#AFTER a few discounts that I am very grateful for | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sno4wy · 2 months ago

Text

youtube

AITA for making my husband try out the new rollercoaster with me?

I (32M) am a builder for a small frontier town out in the Eufaula. Having solved the town's water crisis, we've been very busy recently improving and adding to our town in a vigorous drive to get her back on the map. One of these additions is an amusement park. Everyone really came together chipping in the gols, materials, time, and energy into making into reality what was originally thought to be nothing more than an eccentric quack entrepreneur's pipe dream.

It's been so busy that I've not had much time together with my husband, M (48M). He is of course as gracious as always, even though for weeks now that he only sees me briefly each dawn before he departs for his Church of the Light duties, and the only time that I see him is when I look upon his serenely slumbering face right before I turn the lights off and I crash into bed. There have been precious few exceptions, but M filled each of those with encouragement and assurances.

When everything was completed, M and I had desperately-needed catchup time. To my exasperation, the first day that the new amusement park formally opened to the public, which was only three days after we began our rest, M suggested going to the amusement park. I say exasperated and not surprised because I know my husband and I was getting the feeling that he'd suggest this. Why? Well, you see, earlier, when I said, "everyone really came together chipping in", I mean they did, but I guess I might've kinda contributed a not insubstantial monetary investment, but also having personally constructed and installed several of its fixtures? I mean it's really not a big deal, it's part of my job and why I came to this town. Whenever I was down in my luck, the kind owner at the local saloon always had a discount meal for me, and my ranch owner neighbors always left me fresh yakmel milk in the morning. It turned out that I have a violent intolerance for the stuff, but that's a different story.

In any case, M has always been so indescribably supportive. He is so much my rock and reason for living, and yet I can always pick up a tinge of guilt? Sense of unworthiness? Insecurity? A most heartbreaking self-deprecation, even though I am extremely expressive of how he is everything I have ever wished for and of my utter devotion to him. Full disclosure: M does have… let's just say a "history" with the town. He did some very bad things for what he thought to be the right reasons and was manipulated by some very bad people. He takes his transgressions very seriously and carries the perceived heavy burden of the town's forgiveness at all times. Perhaps these things are being projected onto me. I really hope that's not the case.

I would've preferred to stay at home with M as we'd done the previous days, I really needed the time with him alone, not just intimately, but like, telling each other about what we've been up to, new things we learned, reading books together, listening to his deep, sultry voice reading to me, and sometimes just doing nothing but silently enjoying being together again. It's been paradise, but I couldn't turn down his suggestion. He was so earnest, and that yin-yang balance of hope and fear just tipping barely into the darker side in his gaze makes me wonder if I heard my heart crack as I fall into those soulful, beautiful, deep amethyst eyes. I knew what he was thinking -- he believed that I've been exerting more than he had in our time apart, and he wanted to show his utter appreciation and gratefulness for it.

I don't know what else to do. I think he does this kind of thing to make me happy, but all I want to do is make him happy. Yes, I know what you're wondering, Church of the Light principles are indeed a bit more lax out here because of the whole frontier thing, but yes, it is still very bad form for a faithful Church of the Light devotee to wish to visit an establishment that centers around technology. No, M is most certainly not a false discipline of the Light, you're really not going to find anyone more true to his beliefs than M (and certainly not that travesty of a minister in Portia). It's definitely my fault that he has to add yet another internal conflict about his faith and his suggesting that we go to an amusement park. Maybe that was it. Maybe that was why I asked him if he wanted to go on the rollercoaster, because I was too much of a coward to face the emotions that'd definitely threaten to overtake me if he'd initiated instead. He can't say no to me any better than I can say no to him, so my asking him was basically forcing him.

So, we went on the rollercoaster, and M was very earnest about it being a lovely experience. I really can't imagine that to be anywhere near true. How do I know? Well, for starters, he was tense throughout the entire ride. Not just normal tense, but I'm talking like doing the best statue impression in the entire Free Cities. I swear that he didn't blink the entire time either, WITH HIS EYES OPEN THE WHOLE TIME, and if you've ever been on a rollercoaster you know how insane that is. And his face was just frozen in his firm/disapproving expression, which is probably his most-practiced expression, throughout the ENTIRE thing. My head got whipped around a few times, so maybe he changed something during those moments, but I swear to Peach he looked the same the entire ride.

When the ride stopped, M slid out as though he hadn't just gone through those twists and turns like a human rock, and made small talk with me about the ride. I don't remember much of what he said, I was too busy trying to figure out if he was ok, but the most concerning of all that he said was that he claimed he had his eyes closed throughout most of it! I WAS STARING AT HIM THROUGHOUT MOST OF IT AND HIS EYES WERE FROZEN. THE. LIGHT. OPEN. I'm extremely weirded out and concerned, and am worried that I broke my husband.

AITA for making my husband try out the new rollercoaster with me?

Thx, M4X_S4ndr0ck

#My Time at Sandrock #MTAS #MTAS Miguel #MTAS builder #MTAS fanfic #MTAS OC #Youtube

11 notes · View notes

morganas-pendragons · 9 months ago

Text

I want to tell a story about one of the best people I knew. Because he died today.

And he was one of the few people who pushed me to pursue my creative passion.

This is long and personal. Dont by any means feel like you have to read it. I just want it here for myself to come back to.

I moved to Illinois in August of 2016. Not long after, I was informed about a standing tradition in Indiana called The Covered Bridge Festival. I was intrigued. And since my mom was going, 18 year old me decided to tag along.

I remember walking down the main road of this event and finding a giant banner that said, “WALKING DEAD ART” on a barn nearby. I was perplexed. It was an antique show. What on Earth is art from my favorite show doing here?

So I went in and was greeted with the most beautiful art I have ever seen. I still hold to that, to this day. I remember walking into that booth and gazing upon that art: Art drawn by a man much older than me who saw the world in only black and white.

Hence his social media presence: the black and white guy.

I was so lonely at the time I had done this. I had just moved to a new state, had left everything I had ever known, to follow my family to a town I hated. And I was so lonely. So bad off. I just felt very.. lost.

I’ll never forget his response. Once I told him I also was a fan of the show, he asked me about that, and then I proceeded to spend the next three hours explaining my OC that I had written just for the purpose of Carol being able to keep a child.

Three hours. He listened to me talk about this for three hours. By the time my mom was ready to leave, she found me still in the barn, still talking his ear off. And he heard every word. I left that barn the same day with so much art and promises to return the following year.

Eventually I came to his booth so often that he started giving me his art at a huge discount because I was “such a devoted fan” (or something along this line) and it was so nice solely for this reason: despite him being an artist and me being a writer, we pushed each others creative passions. I was constantly asking him for art from different shows we both loved.

The last time I vividly remember seeing him was before he was diagnosed with cancer. My mother told me that he was coming over to the house but wouldn’t say why. I was so confused. I only met the man once a year, and now he’s coming to my parents house? Why?

This man, knowing my love for Carol Peletier, took one of his original art pieces of Melissa McBride and put it in this gorgeous frame. To give to me.

For free. Because he wanted to.

“I know how much you love her.”

At this point, I had spent probably 5-6 years expressing my love for Carol and Melissa every time we met. I only missed the festival once due to being too far away and in college. He’d driven from his little town in Indiana to give me this drawing, which now sits on my wall in my apartment. So do his drawings of Daenerys and Wanda.

I was working this morning when I went home for lunch. I had just prayed for him. He had been battling cancer something fierce, which caused him to miss the art show in October of 2023. His wife was there in his stead.

I haven’t been thrown off guard like I was this morning since 2015, when my choir teacher suddenly died of pancreatic cancer. All I saw was a picture of angel wings on his Instagram, and the words: Robin left.

He was gone. Just like that, just after I had gotten home for lunch. I lost my appetite. I lost my energy. I just… feel so defeated. I haven’t experienced death a lot in my life. Every time I do, it’s with someone like this. Someone who teaches me something so crucial, so beautiful, that end up passing away anyway.

My choir teacher in 2015 was the start of embracing my passion for much.

Robin in 2016 was the start of me properly embracing my passion for writing.

So.. Robin… thank you. I am so grateful for you and so heartbroken that you’re gone.

#tbd #personal #tw death

7 notes · View notes

girlwithamillionfaces-blog · 2 years ago

Text

Everyone always talks about post partum depression... what about the depression during the pregnancy? The fear, the shame, the sadness over losing who you are to this new person you have to become? I don't think I've ever wanted to just vanish as bad as I have the last few weeks of this pregnancy... I'm tired of trying to survive... I'm tired of forcing myself to be ok enough to eat, sleep, and get up everyday for the sake of this baby within me... I feel so alone because I can't just say "hey can you take the baby so I can have a bad mental health day where I don't take care of myself?" I can't just hand her off and sleep for 12 hours to cope with the pain of existing.. I feel so fucking trapped and no one, not a single fucking person around me, has noticed or even asked how I'm doing. It's always "how's the baby?" "Bet you can't wait to meet her!" "Don't forget to eat and exercise, the baby needs you to."

What about me? I need me to be able to sleep, eat, move, get shit done. But no, once you get pregnant you don't fucking exist anymore. You're just a fucking vessel for a human that you don't even know yet. Don't get me wrong, I love her, I love her more than words can describe and yes I'm terrified for post partum. But we need to discuss the very really depression that women feel DURING the damn pregnancy too. I'm so sick of everyone asking how I feel and then when I answer honestly "I'm tired, my body hurts, I don't know if I can do this." The responses are always about the damn baby "you think you're tired now, wait till the baby gets here!" "If it hurts now, just imagine how sore you'll be after caring for the baby all day!" "Well you better figure out how to do this, you have a baby to consider now!" And yea, that shit is all true. But fuck... the invalidating shame it gives me to be discounted and told it'll only get worse... it kills me... if I could go back I'd be on birth control again so I could wait until I was ready for this baby. But I can't go back, and my "complaining" as I've been told it's called, is me begging, screaming, for someone to look at me and say it's ok to feel broken.

But sadly, in the eyes of many around me, feeling broken isn't allowed. I should just be grateful that I'm able to have this baby. I am. I should just be grateful that so far she's healthy. I am. And I should be grateful that there are people around me that love and support this baby. I am. But I I NEED LOVE AND SUPPORT TOO! FUCK DUDE!

