#ALSO bc the reason a lot of ppl want me to kms is bc of them believing shit my abuser says about me and i know my inherent

[snekdood]

personally i refuse to kill myself bc i refuse to believe that i'm someone so damaged and stained that I can't be loved, I refuse to believe that anything bad I've done makes me forever tainted and unchangeable. I know my goodness inside, and even if other people refuse to can't see it it doesn't mean I can't.

[itsalwaysdark]

i do need 2 work on rewiring my brain so that my immediate very first thought whenever i dont do a small task (like brushing ny teeth taking a shower picking up my room etc) isnt 'We Should Kill Connor ." this would be pretty good for me to do. putting this on the list

[thetenamongstthesethrees]

TW: REFERENCE TO SH AND RELAPSE OF SH AND SUICIDE ATTEMPT

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Ok so ik ive been inactive for a *WHILE* and im srry for that but like i have a buncha things that happened these past 3 months that I NEED To share SOOOO....

First things first, the one im most excited abt: I DID MY FIRST PERFORMANCE!!! My school was doing little mermaid jr and I got Scuttle! I was really happy to get my first role and getting at least one solo, and Im just happy overall on how it went! I think I did really good on my first try! Only bad thing was that now im kinda going through my lil mermaid hyperfixation and have been looking up fics where Sebastian and Ariel kinda have a Father/Parental Figure-Daughter or Older Brother-Younger (stupid but ultimately well meaning) Sister dynamic and have started to write a fic on that bc no ones done it before apparently😒(im going cray cray, bonkers mayhaps)

Might've gotten my eye infected(I live in the east of the us, new york to be more specific and woke up the day after the "live vintage (BLAME CANADA/j) filter" with my right eyes nerves slightly more irritated and haven't gotten that checked out so thats fun)

FINALLY finished that one drawing ive been making for 3 MONTHS.(well, technically....)

Almost done writing my passion project, AKA the one I originally wanted to make into an animated series but have settled for a book just in case that can't happen! I still need to work out some kinks, design more outfits, get all their personalities in check, make sure the world and magic is fully fleshed out, ect.

I also do band, and while I originally thought that I would have a problem bc of both band and theatres close scheduling(i originally had dress rehearsal on june 2nd, AND my band concert on June 2nd) but it all worked out in the end! My band concert went great, and while the dress rehearsal was a mess, we at least got through it! :)

Unintentionally quit SH! I was originally only meant to stop until AFTER performances, but ive been bettering myself and learned that if I ever want to forgive myself or at least move on I gotta stop feeling sorry for myself and not forget nor forgive, but remember, i just can't let it haunt me. I know I'll relapse, I always do eventually, but I want to enjoy these few moments of mental "clarity" while I can. I've also learned that for some reason i tend to become a more terrible person and despicable person the more time I spend at home with my mother, so that's fun. God, I hate America's education system, its messed me up BAD. AND the foster care system. I just tried to kms 2 times today, and she didn't even notice, or care. How sad is that?

On a lighter note, yes, as the rest of yt and TikTok, I got a minor lil hyperfixation on the Lorax and really think ppl should make more [PLATONIC] Lorax and Onceler dynamics, mainly the type where they're like some really annoying pair of bickering siblings or a father whos sick of his adopted child's shit, like there is so much on the table for platonic fluff and angst and most of what I've seen is romantic smut and fluff like CHANGE IT UP A LIL

Also, Ive been going to karaoke centers on Tuesdays and have become a lot more confident to performing in front of ppl! So far, I've performed "All You Wanna Do", "The Ballad of Jane Doe", "Heart of Stone", and am gonna do "What the World Needs" the next upcoming Tuesday, where I'm gonna try interacting with the audience while singing!!

(Also, before I end this....I may have ADHD??? my teacher who has ADHD says some of my behavior is "similar to hers"(i feel like thats just her way of saying i reek of neurodivergency) and I also did some research and I display similar/exact behaviors listed, have taken online tests from doctorate confirmed sites and basically all of them said to go get a diagnosis. I also found I do a few behaviors similar to stimming! Also also, I kinda suspect a lil more bc my mom has Autism and apparently sometimes neurodivergency is biological (i forgor the word) but my mom is kinda in denial abt my Depression diagnosis and thinks I got anxiety "biologically", so if I tell her I wanna get tested for ADHD shes just kinda gonna gaslight me into not believing that and i already told the school therapist and basically she just told me that I'm probably just imagining things or copying behaviors from my mother and that "kids like to give themselves all these titles nowadays" so I just did what I always do which is to keep it shut and act until they think you fell in line)

So yeah, thats all! Thanks for reading, now that my schedule is clear again ima start posting more frequently again, so be aware :) <3333

[zhuhongs]

i'm thinking of moving to taiwan after college, how has it been treating you? a lot of people i know who did move to taiwan only talk about how hard the language is (even if they're taiwanese 🥲) but i wanna now how like, your everyday life is!

oooo, that sounds so exciting, wherever you end up i hope you enjoy it! But yea, so I live just outside of Taipei in New Taipei but New Taipei is actually huge and there are many parts of New taipei that are like super far from Taipei proper and are pretty hard to live in without a having a scooter or car. I'm assuming you've been to taiwan before if you think you want to move there but ya never know! I tbh knew very little abt taiwan before coming here but yea. Just giving you an idea of where I live and that i can't speak for all of Taiwan, just my area thats just outside of taipei but still served by their metro system (which is honestly super dope, shout out to the MRT).

So like I overall love living here sm, I'd love to live here someday for work or smth and not just studying abroad. The transportation is amazing, the nature is. so lovely. Like tbh no matter where I am in the city I am no more than 10 km away from the river or the mountains and everything is so green and nice. However in order to be so green all the time, taipei is very rainy and very humid. Legit my hair was such a nightmare when i got here, if you are from a dry climate, you will notice so many changes. Like my skin is rlly nice bc of the moisture, but my hair was unmanageable so i chopped it off. But I also have was less allergies now. If youre originally from a humid climate it should be nbd.

