have slowly realized that your existing business isn’t showing up very well on the Internet. Maybe you just got a new job at a local business that’s struggling because no one on staff has a background in online marketing and the boss is looking to you. Maybe you’re trying to learn new skills to become a stronger candidate for a digital marketing agency job opening.

Splish splash, hang on! I’ve got water wings for you in this column, answering seven of the most common questions Google receives from folks like you searching the Internet for an introductory understanding of what this thing called “local SEO” means, who needs it, how it works, how to study it to benefit a business you need to market, and more!

Instead of expecting you to tread midstream as though you magically already know all these things, we’ll wade in together gently before we start swimming anywhere near the high water mark.

1. What is local SEO?

Local search engine optimization (local SEO) consists of many actions you can take online and offline to make it easier for people in your community to find and choose a business you’re marketing.

It’s simplest to think of local SEO as a form of customer service. In the real world, you take all kinds of actions to make a business visible, accessible, and appealing. For example, you rent or buy a property at an address near your customers, buy a phone number, organize and display your inventory of goods and services, hang bold signage, seek advertising, and train staff to greet people who walk in, answer their questions, and resolve their complaints. You do all of this to connect with customers.

Local SEO has the same goal of connection. It builds a digital mirror image of what you do offline and enriches it with online-only opportunities, as you become an Internet publisher and promoter of your business’ contact information, offerings, reputation, expertise, and customer service amenities.

When done well, your local SEO efforts convince search engines like Google that your business deserves to be visible in their results when people are searching for what you offer in the place you offer it.

2. How do you know if you need local SEO?

What are the rules, guidelines, and circumstances that determine whether local SEO is the right match for your business?

If your business is physically located near customers who need to find it, then it’s likely you need local SEO to run as profitable a venture as possible. However, needing and qualifying for a complete local SEO campaign are two different things.

If you want to be seen by customers in a specific geographic area (like a neighborhood, city, or county) then you need local SEO to become visible online to these people. However, the number of local SEO actions you are qualified to use in promoting a specific business online is dictated by two things:

The exact model of the business you’re marketing

Google’s interpretation of how businesses of your model can use Google’s products

Take these three steps to determine your eligibility opportunities:

First, answer a simple question:

Does my business serve customers face-to-face? Or, at least, did it do so prior to the COVID-19 pandemic and plans to resume in-person transactions once it is safe for society to do so again?

If your answer is “no”, because you are operating a completely virtual business with no face-to-face interactions with the public, then a complete local SEO campaign is likely not the right match for you and you should read this article: How To Do Local SEO Without Physical Locations in 2021.

If your answer is “yes”, read on.

Second, identify your model

There are more than 10 different local business structures that Google recognizes:

Brick and mortar, like a retail shop or restaurant customers can visit

Service Area Business (SAB), like a plumber or caterer who goes to customers' locations

Hybrid, like a pizza restaurant which also delivers

Home-based, like a daycare center

Co-located/co-branded business, like a KFC/A&W chain location

Multi-department business, like a hospital or auto dealership

Multi-practitioner business, like a real estate firm or dental practice with multiple staff

Solo practitioner business, like a single attorney operating in two areas of law

Multi-brand business, specific to auto dealerships vending multiple car makes

Mobile business, like a stationary food truck

Kiosk, ATM, and other less common business models

Determine which of the above descriptions most closely matches how your business operates.

Third, read all of Google’s guidelines that apply to your model

Give yourself thirty minutes to read though The Guidelines for Representing Your Business on Google, making a special note of all of the guidelines that specifically call out the model you’ve identified as describing your business.

These all-important guidelines teach you what you can and can’t do to promote a local business via Google’s local platforms. Failure to comply with Google’s guidelines can result in penalties and removal of your information from Google’s system (a disaster!).

If, at this point, you’re wondering why this article is referencing Google so heavily, it’s because Google’s platforms dominate where local businesses list themselves online and where local consumers search for local businesses. In fact, their market share is more than 92%, making them central to your local SEO activity. There is much more to complete local SEO than just Google, but Google tends to set the tone of how we view and promote local businesses.

To sum up, if you need people in your community to be able to find your business online, your business normally transacts with customers in-person, and your model matches one of those recognized by Google, you likely both need and qualify for a local SEO marketing campaign.

3. How does local SEO work?

If you’ve now determined that local SEO is the right lane for you to swim in, you’ll want to know the specifics of how to actually do the work. Now is your chance to learn how local businesses do SEO and what local SEO includes.

How local search engines work

Google is a search engine. It’s an “answer machine” that exists to discover, understand, and organize information on the Internet so that it can present that information in response to people’s searches.

Google gets information about local businesses from a variety of sources including:

The Google My Business listings you create for your business

Your company’s website

Other websites, directories, and platforms that list, mention, or link to your company

Information the public submits to Google about your company, such as reviews, ratings, photos, suggested edits of your Google My Business listings, and other forms of feedback

Unconfirmed relationships with other local business data providers and indexes

Your Google My Business listing is something you get to actively submit to Google, but Google also looks all over the internet for information about your business (this is called crawling), then stores and organizes the information they’ve found (this is called indexing), and finally, provides a ranked display of that information to humans who are searching for it.