#pregnancy #tw depressing thoughts #mom thoughts #prenatal

14 notes · View notes

carolinayourspiritmaster · 3 months ago

Text

A reminder that, in only a few days, all these beauties (and a few new acquisitions) will be working for all of you on the first Reiki + Crystal Healing Day. You really can't miss this! I took this picture after cleansing and feeding my collection, right before I started offering this combined service a few months ago. I was quite excited, but I really had no idea of the success that the service was going to have; I could not be more grateful to the customers who tried it as it was made available, and made this coming day possible. To celebrate this new event, and by the request of the Cuadro Espiritual, I am offering a day-long Reiki and Crystal Healing session at a 50% off price! This discount is made for those who can't afford full price sessions, or those who want to get multiples for family and friends. Link below!

#carolinagonzalez #spiritual work #reiki healing #crystal healing

1 note · View note

bantinglikewilliam · 1 year ago

Text

Update!

My weight is 199 (finally).

I'm not sure what exactly messed me up, whether it was a drug interaction or occasional drinking (I stopped following the Banting diet and only drank a few drinks since my last post) but something threw my hormones out of whack. I since detoxed from basically all medication except when absolutely necessary, stopped all alcohol, and had to supplement like crazy with potassium and magnesium. I didn't check every day but I had a test for ketones in my urine and none were found after IF and low carb when they should have been there, and I stayed at 202/203 for way too long, I think because I was holding water and possibly not going into ketosis. Finally today, the day I was scheduled to weigh myself, I lost a few pounds, and that was after eating throughout the day and having sushi and a sweet bun yesterday. If my body hadn't been out of whack, I theoretically should have lost significantly more weight a lot sooner based on what and when I was eating. It has been an extremely frustrating experience and a really long and stressful week or two full of mostly good things, but also a lot of big changes and decisions.

After what happened to me, I have no appetite for drinking right now. Alcohol can concentrate drugs in your system because it can inhibit cytochromes, and that's no joke if, like me, you tend to be sensitive to medication (hypothetically, already have slow cytochromes). Basically, imagine drugs are forms that need processing and my cytochromes are overburdened bureaucrats, already slow. Now imagine giving those bureaucrats a lot of wine, they get even slower, and the forms build up and don't have anywhere to go. I don't know if that's a good metaphor, but the freaky side effects I experienced that can't be explained by drinking on top of medication because the medication should have been out of my system give me pause when a friend casually asks if I want a glass of wine with my meal. And anything that stops me from losing weight, that is a huge red flag that screams "Doing This Is Bad For My Body!"

I tried a serotonin antagonist and it turns out one of the antihistamines I was taking for insomnia was also a serotonin antagonist (which also has an extremely long half life), and taking them together was bad which I didn't realize for awhile, but taking them hours apart from drinking or other medications was also bad, for me at least. I think I'm very sensitive to changes in serotonin in regards to my adrenal system, and if I'm right it meant too much of certain hormones were released (angiotensin, which leads to increased aldosterone) that raised my blood pressure, lowered my ability to make insulin, and told my body to get rid of potassium. I never would have dreamed taking lower than prescribed doses seemingly far apart could lead to a bunch of weird stuff happening in my body, but it seems to finally be over now and I am so grateful. It makes me concerned about what the insomnia medication has been doing to me since I have been taking it to help with sleep and panic attacks as needed for years. It's made me concerned what all medications I've taken have been doing to me. Not, like, in a nefarious way, just, literally what has it been doing, and how concerned should I be? For example, my rate of panic attacks went way up over the past two weeks. In the past certain anxiety medications has made me more anxious, could other medications be doing that too?

As someone who has experienced rare yet severe side effects in the past that disrupted my quality of life, it is very frustrating when doctors just shrug and say that's just something that happens when you take a drug or discount when you say you think something is wrong because a drug is safe, or people usually don't have the side effect you're having, so it can't be that drug's fault. As a layperson who knows their body and can tell something is wrong but who also doesn't have tests to prove it, especially when it something like migraines or panic attacks or inability to lose weight that can't be tested for objectively, the medical system can make you feel even worse and like you don't know what you're talking about. And also it seems like if you're not like, dying, you're fine. Oh, your blood pressure is thirty points higher than it normally is? Meh. You fasting blood sugar went from the 80's like it has been for years into the prediabetic range although you're eating keto and fasting? Why are you worried? Are you sure you're really trying to lose weight, people don't have a problem with this medication. Sheesh! It can really be invalidating.

And yet low and behold, when I stop the medication, and my side effects go away, then yeah, now they believe me. Usually. Otherwise I guess they assume I'm just a neurotic schlub eating sugar and carbs all day and just expect me to have deteriorating or suboptimal health like high blood pressure and high blood sugar like the rest of the StandardAmericanDiet-sacks. Again, sheesh! The medical profession needs to wake up and start caring about side effects and WHY they happen, and what they mean systemically, because drugs that do things like making you sleepy or hungry don't happen in a vacuum or by magic. They happen because of hormones and neurotransmitters and catecholamines and choline, and it's a very complicated and intertwined system, but that doesn't excuse ignorance of mechanisms when the information is out there or lack of symptom management to maintain homeostasis. And doctors need to stop being ok with people being a little metabolically sick and just being happy they're not really really sick.

And, on a related tangent, people need to stop saying there are no predictors for prediabetes. There are, and they're not even that complex or expensive or controversial, from what I understand, I can't say from experience because I've asked about them but no one has actually ever done these tests for me.

Measuring visceral fat by ultrasound, uric acid levels with a blood test (I think they may made monitors for this similar to blood glucose monitors), and oral glucose tolerance tests for checking for insulin resistance, all of which should be routine as part of physicals. Fasting insulin tells you nothing about the actual function of your pancreas after you eat a cookie, just if it's really really dysfunctional without any food coming in, which is very bad news for your metabolic health. Oral glucose tolerance tests show in real time if your pancreas is overreacting and releasing insulin after you eat sugar, not if it's overreacting by releasing too much insulin all of the time. This is a distinct difference and really valuable information, but it's slightly more complicated and time consuming, so they just don't do it. Give me a break! I wish I could start a nonprofit and focus on just those three screening tests, I bet it could really help people catch things before they get really sick (idea copyright BantingLikeWilliam 2023 lol).

And don't get me started on the overwhelming attitude of doom and gloom if you would have visceral fat, elevated uric acid, or insulin resistance. You're doomed? No. You can reverse nonalcoholic fatty liver in DAYS just by giving up sugar, alcohol, and doing intermittent fasting (may take a few extra days if you don't fast). Notice I didn't say you have to give up carbs. Sugar (fructose) and alcohol stress your liver out in nearly identical ways because if how they are processed. This is not pseudoscience, yet NAFLD is considered by many medical professionals to be a progressive disease, not one you can reverse. And the earlier you catch it, the easier it is to reverse. Same with fatty tongue with sleep apnea. Liver and tongue fat are two of the first to be liquidated when you stop overwhelming your body with sugar (and alcohol, but most people just need to cut out sugar). It takes longer to shrink visceral fat and reverse insulin resistance and get your hormones to normalize, but it has been done over and over so many times in the same way that it feels like willful blindness and pessimism when the Mayo Clinic still talks about PCOS and fatty liver and diabetes like they're life sentences. You don't have to live with any of them, and the way you avoid them or turn them around is by changing what you eat. I try to help my friends who have these health problems and they tell me they don't like eating too much meat or that the keto diet requires processed foods and keep going to this specialist or that specialist and as long as the medical establishment keeps saying we are destined to get fat and decline in health as we age, I'm going to keep sounding like a nutcase telling people to eat more meat and that it's ok to give your organs a break from eating to be healthy. Virta Health, Low Carb Down Under, and all the other reputable low carb researchers, I hope you can help make this type of thinking more widely accepted before my friends have trouble conceiving, have trouble with their eyesight due to metabolic issues, or have to have limbs amputated, all which has happened to people I know.

People like to look to prescription drugs as miracle drugs or quick fixes, but they're often not, and what is a miracle and quick fix is keto. Not for all issues, of course, but for overall health and to balance hormones. Write me off as a nut if you want, but like my bae Mulder would say, the truth is out there. Except it's not classified, just google it and check your sources. I'm not making any claims that haven't been backed up by studies and actual doctors who see the conditions reversed in their practices.

I wish that more attention would be paid to side effects of drugs, but if doctors etc keep expecting people to have bad side effects or be ok with them being sort of metabolically sick, how can that ever happen? Who will advocate for people having horrible side effects from drugs that well meaning doctors prescribe? I genuinely don't know. Hopefully someday soon the mechanisms by which drugs work will be better elucidated and unified and psychiatry/other specialities and general medicine will work together in a holistic way that considers the patient's whole body. Until then, it doesn't hurt to know your body at baseline and keep track of side effects when trying a new medication, whether it is prescribed, over the counter, or even a supplement. Even food. Chips make you swell up? That's good to know, you may need more potassium if you're gonna eat chips. A drug makes you hungry? That's a metabolic red flag. At the end of the day, when you know what is normal for your body, you can better advocate for yourself and if you do need to take a drug, you have a better chance of finding one that will work with your body.

Rant over. This experiment is on hold. I'm aiming for keto.

0 notes

bethestaryouareradio · 1 year ago

Text

Family Forever

“Animals are reliable, full of love, true in their affections, predictable in their actions, grateful, and loyal. Difficult standards for people to live up to.” Alfred A. Montapert

I am very excited to announce that the 2nd book in my Stella Bella Barnyard Adventures series is being published and will be available soon. It’s titled Family Forever and again, is based on another true tale from my barnyard of adopted animals.

Family Forever is the story of a tiny chihuahua who befriends a baby squirrel after his family is killed and introduces him to his new adopted tribe of goats, chickens, geese, ducks, rabbits, and pigs. After learning to climb trees and play with his new furred and feathered friends, Squiggly Wiggly Squirrel meets another squirrel and bids farewell. But he is reminded by Stella Bella and the rest of the barnyard brood that he will always be loved because family is forever.