My daily life is honestly pretty easy. I live in a dorm so I didn't have to deal with things like speaking to a landlord or finding someone who would rent to me, or having to deal with utility bills, or dealing with the semi confusing garbage disposal system. But, I do know ppl that did have to do these things and speak way less chinese than I do and were just fine. Honestly, ppl say that you can live in the Taipei area without speaking chinese and be just fine bc most ppl speak english. Tbh idk how anyone does that, I rarely speak to anyone in english here but I think thats bc I always try speaking chinese first. Most people can speak a decent amount but unless you speak to them in english first theyll speak in chinese. I feel like most things you can learn just by living your daily life and learning high frequency words and when all else fails use google translate. But honestly, my life is very easy and pleasant. If I'm hungry I can easily go to a food stall or grocery store or convenience store near where I live. If I really don't want to leave the house, I can order food with a reasonable delivery fee (well reasonable to me, ik food prices are going up here).

Personally, I find that making friends here is pretty hard, but I'm not a very social person and find it hard to start conversations with ppl idk, and most taiwanese people don't talk to you if you don't talk to them, so this might be hard. But I feel like everyone is very friendly for the most part its just kinda finding the chances to make friends is rare if you aren't working or going to classes or know someone here already.

But overall yea no taiwan is a great place to live, there's a lot of things I'm gonna miss abt taiwan when i go home but somethings in my home country are hard to find here. Some of the traditional taiwanese food isn't bad, but not like my cup of tea, but you can find a lot here. It's just that most like foreign cuisine is more expensive or geared towards the locals so its not very authentic. I def miss hispanic food and some foods are hard to recreate here bc of lack of ingredients but taiwanese food is also very nice. Some dishes may look boring but are actually very good. I hope you like living in taiwan if you end up living here!

[auboobee]

throwback 2 when I was going to a college therapist and I told her about my concerns with my obsession with squishmallows because I will hyperfixate on them in an unhealthy way and it will literally distract me from my life and I cannot help it even when I want to but instead of taking this as a sign of potential neurodivergence (which I mentioned in order to steer the convo toward my concerns w/ potential autism) she just validated my obsession and brought up how it might relate to childhood trauma,, maybe she not wrong but queen I lit rally cannot stop myself from obsessing over stuffed animals I need 2 learn how 2 avoid these thought processes ;-;

[on-a-lucky-tide]

Hello! I saw that the writer of the nightmare of the wolf is answering questions about film. Apparently this movie “influenced a lot the way he wrote ep.2 and Vesemir there” and when asked about why KM was destroyed by mages and monsters he said smth about Triss saying that sacking was more then humans? I didn’t quite understand what he meant... and about pogroms, I have screenshots.

What do you think about this? Bc I personally think mmmm not very positive. They could do better about the message and meaning behind the pogroms! It’s like they didn’t care about the original at all, just saying things about book canon so ppl would be satisfied “see we read the books!” Ugh

Sorry for this negative ask, I hope late I will send you something more pleasant, maybe hc if you don’t mind!

TLDR: The word pogrom means something and the writer and producer clearly forgot about it; they think they told a certain story but their narrative told a very different one.

I...

Wow. I don't think there's any analysis I can add that doesn't speak for itself?

The last part about it "being clear most of the Witchers didn't know". Well, it was clear Vesemir (and Luka before they cut his head off) didn't know, but others? There was no real time given to explore that at all. Are we to believe that one (1) Witcher was doing this with the mages? There's a reason that the mages in the Season of Storms hid at Rissberg to conduct their experiments... and they were couched as evil/irredeemable for doing so.

This is a case of: the writer thought he was giving one message, but *everything else* said something different. We still have this issue that the writer and producer took a tale of persecution and prejudice - a pogrom - and transformed it into something else. Also, I hate that DeMayo cites history to support his corruption of this part of the story. Let's look at the origin of the word "pogrom".

Pogrom is a Russian word meaning “to wreak havoc, to demolish violently.” Historically, the term refers to violent attacks by local non-Jewish populations on Jews in the Russian Empire and in other countries. The first such incident to be labelled a pogrom is believed to be anti-Jewish rioting in Odessa in 1821. As a descriptive term, “pogrom” came into common usage with extensive anti-Jewish riots that swept the southern and western provinces of the Russian Empire in 1881–1884, following the assassination of Tsar Alexander II. The perpetrators of pogroms organized locally, sometimes with government and police encouragement.

(Source: United States Holocaust Memorial Museum).

In the books, the word "pogrom" puts emphasis on the persecution of innocent people. Let's look at this brief discussion of the pogrom-planning from Blood of Elves.

If Kaer Morhen was intended to be framed differently, it would not have been called a pogrom. It would have been called a battle (or a massacre, maybe, but this word has obviously similar connotations). The word "pogrom" has a history and a weight behind it that you cannot ignore unless you want to erase its context. Language and the origins of these words matter. Sapkowski's use of it in both these situations matters.

The fall of Kaer Morhen, of all the witcher schools, was part of a wider genocide and should have been told in that context. The witchers were so good at their jobs that they were no longer needed and this enough of a reason for authorities to begin stoking the latent prejudices of the masses, for propaganda to take root. It didn't actually need a conspiracy.

Let me use an American example of genocide. The Sandcreek Massacre (1864) and the Wounded Knee Massacre (1890) were called "battles" by the US Army, but massacres by everyone else. Why do we think that is? Could it be because the word "massacre" has certain connotations the army wanted to avoid? Words have meaning. Context has meaning.

The themes in the witcher have meaning. By smashing the narrative of corrupt, rogue mages from the Season of Storms with a period/group of people in the Continent's history that saw waves of pogroms and ethnic cleansing (let's not forget that the Great Cleansing is about to happen in 1087), you are giving a very different message about the witchers than you think you are, writers. These are two very different tales with two very different messages.

The Witcher was always meant to be about subversion of tropes. Its identity is rooted in some fairly simple lessons: hate leads to violence, empire is evil, etc. These aren't hard to grasp, so how the hell have they missed it here? I know Netflix is different. It's an adaptation. But if you're going to adapt something, for fucks' sake, keep its core values intact.

Apparently, there was analysis I could add after all. I'll add a TLDR.

