#ALSO WHY DID I DO MY CITATIONS LIKE THIS???? NOT EVEN APA??? MLA????? NOTHING????

[purinsesukinny]

presenting the topic of my ap bio final paper: the curious case of one kenny mccormick

readable text and poorly done citations under the cut

"I can't die. I've experienced death countless times. Sometimes I see a bright light, sometimes I see heaven or hell. But eventually no matter what I wake up in my bed wearing my same old clothes. And the worst part? Nobody even remembers me dying. I go to school the next day and everyone's all "Oh hey, Kenny.". Even if they've seen me get decapitated with their own eyes. So you want to whine about curses, Hindsight? You're talking to the wrong f*cking cowboy." - Mysterion, s14e12 “Mysterion Rises”

Kenny McCormick, aka Mysterion, is a nine-year-old on the show, South Park, which has been running for 22 years as of 2019. One of the main gags of the show is having Kenny be victim to various gruesome and gory deaths before coming back to life in the next episode. However, up until season 4, it was never made clear exactly how he came back. During episode 6 of that season, titled “Cartman Joins NAMBLA,” it is revealed that his mother literally gives birth to a new Kenny following each of his deaths. (We then find out in season 14 that this is due to some secret cult ritual that the McCormicks had volunteered to be a part of before Kenny’s birth, but that’s beside the point.)

His abilities in being able to die and be reborn often cause him grief, as shown in the quote above, especially given that only a few people decide to acknowledge or show any remorse when he dies. Although Kenny is shown to be friendly with many of his peers, it seems that mostly only his family continues to be shocked and horrified with each of his deaths. (But this phenomenon isn’t something that we’re going to touch today.) Towards the latter half of the show’s history, Kenny decides to take on the mantle as Mysterion, a vigilante who roams the city of South Park at night, fighting criminals without fear. After all, it’s not like he’ll stay dead, right?

One of the biggest biological mysteries regarding Kenny’s rebirths is his ability to retain his memories, even within a brand-new body. It is often believed that one’s memories are contained within their RNA, and with brand-new RNA each time, it shouldn’t be possible that he would be able to have all of his memories back. However, with the idea of viable “memory transfers,” it is.

The memory transfer theory is that transferring RNA from one organism that has been “trained” to react in a certain way, to another organism (called the “naive” organism, where it hasn’t been “trained”) will cause the naive organism to have those learned reactions to certain stimuli. The idea is that, if we could figure out some way to inject RNA from Kenny’s dead body into his new body, then we could transfer the memories from his old body into his new one, as the memory transfer theory states. This is based off of McConnell’s experiment in March 1960, where they were able to successfully implant learned reactions from one planarian to a naive one. This was done by using the cannibalistic tendencies of a specific species of planarian, such that the naive planarians reacted to stimuli in the way that the trained planarians were conditioned to react.

Scientists have also begun to experiment with snails.

This implies that in order for Kenny to be able to retain his memories after being reborn, he would need to somehow consume brain matter (where RNA is made) from his former corpse -- something that would be pretty difficult for a newborn to do. As such, it is probable that his mother would have to consume Kenny’s brain for him, which comes with an entire other set of problems that have to do with the kuru disease (often likened to “mad cow” disease) due to the prions that she would be ingesting and putting into both herself and Kenny’s unborn self. However, the symptoms of kuru often don’t show up until later in life, sometimes even 50 years after contracting the disease. Carol McCormick is about 25 years old at this point in the show, making her about 75 years old by the time she would be overdue for showing symptoms, meaning she would live a long and fulfilling life.

