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smnthchrstn · 6 years ago

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All that you haven't answered!

i am much too lazy to go through and see what i haven’t responded to, so i’m just gonna do them all.

1. Are looks important in a relationship? Nope

2. Are relationships ever worth it? Probably

3. Are you a virgin? Okay see my other answers, this is a very long very rambly answer.

4. Are you in a relationship? Nope

5. Are you in love? Nope

6. Are you single this year? I spent a chunk of it in a relationship.

7. Can you commit to one person? Yep

8. Describe your crush I have two. And one’s old enough to be my mom and the other my much older sister. (Does this mean I have a chance with Kate McKinnon?)

9. Describe your perfect mate Someone who is kind, loyal, shares common interests with me, can enjoy a good meme and shares my love of food/can make a grilled cheese please I’m begging you. I just want a decent grilled cheese.

10. Do you believe in love at first sight? Nope, not one bit

11. Do you ever want to get married? Probably if the right person comes along

12. Do you forgive betrayal? No I don’t

13. Do you get jealous easily? No I don’t

14. Do you have a crush on anyone? I answered this above ^

15. Do you have any piercings? Nope

16. Do you have any tattoos? Nope

17. Do you like kissing in public? I live in a republican area so it scares me.

20. Do you shower every day? Yep

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you? Hard no.

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Maybe my cat if I’m lucky.

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? Absolutely

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? No, but let fate change my mind.

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? This year? Hard pass. Next year? We’ll see.

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Yes

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you? No.

28. Have you ever been cheated on? I have

29. Have you ever cheated on someone? No

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body? Not on my body, but my hair I have.

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl? Of course

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? Of course

33. Have you ever had sex with a man? Nope

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman? See here.

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Yes

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends? Yep

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? No

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? Yes

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? Yes

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? Many

41. Have you had sex so far this year? “Sex”? No

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? My hands are always moving.

43. How long was your longest relationship? Like seven months, but it wasn’t “official”. So like, maybe four months?

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? This question is complicated because I had a lot, but some of my most serious relationships haven’t had a label on them. I’ve dated like officially maybe four people? Unofficially maybe like seven? Six or seven? - three boyfriends and a partner.

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013? One.

46. How many times did you have sex last year? See my above answers about sexuality.

47. How old are you? 22

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? I’m your mom, how dare you (to my cat. come on, i don’t give out these deets on tumblr)

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? I don’t have one :P

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? My first like actual love or my boyfriend? Because my first true love didn’t wrong me and my first boyfriend isn’t alive.

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? Yes, my friends. Specifically my best friend, Sabrina. Now she is a ride or die.

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why? I’ve given up on a lot of people. I’ve given up on some family this year and I’ve given up on the person I believed to be the love of my life because sometimes people hurt you and you think that’s okay because you love them and don’t want to hurt them. You’re basically sacrificing yourself for others and that’s not okay for you.

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? No, no one cares about what I do haha

54. Is there someone you will never forget? Always

55. Share a relationship story. This one time my ex partner drove me home on the fourth of July and no one else had been driving on the highway at that time. We were holding hands and listening to Celine Dion and I kept pointing out all the fireworks I could see from the highway with this childlike amazement. It was a movie moment and I have enough of those to fill a book. It was the beginning of a wild adventure, one that I’m sure I could’ve continued on for a very long time.

56. State 8 facts about your body 1) I have scars on my shoulders from a severe sunburn. 2) I have a freckle on my left wrist (heard from twitter that’s really gay) 3) I have a small triangular scar on my right hand from burning myself on the oven. 4) My shoulders are covered in freckles. 5) My eyes are “green with gold specks” 6) I’m somewhere around 5′7 or 5′8 7) My hair is naturally a dark blonde, but I’ve dyed it black and or brown for the past four years. 8) I had my hair chemically straightened when I was twelve. I did it twice, it was a long and painful process. I did it due to bullying and have since grown to learn how to deal with my wavy hair.

