#A struggle - a fight - a zeal - a reason to go day to day. It's something I've never really had for as long as I can think.

[mrmathmanwr]

OMFGGGGGG. Listening to the InuYasha soundtrack on soundcloud as I look for a download for opening 1, and by god I keep getting chills. IT'S JUST SO GOOD. I really can't describe it in a way that does it justice, and to be fair, I can see from the outside how it wouldn't be anything special - but when you think of it from the perspective of the series? I can't even think of a follow up to that. The emotions that form in me are far beyond the - what I'd like to describe as rather large - vocabulary I possess. I may give the InuYasha anime a lot of shit, and I may mock Sunrise incredulously, but by God, I really have to give credit where credit is due. Nothing else hits quite the same way. God, play this shit at my funereal.

edit: GOD I WANNA FUCKING HIT SOMETHING IT'S SO FUCKING GOOD.

[centrally-unplanned]

Let's see if I have one more election take in me:

I am deeply sympathetic to Sam Kriss's rage against the Democratic corpo-political shibboleth, and not just because we are both deeply enmeshed in the grand tradition of dissident Oxbridge-style cantankerous internet rants. He is right that Kamala was a weak candidate, for one. But more importantly, I still feel what he feels deep down. I remember the starry idealism of my halcyon youth, of believing that conviction, that vision, that the zeal only a platform birthed from authentic principles, tempered by struggle and sweat, would carry the day over crass, paint-by-polling-numbers incrementalism. When he describes Harris thusly:

"She’s a machine politician. She wants power, but not for any particular reason. It’s just that life is a game, and the point is to reach the highest level."

I see my own reaction to her when she first stepped into the 2020 limelight, and low-key hating her for it. I feel his heart, for it is my heart.

But it is not my brain. Because I am not a teenager anymore, and his critique is fucking bullshit.

He says all this stuff like:

The reason Kamala Harris lost is the same as the reason she was the candidate to begin with: the Democratic Party is allergic to democracy.

And how the electorate is seen as but ants from inside the towers of the Machine, like the Dems just invented "not running a primary" this time as a lark. As opposed to neither party in America ever having primaries against incumbent presidents! Because they are normally popular, and it would be a waste of everyone's time to do that! Could you imagine, launching a real primary against Obama in 2012? And possibly sabotaging his brand a bit for absolutely nothing? It is a reasonable policy, particularly when incumbents used to have an advantage for being so. Now they clearly don't, Biden was unpopular and too old, and the Dems took too long to realize it. A costly mistake, but it is a purely strategic error. Big orgs have inertia, and the Dems fucked up. It has nothing to do with an "allergy to democracy".

And Kriss can go off summarizing how the Harris campaign was offering voters nothing:

But for some unaccountable reason, among the general public, ‘Kamala: You Already Like Her!’ was not the brilliant pitch it seemed to be. [...] Another option would be to actually offer something to the voters.

Which sounds neat, but he made it up! I remember Kamala's actual campaign speeches, ads, and platforms, which she repeated so monotonically in her tightly-scripted campaign appearances: protect abortion rights, expand the welfare state, provide better child care support, lower the cost of housing. And most importantly, she ran on Biden's record of a strong economy and promised to deliver more of it. What does even mean for this to not be a real platform? Beyond not having some synthesized, totalizing "Critique" of modernity that packages it all into a beautiful, systematizing little box.

Because I promise you, voters synthesize jack shit. None of this is why Harris lost - voters have made that pretty clear:

You can find other data ofc, this or that point varies, but the story is not opaque. They didn't like Biden! They didn't like his inflation. They didn't like immigration, or they didn't like his liberalism, and they thought Kamala was too similar. She had too much policy baggage. And she wasn't charismatic enough to dig herself out of that hole - no disagreement from me on that front.

Though even then, by that we mean she lost an election by ~3-4% margins after getting subbed in at the 4th quarter while down by ~8% in the polls. That ain't bad!

None of the voters who matter share Kriss's sensibilities, and he cannot hide his disappointment in that. So he pretends that Donald Trump, the guy who promised 20% tariffs on everything to fight inflation, is giving them a real vision:

That’s what Trump did: he offered an enemy to blame and the prospect of doing violence to them

I don't know man, I think swing voters just don't like the last four years and think 2019 was better. I don't think the promises of orgastic violence against democrats are why Trump won! Actually a bit of an unforced error on his part.

But since Kriss presumes to value democracy, that thesis can't hold - so the lack of reality delivering on what his vision for democracy should be is displaced onto Harris's mistakes. The voters can never fail you. You can only fail to elevate them with the right candidate. Which, tactically? Sure, why not. But you can leave the moralism at the classroom door.

This ties into our dreaded media discourse debate, so it is time to bring in another explainer, by Michael Tomasky:

The line-by-line isn't interesting here; instead I want to focus on this quote:

Weren’t they bothered that Trump is a convicted felon? An adjudicated rapist? Didn’t his invocation of violence against Liz Cheney, or 50 other examples of his disgusting imprecations, obviously disqualify him? And couldn’t they see that Harris, whatever her shortcomings, was a fundamentally smart, honest, well-meaning person who would show basic respect for the Constitution and wouldn’t do anything weird as president? The answer is obviously no—not enough people were able to see any of those things. At which point people throw up their hands and say, “I give up.”

To which the immediate reply is: my dude, what are you talking about??

A 56 percent majority of Americans say Trump is probably guilty of a criminal conspiracy to overturn the 2020 election results through false claims of voter fraud, including 40 percent who believe he is “definitely guilty.” Republicans are less united than Democrats. Nearly 9 in 10 Democrats believe Trump is guilty, while nearly 7 in 10 Republicans think he is innocent. Among independents, nearly twice as many think Trump is guilty as think he is innocent.

You know how when you ~13 years old, and you have that friend who is just old enough to start taking Dungeons & Dragons books filled with splash art of succubi into the bathroom with him, but not yet old enough to get that "talking to girls" is an acquired skill? And they are blatantly, openly salivating over the first chick in the 7th grade class who discovered what power the combination of a camisole and a push-up bra holds over the male gaze? And she just completely ignores his faltering attempts at ~casual conversation~, so his brain script-cycles through its backlog of tween sitcom plots until it lands on, "Hey, what if I confess to her? Then she will know about my feelings!"

And you have to pull him aside and gently explain that, bro. She knows. That is not your problem.

Kriss is too intelligent a thinker to not understand this, but our dear Tomasky - and so many like him - has stuck his 14-year-old head in the sand over this. Swing voters know Trump is a scumbag! They know he lost the election, they know he raped a few women in his day, they know he is a serial fraudster. Even a bunch of those Republicans who, in polls, go "oh it's all a Dem conspiracy"? They know too; they just have the decency to lie about it. How could they not? Every media outlet in the country has been repeating it for a fucking decade! I might think voters are morons but even I won't stoop this low; they have eyes and ears, they aren't illiterate.

They just don't care.

Not enough at least, not enough to make it the only thing they consider. And here is the rub, here is the grand mistake Kriss & Tomasky are making - they are at least somewhat right to not care. The height of the Democratic privilege is that they get to play this card because they don't have to deal with it being turned against them. Kamala is a political chameleon but she is a decent person. She would never take a bribe from a foreign government, she would never assault a coworker, she would never, ever, deny a free and fair election.

Which means you don't have to choose between voting for a rapist and voting for someone who is going to shove a bullshit interpretation of the 14th amendment down your throat via a stacked court to ban abortion nationwide, forever. Pro-life people think abortion is genocide against babies! Why are you surprised they aren't voting for the pro-baby-genocide person because she is nice? How sure are you that you would do the same when that is reversed? I guess those boycott-Harris-because-of-Gaza people got some cred, but I think we all agreed they were dumb, right?

This is the rub of why outsiders always have so much difficulty understanding how people like Berlusconi, Trump, Le Pen, etc, get so much vote share - they have no stake in the political struggle beyond the vague idea of democratic norms. It is easy to say "Italy, choose a non-crook!" when you don't have to live with the policy programme of the other guy. From the inside the price of those principles is far, far harder. It isn't shocking that most choose not to pay it.

This isn't to give voters like a moral pass - Trump's conduct is truly disqualifying, I would vote Republican if the shoe was on the other foot in this case. My point instead is that they generally won't as a simple fact of life, and blaming them is futile. If you have wound up in a situation where the political system has taken its pool of hundreds of millions of potential candidates and narrowed it down to two for the voters, and one of them has "launched a coup but will say go to hell to the inflation guy" as a bundled package, someone fucked up and it isn't the voters.

You need political elites to do their part in the system - Republicans never should have let Trump be their candidate in 2016. Open primaries with no organizational thumbs on the scale are a mistake, actually, allowing arbitrary minorities to generate subpar candidates. The decision to let Biden run again was, fundamentally, born from the same impulse - the Democratic Party had no leadership capable of telling him no, because they outsourced that job to "primaries". The Dems are not "allergic" to democracy; democracy is allergic to too much of itself.

But the cat is out of the bag now! These changes happened for a reason after all. Which I won't dig into here - I will keep my point as focused as something as sprawling as this can be. Voters will not save you, and you should not be disappointed when they don't. It was never their job.

[facelessxchurch]

Question And Answer Contain (massive) HBL Spoilers  #09

I like the way Mevolent’s fighting is described in chapter 24. “He was a giant of a man, but he moved like a dancer.”

Well, I finished, and that was a complete waste of my time.

The plot made absolutely no sense, like none. What the fuck is going on? Maybe I was purposefully not paying attention and only tuning in when Mevolent turned up, but I still have no idea where this started, or why.

I was fully expecting one of the Masked Sisters to be Malice, not Valkyrie. Dunno why, seemed obvious Darquesse would rope Malice in as her new maintenance woman. So I completely expected time travel, from the moment they started talking about the Lady of Darkness, but I didn’t expect Valkyrie at all.

When Valkyrie showed up, I started expecting Skulduggery from the future to also show his face. Surprised he stayed put.

Why does Valkyrie need Destrier’s necronaut suit to time travel now? She was already able to time travel without a suit in DoA. Is the implication here that she can only travel to futures and back again, but can’t travel backwards in time without the time travel suit?

Her suit is now also a time travel device on top of everything else it does. Ok lol

Did that part Valkyrie mentioned about her and Mevolent fighting together actually happen or did she just make it all up?

So now we have yet another alternate earth where mortals rule over sorcerers and siphon off their magic for their own petty ends

I assume that Abhor and Zeal and their stupid god will show up in phase 3. I won’t care about them then just like I didn’t care about them now

I actually liked the way Mevolent methodically killed his way through all the Dead Men. Despite everything wrong here it is good that Mevolent’s status as the one villain who will always win whatever struggle he enters into has not been compromised.

It’s kinda funny that Vile just pissed off half way through. I assume him doing that was what led to the whole necromancer thing that ended up in the mortals-with-magic timeline, but I’m not wasting a fucking molecule of neural energy to go back and figure that out

Landy needs to stop writing time travel plots. Unlike Darren Shan, he sucks balls at them and his don’t even make surface-level sense.

That said, this idea of the universe naturally reconciling damage inflicted on it by discrepancies in causality is something I’ve encountered before, in Halo, where the universe heals itself from the time dilation of huge space battles that utilize faster-than-light travel. This healing incurs a “debt” where if there has been too much heavy-weight FTL, faster-than-light travel simply fails. Predictably, Halo time travel is a lot more interesting and elegantly written than SP time travel. https://halo.fandom.com/wiki/Reconciliation_Debt

Landy gratuitously includes Dexter and Saracen kissing each other. Keep throwing more bisexuality at me, Derek, see if I give a fuck

Something weirdly cringy about Valkyrie taking the opportunity to announce to everyone Skulduggery is Lord Vile, long before he actually became Lord Vile

Does whatever stupid god is on the other side of the portal even matter in phase 3? Valkyrie instakilled Vile with the sceptre, now she has the sceptre’s power in her own body, and the power of the Boring God couldn’t kill Vile even in his weakest state. It stands to reason Valkyrie can dust the Boring God with one handful of black lightning whenever he shows up again.

No more thoughts now. Only cringe

—

Yeah, I love how Mev was described there too. I also really liked this scene.

“When Mevolent entered the tent, the temperature dropped, despite the warmth of the day. There was a coldness to the man that wasn’t caused by mere intimidation: his mastery of Elemental magic allowed him to control the temperature of his immediate surroundings. Not even Eachan Meritorious could do.“

Mev is so fucking extra lol. Like I said prior, the more I read about Mev, the more he is like Nef. They are birds of a feather if I ever saw some.

And now I see the part you meant. I’ve read straight past this bc I was distracted by Mev. But lol yeah, Landy forgot Meritorious discipline, what a fucking joke!

The plot is pointless bc by the end of it it’s not even a separate dimension, the timeline just gets erased. Bc of that, I was invested in nothing that happened past Nef’s death bc with Nef dead the current timeline wouldn’t be able to happen, so it was obvious that this would either be a separate timeline or would get a reset like UtE.

Ngl I keep forgetting Malice exists bc I care about her so little. And I didn’t make the connection between ‘Lady of Darkness’ and Darquesse until you mentioned it. I just... have so little interest in the new gods and cults. And frankly, reading them belittling FO followers while knowing that the FO are real is painful to read.

Val explained that she had to come alone so I wasn’t expecting that tbh. SP is a very tell-insted-of-show book series after all.

The fuck do I know. The laws of the SP world are vague, self-contradicting and constantly get retconned.

As if she (and the suit) wasn’t OP enough already.

Honestly, the whole there-where-more-timeline-than we saw kinda came out of left field, so I’m not sure. Like, she also said that there was a timeline where she hooked up with Skul and all the Dead Men and I’m straight up not sure if that was meant to be a joke or not. Skul also had no reaction to that, he only praised Val for flinging Mev off. But it’s totally believable that Val needed multiple attempts to unfuck the timeline.

I think that future got erased. But like I said, I call bullshit on Mev getting defeated by the necromancers. Fuck off, Landy.

Probably.

Mevolent, the villain that can only defeated by massive plot armour. Not even bc he’s that strong (he got nerfed so much) but bc the entire universe of SP shares one brain cell and he has it most of the time. I can accept the explanation that Mev was toying with them, but Baron getting beaten to death after having essentially already won was such bullshit.

Yeah probably. Landy made Vile even more OP in this book and I hate it. He made him so OP he needed him to fuck off randomly for his ending to work. I feel like the Dead Men getting brutally killed was him torturing DM fans, but I was enjoying it a lot :)

I already hate time travel plots, the fact that Landy lacks the skill to execute them in a satisfying way just makes it worse.

12. Time correcting itself has shown up in multiple media. A lot of times in relation of the person-you-tried-to-save-is-gonna-die-anyways.

13. See that one is cheeky bc this timeline is gonna get reset, so technically that didn’t happen. It’s fanservice and trolling at the same time. He’s also going back on this.

[link]

14. The bad guy also pointed out that Skul is Vile. The way he did it felt a lot like him retconning the Grimoire saying “no one knows Skul is Vile in the current timeline” as if Skul didn’t turn into Vile in front of a bunch of people in SoW.