[vahanians]

answer all in detail I dare you this is for reminding me of dmmd

you’re never gonna let me live that down are u smh

EE here we goooooo

1: LOL no but i do think you’re a freak if you outright hate cats. theyre not doing anything to you they’re just chilling and you dont know how to read their body language. i get not liking dogs bc they can be scary but people who hate cats are always like “cats killed my parents and burned my house down so i think they should all be put down” like shut up freak

2: i think skin care is a scam tbh all u need is sunscreen if you’re gonna spend time in the sun but other than that just use normal water and soap ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i havent ever had issues with my skin w this method especially since i stopped wearing makeup. u dont need a 10 step routine with creams and serums you’re just spending money you could use elsewhere

3: i cringe everytime this is brought up. i think a lot of claims have roots in misogyny but i dont think its an actual axis of oppression and im tired of hearing about it

4: i dislike political lesbianism on an intimate level. there’s nothing wrong with wanting to center women in your life but you cant choose to be a lesbian. sexual orientation doesnt work that way. and a lot of political lesbians/lesbian feminists are just plain old homophobes who are disgusted by actual lesbians

5: love it wish i could live my life completely separate from men!! i think women should center women in their lives/surround themselves with other women. whether its only having female healthcare providers, having female educators, coworkers, friends etc; i think its incredibly important and more women should be less afraid of it

6: as a so-called gold star i dont understand the hate tbh if anything there should be more support for lesbians so they dont need to ~explore~ with men or force themselves to be with men. in a perfect world all lesbians would be gold stars because we would feel safe and comfortable in our sexualities from the get go

7: i think centering your feminism on your sexuality is a little silly. we have different experiences but we should be focused on liberation for ALL women. i think we have different priorities and i know hetfems can be extremely homophobic which is a huge problem. but like we’re all women so

8: personally? i get it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ not only should women be able to access abortions for any reason, i completely understand not wanting to bring another male into this world. could u imagine having a male baby who grows up to be a pornsick patriarchal piece of shit? id kms

9: while i get the desire to ~go back to nature~ i think its kind of bullshit. we have science and medicine for a reason so get your flu shot and quit expecting elderberry syrup to be a miracle drug. ntm a solid majority of health supplements and herbal remedies are NOT fda approved so they’re full of toxic shit and like sawdust its not as healthy as you think it is. also preservatives good i like my junkfood tyvm

10: pastel blogs no but age regression? yeah tbh i dont understand wanting to treat yourself/be treated as a literal child when you’re a grown adult. its very icky to me and i do think that a good majority of it is fetishization of children/childhood its gross. you can like cute stuff and kid stuff without being a weirdo freak about it

11: bad i think all polyamory ppl are just looking for “ethical” ways to cheat on their partners with no repercussions. if you arent satisfied in your relationship you need to take a look at yourself and not go “oh ig i just need to fuck more people then”. polygamy is bad and used (esp in fundamentalist sects) to dominate women and keep them subservient to men all polygamists die challenge

12: i think veganism is an extremely restrictive diet and treating it as the be-all end-alll of moral superiority is just insane. humans are omnivores and beyond that, a lot of the vegan staples come from unsustainable and exploitative farming practices that put real workers at risk. also i think a lot of vegans are straight up annoying like shut up people like meat. we should be focusing on sustainable and humane farming practices not eradicating meat from our diets entirely.

13: ohhh i hate this question but??? i think gay men. from my experience straight women are so disgusted by the idea of lesbians and our attraction to women whereas gay men can understand where we’re coming from bc they face the same kind of attitude from men- we’re degenerates who are perverted and disgusting for being same sex attracted according to straight people

14: im not straight so its weird to answer this but tbh? i think its a good idea. protect yourselves from men who will hurt you and abuse you during the most intimate moments of your life, and protect yourself from stds and the dangers of pregnancy at the same time. tbh if all women went on a sex strike i think men would straight up die and thats a good thing

15: NOOOOO i hate this lmfao femmes are lesbians and even if they wear makeup/perform femininity it doesnt change that. tbh i dont get it and think all women should break free of the prison of femininity but that doesnt make them not lesbians

16: i think its fun! we need more magic in the world tbh and if that means you believe in astrology or crystals then good for u. if im being honest i have tarot decks that i use and its a good way to see your questions/issues in a different light. plus its fun. dont we all wish magic was real in some way? its when it trumps your respect/belief in actual science that it becomes a problem. ur crystals wont cure your mental illness but they can make u feel better wrt the power u place on them

17: eesh…..i want to say yes, but i also always want to point to rachel held evans and female pastors etc and go see!! women are taking back power in religion!!! its just so difficult because for a majority of history religion HAS been used to oppress women. i think if you’re a woman who is interested in religion you need to find women who share your beliefs & standards and find your community with them and not the church as a whole. re: a biblical perspective a lot of the stories do involve women in a way that isnt as shockingly misogynistic. there are stories of women among jesus’ disciples, stories of women rising up against their abusers & against corrupt men in positions of power etc i think its important to remember that the bible is first and foremost a document with its own historical context, one that comes from when women were little more than property and that its authors themselves were from that time as well

18: i guess? in the way that people can be shitty about bisexuals. but its not an axis of oppression in the same way homophobia/misogyny is. no one is banning bisexual marriage theyre banning homosexual marriage.

19: okay ): all jokes aside it might be immature but it can be extremely funny. i am not immune to 12 year old sense of humor

20: as an adult i feel weird about it like if youre a young teen im not gonna follow you/interact with you and i think we should all be more considerate of that. but if theyre being racist/homophobic/misogynistic being a minor isnt gonna save them from being told what theyre doing is shitty. we also need to be aware that kids learn from the adults around them so we have a responsibility to be good role models regardless of what we may think about it. there’s always going to be moments where we interact with minors so we need to make sure we’re instilling in them good values and confidence within themselves, ESPECIALLY young girls

21: bad. being a gay man doesnt make you not a man and means you still need to do the work when it comes to misogyny. you arent a women and shouldnt treat womanhood as a costume or a fun little jokey joke you can use on a whim.

