#ALL RIN DID WAS LOOK UP TO HIS OLDER BROTHER AND ASPIRED TO BE LIKE HIM

[earthtooz]

could u write a fic where sae beats rin’s bitch ass up bc as the older sibling i’m starting to understand why sae acts the way he does… (half joke)

top 10 most unfortunate asks to drop into someone's inbox who is 1) a rin lover 2) a sae hater and 3) the youngest sibling

[djcarnationsblog]

Blue Lock: Itoshi Sae’s Failure (Manga Spoilers)

Okay, look, I need to go on a rant about this but-

Also, fair heads up! I really do like Sae as a character, which is why I wrote this little thing about what a fuck up he is XP. I don’t mind if you disagree either, I just had to get this out here because god damn that son of a bitch-

Y’all, Sae is a horrible brother.

And I mean like, everybody and their mother knows how bad of a brother he is, I know that, but he’s like a complete failure here, if you think about it.

Because seriously, why does he treat Rin the way he does? For all accounts and purposes, Rin didn’t do anything to warrant this neglectful behavior he receives from Sae. But now he has to endure the brunt of it.

And this dude practically tried to crush the hope that he himself gave to his little brother, all because he wussed out.

Sae went out to meet better strikers, and he did! But something out there crushed him so unbearably that he came back and ended up taking it out on his own little brother, who waited ever so patiently for him to come back, because he promised they’d be the best and second best strikers in the world. His own little brother waited for him to return, just to leave their reunion, heart broken beyond compare.

I mean, I can understand the fear of never being able to surpass those better than you. Reality is; There is always going to be someone better than you. That’s just how life goes, and yet Sae didn’t want to accept it, and so he turned to being the best midfielder instead.

He took the easy way out.

He didn’t even stop to think about Rin’s feelings.

And this ties back to how their dynamic goes to this day. Rin tries hard, he tries so, so hard to gain the approval of Sae, and Sae just...he just doesn’t care.

Why? What did Rin do to deserve this treatment?

He berates his brother for dreaming to be a striker, then he neglects him. He doesn’t acknowledge any part of him, doesn’t see him as his brother that much anymore, either.

And that makes him a failure, by the standards of a family.

He had one job, the most important job ever bestowed upon a family member. Greater than the dream of fame, greater than the hope of becoming the best striker.

His own parents gave him the greatest job of being a good older brother. To Be the example that Rin needed to help guide him. To be the one that Rin could always rely on and in turn, be the person Rin could aspire to be.

He failed his greatest job. Any older sibling knows how important that responsibility is.

And yet he fucked it up, he fucked it all up because he was afraid of a few people who were better than him. He failed his parents, he failed Rin, he failed himself, by becoming someone who dishes out neglect to the one person who didn’t deserve it, who just wanted to try and keep their dream alive.

So, Sae’s a horrible older brother, by the standard of family.

He went out to become a striker, and then he wimps out of it, then he settles for simply being a great midfielder, and berates Rin into the ground, shattering his dreams and the bond they once had. He then neglects him, which is a form of abuse, and doesn’t acknowledge him the way an older brother should when Rin did basically nothing wrong.

He was just a kid who wanted to share a dream with his older brother and connect.

Sae didn’t give him that luxury, all because he got scared.

Sae’s a wuss, when you compress all this into summary. He’s a wussy asshole and that made him neglect the one person who did no wrong here, and he took it out on him instead. He failed his job of being a good older brother--and older brother in general, actually--and I can imagine how much that could cost anyone. And now he continues to live with the stupidity that is himself, the idiocy of what he did, the failure he has become.

Because it doesn’t really matter if he’s the best midfielder, if he can score the most goals and bring in the most money and be the most successful.

The moment he broke his brother, he became a failure.

[ultraericthered]

Anime Update V3 17

From Me To You - Sawako and Kurumi continue their not at all firmly heterosexual friendship, where there's been purposeful attempts by Kurumi to dishearten Sawako and lead her away from Kazehaya that end up miscommunicated or misunderstood by Sawako as Sawako aspires to be as outgoing and friendly as Kurumi. Chizuru, however, is put off of Kurumi due to past experiences with her leading to her pimping out girls to Kazehaya in middle school. Sawako was also under the impression that "Kurumi" was her name. It's a nickname derived from her surname, Kurumizawa - her actual name is Ume, and Kurumi herself doesn't seem to like that for some reason. Kayli Mills in the English dub continues to perform the "snake in the grass" energy flawlessly, even though the voice she does will become a problem a bit later on. At the end Kurumi discards the subtlety regarding her feelings and tells Sawako she likes Kazehaya. Uh oh!

Hunter x Hunter - Ikalgo's cover has been blown and he's been trying to make good on his rescue mission while also surviving his lobster-like old colleague but realizing he's too much of a coward to strike efficiently or see any of this through. Pouf finally did away with the cocoon and revealed his true form while multiplying, and the way it looks is a bit Uncanny Valley to put it lightly. He cut his fight with Morel short in order to go to where Gon, Pitou and Komugi are.

SHUFFLE! - Woah. That was both the most viscerally uncomfortable I've felt watching something in a while, and not nearly as bad as I'd feared it was going to be. It's the one all about Kaede and giving us the backstory behind her and Rin living together. From the very start, Kaede's been the most vexing, boring "waifu" stereotype imaginable - the sweet, demure, faithful Good Girl who acts as the house wife for the male MC and whose exercising of agency is tied to her devotion to him rather than anything else she might want to do. But I couldn't bring myself to dislike her; I knew there was something up with her. And it's here that we finally get the shocking full context. Kaede lost her mother in the same accident that claimed both of Rin's parents when she and Rin were children, and as Rin took the fall to conceal the real reason for that trip, Kaede blamed Rin for her mother's death. And in response, Kaede bullied and abused Rin relentlessly and in horrific ways (I could not watch that boxcutter scene), even wishing death on him to his face! When she learned the truth, she was overwhelmed by regret for everything she put Rin through, so her current shtick is her perpetual atonement. Yet at the same time, she's developed very real loving feelings for the boy, feelings that have made her very...territorial. The episode plays out like a horror film as you're waiting for the big pin drop, the moment where all of Kaede's threads snap and she unleashes her yandere wrath. And oh, it comes. Right in front of Asa when Rin brings her back home with him after one of their dates. Carrie Savage's psychotic screaming as Kaede in this scene shook me to the core and it haunts me still!

On the other hand, I'd heard that this yandereification of Kaede had no basis in the original VN, so it was understandably infuriating to many fans in Japan. Because of this, I was expecting Kaede to do much worse, but physically striking and shoving Asa while screaming at her is all it amounted to. That shit is tame compared to most other yanderes in anime. Whatever it case, I think it worked for dramatic purposes and is probably one of the anime's most memorable bits.

The Case Files of Lord El-Melloi II - The final episode obviously had to end things on an open note. Dr. Heartless and Faker were able to narrowly escape and are still at large. Adashino wishes to pursue Heartless as well since he's in fact her older half-brother. Reines and Olga-Marie meet and become girlfriends, which honestly feels like it was an inevitability. The holiday season begins in London as during a party, Waver privately laments to Gray about feeling inadequate as the current Lord El-Melloi, and decides he will not participate in the Fifth Grail War, and Gray finally gives him the present she bought from the department store several episodes back. Waver passes out and has a dream where he encounters Iskandar; even when it's just a dream (or is it?) and they're in different realms entirely, the bond between these two still manages to get me. It ends as Waver returns to start teaching his class again. Sorry Waver, you're no Korosensei.

KonoSuba - Kazuma's party dealt with those wild horses that were drawn out by Darkness' masochism, then later that night have to deal with undead that were drawn out by Aqua. Kazuma's conscience is actually getting to him when the party keeps getting showered with praise and rewards for cleaning the messes they caused, which is pretty rare for him. And then the story changes gears to being about a city where every asshole in town belongs to the Axess Church and are out to convert Kazuma and Darkness, which I guess is a famous part of the show especially given how it ends at a dark punchline.

K-On! - Ms. Yamanaka being a secret crazy punk rocker who was a member of the previous music club was a twist that caught me off guard, but her split personality behavior and antics are entertaining as hell, so I love that she gets to be the club's advisor now. Mio then writes a song that everyone except Ritsu seems to love and accept, but Mio is too shy to sing it herself, so Yui has to do it. Only it turns out that Yui sucks at singing and playing guitar simultaneously even when she's good at both separately. Yamanaka teaches her to do so, but at the cost of Yui's voice going hoarse, so Mio it'll be after all!

Eureka Seven - The final stretch is on as Gekkostate arrives at the Vodarac shrine near the Great Wall, with Renton and Eureka needing to infiltrate the shrine and meet with the Coaralian Maiden known as Sakuya, who was Eureka's predecessor. Through a strange lotus bud, Eureka finds a spirit library much like the one she found when she nearly merged with the Scub Coral and meets Sakuya, who's sort of a medium between Eureka and Anemone personality-wise. All while Norb also tells Renton the backstory behind he and Sakuya. When Eureka takes energy from Sakuya and comes back out the other side, she's finally rid of that stupid haircut! How did that work?

Air -AGAIN??? We're doing the "split personality based off on an unborn sister" thing that Shuffle! did here? Only this time Michiru is visibly manifested as a separate entity from Minagi, and Yukito can clearly see and hear her and has been interacting with her for quite some time now, so I think he should be more alarmed about the truth he's just now learned. And if this wasn't enough of a dark turn to watch, Misuzu randomly broke down emotionally because this tends to happen whenever she's made a new friend that she's spent a good amount of time with, as she fears she'll not be able to hold on to the friends she's made. Her "mom" has been her only constant.

[probabludaistkf]

i heard you have ocs?

Oh heck yeah! Finally some one asked, bro you have no idea how long I’ve been holding this in warning it is LONG

Elijah

main OC he is currently 13 and about to go through a LOT. Half angel half demon also emo his father is a demon but doesn’t talk much about his mother and when asked dodges the question not because she’s dead or anything but she was part of his worst memories. All Elijah knows about her is that she was an angel, he also has a best friend who he’s known since the age of 4 named Xane (we’ll come onto him) in a foul attempt to learn more about his parents ,as his father is very secretive, he ends up roping his friends into the worst mess imaginable; they get into the middle of a war between two mafias as a third party that threatens to reveal all their secrets and one of his friends is directly involved with one side and his father the other. He also meets his grim reaper who in an act of mercy gave him three lives because he didn’t want to take someone so young. Elijah has an idol, a famous detective with no name, he aspires to be just like her no

likes: cats, mcr, Xane, Shelly (his girlfriend who he gets later on when he’s 15), the drums, skateboarding

dislikes: being called a vampire, being told what to do, his mother (but that comes later on), piano lessons (the ghost of an old lady teaches him and Xane on Sundays)

Xane

Just a lil’ ghost boy but not really, he wears a sheet over himself to look more like a ghost despite not being dead(the face on the sheet was drawn on by Elijah), although he does wish he was but not in a suicidal way. He is an orphan he was left on the doorstep of an old abandoned mansion and a married couple of ghosts took him in, the other ghosts weren’t pleased at first but soon grew attached to him. He’s very shy and doesn’t talk and he’s pretty much a wallflower. He does get bullied sometimes. No one has actually ever seen his face apart from the ghosts of course but no one else not even Elijah (he did get a glimpse but was knocked out immediately and forgot what happened). He also has a killer death metal voice. No one knows how he obtained that skill but you can always hear him at band practice.

likes : mochi, spiders, Elijah, skateboarding

dislikes: disobeying authority, the colour yellow, piano lessons, rin (we’ll come to him)

Anaiah

She is a dog girl she wasn’t originally thought so technically human. She has two older brothers Louis and Vencel and Louis is a bit of a mad scientist and he was testing to see if his dog girl serum was working which it did but he also made it to be permanent. He was making this serum because dog girls are fictional and he’s lost taste for prosthetic tails and ears. One method of obtaining his dream would be crossbreeding werewolves until he got results but that would be very illegal and expensive. She is quite the violent girl and is currently dealing with anger issues she may also be crushing on her friend. She plays the bass guitar and was taught be Vencel, Louis also taught her how to DJ and mix her own songs. She is very punk btw.

likes: Lilly, waffles, band practice, violence, her trusty bats (she has a lot her bedroom walls are lined with baseball bats), anime

dislikes: school rules, staying put for too long, eggs, spicy food

Lilly

She and her family are vampires and are very rich, her older brother is a famous pop idol and so to follow in his footsteps she became a popular influencer. He didn’t seem to pleased about it though. Most people recognise her from her brother which annoys her. When her brother got scouted and found out that dying his hair was in his contract she also dyed her hair the same shade of bright magenta. Her parent apply a lot of pressure on her to be perfect and get good grades but she likes hanging out with Anaiah because than she doesn’t have to be perfect she can do or be whatever she wants and she likes that same as when she’s making a video or on stream. It’s her dream to make as many people snails as her big brother does but she’ll soon learn why her brother doesn’t want her to take this path (he commits suicide). She is the groups lead female singer and she also plays the keyboard

likes: cats, boba, anime, sora/ whatever I’m gonna name him idk (her brother), spicy food

dislikes: being recognised for sora, being asked to change into a bat, rodents

YET TO BE NAMED!!!! Hopefully

Please note he is not a kitsune, I repeat NOT a kitsune!! He is a Korean yeoul they are completely different (probably make a post about it later this is already too long) he’s more average than the others also can’t do half the stuff they can because he’s Catholic. People often confuse him for Rin a kitsune exorcist who is an entirely different shade of orange btw. He does have an anthro form so the day I commit the grave sin of learning to draw furries you’ll start seeing more art of him. Doesn’t have much lore cause he’s a normal child apart from the fact his girlfriend is a slave to the mafia well one of them. He does help her cope and with his friends he’s trying to get her out of that hellhole. Also random fact he’s lactose intolerant and has a peanut allergy. He’s the guitarist and sometimes back up vocals. He is self taught and can often be caught playing the season 1 blue exorcist theme song to warm up

Likes: ramen, chicken, chicken flavoured ramen, cheese, peanut butter, blue exorcist,

dislikes: being unable to eat cheese and peanut butter, being banned from blue exorcist for mentioning the demonic, being called a kitsune

Also yet to be named seriously what is wrong with me

she is the poor victim of a human trafficking incident everything you can imagine she’s probably been forced to do it or had it done to her. I don’t know why I gave her so much trauma. She is a werewolf and her master is a high ranking executive of the mafia and is able to cover up his horrible acts, he is also a sex offender. Lilly is quite young but the miserable life she was forced to lead caused her to mature much faster than the others. I think I may stop here because I gave her way too much trauma so let’s look on the brighter side of things. She is unable to speak and so uses ASL(American sign language) or BSL (British sign language) (the day I learn to draw hands) she quickly bonded with Xane over that fact she also has many dog or wolf like tendencies for example tail wagging. Her tail conveys a lot of emotions even though her face might not. She does make sounds such as whining, barking or howling. In her anthro or wolf form she’s more comfortable and Is more likely to bark. She is also a Siberian wolf and if you can tell from the name she is indeed related to the Siberian husky so she is quite loud also the drama queen. To show affection she’ll lean on you and she licks YET TO BE NAMED!!!! instead of kisses, she does it around his neck and ears the first time she did it he misinterpreted it as a sexual gesture.

likes: chew toys, dog treats, YET TO BE NAMED!!!!, the dog park,

dislikes: her master, most forms of physical contact unless she deeply trusts you, stereotypes about what happens to her on a full moon (nothing happens apart from the fact she get her period)

Rin

Now this, this is a kitsune. You can tell from the number or tails he has he’s been around for more that 200 years. He’s also a major dick for no reason. He is worshipped and has a small shrine dedicated to him although it seems it’s most likely gone to his head. He’s an exorcist and keeps trying to exorcise the ghosts in Xane’s mansion Its the reason no one likes him. One day he was saved by this little girl who took him in and took care of him he did refuse he bit and scratched her but she seemed determined to show the fox affection even after he ran away she still loved him so he had no Choice but to settle down and be her new pet. The little girl is now an old lady and unknown to her a kitsune calls her ‘mama’ when no one’s around. He feels he has a debt to the woman but still hasn’t found a way to repay her even though he’s warded off all the evil spirits that could harm her resulting in her living a long, happy, healthy life but he still feels there’s he hasn’t done.

likes: feeling superior to people, stealing, being a fraud, scamming people

dislikes: being called a yeoul, being lied to, disrespect to his mama

[fencer-x]

gabisham replied to your photoset “WHAT DID I FUCKIN TELL YOU? RIN WILL GO OLYMPIC. HARU WILL GO OLYMPIC....”