15. Skul/Vile should have totally died tho. Destroying his physical form should have made Skul’s consciousness dissipate. He made Skul pretty much immortal unless someone like Darquesse shows up that can tears his consciousness out of him or whatever she did. This is way too OP :/ he’s becoming more and more a Gary-Sue each day.

16. Mood. This book was garbage.

[dark9896]

Day 6 [Leo/ Zapp/ Dog]

Prompt: "You're lucky you didn't get someone killed!"

Leo

This could have gone so much better. Leo should have tried talking you out of that Hail Mary attack. This was just painful to see. The scene replayed in his mind as you lay there, unresponsive in your hospital bed. Who knew how long you'd be passed out like that.

"Run Leo!"

"Huh? Not without you [Name]!"

"Just trust me Leo!" That look in your eye spurred Leo on, "Go! Now!"

He should have argued a little longer. Setting off all that magic at once had drained you completely, and the spells mixed in the worst ways possible. And worst than that was how Steven could just so casually dismiss it.

"Honestly, they just got lucky Klaus." The older dark-haired man sighed, "I mean, [Name] could have gotten someone killed."

Leo could see Klaus nodding from the corner of his eye. Either you or himself could have died, but you didn't. That's all that mattered.

.

Zapp

You could only wish you had Zapp's energy in battle. Sure, you could keep up but he just had some kind of zeal about himself. Maybe it was the literal hot blood he used to fight with.

"Heads up!"

Zapp's voice rang out from maybe twenty yards away, but you could tell that he barely dented the large metal obstruction. Meaning it was just your turn to tear something up.

You smacked it with all your might, blood hammer style was no joke after all. The debris raining down was proof enough of that, though some of it was still too large to not continue to repair itself.

Both you and Zapp kept batting the metal problem around until the core was exposed. Though the damage done across the city was far from ideal. Leading to both of you being scolded like kids.

"You need to be more careful!" Steven was just shy of gritting his teeth, "You could have gotten someone killed! Honestly, we expect Zapp to be like this but [Name]. You're supposed to be the voice of reason for him. Reign him in from time to time, not just blindly go along with the destruction."

Klaus had to lead Steven away before he popped a vein. You really couldn't argue much, for all intents and purposes, Steven was right. Didn't mean you had to like it, or neglect hastily made plans to go get a drink afterwards.

.

Dog

"Exo-Crimson."

You didn't get any kind of warning when Dog landed next to you. A large crater formed under him, causing you to lose your footing and struggle to do anything except flail. But you heard a woman screaming, her baby's carriage had slipped from her grip.

Acting as fast as you could, and losing a shoe in the process, you managed to save the infant, just not the stroller. Though the basket could be replaced, and the mother thanked you as you handed the small swaddled baby back to her, you still couldn't shake the anger rising in the back of your throat.

"Whew. That was close [Name]." Dog picked up your dropped shoe, "Another second and you would've been swarmed."

You couldn't help it, you snapped out of pure stress, "YOU'RE LUCKY YOU DIDN'T GET SOMEONE KILLED!"

Dog held his hands up in surrender, your shoe dangling from his thumb.

"Sugar Pie, c'mon. It wasn't that bad." He stopped just shy of where you stood, "I know I messed up your fighting but that thing was almost on top of you."

"Not me, there was a mother and her baby close by." You gestured to the wreck of a stroller, "I barely saved the kid. Just, please, be more careful. Our job is literally to protect civilians."

Dog's face fell when he noticed the mangled stroller. He really hadn't meant to do that. Boy was he lucky you were right there this time.

[atqh16]

Sasuke and Naruto start their friendship a little differently in my KakaObiRin where New Naruto AU where Obito and Rin both survive the war. After Minato and Kushinas death in the nine tails attack (Madara has someone else attack the village instead of Obito) 14 year old Rin, Obito and Kakashi become secret surrogate big siblings to Naruto. Kakashi’s chapter here, Rin’s here, Obito’s here. Chronologically this is before the chapter with Obito.

Any interactions Sasuke has had with Naruto were always nothing short of disastrous and Sasuke refused to take any blame for it. Ever since they started school Naruto insisted on being a thorn in his side from day one. The thing is, Sasuke himself wasn't very good at making friends in the first place. He was painfully introverted which made any interaction with the boys in his class awkward at best and the love-struck attention he got from the girls just made him roll his eyes constantly. Then there was Naruto, who for some reason, saw every move he made as some kind of personal affront and challenge and he showed his zealous zeal of that stance persistently and loudly.

Not that it was cause of much distraction for him when it came to his education at the academy since the curriculum was painfully amateur compared to what he’d already been taught by his father and brother. While other kids still stumbled over learning how to hold a kunai properly, Sasuke was already throwing bullseyes at the practice targets with ease. While his classmates were still struggling to learn how to throw a kick, he was already flipping them over his shoulder 3 moves in, his record being when he ended a spar with a kid from the Inuzuku clan in less than a minute. The blondes skills were admittedly better than some of their classmates. He threw the kunais with a practiced precision and while his taijutsu was messy, he had the basics down and frankly was good at reacting unpredictably. He had clearly been trained, most likely by someone which was strange because Sasuke had never seen him with any other adult. Still he was not much of a challenge for Sasuke. But what made Naruto different from the rest was how after every fight he’d aggressively make promises about beating the Uchiha in their next one. The idiot never knew when to give up and shut up. To an incredibly irritating degree.

So it wasn't surprising when one day underneath the heat of the summer sun, their sparring match for the day turned into an outright brawl when Naruto pounced on him with a loud yell and Sasuke was to surprised by it to deflect. They’d rolled on the ground in a chaotic scuffle. Technique forgotten as they were reduced to a ball off flaying limbs and violent screaming. It had taken two genin to pull them apart and by the end of it Sasuke had a split lip and Naruto was sporting what looked like a shiner that was going to purple by the end of the day. Iruka sensei's attempt at making them form the unity sign had almost devolved into another fight before he finally pulled Naruto back to the academy building, a scolding audible as they walked though Sasuke also heard mentions of ice. Sasuke was furious for the rest of the day. His mother had been concerned at the sight of him. Covered in dirt, scuffed and his already messy hair haphazardly stuck out all over the place. Sasuke grumbled and muttered under his voice and ate his dinner with an agitated gusto that made even Itachi raise a curious eyebrow. He was tight lipped over the whole debacle but that night he found himself restlessly rolling around in his futon, unable to sleep. So much so that his movements emitted an annoyed whine from Itachi's own futon a few feet besides his But by the time the moon had reached a high enough peak to spill its shine through their bedroom window, the simmering discontent that had been bubbling inside him melted away into something unfamiliar. Something that sent his skin tingling and his fingers fidgeting. Eyes wide and ears sharp to the sound of crickets from the garden and the creak and groans of their ancestral home. He found himself staring into space and after some time, everything else around him turned into white noise and the only thing he found occupied his mind was the memory of the exhilaration that had coursed through him during the fight where nothing else mattered except him and Naruto and the intensity of the moment. Not his fathers approval, not his brothers attention. Simply himself stripped to the barest essential just as who he was. Just Sasuke. So the next day he lingered by the entrance off the academy after class  ended. He waited for all the other children to vacate the building with their parents till there was no one to see him warily walk towards the large oak across the yard where he usually spotted the blonde boy and sure enough there he was. Sitting on the lone swing, sandals barely touching the ground with only the toe of them scraped against the dirt and kicking weakly at any pebbles within reach. He seemed so lost in his thoughts that Sasuke was barely a few feet away from the swing before his presence managed to snare Naruto’s awareness. “What do you want, teme?”, Naruto asked with a furrow between his eyebrows. But his tone was lackluster compared to the usual fire behind them. Sasuke stuffed his hands in his pockets in an attempt to look as nonchalant as possible. But for some reason he struggled to meet Narutos eyes. “I want a rematch” “I can’t” The answer caught Sasuke by surprise and he finally raised his eyes to properly meet Naruto's cerulean blue ones that peered below the downturn of his eyebrows “Why not?” “It’s none of your business, bastard”, Naruto spat out. Which only served to make Sasuke raise an eyebrow. “So you’re a coward as well as an idiot?”, Sasuke snapped back. “Look who you’re calling a coward, asshole!”, Naruto leaped off the swing and reached to grasp the scuff off Sasuke's raised collar. For half a second Sasuke thought that he would get what he wanted but the irritation in Narutos shoulders melted away almost as fast as it came. He let Sasuke's shirt go and stepped back to dump himself onto the swing. “Iruka Sensei said I can’t, ok! I don’t want to…..” …..disappoint him' were the words left unsaid which caught Sasuke in honest surprise. It never occurred to him that the loud boisterous prankster gave an ounce of thought to anyone’s opinion off him. Particularly an adult. A part of Sasuke seemed to realize that a curtain was being drawn back for him to view something many were not privy to see and the stiffness in his own stance softened while his frustration at Naruto's refusal melted away. He heard an echo of himself in Naruto's words. His thoughts flying to memories of how his own heart swelled whenever he managed to do something that pleased his father and the desire to do nothing that would bring about the opposite reaction. “Fine. Race me then” Naruto perked up ever so slightly at the suggestion. “Where?” “The park-“ “No” “Why?!” “It’s Friday” “So?” Naruto had the audacity to roll his eyes at him, the idiot. “So all the kids and their parents will be there” Sasuke was getting really irritated at Narutos inability to just get to the point. Maybe he noticed the way Sasuke's impatience was teetering on an edge, so with a defeated sigh he continued his explanation. “The adults don’t like me around the other kids. They always get mad if I show up. They’ll start yelling and I just don’t like it, ok” Whatever aggravation that had been itching sharp words on Sasuke's tongue stopped short. He didn’t usually hang around at the park often since he didn’t have a lot of friends to play with anyway. So he couldn’t verify what Naruto was telling him. But he’d have to be blind to say he didn’t see the contempt dripping from the adults every time they spotted the blonde in public. Sasuke never understood why but also never gave it much thought but the dejected way Naruto was drooping on the swing had guilt niggling his insides.

He didn't understand why. “Fine. Follow me” Naruto starts but Sasuke was already walking in the direction of the Uchiha compound. When he didn’t hear footsteps following his, he turned around to face the other boy who was looking at him with a look off confusion that Sasuke couldn’t help find exasperating. “Are you coming or not?” Sasukes question seemed to break Naruto out off whatever stupor he’d sunken into and for the second time he leaped off the swing and bounded after the Uchiha. Probably hoping his excitement wasn’t obvious. Sasuke led Naruto through winding alleys that became less and less familiar until they reached the forest right at the north edge of the village and while Naruto had never been in this part off the village, he knew enough to know that they had just entered the designated Uchiha compound The only thing that held back his nerves at being somewhere so unfamiliar was the fact that the path Sasuke used was completely deserted and the Uchiha obviously did it intentionally. They walked through the forest for maybe another five minutes before they reached a fairly large clearing with wooden practice dummies and targets scattered high above them in the trees. Sasuke gave Naruto a few seconds to roam his eyes around the area before he called his attention to a tree on the other side of the clearing with yellow flowers. “First one to complete 2 laps from there and back wins” Naruto gave him a mischievous grin, “Easy” Sasuke rolled his eyes but readied his stance to sprint into a run. “Ready. Set....” Naruto didn’t wait for the ‘go’, Sasukes eyes were wide as he froze for a second and stared at the blur off yellow shooting forward before he himself was ready. His shock finally a few seconds later broken by a loud cackle. “Usuratonkachi!!!”, he called out furiously before firing forward himself but it was too late. The head start gave Naruto a win by a mere few seconds. “You cheated!” “You never said we had to run at ‘go’” “You’re just scared I’ll beat you!” “As if. Fine, let’s go again. I’ll beat you fair and square!” Naruto does not in fact beat Sasuke fair and square. At least not for the next two races. But by the third they reached a tie and by the fourth Naruto finally won again. It was made clear as they laid panting and gasping for air on the hard ground that while Sasuke was much faster, Naruto had the advantage off higher stamina and could maintain his speed for much longer without slowing down. Not that either of them had enough breath to even think about such things. But stubbornness is a family trait and 10 minutes later Sasuke was already heaving himself to his feet. Albeit trying to ignore the pin-pricking of a million needles every time he moved a muscle Both of them were too exhausted but Sasuke was absolutely not ready to admit defeat. He reached his hand into the pouch on the belt around his waist to pull out a kunai. “Whoever gets 5 bullseyes first wins” He expected the loud mouth blonde to start bragging about how he was definitely better but instead he was met with silence. He turned away from the targets and towards the other boy to see him eying Sasuke's kunai as he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t have any”, he mumbled under his breath, voice so low that it was barely audible. Sasuke doesn’t know why he hadn’t expected it. Most kids their age didn’t have their own kunai. Other then the fact that most adults didn’t trust 5 year olds with any, kunais costed a pretty penny and most wouldn’t spend any money on them if they could help it. It helped that the village actually did provide kunais freely for genin and chunin after they graduated or were promoted. Though a limited amount. 3 kunais a months for genin and 5 kunai every month for chunin and it was up to the individual themselves to make do with what they had. It was a finite resource. Raw metal didn’t grow on trees after all. Sasuke himself had actually received his kunais as a gift on his fifth birthday from Itachi, unbeknownst to their parents. His reasoning being that Sasuke was old enough and responsible enough to have a few so he could train on his own since he himself and Fugaku were always busy. Naruto continued to fidget restlessly in front off him until Sasuke pulled out the only one other kunai he had and held it out to him. “You can have this one” “Really?” “Just give it back to me after I win” “You mean after I win” “As if. Remember, who gets 5 bullseyes first wins and no cheating” Out off 5 shots Sasuke would get the target right in the middle at least 3 times and Naruto would hit 2 at most. “Don’t move your wrist too much” Naruto froze where he was getting ready to launch his kunai in their fourth round, “What?” For maybe the hundredth time that day, Sasuke rolled his eyes at the other boy. “Usuratonkachi, you flick your wrist too hard and it puts your aim off. That’s why you keep missing” “Don’t call me that bastard” “Stop missing the target, dobe” Naruto petulantly stuck his tongue out but dutifully turned back towards the target he was aiming for and corrected the position of his hand. It wasn’t perfect, but the advice seemed to be helpful when the kunai flew through the air and almost hit the board right on target. Naruto gave an excited cheer and whilst Sasuke crossed his arms at the 'childish' behavior, he felt something warm bloom pleasantly inside him and he suddenly found it difficult a stifle a grin. Trying to distract himself, he turned his eyes to the sky and was surprised to find that the sun had already begun to set. He jumped onto a tree branch to retrieve his kunai, “I have to get home”, he explained. His parents wouldn’t really scold him for coming home late but they’d be curious and Sasuke didn’t want to lie about where he’d been all day since he didn’t know how his parents would react if they knew who he’d spent the afternoon with. “Oh”, disappointment casted a shroud over Narutos face but he nodded in understanding, “Yeah ok…… ummmm”, he lifted his hand to scratch the back of his neck again in what Sasuke realized was a nervous gesture. “I had fun. Thanks”, Naruto said before walking back towards the path where they came from earlier. Sasuke was caught off guard by Narutos words. So much so that Naruto had almost disappeared behind the trees before Sasuke called out to him. “Did you memorize the way back here?” “I think so” “Meet me back here tomorrow then. You obviously need practice and I can’t just let you keep screwing up” “Bastard. Fine. But only cause you’ll probably sulk if I don’t come cause no one else will play with you” “Look who’s talking, idiot” Sasuke smirked in triumph when he saw the other boy scrunched up his nose and let out a disgruntled huff. “Just get ready! I’ll beat you for sure tomorrow! Believe it!” Sasuke didn’t get a chance to reply, left mouth hanging open as he stared at the disappearing form of the other boy as he sprinted hurriedly through the trees He stuffed his hands into his pockets and turned the opposite direction and made his way home. If he’s smiled the whole way thinking about about tomorrow, no one needed to know.

