#ADASHI STANDS THRIVING

[emily-n-ivory]

The Waiting - Part 1 - Shadam/Adashi

basically an adashi reunion story, will be multiple parts bc I am TRASH and Voltron owns my ass mmkay that’s all, enjoy

Adam remembered that day. Some days, he wished that he didn’t - that he could erase any memory of it out of his mind and live in blissful, hopeful, stupid ignorance. On the worse days, like on the days right before and after his leap year birthday, Adam sometimes wished that he could completely erase any memory of him from his mind. He knew that he couldn’t, and hated himself for dreaming that he could. He never meant it. Erasing him from his mind would be erasing the biggest parts of Adam from himself.

And Adam didn’t want to forget him.

That day had been the same as any other - waking up in his room in the Galaxy Garrison, always turning, with a nagging feeling in his chest, away from the other side of the bed. He would put on his glasses, and then his uniform, always trying to remember before he was a cadet, when he had thrived on independence. That had all changed when he had been partnered up with him as a flight partner. Adam had become dependent on him.

It was a routine day, instructing the young cadets in a classroom and then in a basic flight simulator, where, in a normal reaction to the flips and turns, three students’ stomachs upturned. Adam remembered telling the three that most kids had a similar experience in the flight simulators, and that he himself had gotten a little sick his first time in the simulator, and that with the right pilot and more experience, they would get used to it.

It was just after his last class of the day that the announcement came over the system - All officers report for a Code 4.

Adam had never moved more quickly in his life. A Code 4 was only used when something unplanned and potentially dangerous had occurred to a team up in space, and the top officials of the Garrison had to get news out to the staff and upper-ranking individuals before the news stations began.

Many days later, Adam remembered the feeling of knowing before he knew.

Admiral Sanda had been standing at the head of the room when Adam had rushed in, but quickly approached him.

“Officer, follow me to my office.” The Admiral’s voice still haunted Adam, no matter that two years had passed since.

Adam did as he was told, but he couldn’t breathe. Iverson followed as well, looking almost as if he was distraught himself.

“The Kerebos mission has been lost,” The Admiral had said, and Adam had felt everything crash down around him in one moment. He thought he had prepared himself for the worst, thought he had isolated himself from it. For a year, he had refused to think of it, though it had so often drifted into his mind - what if he doesn’t make it back? “We do not know the locations of Sam Holt, Matt Holt, or the pilot, Takashi Shirogane.”

It was only then that Adam felt his soul splinter. With the last strength he had left, he had staggered to a chair and collapsed into it, placing his head in his hands. With a voice so small he was unsure if it was his own, Adam muttered, “What do you know?”

“We know that they successfully landed on Kerebos, but suddenly they were gone. We are not sure whether they took off, but their ship is no longer registering. It was most likely destroyed,” The Admiral continued, though Adam didn’t know how much more he could hear. “The Garrison believes that the ship crashed when trying to take off, most likely due to pilot error.”

The words pierced through Adam like knives. His head shot up, his eyes narrowed to hide the tears that had rushed to them. “Pilot error? Takashi was - is -the best pilot the Garrison has ever seen,” Adam managed to get out, clenching his fists. “You know that can’t be it -”

“You must remember your place, Officer,” Admiral Sanda ordered, narrowing his eyes from across the table. “And you also must remember that he had his condition, and that not only you, but also Iverson and the entire Galaxy Garrison, all objected to him flying with it.”

Adam grit his teeth, his heart aching in his chest. “Yes, but -”

“Until we know anything else, the Kerberos mission failed due to pilot error, and all three of those on board are to be presumed as dead.”

Something split in Adam, right through his soul. He knew it would never heal. With the as much courage as he could muster, Adam spit out, “You need to send a rescue team, I’ll head it -”

“Officer,” Admiral Sanda interrupted, his voice slightly softer than it had been before. “The Garrison knows that this is difficult news for you to hear, considering you and Takashi Shirogane were so close for your entire time at the Garrison. We are sorry for your loss.”

Adam did not wait for a dismissal. He had stood from the chair and was out of the door before either of his superiors could stop him and discipline him. He shoved people out of his way as he returned back to his room, not caring who he hurt or what he did. Takashi, his Takashi, was gone, either dead or near death. His flight partner, his best friend, the person who still held Adam’s heart in his hands, no matter what happened, or what Adam had said. Takashi.

The moment the doors closed behind him, Adam had lost any composure he had left. He shoved his desk out of his way and broke vases and slammed his fist into the tiles of the bathroom so many times that the knuckles on his right hand were bruised and bleeding. Adam had never been so unhinged and violent. He had never been so broken.

As Adam collapsed onto the bed, the bed he had shared with Takashi a lifetime ago, he clutched his arms around his chest and began sobbing, his entire body shuddering. He was gone, gone forever. He would never see him, never talk to him, never laugh with him, never hug him, never kiss him again. Gone.

Adam had known that their time together would some day be cut short. Takashi’s condition would have overcome him in only a few short years, and he would eventually leave Adam behind. Adam had been prepared for this, had been prepared to live a lifetime with Takashi in only a few years. He had been ready to leave everything else to spend every moment with him until he inevitably lost the fight. That was why Adam hadn’t wanted him to go to Kerberos in the first place - it would take time away from what they had left.

Adam had been ready for Takashi to leave him one day - but never this soon.

Adam didn’t open his eyes for a long time, wishing to block out the pain. But when he did, and looked around his room, their room, everything was Takashi Shirogane, from the pillow he used to use, to his desk that sat by the window with a fine layer of dust on it, to the picture Adam kept of them from their first year as cadets. For a year, he hadn’t allowed himself to see Takashi in here, but now he was everywhere.

Adam remembered how he didn’t leave their room for a week, overcome with grief. It had taken him even longer to return to a state of normalcy, where he could teach and interact with others and look at himself in the mirror without seeing bags beneath his eyes and a ghost haunting his gaze.

Two years had passed from that day. The day in which he had lost everything. And Adam was not healed. Everyday, he felt grief for not forcing Takashi to stay on Earth. He felt grief, uncontrollable grief, for not having a proper goodbye. If he had only known he was going to die, Adam wasn’t sure what he would have done. Would he have kissed him? Would he have pleaded with him to stay? He would have done so much more than what he did, which was just a hug, and a muffled, “Goodbye, Takashi.” He would have done so much more.

Everyday was the same, repetitive grief and loss.

But Adam never expected Sam Holt to return home.