A few years ago while out gardening, I came upon what appeared to be a nest with the inhabitants killed by perhaps a coyote, bobcat, or other predator. As I was cleaning up the mess, I heard a tiny squeaking sound and saw an itty bitty pink body hanging from a berry bush. My entire life I have rescued and cared for animals in distress. Not knowing what this creature was (and hoping “it” wasn’t a rat), I wrapped “it” in a warm towel and began my rapid research. Determining“it”was an infant squirrel, I fed “it” a special formula from a doll’s baby bottle.

As“it” grew a beautiful bushy tail, and became quite the ball of energy, “it” matured into a “he” and I named him Squiggly Wiggly. (The photo above is from Day 27 when his tail was already bushy and beautiful.) He spent time with me in the barnyard playing with my other adopted animals, and his best buddy was a female chihuahua named Dolce Perra.

Squiggly Wiggly chased Dolce around the yard and when he tired, he climbed my robe and dove into my pocket to hide, with his bushy tail hanging out.

Yes, as his claws sharpened, I needed to don a thick green robe which he climbed like a tree to protect me from scratches.

He was afraid to climb actual trees and had to learn. Everyone who met Squiggly Wiggly fell in love with him and his sweet demeanor. We became his adopted chosen family. One fine day he encountered another squirrel, and as they say, the rest is history.

Family has always been of utmost importance to me. Nurturing relationships are essential to a healthy life and those relationships begin in childhood. As children, we depend on family dynamics to help us form our character, morals, and beliefs. It is my hope with my series of true tales in Stella Bella’s Barnyard Adventures, that through the voices and actions of animals, children will learn courage, kindness, acceptance, inclusion, and love.

The animal kingdom is filled with timely and timeless tales that are relatable to humans. The animal family of Stella Bella’s Barnyard Adventures experiences complex encounters that challenge their integrity, individuality, and character while amplifying an assortment of expressions and original viewpoints to co-exist as a group.

The barnyard animals address critical issues facing children including bullying, nature, power struggles, adversity, adoption, homelessness, creativity, justice, health, kindness, ethnicity, and being different through a cultural lens of hope and resolution. With visually rich illustrations, each picture book inspires, motivates, and moves children to appreciate all animals while learning the lessons the natural world teaches.

Family Forever is available now for pre-sales at a discount until it hits bookstores. You have the opportunity to get autographed copies and be the first to get this newly published book penned by me, Cynthia Brian, and beautifully illustrated by Jensen Russell. More information about all the books is available at https://www.CynthiaBrian.com/books.

To order copies, visit https://www.CynthiaBrian.com/online-store and click on Family Forever. You can also purchase any of my other books on the website to give as gifts. Please indicate to whom you want the books autographed.

Proceeds will once again benefit the literacy charity, Be the Star You Are!®,https://www.BetheStarYouAre.org.

I hope you enjoy seeing a few of our family photos and will purchase copies of Family Forever during this discounted pre-sale. For premium bulk sales, please contact me for pricing. And, please share this gift with your friends and family!

Family Forever!

ISBN-13: 978-1-960583-03-1 print edition

ISBN-13: 978-1-960583-04-8 e-book edition

Thank you for being part of our family of StarStyle® Empowerment. Stay tuned for more adventures from the barnyard!

Share StarStyle® Empowerment

Read at https://cynthiabrian.substack.com/p/family-forever

Press pass: https://www.vapresspass.com/2023/07/10/family-forever/

#familyforevernobarnyardbulliesstellabellasbarnyardadventurescynthiabrianstarstylebethestaryouareanimalscouragekindnessinclusionlovestories

0 notes

ardennnnn · 2 years ago

Text

Another week in Malasia

This is the third week since I arrived in Malaysia, and I have been adapting well to the new environment. Last weekend, I had a great time hanging out with my friends in Jalan Alor and Pavilion.

We arrived Jalan Alor at around 6 pm, and the street was already crowded with people. We all feel hungry. We went to a restaurant that my friend recommended and ordered a few dishes to share. The food was delicious, especially the grilled stingray and satay. We also tried some durian, which is a fruit that is famous in Southeast Asia. Although it has a strong smell, the taste was surprisingly good. After dinner, we walked along the street and saw many street performers, adding to the lively atmosphere.

The next destination was Pavilion, a high-end shopping mall in Bukit Bintang. We took a Grab car there, and it only took us around 15 minutes. The mall is huge, and there are many luxury brands and designer shops. We went to some of our favorite shops and tried on some clothes. I was surprised to find that the prices were quite reasonable, and there were many discounts available. We also went to the cinema and watched a movie. The cinema was very comfortable, and the sound and picture quality were great.

Overall, I had a wonderful day with my friends. The food in Jalan Alor was delicious, and the atmosphere was lively. Pavilion was a great place to shop and relax. I feel more and more comfortable in Malaysia, and I am grateful for the friends who have accompanied me on this journey. I am looking forward to exploring more of this beautiful country in the future.

Another week miss my cat.

0 notes

rose-remnants · 2 years ago

Text

ohmygod seriously, 2023?!

Been off to quite a start.

I'm mega tired, as I left Austin yesterday, stopped at Alia's for the night, & drove home/shopped around today. But let me jot down some important things.

January 1 - saw a fox when I got back to Marci's from the greenbelt, after thinking about Josh & wondering if I did the right thing.

Should. Have. Know.

A couple days later? Jeff had been drinking a lot & slapped my butt with a pizza pan. I had been drinking champagne. I froze, & observed myself/the situation. I had never been in a triggering situation before where I was able to not get totally caught up in it, & observe & soothe myself instead. It was very interesting, noticing the triggers flaring up in my body. Then calmly expressing what happened & what I was experiencing to Josh, as well that I did not know how to handle the situation. And kept telling myself how proud I was of myself for how I was handling things. Hugging myself. Reassuring me.

I was also pretty much just as upset about having to talk to Marci about it & how I assumed she would react.. which she did basically react how I expected. And THAT was triggering for me. Just as triggering. It caused me to realize how much "sisterhood" wounding I have still. Not feeling supported or protected. She is like a sister, best friend, & mother... & for her to almost kind of defend him was pretty heart wrenching. To only consider breaking up with him because of his drinking, & basically disregard that he sexually harassed (assaulted?) me, that he treats her like shit- treats a lot of people kind of like shit - is controlling & abusive & talks down to her & others.. so disappointing.

Somewhere in the midst of everything, I realized this situation & the past situation with Alicia.. some similarity with Medusa/Athena. Not being supported or protected by a sister, a "mother". I did however receive support, validation, & gentleness from Alia. Which I am so so so grateful for. As well I appreciate how Josh handled things & validated me in not owing Jeff anything.

That was healing for me. And the dream I had this morning seemed to be further proof.

I re-read my entry about the Medusa & Lilith journey last night.

I felt called to The Reliquary today after leaving Alia's. Almost didn't go but I did. And I got the Merlinite this time. And I sat there on the floor for a while. Just soaking in the goodness of the space before carrying onto Rue 21, where I spent less than $5 & the male employee totally gave me a free skirt. (& possibly discounted my products even more? He was kind & had a gentleness to him)

And at Home Goods, I felt incredibly called to this marble heart shaped cutting board inset with two abalone hearts. I kept trying to talk myself out of it, but just when I was thinking ok maybe I'll look up the properties of marble, I saw the third heart board on a totally different aisle & just knew it needed to come home with me. For numerous reasons. It wasn't until I was driving & pretty far along my way when it hit me - omg stone heart. Like Medusa. The abalone shells, of the sea. I immediately got tingles atop my head spreading down my body & tears welled up. It was a message from her.

And as SOON as I came inside I heard water running. Rushed into the bathroom/tub to see the hot water side spewing water everywhere. Dears said the connection was loose, he tightened it.

A few minutes later noticed glass on my floor. Was very confused until I realized it was my (Scorpio? no?) blood moon eclipse water jug. WTF? How. Even.

Water.. Leaks. Loose connections. Stone hearts. Stone of Merlinite. Broken glass. Broken.

Not wanting to be "seen"/block around posting my photos or modeling more because I'm uncomfortable being seen, being percieved as beautiful, it is dangerous.

Ant on my forehead??

#medusa #full moon cancer #full moon

0 notes

pro-birth · 3 years ago

Text

It’s so manipulative and toxic how women have to scramble over themselves to assure their “appreciation” for birth control’s part in “sexual liberation” whenever they mention issues with BC. If a disclaimer is not made on a post discussing BC problems, then people hound it for being “unrealistic” or “ungrateful” or even just plain sexist, all because BC is a sacred cow that can never be criticized for the sake of women’s equity.

Like, no, women were not liberated by birth control: they still got discriminated against for being pregnant, still got sexually harassed, still got raped by their husbands, still endured bad sex because “clitoris” is a bad word (and BC can interfere with sexual pleasure), etc. Discrimination still happened, and we’re still reckoning with the failure of our previous generations.

So many problems got swept under the rug because pregnancy and fertility were made the scapegoat for women’s problems. “You’re not getting hired/accepted into school/respected as a political force because you get pregnant -- take this pill with serious consequences for your health and social well-being, and you’ll finally be free of your own biology!!!”

Really????

Being able to safely avoid a pregnancy is absolutely a part of women’s health, and having access to safe, holistic methods even more important. Being able to make an informed decision on all options available is important. I am not against those things. So don’t even come at me thinking I hate pregnancy prevention and safe access to it.

But that is NOT what women have, even in first world nations in many ways, because not ALL of their options are available. Way too few doctors know about ALL options for family planning (such as fertility awareness based methods), and they also discount women’s voices concerning issues with birth control.

The birth control industry not only has a strong monopoly over women’s health (which influences what medical professionals learn in school), but also has a long racist, sexist history that still harms people today. Side effects of birth control are only just now being taken seriously and research is still pending! After 70 fucking years of treating women like guinea pigs whose health and sexuality is considered second to sexual availability to men! This is the liberation we fought for???

This doesn’t even get into how options for menstrual/reproductive issues like endo or PCOS don’t go beyond “use potent artificial hormones” unless you want a baby, and even then the mainstream fertility treatments are also subpar. Safe and effective non-hormonal birth control and fertility health options exist, but they are NOT common, and it is BECAUSE of the birth control industry’s grip on medicine that they are not more accessible. It is BECAUSE of the devaluation of female biology that BC has caused that women’s medicine suffers. I’m supposed to shut up and lie about how awesome it is that we have birth control for this????