He slept peacefully that night.

[zeta-in-de-walls]

Analysis on Tommy’s character’s mental state as a result of the exile arc.

Hey guys, I often makes posts discussing Tommy’s character and one thing that absolutely can’t be ignored is how his character has been traumatised by his experiences during exile. So, I thought I’d discuss in depth and how it’s impacted his behaviour.

In exile Tommy usually described himself as lonely. This is somewhat true but it’s actually a little misleading if you take it at face value. It’s not really loneliness that was his main issue, that was just the easiest one to express. Indeed, people did visit, they just didn’t really help with the issues that were really plaguing him. And there were a few.

-Tommy felt powerless. He was weak and attempting to get stronger himself only lead his hard work to be wasted. Therefore, he was reliant on others for help, and was utterly unable to give them anything back for any help offered. 

He also felt trapped, he had to stay on the island so people could find him and visit him but he was not allowed to choose to send time with others himself. He was completely reliant on others deciding to visit him. (Him building not one but two bridges to make it easier for others to visit was all he could do to increase the odds of someone coming to see him.) It wasn’t just loneliness so much as it being something out of his control. 

-Tommy felt worthless. He felt like L’Manburg had just seen him as a liability and was increasingly feeling like they were better off without him. No one really cared about him. He didn’t feel like he had value anymore as a person. 

He didn’t want someone to visit him, he wanted someone to stay with him - he wanted to feel accepted, validated. That’s why he spent time making a guest tent, so people could spend the night. And was so ecstatic at Mexican Dream agreeing to live with him. 

-Tommy is a very clingy person. He’s extremely sociable and becomes attached really easily. He has a hard time letting go too. In exile he constantly missed Tubbo and obsessed over the fact that he hadn’t visited. Leaving on bad terms hurt him. He couldn’t resolve anything and instead his frustration and bitterness grew and grew. He was put into such an awful and dark mindset! Its during this that he lets himself grow attached to Dream instead, who subtly encourages him to believe Tubbo didn’t care. 

So, Tommy said he was lonely, but he was way more troubled than he let on. 

...

Dream also took advantage of Tommy and performed abusive actions that both confused and traumatised him. 

Dream forced him to drop his items, hitting him if he refused and threatening to kill him if he continued to resist. He then acted nice, protecting him, keeping him company and joking around with him.

He lent Tommy his pickaxe and trident. He helped Tommy get primes. He repeatedly blew up Tommy’s armour. He regularly destroyed any diamond tools Tommy got and talked about ‘letting’ him keep some things, like he was being generous. Dream talked about how L’Manburg was prospering with Tommy there, suggesting everyone had moved on while he was the one responsible for sabotaging Tommy’s relationships.

Dream acted like an authority figure, dressing up all his actions as reasonable and Tommy was at fault for making his actions necessary. He lied about Tubbo not caring about his compass. He promised to invite people to his party and then didn’t, letting Tommy believe they chose not to come. Dream’s actions left Tommy increasingly dependent on him, as he was both physically and emotionally very vulnerable (as Dream had induced) and Dream took advantage of it. Finally, when Tommy did a relatively minor act of rebellion, Dream blew up everything. He killed Mushroom Henry and destroyed anything else Tommy was attached to - his tent, the campsite Wilbur built, the prime log.

Now, one of Tommy’s key character flaws is that he is rather irrational. While he can be perceptive, he often gets driven by his emotions rather than logic. (Its part of why he gets attached to things so easily). Usually he doesn’t actually let his feelings control him, but the exile put him under huge emotional turmoil.

-Logically, he always knew that Dream was responsible. He never forgot anything, he was just struggling to process it.

Dream was acting like he cared and Tommy clung on to that. Even once with Techno he described his confusion at his exile and noted that he recalled all the events perfectly but was confused emotionally and basically wasn’t able to deal with his feelings on Dream at all. He knew he ought to hate Dream but wanted to trust him still. 

Thinking more on emotions is also why he took Tubbo exiling him so personally - just before Doomsday he apologised and said he understood why Tubbo did it (I think he said it was the right decision even) but at the time he was hurt and felt like Tubbo didn’t care about him. Tommy often acts in the heat of the moment but fixes things afterwards. The issue with his fight with Tubbo was that they were unable to see each other and therefore resolve things, causing it instead to fester and get worse. 

So, that’s basically what happened to him throughout exile, but how did this affect his actions? A few different ways.

-He became extremely depressed and almost ended his life. Though he ultimately chose against this, his sense of self-preservation is notably lower. He didn’t seem to be afraid at the possibility of dying during Doomsday. And he was also prepared to confront Dream again over his discs - he had nothing left to lose as far as he was concerned. Once Tommy realised that Dream didn’t want to kill him, he took full advantage of it. He walked up to Dream completely unarmoured while Dream was in full netherite and confidently ordered him around. He was not afraid of dying. And again, he threatened to kill himself if Dream didn’t return after already killing Dream twice. Tommy’s only slowly gaining back his zeal for living. 

-He became angry and lashed out. Jack visited him at one point and Tommy spleefed him into lava, killing him absolutely ruthlessly. This is not a nice anger, its a cold destructive one, a result of all his bitterness from his unjust suffering. A minute later, he can only ask, why did he do that? Sometimes, Tommy might seem meeker, but it’s just hiding pain and rage that comes out in the worst of ways.

When no one turns up to his party, Tommy destroys part of the bridge he built for people to visit as he’s angry and has no real way to lash out - it’s not logical but as Tommy expresses: if they really want to visit then they’ll have to make an effort. A few days later he builds another, not because he’s better but because he’s so desperate for company he doesn’t even care if they don’t really care as long as they show up. 

His actions while with Techno have him torturing Fundy and Connor, interrogating Ranboo and helping Techno release a wither on L’Manberg. This is not the normal Tommy. This is him releasing his bitterness and rage in a destructive way, with his twisted mindset being vaguely approved of by Technoblade (though even he thought Tommy was going too far!) 

-He grew unhealthily attached to anything that gave him any stability in his warped, messed up world. That’s why he started fixating on his music discs so hard. And why he clung to Dream so hard for a while. And why he clung so much to Technoblade, quickly growing dependent on him, desperate for any sort of care and validation.

It’s why he even agreed to help Techno destroy L’Manburg at all. He was in such a warped mindset and wanted to trust Techno even if part of him was appalled by the idea, but his anger at L’Manberg was also clouding his judgement, and he wanted to agree with Techno because Techno cared about him. It’s not Techno or Tommy’s fault but their relationship was messed up thanks to Tommy’s trauma. Tommy was so dependent on Techno and was not able to function properly alone and he was very driven by his emotions, which were in a mess. He could barely sort out his feelings on Dream, let alone L’Manburg or Tubbo. He even let himself believe that all they were doing was minor terrorism, when Techno hadn’t hid his intentions that much at all. 

-Tommy blames himself for all that occurred. When the anger faded, and he was a little less powerless, Tommy began to get back his own sense of agency, which he’d been lacking for so long. With more clarity, he realised that of course he wanted to forgive Tubbo and make amends. His experiences lead to Tommy feeling like it was up to him to apologise - and he did. 

In some respects, there’s some excellent development here - it’s amazing to see him put feelings to one side and realise that his anger and bitterness were hurting him. And he held himself responsible - that his actions, traumatised or not, didn’t justify hurting others. He had been becoming the person he didn’t want to be - and rejected it. 

But there’s some worrying signs too - his experiences left him in some ways too apologetic. His sense of self-worth is still low. He didn’t blow up the community house but at one point said he wouldn’t bother defending himself anymore as there was no point, nothing to be gained from arguing about it. He apologised to Sapnap for releasing Mars - wonderful but it was never really necessary. When interacting with the egg, he said he didn’t want to cause yet another war, having internalised the idea that he’s responsible for most conflicts. At one point he even said he blames himself for Doomsday. It’s not healthy to have such a low sense of self-worth. He no longer blames others for not caring about him - but he does blame himself. 

....

Well this has been a long post. I hope that better expresses how Tommy’s been affected from his exile. I feel like I’ve seen posts complaining about apologists using trauma to excuse his actions. Not at all! Merely to explain. You cannot discuss Tommy’s current character without discussing his trauma. Likewise, it has been treated seriously by the narrative and Tommy continues to have it affect his character. It’s ongoing. He is improving but it has had a long-lasting impact. Indeed his mental state still feels fragile enough that us fans have been very sensitive to anything that might impact him. Tommy should be handled with care, and few of the characters on the server realise this. 

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

What if Bella and Renata changed places in the story? What would change?

... You sure you want me to answer that?

This, my friend, is the path to the heart of darkness.

First, for my sanity’s sake, when you say switch places I’m assuming that things like genetics/gifts are staying intact.

This is a meta to be written, but at least on some level, while gifts are informed by genetics they also are informed by what you need. Jane and Alec point to this as well as surviving vampires whose gifts were curiously helpful. Of course, there’s something to be said that perhaps this is survivor bias. The ones with helpful gifts survive because Afton was murdered. And there’s something to be said for that, and I do think that comes into play, but in a different meta.

RIGHT

What Happens to Bella

Bella is molested if not raped by her Uncle Luca.

Bella is groomed from... some point that’s worryingly early in her life, to be turned into a vampire when she’s an adult. Given Renata’s story and her gift, given Makenna’s centuries later, it’s highly likely that Uncle Luca rather than making a fellow “protector” of the family is taking tithes in the form of daughters to become his brides for a time.

And when I say highly likely I mean I can think of no other explanation where everything in the backstory lines up so neatly.

Renata’s saved from rape and molestation thanks to her gift. Bella’s gift is extremely powerful and versatile as well, however, while it does change to suit her needs it seems to rely heavily on precognition and mental protection. In canon, having Renata’s abilities would have made Bella untouchable by James, Victoria, and Laurent. Instead, she gets warnings through Hallucination Edward and precognitive dreams or else is able to shield herself entirely mentally.

As a result, I imagine Bella would have terrifying prophetic dreams growing up, in which Uncle Luca, the patron saint of the family that no one has ever seen, turns out to be a flesh eating demon who rapes her. She might even have a Hallucination Edward equivalent who tells her to GET THE FUCK OUT.

Bella is reassured by her entire family that everything is fine, Luca’s the family protector and certainly not a demon, and that Bella joining him when she turns 20 will be a wonderful thing.

As a result, Bella probably grows up a neurotic mess, probably just as isolated if not more so than she was in canon.

And then it’s too late.

As Luca’s pulling the same stunt he did in canon, I imagine the Volturi eventually show up. Bella is offered the same out she was in canon and, like Renata, I imagine she takes it desperately.

Only, given everything, she likely doesn’t have the same attachment to the family that Renata did. I imagine as a survivor of sexual assault who was sold off by her family, however unwillingly they did so or however much they were hoodwinked, that she wouldn’t know what to think of them. Not for a very long time, anyway. So, I imagine in this universe, Uncle Luca and all the humans who knew of him die. 

Renata not existing, Bella is taken on as a bodyguard, and is a pretty good deal. She’s not Renata, who is the best bodyguard anyone could wish for, but she shields well from mental attacks and they can have someone like Felix be the muscle where appropriate. In this world, Aro probably actually would have some eventual use for Alice, as she could support Bella in predicting any direct attacks on at least the Volturi coven (Aro, Caius, Marcus, and the wives).

Bella is a mess for a very very very long time. While I like to think eventually she’ll recover, I can’t tell you what this would be. I think Bella would be extremely hesitant to ever take a lover or get married, and would instead devote herself to Aro’s protection with at least Renata’s zeal if not more so.

What Happens to Renata

For the sake of my sanity, to truly put Renata in Bella’s place, I’m imagining she’s Edward’s singer. You’re not living the Bella experience if you don’t have to deal with Edward.

Renata, in 2005 for reasons unknown, moves to Forks to live with her estranged father Charlie. 

Renata attends Biology that first day of school where she’s very nearly eaten by Edward. Only, instead of Edward not being able to read her mind, he finds himself unable to get close to her. He can’t sit at her table, her gift sends him wandering in a drunken daze across the room and into the wall.

Edward is very confused, utterly humiliated, but he has no idea what’s happened. Part of Renata’s gift is that you don’t realize you’ve been deflected. You just suddenly find yourself not having approached Renata like you expected.

Edward probably tries to return to his seat, holding his breath, and thinking of Carlisle’s beautiful face (he seriously does this in canon). However, he’s unable to that time either, and this time Renata probably pushes him out of the room entirely.

Edward congratulates himself for unconsciously resisting temptation in the classroom (which would have been very bad and required his brutal murder of all the witnesses).

He’ll eat her after school.

Much like canon, Edward upon leaving school is probably able to clear his head enough to realize he does not have to eat Renata Swan. So he flees the state, lives with the Denali for the two days it takes to get sick of them, and comes back.

And here’s where things get... bad.

Presumably, Renata does not struggle with depression the way Bella does. Terrible things happened to her in canon, and it’s true we know very little about her, but for all she shadows Aro she doesn’t seem to give off those same depressed vibes Bella does.

Renata also, presumably, does not have the weird genetic quirk Bella does where she finds vampires a) not terrifying at all b) omg hawt.

Most people in canon, when they look at a vampire, see something that’s hauntingly beautiful but also wrong. Vampires are fucking scary looking. Even at their gentlest, they do not look right. Bella’s just... into that.

So, unlike canon, the second Biology class Renata looks at Edward in complete terror and Edward can read every thought through Renata’s mind that he tried to eat her. Edward has a complete existential crisis over this as Renata was witness to his most demonic side that he loathes.

Edward will never be with Renata the way he was with Bella because of this. Part of what appeals to him about Bella is that he can a) project a persona of his choosing onto her while thinking he knows her well b) she’s this angelic creature who sees the best in demons. Renata sees demons and sees demons.

Biology is awkward and terrible, Renata probably desperately thinks about switching seats, but doesn’t want anyone to sit next to Edward the demon. 

Then the truck happens.

