#A very dumb criticism has petrified my motivation for a while

[luckstergal]

Probably a good idea to finally up an admit that for the past several months, I’ve been suffering a bit of an art funk. And for a really fucking stupid reason.

Warning: A ramble and a rant as I try to get my shit together

Motivation plummeted and it’s been a massive struggle to draw ANYTHING for a while, to the point where I have been forcing out what little work I have produced (my Patreon images and a commission comic are really all I have to show for my efforts since my crash). There’s even a gift that’s 2 months late now because I can’t bring myself to finish it with confidence.

What made me crash? There were a few things that struck me terribly during the summer. Mostly to do with how I choose to apply my work. How I prefer to extend my reach. And how I choose to experiment and try to grow.

I have gotten criticized repeatedly by people, both whom I know on a fairly high level and those I hardly know, for putting a lot of effort into fanwork. I always try to defend myself in pointing out it’s a fine practice piece at least, it’s a good way to experiment, and then I try to force myself down to a bare minimum effort just to avoid the criticism again. 

But I want to do more fanart. It has a higher reach that my own work, and I enjoy it in general. I meet new people. I sometimes get new clients. And I learn new things!

So I end up in an infinite loop of being excited about something only to be shot down with “Why did you put so much effort into something you don’t even own?”

I thought that mixing my personal work with fanwork would remedy this, but no. It just keeps coming. It caused anxiety to hit a high point in me, made me more aware of how much time I am spending on each and every piece, how much effort I’m putting in on fanwork and commissions vs. my own stuff, and made me less and less inclined to actually fire up the tablet. I started mentally numbing myself with the notion of “Why even bother? It’s fandom garbage. It means nothing no matter how much effort you put into it.”

It got to the point where I considered just kinda quitting. Not entirely. But I’d just drop off the face of the earth for a year or two and work only for the 2 clients I have managed to keep over the years as regulars, while I work on my own stuff completely behind the scenes and not do anything to build new relationships, reach out with familiar content, or anything.

Just put in all my effort into something I don’t even know will get feedback more than a few pity notes. Disappear for a while and hope for the best.

Recently I am making an effort to get back into drawing again. To fight the anxiety.

Fanart? Original work?

As far as I am trying to consider, why the hell does it even matter how much effort I am putting into what content? I don’t understand why it’s a bad thing that I am trying new things and putting in a lot of effort into things that are not 100% my own. I still had to MAKE the damn thing! I still had to do the sketch, do the cleanups, resketch it maybe, do the ink, do the colors, and if I am feeling particularly daring--put in a detailed background!

Why is it suddenly less impressive because it’s fanart? That I went out of my way to spend 16+ hours making something beautiful and inching out of my comfort zone?

Where am I going with this? I don’t even fully know....

But I’m done abandoning projects because of this very shitty criticism.

If there is something wrong with my work that needs to be fixed, then pelase do tell me and give me help and advice.

But if the only thing you have to say is a finger waggle and “Why are you putting in so much work into fanart”

I’m going to tell you to go fuck yourself. That should not be something you repeatedly say to someone to make them feel bad for the time and effort they spent.

[mildredsaunder]

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Can I Get My Ex Back After 2 Years