I havent watched free since the 1st series can someone tell me who ikuya is?

Some spoilers for Season 3 and High Speed!! 2

After Rin moved to Australia in sixth grade, Haru and Makoto moved on to middle school. Haru was disenchanted with swimming the relay again because their group had been broken up, but over the course of the book, he gets his competitive spirit back and forms a new relay team with Makoto (backstroke), Ikuya (breaststroke), and Asahi (butterfly). 

However, shortly after their relay competition in the summer, winter comes as you know from the original Season 1, where Rin returns from Australia for winter break dejected and disillusioned. Haru realizes his swimming hurts others (this happens several times before too [including with Ikuya and Asahi], so Rin is the ‘straw that broke the camel’s back’ essentially that sends Haru spiralling), so he quits the swim team.

Haru’s abrupt abandonment of their newly formed relay team hits Ikuya especially hard, but through Season 3 of the anime, he comes back to the fold.

In ‘High Speed 2′, the novel where all of this takes place, we learn from Kirishima Natsuya (Ikuya’s older brother and captain of the swim team) that Ikuya has made a promise with his brother as well as another childhood friend that they will all become Olympians together, so Ikuya was set up to go Olympic years ago. Since he swims breaststroke, many in the fandom long suspected that he would be the Breaststroker on Haru and Rin’s relay team--and it looks like that’s about to happen!

However, they still need someone to swim backstroke. Natsuya seems to be kind of an all-rounder (though I *think* we only really see him swimming freestyle? My memory is fuzzy), and since he has Olympic aspirations and has been training hard, he’s a strong contender. His boyfriendbest friend Nao was an accomplished backstroke swimmer, but he’s had health issues since middle school, and I think now he’s mostly in an athletic managerial position, so probably not Nao.

The movie will probably spend half the time focusing on them rounding out their relay team/becoming a real team together and half the time on the actual Olympics races (because there’ll almost definitely be individual races too! Will we see Haru and Rin competing alongside one another in side-by-side lanes?? IF GOD LOVES ME, WE WILL).

[foxydivaxx]

Abel and Cain Chapter 1

This is the Blue Exorcist fic I have been working on lately that will lead to the anime Titans story. It is an AU of sorts and explores the dark facets of Rin and Yukio's personalities. This chapter is told from Yukio's POV mostly. This takes place after Rin's powers are exposed. I originally named this fic Abel and Cain

YUKIO's POV

I sigh to myself as I walk out of the conference room haven been briefed about the , all these formalities and nonsensical bureaucracy is doing my head in. Thankfully I managed to slip out without Rin ever finding out. Like I would want that fool to ruin things for me and steal the spotlight like he always does. You see that is the problem with Rin; he is nothing more than an attention whore who wants the world to revolve around him and adore him. As if, when he is not just Satan's son but also the closet thing to an actual demon whilst I am nothing more than the most perfect angel the world has ever seen. The idiot exposed himself to the world so it is only natural that I make things worse for him. The boy is nowhere to be seen, not like I give a fuck. He can die for all I care. Soon, the world shall bow to me once I enact my evil diabolical plan.

Ok, now I know you all gonna be like why am I being mean to him? He deserves it tbh because I am tired of being in his shadow. Sure he downplayed his intelligence to make me shine and also has helped in the past. But little does he realize that he is helping me that way. The more the fool destroys himself, the more powerful and popular I become. Although I do not show it in public, I do enjoy and crave the attention I get from those putrid whiny bitches that throw themselves at me.

That ironically gave me an idea which I shall put into action. But before that, I need to ditch the other thorn at my side that would surely ruin my plans; Shura. Yes idiot Shura, Shura who thinks she is superior to me. Well newsflash bitch, I am hundred times way better than everyone especially her, Rin and that wretched old man that rotted in hell. Oh yeah, on that side note, that is part of why I hate Rin or rather, that is my legitimate excuse for hating Rin when in fact, I have always hated my big brother and is trying to destroy him at every cost.

Yeah I told him all was forgiven and shit but I was just toying with him. Nii-san is extremely emotional and thus that makes it easier to exploit and manipulate him like I have always done ever since we were little kids. Anyhow, I digress. Back to the main topic at hand here people. Now where was I? Oh yes...

"Excuse me guys, gonna go to the loo." I lied as convincingly as I could and slip into the bathroom. Once inside, I make sure to lock up the door. "You may come out now my underlings." I say. A massive shadow is casted across the room and out come two male demons, one is much taller than I am with red hair and the other has messy green hair. Both have horns on their heads though they do not have tails, both wearing school uniforms. These two are my brothers Iblis the King of Fire and Beelzebub the King of Insects. Yes bitches, I do have demonic powers but they were supressed till recently hence why I have managed to get away with my evil deeds and put Rin in trouble all the time. Yes all the fights the buffoon gets into are my doing plus a couple of other things.

"Must you keep on calling us that?" Beelzebub whines. Iblis smacks upside in the head. "Silence!" he barked. Beelzebub pouts. I simply rolled my eyes. "Look I did not summon you here for some prit a prat. I have a mission for you both." I say with the most deadliest smirk in place.

NORMAL POV

"Where is Okumura-san?" Konekomaru asked. Shiemi looks up. " I haven't seen him since that incident." says Shiemi. "I did see him walking along the corridors at one point but he has been skipping classes." says Shima."Let's just forget about him." says Suguro. The others just do that and pretend that he does not exist. All except Izumo who is standing outside fists clenches.Those fakeass bitches!!! How dare they treat him that way?!!! I must find him at once and bring him back. With that, she races off to find him.

Rin meanwhile was seated on the rooftop of their dorm, breaking down in tears. They have all abandoned me. he says to himself. Kuro nuzzles him. Rin don't cry. I am sure your friends would find you. he says. He nods and absentmindedly pets the cat. Without realizing it, he opens his mouth and words began to flow:

Amaimon, Mephisto and a newly revived Astaroth walk towards the Okumura brothers’ dorms. “I am sure our little brother is here.” Sure enough, they find the boy sitting on the roof in tears.

Upon seeing him in such a pitiful state, Amaimon hugs his brother without a moment of hesitation whilst Astaroth pats his head. Kuro grins. See told ya so. The poor boy was confused out of his mind. "W-what are you guys doing here?" he asked. "What else?" says Mephisto.

"What are they doing here?! And is Reiji still under the influence?!!" he yelled, pointing at both Amaimon and Astaroth. "Whoa! Calm down otouto! We mean, no harm. Honest. Plus I actually do kinda look like Reiji in human form." says Astaroth, raising his hand. Rin glares at him suspiciously. "And besides, we have been searching for you following that little incident back there." says Mephisto.

Amaimon nods."It was not my intention to fight you or anything but it seemed like some powerful force had control over me and made me not only attack you but also enabled you to expose your powers." he said.

He gaped at them. "You mean via mind control?" Rin asked. Mephisto nodded. "Even I do not know who could have done that as Amaimon was perfectly sane when we left the house." Rin thinks. Unless that perpetrator might have followed them and placed some magic charm on Amaimon to act that way. "Indeed but we need to redeem Rin's image first because I discovered that someone filmed that fight and posted it on social media." says Mephisto.

"WHAT?!" Rin shouts. "Let me ask you something Rin, have you noticed anything strange about Yukio?" asked Mephisto. Rin sighs. “Besides the fact that he distances himself from me and often acts coldly towards me, nothing else.”

Mephisto simply nods. He too has been observing Yukio’s behaviour and had grown suspicious of the boy. The increased presence of minions of their brothers Beelzebub and Iblis certainly do not help matters. Amaimon did say that he say the two around True Cross talking to Yukio once which makes Yukio look even more shadier. What could that boy be discussing with those two? And if Lucifer is involved in this, that makes it worse.

"Now otouto, we must make haste and take you out of here to somewhere where you can relax and unwind and become the man you ought to be and not what Yukio dictates you to be." he says.

Rin nods. "You do have a point there. I am tired of always playing second fiddle to that bastard." He then smirks deviously. "I want to be the man I ought to be." Amaimon pats his back. "See? This is what we wanted to tell you otouto." he said. Astaroth pats him on the back. " Now you will have to pack up though and bring both Kurikara and that familiar of yours with ya." says Mephisto. Rin nods. "Here goes nothing." he says.

Rin's POV

I sigh as soon as I reach the dorm. Yukio hasn't arrived home yet which is a blessing because I cannot stand another week of talkless days and nights with my twin. Speaking of which, said boy has been acting weird towards me, almost as if I do not exist. I do not blame him afterall, I killed Shiro Fujimoto our beloved adoptive Father plus all this stuff regarding me being Satan's Son and inheriting his flames is causing all sorts of drama for me.

Those stupid Grigori bitches put me on trial and treated me like a fucking animal. Ok, I admit to losing control of my flames but truth be told that I had no idea what happened back there and now that I think about it, Amaimon may most likely have been under some form of mind control. I mean, Mephisto did try to stop him from attacking me. Nothing adds up to be honest and for some weird reason I suspect Yukio here.

I know strange but it is true. That boy has always been suspicious. All this talk about long missions and whatnot is starting to become even more weird to me. Yes he is my brother but at the same time, let me acknowledge the abuse he has subjected me to. I was so naive to have allowed that bastard to take advantage of me for years.

Still, it is strange that these two older brothers of mine plus Mephisto are treating me nicely and seem to understand me, accepting me even better than my own twin. That alone makes me feel uneasy. My train of thoughts gets distracted by a little meow from beside me. Hurry up Rin. You need to pack up. says Kuro. I nod and begin to pack up my stuff. I bet Yukio would throw a fit when he does not see me for days though to be honest, I doubt he would even care since he hasn't been acting brotherly to me lately, probably enjoying all the popularity that he is getting now at school. It is obvious that that bitch enjoys all the attention as he treats me like I am second rate everytime especially behind the scenes but still pretends to be all nice to me in public.

 Everyone thinks that I am stupid and clueless about my surroundings.  Actually I am not very happy go lucky. If anything I am much darker than that and much smarter than people give me credit for. I just pretend to be stupid to hide my real self because if these bitches knew just how smart and powerful I truly am, that would scare the shit out of them.

I smile bitterly as I throw my clothes into my bag. That dream inspired by what the old man spoke to me as a kid, the words encouraging me to shape up and be the man that loads of people would admire, the hero that I aspire to be, seems almost impossible to reach now, not with the current scandal I have been hit with. I cannot help but chuckle at that word. Yes when the entire school knows about your true heritage, it is certainly one hell of a scandal. Once I am done packing, I take one final look at what has been my home for the past couple months and leave. Chances are this would be the last time Yukio and I would ever see each other again.

Anyhow, I leave that dorm and head off to meet Mephisto and the others at the car park. "I have already sorted out the mess involving people knowing about your identity." says Mephisto. "Uhm, how?" I asked. "Trust me, it's best you do not know." says Astaroth. "Anyhow, we must be off." says Mephisto. We all get into the limo and drive off.

NORMAL POV

Izumo arrives Rin’s dorm, only to find it vacated. “Oh my God....don’t tell me that I am already late...”

Before she could turn around, she gets knocked out by a mysterious person.

So there you have it guys. I originally posted this and deleted it by mistake. Thank goodness I still saved the draft of the original fic  and edited some stuff in here.  Might do a spinoff on Izumo.

[iheartgod175]

A Guide to LOST SONG - Part 1

AKA The anime that made me love Konomi Suzuki

When I stumbled across Lost Song on Netflix, I didn’t know what to expect. The style looked vaguely interesting, and I could tell immediately from the title that it had something to do with music. So I gave it a shot.

And boy howdy, am I glad that I did. This anime is not flawless, but there are so many things I loved about it that it almost outweighs the bad. It exposed me to Konomi Suzuki, who I absolutely love now. And it made me love Yukari Tamura even more, if that was possible. The fandom is small, but it’s passionate in sharing its excitement and knowledge of this anime. And for a while I thought of doing a review, but it hit me to do a guide for the anime to introduce others to it. 

So, let’s get into the bare bones of this anime, shall we?

(I’ll be writing my own synopsis since the one on Wikipedia is terrible)

(NOTE: LIGHT SPOILERS AHEAD!)

The Plot

We have two protagonists, Rin (voiced by Konomi Suzuki in her first acting role) and Silver-Haired Nanoha-I mean Finis (voiced by Yukari Tamura). Rin is a simple country girl who’s adorably ditzy, loves to eat food and most of all loves to sing. Finis is a beautiful but clumsy and airheaded songstress hired by the Capital to use her songs to aid the kingdom’s war effort. Both of our female leads have the ability to sing Spirit Songs, songs that can manipulate the four elements of the world and bring about miracles.  Both of them have problems related to their singing: Rin’s grandfather, Talgia, forbids her from singing for mysterious reasons, and she finds support from her older sister Mel and younger brother Al, the latter of whom wishes to go to the Capital to become a scientist (despite his numerous failed inventions). Finis’ songs, while vital to ending the war, severely shorten her lifespan, and she is seen as nothing more than a tool of war by the Capital’s war effort, namely by the prince, Rudo Bernstein (more on him in a bit). The only people who see her as a person are her servant Corte and Henry Leobolt, a knight assigned to protect her by Prince Rudo.