Much like Bella, Edward saves Renata’s life (and I headcanon that Renata’s gift actually allows for this due to the imminent danger coming from a truck rather than a person). Only, this time, there’s no excuse that he was secretly doing it for love, he’s doing it for that sweet sweet blood.

Renata is taken to the hospital, she’s seen everything, and Edward can see every thought in her head where she absolutely knows Edward Cullen is not a human being.

The family has their vote, only this time, it goes differently.

Renata would never let Alice play Barbie Bella, and thus, Alice does not see Renata as her future best friend forever. Nor does she see Renata becoming Edward’s future lover and mate.

However, Alice still votes no, because it’s not going to work. None of them are going to be able to murder Renata.

Edward is conflicted and votes no, but doesn’t have the reassurance that it’s because he’s in love, it’s secretly because he wants to eat her. He’s not admitting that to himself yet.

As in canon, Carlisle tries to think well of his ridiculous family, and tells Rosalie, “No, Rosalie, killing a teenage girl because you don’t want to move high schools is bad.”

Jasper thinks carefully about this, and tries to devise different schemes to kill Renata and gauge Alice’s opinion. Unlike in canon, he’s not given the two certain futures: Edward will eat Bella or Edward will turn Bella.

Jasper eventually decides to lace Renata’s house with explosives and, when she’s home (preferably if she’s alone but he’s alright with Charlie Swan as collateral damage) blow the place up from a distance.

Alice saw this succeeding, unfortunately, Edward and Emmett make a few decisions.

Jasper is blowing up a motherfucking house. The police chief’s house no less. This is the coolest thing the family has ever done. That Rosalie approves, while not saying as much out loud due to her abiding by Carlisle’s decision, makes this even better. Emmett wants involved, desperately, Jasper gives him some small task that he fucks up.

The wiring is done incorrectly, the bomb will never detonate.

Edward is now in full protector of the women and children (and blood bags) mode and plans to counter Jasper’s attack and confronts him and Emmett. They have the all out brawl that Alice saw in canon.

Renata wakes up in the middle of the night to find the family of demons fist fighting each other outside her house, having wired her house to explode. They have now gone past the point of no return, in a sense, where in canon Bella had had a car accident and would in time remember this as a very strange incident in her life, now the vampires have tried to blow up her house.

I imagine things continue to escalate as the witness now really has to be murdered. They fail every time, Renata lives in a paranoid hell where she can’t tell anyone that every night demons come to murder her in her bedroom.

Carlisle is appalled by everyone and eventually tells Renata the truth and offers her immortality.

[bnhayyy]

The Call (6)

Chapter Title: Heartache

Wordcount: 2.8k

Fic Tag: Click

Ao3 Link: Click

Chapter Summary: Mikasa tells Annie about her past.

Notes: Alright! So this chapter is a little on the short side. The next two chapters will be as well, having originally been one super long chapter that I cut into three for the sake of themes and pacing. But on the bright side, yesterday I posted a Yumihisu one-shot that takes place between the second and third scene of chapter three, so be sure to check that out if you haven't seen it already. Once again, thank you to Celadon for betaing this chapter! And if you’re enjoying this fic, please consider joining my writing discord or buying me a ko-fi! You know, ko-fi. The thing that exists so monetized tumblr doesn't have to.

The week following the visit to the club passed by in a blur. Annie watched as Mikasa doubled down on trying to hunt Ymir, only for none of her efforts to bear fruit. For good reason. The whole time Mikasa hunted, Annie carefully walked the line of looking helpful while contributing nothing. 

Her faked efforts and need to preserve the scapegoat for as long as possible canceled out Mikasa's genuine zeal.

Or maybe Ymir was just better at this than they were. The results were the same either way. It looked like they weren't going to see Ymir again until she was ready to be seen.

Krista had proven herself to be both a help and a hindrance.

Annie hadn't seen the girl since that night at the club. Art was the only class she shared with her, but a little snooping had revealed that she hadn't been to any of her other classes either. Apparently, she had been calling in sick. Although they had been able to find the apartment building she lived in, they hadn't been able to get her exact address, and Mikasa wasn't quite ready to break into every single apartment in her quest to find Ymir.

Or confirm that Krista was still alive.

Annie noticed that Mikasa's anxiety had subtly grown with every day that they didn't see Krista… just not enough to make her break the law. For her part, Annie didn't press the matter. Seeming too willing to break into someone's apartment could set off all kinds of alarms. Besides, it was good that Krista was making herself scarce. If she had decided to stick around and give Mikasa ideas about Ymir's innocence, Annie really might have had to act.

That didn't mean that she was in the clear. Even if she was staying away for the time being, the fact remained that Krista Lenz was an unknown factor in a carefully calculated equation. Ymir too, for all that her little group had been using her presence to their favor so far. They had the potential to throw everything off balance if they decided to get involved. For that reason, they had decided to crack down on as much as they could.

Getting phone taps set up was a risky, tedious, and nerve-wracking process. However, by the end of the week, the phone in Smith's office, Smith's landline, Smith's cellphone, Mikasa's phone, and even Jean, Connie, Sasha, and Armin's phones were all bugged. Annie still had to find an opportunity to get Smith's friend's phones, but she planned on taking care of it soon.

Annie didn't know what to make of those two. An overly energetic watcher and a grouchy little demon hunter, the meeting Smith called to introduce them to everyone had been dominated by the former rambling while the latter glared at anyone who dared to look at him for more than three seconds. She didn't understand how Smith would mesh with personalities like theirs. Yet watching them for a little while had made it clear that the three of them were close. Genuinely close, not like the act that she, Reiner, and Bertolt put on.

Or the lie that she was building with Mikasa.

***

Annie: Patrolling tonight?

Mikasa: Of course

Mikasa: I'll be at your place at 7

***

It was 7:15 when Mikasa arrived. Annie may not claim to know her well, but she had gotten to know the last slayer well enough over the past few weeks to know that being late was unusual for her. She raised an eyebrow when she opened the door for her, allowing it to ask her unspoken question.

"Armin was over," Mikasa said as she stepped inside.

"I see," Annie said, closing the door. "You seem... close."

No. That wasn't right. One of the first things she had learned about Mikasa was that she wasn't truly close to anyone, Armin included. Annie leaned against the door as she reconsidered her phrasing. "You seem like you could be close," she settled on.

Mikasa stiffened. She turned to face Annie, but instead of making eye contact with her, she looked down at the bag that held her slaying supplies. "Yeah," she said, voice soft, but too vague to make out any specific emotion. She clutched her bag to her chest, probably unthinkingly. If she knew that she was holding onto it like a comfort and a shield, god knew that she probably wouldn't let herself. "If things were different, we probably could be."

Annie frowned. So that was the problem, the mindset that she and Reiner had been working so hard to cure her of. (Just in time to snatch her life away from her.) "You keep him at a distance because you're the slayer," she surmised.

"No," Mikasa said, causing Annie to blink in surprise. "It's because of..."

Mikasa hesitated. At least, that was what Annie thought was happening at first. As the seconds dragged on, she saw that whatever she was thinking about seemed to be actively causing her pain.

Annie frowned and stepped away from the door. She wanted to know about Mikasa, but not if it forced the other girl to dredge up painful thoughts. Annie was already going to be enough of a shadow on her existence. If it eased her suffering a little, she was okay with the other slayer dying a mystery. "Hey," she said, "you don't have to-"

"No," Mikasa cut her off. "You deserve to know this." A shadow of resolve fell over her expression as she spoke. She clearly wasn't happy about whatever she was going to say, but that wasn't going to stop her from saying it.

Annie felt something warm flicker in her chest. Maybe it was respect. Maybe it was admiration. Whatever it was, it was helpless to change the course of events. She still acknowledged it, because there was something to be said for someone who was willing to face things that they knew would hurt them. 

This feeling was probably the closest that Annie would ever come to self-sacrifice, the selfish, cowardly person that she was. But she could still allow herself to look at that light.

For as long as it was allowed to burn.

"Do you want to talk in my room?" Annie asked. If Mikasa really was about to spill her guts, then a degree of privacy was the least she could offer her. It was the only thing she could offer her.

Mikasa swallowed heavily and nodded. "Yes please."

Annie nodded and turned to lead her down the hall. The room at the very end was hers. It was small - all of their rooms were. Their organization had paid for them to rent a small house so that they didn't have to take the additional risk that would have been killing someone and occupying theirs, but they hadn't been willing to spring for anything extravagant. At least it wasn't hard to make people believe that a trio of college students could afford to rent it.

If Mikasa had any thoughts on how sparsely decorated the room was, she didn't voice them. Annie lead her over to the bed, where she sat down on one end while Annie took the other. There they sat, Annie trying not to stare too intensely at the other slayer as she waited for her to start. For her part, Mikasa was clearly trying to gather herself. She stared distantly up at the ceiling as she ran through whatever thoughts might be racing through her mind.

Finally, Mikasa shifted her gaze to Annie. "I met Armin through his best friend," she said. "A boy named Eren Yaeger."

Annie frowned. Barely anything had been said, yet she already got the sense that it was more complicated than that. The look on Mikasa's face made it impossible for her not to. 

"There was a home invasion when I was fourteen," Mikasa continued. Her voice was gaining a distant quality, like she was trying not to get caught up in the memory. Based on what she was saying, Annie was all but certain that really was the case. "My parents were killed and I was abducted. Eren ran into us when they were forcing me into the car."

Mikasa paused. Her attempt to distance herself from her emotions must not have been working, because something in her gaze fractured.

Suddenly, Annie had a horrible feeling about how this story ended for Eren. 

"Eren saved me," Mikasa managed. "He killed two of my abductors, and when the third arrived, he gave me the strength to kill him myself."

Mikasa had killed someone? A human being? Annie tried to keep her surprise from showing too readily. She must have failed, because Mikasa paused, fresh hesitation written across her features. 

Annie gave a tiny nod. "It was understandable, given the circumstances."

"That's…" Mikasa faltered. "Eren said that they didn't count as human beings."

"I suppose he might be right." Of course, by that logic, she probably didn't either. 

Mikasa nodded. Whether she was agreeing with Annie or simply recalibrating herself, she did not know. The slayer pulled herself together and continued before she had a chance to make a definitive guess either way.

"After that, it looked like things might be... Eren wrapped his scarf around me and said I could come home with him." Mikasa's expression was blank in a way that could only be forced. However, something in her eyes said that she was struggling to breathe. "That was when the vampire showed up. I didn't know that I was the slayer yet or understand what that meant. But I think he knew, somehow, and wanted to kill me before I could become a problem. It was me he was after. But he was harder to fight than a human, and I was scared, and Eren... he wouldn't let him take me without a fight."

For half a second, Mikasa zoned off, her gaze focusing on some point over Annie's shoulder. She snapped back to herself before Annie could figure out if she should say something. It made her wonder if she didn't want any interruptions.

No. It was more likely that she just wanted to be done with this story as soon as possible.

Annie understood the feeling.

"The vampire knocked both of us unconscious," Mikasa continued. "He must have taken the car keys off one of the dead men's corpses, because when we woke up, we were in the trunk. We tried to get out, but it was no use.

"He took us out by a cliff looking over the sea. He went for me first. Eren didn't like that. I tried to fight the vampire off and told Eren to run, but I couldn't... It wasn't..."

Mikasa started blinking as she fell silent. Annie would have been horrified to see the normally stoic slayer struggling to hold back tears if she weren't surprised that she hadn't started crying sooner.

"You were fourteen," Annie whispered. "You didn't have any training or know what you were dealing with."

Even fourteen-year-olds with years of training and who knew what they were dealing with would have a hard time against a vampire. How much had she struggled against Bertolt and Reiner when she was that age? She had been one of the best human cadets in the organization and Bertolt was far too prone to trying to go easy on her, but it was still hard. It might have been easier if she had already been called back then, but even that wouldn't have been enough to make up for the fear and ignorance if she hadn't been aware of the supernatural.

It seemed that Mikasa didn't see it that way. She shook her head and murmured, "I still had the strength of the slayer."

"Raw strength isn't everything," Annie insisted.

"Maybe not," Mikasa said. "But it should have been enough.

Her gaze drifted back to that spot over Annie's shoulder for a moment. Annie couldn't begin to try to gauge the look in her eyes, especially since it was only visible for a short moment. Her eyes switched to something far more shuttered and closed off in an instant.

"I was thrown over the cliff and into the ocean," Mikasa continued. "I thought I was going to die. And for a moment, I did."

The slayer's eyes closed as she remembered the moment, and Annie was foolishly tempted to do the same, just to acknowledge the event that allowed her to come into being.

Even if Annie herself had only become a slayer two years after Mikasa's death. She wondered, did Mikasa realize that some poor, unknown, short-lived slayer had come between them? She must have. Annie had already said that she was called in 2016 back at the meeting. The lost slayer was probably going to be one of those things that no one talked about, for those who realized that she'd even existed.

Just like Eren Yaeger.

Mikasa opened her eyes. "The cliff was by a park," she said. "Someone must have heard the commotion, because emergency services arrived and resuscitated me. But it was too late for Eren.

"Armin and I met at his funeral."

Annie felt her mouth go dry. What could she possibly say to that?

Perhaps it was a good thing that Mikasa wasn't done talking yet.

"There were holes in my story. Most of the adults brushed it off as trauma, but not him. He asked what really happened, and I was still weak and scared. I told him everything, and he... he offered to help me. I said no, but I did reach out to tell him when I killed my first vampire, because it was... it was the one that killed Eren.

"I thought that would be it for us, but he kept reaching out. Kept trying... to be my friend." Mikasa paused, the fragile expression of someone caught between hope and longing fluttering across her face before she remembered to shut it down. "And I want to. He's... Armin is good. But that's exactly why I can't let him get close. Erwin may have had a point about him knowing how to defend himself from the Supernatural, but I want him to stay as far away from this as possible. And..."

You can't see him without thinking about Eren, Annie thought.

She understood. That was exactly how she had felt about Porco in the months after Marcel died. That was how she felt when she looked at the vampires she'd been abandoned with for a while after Porco and Pieck disappeared. Armin may have been a good person, but he had also been Eren's best friend, whereas it sounded like Mikasa hadn't even known him for a day. If being around Armin was painful for Mikasa, then she could only imagine how it felt for him.

How difficult must it be to build a genuine friendship around a barrier like that?

Impossible, if you weren't even willing to try.

"...It's complicated," Mikasa finished.

"Sounds like it," Annie murmured. "But... it also sounds lonely."

This, she also understood. That understanding did not make her any less of a vile thing. It did not stop her from taking advantage of a moment of vulnerability and loneliness to draw the other slayer closer to her. Closer to her eventual doom.

"It is," Mikasa admitted. Her words were slow and measured, holding all the weight of an unbelievable, life-changing confession. "But it's... less with you around, I think."

Annie's heart did a funny thing as it tried to stop and speed up at the same time. "Is it?" she asked. The dryness in her mouth was back. She wanted to move closer to Mikasa, even though there were a million reasons why she shouldn't.

