#AAGHGHG IT'S SO.....

[empressofthesunwriter]

The Stick of Truth

Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!

N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Chapter 2: One Stick: Lost, Three Warriors: Find

The next minutes of my life I seriously wonder what is going on.

Believe me, moving around the whole country, you get to see really freaky shit, but whatever is going on in South Park breaks the record.

Eric, whom I learn his surname is Cartman, what’s me to beat up Clyde, and the beating up Clyde turns into a round-based video game alla Final Fantasy!

Do you think I’m kidding?

No, I swerve it’s true.

I don’t know how it works, but it works really like that!

If I can summon something in the near future it’s officially a Final Fantasy rip-off!

Anyway, I know the drill and kick Clyde’s ass.

I had to keep from laughing when I needed to learn to “protect my balls” since I don’t need it technically.

But the one who is laughing right now is Cartman.

“HAHA, HAHAHA! Dude that was awesome! You were all like BRAMMGMG! And Clyde was all like "aaghghg, noo"! Hahahaha! Okay, okay. You've proved yourself worthy, Douchebag. Now, come inside the war tent and I shall let you see the relic.”

With that said fatass does it and I turn to Clyde, rubbing my neck, feeling bad.

“Sorry, dude, for that.”, I apologize for the beating I gave him.

He huffs a “Whatever.” and goes back to his station.

A little whine left my lips.

Okay, I need to do damage control there, for sure. But since I don’t know Clyde that well, I will leave him alone for now and try again later.

So I enter the tent, to stand beside Cartman.

I wonder what kind of relic we are talking here about and what it can do.

“Well, here it is.”, beginns Cartman. “The reason why humans and elves are locked in a never-ending war. The relic for which humans and elf are willing to die... The Stick of Truth.”

It’s just a normal twig on a pillow, a lamp shining down on it!

I admit I’m disappointed.

They couldn’t, I don’t know, put some glitter or fake rhinestones on it? I mean, be creative, dude! What is this sad-looking thing?

Since Cartman can’t hear my thoughts, he just continues to monologue: “Just two days ago, we took the Stick back from the elves. Our kingdom was dying, but now it thrives. For whoever controls the Stick, controls the universe.”

If this thing controls the universe it sure looks shitty. That is the ugliest relic, I ever saw in my entire life!

Like it is really all so powerful Cartman closes his eyes and nearly cowers before it.

At least he is really involved.

“Don't gaze at it too long!”, he warns me. “For its power is too much for mere mortals to look at!”

Yeah, I could poke my eye out with it! If it would be a giant rock, I would be more impressed.

I’m sad I can’t make that reference.

“Now that you have seen the Stick of Truth, let's discuss your dues.”, says Cartman.

“Dues?”, I repeated with a raised eyebrow.

What, does he want me to pay him so I can participate in the game?

Apparently yes, before I can tell him that I won’t give him any of my pocket money we hear Butters screaming: “ALARM! ALARM! ALARM!”

“Someone has sounded the alarm!”, yells Cartman.

“Yeah, Butters.”, I deadpan.

It was clearly his voice.

Butters enter the tent hectic and jumping up and down.

“Alarm alarm alarm!!”

“What is it?!”, demands Cartman to know.

“The elves are attacking!”

“Oh my GOD! Defensive positions!”

With that Cartman runs back out. I blink for a second before I decide I should follow. That’s clearly part of the game and I indent to play it.

“Man the gate! Don't let them through!”, yells Cartman.

Yep, there is an Elf army right in front of us led by a blond-haired one. Things are about to get interesting. I can feel it.

“Give us the Stick, humans!”, demands blondie.

“Fuck you, drow elf!”, growls our Wizard King. “Come and get it! CLYDE! Guard the Stick of Truth while we defend the fortress!!”

“Aye, aye!”, responds Clyde.

“"Aye, aye"? We're not playing PIRATES, Clyde!”

Oh, that would be a cool game too. I would want to be Anne Bonnie!

“Douchebag!”, turns chubby at me. “This is your chance to prove yourself. Hold off the asshole elves at all costs!!”

I salute.

“As you wish my lord!”, I can’t help but get into character.

Cartman is a fat fuck, nonetheless, I will give my all. With a battle cry, worthy of an amazone, I run into the fry of battling humans and elves and fight whowever comes before me.

Again it’s like I’m in fricking Final Fantasy and a learn some new game machines.

