#ALSO I'm finally gonna see if I can also fix the layering issues I was having with the overlays
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I have finally fixed the satyr dicks properly and, I believe, solved the penis glitch mystery. apparently you have to clone Exactly the WW body part you are making, or something goes screwy. so far, as long as I've done that, nothing has broken. which means I can finally do more sizes and the fem frame version of this thing.
#I stg I thought I'd already checked that#but maybe there was an issue with overwriting or something because I've had blips like that with s4s before#anyway it's behaved consistently ever since and it's the only thing that has#so I have to conclude this was the culprit and the day is saved#I am about to unleash so many dicks#also I redid the UV on these so now I gotta paint a new texture but it will be less work in the long run#ALSO I'm finally gonna see if I can also fix the layering issues I was having with the overlays#+ make an additional overlay to blend the penis into the full coverage satyr fur#the reason I wasn't doing this before is I like to work off a vanilla base#both to avoid taking anyone else's work and because the default ww meshes are super high poly#however that's why the lord invented the append tool
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I genuinely don't understand the gripes a few people have with how Belos was handled in the finale. "Dont just brush him off as being evil" Well, why the fuck not? Dude wasnt born evil but he purposefully chose destruction and death at every possible opportunity for 400+ years. Nothing about his backstory would have made any impact on the characters affected, because its not an excuse, its not even an explanation! Caleb had the same childhood and he loved the Boiling isles. Eat boots Belos.
Ok, buckle up cause this is gonna be a long one, we gotta have a chat about Belos as a character, because there's been so many takes about this i keep seeing about " he never accepted the isles the way luz did" and "He had 400 years to change and he never took the took the offer", because it just seems like the fandom wants to kinda ignore a lot of the nuance about his situation and why it's not that simple?
and i'm for sure certain it's because the fandom is obviously already pretty biased against him since he's the villain, and what he does to the main characters as well as represents.
And that's fine, obviously he becomes a pretty bad person, no one is obligated to like him and it's ok to feel uncomfortable given the character he is.
But i think a lot of these issues as to why people have such mixed opinions about the finale has a lot to do directly with the fact the show DID keep his backstory as vague as they did, when if they had gone into it i think we would've had less of this discourse.
Now none of this is me excusing him obviously, but the fandom is very adamant to just not allow him to have depth either, when....he's allowed to be irredeemable and have depth at the same time. He's meant to be a very human villain, a character that could happen to anyone under the right circumstances
So not exploring that depth, why it got how it did, and how things like it can be prevented is a flaw within the show and among a lot of fans.
And to be fair, the show does not HAVE to do it, but the show also clearly wrote his character to have a lot of implied depth whether people like it or not, him coming from a very real religious group alone and making him a foil to luz has turned what could of been a very one note villain into one with a lot of layers to his villainy.
And if the show wants to make belos a very one note villian, no depth, they could of very easily done this by just cutting out details like his love and care for his brother, or just make make him want to destroy witches simply because he decided on his own they were worth destroying.
But that's not exactly what they've presented belos as being.
The show thrives in having characters who aren't just simple nor cookie cutter.
Hunter isn't just some cocky sidekick, he's an abused teenager who craves love and affection, and is willing to go high and low to earn it, terrified to be thrown away and replaced and constantly is forced into a mold just to get the affection he craves. He's highly sheltered and isolated just because his father figure doesn't want him to be his own person since that wasn't what he was created for
King isn't just a tiny little brat who craves power, he's a child whose been lied to about his past, and he wanted nothing more then to be taken seriously and feel a sense of belonging. He believes that he wants power, but finds out he really only wanted to be treated like anyone else, and that he's far happier with a family that loves and cares about him rather then being a powerful demon king.
Lilith isn't just a self important antagonist who wants to force eda to do what she wants, she grew up close to her sister and wanting to be by her side well into the future, but felt a sense of inadequacy in comparison to eda. The pressures of the coven system and need to win against her sister made her make a drastic choice she regrets and she wants nothing more then to fix it and make everything the ideal fantasy they grew up wanting to have together. She's also a large nerd, craves the attention of higher figures since her own mother used to put all the attention on eda, and changed her appearance just so people would take her seriously.
And the show does this with most of it's cast, obvi there's the exception like tibbles and even bosha who don't have too much to them, but they're also very minor antagonists and there's still stuff you can pick up on.
Belos however is the main antagonist, everything that happens in the show, happens because of him, his entire backstory is basically why the plot of the show happens.
Not just that, but also caleb and evelyn, if it weren't for the drama between these three, there would be no show.
And people are WELL aware these three aren't the main leads, they aren't going to be the main focus of most episodes and obviously the show was going to end in the favor of the main characters.
But
the story the show tells between these three ties very strongly into the ones with the leads too. We are given at least enough details to notice parallels between stuff that happens with characters like luz, and characters like philip.
We know philip and luz grew up in gravesfield, we know there were outcasts there, and they had one family member they relied on to support them there. They ended up in the demon realm, they both learned magic, and they both are strongly motivated by their beliefs regarding the isles.
So there's a lot they share in common, which makes it really easy to take a look at philip and say "Well it's his fault for not being like luz and accepting the isles like she did".
But, there's a lot of differences here
Luz grew up with fantasy, with magic stories about witches and heroes and demons. Philip grew up in a 1600s puritan village which demonized this stuff, he was a young child growing up being told this stuff was evil and he was taught to fight against it.
Luz felt odd for her interests and out there personality but at worst she felt isolated and misunderstood, she didn't like her mom's efforts to change her to be "Normal". Philip actually conformed to gravesfield, caleb clearly encouraging his brother to do so, just so both of them could fit in with the town. Had they not conformed at best they'd be isolated, but at worst they'd be dead.
Camilia is an adult who eventually opens up and talks to luz about how it was wrong to try and change her to be "Normal", that she herself hid her own interests to do so.
Caleb, was a child, he did not have any open conversations with his younger brother. Caleb hid evelyn and his interests with witches from philip and then on top of this, left philip behind.
You could absolutely say the fact caleb didn't talk to philip is pure speculation, and not confirmed at all. That all of this could be summed up to unreliable narrators.