And not only that, but family rights in the workplace and in academia are still a battle being fought today because women are expected to not only use birth control or get an abortion to remain unpregnant in that sexist environment, but to also overwork and overburden themselves to act like they don’t have kids at home to take care of if they want to barely keep up with their childless compatriots. Smoke breaks? Cool! Wanting a stool to sit on while heavily pregnant when working check out lines? Wow you obviously don’t take your job seriously, no raises or job security for you! This is something I am being pressured to celebrate???

There was even a recent article on how breastfeeding Olympians are being told that they can’t take their nursing babies with them to compete (which thankfully was overturned). We’re still acting like women’s biology and their motherhood are subpar and unnecessary, we still have to pressure and waste energy on convincing sexists that we deserve accommodation. In 2021. Because birth control made fertility the problem and potent hormonal casrtration the solution. You really want me to sit there and force a smile for this shit????

Could you imagine how different things would have turned out if fertility awareness were normalized in medicine rather than hormonal methods? If simply not marrying, or abstaining from sexual activity, were also normalized as options? If doctors were given the same funding and support for researching female biology rather than how to suppress it? Would our societal treatment be different? Would our medical care have been decades ahead from how it is now? Would there be less generational trauma for BIPOC women who were subjects of deadly BC trials? Would it have helped with gender relations in the bedroom, schoolroom, workroom?

We don’t know, we can’t know, because even today, our biology is regarded with minimal regard, if not contempt: BECAUSE OF BIRTH CONTROL’S MONOPLY ON OUR BODIES AND HEALTH. You want me to claim I should be grateful for that shit???

I won’t be “””thankful””” for birth control unless birth control becomes a discussion and invitation to ALL methods of family planning and reproductive medical options, and does NOT treat ovulation, pregnancy, and birth like a disease and malformation of female biology. I’m not going to apologize for saying so, because the only thing that bootlicking does is gloss over the very real harms BC has caused.

I will not be thankful for birth control until it’s part in the medical, sexual, and social subjugation of women is finally admitted to and addressed effectively for real changes. Even then, it still won’t be my cup of tea and I am NOT obligated to pretend that I am “grateful” for it.

If you feel the same, then reblog and share your stories. Don’t be silent for the comfort of others. Women need to get their voices back without the demand for “apologies.”

And before someone bitches about how privileged I am to say this when women in third world countries are dying from lack of contraception access: look up neo-imperialism’s effects on forced birth control and eugenics in those countries. Read the stories of women who were told IUD was their only option, who were refused access to fertility awareness, who were unable to get healthcare when they got horrible side effects from their BC, and/or were unable to have their implant removed because the clinic demanded money for it. Like I said: we don’t owe birth control SHIT if this is how it’s used against women.

#birth control #women's health #ranting #pro-birth control propaganda

164 notes · View notes

robininthelabyrinth · 3 years ago

Text

Spilled Pearls

- Chapter 15 - ao3 -

“I thought Sect Leader Wen was above visiting other sects,” Lan Qiren said sullenly, leading Wen Ruohan on a tour through the Cloud Recesses. He had nothing better to do: classes had been temporarily dismissed on account of sect business, what with the teachers all being recruited to receive the Wen sect’s retinue; at this rate, this year’s rogue cultivators wouldn’t learn anything of value, and Lan Qiren had the sneaking suspicion that it was somehow all his fault.

“I can’t imagine why you think that. Don’t I attend every discussion conference without fail?” Wen Ruohan said smoothly even though that wasn’t what Lan Qiren had meant and he knew it.

Wen Ruohan normally treated himself and his clan like the imperium, preferring to summon visitors rather than go to visit. Presumably, in this instance, it was only that his desire to bother Lan Qiren had overcome his vanity, or else perhaps he’d reminded himself that even the Emperor would sometimes summer at the homes of his lackeys, allowing them an unasked-for opportunity to pay homage to him.

Truly a very irritating man. Lan Qiren was almost entirely sure that it wasn’t his adolescent brain speaking, either, though he supposed he couldn’t discount the possibility entirely – he’d been very irritated by Cangse Sanren, too, and they were friends now.

Actually, he was still pretty irritated with her sometimes. Maybe it was just a symptom of adolescence. Or perhaps it was that strange similarity he sometimes found himself observing between them, whether it was their seeming timelessness or their overweening arrogance...

Well, when in doubt, there were always the rules: Do not disrespect your elders.

Also possibly Have affection and gratefulness, though that one had always been hard.

Lan Qiren took a deep breath, held it for a few seconds, and then released it, taking stock of himself: his walking pace was steady, his hands were clasped together so that they didn’t flail, and his appearance was calm. It was just a matter of getting his emotions under control, and he had plenty of experience with that.

“You’re right,” he finally said, releasing his irritation with an effort of willpower. “You do. I was being rude, and it was uncalled for. Is there any particular part of the Cloud Recesses that da-ge would like to see? I doubt the Library Pavilion or the main buildings have varied much since your last visit, but the gardens and wild forest are beautiful this time of year.”

Wen Ruohan was quiet for a while, the two of them walking side by side in silence, and then unexpectedly he said, “Does the Lan sect use well-water or river-water as your main source of drinking water?”

Lan Qiren stared at him in disbelief. “I’m not telling you that. That’s private!”

“Is it?”

“Not everyone’s like the Nightless City, telling everyone that they rely on a half-dozen imported sources for their food and drink and challenging them to try to do something about it,” Lan Qiren said crossly, and tried to remind himself Sneering for no reason is prohibited. “I’m not actually a half-wit, you know.”

“You misunderstand me,” Wen Ruohan said, though his eyes, narrow with satisfaction like a cat, suggested that he would have been more than happy to take advantage of the situation if Lan Qiren had been so foolish. “I only wished to know whether it was the source of water they are drinking that has rendered them all blind to the treasure they hold in their hands.”

“…I’m not showing you our treasury, either.”

Wen Ruohan barked a laugh. “That’s not what I meant, either. Why don’t you show me your Wall of Discipline? I’m sure there are a few new rules since last time.”

There probably were – the rules were like water, both eternal and in a constant state of flux – so Lan Qiren obediently turned his feet in that direction.

“It’s not a work-day,” he warned. “So you’ll miss out on any carving. But the rules are there, and I can answer any questions you have about them, if you like.”

“Any question? A bold claim.”

“Any question I know the answer to,” Lan Qiren clarified. “If I don’t, I can ask one of my teachers, or look at the books in the library.”

They walked in silence a little longer, although a surprisingly comfortable one given their age difference and Wen Ruohan’s general aura of barely restrained bloodthirst. Perhaps Lan Qiren was just getting used to it.

“Have I disturbed your afternoon plans with my visit?” Wen Ruohan eventually asked, gazing at the Wall contemplatively.

“I was going to meditate in the Cold Spring,” Lan Qiren said. “But it’s nothing I can’t do another time.”

“A Cold Spring?” A faint smirk flickered on Wen Ruohan’s face. “That’s useful for the suppression of yang energy.”

“And for cultivation, and for healing, and for encouraging clarity of thought,” Lan Qiren said, and managed to keep from rolling his eyes. “Of course, if da-ge is having some trouble controlling his lascivious thoughts, he is welcome to try it out. Such requests are not uncommon among newlyweds.”

Wen Ruohan was smirking outright now. “Tell me, little Lan, has that sharp tongue of yours ever cut the inside of your mouth? Or is that something you reserve for me?”

Lan Qiren pretended not to hear him and instead pointed out one of the rules on the Wall. “I always rather liked that one.”

Wen Ruohan glanced over and saw Have wins and losses - otherwise known, colloquially, as don’t be a sore loser - and grinned. “Oh, really? I find I’m rather partial to Honor the aged and wise, myself.”

“Really? And here I would have thought someone as humble as da-ge would opt for Do not say one thing and mean another, or maybe the prohibition against praising yourself.”

“Are you saying I do not count as aged, little Lan?”

“I would never question your years,” Lan Qiren said. “But the rule does include two clauses.”

Wen Ruohan was surprised into a snicker. “Sharp and sharper! Is this more of your vaunted Do not tell lies?”

“Be of one mind,” Lan Qiren retorted. “Anyway, you enjoy it, or else you would’ve just pointed out Do not argue with your family.”

“Indeed, I am not Qingheng-jun,” Wen Ruohan said, his smile poisonous, and Lan Qiren, struck dead on by the accurate blow, could only glare at him. “My little brother can argue with me any time he pleases…and does, I find. I told you to come to the Nightless City, and you disobeyed.”

“Learning comes first,” Lan Qiren said. “I had classes. Like I told you!”

“And your father and brother agreed with your prioritization?”

Lan Qiren winced, having not told them of Wen Ruohan’s request for exactly that reason.

Wen Ruohan only smirked, though, and did not call him out on it further. “Perhaps I will take you up on your offer,” he remarked instead, and for a moment Lan Qiren had no idea what he was talking about. “Travel is always so wearying, and I’ve heard fine things about the quality of the Cold Spring in Gusu.”

Right, that.

Lan Qiren was pretty sure he was allowed to make that offer.

“Unless of course you planned to have other company there…?” Wen Ruohan glanced at him and saw his confusion. “Your little immortal’s disciple lover?”

“Certainly not!” Lan Qiren exclaimed. “Men and women do not mix like that. Anyway, she’s not my lover. We’re only friends. She’s agreed.”

Wen Ruohan’s eyebrows went up as if Lan Qiren had revealed more than he’d intended.

“Very well,” he said, sounding almost agreeable. “I’ll take your word for it.”

Lan Qiren eyed him suspiciously.

“I’d still like to meet her.”

Of course he would.

“She might not like you,” Lan Qiren warned, shaking his head. Cangse Sanren was a warm and generous person, but her views were unshakable once set, and she feared nothing; he could only guess at the monstrous clash of egos that was about to take place. “But she should be by the training field at this time of day; we can go there next.”

Wen Ruohan reached out and ran his fingers along the Wall – seemingly at random, hitting Change clothes after taking a bath and No adornments that make sound as he did – and then turned to follow Lan Qiren with a look in his eyes that Lan Qiren did not understand.