Certain events--the burning of Rin and Al’s village and the deaths of their sister and grandfather, and Finis and Henry’s forbidden romance amidst the war--set the stage for Rin and Finis to finally meet. Will the last song be one to save the world...or destroy it? 

The Characters

Lost Song has a host of characters, both male and female, that have an important role in the story and all get their own time to shine (although some characters do get the short end of the stick, as I’ll explain in part 2).

I’ll be breaking them down as best as I can, hopefully with as few spoilers as possible!

**NOTE: I’ll be using the Netflix translations for their names until further info is revealed (like how to actually spell them correctly)

Rin

A village girl with a passion for singing

Greatest wish is to travel to the capital to sing at the Star Song Festival

Blessed with an amazing voice, but is banned from singing by her grandfather

Possesses a mysterious power to both control the elements and create “miracles” with her songs

Loves her family and friends dearly

Blames herself for her sister’s and grandfather’s deaths as her song led Bazra to her village

Occasionally ditzy, gluttonous and sometimes hard on herself (due to the aforementioned deaths of her family), but is otherwise a sweet, selfless girl who tries to understand others

Will recklessly throw herself in danger to help those in trouble

Finis

The Capital’s Songstress who is also referred to as a goddess by the capital’s army due to her Power of Songs

Also blessed with an amazing voice (YUKARI TAMURA, DUH)

Her songs are used for war, so she is seen as a weapon by many of the Capital’s elite, namely Prince Rudo

Continued use of her songs shortens her lifespan, a fact known to her servant, Corte

Falls in love with Henry Leobolt, a knight assigned to protect her during the war, due to him treating her like an actual person.

Is eventually forced to kill people with her songs so Rudo won’t kill Henry

Very airheaded and has NO sense of direction, but is otherwise a sweet woman.

Al Hawkray

Rin’s adopted younger brother and Mel’s biological younger brother 

An aspiring inventor and scientist whose inventions sometimes fail at the worst possible time

Constantly points out how things involving songs are scientifically impossible

Travels with Rin to the capital after their village is destroyed and his grandfather and Mel are killed

Despite his bad luck, several of his inventions have proven to be useful as weapons (ie. his Star Bombs)

Greatly admires Dr. Weissen

Often the butt of everyone’s jokes, much to his annoyance

A little salty with his companions, but cares for them nonetheless

Has an unrequited crush on Rin

Pony Goodlight

A former Court Minstrel who travels around the country

Rin and Al’s first companion

Left the Capital and her job for unknown reasons

Is also a pretty good singer (her VA, Chiaki Takahashi, is Azusa from iM@S after all), with a knowledge of many Legendary Songs that she teaches to Rin

Likes to think of herself as mature, but can be somewhat temperamental

DOES NOT like to be called old. Or ugly. 

Also hates bugs

Likes to drink and gamble 

Has the hots for Henry Leobolt (calling him “Hottie” on several occassions)

The Lux Sisters (Monica and Allu)

Allu is the oldest, with short red hair and red eyes

Monica is younger with brown hair that covers one eye, and wears a strange rabbit suit 

They are Rhythmists who were working for the capital to manufacture Echo Devices for the war

They originally went to the capital to become Minstrels in the Court Orchestra, but gave it up to earn money to heal their mother’s blindness

When Rin heals their mother with the Song of Healing, they join Rin, Al and Pony on their journey to the capital

Allu is the braver of the two, but can come off as rude and harsh to those who meet her. Very protective of Monica, and has a habit of randomly drumming on objects at times

Monica is quieter, cowardly (having a habit fo falling asleep when in danger) and speaks very little. Is also a very good singer and can imitate any song perfectly after hearing it just once

Both are good friends with Rin (who healed their mom) and often tease Al (much to his chagrin)

Mel Hawkray

Rin and Al’s older sister

The only one who supports Rin’s singing talents, and is said to spoil Rin a little

Dies in the first episode, but appears a few times (in Rin’s dreams), and is mentioned by both Rin and Al

A sweet, nurturing woman who loves her siblings

THE MOST underused character in this whole show

Corte (pictured on the right)

Finis’ servant, who serves as a mother figure

Is practically glued to Finis’ side, though Finis loves her just as much and can’t function without her

Is always worried for Finis’ safety, but will put her life on the line to protect her

Supports Henry and Finis’ relationship

Dislikes Prince Rudo (then again, who doesn’t like him?) and knows of the danger he poses to Finis and Henry

Talgia Hawkray

Rin’s adoptive grandfather and Mel and Al’s biolgical grandfather

Kind old man, honestly, but is strict, especially with Rin

Bans Rin from singing for unexplained reasons, which causes a strain in their relationship

Also dies in the first episode, but appears later on in some very important scenes detailing Rin’s past

Along with Finis and Rin, he’s a fairly important character (if minor)

Henry Leobolt

A knight from the famous Leobolt family who is Finis’ bodyguard

A strong, brave and caring man who sticks with his ethics

He owns a family sword that is said to never break or rust, and is a master swordsman who can take down a whole army

Is wholly against war, but will not hesitate to defend himself, his men, or those he’s sworn to protect

Falls in love with Finis, and as a result is moved to the frontlines by Rudo as punishment, but manages to survive and command his own team of men

Knows of Finis’ curse and hates to see her suffer for his sake

Dr. Weissen

An eccentric old man who happens to be a renowned physicist, inventor and scientist

Has a croissant on his cane for random snacking (no, really he does)

Crotchety at first, but is actually a kindhearted old man

He originally did research to help people, but was then forced to build weapons of war under Rudo’s rule

Lost his entire lab, his assistants and his inventions to the Capital, which made him lose hope

Takes on Al as his assistant after Rin restores his lab and becomes his mentor

Prince Rudo Bernstein IV

The prince of the Capital

A cold, heartless, ruthless person who will kill those who oppose him in a heartbeat

Is disliked by many of the populace (and for good reason)

Is engaged to Finis (who dislikes him)

Hates Henry Leobolt, especially after he falls in love with Finis, and tried to kill him by putting him in the frontline of the war

Uses Finis as a tool of war, and eventually convinces her to use her songs to kill people by threatening to kill Henry

Bazra Bearmors

The General of the Capital’s army

A ruthless man who uses others for his personal gain

Is rivals with Henry Leobolt and tried to kill him several times throughout the show

Destroyed Weissen’s lab and also killed Rin’s grandfather

A powerful swordsman who can go toe to toe with Henry

The only other characters I can think of are the men that eventually join up with Henry after Rudo puts him on the frontline, but they’re minor, and not even the official site lists them as characters ^^;

Part 2 will kind of go into a bit more details about what to look for in the plot following episode 7, where things REALLY get kind of crazy, as well as my general opinions on the characters, the music and the general tone of the show.

If this mini guide had you interested in the ainime, then that’s great! I’m hoping that more people catch on to watching Lost Song. It really needs more love!

~iheartgod175, out!

[docholligay]

If you are still doing it, Haruka with #8, imaginary friends. Your writing is so lovely! I aspire to be like you.

Number one: Thank you so much for the kind remark

Number two: HOLY SHIT. Okay, i have been working my ass off all day on this, as hard as I can, so I hope y’all enjoy it! This has some ideas and themes in it from a very old AU I did, that I ended up discontinuing and deleting because no one really seemed to respond to it, but i got a chance to reuse my old notes here, which is great! If you love this, or any of my spoopy work, please consider leaving a comment! That’s how I know people like things! Also please consider donating to my SPECIAL TRIP KO-FI. This is actually a joint ko-fi for me and Jet, and every dollar that goes into it is going to our massive road trip. If you want it earmarked for a specific city, or thing we’re going to do, just leave it in the notes, and I promise you we will. Cities are New Orleans, Disneyworld, Atlanta, Nashville, St. Louis, Chicago, Minneapolis, and Deadwood. 

This is 10,700 words long and I wrote it starting at 7 this morning. If you want some mood music, I’ve been using this pretty extensively. 

My name is Haruka Tenoh. I’m 17 years old. I’m pretty tall for my age, I’m not very good at school—just track and the career center, where they shuffle off kids like me that aren’t as good at thinking as they are at doing. I like cars and romantic movies and my favorite chore is mowing the lawn. I’m gay and it shows. My favorite color is that sort of deep yellow that’s everywhere in fall.

And my house is haunted.

I know that’s not how you’re supposed to tell the story, there’s supposed to be more buildup or something, there’s supposed to be a bunch of scenes where something’s just a little bit wrong and it’s dark and shadowy and there’s maybe a really intense violin.

Well, there was a piano, I guess. I’ll tell you about that when it’s time.

Anyway, I’ve never been very good at telling stories. So I’ll just tell you it’s haunted. I’m just telling this story in case I can’t, later.

It started when we moved into the house. It’s a big mansion, my mom wrote a novel series, and it was really good, a lot of people liked it, so we bought a big mansion in a smaller town by the sea. It was because of me. It always is. I got kicked out of my old school for fighting. You can smell the ocean from the house.

I looked up at it, and I couldn’t believe how huge it was, even though I’d seen pictures. I just stood there, holding a box and staring at the place. I couldn’t think of anything to say. That happens to me a lot..

“Don’t you love it, Ru?” My dad clapped my shoulder. He’s shorter than me. So’s mom. Everyone can tell I don’t belong.

I nodded. “It’s really pretty. I know mom likes the woodwork.”

“That reminds me, we have to go to the school and get you set up for the career center.” He was trying to be excited for me.

I sighed and tried to look somewhere else, maybe at the stained glass that topped the second floor windows. I don’t ever want to talk about school, and I didn’t then either.

“C’mon, I think you’ll like it,” He punched my arm the way he did when he wanted me to cheer up, “we’ll sign you up for their mechanics class and woodwork, and if you do well they’ll let you take more out there.”

He was right, I do like it now. I don’t feel so stupid out there. I get good grades out there. I didn’t know that then, though.

My little sister jumped on my back and nearly knocked me over, giggling. I heard my little brother running up to join her, and he grabbed my arm.

That’s the other reason I’m writing this story. Being their big sister is the only good thing I’ve ever done in my life, and if she does anything to hurt them, I’m burning this house to the ground, and I want everyone to know why.

“Which room’s mine?” Hanae held tighter onto my back. No matter how big she gets, she still thinks I’ll be able to carry her and anything else I have in my hands. I will.

“I think we get to pick.”

“I want the biggest one!”

My dad shook his head. “The biggest one’s for Haruka, Hanae.”

She scowled. I couldn’t see it, but I could feel it. Hanae’s my bossy little princess. “That’s not fair!”

“Well,” my dad smiled at her, “who’s bigger, you or Haruka?”

“Hanae,” I promised her, “I’ll make sure you get the prettiest room, though.”

I looked up at the house. Maybe the room with the round window. I guess I didn’t know which room was the master, houses like that are laid out in really particular ways, like they each have their own personality. I guess that’s why I felt like it was staring at me. Or that wasn’t why, but it made sense then. There was a little fenced area on the roof, that I couldn’t stop looking at. I get hung up on weird things sometimes.

“Dad, what’s that?” I shuffled the box under my arm. Rin wanted to hold my hand and pull me into the house.

“Oh?” he looked up, “Widow’s walk! It’s a place where women used to look out to the sea for sailors to come home, or something.” He looked between Rin and Hanae, “I don’t want either of you up there. It’s dangerous,” he nodded at me, “If you go look at it, I want you to be really careful.”

Dad was right, it was dangerous, but he just didn’t know how right then.

___

Dad led me up to the attic after we helped Hanae pick a room that she liked, but was also actually a bedroom—her first choice was what Mom called the drawing room, lots of woodwork and some gold on the molding.

The stairs to it were smaller than the huge carves staircase to the rest of the house, but there were windows in it, and it seemed nice.

“I was thinking you’d like a space that’s kind of your own,” he had a box of my stuff in his hands. “since you’re getting to be an adult now.”

He opened the door. The attic was huge, with old wood floors, not as finished as the rest of the house, and more worn, but I think I liked it better because of that. It looked less polished. It felt like I felt.

“I thought we could put a little couch for you over here,” He pointed to the other half of the room, “I mean we’re gonna have to disassemble everything to get it up here, but that shouldn’t be any problem for you and me, I don’t think. We got you a bigger bed, you’re too damn tall for a full anymore, Ru, so your mom and I got you a queen,” he chuckled, “don’t want your toes to stick out. We’re a little worried it’ll get cold in winter, but if that happen we’ll get you a heater and shore up the insulation in spring.”

I don’t deserve my parents. They’ve always done everything to take care of me, and I’ve always been a pain.

“Do you not like it? You can take a room downstairs, that’s okay.”

“No,” I shook my head, “just thinking.”

You ever get that feeling that something’s alive? That you’re being watched, even though it can’t be true? Sometimes I’ve felt that way and it was a dog, or a cat, or my sister or brother being quieter than I’d think they could be. They can do a lot of things for the sake of teasing me. I felt that. I felt like the room was alive, that it was watching me. Those little hairs at the back of my neck stood up, like when someone touches them right after you get your hair cut, and it runs all the way down your back. Dad didn’t seem to feel it. Maybe he was just trying to make me feel better.

I set down the box in my hands. “No, I like it, Dad. Thanks.”

Dad kept talking about how I could organize it however I want, and we could build a lot of little shelves and a desk into the pitched parts of the roof, and there was already a little bathroom up here, so it’d be like my own little apartment, sort of. But all I could think about was the weird feeling I had in this room, in the whole house, that it wasn’t quite empty. I thought I was being stupid. I can be sometimes.

But I wasn’t.

___

I tried to get excited for back to school shopping, for my mom. She wanted to buy me some new things for a new school, even if I didn’t care. It didn’t really matter if I had new sweaters or not. I’m not very good at making friends. I get mad when I get my feelings hurt, even if I’ve been working really hard to not do that. I wish I could just stay home.

“This backpack of yours is falling apart, Haruka.” She picked up my backpack, and yeah, it wasn’t so much blue anymore, more grey now, and the strap was kind of coming off, but I pinned it back together with some safety pins. “You’re so rough on things, I can’t send you to school like this, honey.”

“I don’t need anything new.” I was being pouty, I guess. It’s not Mom’s fault I’m bad at school, I just get really…what’s the word Mom used? Sullen, sometimes.

She sat down on my bed and touched my leg. “Haruka, please let me buy you some new things. It’s a new year. I would love to buy you something nice, they have a very nice men’s department store here, downtown, we can get you some warm sweaters, and maybe even a nice messenger bag, a little bit older and more professional, even, if you’d like.”

It was a problem at my old school, the way I dress, and act, and am, I guess. I’m not very girly. I don’t mind being a girl. I just don’t like doing the things girls are supposed to, or the way they’re supposed to look. I’m my own kind of girl, but lots of people don’t like that. They want me to either act different or be something else.

But my parents have never been like that. When they first got me they took me to the boys’ section, just because I asked. They’ve never tried to buy me anything else.  Mom fought with the school I used to go to to let me wear a suit to the dance. I told her I didn’t want to go anyway. It was sort of true. I’m tired of the way people whisper about me, for one reason or another. There’s nothing about me that’s right.

