#ABOUT TIME SOMEONE REALIZED THE POTENTIAL OF THSI IDEA

[simbasomba]

GUYS GUYS GUYS….LOOK

au where squilf saves feathertail from dying and they become gfs

[foxymoxynoona]

What if there is no grand overarching goal for her life? It’s enough!

I should probably think this way too. you know, when I first read Amended, I was a bit...I dont know what word to use because I don’t want to offend anyone, but Bella’s life really made me uncomfortable, mainly because of how I was raised. Everyone made me believe I should have this grand dream and if I don’t, there’s no use to living. I have friends and family who have been diswoned (this is painful to write) and hated by their loved ones for dropping out of school and having kids out of wedlock. So yeah, I was sweating and so scared when I read Amended because I’ve been conditioned to think that Isabella’s life is probably the worst kind of life and that I would never NEVER want to be in her position.

But you know, as the story progresses, my heart started to feel light. Seriously. I have come to accept things with an open mind. Seriously, Foxymoxy, your story served as an eye opener for me. I have LEARNED a lot of things and within months, I have come to accept that’s it’s okay...that the bad decisions don’t really define you, that there’s...(dare I say) hope.

But anyway, I still have a lot to learn. The first line of this ask that you said, well, I really like it. That’s what I need to learn more! I am currently beating myself because I feel like I am not doing more. I just turned 21, but I feel like I am so farrrr behind. It’s frustrating to see everyone flourishing while I’m still tucked under the wings of my parents. They’re lovely, they give me everything I want but...you know...I want to be free.

This is getting long. I realized I’m dumping my problems here. Hehe. This is just my way of saying that you have helped me a lot. You stories...I love them.

I wrote Amended to challenge some of my own learned beliefs and it means a lot to me if it does that for other people. I think we are told so much about what life *should* look like and what the *right* choices are. i made a lot of choices based on trying to please other people even though they weren’t the things that made me happy. It can be really, really hard to unlearn this idea of the ‘right’ way to live but so important for our own happiness and for our relationships with others! I was totally one of the kids told ‘you have so much potential!!’ and I was supposed to become a lawyer or a doctor or president or something. But... you know what? I’m happy writing my little stories on the internet and sewing for my little shop. It’s not going to save any lives, but it did help me realize that “wanting to help people” is something I want for myself. And probably my life would look very different if I had ‘unlearned’ those things a long time ago, but it’s not too late for my to turn my life towards the things I want.

I would applaud all the things you said but also add: “the bad decisions don’t really define you” --what if those aren’t even bad decisions? What makes something a bad decision? Just because it’s not what someone told you you were supposed to do? Murdering someone is a bad decision. But other than that sort of hurting other people, what makes something a bad decision really boils down to the rules you set for yourself, or let others set for you. It’s up to you to decide if those are actually the rules you want to live by.

The most helpful thing my former therapist did for me was force me to question every thing, every time I said ‘I should do this’ or ‘I need to do that.’ She’d push: says who? who says you have to do that? why? what happens if you don’t? do you actually agree you need to do that? What happens if you do something else? 

It really helped me realize how many expectations of my life were things that even well-meaning people had baked into my brain but... just weren’t right for me. EVEN IF IT MAKES THEM UNHAPPY. It can be come so freeing to realize you are doing what is right for YOU, that anyone who judges you for it has their own blocks they need to unlearn (which have nothing to do with you). You only get one life and you deserve to spend it doing the things that will make YOU happy. 

I will add, I think a lot of us probably experience this with parents. Parents usually mean well. As a parent I can say, I teach my children all the things I think will give them a good and happy and safe life. But someday they will have to decide which of the things I’ve taught them actually help, and which would hold them back. And it will be my job as their parent to recognize that I love them no matter what guiding star they set for themselves. I think parents get defensive, worrying they’d failed their kids if they take a different life path. Even parents need to grow and if they refuse, it’s up to the individual to decide what they want the boundaries of their relationship with their family to be, as sad as that is. 

Sorry sorry I will add one more thing. I find it really inspiring to see the lists of people who didn’t find “their thing” until they were old. And I want to punch in the face everyone who said you have to figure things out in your 20s. No! 20s are when you’re like trying things out, making some dumb choices, pressure testing the rules you were raised with. You’re like barely out of the nest! And probably broke and tired because the world doesn’t look like what you were told it would. 

Not happy with what you’re doing for a day job? Who cares what you do for a day job! if you’re “just paying the bills” so you can go home and buy video games or make bath salts or grow a little herb garden, that’s so cool! You never know when you’re going to find something that sparks a passion for you, and it’s never too late. The only problem is if you don’t let yourself try and learn and explore. <3 

Sorry thsi was looooong. I’m just so passionate about this kind of thing!