22: why do they look like that. why are they so often so misogynistic (using derogatory terms for women, calling each other fishy etc). its never as respectful as drag kings are, it seems like theyre using ramped up and obnoxious performances of femininity to hate and mock women

23: if normal healthy sex isnt enough for you youre a freak who needs therapy tbh especially if your kinks are violent and degrading its just not healthy and im afraid you’re going to use it as an excuse to hurt and violate women. plus the idea that anything can be a kink is just microlabeling to an extreme. wanting to be praised during sex isnt a kink its normal. being attracted to hands isnt a kink theyre just nice looking and you appreciate the human body etc

24: i dont condone the usage of slurs in any context

25: what the fuck is this LMFAO??? OH WAIT is this like…the discourse around dating bi women bc some people think theyve been ~tainted~ from their experiences with men?? thats just bad and misogynistic lmfao

26: i think it can be dangerous for women (stds the risk of pregnancy how men use it as a tool to hurt and force women into submission) but i dont think its inherently degrading like blowjobs are

27: NO LMFAO THEYRE GAY i hate this way of thinking butch/femme is a huge part of lesbian culture and its irritating for it to be discounted. imitating heterosexuality would be like. sucking on strap (ew) and etc not simply just being butch/femme

28: um. i dont see the need just leave them alone. your pubes are there to protect your vulva theres no need to put product in them in fact it defeats the purpose. quit putting unnecessary products near your vulva people wtf

29: i dont think it exists lol i think there are people with little interest in sex people who have low libidos for one reason or another etc but especially from reading about how asexies describe wanting sex/seeing other people its just a product of extreme compartmentalization of sexuality. plus the idea that everyone who isnt asexual just wants to bone everyone they see is so ridiculous its laughable. in my personal experience i called myself ace as a young teen bc i didnt relate to conventional descriptions of attraction bc um i was just gay and we all experience attraction differently

30: not the ones who arent white i mean i have a horrible uscentric worldview that comes from being raised in the us so…but i think if you’re white you’re white but there are europeans of all heritages and races just like theres us americans of all heritages and races. but like youre not not white just bc ur italian yk?

[kittyky]

ok so this is my venting post so u can scroll if u want to lol. i'll probably remove and add stuff here so um yes.

I want to be skinny but i don't want to hear someone tell me like "oh ur so skinny i'm not gonna eat today" and stuff like that

I want to die but i'm too scared to kms

i'm pretty sure a lot of my friends actually dislike me but they're too scared to tell me that.

i'm pretty toxic torwards ppl i don't like bc i want ppl to be scared of me. it's like a defence thing but sometimes i just want to not be mean to ppl but idk how to stop.

i get so mad at ppl for no reason and it's so hard to keep it in. it's just like "omfg ur so annoying stfu i'll kill u" and then in a few minutes it's like "hey ur so cool thank u for being my friend"

i've broken up w every single bf i've had bc of my mental health so maybe i'm just playing w their feelings.

i really want to live a double life but idk how. like be really smart and shy and then be someone's maid or something. i'm not romanticizing maids i just want to take care of someone and make them happy but also follow strict rules and overwork.

i think i like my bff but he's gay and probably doesn't like me. also i don't want to think abt love and stuff bc i just recently broke up w my bf and i really need a break.

I want to be happy but i would rather be sad and numb than happy.

[kookmin1913]

On my recent post about truluvkm, there’s this non shipper that’s lowkey accusing me of being a hypocrite bc of my posts about tk being toxic and thinks bc ima kmer, ima hypocrite/ wannabe preacher. If this person thinks all ships aren’t real, that’s fine, but like, if you’re tryna accuse me of being biased, you’re wrong. I’m not tryna be anything, I’m pointing out the true nature of this fan base as a whole, I don’t just call out tkers, i call out everyone+

Part 2 - The reason why i do this is bc i see a lot of ppl complain about “why is the media stereotyping us as crazy fan girls, we do nothing wrong uwu,” WELL JEEZ I FRIKIN WONDER?!!! Srry, i just wanna to frikin rant about this, i get in my rants, I’m hella blunt and i do get intense at times bc i get angry at these types of ppl but it just gets irritating wen ppl think this about me, bc i feel like they’re one of those fans, idk this is frustrating at times

@potato-an0n I totally get it. I saw your post regarding truluvkookmin and all you did was call out the bullying of the account, which wasn’t needed, but you also don’t play favorites just because you ship KM. I’ve definitely seen you call out the hypocrisy of some Jikook posts as well.

I know it’s frustrating, but don’t stop doing you is all I can say. I’ve been accused of the same things, so I’ve come to the conclusion that no matter what I say, people will think what they want to think, and I’m going to continue to respond and post the way I want. If it’s too blunt for them, oh well.

[the-powerhouse-of-the-cell]

venting on main // ed tw

i tend to think in circles and act like the world is ending, like my brain is trapped in a cycle.

ex: omg having an ed is literally so miserable im going to die for a weight that i know will never make me happy --> omg lolz i should impulse binge --> i hate my body so much god why can’t i just be skinny it’s all i want omg --> i don’t deserve to eat why am i like this i’m the worst person in the entire world everyone is so sick of me i should just kms --> i’m never eating again *fasts for like 3 days and acts like it’s the end of the world* and then repeat back to the starting line

but now im at every stage in the cycle at once

i had a few safe foods that i could always count on, but now i’m genuinely afraid of them, like the thought of eating them makes me really anxious and now the only things i can feel ok with are egg whites, leafy greens and cucumbers

my brain literally convinced itself to be afraid of fat free yogurt/fat free stringcheese/egg yolks/literally the thinnest most reduced calorie bread i’ve ever seen

and i was like genuinely afraid of eating in general and going like ‘omg im such a burden etc.’ and also at the same time i don’t have an ed nope nope nope im faking for attention

and i couldn’t talk to anyone about it

and that sucks.