The fucking asshole who hit the poor kitty cat got an extra hard beating, no one fucks with cats when I’m around. I love cats, they are my favorite animal. I want a cat, but because we move so much my parents don’t allow it.

In the end, I beat all this bitch ass bitches in their bitch ass faces.

“Drow elves! Fall back! Fall back I say!”, cries blondie leader elf and all of these little bitches get out of the backyard.

“And don’t come back!”, I yell after them, waving my wand around.

Oh yeah, that was so much fun! I could do this the whole day.

Princess Kenny claps for me and then swoons hard as I send her a kiss. Gosh, she has such a cute giggle!

Even Cartman is in celebration mode.

“YES! Awesome, dude! TAKE THAT YOU ASSHOLE ELVES! Better luck next time!”

He then starts to do a little dance and sing: “NA NA NA NAAA NA! We still control the universe! HA HA HA HA HAAA HA!”

Suddenly Clyde appears.

He says just two words, yet it seems the world stands still.

“It's gone.”

I swerve, I hear a record scratch.

“What?”, ask Wizard Fatass.

“The Stick of Truth. The elves got it.”

Oh, that is bad. That is really, really bad.

For Clyde.

I don’t think Cartman will like that.

And I’m right as Cartman yells in Clyde’s face: “THAT WAS YOUR ONE GOD-DAMNED JOB CLYDE! TO GUARD THE STICK OF FUCKING TRUTH! Clyde... you are hereby BANISHED from space and time!”

You hear how practically anyone whines at this. I stand beside Princess Kenny and whisper: “What means that?”

She goes on her tippy-toes to answer in my ear: “It means practically he can’t play anymore with us. And we all have to ignore him.”

I twitch at this.

Damn, that’s hard.

I sure hope I don’t get punished when the truth comes out that I’m a girl. I would feel so sad when nobody wanted to play and talk to me anymore.

“What?! No! You can't do that!”, argues Clyde back.

I don’t think that helps against the fatass.

“Yeah, I can! You're banished, and lost in time and space!”

“Yeah! Go home, Clyde!”, adds our paladin, as Clyde angrily walks away.

There goes my chance to clear things with him.

Awesome.

I just should have done it and not waited around.

I hope it won’t bite me in the ass.

“You fought bravely on the battlefield, Douchebag.”, turns Cartman to me.

I salute again.

“It was nothing my lord, just did my duty to the kingdom.”

“Yeah, this new kid may be a douchebag but he sure can fight!”

I gave Scott for that remark the evil eye and he seems to flatter under it.

Not only here is another one who can’t tell I’m a girl, but he also just straight-up insults me, even though I saved his diabetic ass.

Next time, he can straight-up die.

“Shut up, Scott, nobody cares what you think.”. tells him Cartman and I can’t believe I agree with him. It feels…strange. “Anyways, we have a bigger problem now! The Stick of Truth has been stolen, and we must assemble our ENTIRE army in order to get it back.”

“But our three best warriors still haven't reported for duty, my King!”, reminds him Butters.

“Our newest member can take care of that.”

“What?”

Did I hear right?

Cartman grips me by the arm and leads me a little away from the others.

“Douchebag, I want you to go out into the neighborhood and find my greatest warriors: Token, Tweek, and Craig.”, he says.

Seems like this is my first quest.

Just one problem…

“As you wish my lord, but I don’t know them.”

“That’s no problem, I am texting their pictures to your personal inventory device now.”

Cartman gets his phone out a sends to my phone three pictures. One of a black boy, one blond kid, and another has a resting I-don’t-give-a-fuck-Face.

….Where the heck, did Cartman get my number from? I sure didn’t give it to him…

“But beware. The lands outside are full of marauding drow elves, monsters, and sixth graders.”, warns Cartman. “Be sure you are well equipped. Now go! And send my warriors here! Butters, go with him.”

“Of course!”, says the paladin happy and standing beside me.

I salute, Butters follows my lead.

“You can count on us, my lord!”

This pleases Cartman greatly and he enters the war tent.

I search for a map of South Park on my phone to show it to Butters.

“So noble paladin, where should we first go?”, I ask him.

He gives a little hum, till he points to a blue house, a neighborhood away.

“Let’s get Craig first. His house is the closest.”

“I will trust your judgment.”

Butters gives me a brilliant smile. I ask him to give me a minute and walk up to Princess Kenny.

I bow before her.

“I must go to fulfill my quest, my lady. Be sure that I will think of your beautiful being should I find myself in great despair.”, I flirt.