Google uses secret, internal calculations (algorithms) to rank the information they’ve indexed. One of your key goals in spending time on local search engine optimization is to persuade Google that your business deserves to be ranked highly when someone searches for something that’s relevant to what you offer. When Google decides a searcher’s query has a local and intent and you’ve convinced Google that your business is a relevant answer, local SEO can help you show up in all of the following displays:

Search engine results are often given the generic name, “SERPs” (search engine results pages) but local SERPs also have these more specific names:

Google local packs

Google business profiles

Google local finders

Google Maps

Google organic results

Additionally you can show up in image, video, and shopping results, if pertinent to your business model. Your overall goal in investing time and money in local SEO will be to convince Google that you’re a good result to show to people searching for what you offer.

How do you do local SEO?

So what is the work that actually goes into a local business doing SEO? There are many, many possible tactics and strategies, but a “starter kit” will almost always consist of these 4 basics to get you into the game:

1. An operational local business

You need a business founded on a product or service that local customers want and that is actively building an offline reputation for excellent customer service.

2. A website

While it’s possible to market your business without a website, you should consider one as an essential business asset.

Your website should:

Present what your business is, does, and offers, centering customers’ needs and customers’ language.

Include your geographic terms (neighborhood, city, etc) in the website’s tags, text, and links.

Provide accurate contact information, hours of operation, and abundant cues about how to connect with the business.

3. Local business listings

You need to actively create online listings for your business, such as your Google My Business listing and a variety of other listings (also called “structured citations”) on local business directories and related platforms. Fill out as many fields and provide as much information as possible when creating these listings. Be sure you update your listings any time your information changes (Moz Local can help with this time-consuming task!).

4. Online reviews from your customers

You need to actively acquire and respond to customers’ reviews on your Google My Business listing, all your local business listings that have a review component, and any review platform profiles you’ve created.

You’ll be off to a strong start with the above four basic local SEO components, but as you become more advanced at marketing your business, you will want to explore these additional promotional avenues:

5. Market research and competitor analysis

You’ll want to actively survey your community to refine your understanding of local needs and supplement this with ongoing keyword and trend research to add to your knowledge of the language people use when searching the Internet for what you offer. Your findings can then be used to grow your inventory, service menu, and the optimization of your website for an expanded set of search phrases.

Meanwhile, you will want to regularly search Google for your business, while you are located at your place of business and at different spots around town, to see how you are showing up in their results. Where competitors are outranking you, you’ll want to audit their websites, listings, reviews, and marketing strategies to develop theories of why they’re ahead of you. Your goal, then, will be to emulate their tactics and eventually surpass them.

6. Unstructured citations + links

Unstructured citations are any online reference by a third party to your company’s complete or partial contact information. You can learn more about them here. Links are the clickable elements that take an Internet user from one place to another, and if you’re ready for a more technical explanation, read The Beginner’s Guide to Link Building.

The more often Google finds your business referenced by other relevant sources, the better your chances of them considering your company a good result to show to searchers. The relationships you build with local colleagues, local media sources, different groups in your community and industry can be reflected online when these entities cite your business and/or link to it.

For example, if your business sponsors a town food drive, the charity may list you as a benefactor. Or, if you host an exciting contest, a local lifestyle blogger may pick up your story and link to your website for further details. If the platforms that cite you and link to you have achieved a strong local or industry standing, this will help build the authority of your website in the eyes of Google, as well as expanding your visibility to customers. Finding opportunities for unstructured citations and links is a key part of an advanced local SEO campaign.

7. Expanded media

Each business will need a custom approach to expanding its reach. A social media presence on sites like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram might be right for you and your customers. Or it could be email marketing, video media, podcasting, blogging, or publishing articles on respected third-party sites in your industry or geographic region that will solidify connections with your customers and introduce your business to a wider audience. Experimentation is key.

8. Advanced analysis

Learning to track how the public responds to your local marketing strategies is what will set your company apart from less savvy competitors. Using free tools like Google My Business Insights in your GMB listing’s dashboard, Google Analytics, Google Search Console, and a variety of free and paid SEO software, you can discover what works and what doesn’t for your customers.

Profitability is your bottom line goal, and you will get there by becoming a continuously-chosen resource in your community. Customers can come to you via many paths, but the ultimate endpoint is a first transaction followed by repeat transactions once you’ve earned loyalty. Analytics tools help you track stages along those paths (like customers clicking on your listing to find driving directions or to phone you) so that you can improve the experience the customer is having at each step, increasing the chances of a transaction.

Whether basic or advanced, all eight of the above components are ones you will be sustaining, improving and expanding on for the life of your business, in addition to other efforts you may explore as your company grows.

How can anyone know how to influence rankings if Google’s algorithms are secret?

The entire concept of SEO is based on decades of business owners and marketers testing activities to see how Google and other search engines react to them and how the business then benefits from this reaction. From this ongoing testing, we arrive at theories about certain actions we can take that tend to cause Google to make a particular business or other entity become more visible to searchers.

For example, let’s imagine you own a pizza place in Sacramento, California with a one-page website that simply lists your menu items. You don’t rank very well for “gluten free pizza” even though it’s on your menu, and you seldom receive orders for this item.

