#A/N: i wrote this a few months ago. i am now 26 but i stand by this
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letter no. 7
i guess i haven’t written much lately. to be fair, nothing is really happening, though. i’m just existing. i mean, my emotional state is still very wonky, but i think it will be for life, so that isn’t really surprising at all, either. but this post is about to be very rambly.
i’m writing this in a bad mood, which is something i tend to avoid doing because it always sounds very flat this way, at least to me. maybe it’s just my voice in my head reading this as i type that makes it sound that way. if i was in a better mood, i wonder if this same text would sound the same.
i’ve been doing fuck all in my free time. i’m in the middle of replaying assassin’s creed odyssey for the second time. it was really fun at first, but now it’s getting to the point where i’m running around doing random side quests instead of progressing the main story, just because i know how it ends—and i don’t want it to end. because if it ends, i’ll have to find interest in another one of my hobbies, and i don’t think i really have the energy for that either. i tried doing a little crochet project, and i got bored very quickly. which sucks. i love my tactile hobbies. this is the curse of having adhd, and also living in today’s general society.
i’m still twenty-five. i’ll be twenty-six soon, and this is the first time i vehemently don’t want to go up in age. if you’re wondering, it’s not because i’ll get kicked off my parent’s health insurance (i haven’t been on someone else’s insurance since i was twenty). i just really like the age twenty-five. twenty-five is a good number. twenty-six is too even (i’m not sure this concept would make sense to anyone else). now that i think about it, i just really don’t like even numbers, actually. the only even-number-birthdays i really liked were twelve and twenty-four. i couldn’t tell you why.
though, as i settle in to my mid-twenties, the concept of dying alone is more pressing. i never really cared much about finding a partner or getting married (the reasons for this, though, are a whole separate musing for another post), or having an executor, or life insurance, or anything else “adulty” (this probably has something to do with the fact that i was never able to conceive of living even this long). in fact, i was actively and belligerently against settling down to the point that it was pretty much my entire personality. now, i can’t stop thinking about it.
(i know i don’t want children. i do not want to be responsible for a human being that isn’t me (not including the people i already have in my life. that’s a different kind of responsibility). i do not want to have a person depending on me to take care of them, the stakes being that they would literally die if i were to neglect them. i don’t trust myself to not fuck things like that up, and i probably never will, with the exception of my cat.
i know full well that i will never in my existence create a life using my own body. what the actual fuck is that shit, am i right? you’re telling me that i’m growing a living thing in my body that will then exist outside my body with its own separate sentience? you’re buggin’. that’s some extraterrestrial shit. gross. no thanks. unsubscribe. keep your bodily monstrosities to yourself.
regardless.) i cannot stop thinking about being in love with someone. finding someone to spend the rest of my life with. growing up and growing old with someone who wants me along for the ride. a partnership. my best friend. my once in a lifetime green flame.
but because i have spent so long being vehemently against the idea, i have to rewire my logically-inclined—as opposed to emotionally-inclined—brain to accept that this is something i actually do want. it’s not cringey or weird to want to be loved by someone. and i do deserve it. i think everyone deserves it. i used to think everyone but me deserved it. but i know that’s not true, i just need to convince myself.
all i really know is, i want to love and be loved, and i’ve never felt this way before. i’ve had crushes. i’ve longed for romance. i’ve—countless times—admitted my feelings for someone only to realize that i didn’t actually want to pursue them, i was just attracted to the attention they gave me. i didn’t want to date (i still don’t want to date. i want to be with someone), but i did want the attention, and now it’s hard to tell where that kind of interest ends and genuine interest begins. i don’t know if i will ever find out. it scares me. it makes me feel crazy (and i’m not entirely sure if it’s mutually exclusive from the kind of crazy of people in love).
jesus fucking christ.
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Summary: After a horrible break-up, Y/N, decided to pack up and move her life from Buffalo, NY to Cincinnati, OH. She would be closer to her manager and she would be in the area where her podcast began. What she didn’t expect was to find a new relationship in another football player. <summary freaking sucks, and I wish I could write my summaries better but they are what they are.>
Pairing/Fandom: Tee Higgins x Fem! Reader! (NFL)
Warning(s): use of Taylor swifts songs as own (all rights go to her), bad guy! Josh Allen (sorry), fluff, maybe some angst, a few choice words.
All music, gifs, photos, etc. goes to their rightful owners. I am just using these in my imagine, so please don’t be rude.
I hate how I ended this, but I was not sure exactly how you wanted it! let me know if you wanted something different! based on this request. *Not edited so may have grammar/spelling erros.*
“How dare he! How dare he say that I am too immature and that’s why the relationship ended.” Y/N spoke to her friend Olivia who was sitting down beside where she was standing.
The girl had moved back to Cincinnati over eight months ago, her and josh had been broken up for a little over a year now. He had already moved on, seeing as he had made the news with an actress.
“Actually he said that he dated a lot of immature girls and that’s why he’ll never date someone younger than him again.” Olivia corrected Y/N as she gave the girl a look.
“I’m going to kill him.” Y/N grumbled as she plopped down on the couch.
“Woah, who’s going to face the wrath of Y/N today?” Joe burrow asked as he walked into the living room and gave Olivia a kiss before placing his bag down. Ja’Marr, Tee, Logan, Sam, and Tyler made their way in after him.
“Josh, that’s who.” Olivia spoke up knowing that Y/N was in distress right now. “Trying to ruin her reputation.”
Y/N huffed at what Olivia told the guys before glancing around at the Bengals players. “I’m pissed, but maybe it’s because I’m too immature.” She mocked, throwing her head back. “That dick acts like I was ten years younger than him. I’m 24, and he’s 26.” Y/N then turned to Logan who she knew had played college ball with Josh. "Did he ever try to ruin any of his other ex's?"
Logan shrugged not really knowing what to say. He had played with Josh in Wyoming, but was unsure about much else concerning his love life. What the guys did know was that Y/N was far from immature and everyone on the team loved her, the significant others included.
"He's just mad because he lost the best girl he ever had." Tee spoke up, the guys nodding in agreement.
It was no secret that Tee and Y/N were close. They were often mistaken for a couple when they were out in public together and the two had set the record straight multiple times. After Y/N moved to Ohio, Tee was the one to help her through the rough patch of healing from her break-up with Allen.
"Channel that anger into a number one hit and put him in his place." Sam suggested as he sat down on one of the chairs in the living room.
"I've already started," Y/N mumbled getting all the attention on her. Usually she shared her songs with Tee or Olivia. This one had been kept secret because she wasn't sure how she felt about it. "I don't know how I feel about because I wrote it about Josh and then one of my songwriting friends wrote one part and it doesn't even match him."
Olivia gave Joe a knowing look before he nodded and left the living room, returning with a guitar that Y/n had accidentally left. "You are not leaving this house until you give us a snippet." Olivia spoke sternly while Joe placed the guitar in Y/N's lap.
The girl rolled her eyes before gesturing for everyone to sit down, tee making sure to sit next to her, she opened up her phone and ran over the lyrics quickly. "you know what they say, you can't help who you fall for. And you and I fell like an early spring snow, but reality crept in, you said we're too different. You laughed at my dreams, rolled your eyes at my jokes. Mr. Superior thinkin' do you have all the space that you need? I don't have to be your shrink to know that you'll never be happy and I bet you think about me."
"That'll do it." Logan spoke before letting out a laugh. Y/N rolled her eyes and sat the guitar down on the coffee table.
"I bet you think about me, is the name of the song." Y/N mumbled before standing up, "I think I'm going to go. I have to record a podcast episode tomorrow and I need to get ready for that."
"I'll walk you out." Tee offered as Y/N told their friends bye.
Y/N collected her stuff before going to slip on her shoes. She and tee slipped out of the Burrow household and made their way to her Toyota. She carefully put her items in the backseat before turning to face her best friend.
“I, uh, I just wanted to tell you that I’m fully over Josh.” She spoke up her gaze locking on the guy she has liked for the past five months. “You’ve helped me through everything and I just didn’t want you to think that it was all for nothing. I just worry about my jobs and such.”
Tee nodded, “I know.” He assured her. He quickly opened her car door once he realized she was going to open it. “Do you want company tomorrow?”
A grin made its way onto Y/N’s face, “I’d like that.”
“Yeah?” He asked. His own smile growing in his face. Y/N nodded before biting her lip. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“See you, Tamaurice.” Y/N replied causing the man to groan.
“Really, why you gotta use my full name.” Y/N just smirked before getting in her car and slowly pulling out of the drive to head towards her house.
*
"What's your take on the whole "every NFL player cheats on their significant other" thought process?" Y/N asked as she sat across from one of her friends, Allison Kuch. Her husband had previously played for the Cleveland browns and that was how the two girls had gotten close.
"I hate it." She laughed as she glanced at the two guys sitting behind the camera. Isaac was sitting next to Tee as the girls recorded Y/N's podcast episode. "I don't particularly think that the NFL would make someone cheat."
"Right." Y/N nodded, "If they are gonna cheat then they will no matter their job." Y/N finished.
"I read many articles about that being your case and I was like.. that doesn't sound right. I think it's funny how the media takes things and runs with it." Allison spoke into the microphone.
Y/N let out a small huff before nodding her head, "yeah, they do. I remember when the news hit that Josh and I broke up, which we had been broken up for two months before media and fans put it together. There were articles saying I was out with another guy in New York and then there were some saying Josh was hanging out with his ex and others. It was definitely many lies being told." Y/N agreed before moving onto the next question.
"I have a question for you, actually." Allison spoke up gaining the attention of Y/N. "Do you think that Josh ruined any plans to ever get with a professional athlete again?"
The question had gained the attention of Tee who was talking to Isaac about the upcoming football season. Y/N let out a nervous laugh, "Uh, no. I mean, the whole immature jab was hurtful but if you have bitter ex's then." Y/N shrugged not knowing how to continue that sentence. "My thought process is that one guy does not define the entire population. Josh does not define the NFL men population, you know?"
Allison nodded before the two carried on with the episode and eventually called it quits. After the podcast was over, Allison and Isaac had told the two goodbye and left to head back to their hotel. Tee was helping Y/N pick up her podcast room and get her equipment situated before they had shut the lights off and closed the door.
"You hungry? I was thinking about making dinner." Y/N mumbled as she walked into her kitchen and leaned back against the counter. She was trying to think of what to make that sounded good to her. Truth be told, since her break-up she hadn't been eating as much which was causing her to lose weight.
"I'm good with whatever." Tee shrugged as he came to a stop in front of her and leaned against the island. "Does it bother you that people ask about Josh?"
The girl in front of him shrugged, "Not really. He's part of my past and people want to know, and I think talking about it can be healing." she explained thinking about her past with the NFL quarterback. "Does it bother you that people ask about him?"
Tee was taken back by that question. He was not expecting to have her reconcile that question back to him. "A little, maybe." He muttered not knowing how she would take the new information.
Y/N nodded, the butterflies swarming in her stomach. "Can I play you a song that I've been working on?" she asked almost shyly. It was strange for her not to be outgoing around him. He had been her best friend for almost a year now and she had never cowered under him.
"Course." Tee agreed as he followed Y/N to her living room. She had her guitar, notebook, and pen laid out neatly on her coffee table.
Y/N picked up her guitar once they got situated on the couch and started the chords for the song. It was an upbeat song which she would have to give him an idea of what the acoustic would sound like. "we kept everything professional, but something's changed, it's somethin' I like. They keep watchful eyes on us, so it's best that we move fast and keep quiet. You won't believe half the things I see inside my head, wait 'til you see half the things that haven't happened, yet." She sang carefully.
Her eyes stayed on the notepad as she sang, scared to see her best friend's reaction. "but what would you do, if I went to touch you now? What would you do if they never found us out? what would you do if we never made a sound? Cause I can see you waitin' down the hall for me, I can see you up against the wall with me, and what would you do? baby if you only knew. That I can see you, throw your jacket on the floor, I can see you make me want you even more, what would you do, baby if you only knew. That I can see you." She finished singing the snippet of her almost finished song.
Y/N carefully laid her guitar back in its previous spot and turned towards her best friend. "What do you think?" she asked nervously.
The Bengal's wide receiver nodded, "it's great." He told the girl his honest opinion. "Did someone inspire it or was it one of those late-night thoughts you get?"
"You, inspired it." Y/n mumbled knowing that it was now or never to get her feelings out there. She wanted to tell him before he met someone else and did not have the chance for him to see her like that. Tee stared at her for a good couple of minutes unknowing what to say. "Can you please say something?" she asked after the long silence. Her stomach was churning from nerves.
"You wrote a sexual song about me?"
"Now you make it sound horrible." Y/n muttered as she stood up trying to ease her stomach. The bile was slowly rising in her throat and she was unsure of how to take back what she had just said. "It's fine that you don't feel the same way, really. We can forget that I ever said anything."
"We could," Tee spoke as he stood up, causing Y/N's throat to burn even more. "Or we could make your song a reality..." he trailed. Y/n froze on the spot, her churning stomach coming to a halt as she felt relief flood her body. "What was it again?" He asked pretending to think. "I can see you up against the wall with me?" he asked. Y/N nodded unsure of his next move.
Without warning, he lifted her up by her thighs and placed then around his toned waist and carefully walked them backwards until her back hit the hallway wall. Y/n's heart was beating in her chest, her stomach was fluttering. The girl raised her eyes up to meet his brown ones, the closeness of them making her yearn for him. "You feel the same way?" she mumbled not sure what to say as her hands landed on the back of his neck. His braids tickled her knuckles a bit, but it was a feeling she loved.
Instead of answering, he carefully leaned closer and locked lips with the girl he had wanted since he met her. It was everything that they had both expected and even more than what they were expecting.
*About a year and some months later* (I guess around this 2023 season)
The last year had been going great for Y/N, she had her man that she was in love with, she had a successful album which consisted of her single about Josh and the one about Tee, and better yet, her relationship had been kept private for the most part.
your.username
💟868k
your.username Game Dey! Good luck to my favorite man. No matter the outcome of todays game you’ll always be my favorite! #whodey
username Bruh how does this girl get NFL guys?
username2 you dating Ja’Marr or Tee?
teehigginsmom_5 win this game boys!! Thank you for supporting my boy. <3
—> your.username always!! <3
username3 josh Allen >>> Tee Higgins
—> your.username maybe if you wanna man with temper… I prefer a man who treats me right!
username4 so “I can see you” is about Tee Higgins? … I am NOT okay!! I love it!!
*
The game had not gone as expected, many thought that the Raven's would lose but it turned out to be a loss for the Bengals. Y/N was still extremely proud of Tee, he had gotten 12 of the 24 points that they had made. Fans were leaving the stadium, most wearing Bengals gear, while some were in Raven's gear.
"Hi," a voice stopped Y/N as she was starting to head towards the Bengals locker room. "Can I get a picture?" The younger girl asked holding out her phone. Y/N gave the girl a smile and nodded before bending down to her level and getting a picture of the two. "Thank you. I really like you being friends with the Bengals, my dad makes me wear a raven's jersey because my mom likes Joe burrow."
Y/N gave the little girl a small smile, "well, I'll make sure to tell Joe and the team all about you." she said softly before she felt a presence beside of her. "It was nice to meet you."
"You too, thank you to much!" the fan replied before running off to find her family.
Y/N stood up and turned around to be met with Olivia who was probably heading to wait for Joe. Both girls headed towards the locker room and stopped outside when they could hear Zac Taylor’s voice. He was ranting while also trying to encourage them not to give up. It was obvious to Y/N that he was trying to get onto the team while keeping their hopes high.
Pretty soon after coach was done ranting, the boys started walking out talking amongst themselves. “Hey you.” Y/N greeted Tee softly once she seen him and pushed herself off the wall. “You did good out there.”
“Coulda been better.” Tee shrugged as his arms went to wrap around her waist.
“Hey!” Y/N scolded slightly. “12 points is still amazing.” She assured, her hands locking around his neck.
Tee gave her a small smile and pulled her into him. Their season was starting out horrible, and every single one of them hated it. Y/N squeezed her boyfriend before pulling back a bit, "You ready to get out of here?" she asked softly a twinkling in her eye that Tee had caught.
"for sure."
#tee higgins imagine#tee higgins#tee higgins x reader#nfl imagine#nfl football#nfl#cincinnati bengals#wide receiver#football player x reader#nfl players#NFL player x Reader#imagines#multifandom#requests open#asks are open#short stories#headcanons#nfl fandom#tee higgins fandom#tee higgins imagines
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Chapter 3
Synopsis:
You don’t know what it’s like to be free, to make your own choices, and live your own life. For your whole life, your parents have been treating you like a puppet on strings, controlling your life to every single detail, as well as ignoring the fact that you have feelings. Other times, when you disobey their wishes, or speak up about your own opinions, they bash you down with words, in other words, psychological abuse, has led you down the long winded road of depression and anxiety. What happens when you meet a man who’s willing to be your guide out of this terrible downpour? Would you give a shot at happily ever after?
Warnings:
big age gap (kinda?)
issues on anxiety
issues on depression (mild)
issues on parental abuse
smut (maybe)
Tag List: @etherealtyjaem , @caratzennie , @johnnysuhnflower , @euphoricchannie , @yeollieseo , @jjhmk , @sherzess , @wonderfulkoreanpop
(lmk if you wanna be on the list)
You’ve been seeing Mr Suh, correction, Johnny, his first name, as per requested by Johnny himself.
“Mr Suh makes me feel older than I already am, you make me feel like a teenager all over again, so you have to call me Johnny. Let me relive my days when I was still a college kid.”
You didn’t mind, things aren’t as awkward between the two of you anymore, Johnny’s been spending time with you, although the two of you never established any sort of labelling towards what this relationship is. You and Johnny only hung out and had meals together, trying out different cuisines, watching movies, even going as far as skipping a day at work to go to the amusement park. He even bought you to an arcade when you told him you haven’t had the chance to venture to one since you were in grade school.
“Why haven’t you ever been to one for so long?” Johnny asked when he finished a round of pinball.
“They said it was a waste of time and that I should spend more time studying,” you said, wondering why Johnny would ask that, isn’t it the same for all the kids?
Whenever you mention your confining life to Johnny, he’d have a faraway look in his eyes, jaw locked in silent rebuke, he doesn’t say anything, he pulls you close, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. He would be quite for almost half an hour before he goes back to regular cheerful Johnny, telling you lame jokes that you would surprisingly find funny.
You didn’t have a phone, since your parents forbid you to have one, the only means of communicating is through your email account on your laptop, and even that you must always bear in mind to delete his mails right after, and take further precaution, you didn’t allow him to initiate the sending.
Johnny wanted to buy you one, but you rejected him promptly, you didn’t want him to spend so much money on you, he already spends lots on taking you out to eat. You gave him the excuse that it was too dangerous, and the consequences of getting caught are severe.
You often questioned your relationship with Johnny, you aren’t dumb, you’ve googled him and saw gossip news portals uploading photos of him and some model going out and about in hotels, but those headlines were months ago, the latest news about him was from his interview with Times magazine.
You never had the guts to ask him, you don’t know what you mean to him. What right do you have to question his whereabouts and what he does? He’ll probably be bored of you after he’s known all of you.
You know you shouldn’t think of Johnny that way, it is mean to assume what he’s thinking, especially how well he’s treating you, but seeing those headlines gives you a sense of insecurity, you keep telling yourself that this won’t last, but the thought of not seeing him again made your hair stand. He’s making you happy, a distraction towards the negativity you face in that house you live in, but for how long?
House. You never called it a home, unless you were telling your boss you were leaving, to prevent anyone from questioning your odd way of describing it. It was never a home to you. To you, a home is a place where you feel happy, safe, and most importantly, loved. The closest you’ve ever felt to having these feelings were your grandma and Joh... No, you don’t love him, and he doesn’t love you. What were you thinking?
You pushed those thoughts away as you opened your laptop to double check the files that you’ve typed out for your parent’s next important meeting that was supposed to be taking place first thing tomorrow. But when you went through your folders, the files were nowhere to be seen. It’s then you realised that the notification that keeps urging you to update the laptop was gone, it wasn’t the first time you updated the laptop and found out some files were missing, so you would never update the laptop at such a crucial time.
You took the laptop out to your father who was watching some news on his phone in the dining area to ask him if he had updated the software without alerting you.
“Yes, I did. What about it?” he asked, annoyance on his face due to the sudden disturbance.
“The files are missing because of the update,” you informed him.
“What files?”
“The files for tomorrow’s meeting, they’re missing,” you told him as you mentally prepared yourself for what’s to come.
“What do you mean missing?! I bet it was because you saved it wrongly again! Your retarded brain never works does it?! Do you know how important those files are?! You always work on them late at night blurry eyed, of course you didn’t save them properly! You could’ve worked on them in the morning before work. but no... You want to ‘exercise’! What a waste of time!” You’re not pretty anyways, what are you doing them for huh?!” Your father shouted, his eyes blazing in rage, his fist slamming onto the glass.
While your father was shouting, your mother was checking the laptop as she complains about how clueless you are. It was like your brain couldn’t take the amount of hurtful words piercing into your mind like daggers, you let out a high pitched scream as tears threatened to fall, your hands covering your ears as your eyes were a blur.
When you could see properly again, you could make up words which sounded like ‘how dare you’ from your father, next thing you registered were the fury in his eyes as he advances on you, hand above his head, ready to hit you. You didn’t know what came over you, but the first thing you did was kicking him away. That’s when a full on fight broke out.
You were filled with rage, your mind wasn’t registering what you were doing. You went into a flight or fight stance and started thrashing and kicking as his hands were holding painfully tight on your wrists after you tried punching him.
Your mom urges the both of you not to fight, her voice barely registering in your head as she sits still on the high chair by the kitchen island, not bothered to even try to cease the fight.
When you finally pushed him away, you ran into your room and locked it. Your chest was heaving from the panic attack that just started, you tried your best to calm yourself down, reminding yourself to breathe, it was suffocating, controlling your breathing as more tears made its way out of your eyes.
When it all stopped, your body succumbed into mental exhaustion, passing out on your bed as the tears finally ceased.
You only woke up for dinner last night, and proceeded to sleep again. Yesterday’s events made you feel numb, other than the pain from the bruises on your arms.
There was a big ugly one on your left upper arm, its colour an ugly shade of green and purple. A few other less serious ones scattered around your lower arms. In other words, you look like a wreck.