I just laughed in that way you do when it’s not really funny. “Like I’m gonna need anything professional, ever. I’m not going to college.”

“Sweetheart,” she moved closer to me and laid her hand on my wrist. “you don’t have to. We love you, and you’re very smart, and I think this program will be good for you, and all we want is for you to be happy. You’ve had such a hard time and,” She got upset, then. I don’t like it when she gets upset because of me, “I’m so sorry we sent you to that school.”

“Mom, Mom,” I gave her a hug. Even when I’m trying not to be a problem, I am. “You can buy me a new backpack. It’s okay.”

She sniffled. “And sweaters.”

“Yeah, sweaters too.”

She pulled away and smiled at me. “Just you and me, Ruka. We’ll go have lunch, and go shopping, and you won’t have to worry about Hanae trying to talk you into a unicorn glitter backpack.”

I wanted to tell her. I trust my mom. She’s never minded that I was butch, or gay, or not good at reading even though she’s a writer. I know she loves me. I wanted to tell her I never felt alone in my bedroom, that it felt like someone was watching me, like someone was interested. It wasn’t mean or anything, but it was everywhere in the house. I wanted to ask if she felt the same way.

But she just kissed my forehead, and I didn’t.

“Mom?” I called after her. “Sorry I’m such a pain in the ass.”

“Well, you’re lucky you’re cute.” She was happy now. She likes to do things with me, she always has. She was the first person since I was a little girl who did. “I bet all those girls at school have no idea what they’re in for.”

“Mom!” I felt myself blush. It was easy to pretend I was smooth bragging with the guys on the track team, but like a lot of things with me, it was bullshit.

I’ve never even kissed a girl.

She went downstairs, laughing, and I changed into my pajamas, and swear I saw a dip in that old armchair in the corner, the comfortable one with the old velvet, and felt someone looking at me.

___

I know I’m talking a lot about my family, but you have to know what I have to protect, or you won’t care.

It started to get weird the night before school started.

I was wrestling with Hanae and Rin on the floor of our den, the thing that used to be the drawing room. They really like to wrestle with me. Rin was trying to flip me over while Hanae pulled a little too hard on my hair, but I let her. Rin’s only eight, but he’s getting so strong.

“That’s it,” Dad said, “work as a team! Remember that documentary about Yellowstone, this is how wolves bring down an elk.”

I flipped onto my back and bucked Hanae off, and she squealed really happily. It made me smile, and I looked up at Dad and laughed as Hanae jumped onto my stomach. “Oof! Hey, no taking sides!” I pulled Rin down by his waist and hugged him tight as he wiggled.

“Sorry, kiddo, this is how we teach the pups to hunt.” He likes how much I love my sister and brother, and how much they love me. They’re my favorite thing in the world.

I died dramatically on the rug and closed my eyes as they kept crawling on me. “I give up. You killed me.”

Rin buried his face in my stomach and growled. Hanae just sat on my chest and watched, until he looked up. “C’mon, Hanae, we gotta eat her while she’s still fresh.”

Mom came in. I think she’s always the most excited for school. “Who’s ready for school tomorrow? Backpacks all packed up? I made lunches for everyone, don’t forget them in the morning.”

Hanae crawled off me and I finally took a deep breath again, which she pretty well ignored, she was so excited. “I am! I’m gonna wear my new pick dress, and I have my glitter crayons to share, and I’m gonna trade at lunch!”

Rin took a break from eating my dead body to add, “I’m gonna wear my dinosaur shirt!”

Mom looked at me, like I knew she would. “And you? Are you ready?”

I just laid there dead on the rug with my eyes closed.  “Well I don’t have glitter crayons OR a dinosaur shirt, so I guess I’m shit out of luck.” \

“Watch your mouth, kid.” Dad called at me from the couch.

Hanae tapped me on the shoulder and whispered to me. “Ruka, you can have one of my glitter crayons, I don’t even want the dark blue that bad.”

You see why I’ve gotta protect her, right?

“It’s okay.” I gave a little laugh. She’s so sweet to me.

Mom leaned against the frame of the door. “What about that robin’s egg blue sweater with the purple gingham shirt underneath? The color looks so nice on you.”

I love my mother a lot, and she loves me, but sometimes I don’t know if she remembers what high school is like.

“Mom,” I sat up on my elbow and looked at her, trying to be jokey, “I’m not going to school looking like an accountant. Besides, it doesn’t fit me anymore, I’m too tall.”

We bought that sweater when I was 15, and I’ve grown a couple inches since then. Dad wonders if I’m ever going to stop.

She looked at me with a weird look on her face. She can’t quite figure me out. Who can? “I just saw it hanging in your closet this afternoon, I thought we got rid of everything you couldn’t wear.”

I don’t want to say why I kept it, and I wish she’d just know. It was a dumb thing to keep, and I know that, but she bought it for me to wear the day they officially adopted me. I like having it. It was a happy day for me. They let me into their house a few years before that, but it was just nice to know someone was willing to keep me.

So I just shrugged and said I just wanted to keep it.

Either she remembered why, or she just didn’t want to make me feel bad, but she didn’t say anything else about it, just told us anyone who hadn’t reached double digits had to go to bed.

I decided to go to bed. I was tired anyway, and I wasn’t excited for school, and I didn’t want to make Mom and Dad worry with me not being excited. Hanae and Rin groaned but it helped that I was going, and they trudged up the stairs with me.

“I left some cookies on your desk for a snack, Haruka.” Mom touched my shoulder as she went to help them get ready for bed.

It makes sense to protect all of them, I hope, now.

I thanked her and opened the door to my staircase. I swear there was something there. Normally, I might say that I’m just crazy, and that I didn’t really see anything, but now I know I wasn’t. It wasn’t anything big, just something against the dark, a little light that shimmered in a shape I couldn’t quite place. It reminded me of the way milk swirls in water.

I shook my head and it was gone, whatever it was. Trick of the light, I thought.

But it wasn’t.

___

I don’t always have trouble sleeping, but sometimes I do, when I’m nervous or upset or I can’t stop dreaming about the way things were when I was littler. My therapist, person number 328 who realizes how fucked up I am, has tried to get me to do guided meditation before, when this happens, but I’m not very good at it. That really shouldn’t surprise anyone.

I was tossing and turning, even though the new bed they got me is comfortable. It’s soft, the way I like things. And I liked my new room, even with the feeling of being watched, I mean that was everywhere in the house anyway. Dad and I had built all those shelves, and my desk set into it, with a big bulletin board on the end of the room next to the couch where I could post school assignments and calendars and stuff I needed. All that was up there now was a picture Hanae drew for me of me riding a unicorn.

And then I heard music from downstairs.

We’ve got a piano. I think Mom mostly wanted it because we moved into a big old mansion and that seems like the sort of thing you should have in a big, old mansion. I know Mom can play a little, and Hanae and Rin are taking lessons, but this was nothing like this. I’d never heard anything like it. I’m not saying I know a lot about music outside of what’s in cartoons, but I know I’ve never heard it before.

It was beautiful. No one in my family can play like that.

Someone else was in the house.

I got up as fast as I could and pulled on my slippers. I rushed to the door, and threw it open, running down my little flight of stairs. It looked like everyone else was still asleep, and I was glad. If someone was breaking into the house, it should be me that stopped them.

I got to the top of the big staircase and realized how stupid I was being. If someone was breaking into the house, why would they stop to play the piano? And since when is a lifelong crook that good at music? I mean, maybe. Who knows, but, it seemed kinda dumb. Serial murderers are usually really smart, my brain helpfully reminded me.

I looked over at the picture on the staircase wall next to me, the first thing you saw as it wrapped around. Me, in that blue sweater and braces, my little sister on my hip with her arms thrown around my neck, Mom and Dad behind me and Rin smiling so hard you could barely see his face.

Whether I thought it was a burglar or not, I had to do something, that makes sense, right? I know in horror movies you always tell people not to go towards the noise, but sometimes people have a lot of reasons for doing the things they do.

It must be Mom. Mom knows how to play the piano. These things were just as stupid as thinking it was a burglar, but they made me feel better, that it was just going to be Mom, that she was going to smile at me and apologize for waking me up. She wrote in the middle of the night sometimes.

The staircase creaked, and I know it can’t have been, but it felt so loud, and I knew whatever it was, that half of my brain was saying was Mom, and half of my brain thought was a serial murderer and another half of my brain, the part that was the worst at math, kept whispering that it was the thing in the house, I know there’s a thing in the house even though nobody else sees it, whatever it was, could hear me, and knew I was there, and was just waiting.

The music kept playing as I toed quietly down the stairs, passing all the pictures of Rin and Hanae and me, lined up on the first day of school as always, just like we would be tomorrow morning.

Assumed I lived to tomorrow morning.

I got to the edge of the den and took a deep breath. I just walked in. I did really know what to do.

“Mom?” It sounded like I really wanted her. I guess I did.

There was nothing. The room was empty, just the piano and the couches and the TV and all the stuff that’s always there. Nothing else. Nothing had even been moved. It was the kind of quiet that’s almost too quiet, when it feels like it’s actively sucking all the noise from the room, even the sound of your own breathing.

“I must have been dreaming.” I said it just so I could prove you could say something.

I decided I was crazy, which with me is a pretty reasonable decision, and started to go back upstairs. I had only gotten up five or six when the music started again, and it was even louder this time, like whatever it was in the den, because I knew it wasn’t a whoever now, was making fun of me, and all I could think was that it was smart and it was mean and it might hurt Rin and Hanae, and I ran back into the den and almost wiped out as my slippers, well, slipped.

“H-hello?” I made myself as big as I could, and yelled. “If’ you’re fucking with me, I’ll kick your ass! Come out!”

A cat jumped down from the top of the piano onto the keys, and normally I wouldn’t say this, but I guess if you’re reading this I’m already dead.

I screamed and jumped into the wall.

And then I looked at the little grey cat, and felt pretty stupid, and relieved, and that really special kind of happy stupid you can feel only when you know you’re safe after being in trouble. I went and picked him up, and cuddled him into my chest.

“It was just you! You scared me, kitty,” He curled under my chin and purred, and his fur was so soft. “How did you get in here? I bet someone really misses you.”

And then I thought I heard something. Nothing loud, and nothing much. Just a little comment, almost. It was quick and quiet and clipped, like one of those old historical TV shows, and I knew that, even though  I wasn’t sure what it said. I just knew it said something.

But I wasn’t ready to hear it. Just like I wasn’t ready to admit that a cat wasn’t playing the piano. Sometimes there can be something right in front of us, but we still can’t see it. We keep making it into something else. People do that with me, like I said. You’d think I’d be better.

But I wasn’t ready.

I just shook my head. “I must be cracking up. C’mon kitty, you can sleep with me and we’ll find your owner in the morning.”

I wasn’t watched in my room that night. The musician stayed downstairs.

___

My mom and dad really mean well, but sometimes they drive me crazy.

I was trying really hard to write an essay when the next thing happened. It was just a one page essay, but I’d been staring at it for at least an hour, I think I’d written two words. I’m not very good at words, and sometimes my mom has to help me, but I didn’t want to bother her.

I was mad at her too, I guess. The principal called me into his office that day, even though I hadn’t done anything. He knew that I hadn’t done anything, that I was trying to be on my best behavior, but both Dad and Mom had called, trying to explain to him my file, and what I’m really like, and all the stuff that had happened. I wish they wouldn’t have. People like him never listen about kids like me, we’re just problems.

I was proud of myself, though. I didn’t get mad. I stayed really calm. Even though he kept telling me he wouldn’t put up with me, and that I wasn’t as sweet as my parents thought I was. Like I don’t know that.

He’s a jerk anyway.

I started to think a lot about school. I tried really hard at St. Mark’s. I got okay grades. I was really good on the track team. Mom and Dad were proud of me, and I was happy about that, because they’ve done a lot for me, and I want to make them proud of me. I want them to feel like I’m not a waste.

But like I told you in the beginning, I’m gay and it shows. Girls don’t like to share a locker room with me, and even if they didn’t care, their friends do. No one wants to be your friend when they think they’ll be called a lesbian too, just for hanging out with you. And once they found out everything else about me, that was it. I told them to just leave me alone, but I was the weird one, and the new one, and the thrown out trash, and the dyke.  They just kept picking. That fucking guy went too far that one day and I ended it. I was surprised they let me finish out the year.

I didn’t have to worry about anyone teasing me, because nobody talked to me.

I don’t like to think about it. It makes me sad. But I couldn’t stop thinking about it that day. And how the same thing was going to happen here, they’d find out I was gay, and I’d been held back a year, and that I‘m stupid, and that no one wanted me.

I don’t want to tell you this, but I don’t think the next part makes any sense if you don’t know.

I started to cry.

I don’t know how long I’d been crying. I don’t think that long, when there was a huge bang behind me, and the bulletin board flew off the wall, everything exploding off of it, all the little schedules I’d put up and the calendar Mom made me with all my track meets and appointments, Hanae’s glitter picture of me riding a unicorn, the polaroid Dad had taken of me this morning with the old Challenger he and Mom bought me, pins and decorations and everything, all over the place.

It scared me into stopping, which was good, I guess.

It didn’t make any sense. I went over to it, and the screws were still in the wall. Dad and I’d checked the plaster for weight when we’d hung it. We’d been careful. Which was, I guess, why the screws weren’t missing at all. The notches on the back of the bulletin board jumped out at me, really deep in the frame, all of it was good quality it made no sense unless—unless someone had lifted it up and over the notches, and tossed it to the ground. It didn’t make any sense. Or, I guess, the answer I knew was true, I didn’t want to think about.

I heard Dad running up the stairs, and really hoped it didn’t think it was me.

“Haruka?” he looked in my door. “You okay?”

“Yeah, the bulletin board just fell.” I wasn’t sure what else to say. How do you explain to your dad that you think something in the house is following you, all the time?

“How’d that happen?”

“I don’t know. I was just sitting there.” I guess it wasn’t true that I didn’t know. I wasn’t all lying. I was just pretty sure, at least part of me was.

“I don’t know, Ru.” He started to pick up my stuff, just like he picks up all my messes. “How was school?”

My dad’s really good at moving from one thing I don’t want to talk about to another one. “Fine.”

“Find your locker okay?”

He’s going to keep going until I say something real. “Dad. C’mon.”

“You seem upset.” He leaned the bulletin board back against the wall. I just kept cleaning.

“Just tired. A lot of new stuff.”

I try really hard, to be the kind of daughter they deserve. I try to tell them the truth, and do my chores, and help take care of Hanae and Rin, but it’s just the way I am, where I can’t say things I mean. I wanted to tell Dad I was scared, and that I felt lonely, and that I didn’t want to be scared and lonely anymore, but I thought it was the only way I could be, and I just wanted to be home where people liked me.

“You were in a good mood this morning,” he said, because my dad doesn’t let me just creep away from this stuff.