"Yeah," Mikasa said. "It's... it's nice having someone around who understands what it's like to be the slayer." Her lips twitched into a small, bittersweet, but genuine smile. Annie's eyes lingered on them. "I'm glad that I met you, Annie."

Annie swallowed heavily. "Me too," she lied. In that moment, she wished that she had never met Mikasa Ackerman. She wished that she'd never even heard of her, that she and her companions had continued with their lives utterly unaware of her existence.

She wished that she didn't have to kill her.

She wished that she didn't want to kiss her so much.

Annie shifted back, only then realizing just how close she had gotten to the other slayer, and stood up. "It's getting late," she said. "We should get patrolling, if you're still interested."

Mikasa nodded, snapping out of whatever trance had fallen between the two of them. "I am," she said.

And that was that.

Or so Annie told herself. Because although she wanted to believe that it was a fluke, that she had caught herself and would be able to continue walking her predetermined path, unwavering and unstoppable...

...In her heart of hearts, she could not deny the tension, that there was tension between them for the rest of the night.

She couldn't quite convince herself that it was gone come morning.

[flightofaqrow]

mothering (on mother’s day)

qrow + Sun Wukong ( @ultravioletvoleur​ )

fighting clearly hadn’t been what was on the kid’s mind. maybe he just wasn’t thinkin’ at all; he definitely isn’t right now as words tumble from his mouth, barely coherent. qrow still doesn’t need to hear these things about his niece, but he’ll let this one slide.

Sun leans his back against the wall, tail swaying to and fro. His face spoke to the internal conflict he was struggling with when it came to this, “I was hoping I could actually… Ask for your advice?”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

"Quick update, may wanna say Happy Mother's Day to your niece. ...Kaybye!"

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

qrow whips open Harbinger faster than a nevermore diving upon its prey, and fires a warning shot off as Sun makes a break for it, near missing the base of his tail.

he knows the kid well enough by now, and trusts Yang even more, than to truly buy into the implications of his statement. oh, but if playing this cat and mouse game makes the cheeky monkey so happy, qrow will absolutely go a round.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“YIPE!”

That was a much faster reaction than he’d anticipated, barely making it ten feet before the crack of exploding gunpowder rang out. There was a hole smoking in the wall in front of him- dangerously close to banana height, and Sun began sweating. He turned very jerkily, with the closest approximation of a cocksure grin he could manage through his abject terror.

“Oh, uh. D-did you… Need something?”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

well, at least qrow got to make a point, should he ever actually need to act on teaching the kid a thing or two. alternatively, about picking fights one may not be able to win. a similar tough past he may have, thieves at least tended to work from codes of honor. not every struggle is the same.

he prods, sarcastic, feigned anger lining the sharp curve of narrowed eyes, sword still deployed at his side, “what in all of remnant makes you think you can just say things to me?”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

There is a very audible gulp as the Hunstman advances on him. Every other time they’d traded barbs, he’d gotten the sense that Qrow was something of an old glory days kind of person, who had lost their touch a bit. However, that split second action, and the pointed glare burning through his confidence like a hot knife through butter, told him a whole new story.

Qrow Branwen was what his nightmares were made of.

“Well you see I thought we were buddies and I thought you would know it was a joke I swear I haven’t laid a hand on your niece like that I would never well not never possibly in the future but definitely not right now not that I don’t think she’s attractive she’s very attractive oh but that’s not the only reason-”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

tch. forever a curse, even at his best. maybe he laid on the drama a bit too thick. honestly, he thought a bit of zeal is something Sun could appreciate. he’s far too much talk still, isn’t he? all bright light and translucent beaming rays which still questioned their own substance. he might be further ahead than he seemed at first, but still has a ways to go. …kids these days.

“of course I knew it was a joke, golden boy.” qrow folds away his weapon, drops his stance, while raising a brow. he lessens his posturing, but not his attention, hand still remaining on Harbinger’s hilt in the case of some trick.

��but I also took it as a taunt, tellin’ me you’re finally ready for a real man’s brawl. heh, guess i was wrong.”

fighting clearly hadn’t been what was on the kid’s mind. maybe he just wasn’t thinkin’ at all; he definitely isn’t right now as words tumble from his mouth, barely coherent. qrow still doesn’t need to hear these things about his niece, but he’ll let this one slide.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“What?!”

He’d almost lost his stones by way of his ass for a sassback?! Their Uncle was even more intimidating now, and he was going to die on that hill. Still, though, knowing that he wasn’t actually angry was a huge relief. The tension left his body and he slumped down with a sigh-

And then he noticed Qrow’s weapon was still out and ready.

“He-hey, uh. N-no need for that. I didn’t come here looking for a fight. I actually wanted to get you riled up so we could then use that energy into doing something for her. I- I know her situation with her mom isn’t great. I dunno the specifics, that’s for her to tell me when she’s ready, but…” He trailed off, trying to find the words.

“Well, I guess… I just want to make today lively for her, instead of having people walking on eggshells around her. Make her excited and happy that today happened, rather than add it to a growing pile of disappointing holidays.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“you moron,” finally, he fully releases, instead staring dumbfounded at the other. he really did think he could just come around and say whatever, and still get his way without consequences. what single-minded, reckless, stupid drivel. yeah, qrow had been an idiot brained teen at one point, but seriously never that bad. he didn’t have that kinda energy. different plans took different tactics, did they not teach anything at Haven or Shade anymore?

“i don’t need to be ‘riled up’ to do something for my family, kid. couldn’t you just ask like a normal person? i promise you, me bein’ jazzed up ain’t the kinda lively she needs.”

eyes now round with sadness; his chest deflates; pointed corners of his mouth turn down. it’s too close to the belligerence he used to have - unprovoked, but drunk. he’s trying so hard to be better than that. for a lotta reasons, but Yang too.

he breathes in, and out, fingers running in and out over his forehead. once satisfied in processing all these thoughts, in having switched gears, he turns to Sun once more, hopefully coming off with the same rational attitude he wants in return, “so, then, turn your brain and your sense of respect on, and just tell me what you had in mind, huh?

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“Well… That’s kinda the thing. I was hoping I could actually… Ask for your advice?”

He leans his back against the wall, tail swaying to and fro. His face spoke to the internal conflict he was struggling with when it came to this. In truth, he’d wanted to go about this like a normal person, more than anything. Something in him, however, be it a defense mechanism or just a general need for attention he’d never really received drove him to do everything to an excess.

Truth be told, nobody hated Sun’s antics more than he, himself.

“I… I’m going to try to be serious here, for a minute. It’s- It’s not something that comes easy.” He sighed and pinched at the bridge of his nose. “I’m… scared. I’m really, truly scared, Qrow, of how she makes me feel. How much it would hurt to lose her, or even see her hurting. I just get so caught up in my own head that I can’t think straight, and… I’ve never…”

Another sigh. “I’ve never had a family before. So I don’t know what to do to help someone who’s mourning theirs. But I see her hurting, and I want to help, and when I came to you, I swear, I wanted to just ask, but. …That would mean… Admitting I love her.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

oh, here we go. this roller coaster again. what about his look or his life or any of his choices made him seem like someone to go to for advice? qrow barely scraped his own life together, and still dropped the pieces too many times. but somewhere along the line, somewhere in just trying to do good - for his team, for Oz, for his family, for Ruby, something must have slipped in to his very psyche, huh.

Ruby somehow always knows the right thing to do. Yang had told her.

I had good role models. Ruby had told him.

he’s cursed. and he wrestles with it every damn day. and while he’d never call it a good thing, maybe some people see themselves in that same fight. maybe he sees himself in theirs and their struggle to understand and express themselves, and that’s why even in the times he wants nothing to do with other people and their decisions, and he’s sure he’ll just mess everything up, he can’t help but listen. he can’t turn them away. doing so would do nothing to mend the wounds of a broken world. and in the end, continuing to try is the only way to stick it to Salem.

he takes a spot next to the young man against the wall, knee bending and sole kicking up as he leans, crosses his arms, turns his head to Sun and fixes his gaze on him.  

“yeah. loving people is scary. probably means you’re doin’ it right.”

qrow doesn’t know a damn thing about romance. not like that, anyway. he’s never been brave enough to face that very fear, to let someone that intimately close. almost, sometimes, maybe. somehow his chances always disappear before he’s quite there, only confirming those very fears. a great and terrible feedback loop, that. although, he can’t say such words are entirely unfamiliar; admittedly, the whole conversation is nostalgic. thrice over. he laughs, a bittersweet little huff, “…you sound just like her parents.”

that kinda love he knows, found, eventually. family. and if you ask him, they’re equally as scary to think of losing. “our family has never been the typical picket fence dream either, so don’t think you’re missin’ pieces of some non-existent normal. there’s no big secret about bein’ one, kid. you just gotta be there for each other.”

a palm-down hand raises to sweep across his body in a dismissive motion, “an’ not everything has to be some grand production to top the one before. trust me, i’ve screwed that up enough times to know.” qrow looks towards the ground, slides the toe of his shoe back and forth. “Yang, she… she’s used to people comin’ and goin’ in her life. if they come back at all. so, seriously… just go to her. be with her. she’s a tough egg, and too smart. she’ll tell you what she needs if you can just shut your giant trap enough to let her.”

[krystal]

If you could, would you take time to make a list of shoujo manga's you've read? I got into them recently and I would love more recommendations. Thank you! <3

yes of course ❤️ i love making lists for no reason

here is a list of shoujo manga i’ve read and i think are worth reading (under the cut) and warning this is gonna be pretty long

NANA: The story of two 20-year-old women who share the same name. Even though they come from completely different backgrounds, they somehow meet and become best friends. 

everyone is probably sick of hearing me talk about it but I truly think this is the best shoujo manga of all time 😁 i’m not even joking this series is everything to me

Paradise Kiss: Yukari is a high school student who has become tired of her life of constant schooling. She then comes across a group of student fashion designers in need of a model for their "Paradise Kiss" clothing label. Yukari knows nothing about the fashion world and is taken back by the group's eccentric ways, but she soon comes to admire their free thinking ways and ability to pursue their dreams with a one track mind.

I think this is technically josei but I still recommend it, same author as NANA

Gakuen Alice: Mikan runs away to Tokyo to follow her best friend, Hotaru, who has been enrolled in an exclusive, secretive private school for geniuses. But it turns out that Alice Academy is a lot more than meets the eye. If Mikan wants to stay by Hotaru's side, she has to both pass the strange "entrance exam" and face the even greater challenge of befriending her very odd new classmates.

this starts out pretty harmless, but it gets really heavy omg i cry every time i read it 😐 i can’t do it justice in a couple words but it’s one of my ultimate fave series. fave male lead and fave relationship dynamic

Kamisama Kiss: Nanami is alone and homeless after her dad skips town to evade his gambling debts and the debt collectors kick her out of her apartment. So when a man she's just saved from a dog offers her his home, she jumps at the opportunity. But it turns out that his place is a shrine, and Nanami has unwittingly taken over his job as a local deity!

i’m running out of things to say, but this is peak fiction

Chihayafuru: Chihaya is a girl in the sixth grade, still not old enough to even know the meaning of the word zeal. But one day, she meets Arata, a transfer student from rural Fukui prefecture. Though docile and quiet, he has an unexpected skill: his ability to play competitive karuta, a traditional Japanese card game. Chihaya is struck by his obsession with the game, along with his ability to pick out the right card and swipe it away before any of his opponents. However, Arata is transfixed by her as well, all because of her unbelievable natural talent for the game. 

again, this is josei but highly recommend!! the description is misleading because most of the story happens when they’re in high school. imo this is the best sports manga of all time

Akatsuki no Yona: Yona reels from the shock of witnessing a loved one’s murder and having to fight for her life. With Hak’s help, she flees the palace and struggles to survive while evading her enemy’s forces. But where will this displaced princess go when all the paths before her are uncertain?

i love high stakes and drama... and this has all of that. my fave ongoing shoujo manga

Cardcaptor Sakura: Fourth grader Sakura Kinomoto finds a strange book in her father's library -- a book made by the wizard Clow to store dangerous spirits sealed within a set of magical cards. But when Sakura opens it up, there is nothing left inside but Kero-chan, the book's cute little guardian beast... who informs Sakura that since the Clow cards seem to have escaped while he was asleep, it's now her job to capture them!

one of my childhood favourites and i still love it to this day

Fruits Basket: Tohru Honda is a high school freshman who is having a serious bout of misfortune. However, when her luck to seems to be at its worse, she meets the Soma family - and is invited to stay with them in exchange for taking care of the household chores. But it isn't long before Tohru discovers that the Somas have a deep secret. The family is cursed by the spirits of the Chinese Zodiac, and some of the children born into the Soma family can be possessed by these spirits. 

it’s not a perfect series but i think anyone who reads it will definitely find something to love about it

Skip Beat: Kyoko Mogami followed her true love Sho to Tokyo to support him while he made it big as an idol. But he's casting her out now that he's famous! Kyoko won't suffer in silence--she's going to get her sweet revenge by beating Sho in show biz!

if u love slow burn this series is for u lol... one of the longest-running shoujo manga ever. kyoko’s character development is A+

Ouran High School Host Club: One day, Haruhi, a scholarship student at exclusive Ouran High School, breaks an $80,000 vase that belongs to the "Host Club," a mysterious campus group consisting of six super-rich (and gorgeous) guys. To pay back the damages, she is forced to work for the club, and it's there that she discovers just how wealthy the boys are and how different they are from everybody else.

an easy and fun read

Oboreru Knife/Drowning Love: They fight one another, they chase after one another, they capture one another—a turbulent tale of preteens on the brink of self-destruction.

i love the art and the tone of the writing but i have a lot of mixed feelings about this manga. i think it’s worth the read for the pretty panels alone tho... tw for sexual assault

series that were cute reads but aren’t necessarily my faves:

Fukumenkei Noise, Yubisaki to Renren, Namaikizakari, Hana Kimi, Yamatonadeshiko Shichihenge, Orange

series i didn’t like but you might:

Hirunaka no Ryuusei, Tsubaki-chou Lonely Planet, Kimi ni Todoke, Hibi Chouchou

ok sorry this was so long i just love any excuse to rec my faves <3 if u read any of them lmk if u like them

[saeculumaeterna]

Headcanons!

Let’s do some headcanons! For as much as one can make for an OC of their own design anyway.

-Dagon finds it incredibly difficult not to get a big head and become arrogant about his place in existence. His job constantly necessitates him passing judgement on others and even taking lives in mass quantities. It is a very demanding task for him to keep himself anchored and he struggles with it every day.

-Relaxation is also difficult for him but for less complicated reasons. He honestly doesn’t know how to. His guard is always up, even among friends and loved ones. He’s never truly at ease even when he knows how something is going to play out. He’s much more paranoid and cautious than it seems.

-Despite his human appearance, Dagon holds no special love for humanity. To him, they are hardly an ideal race let alone one worth preserving against the merciless Balance. If it wouldn’t have created bigger problems for him to deal with, he’d have just tossed Earth into the sun ages ago.