like, i see a lotta media where when characters reveal they sh/have an ed they get loads a sympathy and stuff, but i don’t

it’s my fault anyways, i drive people away by being to open to them and the minute they comment on it i snap shut like a venus fly trap and never talk to them about how i feel and just constantly drain myself listening to their bs drama acting like im not about to pass out

and idk, it kind of sucks to see other ppl (even fictional) getting help, bc i know for a fact that even if i wanted to get better, i’d sabotage myself in front of a therapist because of how afraid i am of going to the hospital

i can feel myself getting worse every day and i’m really scared, and for some reason yesterday i forced myself to eat and even though i had a pretty little amount of calories i still feel guilty because i didn’t exercise and i could’ve just kept fasting

i’ve just got a lot on my mind and idk

this isn’t me begging for someone to talk to, i don’t have much to talk about 

[greengay]

tbd and like. not to Be Like This, but there’s literally no reason not to kms skdjfksjdhksjdhfs like. even the silly thing that distracts me from Real Life is not sustainable and that makes me want to cry lol jdfhskjhfksjdhfks bc it’s Dependent on Other People and non self-reliant skjfhskjdhfsk and again Not To Be Like This but i’m always on the edge of doing that and i literally Have The Means, if i needed to sdkjfhksdsfkjhs but i’m literally afraid my parents would, like, take each other out in a murder-suicide type deal sdkjfhksjhksfka and not to be put on some sort of list but my dad has Anger Issues and i think he’s one trauma away from sh**ting *p h*s j*b or smth and like. that would do it!!! that would push him over the edge!!! and my mom could maybe survive, but what would be the point!!! she has no one!!! and then like. skdjfhskdjfhsk listen a lot of ppl in my already small family have died within the past 5 years so there would be No Coming Back from this, and my uncle has cancer and he’s gonna die soon, so!!!! i literally have no escape LMAO! and dkfhskjhksdjfhsk i literally wish i didn’t find the one thing that made me feel better bc it’s worse knowing it’s there but will never be accessible again pretty much, than not even knowing it existed kjfhdskjdhskjfhsk 

like ksdjfhksjdhfs the Brightside is at least i know no friends would be greatly concerned, because thats just How It Be, and at least i’m alone romantically, so i dont have to worry abt guilt from a SO but. the family aspect dkfhskdfjhskdfs. that’s why i’m afraid of anything happening to my parents bc they are literally The Only Reason i have not kms skdjfhkshdfks and i’m only saying that now bc i don’t live with them sdkfjhskdhjsk like when i lived with my mother it would literally be a WWE match and we would slam each other against door ways and 

side note, as i’m typing this i can hear my roommate getting fucked and kadhkjashkajh at least when i’m getting fucked in my room i have the courtesy not to moan or make sounds, just saying ksdjfhkjshdfksjdhfs ALSO my back wall is connected to an alley way and her back wall is connected to MY CLOSET, SO I HEAR EVERYTHING

she would call me a c*nt and tell me i’ll never succeed and i’m just a cog in the machine and how i’m fat, etc. but skhdfksjd when we’re not living together it’s fine tbh sdkjfksdhk and i don’t want anything to happen to her and like. if something did. idk 

but like. i kno some ppl would be sad by the Abstract Concept of someone young killing themselves, but it wouldn’t be for Me Personally so like. there’s nothing holding me back on that front. 

i’m just sad and my healthiest coping mechanism has been taken away from me, and wasn’t sustainable and i have No Other Coping Mechanisms and my parents have stopped emotionally supporting me bc i don’t like with them any more and i only see my therapist once a week for 50 mins and that’s not enough 

AND I STILL HEAR MY ROOMMATE BEING FUCKED, SHE’S FUCKING IN OUR KITCHEN AGAINST OUR TRASH CAN 

and i just miss having someone, anyone to talk to sdhfkjshdfkshdfks that Gets Me :( 

[kadywicker]

spoilery pros/cons list under the cut!

cons first

my biggest issue w/this movie was finn and poes plots. while they do get abt the same amount of screentime as rey smth just feels... very empty. poes plot is esp ooc and finns just... idk how to describe it other than empty? it left a lot to be desired 

the humor was weird??? like? sw is humorous yes but... it was very different. not in a good way. like yeah i snorted with the whole “i’m holding for hux” thing from poe bc i hate hux and that was a big mood but it felt very off for the film/universe. as did luke throwing the lightsaber. and some other moments i dont rlly remember

kylo ren shirtless scene was literally awful and as a lesbian i wanted to kms

holdo was??? so fuckin pointless oh my fuck literally every time she was on screen i just literally did not care

yoda being there what the fuc gk

kylo being a fucking dumbass and not wondering how luke got a lightsaber when he literally just broke the thing in half but ig it’s p in character for kylo ren to not think for once in his life

the times that finn/poe were put in harmful situations played for laughs. like.... yes, the same happened to rey too but it has much different vibes when its moc being targeted. intentional or not it was a bad call and just made me incredibly uncomfortable

paige dying :(

pros !

shockingly bc i think im the first person to say this, luke’s characterization. the main complaints have been: a) regretted not killing vader b) considered/tried to kill kylo c) too cynical. now as someone whos a certified Luke Stan im gonna debunk these bc every one of those is down to misinterpretation or misquoting of scenes. a) he never said he regretted saving his father. in fact, he still has his kyber crystal from his saber hanging on a necklace in his hut. the conversation went like this. “the jedi have done awful things etc etc they created vader” “and you saved him” luke is not the one listing saving him as a mistake of the jedi. it’s rey countering that luke saving him was smth good the jedi did. and luke DOESN’T disagree. his only argument is that he regrets that it made him a “legend” which in turn lead to him being blinded to how dark kylo had gotten. which is honestly perfectly in character for luke. only he would feel bad for smth like that and beat himself up over it bc as usual hes a sunshine boy b) also didnt happen. when we see the scene from kylos pov, he mistells rey the story to make it seem like luke was some evil vengeful master. nope. he literally ignited his lightsaber for like 2 seconds bc he saw how many ppl kylo was going to kill before he realized what he was doing and went to turn off his saber but kylo had already seen. it’s also made clear later that while hes sorry abt what happened (which, cmon, this is luke. him feeling bad abt shit isnt an indication that its villainized. he apologized to an alien that didnt like him in anh) that he knows he was right and that kylo doesnt have good in him anymore. kylo was still the one who destroyed the order. rey was never mad at luke for trying to kill kylo simply for the sake that she felt “bad” for kylo. she was pissed that, from the distorted version kylo showed her, it seemed as if he’d “created” kylo who’d killed so many ppl.  c) okay yes hes cynical. but he doesnt stay that way. look. what have we seen from luke in the ot? we’ve seen him feel guilty over goddamn everything always and try and be a self sacrificing dumbass every second bc of that (i mean this in a very fond way i love my son). so when he blames himself for this shit, he tries to hide himself away so he doesnt fuck things up. we cant forget that while luke was a softhearted, emotional hero, he also had a lot of moments where he was cynical or annoyed (all of anh, dagobah, points in rotj). still, he overcomes that and realizes that he CAN still help and that the jedi are still needed. he talks about hope and is his same sweet self to leia and everyone else in the resistance. he also does have his sweet moments with rey.