You decide to create a second page on your site to tell the story of how and why you make this type of pizza, and you carefully include keywords like “gluten free pizza crust” and “Sacramento” in the page’s tags and text. A month later, your orders for this item triple, and when you check, you find that Google is now bringing up your new page for local customers seeking “gluten free pizza”. You’ve successfully taken an action that has influenced the search engine to the benefit of your business.

All local SEO and organic SEO basically comes down to this sort of experimentation, however complex a given strategy or tactic may be. Decades of such testing and clues from Google have enabled local SEOs to summarize Google’s local algorithm as having three main components:

Proximity: the distance between a searcher and a business

Relevance: the result that is the best match for the intent of the searcher’s query

Prominence: how well-known and well-cited a business is, based on what Google has learned about it by their crawl of the Internet

In practical terms, if I search for “gluten free pizza” while located in close proximity to the pizza place example, and Google finds the page you’ve created about this menu item with lots of relevant text on it, and Google has also found a lot of other websites referencing your gluten-free pizza (making it a prominent local resource), then your restaurant has a good chance of being shown to me as a result.

So, while the hundreds of factors that make up Google’s several algorithms are secret, you’re standing on established ground by doing all you can to work on the relevance and prominence of your business so that Google returns it as a result to searchers within Google’s concept of appropriate proximity.

4. What are the benefits of local SEO?

Once you dive into local SEO in earnest, you can expect to find treasure.

If the goal of local SEO is to make your business easier for customers to find and choose on the Internet, then the most obvious benefit for your company will be increased profitability. Customers reward businesses that make things easy for them, and a greater number of transactions should ultimately result from your work. But, the total array of benefits is enormous! When done well, local SEO can increase your:

Customer service quality

Knowledge of your customer base

Sales

Repeat sales (customer loyalty)

Bookings

Rankings

Publicity

Foot traffic

Website traffic

Phone calls

Texts

Chats

Reviews

Form submissions

Brand awareness + positive reputation

Email subscriptions

B2B relationships

Word-of-mouth referrals

Power for civic good

And so much more!

The amount of benefit you can expect to enjoy from engaging in local SEO will depend on:

1. Your budget of both time and money

2. How far that budget takes you vs. how far your market competitors’ budgets are taking them

3. The maximum growth potential defined by the size and characteristics of your local consumer base

A very small business in a very small town can make a modest investment in local SEO, easily surpass a few disengaged competitors, and reach pretty much every local customer who is on the Internet, plus new neighbors and travelers. As the competition and the consumer base becomes greater, local companies will have to increase their investment to see optimum return.

5. How local is local SEO?

Google indicates that lots of folks are asking about this, and I’m having to make a best guess that what business owners and marketers are wondering about is how big the radius of their visibility in Google’s results will be if they invest in doing local SEO. For example, if a business is located at 123 Main Street in Somewhereville, will they only show up for searchers who are walking along Main Street, or for people anywhere in the town, or for people beyond the town’s borders, or for several adjacent cities, or even the whole state?

The answer to this common question depends on Google’s idea of the intent of the searcher coupled with the competitive level of the market. For instance, Google might only cast a very small radius of results if someone searches for “coffee downtown Portland”:

But if I change my search to just “coffee portland”, Google expands the radius of the results being returned to a much larger area:

Meanwhile, if I signal to Google that I’m not searching for something quick and nearby like “coffee”, and instead search for something where my intent might cover the whole state, like “wedding venues oregon”, Google again expands the results to show me quite a large region:

In general, queries with a very “nearby” intent or queries happening in a dense city with many competitors located near one another will typically return a tighter radius of results. By contrast, queries that could be reasonably fulfilled by the searcher driving further, or that are seeking a rare good or service, or that take place in a rural area with few businesses tend to receive a larger radius of results.

Please note my use of the phrase “in general”, because there are so many exceptions. Moreover, Google’s own products deliver varied results. For instance, I’ve noticed that Google’s local finder often delivers a tighter radius than Google Maps. Meanwhile, Google’s organic results can behave quite differently than their local ones. And, it’s foundational knowledge for you to know that Google delivers different results to each searcher, based on their physical location at the time they search, the exact search language they use, and their search history.

One of the commonest local SEO forum questions comes from business owners located at a specific place on the map and wanting to expand the radius in which they show up for users’ queries. For a deep dive on this popular topic, read I Want to Rank Beyond My Location: A Guide to How This Works.

6. How do I check my local SEO rankings?

This is an excellent foundational question. First, you must know that local and localized organic rankings are not stable. As mentioned, above, Google orders results for each searcher based on:

Google’s perception of the searcher’s intent coupled with an algorithmic calculation of which results are most relevant to that intent

Google’s knowledge of where the searcher’s device is located at the time of search

The density of competition for the search term

The searcher’s history of previous searches.

The time of day

Because of this, consider it a myth and a mistake when people talk about being #1 for a search term, because local rankings are so highly customized and can literally change from hour to hour. The best you can aim at is a general sense of your visibility for a particular search phrase for people located at different points on the map at different times of day.

The most bare-bones, manual approach to understanding your visibility is to search for a phrase while standing inside your business and note the local and organic rankings. Then, physically move out from there, searching from a block away, a few blocks away, the other side of town, the city border, and beyond the city border. It can be an educational experience to try this, but it’s not one that’s practical to replicate on a regular basis.