57. Things you want to say to an ex Yikes baby, you missed out on a lifetime of love and support. Big yikes.

58. What are five ways to win your heart? 1) Trust. Being able to trust you and know you aren’t going to just up and walk away one day. Knowing I can count on you, that we will both be here and amp each other up or celebrate each other’s accomplishments. 2) Attentive. Listening to everything you have to say and you listening to what I have to say. 3) Learning and growing together. Someone who over time wants to grow with me, not against me or before me or worrying about my life or what my next move is. Let me grow and let yourself grow and we will grow beautifully together. 4) Loyalty. Betrayal sucks. 5) This sounds really dumb but common interests are super important. I hope the next person I date likes the same stuff I do. That’s always worked out for me.

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners? I think two years. In my last relationship we were about 16 months apart in age. So I guess not quite two. But usually it’s two years older or two years younger.

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone? Eyes and hair.

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? Sexiest? I’m answering these out of order but see the foreplay question.

63. What is your definition of “having sex”? Doing something that is intimate for you, the other person, or both of you together. It can be defined in so many ways.

64. What is your definition of cheating? It isn’t just physical, cheating can be emotional and I think a lot of people let that slide. If you’re engaging with another person in a romantic or sexual sense emotionally or physically, that is cheating.

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine? Haha okay neck kissing. Neck kissing makes me weak. Certain places make me weak. Stomach, thighs, neck - yep. And for me on the other end, I like touching arms and shoulders and hands.

66. What is your favourite roleplay? I have never done that. Never did that with another person in that way. Surprisingly.

67. What is your idea of the perfect date? If you like the person enough literally any scenario will be a perfect date.

68. What is your sexual orientation? My sexuality is lesbian and demisexual. And explained (for me) that means I’m gay and I won’t do anything intimate until I know the person’s soul and love them. (attraction develops with emotional bond for me)

69. What turns you off? Dirt under fingernails, overconfidence, instability toward others, impatience, mostly traits.

70. What turns you on? Trust, loyalty, kindness, tattoos, sensitivity to feelings.

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream? No kinky wet dreams here.

72. What words do you like to hear during sex? “I love you” preferably lol always need that #reassurance

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? I’m extremely easy to impress. Like a playlist is the best way.

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? None.

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? Played me songs that reminded them of me or performed songs for me in the car that they meant for me. That used to be a favorite of mine.

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? I used to write my ex notes and stick them to their fridge or in their bag to read when I left.

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? When the younger person is older it feels more idk acceptable to me. Like a teenager and an adult, that’s not a consensual adult relationship I don’t approve of, of course. But I love older women (all women tbh) and could see it happening once I’m a bit older.

78. What’s your dirtiest secret? It’s not really a secret but I love watching people smoke because it’s the hottest thing ever, even though I know it’s terrible.

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why? Some family members harassed me on Christmas Eve and it made me jealous that they always seem to get away with questionable behavior. (More agitated than jealous)

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? My friend on her birthday.

81. Who are five people you find attractive? Sarah Paulson, Hannah Hart, Kate McKinnon, Kristen Stewart, and Courteney Cox.

82. Who is the last person you hugged? I have no idea.

83. Who was your first kiss with? My first boyfriend.

84. Why did your last relationship fail? The person I dated stopped loving me.

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet? Yes

#long post #there's some not so suitable text in this but it is what it is #don't look if you don't want to see that #personal tag.#asks #thank you very much for asking this was a lot emotionally i didn't realize #alurous

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ilistenedin · 4 years ago

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* 1. Are looks important in a relationship?

Not really to me.

* 2. Are relationships ever worth it?

I wanna be cynical and be like “the risk is not worth the reward” but I feel like I’ll change my tune if the right person comes along.

* 3. Are you a virgin?

* 4. Are you in a relationship?

* 5. Are you in love?

* 6. Are you single this year?

So far. And I’m pretty sure I will remain single.

* 7. Can you commit to one person?

I don’t have the best track record.

* 8. Describe your crush

A friend

* 9. Describe your perfect mate

I don’t have a description honestly.

* 10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Sometimes

* 11. Do you ever want to get married?

* 12. Do you forgive betrayal?

Yes

* 13. Do you get jealous easily?

* 14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

I think so

* 15. Do you have any piercings?

Yes

* 16. Do you have any tattoos?

Yes

* 17. Do you like kissing in public?

Sometimes

* 20. Do you shower every day?

I have been known to skip

* 21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

* 22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

* 23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Yes

* 24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

* 25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

* 26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yes

* 27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

I don’t know

* 28. Have you ever been cheated on?