moving on tho. holy shit the blatant parallels they drew with luke & leia and rey & kylo more than ever convinced me that they’re either siblings or cousins. him leading her into an answer of her parents being nobodies when shes already told him thats her biggest fear definitely isnt a concrete answer. like. they literally create the same scenes between rey & kylo and luke & leia. the weird ass hand scene thats been floating around also happens between luke and leia via the force. luke and leia communicate via the force more than once in the same way rey and kylo do. rey leaves in nearly the exact same manner to go to kylo as luke did when leaving dagobah to save leia. rey and leia also feel luke die via the force and they both see him in the same way rey & kylo and luke & leia have been seeing each other. if this were just a bond by snoke, that bond wouldnt exist between rey & luke & leia as well. i’m just saying y’all. luke was told his entire life growing up that his parents were nobodies and it’s stated outright in anh and yet look @ where we are now lads

rose was such a sweetie?? i didn’t love her introduction for reasons i’m sure youve all read by now but the rest of the movie she was a rlly good character and that hope sw is always about.

finn is called a hero who knows right from wrong and fights for whats right. finn is also given so many hero moments in the movie that got everyone in the theater cheering. he kills phasma. also, although dj does try and sell the whole “the rebels are just as bad as the first order” bullshit, finn calls him on it and fully proves just how bullshit that is. it’s definitely not the message of the movie.

finn and reys reunion oh gm yg od. that was so SWEET. she buried her face in his neck and he nuzzled her hair and they were both smiling and clinging to each other it was real blessed. rey also keeps asking abt finn and finn keeps asking abt her and honestly i feel god in this chilis tonight

the only good thing kyle did in this movie was force throw hux against a wall and knock him out bc hes annoying and i might hate kyle but god what a big goddamn mood

kylos irredeemable and stated to be so by the end and u kno what? thank fucking god

yes luke dying sucked and as a luke stan im gonna live in denial forever but if theres any way luke skywalker would go out itd be sacrificing himself for everyone he loves so 

[nekurooma-blog]

8,9,17,20!

 what is each of your muses otps? notps?

   i already answered that question on another ask but since that one was so big no one´s gonna bother to read through i´ll just copy and paste it into the readmore at the bottom !!!!! 

   why were you drawn to each one of your characters?

again, just copy and pasted from an already answered ask bC I´M LAZY !!!! 

mhm well it´s basically the same reason why i love acting so much ? bare with me here omg but for me, writing a muse and acting are basically one and the same thing. i´ve spent the last few years acting in a improv group with other teens and we basically improved our entire play and created our own characters before we wrote all that stuff down for the public showing on stage;; writing a muse is essentially the same for me ;; with the only difference being that i do this a lot longer than a play that lasts 3 weeks. i get into a different headspace than mine and explore that character, think about what makes them tick and eventually act it out ;; just on screen instead of a stage. and i guess the reason why i´m so drawn to it is to kind of ;; escape being me for the time being ? frankly said i dont like myself most of the time but writing/acting lets me escape from that by slipping into a different skin and experience different thoughts, emotions and feelings that i, myself wouldn´t really feel.

 so the reason why i´m drawn to each one of my characters is that they´re all vastly and incredibly DIFFERENT from myself ;; they´re confident, have the drive to achieve their goals and the strength to achieve them ;; ofc they have their flaws like every other human being but that´s why writing them is even more fun bc COMPLEX CHARACTERS are great and exploring that is so much fun to me. this turned into a really weird self analysis which idk if i was ready for yet omg ;;

do your muses get along with each other?

i´d like to think that most of them would ? kuroo especially is a very easy person to get along with the usual type of muses that i have ;; he and shinsou would probably get along great considering they have a simliar taste of humor as well as sanada ;;; nanashi too considering he´s pretty lax 

the one that visibly would NOT get along with most of them is bakugou no doubt, though mukuro would rub a lot of people in the wrong way too ;; he can be a straight up creepy asshole so honestly i cant blame anyone who hates him. 

have you ever considered making a multimuse/is it easier having a multimuse?

  yES IT IS !!!! having this multimuse helped me out so much and took a lot of pressure away from me ? just having everyone neat and organized on one blog is really relaxing for me especially since i´m able to write whoever i want whenever i want !! so that´s definitely a huge help. the only two other rp blogs i have now are diafated & bararaqsa, the first one simply bc i feel more comfy with him having his own blog and the second ?? is to get me some fresh air whenever i feel unmotivated to write on here which is sadly the case atm 

what is each of your muses otps? notps?

kuroo / otps: kurodai, kuromiyu, oikuroo, bokuroo // kuroo / notps: kuroken, kurotsukki

sanada / otps: sanamiyu // sanada / notps: sanarai

shinsou / otps: shinoma ? monsou ? sinsou/monoma ;; other than that i didnt really think about any ships with him actually // shinsou / notps: ppl that ship shinsou with aizawa can stay 350 km away from me thanks

terushima / otps: terudai , sanateru // terushima / notps:again, didn´t really think much abt it

nanashi / otps: nanashi / peace and quiet // nanashi / notps: nanashi / his ptsd

oikawa / otps: oikuroo, iwaoi, ushioi // oikawa / notps: iwaOI

reigen / otps: ekurei ? i kinda dig it lEAVE ME ALONE // reigen / notps: reigen / any underage character // i´m scarred from his pixiv tag

mukuro / otps: i don´t really ? have any active shipping feels for him ? i could pair him up with p much anyone in the series & their dynamic would be interesting af bc he´s a fucking asshole, manipulative and also emotionally stunted but that´s it // mukuro / notps: shrug emoji

bakugou / otps: i only dig ships for bakugou when they´ve had the proper development that they NEED bc this kid as he is now is NOT suited for any relationship whatsoever like his partner desERVED BETTER ?? but ships that are really cute and could have potential for me are; kiribaku, todobaku, ochabaku// bakugou / notps: bakudeku just pls dont

kaito / otps: kaishin // kaito / notps: kaito / aoko

sendoku otps: sengoku/chiduru // sengoku / notps:              