The princess swoons hard and mumbles something about, what a brave and noble knight I am and that she will pray for my safe return.

I give her a smile and take her gloved hand in mine. I give it a little kiss, which makes her happily squeal. I have a feeling she is smiling brightly under her parker.

With that, I give her one last bow and join Butters.

Let’s find these three warriors!

“So…you know I am a girl.”, I say to Butters, as we make our way to Craig’s house.

It’s not a question. I know that he knows since he signaled behind Cartman’s back to me to keep my real gender secrete.

The younger boy rubs nervous his neck.

“Yeah…”

“And you are okay with it? Why did you help me?”, I wonder.

“Oh well.”, starts he nervously playing now with his fingers. “You are a fifth grader, right?”

I nod.

“I just thought…if an older girl helps me against an elf, doesn’t make fun of us, and wants to play…who I am to not let her? You are already different from the girls around here.”

I let that sink in.

Butters is a good boy, I decide.

But I don’t like what he implies about the girls of this town.

“How are the girls here in South Park?”, I want to know.

“Oh you know…really girly. The girls in my grade, don’t like to play games with us boys and the older girls seem only to think about giving boys B.J., whatever that is.”

…What?!

I hold Butters’s shoulder, so he stops walking. He blinks up at me with big blue eyes. His eyes are a shade lighter then Princess Kenny, I note. It reminds me of a little puppy.

Aww, cutie pie.

“So you are saying the fourth-grade girls are your typical girly girls and the girls in my grade already give B.J. and I’m happy you don’t know what that is. You are way too young to know about that.”, I state.

“Oh, you know what that is?”

Now I’m the one who rubs her neck.

“I’m a bit to couriers, you could say. Whatever. Also, all girls are here probably straight, fantastic.”, I sign sadly.

That get me wrong, I will continue pursuing Princess Kenny…I just thought I could get my game on to with some pretty girls here.

Stupid backward hicktown.

I fucking knew it!

“You seem disappointed, why?”, asks me Butters innocent.

“I’m bi, I’m attracted to more than one gender. I was actually dating a girl before I moved here.”, I tell him nonchalantly.

I don’t care if I will get judged here. I’m who I’m and I will not feel ashamed of that. My parents fully support me and went even to the last Pride Parade with me.

So fuck anybody else!

Butters just stares at me, I raise an eyebrow, till he gives me a little smile.

“Oh, that’s neato. You are so brave! What was your girlfriend like?”

Aww, it’s official, Butters is a sweetheart. The little dude has a good chance of becoming a little brother to me.

Smiling I ruffle his hair and tell him about Serena. He listens attentively and asks questions.

After I show him a picture of her, he agrees that she is a really beautiful girl.

Meanwhile, we go into my house, where I decide to put my Link Cosplay on. Butters, of course, waits for me outside my room and then we make our way to Craig’s house.

I’m quite happy it still fits me and hope our Princess will swoon hard when she sees me.

We kick some elf asses also because it seems these little bitches are everywhere.

But they are nothing against Paladin Butters and Mage N.K.!

Soon we are there.

I check if Butters and I still look presentable, which makes him giggle as I straight up his robes before I knock at Craig’s door.

An older gentleman with balding red hair opens.

“Yes?”

“Hello, sir, is Craig home? We want to ask him to play with us.”, I ask smiling.

“Ya lookin' for Craig? Well, he can't play. He's in detention. Something about flippin' off the principal.”

And with that Craig’s dad closes the door before my nose.

I blink and then I frown.

Wow, rude much?!

“We better get to the other guys first!”, means Butters.

“I agree. Who is the nearest one?”

“That would be Token.”

“Then let’s go, Butters.”

South Park is a small town, yet it feels like we are walking for hours. We did find some Sir Timothy station, which is a traveling service of a handicapped child in a wheelchair with a red wagon. Butters explains to me that Timmy lets travel anyone in his wagon if you call for him, even for free, which is really nice.

Anyway, we are still not quite there where Token lives, so me and Butters talk.

“Is Butters your real name or a nickname?”, I want to know.

I’m asking that myself since I met him.

“Oh, it’s a nickname. My real name is Leopold.”

…How the fuck do you get Butters out of Leopold? Wouldn’t Leo be a better nickname? And a more logical one?

I turn my head to him and raise an eyebrow.

“Do you like Butters?”

“Oh, well it has been my nickname since I can remember.”

“I didn’t ask you that, I asked if you like it.”