-He appreciates the zeal others will take to defend themselves and their loved ones from imposing threats, even if that threat is him. Often when he humours worlds and faces a champion of theirs, he shows his foe no pity and instead lets them fight their hardest. He gives them a peaceful death, and then goes on with his task at hand.

-Conversely, he loathes when the champion he faces is a youth with powers and/or weapons they do not understand. Those who have been told to defend the world that hates them so they can earn the people’s love. He does not fight them, he instead calmly disarms them and then sends them to a world that better appreciates them. With that done, he ruthlessly and uncaringly butchers every single life on that world before leaving it as a dead husk in space.

-To Dagon, the young have no place in battle. They must have a life first that is all their own, not at the whims of the decrepit and the greedy. When he has had to deal with a world or even worlds at war, he kills the leadership and those benefiting from the fight the most rather than kill the soldiers. What they do with the world after is their own business, he does not stop them either way.

-Just like Odin, he once hung himself from Yggdrasil. His words upon getting down were, “That is going to be a very loud headache.”

[pip-n-flinx]

OC Personality Meme

I was tagged by @ooachilliaoo and @ljandersen, thanks for thinking of me!

Rules: 1 Go to this website. 2. Choose an OC and take the test for them. 3. Put their stats here.

EDIT: My OC got the exact same result I did when I took this same test a few months back.... whoops? Also I genuinely don’t feel like it fits either of us, for different reasons. For me I think it does me too much credit to say I “take concrete steps” and “make a lasting positive impact.”

For Asira, she’s neither as creative as the description implies (years of jedi training/indoctrination have limited her in some respects) and she certainly struggles to bring “love and compassion to soften the hearts of tyrants.”

Asira Kenbo - Twi’lek Jedi Knight (Female)

Personality Type: The Advocate INFJ-T

Mind: 83% Introverted

Energy: 64% Intuitive

Nature: 65% Feeling

Tactics: 63% Judging

Identity: 63% Turbulent 

The Advocate personality type is very rare, making up less than one percent of the population, but they nonetheless leave their mark on the world. Advocates have an inborn sense of idealism and morality, but what sets them apart is that they are not idle dreamers. These individuals are capable of taking concrete steps to realize their goals and make a lasting positive impact.

People with this personality type tend to see helping others as their purpose in life. Advocates can often be found engaging in rescue efforts and doing charity work. However, their real passion is to get to the heart of the issue so that people need not be rescued at all.

Advocates indeed share a unique combination of traits. Though soft-spoken, they have very strong opinions and will fight tirelessly for an idea they believe in. They are decisive and strong-willed, but will rarely use that energy for personal gain.

Advocates will act with creativity, imagination, conviction, and sensitivity not to create an advantage, but to create balance. Egalitarianism and karma are very attractive ideas to Advocate personalities. These types tend to believe that nothing would help the world so much as using love and compassion to soften the hearts of tyrants.

Advocates find it easy to make connections with others. They have a talent for warm, sensitive language, speaking in human terms, rather than with pure logic and fact.

It makes sense that their friends and colleagues will come to think of them as quiet Extroverted personality types. However, they would all do well to remember that Advocates need time alone to decompress and recharge, and not to become too alarmed when they suddenly withdraw. Advocates take great care of others’ feelings, and they expect the favor to be returned – sometimes that means giving them the space they need for a few days.

Really, though, it is most important for people with the Advocate personality type to remember to take care of themselves. The passion of their convictions is perfectly capable of carrying them past their breaking point. If their zeal gets out of hand, they can find themselves exhausted, unhealthy, and stressed.

This becomes especially apparent when Advocates find themselves up against conflict and criticism. Their sensitivity forces these personalities to do everything they can to evade these seemingly personal attacks. When the circumstances are unavoidable, however, they can fight back in highly irrational, unhelpful ways.

To Advocates, the world is a place full of inequity – but it doesn’t have to be. No other personality type is better suited to create a movement to right a wrong, no matter how big or small. Advocates just need to remember that while they’re busy taking care of the world, they need to take care of themselves, too.

Advocate Strengths:

Creative – Combining a vivid imagination with a strong sense of compassion, Advocates use their creativity to resolve not technical challenges, but human ones. People with the Advocate personality type enjoy finding the perfect solution for someone they care about. This strength makes them excellent counselors and advisors.

Insightful – Seeing through dishonesty and disingenuous motives, Advocates step past manipulation and sales tactics and into a more honest discussion. Advocate personalities see how people and events are connected. They are then able to use that insight to get to the heart of the matter.

Inspiring and Convincing – Speaking in human terms, not technical, Advocates have a fluid, inspirational writing style that appeals to the inner idealist in their audience. Advocates can even be astonishingly good orators, speaking with warmth and passion. This is especially true if they are proud of what they are speaking for.

Decisive – Advocates’ creativity, insight, and inspiration are able to have a real impact on the world. This is because they are able to follow through on their ideas with conviction, willpower, and the planning necessary to see complex projects through to the end. People with the Advocate personality type don’t just see the way things ought to be; they act on those insights.

Determined and Passionate – When Advocates come to believe that something is important, they pursue that goal with a conviction and energy that can catch others off-guard. Advocates will rock the boat if they must. Not everyone likes to see this, but their passion for their chosen cause is an inseparable part of the Advocate personality.

Altruistic – These strengths are used for good. Advocates will not engage in any actions or promote beliefs just to benefit themselves. They have strong beliefs and take the actions that they do because they are trying to advance an idea that they truly believe will make the world a better place.

Advocate Weaknesses:

Sensitive – When someone challenges or criticizes Advocates’ principles or values, they are likely to receive an alarmingly strong response. People with the Advocate personality type are highly vulnerable to criticism and conflict. Questioning their motives is the quickest way to their bad side.

Extremely Private – Advocates tend to present themselves as the culmination of an idea. This is partly because they believe in this idea, but also because Advocates are extremely private when it comes to their personal lives. They use this image to keep themselves from having to truly open up, even to close friends. Trusting a new friend can be even more challenging for Advocates.

Perfectionistic – Advocate personalities are all but defined by their pursuit of ideals. While this is a wonderful quality in many ways, an ideal situation is not always possible – in politics, in business, in romance. Advocates, especially Turbulent ones, too often drop or ignore healthy and productive situations and relationships, always believing there might be a better option down the road.

Always Need to Have a Cause – Advocate personalities get so caught up in their pursuits that any of the cumbersome tasks that come between them and their ideal vision is deeply unwelcome. Advocates like to know that they are taking concrete steps toward their goals. If routine tasks feel like they are getting in the way – or worse yet, there is no goal at all – they will feel restless and disappointed.

Can Burn Out Easily – Their passion, impatience for routine maintenance, idealism, and extreme privacy tend to leave Advocates with few options for letting off steam. People with this personality type are likely to exhaust themselves in short order if they don’t find a way to balance their ideals with the realities of day-to-day living.

I’ll tag @commander-krios @jbnonsense @citadelsushi @pigeontheoneandonly and @rpgwarrior4824. No pressure of course!

[team-science-mega-nerds]

Fictober Prompt 4: “I know you didn’t ask for this.”

Fandom: Supergirl

Pairing: Directorship (Lucy x Alex)

Warnings: Mentions of violence/injuries

The last person Alex wants to see is Sam Lane. It’s been years, actually, and the only thing worse than his self-righteousness is the current situation they’re in. Alex hates hospitals. She supposes, she isn’t the only one who feels that way, but tonight everything feels different. All sound is muted. Perhaps that’s a result of the damage she took from the fight, but she won’t let J’onn take her to get checked out, no matter how much they insist.

Instead, it’s a waiting game. Everyone is gathered in the DEO waiting room which, to Alex’s knowledge, had never been used until this day. If Alex hadn’t been so shaken. So bloody and bruised from the fight, then she’d be the one in surgery. She’d be the one trying to save Lucy’s life. 

But she’s probably done enough damage. 

“Is this your doing?” General Lane looks like he might hit Alex. Kara steps forward in all her Supergirl glory to hold him back. “She wanted a new start. You pulled her back into this DEO bullshit.” 

“I know!” It’s the same conversation that Lucy and Alex had months ago. They’d meant it to be a celebration night. A homecoming of sorts. Alex had overdone it, gotten piss drunk and told Lucy, begged her actually to never step foot in the DEO again. It’s dangerous, Lucy, Alex had muttered into her beer bottle, I care too much about you to see you get hurt.

All that had gone down the drain tonight. Alex had run out of options, the threat was overwhelming, and as soon as she’d explained what happened, Lucy drove to the DEO. Alex hadn’t asked but she didn’t say no. “She’s going to be okay,” Kara can be a really loving person but sometimes, it can be too much. Too hopeful.

Alex knows how much it’ll hurt if Kara is wrong this time. “I can hear her heartbeat.” That isn’t much of a saving grace but it’s something. General Lane does back off. He slinks into a corner and waits like everyone else.

They all look like a useless bunch of idiots, even after saving the world. All they can do is wait and wonder. The wondering is the worst part. 

The doctor emerges, bloody but a look of relief on her face. “She’s stable,” she tells J’onn. “Family only.” It’s a blow right to Alex’s heart, watching General Lane ushered into Lucy’s hospital room. That’s the last person she wants to see when she wakes up, Alex knows that for a fact.

Alex wants to stop him. She wants to tell him that she’s more family than he ever was. That Lucy had returned to National City and before she showered or changed her clothes or took a nice little Instagram picture, Lucy had taken an Uber to Alex’s apartment. They didn’t quite kiss. Didn’t quite fall into each other’s arms. But they said enough to remind them of the possibilities they’d abandoned two years prior. 

“I need to talk to her.” Alex refuses to get held back by Kara, not that Kara’s trying all that hard to stop her. When Alex makes it to the door, General Lane is leaving, a frown firmly on his face. He says nothing to Alex and Alex doesn’t care.

She pushes past him and rushes into the room where Lucy is looking up at her from the hospital bed. She looks small, delicate, which aren’t the words she would normally use to describe her. There’s a cut on her head that’s been stitched up, she’ll probably have a scar from the surgery too. 

Lucy will wear both with pride.

Alex struggles with what exactly to say but she holds Lucy. That’s almost enough. “Fucking hell, Lucy.”

“I know..”

“You dove in front of me, you...maniac.”

“I couldn’t let you get hurt. I knew what I was doing.” Her voice is hoarse. Tired. “Do you think they have jello here?”

“Lucy.” Alex wants to make Lucy take this seriously. But Lucy has stone-cold defense mechanisms. “You were supposed to be in a courtroom, not...I know you didn’t ask for this. And you were only there because of me.”

“I’m good with a gun. Can’t help it.”

“I don’t know what I would’ve done if you…”

“I didn’t though.” Lucy touches Alex’s hand. “I lived to annoy you another day.”

“Yeah. Right.” Alex sits in the chair next to Lucy’s bed. “I wanted to tell you, that day you came back...how much I missed you.”

“You never called.”

“Would that have changed anything?” The question is genuine. Alex has always thought that Lucy left for more reasons than one. She wasn’t sure if Lucy wanted any reminders of what she was leaving behind. 

“It would’ve changed everything.” Lucy touches Alex’s cheek. “I came back for you, stupid.”

“Me?”

“They offered me a promotion. More money, great living situation, easier hours. I considered it, but I was never as happy as I was in this shitty city with you.” Nearly dying has opened Lucy’s eyes. Made her words come out softer. Even under this fluorescent light, Lucy has this unmistakable zeal. Totally unafraid, completely free. “Whatever you think you are, you’re so much more. Braver. Beautiful. I love everything about you.”

“I’m such an idiot. I thought you were just being friendly.”

“You are an idiot. Yeah. I love that about you too.” Lucy laughs. “You’re hurt.” Lucy touches the cut on the back of Alex’s neck. “Get yourself checked out.”

“I will.” Alex starts to stand but decides to kiss Lucy instead. Something she’s been longing to do for years. “And then I’m coming right back.” Everyone looks at Alex like she’s grown three heads when she asks to see a doctor and has a smile on her face. 

Kara, in particular, seems to be smiling too. “Eavesdrop much,” Alex says, smacking Kara on the arm.

[scotianostra]

September 11th 1297 saw the Battle of Stirling Bridge. 

If you follow my history posts through the years you will know I try to change them around, rather post the same old thing every year, in this post I will concentrate a wee bit more on the man usually forgotten, Andrew de Moray and his struggle in the North. Just a month ago I argued with a friend in a pub about the importance of Andrew de Moray in the struggle against the English. 

Andrew de Moray had been captured after fighting for King John at the Battle of Dunbar but had escaped only to find his family's lands in Avoch on the Black Isle under English control.

There can be no doubt that de Moray got his patriotism and fighting zeal from his father, Sir Andrew de Moray, who was also captured at Dunbar and incarcerated in the Tower of London, where he died in 1298.

The young de Moray  was imprisoned in Chester and promptly escaped and made his way back to the highlands and the family seat, Avoch Castle near Inverness.

He is sometimes portrayed as Wallace's lieutenant but Moray was entirely his own man and a very capable leader in his own right.

The English having travelled as far as Elgin at one stage, were beaten back by de Moray and his rag-tag bunch of local freedom fighters. The northern troops’ activities mirrored much of what was going on in the south, with guerrilla tactics widely used to unsettle Edward’s army and score small but psychologically significant victories. The uprising gathered pace and it was in the early months of 1297 that Wallace and de Moray were said to have met, although historical documents of the period are imprecise. The meeting apparently took place in Perth, where both armies met to expel the English occupiers and create a base for an attack to liberate Dundee. Wallace, at this stage, is said to have returned south with his army and the preparations for the battle at Stirling began. De Moray, held in high regard by Wallace and, according to some, the senior partner of the two, is credited with creating the tactical plan that won the day for the Scots.

Unfortunately de Moray was fatally injured at Stirling, when a stray arrow is said to have pierced him and, after a period of around a month, finally took his life. The Scots would go on to some heavy defeats in the future and, it is argued, were unable to function as well without the tactical nous de Moray brought to what was, in effect, a peasants' revolt. De Moray’s son, also called Andrew, followed in the family tradition and rallied behind Robert the Bruce, even marrying his sister, Christina, at one stage. The relationship between de Moray and Wallace has fascinated historians, although the former has failed to gain the widespread appeal of his partner despite some evidence suggesting it may have been he who was the dominant one in the relationship.

Both men were conferred with the title of ‘leader of the army of the realm of Scotland’ and both received Knighthoods at roughly the same time – suggesting that, during the period they were held in equal regard.

Both men co-signed a letter to the mayors of Lubeck and Hamburg asking for trade routes with Scotland to be re-opened with, interestingly, de Moray’s name above that of his more celebrated colleague. Where Wallace has, like so many other Scots historical figures, been romanticised; his story pulled to the boundaries of what is actually true in print, poem, song and more recently Hollywood, it is no surprise that de Moray, who shamefully, failed to get a single mention by Mel Gibson, has been purged from the nation’s psyche.

