#AAAAAA WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF
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https://www.tumblr.com/askryuu/734103763720306688/httpswwwtumblrcomaskryuu734093295787130880h?source=share
Just
Stop avoiding Atsushi
Hug him, kiss him
Make sure he knows you love him
Because all he's going to do is beat himself up over this
You know this
Atsushi will remain safe
Just - love him, alright?
i cannot do that. my apologies.
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I wonder if pit Bonnie is using some sort of auditory thing to cause Oswald hallucinations the more he’s around ?? Idk like the people screaming in the background or hearing him at random when he’s not there :Tc or maybe it’s sound disks he’s using as a disguise but for some reason it gives nightmares to Oswald instead >>
#pix habla#fnaf#into the pit#im just talking to myself (〃 ̄∇ ̄)#tbh idk why there’s people randomly screaming in the background at times#and Oswald suddenly gets more and more nightmare hallucinations the longer pitbon is around#I think the sound disks backfired on this lil guy#wait what if that’s what happened to cc#maybe they weren’t supposed to do that#huh#anyway#MY BRAIN AAAAAA#Nevermind oh my god too much thinking#💥💥💥💥#-goes back to playing little pixel game-
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I felt so organised and ready for this holiday season and yet I'm slowly sliding down a slope of everything getting fucked up 🙃
#ive given myself too many tasks to juggle and im running on empty#i know as soon as i stop im going to hit full burn out since i know thats why things are all going wrong#but i have literally no time to stop until like the 22nd ���#the stubborn side of me is refusing to drop anything im working on but like is it really worth it?#aaaaaa#if someone could stop time for a couple days so i could sit on the sofa doing fuck all and catch up on sleep id fuck you hard and raw#im sorry this isnt a cool sexy post
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I feel like my anxiety is getting worse nowadays:/
#which is silly because im getting better if anything#idk why i feel this way maybe i always need some sort of problem to function#maybe its just anxiety that comes with change#i just need to remind myself that im doing alright for now no need to push myself#nvm i really hate thsi AAAAAA#what do i even do i wish i jad someone else figure this out for me#a therapist a friend idk literally anyone who actually cares about me#not my mom tho yikes she only makes everything worse
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ME RESISTING THE URGE TO SAY ARE YOU MAD AT ME
I DONT HAVE A SUITABLE IMAGE FOR THIS EMOTION YOULL JUST HAVE TO USE YOUR IMAGINATION. BLOOD AND TEARS AND PERHAPS VOMIT ARE INVOLVED.
#🩸#me resisting the urge to type out another monologue to someone who doesn’t give a shit about me#aaaaa aaaaaa aaaaa aaaaaa aaaaa#why am i still doing thissssss i literally can’t stop i can’t pull myself away#i need scar cream#me resisting the urge to shove my knife up into the soft spot right under my skull
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Fun fact 1: Nightmare killed the girl Midnight liked in front of her
Fun fact 2: When Midnight was little she had scars on her body and who put the trays for her were Ink, Swap/Blue and Dream. And in the present she uses it until today
Fun fact 3: In my city some teenagers wear these glasses that Killer and others are wearing, in my MM/AU Killer just wears these glasses for fashion and for trend
Midnight and Aiko(Midnight first love) by: me
Periwinkle by: @sadokushi
Lily by: @anotherrosesthatfell
And sorry for my bad English :'>
#inkmare fanchild#inkmare#fanchild#lily lunætic#periwinkle#midnight#corrupted nightmare sans#nightmare sans#passive nightmare sans#ink sans#swap sans#blue sans#dream sans#killer sans#gacha club#gacha community#aaaaaa#help 💀#like omg#why do i do this to myself
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Animatic is now officially 50 % complete with the arts! Now I can finally take a break and re-board the last sequences of the music cause my brain wants to suffer more haha...
#animatic#mxtx mdzs#the grandmaster of demonic cultivation#mo dao zu shi#魔道祖師#WHY THE HELL DO I KEEP MAKING MYSELF SUFFER WITH SO MUCH IDEAS AND I CAN ONLY DO ONE AT A TIME AAAAAA...
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THERE WAS THIS HOT ATTRACTIVE OLDER GUY I SAW AT MY WORK AND I LITERALLY STOPPED BREATHING?!?!??? HE LOOKED LIKE THE GOOD VERSION OF GABRIEL AGRESTE AND I AM
PANICKING!!!!