Yes

* 29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

Yes

* 30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

I would like to get top surgery. I’ve never been comfortable having breasts.

* 31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Yes

* 32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

Yes

* 33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

Yes

* 34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

Yes

* 35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Yes

* 36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yes

* 37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

Yes

* 38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Yes

* 39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Yes

* 40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

Yes

* 41. Have you had sex so far this year?

* 42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

I could kiss for hours

* 43. How long was your longest relationship?

Little over three years

* 44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

2 boyfriends and 3 girlfriends

* 45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

I have no idea. I think maybe like 4?

* 46. How many times did you have sex last year?

None

* 47. How old are you?

* 48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

Nothing, be supportive

* 49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

N/a

* 50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

That would be extremely strange lol. He has a whole child, I have not seen him in over 15 years? I think? And he doesn’t have anything to apologize about.

* 51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

Yes

* 52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

Yes. Cause it’s toxic to hold on to people who have moved on.

* 53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

* 54. Is there someone you will never forget?

Yes

* 55. Share a relationship story.

One doesn’t come to mind.

* 56. State 8 facts about your body

That’s a lot...

1. I’m 5’7

2. I have black hair that’s currently shaved down to a #2

3. My ears are stretched to 5/8”

4. I have the following piercings; septum, nose, tongue, ear cartilage, stretched lobes. I used to have my lip pierced but I retired it.

5. I have 13 (I think) tattoos

6. I don’t shave my legs or my arm pits (but I don’t have thick body hair ��🏼)

7. My nails are typically short cause I bite them

8. I don’t bruise or cut easily; I have barely any scars

* 57. Things you want to say to an ex

Nothing really

* 58. What are five ways to win your heart?

I really can’t think of anything. My mood changes too much.

* 59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

I’ll post it at the end.

* 60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

Of people I actually dated, it’s only been like a year. Of people I’ve hooked up with.... I honestly don’t know cause I don’t remember one of their ages but it was significantly older. Like. 10 years at least.

* 61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

Eyes

* 62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

I honestly don’t think about it lol

* 63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

If there is genitalia involved.

* 64. What is your definition of cheating?

Chances are if you’re hiding it, it’s cheating.

* 65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

I like making out idk. Hand leading is also great.

* 66. What is your favourite roleplay?

See above.

* 67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

I’m simple. Movie, food. Just going somewhere and talking. Or parking the car somewhere and talking.

* 68. What is your sexual orientation?

Queer

* 69. What turns you off?

Rudeness, being judge mental, cockiness. Can’t think of anything else.

* 70. What turns you on?

Intelligence, humor, consent.

* 71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

I can’t remember lol

* 72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

Genuine reactions.

* 73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

Nothing

* 74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

I’m weak for green eyes and thick lips.

* 75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

I mean, just dating me is pretty nice of them so

* 76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

Idk. I’m not a very sweet person.

* 77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

Large age gaps make me uncomfortable

* 78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

I don’t have any dirty secrets. I don’t think.

* 79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

I don’t remember cause if I start to feel jealous I usually shove that shit down. I’m sure it was recently tho.

* 80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

Told my friend earlier

* 81. Who are five people you find attractive?

I’ll do celebrities; Tessa Thompson, Hunter Schafer, Demi Lovato, Alia Shawkat, and Katya Zamo

* 82. Who is the last person you hugged?

Friend, Maria

* 83. Who was your first kiss with?

Some kid in elementary school technically, but I don’t count that. I say my first boyfriend in 8th grade.

* 84. Why did your last relationship fail?

Life happens. I’m not getting into it.

* 85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

Sure.

Current picture, as promised.

#memhm

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astdesu-blog · 7 years ago

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Do them all

Thank you so much!!!

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

It is a bit, not completely!

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

Hm… I think it’s depend a lot…

3. Are you a virgin?

I am.

4. Are you in a relationship?

No.

5. Are you in love?

I think not…

6. Are you single this year?

Yes! And all the other years as well. w

7. Can you commit to one person?

I think I can.

8. Describe your crush

I don’t have one.

9. Describe your perfect mate

Oh, mhn… A kind person, who are understanding, gentle and cool!

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

I don’t believe in it, honestly. I think love need more than a sight.

11. Do you ever want to get married?

I’ve never thought about it, but probably not.