You wore a jacket to run even though you were sweating from your previous cardio work outs, feeling a little better after the endorphins in your body kicked in. When you got back, you quickly showered and ate a toast. When you asked for your mother’s phone to remind your boss you were going to take the day off, she told you that weren’t needed at the meeting anymore and that she finished everything last night.
“Just call to say that you’ll be going to work,” she said, not even looking in your direction when she handed you her phone.
But when you called to inform your boss, he told you that he had another part time coming in, and that it was too short of a notice. You said thank you and hung up, but said that you’ll be at work on time today before handing it back to your mother.
You really needed to escape for the day.
You opened the laptop and sent an email to Johnny.
I’m free today. Wanna go out?
You sat on your bed staring at the ceiling as you were sure it was going to be a bit before he replied, but just as you closed your eyes, you heard a distant chime from your laptop.
I’m rushing some stuff at the office today. I’m so sorry, Y/N.
Can I stay in your office? I really wanna get out of the house.
You sounded like a spoiled kid begging for attention, but you really wanted to see him today.
Sure. But you might get bored :) .
I’m leaving the house now :) .
For a 26 year old businessman, he sure loves to use emoticons.
You got changed into jeans and a jacket, you don’t usually wear one if you were going to a secluded area with Johnny, but you had to hide all the marks from last night. You just noticed that they hurt after you accidentally knocked your wrist against something.
You took the bus to the address Johnny wrote down on your diary, it was after one of your dinners together, and he jokingly said that you could always swing by if you wanted, you didn’t know you were going to actually do that.
The bus station wasn’t too far of a walk from his office, since it was just downtown Seoul where the Korea’s financial hub was located.
As you were nearing the office buildings, you stood out like a sore thumb, given the way you were dressed and your age. The people kept giving you stink eyes and sideway glances.
Suh Capital Partners. That was it.
You walked in the rotating doors, only to be greeted by masses of people walking around with smart pads, files, talking on the phone while the assistants take notes. Johnny didn’t mention his company being this big.
You admired the facade of the lobby, it displayed the latest news on a large monitor while futuristic lights hung from the high ceiling, the walls were a perfect balance of steel and wood with a wall of plants filled the wall behind the reception area.
You realised that the people stopped what they were doing before and started looking at you curiously when one of the nicely dressed women from the reception walked up to you.
“Excuse me, miss. May I ask who are you looking for?” the woman asked, her eyes scanning you from top to toe.
You froze at your spot from how cold she sounded, like she didn’t want you around to ruin the aesthetic of the company. You reminded yourself that you weren’t going to see her anytime soon after this and that if you did make a fool of yourself then so be it.
“I’m looking for Mr Suh,” you told her.
She looked taken aback from your answer, but gave you the ugliest sneer when she recovered.
“Miss, this isn’t a school, you can’t just walk in here and demand to see someone without an appointment. Mr Suh is the head of this company, not someone you can just meet without an agreement from him. Please leave this instance,” she said, her tone high pitched enough to gather everyone’s attention, you swore you heard someone laughing a few feet away.
“But...
“That’s my guest, Ms Park.”
You whipped your head back to see Johnny standing behind you. But instead of his usual warm honey eyes, his eyes were a cold and staring daggers into the woman in front of you.
“I’m so sorry, Mr Suh. I’ll get back to my work now,” the woman bowed apologetically, going as far as doing it numerous times.
“I’m going to need a key card for her, Ms Park. Send it up to me when you’re done,” Johnny said, but his eyes were scanning the crowd, his employees immediately went back to what they were doing, the large lobby void of any sound other than people rushing to the lift lobby to escape the scene.
Johnny placed a hand behind your back and guided you to the lift lobby after most of the people have taken the ride up to their respective floors.
“I’m sorry,” you said after the coast was clear.
Johnny’s intimidating stance broke as confusion takes over his face.
“What are you sorry for?” Johnny asked, he should be the one saying sorry.
“I’m such an embarrassment, coming here in my jeans and jacket with a canvas bag, looking like a kid,” you said, fingers nervously tugging the straps of your old bag.
“Hey, hey, hey. Nothing’s wrong with being young and dressing your age. They’re just grumpy from all the work. Don’t take their words into account, and you look great. Perfection as always,” Johnny said reassuringly, hands placed on your shoulder, the warmth of his palms calming you slightly.
“No....
You buried your face into your hands as he patted your head, you sneakily glanced up to see him smiling at you with a toothy grin. But you quickly regained posture as you saw an elevator door open with many pairs of legs.
Johnny wasn’t going in even though the lift was going up, that’s when people in the lift realised it was him, and quickly came out of the lift, saying sorry and greeting Johnny.
Johnny guided you in after the lift was cleared empty. His staff looking at you curiously, you weren’t used to having so many pairs of eyes on you, their curious eyes burning holes into you.
Johnny could sense your anxiousness from the way you were hiding behind his tall figure as the two of you walked into his office, there weren’t many people at that time, given the fact that only direct reports of his business partners came up to hand in documents.
You only felt yourself loosen up a bit after you took a seat on Johnny’s armchair in his huge office, overlooking Seoul’s skyline and the cars that were buzzing about on the roads. The view made you calm down a bit from the journey coming up here.
You felt the chair dip as Johnny took a seat on its armrest, his hands coming up to give your shoulders a nice massage. Johnny smiled at the way your eyes lit up from his comforting touch as you looked back to smile at him, he felt a warm feeling deep in his belly as he takes in your beautiful features and the warmth of your shoulders on his fingertips. But as he puts more pressure onto your shoulders, you wince slightly, which didn’t go unnoticed by him.
“Did your boss at work make you lift heavy stuff again?” Johnny asked, his hands ceased all movements, fearing that he would hurt you again.
You automatically thought of your fight with your father last night, it might be because of the force exerted from when he had pushed you.
“N-no, I just didn’t sleep well last night. I watched a horror movie and had a nightmare,” you lied, not knowing how he would react if you told him the truth.
“Be careful when watching these movies, Y/N. If you went to work and your boss really made you move heavy things today, then you would’ve strain your muscles,” Johnny said, going back to massaging your shoulders, but this time gently applying pressure on that spot, rubbing it in clockwise circles to ease the pain.
“I’m fine, Johnny. Didn’t you have work to rush? I don’t want to keep you away from important matters. And my shoulders feel much better now,” you said, moving away from his hands even though you could’ve let him do that forever, it felt so comforting, borderline addictive.
“Okay, I’ll tend to your shoulders again later.” Johnny said as he lays his head on top of yours, a gesture that he had came up with whenever he wanted to show affection to you without crossing uncharted territories, your heart sped up whenever he does that.
You were just sitting on the couch reading one of your old books when you looked up and saw Johnny frowning at his laptop, you placed your book down and made your way to Johnny.
“Don’t frown like that, you’ll get frown lines when you’ll get older, it’ll spoil your handsome face,” you joked.
Your hands reach out to smooth the creases on his forehead, a smile coming back to Johnny’s face.
“Thank you,” he said, taking your busy hand into his, lightly tracing the area between your thumb and your index finger.
“What’s bothering you?” you asked, unbeknownst to you, your lips were unconsciously set in a pout.
“There’s some documents that are supposed to be sent to my office in Chicago, but the English that’s written here isn’t up to standards, I’m worried the staff there won’t understand what the document is stating. I don’t mind correcting it, but I have other things to tend to as well,” Johnny explained to you.
“Can I take a look at it? I had Cambridge classes for 8 years. Guess it’s finally coming in handy. I mean only if you think I’m capable, I don’t want you to think I’m boasting or anything, I just really wanna help...
“Y/N, sweet, I trust you. Just let me get you a laptop,” he said before dialling to his secretary.
Once Johnny sent the files to that laptop, you started correcting some grammatical errors and replaced some terms that weren’t as professional, when Johnny was done with his meeting, you were done with the documents as well.
“Here, take a look. There might be mistakes,” you said after sending him the files back.
“You were reading ‘me before you’, I think you’re fine, Y/N,” Johnny deadpanned.
“Just take a look, just in case,” you pleaded, doe eyes capturing his heart. Nodding, Johnny smiles, doing as you said.
Johnny scanned through the documents, his eyes lighting up brighter after each sentence, a proud smile making way on his face. When he was done, he pulled you close by the waist, and gave you a warm hug, his head nuzzling into your sweater.
“Thank you so much, sweetheart. I thought I needed to work overtime because of this,” he said, his voice was slightly muffled by the cotton.
“You’re welcome. You can always send me these files when I’m not here, I don’t want you to overwork yourself,” you offered.
“I’m fine, don’t worry. Wanna grab lunch? I can hear your stomach rumbling,” Johnny asked after pulling away, a cheeky glint in his eyes.
You could feel your cheeks heating up in embarrassment, as you hit Johnny’s shoulders lightly for his teasing, a smile creeping up your face.
“No, I’m not...
“Come on, I know this really nice French restaurant around the corner...
“Johnny I have the file you were...
Doyoung stops in his tracks as he sees you and Johnny being so close to each other.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had a guest,” Doyoung apologises, but his eyes were still wide in disbelief.
“Doyoung. This is Y/N. Y/N, Doyoung is one of my business partners, his dad was my dad’s business partner so now it’s his turn,” Johnny introduces his friend to you, telling you a bit of his background.
You gave Doyoung a tiny bow and soft hello, nerves wrecking up at meeting someone you often see on telly whenever their company has a press conference. You could sense an air of discomfort as Doyoung gives you a questioning look.
“You can just put the files on my desk Doyoung. I’ll take a look at them after my lunch break.”
When the evening rolled in, Johnny had to drive you home before your mom questioned your whereabouts.
“I really enjoyed having you by my side today, Y/N,” Johnny said sincerely after pulling up outside the gated area.
“I should be the one thanking you, I can’t believe those snails cost so much, yet you won’t let me pay you back whenever we have meals together,” you retorted, recalling how your eyes almost flew out of their sockets when you stole a glance at the bill.
“Money is not an issue, Y/N. I told you that many times before,” Johnny reminded you.
“I’ll see you on Saturday?” you asked, changing the subject before he offers to buy you a house or something.
“Yeah,” Johnny said, chuckling at how you diverted his attention.
Johnny unlocked the doors of his car, but right before you pulled onto the handle, Johnny pulled your arm, the place where one of the bigger bruises were located at, making you wince at the unexpected pain.
“Y/N I wanted to ask, wait. Are you in pain? Are you hurt? Did I accidentally hurt you?” Johnny asked his eyes wide in worry.
Before you could protest, Johnny pushed up the sleeves of your sweater, revealing the big ugly bruise on your upper arm, and several others that went downwards until your wrist.
You looked up at Johnny, scanning his face that was frozen in shock, eyes not believing what he’s seeing. His fingers gently tracing every bruise, his other hand rotating your arm gently, to see if there’s more.
“Y/N... Who did this to you?” Johnny questioned, but deep down in his gut, he’s sure it’s who he thinks it is.
“No one, Johnny. I just fell down when I woke up,” you said, lying through your teeth, you didn’t want to, but that was your survival instinct whenever someone asks about your parents.
“Don’t lie to me Y/N, it’s them isn’t it? They hit you. Why didn’t you tell me?” Johnny demanded, he questions why you don’t trust him, was he not worthy in your eyes?
“It’s nothing, Johnny. Goodnight,” you said in a breath before turning away.
You quickly got out of his car and ran to your lift lobby, Johnny was following behind you. But before he could step into the premise, you shut the glass door which could only be opened with a security card on him, mouthing the words sorry before you made your way into a lift.
Johnny banged at the door, shouting for you to come back, before the security guards asked him to leave. He could feel a prickle in his heart as he sees the bruises in his head, the image fresh. He felt red hot anger boiling in his heart, he was going to get you out of that horrible place, no matter what it takes.
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Hanging by a Thread
(Yoongi x Taehyung) Oneshot, Soulmate!au
Genre: (NC-17) ANGST. BUCKETS OF ANGST. With some fluffy fluff.
Warnings: Alcohol consumption (just some friends hanging out and going to a bar and club, nothing crazy), mentions of past abuse (undetailed and brief), homophobic side character, brief mention of minor character’s death (happened in the past)
WC: 16.3k
Description: Yoongi thinks he is unlovable, and Taehyung doesn’t believe in soulmates. When they meet, Yoongi feels a spark of hope that maybe, just maybe, this person can love him the way he craves. Except, Taehyung only gives Yoongi a single glance before walking away, taking the last piece of his heart with him.
A/N - This fic is submitted for the “Dishonest Love” project for Valentine’s Day 2021 with @thebtswritersclub ! It was something that the amazing @eternalseokjin had pitched to me months ago when I said I wanted to write something angsty but didn’t know what, and here it is, FINALLY done! It’s also my first official MxM fic, in honor of the great MxM writer who pitched me the idea. Thank you, Dean! <3
Also, I had wanted to get a beta reader for this but.... I literally just finished and am posting it LITERALLY last minute after quickly reading and editing through myself. So if there’s stuff I missed, sorry! I hope it still reads well!
Yoongi walked into the now familiar building, easily directing himself to the third floor as usual. He had been routinely coming here for a few weeks now, and he found himself looking forward to his meetings with Jimin. The building itself was a bit smaller than he had originally expected for an entertainment company, and he remembered needing to stop and take a look around the first time he walked through the front doors. The lobby was rather welcoming, not so monochrome and sleek as many other businesses liked to keep their interiors.
The comfy-looking couches in the seating area were complementary tones of brown and blue, the plants placed nearby looking much more real than the plastic ones found at Yoongi’s workplace. The bit of actual life brought into the lobby just added to the much more welcoming feel here, something Yoongi had really come to appreciate these past weeks. Wall-length windows brought plenty of natural light into the open room, and along with the colorful but tasteful art hanging on the walls, the area emitted a warmth that reached into Yoongi’s bones. Much different from the cold atmosphere he was used to.
He didn’t even need to stop at the reception desk on his way in anymore since the staff easily recognized him. After the first week, he didn’t need to schedule appointments anymore either. He and Jimin would text and arrange their own times when they were available to meet.
Walking into the studio they were using, that now had temporary touches of Yoongi as well since he spent a fair amount of time working there, was more than natural by this point. It even felt more comfortable than his own studio lately.
Jimin smiled lazily at Yoongi. “Hey, Yoongi!”
“Hey, Jimin,” Yoongi responded as he pulled out the couple pieces of equipment he liked to use and always brought with him since they weren’t available here. “I have a demo to share with you today.”
Jimin’s eyes widened in excitement. “Really? Let me hear it!”
Yoongi chuckled. “Let me get set up first, huh?”
The first meeting Yoongi had with Jimin weeks ago went better than he had expected. He seemed to be just about as nice and personable as he acted in public, which was something Yoongi certainly couldn’t say for many of the other artists he worked with. By the end of it, he felt like he had a pretty good understanding of the type of song that Jimin was hoping to sing.
To be honest, Yoongi was surprised his company even agreed to let him meet with Jimin at all. This certainly wasn’t the first time someone from another label had requested a song produced by SUGA, but it was the first that his company approved. Usually they’d instantly refuse the request, wanting to keep Yoongi’s work exclusively for them.
Maybe they felt like Jimin wasn’t enough of a threat to compete with their own artists. But even just from the research Yoongi had done prior to meeting him, listening to his music and watching a few interviews to get an idea of who he’d be working with, he knew better. Jimin might not have been at the top, but he had been steadily gaining popularity since he first debuted a few years ago. He for sure had the talent, not only in singing but also dancing, and with just the right song and publicity he was sure Jimin would become a force to be reckoned with in the industry.
Working with Jimin on this song had been more than a breath of fresh air for Yoongi as well. The label Jimin belonged to didn’t feel the need to dictate every step they took with the song, letting them have the freedom to come up with a song that was a pleasant middle ground between what Yoongi wanted to write and what Jimin wanted to perform. Which surprisingly enough, was much less of a middle ground and more like almost exactly what both of them wanted.
After getting everything set up and pulling up the track that he finished putting together last night, Yoongi pressed play. It was still rather rough, needed finetuning and a more solid melody to go with it, but Yoongi felt like he managed to write something that both of them would be happy with.
The first few demos he made didn’t quite fit the bill, either Jimin not liking it as much as Yoongi wanted him to, Yoongi himself not being completely happy with the outcome, or a combination of both. But this one, he felt was different. He had a feeling this song was going to be it.
A smile quickly spread on Jimin’s face as he listened, giving away that he was indeed pleased with the song. He refrained from commenting until after the last beat had finished, but as soon as it did words flooded from him.
“Wow, that sounds amazing! It’s almost like you looked into my mind and managed to turn exactly what I was hoping for into a reality. I absolutely love it!”
Yoongi tried not to feel embarrassed from the praise as he smiled to himself. “Well, I mean my notebook filled with notes on what you wanted your song to be is pretty much that.” He shrugged. “I just wrote something based on those notes, and based on what I wanted to do.”
“I might be prejudiced,” Jimin said, “but I really think this might even end up being better than all your other songs,” Jimin said, tone light but seeming to only be partially joking. “It just sounds more… I don’t know. More real? Like not as artificial or manufactured.”
When Yoongi stared unmoving at Jimin for a moment, the singer backtracked a bit. “That’s not to say that your songs are bad, or anything! I really love them! It’s why I asked if we could reach out to your company, see if you could write me a song. But, I don’t know. It just sounds different.”
“I agree,” Yoongi admitted, nodding. “Sometimes I don’t even recognize my own work by the time it ends up being released, to be honest.”
Jimin furrowed his brows at him. “What do you mean?”
The elder casually shrugged. “It’s nothing. But if this gets through, I think I’ll be really happy with it.”
Jimin smiled brightly, eyes almost closed from the force of it. “Everyone will love it. I just know it.”
Yoongi was a pretty reserved person, finding very few people who he considered friends. But despite not being nearly as social or chatty as Jimin was, he found himself hoping that even after their song was done and released that they would keep in touch.
During the second week of working together, he had caught himself staring at the string on his finger that was only visible to himself many times. It was almost as if he hoped that it would suddenly connect to the other man in the room. Of course, he couldn’t be that lucky. It didn’t bother him, though. He quickly stopped the habit and was perfectly happy with the friendship that was possibly forming between the two of them.
However, it wasn’t much longer that he had to wait for the string that usually faded out into nothing to finally connect to its other end. In fact, it was later the same day that Yoongi had played the first draft of what they finalized as the new song for Jimin.
Yoongi was on his way back to his apartment when he felt it. A tiny tug on his hand that he barely noticed at first. But just a moment later, there it was again. When he looked down, he could see that it was the thread attached to his finger, the string longer than usual and pulled taut.
His heart sped up at the idea of his soulmate being nearby. After 26 years, he thought he’d never meet them. That he was just doomed to be alone and never feel loved. But his soulmate would love him, wouldn’t they? They had to.
Yoongi followed the string, trying to focus on that single task and not think too hard about who could be on the other end. The red thread was leading him toward a higher end clothing store, growing even longer the closer he got until he was standing just outside of the entrance to the shop.
He took in a deep breath, preparing himself before pulling the glass door open.
Once he was inside, the thread no longer tapered off into nothingness, but instead finished its path. Yoongi carefully followed it until he found the person it was connected to. He slowly took in the figure, feeling all of his breath leave him at once.
On the other end of the string was the most handsome man Yoongi had ever laid his eyes upon, perusing a rack of colorful shirts. Curly dark locks just long enough to fall into his eyes, facial features striking enough for him to be a model, and a gorgeous tan to his skin.
Yoongi was speechless, suddenly unsure of how to approach this man who was made to be his soulmate. He couldn’t help the brief feeling that he looked vaguely familiar, but shrugged it off. He would have certainly known if they met before. Worried that he would come across as a creep just staring at the stranger, he turned around to find something in the store to pretend to contemplate buying—although everything here was more expensive than what he’d usually buy.
As he started walking in the other direction he felt the tug on his hand once more, the string apparently wanting him to keep approaching the man on the other end. Yoongi looked over his shoulder to see if the other had noticed, and he froze when he met the beautiful man’s gaze.
The stranger’s eyes flickered down, clearly looking at the red thread tying them together. He then glanced up once more, again meeting Yoongi’s line of sight, before starting to walk in his direction.
Yoongi opened his mouth as the handsome man approached, ready to introduce himself to his soulmate. But before he could even get a syllable out, the man had walked right past him, opening the door and leaving the store. He didn’t look back even once.
Yoongi could feel the string pulling and tugging, not wanting the two of them to be separate after it had finally connected. The line remained taut, not dimming or fading out for a few moments. But then Yoongi could have sworn he felt it snap as it slackened, the string falling and its connection fading out into nothingness and resuming its usual length on Yoongi’s finger, a little duller than it had been before.
Yoongi stood in the middle of the store, unable to move. He had waited for 26 years to meet his soulmate, the one person in this world that he had hoped would be able to love him, only for him to walk away without a word.
“Sir, if you’re not going to buy anything, would you please leave?” a store associate said, returning Yoongi’s mind to the present.
He bowed in apology before walking out the door, staring wistfully in the direction that his soulmate had left.
Apparently not even fate had the power to make someone love him.
By the time Yoongi downed his third beer, Namjoon was looking worried. But he wasn’t going to ask. That was one of the things Yoongi loved about his best friend. He could read him like an open book, but also knew that if there was something to talk about he would come to it in his own time. Namjoon didn’t push or pressure him to talk before he was ready, just waited for him to be.
When Yoongi had knocked on Namjoon’s door with an abundance of beer and chicken wings, the latter already knew that something was up and his friend needed company. His understanding wife called her own friends to arrange a night out and let the men have the house to themselves. She was also Yoongi’s friend, but she knew this was something that only Joon could help with.
It wasn’t until the fifth beer that Yoongi had enough liquid courage in him to tell Namjoon what was on his mind. Gripping the half-empty bottle, he muttered out the words he never thought would end up being as solemn as they were.
“I met my soulmate.”
Namjoon’s eyes widened as he took a good look at the elder. “Seriously?” Answered with a single nod, he only became more confused. “So what’s wrong?” he carefully asked. “I figured when that happened we’d be drinking to celebrate, but you’re not exactly in a celebratory mood.”
Yoongi took in a deep breath in preparation for the next words he would mutter. “He took one look at me and walked away. Didn’t even say a word.”
The look on Namjoon’s face fell into solemn understanding. “Oh,” he said. “Yeah, that… That explains it.”
“Am I that disgusting?” Yoongi asked, looking up at the other earnestly. “Am I that ugly? That undesirable? Just one look, and he hated me already.”