For the sake of convenience, many platforms have developed location emulators and local rank trackers that can approximate the results you might see if searching from different geographic locations. It’s important to note that no tool can claim to be 100% accurate, because of how highly customized results can be for each searcher, but as we’ve covered, you’re looking for a general idea of your visibility rather than set-in-stone numbers. There are many popular emulation and localized rank tracking options. Consider these:

For free, you can use the GS Location Changer Chrome extension and Firefox add-on to set the location of Google search to a specific locale to see local pack rankings that come up in that area.

On the paid side, both Whitespark and BrightLocal have sophisticated local rank tracking dashboards, and LocalFalcon is also lauded for its nifty visual interface. Mobile Moxie has a 7-day free trial of their rank tracker so you can give this type of analysis a test drive.

Moz Pro customers can use the beta of Local Market Analytics to see localized organic rankings mapped out with innovative multi-SERP sampling.

You’ll want to track your rankings on a regular basis, but always remember, it’s “conversions” that deserve the lion’s share of your focus. Learn to think beyond how your business ranks to how that visibility is resulting in clicks on your listings, clicks-to-call, requests for driving requests, reviews, chats, questions, leads, bookings, and sales!

7. How can I learn local SEO?

Having read this article, you’re ready to move out from the shallow end of the pool into more exciting waters. The important thing is for you to find resources for further local SEO learning that are worthy of your time and won’t steer you wrong. I suggest these as your next 4 laps:

1. Read The Essential Local SEO Strategy Guide

This free, eight-chapter guide has been praised by readers as being not just about the “how” of doing local SEO, but the “why”. Studying this guide will get you into a strong mindset for engaging in holistic local search marketing in an authentic way that takes your business and its community into account.

2. Go where the advocates are

Specific organizations, media outlets, and publications are making names for themselves through pro-local business advocacy. Get to know these entities and rid yourself of the feeling of “going it alone” as a local business owner:

The Institute for Local Self Reliance publishes some of the best local business/local community reports on the web with statistics you can work into the narrative of your business’ story.

The American Independent Business Alliance can get your community started with a formal Buy Local program, if one doesn’t yet exist in your city, and they offer events you can attend virtually.

Near Media is an emerging outlet featuring thought leadership from top local SEO industry experts in strong support of independent business owners, with a growing library of articles, podcasts, and video media.

Plan to virtually attend a LocalU seminar for presentations by local SEO experts on the latest tactics for local search marketing success. This popular conference circuit is special for its all-local focus.

Ask local SEO questions for free at Sterling Sky’s Local Search Forum to help you better market your business

3. Make a regular local SEO industry reading schedule

Local search changes continuously, meaning your opportunities for marketing your business consistently alter. Bookmark these publications and make time for a weekly reading session:

Read the Local SEO column here on the Moz blog for in-depth coverage of local search marketing and strategic local business insights.

The Sterling Sky blog offers excellent takeaways from their ongoing tests, discovering what works and what doesn’t in online local business marketing.

Search Engine Roundtable’s blog has some of the fastest reporting of emerging Google features, updates, and bugs of any publication out there.

Streetfight covers both small businesses and enterprises, with a strong focus on developing technologies.

I’m also a longtime fan of the good minds behind the Whitespark blog for the sound advice they give

It may seem obvious, but read your local newspaper to keep tabs on the business scene nearest you

If you get tired from reading so much, many outlets like Moz, Near Media and LocalU offer audio and video media, as well, so you can kick back and listen for a bit. Also, multiple platforms have popular newsletters that round up the latest happenings for you so that you don’t have to seek them out yourself. And to follow local SEO industry experts on your favorite social media platforms; here’s a starter list of Twitter accounts you might like to check out.

4. Hire a local SEO to teach you

In some cases, it’s the right fit for local businesses to outsource all of their local SEO work to agencies. Not every business owner is going to have the time to become an expert in this form of marketing, on top of running their company.

That being said, if you can learn to do some or all of your brand’s local SEO or train your employees to do it, you’ll be acting from a place of ultimate knowledge, power and control. If this sounds appealing, you may want to consider hiring a pro to tutor you for accelerated learning.

My advice would be to find a small local SEO agency with an excellent reputation and inquire if their consulting services can be customized for you into training sessions with one of their talented team members. Ideally, you’d set up virtual meetings in which the tutor can visually walk you through tools and tactics, using your business as the workbook. Expect to pay well for this specialized training, knowing you’ll be using what you learn for years to come.

5. Learn from experience — it’s a good teacher!

Provided that you adhere to the guidelines of the third-party platforms on which you’re marketing, it’s your own experimentation that is likely to teach you the most about local SEO. In fact, many of today’s most-recognized local SEOs started out as business owners who became excited by what they realized they were able to do online for brands.

There are excellent free guides to get you started, amazing software to support your journey, and experts who freely share their advice on blogs and social media. All of these will strengthen you. The most essential takeaways will be ones that match the right technology and outreach to your specific customers. When you’ve mastered applying what you learn, and commit to ongoing experimentation, you’ll be ready to swim with the best of them.