But we know caleb left for the isles before philip did, we know it took time for philip to find him again (because his beard grew out), we know caleb had a wife who seems to be pregnant, that he was introducing philip to (Implying he not only hasn't seen philip in awhile, but that eve and philip have never met to caleb) and all of that alone feeds into the fact caleb left him behind to start another life. This is all shown in his memories alone, stuff we can't chalk up to unreliable narrators.
So the most logical conclusion to come to is caleb left philip to start a new family, we don't have a lot of details as to if caleb ever planned to return, if caleb had good reasons to do what he did, or much about his mindset.
But we have enough to know Philip loved and looked up to caleb, that he relied on caleb, and caleb lied and left him.
There is again, reason to tie this back to camila and luz.
but this is not a child leaving a parent behind, this is a parental figure leaving a child behind.
This is what i mean by the issue being lack of clear answers, people claim caleb left when philip was an adult, but we actually have no confirmed evidence for this. We have enough of philip's memories to know 2 things, that he was still a teenager when caleb was meeting evelyn, and he was an adult when he arrived.
You could argue philip was an adult by the time caleb left, but it's so vauge you can also argue caleb left when philip was a child and philip didn't figure out his way to the demon realm till adulthood and there's not enough proof to go one way or another.
now titan dad says philip had no genuine reasons for his actions, that he did this all for glory, but as steve put it back in OTWAT, the titan is just a guy.
And given the collector situation, he can make mistakes and screw up just like anyone else.
Titan dad only sees what he can see and make observations based on what he sees. He saw a human come to the isles with a bias already against witches, who ended up killing his brother, who claimed to come here to save others and that's all he's going to see philip as being. Someone who wants to save others but just hurts them instead.
He has no reason to know what philip grew up under, nor does he have reason to know philip and caleb's story before they arrived. There's no denying philip did love caleb, and that they were close, but that caleb leaving him behind for witches drove them apart.
I think the problem ppl even have with what titan dad says is purely because the fans take it at face value, because let's be honest, most fans will believe the objective heroes for what they assume over the villians. And since the show again, leaves philip's story vauge, and never puts it in the main focus, people will just assume what titan dad says must be the truth.
Like yes, you can pick up on these details if you are paying attention, but most people won't do that, so a lot of fans will listen to the god telling them what philip's motivations are coming from rather then put together the sense of betrayal from caleb that hurt philip that most of the evidence is actually pointing to.
philip had no parents, and had no one but caleb as far as we can tell, and then caleb left him too, like he didn't want him anymore.
And he left him in a bigoted town, alone.
the damage this could of done if he was a child is pretty darn bad, and for philip to assume this happened because of a witch means reinforcing everything he's been taught about witches.
Caleb lied about his changes, so when caleb sees him again, caleb seems to be a different person, which does fit with what philip says to luz about the isles "Brainwashing people".
tho you can argue that that's not the truth, that philip knows caleb did it on purpose and killed him for betraying him, cause of how he blames him in episodes like FTF.
But again, this is the result of leaving things vague, because either situation is plausible.
it's plausible philip never intended to kill caleb at all and he died as the result of trying to protect eve because the show says he was trying to target evelyn to save caleb, and it's plausible he died on purpose out of philip's rage for caleb leaving him. Because guess what? That means caleb had the means to go see him and could've seen him but made the choice NOT to, so yeah, that's pretty heartbreaking.
again, this also comes into play regarding Philips's guilt.
People objectively keep saying philip HAS no guilt regarding caleb, but we have evidence for both guilt and non guilt.
Now, sure, his portrait of dead caleb implies philip is not guilty for his death based on his expression after the fact. We also have the fact philip shows distain towards the grimwalkers, that he never outright expresses he feels bad to anyone.
But, we also have caleb's death being treated as one of philip's worst memories in KT that he objectively recalls in horror, he says he "Tried" to save caleb in FTF, which implies he wanted to save him and that he's mad he didn't manage to do so. The grimwalkers and caleb could be seen as ghosts, but also as hallucinations, and if you are seeing them as the latter then it makes sense he'd be seeing them out of some level of guilt towards having them killed.
If the show had these details explained more fully, it would be easy to either deem belos as being a murderous dick with no remorse who thinks killing was the right thing, or as a guilt ridded stubborn murderer who wants to not acknowledge he was wrong and screwed up.
it's why people are split, because you could objectively choose to see him both ways and the ending will affect you differently depending on what you picked up on.
But now let's talk about philip not changing, because people have bashed him for not doing so in the 400 years he's been there and that he had opportunities to do so but didn't.
And i think this is half right, half wrong.
Philip came to the isles with biases, he basically grew up in a cult, he came in thinking he was traveling into hell to go find caleb. Caleb encouraged his hatred, and then his hatred got further pushed when caleb seemed to be kidnapped, and then further pushed when he was surrounded by nothing but bigots.
So this man was already on a bad foot compared to luz, who was here to live out the fantasy books she grew up on, and objectively would have no reason to hate or fear witches nearly as much.
And we do know while the BI can be compassionate, it also has it's issues, even luz faced discrimination for being human herself while on the isles. Being powerless there is well, not great, it's why luz had to figure out her own way to do things alongside everyone else.
And the Bi ARE dangerous, especially for humans, so it's at least understandable philip is not going to just show up and look past the flesh eating plants, the evil weather, and the lack of anything he can even objectively eat.
Now philip could of considered things outside of his bias, and made the effort to try and look at things from a new perspective. But we also have to acknowledge that it's not easy to come out of this long time brainwashing either, and that it takes time and help to do so.
And philip, didn't seem to have that.
Yes, caleb grew up the same way, but not only was he older, which already set him up to question things more. But he had evelyn, he had someone to challenge him and his views and change his mind.
Philp, doesn't have that, there is no confirmation anyone ever really chose to challenge his views or make him realize he was following a lie.
Caleb could of but caleb left.
All we see is philip, isolated, following the beliefs he was taught and being hostile to witches, and witches rightfully being hostile back, which just further is feeding into his bias.
You can assume philip had chances to change but didn't, but there's no real strong evidence of that being offered to him either. That any witch ever tried to make him question anything.
It's pure speculation.
Now Philip is a stubborn ass dude for sure, so yeah, we can claim he just simply didn't want to consider it.