“I highly doubt that, Yoongs,” Namjoon said. “First off, you’re not ugly. You’re actually very good looking, and not at all disgusting. But to hate someone just by looking at them without knowing anything about them? Impossible. Are you sure he saw you?”
“He looked me right in the eyes, Joon,” Yoongi said exasperatedly, harshly setting his bottle down on the table. “Looked me in the eyes, looked back at our string, then walked right past me and out the door.”
Namjoon chewed on his bottom lip in thought. He was going to try to rationalize, just like his smart brain always did. Always trying to think logically before emotionally. “Maybe he had never been interested in men before,” he suggested. “It may have been a shock to him to see that his soulmate was a man.”
“I don’t know. He didn’t look shocked or confused or anything. He had the most blank expression on his face. Like he just didn’t care.”
Namjoon opened his mouth to say something, but decided against it, looking away. But Yoongi had a pretty good idea what he was thinking. That maybe he was one of those people who didn’t care about soulmates. It wasn’t very common, but not unheard of. Maybe that was him, maybe he was already in a relationship. But did he have to just ignore Yoongi, though?
“But did he have to just ignore me, though?” Yoongi voiced his last thought. “He could have said something, at least.”
Shrugging, Namjoon took a swig from his second bottle. “It would have been nice of him to, definitely. I’m sorry man, I really don’t know what to say other than whether it’s your soulmate or not, you’ll find someone for you.”
“Yeah, the odds aren’t looking too good for that,” Yoongi scoffed before chugging almost the rest of his bottle.
“I’ve already said it so many times, but I’ll say it again,” Namjoon said, honest and strong gaze fixated on his friend. “You’re worth love, Yoongi. Regardless of how others have treated you in the past. They don’t matter. And if this soulmate of yours really doesn’t want to even give you a chance, then he doesn’t either. You’re worthy of being loved, deserve to be loved. The right person will come around eventually.”
Yoongi wanted to argue, but he knew he wouldn’t win. When it came to this topic, Namjoon would always have the last word, refusing to let Yoongi believe anything else. Every time he had been hurt, whether it was by yet another person who found his sexuality disgusting or someone who told him all the right words only to break his heart in the end, Namjoon was always there. He always gave him the ‘you’re not worthless’ speech. While Yoongi was heavily inclined to not believe it, it had always been enough to at least keep him going.
The two fell back into silence—not uncomfortable, but still heavy with the weight of Yoongi’s heart. It didn’t matter if no more words were exchanged until they decided they were done drinking and went to sleep. Yoongi would fall asleep next to his best friend, at least comforted by the fact that even if he never found someone who would love him the way he craved, he had someone who did love him in some way and would never leave him alone.
One of the benefits of Yoongi’s personality that he’d realized years ago was that when he was upset about something, the average person was none the wiser. A storm could be brewing in his mind, but because his expression was blank and his eyes had a hardened look to them during even a normal day, no one would have any idea. Well, except for Namjoon.
It meant that he didn’t have people constantly asking him what was wrong. Which he was extremely thankful for when he saw Jimin again two days later, the singer coming to visit Yoongi at his own studio this time. It was possible he took notice that Yoongi was a tad less talkative than normal, but if he did notice anything at all he just shrugged it off easily.
“Do you not like decorating?” Jimin asked after they finished working on the song for the day.
“What do you mean?” Yoongi asked, eyebrows raised.
“I noticed that you don’t really have much of a… personal touch to your studio,” Jimin shrugged.
“Not allowed,” Yoongi mumbled in response as he shut down the computer.
“You’re not allowed to decorate? Not at all?”
“Nope. The studio belongs to the company, not me. I just use it.”
“Huh.” Jimin seemed genuinely confused at the concept. “But like, people who have office jobs are allowed to decorate their spaces. They have pictures at their cubicles, or if they have a room to themselves they can arrange it how they want, can’t they?”
Yoongi shrugged. “I guess. I don’t know. It’s not like the studio we’re using at your company is decorated with your stuff.”
“Yeah, but we’re just borrowing it,” Jimin countered. “After we’re done with the song, someone else will use it. Whenever I visit the producers at our company, their studios are always decorated. Each one looks different, unique to them.”
“I don’t really care either way,” Yoongi said. “It’s just a room.”
The younger’s face scrunched up a bit, deep in thought for a moment. “It just feels like you don’t have much freedom here,” he carefully said after a moment.
“Comes with the territory, I guess,” Yoongi said. “I work for my boss, not myself. He decides what is good and what isn’t.”
“But the tracks you showed me earlier, they sounded so much better than the versions that were released. They were amazing.”
Earlier when they were a bit dry on ideas for the song, Jimin had been curious about demos of some of Yoongi’s other music, and so the producer had decided to play a few samples for him. Yoongi absolutely agreed with Jimin, but it didn’t matter. It wasn’t up to him what was good or not.
“Our company doesn’t do that,” Jimin mumbled, almost too quiet for Yoongi to hear.
But he did. “Do what?” he asked for clarification.
“I mean, it’s not like they don’t ask for revisions on songs if they need some work still,” the singer said. “But our producers have a lot more freedom than it seems like you do here. They’re happy with the versions of their songs that get released. I just wish you could be, too. Your music is absolutely amazing and it deserves to be heard the way you want it to be.”
Unsure of what to say, Yoongi stared at the other, blinking. Eventually, when his mind caught up he said, “Well, nothing I can really do about that at this point.”
Jimin frowned, knowing that he was right. “Well, I’m positive my company is going to love this song we’re releasing,” he attempted to lighten the mood a bit.
“I hope so,” Yoongi said. “I haven’t enjoyed writing a song this much in a long time.”
“Well, I’m honored that it’s a song for me, then,” Jimin said, a smile back on his face. “And I hope that it’s just the start of you enjoying it again.”
Butterflies flying into his chest at Jimin’s kind words, Yoongi found himself glancing at the thread on his finger once again. He already met his soulmate, he knew it wasn’t Jimin. But he couldn’t help but wonder if only.
His expression must have become more readable than usual because it was only a few short moments later when Jimin asked, “Yoongi? Are you alright?”
It took Yoongi a moment to look back up at Jimin. “Have you met your soulmate, Jimin?” he blurted out.
The singer seemed surprised at the sudden question. “My- my soulmate?” His expression changed to the saddest Yoongi had seen him yet. “Well, yeah, I met her. I met her a long time ago. But we’re not together. Why do you ask?”
Yoongi couldn’t help being curious about why that was. But, he realized asking about Jimin’s soulmate was already treading dangerously into overstepping and it wouldn’t be appropriate to keep prodding. “No reason,” he shrugged. “I was just curious. Sorry.”
Jimin’s smile returned. “It’s alright. It’s natural to be curious, I guess. I’m a bit strange for not being with my soulmate, huh?”
“No,” Yoongi immediately responded. “I don’t think you’re strange at all.”
“What about you?” Jimin asked, somewhat hesitantly. “If you feel like sharing.”
Yoongi stared at his string one more time. “I ran into them once in a store,” he said, being careful not to specify gender. “But no, I haven’t properly met them.”
Nodding, Jimin seemed to understand that Yoongi also had left something unsaid but didn’t pry. “Well, whoever they are, they are a very lucky person to be your soulmate.” He was smiling, but the expression on his face was one that Yoongi couldn’t quite read.
The song was an absolute hit. So much so, that Yoongi’s boss seemed incredibly surprised. If he had presented a song like this to his boss, he would have been told to make a ton of changes before it hit the masses. He’d be told it wasn’t good enough, not perfect enough.
However, this song blew up so much faster and stronger than any songs that Jimin released before, and even more than any other song yet produced by SUGA. The love for the track made Yoongi happy, not just because his song that he was really happy with and proud of was getting love, but also because of how much it made his boss question everything he knew.
Barely even a week after the song’s release, Yoongi received a call from the company Jimin worked under. At first, he assumed that maybe it was an effort to try to get more collaborations with him, maybe a short-term contract. But much to his surprise, they were offering for him to work with them permanently.
To say that he was floored would be an understatement.
Switching companies like that was not easy. Especially since Yoongi knew how hard his current company would try to hold onto him, knowing that they’d be losing one of their best and most popular producers. Even if he had somewhere else to go, there were clauses in the contracts that made it difficult for one to just move from company to company. By offering Yoongi the job there, they were also promising to spend the time and money to handle the technicalities in order to ensure his successful transfer.
Shellshocked from the unexpected phone call, Yoongi could only muster a promise that he’d consider the offer before the call ended. It took a few good minutes, but once he was able to gather the remnants of his brain together, he pressed the call button on Jimin’s contact.
“Hey, Yoongi!” the ever-so cheery singer answered. “What’s up?”
“Park Jimin, what did you do?” Yoongi asked, no venom to be found in his voice.
There was silence for a moment while Jimin seemed to think about the question. “What do you mean, what did I do?”
“I mean, why did I just get a call from your company offering to hire me?”
“Oh, that,” Jimin breathed out through a nervous laugh. “Well, I didn’t know they were going to actually call you, for the record. Although, I really am glad that they did. I mean, you really des-”
“Jimin.”
Jimin cleared his throat. “I just asked them if they liked you, and what it would look like if they signed you on as a producer for us. I guess they started thinking about it and decided they wanted to.”
“Why did you do that?”
“You know why. That place doesn’t treat you how they should. You could have so much more freedom here, Yoongi.” After a few moments of silence, Jimin added, “Plus, I really enjoyed working with you. I was kind of hoping that we might be able to write some more songs together in the future.” Another silence. “You’re not mad, are you?” Jimin asked in a small voice.
“No, I’m not mad,” Yoongi replied. “I’m just shocked, is all.”
“Do you know how you’re going to respond?”
Yoongi sighed into the phone. “I’m not sure. I’d have to talk with them and figure out what working there would mean, make sure it’s worth the effort battling my current company to let me leave.”
“Well, let me know when you decide?”
“Yeah, sure.”
It didn’t take long for Yoongi to decide. After asking for more information on the offer, there was no way he would refuse the deal. Not only would he have proper rights to his music—still shared of course, but actually a reasonable percentage compared to what he was currently getting—but he’d also get a higher percentage of royalties. Like Jimin had mentioned, he would get his own studio that he was allowed to decorate and even refurbish, within reason of course. All of that, on top of the experience he’d already had with them not forcing him to change his songs entirely, made the choice a no-brainer.
Apparently, they were already prepared for him to say yes to the offer, quickly going in to get his contract with the current company terminated as swiftly and easily as possible. There was of course still pushback, but it could have been much more difficult if Yoongi’s original employer had been more prepared for it.
That still didn’t stop his boss—ex-boss, rather—from repeatedly asking Yoongi to stay, trying to convince him that he’d give him a better deal. Out of curiosity, Yoongi had humored the idea just to see what he’d come up with. But when the man showed him the new contract he had written up, Yoongi couldn’t help but laugh at it. It wasn’t even close to being as good as what Jimin’s company had offered, and he certainly wasn’t going to be hanging around there either way.
The day the transfer was official, Yoongi couldn’t help but feel excited to go to work for the first time in a long time, other than the days when he got to work on Jimin’s song at least. He already had everything prepared to put into his new studio, equipment he already knew they wouldn’t have there that he preferred, and just a few simple things to start making the space his own.
His spent the first hour or so of the day arranging everything the way he wanted, placing equipment where he could work efficiently, and finding places the his small trinkets he wanted to try decorating with. Afterwards, he texted Jimin to see if he was at the office, wanting to show him his studio. Yeah, it wasn’t really much quite yet, but it was his own space. And he knew Jimin was going to be just as excited as he felt.
Jimin’s quick reply let Yoongi know that he was currently in one of the dance practice rooms, and he insisted Yoongi stopped by.
After taking the elevator one floor down, he could hear laughter coming from the room where he knew Jimin to be. Jimin’s recognizable tinkling laughter was accompanied by an airy, deeper one. It was only one short moment later when he felt a pull on his hand. Furrowing his eyebrows, he glanced down to see that once again, the string attached to his ring finger extended farther and was clearly reaching out to the other end.
Sight following the line, Yoongi’s heart raced when he realized it led into the room where Jimin’s laughter could be heard. Without thinking, his footsteps became more rushed as he neared the door, quickly pushing it open and looking for its occupants.
“Yoongi!” Jimin greeted just as Yoongi’s eyes found them. Sure enough, sitting next to him was the dark-haired man that Yoongi had met in the store that day—his soulmate. “Come meet my best friend!”
Yoongi tried to not let the storm going on inside his head to show in his expression as he approached the two.
“This is Kim Taehyung,” Jimin introduced the mystery man. “Tae, this is Yoongi. Better known as SUGA.”
“Ah, Jimin has been talking a lot about you,” the other man, Taehyung said, no hint of embarrassment or apology for their last encounter in his tone. His voice was deep and rich and sent an involuntary shiver down Yoongi’s spine. “It’s nice to meet you.” A hand, the hand which their string attached to, reached out toward Yoongi.
Hesitantly, Yoongi grabbed it, gently shaking it once. “Nice to meet you too, Taehyung.”
Jimin was incredibly persistent, and it was a problem. Because that meant that it was impossible to ignore Jimin's pleads for Yoongi to go out to a bar with not only him, but Taehyung as well. He said something about wanting two of his favorite people to get along, or something along those lines.
So there he was, sitting in a booth next to Taehyung—under Jimin's insistence again—and feeling stupidly nervous about being in such close proximity to his soulmate. While Taehyung hadn't made any active effort to speak with Yoongi outside of the social obligation to generally not be rude, or to please Jimin when he encouraged the two to interact more, he wasn't acting like anything had ever happened between the two of them before.
This was the same man who walked out of the store to get away from Yoongi. Who saw they were connected by this string and still felt the need to completely ignore him. But he genuinely acted like this was the first time they met, and he most certainly seemed to be intentionally ignoring the fact that they were soulmates.
"Everything okay, Yoongi?" Jimin asked when he hadn’t spoken for a while.
"Hm? Yeah, I'm okay," Yoongi said. "Why?"
"You just, have that look," Jimin answered. “Like you’re deep in thought about something.”
Yoongi’s not sure if he imagined seeing Taehyung glance at him from the corner of his eye. “Ah, sorry. It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.”
A slightly worried look sat on Jimin’s face, obviously unconvinced. However, he seemed to think it best to move on, a smile soon lighting up his features. “So, you haven’t told me how your old boss took your transfer to our company.”
With a light laugh, Yoongi’s face loosened up as well. “It was funny. He tried telling me that he’d offer me a better contract if I was unhappy with the one he had given me. But it was still terrible, definitely not as good as what they offered me. He was trying so desperately to keep me.”
“Yeah, they’re no doubt going to lose money without you,” Jimin said. “Their loss. If they wanted to keep you, they should have treated you better. Your songs are amazing. Right, Tae? We’re always listening to songs you’ve written.”
Yoongi glanced between the two, trying not to linger too long on Taehyung’s undeniably gorgeous face. “Really?”
It was Taehyung who nodded. “Yeah, your music is really great. Some of my favorite songs were written by you.” Yoongi tried to hold in his surprise when Taehyung turned to him and gave him what seemed to be a shy smile.
His heart still felt like it skipped a beat, though.
“Thank you,” Yoongi answered, a small smile of his own returning Taehyung’s before taking a sip of his drink.
“Although, I still have to say that your new song is by far your best,” Jimin said smugly.
Taehyung rolled his eyes. “You’re biased.”
“Am I wrong though?” Jimin challenged.
Taehyung was quiet for a moment before he ultimately just shrugged.
A short, not so uncomfortable silence sat between the three. Yoongi still couldn’t forget that first encounter he had with Taehyung, and was trying his best to not look at his left hand. However, it was slowly getting more comfortable with him thanks to Jimin. He made a mental note for himself to definitely try to talk to Taehyung later about what happened that day.
“So, how did you two meet?” Yoongi decided to ask to keep conversation going.
“I transferred to a new school when I was… what? Twelve?” Taehyung started. “Yeah, that sounds about right. Jimin was the first friend I made there.”
Jimin nodded. “And we’ve been inseparable ever since. He’s my soulmate.”
Yoongi’s brow furrowed in confusion, glancing subtly at his string, which most certainly was connecting to the man sitting beside him.
“Not literal soulmate,” Taehyung nonchalantly clarified. “We call each other that because we were basically just destined to be best friends.”
“Oh, yeah,” Jimin laughed. “I’ve definitely caused a few misunderstandings with that one. I sometimes forget other people still have soulmates.”
Now Yoongi was even more confused. “Still?”
Recognizing what he said, Jimin’s eyes widened before he put a smile on his face, looking somewhat forced. “Oops. I’ll tell you some other time. Don’t want to sour the mood. Anyway, when Taehyung was scouted by our company I was so excited that we’d be able to work close together. It was like a dream come true.”
“You’re signed under the company, too?” Yoongi asked the dark-haired man next to him.
Taehyung nodded. “Yeah. I know I’m not like super famous, but most people recognize me. You don’t?”
Unsure if he should feel embarrassed about the fact that he had no idea what Taehyung was talking about, Yoongi didn’t say anything as he looked between the other two.
“Oh, really?” Jimin finally said, giving Yoongi some relief. “I didn’t realize you didn’t know, sorry. Tae is a model.”
The mentioned man already had a picture pulled up on his phone to show Yoongi. It was obviously from a photoshoot, the image expertly taken to show off all the perfect angles of Taehyung’s face. Now it made sense why he felt like he had recognized him when they first ran into each other. Thinking about it, it wasn’t so surprising. The man really was strikingly handsome.
“Oh, that- that actually makes a lot of sense,” Yoongi said before he could stop himself.
“I know, right?” Jimin cheered from across the table. “It’s like he was made to be a model. He’s absolutely gorgeous. Don’t you think so, Yoongi?”
Yoongi spluttered for a moment, caught off guard by the question being directed toward him. As he felt heat rise to his cheeks, he settled on nodding in agreement. He couldn’t help but think about how that meant he’d probably end up running into Taehyung a lot, then. There was a high chance they’d see each other frequently at the company, and even outside of it if Jimin kept insisting on having them hang out together. Maybe it was a chance to get to know each other, maybe Taehyung could warm up to him and consider giving him a shot.
It was interesting to see a contrast between the two best friends in their drinking behavior. An hour later, Jimin was most certainly well past the point of tipsy, while Taehyung was still sipping on water. Yoongi himself had a few beers, but not anywhere enough to get more than a light buzz.
“Not much of a drinker?” Yoongi tried to make light small talk with Taehyung when Jimin left to go to the bathroom, not for the first time that night.
“Nah,” Taehyung said. “Don’t really like the taste at all. I can tolerate some wine, but that’s about it. Jimin loves it though. Obviously,” he chuckled.
Yoongi just nodded, taking another small sip from his cup.
“Did you say anything to him about this?” Taehyung asked, lifting up his left hand where the red string hang from to connect to Yoongi’s.
“No,” Yoongi replied honestly. “I had mentioned that I ran into my soulmate, but I didn’t know who you were at the time, and I didn’t tell him anything else. Just that we ran into each other once. Did you?”
Taehyung shook his head. “We don’t talk about things like soulmates. Not a great topic for us.” He took in a deep breath. “I want to apologize for that day, though.”
Yoongi’s head snapped to look at him, surprised at the sudden apology.
“I’ve never had much interest in the whole soulmate thing,” he said. “But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t rude. I had had a pretty bad day, not that it excuses my behavior. I just didn’t think. I’m sure you have questions, since I know most people care about this string. I’m not comfortable sharing my life story with you yet or anything like that. But you seem like a nice guy, and Jimin wants us to be friends. I wanted to clear that up so that we can try to be friends. If you wanted.”
“Yes,” Yoongi responded, quickly feeling embarrassed of how fast he did. He cleared his throat. “Yeah, I’d like to be friends. And thank you for that apology.”
The two shared a smile, but didn’t get to say anything else when Jimin came fumbling back to the table and started animatedly talking about some girl that he was sure had been checking him out.
Maybe Taehyung wouldn’t end up being so bad afterall.
This was not going as well as Yoongi had hoped.
It wasn’t that he and Taehyung weren’t getting along well. In fact, they were getting along perfectly fine. Most of the time when Jimin asked Yoongi to hang out, or when one of them would visit the other at the company, Taehyung was there. The more time Yoongi spent with Taehyung, the more he liked the man.
Half of the time, Yoongi would even forget about the fact this handsome, charming, warm-hearted person was his soulmate. He’d just be hanging out with Taehyung. Yoongi felt as though he had been doomed from their first conversation. That as soon as things were friendly between the two of them, it became inevitable for him to be sucked in deeper and deeper, for him to slowly fall for the man.
Okay, maybe not that slowly. It had only been about a month or so, but Yoongi could already tell he was in too deep with no way out. Hence why things were not going well.
Taehyung made no indication to having any interest in Yoongi other than just being friends. He was hands down a great friend and there was nothing wrong with that. But when Yoongi could feel himself longing for Taehyung more and more each day as he saw the string connecting them slowly become duller, things were obviously not okay.
The thing with soulmates was that they weren’t set in stone. No one quite knew how people ended up tied together by some intangible string that only you and your soulmate could see. There were many theories, mostly spiritual, on the topic but no one had figured it out for sure. However, there was a substantial amount of research put into the topic to decipher as much as humans could about them. One thing that was clear was how the string read emotions. Just because you had become tied to someone didn’t mean you always would be. If there was emotional distance, betrayed trust, or anything else that would drive a couple apart emotionally, the string would reflect that by disappearing. Sometimes slowly, sometimes as fast as a snap of the fingers, depending on each situation.
Every day that Yoongi’s feelings grew stronger for Taehyung, the string faded a little more, becoming more and more transparent. Which meant that while Yoongi had the emotions and felt the connection with him, Taehyung didn’t. Even though Yoongi didn’t know Taehyung’s story of why he didn’t care about soulmates, one thing was made very obvious to him—that Taehyung valued honest, emotional connections more than anything. Yoongi had hoped that as they became closer, maybe Taehyung would start to warm up to him and want to give him a genuine chance, soulmate or not.
Yoongi was, as always, stupidly hopeful.
It was a night where Jimin visited Yoongi at his studio, now much more decorated to reflect his likes and personality when the topic of soulmates was brought up once again.
“You’re staring at your string, aren’t you?” Jimin asked quietly after he had just been gushing his growing crush on his choreographer, which Yoongi had only been paying half of his attention to.
Yoongi looked up from where he had indeed been staring at his left ring finger, apologetically smiling at Jimin. “Sorry. What were you saying?”
The younger remained quiet for a moment before asking, “Have you met them again? Your soulmate.”