“Then let us go,” he said.

As he’d thought, Cangse Sanren was practicing alone in the training field, looking especially fierce with her hair flowing freely in the wind as she danced with blade and horsetail whisk. Lan Qiren waited until she was done with her current set before clearing his throat to announce their presence; when she turned, he pulled out a ribbon from his sleeve – he’d taken to carrying spares – and offered it to her.

“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you,” he said to her. “It doesn’t matter how high your cultivation is, it’s still not going to help you in a fight if the wind changes mid-move and you get smacked in the face with your own hair.”

“Maybe,” she sniffed. “But I look amazing.”

Lan Qiren rolled his eyes.

“This is Cangse Sanren, a disciple of Baoshan Sanren,” he told Wen Ruohan. “She has no personal name, so don’t ask for one. Cangse Sanren, this is Sect Leader Wen.”

Lan Qiren had heard rumors that Wen Ruohan had once had a personal title, but that he hadn’t liked it, and that he’d ensured that no one ever dared to use it to his face. At any rate, Lan Qiren didn’t know it now and could not use it as an introduction.

Not that Cangse Sanren would have cared, of course. She raised her hands in a salute, boldly keeping her head raised and the bow shallow enough to be insolent.

“I’ve heard of you,” she said, her eyes slightly narrowed.

“And I of you,” Wen Ruohan responded. “It’s been a long time since a disciple has descended from the immortal mountain. Tell me, are you planning on joining the Lan sect?”

“I haven’t decided yet,” she said. “Are you planning on proposing some alternative you think I might like better?”

“Perhaps I will. You never know what the future might bring.”

“Knowing the present and the past would seem a sufficient guide to me.”

Lan Qiren looked between them in growing alarm as they exchanged seemingly pleasant words in cutting tones. It wasn’t that he hadn’t expected this, but perhaps not quite so quickly...

“Could the two of you maybe not do this?” he asked, feeling a little plaintive. He didn’t want to have to explain how a casual tour designed to kill time had escalated into an inter-sect issue. “Cangse Sanren, if my da-ge’s presence bothers you, we can just leave.”

Cangse Sanren broke away from the staring match she’d started with Wen Ruohan to frown at him. “You call him da-ge?”

“Is there any reason he shouldn’t?” Wen Ruohan’s voice was as smooth as the silk used to execute empresses. “He’s my sworn brother, after all.”

“Oh, I know that,” she said. “It’s only that he calls Qingheng-jun ‘xiongzhang’.”

Wen Ruohan seemed a little surprised by that. He glanced at Lan Qiren, who scowled back at him. “So what?” he said, feeling oddly defensive. “You asked to be called ‘da-ge’.”

“I suppose I did,” Wen Ruohan said, and his lips curled upwards in satisfaction.

“Hey, Lan-xiao-gege,” Cangse Sanren suddenly said, and Lan Qiren automatically glared: he didn’t like her calling him that. “Could you get me a ribbon from my room?”

“What? I just gave you –”

“There’s one in particular inside a qiankun pouch on my desk,” she said, barreling on. “You can just bring the whole thing. I need it rather urgently, and for various reasons cannot go myself.”

“But –”

“You shouldn’t deny a lady in need, little Lan,” Wen Ruohan interjected. “Don’t forget that chivalry is one of your rules. Go and return; I will wait for you here.”

“And I’ll keep an eye on him to make sure he does,” Cangse Sanren said, which was horribly rude even if he did somewhat need that reassurance. “Please, Qiren-gege? Would you?”

“…all right,” Lan Qiren said, having the distinct feeling that he was being ganged up on. “I’ll be back right away.”

There was a rule against running, but he’d long ago mastered the art of walking as quickly as he could without breaking any of the rules against haste; he was able to retrieve the pouch and return to the training field within a single ke, which he thought might have broken some sort of record. Even so, by the time he returned with the pouch, Cangse Sanren and Wen Ruohan were standing side-by-side with identical expressions of smug satisfaction that suggested that they’d accomplished whatever it was that they’d so obviously wanted him out of the way for.

Hopefully not a recruitment into the Wen sect. His brother would kill him.

“Ah, Qiren-gege!” Cangse Sanren said, and accepted the pouch. As if purposefully adding insult to injury, she tied it to her waist without even bothering to pretend to root around inside for the ribbon or whatever thing she had so ‘urgently’ needed from it. “You’re the best.”

“And you’re a pest,” he told her, but she only looked pleased with herself. He wasn’t going to get any answers out of her, and he didn’t even bother to hope for one from Wen Ruohan, who was exactly the same. He looked at him regardless: “Da-ge, are you done here? Even though they haven’t sent word, I’m sure the elders have finished preparing to receive you properly, so you can finally do whatever it is that you came to the Cloud Recesses to do.”

Get out of my way maybe, he meant, and not especially subtly, either.

“Uh, Qiren-gege,” Cangse Sanren said, grinning at him. “I’m pretty sure he’s already doing that.”

Lan Qiren refrained from rolling his eyes at her yet again – nobody would gather up their entire retinue to travel halfway across the cultivation world to see him – and turned expectantly to Wen Ruohan.

“I gave my lieutenants orders to begin negotiations without me,” he said, looking disinterested. “Your sect elders will not want me to disturb them until they have reached preliminary agreement on the main points, so as to avoid losing face for either sect in the event we can’t reach an appropriate resolution.”

Lan Qiren hadn’t thought of that. He supposed it made sense.

Irritating, irritating sense.

“We’ve already seen quite a lot of the Cloud Recesses,” Wen Ruohan added. “Why don’t we take some tea in your rooms?”

Lan Qiren thought about his rooms, which were still in a terrible state, and tensed – he’d neatened up as best as he could after his tantrum in the little time he’d had to himself, but removing all the broken things had left the space bare and uninviting. He wasn’t even sure he even had a matching tea set left.

“You should go down to Caiyi Town,” Cangse Sanren announced. “It has a thriving market full of unique goods, and from what I hear you have a new bride, Sect Leader Wen. If you don’t get her something from your trip, she’ll never forgive you.”

Wen Ruohan hummed thoughtfully, and Lan Qiren seized on the excuse to nod fervently and usher Wen Ruohan towards the gates instead of his rooms.

“I’m sure you’ll be able to find something to her taste,” he told Wen Ruohan, and for some reason remembered how the man’s long-nailed hand, capable of crushing mountains, had so delicately held the bowl Lan Qiren had painted as he had drunk his wedding toasts, as if he’d been afraid of causing the slightest damage to it. “There’s plenty there.”

“I’m sure there is,” Wen Ruohan said, and to Lan Qiren’s relief they were able to spend the next two shichen wandering slowly through the market. Wen Ruohan seemed to be particularly interested in stalls or shops selling household goods, whether vases or inkstones or paperweights, or else in paintings and other decorations; he solicited Lan Qiren’s thoughts on them all, and insisted on hearing them no matter how much Lan Qiren tried to demur.

“I really don’t know how much it’ll help you to know that I personally prefer my décor to have neutral colors with abstract designs,” he said, rubbing his forehead after one particularly extended discussion with a very enthusiastic shop manager in which they, again, did not make any purchase. “I doubt your new bride shares my excessively particular tastes.”

“What makes them excessive, rather than simply a preference?” Wen Ruohan asked, strolling over to where Lan Qiren was standing and running a finger along the blanket Lan Qiren had been absent-mindedly kneading with his hands out of lack of anything better to do. It was made of multilayer silk, airy as a cloud but trapping enough heat to allow for some warmth, and some clever designer had introduced some sort of subtle pattern to the embroidery that made it feel almost fuzzy. Lan Qiren had liked it at once, although regrettably it was the sort of expensive that was beyond the reach of even his generous allowance, especially since he’d so recently depleted it; it would have required him to rely on sect credit to obtain it.

He was technically entitled to do so, especially as one of the main branch family, but it wasn’t worth the snippy comments about Do not wallow in luxury that he’d invariably get for it. When he was younger, his brother had, in a rare moment of sympathy, told him that he’d be able to do much more and allow himself far more freedom while still avoiding such criticism if only he weren’t so insistent on talking about the rules all the time, but at that age Lan Qiren had struggled tremendously with focusing on other subjects and it had seemed easier to simply give up a few privileges. Later, of course, he’d realized that he didn’t have to give up those rights at all – the rule against luxury was intended to forestall dissipation and waste, the prioritizing of self-indulgence over duty, not occasional purchases designed to make life more comfortable – but his austere habits had remained. It was easier to pretend to have a preference towards asceticism and restraint than to admit that he was just being picky again, that he’d rather no blanket than a scratchy one or that loud colors or busy designs hurt his eyes and distracted him from his studies no matter how beautiful the art.

“I don’t suppose you remember those greens they were serving, the first time we met?” Lan Qiren asked dryly. “The ones I didn’t eat? It’s a bit like that.”

“Mm, I recall,” Wen Ruohan said, which surprised Lan Qiren: the other man’s memory must be prodigious to recall such a small event in such a long life. “You cried when you tried to force yourself.”

“It was a physical reaction,” Lan Qiren said through gritted teeth. How did Wen Ruohan always manage to find the most irritating take on any subject? “I gagged, that’s all. Anyway, all I meant was that I’m picky and particular, set in my ways and preferences, and what I like doesn’t necessarily transfer to other people.”

He wanted to ask Are you planning on getting something here already, but that would be crossing the line from blunt to intolerably rude, given that Wen Ruohan was his guest and his elder. Instead, he waited until it seemed like Wen Ruohan was done talking, and then edged pointedly towards the exit in the hope that the older man would get the hint.

In the end, they returned to the Cloud Recesses just in time for dinner, in which Lan Qiren was seated next to Wen Ruohan but which, per Lan sect rules, was silent, and was happily sidelined for most of the discussions that took place afterwards, which were mostly about sect affairs. The next two days Wen Ruohan spent fully ensconced in negotiations with Lan Qiren’s father and brother, and the day after that he was scheduled to leave – he had made plans to visit the Jin sect next before returning to Qishan, a route that ever so coincidentally would make it convenient for him to unofficially swing by Qinghe on his return as well – and in the end they only had time to take tea a few more times, almost always in the company of others.