I laughed a little though. “I got a car this morning, of course I was in a good mood. I just don’t like school.” I didn’t want to get upset again, go I shook my head. ‘I’m not good at it.”

Dad put his hand on my shoulder. He worries about me a lot. I feel bad that he does. “I know it’s hard for you. But you’re plenty smart, Haruka, and we’ll help you however you need.”

“I know,” I do know, “You do enough for me, “ and they really do,” I don’t know why”

I didn’t mean it to come out that way, but my dad frowned hard enough that it cresed his forehead.

“Because we love you. You know that, right?”

I nod, because I can’t say anything, because I’ll cry again. Besides, all I really want to say is that ‘I don’t know why’ and that’ll just upset him more. He tells me dinner’s on, and Rin’s gonna eat all of it if we don’t hurry down, and I tell him he’s right.

I know you probably don’t care very much about all the backstory, but it’s important to me that you know my family. It’s important to me that you know there’s a reason I have to tell this story. And if anything happens to me, I want them to know I love them too. That I always have. That they made my life good.

Things got weirder after that.

___

Hanae came to me one night, and said there was a ghost in her room, and she wanted to sleep with me. Hanae’s always liked me, sometimes even better than my parents. She’s known me her whole life, almost. She was just a baby when I came to live with Mom and Dad, and people told them they were stupid to take me in with a baby.

It hurt my feelings. I’d rather fucking die than hurt Hanae.

I felt that feeling, the moment she said it, the pinprick on the back of my neck. People always tell kids not to lie, but they do it to them all the time, mostly because they don’t know how to explain, and I did the same thing.

“There’s no such thing as ghosts, Hanae.” I hoped that she would believe me, because I sure didn’t. I got up out of bed and picked her up. “Rin’s probably teasing you, or it’s a bad dream.”

“The kids at school say this house is haunted.” She looked at me, and her eyes were so big. “They say a lady killed herself here. She jumped from the top.”

I knew it was right, the way you sometimes just know things are. I knew it was a her, and I knew she’d jumped, and I knew my sister was telling me the truth, even though she didn’t know she was.

“Kids at school say a lot of things.” I plopped her down on the bed, and the cat meowed but didn’t really move. He never left, we never found his owners. He told me his name was mouse, but I couldn’t tell you how, I just know he did. “People like to tell stories about things that are different or interesting.” I sat down next to her. “And I bet they’re so jealous, because this place is so great, and our rooms are so big, and there’s so many cool places to hide and play—I’d be jealous too, if I didn’t live here.”

She thought about what I said for a minute, and in my mind, I was ready to fight with whatever it was in this house that was scaring my little sister. It could fuck with me all it wanted, but never her.

“Besides,” I tucked her under the covers with me, “do you think any ghost could get to you through me, even if they were real?”

She giggled at that, and she seemed less scared. “No. You’d beat them up.”

“Darn right.” Damn fucking right, I hoped it heard.

There’s a gift some people have, that they know just when to stop talking. They can feel that exact moment in a conversation when everything that needs to be said has been said, and everyone can go home happy.

I don’t have that gift.

“Did the kids say why she’d killed herself?” It jumped out of my mouth, I don’t even know why I said it, like first graders are some authority on paranormal motivation.

“She was crazy. She heard voices.” She said, like it wasn’t interesting at all.

“Well, see?” I leaned back against the pillow. “Even if she were real, some crazy lady’s not gonna bother you, because she has plenty of her own people in her head to talk to. So there’s nothing to be afraid of, if she’s cr—”

I had a bunch of manuals from machine class on my desk, and they fell off. Or, I told Mom and Dad they fell off, when Hanae retold the story the next morning at the breakfast table while I ate my pancakes. Mom makes us breakfast every Friday morning. But that wasn’t true.

They flew off, landing across the room, hitting my pencil cup as they left the desk, scattering them all over the floor and rolling under my drawers.

“H-haruka?” Hanae’s face was half under the covers.

“I had them too close to the end of the desk, it’s nothing, promise.” I got out of bed and picked them up, flopping them onto the couch and hoping she wouldn’t prove me a liar, that she’d just leave Hanae alone.

But I didn’t ever call her crazy again.

___

I tried to figure out what made things happen, but I’ve never been able to. It happened when I got upset, it happened when I was happy, it happened when I was awake and when I was asleep. It didn’t seem to have any reason for it, other than that she wanted to do it, that she wanted to remind me she was there.

Mouse always knew. Sometimes he saw her before I did, meowing at corners of the room that didn’t have anything in them, moving aside for someone when I was laying on the bed.

They say animals know. I believe them.

I was doing my homework one night, laying on the bed, trying to figure out the car electrical problem my teacher had given us. It was a tough one, and Mouse kept rubbing up against me, probably because of the piece of chicken pot pie my mom had sent me upstairs with. I was still growing, she explained, and I needed a snack to help me think.

Mouse thought he probably needed it more.

I shooed him away, told him to go play or go bother Hanae or something.

There was a jingle. Mouse doesn’t wear a bell.

“Hello?” I called out toward the little hallway, where my bathroom had been built into the attic. Dad and I had looked at it, trying to figure out how a shower could be built in there for me. It had probably been added in the 60s, just a neat square cut out of the room, making a little hallway for the room with the closet and sink and toilet, a tiny ceramic tub making it a real bathroom, for tiny people at least.

I don’t know why I called out. I knew what it was as soon as it started. Maybe I knew I was in a ghost story, and in a ghost story you have to call hello down a dark hallway.

Mouse looked down the hallway and meowed, as if he was asking something to come out.

There was another jingle, and a little cat ball, plastic, with a little bell inside, rolled out of the bathroom, all the way down the hallway, and bounced across my bedroom floor. Mouse chased it, batting at it, and there was nothing but the sound of the bell jingling away. I don’t think I was even breathing.

I looked down the hallway, and got to my feet. There’s a weird thing yoou get, when you’re so scared that you’re brave, when you’re so scared that not knowing what’s there is a million times worse than whatever it is, and I was that kind of scared then.

The floorboards got loud again, yelling under my feet as I worked my way down. Because the house is so old, there’s no lights in that little hallway. It’s only lamps upstairs, til you get to the bathroom. So I walked into the dark, not knowing what would be there. I just knew that’s where the cat bell came from.

I knew she was waiting. I knew she wanted me to come.

“Why are you doing this?” Sometimes questions can be both stupid and fair, and I think this was one of those times. I knew she wouldn’t answer, but I knew it had to be asked. I wanted to know, more than anything, why she couldn’t just let me be.

I dashed the last few feet to the bathroom, and flipped on the light. Nothing. No one. Of course there was nothing and no one, why would there be anyone? It was just my face wash, my towel, my dirty clothes on the floor. Nothing else.

But the ball, I thought, but you know when you spend a lot of your life thinking there’s something wrong with you it’s really easy to convince yourself this is just one more thing.

I sighed and flipped off the light, and turned to go back down the hall.

She was there.

I don’t know what I imagined, I just know that she wasn’t it. They tell you ghosts are all white, but that wasn’t true. She was just faded somehow, like an old photograph or something you’ve left in the sun too long. She was tiny, with her hair piled on top of her head in a big bun, a few small curls that didn’t make it in, with a clamshell hairpin that looked like gold and opal, a necklace that my mom told me was a cameo, when I pointed it out on TV. Her dress was embroidered with lace and flowers, and even now I can’t imagine how expensive it’d be.

But her eyes I won’t ever be able to forget. They were a color I’d never seen before, at least not on a person, even faded, something like blue or green but not either color. And the way she looked at me.

I’ve never had the words to say what I really think, and I’m sorry for that now. I can’t tell you what her expression was, something that felt dangerous. Something that felt like I was a rabbit, and she was a hawk, and she was just watching and waiting.

She smiled the smallest smile, but it didn’t seem nice.

And then she disappeared, like fog, if fog had a mind of its own and could decide to leave, because that was what I felt then, that she’d decided to leave, that she didn’t want me to look at her anymore, that I was only allowed to see what she wanted me to see.

Mouse just meowed from my bed.

___

There’s a historical museum on the way home from school. It’s just a little shack with a green roof, built out of logs next to the historic district downtown. It’s mostly just a library, I guess, and some little old people that work in it, but I thought if anyone knew anything about the house, they might.

I wanted to know something, anything, about this woman, and why she was haunting me. Why she wanted the house.

It was pretty deserted when I went in. I didn’t really expect anything different, but I was a little surprised when the old man behind the counter got so excited that I walked in.

“Welcome son! What can I help you with today?” He was vibrating like a dog when you come home from school. “Come to see our museum?” He pointed to a 4 room section of the building.

I shook my head, but didn’t bother correcting him on other matters. Who wants to get into it? “No, I’m here about my house.”

He nodded, but looked at me more closely. “What we have is a little patchy, depending on the place, but I’ll help you as much as I can. Miss.” He tipped his head as if to apologize, like this doesn’t happen to me every day.

“114 8th.”

His eyebrow popped up, but he didn’t say anything, the way people never do if they know something but can’t decide how much of it they want to say.

“You don’t know anything about it?” He leaned over the counter.

I shook my head. “We just moved in there a couple months ago.”

“The Kaioh mansion.” He stepped from behind the counter and walked over to a row of old, leatherbound books. “Now that really should be a museum itself, tell you what.” he studied the books carefully and took one off the shelf.

He laid it down on the table. ‘The Kaiohs were a powerful family, founded the town, in a lot of ways.” He opened the book. “Tsubasa Kaioh was a shipping magnate and mining king, oh, over a hundred years ago, right at the town’s founding.”

I looked over at the book, and a man with mean eyes looked at up at me, his painting dark and unkind as he was.

“He seems like a nice guy.”

The old man laughed. “Well when you’re that rich, you don’t have to be that nice. He employed half the damn town, built it from the ground up. But he was only alright. The real man of the hour,” he flipped the page, “was his son, Kenji Kaioh. Ken Kaioh broke the back of the union at the mine, and at the docks, and made himself a cold fortune doing it. That he was already rich as Croesus didn’t seem to matter, I think he just liked the chase.”

I looked all over both pages, a bunch of people in old-timey costumes, rich and awful, staring up at me from a hundred years ago.  

Then I saw it in the corner, and I jumped.

“This!! Who is this?!” All I could do was point to her painting, all dressed in dark red, the color of wine and blood, pearls wrapped around her neck and white fur trimming her dress and a circle of fur and pearls in her hair. She had the same look in her eyes, and they were even stranger in full color, like they’d seen everything, and wouldn’t tell you, they would just let you drown.

That’s what they were like. Like the ocean.

“Oh,” he laughed, “now that’s a story. Kenji Kaioh’s first wife, Natsuki, was a pretty normal kind of woman for a man like that in those days–”

“And this is her?!” I picked up the book “This is Natsuki Kaioh?”

He stared at me over his glasses. “You gonna let me finish?” I set down the book and sat down, and just put my hands in my lap. Sometimes I need to learn to shut up. “Natsuki Kaioh,” he kept talking, and sat down next to me, “was a pretty ordinary woman for a man like Ken Kaioh.” He pointed to a picture of a pretty dark-haired lady in the opposite corner. “She died when his first two girls were eight and ten. Kasumi and Naoko. He pointed to two little girls placidly holding hands.”

He turned the book to himself and flipped through a few more pages before turning it back to me. It was a wedding. “Ken Kaioh wanted himself something exceptional, something special, and in that he traveled to the continent, and met Marie-Laurette Faucheux of L’Isle sur Sorgue. She was the woman he’d been looking for, beautiful, cultured, her family were silk merchants. He built her your house, spared no expense, inlaid floors, velvet wallpapers, anything she’d asked for. And let me tell you, it was once said of Ken Kaioh that he was in league with the devil.”

“So poor Marie got shipped all the way from France to marry a guy who a demon.”

“You never let me finish.” He looked at me seriously. “They say Ken Kaioh was in league with the devil, because Marie-Laurette Kaioh was the devil. Their daughter,” He flipped to another page, a long photo of the girl from my room in a huge ball gown, something that looked like silk and more jewels, “was his pearl, Michiru. Michiru Kaioh was considered pretty widely to be the most beautiful woman in town. Maybe the whole damn country.”

“I mean,” I didn’t know how to put this without outing myself to a little old guy in a volunteer museum, but, they weren’t wrong, “she looks nice.”

“No,” he laughed, “she looks pretty. Michiru was never denied anything, and in return she became another way for her mother and father to win at everything. She was a master pianist and violinist, a lauded painter, skilled in all those little womanly ways a girl was meant to be. Like a lot of girls who are never denied anything, she was spoilt. She once had her father buy a regular girl’s horse, cause she liked the look of it. Never mind she had plenty, and that little girl loved her horse. Her daddy owned the mine, and the hotel, and it employed both her parents.”

“So what…happened with her?”

“Killed herself!” He didn’t spare any time for being nice about it, that was sure. “Tossed herself off the widow’s walk at your house.”

“Because she was crazy.”

“Well that’s the story her parents told. She was beautiful and stood to inherit everything on account of her mother marrying Naoko and Kasumi off to the first men who’d take them. She was talented and set to marry Mamoru Chiba, who was the second-wealthiest family, and by all accounts a kind and loving man who worshipped her. Why else would she do it?”

I looked at him. He can’t expect me to know what 19th century rich girls did. “I don’t know.”

“Let you know what I think. I think for once in her life, Mommy and Daddy told her ‘no.’ And she sure showed them. Right onto the front walk. She picked her moment.”

I looked down at her picture, at the look she was giving, and tried to imagine what that kind of person might be like.

___

The thing about living in a house like this, is it’s not every day that something happens. So it’s really easy to convince yourself that it’s not anything at all, because stuff gets easy to forget or to explain away when there’s days and weeks and months in between stuff, and when you’re trying to tell yourself that it’s all not real. Humans are good at that, I think, at telling themselves things aren’t real, and at believing the lies they tell, because that helps you believe them, and believing them helps you stay alive.

Humans are also really good at making things worse for themselves. Like I’m about to do.

I made a friend at school. I made two friends. It was October, and I had two friends, and life was going pretty well. I was making As in my vo-tech classes, the first time I’d ever had an A, and my Cs in other things were solid. My car was running nice, with all the stuff I’d done to it, and Mom and Dad said if I kept my As and pulled just one C to a B, they’d pay to have it reupholstered.  I was training really well for Track in spring.

I’d had the small things here and there. Whispers. Things falling down. Sometimes I felt her touch my face at night.

But it’s also weird what humans can get used to, and I got used to it. She left Hanae and Rin alone, just like I’d asked her to do, and only bothered me, and so I let her do it. In a weird way, I thought I was protecting the rest of my family, the way a lightning rod protects a building. If it could bother me, maybe she wouldn’t bother anyone else.

Then Mom asked if I wanted to have my friends over for Halloween.