[kindates]

okay im just gonna write this idk if anyone i want to see it will see it but i guess its a try bc i cant bring myself to contact anyone abt this

pls only ask abt this if we r close aaaaaaaaaaa

uh. so this last month has not been the bomb diggity. ive been extremely jealous of this one friend and i hate it bc i want to like her because all my other friends like her but i just feel so jealous whenever im around her and i hate it so much bc i know ill never be as interesting or cool or funny as her and ughhhh 

ive also isolated myself from a lot of things and i want to separate myself from all of my relationships and just. become a new person because if i have to be honest i hate who i am right now like . ive been hating whove ive become and it stresses me so much when ppl dont give me attention but i cant even ask for it so,

ive also been very bouncy with my emotions i can feel ecstatic in one moment for no reason and then want to kms in the next second for no reason and i hate it i hate it so much just let me be normal

i would be lying if i said i didnt contemplate death in the last month bc ngl its been really tough and school has been such a huge stress on me and everything is seeming to get on my nerves

things i used to like doing seem like a chore to do now the only thing i want to do is sleep forever and i cant do that so thats kinda a problem

another thing is that my ex has been on my mind nonstop lately and i think thats kinda whats been fueling my self hate

all this combined really sucks bc i start overanalyzing and being paranoid like. id be lying if i said i didnt feel ignored by those closest to me. its hard for me to be social anymore and my anxiety has skyrocketed and im just waiting for my fp datemates and my friends to leave me any moment

....theres a good chance im going to go to rehab or something after tomorrow. idk if itll mean ill stay longterm but i most likely wont have my phone and i wont be on here and   that just causes even more anxiety for me so when i tell everything to my therapist tomorrow im going to ask her to not put me in residential maybe outpatient 

idk this feels good to get off my chest i guess. now im probably gonna leave a few gc so i can get attention

[systemmalfucktion]

oc asks stuff i stole and didnt proof read

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?

ollie petrov, i chose the name ollie bc i liked it and pretrov is just one of the most common surnames in russia. the meaning isn’t important to his character at all 

2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?

nah

3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory? 

he had a decent childhood and grew up in a high income family but suffered the Neglect from daddy. his fondest memories are w childhood friends, bad memory would be Neglect from daddy and mommy and living in fear 

4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents? 

he loved his mama lots until she walked out on him, he didn’t understand why and he resented her A Lot, when he came to understand why she did it he thought she was a coward and resented her A Lot More. he never forgives her for it over the course of the entire story 

he cared for his dad maybe when he was younger but after his mom left he was basically sent off elsewhere. he made no efforts to talk to his dad over the phone or ask for visits bc he was completely content with not seeing him. after a bit he literally just hates his dad bc of Plot Related Issues, when they have their own fucked up version of Dad to Son talk later he word vomits every thing he hates about him and the dads like “ya i figured this would happen the moment u came outta mamas pussy. dammit”

5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults?

no sibs

6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?

he was really good in school and used it as an outlet to pour all his attention into bc he liked the satisfaction it gave him when he got good grades, he planned on going to college until Plot Related Issues derailed his life. he liked the English Language and didn’t care for like science n shit

7. Did they have lots of friends as a child? Did they keep any of their childhood friends into adulthood? 

when he was growing up he was just a friendly nice only kid so he liked to treat friends like his family so he was well liked, when he moved away he lost all contact with anyone there. friends he makes in russia when he first moves there are mostly also left behind, hes Big on leaving places thats 4 sure

8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals? 

no pets as a child, he likes animals and is a cat person but didnt see a reason to get a pet

9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals? 

animals are probably chill with him, i imagine any instance with animals is probably just a chill one

10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?

same w animals, hes just chill. kids probably would like him bc hes relaxed and not strict. he likes the idea of being traditional and starting a family but he truly doesn't see it happening for him given Plot 

11. Do they have any special diet requirements? Are they a vegetarian? Vegan? Have any allergies?

nope he eats whats put in front of him almost always

12. What is their favourite food? 

probs like a soup or something warm and filling

13. What is their least favourite food?

Get Those Damn Avocados Away  

14. Do they have any specific memories of food/a restaurant/meal?

when he went out to restaurants with his ma and pops as a child, or when way later his roommate Matt cooks for him when he was goin thru sum shit

15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?

he doesnt cook anything complicated at all, when shopping for himself its a lot of instant food bc hes cheap and doesnt care to put a lot of effort into his food. others either dont care or thinks its unhealthy

16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it? 

ive thought of this a lot and its mostly momentos, not that it matters bc every item he gets from someone is eventually left behind when he leaves russia as Symbolism. the collection serves almost no purpose bc of how often he Jumps Ship when it comes to relationships w other human beings but thats kinda the point

17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos?

hes fine with pictures like selfies w ppl or scenery until hes in america, where he is convinced any pictures he takes or pictures hes in will end up being the reason hes found out. but in russia he liked taking silly pictures of just stuff around him. its like on instagram u dont know what someone looks like until u looked at what they were tagged in kinda, crappy over filtered pics of stuff around him like trees or windows. 1 of those instagrams....

18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything else

he likes those shitty kind of john green novel types with the manic pixie dream with the wallflower type, indie music, documentaries or crime related, video games that are story driven rather than multiplayer. just ur average Introverted Bro

19. What’s their least favourite genres?

sci fi or anything BORING like that

20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?

doesnt care for musicals but likes music, he gets really focused when his favorite song comes on bc he wants to appreciate it if its on and hes not focused on it he will play it over again to Appreciate it.