But people are claiming Philip was shown help that he didn't take and that's just not true. We never see anyone asking him to do the right thing or making him question things, at least not compassionately.
no one to our knowledge ever did challenge him, or did reach out to him, not even in the show itself.
Luz is rightfully hostile towards him even when trying to challenge him, hunter does attempt to try and come up with helpful ideas but he would silence himself if his uncle didn't like it (Not to mention the existing fact that he is supposed to be a caleb replacement so his existence comes from philip not wanting him to change or question things philip thinks caleb should not), and well....collector giving him a hug isn't gonna do anything at that point to stop him from thinking the worst of the isles.
This is partially because belos has the power in scenes, that if he hears what he doesn't want to hear he can quickly silence the individual and ignore it.
He's basically put in situations where no one is challenging him and if they are, they're usually doing it with distain and he's responding like a dick right back.
So maybe not much could of been done when belos has become emperor, outside of some rare occurrences where he has no choice but to listen or if he was challenged by someone he respected and would be less willing to hurt. Maybe he's too far gone to back out now and has too much power to even allow himself to consider what anyone had to say, even if they did do it kindly and wouldn't face his wrath.
but he was only emperor for 50 years too.
So ok, what about before that?
Well, yeah, maybe there were chances he could of been, but that's a period of time we only see so much of, and none of it shows one way or the other that Philip was offered the chance to improve.
I think had we gotten a scene of philip being offered a chance to do good, to consider things, that he knew he was wrong and still rejected it, it would back up this whole "Philip made the choice to not get better" thing people claim.
but truth is, it's speculation, we don't know.
A guy who spent his life buying into where he grew up and came in with biases that became a cycle of him being terrible and witches reinforcing what he thought isn't just suddenly going to change his mind and be nice now on a whim unless those biases are challenged in a way he can't deny.
it's on him for not considering looking on things outside of his bias for sure, but people seem to think doing that is simple and easy and it's really not.
Philip had no evelyn, he was left with no one but his bias and stubborn mind.
It's like king said back in hollow mind " People don't want to believe they've been following the wrong person their whole lives", and philip didn't have a luz like hunter did to help him realize how wrong he really was.
Instead it got worse and worse.
This is why philip feels real, because this can happen to people, that they can grow up with hate and never receive the help they needed to pull them out of the mindset. So they get worse, they become worse people.
and we can argue philip didn't deserve the chance to get better, but you'll never know if you don't try and we don't know if anyone did try before he was too far gone.
to think all of this could of been avoided if caleb actually spoke to his brother and gave him the chance to change...
Tying this all back to the beginning-
Philip's story ties into luz, they are foils in a lot of ways, but people need to remember they have differences outside of luz being a good person and philip being a bad person. Those differences make them into the people they are.
That luz was set up to love the isles in a way philip was set up to come in with a bias against it.
That it is not as simple as "Philip should of just got better" given what happened to him and the lack of help he had.
That philip never really is objectively shown to be offered genuine chances to reconsider his views on the show as much as people keep claiming so, and it's mostly all assumption at this point.
That so much of this argument over whether he's one way or the other could of been fixed if the show hadn't kept things vague.
By doing so, it leaves a lot for interpretation about him and therefore means people will have different views on what he thinks and feels and therefore will have different views on how his death should of been handled.
Caleb and philip tie into camila and luz, they tie into the clawthrone sisters, they are the basis for the plot of the series, they tie into hunter and the themes of being understood and being honest about yourself and conformity and it is no wonder people care about them.
It is incredibly valid if anyone expecting this story, that tied into the plot so hard ,as well as the themes, was upset it felt unexplained or dropped in the finale.
Especially since the fandom, with an obvious hatred for belos, responded to it by treating titan dad's word as god and simplifies philip's story completely despite everything i just mentioned here.
It is perfectly fine if you are not someone who cares about belos, but the people who do are perfectly allowed to be bothered that the show itself kept the complexity vague and not addressed and none of it mattered when it came to how his arc ended.
And that the only person who properly gives a personal opinion of what he thinks his motives are, simplifies him to being evil, and the fandom roles with that and the show never tries to do much to prove otherwise despite the evidence.
because this is a fascinating story about how conformity and bigotry can drive two close brothers apart and it feels like a story the show should of at least dedicated more of an episode to.
Especially since there's no clear idea if we'll ever get extra toh content to really tie any of this up.
Again, none of this excuses belos/philip for what he did, does, or tries to do, no amount of his life being screwed over and people treating him bad and not reaching out to him will ever excuse the fact he went so far.
But let's also just, not pretend it was an easy fix either, that someone can just....stop believing what they believe with the drop of a hat.
Especially given how this can reflect real people who are made into people like this.
He is nuanced, and people are attached to this villain for good reasons.
Nothing is simple about him, and it's just a product of how the show has handled his character.
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Sharing what I've learned in my neck (recovery) journey!
I've been trying out lots of exercises, and I mean, I've been through every youtube video showing any kind of neck-related thing. The most exercises hurt so much I would often end up curled up on the floor crying in pain after trying once, so I didn't want to try those anymore.
Then I thought that, since I've been eating very poorly this summer (bad garden year) I very likely am lacking some minerals in my body, and maybe that's making the pain worse. It actually is getting worse, I can't turn my head sideways anymore without pain. I watched a few videos on nutrient deficiencies, and decided that I probably lack magnesium, which helps muscles relax; my muscles are incredibly stiff and upset at all times. I also watched a video on how a person can end up paralyzed without enough b12, and I've barely been taking any, despite my plant-based diet, so I quickly got that too.
Then I saw a video on vitamin D deficiency, and I had, every single symptom, just all of them, spot on. So I got a packet of that too. And then next day I found a video saying that supplemental D vitamin is BAD and I need to get some from sunbathing instead. It's winter?!?? And I can't walk outside for long because of the neck pain??? Like what am I supposed to do about this.
I've also gone back to taking nettle infusions to get enough calcium! I was hoping supplemental vitamin D would help me absorb calcium, but we'll see about that, I guess? I'm so mad at all the conflicting information but I don't now enough biology to make a reasonable guess to what's right.