Heart clenching, Yoongi nodded. “Yeah, we’ve met properly.”
Another silence sat while Jimin examined Yoongi’s face. He was annoyingly becoming rather good at reading his poker face. “It’s not going well, I take it?”
Yoongi shrugged. “Debatable. It’s going fine, I guess. Just- not where I wish it was going.”
Jimin nodded, taking a moment to stare at his own finger where his string would have been. “It’s been a long time since I had my string,” he said quietly.
It was Yoongi’s turn to examine Jimin’s face, finding a wistful expression as he sighed.
“I met her in high school,” Jimin said, lifting his gaze to Yoongi to check if he seemed okay with the subject change. When Yoongi nodded in encouragement, Jimin continued. “Like the stupid kid I was, I put blind faith into the fact that some red string told us we were supposed to be together. It was fine at first, she was sweet and we had a good time together. I don’t know now if I was legitimately in love with her, or if I just felt like I was supposed to be. But either way, it still hurt more than I could have imagined when I found out she was cheating on me.”
Yoongi’s heart clenched in empathy for Jimin but didn’t have anything he could say. He could understand exactly how that must have felt for young Jimin, having had his fair share of people using and hurting him, but this conversation wasn’t about him.
“You’re forgetting to mention about how she started treating you like shit even before that,” an unmistakable, deep voice came from the entrance to the studio. Taehyung fully entered the room, sitting next to Jimin on the couch and pulling him into his side. “She would insult him in front of friends, convince him to do ridiculous things for her all the time, just generally treated him like he was lower than her and should be lucky she was with him.”
“She wasn’t that bad,” Jimin quietly defended.
“Yes, she was,” Taehyung insisted. “She broke you down and tore you apart before she even decided to cheat on you with that sleazebag. You said your string was already gone by that time.”
Jimin relented, sighing as he lay his head on Taehyung’s shoulder. “I’m just lucky I had Taetae. I don’t know what I would have done without him holding me up.”
Yoongi observed the two of them, Jimin still looking sad as he relived the memories in his mind and Taehyung holding onto him, almost protectively with a hard look on his face. It started to become more clear to Yoongi as to why Taehyung might not care about soulmate connections.
“Some people are assholes,” Yoongi settled on saying. “I’m really sorry that happened to you, Jimin.”
Jimin lifted his head, offering Yoongi a smile that brightened his expression a bit. “It was years ago, I’m okay now. And it doesn’t mean I can’t find someone. Same with you. If things don’t end up working between you and your soulmate, you know that doesn’t mean that you won’t find someone for you, right?”
Yoongi tensed up, trying his best not to look at Taehyung at the mention of his soulmate. Instead, he stared at his left hand, the string extending past his vision toward Taehyung as usual. “Thanks, Jimin,” he answered, not wanting to say anything else.
“Anyway, we’re all here now,” Jimin said. “So let’s go!”
“Go?” Yoongi asked. “Go where?”
“It’s the weekend, Tae and I don’t have any schedules tomorrow, and you have been slaving away at that computer all week,” Jimin said, as if that answered the question.
Taehyung chuckled when Yoongi just stared blankly at the singer for a long moment. “He means we’re going out. To a bar or club, or whatever he feels like doing.”
“Why am I included in this?” Yoongi grumbled.
“Because I said so,” Jimin answered. “You need to get out more.”
“I’m good with my music and dark rooms, thanks,” Yoongi insisted.
“I don’t know why you bother fighting this every time,” Taehyung said with a smile on his face. “You know he’s always going to win. Just gotta learn to go along with it.”
“Yes, precisely,” Jimin said, grabbing Yoongi’s arm to pull him out of his chair. “Now come on. Let’s go!”
Jimin was feeling up for a club today, apparently. Yoongi was most definitely not dressed appropriately for one, not that he had anything in his closet that would be, but Jimin and Taehyung were by far well-dressed and good-looking enough to get all three of them in.
It still surprised Yoongi that whenever they’d go out, no one really paid much attention to Jimin and Taehyung. They were both well-known and steadily getting more popular every day, yet they were left alone and unbothered when they were so out in the open. Yoongi couldn’t figure out how they did it, but he assumed that it might have had something to do with the fact that every place Jimin picked out looked higher-end than the bars Namjoon would drag him out to.
The three had barely ordered their first drinks before the first woman approached them. Yoongi paid no attention, subtly turning away from her to stay out of it. Every time this happened, they always had their eyes set on either Jimin or Taehyung—and they weren’t exactly Yoongi’s type anyway. And if it were Taehyung she had her eyes set on, it was better for him to not watch.
To his complete surprise, he felt a tap on his shoulder just a moment later. “Excuse me,” a light voice said.
Yoongi carefully turned back to face the woman, trying his best to keep his face as emotionless as usual despite how shocked he was feeling. “Yes? Do you- can I help you?”
From behind her, he could see Jimin and Taehyung both watching the interaction with rapt attention, amusement on their faces.
“I was about to dance, but I don’t want to go alone,” she pouted. “Would you come with me?” Objectively, this woman was rather beautiful. She was clearly skilled with her makeup, accentuating the soft angles of her face really well. The bold purple dress she wore was club appropriate, showing off a fair amount of skin, but also had a more classy look to it to make her stand out among the other girls in the crowd and it hugged the shape of her body really well.
“Sorry,” Yoongi replied, “I don’t really dance. My friends dragged me here.” He nodded in the direction of the two, certainly much more handsome men behind her in hopes she’d maybe pay them some attention instead.
She looked disappointed, but didn’t push, seeming to sense a rejection when she heard one. “Alright. Well, if you change your mind, feel free to find me.” Her gaze very obviously dragged up and down his body before walking away with a very intentional sway of her hips. If Yoongi were interested in women, he was sure his gaze would linger on the action, but instead he just turned to look at his still amused friends.
“You’re not going to get anyone interested in you that way,” Jimin teased.
“I don’t want anyone interested in me,” he rebutted quickly, being extra mindful to not glance at Taehyung. “I’m not even dressed well, either. Don’t know why she decided to hit on me.”
“Have you ever looked in a mirror?” Jimin asked. “You don’t need the right clothes when your face is that gorgeous.”
“She was pretty hot, though,” Taehyung said, not-so-discretely looking in the direction she had left in. “Wouldn’t have hurt to indulge her a bit.”
Yoongi shrugged. “Not my type.”
There was a time Yoongi would have been cautious about saying anything that could have even subtly hinted at who exactly his ‘type’ was. But after a while he realized that if someone were to judge or dislike him for it, then they didn’t deserve his trust anyway. He didn’t know what Jimin’s stance was and assumed that Taehyung probably at least didn’t have an issue with it since he never appeared repulsed by the fact they were soulmates, despite also not seeming to care much about it. He figured if they were going to figure out what he meant by that, this couldn’t have been the worst time for them to.
Jimin certainly seemed to be in thought after that, carefully scanning the crowd until he apparently found someone of interest. “What about him, then?” he asked completely nonchalantly, bringing Yoongi’s attention to a very handsome man.
From this distance with the dark lights, he couldn’t trust that he was seeing everything fully accurately. However what Yoongi did see was someone whose looks almost seemed to rival Jimin and Taehyung’s. A sharp jaw line, swept back brown hair and soft eyes, and he most certainly seemed to know what he was doing on the dance floor.
After taking the moment to appraise him, Yoongi gave a slight nod. “He’s definitely really attractive, at least from here.” He took a sip from his beer as he waited for one of them to say something more. When they remained quiet for a moment, he decided to ask, “It doesn’t bother you?”
Jimin smiled, shaking his head. “Of course not. I’d be lying if I said that he wasn’t my type as well. My choreographer is a guy, too. What do you think, Tae? He’s a cutie, wouldn’t you say?”
Taehyung’s gaze narrowed as he assessed the stranger. “Yeah, he’s definitely cute. Looks pretty young, though. You know I like it when they’re older, especially men.”
Jimin’s head threw back with laughter. “That’s true.”
Yoongi tried not to be too obvious about how relieved he was to find that out, hiding his smile behind the cup when he took another sip.
Ten minutes later found Jimin on the dance floor, a few shots in already, dancing with the man he picked out earlier while Yoongi and Taehyung hung back at the bar. During the few times that Yoongi had gone out like this with them, it wasn’t a common thing for Jimin or Taehyung to indulge someone else for very long. He’d seen Jimin dance with women on an occasion or two, and Taehyung would have short chats with people who were interested in him. Although that was the first time he saw either of them approach someone themselves. He wondered briefly if this might be the first night they might not all leave together.
“Don’t want anyone to be interested in you, huh?” Taehyung asked after long moments of a comfortable lull in conversation, filled only with the sounds of the club.
“Nope,” Yoongi replied, pulling his eyes away from where Jimin was dancing incredibly close to the stranger. “In places like this, people are usually just looking for a hook-up. I’m not really a hook-up kind of guy.”
Taehyung nodded. “Same,” he said, swirling his glass sitting on the bar. “Although, I find it fun to indulge. Chat a bit, see what they’re like. But if they seem to only be interested in who’s house we’re going to after, that’s the end of that for me.”
“What about Jimin? It kind of looks like he’s interested in not going home alone tonight.”
Shaking his head, Taehyung’s mouth turned down into a stupidly cute pout. “Nah, he’s too much of a romantic. He’s probably going to go home with the guy’s number, though. Jimin has a weird habit of making friends with the people he flirts with. Why? Are you jealous?”
“No, not jealous,” Yoongi replied easily. There may have been a time where he wondered if he could have had a thing with Jimin, but he was far too gone for Taehyung to even remotely consider that now. “Just don’t want him to get hurt.”
“You and me both. But he’s smarter, now. I don’t think he’d let another Miyoung into his life.”
Yoongi assumed that was the name of the ex-soulmate they talked about earlier. There was another pause in the conversation, this time heavy from the thoughtful expression Taehyung wore.
“It happens too often, you know. Not even just with teenagers. People in any stage of their life blindly trust this thing.” He was clearly looking at where their string attached itself to his left ring finger. “They assume that the person on the other end is going to be loving and compassionate, and there’s no way they wouldn’t work out. It’s so stupid.”
That felt like a stab to Yoongi’s chest. “Maybe some people just don’t have anyone else who can love them.”
“I’m sorry, that sounded harsh,” Taehyung backtracked. “I didn’t mean that about you, it’s just a general observation. Everyone in this world has a string connected to them at some point. But not everyone in the world is a good person. People who are assholes, abusers, criminals, killers, they all have a soulmate. But so many people assume that the person they’re attached to is just going to be amazing when it’s actually not often the case. Did you know there are some really interesting statistics around divorce rates?”
“Oh?” Yoongi asked, genuinely interested. He had never thought about that before, but Taehyung was really making a lot of sense so far and he was curious of what he had to say.
“Among divorcees if you divide the couples into who were soulmates when they met and who weren’t, there’s a much higher percentage of soulmate couples. It was somewhere around 70% soulmates last time I looked. It makes sense in one way because that’s also the majority of people who end up getting married. But when you hear their stories, almost all of them are the same. It’s some version of how they put faith into the string and rushed their relationship without properly developing a connection, and then they found out too late that they weren’t actually compatible. Or worse, that one of them was abusive in some way, overly possessive, or anything else from a list of red flags you’d usually find out during a relationship where you would have gotten to know them properly without a silly string telling you they were ‘the one.’ Non-soulmate couples who have talked about their stories tend to boil it down to other things, like growing apart over time, their partner cheating or becoming a ‘different person’ than they used to be. Rarely anything about rushing into something blindly.”
“That actually makes a lot of sense,” Yoongi said after waiting a moment to make sure Taehyung was done explaining. “I realized earlier that what happened with Jimin might have had something to do with our first meeting.”
Taehyung cringed. “Yeah, I’m still sorry about that. But yes, he’s one reason. He’s not the only person I care about who’s been burned by their soulmate though.” He stared into his drink, a distant look in his eyes.
Out of the corner of his eye, Yoongi caught sight of Jimin walking back to them with the mystery guy he had been dancing with being dragged behind him.
“Guys, say hi to Jungkook!” Jimin excitedly said as he approached.
It was almost scary how abruptly Taehyung’s expression changed as he turned to his best friend in amusement. “I was just telling Yoongi that you have a habit of making friends by flirting with them. Nice to meet you, Jungkook. I’m Taehyung.”
“I mean that turned out amazing for us, didn’t it?” Jimin said through a laugh.
Jungkook turned out to be a really sweet guy, and the four of them spent the rest of their night just chatting at the bar. Well, mostly Jimin and Taehyung were the ones chatting. Jungkook seemed to be more reserved like Yoongi, so the two mostly just responded when asked a question or being dragged into the current topic.
“You know,” Jimin slurred when he had already gotten well past the point of being drunk, a wobbly finger pointing at Yoongi, “that soulmate of yours must be really dumb.”
Yoongi quickly glanced at Taehyung to see him looking uncomfortable. Tensing up, Yoongi cleared his throat. “I wouldn’t say that.”
“Well, I would,” Jimin insisted. “Whoever he is, he should be thankful that he gets to be your soulmate. You are amazing.”
“Jimin,” Yoongi sighed. “Maybe he has his reasons.”
“But it’s not fair.” The pout was obvious in his voice despite Yoongi not being able to see it due to the man now draping himself over Yoongi’s back. “You said you weren’t happy with how things were going between you two. I don’t like that he’s making you upset.”
Yoongi closed his eyes as he took a steadying breath, not wanting to see Taehyung’s reaction. He already knew the model wasn’t interested and didn’t want to feel that sting of rejection right now. “We should get you home,” Yoongi said to change the subject. “You’re really drunk.”
“I’ll pull the car around,” Taehyung said, seeming really eager to walk away.
Jimin continued to whine, sniffles interrupting here and there while he kept saying how it wasn’t fair and he wanted Yoongi to be happy. While Yoongi’s heart clenched with appreciation for his friend’s concern, he didn’t want to feed into the conversation again.
Hurried knocks on Yoongi’s studio door cut through the track that Yoongi was currently editing. Finding a spot he felt comfortable to stop at, he answered the door to a very smiling and excited Jimin throwing his arms around him.
“Oh my gosh, I can’t believe it, Yoongi!” the now pink-haired singer yelled a little too loud for being right next to Yoongi’s ear.
“Can’t believe what, Jimin?” Yoongi asked as he gently pushed the man back a bit.
Jimin raised his left hand in between them as if that would answer Yoongi’s question. “I have a new soulmate!”
Well, that was unexpected. Confused and surprised, Yoongi tilted his head as he tried to figure that one out. “What do you mean you have a new soulmate? That’s possible?”
“Yeah! It was something I looked into years ago when I was upset about losing mine,” Jimin elaborated. “It’s actually more common than you’d expect. Soulmates drifting apart or separating, whatever causes the string to disappear. But it’s possible to find a new one later. I always hoped it would happen to me but I had no idea how it would. Like, would it happen when I met them, or if I started feeling something for someone?”
“So how did your string appear?” Yoongi asked through his amazement of the new information.
A blush settled on Jimin’s cheeks, looking suddenly shy as he said, “We kissed.”
Jimin was certainly full of surprises today. “Oh, well that’s… good, I guess. Who is it?”
“Hoseok,” Jimin said with a smile. “My choreographer that I’ve been gushing to you about lately. We’ve been getting closer and, I don’t know. It just- it felt right. And we kissed, then the string appeared and connected us. He’s so great, Yoongi. He’s so funny and nice and, I just- I feel so happy.”
“That’s really great, Jimin,” Yoongi genuinely said, a smile sitting on his face. “I’m really happy for you.”
Sighing, Jimin relaxed into the couch in Yoongi’s studio just as another knock, much more calm this time, sounded on the door. Yoongi opened it once more, letting in a confused Taehyung.
Nothing had changed between Yoongi and Taehyung after that night at the club even after another few weeks had passed. They still talked and hung out, usually with Jimin and oftentimes Jungkook as well now. They both seemed to silently agree to act like Jimin’s drunken outburst had never happened, while Yoongi’s heart continued to break every time he saw the string fade more and more. It was almost gone now, hardly visible. It probably wouldn’t make it through the week.
“Is everything alright with Jimin?” Taehyung asked as he stepped in. “He just texted me to come meet him here and that it was a red alert?” He turned to the singer in question, starting to examine him over as if looking for injuries.
Which queued Jimin filling him in on his new soulmate. Taehyung’s eyes widened in shock, but seemed just as happy and excited as Jimin was. Yoongi couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy in his chest, staring wistfully at his own string.
“It’s been a few weeks since we’ve talked about the soulmate thing,” Jimin said to Yoongi after they both calmed down. “I want to ask, but I don’t kn-”
“Same as it was last we talked,” Yoongi interrupted. “Nothing new to report.”
Jimin sighed. “I know I was drunk when I said it, but I’m serious that whoever this guy is dumb. It is a guy, right? I just assumed since you seemed interested and made it pretty clear you’re not into girls.”
Turning to his computer so he didn’t accidentally look at Taehyung, Yoongi steeled himself for not being able to dismiss the conversation this time. “Yeah, it’s a guy. And also, you should stop saying that. He has his reasons. And just because we’re soulmates doesn’t mean he needs to like me.”
“But he should!” Jimin insisted. “You’re really a catch, Yoongi. He’s really dumb for not wanting something with you. And he’s making you feel sad, I don’t like that.”
“Jimin, please drop it,” Yoongi said as gently as he could, pleading tone to his voice.
It was quiet for a moment before an, “It’s me,” sounded into the room.
Yoongi’s head snapped around to stare at Taehyung, surprised at the words he just muttered, while Jimin’s face morphed into confusion.
“What?” Jimin almost whispered. “What did you say?”
“Yoongi’s soulmate,” Taehyung elaborated, pausing to take a deep breath. “It’s me.”
Jimin’s eyes widened, looking back and forth between the two. “Seriously? You’ve been talking about Tae this whole time? Really?”
Looking at the nearly faded string that only one person in the room couldn’t see, Yoongi nodded. “Yeah.”
“Why didn’t you guys tell me?” Jimin asked, almost sounding offended. “I just- oh my god, I just said- Yoongi I’m so, so sorry. I just-”
“It’s fine,” Yoongi said. “I think he knew, anyway.”
After a moment of loaded silence, Jimin broke it again. “Alright, I take back what I said, then. Kim Taehyung, you-” Jimin hit him over the head with one of the throw pillows from the couch “-are undeniably, one hundred percent an absolute moron! You have a whole ass Min Yoongi that your soul is literally tied to and you’re not taking that opportunity? What the fuck!”
By this point, Yoongi’s neck should be sore from the amount of whiplash he’d experienced today.
Taehyung looked a little bit like a cornered animal, unsure of what to do. “Jimin, you know about how I feel about soulmates.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Jimin said, still seeming exasperated at his best friend. “You don’t trust it, fine. I get it, I really do. But seriously? You guys have been getting along so well, and you’re telling me you haven’t felt like you wanted to date him at all? I know you, Kim Taehyung. I can tell when-”
“It never ends well,” Taehyung interrupted, remaining surprisingly calm.
“Just because both your dad and I got screwed over by our soulmates doesn’t mean everyone does, Taehyung,” Jimin said. “I get why you’re hesitant. And I think it’s really great that you’re getting to know each other instead of jumping into something too early, but seriously?” By this point, Yoongi just felt like a bystander even though the conversation was about something he was very much in the middle of. “How strong is the string?”
When Taehyung’s eyes shifted, settling on the floor without answering, Jimin finally turned back to Yoongi. “How strong is the string?” he repeated.
“It’s um-” Yoongi cleared his throat “-it’s pretty faded. Getting kind of hard to see.”
Jimin sympathetically smiled at Yoongi before turning back to Taehyung and smacking him with the pillow one more time. “I repeat. You are a moron. You guys are talking this out. Right now.”
“Jimin-” Taehyung started.
“Nope,” Jimin stopped him. “I am leaving the room and standing guard outside. And you are going to sit in here and talk your shit out.”
Standing up, Jimin stopped to give Yoongi a strong hug and then threw one last glare at his best friend before closing the door behind him.
While Yoongi tried to process the roller coaster Jimin just put him through, Taehyung leaned back into the couch, running a hand over his face as he sighed. “I don’t know what he expects us to talk about.”
The door opened once more, Jimin having known the password and just usually knocked to be polite, to say, “In case you’re having trouble figuring out where to start, your baggage is a great place to, Taehyung.” Then he firmly closed the door once again.
An awkward silence sat between the two for a moment while Yoongi did his best to look anywhere besides Taehyung or their string.
“You don’t have to,” Yoongi was the first to speak. “If you wanted to give us a shot the string wouldn’t be fading, so I already know your answer.”
“The most valuable lesson I learned from my parents,” Taehyung said, “was to never trust the soulmate string. They did, and my dad ended up so much worse because of it. He always tells me the only good thing he ever got from her was me.”
Yoongi’s mouth was firmly shut as Taehyung started pouring out what was probably his most personal story.
“They were soulmates,” he continued. “They trusted it, didn’t take their time and just rushed into a relationship like so many other people do. But my mom was a bitch, told me all the time I was a mistake and she didn’t even want me. She was so abusive in every way. Verbally, mentally, physically she abused us. Mostly my dad because he did what he could to keep her hands off of me. It wasn’t until I was twelve years old that my dad finally was able to get us away from her. The courts even tried forcing him to give me back to her, too. That’s a really weird thing about the court system, they tend to favor the mothers in these situations. But luckily my dad had taken pictures, and I guess I was barely old enough that they took my testimony against her somewhat seriously so in the end I got to stay safe, with Dad.”
Taehyung stood, walking closer to where Yoongi sat at his desk and sitting on the floor in front of him. “So needless to say, I kind of have a really bad opinion on soulmates. Between him and then Jimin, I just started to feel like they were pointless, that it was always going to be a bad idea to trust the string. I promised myself I’d never let the people who care about me see me go through what they had.”
“I understand,” Yoongi said. “I don’t think you should feel obligated to care about me just because we have this string. And you certainly don’t have to feel bad for me about it.”
“You, um,” Taehyung seemed nervous. “Jimin made it sound like that you are, uh, interested in dating me.”
Looking at the floor, Yoongi nodded. No point in trying to lie about that.
“Why?” Taehyung asked.
Yoongi turned back to him, confusion knitting his brows together. “What do you mean why?”
“Is it because of this?” Taehyung lifted his left hand, the string moving and bending with it as if it were an actual, tangible thing.