My little fourth-grade buddy bites his lip. He doesn’t seem to know how to answer.

Someone fucked him up good and I decide from that moment on that he is now mine to protect and cherish.

So I lay a hand on his shoulder, giving him a reassuring smile.

“If it’s okay with you, I will call you Leo from now on. Do you know Leo comes from Latin and means lion? It fits you better.”

He gives me such a wide-eyed, teary, look that I practically melt and hug him sideways.

Leo squeaks a bit and turns red.

“And tell you what, from now on I’m your big sister and when someone is mean to you, you tell me and I beat the shit out of them, okay?”, I add, ruffling his hair.

The boy gives me a tiny, fragile smile and nods his head.

“Okay…big sister.”

This makes me smile brightly.

“Atta boy!”

After our heartful moment, we finally reach where Token lives. He lives in a guarded community named Dark Meadows.

…How rich is this kid?

Can he screw the rules, with the money he has?

Anyway, that’s not important right now. A security guard with a clipboard stands beside the entrance.

Bet we have to ask him to enter.

Let’s do this!

“Good day, sir.”, I call to him and wave friendly. “We would like to enter to get to our friend Token. Can we please enter?”

The guard just gives me a sideways look.

“This is a gated community, sir. We do not allow in the riffraff. Move along sir.”

Since I look like Link, I’m not pissed that the security guard can’t see I’m a girl, but I take offense in calling us riffraff!

“Sir, we assure you we aren’t-“

I can’t even finish my sentence as this motherfucker takes out a pepper spray and gives me a full dose of it!

For the first time in my life, I’m glad I need glasses, so my eyes don’t get attacked that easily, still it freacking burns and hurts and I throw up in the snow!

“If you try again, I will pepper spray you back to the Stone Age.”

“N.K.!”, yells Leo and helps me up.

He leads me away from the security guard. We wash my eyes out with some water bottles we have on us.

“This shit-eating, motherfucking, pigheaded, dickless piece of white trash!”, I curse, while Leo pats me on the back to heal me up more. “I will so kick him into the Kuribohs when we next see him.”

“He will just pepper spray you again.”, reminds me, Leo, gently. “We need a way around it.”

“Any ideas?”

Seems like the universe wants to help us since a new post is on Facebook that might have the answer.

Eric Cartman: HAHAHAHA Dude someone just posted a video of you getting pepper sprayed! Hold on I gotta watch that again. AHAHAHAHA it's even better when you know what's coming!

Jimbo Kern: Jimbo's Guns carries a selection of gas masks that render pepper spray totally useless as a self-defense. Come visit.

First, Cartman go hump a stump!

And second, this Jimbo’s Guns is what I need right now!

I chuckle wickedly, imagining my sweet revenge on the security guard. Leo looks at me worried.

“Let’s go, Leo!”, I tell him. “We have a shop to visit!”

Next

[snazzi-strawberri]

ALSO WATCH THIS!!!! THIS SERIES HAVE BEEN RUNNING SO LONG BUT THE ANIMATION IS SO GOOD [THE FIGHTING SCEENNEESSS AAGHGHG] AND FLUID AND THE WORLDBUILDING IS SO COOL IM GOING INSANE ONCE AGAIN ITS ALL FREE TO WATCH IN YOUTUIUBE🙏🙏🙏🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

[glazelilyy]

hello luce :D i'm here to bring some kaeya fanart in the middle of the week for motivational purposes (for school or for anything really) :>

kaeya alberich on his way to serve your order in that cafe you're at 💓

aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

/pos !!

KAEYA TOTALLY WOULD THOUGH he knows what he has and how to use it after all/lh LOL ;) also diluc snitching him out to albedo is such a sibling thing LOL (if you're a twt user, go follow the artist in the link!! :D)

AAGHGHG BUT HE'S SO PRETTY IN THAT ARTIST'S STYLE I'M SCREAMINGGGG :DDDDD (thanks for sending this in riyah!! i'm always super excited to see kaeya fan art hehehe :>)

[cupsy-reblogs]

AAGHGHG HE’S SO CUTE GGVVFVV

Mmm Spamton with the beady little addison eyes makes me 💕💖💕💖💕💖💕

Very blatant self insert but BY GOLLY i needed this!!!

[dramaticalcorgi]

i wanna replace my arbok with poipole but then i would have two dragon types on my team. im gonna try to get a shiny mewtwo which i could replace noivern with but aaaa noivern is so good i dont want to give it up....aaGHGHG