I said I made two friends, but I guess that’s not really true. It’s more true that two friends made me. Mina was in my Literature class at the center, and she just sat her tray next to me in the lunchroom one day and decided we were going to be friends. She likes to steal things from my lunch—Mom and Dad make me nice lunches, with snacks—but I think she also genuinely likes me. Mako’s in the culinary program, and I’ve never tasted any food like hers. I have Mina to thank for bringing her over, too. After Mina had her hand in it, it wasn’t very easy to play the loner who didn’t care about people at all. It’s tough to let go of being the bully so you don’t get bullied.

They both think I’m rich. I guess I am, sorta, now. I’ve never told them the truth about me.

Mom was having a party for all Rin and Hanae’s friends, decorating the house to be creepy with those fake spiderwebs and cardboard ghosts. I was going to help man the apple bobbing.

“Honey,” Mom looked over at me as I stretched up to hang her garland, “wouldn’t you like to have a couple of friends over? We have plenty of food. What about those girls from school? Mina and Mako?”

I didn’t know how to tell her how awkward it felt for me, still. I just shrugged. “I don’t know if they want to come to a kids’ party.”

“Oh Ruka, you don’t have to help with the party, I’ll order you girls pizza and you can stay in your room, maybe watch some horror movies, doesn’t that sound fun?” She was so hopeful, my mom. She just wanted me to be happy. And I was, working in the garage on my car and playing with Rin and Hanae.

And sometimes with Mina and Mako at lunch. I thought it was worth trying.

“Of course we want to come to your giant palatial mansion, holy shit rich kid.” Mina was about as nice about this as usual.

“Mom’ll get us pizza and stuff.”

“Rich kid pizza?” She leaned over the lunch table.

“Mina,” Mako swatted at her, “you’re such a shit.” Mako shrugged happily. “Of course we’ll come. I can’t afford candy for the kids anyway.”

Mako is where I should be, emancipated and keeping it together on her own after her parents died and she got tired of the system. I guess I couldn’t have my shit that together if I wanted to.

Mina nodded. “I mean, I’m in. What’s my mom gonna do, miss her nightly ignoring me ritual?”

Mom loved them, of course, the way she loves anyone who’s nice to me, and apparently the way Mina is counts as nice to me.

“This living room is almost as big as my entire apartment.” Mako said, and I felt like a jackass.  I might be living in a haunted mansion with a ghost who might be obsessed with me and also kinda evil, but I don’t ever worry where my next meal is coming from. I know what that feels like, and it sucks.

Mom handed her a soda. “Oh Mako, you come over any time you want, we have a family dinner every Sunday, the more the merrier, and even if you just want to come over on taco night, or for take out…”

Mina leaned in close to me. “Your suffering.”

I wanted to tell her then, about everything that had come before I met my parents, how I did know what it was like to be lost and hungry and cold and miserable and to feel like no one loved you, but all it did was make me sound like an ungrateful lottery winner. I wasn’t like Michiru, who’d been raised getting everything she wanted.

“Mom,” I interrupted her speech about how they were planning to put a hot tub out back, “Can i order some pizza and go upstairs, please?”

“Oh,: she waved a hand, “Of course,” She smiled at both Mako and Mina, “I embarrass her. Just use your credit card, honey.”

I cringed, but Mina and Mako didn’t seem to mind, maybe because they were too busy picking their pizzas from the menu.

But I’m getting off track. There’s only so much stage that needs to be set, and sometimes I forget that when I talking about stuff. What you need to know is this:

Me and Mako and Mina were up in my room watching horror movies.

It was 2:30 am, on Halloween. Or I guess, the day after Halloween. I don’t know if I think ghosts tell time like us.

“You would so go in the basement Haruka,” She ate a piece of her cold pizza, “your girlfriend’d tell you she was scared, and you’d get so fucking murdered, because you’re a romantic and you gotta save the girl.”

I smacked her with a pillow. “You don’t know that!”

“It’s true though” Mako dodged my pillow and ate a twizzler. “God, I love your mom,” she said, looking at the tray of Halloween snacks.

“Just like,” Mina jumped to her feet and threw a blanket over her head, “The murder in this house!”

“Mina, shut up,” I leaned back, “no one’s been murdered in this house.”

“I mean,” she sat back down, but didn’t take the sheet off, “there has to be something haunting this place though, right?”

I tried to brush it off, but I felt the pinpricks. “I stopped believing in that when I stopped having imaginary friends.”

“Haruka,” she quipped, “all your friends are imaginary.”

She didn’t mean it to hurt, but it did, and I was pretty grateful when Mako smacked in her in the face with a popcorn ball.

“Ow!” She threw off the sheet. “Oh my god, I’ve been hit by a popcorn ball but also inspiration. Let’s do some ouija board shit!”

The pinpricks were all over me now, and I could tell she wanted me to do this. Michiru wanted me to do this.

“I don’t know…”

Mako sighed. “She’s just gonna keep up until you let her do it.”

“I don’t have a ouija board.” It was true, and it was also a last ditch effort to get out of this, even though I knew there really wasn’t a way out of it. Michiru always got what she wanted, is that what the old guy at the museum had said?

“No problem.” Mina grabbed a big sheet of paper and marker out of my desk, and started writing.

Like most things I don’t want to happen, it came together pretty quickly.

She drank the last of some soda out of the glass and turned it over onto the piece of paper. “Easy, right? Come over here and put your hands on our “planchette”

I don’t know why I did it. I liked having friends, and I liked Mina and Mako. I didn’t want them to think I afraid. I wanted to keep the party of fun.

But I know all of that’s bullshit. I did it because she wanted me to.

I sat down next to Mina and put my hand on the cup. Their hands joined mine, and I could feel something come into the room, some kind of energy that the three of us were giving to, and I felt it make her stronger.

Everything in my mind was screaming at me about how stupid this was, but if you know anything about me, you know I ignored it.

“Hello spoopy spirit!” Mina’s voice was so loud that if a dead person wasn’t already in my house, they would have come over from the cemetery a mile away, “Join us! Tonight! On this night of a thousand ghosts.”

Mako rolled her eyes.

But Mina just kept going. “Did you die in this house, oh spirit?”

I felt the subtle tug of the glass as it moved, and totally covered, ‘Yes.’

“Okay, great, warming up here. Is Haruka totally fucking wrong, and were you murdered in this house?”

Another tug. ‘No.’

“Oh sure take her side just cause you two are roommates. Haruka, are you tugging this?”

The glass circled again. ‘No.’

“Har de har, Haruka.”

I shook my head and took my hands off it. I didn’t want to touch it anymore anyway.

“Okay so, wise spirit, how do I know you’re the real deal?” She laughed. Mina doesn’t get how serious this shit is.

She and Mako’s hands moved again. T….H….E…S…M…A…L…L…S…O…A…P

Mako scowled. “Okay, what the fuck are you talking about? Weird spirit or whatever.”

But Mina just stared down at the piece of paper, and her mouth hung open. She reached back into her skirt behind her, and took one of my mom’s bathroom soaps out of her pocket.

“I’m sorry, Haruka,” she said  it really flat, still staring at the board, “It was just really nice.”

“Mom would have let you have one. But I don’t care.” We all just sat there, hands in our laps, staring at the board. Mouse rubbed up against me, and meowed at the spot across from the four of us.

The glass moved again, not waiting for a hand. C..A..T..G..O..T…Y…O…U..R..T…O…N..G…U…E..?

“Holy shit.” Mako spoke for us all, right there.

“What do you want?” I’d asked it before, and I asked  it again now. I wanted her to tell me. I wanted to know.  

I…A…M…A …B….I….T….L…O….N…E….S….O….M…E

“Okay…so…”

The glass suddenly fell over like it’d been hit, rolling and circling in front of me where it landed, and we just watched it, until it stopped moving, resting against my foot.

I don’t know how long it took us to talk, but it must have been at least 15 seconds. If you don’t think that’s very long, try sitting in a room with no one talking, where a glass just flipped over by itself. It’s long enough.

“Guess she’s done talking to us.” Was all Mina could say.  

___

She was bolder now, and stronger, and I knew it, but I didn’t pay any attention. I don’t do that so good, sometimes, and I’m paying for it now.

I’m in the hospital now, three weeks after the glass swept against my foot, writing this down. I wish I could say I saw it coming, but I didn’t. She’d gotten quieter, for awhile, and I’d taken to talking to her when I was in my room. I thought she was lonely, and so sad, and that I could help by talking to her, just about little things.

Mina’s right. I’ll go into the basement for a pretty girl.

I could see her, just around the corner in shadows sometimes, and sometimes I would hear the piano play, but it was all just her, waiting. She wanted me to feel safe.

And I did. Until one night in November, when the snow was falling outside, and the wind was cold, but the house was nice and warm and I was in my flannel pajamas, ready to enjoy some cookies and cocoa with my family.

But that wasn’t what she wanted.

I’m an athlete. I’m pretty sure-footed. I’ve never fallen down the stairs, not even when Mouse wound around my legs.

But I moved from one foot to the other, and in that moment, she pushed me. No, she threw me.

I felt her hand on my back, small but plenty firm. Tough and determined. And she yanked at my shirt, and gave her whole weight behind me. I heard her give a little yell of effort when she did it.

And I fell. I fell from the top of the stairs to the bottom, and I fell so hard. I don’t remember most of this next part. They said I hit my head when I fell, on the top of the banister rail, and then just smacked it again on the stairs themselves.

I don’t know. I guess that sounds right. It all gets so blurry.

I remember my mom, yelling my name as she came out of the kitchen and kneeling down beside me, and I remember her yelling for my dad, and her telling me it would be okay. My sister seemed so upset that I couldn’t say anything to her, but I couldn’t. I could barely breathe, and everything hurt, and I thought, this is it. This is how I die. At the foot of the stairs, in my parents house, in front of my six year old sister.

I wasn’t very pleased about it.

The doctor told me I had a massive concussion, that I was lucky to not have permanent brain damage, that it was a miracle I remembered anything at all.

But I remember one thing, that’s not blurry at all. No, this I remember crystal fucking clear. I remember turning my head, and looking at the stairs. I remember her standing there, watching.

I remember she had a real smile on her face.

I don’t know what she wants.

But I think it’s me.

[phgq]

Fresh grad opens Korean mini-mart in Pasig amid pandemic

#PHnews: Fresh grad opens Korean mini-mart in Pasig amid pandemic

MANILA – As many stores across the country were closing down due to the coronavirus disease 2019 (Covid-19) pandemic, civil engineering graduate Thomas Jason Ferrer, 21, decided to open one up.

Last July 23, "Aegyo Korean Mini-Mart" had a soft opening at Countryside Ave. Cor. 4th St., Barangay Sta. Lucia in Pasig City. “Aego” by definition is an expression of cuteness in order to appeal to another person.

Ferrer saw the Covid-19-related lockdowns as an opportunity to sell Korean food products knowing most people would be stuck home watching K-drama and craving delicious Korean food.

He also took into consideration that his mother, a dentist, had always wanted to open up a family business.

“Matagal na rin gusto ni mommy ng Korean mini-mart. During the quarantine obsessed siya sa K-drama ako naman sa K-pop. Ayun, sabi ko tuloy na natin gawa na tayo ng business (Mommy always wanted to open a Korean mini-mart. During the quarantine, she was obsessed with K-drama while I was into K-pop. So I suggested putting up a business),” he said in an interview.

To convince his family to allow him to proceed with his plan, Ferrer spent just two days preparing a spreadsheet containing a summary of the business's income and expenses over a specific period.

“Gumawa ako ng study ng gagastusin, kung magkano ang profit. Nag-research about it prinesent kay Mom (I made a study on expenses on profit. I did research about it and presented it to Mom),” he said.

The moment he was given the green light, Ferrer said he started looking for a good site to put of the store, contacting suppliers, and designing signage and logos.

Thomas Jason Ferrer displays a heart gesture popularized by K-pop singers in front of his Aegyo Korean Mimimart in Pasig City. 

Ferrer also prepared an inventory of products available in the store such as snacks, ramen and other instant noodles, kimchi, ice cream, and cooking ingredients like fish sauce, rice vinegar, and sesame oils.

Before putting up a mini-mart, he made a brief foray into baking last April. Since ube-cheese pandesal was the trend at that time, he baked and sold his version of the quarantine-food obsession.

“Bumili ako ng oven, ingredients. Bawing-bawi yung investment ko (I bought my own oven, ingredients. I really gained from my investment) by more than 100 percent,” he said.

It was the success of his pandesal business which prompted him to take on the challenge of managing a convenience store.

Safe spaces

To comply with the new health and safety standards, Ferrer said employees conduct temperature checks for customers at the door, provide hand sanitizers and alcohol around the store, and ensure round the clock sanitation of all areas.

Customers will also be required to log in their personal information -- name, contact number, and the time they entered the store -- to facilitate contact tracing, he said.

Only two customers at a time will be allowed inside so the two staff members will be able to provide them with assistance, he added. A security camera is also installed to prevent theft.

Ferrer happily shared that their staff are also given health insurances, stressing the importance of making an investment in workers and in their health.

Aegyo offers a wide range of home-delivery items within Barangay Sta. Lucia for customers who prefer to purchase their products in the comfort of their own homes. 

Good with money

According to Ferrer, he felt that it was the right time to engage in entrepreneurship since he wanted to make the most of his time while waiting on final dates for the licensure exams in civil engineering.

He has always been great at managing resources, but how did he learn to be so prudent? He said being treasurer of the University of Santo Tomas-Engineering Council really helped him rise to the challenge.

“Pag may big projects like concerts, general assemblies, sa akin dumadaan ng pera. Siyempre meticulous ka, sa akin pa nakaasa yung pag-allot ng budget. Dun ako nakakuha ng enough quality experience na nakatulong sa akin sa pag push through ng business (If there are big projects like concerts, general assemblies, the money has to go through me. Of course, you have to be meticulous because I’m the one who has to allot the budget. That’s how I gained experience which helped me push through with my business),” he said.

Aegyo Korean Mimimart under construction. 

He knows how risky it is to start a business during recession but for him knowing what customers need now rather than before the pandemic is important.

“Nakita ko in a positive way. Essential to kasi food pa rin siya eh. May mag-birthday lang na isa, mag-o-order na. May manood ng K-drama, magke-crave ng ramen (I looked at it in a positive way. It’s essential business because it’s food. When someone celebrates a birthday, they’ll order. When someone watches K-drama, they’ll crave ramen),” he said.

Although there is always a possibility of failure, Ferrer pointed out that many new businesses are forming amid the pandemic.

“There are many businesses opening. Those opening new businesses are those who have considered Covid in their operations. They can take a risk because when you open, you have already adapted to the current situation),” he said.

In fact, Ferrer said the mini-mart is not the only business he’s managing. He is also busy preparing for the soft opening of a Korean chicken restaurant his family recently invested in.

“Chicken pa lang ang nasa menu. On the works ang tteokbokki (rice cake), fish cake soup, chapchae. May coffee na rin doon (Chicken is the only item on our menu. But tteokbokki, fish cake soup, chapchae are on the works. We also sell coffee),” he said.