However, another problem that comes out of constantly being reborn is that Carol will have to be able to become pregnant and give birth within a day, and often without in vitro fertilization. This would involve an increased rate of production of estrogen, progesterone, human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG), relaxin, and oxytocin, the hormones involved in preparing the body for pregnancy, such that she would be able to get pregnant and give birth, all in one evening. (Prolactin is not included as Kenny usually grows up too quickly for him to need breast milk.) Similarly, Kenny would also have to rapidly secrete enough human growth hormone (hGH), thyroid stimulating hormone (TSH), adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH), luteinizing hormone (LH), and follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) in order to reach his previous age. As he is currently 9 years old, it will definitely take a longer amount of time for him to produce enough of these hormones that he will be able to reach his current age. For both Carol and Kenny, there would need to be some stimuli of the release of the appropriate hormones for these reactions to occur.

Actual line from the show. Carol corrects her husband, saying that it’s the 52nd time.

Overall, Kenny is basically just a normal kid with unusually talented fighting skills who just happens to have really bad luck. He is reborn through sped-up version of the normal process, and retains the memories of his previous body by letting his mom eat his decaying brains, of which there probably won’t be side effects until later in both of their lives. However, what really made him a superhero was his desire to use his abilities to help the people of his town, turning something that he views as a bad thing into something more positive.

citations:

(tumblr wouldn’t let me actually paste the links 😐)

[geniuslab]

college writing advice

Hi, everyone. It’s nearing finals time for a lot of people and I thought I’d share some of the tips that my undergrad students find helpful, and also things that helped me when I was in school and writing essays. Don’t sue me if this doesn’t help, though. This is mostly for your typical research/argumentative/analytical essays.

read your assignment/essay prompt as soon as you get it

Even if your essay isn’t due for a month, take a look at the assignment. You don’t have to outline or do anything for it yet, but knowing what the requirements are will help you prepare. You can start looking for inspiration in class readings or lectures, and you might find yourself outlining it without even realizing it. At the very least, it can’t hurt to know what you’ll need to do, even if you’re not starting yet.

Plus, if something is confusing, you have time to ask your professor. Emailing your professor the night before your essay is due with a basic question doesn’t make you look good, and you might not get an answer back in time.

Sometimes professors give hints to what materials will be helpful for your essays (particularly analytical essays!), so if you already know the prompt then you can be on the lookout for these. I frequently starred my notes when I knew certain information would be helpful in an upcoming essay.

don’t wait until the last minute

It sounds pretty self-explanatory, but seriously. Don’t. Don’t wait until the night before your 15 page research paper is due to start actually doing research. Even if you know you write better under stress (like me) still plan out enough time to get it done. A 2,000 word essay written in less than 3 hours is going to be crap. A 2,000 word essay in 2 days is manageable.

okay, shit. you waited until the last minute

Ask your professor for an extension. Just don’t do it at 2am.

If you can’t get an extension, then get some caffeine and snacks and buckle up, kiddo. Submitting something is better than submitting nothing. Start with whatever part is easiest, and just run with it. Just don’t work yourself to the point of exhaustion.

talk to someone about your ideas

Whether it be with your professor, a tutor, or your best friend, don’t be afraid to talk through your ideas with someone. Sometimes brainstorming with someone for even 10 minutes is all you need to get the jumbled mess of ideas in your head into something concrete.

find a productive space to do your work (this counts for studying in general)

By this point in the semester you’ve probably figured out what environments are most helpful to you, so make sure that’s where you’re doing your work. Some people can only work in a quiet space like their room/library, while others need some background noise and find places like coffee shops most helpful.

If you like listening to something while working, there’s lots of different playlists you can listen to, like this one. If you listened to a specific playlist while studying, try listening to the same one while writing, since it can help bring previous knowledge back to the forefront. And there’s always the classic Rainy Mood.

create a rough outline

Whether you write one out or do it in your head, try planning something out. For example, if you’re writing a research paper on the benefits of therapy, start deciding what supporting points you’d like to talk about. I wouldn’t recommend waiting until halfway through your paper to figure out all of your points.

write, write, write

If you don’t like outlining then just start writing. Work through your ideas, and you’ll get somewhere eventually. You might have to scrap a lot of what you’ve written, but you’ll have something to go off of.