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

Maybe…

13. Do you get jealous easily?

A bit, I think.

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

A crush? No…

15. Do you have any piercings?

I used to have a piercing under my lip and also in my ears, but I took them all out and now I don’t use any of these.

16. Do you have any tattoos?

I have! A hand tatto, two arm tattoo, shoulder tattoo and fingers tattoo!

17. Do you like kissing in public?

I don’t know, but probably not. It’s embarrassing!

20. Do you shower every day?

For sure!

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

No.

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

No.

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Of course, otherwise why would I’ll be in a relationship?

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

No.

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

Well, maybe. I don’t know for sure but… Maybe.

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

No.

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

Not that I know of.

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

No, but I feel that way sometimes.

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

Nop.

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

I never thought about doing a plastic surgery and I don’t think I would.

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Yes.

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

Yes, it really hurt.

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

No.

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

No.

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Yes, but not sure how old.

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Hopefully not.

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

I think not!

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Yes…

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Always, bad luck.

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

I never wrote a song or poem, but some of the melodies I created could say something.

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

Nop.

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

Probably my hands never will wander…!

43. How long was your longest relationship?

Like 0 days? w

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

None.

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

One, and I really didn’t want to.

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

Zero times. w

47. How old are you?

I’m 21!

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

I would accept this and wish they were happy and that the person had the courage to declare their feelings. It’s not like something different could be done.

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

Don’t have one.

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

No.

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

I think not…

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

I did not had so many people to make it happen.

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

No.

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

Yeah, and it’s a bit sad.

55. Share a relationship story.

I don’t feel comfortable for this.

56. State 8 facts about your body

8 facts… It’s too much. ww Mhn… 1. I have several birthmarks on my back but one of these looks like a small heart and other like a cat’s nose.2. I also have a scar on my knee, I fell from the tree trying to pick the kitten from the orphanage! ww3. I don’t like my lips, they are… too big and all odd.4. I always have black and blue marks5. I have a secret piercing!6. I am a bit chubby and really hate it.7. The part of my body I most like is my arms because of my tattoos.8. My skin is a bit dry and I always use creams for bodies.

57. Things you want to say to an ex

None.

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

Being gentle, having some common interests to talk about, sweet and caring…

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

It’s a old one but I like this pic.

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

I don’t have any partner, but the biggest difference with those one I liked the most was about 5 years I think.

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

Eyes.

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

Don’t know.

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

Mnh… It’s the sexual act, I think? I’ve never think about it.

64. What is your definition of cheating?

When your have other interests with other people, I think.

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

Don’t know about.

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

I don’t think I have one.

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

Anything would be okay, either go out or stay home to watch a movie and play games.

68. What is your sexual orientation?

Homosexual

69. What turns you off?

On a general turn off, lying people.

70. What turns you on?

On a general turn on, tattoos.

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

I don’t remember if I have one.

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

Don’t know, really… Probably I would be so embarrassed with any word! ww

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

Hugs. I definitely like huggs.

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

Mnn…. Maybe a bit manly way… With tattoos? Truly embarrassed here. w

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

Understanding my struggles.

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

Understanding their struggles!

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

That depends a lot as long as it doesn’t involve children.

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

Okay… In the times when I watched adult movies, the thing I liked the most was the sound of bodies colliding into the act………

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

I don’t remember to be honest. I think it was a so much time ago.

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

Oh, that question really went a little deep in my memories. Probably the last time I said this was to my mother, I had been around… 4 years old.

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

The five ones are a big secret.

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

My bandmates.

83. Who was your first kiss with?

With a girl who lived in the same orphanage as me.

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

Don’t have one.

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

Nop.

#kazi-fest-vainqueur #game

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ravenmorganleigh · 7 years ago

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Their racism isn’t always intentional. Sometimes it is a byproduct of privilege, sometimes it is a deflection, and sometimes it is caused by the vapid, shallow inability to care about or understand anything that they don’t agree with because they are the majority.

The population of not-racists is steadily growing. Not-racists voted for Donald Trump. Not-racists say that kneeling for the flag means you want to slit the throats of veterans. Not-racists believe in Blue Lives, White Jesus and black-on-black crime. So we decided to do a countdown of the 10 most popular phrases so that you can easily identify not-racists, or play a game of not-racist bingo in your spare time:

10. “Why must everything have to be about race?”