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2005 San Marino Grand Prix - Michael Schumacher(+ Jenson Button)(my personal post-race highlights)
#I ofc liked schumi before this but for some reason him in the press conference rly made me mesmerized#ALSO JUST THE DIRECTLY LOOKING INTO THE CAMERA AAAAAA#both him and nando istg why are you making eye contact with me stop it youre gonna make me blush#i swore to myself that 2005 was the oldest i was gonna go but seeing schumi made me so happy aghhhhhhhh#michael schumacher#f1#formula 1#jenson button#schumi#2005 san marino gp#we do a little bit of f1
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when I love something this much and get overwhelmed by it whyyyye does it then make me want to harm
#like it happens more and more often lately#and i don't! like I'm couple hours over 29 days clean rn. so it's not like i indulge the desire or anything. it just gets more and more#frequent that that desire is there like the overwhelm threshhold keeps getting closer and closer to my everyday life and that scares me tbh#bc im not even back at uni yet#this is why i think it's veryvery likely that the habit will :) return :) with a vengeance during uni :) (aaaaaa :(((( )#tw sh#personal#puddleglum hours#i don't UNDERSTNAD this i hate it#i hate it so damn much#can i just. does that mean i cannot actually experience things that bring me pleasure because somehow that magically translates to#'go harm so you can calm down' like what is my brain doing i hate this#also it makes it harder to breathe as wel apparently#and ive got hardlyanything done this evening and i had stuff to do :<#so! i had a wonderful time watching that film and now i hate myself :)
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Aaaa why does everything have to be so hard all the time????
#i just want to be friends with these people so badly#and I’m so scared of fucking up that I probably make shit awkward#and it’s not like he was even mad but I apologized and probably made him feel bad aaaaaa#fuck why do I do this to myself#can I become a hermit instead#why even fucking bother#i’m just going to feel annoying anyway
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There are too many fandoms battling for attention inside my brain right now I don't know what to focus on its a mess pls help
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I took 4-5 naps today and I'm still exhausted,,,,,
#i wanna sleep forever#aaaaaa#vent#i'm tireddd#and I can feel myself drifting off again... I feel so drained. and idk why?? I didn't really do anything today :[
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fuckkkkkk
#im panicking i can't find my old gcse and a level certificates aaaaaa#and ive got a meeting on the 9th for enrolling in a college#and have to apply for an advanced learner loan beforehand#and im just#aaaaaaaaaaaa#god why do i do this to myself#stupid qualifications and their need for proof#can't you just take my word for it??? please i have kind brown eyes#txt#whimper#on the other hand im on a waiting list for counselling so that's a good thing but fuck#it's all so last minute im so.....#might have to do this all next year but i need to get out of my head about it#im losing time im losing time im
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I never thought of myself as someone unlovable, or that for some reason I didn’t deserved to be loved, or that no one would ever find me attractive enough to date me, marry me and all that stuff people do. I just thought that I wasn’t THAT ugly so I may be able to find someone who likes me, and loves me and accepts me for who I am besides my appearance.
And then I went through high school without ever being in a relationship and no one ever told me I was pretty. So many rumors about some boys liking some girls, but it was never me. I put myself out there in extracurriculares, and nothing ever happened. No one ever found me attractive enough to want to talk to me and get to know me. (It was supposed to be a random rant but I’m crying as I write this) It was always me the one who approached the guys that I would like and talk with them trying to know them better, thinking that at some point they would start feeling something for me, but nothing ever happened.
Then university came, still nothing. No one ever voluntarily comes to me to get to know me better at all. Sure, I can be the one approaching to people, and I surely do that. But why no one does that for me?
And then I looked myself in the mirror. I hate the size of my body, kinda big but not enough to have a curvy body. My face is not pretty, and constantly picking my skin makes it 10 times worse. My jawline is pretty weak, my nose is kinda crooked, my cheeks are very prominent and my side profile sucks overall, so no one would ever find me pretty while they watch me looking at the stars or something like that. My back and arms covered in scars because I also pick at the skin there. I hate having as much body hair as I do, I hate how it looks on me. I don’t leave my house unless I’m covered in makeup covering all of my scars that are too obvious anyways.
No one is ever going to look at me the way I look at the people that I like. I’m not even that smart. I’m not the type of person to have deep conversations about the world outside. I wouldn’t trust anyone who likes me. I still think I deserve to be loved, but it would be so easy for anyone who wants to be with me to find someone more attractive in every aspect. I could set my standards lower, but I won’t. And if I have to be single until I die, so be it, I’ll take it.
#it hurt so much write this lol#random rant#rant#aaaaaa#skin picking#self image#lonely#unlovable#i feel so unloveable#im cryin#i give up#why am i like this#why do i do this to myself#ugly af#im fat and ugly
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Oh wait it's March, I need to start Art Fight prep
#i still have 100+ references i need to make#and all the little info blurbs to go with them#miiight just make myself a base to speed it up a little#or use one of my old ones#ughh but that leaves out characters who have different body types or are nonhuman ;-;#why do i do this to myself every year aaaaaa
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