Image credits: David McKenzie, Kenneth Lu, Aguamont, John Haslam, ThinkPanama and Lis í Jákupsstovu

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Wading Into Local SEO: 7 Absolute Beginner FAQs, Simply Answered

Is life about to throw you into the deep end of the local SEO pool? Maybe you’ve just opened your business or have slowly realized that your existing business isn’t showing up very well on the Internet. Maybe you just got a new job at a local business that’s struggling because no one on staff has a background in online marketing and the boss is looking to you. Maybe you’re trying to learn new skills to become a stronger candidate for a digital marketing agency job opening.

Splish splash, hang on! I’ve got water wings for you in this column, answering seven of the most common questions Google receives from folks like you searching the Internet for an introductory understanding of what this thing called “local SEO” means, who needs it, how it works, how to study it to benefit a business you need to market, and more!

Instead of expecting you to tread midstream as though you magically already know all these things, we’ll wade in together gently before we start swimming anywhere near the high water mark.

1. What is local SEO?

Local search engine optimization (local SEO) consists of many actions you can take online and offline to make it easier for people in your community to find and choose a business you’re marketing.

It’s simplest to think of local SEO as a form of customer service. In the real world, you take all kinds of actions to make a business visible, accessible, and appealing. For example, you rent or buy a property at an address near your customers, buy a phone number, organize and display your inventory of goods and services, hang bold signage, seek advertising, and train staff to greet people who walk in, answer their questions, and resolve their complaints. You do all of this to connect with customers.

Local SEO has the same goal of connection. It builds a digital mirror image of what you do offline and enriches it with online-only opportunities, as you become an Internet publisher and promoter of your business’ contact information, offerings, reputation, expertise, and customer service amenities.

When done well, your local SEO efforts convince search engines like Google that your business deserves to be visible in their results when people are searching for what you offer in the place you offer it.

2. How do you know if you need local SEO?

What are the rules, guidelines, and circumstances that determine whether local SEO is the right match for your business?

If your business is physically located near customers who need to find it, then it’s likely you need local SEO to run as profitable a venture as possible. However, needing and qualifying for a complete local SEO campaign are two different things.

If you want to be seen by customers in a specific geographic area (like a neighborhood, city, or county) then you need local SEO to become visible online to these people. However, the number of local SEO actions you are qualified to use in promoting a specific business online is dictated by two things:

The exact model of the business you’re marketing

Google’s interpretation of how businesses of your model can use Google’s products

Take these three steps to determine your eligibility opportunities:

First, answer a simple question:

Does my business serve customers face-to-face? Or, at least, did it do so prior to the COVID-19 pandemic and plans to resume in-person transactions once it is safe for society to do so again?

If your answer is “no”, because you are operating a completely virtual business with no face-to-face interactions with the public, then a complete local SEO campaign is likely not the right match for you and you should read this article: How To Do Local SEO Without Physical Locations in 2021.

If your answer is “yes”, read on.

Second, identify your model

There are more than 10 different local business structures that Google recognizes:

Brick and mortar, like a retail shop or restaurant customers can visit

Service Area Business (SAB), like a plumber or caterer who goes to customers' locations

Hybrid, like a pizza restaurant which also delivers

Home-based, like a daycare center

Co-located/co-branded business, like a KFC/A&W chain location

Multi-department business, like a hospital or auto dealership

Multi-practitioner business, like a real estate firm or dental practice with multiple staff

Solo practitioner business, like a single attorney operating in two areas of law

Multi-brand business, specific to auto dealerships vending multiple car makes

Mobile business, like a stationary food truck

Kiosk, ATM, and other less common business models

Determine which of the above descriptions most closely matches how your business operates.

Third, read all of Google’s guidelines that apply to your model

Give yourself thirty minutes to read though The Guidelines for Representing Your Business on Google, making a special note of all of the guidelines that specifically call out the model you’ve identified as describing your business.

These all-important guidelines teach you what you can and can’t do to promote a local business via Google’s local platforms. Failure to comply with Google’s guidelines can result in penalties and removal of your information from Google’s system (a disaster!).

If, at this point, you’re wondering why this article is referencing Google so heavily, it’s because Google’s platforms dominate where local businesses list themselves online and where local consumers search for local businesses. In fact, their market share is more than 92%, making them central to your local SEO activity. There is much more to complete local SEO than just Google, but Google tends to set the tone of how we view and promote local businesses.

To sum up, if you need people in your community to be able to find your business online, your business normally transacts with customers in-person, and your model matches one of those recognized by Google, you likely both need and qualify for a local SEO marketing campaign.

3. How does local SEO work?

If you’ve now determined that local SEO is the right lane for you to swim in, you’ll want to know the specifics of how to actually do the work. Now is your chance to learn how local businesses do SEO and what local SEO includes.

How local search engines work

Google is a search engine. It’s an “answer machine” that exists to discover, understand, and organize information on the Internet so that it can present that information in response to people’s searches.

Google gets information about local businesses from a variety of sources including:

The Google My Business listings you create for your business

Your company’s website

Other websites, directories, and platforms that list, mention, or link to your company

Information the public submits to Google about your company, such as reviews, ratings, photos, suggested edits of your Google My Business listings, and other forms of feedback

Unconfirmed relationships with other local business data providers and indexes

Your Google My Business listing is something you get to actively submit to Google, but Google also looks all over the internet for information about your business (this is called crawling), then stores and organizes the information they’ve found (this is called indexing), and finally, provides a ranked display of that information to humans who are searching for it.