One of the most used ideas in the not-racist handbook is that talking about race creates divisiveness. The theory rests on the premise that the more people point out racism, the more ... umm ... I really don’t know how the second part works.

The truth is that talking about race makes white people uncomfortable because it reminds them of the filthy history of white supremacy. That’s why Texas schoolbooks referred to slaves as “immigrants,” and Confederate-flag-wavers have twisted the bloodiest conflict in U.S. history into something about states’ rights, tradition and the North’s hatred of sweet tea ... and declaring human beings to be personal property.

And I get it; it is very uncomfortable for white people to hear about the atrocities of racism knowing that their people are complicit in centuries of mistreatment. It would give me the heebie-jeebies, too. It’s like cheating on a woman, confessing and then wondering why she’s always bringing up old shit when you come home late.

But the only way America will ever cure the cancer of white supremacy is by talking about it and treating it as if it were a disease. If you found a tumor in your left lung and your doctor brought it up every time you lit a cigarette, it would be stupid to respond with, “Why does everything have to be about lung cancer?”

It’s killing you, man. It’s killing you.

9. “I dated a black guy/girl ... ”

A few days ago I received a message from a not-racist woman who genuinely wanted to know why I used the phrase “white people” (and its more hilarious cousin, “wypipo”). I patiently replied to her (I don’t always clap back, but when I do, it’s in the mailbag), and she wrote back that she understood. She explained that she wasn’t racist because her ex-husband was black and she had half-black children. Which left me wondering:

Who are these black men and women dating these clueless white people and leaving them as unwoke as they found them?

You gon’ let her raise your kids, bruh? For real?

Who told wypipo that when a black penis enters a white vagina (or vice versa), the orgasm gives them a special immunity to being a bigot?

If so, where does it go? (The racism, not the penis, stupid.)

Instead of the March on Washington or the Montgomery Bus Boycott, should we have just marched around the country having orgies?

That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.

8. “I don’t see color.”

Do you stop at green lights? How do you play checkers, then? Not-racists will actually try to convince you that they don’t care about race and that erasing the concept of race from our minds is a self-righteous, egalitarian attribute.

Bullshit.

Here is the thing: The idea of a post-racial society is really the desire for a white society. Even nonracist Caucasians don’t mind this because they don’t understand that whiteness has surpassed the classification of a racial category in America and has become the default.

Black people want to be treated like everyone else. We don’t desire to be seen as everyone else. Most African Americans, Mexicans, Jews, etc., love their race and their culture. It is a large part of who we are. We don’t care that you see our color. We just want you to respect it.

Also, how do you play Uno?

7. “You’re the racist!”

In the September 2013 global quarterly Not-Racists, the executive board decided to introduce a clever bit of trickery into the racial discussion in America. According to the memo obtained by The Root, Caucasians were instructed to respond to any claims of racism, no matter how subtle, with the charge that black people were the racist ones. Since then, according to a poll never conducted by Pew Research, claims of reverse racism have risen more than 389 percent.

I’m not one of those people who believe black people can’t be racist, because I, too, felt racism creep into my heart once when a Caucasian co-worker offered me leftover potato salad. Even though black-on-white racism technically exists, it is rarely injurious.

Because—feeling butt-hurt is not a medical symptom.

6. “I grew up around black people.”

There are people who grew up in the “inner city” or played Pop Warner football on the Negro side of town who believe that they can’t be racist. According to them, growing up around black people—along with Mandingo penis and black vagina—completes the Holy Trinity of racism cures.

When asked why the white boys raised on slave plantations; the millennials who went to integrated schools but carried tiki torches in Charlottesville, Va.; and Darren Wilson, who worked his entire career as a police officer in a majority-black town before he shot Michael Brown Jr., still had remnants of racism in their bloodstreams, white people collectively paused, gazed at their flip-flops for a few brief seconds and replied, “Why does everything have to be about race?”

5. “Not all white people ... ”

Nothing upsets the #NotRacist stomach more than hearing the phrase “white people” used in any capacity. Only the term “white privilege” causes more consternation.