For the Battle buffs, who want to know what happened, here is an amusing account, amusing because it is by an English chronicler, you really have to read this to believe it, in it there is a claim that one English knight actually took the bridge for the English, it's a bit long but very funny in my opinion. 

.....In the month of May in the same year, the perfidious nation of the Scots began to rebel in this way. The Earl of Warenne to whom our King [Edward I] had entrusted the whole of the kingdom of Scotland on his behalf and in his name, giving as his reason the debasement of money, said that it was not sensible for him to stay there and he remained in England but in the North, and half-heartedly pursued the enemy who were living in exile, which was the source and origin of evil for us in the future. And the King's treasurer the lord Hugh de Cressingham, a solemn and lofty man, loved money exceedingly and failed to construct the stone wall which the lord the king himself had ordered to be constructed upon the new fortifications at Berwick; which turned out to be a scandal to our men as will be clear below. Now the King's justiciar, William Ormsby, prosecuting the King's command, began to send into exile all those without distinction of persons who had refused to make firm fealty to the King of England. 

There was also a certain brigand, William Wallace by name, who had been in exile many times. Since this man was wandering and fugitive, he assembled about himself all those who were living in exile, and became something of a chief to them, and they grew into a large people. To him also was joined the soldier James Douglas who in the capture of the castle of Berwick had given himself together with his men to the King, saving his life and limb, as has been said above. Although the King had restored him to everything he became forgetful of his goods, and a robber allied to a robber, pursued his liberator to death, at least in his subjects . . .

[Sir William Douglas and the Bishop of Glasgow started an abortive rising. Warenne moved against them and both were soon handed over to him.] When that robber William Wallace had heard this [the imprisonment of the Bishop of Glasgow] he became angry in his mind and proceeded to the Bishop's house and drew to himself all his furniture, arms and horses, and the sons who were called by name of the bishop's nephews. And he was increased by an immense number of Scots to the point where the community of the realm began to follow him as their leader and prince. And entire households [retainers] of the nobles began to adhere to him and even though the nobles themselves were with our King [Edward I] in body, their hearts were a long way from him. Indeed our men having become so irritated, since they did not wish to put up with such things any longer, marched forward in arms to the town of Stirling where the Steward of Scotland and the Earl of Lennox and certain others of the nobles of Scotland came and asked our men to hold off for a short time in case they might be able to pacify their men and the people of the Scots in whatever way. 

Although this was granted to them, they came back, that is to say on the 11th of September, and replied precisely that they could not answer for them, promising however that they would come to the aid of our men the next day with forty armed horse.

[The English army headed towards Stirling Bridge. Meanwhile, de Cressingham was given the offer of reinforcements under Sir Henry Percy.]

. . . he [Sir Henry] received in the commands from the lord Hugh de Cressingham the King's treasurer that he should send the same people back with his thanks, saying that the army that they had could be enough and that it was not useful to trouble them for nothing or to consume the King's treasury more than was necessary. He did this, and the people were mightily angered, wishing as if to stone him, and so with various people reckoning various things, some began shouting aloud that they should cross the bridge and some on the contrary that they should not. Amongst them the King's treasurer, a pompous man and a son of death, added,'It is not fitting my Lord Earl to prolong the matter further and to expend our King's treasury in vain. But let us go up and pay our debt, rather than hold ourselves back.' And so the Earl, moved by those words, commanded that they should go up to the bridge and cross it. It was astonishing to say, and terrible in its consequence, that such a large number of individual men, though they knew the enemy was at hand, should go up to a narrow bridge which a pair of horsemen could scarcely and with difficulty cross at the same time. Since, as some who had been in the same conflict were saying, if they had crossed over from earliest morning until the eleventh hour, without any interruption or hindrance, the last part of the army would have remained in great part until then.

Nor was there a more appropriate place in the kingdom of Scotland for shutting the English into the hands of the Scots, and the many into the hands of the few. So there crossed over the King's and the Earl's standard-bearers and amongst the first that most vigorous soldier, the lord Marmaduke Tweng, and when the enemy had seen that as many had come forth as they could overcome, as they believed, they then came down from the mountain [high ground], and sent the spearmen to occupy the foot of the bridge, such that from then no passage or retreat remained open, but in turning back, as also in making haste over the bridge, many were thrown headlong and were drowned. And so as the Scots were descending from the mountain, the lord Marmaduke said to his allies, 'Is it the time brothers for us to ride at them?' And with them answering that it was, they then spurred their horses and engaged together. And whilst some of the Scots were falling together, the rest of the horsemen, almost all, were turned to flight. Whilst those who were fleeing followed after them, one of our men said to the lord Marmaduke, 'My Lord, we have been cheated, for our men are not pursuing and the King's and the Earl's standards are not present.' Looking back to these things, they saw that many of our men, and the King's and the Earl's standard-bearers had fallen to the ground, and they said 'The way to the bridge is already cut off from us and we have been cut off from our people. It is therefore better that we put ourselves at risk of danger, in case we may cross over, than that we should fall, as if for nothing, whilst penetrating into the enemy's troops. 

Crossing through the middle of the Scots has already become difficult - or rather - impossible for us.' In reply to this Marmaduke, that most vigorous man, said, 'My dearest friends, may it certainly never be said of me that I willingly drowned myself. And far be it from you, but follow me, and I will make you a way through them as far as the bridge.' And after goading his war-horse he then rushed into the enemy, and submitting now these, now those to his sword, he crossed over through the middle of them unharmed; and a great way opened up to those who followed him. For he was powerful in strength and of tall stature, and when he was fighting strenuously, his own nephew, wounded and stunned but standing on his feet, his horse having been killed, called out to him, 'My Lord, save me,' but he said, 'Climb up behind me,' he said, 'I cannot, for my strength has failed me.' Then his comrade, the same lord Marmaduke's shield-bearer, got down from his own horse and made him mount and said to his lord, 'I will follow you my Lord wherever you shall go' and he followed him as far as the bridge and each of them was saved. So with the bridge captured through the bravery of that vigorous fighter, as many as stayed there fell to the number of about 100 men-at-arms and about 5,000 foot-soldiers, amongst whom were 300 Welshmen, although they had deprived many of life. At length some from amongst those who were left crossed the water by swimming. Also one soldier from our men crossed the water with difficulty on an armed horse.

On the same day amongst the Scottish spearmen fell the above-named treasurer of the lord King, the lord Hugh de Cressingham, rector of the church of Ruddeby, and chief judge at the assizes of York. Although he was a prebendary of many churches and had the cure of many souls, yet he never put on spiritual arms or the chasuble, but helmet and cuirass, in which he fell. And he who had previously terrified many by the sword of his tongue in many court trials, was eventually slain by the sword of evil men. The Scots stripped him of his skin and divided it amongst themselves in small parts, not indeed for relics but for insults, for he was a handsome and exceedingly fat man and they called him not the King's treasurer but the King's 'Treacherer' and this was truer than they believed. For he led many astray that day, but he too, who was smooth and slippery, exalted with pride and given over to avarice, was himself led astray.

At the first encounter of our men with the Scots, the Steward of Scotland and the Earl of Lennox, who previously had come in peace, when they saw that our men had fallen, immediately retreated to their own men who were lying hidden in the woods near the pows [slow-running streams feeding into the Forth]. Seeing the outcome of the abominable thing they came out in front of our men and killed many, particularly those who were running away in the same area, carrying off much plunder and leading away loaded waggons to the pows, for the waggons could not be easily be led away by those fleeing in lochs and marshes. Indeed our Earl, remaining throughout on this side of the bridge when the lord Marmaduke had returned with his men, ordered that the bridge be broken and burned, and entrusting the custody of the same castle of Stirling to the aforesaid lord Marmaduke, promised him faithfully with granted pledge that within the first ten weeks he would come to his help with a strong band of men; however he did not carry out what he had promised, and forgetting his own old age, he set out for Berwick with such haste, that the war-horse on which he had sat, which had been placed in the stable of the Friars Minor, nowhere tasted its fodder. From there he proceeded into southern parts to the King's son and left his fatherland entirely abandoned. This ruin was brought about on the third day before the Ides of September, namely the Wednesday in the year of grace above-stated.

Translated by J. Russell from Chronicle of Walter of Guisborough, ed. H. Rothwell, Camden Society, 1957.

[myatlantispoets]

@dottilyn @thoopsy A little birdie told me that you signed up for the @shera-secretsanta-2019 event. Well guess what, I know who’s supposed to give you your present  and it’s....this girl right here! (forgive me for the awkward introduction ). Anyways, happy holidays and may you fight like a princess in the next decade! (i’m...not the best at fandom references).

I’ve prepared a fic set in a Modern AU-Etheria is a small kingdom, where magic doesn’t exist but goodness always prevails. 

Characters:Entrapta, Adora, Mermista, Bow, Perfuma, Frosta, Glimmer (basically the main squad)

Word count:2031

Hope you like it!

"Emily, will you hand me the wrench, please?", Entrapta asked the small robot that usually accompanied her. Today would be a bit different, for she was celebrating her high school graduation by going on a camping trip with her friends, so she was planning to leave the robot in charge of the house while she was gone. The thought of being without Emily was quite saddening but the thought of being with the people who've gone on so many adventures with her throughout high school helped. Of course, there was also the thought of what was going to happen now that high school was over-but she brushed it off. For now, she had to leave her messy room, say goodbye to the other robots and try and run to the train station, where they were waiting for her. "I have to leave now, but I'll be back soon. Take care of the others, ok?", she said, planting a kiss on the closest thing that the robot had to a forehead. With that, she picked up the wrench, threw it in her backpack and closed the door behind her. --- "This has to be the longest road I've ever travelled. How much do we have left?", Glimmer sighed looking out the window of the train compartment. "This is the fifth time you've asked", Mermista muttered under her breath. "We've already passed by the lake. Perfuma said she's waiting for us at the next station", Adora interfered. "Is it too late to suggest not going at all?", Mermista asked rhetorically . As the only one in the group who's grown up in Salineas-Etheria's most prosperous harbour city-she found it a lot more enjoyable to spend her summer break at the seaside than among leaves and bugs and...whatever else hid in those woods. Adora gave her a gentle, but disapproving look. "So that's a no?" --- Ten minutes later they were chatting with Perfuma, telling her how Entrapta spent the whole time while they were on the train in the  driver's cabin, figuring out how the vehicle worked. She laughed a bit, asking the mechanic about her discoveries. As the purple haired girl answered, she felt hopeful about the celebration ahead of them. But of course, a lot can go wrong in a night. The group found their spot rather quickly, as it had been previously prepared by Perfuma. When they decided to spend a week during their summer break camping, she insisted that it takes place in a natural reservation she'd been to before in Plumeria, Etheria's "greenest" region. Knowing how persistent the environmental activist could become about these things, they let it go. They were in a meadow not far from a river, surrounded by tall, green trees and a big range of flowers, among which they could find bluebells, primroses and starflowers. Perfuma went on a long speech about the forest and the various forms of life they could find there but Bow was the only one still listening after hours spent on a train ride. After taking some rest, they started unpacking the tents and setting them up. The process went easier than expected, especially after Entrapta excitedly began going around, offering everyone her help. She was the best out of all of  them when it came to spatial thinking, tools and equations, so they instantly agreed. Bow finished first, being quite good with these types of things himself. He admired Entrapta's skills and looked forward to any opportunity to learn from her. He was followed by Glimmer and Mermista-who let an overly eager Entrapta do the whole thing and then Perfuma and Frosta. Frosta was the youngest one of them and, though she wouldn't admit it, was a bit scared about her first camping trip, so  when Perfuma offered to share a tent with her, she gave in. After an hour, Adora was still struggling to set up her tent, despite her friend's help. The reason had 4 legs, 2 puppy eyes that begged one to do its bidding and fluffy ears perfect for scratching. Yes, the girl brought her pet dog, Swift Wind with her. No,she wasn't regretting her decizion but she admitted that there were...unforeseen situations that could be caused by one bringing their golden retriever on a camping trip. Because she was living them right now. "Come here, puppy! "Frosta shouted at the top of her lungs, waving to the fluffy animal. He was chewing on one of the tent poles after grabbing it while Adora was looking somewhere else and running with it to the other end of the meadow. Adora facepalmed. She thought things couldn't get any worse until he broke into one of the tents and started chewing on the pillows, spreading feathers and polyester filling all over in the camp while she watched in horror. While the others were trying to bait the puppy into returning the pole and chewing on something more edible-like one of the dog biscuits that Bow had carefully packed with him-Mermista was sitting in the back,  eating a bag of popcorn with Entrapta. The young genius was giggling, oblivious to the fact that she needed the pole to finish. "You'd think he was tired after the road, but his energy level is comparable to that of Sea-Hawk's", the Salinean raised an eyebrow, slightly impressed. "Do you think I could make my robots run as fast?", Entrapta asked, throwing a popcorn in the air and catching it with her mouth. Mermista was about to reply when she saw Frosta run up to them. "Guys, we could use some help", she threw them a glare while trying to get some feathers out of her hair. The girls sighed before getting up. The sooner they do something, the sooner they can go back to snacks and jokes. Twenty minutes later, Adora's managed to get Swift Wind to stop by giving him one of his favorite toys to play with, after finding it at the bottom of her backpack. The cleaning was resolved by Entrapta, who's turned one of her smaller robots into a surprisingly functional attempt at a vacuum cleaner. The others didn't know how she'd managed to make it work but hey, it was Entrapta. They were past questioning it. --- A dimly lit fire and a group of 6 people gathered around, laughing and enjoying each other's company. Is this what friendship feels like?, Entrapta thought, looking around. It was well known that Entrapta had been alone before meeting Adora, Glimmer and Bow, who would later introduce her to Mermista, Perfuma and Frosta. She grew up in an isolated city called Dryl, as an orphan. They met during their freshman year of high school and her life changed almost instantly. She wondered what she would have been doing right now if it wasn't for them. The girl  was awaken from her reverie by the sound of Bow opening one of the many bags of marshmallows he'd packed. A campfire wouldn't be a campfire without s'mores and the squad had relied on him, as resident "mom friend", to bring the goodies. Now, it was true that in a very characteristic excess of zeal, he'd packed a lot more than they needed, but Frosta assured them that she'd take care of it. He gave each one a bunch of marshmallows and biscuits and they soon started chatting, sharing their fears, hopes and dreams. "So what are you doing this fall, Entrapta?", Adora asked, not long after they'd replaced the s'mores with hot cocoa and gotten all wrapped up in blankets. Everyone except Frosta, anyway. She was surprisingly resilient to cold weather. "Yeah, good question.", Glimmer said. "I've heard about the others, but you never mentioned anything." Entrapta looked down on her own cup, trying to find answers in her drink. Sadly, it didn't answer. Stupid hot beverage. It was true though. On their way here, everyone's shared their plans for the future except her. Bow was planning to go into psychology and become a counselor, helping people who were doubting themselves or their path in life, like he used to at some point. Mermista would start preparing to take on her parents' business-they owned a few ships and offered tours of Etheria's coastlines. She's always liked the sea, so taking over the business with her boyfriend, Sea-Hawk seemed like the natural option. Adora has been training to become an agent for Etheria's crime fighting agency for a few years now and would take her exam in September. It sounded more like a formality for her though, since she'd aced all the other required tests and practiced every day. Glimmer had decided a long time that she wanted to take a leap  year instead and figure out things before making a decizion. She'd already signed up for a bunch of clubs and volunteering associations to test things out in the meantime. She had the freedom that she didn't have before, when she was a kid trying to graduate and to make her strict mother proud. Last but not least, Perfuma recently got offered an internship for an enviroment-focused international NGO that she was excited about, while Frosta was still in high school as the youngest. And Entrapta? She did get an acceptance later for a course she applied out of boredom-Etheria's best engineering course, offered by a prestigious, modern university with a big library and an even bigger research lab. It sounded like a dream come true. But she feared it'd turn into her biggest nightmare-losing her friends and being alone again.  She'd be far from everyone else, while her friends would each go away their separate ways. If she turned it down, she could at least stay with Frosta for another. She was afraid of what would happen if she didn't. Before she knew it, she'd started crying in front of her friends. "Hey, are you ok?", Bow asked, taking a seat next to her. The others followed him, forming a circle around her. They were looking at her, eyes filled with concern. She revealed the acceptance letter that had been hidden in her backpack. She'd brought it with her to think about it-having physical things to thinker with always helped her figure out solutions. The only problem was, you couldn't fix fear and insecurity using equations. She heard the others gasp at the sight of the letter as Glimmer snatched it from her hands. She read it out loud before they all congratulated her. "This is amazing, Entrapta!", Adora exclaimed. "Totally. I mean, I didn't expect any less but you know...congrats", Mermista patted her on the back. "So...why are you upset?", Bow was confused. "Is this not what you wanted ?", Perfuma raised an eyebrow. "I...I'm afraid", was all Entrapta could say between the tears. Once Bow handed her a box of tissues, she was able to continue, "Of what will happen...once college begins. Of losing you guys." After a few seconds, Adora broke out the silence, "Not a chance", she said, slinging an arm around her shoulder. The others nodded encouragingly. "Yeah, we can totally still hang out whenever we find the time. Etheria isn't that big.", Glimmer chimed in. "And group chats are still a thing as far as I know", Mermista added. "Knowing you, you'll probably invent holograms or...teleportation and what not. That'll make things a lot easier", Frosta said, inciting a chuckle from Entrapta. "Yeah, you're a genius, Entrapta", Bow said. "And you deserve the chance to reach your full potential", Perfuma smiled at the purple haired girl. Slowly, but surely, Entrapta began feeling relieved. And maybe she wasn't so alone after all. "Thank you, guys", she sniffled."I've decided I'm going to accept the offer...and I'm going to treat it as an other scientific experiment. With courage and curiosity." "GROUP HUG", Bow announced loudly before giving the girl a hug, followed by the others. Entrapta smiled once again, looking up at the stars. This is what friendship feels like.