Lan Qiren breathed a sigh of relief at having managed at least one successful one-on-one interaction with Wen Ruohan that hadn’t blown up in his face. He obtained belated permission for his invitation to the Cold Spring and mentioned to Wen Ruohan that he could take advantage of it during his next visit, whenever that might be – Wen Ruohan had seemed pleased by the offer – and obediently watched the visitors depart before returning, at long last, to his classes.

There were whispers, of course, but he ignored them with the ease of long practice. His sworn brotherhood was unusual, inevitably drawing attention; that would not change, just as it would not change the existence of it, and so other people would simply have to grow bored of their gossip first.

It wasn’t until later, when classes broke for the day, that he finally went back to his rooms.

His rooms, which –

Did not look like his rooms.

Lan Qiren stared.

What should have been bare walls and a cracked table and a bed with a single sheet had been transformed: there were paintings and vases, each with the subtle designs he favored, the latter filled with flowers emitting a cool and subtle scent; the incense burner had been replaced with one of delicate and intricate copperwork, a perfect match to the copper accents that adorned the new table, made of dark wood, that had replaced the one he’d broken. Even the pillows and blanket had been replaced – and he recognized that blanket, expensive and unnecessary, with clever embroidery and multiple layers of silk –

“His taste’s a bit much, I think,” Cangse Sanren said from behind him, having apparently followed him in at some point when he hadn’t noticed. “But I suppose you can’t fault him for efficiency.”

Lan Qiren turned to stare at her. “You – you knew about this?”

She grinned at him.

“You didn’t say – you didn’t tell – !” Lan Qiren looked around. “He was shopping for me?”

“All your fault,” she said cheerfully. “Apparently you were the one who started it all, giving him a gift –”

“He was getting married!”

“Some men are unreasonably competitive, Qiren-gege. Your sworn brother is one of them.”

“I – a competition – ?!”

“Possibly he also felt bad about getting you drunk and taking advantage of you,” she said. “And wanted to make up for it somehow. Just a thought.”

Lan Qiren flapped his hands in the air, unable to form words for a while – not least because he was pretty sure Wen Ruohan didn’t do emotions like felt bad, and probably maxed out at this made you have feelings which are inconvenient for me – and then finally settled on some: “What did the two of you talk about?!”

Cangse Sanren poked at the new guqin stand in the corner, dark wood and copper as well, embedded with a few dimly glowing night-pearls, and nodded to herself in satisfaction at its balance. “Blind people with no judgment or appreciation, mostly.”

“…what?!”

“I may have also mentioned that your room was looking a bit too ascetic recently…”

“Cangse Sanren!”

She laughed her peculiar laugh, the deep one that came from her belly and made everyone around her want to join in, and took to her heels as if afraid that he might chase her. Lan Qiren seriously considered it for a moment, wanting to scold her and also to extract every detail about how she had almost certainly tried to scold one of the most terrifying men currently living, but he found himself drifting over to the bed instead, putting his hands into the comfortable blanket and already imagining how well he would sleep with it tucked tightly around him.

Fine, he thought, scowling down at it with a glare that was for no one’s benefit, not even himself. Maybe next time he writes inviting me, I’ll even go.

#mdzs #lan qiren #cangse sanren #wen ruohan #my fic #my fics #spilled pearls

127 notes · View notes

i-am-the-balancing-point · 2 years ago

Text

I discovered a friend had been struggling to feed themself recently and since I‘ve been doing much better in that regard since my most recent whiny posts about struggling to consume enough food, I thought I‘d share some stuff that helped me as it might make things easier for others who are facing the same problem. Put it under the cut tho bc it might get long:

meal replacement shakes are your friend! I am thankful I discovered a bunch of the pre-made kind heavily discounted only. I hate their taste (thankfully I‘m able to just chug them in one go and have a sip of water after) so I reccomend you try a few brands to find a flavour you like if you’re able to. the powdered kind is also good but sometimes even just scooping that into my bullet blender is not manageable for me… if it is tho, I like to use plant milk, a double serving of the powder and frozen fruit. My preference here are frozen raspberries but you do you and know what you like best. pre-made protein drinks can also be a decent alternative if meal-replacement drinks are not available.

eat peanut butter by the spoon. not to sound weird but it has saved my booty countless times times. it’s high in protein and fat so a pretty good base to build from. works especially well to get me to a point where I can start making a more complex meal but I have very well just have it on its own or with a few crackers plus it’s really satisfying to just dig a big ass spoon into a new jar and eat that straight up.

instant rice, instant quinoa, instant noodles — anything that just needs to be put in a microwave before consuming is worth its weight in gold. if it comes pre seasoned all the better! my rice comes plain but I LOVE eating it simply with some healthy boy brand vegetarian mushroom sauce. you can also dress all of that with some canned veggies. especially a few tablespoons of canned corn or frozen peas, some pickled ginger or pickled baby corn won’t take a lot of energy to add but make most dishes infinitely more delicious and nutritious.

a special s/o to dal and instant curries. again, being able to simply heat a pouch of delicious spicy goodness is a god-given gift! dal can also be insanely easy to make. I just use a few tablespoons of quick cooking lentils, rinse them when I have the energy, and put them in a single-serving pot with ~5 times the amount of water, add in some tomato paste, garam marsala, curry powder, cumin seeds, chilli powder and veggie stock powder, a smashed clove of garlic if you’re feeling it, stir, put on medium heat for like 20 min and let it soften. when the time‘s up check if the lentils have cooked through and add more water if you like it soupier. finish with some fat of your choice. much tastier and more nutritious ✨

find some crackers or similar you like and something like almond cream cheese, hummus or a pesto you dig and go ahead and dip away. if you think about it it’s preeeetty similar to a sandwich, just less effort to make. I like saltines, rice cakes/corn cakes and grissini. they’re also nice vehicles for nut butters and or jams.

it’s okay to just eat bread from the bag. or the toaster. bread is tasty! munch on it. ♡

put nutritional yeast on everything

I hope these can be helpful in some way. It’s not much but sometimes it’s also about feeding yourself some easy decent snacks so you can get yourself to cook something more energy-consuming and sometimes your brain is just so exhausted that you’re grateful for someone else having done the thinking about quick solutions. Stay well ♡

#food is stressful man #especially as an adult #I am literally grateful I can still ask my parent for a sandwich every now and then and they’ll usually understand that I’m not asking #bc I’m lazy but because I need assistance #like yes it’s embarrassing to me to still do that sometimes IN MY FUCKING TWENTIES #but whatever we’re surviving rn #Gigi babbles

10 notes · View notes

genesisrose74 · 3 years ago

Text

Hi friends!!

I have scheduled this post to go out at exactly midnight pacific standard time, so hopefully I can say in a timely manner: Happy New Year!!

This year has been very interesting to say the least, but this account has been one of the highlights of 2021, and so many people helped make my experience more memorable by the day. I just wanted to throw out a few thank you’s to some of my favs (many of whom are scattered across the globe, so for most of you, this year is already in the past!)

To my lovely discount sbi family, @blanknamed @redhoodsoot @thatplanetmarz @sharkie-pog -> I love you all more than words can describe!! You’ve been with me for a very long time now, and I cannot thank you enough for all the support and inspiration with which you’ve provided me over this past year. We’ve gone through the fandom pipeline together, introduced each other to even more mutuals, and even joined a discord that I know will last longer than most of my previous servers. I am so excited to head into 2022 with each and every one of you! Sending lots of warm wishes <3

Mutuals!! @finnwrld @beenis98 @dreamwvrld @mitzimania -> take my love, you absolutely phenomenal motherfuckers—how in the world did I get the opportunity to become mutuals with like,, all of you?? I have no idea, but I am so beyond grateful to call you all friends. I’ve come to y’all for writing advice, inspiration, a deep fried meme or two, and had just a ton of fun interactions with you over this past year. Thank you so much for always filling my feed with so much joy and good vibes, and for making me smile even after the shittiest of days. No matter where you are or what you do in the future, know I’ll be cheering you on with everything I’ve got—and hopefully we can share more memories with each other in 2022!

And of course, thank you to all of my followers on tumblr (past or present) who have supported me in this past year! Whether you’ve been with me from the beginning, or you’ve joined me along the way, every one of you holds a place in my heart. And that sounds really really far fetched, but seriously: having people who follow me for what I write and post on this blog, even if I’m just a passing username on your feed, gives me so much motivation. You don’t know how much your interactions mean to me—however small they may be.

Here’s to happiness, new beginnings, and good memories in 2022!

#happy new year!!#obligatory spreading the love post #how could i not??#my mutuals >>>#and my followers are the best obvi 🙄#/lh but seriously ily’all #<333

18 notes · View notes

subterfugespecialist · 4 years ago

Text

Stumbled into Anguish Blind

Patton was grateful for his job as a paramedic. Saving people was worth all the stresses to him. But he never thought one of those people would be his own son.

@badthingshappenbingo Prompt: Ambulance Ride

AO3 Link

Pairing: Familial Moxiety, Prinxiety

Warnings: Gun shot wounds and blood but not terribly graphic depictions of them and the shooting takes place off screen, a character in pain, near panic attacks

Word count: 3032

I am not a medical professional. I did do research but please forgive it if it’s not 100% accurate.

While Patton was grateful for the job he had, he couldn't recommend it to just anyone. Being a paramedic was hard, and incredibly stress inducing. To hold the life of someone in your hands was terrifying. But saving peoples lives - that made it all worth it.

Patton had helped and saved many people during his years as a paramedic - but he never once thought he'd have to save his own son.

That day was supposed to be a happy one. After Patton helped Virgil work through his anxiety of driving, he finally got his license. And with this newfound freedom, Virgil had been able to get a job keeping stock at the art store, with perks such as discounts and limited interactions with customers.

Patton was so proud. Virgil was going to go out with his boyfriend, Roman, and use his first paycheck to look at upgrades for his drum-set. Afterwards, Patton was going to treat them to dinner.

He was glad they weren't embarrassed to spend time with him, like some teens would be. He was blessed with such a great pair of kids.

