#ADHDUK

[nxiousxpsistence]

Right...

So it’s been I really don’t know how long since I wrote something / since I wrote something about myself / since I wrote about something real / since I produced something honest / since I was honest with myself.

Time has been elusive lately. I don’t remember much about the last three months. I got taken over by the same hands writing this now that has allowed me to live / to see / to be for only short periods of time during the way or week.

Time is moving at a different pace every day. I feel like I haven’t slept-slept for months now. The overload-crash-overload cycle is real.

Writing this showed me why. Some time ago, I was in an ADHD Coaching session (one of the pay-what-you-can deals, from ADHD UK) and there were adults with ADHD on my screen (even that is amazing as in [redacted], you don’t talk about being “deficient” in anything, let alone your attention). I saw some little faces in the screens looking around, some little hands working on / playing with something and the speaker? Oh! The Speaker! 

There were moments where he had to stop, as he lost his train of thought.

HE STOPPED A FEW TIMES ALONG THE WAY TO GATHER HIS THOUGHTS.

There were moments where he forgot where he was completely.

HE SAID “OH WELL” AND MOVED ON TO A DIFFERENT SUBJECT.

And the best part? He was fine with it. We were fine with it. It was OK.

IT WAS F*CKING OK!

Well...

1) I’m an interpreter/translator, right? I write and listen and speak for a living. The more I am meticulous in removing any obstacles in communication, the more I earn. The more I make the cycle of troubleshoot-optimise-repeat continuous, the more satisfaction I get from what I produce.

2) And I’m from [redacted] and that is apparently a bigger part of my identity than I thought. I came this far thinking I was white. Yeah. Old habits die hard, but they do die eventually if you try hard enough. 

Being a [redacted] means that you have to conform absolutely whenever you are in public. This may be a thing of my generation (19[redacted]s), but if you are in a class, you pay attention. If you’re in a meeting, you listen or at least pretend to listen. Zoom has been harder on my people (maybe my generation of [redacted]s) because anxiety over being afk when you’ve been asked a question was hell for them. I’ve been working for 18 years and never have I heard someone [redacted] come out and say “Well, I don’t understand what you mean by that” or “Oh, I don’t know that”. It’s as if everyone must have all the answers and keep up with the conversation at all times.

3) And you guessed it! I have ADHD and my work is either my cure or my downfall for that. Only in interacting with multiple media at the same time and being painstakingly loyal to repeating what I hear/see/write verbatim am I able to perform well or at all. I once earned a lot for doing nothing but sitting between two people talking for 9 hours a day for 3 days and it was hell for me. I would pinch myself to stay awake and attentive. And in my work, If I miss one word in a single sentence, it bugs me. I used to feel bad about a single mistranslated sentence which I couldn’t correct at the time for days (now it’s only minutes). Gaps in my knowledge used to give me palpitations (now I just learn more).

So yeah, my life did change when I saw people “making mistakes” publicly 

not making mistakes (Mark’s voice here), but being themselves

accepting communication as something human, human as something prone to imperfection, and imperfection as something free of any judgment

not masking any urge coming from within.

AND BEING OK WITH IT! AND PEOPLE AROUND YOU BEING OK WITH IT?

This changed my life. So all these years, I could have just let it go? And that would have been accepted not in [redacted] maybe, but somewhere?

Oh the conversations I would have interrupted - sometimes I just can’t listen.

Oh the times I would just say “Could you repeat that?” rather than overworking my mind not to lose my focus.

Oh the games I would have played while in a meeting.

Oh the lies I would have never needed!

And that realisation opened a door. I accepted my flaws and said, “This is who I am, this is who I have been”. I lose the track of time sometimes, sometimes days on end. I am interested in too many things and can’t stick to one and I will tell you all about them. I work myself to exhaustion just to get paralyzed for extended periods of time. I can’t do anything out of confusion for days. I need to share whatever I can share with whoever is with me - I think the word “overshare” will not age well, but that’s another post. I never stop, like literally. I haven’t relaxed in months. My mind is simultaneously in the past, the present, and the future. Sometimes, it is difficult for me to talk to people because I know what they are going to say and they take too f*cking long. I hate! hate! hate! mornings and I can never keep time unless it is for something that is worthy of my hyperfocus. I never know how to reply to honest conversation and even know less about responding to cricitism or appreciation. AND THAT IS OK.

And accepting it was OK meant that I was free to unmask it all. And unmasked they have been! I don’t constantly hunt down my “flaws” to correct them any more, so they run amok. I’ve missed two deadlines just this week. Confusion is still there and I watch it happen. I dissociate during conversations and I let people know. What I mean is, I do what I CAN, not what I somehow superhumanly need to force myself to do and hance the flare in my symptoms (or in the real me?).

It’s not like I’m getting treatment for it or anything, right? RIGHT?

[luminalqueen]

I don't have adhd. But, my kid does. And, I know we both feel like this a lot lately. #goaway #wecantrightnow #Repost @adhd_musings • • • • • • #adhd #adhdproblems #adhdsupport #adhdwomen #adhdwoman #adhdlife #adhdbrain #adhdmom #adhdadult #adhduk #adhdprobs #adhdisreal #adhdstruggles #adhdparent #adultadhd #introvert #omnivert #introvertlife https://www.instagram.com/p/CGrYhrJj7LM/?igshid=1vtz6kx3otn5

[theadhdcentre]

if you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward. -Martin Luther King Jr.

https://www.adhdcentre.co.uk/

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[theadhdcentre]

At the ADHD Centre, we use the latest evidence-based treatments, which have been shown to be effective and safe, for the management and treatment of Adult ADHD. Learn More: https://tinyurl.com/yd6y86q3

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At the ADHD Centre we recognise that being a student can be a very difficult transition time in a young person’s life and we run a specialist student ADHD and general psychiatric clinic in which we offer a comprehensive diagnosis and treatments service for both overseas and local students.   Learn More: https://tinyurl.com/y9cjgjos

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Autism spectrum disorders (ASD) include communication, social, and behavioural challenges. These problems can be categorised from mild, severe, or somewhere in between. Learn More: https://tinyurl.com/ya33r2zx

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(via What is the ADHD Assessment Process?)

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(via Get To Know Them - 3 Features That Truly Defines ADHD)

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(via 7 Truths About Child ADHD Assessment You Should Have Known Back Then)

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(via Dealing with ADHD at Work)

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I dwell in possibility -Emily Dickinson   https://www.adhdcentre.co.uk/

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If you're going through hell, keep going. -Winston Churchill https://www.adhdcentre.co.uk/

[theadhdcentre]

Finish your day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in, forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

https://www.adhdcentre.co.uk/

[theadhdcentre]

You may encounter many defeats, but you must not  be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, and how you can come out of it. -Maya Angelou

https://www.adhdcentre.co.uk/