Okay so I also, finally, found some exercises that are meant for neck pain that don't hurt, and I'm sticking to them, I've done them twice and did not come close to passing out in pain so I'm just gonna assume these are correct and do them. I also found out that a specific pain I had in my back, for about 5 years now, is called rhomboid pain, and there are exercises to fix it! And I can do most of them. Which is amazing, I'd be happy to fix any type of pain right now.
I've wanted to go and do a blood test to see just what nutrients I'm lacking, but apparently you can only check calcium levels if your bone density is measured, and I know my doctor won't do that, and for lots of other stuff like potassium (which I lack for sure), the body maintains normal level even when you're extremely out, because it draws it out of your muscles and bones so you'd have normal levels in your blood because otherwise you'd die. So you can't efficiently check, you can only notice your body deteriorating from the lack of it. Fun!
Another 'fun' info I've found was about ibuprofen, I had to take quite a few because I was sick, and I'm not used to taking pain medicine, so I went to check what it does, and it's like, cool stuff, it prevents the creation of hormones that cause your nerves to be sensitive, and also those that cause inflammation, so you're basically less sensitive to all the pain going on in your system. However, those same hormones are responsible for creating a layer of mucus in your stomach, and you need that mucus, in order to be protected from your own digestive acid. Taking ibuprofen for 3-4 days will not do you harm, but if you take it for longer, or if you have a chronic stomach issue, it is very likely that you will expose your own stomach tissue to your digestive acid! Which will damage your stomach and hurt a lot. So be careful with the ibuprofen ladies! I know she's a good friend of yours but I never knew how serious it was to take it too often.
#neck pain#finally some exercises I can do#finding out potentially fake youtube information#but one has to start somewhere#sadly the algorithm is making choices for me#health#nutrient deficiencies
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That post you reblogged about about the "Shiv is repressing femininity in a man's world" take being misogynistic is sooo interesting!! I love Succ conversations (and Shiv Roy) so I'm gonna try to give my two cents on this, feel free to read if you're so obliged!
(BTW I'm about to talk about gender stuff as a questioning cis woman - my apologies if I word something wrong- TERFS: kick rocks and don't touch this!).
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The real issue with this take imo is that we're not all on the same page with what "feminine" means. To some people in fandom, I think "feminine" brings up bad associations with "warm, maternal tradwife w/ no autonomy." This makes sense considering the horrible landscape of film and TV that has reduced women into bad archetypes. In the case of Shiv, if we were using "feminine" that way, I would also be weirded out. It would feel like we were heading towards the godawful "jaded tomboy archetype needs to fixed so she can be the wife and mother she was always meant to be" vibes. Barf.
The way I have always interpreted the layers of Shiv's gender is that I have no idea what/how much actual GENDER she's repressing, but she is definitely repressing traits ASSOCIATED with cis women. Logan hates traits he sees as womanly or emasculated in any form from his kids (submissiveness, emotional expression like crying, warmth) and that's what Shiv adapted to, just like her brothers.
I think it's impossible to tell whether she's INHERENTLY more masculine or feminine (I lean towards Tomboy/grunge!Shiv, imagine her in a massive plaid sweater and jeans, but that's just a headcanon lol). I don't necessarily need to know either- I think not knowing the sibling's full backgrounds is far more compelling as a story.
All the Roy siblings struggle in their rigid gender expectations, though. Kendall is emotionally vulnerability, and when he's finally away from his dad he cries his heart out to his siblings and it gives him the ultimate release. Roman would rather die than tell his dad he's sexually submissive (the ultimate feminine, emasculated position) but he LOVES being a sub. Shiv is the same way- she resists caring about her siblings and she pretends that she's not hurt when her parents insult her. But like her brothers, when she allows herself to go there, she gets catharsis too.
There are other readings and interpretations of Shiv that are less gender-based and more trauma-focused (and very valid), this is just my interpretation. I was raised by almost all men and have some gender feelings going on in my personal life rn, so projection could be at play here! If you did read, thank you so much. I love discussions of gender in Succession and I hope you can find something of value in there!
Marinating on this, but I don't think it's necessarily tradwife femininity that's being prescribed to Shiv, at least so far as I've seen. It's more like, I think, essentially having her be girl Kendall, fragile and needy and self-hating, or like all of her personality is just her adapting to perform hardness and isn't genuine. I feel like there's gotta be some nuanced gray area between softening her like that and making her out to be purely, like, Don Draper with tits.
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Dear Zoe, I think my blog post is overdue? Anyway, here I am now getting my act together after feeling quite scatty for a couple of weeks. Life gets in the way doesn’t it? That’s why people go on residencies of course! This has been literally hitting me in the face these past weeks as I go back to just juggling everyday life, teaching , trying to keep on top of things around the house and garden and dealing with family emotions and issues…..Where does the studio fit into all this? That’s just it – It always seems to come last – well today finally I have /am prioritising my studio practise!! (well to be honest I have done a few other domestic things too – but I have the kiln going and I am sitting down to attend to a list of things which – whilst they are computer things – also need to happen!)
One of the things I’ve been meaning and wanting to do since getting home from Europe – is to process the lumen prints I did whilst on residency. I rediscovered this process whilst I was at CRETA and it’s so much fun – a little bit addictive! I have finally scanned a bunch of lumens and edited them- just playing around with colours mainly and saturation - here's a few. Fun!
Maybe these will become new works? Who knows? The point is to keep playing and experimenting right? Also revisiting my notes to see what other methods there are for fixing the images as I remember there are other experimental options so I'm gonna try this out too now that they've been documented - the originals can change into something else - I don't mind....
In the background I have been angsting a bit about our upcoming show at Belconnen in February…..I guess it’s precisely because we are working and making in unknown territory that it’s a little bit daunting! Still visiting your studio in Sydney last week was good and I feel that we made headway. The road ahead is still a bit foggy but I can sort of make out where we are going (how’s that for a metaphor!)
Anyway, I am so glad that you will be in Canberra over Xmas and that we can put in some quality collab time in the studio working and making and just putting this show together! It will be an intense couple of weeks but I think it will be good.
So once again: trust the process.