Once into the actual writing process, feel free to jump around with what sections you’re writing. If you get stuck on a certain paragraph, move onto the next one. If you can’t figure out how to write a hook for your intro, start on something that you do know how to do. If your third main point is the most interesting to you, try starting there. Getting some writing done is better than getting frustrated at line one and not getting anything done. Which brings me to my next point:

skip your introduction

For most undergrad papers, your intro is essentially just a summary of what your paper is going to be about. If you get stuck on intros often, just skip it and write it last, since by the end you’ll know exactly how to summarize your paper.

however, always know your thesis before writing anything substantial

Your thesis = main point/argument. You need to know this before you start filling in all of your support (this is assuming your paper requires a thesis...which it probably does). After all, what are you trying to support if you don’t even know what you’re arguing? Make sure that each paragraph ties back to the thesis. If it doesn’t, there’s probably an issue (background information or references to existing research won’t exactly support your thesis, but you’ll know if they fit within the context of your argument).

As far as wording your thesis, I wouldn’t worry about it too much. As long as you’re not planning on changing what your thesis is, you can worry about how to perfectly word it later.

use your library’s database

Provided that your school has a database (which is probably does), check it out. Pro-tip: If you’re crunched on time/not able to go to your library, make sure to check the “full text only” option to get articles that are 100% free and available to download right away. I did this for every paper.

Of course, there’s always google scholar if you’re still not finding what you’re looking for, but results can be limited or behind a paywall.

If you find an article excerpt that’s helpful but can’t access the rest of the article...you can probably still use it. But you didn’t hear that from me.

still stuck on research?

Wikipedia can help. But please, don’t use it as a source unless you want your professor to light your essay on fire. You can gain some background knowledge on your topic to help in the research process, and a lot of times wikipedia cites legitimate sources that you can check out and maybe even use for yourself.

Also, sources from .gov and .edu websites are pretty safe to use.

Don’t use someone’s blog as a source please please please (unless your paper is about blog culture or something. But we both know it’s not).

have a super long source?

You don’t have to read the entire thing. This is probably contradictory to what your professors always tell you, but really. Don’t spend hours reading a 100+ page article or book to only end up using one sentence from it. In my four years of college, I never once read an entire book just to use it as my source (however, I DID read the required books for class...don’t skip out on that). And if an article was more than, say, 25 pages, I skimmed it. You know how much reading you can handle and fit in. Find whatever paragraphs have the information that you need, and use it. As long as you’re not misinterpreting the information, it probably doesn’t really matter.

don’t just throw a quote in your paper

It might be tempting to do this to fill up space or fulfill the required amount of sources, but don’t do it. Make sure that whatever quote you’re using actually supports whatever you’re trying to say. A simple tip that you can use most of the time is thinking of it as a sandwich: introduce your source (ex. John Smith, Professor of Bullshitting at Blah University, states, ”QUOTE”), put in the quote, and then talk about the quote. Don’t just plop it in there with no explanation as to why it’s important.

This website can be helpful for incorporating sources.

confused by citations? use an online citation maker

When you’re stressed and under a time limit, it’s probably not the time to learn MLA. Pop those sources into a website like easybib or citationmachine. Don’t pay, though. There’s tons out there, so find one that works for free (easybib doesn’t do APA for free, but I believe citationmachine does). Just make sure that you’re filling out all necessary info. Sometimes the websites can’t find the author’s name or publication date, but you can. These websites serve as a good template, just don’t expect them to do all the work for you.

Also, if you’re using an online database, it might have already created the citation for you, so look for that.

If you’re not sure whether to use MLA, APA, etc. then check your assignment or syllabus. If it’s still not there then your prof did a shitty job email your professor. Typically, English papers will use MLA and science-related classes will use APA.

For help on in-text citations, I suggest googling “whatever type of source you’re using + purdueowl + in-text + citation type (mla, apa, etc.)”