Recipe for success

Ferrer said that having interest and confidence in a business idea are two things that an aspiring entrepreneur should have in order to succeed. However, he said it is just as important to take risks only when one has material and financial capacity.

“I acknowledge na privileged kami to take a risk. Hindi siya for everyone kasi malaki yung capital for Korean store (that we’re privileged enough to take a risk. It’s not for everyone because it requires a huge capital to put up a Korean store),” he said.

He explained that there will always be a chance that a business, no matter how perfect the study, would fail or go bankrupt so it was necessary to know the consequences before making a leap to entrepreneurship.

Korean food products in display at Aegyo Korean Mimimart put up by civil engineering graduate Thomas Jason Ferrer in July amid the coronavirus pandemic.

“Dapat may perfect balance ng (There should be a perfect balance of) interest, confidence, and material and financial capacity,” Ferrer said.

Ferrer also recognizes that he was lucky to receive financial and moral support from his family who has recognized his skills early on.

“Malaki din yung naging trust sa’kin. Pero feel ko naman naipakita ko yung return on investment nila sa akin (They placed so much trust in me. But I feel like I was able to show them a good rate of return for their investment in me),” he said.

The best thing about having a successful business, he said, is being able to save money not just for himself, but also his family.

“Hindi lang naman siya for me, mostly for them. Tulong ko ‘yan sa kanila (It’s not just for me, it’s mostly for them. It’s my way of helping them),” he said.

Perfect balance

Since the Professional Regulation Commission has postponed scheduled licensure examinations this year due to the threat of Covid-19, Ferrer said he will still have plenty of time to review while managing the mini-mart.

He admitted that he’s not so sure how he will be able to balance the responsibilities of being a store owner and future civil engineer.

“Hindi ko pa alam masagot kung pano ko iha-handle yung business ng sabay kasi. Hindi ko siya iiwan kay mom at kuya (I still can’t answer how I’ll be able to handle the business together with my future job. I can’t just leave it to mom and my older brother),” he said.

However, he said he’s determined to do both at the same time -- the same way he pulled off being a student and treasurer of the student council.

“What’s for sure is that I’ll take the board and I will take a job related to [civil engineering]” he said. (PNA)

      ***

References:

* Philippine News Agency. "Fresh grad opens Korean mini-mart in Pasig amid pandemic." Philippine News Agency. https://www.pna.gov.ph/articles/1117466 (accessed October 05, 2020 at 02:56AM UTC+14).

* Philippine News Agency. "Fresh grad opens Korean mini-mart in Pasig amid pandemic." Archive Today. https://archive.ph/?run=1&url=https://www.pna.gov.ph/articles/1117466 (archived).

[whitecometofakagi]

TOP 10 RYOSUKE MOMENTS BECAUSE WE MUST GO! EVEN FURTHER!! BEYOND!! AAAAAAAAAAA

So Anon originally sent me “top 5 Ryosuke scenes ;^))” but edited their ask to the above. Thank you, anon, for not only providing me with more gushing space, but making this challenge feasible. I truly struggled having to cut things from my top 10! Top five would have been near impossible. 

I am going to put this under the cut, since I want to take a moment to explain my choices. Please note that I have not watched Final Stage yet, so there may be something else in the last four episodes that I’d later wish to include in this list. 

Top 10 Ryosuke Moments: 

10. Ryosuke sends flowers to Takumi to challenge him to a battle. 

Without a doubt, this is one of the most iconic Ryosuke moments in Initial D. This scene, which skilfully combines a dramatic plot point in the story with a comedic element of surprise, is one of the most fun Ryosuke scenes, not least for the meme inspiration and shipping fodder it provides. However, the biggest reason this scene makes my top 10 list is for the wonderful glimpse into Ryosuke’s personality that it provides. 

Ryosuke is smart – but beyond his strategic abilities, his medical career path, and conventional high IQ, he understands people – how to deal with them, coach them, challenge them. Simply put, he understands what makes people tick. Like the confrontational Project D website he builds later in the series, Ryosuke is already beginning the challenge by playing mind games with his opponent: Why issue a challenge in this way? Why with something as intimate as roses? Is this a gift or a threat? A display of respect (red roses in both eastern and western culture symbolize love) or a subtle, almost backhanded slight (15 red roses in western flower language mean “I’m sorry,” after all, which – if Ryosuke knew this – could be interpreted as a preemptive apology for Takumi’s defeat.)

However, despite the fact that Ryosuke is upping the psychological warfare here, there’s one one thing that’s undeniable – Ryosuke has class. No matter the exact meaning of the roses, he spends money buying his challenger a stylish gift. Ryosuke is clearly a man who is dedicated to racing and approaches it with depth, sincerity, and tactics that extend beyond those on the course. It’s a wonderful early introduction to one of the – and in some ways the – series’ most important characters. 

9. Ryosuke admits that he bluffs his way through a lot of things.

This is a small scene, but one which left a definite impression on me. It’s not hard to see why the members of Project D, as well as many other characters, look up to Ryosuke. His command of the road, his unparalleled strategic ability, and even his general demeanor are awe-inspiring. Perhaps it’s no wonder, then, that Ryosuke can come across as completely cool, confident, and near-perfect. However, there is a gap between the confidence that Ryosuke projects and his true feelings. 

One of the reasons I feel in love with this scene is that it resonated with me on a personal level. I distinctly remember one occasion, when I was in college, when a friend who was struggling with future career decisions asked to have dinner. Over the course of the night, I related my friend’s struggles to my own, reassuring him that I had faced many of the same doubts about what I wanted to do for a career, how I felt about becoming an adult, etc. And suddenly, he says “Wait, you feel that way too, Jenny? I was so sure you had everything figured out!” 

Over the years I’ve had many such experiences. I have a tendency to make a certain impression on people – one that makes people say incomprehensible things, like declaring that I’m smart within five minutes of meeting me. This may sound pretty awesome, but the fact of the matter is that it can be quite isolating. It’s difficult to hear someone say “woah, Jenny got that answer wrong?” and feign a smile. And yet, at the same time, it’s equally difficult not to hide my fears behind a mask of competence and confidence. 

Ryosuke has many important roles to fill in his life – a team leader, a coach, an older brother, an heir to his father’s hospital, etc. It’s no wonder he’s often reluctant to open up about his own struggles and fears, whether it’s the hesitance he shows when Kaori asks him about his dream, or how secret he keeps deeply personal feelings about the situation with Kaori and Rin. But you can also sense from his tone and reaction in this scene that he doesn’t see himself as perfect and doesn’t wish for his friends to see him that way either. There’s a sadness and a humility in his reaction to Matsumoto that demonstrates that Ryosuke struggles just as much as anyone else. Furthermore, Ryosuke’s competence can be a challenge in and of itself – since it’s hard for others to understand, relate to, or even perceive his fears and struggles. 

8. Ryosuke and Keisuke communicate with almost no words.

Ryosuke has many incredible personality traits of his own. But one of my other favorite aspects of Ryosuke’s character is his relationship with his younger brother, Keisuke. Even in First Stage, it is clear that the Takahashis share a deep bond. Not only does Ryosuke closely advise Keisuke on the Red Suns, but Keisuke is nearly brought to tears when Ryosuke indicates that he might retire soon. 

Over the course of the series, we begin to understand how this deep bond was formed. Not only did Ryosuke and Keisuke race together, but Ryosuke used racing as a way to help Keisuke out of a bad situation and discover a purpose in his life. The two brothers support one another’s aspirations as best as they are able. And while Ryosuke can sometimes be a bit harsh on Keisuke, as he himself admits later, nothing can truly come between them. 

One of my favorite parts of this relationship; however, is that it is not explored through backstory alone. The brother’s love for and understanding of one another isn’t static over the course of the show, but evolves as the characters mature and grow. While Keisuke questions many of Ryosuke’s decisions in the beginning (especially his decision to have Takumi race against Tomoyuki), they eventually reach a point where they can strategize without a clear word being spoken between them. 

It is such a lovely moment, which demonstrates both the way that Project D has changed the characters for the better, and the strong bond which has existed between Ryosuke and Keisuke from the beginning. 

7. Ryosuke schools Sudo Kyoichi with his style and sick burns.

Ryosuke can often seem quiet, as he spends much of his time studying, analyzing races, and driving. Yet, few people can deliver a quick and slick burn like Takahashi Ryosuke. And he does so while appearing as a cool and suave…fashion icon…of sorts…

You’ve got to dig these 90s sunglasses!

There’s no character who quite gets on Ryosuke’s nerves like Sudo Kyoichi. He has Ryosuke’s analytical mind, generally calm demeanor, and controlled competitive fire, but holds a surprisingly contrasting set of values. As Ryosuke states: “Rationality is Kyoichi’s bible.” He focuses on the most technically perfect cars and sees street racing as a mere child’s game compared to a circuit. Rysouke, meanwhile, dedicates his time to writing a theory of street racing which focuses on the variability and human aspect of racing, and even declares at one point in Fifth Stage that the ultimate street racer is the one who has been bestowed a “special something” by God. It’s no wonder, then, that these two always seem to be trying to one-up one another. But Ryosuke makes it clear, off the bat, in this scene that he has the upper hand. 

I love Ryosuke’s lines in this scene in part because they demonstrate his quick wit. I aspire to respond this well to my rivals some day.

But I also love how he’s able to get an upper hand on all his arguments with Kyoichi -- (here and in other scenes) -- by delivering his lines with such prideful calm

while Kyoichi is provoked to further and further frustration.

 There’s no better way to gain control over your rival than that!

(Side note: Considering some of the witty, snippy lines Rin has when talking with Ikeda in Fifth Stage, I do have to wonder if maybe Ryosuke picked a bit of this skill up from him...)  

6. “You suck at turning right.” 

My favorite scene involving Ryosuke and Kyoichi. Not only does it occur in the midst of a heated race between the two (Station to Station, play with emotion!), but the way Ryosuke delivers this line made me laugh out loud. 

Initial D has no shortage of awesome overtakes, but this will always be one of my favorite, due to the fact that Ryosuke so clearly exploits Kyoichi’s misconception of street racing as “circuit racing lite” to both defeat him and win their intellectual argument. 

And could this line be delivered in a more beautifully Ryosuke way? Up until this point, Ryosuke has been analyzing the race in the calm, elegant, language we know and love. As the eurobeat comes in and the decisive moment comes, it seems we are in for another well-crafted lesson in driving, as Ryosuke begins: “Kyoichi, your weakness lies in your unconquered fear of turning right.” 

And then he cuts it all off with:  “Frankly, you suck at turning right!” 

Incredible. 

5. Ryosuke argues with Hojo Rin about the importance of moving on. 

This is one of Ryosuke’s most quotable moments in all of Initial D. The bottom half of this list, you’ll soon see, is dominated by scenes from the shinigami race, which, in my opinion, is the most emotional, compelling, and exciting of the series. I found this to be a particularly moving moment, in which Rin – through their racing dialogue – accuses Ryosuke of not caring enough about Kaori, since he is no longer dwelling on her death. The response Ryosuke gives is, for me, one of the most important and moving pieces of advice in the series. Truly, I think the words speak for themselves without needing further comment: 

4. Ryosuke talks to Rin after their battle. 

Another of my favorite scenes from these series of episodes is the discussion between Ryosuke and Rin immediately following their race. In order to get a really good sense of Ryosuke’s attitude in this scene, let’s recap where things stand for a moment: 

Rin – who was not only Ryosuke’s senior, but his mentor and friend – spent the entirety of the last few minutes attempting to kill Ryosuke. Furthermore, although Rin’s behavior is partially the result of regret and untreated depression, his original animosity towards Ryosuke stemmed from a chauvinistic, entitled attitude, that made him feel like he had a right to Ryosuke’s girlfriend. I think that the overwhelming majority of people in this situation would say: “get lost, asshole.” Not Ryosuke, of course, who instead risks his life in the hopes of saving this man from himself. But the real kicker is that it doesn’t end there. 

When the race is over, Ryosuke doesn’t lecture Rin, the way he tells Kyoichi how he was able to defeat him after their battle. In Rin’s own words, he seemingly won’t even acknowledge what’s happened. Instead, he talks with awe about the fact that he suspects Kaori miraculously played a role in saving their lives, expresses absolute joy over being able to race his senpai and show him the extent of his abilities, and tops it off with: 

I love how absolutely floored by it all Rin is, bringing up the fact that he nearly murdered Ryosuke, but Ryosuke calmly responds that if Rin had really wanted him dead, he’d be dead – and as is often the case, he’s not wrong. 

It’s so seemingly naive, and, yet, it’s anything but – as Ryosuke knows exactly what he’s doing. As I have stated before, Ryosuke understands people, and he knows Rin will understand the message he is sending through his driving. 

Now, does this altruistic sort of attitude open Ryosuke up to emotional pain and even physical danger? Yes. And he would be stupid to think otherwise. But this is why Ryosuke is a street racer – to him the meaning of a race isn’t just the physics of cars competing to go faster. It’s an emotional dialogue. No matter how dangerous it is, he is able to entertain that sort of dialogue with a cherished, yet misguided and hurting friend through this race. His ability to see past the surface of things and cherish what he sees as the deeper meaning of them can be a weakness as well as a strength, but it’s part of what makes Ryosuke who he is. And it is that personality which gives him the motivation to be the racer and coach we all love. 

3. Ryosuke declines a professional contract. 

This may be the most unexpected of my top three Ryosuke scenes, but it absolutely belongs here, as it is the moment I first truly fell in love with his character. 

All of emotion and excitement of Ryosuke’s battle with Takumi, his intellectual debates with Kyoichi, and his determination to save Rin through racing turn on this moment right here – when Ryosuke informs Fumihiro, Kenta, and Keisuke (much to Keisuke’s distress) that he has no desire to pursue a professional racing contract. 

Now, I have to admit –  I was a bit bummed out at first. I absolutely love watching Ryosuke drive, and there is nothing I would love to watch more than Ryosuke dedicating his time to honing his own skills and racing that beautiful white FC3S. But Ryosuke’s reasons for not wanting to go pro struck me and made his character resonate with me in a very meaningful way. 

One of the common threads running through so many of my favorite Ryosuke scenes is Ryosuke’s view of racing. It’s sometimes said that some people live to work and others work to live, and Ryosuke is undoubtedly the latter. Racing to him is something far deeper than a profession, it’s a hobby whose meaning has seemingly ingrained itself in Ryosuke’s soul. 

While Project D’s opponents often speak of Ryosuke with awe, many of them assume his strength comes from his analytical ability alone. But this is almost to his discredit. Those who are able to understand the true passion and natural aptitude Ryosuke has for street racing (e.g. Ikeda) uncover so much more about what makes him both special and successful. This is the moment when I think the audience gets to see the inner truths of Ryosuke’s attitudes for the first time, and that is why I cherish it so.

2. “Is that all you’ve got, senpai?” 