PS that quote from Louise Bourgeois that you mentioned about architecture and memories – I knew I’d read it before – I came across a photo from an exhibition I visited the Gallery of NSW earlier this year - it was all about the idea of home – and I really liked it. There were quotes and poems displayed with the works – one of them was that exact same quote. It resonated with me too….and I just love the idea of memories building up in layers like bricks….creating architecture….reminds me of another book called “The Memory Palace” which I need to revisit.
It’s amazing how in-sync we are with our practices…...
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I am angry with Severide, but I'm more dissapointed TBH. I get why he's doing this, really I do, but it's like his character development didn't happen. Recently I was watching old episodes and even then he wasn't so... so cruel because I think that he's behaviour towards Stella right know is cruel, she has no idea what's going on, she's afraid and hurt and ughh please Kelly, talk to her! I can see them being angry at each other but she has a right to know what's going on! Listen to Boden Kelly!
You have every right to feel that way, i even kind of see why you might feel that way, but i disagree with you on just about everything you just said except Stella being afraid/hurt and her deserving to know. Mostly i just disagree with everything you just said about Kelly. So here's my eassay:
I'm like annoyed this is happening, but i'm not angry with Kelly. I'm mostly just really really sad for him. He's finally gotten himself into a functional some what stable relationship after having pretty much an entire life time of literally nothing ever being stable ever. Like not even his job security has been stable. He's not used to it. Hes also form some habits and certain ways of thinking just from all the shit he's delt with in his. In a lot of ways he's tought himself/been tought he's gotta deal with shit and take care of everyone and keep everyone safe on his own. He's very much a "carry the weight pf the world on your shoulders alone" kind of guy. I blame a lot of this on his shitty child hood where its been made pretty clear he did a lot of taking care of his mom and mopping up after Benny. Like a lot of the time when people (ex wives) had a problem with Benny they'd go to Kelly and try to get him to do something about it. Even Kelly's mom. She came at him when Benny slept with his teacher. Like the boy has been fucked up. So he's got a lot of junk that he's still healing/recovering from/sorting out. And for you to say his character development didn't happen, frankly makes me a little angry. Change/healing (and i really do see it as healing) is not a liniar thing. There are going to bumps and steps back. I look at it kind of like an union, one layer of issues gets pealed back and there's another one, just because there's a new set back doesn't undo the recovery from the last one. Kelly still needs to learn he doesn't have to do everything alone, and it makes me really sad that Kelly thinks/has been tought that he has to carry his crosses alone and suffer in silence.
Next: him being cruel is just like... no??? I agree it's hurting Stella, but i wouldn't describe it as cruel. Also i think a lot of people aren't realizing how much this is hurting him. He fucking loves Stella, he would die for her, he'd do anything for her. And all the instincts hes formed over the years are telling him this is what he needs to do hes covered a lot of ground with fixing said instincts but hes still got stuff to work out. Not being with Stella is hurting him, not helping her is hurting him, him knowing that she's hurting because of what he's doing is hurting him. AND he's doing this for HER, not for THEM/ for himself being happy with her. Part of me thinks theres a part of Kelly that genuinely believes shes better off without him.
Also. Kelly did listen to Boden. He was literally going home to talk to Stella, but she wasn't there (i don't really blame her tho).
And now I'm gonna brutally honest for a second, and anon this isnt aimed at you or for you, it's for a large populous of the fandom i'm just sticking it here because i'm already going: i'm frankly angry with a lot of the fandom right now. Like do you all really think so little of Kelly? Like im just really fucking sad for him that his life so far has tought him that this the way he needs to deal with it. And even that he has so little worth he thinks Stella would want a promotion more than him. Like so many people be up in here lacking a general understanding of Kelly Severide and his character, and acting like he's purposely hurting Stella.
ALSO this particular situation is hitting me hard because i FUCKING GET IT. It's no secret that i project onto fictional characters a lot, but like in some ways i've been there done that. Not this exact scenario, but the hiding things out of a deep desire to protect the people you love even if they deserve to know? Yep. It's not right but when the primary instict is to protect (which is literally in Kelly's mother fucking job description) it is gonna happen. And the habit absolutely needs to be broken, but it is a damn hard one to break when it's something you've convinced yourself need to do. So just do me a favor and take a hot a sec to look at things from Kelly's side.
#kelly severide#ask#anon#im going off#and i'm sure im gonna get back lash for this#also id like to be clear and say that i totally get stella's side and i am not angry with her AT ALL.#and i do think Kelly needs to tell her whats going on.
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A totally self indulgent compilation of my favorite works on this blog of the year June 13, 2019 - June 13, 2020
I wanted to do this for the blog's first anniversary but then completely forgot about it lol.
The following lists are all in chronological order according to the date each post was first published.
Top 10 panel edits:
#1: Don and Gilda - Chapter 138: Demon serch (1)
Date: Jun 14th, 2019
Time: ~ 1:30 h
My very first redraw from my very first edit posted here, so it deserves an honorable mention. Back then I was young and inexperienced, I didn't even apply a gray filter (lmao I was so unskilled I even unintentionally scratched the picture, I hadn't realized until today). I'm actually very happy my first redraw was of Don, boy deserves all the love.
#2: Emma and Ray - Chapter 140: I’m Here!
Date: Jun 28th, 2019
Time: ~ 1 h
Back then this looked like so much work to me!!! And to this day, I think it turned out pretty well. I'm particularly proud of how the bow turned out. This is one I was really proud of right after having finished it; it gave me the confidence to try redrawing bigger areas. Also, the edit were I first applied the opacity of layer / opacity of brush for the gray filter that would have stuck with me.
#3: Krone's birthday edit
Date: Jul 15th, 2019
Time: 15 mins
I don't know I just really like how Krone's hair vanish to a more sketch-like style here– and consequently, how I managed to replicate such effect. I think Krone's beautiful.
#4: Emma, Norman and Ray - Chapter 153: Coward
Date: Oct 4th, 2019
Time: 4:07 h (and 67 layers lmao)
Probably the single panel redraw I'm the most proud of. That Norman panel was beautiful and very poignant at the end of a chapter I adored, so I believe it deserved all the time I've spent working on it. It's far from being perfect - the back of his head is too plain, and the difference between my brushes and the original brushes is pretty visible - but I still like it very much and am extremely attached to it. The horn looks kinda big but I honestly believe it to be more of an issue with the original than with what I had redrawn lol. Funny enough, the whole picture didn't make it to the final edit and had to be trimmed.