Don’t worry about in-text citations as you’re writing. If my citation was any more complicated than (75-78) then I just put something like [INSERT CITATION] and did it last. But make sure you know exactly how to find the source again, otherwise you’ll have to take it out. Don’t depend on bookmarking a database article either, they never saved for me. Make sure you can find it again, and know exactly what part of the source you used.

don’t plagiarize (even by accident)

Knowing the difference between quoting, paraphrasing, and summarizing is imperative.

When in doubt, cite.

annotated bibliographies

They look scarier than they are. Your prof probably gave you guidelines for one if they’re expecting you to write one, but if not, this is a helpful guide. Rule of thumb: give background information of the source and author (why should the reader care about this source? is it legit? give them receipts), give a summary of the main points, and explain how you’re planning on using the source in your essay. You probably want to do this before you write your paper, but hey, who am I to judge?

transitions

I hate transitions and I hate explaining them. But this website has some great transition words if you’re tired of using “furthermore.”

worry about spelling/grammar last

Unless your professor is a real hardass on these things, they’re most likely the least important. Your grammar could be flawless, but if your organization is a mess then your whole paper has fallen apart. This is particularly important for ESL students. Have a friend read your paper, if this is an option available to you. As long as they understand what you’re trying to say, that’s the most important part. Work on bigger issues first (thesis, support, organization) and then worry about whether a comma needs to go there.

but you should definitely still proofread

Spellcheck can only go so far. Make sure you read over your paper before you submit it. Professors can tell when you haven’t even looked over your own paper, and they get pretty heated about it.

If you know you’ve read your paper countless times and are still missing things, try reading it backwards. Going backwards line by line makes you focus on the content of each sentence. This is only helpful for spelling, grammar, and syntax.

last but not least, give yourself breaks/incentives

Ideally, you’re not going to write your paper in less than 12 hours. I highly recommend planning as much time as possible to write your paper, and give yourself a DAY break between finishing your writing and proofreading it. That day gives you enough space to clear your head and look at it with a new perspective.

If you’re planning on banging out your whole paper in one sitting, still give yourself breaks. Have a delicious snack after each new paragraph, or watch a funny youtube video after each main point. Obviously, if you’re on a roll then don’t interrupt yourself. But if you’re struggling with each sentence, try to give yourself incentives to keep going.

That’s about all I can think of right now. I’m sorry if this wasn’t helpful or if you knew all of this already (look at me, assuming someone’s going to read this). This is mostly just beginner’s tips, but they might still help. Believe it or not, these are some of the biggest problems I see students run into, even at the end of the semester. If you picked up at least one thing from this, then I did what I sought out to do!

Have a question that I didn’t answer or explain fully? Feel free to send me an ask. I’ll answer pretty much anything. But I won’t proofread your paper.

Please let me know if any of the links aren’t working. You can always add stuff to this list as well!

Good luck!

[blakeohare]

How to Write a 20-Page Research Paper in Under a Day

This is another post that I brought over from one of my other sites that I’m re-purposing. I’d like to say that this post was primarily just meant to be funny and is NOT how you should actually write any sort of composition that requires ACTUAL research. But in theory, you could write a “research” paper this way. I know this because I did this for a paper for a city-planning course I took in college, but I’m not proud of it...okay, maybe a little proud. Seriously, under a day. 

So you've procrastinated again. Two months ago, when your professor assigned this to you, you told yourself you wouldn't wait till the end like this. But you procrastinated anyway. Shame on you. It's due in a few hours. What are you going to do?

In a sentence: write a long fiery rant and then cherry-pick sources. Yeah, it’s dirty. And you’re selling 3 grams of your soul. But hey, you chose Netflix binges over your paper these past few months, so this is where we are, one day before the deadline.

Pick a Topic

The more controversial your topic is, the better. This generally results in a long history of court cases which works well for this format.