Google uses secret, internal calculations (algorithms) to rank the information they’ve indexed. One of your key goals in spending time on local search engine optimization is to persuade Google that your business deserves to be ranked highly when someone searches for something that’s relevant to what you offer. When Google decides a searcher’s query has a local and intent and you’ve convinced Google that your business is a relevant answer, local SEO can help you show up in all of the following displays:

Search engine results are often given the generic name, “SERPs” (search engine results pages) but local SERPs also have these more specific names:

Google local packs

Google business profiles

Google local finders

Google Maps

Google organic results

Additionally you can show up in image, video, and shopping results, if pertinent to your business model. Your overall goal in investing time and money in local SEO will be to convince Google that you’re a good result to show to people searching for what you offer.

How do you do local SEO?

So what is the work that actually goes into a local business doing SEO? There are many, many possible tactics and strategies, but a “starter kit” will almost always consist of these 4 basics to get you into the game:

1. An operational local business

You need a business founded on a product or service that local customers want and that is actively building an offline reputation for excellent customer service.

2. A website

While it’s possible to market your business without a website, you should consider one as an essential business asset.

Your website should:

Present what your business is, does, and offers, centering customers’ needs and customers’ language.

Include your geographic terms (neighborhood, city, etc) in the website’s tags, text, and links.

Provide accurate contact information, hours of operation, and abundant cues about how to connect with the business.

3. Local business listings

You need to actively create online listings for your business, such as your Google My Business listing and a variety of other listings (also called “structured citations”) on local business directories and related platforms. Fill out as many fields and provide as much information as possible when creating these listings. Be sure you update your listings any time your information changes (Moz Local can help with this time-consuming task!).

4. Online reviews from your customers

You need to actively acquire and respond to customers’ reviews on your Google My Business listing, all your local business listings that have a review component, and any review platform profiles you’ve created.

You’ll be off to a strong start with the above four basic local SEO components, but as you become more advanced at marketing your business, you will want to explore these additional promotional avenues:

5. Market research and competitor analysis

You’ll want to actively survey your community to refine your understanding of local needs and supplement this with ongoing keyword and trend research to add to your knowledge of the language people use when searching the Internet for what you offer. Your findings can then be used to grow your inventory, service menu, and the optimization of your website for an expanded set of search phrases.

Meanwhile, you will want to regularly search Google for your business, while you are located at your place of business and at different spots around town, to see how you are showing up in their results. Where competitors are outranking you, you’ll want to audit their websites, listings, reviews, and marketing strategies to develop theories of why they’re ahead of you. Your goal, then, will be to emulate their tactics and eventually surpass them.

6. Unstructured citations + links

Unstructured citations are any online reference by a third party to your company’s complete or partial contact information. You can learn more about them here. Links are the clickable elements that take an Internet user from one place to another, and if you’re ready for a more technical explanation, read The Beginner’s Guide to Link Building.

The more often Google finds your business referenced by other relevant sources, the better your chances of them considering your company a good result to show to searchers. The relationships you build with local colleagues, local media sources, different groups in your community and industry can be reflected online when these entities cite your business and/or link to it.

For example, if your business sponsors a town food drive, the charity may list you as a benefactor. Or, if you host an exciting contest, a local lifestyle blogger may pick up your story and link to your website for further details. If the platforms that cite you and link to you have achieved a strong local or industry standing, this will help build the authority of your website in the eyes of Google, as well as expanding your visibility to customers. Finding opportunities for unstructured citations and links is a key part of an advanced local SEO campaign.

7. Expanded media

Each business will need a custom approach to expanding its reach. A social media presence on sites like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram might be right for you and your customers. Or it could be email marketing, video media, podcasting, blogging, or publishing articles on respected third-party sites in your industry or geographic region that will solidify connections with your customers and introduce your business to a wider audience. Experimentation is key.

8. Advanced analysis

Learning to track how the public responds to your local marketing strategies is what will set your company apart from less savvy competitors. Using free tools like Google My Business Insights in your GMB listing’s dashboard, Google Analytics, Google Search Console, and a variety of free and paid SEO software, you can discover what works and what doesn’t for your customers.

Profitability is your bottom line goal, and you will get there by becoming a continuously-chosen resource in your community. Customers can come to you via many paths, but the ultimate endpoint is a first transaction followed by repeat transactions once you’ve earned loyalty. Analytics tools help you track stages along those paths (like customers clicking on your listing to find driving directions or to phone you) so that you can improve the experience the customer is having at each step, increasing the chances of a transaction.

Whether basic or advanced, all eight of the above components are ones you will be sustaining, improving and expanding on for the life of your business, in addition to other efforts you may explore as your company grows.

How can anyone know how to influence rankings if Google’s algorithms are secret?

The entire concept of SEO is based on decades of business owners and marketers testing activities to see how Google and other search engines react to them and how the business then benefits from this reaction. From this ongoing testing, we arrive at theories about certain actions we can take that tend to cause Google to make a particular business or other entity become more visible to searchers.

For example, let’s imagine you own a pizza place in Sacramento, California with a one-page website that simply lists your menu items. You don’t rank very well for “gluten free pizza” even though it’s on your menu, and you seldom receive orders for this item.