#5: Full Score Trio - Chapter 154: A Breakthrough
Date: Oct 11th, 2019
Time: 29 mins
I don't have a particular reason for this I just think Emma's hair turned out amazing. It took just half an hour and I didn't even use references like. Wow. @Redrawing skills where did you go please come back
#6: Mujika and Queen Legravalima - Chapter 158: The Reason I Was Born
Date: Nov 17th, 2019
Time: 2:09 h
Sis I love this so freaking much. The shift from redrawing almost exclusively people and clothes to redrawing this mess was so fun and refreshing. Even though it's a mess I think it turned out very clean and overall it looks beautiful? I remember after finishing this I felt so powerful, like now that I had redrawn this thing I would have been able to redraw anything I set my mind on lol.
#7: Emma - Chapter 161: Never Be Alone
Date: Dec 13th, 2019
Time: 57 mins
Again no particular reason except this is a very cute Emma and I think the redraw turned out pretty well. There's this big lock on the left that doesn't make a lot of sense but overall I really like it. Cute Emma is cute, and I love her determination.
#8: Emma - Chapter 166: Going Back Home
Date: Mar 9th, 2020
Time: 3:45 h
I'M SO FREAKING PROUD OF THAT RIFFLE I have not the slightlest idea why this took so damn long BUT I'M SO PROUD OF IT
#9: Norman's birthday edit
Date: Mar 21st, 2020
Time: 1:04 h
This is cool! I didn't know I could manage to draw this, but I did it! The feathers were particularly hard to clean but I think they turned out fine.
#10: Full Score Trio - Chapter 174: A New World (part 1)
Date: Apr 6th, 2020
Time: 2:11 h
I just think they're very pretty? I can't understand if I like Ray's face a lot, or not at all, but I think overall there was a lot to redraw and it turned out pretty cute! Sorry Gillian.
(Also insert pretty much every panel from the chapter 177 Isabella edit– I've spent so many hours on basically every panel there's no way I could choose only one).
Top 5 edits as whole:
#1: Emma and Ray - Chapter 140: I’m Here!
Date: Jun 29th, 2019
Complessive time: 2:57+ h
The very first edit I'm actually proud of; I'm really attached to it. It's the first edit I had put all of my effort into, and I remember feeling anxious people would have left it without notes. It kinda feels weird to think about it now, because I really don't care about notes anymore; yet, it somehow makes me happy to think that past-me wasn't let down. Thank you @neverlandstrio for your support, you may not remember but it really meant a lot to me back then! And it still makes me smile. You're the best!!!!!!
#2: Mujika and Queen Legravalima - Chapter 158: The Reason I Was Born
Date: Nov 20th, 2019
Complessive time: 7:12+ hours
This whole edit was an hella wild ride. It's midnight before a school day, when I think: "Mh, it's been a while since I last made an edit, why not make one about Musica and the queen from the last chapter?" And seven hours after this was born. I'm particularly proud of the queen's redraws on the 3rd, 7th and 9th picture (ofc), the areas which have been redrawn are pretty huge yet I think the difference with the original is almost impossible to notice?? @Redrawing skills where did you go please come back (part 2)
#3: Emma - Chapter 174: A New World (part 1)
Date: Apr 12th, 2020
Complessive time: 6:53+ h
I think the panels that were selected work very well together, especially considering the close-up / full body alternation. I love Emma, and I've always been kinda sad noticing that edits that focus one her take the less notes... She deserves all the love. Also, fun fact: for the last but one panel, I had redrawn Emma's whole left ear before remembering she doesn't have one, so I had to redraw the panel from the start. Besides from the error with the ear, the reason why this (and all the others after) took so long is because official panel take way longer to clean.
#4: Isabella and her children - Chapter 177: Mother
Date: May 22nd, 2020
Complessive time: 13:41+ h (ahah.)
Lmao tbh I can't understand how this has so few notes it's like. Technically speaking, probably the best edit I've ever done. I don't even like Isabella that much, I haven't got the slightlest idea why I decided to spend so many hours on this. Anyway, I find the composition (full body on the left / headshots on the right) really good looking in this as well! And I think the redraws turned out fine, especially Isabella's.
#5: The Promised Neverland manga ending countdown→ 1/7 chapters: chapter 1 - Grace Field House
Date: Jun 9th, 2020
Complessive time: 1:59+ h
I don't know how I came up with that idea for the composition but I find it really beautiful??? I think it does a pretty good job conveying the sudden, terrific shift of atmosphere from the first chapter, and I think that sharp bridge is very nice. I'm very, very proud of this.
Honorable mention #1: Full Score Trio - Chapter 154: A Breakthrough
Date: Oct 13th, 2019
Complessive time: 3:44+ h (+ 1:13 h of working on a panel that ultimately didn't make it to the final edit)
A very good chapter, and the edit turned out surprisingly amazing??? All the redraws look great and make it almost impossible to distinguish them from the original; honestly I feel like I'll never be able to redraw so neatly again lol.
Honorable mention #2: Don and Gilda (+ Norman) - Chapter 160: Shackles
Date: Dec 11th, 2019
Complessive time: 3:14+ h
That one is really one of my favorite scenes; I'm telling you peoples, Gilda and Don are a blessing to the earth. I think I've never mentioned it, but Gilda's hair is a nightmare to redraw??? More specifically, it takes me h o u r s to fill the texture without making it look too weird, it's the worst.
Honorable mention #3: Norman and Ray - Chapter 179: Compensation
Date: Jun 6th, 2020
Complessive time: 4:16+ h
I was so glad to finally be able to make a Norman / Ray edit, and it turned out it was just in time before the series' finale. I like how it turned out and I'm pretty satisfied with the redraws (even though my sister helped me with the lineart of some panels - it was exams time and I really couldn't afford to spend more time on it), too bad we didn't have more chapters that focused on the boys. Ray sweetie one day I'll fix your ear it's just today's not that day.