“No,” Yoongi didn’t hesitate to respond. “I can’t deny that I had been looking forward to meeting my soulmate. I- well, things have just always gone wrong for me, I guess. And I hoped that could change when I met my soulmate. But I usually forget about it when we hang out. I just enjoy spending time with you, as Kim Taehyung. Anything I’ve ever felt for you has nothing to do with us being soulmates.”
It was silent for a few moments while Taehyung seemed to be in thought. Yoongi turned to his computer, not really doing anything in particular, but just wanting to keep himself occupied to ease the anxious knot in his stomach.
Before either of them said anything else, Yoongi’s phone started vibrating on the desk. The manager of his apartment complex was calling, which was never a good sign. Sliding the green button on the screen, Yoongi tried to keep his voice from shaking as he answered.
“Hey Yoongi,” she greeted. “Sorry to bother you while you’re probably at work, but he’s here again. He’s just sitting outside of your door and won’t leave.”
Yoongi sighed, feeling bad for the poor woman. She was a really nice lady and didn’t deserve to deal with his father’s bullshit. After probably the fifth time the police were called to forcibly remove him, he had figured out that if he didn’t act violently and appeared innocent, they wouldn’t interfere. So now, the only way to get him to leave was for Yoongi to attempt to deal with him, and then call the cops if he did start to get violent. To be honest, he was lucky the woman refused to evict him over it.
“Alright, I’ll be there as soon as I can,” he replied. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault,” she said. “I’m sorry for needing to ask.”
“Not your fault, either. I’ll handle it, don’t worry.”
He hung up the phone as he got up to gather his things and leave.
“Yoongi?” Taehyung asked, almost nervously, from the floor.
“Sorry, Taehyung,” Yoongi said. “Something came up and I have to go home.” As he walked toward the door, a thought popped into his head. “I promise this doesn’t have anything to do with what we were just talking about. I just genuinely have something to take care of and it can’t wait.” He wasn’t looking forward to this, both him and the apartment manager knowing this was going to be one visit that would end with the cops dragging him out.
“Is everything okay?” Taehyung asked as he got up from the floor.
“Yeah, it’s fine. Nothing I can’t handle.”
When he opened the door, Yoongi was unsurprised to not see Jimin standing there like he said he would be. Knowing him, he probably stuck around just long enough to make sure they started talking before leaving, and probably to go hang out with his new soulmate.
He could feel Taehyung’s presence closely behind him as he walked down the hallway, finding it oddly comforting since he could tell the man seemed genuinely concerned. It was then that Yoongi remembered something important.
“Fuck,” Yoongi said as he stopped in his tracks. “I walked to work today. It’s not that far, but I don’t want to be too long and risk him causing a scene.” Yoongi turned around, and probably would have laughed at Taehyung’s surprised expression if it weren’t for the situation he was preparing to handle. “I’m really sorry to ask, but did you drive here? Do you have something you need to do soon?”
Taehyung gently shook his head no, but didn’t say anything. When Yoongi continued staring at him, he seemed to realize he needed to elaborate. “Oh. Yes, I drove here and no I don’t have anything else I need to do today.”
“Okay, again I’m sorry to ask but could I borrow your car?” Yoongi hesitantly asked. “Or drive me there and then you can leave. I just want to get home as quickly as possible.”
“I’ll drive you,” Taehyung said, and the two continued walking toward the elevator at a quickened pace. “Seriously, is everything okay?”
“It’s nothing to worry about,” Yoongi insisted. “I’ve had to handle this a ton of times before, and this time isn’t going to be any different.”
They spoke very little on the way there except for Yoongi to give Taehyung directions. His heart flipped in his chest to think about the fact that this was the first time Taehyung was seeing where he lived, but it wasn’t exactly something to be excited about at the moment. He’d see it and then drive away. And the next time Yoongi would see him, the string connecting them may very possibly be gone. He still wasn’t sure how he felt about that other than the fact that it scared him.
“Thank you so much,” Yoongi said as Taehyung pulled into the parking garage with ease. “You don’t need to wait for me. I can get back to work on my own.”
“I’ll wait,” Taehyung rushed out before Yoongi closed the door. “I want to talk to you when you get back, so I’ll wait. Should I come with you?”
“No, please don’t come with me. I’d rather not get you mixed up in this. I’ll be back soon. Hopefully,” Yoongi said before closing the car door and walking to the elevator which he could take directly to his floor with his ID. He tapped his foot anxiously as he waited for it to climb up and up, until the doors finally opened on the right floor and he did his best not to rush out. As much as he didn’t want his father inside his home, it was best to not get him agitated before then. Especially if he had been drinking.
Pretending to not have noticed the man leaning against the wall next his door, Yoongi made sure his father couldn’t see the numbers as he typed in his code and opened it. Without looking behind him, Yoongi left it open for him to follow before acknowledging his existence.
“Yoongi,” the man said, elongating the vowels. Definitely drunk.
“What do you want this time?” Yoongi asked, already annoyed. “More money?”
“What? A father isn’t allowed to come see his son?” The look on his face would have appeared as offence to anyone else, but Yoongi knew better.
“You never want to just see me for no reason,” Yoongi said. “What do you want?”
“Always straight to the point,” his father said, almost sounding like praise. But again, Yoongi knew better. “I need some help.”
Sighing, Yoongi turned into his kitchen. He hadn’t eaten lunch yet and was getting pretty hungry so he figured he might as well do something useful while he listened to his father’s excuses this time. “So you want money again.”
“I’m going to get kicked out of my house.”
“Good, maybe that’ll teach you to be more responsible with your money.”
“I’m your father, don’t talk to me like that.”
“Yes, you’re my father.” Yoongi dug around his fridge for some leftovers from last night. “My father who won’t get a job, spends all his money on alcohol and gambling, and then comes crawling back to his son for cash when he can’t afford to pay his bills or buy his groceries because he wasted all the money that his son had lent him the last time. The same money that is always given with the condition that it’s to be used only for your rent and groceries, but it never is.”
His father scoffed. “What good is it to have a son who makes a ton of money when he won’t take care of you?”
“Maybe you should have thought about that before you treated your son like he was a worthless piece of shit. You reap what you sow, I guess.”
“You fucking-”
Yoongi placed his food on the counter and turned around in time to block the punch that was far too sluggish to be effective anyway. “You might want to add some new tricks to your bag, old man. You’re too predictable.” His father lowered his raised fist as Yoongi let his grip loose. “And I’m not giving you any more money. I told you last time that I wouldn’t be doing this again, and I intend on keeping that promise.”
“You don’t care that your father’s about to be homeless? When you’re living in this nice apartment in a nice neighborhood?”
“No, I don’t. You only care about me when I’m useful to you. Before, you used to think of me as just some piece of shit who wasn’t worth your time. Now, you only care that I have money and could support your alcoholic ass if I chose to. But guess what? I’m done. I told you a month ago that was going to be the last time and I meant it. Now fuck off.”
“I didn’t raise you to be a disrespectful piece of shit.”
Yoongi prepared for the next attempt to hit him, but to his surprise it didn’t come when they were both distracted by a very familiar voice calling from the entryway.
“Yoongi?” Taehyung’s deep timbre sounded into the house. “Yoongi, are you here? Is everything okay?”
“I told you to stay in the car,” Yoongi sighed when Taehyung made his way into the kitchen. “You shouldn’t be here. Please go back to the car. I’ll be down in a bit.”
“Who the fuck is this?” Yoongi’s father asked.
“Who the fuck are you?” Taehyung deflected back.
“I’m his father,” he replied before turning back to Yoongi. “Don’t tell me your gay little ass got yourself a boyfriend.”
“Excuse you?” Taehyung answered while Yoongi bit his tongue. “First of all, that’s apparently none of your business if that’s how you’re going to talk to him. Second, Yoongi, are you okay?” his voice became much softer as he asked, making Yoongi’s heart feel warm.
“I’m fine,” Yoongi replied. “No need to get yourself involved. I’ve got this under control. Now, if you would leave, Dad, we have nothing else to talk about here.”
“I need fucking money, Yoongi!”
“Yeah, I’ve gathered that.” Yoongi turned back to the counter to open his container of leftover food and pop it in the microwave as he spoke. “But you’re not getting it from me. How about you stop drinking and get yourself a job. Maybe then you’d have some money.”
“Just because you’re rich doesn’t mean it’s easy to get fucking money. You think it’s easy?”
Yoongi was more than done with him at this point. “I know it’s not easy. I grew up with you as my parent, remember? After mom died, you could hardly even keep a roof over our heads and I had to work low-paying shit jobs as soon as I could to help you before I got out of there and slowly worked my way to where I am. So yeah, I know it’s not. But I’ve given you so many chances, way more than you deserve, frankly. And I’m done. I don’t know how many times I need to tell you for you to understand.”
When Yoongi’s father knew he had nothing to say back, he resorted to his fists. When the first one extended it was Taehyung, who had been silently standing back and watching their argument, who moved forward to restrain him.
“Keep your filthy hands off of me!” Yoongi’s father struggled as Taehyung kept his arms locked behind him.
“That’s what Yoongi should be saying to you,” Taehyung rebutted as he dragged the man toward the entrance to the apartment. Yoongi followed, watching as his soulmate shoved the still yelling man over the threshold and quickly shut the door behind him, locking him out.
“Taehyung, what-”
“The woman downstairs said she would call the cops,” Taehyung spoke over the pounding and yelling from the other side of the door.
“How did you even know where my apartment was?” Yoongi asked, still trying to process what just happened.
“The way you phrased things made me worried,” Taehyung said as he walked further into the house. “So I got out of the car not long after you and asked the lady at the front desk about you. She seemed relieved that you had someone to help you, and then told me she’d go ahead and call the cops then if you were already up here talking to him. Obviously, I got even more worried so when she told me your room number I hurried up.”
“But how’d you get in?”
“The door was left open.”
Of course his father hadn’t closed the door. Sighing, Yoongi retreated back to the kitchen to get his food from the microwave which had been annoyingly beeping at him periodically to remind him that it was done. His hands started shaking as he placed the container back on the counter, residual adrenaline from the argument keeping his body over fueled.
After taking a breath to steady himself, Yoongi grabbed some chopsticks and took his dinner to the table to eat, Taehyung closely following. While he settled in to eating, he could hear the police filing into the hallway to collect his father and drag him away.
“Yoongi, if he ever comes back here again, please don’t face him alone,” Taehyung said as he pulled back a chair to sit in. “Call me next time.”
“I’ve handled him all my life, I can take care of it on my own.” Yoongi poked his food around as he spoke, not yet having taken a real bite of it.
“But you don’t have to.”
Looking up at him, Yoongi’s gaze met Taehyung’s. A silent moment sat between them, charged but not uncomfortable. “I guess it’s time for me to tell you my baggage, huh?” Yoongi asked.
“Only if you want, but you don’t have to,” Taehyung replied easily. “You could always tell me later.”
Yoongi chanced a glance toward the string, heart dropping when it was still just as faded as before, maybe even a little more. “It’ll be gone soon,” he whispered before shoveling the first bite of rice into his mouth. After he finished chewing, he sighed. “I feel like I need to talk about it now. I just- he gets me so angry. There’s only been one person I’ve ever been able to vent to about anything, and I just really want to get it all out right now.”
Nodding, Taehyung said, “Okay. If you want to, then go ahead. I’m here, I’m listening.” The sincere look in his eyes could have fooled Yoongi.
“My mom was really nice, at least from what I remember. I think she was the only thing that kept my dad held together. But she got sick when I was still young, so then it was just me and my dad. He had a hard time keeping a steady job, would start going to drink and just didn’t pay much attention to me. He didn’t hit me or anything back then, but he just didn’t seem to care much. And then, when I realized that I was gay, he became disgusted with me. Told me how wrong it was, how much of an abomination I was, use slurs with me. That was around when he started becoming violent, too. Was always a bad hit, though.”
“Asshole,” Taehyung muttered under his breath.
That got a chuckle out of Yoongi. “Yeah, basically. I tried to find other people who would accept me. I didn’t think anything was wrong with me, despite what he said. I had heard about same-sex couples who were soulmates not being very uncommon, how it is a really old idea from back when soulmates were completely ignored that it was somehow unnatural and wrong. And even before I started making a bunch of money, he’d always expect me to support him. I had to try to make enough to support myself, and him at the same time because he never got his act together. It’s always been like that.”
Taehyung shifted in his seat, seeming to have something to say but was too nervous to. When Yoongi looked at him and nodded once in encouragement, he gently spoke. “You mentioned earlier that you were unhappy and hoped meeting your soulmate would change that. Is it because of him?”
“He was the first reason. It became a pattern in my life for people to just not care or hurt me. My best friend, Namjoon, he’s always trying to tell me that I deserve to be loved. But everyone has always made me feel like I can’t have it. My father was just the first one to show me that.”
“You do, though,” Taehyung said. “Deserve love, I mean. You really do.”
Trying his hardest to ignore the painful clench of his heart in the irony of Taehyung being the one to say that, Yoongi pushed his food away and set down his chopsticks, no longer feeling hungry.
“Do you want to talk about the others?” Taehyung carefully asked.
Nodding, Yoongi took in a breath to brace himself to continue. “So the first person I told about my sexuality was my closest friend at the time. He didn’t take it well, either. He was always really nice, but then suddenly he became cold and didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. It only got worse after that. When I went to college, I had a crush on this one guy who knew about it but all I was good to him for was to be used to get off, and eventually he got tired of me. Anyone who ever acted interested in me in some way, it was never for me. No one ever cared about me, just that I was a guy they knew was gay and could be used for their closeted asses.”
“That’s why you were hoping your soulmate would be different.” It wasn’t a question that Taehyung muttered, barely above a whisper. “But when we met I just walked away without even talking to you, just like another one of those jerks. Didn’t even give you a chance.”
Yoongi said nothing, just stared at their string that was still hardly there at all. He was so shocked when Taehyung’s hand covered his that he almost pulled his own away.
“Jimin’s right,” were the next words out of Taehyung’s mouth. “I’m a moron. My whole issue about soulmates is that people don’t take the time to properly get to know someone and run so far ahead without even thinking. But we’re friends, we’ve been getting to know each other for quite a while now. And instead of thinking that means it’s okay to give us a chance, I’ve been stuck in this mindset of thinking that I can’t follow the string. That it’s somehow inevitably going to lead me to pain. Even though I-”
Heart pounding, Yoongi’s eyes searched Taehyung’s face in hopes of seeing what he was about to say.
“Just the thought that this string connecting us is going to disappear forever because I’m being such an indecisive, baggage-carrying ass, it absolutely terrifies me. I don’t want it to disappear. I used to hate it, I thought it wouldn’t do anything but cause me problems. But, Yoongi-” Taehyung’s eyes finally connected with Yoongi’s “-I feel like it was impossible for me to not fall for you. I’ve just been ignoring it because I’ve been scared and- fuck, I don’t know. It doesn’t make any sense to me now that I’ve actually thought about it. I just feel like an idiot for fighting it all this time now.”
Surely Taehyung had to be able to hear how fast Yoongi’s heart was pounding in his chest. Was he being honest? It would still make sense as to why the string kept fading, but if he was being honest about it now, the string should be becoming brighter, shouldn’t it? Looking at it again, he could see that it wasn’t. Was the damage that’s been done to it permanent?
“I understand if it’s too late, though,” Taehyung said, nearly breaking Yoongi’s heart in half. “Even if we’ve been good friends up until now, it doesn’t change the fact that I’ve let you get strung along while I didn’t know what to do with myself. Oh wow, that was a pun right there. That wasn’t even intentional. But whatever, I just mean-”
“Taehyung,” Yoongi interrupted. Blinking back at him, Taehyung stayed quiet while he waited for Yoongi to continue. “If you really mean all of that, then you have a lot of making up to do.”
“Do you mean…”
“The most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen, the same man that I have been falling for so hard and so fast ever since the first time we spoke to each other, just told me that he’s been falling for me too. How am I supposed to reject that?”
Taehyung’s chest rose up and down with how hard he was breathing. “Maybe- maybe we should think about this. It’s been an emotional day and we should take a moment. I don’t want you to do anything you’d regret because you’re not able to think properly-”
“I’m a grown man who can make his own decisions and have been practically praying for this day to happen. Kim Taehyung, if you meant everything you just told me, then you better come over here and kiss me within the next five seconds or so help me, I-”
It was Taehyung’s turn to cut Yoongi off, but by joining their lips together. One of his beautiful, large hands rested on the back of Yoongi’s head, making him tilt it just a little to make the kiss easier from the awkward angle. Yoongi felt like his heart was soaring as he eagerly returned the kiss, pressing back into Taehyung’s soft lips. He could swear he felt something tingling on his left ring finger, but was absolutely not breaking the kiss to take a look.
Gripping onto Taehyung’s shirt, Yoongi stood up carefully enough to make sure their lips stayed connected. Wanting to deepen the kiss, he parted his lips just enough to give Taehyung the invitation to do so. He was rewarded with a delightful groan as Taehyung’s tongue tangled with his own. It was only their first kiss, no time yet to learn how to navigate each other and what each of them liked, but it was by far the best thing Yoongi had ever experienced in his life. It was almost as if he could feel Taehyung pouring his emotions into it.
When they finally pulled away from each other minutes or maybe hours later, out of breath, Yoongi thought that maybe Taehyung really did. They rested their foreheads together for a moment, smiling at each other like they’d never been happier in their lives—and maybe Yoongi hadn’t. Yoongi was the first to chance a look at where the string wrapped around his finger only for his smile to grow wider. He looked back up into Taehyung’s eyes once more as he lifted his left hand for the other to see for himself.
“It’s back,” Taehyung breathlessly marveled. “Is it-” he pulled away just enough to look at his own “-is it just me because I got so used to seeing it fading, or is it brighter than before now?”
“I don’t think it’s ever been this vivid,” Yoongi answered. “I always remembered it being just slightly transparent. But if I didn’t know any better, I’d think this was an actual, real string on my finger right now.”
Taehyung’s light laugh made Yoongi’s already palpitating heart jump even more. “Kiss me?” Taehyung asked.
Who was Yoongi to refuse that request?
“So does this mean I’m not going to have you coming to me to mope about your soulmate anymore?” Namjoon teased when Yoongi finally introduced the two. It was a stupidly large gathering at Jimin’s house, who had insisted that they had to celebrate not just one, but two soulmate pairs getting together. Jimin demanded that Yoongi invited Namjoon so he could meet him, and had invited Jungkook who also brought his older brother Seokjin since Jimin saw a picture of him and demanded that he needed to meet such a beauty in person. And of course Hoseok was there as well.
So there were seven of them. Maybe not large for Jimin’s standards, but this was absolutely a huge gathering for Yoongi who preferred to just chill at home by himself—well not so much by himself since he now had an actual boyfriend who he just couldn’t help wanting to see all the time.
“You act like I did that all the time,” Yoongi said, rolling his eyes. “I only did that once.”
“Twice,” Namjoon corrected. “Once when you first met, and then when you met the second time. You came to my house so late at night, already halfway to drunk, and kept me up way too late telling me about how you could just tell that it was already doomed to fail.”
Yoongi didn’t need to look to know Taehyung was pouting. He could practically feel its aura. “We’re not doomed though, are we, Yoongi?”
“You would have failed if it weren’t for me,” Jimin inserted himself into the conversation. “You literally owe this whole entire thing to me. If I hadn’t met Yoongi through work, and I wasn’t best friends with you’re dumb but beautiful ass, you probably wouldn’t have even talked at all. And I was the one who forced you to air out your dirty laundry so that you could actually talk things out like adults.”
“Yes, thank you, Almighty Jimin who shall never let us live that down,” Taehyung said as he exaggeratedly bowed to him. “I promise to name one of my future children after you to honor the good deeds you have done for me and my boyfriend.”
“I shall accept that payment,” Jimin said, definitely enjoying himself more than he should.
“If we have or adopt kids in the future, we are not naming them after Jimin,” Yoongi said, bursting Jimin’s bubble of delight. “And also, please don’t compliment my boyfriend’s ass, it’s off limits.”
“So’s mine, so it’s even.” Jimin laughed, leaning into his own boyfriend since he could never keep himself standing when he laughed too hard for some reason.
“Dude, why did you never introduce me to your new friends before this?” Namjoon cut in suddenly. “I like them already.”
“Of course you do,” Yoongi rolled his eyes. “You can have them if you want. I don’t think I want to keep him anymore.”
“Hey! We literally just established how you two owe me a child for putting you together,” Jimin said.
Sighing, Yoongi rolled his eyes. “That is not what we-”
“I promise to not forget my debt to you, my Savior Jimin.” Taehyung yet again played up worshiping the man while Yoongi merely questioned every choice he made to put himself here.
But when he saw the string on his finger, bright as ever, he couldn’t help but smile. Thanks to not just Taehyung but also the other people who had recently entered his life, he smiled much more than before. He had people who accepted him for who he was and cared about him.
Sometimes, the string was wrong. Not even that could be perfect. But sometimes, it got this so, so right. And Yoongi was just happy that in the end, his soulmate did end up being the person who could love him the way he had longed for for so long.
My ask box is always open!
Also, if you’d like to donate to my Ko-fi, feel free! Absolutely no pressure though :) You can also check out my Etsy shop for BTS inspired charms as well!
#bts fanfic#bts mxm#yoongi x taehyung#taehyung x yoongi#suga x v#v x suga#soulmate!au#soulmates#oneshot#angst#thebtswritersclub#btswriterscollective#btsbookclub#btscreatorscorner
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Oscar Diaz-Toxic
Hey guys maybe this will have another part? I’m not sure yet, anyways I hope you all enjoy!
One again I have to thank @spookysmujer for helping me with this idea. She’s a real one. Y’all go check her stuff out. She’s amazing!
~
“Girl fuck that, he knew we were going out tonight. Don’t let Oscar kill your vibe bitch, you’re allowed to have fun every once in a while,”Your best friend Naomi says into your ear as she sits next to you in the booth, your other two friends sitting on the opposite side.
“Yeah Y/N, it’s my birthday. We have to turn up. Besides it’s not like we’re chilling with guys, so he has no reason to trip.” Dina adds with a sigh as she reaches for a chip and dips it into the thick queso that sat in the middle of the table.
“What’s he saying anyways?” Jess questions as she leans forward to listen.
“He said,*Man you know I don’t like when you go out with out me,*”Followed by,*Just come home. I’m not playing, I don’t want you out with your hoe ass friends,* You admit with a groan,”Now he’s asking why am I not replying.”
