#ACemergency | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

acespec-ed · 2 years

Note

I'm seeking for your wisdom

I think I'm having an acemergency over here.

I screw it up. Like, really badly.

Okay, this is the matter: I made this power point about the ace umbrella, and I might have caused one or two ace crisis to my friends.

Personally, accept that I'm aroace was a really complicated and painfull process for me, and I don't want that annyone else go thru it the same way I did.

So, do you have any advice of how can I help them to accept themself in a not-that-harmful way?? How can I know that I'm not making everything worst??

Pd: srry if this make you feel uncomfortable and is okay if you don't want to answer, I just really need help with this and I'm really sorry if I cross some line

This could be a good thing- everyone reacts to their ace-discovery differently. My experience was the opposite of yours. For me, I was relieved. It was a joy to discover. Things finally made sense. I accepted the fact immediately, thrilled that there was nothing "wrong" with me after all! I would've loved to have known about asexuality sooner.

It's possible some of your friends feel the same I did, so you have nothing to worry about. You might have even prevented harm- many aces force themselves into having sex, because expectations. And had they known they were ace, they might not have done so. They would have known that there was nothing that needed to be “fixed.” Or, if they’re AFAB, they may have assumed the stereotype of women being disinterested in sex is true, and just “put up with it” anyway because that’s what the woman is supposed to do. Stuff like that. (Though there is also a chance that an ace struggling with internalized aphobia might force themselves into having sex too. But that ace probably would have done so anyway even if they didn’t know they were ace, because they most likely see themselves as having a problem that needs to be “fixed” and the label doesn’t change that feeling. Unfortunately, all you can really do there is try talking sense into them and hope for the best.)

I’m not sure how to go about having them accept themselves if they are struggling like you did, since my experience was the polar opposite of that. But maybe it would help to think about the good parts of being ace. Not staying in unhealthy relationships “just for the sex.” Not feeling a “need” to seek out sex. Not having to worry about STDs or unwanted pregnancies. No sexual thoughts distracting you. No “sexual frustration.” You can go long periods of time without sex and/or be content with getting off yourself.

It could also be helpful to read up on the experiences aces have and being able to relate to that. Just knowing you’re not the only one out there feeling the way you do. For me, that was the biggest thing before I discovered I was ace- I felt isolated and alone because everyone else was talking about something I couldn’t relate to and I felt like I was the only person in the world who didn’t. That feeling went away once I discovered I was ace and started seeing others like me. Now instead of feeling isolated, I just feel confirmation in my ace identity.

I think, the only way you could really cause harm would be if you acted like being ace is a bad thing. Because that could lead them to thinking it’s a bad thing, when it’s not. Being ace is a neutral thing, like having curly hair or liking bacon or whatever. None of those things are bad, but it doesn’t make you better than other people either. It’s all neutral traits that come with pros and cons. (Though you should definitely focus on the pros to keep your friends from worrying about the cons!)

I’m not sure if any of that will help or not, and maybe others can add on. But it’s probably better that they know they’re ace. Yeah, there’s a possibility of it being a painful process, but in the end, it’s better to know than live life wondering why you are the way you are. They’ll come to terms with it eventually. Sometimes all that’s needed is time.

#asks

18 notes · View notes