It has to be something you feel strongly about, as in it makes you want to open your window and yell and shake your fist about it at joggers passing by. That strong.

It also has to be something that you already know some stuff about. 

It also needs to have some depth to it. It can't be like "We should have free pizza in lecture every Friday". That's lame. Unless you're really creative, then that could possibly work if your professor has a sense of humor and you really can write 20 pages about something silly like that. Generally that will only work in a creative writing class.

Make a list

...of every possible outcome that this issue could cause in

...the near future

...the far future

...of every person that this topic affects.

...of any instances where this topic has come in the news that you can remember.

...what you would personally do about this topic if you had the chance/power/enough-sugar/genies

...any little detail you can think of

The important thing about this is to think of ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING, no matter how silly or far-fetched. It'll make your professor go "hmm, didn't think about that one". You can even get your friends to help you with this one. The more the merrier. 

Reorder everything

Put your most obvious argument first.

Then put weird off-the-wall stuff, in any order, regardless of importance.

Put the strongest argument for your case next.

Now list the incidents that will help argue for your point. Don't know of any incidents in the news to help argue your point? That's ok. Make up some, except keep it really really generic. When it comes time to quote the source, remember this: There are over 7 billion people in the world. There are countless newspapers and other sources that document people doing...stuff. If you list incidents that are generic enough and your topic isn't extremely weird, at least one person out there has done something notable/stupid/crazy enough to make it to the news. Also, people have sued each other over everything imaginable. Find a court case database. Your topic has SOMEHOW manifested itself in court at some point in history. I can almost guarantee it. Just make sure that the situations you come up with are physically possible.

Now, list everything that could be construed to be the answer to the question "if elected, what would you do about this issue?"

It's best to keep all this in the form of an outline.

Spaces

Now add several lines of space under each bullet. Keep adding spaces until your text document has reached the goal size of your paper (e.g. 20 pages).

Now print it out. On paper.

Get the hell away from your computer

I'm serious.

Go outside and sit under a tree. If you hate outside, or if it's too cold for humans to survive, or if there's a pack of rabid dogs roaming your neighborhood, good. It'll help you write faster.

The reason why you should do this is because everyone magically becomes A.D.D. when they are near a computer. You can check Facebook later.

Write

Write a fiery rant in each of the spaces you allotted. Get pumped. Just don't begin every paragraph with "I swear upon my father's grave..." Also try not to repeat yourself too much. Be very specific. Talk to your reader as though they've never heard of your subject before. Write at about the same size that your typed version will be. Don't worry too much if you don't fill in all the spaces. But if you feel strongly enough about your topic, then this really shouldn't be a problem. If you're like me and can't think linearly you can skip around as much as you want.

Go Back Inside

Type everything. You'll also notice more things occur to you as you type. Go ahead and throw them in in the corresponding categories. Don't jump around too much at this point though. Maintain focus and bash out that essay as fast as possible. Because at this point, that’s all this is: an essay, not a research paper. Although you should do this as fast as possible, be militant about correcting typos. Those little things really make it evident you did this at the last minute if left unchecked.

Time for that whole "research" part

Believe it or not, nothing you said in your rant was original. Remember what I said earlier about 7 billion people? That applies now. Pick each topic/case/scenario/sub-point. Anything you had to say about those has already been said by some scholar or professor or newspaper. Google it up. It won't take long. Take a few key words from your main argument of each section and see what you get. Paraphrase their main argument or quote a few lines. Add the proper citations. Do NOT plagiarize.

Formatting

Some word processors are capable of non-integer spacing. Try 2.1 or 2.2 spacing.

There's also the margin trick.

If your text editor allows, adjust the kerning so even the letters are spaced further apart.

Did your professor specify to use MLA citations? She/he didn't? Good. APA citation guidelines are much more friendly with website sources. Check it out.

Print.

Turn in.

Good job. Have a cookie.

Never again. Do it right next time.