You decide to create a second page on your site to tell the story of how and why you make this type of pizza, and you carefully include keywords like “gluten free pizza crust” and “Sacramento” in the page’s tags and text. A month later, your orders for this item triple, and when you check, you find that Google is now bringing up your new page for local customers seeking “gluten free pizza”. You’ve successfully taken an action that has influenced the search engine to the benefit of your business.

All local SEO and organic SEO basically comes down to this sort of experimentation, however complex a given strategy or tactic may be. Decades of such testing and clues from Google have enabled local SEOs to summarize Google’s local algorithm as having three main components:

Proximity: the distance between a searcher and a business

Relevance: the result that is the best match for the intent of the searcher’s query

Prominence: how well-known and well-cited a business is, based on what Google has learned about it by their crawl of the Internet

In practical terms, if I search for “gluten free pizza” while located in close proximity to the pizza place example, and Google finds the page you’ve created about this menu item with lots of relevant text on it, and Google has also found a lot of other websites referencing your gluten-free pizza (making it a prominent local resource), then your restaurant has a good chance of being shown to me as a result.

So, while the hundreds of factors that make up Google’s several algorithms are secret, you’re standing on established ground by doing all you can to work on the relevance and prominence of your business so that Google returns it as a result to searchers within Google’s concept of appropriate proximity.

4. What are the benefits of local SEO?

Once you dive into local SEO in earnest, you can expect to find treasure.

If the goal of local SEO is to make your business easier for customers to find and choose on the Internet, then the most obvious benefit for your company will be increased profitability. Customers reward businesses that make things easy for them, and a greater number of transactions should ultimately result from your work. But, the total array of benefits is enormous! When done well, local SEO can increase your:

Customer service quality

Knowledge of your customer base

Sales

Repeat sales (customer loyalty)

Bookings

Rankings

Publicity

Foot traffic

Website traffic

Phone calls

Texts

Chats

Reviews

Form submissions

Brand awareness + positive reputation

Email subscriptions

B2B relationships

Word-of-mouth referrals

Power for civic good

And so much more!

The amount of benefit you can expect to enjoy from engaging in local SEO will depend on:

1. Your budget of both time and money

2. How far that budget takes you vs. how far your market competitors’ budgets are taking them

3. The maximum growth potential defined by the size and characteristics of your local consumer base

A very small business in a very small town can make a modest investment in local SEO, easily surpass a few disengaged competitors, and reach pretty much every local customer who is on the Internet, plus new neighbors and travelers. As the competition and the consumer base becomes greater, local companies will have to increase their investment to see optimum return.

5. How local is local SEO?

Google indicates that lots of folks are asking about this, and I’m having to make a best guess that what business owners and marketers are wondering about is how big the radius of their visibility in Google’s results will be if they invest in doing local SEO. For example, if a business is located at 123 Main Street in Somewhereville, will they only show up for searchers who are walking along Main Street, or for people anywhere in the town, or for people beyond the town’s borders, or for several adjacent cities, or even the whole state?

The answer to this common question depends on Google’s idea of the intent of the searcher coupled with the competitive level of the market. For instance, Google might only cast a very small radius of results if someone searches for “coffee downtown Portland”:

But if I change my search to just “coffee portland”, Google expands the radius of the results being returned to a much larger area:

Meanwhile, if I signal to Google that I’m not searching for something quick and nearby like “coffee”, and instead search for something where my intent might cover the whole state, like “wedding venues oregon”, Google again expands the results to show me quite a large region:

In general, queries with a very “nearby” intent or queries happening in a dense city with many competitors located near one another will typically return a tighter radius of results. By contrast, queries that could be reasonably fulfilled by the searcher driving further, or that are seeking a rare good or service, or that take place in a rural area with few businesses tend to receive a larger radius of results.

Please note my use of the phrase “in general”, because there are so many exceptions. Moreover, Google’s own products deliver varied results. For instance, I’ve noticed that Google’s local finder often delivers a tighter radius than Google Maps. Meanwhile, Google’s organic results can behave quite differently than their local ones. And, it’s foundational knowledge for you to know that Google delivers different results to each searcher, based on their physical location at the time they search, the exact search language they use, and their search history.

One of the commonest local SEO forum questions comes from business owners located at a specific place on the map and wanting to expand the radius in which they show up for users’ queries. For a deep dive on this popular topic, read I Want to Rank Beyond My Location: A Guide to How This Works.

6. How do I check my local SEO rankings?

This is an excellent foundational question. First, you must know that local and localized organic rankings are not stable. As mentioned, above, Google orders results for each searcher based on:

Google’s perception of the searcher’s intent coupled with an algorithmic calculation of which results are most relevant to that intent

Google’s knowledge of where the searcher’s device is located at the time of search

The density of competition for the search term

The searcher’s history of previous searches.

The time of day

Because of this, consider it a myth and a mistake when people talk about being #1 for a search term, because local rankings are so highly customized and can literally change from hour to hour. The best you can aim at is a general sense of your visibility for a particular search phrase for people located at different points on the map at different times of day.

The most bare-bones, manual approach to understanding your visibility is to search for a phrase while standing inside your business and note the local and organic rankings. Then, physically move out from there, searching from a block away, a few blocks away, the other side of town, the city border, and beyond the city border. It can be an educational experience to try this, but it’s not one that’s practical to replicate on a regular basis.