“Man fuck that, you don’t dog on him when he’s with his own hoe ass friends.” Naomi says after taking a sip of her frozen margarita,”Tell him to chill out. We’re literally just grabbing dinner and then going to a hookah lounge. Maybe a bar. You’ll be home before the sun is even up.”
“You’re right, why do I have to feel guilty for having friends? He’s with his homies almost everyday so why can’t I just have one night to myself.” You say as you read three more messages that he wrote in question of you not answering him,*I’ll be home in a little bit. Quit blowing my line up. I’m with the girls, and that’s it. Stop being crazy.*You type and send with no second thought.
*Who you calling crazy? You better be home after your little dinner. I ain’t gonna wait up all night for you.*
*Then don’t. I have a key.* You text back, Oscar moving you into his crib about two months ago.
‘Nah ima bolt that shit shut and why ain’t yo friends answering me? You really with them or what?’
‘I told them not to answer you psycho. Quit texting them. I will be home in a little bit. BYE.’ You send, Oscar calling two seconds later as you hit decline.
‘Whatever guy your with, I hope he shoots back.’ He sends, causing you to internally scream as you ignore it and toss your phone into your bag.
“I need another mojito.” You mumble as you hold your hand out to get the waiters attention since she was pretty far.
“He will get over it.”
“Yeah, just suck his dick or something when you get home.”
“No don’t reward him for being obsessive.”
You take in all the advice from your friends, letting everything sink in before shaking your head,” I don’t even want to talk about him right now. Can we please just get tipsy so we can head over to the bar and get completely wasted? How does that sound?”
“Hell yeah.” Naomi smiles, picking up her drink and gulping it down in one go.
~
The Uber driver drops you off after your ‘wild night’. Your friends having been dropped off along the shared ride, all of you completely wasted at this point.
“Thank you sir.” You slur as you grab your purse and search for the door handle in the up coming morning light. The sun wasn’t all the way up yet, so you weren’t technically out all night. Let’s just hope your boyfriend sees it like that. You ignored Oscar all night and when you finally checked your phone in the car you had 26 missed calls and 73 messages from him. You stumble up the driveway and go to the front door, grabbing your key from your bag and trying your best to quietly unlock the door,”Shit.” You mutter as you drop your keys on to the floor, you kick off your heels before picking them up and hanging them on the hook,”Oscar!?” You whisper shout just in case, sighing in relief when you don’t get a response. You pad down the hallway and into the shared bedroom to find him asleep in the bed, a few empty bottles of beer on the night stand along with burnt out roaches in the ashtray. You sneak past him and head into the bathroom, pulling off your tight fitted dress and leaving it on the floor as you step out of it. You quickly wipe your face clean, no make up left behind after you start the shower so the water could warm up. You step in after while and let the hot water run over you, not even realizing that Oscar walked in until the shower curtain in being pulled back minutes later,”Um can I help you? You’re getting water everywhere.” You say startled as you yank the curtain back shut.
“Why you showering? Washing off that other foo?” You hear him say as he leans back against the counter with crossed arms.
“Seriously? Do you really think I’d cheat on you?” You ask as you focus on your wash routine.
“I don’t know, you tell me. You ignore me all night, and don’t come home until 6am. Then when you get here, you hop in the shower. How else am I suppose to take it?”
“Take it by believing me. I told you what I was doing. I have no reason to lie Oscar. I was with my friends the whole night.”
“Nah, I don’t believe that. You’re for the streets, you just proved that to me.”
“I’m for the streets? Just cause I went out one time?” You ask as you work on scrubbing your body,”You literally work the streets, you sale on the streets, these are your fucking streets. Don’t you think you’d have proof if I was out here being unfaithful? That someone would tell you something?”
“Not if you being sly with it. What’s his name then? Who I gotta fight?”
“Yourself, cause you’re the only guy I’ve been with.” You say with a clap of your hands,”Can you get out? I’m not in the mood to argue with you right now.”
“Who’s arguing? I’m just trying to have a discussion on why my girl thinks it’s okay to stay out all night.”
“Oh my god!” You squeal as you shut the water off and open the curtain once more, snatching the towel from Oscar’s outstretched hand with out a thank you,”I’m grown, I can go out if I want to.” You inform him like it’s the most obvious thing,”Quit being so toxic. I can’t even shower in peace because you are so paranoid.”
“Toxic? You females learn one word on the internet and over use it.” He laughs dryly, moving aside as you step out onto the mat,”It ain’t toxic to worry about my women. A women that I love.”
“Worrying about me isn’t, but it is to accuse me of cheating on you. And then have the nerve to come in here and try to ‘talk things’ out when your only intent is to annoy and argue with me.”
“Aver, let me see your neck. Let me see if you letting another vato mark you up.” Oscar says, his statement proving your entire point as he ignores your words.
“Nah, I ain’t dumb. I do all the marking.” You smile sweetly at him as you tighten the towel around your body before spinning around and heading to the closet. If Oscar wanted a fight he definitely has one now.
“What did you just say?” He barks
“I said I do all the marking. I can’t come home with that shit all over my neck, what would I look like.”
“See I knew you were fucking with some one else. Who is it? Yo ex? I’ll fuck him up over you. Don’t play with me.”
“Think what you want.” You shrug as you slip on a pair of underwear,”It seems like you have a bunch of assumptions about me anyway.”
“You didn’t answer me all night! What the fuck else am I going to think!” He bellows again as he watches you pull on one of his shirts to sleep in.
“THINK what you want. I do not care any more. The only thing I currently care about is going to bed. You can either stand here and argue with yourself or you can join me and go back to bed because I know you’re tired.” You sigh as you climb on to the middle of the mattress and snuggle under the blanket, turning your back to him.
“I’ll drop it if you promise you ain’t going back out with them.” He says seriously moments later,”Joker told me all about them and how they get around.” He explains as his voice grows remorseful. Just like it always did when he picked a fight and then apologized minutes later.
“Okay Oscar.” You yawn as you let your eyes close deciding to just agree with whatever he says so you can get to sleep,”I won’t hang out with them again.” You lie, having already made plans for next weekend with them.
“I mean it.”
“So do I.” You say as you feel him climb in behind you.
“I don’t mean to trip mami. I just got jealousy issues...how could I not when I have you as my girl.” He whispers into your ear after while as he pulls you to his chest,”I didn’t mean to accuse you of anything. I know you’d never cheat on me.”
“It’s fine Oscar, can we please just go to sleep? I’m really tired.” You say as you open your eyes and look out the window. Trying to remember a time when things were calmer with you and Oscar. Now it seems like all you guys do is fight, make up, and have sex,”Hm? Yeah, I love you too.” You reply as you hear him mumble it into your ear, your eyes watering as you blink back the tears all while telling yourself that it’ll get better. That it has to get better because you were exhausted at this point and you didn’t know how much longer you could hold on to this relationship.
#spooky diaz#spooky x reader#netflix on my block#on my block imagines#netflix#freeridge#omb#on my block season 3#one shot#omb season 3#oscar diaz#oscar diaz x reader
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Girl Crush (XXVI)
Chapter 26: Poppy Dream
Here we go with a new chapter!! I hope you like it!! Not gonna lie… there's a tid bit of angst in that one… I hope you don't hate me too much by the end of it though (better hope so cause it will get worse…)
I am also coming close to the end now… I reckon that I have… 5, maybe 6 chapters left, something like that. Thank you to all of you who have stayed throughout the whole thing!
WARNING for mentions of soft drugs in this chapter (Harry took mushrooms when he wrote fine line, apparently, and I used this idea here, but there is no mention of addiction or anything shocking. He’s just being an idiot, as usual.)
Word Count: 3745
Living with Gareth was great.
Lots of cuddles, and him being sweet and stealing kisses. He cooked almost every day, and you had a nice system of chores that kept both of you equally busy with the nasty tasks to do. It was smooth, and easy. It felt safe.
A little boring, you had to admit. It wasn't... exciting. You were happy to find him home when you walked inside the apartment you shared, but you didn't want to just rush to him either. You weren't eager to leave work to join him. Why not though? He was great...
After almost two months of living together, you would have expected to be more ecstatic at the idea of living with him. You blamed the fact that you had spent so many years living on your own, and it felt strange to share your daily life with someone now. You knew that it wasn't the only reason though.
But overall, you were happy, and it was nice to have him around. Your only real problem with your new home was that Harry didn't drop by unannounced anymore. He used to do it all the time before. If you were free for an evening and he knew so? You were certain that he would be on your doorstep with some take-out and a bottle of wine before 9pm.
You understood, of course. He was coming to spend time with you, not both you and Gareth, and things were different now that you didn't live alone anymore. You also reckoned that it would be a little like intruding, from his end. It didn't change the fact that you missed those evenings with him like crazy.
Which was why you were now standing on his doorstep, a bag full of Chinese food in your hand right after you had knocked a couple of times. He opened the door, looking dishevelled and wrapped in comfy clothes that made you want to snuggle into his side and stay there, tugged into his chest, for the rest of the night...
…or maybe forever.
"Y/N?" he asked with a frown, and a little bit of panic shining in his green eyes. "You're alright? What are you doing here?"
You shrugged in response.
"I'm fine. Just thought I'd drop by."
"Did you and Gareth have a fight?"
"No. I'm fine. I just wanted to spend some time with you. I brought Chinese!"
"Oh... huh..."
"H? Who is it?
Before you could process what was happening, a woman was appearing in the doorway. She was wearing one of Harry's jumpers. You noticed that it wasn't one of those you used when you came to his house though. It seemed like a new TPWK sweater.
"Hi..." she faked a smile, coming closer and placing a hand on Harry's arm, as if to show who he belonged to. "Sorry, you are...?"
You finally shook yourself, and offered her your open hand and a bright smile.
"Hi! I'm Y/N. I'm Harry's friend. Sorry to interrupt, I didn't know he had company, and I was passing by, so I thought I'd drop by. But... you're clearly occupied so... I'll leave you to it. Behave, huh?" You added jokingly, waving your finger at Harry.
"I see... I'm Gloria," she shook your hand, but her smile was toxic to say the least. "A friend... I see... you often drop by?"
"I wouldn't say often but..." you offered her another smile, and cleared the air before any misconception could be settled, and Harry would get to argue with his new girlfriend because of a quid pro quo. "Since I've moved in with my boyfriend a couple of months ago, I and Harry haven't spent much time together, so..."
Gloria seemed to immediately relax, and her next smile was earnest.
"Oh, I see! You want to come in then? I'd love to know more about you! I'm sure you can tell me so many stories about H!"
But Harry gave you the smallest shake of his head, and you got the message loud and clear.
"No, no, no! I'm not gonna intrude. Let's plan a dinner or something like that instead! That will be much better. Good night then, lovebirds!"
"Good night, Y/N! It was nice meeting you!"
You gave the couple a little wave, and turned to walk back to your car, when Harry's voice stopped you in your tracks.
"Y/N?"
You turned around, unable to resist his call.
He seemed a little out of breath, you noticed. A little sad too. Maybe even a little disappointed or tortured. As if he tried to resist the urge to do something.
You couldn't know that he was resisting his urge to send Gloria away, and close the distance between you and him in a rush and kiss you under the lamppost before his house. He wondered what you tasted like... he wondered so more and more often these days, and his longing for you seemed more and more difficult to control.
He did resist though. Instead, he looked at you with desperate eyes.
"Still renovating your shop on Sunday?"
You offered him a smile, but he could have sworn it wasn't an earnest one. He could read sadness in your eyes as they shone under the yellowish streetlights.
"Sure! If you can spare the time."
"For you? Always."
"Well then... I guess... see you on Sunday!"
He nodded, unable to look away.
"See you on Sunday."
I love you was on the tip of his tongue once more, but he bit his cheek instead, until the pain made the words disappear.
You climbed in your car, aware of Harry's presence still on his doorstep. You drove off without a look back at him. You knew he was looking at you as you drove down the street, and you didn't find in you the strength to see him like this: walking further from his door and into the street so he could keep on looking at your car, in his old black jumper and his hair held into a tiny bump on the top of his head with one of the elastic bands you had forgotten long ago in his bathroom, his arms crossed before his chest, until you disappeared for good around the corner.
A couple of streets away though, you pulled over, and threw your food in a bin. You felt sick now, instead of hungry.
You climbed back into your car, resting your hands on the wheel and your head against the back of your seat. Up above, stars glimmered above L.A, undying fireflies that came back to haunt the same pieces of the sky every night. The nearby lamppost shed yellow hues in your vehicle, bathing your hands in the electric light.
It could have been a nice night, you reckoned. If only...
You didn't react when your phone let out a whistling sound. You didn't need to check the screen to know it was Harry. He would be asking something along the lines of:
Hey! Let me know when you're home, please? It's quite late already. Just want to make sure you're home safe. See you Sunday. H x
Because he was the kind of idiot who always signed his texts, and you were the kind of moron who secretly found it cute although you acted like it was annoying. And he was the kind of idiot who always worried about you when you drove at night, even if it wasn't that late yet. He just... always asked for you to reassure him that you were safe. And he was the kind of idiot who played it cool and blamed your lack of skills behind a wheel to hide the fact that he simply was always worried about you. And you were the kind of moron who still believed his lies about it.
And he was the kind of idiot who tried to forget his love for you in the arms of someone else. And you were the kind of moron who chose to push away the real reason for why you were on the verge of tears now as you sat motionless in your car, in the empty Californian street at 9pm. It was easier to blame it on how tired you were these days, than admit that your life was not getting in the direction you wanted it to go, and that every day you wished you wouldn't walk even further away from what you truly wanted...
... or rather whom.
"Wait! What do you mean you're at the HOSPITAL?!"
"Can you like… not shout?"
You took a couple of very deep breaths, trying to calm down, but so far doing a terrible job at it.
"Mitch, can you please tell me again where you are and why? Please?" you asked in a lower voice, although your voice was everything but calm.
"We're at the ER, Harry bit off his tongue."
"HOW…?!"
You took another deep breath, noticing the people in the grocery store looking at you.
"How on Earth did he bit his tongue hard enough for you to need to go to the ER?" you asked, your voice shaky.
"We were high. He jumped off the window."
"High?"
"Yeah… mushrooms."
You heaved a tired sigh, burying your face in your hand. You knew that Harry had been 'experimenting' - as he liked to call it – while writing his new album. He said it helped him get out of his own head, relieve the pressure. You reckoned that as long as he was taking drugs because he wanted to escape reality, or as long as he didn't get a sense of need for it, then it was quite unharmful.
At least, you thought so.
"Could you come and pick us up? Sarah's not answering her phone, and I can't drive."
"How did you get there?"
"I called an ambulance. He was bleeding like crazy!"
"Are you high too?"
"A little. Less than him though. Still, can't drive."
"I'm coming. Don't move."
"Thank you, Y/N!"
"Don't thank me yet, I'm about to kick both of your arses!"
You hung up the phone before Mitch could add anything, and hurried to set back the few items you had gathered in your bag before you rushed to your car.
You sent a text to Gareth warning him about the incident and telling him that you couldn't get the groceries and were driving to the hospital instead, before you turned on the engines and drove out of the parking lot.
Your phone rang a few minutes later, and you talked on speaker with your boyfriend.
"Hey! I just got your text… is everybody alright?"
"Hmmm… I don't know for sure, I'm going to the hospital now."
"Do you need me to come too?"
"No, don't bother. You're busy working. I'll handle it."
"I hope it's nothing too serious. How did he manage to hurt his tongue so badly?"
"I'll tell you later. I've got to kick his butt first."
"Go easy on him. The poor guy…"
"You're right, it must hurt a lot," you calmed down instantly, and now instead of anger, you wanted to reach the hospital as fast as possible out of worry.
"I'm sure he'll be fine. Call me if you need anything."
"Thank you. See you tonight."
"Love you!"
"Love you too."
Soon enough you were rushing inside the hospital, looking for your two friends. And you found them with ease, as they were waiting for you, sitting on hospital chairs with Harry's head resting on Mitch's shoulder.
The guitarist gave you a little wave and a relieved smile.
"Thank God you're here…"
"Are you alright?"
"Me? Yeah… him… He needs a nap."
As if on cue, Harry seemed to finally notice that you were here, and he shot you a toothy grin.
"Y/N! I 'appy 'o 'ee you!" he mumbled, unable to articulate his words properly.
"They numbed his tongue," Mitch explained. "And he's still high."
"Is it serious?" you asked with worry in your voice as you bent down to examine Harry's face.
"Nah… he'll be fine. Got it all patched up. He'll be fine in a few days. He did lose a bit of his tongue though!"
You smacked Harry's arm, and he frowned, looking at you with angry eyes and an adorable pout while he rubbed his arm.
"Wha' was 'at for?"
"What was that for? You lost a piece of your tongue, you moron!"
"Don' call me 'at…" his pout grew sadder, an effect of the drugs, really, he was always sleepy and all cuddly when he was drunk or high.
"I was so worried about you!"
A smirk slowly formed on his lips.
"You 'ere 'orried abou' me?"
"Of course, I was worried! I still am! And I'm gonna kick your butt for being so stupid!"
"I 'ave a pre'y bu'…" he smirked.
"Yes, well, your pretty butt is gonna be in trouble! Now come on, let's get you home."
You dropped Mitch at the studio first, where he would wait for Sarah to take him home. You helped Harry in his house next, making sure he wouldn't fall, as his head was still cloudy. He was slowly doing better though, and his words became clearer by the minute, although his painful tongue still made him wince when he hit his tongue against his teeth.
"'ank you for picking me up," he said, falling on his bed.
"I'm gonna get you some water, okay?"
You helped him out of his jumper, as he seemed tangled in his sleeves before heading downstairs and coming back with a glass of cold water.
"'ank you," he breathed in a baby voice, holding the glass in both his hands as he rested his back against the headboard.
You shook your head looking at him. You had to admit that he looked adorable like this, a little lost maybe. Soft and fragile and you could read through his body language that he longed for some cuddles.
And you thought about crawling in bed by his side, to let him rest his hedd against your shoulder, but then you remembered that he wasn't single either anymore. So, you reached for your phone instead.
"You want me to call Gloria for you? What's her number?"
"Who?"
"Gloria. You're girlfriend?"
He huffed, shaking his head.
"She ain' my girlfriend. I don' see her anymore."
"Oh… I'm sorry to hear that. What happened?"
He shrugged, his pout back on his face.
"I didn' like her 'at much."
"I see…"
"I don' wan' 'o be alone," he admitted in a whisper, resting his head against the headboard, his glass still in his hands resting on his stomach, while he stared at you with pleading eyes that truly meant to say please, stay.
You heaved a sigh, taking off your shoes and climbing in the bed by his side. He gave you a grin in response.
"Alright… but just a few minutes. Then, I have to go home."
"Bu' I'm hur'…"
"Because you were being a moron. Next time, don't count on me to come pick you up at the hospital because you broke a limb because you were high!"
He stared at you with one of these intense glances he threw at you every time he listened to you really intently, and it was always a bit too much for you to handle.
"I don' like i' when you're mad a' me…" he whispered truthfully, a sad expression on his face now.
You heaved a sigh, defeated already. You took away his empty glass, placing it on the bedside table on your side of the bed, and opened your arms for him. He didn't need you to speak out loud to rush into your embrace, burying his face into your neck.
"I'm not mad," you reassured him. "I just… I don't like it when you're hurt. It makes me all worried."
He hummed, nodding.
"I'm always worried abou' you 'oo you know?"
"I know."
"I ge' real worried when you don' call for more 'an a day," he went on, rambling, and you were certain that he wouldn't have said any of these words out loud, had he been sobber. "I make all 'ese scenarios in my head… and I miss you."
"Well, I'm here now."
He snuggled closer to you, nodding his head. His arms were around you now, holding you against him as if he were afraid you'd change your mind and walk away at any second now.
"I'm always worried abou' you. I really need you, you know?"
He rubbed his cheek in your neck, and you were certain that your heart was about to implode.
"I like i' when you hold me," he went on. "Feels warm. Feels safe. Feels really safe in your arms."
You dropped a kiss in his hair, and you could have sworn he had shivered at the contact.
"You are safe. You're safe with me, Harry."
"Don' leave me. Ever."
"I'm not gonna leave you, Harry."
He heaved a content sigh, before breathing in deeply your scent, your perfume and your shampoo intertwined to better blur his senses. When he spoke again, it was barely a whisper, and you weren't sure what he meant, but it sounded like something dangerous.
"God… I write too many songs abou' you, Y/N. I'm so sorry. I really 'ried bu' I can' help i'… Ain' my fault if you're always there."
Put a price on emotion
I'm looking for something to buy
Harry pulled at his lower lip while he listened to the latest version of his song. He had started writing it a while ago, but he could feel now that it was almost done.
His tongue was almost healed, and he could speak as normal again. He thought back about the way it felt to be safely held in your embrace…
You've got my devotion
But man, I can hate you sometimes
He wondered if you would remember that these words were yours. That night on New Year's Eve. You and him alone in his mother's garden, under the frozen winter sky. He could never shake off these words of yours. He wasn't sure of what you meant by them at the time, and yet he felt like they echoed in his heart with an uncomfortable accuracy.
He too hated you sometimes for the way he loved you so ardently, so stubbornly. At the end of the day though, it wasn't your fault at all, and he couldn't change his feelings either.
We'll get the drinks in
And I'll get to thinking of her
He had broken up with Gloria, although he reckoned that they had never really been together to begin with. He had just seen her over the course of three weeks, it was hardly anything meaningful to him. And he was ashamed to admit it, but he had indeed drunk a little too much a couple of nights just to think of you instead.
We'll be a fine line
Maybe it could be what you'd remain. Somewhere in between friends and lovers, and it was almost fine for him, really. It had been fine for a long time, at least. He could shake off the feeling of missing you, and he had grown skilled at forgetting about Gareth and the way he got to kiss you and share your bed.
But then he would see you face to face, and it was getting harder every day to resist the temptation to just spill it all out and hold you close.
And when he saw you with Gareth, it still hurt just as much to know that he lived everything Harry desired so brightly.
For how much longer could he go on like this? Years? Months? He didn't know, and was afraid to find out the answer.
Test of my patience
There's things that we'll never know
And yet despite everything he felt and how painful it was to live like this, he still preferred this situation to the events that would unfold if he spoke the truth.