[mariosomething]

MISTAKES I MADE AS A COMIC OR NOTICED AS A BOOKER...

(NOTE: Never say never, but I can’t imagine getting back on stage again. However, now that comedy is returning to clubs--and potentially booming here in Austin--I think this is worth repeating. Especially #15. Enjoy!)

So, I might be hopping on stage again for my own, personal reasons. Number one being distraction from the crushing loneliness that comes with self-employment. Woo! On the first page of my newly-purchased comedy notebook, I started making a list of things I don’t want to do this time around. The comic I don’t want to be, should I continue performing. Getting in my own way with unfounded beliefs about my abilities or lack thereof. I will—NO DOUBT—repeat some of the following blunders out of muscle memory, and if you catch me doing so, by all means, call me out! In no particular order:

1- Worrying about who’s heard this bit before. One cure for this is to never stop writing new stuff. Also, it’s the JOB of a comedian to repeat the same shit with the same zeal and sincerity for different crowds…crowds that probably don’t attend comedy shows as often as we perform on them.

2- Worrying about making the comics laugh. This is still the hallmark of a great comic to me…the person we’ve all seen before but stop the chit-chat when they get on stage. It’s the opposite of a “crowd-pleaser.” In a perfect world, I can please both—as some do—but ultimately, we don’t get paid to make the back of the room laugh. If I’m building a half-hour, those comics may ‘check out’ during my set, and that’s to be expected. If I concern myself with their approval, I’m ignoring the audience, and by extension, disrespecting them. THEY bought a ticket. They deserve my best attempt.

3- Starting your act with a risky joke. Are there exceptions for these “rules” of mine? Absolutely. But they are just that…exceptions. This one always drove me nuts when I ran the Velv. Especially when the rest of one’s act is relatively benign! Would you lead with your “crazy” on a first date? Talk about all of your flaws on a job interview? Or with music you like…if I wanted to get you into Tom Waits, I’m not gonna recommend The Black Rider—an album only die-hard fans might appreciate. I’d start with something accessible, like Small Change or Rain Dogs. Get them on your side first with your palatable stuff, then give ‘em what you want. (Now go listen to Tom Waits’ Small Change and Rain Dogs.) 

4- Worrying about looking stupid. This is the big one for me. Even though I KNOW the audience WANTS us to look foolish; even while I KNOW they want us to be both vulnerable and confident about it, I have a crippling fear of embarrassment. And this is NOT a good quality for any comedian. I learned that words account for only 7% of communication. The rest is body language, facial expressions and tone. I’ve always hidden behind my words, and have given up on bits that require me to be more animated. So dumb. Which leads me to…

5- Not doing enough ‘act-outs’ in bits. When I watch amazing comedians, they all have this in common. They perform or act-out dialogue. More show than tell. They don’t just recite jokes or one-liners. Even Steven & Mitch & Todd do/did act-outs in their own, low-energy styles. When you start looking for them, they’re everywhere. So much rolling, sustained laughter derives from act-outs. They don’t have to be BIG, they just have to be well-delivered.

6- Writing what I think they might like, not what I like. Another big ‘duh’ but worth repeating. I fell in this trap on the road. I was lovingly told to “write a dick joke already!” when I was a new, quasi-clever comic. And man alive, did I ever make up for it! Some may have had a fake nose and mustache, but they were dick jokes nonetheless, and I wasn’t proud. But they got laughs, and more laughs meant better comment cards, which meant return visits. Awesome way to remain a road comic…shitty way to evolve or get industry to pay attention. It’s also a fast track to burnout. If you’re not doing stuff you like, resentment builds and ambition wanes.

7- Not having goals. A new, tight 10 minutes is my goal today. If that goes well, a new 30. Then maybe an album. When I DID have things to strive for, they “magically” happened. I kept comedy goal lists on my wall, and most came to fruition. Then I got in my head and stopped making those lists. The more I was learning about the biz, the more inadequate I felt. I stopped writing, stopped going to mics and eventually stopped touring. With no new goals, I lost steam and confidence. I was a competent middle, but a spotty headliner…THAT is my ceiling for now. I’d love to be a rock-solid, reliable closer with at least one killer album to show for it. It’s feasible, but I need to start with that initial aim of a new, polished, consistent 10 minutes that I like.

8- Not watching more pros. Something that baffles me about so many new comics. You have the option to catch A-list comedians for FREE at Cap City, your home club, etc…why would you not take advantage? You learn by watching pros, even if it’s what NOT to do. Or what’s being done to death. You can learn structure, pacing, opening and closing. I used to watch comics I knew I wouldn’t like, but came away with respect for how they did things. People forget or don’t know that the late, great Bill Hicks used to be a clean-ish, set-up/punch kinda comedian. He learned the rules so he can break them effectively. Even at his viscous best, he was still super-polished. It’s respect for the craft, dammit. All of your heroes have it.

9- Getting jealous of your friends’ progress. There is sooo much leap-frogging in this business, there’s no need to denigrate yourself for not keeping pace with a peer. “Comedy is the closest thing there is to justice,” according to Colin Quinn, and I 100% agree. If you’re funny, consistently funny, you will get work. Period. When producers run and book shows, they want reliability more than anything. There is no island of misfit-but-actually-brillant comedians out there, waiting to be discovered. Funny gets noticed by EVERYbody. If you’re not getting booked, start looking inward. Seriously. When Cap City demoted me from headliner, I didn’t fight it. I thought they were right to do so because I knew my 50 minutes was about 15 shy of reliable material. Challenge your beliefs about your own act. Maybe you’re better than you think, but maybe it’s just the opposite. It’s worth asking, “What am I doing wrong?” if you’re having trouble getting past open mics. Maybe you are indeed funny, but still too green or inconsistent. Maybe you had a bad showcase set and your friend killed. Your friend may get Montreal before you, but you might get a manager first. You just don’t know! Keep plugging away, because there’s too much out of your control.

10- Not being humble. Jeezus H. Christmas, where did all of this unearned confidence come from?? Not only will I never relate to this, I will continue to chastise and scoff at it. Don’t assume your shit is crushed fruit, especially when you’re new. Don’t trash talk other comics, it WILL bite you in the ass eventually. Or immediately in some cases. Don’t think you’re immediately entitled to the same things that other comics took years to obtain or achieve. There is always something to learn, even from people you disagree with…it’s the definition of being open-minded. There are comics I detest personally, but goddamn if they aren’t great performers/writers. And I’ll probably get push-back for this, but I never called myself a “comedian” until I was able to quit my day job. Until that happened, I was just a dude who “did comedy.” I wanted to earn that title, don’t you?? Skip the business cards and build your act.

11- Not taking chances on stage. I’ve heard from too many comedians that if you’re always killing up there, you’re not taking chances. When I booked a room, I wanted to reward comics who tried new stuff every open mic, or was tweaking it. If a comic kept going up with well-worn bits, I ignored them for a few weeks or longer, even if they got laughs. It’s open mic, the point is to experiment! When I worked the road, I stopped doing mics when I was back in town. Big mistake. I was afraid to try untested jokes in clubs on the road, and too lazy or complacent to take chances at open mics. I stunted my own growth. 

12- All agenda, no punchlines. I remember watching a well-known comic in NY struggle with Jesus jokes. He could NOT have been in a more welcoming arena for such, but he wasn’t funny, just angry. So he said, “Oh, I guess you guys don’t like religious jokes,” To which my friend replied, “We do! We keep waiting for one.” I think comedians can be the most insightful people on the planet, and the great ones don’t berate, they put funny first. It just makes sense! If you really really really want your message to be heard, then it’s in your best interest to make it funny. Funny cuts through. Or maybe you just wanna use the stage as a soapbox, in which case, quit comedy.

13- Not presenting both sides. I once told an established headliner he couldn’t return to the Velv, despite the numbers. In fairness to us, it was Valentine’s Day weekend, we were packed anyway. He never gave me a chance to explain why, but here’s why: he was too angry about women and wasn’t self-deprecating enough to balance it out. Conversely, I had a female comedian come through a couple of times, and the bulk of her act is male-bashing, BUT, it’s tight and well-crafted and funny as shit…AND she sprinkles in enough self-effacing humor so as not to divide the crowd. If the guy I banned was her parallel, I would’ve re-booked him. But I’m a freak about balance. While I don’t believe ANY person or group of people is above criticism, you can’t just point fingers at others while patting yourself on the back.

14 - Not putting more of ‘me’ in my act. Trends are fun as a reference, but full bits built around them have a tiny shelf life. It’s fluff and filler at best. Relationships will never be hacky. Aging will never get old. Folks! We all have specific quirks or approaches to life in general, why not explore those approaches? That’s when a ‘comic’ graduates to ‘comedian.’ When they stop saying funny things and start saying things funny. Not my line, but damn accurate.**

15- Knee-jerk hating and never asking WHY? Okay, this one’s a personal lament. When I found comedy, I found harmony. Anyone funny was welcome. I didn’t see us as men or women or gay or straight or black or white, we were comics, and I fucking loved it. We were equals from every walk of life, and no jerks allowed! I found a circle of curious, liberal-minded pals who were always asking why. Friends who would call out each other’s bullshit or hypocrisy or bad bits, then laugh about it at Mugshots. Friends who preferred brutal truth over blowing smoke. It was bliss for someone who values sincere feedback and funny, earnest people. Comedians we respect and adore are always challenging norms of behavior and tradition. Pryor, Chapelle, Carlin, Rock, of course, but even Larry David, who’s the king of offending people by rejecting small, societal niceties. 

I’m starting to see too much division and moral cowardice in comedy--on and off stage--and this is antithesis to its value, in my opinion. Everything I hated about high school. Cliques and whispers and spiteful exclusion. I will echo what I wrote earlier: NOBODY IS ABOVE CRITICISM. This is the salty to the sweet of “Everyone welcome.” Comedy is a LOT of failing, tons of real-time rejection, and that SUCKS. But if you think it has anything to do with anything but your act, you’re not asking Why. It’s easier to say, “Well, it’s clearly ‘cos I’m ________.” Really? Maybe it’s ‘cos you’re not funny, or not funny YET. Maybe it’s because you haven’t written a new joke in months, or refuse to change the ones that never work. Maybe you think there are no rules to comedy, and you can just get up there and people will love you because so-and-so does it that way. Maybe you don’t have so-and-so’s natural talent or likability. Or work ethic. Or self-awareness. If your first response is to blame a crowd, a booker, society, or whatever, ask yourself: are there successful comics who look like me? Why them and not me? What are they doing differently? My first guess is: they’re addicted to the craft so they keep their head down and write and tweak and fail and ask why and learn from mistakes. Stop complaining and start paying attention. At the end of the day, you and you alone are responsible for your career. If you believe women aren’t funny, I pity your ignorance and sheltered life. If you think men have it easier, tell that to the thousands of male comics who go nowhere in this business.

Maybe I’m an idealist hippy dippy doofus, but I believe that what we admire about others is pretty universal stuff. Regarding comedy, we all like someone who’s fearless on stage. Confident but not cocky. Capable. Quick. Genuine. Someone who keeps writing and honing their act. Someone who connects with people. Someone who comes back once a year with 30 new minutes. Someone who plows forward, not consumed with the opinions of others. Are these gender or race-specific qualities?? Hardly. And when you’re a top shelf, A-list comedian who’s paid their dues, it’s all preference at that level. It’s Gin vs. Vodka vs. Bourbon vs. Tequila, no one is “better” than the next. Maria Bamford is Bill Burr is Dave Chapelle is Carrot Top. They’re all pros who never stop working.

I’ll leave you with this…Comedy is a powerful and special thing, and I’ve always been crazy-grateful to be part of this tiny, uniquely rewarding world. Even if this experiment crumbles after a few months, even if I can’t vanquish some personal demons, it’s been a pursuit I’ve yet to regret. If you’re just starting out, or five years in, or going on the road, relish every minute. Meet all the people. Make all the friends. Get over your fears, get over yourself and get better. xoxo mario 

**This is how I first heard it. Comic/comedian or vice versa. You get it. Though I personally feel that “comedian” sounds more like an official title, while you can’t spell “comic” without “mic.” Just sayin’ is all.