During breakfast, Patton explained what Virgil needed to do with his paycheck at the bank. After repeating the steps a few times, Virgil felt fairly confident. And Roman was going to be with him, anyways. It seemed that boy was scared of nothing - least of all social interactions.

But how were any of them supposed to know there would be an armed robbery that day?

How were they to know that a gun would be shot?

When Patton got the call and heard the location of the incident, he almost shouted in panic.

"Please," he prayed as the ambulance sirens blared. "Not the kids."

He and the other paramedic, Harley, ran up the ramp with the stretcher as police officers yelled for people to move out of the way.

When they ran inside, it took everything Patton had to not collapse on the ground and scream.

Virgil was on the ground, breathing heavily as he clutched onto Roman's arm. Roman was on his knees, holding his jacket against Virgil's chest.

Patton was grateful Roman's favorite color was red. He thought he would actually faint if he had to see more of his sons blood than was already visible.

It wasn't until Patton knelt next to Roman, now able to hear the soft assurances he was whispering to Virgil, did he notice they had arrived.

"I'm sorry," Roman managed to choke out through his tears when he saw Patton.

"No, no. It's not your fault," Patton manage to say, fighting to speak through the the tension building in the back of his throat. He replaced Roman's hand holding the jacket. "Thank you for taking care of him."

"Dad?"

"Hey, baby. I'm right here. Everything's gonna be okay."

Roman pushed himself back and watched as Virgil was lifted on the stretcher.

"You're okay, honey," Patton found himself repeating as they boarded the ambulance. "You're okay. You're okay."

Virgil grasped at his dad's hand, and Patton had to bite his lip to keep from crying when his son whined as he pulled his hand away.

"Sh, sh, it's okay. I need to put the oxygen mask on you. I'm still right here."

Patton placed the oxygen mask as Harley cut Virgil out of his shirt. He felt Virgil's hand grip tightly on his shirt in place of his hand and Patton really wanted to cry right now.

But he wouldn't. He couldn't. This was his most important patient. He had to be professional.

But it was hard to be when Patton could barely hear himself over the pounding of his heartbeat in his ears. He and Harley replaced Roman's jacket with a proper gauze to keep the pressure, and Patton couldn't help it as a few tears escaped his eyes as he watched Virgil's eyes squeeze shut and his teeth grind in pain. Patton wanted to sob every time he placed a bandage and Virgil winced.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm not trying to hurt you. This is helping, I promise.

It wasn't long after until Virgil's eyes closed and his body went slack.

"Virgil? Virgil! Come on, honey, stay with me," Patton cried as he worked on an IV. Why couldn't he do more? Why was there so little he could do in this ambulance why couldn't he just fix his boy-

"His breathing is destabilizing. We need to give him an endotracheal tube," Harley said as he immediately set to work. Patton's hand moved on autopilot as he helped, and more tears did fall as he watched Virgil's chest move up and down from the tube. That wasn't him breathing it was the machine because the bullet had pierced his baby's lung.

The trip to the trauma center had never felt so long. Had it always been this long? Eventually they were finally able to get the door open and bring Virgil into the trauma center where the waiting doctors took the stretcher from them and rushed Virgil in for emergency surgery.

It wasn't until Virgil was out of sighed did Patton collapse to the ground and finally let himself cry.

His sobs carried down the hallway, and Patton didn't even care that his coworkers were staring at him. The nurses were staring at him. But how could he possibly care when he couldn't be with his son-

"It's going to be okay," Harley said. When had Harley sat next to him? When did he curl into his knees? "You did good. They're going to fix him up in there and everything's going to be okay."

"He's hurt and I can't even help him-"

"Hey, you did help him. No, you weren't able to remove the bullet yourself but you kept your head on straight and got him here in good condition."

Harley pulled Patton up from his knees and held him in a hug. "It's okay, Patton."

Patton rested his forehead on his shoulder. "Thank you. For your help."

"You are very welcome. Come on, now. Let's get you off the floor."

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

Patton was, understandably, not on call for the rest of the day. He had paced around the waiting room for the first ten minutes of waiting, but he was exhausted from stress and collapsed into a chair - elbows on his knees and resting his head in his hands.

He didn't look up until he heard frantic footsteps coming down the hall. He panicked for a moment, worried it was a doctor with bad news, but saw it was only Roman.

Patton stood as soon as he saw him and the two met in the middle of the room, Patton holding Roman tightly against him as Roman buried his face into Patton's chest.

"I'm sorry," Roman whispered into Patton's chest. Patton felt tears soak into his shirt. "You trusted me with him and I couldn't even-"

"Hey, no no no," Patton murmured as he led Roman to the chairs. "None of this is in any way your fault."

Roman let out a sob, and Patton pulled him back against him. Roman was a tall boy, but here in Patton's arms he seemed so small.

"And you knew exactly what to do. He was hit in a very critical place, and you saved him from a lot of blood loss by putting pressure on it. I- I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't done that. Roman, you helped him as much as I did in that ambulance."

Roman's tears turned into quiet sniffles, and Patton lifted a hand to gingerly wipe the tear streaks off the boy's face.

"Is he okay?"

Well, no. But he was okay as he could be.

"He's doing fine," Patton assured. "The surgeons are going to take good care of him."

That seemed to finally make Roman relax. He nodded and sat up, wiping his eyes of the last of his tears.

"How did you get here so quickly?" Patton asked.

"I took Virgil's car. He gave me the keys because he didn't want to drive from the bank, since traffic was going to get worse in the afternoon. You know how busy Main gets. I hope you don't mind."

"That's just fine, Roman."

Patton wasn't going to chastise him for driving with only a permit. Not now.

About another hour passed. At one point Roman rested his head on Patton's shoulder, and of course Patton didn't mind. It was nice to have the grounding weight resting on him as he texted family members about what happened.

He felt guilty for not calling, but there was no way he could talk about it and not break into tears again.

The two snapped their heads towards the entrance when they heard footsteps walking down the hall. A doctor walked in and saw them.

She was one of the doctors that took Virgil from him.

"Mr. Sanders?"

Patton nodded.

"The surgery is finished. Everything went fine. He should wake up soon. I can show you to his room."

Patton and Roman quickly stood, and the doctor grimaced.

"And what is your relation?"

It took a moment for the dazed Roman to realize she was talking to him.

"Oh, uh, I'm Roman. I'm his boyfriend."

The doctor, who Patton was now close enough to he could see her name tag read Dr. Taylor, shot him an apologetic look.

"I'm sorry, but only family is permitted in before he wakes up."

Patton saw tears build back into Roman's eyes, but he just nodded.

"Okay. Yeah, sure," he said, mouth trembling as his fists clenched his jeans.

"I'll come get you after he wakes up," Patton said, placing a hand on Roman's shoulder.

Roman nodded again, and Patton gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze before following Dr. Taylor out of the waiting room and down the hallway.

Patton couldn't ignore the sound of Roman crying as they walked away.

"The bullet shattered one of his ribs, but besides that, and the penetration into the chest, thankfully no other major damage occurred," Dr. Taylor said. "We had to give him a chest tube due to some internal bleeding, though the endotracheal tube we were able to replace with an oxygen mask. So he should be able to speak when he wakes up."

Patton had to focus on counting the clicks of his shoes on the tile to keep his breathing steady.

The two stopped in front of a door and Dr. Taylor put her hand on the handle.

"He's on some pretty strong painkillers, but he should still be cognizant when he wakes up. If anything happens, press the red emergency button by the bed and me and the other doctors will come rushing back."

"Thank you," Patton managed to say through the rising dread in his throat. Dr. Taylor opened the door for him.

Patton stood in the entryway until he heard the door click shut behind him. Once the click snapped him out of his trance, he rushed towards the bed and immediately burst into tears.

There was his baby. Virgil's face was pale but thankfully no longer grimaced in pain. His chest was gently rising and falling, no longer due to a tube down his throat. And though Patton had seen similar sights before plenty of times, seeing all the tubes stuck in his baby's body made Patton collapse on the chair by the bedside.

God, what he'd give to take Virgil's place. To take all his pain away. Patton rested his head in his hands, trying yet again to stop his crying.

"Come on," he thought. "You have to be strong. For him."

He took a deep breath, and the pressure in his throat weakened slightly. He could do this. He could be strong.

But all that resolve fell as soon as he heard a soft, weak voice say “Dad?"

"Virgil!" Patton cried as he leaned towards him, being careful to be gentle as he took hold of Virgil's hand. "Hey, sweetie. I'm right here. I'm right by you."

Virgil's eyes blinked as he got used to the lights. A slight grimace of pain was back on his face, but at least he was awake.

Patton barely managed to catch the hand Virgil lifted towards his oxygen mask, being preoccupied with wiping his tears. "No, kiddo. You need that."

Virgil's hand dropped against the crisp bed sheets. Virgil looked at his hospital bed and all the tubes stuck in him, and Patton's heart shattered as he started crying.

"Shit," Virgil hissed as he lifted his arm with his IV.

"You know, we were just leaving when they ran in," Virgil said, a pained smile on his face as he laughed, though there was no humor in it. "If I hadn't been such a chickenshit and just went in when we got there instead of needing a pep talk from Roman to go into a bank then I wouldn't have-"

"Honey, deep breaths," Patton said as he stood and very gently wrapped his arms around Virgil, holding him as tight as he could without fear of hurting him. "Do not blame yourself." Matching tears fell down Patton's cheeks. "None of this was your fault. There was no way you could have known this would happen. I will not let you continue to beat yourself up about this, understand?"

Though Patton could feel tears falling onto his shoulder, Virgil nodded.

"I'm so glad you're okay," Patton whispered. "I love you so much, you know that?"

"I love you, too, Dad."

There was nothing Patton wanted to do less than let Virgil go, but he could imagine the hug couldn't be the most comfortable for him. So after placing a kiss to the top of Virgil’s head he sat back down, but grabbed hold of Virgil's hand again.

"At least I don't have to run the mile in gym anymore," Virgil said after a beat.

Patton started laughing. It was hardly from the joke, but more so from the relief that was washing over him that yes, Virgil was hurt, but he would be okay. He was awake and joking. Virgil started giggling along with his father, and once they would stop, one could start laughing again and the cycle started all over.

Eventually, they both calmed down.