21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?

he has a temper but hides it well but if u manage to get him to actually lose him temper he will glare at u until its his turn to speak and argue u 1 response  before he Fucks Right Off meaning if it doesnt end right there Boy’s Got A Grudge. it doesnt happen often bc hes not huge on confrontation, the reason why goes from social anxiety when he was 14 to PSTD when he was 16

22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?

i dont know about favorite insults but he manages to stay polite in the face of people, and bitches about them to sergei when he can 

23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?

good memory and with faces for sure 

24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?

he doesnt stay up very late all that often until he has a reason to (heists n whatnot) he sleeps on an old mattress twin sized, p soft 

25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?

hed probably have normie humor b4 he met the shitpost that is (i had 2 rename her bc i forgot her fuckin russian name kms but this is a name on doulingo a lot so i wont forget hopefully) vera, her humor is like my mains shitposts so hed find that stuff funny after a bit. he doesnt make many jokes 

26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions? 

hes good at hiding emotions but when hes happy abt something (thankful for ex) he’ll make it known to them, good times w friends he’ll basically mirror what they’re doing, happy when he’s by himself would be a jittery smiling Fool 

27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?

lots make him sad, his daddy issues, roommate issues, mental health n shit. he cries a few times and tries to be secretive about it, over time he’s not that ashamed to cry in front of sergei given that he’s seen him cry a couple times. when he’s sad he’s even more quiet and sulky. if u made him sad and said u were sorry he’d say he accepted the apology but like the mood wouldn’t lighten up at all. 

28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

1. big fear is probably getting hurt/attacked and being helpless (after the Great Stab), after that era he’s basically all up in self defense knowledge to prevent that turn out again. he’s scared of the ppl he deals to and eventually is scared of anyone he doesnt know well (in america, thats everyone outside of matty, joe, and austin) bc of the threat of getting caught by work peers who are looking 4 him. 

29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective? 

if he were to find out someones fear he wouldnt put it against them, if a situation came out where he could protect them from it he would try to do so casually. Nice Guy

30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?

he doesn’t exercise but if there were a case of him doing so pre would be a motivated Bro ready to get pumped and post would be tired dead man

31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?

he drank a bit in russia, hes the Underage Ollie. Underage Ollie is really clingy to sergei, the only guy he knows in the group of Bros around him, he tries to have a good time and laugh w everyone. hungover he’s sick and pitiful, boo hoo woe is me i feel like shit kinda way. when ollies around drunk sergei imagine this season of morty dealing with rick, like fed the fuck up but caring uknow? 

Not Underage Ollie is a lil more fun, he went 2 sum clubs w austin only a few times  ;) ;), hungover he was a less whiny version of Underage Ollie. he’s less caring when others are drunk around him bc its austin and austin drinks irresponsibly and is also is ex so SHRUG 

32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?

he dresses comfort over fashion and owns like 3 shirts basically. clothes shopping is not really a priority for him at all, but he does appreciate some aesthetics just not on himself.  he sleeps in his panties (undies) with a shirt, doesnt wear makeup. his hair is a mousy brown i guess? its not tamed at all hes got that anime boy protag gohan/luffy/ash hair  

33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?

boxer briefs 

34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?

hes a slight young twink man, and in his youth hes like 5′5 and it caps at like 5′10 maybe when he’s an adult. he’s ok w his body but everyones got insecurities 

35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure? 

guilty pleasure are the john green type shitty novels and the ungulity pleasure is idk! slime vids or something

36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?

he’s good at writing i guess (4 school, in english n russian), he likes 2 read, and he can sing but its like generic male voice singing. its just ok

37. Do they like to read? Are they a fast or slow reader? Do they like poetry? Fictional or non fiction?

he likes 2 read and he’s fast i guess, n like i said the genre he likes is that shitty poetic adorkable fictional stuff 

38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?

he likes when ppl are assertive, not really when assertive @ him, but when they can be assertive in general. he would love to be able to hold any power in any conversation he’s in between ages 0-18

39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging? 

emails and messages 

40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?

he can stay awake without any energy boosters for a while

41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?

he’s gay, he likes Boys. he likes nice friendly boys who basically carry out social interactions and are good at not letting things get awkward (this goes for austin and matt and even vera). he needs a lot of space, like an unhealthy amount of space, Like Mayhaps There’s Something Wrong amount of space. 

42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?

goals: get outta the bis! 

sacrifice: friend’s safety/livelihood!

secret ambition/guilty subconscious: get in bis and succeed 2 make papa proud! its a job handed to him that makes BANK and is basically a fallback if his goal doesnt work except he wont admit it to himself

43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?

no religion basically, he would probably not be an asshole about it but be kinda an asshole abt religion in private

44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most? 

he loves the winter bc he likes being bundled up, overcast sky, he’s good in the cold and he complains abt wet weather (rain and snow) 

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves? 

like he’s a troubled navie kid, and he’ll come around when it comes time for him to work. ollie doesnt know about the work he has to do when he’s older for a while, all he knows is that everyone is Preparing him for something. he knows he’s troubled but he doesnt think of himself as stubborn like other ppl do. 

46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?

no, most of the time he’s kinda awkward. it reflects him p good :(. he basically just goes “hey im ollie” and depending on who it is he’ll explain what he’s doing like “i have your coke” or “im austins friend. thanks for taking me in” 

47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? Do they enjoy fancy parties and love to chit chat or loathe the whole event?

he’ll act mannerly and polite like he usually does, he likes getting dressed up fancy and being in a fancy space. not one for chit chat but he’s not Hating it

48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend? 

he doesnt care for parties i guess, he turns up at them to supply the good stuff and he tries to act like it’s a job, except usually the person he deals with is like ??? y so serious bitch? he’s dragged along by sergei p often, he doesnt complain in front of others but throws fits with him before or after

49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?

Daddys Jacket. its just a winter coat that he wears a lot

50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials? 

accurate to what happsn in canon. his clothes, phone, chargers, wallet, and i think that would be it. hes pretty minimalist and doesnt want to be held down by stuff cus when he went to america he did so Swiftly.