Because he knew you better than you knew yourself sometimes, and you were loyal to a fault. And you were kind and too selfless for your own good. And if he told you the truth, you would walk away. He had given the various possibilities a lot of thoughts, and over the dozens of scenarios he had run into his head, his conclusion seemed to always fall back onto you leaving him for good. Because you could never choose him feeling like you would be cheating on your boyfriend. He knew perfectly well that you would never do anything of the kind to your boyfriend. If you were to ever leave him, it would be to make you both happier, not just for yourself. And for now, Harry was pretty sure that it wasn't the case.
So, even if he managed, by some miracle, to make you doubt your feelings for Gareth and consider trying something with him, Harry knew that your sense of loyalty would push you back into Gareth's arms. Guilt would torture you too much. And then Harry would lose you for good.
No need to try, then. The game was lost already. It was almost as if your possible feelings for him - and he was far from certain that you had any - barely mattered. There was just no scenario where Harry won.
What a stupid heart he had for giving itself to you...
Spreading you open
Is the only way of knowing you
If only he had realized all this before you met Gareth...
Why did it have to hurt so much to belong to someone else? Why did it have to mean that we'd be at their mercy? Why did we have to be so damn fragile in front of the ones that mattered most to us?
Would you recognize them if he sang your words? Would you remember that evening with him? He still dreamt about it from time to time...
Would you realize it then? How much of you he carried with him all the time?
He reckoned that you wouldn't.
We'll be a fine line
We'll be alright
He let his head fall back, his face turned to the ceiling as he let out a deep, painful sigh and closed his weary eyes.
Would the two of you ever be alright?
***********************************************
Taglist : @ponycake27 @horsesreign @xinyourdreamsx @jbluevelvet@notkeppeki @daynigt-dreamer-stuff @fudgeflyss @stuckupstucky@snek-shit @suchatinyinfinity@i-padfootblack-things @buckybsarmy @heyohheyitsgabi@jigsawlover10 @emyyjemyy @addictedtofictionalcharacters @staringmoony@madamrogers @cronias13 @stylesfics-xx @mellamolayla @mariaenchanted
#harry styles#harry styles x reader#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles fanfic#harry styles imagine#harry styles series#series#imagine#fanfiction#fanfic
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Curious Conundrum (Part 29)
Prompt: You’re John Watson’s sister. One day you decide to visit your brother for lunch, only to meet the infamous Mr. Holmes…
Word Count: 1591
Warnings: language, flirtation, sexual innuendos (maybe? idfk), murder/crime/case related stuff, angst, jealousy…
Notes: Beta’d by @carryonmyswansong Not only did she beta, but I literally couldn’t have written half these scenes without her help. She contributed majorly, even wrote some parts of scenes. I am forever in her debt.
Also, this starts AFTER Season 2, episode 1. I don’t follow all the episodes, but it does follow the timeline and hit some major events : )
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23 | Part 24 | Part 25 | Part 26 | Part 27 | Part 28 |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He shot him. Sherlock killed a man.
Not that you could say you blamed him. Magnussen gave you the absolute chills, and you’d worked with serial killers. But now… Now he was being deported out of the country and Mycroft nearly assured you he would be dead within six months.
“Please, I am literally begging you, Mycroft. There has to be something you can do. Surely you can pull some string. I can find a loophole. I mean, he was blackmailing half of London.”
“It doesn’t work that way, Y/N.”
Desperation had enveloped you as you stood in Mycroft’s cold, stoic office, pleading.
“No, but it needs to! Sherlock isn’t guilty!”
“He shot him, Y/N,” he had reminded as if you weren’t aware of that.
Your eyes had shot daggers at him. “You know what I mean.”
“I’ve done all I can,” he had sworn sincerely, feeling an iota of guilt and sympathy for you as he eyed you.
That was the day after the shooting. You were beating your brains out trying to find some legal loophole to say Sherlock had done it as some sort of self defense, but he didn’t lift one finger. It’d been four days, and in just three more days, the plans Mycroft had managed to get would be flying him off to Eastern Europe. Mycroft said it was an undercover assignment. In other words, fiances were not welcome.
“Are you going to help?” you snapped as you read through one of your law books.
“Hmm?” Sherlock said, his fingers forming a pyramid as he touched them to his lips. He’d been sitting like that for as long as you’d been trying to find a solution. So far you’d only slept four total hours since the crime.
“Sherlock! Are you going to help me try and find a way to keep you here or are you just going to go along with what your brother says?!”
“Why are you panicking?” he asked as he turned to you, a perplexed look on his face.
“I’m not panicking!”
“You are though. You’re perspiring, your leg has been bouncing while you read -- something you only do for really important cases, and your voice is shrill.”
You stood up and walked over to stand in front of him, your hands on your hips. “Okay, maybe I am panicking a little bit. But can you blame me? We’re engaged for less than twenty-four hours and you commit murder.”
“I thought you said it wasn’t a crime,” he retorted, throwing your own words from the last few days at you, his eyes glinting with annoyance.
An exasperated sigh escaped you. You squeezed your eyes shut and clenched your fists. “Fine, you didn’t commit any crime. My point is… Mycroft says you won’t make it back. How the bloody hell am I supposed to feel? We are engaged. We just agreed to have our lives bound. And now you’re--”
“Y/N, need I remind you, we agreed to have our lives bound the moment you said you’d be mine nearly four years ago. The ring I put on your finger is simply a physical representation of a vow we made long ago.”
Tears sprung to your eyes. Frustrated, sad, happy tears.
“Even when you’re being completely logical, and nearly devoid of any romanticism, you still manage to swoon me,” you breathed, impressed and angry.
He looked up at you once more. A look of pity crossed his face as he stood in his blue silk robe and wrapped his arms around you. “I realize it’s not ideal, but… I will come back. Mycroft is a fool and doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”
“But--but--” you blubbered, the sobs starting to form now.
“Love, stop looking at the books,” he requested, a slight plea in his voice as he held you close.
“But I have to find a way to save you!” you cried.
“You already have,” he cooed as he kissed your head. “Come, I don’t want my last few days here for a while to be with your nose in a book.”
He let go of you slightly to get a good look at you.
Unsure how to respond, you remained quiet.
“Please? For me? Let’s go out and do something, or stay in. I want to do something joyful for the next few days, alright?”
You nodded, wiping your nose on your sleeve, a pitiful sight but he loved you all the same.
“Alright. What would you like to do?” you asked, ready to make him happy, no matter the cost.
“Want to go people watch at our favorite spot?”
“Hot chocolate?”
“Is there any other way?” he said with a coy grin.
---------------------------
And so the next few days carried on like that. Talk of Sherlock leaving never graced either of your lips. You spent time out and about, at nice dates, inside the apartment just being together. Every night was spent tangled in the sheets of your bed. You knew he was trying to distract you from it, but part of you wondered if he wasn’t trying to distract himself as well.
Yet now, all of you stood on a tarmac as Sherlock was being ripped away from you yet again. All distractions had faded away as if they were a mirage and the cold reality was punching you in the gut.
You wanted to say something to him, but you couldn’t stomach saying one word to him. It hurt too much. You knew if you opened your mouth, a slew of heartbreak would hit you like a truck.
Sherlock said goodbye to Mary, then your brother, and finally, you. Mycroft refused to let you on the plane because he believed if you knew where Sherlock was going you would find him and escape with him. He wasn’t wrong.
You’d been biding your time, trying to find something to say. Something heartfelt, something funny, something clever. Anything for him to remember you by, but no words came.
“So… Here it is.”
“Mhm,” you hummed through tight lips.
“Well, do go ahead and start planning the wedding. You know how I hate all of that sentimental rubbish,” he requested formally.
Your eyes cast a cool glare over him. “I won’t plan a wedding that won’t happen.”
He nodded slightly. “It will happen.”
“Please, Sherlock, don’t make promises you can’t keep,” you begged, anger and desperation lacing into your voice.
“Very well then. How about a promise I can keep?” He stepped up to you and put his hands on your shoulders. “I promise to love you for the rest of my life, and that I will do my damndest to make sure the god-awful sentimental wedding of your dreams happens.”
A familiar sting touched your eyes.
“Sherlock,” was all you could get out before you threw your arms around him and cried into his neck.
“Come now, I don’t want my memory for six months to be of you blubbering,” he said. You nodded and pulled away, clearing your face of all evidence.
“Right, sorry.”
“A smile?” he asked, his own dazzling on his face.
Your heart betrayed you and you obeyed his gentle request. Anything Sherlock Holmes wanted of yours, was his. Your smile, your laugh, your joy, your heart -- all belonged to him. Unfortunately for you, you knew he would be taking it with him when he left.
“That’s my girl. Come on, it’ll be like a vacation away from my incessant ways.”
“I love your incessant ways,” you mumbled, knowing he was just trying to cheer you up.
A knowing smirk graced his expression. “I know.”
“Brother mine!” Mycroft called and the two of you glanced over to him. He made a face that said ‘Wrap it up’. Sherlock nodded in understanding and turned back to you.
“Keep an eye on him, for me, will you? And your brother.”
“Brother patrol, got it.”
“And yourself. Don’t let my absence consume you, please? Do this for me?” he begged.
You nodded, trying to keep a little bit of a promise for him. “I’ll try.”
“Thank you. Well.. must be off.”
“Yeah…”
He leaned down and placed a long, loving kiss to your lips. A kiss that you never ever wanted to end. He broke away all too soon and looked down at you with adoration.
“See you at the altar?” he asked.
“I’ll be the one in white,” you cornily responded. With that, he took your hand in his, gave it a slight squeeze, then started to walk away. The two of you held hands until he was out of arm's reach, your fingertips barely touching. He dashed onto the plane, his brother giving you a strange look.
“You alright?” John suddenly asked from behind you, making you jump a bit.
“Yeah…” you lied as your eyes glued to the plane. “I’m just fine.”
The three of you stood back away from the runway, watching as the plane got in position and took flight. Every inch it moved towards its destination felt like another punch to the throat and gut. You stood between Mary and John, trying to hold yourself together as best you could.
For the most part, you did splendidly, until the plane was out of sight, and Sherlock couldn’t see your face, you broke down. You fell to your knees, your face in your hands. John and Mary instantly tried comforting you.
But no amount of words, consoling, or hugging would replace the giant hole that had just been ripped into your heart.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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#curious conundrum#sherlock holmes x reader#sherlock x reader#sherlock holmes fic#sherlock fic#sherlock bbc#sherlock holmes#john watson
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Hotel California Ch 1, Bartowski, IT
A/N: Fanfic community after canceled intervention: Thank God, we've got him down to four ongoing.
Me: NEVER! *pushes publish to get reaction from everyone on this being an ongoing and skips out of the room*
A/N 2: A few notes before we start. This fic will be (not this chapter, but down the road) a little more…saucy, spicy, than things I've done before. It's still T but, I'm going to take it up one or two notches. This fic takes place current time, Chuck is approximately 26 years old. Welcome to Hotel California Ch 1, Bartowski, IT
Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck, but I do own several copies of Hotel California.
He felt the eyes on his back watching his every move. This had required more than he thought it would when she brought him the laptop. Most men were scared of her beauty, but he wasn't. It was a weird friendship, but one just the same. They teased each other….well, she teased him, and he laughed about it. They were on the same page about the important things. He felt her over his shoulder.
"What's wrong, Chuckles," Carina said breathily into his ear. Her breath was making it hard to concentrate, but that was Carina's game. She loved making Chuck uncomfortable. She probably loved making all men uncomfortable, but he had no empirical data to support that theory. "Have I corrupted the hard drive? Please don't ask me to turn off, because you already have me so turned on." Chuck turned toward her slowly.
"Carina, I'm pretty sure that's sexual harassment," Chuck said, an amused smile on her face.
"What you gonna do, report me to myself? I am HR," she replied, bending back over his shoulder to watch him work on her laptop.
"Carina, you are in benefits until they hire someone," Chuck said, chuckling. "You're the Director of Operations."
"And I'm trying to let you enjoy some benefits," she said with a smirk. Chuck stopped in mid turn of the screw on her laptop. "Well, finish screwing me."
"I swear I keep walking right into these," he said, finishing putting the case back on. He plugged it in, hit the power button, and sat back, bumping Carina because she was so close.
"Chuck are you trying to touch me?" Carina asked.
"Keep it up and I won't fix this," he said. She jerked her hands back in a defensive posture. He paused, unsure if he should say anything or not, but it was her, so he went ahead. "Carina, there was some interesting porn on there." She looked at him. "I'm pretty sure it wasn't yours."
"Chuck, you think you know what I want to see?" Carina asked, with a coy smile. He looked at her with no humor on his face.
"It was furry porn," he said. She closed her eyes, and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Let me guess, some guy you were seeing used it." She nodded, opened her eyes and looked at him.
"Explains why he wanted the costumes," she mumbled under her breath. Chuck shuddered. The computer started up, and she hugged him. "You are the best, Chuck. Can I pay you?"
"Nope," he said, unhooking everything, giving her the laptop, standing up, and walking with her to the door. "You could tone down the innuendos."
"But then how will I see you blush?" she asked. "I love to see you blush, all the way down to the roots of your hair." She looked him up and down, slowly, and not even trying to hide what she was doing. "I wonder if you blush…everywhere?" With that, Chuck began to blush. "Hmmmm." She gave him a grin that looked nearly predatory. "Hey, I have an idea."
"Nope, no, not a happening," Chuck said, shaking his head. She reached up and moved his hair around, fixing it the way she wanted it. He looked up at her hand, back at her, and she finally stopped, satisfied with how it looked. "No blind dates, especially when they're probably with you," he said, grinning.
"You don't know the blind date I was gonna set you up on was gonna be with me," Carian said. He gave her a look and she bounced a shoulder. "Fine, but you're missing out." The look on his face was "here we go again." "I swear one night with me would ruin you for all other women."
"Is that what you really want, Carina, me at your door step every night playing bad love songs to win you?" Chuck asked, amused. She rolled her eyes.
"You would too, wouldn't you," she said, laughing. Chuck leaned against the door frame and gave her a look. She thought she might melt.
"Well, you want to ruin me," Chuck said, waggling his eyebrows. She gasped.
"Chuck Bartwoski, are you flirting?" she asked. Chuck grinned at her, and winked. She hugged him, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and watched as he turned and started back to his desk. She couldn't help herself, and slapped him on the back side causing him to whoop and high step for a second.
"Seriously, HR!" he said, with a grin. She winked, spun, and strutted out of the room as only Carina could. Chuck shook his head. "That woman is twenty pounds of crazy in a five pound bag," he said to himself.
-ooooo-
Carina returned to her office and shut the door. She liked Chuck, he was a sweet guy, but he was also one of those forever, with a house, 2.3 kids, a dog, and a white picket fence. Carina was not in to that, today. Someday, maybe, but today, today she wanted to have fun. She sighed and pulled out a folder that she needed to turn in before the day was over before Zondra gave her grief. Well, not too much grief, because Zondra knew Carina would get things done. Her thoughts returned to Chuck. She felt bad for the guy. It was a few months ago that she was talking to Martin in the kitchen, or was it Morgan, she wasn't sure. Whatever his name was, he had told her how his friend Chuck had been screwed over by Bryce. Bryce had framed Chuck at Stanford and gotten him kicked out of college. Bryce denied it, but Martin swore Chuck wasn't that guy. They needed someone in IT, and Carina was intrigued. She thought Bryce was a tool as well, so that's why she went to scope out Chuck at the Buy More. She tried to flirt with him, but he basically was nothing but super professional and excused himself when some idiot father forgot to load tape into his camera to record his daughter's ballet recital.
Carina told Zondra about Chuck, but left out everything about Bryce. Zondra called him, offered him an interview, and Carina asked if she could take care of it. She and Chuck had a long talk more than an interview. The reason for hiring him was two-fold, one, it might upset Bryce. Two, he was good, real good. She had called around and asked those who used the Buy More if there was a technician they would recommend, and all the recommendations came back as one Charles 'Chuck" Bartowski. She had to admit, she was pissed at Bryce for hurting Sarah, and if this would upset Bryce, all the better. Bryce might be the Hotel General Manger, but Carina wasn't scared of him. His parents loved her too much to fire her, and that's who she was worried about, the Larkins.
Zondra tried to remind Carina that they needed to keep their personal lives out of this, and it was somewhat Sarah's fault for dating the boss. Zondra thought Sarah knew better, and she did. But, Carina had encouraged Sarah to date Bryce, and that had been an absolute disaster. Sarah thought they were in a relationship, and Bryce thought they were casual. She caught him with someone, Sarah never would say who, and that was the end of Sarah and Bryce. Sarah refused to date coworkers now, and since she didn't want to go clubbing much anymore, Carina was determined to find her someone. Chuck wouldn't bite, Sarah wouldn't bite, so somehow she had to get the two together. How? And that's when it hit her. She picked up the phone and made a call.
"Hey, Reg, it's Catrina," she said smiling. "Did I say Reg, I meant Rick, sorry." Whoops. "So, I got my laptop fixed. You know the one you visited the furry porn site with. Yeah, Rick, that one. Well, there's a real simple way to make it up to me. Tell me the site name. No, I'm not kidding. I met a cute IT guy and I want him to come scrub my hard drive. I know that sounds dirty, I said it." She wrote down the website address. "Thanks Rick. No, I don't want to dress up. Good-bye." She hung up, a grin on her face. She knew just what to do.
-ooooo-
Sarah came in the next morning, tired. She had stayed up most of the night watching old movies on the old movie channel. She liked her job, loved it actually, and especially the people she worked with. She liked them all, except for Bryce Larkin, the biggest cheat that ever cheated. "We're causal," she said, in a low mocking voice, twisting her face. The thing was, she didn't miss him, she was upset at how bad she had gotten burnt. She swore it would never happen again. No guy was going to hurt her, and definitely no guy at work. She turned on her computer and waited for it to warm up as she drank her coffee. Maybe she'd get lucky and someone would pull the fire alarm today and she could watch the firemen come in. She always enjoyed that. She shook her head as she logged into her computer. She waited a minute and realized it was acting very weird. There was a strange icon on her desktop. She double clicked it to see what it was.
"OH GOD!" she screamed and turned off the monitor. She looked around to see if anyone had seen that and then she remembered she was in her office, and no one could see what had happened. The backs of the monitors were facing the doorway…what was that noise. THE SOUND! She turned the monitor back on, found the sound bar, and muted it. She took a deep breath, and nearly jumped out of her seat when there was a knocking sound on the door.
"Hey," Carina said. She took a good look at Sarah and had to fight not laugh. Sarah looked beautiful as usual, her blond hair just past the shoulder with that slight curl, the simple blue top and the black jeans. She looked elegant, and frazzled as can be, all at the same time. "Something wrong?"
"Uh, well," she began.
"Oh, before I forget, there's been a slight porn problem on some computers. If you have any problem, call down to IT and ask for Bartowski," Carina said. "Skip is a good guy and all, but Bartowski is the one you want."
"Have you had any problems?" Sarah asked, nervously.
"Oh, no," Carina said. "Gotta run," and she was gone. Sarah took a deep breath and composed herself. She picked up the phone, put down the phone, walked over to her door, shut it, locked it, and called IT.
"Bartowski, IT," the voice on the other end answered. Sarah smiled at the soothing voice.
"Hi, this is Sarah Walker," she said trying to have steel in her voice.
"Hello, Sarah Walker, are you okay?" he asked.
"Why do you ask?" Oh no. Was she so shook up over this that this guy could tell? What was he gonna think? She had to get control of the situation. "I need help and so help me God, if you tell me to turn it off and turn it back on, I will come down there and…"
"Well, that answers that question. You don't sound like things are going well, and that's never good," he said. "What's wrong?"
"There's this weird thing on my computer," she said with a low voice, still snapping. She didn't care if he thought she was an awful person, but she couldn't have him thinking she was looking at porn at work. "Carina told me to call you to get it off."
"Carina Miller?" he said with a hint of laughter. "Okay, so we're probably going to be at this for a bit, my name is Chuck."
"Chuck?" she asked, her tone changing to curiosity.
"Yeah, my parents were sadists," he said. She laughed. She couldn't help herself. "But, I've managed to make my way in this world despite it." She was wrapping the cord around her finger, and feeling better just talking to him.
"Chuck, I'm sorry," she said. "Things….well…"
"Something went wrong, you snapped and I happened to be the first person you talked to," he said. She winced. She bet that happened a lot.
"No one calls you to say thanks for making everything run smooth, do they?" she asked. Chuck laughed.
"Nope," he said quickly. "So, what happened?"
"Well, I started my computer, and it was running weird, slow," she began. "There was this weird icon…."
"You clicked on it didn't you?" he asked. She heard the humor in voice.
"I was very tired and not thinking clearly," she said waspishly. She huffed. "Again, I'm sorry, I'm just having a very bad day."
"Hey, I'll fix it," Chuck said. "And I won't judge." She looked guilty and was glad no one could see her. "You have no idea how many people get things on their computer and call me wanting me to fix it and are in the foulest mood because they think I'm going to judge them."
"I don't watch that stuff," she said softly.
"You said Carina told you to call me?" he asked. "Is it a certain type of porn?"
"Yes," she said, burying head in her hand.
"Well the good news is I can fix it quick," Chuck said. "But I'm going to have to come up there."
"I've got a meeting, do you think you do it while I'm gone?" she asked.
"Sure," Chuck said cheerfully. "Go to your meeting, and when you get back it will be fixed. Sound good?"
"Sounds great," she said. "And, Chuck, I'm sorry I was a jerk."
"Don't worry about it," Chuck said. "Bye," and with that, he disconnected.
-ooooo-
Chuck pulled up today's calendar and made sure and waited five minutes after the meeting started before he headed to Sarah's office. The last thing he needed was to be yelled at by some crazy woman because she had double clicked an icon that wasn't on her desktop the night before. He had already reformatted a hard drive and loaded her backup from the night before. This would literally take minutes, and then he would reformat the original hard drive and use it down the road. He checked his watch, saw he had some time, and accessed the log-in system. Her computer had been accessed last night by Carina after Sarah had logged off for the evening. What was Carina doing? Chuck thought about the blind date thing Carina had mentioned yesterday. He closed his eyes and had a bad idea as to what was going on. She was going to try to pawn another insane person off on him. What did he do to deserve this?
He appreciated all that Carina had done for him, most of all getting him this job. He sat back in his chair, wasting ten more minutes. He thought about that day they met for the interview, and how she told him about her friend who Bryce had screwed over. Join the club, he though. She told him about how she wanted someone she could trust in IT. She wasn't saying Bryce was doing anything wrong, but she wondered how he had some of the ideas he came up with. Bryce was a lot of things, but his new hotel security internet system made her scratch her head. Chuck's ears perked up when he heard that. He had been working on a project for a class. It was unfinished, but the security system would have been full proof by the time he was done. He asked if he could see it, and with a grin, Carina told him she couldn't allow him to see it unless he was hired. He took the job immediately. When she logged him in and let him access the system, he became sick to his stomach. It was his system, exactly the way he left it, and more importantly it wasn't finished and there were security holes. He told Carina and she could only shake her head. She told him to keep his head down and do his job.