Btw, I justed realized I have never done an Emma / Norman centered edit? I'll have to make one eventually. I remember considering focusing on them alone for the chapter 154 one, but then I thought "even if the manga is gonna ignore Ray, I will chose to do not" lol.
Top 5 long posts:
#1: Reconstruction of how the Grace Field children were settled in the three bedrooms
Date: Aug 28th, 2019
I just had really a lot of fun doing it. I love putting all the little things to their own place, it's so calming to do and that's why I love making this kind of things. Also, loved how @temporoom contributed to the post! It was so nice of them to add what they had noticed to come up with more exact conclusions, that's one of the things I love the most about the internet.
#2: A study of how many times the characters of The Promised Neverland call each other through the first season of the anime
Date: Sep 10th, 2019
I REALLY LOVE IT! I mean it *was* kinda stressing to note everything, but it was very also very satisfying to see everything methodically divided and organized! And it's not just that– it's also the fact that it looks good. That's one post I have fun rereading because it's actually pretty! Also, even though it can be very stressing to learn to use new programs and sites, it's always very satisfying to look at the final result. Again, I really adore compiling these tiny little details! I would love to make more posts of that kind if i had the time.
#3: The Promised Neverland musicals headcanons
Date: Oct 27th, 2019
I mean it's literally. Putting my two favorite fandoms together how could I not love it. This is another one I really enjoy rereading, I find all the musical / character associations so fitting! I really want to make a second part, I hope to find some time to do it.
#4: Considerations on the reward / eventual series' finales (and Emma's sacrifice)
Date: May 7th, 2020
It's always nice to put down all your thoughts regarding a particular matter. It can take a lot of time (at least for me it does because... I need time to think about things), but it's so satisfying to see all of them there once you're done. Bonus points when, like in this case, it was something asked by someone else because “Wow! Somebody wants to hear my opinion on this subject! I'm flattered (◍��ᴗ•◍)”
#5: Some other considerations on the series' finale and Emma sacrificing herself
Date: Jun 13th, 2020
Pretty much the same as above. It's like some kind of clarity when the post is done and signed. Another fun fact, I had to censore the post a lot; the first version was extremely sharp and harsh, but I believe it's right to express your opinions calmly and politely.
Bonus: A thread of what the tpn characters would wear at the Oscars
Date: Feb 9th, 2020
Imagining all the children in those pretty dresses makes me so incredibly happy (╥﹏╥) I go back to look at that post a lot. I really love red carpets, I love looking at pretty dresses!!!!!
Lmao it's so funny how the post of mine I like the most are also the ones with the less notes
Anyway this was just a personal report! You don't have to read it all (or any of it actually). But it was indeed fun making it! Here's to many more months in the fandom!!!
#This was supposed to be posted on July 13th as one year and one month since I made the blog#but Tumblr decided to be a jerk and deleted all of it 😊#So here we are#tpn#tpn manga spoilers#long post#Again this is just a personal report don't stress over reading all of it#But it was fun to make!#To the people I tagged: sorry for tagging you in this long post but also it would have felt weird not to do so? I hope you don't mind#It felt like... Giving credits foe something you've done y'know
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oh my god someone understands me
it feels fine and good, I do not like it
I've been looking for. a while. trying to figure out whats irking me & if its a technical thing, and like I've only really got perspective (it feels really flat & imo a lot of the poses get jank as a result) and kinda lacks real feeling or personality of it's own(?) Like, everything is obviously moving (in a blood moon) but it all feels so still, all of the characters are posed like that
and I'm less confident on this, the colors don't feel very well done, it doesn't really feel like the characters that Are there are... There.
Like that blood moon looks more like death sun, which is not a bad choice (i think it's a lot better than dark night ??i cant see?? options) but it's something to definitely account for in your lighting, ur gonna wanna make that red hue Strong. it is not. like to the back maybe but this setting doesn't feel like it's at night as it should be, or in bright red light, as it looks to be. it looks like it's a set inside with a painting in the back.
same dance with the torch light, it would be a lot more intense and notable than it is. but also?? it should be Way more. the torch if the focal point, a bright light source in the center which then carries you to the protags. and it kinda does that but both the rest of the framing and lack of color balance kinda grades on that and makes it feel a lot less keynote. instead of looking to the torch then the players, you're kinda set off wandering, maybe you look at the moon, or that atrociously contrasted logo
now i only did the fill white and set as color layer (which i hear tends to exaggerate value differences) but the scenery is. very similar, and most importantly the players blend in to the general surrounding a lot. very much remedial with the aforementioned lighting tricks tbh.
the logo is a value nightmare too, i definitely think that needs to stand out a bit more than it does. kinda side tangenty but it's not great values.
sorry for the absolute word dump of tangents and side tangets, might try to make a version with those lighting fixes and see if that helps because i feel like that flatness is really what makes it feel dull
that said, its flat and you dont have a predetermined set point you're supposed to look, like a sandbox, you know l like a (i am immediately assassinated)
I do not think this artist did a bad job (i don't know anything about 50amp and i don't think anyone else does either so i will just cite to the studio) 50amp has a really amazing use of linework, especially for a comic. I'm not a linework guy, its boring, I can really appreciate that. and i feel like the colors aren't like, stab your eyes out or nothing, they're mostly pleasant (besides that freaking loG-) and the environment is done really well. its professional and it shows.
i mostly am so negative because im trying to hunt down issues, and also i did not intend for this to be my college thesis. Like how the guides leg dissapears behind the hand (which also, kinda symptom of the hand being right there, would have thrown off line tangents) so tm disclaimer i do look forward to this comic. i don't think its bad and i am not here to literally judge a book by its cover. i would never say coolsville sucks!
i can very much stand for previous comment, it's terraria??? its weird??? so at the end of the day all critique is personal preference and art is not objective, in that lens it kinda makes sense to have a pretty open, cluttered or uncanny look, i still don't like that choice myself but it does sell the mood quite well.
also im not. a professional I'm some guy on the internet.
final note x4 combo
here is a spoiler
I'm gonna put it down a little far but
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look at 'em
(which, maybe its the lack of lighting that has to be accounted for, i think this evidences a lot better even with the janks how it will regularly be like)
ok enough end note disclaimers, groom and bride stickers??