Ryosuke’s race against Rin had me completely drawn in. My heart was beating fast. I felt completely connected to the excitement and emotion….And then Ryosuke said this line and I had to pause, screenshot it, and post it to twitter. 

This is the first moment in which Rin side presses Ryosuke, making a move to run him off the road. 

This picture is a great reminder why running off the road on the Hakone turnpike is…ill advised. 

Not only does Ryosuke recover expertly, using his innate sense to make a split-second life or death action to stabilize his car…

…and not only does he do this without panicking at all, demonstrating incredible nerves of steel...

He knows that isn’t the half of how hard Rin can push it! And so he challenges Rin to bring it on stronger! As I wrote on twitter at this point: 

“My goal is to be the kind of person who when someone tries to kill me just goes: “Is that all you’ve got” at them daaaaaaaaaang.” 

1. Ryosuke tries to stop Rin’s R32 with his FC. 

So here we are – my top Ryosuke moment. First of all, this is one of the most exciting scenes in the entire series. Hojo Rin’s brakes are completely shot. Ryosuke makes a last-ditch effort to save him by letting the R32 crash into his FC. It’s no use – the GT-R is too heavy. Ikeda steps in to save the day. Can they actually stop before they ram into the toll booth? And in the background, some awesome and incredible intense music from the Fifth Stage Soundtrack is playing. It’s a breathtaking moment, and even though I felt sure of the outcome, it still maintained a great amount of suspense and intensity. 

Beyond that, I don’t think any scene does a better job of capturing the essence of Ryosuke as a person. 

There is a small moment in this scene I love – when the two cars are failing to slow down, and Ryosuke says, in frustration, “I seriously miscalculated!” With everything we know about Ryosuke, it’s hard to believe he’d really judge an FC to be hefty enough to stop a GT-R. Rather “I seriously miscalculated”  seems to be Ryosuke’s personalized brand of “oh fuck!” – and funny enough, Rin uses the same phrase earlier in a similar way. (Like senpai like kohai?) But while that line is, in some ways, funny – and, I’m sure, not precisely translated – I think there’s an important truth there. It is a calculated move on Ryosuke’s part. But not a well-executed mathematically calculated move. It’s a desperate but necessary move which he makes out of determination, compassion, and love. If Ikeda hadn’t been there, Ryosuke would have almost assuredly died on account of this action. But Ryosuke goes for it without hesitation. 

In short, I feel no qualms about saying that I love Takahashi Ryosuke – and you should love him too.

[jiyxu]

really LONG CHARACTER SURVEY. RULES.

repost , don’t reblog ! tag 10 ! good luck !

TAGGED. @baihuanghou thanks fam ♥ TAGGING. @merakiis @rosaxui @sternenhirsch

BASICS. FULL NAME : jae-ha. NICKNAME : droopy eyes ( by hak ), ryokuryuu. AGE : 25. BIRTHDAY : may 4th. ETHNIC GROUP : koukan ( though for modern i go for korean ). NATIONALITY : koukan. ( modern is south korean ) LANGUAGE / S : whatever is spoken in kouka ( and in modern: korean and english ). SEXUAL ORIENTATION : bisexual. ROMANTIC ORIENTATION : biromantic. RELATIONSHIP STATUS : single. ( verse dependent. but this is the default. ) CLASS : ???? lower, i guess. they’re travelers and rather poor. ( and in modern, he’s more lower middle class or middle class ). HOME TOWN / AREA : ryokuryuu village was where he was born, but he considers awa home. CURRENT HOME : wanderer with no stable home. PROFESSION : dragon warrior ( and big brother of the HHB ). previously a pirate. masqueraded as a bandit and member of a band for some time.

PHYSICAL. HAIR : long, green hair. EYES : droopy, violet eyes. NOSE : sharp & narrow. FACE : oval. LIPS : thin. COMPLEXION : he described his own skin as “milky white”. BLEMISHES : none.  SCARS : none in canon. in modern, his right leg is severely scarred from burns. TATTOOS : none in canon. in modern, he has this on his wrist and this on the back of his right shoulder. HEIGHT : 6′2′’. WEIGHT : ???? 200 lbs. BUILD : rather muscular. he works out and takes care of himself. FEATURES : his right leg carries the power of a dragon, so he has green scales covering it up until his knee. ALLERGIES : none. USUAL HAIR STYLE : hair pulled back into a ponytail that falls to his waist and is secured with an orange ribbon along with bangs that cover his right eye. USUAL FACE LOOK : he’s usually smiling. USUAL CLOTHING : a navy blue changshan with light olive pants and light gray boots. his under garments are described as feminine—he wears some weird black crop top ( hard to explain so good thing i have this saved ). he also has a plethora of daggers and other small weapons hidden under his clothing.

PSYCHOLOGY. FEAR / S : being chained down, controlled, powerless. death. dying. prison. he’s also claustrophobic and cleithrophobic.  ASPIRATION / S : he will follow yona and do whatever it is that she wishes for. his only goal is to keep her and the rest of his group safe. eventually he does want to find a peaceful place to settle down though. in modern verses, he wants to travel more. POSITIVE TRAITS : kind. friendly. compassionate. observant. confident. calm. patient. assertive. independent. NEGATIVE TRAITS : narcissistic. persistent. rebellious. blunt. pushy. easily bored. can be independent and selfless to a fault. MBTI : ESFP. the entertainer. ( but he can border on ENFP as well ). ZODIAC : taurus.  TEMPERAMENT : sanguine. SOUL TYPE / S : performer. ANIMALS : dragon. but in terms of the test, wolf. VICE HABIT / S : he has the tendency to take on other’s problems with little regard for himself and never asks for help. FAITH : he’s polytheistic, but is not really overly religious. GHOSTS ? : yes; he’s seen these things since he was little. AFTERLIFE ? : yes. REINCARNATION ? : yes, as he is part of a reincarnation cycle himself. ALIENS ? : maybe? POLITICAL ALIGNMENT : whatever yona wants. in modern, he’s very liberal. ECONOMIC PREFERENCE : he just wants to be well off. SOCIOPOLITICAL POSITION : ???? idk man. EDUCATION LEVEL : no formal education in canon, but he’s clearly very intelligent. in modern, he’s graduated from high school but didn’t go on to college. he’s very street smart and has high interpersonal, intrapersonal, and musical intelligence.

FAMILY. FATHER : unknown. MOTHER : unknown. but he considers captain gi-gan to be his. SIBLINGS : if you count his dragon brothers, he has three ( kija, shin-ah, zeno ). EXTENDED FAMILY :  he considers all of the HHB and the pirates of awa to be family. garou was his guardian earlier in life, but he doesn’t really consider him family. NAME MEANING / S : n/a. HISTORICAL CONNECTION ? : a reincarnation of the green dragon warrior.

FAVOURITES. BOOK : he likes dramas, romances, adventures. MOVIE : he tends to like romantic comedies.                5 SONGS : anything instrumental.                    DEITY : none. HOLIDAY :  valentine’s day. MONTH : may. SEASON : summer  PLACE :  ocean. sky. WEATHER : sunny and warm, a little windy. SOUND : the sound of the erhu and of a flute. SCENT / S : flowers, most specifically roses. he likes candles and incense. TASTE / S : alcohol. fruits. anything sweet. FEEL / S :  the wind against him when he flies. ANIMAL / S : dragons. NUMBER : 4. COLOUR / S : green. purple. blue. orange.

EXTRA. TALENTS : dagger throwing. playing instruments. extremely perceptive. BAD AT : being honest about his feelings. he tends to express his fondness through teasing. TURN ONS : lmao, this would be very long. he tends to be drawn towards fiery, reckless people. people who are ambitious and people who love music.  TURN OFFS : over possessiveness. any attempt to control or hold him down. HOBBIES : playing and listening to music. reading. teasing others. TROPES : kick chick ( male version ). big brother instinct. the charmer. the gadfly. AESTHETIC TAGS : skies. oceans. daggers. roses. alcohol. GPOY QUOTES : ❝having my fate decided for me from the time i was born goes against my views of beauty.❞

FC INFO. MAIN FC / S : – ALT FC / S :– OLDER FC / S : – YOUNGER FC / S :– VOICE CLAIM / S : – GENDERBENT FC / S : –

MUN QUESTIONS. Q1 : If you could write your character your way in their own movie , what would it be called , what style would it be filmed in , and what would it be about ? A1 : i probably wouldn’t change much. he’d still be following yona and following the story line of the manga, only difference is i’d probably make them get together at the end lmao. Q2 : What would their soundtrack / score sound like ? A2 : this is his OST. so more of the same. Q3 : Why did you start writing this character ? A3 : i just thought it would be fun. Q4 : What first attracted you to this character ? A4: i thought he was funny, complex, and interesting. so why not. Q5 : Describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse. A5 : nothing, really. Q6 : What do you have in common with your muse ? A6 : both kinda vain. we also don’t get angry quickly or easily. Q7 : how does your muse feel about you ? A7 : jae-ha flirts with all women so i can always feel good that if he was real, he’d flirt with me.                                                          

Q8 : What characters does your muse have interesting interactions with ? A8 : yona. kija. hak. rin ( @rosaxui ). he tends to have funny or interesting interactions with a lot of people tho. Q9 : What gives you inspiration to write your muse ? A9 : he’s just really fun??????

[marjaystuff]

Elise Cooper Interviews Amanda Quick (Jayne Ann Krentz)

Close Up by Amanda Quick blends together the historical, suspense, and a tinge of the romance genres. Through a gripping mystery, readers also get a glimpse of the 1930s Hollywood-type glamour of California.

The books opens with Vivian Brazier rushing to a crime scene to take photographs of a murder. Cut off from her family’s funds for pursuing her dream, a career in art, to make ends meet she takes crime scene photos and headshots for aspiring male actors. Keeping her photo-journalistic career secret, she must balance this world with the world of an art photographer.

After photographing the murder of a movie star, she realizes details that can help the police find the “Dagger Killer.”  Able to look at details of a photo that many others could not, Vivian finds clues to help the homicide detectives.  Unfortunately, this puts her life in danger. Private investigator Nick Sundridge is hired by a mysterious third party to protect her.  Together they try to find the hitman by narrowing down the list of suspects. Just as Vivian can see things others do not, Nick also has that ability. The difference is that she sees through a cameras’ lens, while he sees through his dreams and visions. This talent, or curse as he refers to it, allows him to become a brilliant investigator.

Through their need to live together the hero and heroine’s personality, along with very snappy dialogue, become prevalent. They are both compelling people who are smart, daring, competent, and flawed. Vivian is talented, bold, independent, and, savvy, a very modern woman for that time who is very much career oriented.  Nick is sarcastic, honorable, talented, and pragmatic.  His partner Rex many times steals the scenes. This trained side-kick is a loveable German Shepherd who is extremely faithful.

The attraction between the two is first felt by Nick.  The relationship is not one where opposites attract, but one where both characters are accepting of each other. She was not put off by his “curse,” and he was not put off by a woman wanting to have a career.

This novel has very interesting characters, and a plot with mystery twists. The action begins on the first page and continues until the last page.

Elise Cooper:  How did you get the idea for the story?

Amanda Quick: I like to write my books with a sense of timelessness.  I want to create a feeling of a more contemporary time, which is the 1930s.  So much today originated back then including, dog food in cans, Twinkies, women wearing pants, and women athletics.

EC:  Why the photography angle?

AQ: I thought it would be an interesting job for my heroine.  There were famous ones in the 1930s including Dorothea Lange who was best known for her Depression-era work. I also thought of iconic scenes in films where photographers arrive at the crime with their chunky cameras and flashy lightbulbs.  It was how black and white photography established an image of Noir. This resonates with people. I thought it would be interesting to write about the conflict between Modernism and Pictorialism.  

EC:  Do you have a hobby of photography?

AQ: You mean back in a time when photography was more than an i-phone photo?  My brother has always enjoyed it and even set up his own dark room.  He helped me a lot with the technical details including the history.  He considers this his passionate hobby.

EC:  Why the setting in Adelina Beach?

AQ:  I wanted to create that mythical Hollywood California.  The iconic picture of a picturesque California town.

EC:  There is a psychic element?

AQ: It gives the story a vibe and keeps the books from following into a traditional police procedural.  I do not think there is too much and consider it just one step beyond intuition.  There is a fine line between those who are really talented that can observe something that others do not see and someone with a psychic sense. Their sense of awareness allows them to see what others do not.

EC: How would you describe Vivian?

AQ:  Ambitious, independent, a dreamer, and the rebel of her family because she is career-oriented.  She is from a wealthy shipping San Francisco family. When looking through her camera lens she is calm and focused, but at other times she struggles with her life.

EC:  She is not cut-throat?

AQ: Correct.  The opening scene has a famous actor coming to the crime scene.  She was about to take his picture, but after he begs her not to, she backs away.  I based the character movie stars and the movie titles on real people of the time.

EC:  How would you describe Nick?

AQ:  He grew up having this strange ability to do psychic dreaming.  He likes to be in control because it creates a structured world.  He sees the psychic element as something he cannot control so he tries to control other aspects of his life.

EC:  Rex is Nick’s partner?

AQ:  I based him on the famous 1930s dog Rin Tin Tin.  He is a German Shepherd who bonded with Nick after being found behind a garbage can.  Through Rex I think readers can see Nick is a good guy.  Because Rex accepts and understands Nick it makes him feel a sense of normalcy. I think dogs add something to a story.

EC:  A secondary character is Vivian’s sister, Lyra?

AQ:  She is the younger sister who looks up to Vivian.  While Vivian is considered the rebel, Lyra was always considered the “good sister.” She secretly envied her older sister.  Because she idolized Vivian she decided to follow in her footsteps.  I think both are adventurous, daring, and impulsive.

EC:  How would you describe the relationship between Vivian and Nick?

AQ:  Vivian sees beyond the surface of who Nick is.  They are two of a kind and have a unique understanding of each other.  Both see themselves and the world they live in uniquely. I like to compare the relationship to photography since it played such an important role in the story. For example, this quote by Vivian shows how similar they both are, ‘Your fever dreaming sounds a lot like what I do when I focus my camera.  I open my senses, my inner eye, and try to see beneath the surface…It’s called intuition, Nick.  Neither one of us is crazy.’ Nick responds, “You’ve known me for less than two days, but you know more about me…more than anyone else.”

EC:  What about your next book(s)?

AQ:  The next Amanda Quick book will have a new couple.  I do not repeat because I do not want to introduce a new problem into the relationship, especially since they had their happy ending.  Nick and Vivian will be in the next story as side characters because the heroine is Lyra.  She will have to help save Raina who is kidnapped. Readers might remember Raina from the “Burning Cove series” earlier books.

My next Jayne Ann Krentz book will be out in January and is entitled, All The Colors of Night.  It is a sequel to The Vanishing.  It will continue the overarching story of what the government did in this small town of Fogg Lake, where an experiment went awry.  The descendants of this town have psychic abilities. North Chastain and Sierra Raines will be the hero and heroine.

THANK YOU!!