A few days later he got walked up to Bryce's office by Casey, head of security. Chuck figured he was fired. When he sat down Bryce grinned at him like they were old pals. Bryce said he was glad he could give Chuck one last chance, and he really hoped Chuck didn't blow it. If Chuck did well, Bryce could give him all the recommendations to clear that little snafu at Stanford and Larkin Hotel and Resort would gladly pay his tuition to finish up his degree. Chuck started to say something, but realized it was his word against Bryce's, again, and that had gone so well last time. Bryce told him if something happened here like it did at Stanford, the Buy More would be the only place he would work for the rest of his life. Chuck just stared at him, but knew he couldn't win this fight. He simply nodded, thanked him for his time, and got up to leave. Bryce had asked him how Ellie was. Chuck stopped, turned, smiled, and said, she hates your guts and if you ever enter her house she knows over one hundred painful ways to kill you. Bryce blinked and Chuck walked out, grinning.
He looked at the clock, got up, and headed upstairs to the offices. He entered Sarah's office, and quickly took apart her computer, swapped out the hard drive, put it back together, turned it on, check it out to make sure it was alright, logged off, and started to leave. He paused, that was unprofessional. He left her a note to say if anything was wrong, make sure and call and ask for him. He looked at it, smiled, and started out the door, when he nearly ran into the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life. Chuck was tall, but so was she, only a few inches shorter than he was. She had blond hair, and stormy blue eyes. He was transfixed.
"Chuck?" she said again.
"Hey, that's me," he said, grinning. "Got your corrupted old drive here," he said, holding it up. "Give it a whirl and if you need anything just give me a jingle," he said, holding his hand up to his ear like a phone and internally wincing. Jingle? Who the hell says jingle?
Sarah meanwhile was trying to hold down a giggle, wondering when the last time she had giggled. Who had hidden tall and dark-haired curly down in IT? Get ahold of yourself, she thought. She scolded herself. No more interoffice relationships. Besides, what could they possibly have in common. He was a nerd and she was a conman's daughter who was lucky enough to get out of the life her father had tried to drag her into and make her way through college working odd jobs.
"So it's fixed?" she asked.
"I believe so," Chuck replied. He stood there staring at her, and that's when he realized he was standing in her office. "Soooo, guess I'll be going," he said, pointing out of the office. She was blocking his way.
"Oh, yes, of course," she said, and stepped aside. "If I need anything I'll give you a jingle," she said as he was walking away. He paused, looked over his shoulder and saw her biting her bottom lip so as not to laugh. He smiled and headed on, determined to have words with Carina.
-ooooo-
"What do you think you're doing?" Chuck hissed, coming into Carina's office.
"Well hello to you too, Handsome?" Carina said. "Miss me?" she asked with a wink.
"Carina, why did you put porn on Sarah's computer?" Chuck asked. Carina studied him a minute. "I have log-in access," he reminded her.
"Oh, yeah," she said, grinning and shrugging. "So, how was it?"
"She's crazy," Chuck said. "She double-clicked the icon you installed on her computer and then yelled at me about it."
"But, Chuck," Carina began.
"No, no, no," Chuck said. "I am not dealing with a crazy lady, no matter how attractive she is and how soothing her voice is."
"Her voice is soothing?" Carina asked, an eyebrow raised. Chuck glared at her.
"Carina, I'm telling you, NO!" he said, and headed out her door. Carina sat there a minute, thinking.
"Well, I'm just gonna have to try this a different way," Carina said, grinning.
A/N: Shrugs...Welp...that one has been sitting in todo folder for months. I finished chapter 2 yesterday and thought I'd give this a test run. Like Chuck V2 (the previously known as Chuck 2.0) I'm just putting it out there to see...I have two more fics in reserve as well...Reviews, PMs, and anything, are always appreciated…take care…see you soon…til next time.
DC
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boring tag
1. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED? I make sure they’re closed every night bc uh no thanks!!
2. DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS? I have before but only like lotion if i really liked it.
3. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT? Well they normally start tucked in but then wind up out by the end of the night.
4. HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE? Nah
5. DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST-IT NOTES? Hell! Yes! Bitch!
6. DO YOU CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM? Sometimes but not really idk
7. WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES? Bees because bears are fucking terrifying.
8. DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES? Lots.
9. DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES? I gave up - I’m ugly no matter what face I make. Plus, even my real smile looks super fake so I’ve given up.
10. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? People chewing with their mouth open oh my GOD
11. DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK? Do you count during marching band lol
12. HAVE YOU PEED IN THE WOODS? I can’t remember probably?
13. HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS? No.
14. DO YOU EVER DANCE EVEN IF THERES NO MUSIC PLAYING? No.
15. DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS? No it grosses me out how dirty pens and pencils are.
16. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK? wild
17. WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED? queen sized ;)
18. WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK? I have multiple: “Get Like” by Kehlani, “Hannah Hunt” by Vampire Weekend, “Come Under the Covers” by Walk the Moon, “This Must Be My Dream” by the 1975, “sHe” by ZAYN. i honestly have so many more i’d like to list.
19. IS IT OK FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK? Yes of course
20. DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS? I mean I watch Bob’s Burgers sometimes does that count.
21. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE? don’t kill me... but i really hate home alone.
22. WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME? honestly... i have no idea.
23. WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER? Water
24. WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN? Ranch or ketchup hell yea
25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD? I don’t know I mean i love apples and tortilla chips (not together no thanks)
26. WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE? all of the movies within the Star Wars Original Trilogy, jurassic park and jurassic park 3 (not the lost world that movie is shit), ABOUT TIME (my family watches this all the fucking time)
27. LAST PERSON YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU? shhh that’s personal
28. WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT? I was a girl scout for like 4-5 years
29. WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE? Nah.
30. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER? A few months ago but jesus christ I would never send it i should probably find i so i can shred it.
31. CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL ON A CAR? no... but i should learn how to.
32. EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET? nah.
33. EVER RAN OUT OF GAS? nope
34. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF SANDWICH? idk i mean i just normally eat a pb sandwich but i really like club sandwiches sorry i’m boring.
35. BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST? potato egg & cheese tacos from torchy’s
36. WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME? it honestly ranges from 10-4.
37. ARE YOU LAZY? it depends on where i am mentally. lately - yes.
38. WHEN YOU WERE A KID, WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN? Once i was Stephanie from lazy town. another year i was a unicorn. another year i was a smore.
39. WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN? a dragon. rawr xD
40. HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK? One fluently and i can speak spanish really really really poorly.
41. DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS? not personally
42. WHICH ARE BETTER: LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS? Legos
43. ARE YOU STUBBORN? hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahayeahahahahahhaha.
44. WHO IS BETTER: LENO OR LETTERMAN? i don’t watch either
45. EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS? nah
46. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? very. it’s funny because i’m a drum major so i literally have to stand on a tall metal podium for 2-6 hours at a time and wave my arms around like a maniac and sometimes move around to show people different marching “dance” things and it’s yikes.
47. DO YOU SING IN THE CAR? ALL THE TIME
48. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? yes but only if i’m home alone
49. DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR? not really but more than i do normally i guess?
50. EVER USED A GUN? yeah and i hated it and haven’t used one since (which was like 8 years ago). they’re too loud and scary no thank you.
51. LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER? i mean unless you count school photos, not since i was a toddler maybe.
52. DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY? nah i love some of em
53. IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL? yes and no
54. EVER EAT A PIEROGI? no
55. FAVORITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE? i hate pie
56. OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID? i really wanted to be an astronaut. really bad. really really bad. lowkey still do.
57. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? idk
58. EVER HAVE A DEJA-VU FEELING? a lot but that’s just what happens when you only go through the motions lol
59. DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY? no
60. DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS? no
61. DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE? no
62. WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED? normally just a big t-shirt but sometimes i wear sweats/leggings with it lol
63. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT? does a festival count bc then ACL 2004
64. WALMART, TARGET, OR KMART? target
65. NIKE OR ADIDAS? idk i mean i wear more nike but find adidas more appealing (it’s just way too expensive for me i mean damn)
66. CHEETOS OR FRITOS? don’t do this to me
67. PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS? peanuts
68. EVER HEAR OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN? Nope
69. EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS? when i was 5 i was in ballet for 2 weeks does that count
70. IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING? i do not i can’t be picky
71. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? nah
72. EVER WON A SPELLING BEE? no
73. HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY? a few times
74. OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS? yes
75. OWN A RECORD PLAYER? my dad does
76. DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE? No
77. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? yep
78. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT? Adele (I HAD TICKETS BUT THEN WE HAD A KINDA LAST MINUTE BAND COMPETITION AND IT SUCKED), Beyonce, Zayn, Walk the Moon, Vampire Weekend
79. WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW? HAIM at ACL (it was fucking LIT)
80. HOT TEA OR COLD TEA? if i had to choose i’d say cold but i don’t really like tea
81. TEA OR COFFEE? neither
82. SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES? sugar cookies
83. CAN YOU SWIM WELL? i can swim
84. CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE? yes
85. ARE YOU PATIENT? depends
86. DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING? Band
87. EVER WON A CONTEST? yes
88. HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY? nah
89. WHICH ARE BETTER: BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES? all olives are disgusting
90. CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET? no
91. BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE? living room or study
92. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED? if my partner does then sure
93. IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED? n/a
94. WHO WAS YOUR HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH? hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha i’m kms. only true dana fans know.
95. DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY? no
96. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? nah
97. DO YOU WANT KIDS? erg birth sounds painful but kids sound nice but idk again if my partner wants to we’ll talk
98. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? i like a lot of colors. maroon & olive green & black & red & yellow
99. DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW? more than i should for seeing them practically every day
100. WHO ARE YOU GOING TO TAG TO DO THIS VIDEO NEXT? do it @idkimbecca smh @starsburnouttoo
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100 Days, 100 Albums
Hi Friends: As some of you know, on January 1st, I decided to embark on a little musical adventure of discovery, that I colorfully referred to as #100days100albums. That project is coming to an end on April 10th, and I wanted to share some thoughts... Back to the beginning, I did this for a few reasons… a long commute… a failed, fantasy football season and presidential election that left me wanting absolutely nothing to do with any podcasts whatsoever for a while… a newly acquired subscription to Apple Music, and all the albums that are available… and, a planned “lighter-touring-year” for many of my bands. I already had a pretty sizable music collection - spanning classic rock, 90s, jam bands, and a lot recently discovered jazz. The bulk of my listening is typically a combination of live shows and albums from my favorite bands (the top 5 being Dave Matthews Band, Phish, the Grateful Dead, the Beatles, and Pearl Jam - in no particular order, but there’s also a lot of “2nd-tier” favorites as well). You won’t find any albums by the “big-5" on this list, because this project was about taking a break, but you will find some albums from that “2nd-tier”. The original plan was to revisit a lot of albums, that I hadn’t heard in years, but I set a goal of listening to AT LEAST 100 albums that I had never heard in their entirety before. That means that I may have known certain songs from those albums, or, I may have known nothing at all. As I start to write this (with a few days to go), I’m up to #108 (Innervisions by Stevie Wonder, if you were wondering), and by the time I publish this, I am hoping to get in a few more (Updated on 4/10 – I did). In addition to the official list of “new" albums, I did manage to get to another 30+ of those “revisits”, which are not on this list, but if you’re wondering, included a lot of Led Zeppelin, the Who, Pink Floyd, the Doors, etc. As for where the albums that are on the list came from - I asked friends, family, and co-workers for suggestions - and did my best to get to as many of them as possible. I reached for albums that I had read about or heard about that sounded interesting. If you’re looking at this list, and thinking “where’s Abbey Road, Dark Side of the Moon, Music From Big Pink, and Let It Bleed, etc.?” - you won’t find those on here - or many others - as they’re just already favorites. What I did do... I dug deeper into the back catalogs of bands that I didn’t know as extensively as I thought I did (i.e. Neil Young, and solo McCartney and Lennon). I consulted the "Rolling Stone Top 500 Albums of All Time" list for ideas… and I looked at some of my wife Alexis’ favorite artists and albums. She’s credited with getting me to listen to all 12 Billy Joel albums in time for the upcoming Dodger Stadium show, as well as some R.E.M., Elliot Smith, and Simon & Garfunkel among others. When I found something I liked, I went down a rabbit hole. That’s why you’ll find a lot of repeat and similar artists in here. For every album I listened to, I read the Wikipedia article, and well, you start clicking, and next thing you know you’re reliving the British invasion…
You’ll notice that there is no jazz on this list. I spent a large part of 2016 (especially the fall and holidays) in that space, and intentionally stuck to rock with this. I’ll get back to jazz soon. Also, I didn’t review these individually, and I’m not going to, but I did want to highlight some things that I learned… 1) My tastes are flexible, but also kind of are what they are. I discovered new bands and albums that I now love, but if I didn’t really care for a genre before, that didn’t really change. That being said, I completely appreciated everything I listened to in the last few months. 2) I didn’t really intend to focus this much on classic rock - but, when you research albums you "should have heard", most of them are... classic rock. Maybe next time I’ll dig a little deeper into indy, or maybe rap… 3) Although so many of my personal favorite albums come from the CD era (being born in 1980 will do that), the compact disc was actually, IMO, the worst thing to ever happen to the album - not digital downloads and streaming. Why? Easy - 60+ minutes is entirely too long… not just because of attention span - but also, because it takes a really special album to maintain quality for that long (aka no filler tracks). It’s no coincidence that so many of the "greatest albums of all time" come from an era in which 38-45 minutes was the standard, and I think it’s great that in the iTunes era, albums have gotten shorter again. There is less expectation of length, when you don’t have to “fill a disc”. 4) You’ll notice that I went through waves of specific artists and/or genres. I listened to a lot of psychedelic rock. I got on a Clapton kick (with Cream and Derek and the Dominos), and, I dug deeper into Jimi Hendrix, Warren Zevon, Bruce Springsteen, Dr. John, and most importantly Bob Dylan. I was actually surprised by how many of their biggest albums I had never actually listened to all the way through before. 5) The 80s will never be my favorite era of music - and this applies to both 80s artists, and, albums by classic rock legends that were put out in the 80s. The production, the synthesizers… in general, just not for me. 6) I still don’t love punk, but I am really glad to have listened to a few albums. Can totally hear the influence on Pearl Jam, and other bands I do love. 7) The 60s was by far my favorite decade of this project - and I feel like I could easily find another 100 albums to dive in to. 8) I put all of these albums on a playlist to shuffle - so although I’ve only listened to most of them in their entirety once - I’ve been getting to know a lot of these songs and artists a lot better. Now that I’m done, I can go back and re-listen to some of the ones that I really want to get to know better. 9) Here’s a few unexpected stand out albums/artists of note:
-Allen Toussaint - Southern Nights (Track 1, Last Train is a new favorite. Interestingly, this was the first album, I listened to.)
-Soul Coughing - Ruby Vroom (The best band I never knew I should have loved. Thanks to Dave Matthews for having plugged them on a live album)
-Spirit - 12 Dreams of Dr. Sardonicus (Don’t let the name trick you - this album is amazing.
-The Zombies - Odyssey and Oracle (One of the stand-out albums from my tear through the British Invasion.)
-The Revivalists - Men Against Mountain (A new favorite modern band, which will be in heavy rotation for summer 2017.)
-Neil Young - On the Beach (I had never heard of this one, and it’s very chill. My favorite of the “new to me” Young Albums)
-New Pornographers - Twin Cinema (Dug this enough to grab their new release that came out over the weekend.)
-Chuck Berry - Berry On Top (I’ll be honest; I looked this up and listened to it the day he died.)
-Paul McCartney - McCartney 2 - (Noteworthy as the worst post-Beatles album by far - just listen to “Temporary Secretary” and bust out your WTF Emoji.)
-David Bowie - Hunky Dory (Which features my favorite Bowie song - Life On Mars. 2nd only to Ziggy Stardust IMO.)
-13th Floor Elevators - The Psychedelic Sounds of the 13th Floor Elevators (Another “band I wished I’d heard of years ago - if you like psychedelic rock.)
-Frank Zappa - Hot Rats (The album opens with Peaches en Regalia - one of my favorite Phish covers, and is like everything I love about jazz done with rock. Very cool.)
And finally, there’s a lot that I couldn’t get to in the past 100 days, but I’ve got some summer tours to follow, and 2017 albums to focus on for a while. I’m going to try to keep this going with #FullAlbumFriday for a while. Here’s the full list of “first-time" albums, in order from January 1st to April 10th…
1 - Allen Toussaint - Southern Nights 2 - Billy Joel - Piano Man 3 - Allman Brothers Band - Idlewild South 4 - Car Seat Headrest - Teens of Denial 5 - Billy Preston - I Wrote a Simple Song 6 - Soul Coughing - Ruby Vroom 7 - Little Feat - Waiting For Columbus 8 - The Doors - The Doors 9 - New Pornographers - Twin Cinema 10 - Billy Joel - Turnstile 11 - S.C.I. - 'Round the Wheel 12 - Spirit - 12 Dreams of Dr. Sardonicus 13 - Dr. John - In the Right Place 14 - Jimi Hendrix Experience - Are You Experienced? 15 - Simon & Garfunkel - Sounds of Silence 16 - U2 - Joshua Tree 17 - Crosby Stills, and Nash - Crosby Stills, and Nash 18 - Billy Joel - 52nd Street 19 - Cat Stevens - Tea For the Tillerman 20 - The Doors - Strange Days 21 - The Zombies - Odessey and Oracle 22 - Bruce Springsteen - Born In the U.S.A. 23 - The Byrds - Sweetheart of the Rodeo 24 - R.E.M. - Up 25 - Billy Joel - The Stranger 26 - Frank Zappa - Hot Rats 27 - Luther Allison - Bad News Is Coming 28 - Jimi Hendrix Experience - Axis Bold of Love 29 - Mother Love Bone - Mother Love Bone 30 - Yes - Close to the Edge 31 - Allman Brothers Band - Brothers and Sisters 32 - Warren Zevon - Warren Zevon 33 - Billy Joel - Storm Front 34 - Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers (Self-Titled) 35 - Cream - Wheels of Fire 36 - Soul Coughing - Irresistible Bliss 37 - Buffalo Springfield (Self-Titled) 38 - The Velvet Underground - Velvet Underground & Nico 39 - Cream - Disraeli Gears 40 - Billy Joel - The Nylon Curtain 41 - Lee Baines III & the Glory Fires - There Is a Bomb in Gilead 42 - Paul McCartney - McCartney 43 - The Meters - The Meters 44 - Janis Joplin - Pearl 45 - Derek & the Dominos - Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs 46 - The Revivalists - Men Against Mountains 47 - Traffic - Mr. Fantasy 48 - Elliott Smith - Figure 8 49 - Buffalo Springfield - Buffalo Springfield Again 50 - Billy Joel - An Innocent Man 51 - Santana - Abraxas 52 - The Hollies - Evolution 53 - The Byrds - Turn, Turn, Turn 54 - Dr. John - In the Right Place 55 - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers - Long After Dark 56 - Bob Dylan - John Wesley Harding 57 - Violent Femmes - Violent Femmes 58 - The Decemberists - The Crane Wife 59 - Warren Zevon - The Envoy 60 - Neil Young - On the Beach 61 - 13th Floor Elevators - The Psychedelic Sounds of the 13th Elevators 62 - Elvis Costello & the Attractions - Armed Forces 63 - The Yarbirds - Roger the Engineer 64 - David Bowie - Station to Station 65 - Iron Butterfly - In-a-Gadda-Da-Vidda Baby 66 - Bob Dylan - Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan 67 - Van Morrison - Astral Weeks 68 - Ry Cooter - Into the Purple Valley 69 - Chet Atkins & Mark Knopfler - Neck and Neck 70 - Bob Dylan - Blonde On Blonde 71 - Jimi Hendrix Experience - Electric Ladyland 72 - Talking Heads - Speaking In Tongues 73 - Billy Joel - River of Dreams 74 - Jeff Beck - Truth 75 - The Doors - Waiting For the Sun 76 - Radiohead - Hail to the Thief 77 - Soundgarden - Superunknown 78 - Paul & Linda McCartney - Ram 79 - R.E.M. - Document 80 - Jefferson Airplane - Surrealistic Pillow 81 - The Rolling Stones - Aftermath (UK) 82 - Yes - Fragile 83 - Chuck Berry - Berry Is On Top 84 - Moby Grape - Moby Grape ’69 85 - Bob Dylan - Bringing it All Back Home 86 - R.E.M. - Out of Time 87 - Peter Gabriel - So 88 - Huey Lewis - Sports 89 - The Ramones - Ramones 90 - Alabama Shakes - Sound & Color 91 - David Bowie - Hunk Dory 92 - Billy Joel - Cold Spring Harbor 93 - Talking Heads - 77 94 - Dire Straits - Brothers In Arms 95 - Rush - Moving Pictures 96 - Bob Dylan - Desire 97 - Bruce Springsteen - Nebraska 98 - Flaming Lips - Transmissions From the Satellite Heart 99 - Creedence Clearwater Revival - Cosmo's Factory 100 - John Lennon - Plastic Ono Band 101 - Creedence Clearwater Revival - Willy & the Poor Boys 102 - Johnny Cash - At Folsom Prison 103 - Marvin Gaye - What's Going On 104 - David Bowie - Diamond Dogs 105 - Sex Pistols - Nevermind the Bollocks, Here's the Sex Pistols 106 - Frightened Rabbit - Pedestrian Verse 107 - Allen Toussaint - Sweet Touch of Love 108 - Stevie Wonder - Innervisions 109 - Ryan Adams - Heartbreaker 110 - Bruce Springsteen - Darkness on the Edge of Town 111 - Talking Heads - Remain In Light 112 - Elton John - Goodbye Yellow Brick Road 113 - Neil Young (Self Titled)
Special thanks to everyone who gave me suggestions over the last few months, and to anyone who is still reading this!
As for this week… it’s Pearl Jam week, in honor of their Hall of Fame induction…
-Tom
*Apparently I am not the first person to use this #100days100albums hashtag...
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