"No, I suppose you don't," Patton smiled. "I have yet to contact the school. But I'm sure they will understand your... predicament. And I'm sure your friends will be more than happy to help you with your notes.”

Virgil's smile suddenly dropped and his eye's widened as he jolted up, wincing from pain but not retreating.

"Roman. What happened to Roman??"

"Roman is fine," Patton assured. "He's in the waiting room right now."

Virgil visibly relaxed and sank back against the bed.

"Would you like me to go get him? He's anxious to see you."

"In... in a minute," Virgil said as he closed his eyes. "I want to see him, really, but you know he can be..."

"Enthusiastic?"

"Loud."

Patton chuckled. "Okay, baby. Just tell me when.'

One of the nurses walked in, and he was delighted to see that Virgil was awake. While another nurse came in to talk to Patton about Virgil's road to recovery, the first nurse checked some vitals, seemed satisfied, then gave Virgil a bit more painkillers. The painkillers seemed to help Virgil's mood, and he sent Patton to fetch Roman.

Roman's head was in his hands when Patton walked in. He looked up as Patton walked towards him, and when Patton nodded, he bolted out of the chair down the hallway. Patton had to hurry to catch up.

After opening the door for roman, roman rushed to Virgil's bedside, and Patton came in to see Roman pressing kisses all over Virgil's face while crying.

"Oh, Virgil, thank God you're okay," Roman said, openly crying as he placed his hands on Virgil's cheeks. "Oh, sweetheart, darling, love, I was so worried about you-"

Patton didn't even listen to the rest of what Roman said - He had to keep himself from laughing at the two of them. Roman was waxing poetic while Virgil sent mortified glances to his dad. But Patton thought it was pretty adorable, to see a teenager talk that way.

"Yes, I'm fine," Virgil said as he made weak attempts to push Roman off him. "I'm happy to see you but please stop, you drama queen."

Roman laughed and pressed one more kiss to Virgil's cheek before stepping away.

Roman didn't even seem embarrassed as he turned back towards Patton with a large grin. He just put a chair right next to Patton's and promptly sat to take Virgil's hand.

"Remus wants to come see you, too," Roman said as Patton went to sit next to him. "He's on his way with Janus. And he already asked if he could keep the bullet."

"Nope. If anyone gets to keep the bullet, it's me."

Patton shot him a look as he sat next to Roman.

"What?" Virgil asked. "It'd be badass."

"Okay. I excused the first swear word, but you are very much nearing the swear jar again, mister."

Patton was going for stern, but he just couldn't stop smiling. And he wasn't really upset - not when he got Virgil to smile.

"Remus may fight you for it," Roman continued.

"He can't fight me. I was shot."

"I don't think that'd stop him."

"True. He did throw Jason down a flight of stairs even after he broke his leg."

"He did what?" Patton asked. Virgil smirked at the horrified look on his face. "Why would he do that?"

"He was making fun of Janus.”

While Patton didn't dislike Remus, and he was glad Virgil had such a good group of friends, he was very happy Virgil was dating Roman and not his twin.

"And don't let him know I told you this, but he was really worried about you."

"Aw. I knew he loved me."

Virgil looked at his dad with a large grin on his face. And seeing Virgil smile again, really smile, well, that was enough to let Patton know that everything was going to be okay.

Prompts are open for both Bad Things Happen Bingo and general prompts :)

#sanders sides #moxiety #familial moxiety #prinxiety #virgil sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #my writing #virgil #patton #roman #virgil fic #roman fic #patton fic

93 notes · View notes

otvlanga · 4 years ago

Text

Teldryn Sero Headcanons 4**

Here I am, creating a whole elaborate sex life for a fictional man again 😌. You may not agree, but this is what it looks like to be at the peak of your life.

I know I said I’d do Miraak before these but I just like Telly too much to wait. Miraak coming soon though. (hehe)

I’ve given up all motivation to make these sound pretty, they’re unedited and probably sound all over the place but idc. Him sexy anyway. You know what’s below the cut, proceed at ur own risk

I think he’s definitely one of those people that believes there’s a big difference between having sex and ‘making love.’ On days where him and his partner get to indulge in slow, gentle and passionate sex, his entire vibe does a 180. While always appreciative of his partner and their body, during these moments are when he loves to express it the most. Slow, deliberate kisses down every inch of their skin he can reach -- and on every mark, scar or flaw he knows they don’t appreciate as much as he does. He loves to take his time when he has it to spare, and really get them eager while he waits patiently. He teases in a way that makes his partners feel both beautiful and desperate, making them want him while reminding them how much that desire is felt in return. Having him take such a slow and deliberate pace is his way of expressing to his partner what he may not be able to say so articulately with words -- that he loves them and that he’s there for the good and the ‘“bad”’.

You better believe he absolutely loves saying dirty praises into his partner’s ear during foreplay. Likes telling them exactly how good they’re doing and how amazing they’re making him feel. Tells them how great they look sucking his dick, how much he loves the shape of their body and such. His delivery always sounds a bit sarcastic, but it doesn’t mean he’s being any less genuine. ‘If I had known you’d be so good at this, I probably would’ve given you a discount when you hired me.’ Little remarks like that. His partners complimenting and praising him in return will surprisingly make him incredibly bashful, and he’ll likely finish much earlier than he would’ve liked. It may pose a bit of a problem for partners who are very eager in giving praise, but he always makes up for it in other ways. He’ll get a teeny bit frustrated at his partner for messing him up, but it’s never genuine displeasure, and he expresses his appreciation tenfold in return. This mer is always incredibly grateful for some tender care, okay? It’s not often that he gets treated with such gentleness, physically or emotionally. He’s all snark and blades and fire on the outside, but he’s a family-man at heart. He loves his work and staying on the move, but he does have desires to settle down one day, and holds the people he cares for incredibly close and dear to his heart. He may not be the most verbally receptive of compliments, but his partner will certainly know he’s heard them. Compliments relating directly to him get him going much more than compliments about what he’s doing. Telling him he’s going a good job down there doesn’t do much because he knows it and can tell in other ways. But having his partner call him mushy things like beautiful or amazing will make him lose his breath for a moment, and get him blushing like a dork (much to his dismay).

He enjoys risky quickies from time to time, and finds the sight of his partner frantically trying to make themselves look decent afterwards absolutely hilarious. He’s a little bastard, and it’s quite easy to get him all hot and bothered even in less than appropriate places, so it’s not uncommon for him to sneakily pull his partner into some secluded corner to bang one out. “Right now? In a draugr crypt? Eh, why not.” *unzipping sounds* Especially likes to do it right before him and his partner are due to meet with Jarls or other important people, because their ignorance and obliviousness to what him and his partner were just doing in the extravagantly empty library is entertaining to him. Jarl Balgruuf could be drawling on about a bounty or something and Teldryn’s inner monologue is just ‘this moron has no idea I just took my spouse to the cloud district right in his palace lol’

I see him as someone who’s definitely a bit more vocal than most guys. He’s not much for loud or obscene dirty talk outside of foreplay, but he makes a lot of sounds -- especially if his partner decides to kiss or stroke along the edges of his ears. Likewise he certainly doesn’t mind when his partners crank the volume up a bit, but any sort of excessive yelling or moaning will turn him off. Elves have quite sensitive ears, and he’s more of a visual and touch-based person when it comes to sensory information anyway. He’s much more content with seeing and feeling what effects he has on his partners rather than hearing them. Feeling and seeing his partners quiver above or beneath them, clenching around his cock, grabbing at him and digging their nails into his skin or hair, while he watches them throw their head back -- those are all the best indicators to him that they’re thoroughly enjoying what he’s doing.

If his partner is someone who has a period, he has no problem with having sex during those days. In fact, he encourages the idea himself. He’s certainly no stranger to blood, and frankly, he doesn’t care that it may be a bit gross and messy. He’s a grown mer, he’s seen quite a few jarring horrors during his life and a bloody towel on the bed certainly isn’t anywhere close to being one. He’s aware that orgasms can help ebb away cramps as well, and would be quite eager to take up the chance to help his partner feel good and relieve their pain. He’s also extra thorough with aftercare afterwards, insistent on helping them get cleaned up and changed -- even helping them bathe if they’d like. If his partner isn’t up sex during their period, he won’t pressure them -- but he’s very clear in expressing the fact that if they change their mind, he’s totally down.

Though he’s willing to try a lot of things at least once, there are certain things he draws the line at. He doesn’t enjoy slapping or hitting his partners much, and especially doesn’t like insulting or degrading them. No amount of begging and insisting will get him to call them offensive names or hurt their feelings, even if they’re into it. Hitting or insulting them on purpose makes him feel shitty regardless of how much they enjoy it. He’ll be alright with using words like ‘slut’ or ‘whore’ if they want it, but refuses to use anything more offensive than that. He doesn’t like smacking his partners in the face, and doesn’t like them doing it to him either. He has a high amount of respect for his partners, and isn’t comfortable harming them with his hands-- he will spank them if they ask, but that’s it. He doesn’t mind biting them or pulling their hair either, or having them do it to him, since it's not as extreme and he does enjoy being a bit intense. He also isn’t entirely opposed to using knives or blades in the bedroom since they’re his specialty, and he trusts himself not to accidentally sever an artery. He might be able to enjoy feeling his partner tense and shudder underneath him, as she runs a faint line up their back with the tip of a dagger -- or cutting their undergarments off them if permitted.

He probably doesn’t fall asleep right after, but he’s also not really one for pillow talk, either. He’ll pack a pipe with tobacco and smokes a bit, and maybe has a cup of Sujamma if there’s any on hand, and he’s more than willing to share with his partner if they’d like. He has an odd habit of impulsively trying to feed his partners after he fucks them, even though he doesn’t really enjoy cooking. He’ll get up to go wash off, and then come back twenty minutes later with a whole platter of food he got at the inn/tavern, or threw together with what they had packed. Probably pulls the old 'you need to keep yourself nourished after vigorous work blah blah blah' line because he’s secretly riddled with some sort of deeply buried maternal instincts that make him insist they stay healthy and nourished at all times.

#teldryn sero #headcanons #skyrim #tes #tesv #tesblr #dragonborn #dunmer #solstheim #the elder scrolls #hee hoo I love him

96 notes · View notes