Yoooo terraria comic 2.0
I'm so sorry but this artstyle looks so funny to me
Vibes "If normies is taught to draw by force".
It doesn't look bad, it's just..I really don't know how to describe it, it's exactly how terraria should look. Slightly careless, incoherent and random. But it's kind of fun, I mean... I have never considered terraria aesthetically beautiful and harmonious, it is random, stupid and cool.
And I love the way the comic transferred all the absurdity in this style, even the guide's hairstyle looks very ridiculous and funny, as in the original, if transferred to reality. Honestly, I was very afraid of this comic, but it looks like... like this, so now I'm absolutely calmly creating headcannons.
Also haha bats make ctrl+c ctrl+v
a very strange comment, but yes. I don't like the style in the comic, but it's exactly what it should be in terraria. Chaotic and random, but funny and cool.
#read more-d for the sake of holy shit that ended up way longer than i intended#please don't coolsville sucks me#except for the logo go ham#listen i need something to relentlessly harp on for my own self worth#it is very interesting how ironic the effect missteps are#and how that contributes to feeling#well not good necessarily but accurate#i think terraria has very important vibes to nail for a proper adaptation that i think this gets#though imo it kinda sacrifices the actual quality#which you could probably get a similar vibe with less visual sacrifice#i am. painfully aware of how incoherent this is btw i thought I'd write a couple paras of vague agreement
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The Dany issue is definitely complicated, and I wouldn't say I was anti-Dany at all. But how do you feel about arguments that are more targeted towards obsessive fans who oversimplify her Meereen narrative and think she'll be The Best Queen Ever, when the episode does highlight some problems in her leadership style/decision-making choices? (The 'If I look back I'm lost' idea for one. It protects her from everything she's been through, but it also blinds her, and I think the Meereen episode-
-highlights that. Like I said, I’m not anti-Dany, but I do think that she’s made mistakes, and I think the abrupt liberation of Meereen was one of them. The liberation in itself was morally right, but the execution was perhaps not ideal, and I think it’s a mistake for Dany to learn from. She can’t blindly go on telling herself ‘if I look back, I’m lost’ at a certain point she MUST look back and evaluate the decisions she’s made and not just blunder on with them. Which is what I think the Meereen arc, and her final ADWD chapter in particular (with the ghosts of her past returning to her) is supposed to set up for her future? I’ve lost the thread of this a little, I apologise. I suppose I was just trying to say that I consider Dany to be flawed, and some of her decisions to be flawed in execution (though justified in intention) and think that it’s right and fair to be critical, especially when so many stans just yell about how ‘badass’ those moments were and ignore the consequences.
oh man, anyone who thinks dany is the Best Queen Ever or that she hasn’t made some blunders are not paying attention. This is where the show fails and flops completely, imo. It focused more on faux empowering moments like Dany burning down that Dothraki religious site (bad bad bad) and the fighting pits of Meereen and the arrival at Dragonstone that it just sort of seems to drive home this narrative of Look At This Badass Queen which misses the point.
Her Meereen narrative in the books is so goddamn complicated that even GRRM, who wrote it, had trouble parsing it and figuring it out. There are so many layers to her Slaver’s Bay arc, but such a limited perspective. Her failings in the book are well documented and well highlighted, because this was never going to be easy. No one would ever believe that Dany just walked into Slaver’s Bay with her dragons and abolished slavery and fixed the class imbalance and everything was perfect, the end. There had to be struggle, and strife, and problems, or else it would be unrealistic and boring.
And you know, GRRM *could* have written an easy way out. He could have had Dany hop from one city to the next, taking what she wanted before she set sail to Westeros. He didn’t because it makes no sense for Dany’s character��� her intention was not to colonize or exploit. Her empathy for the slaves in Slaver’s Bay came from a personal place, and she cared enough to see it through. When the new government she placed in Astapor fell shortly after she left, she learned from that mistake and chose to stay in Meereen, to take the time to stabilize it and try to bring peace and equality. She even marries Hizdhar zo Loraq, who she does not like at all, to try and bring that peace. If Dany didn’t care, she would have not bothered to do any of this and just continued on to Westeros. GRRM knew his own character– he knew he could not write an easy way out, that it had to be true to Daenerys and to reality.
This Badass Queen that the show tries to push isn’t the books’ reality. She is a struggling queen, a young queen, an ill advised queen, a desperate queen, a queen who is in above her head. Her moments of empowerment don’t come from being a queen who exerts her power, it comes from her own private reassurances and her own hope.
As you note, at one point, Dany will have to look back. She has used this coping mechanism far too much– first for small and personal matters, but now for large and far-reaching ones too. She thinks looking back will make her lost, but I’d argue that she is already lost and what she needs to do now is look back, stop lying to herself, and to stop repressing those hard feelings and memories. She comes so, so close to doing just that at the end of ADWD– but she pulls back, and returns to telling herself “if I look back, I’m lost”.
If you look at my “serene watches got” tag I voiced many frustrations with how Dany was written and portrayed this season (along with Jon, Arya, Sansa, Ellaria… the whole season was a mess). It focused so much on those big and badass moments, then floundered when it came down to political and personal matters– on every front, for every storyline, not just Dany’s. GoT is a show that’s focused on action and those big shocking twists. Dany, having dragons, is such an easy character to use for those scenes. All they have to do is have her burn shit up or get carried by a sea of brown and black bodies or swoop in to save Jon’s dumb ass on a dragon and it’s a wrap. Badass Dragon Queen is basically the most she’ll ever be on that show. There’s no nuance there at all.
All I can advise is to start separating the show and the books, and the fans as well. Show-only folks are gonna see something different from those of us who have read the books. It’s going to be frustrating for you (I know it is for me!) to see show fan reactions when you know it’s wrong or deeper than in the books. Watching the briefly-lived Dorne plot damn near ripped my heart out lol. Ellaria’s character was unrecognizable, the Sand Snakes killed their own cousin and uncle, and Ellaria the Evil Bisexual Brown Woman killed Myrcella with a kiss. It was so bad and the other plotlines fared only marginally better.
tl;dr Badass Queen Dany is a show-only myth and it’s way more complicated than the show made it seem
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