For the sake of convenience, many platforms have developed location emulators and local rank trackers that can approximate the results you might see if searching from different geographic locations. It’s important to note that no tool can claim to be 100% accurate, because of how highly customized results can be for each searcher, but as we’ve covered, you’re looking for a general idea of your visibility rather than set-in-stone numbers. There are many popular emulation and localized rank tracking options. Consider these:

For free, you can use the GS Location Changer Chrome extension and Firefox add-on to set the location of Google search to a specific locale to see local pack rankings that come up in that area.

On the paid side, both Whitespark and BrightLocal have sophisticated local rank tracking dashboards, and LocalFalcon is also lauded for its nifty visual interface. Mobile Moxie has a 7-day free trial of their rank tracker so you can give this type of analysis a test drive.

Moz Pro customers can use the beta of Local Market Analytics to see localized organic rankings mapped out with innovative multi-SERP sampling.

You’ll want to track your rankings on a regular basis, but always remember, it’s “conversions” that deserve the lion’s share of your focus. Learn to think beyond how your business ranks to how that visibility is resulting in clicks on your listings, clicks-to-call, requests for driving requests, reviews, chats, questions, leads, bookings, and sales!

7. How can I learn local SEO?

Having read this article, you’re ready to move out from the shallow end of the pool into more exciting waters. The important thing is for you to find resources for further local SEO learning that are worthy of your time and won’t steer you wrong. I suggest these as your next 4 laps:

1. Read The Essential Local SEO Strategy Guide

This free, eight-chapter guide has been praised by readers as being not just about the “how” of doing local SEO, but the “why”. Studying this guide will get you into a strong mindset for engaging in holistic local search marketing in an authentic way that takes your business and its community into account.

2. Go where the advocates are

Specific organizations, media outlets, and publications are making names for themselves through pro-local business advocacy. Get to know these entities and rid yourself of the feeling of “going it alone” as a local business owner:

The Institute for Local Self Reliance publishes some of the best local business/local community reports on the web with statistics you can work into the narrative of your business’ story.

The American Independent Business Alliance can get your community started with a formal Buy Local program, if one doesn’t yet exist in your city, and they offer events you can attend virtually.

Near Media is an emerging outlet featuring thought leadership from top local SEO industry experts in strong support of independent business owners, with a growing library of articles, podcasts, and video media.

Plan to virtually attend a LocalU seminar for presentations by local SEO experts on the latest tactics for local search marketing success. This popular conference circuit is special for its all-local focus.

Ask local SEO questions for free at Sterling Sky’s Local Search Forum to help you better market your business

3. Make a regular local SEO industry reading schedule

Local search changes continuously, meaning your opportunities for marketing your business consistently alter. Bookmark these publications and make time for a weekly reading session:

Read the Local SEO column here on the Moz blog for in-depth coverage of local search marketing and strategic local business insights.

The Sterling Sky blog offers excellent takeaways from their ongoing tests, discovering what works and what doesn’t in online local business marketing.

Search Engine Roundtable’s blog has some of the fastest reporting of emerging Google features, updates, and bugs of any publication out there.

Streetfight covers both small businesses and enterprises, with a strong focus on developing technologies.

I’m also a longtime fan of the good minds behind the Whitespark blog for the sound advice they give

It may seem obvious, but read your local newspaper to keep tabs on the business scene nearest you

If you get tired from reading so much, many outlets like Moz, Near Media and LocalU offer audio and video media, as well, so you can kick back and listen for a bit. Also, multiple platforms have popular newsletters that round up the latest happenings for you so that you don’t have to seek them out yourself. And to follow local SEO industry experts on your favorite social media platforms; here’s a starter list of Twitter accounts you might like to check out.

4. Hire a local SEO to teach you

In some cases, it’s the right fit for local businesses to outsource all of their local SEO work to agencies. Not every business owner is going to have the time to become an expert in this form of marketing, on top of running their company.

That being said, if you can learn to do some or all of your brand’s local SEO or train your employees to do it, you’ll be acting from a place of ultimate knowledge, power and control. If this sounds appealing, you may want to consider hiring a pro to tutor you for accelerated learning.

My advice would be to find a small local SEO agency with an excellent reputation and inquire if their consulting services can be customized for you into training sessions with one of their talented team members. Ideally, you’d set up virtual meetings in which the tutor can visually walk you through tools and tactics, using your business as the workbook. Expect to pay well for this specialized training, knowing you’ll be using what you learn for years to come.

5. Learn from experience — it’s a good teacher!

Provided that you adhere to the guidelines of the third-party platforms on which you’re marketing, it’s your own experimentation that is likely to teach you the most about local SEO. In fact, many of today’s most-recognized local SEOs started out as business owners who became excited by what they realized they were able to do online for brands.

There are excellent free guides to get you started, amazing software to support your journey, and experts who freely share their advice on blogs and social media. All of these will strengthen you. The most essential takeaways will be ones that match the right technology and outreach to your specific customers. When you’ve mastered applying what you learn, and commit to ongoing experimentation, you’ll be ready to swim with the best of them.

Image credits: David McKenzie, Kenneth Lu, Aguamont, John Haslam, ThinkPanama and Lis í Jákupsstovu

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