That same woman who wrote the letter I mentioned earlier said this:

First & foremost, many of us “white people” could careless what racial label you bestow upon us because at the end of the day the same loving GOD that created white skin created dark skin ... Why does there have to be a label? Why must we classify as a “color”? When we are all God’s master piece? No one runs from what the classification of one’s skin color reminds them of! What happened years ago is embarrassing. It’s hurtful! And morally disturbing. I am fortunate, my family did not participate in the barbaric behaviors as other whites. And God help our soul had we ever considered using a racial slur at another person! No my family was not and is not perfect but sir not all of us were mentally disturbed. And that is what someone has to be in order to hold another against their will in captivity. And sir, why would you want to write such things that fuel the hatred? Why would you assume that ALL whites fit into one general spectrum? If this is so, does this mean that because you are black sir that you are a gang banger? Do you see the issue here sir? ”

Although this is one of the most interesting uses of the “not all white people” variations, it raises an interesting point: I have a friend who is black and owns a Tesla. When she hears a mechanic advise people to change their oil every 3,000 miles, she doesn’t say, “Not all cars!” My friend is intelligent enough to know that the mechanic is referring to most cars or the typical car. Nothing in this world is 100 percent. Somewhere there exists a cat who likes having mice around, but for the most part ...

People who object to the word combination “white people” do so only because they aren’t used to being stereotyped. When the letter writer considered every black stereotype and decided to ask if I was a gangbanger, it did not bother me. You know why?

Because I am not a gangbanger.

I am also accustomed to living with the knowledge that my skin engenders certain thoughts about who I am. She does not have to navigate a world that presupposes her psyche on a day-to-day basis.

And that, dear reader, is called “white privilege.”

4. “Go back to Africa!”

Not-racists believe that America belongs to them and that whiteness endows them with the power to excommunicate the offenders of their country at will. This, too, is white privilege.

White privilege is believing that you have the right to tell anyone to leave the country they built with their own hands, for free. White privilege is believing that America is in decline and can be made great again only by a billionaire trust fund baby, but simultaneously saying that black football players have no right to criticize America because it made them rich. White privilege is the belief that this country is yours, and anyone who doesn’t like it should kick rocks. White privilege is the belief that kneeling is cause for being called anti-American, but not the actual, unconstitutional mistreatment of Americans.

That’s why I’m proposing that whenever we hear anyone complain about big government, high taxes, Black Lives Matter, traffic, not enough pineapples on their pizza or ask whether something is gluten-free, black people should cup their hands around their mouths and bellow into the world:

“Go back to Caucasia!”

3. “Why must you always be the victim?”

Another not-racist premise posits that when black people play the “race card,” they are blaming the failures of black people on racism. According to them, we want to make white people the villains and ourselves the victims.

They are partially correct. Black people kill too many other black people. The black family structure is falling apart. Blacks should focus more on education. Those things will help black people immensely.

But if black people did all those things and ignored the fact that a black college graduate is more likely than a white high school grad to be unemployed, and on average earns less than one; or that schools with majority-black students receive less funds than white schools with the same tax and income bases; or ignored mass incarceration, sentence inequality, the drug war, the history of redlining, banks giving blacks higher interest rates, disproportionate police brutality ...

... that would be stupid.

It’s like asking someone who was sexually abused to never talk about it or even to keep quiet when the cops ask about it because it turns the survivor into a victim.

We are the victims ... of racism.

2. “I don’t want to sound racist, but ... ”

I have been told, on numerous occasions, to never consider anything after “but.” The oldest sleight of hand in the book of racism magic is to proclaim oneself “not racist.” It is a wondrous trick that never works.

It’s akin to R. Kelly opening up a day care center and using the motto, “I’m not a pedophile, but I’d love to babysit your kids!”

Also, whenever anyone says they “don’t want to sound racist,” brace yourself. Because they are definitely about to say some racist shit.

1. “Make America great again.”

I can’t even ...

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Michael Harriot

Michael Harriot is a staff writer at The Root, host of "The Black One" podcast and editor-in-chief of the daily digital magazine NegusWhoRead.

#racism

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yourcall · 7 years ago

Note

#1-85

Oh hell yeah here we go 😂

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

I’d say so. I mean you want to be attracted/attractive to your SO right?

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

That’s a tough one. It depends on you and what you’re looking for in life.

3. Are you a virgin?

Nope

4. Are you in a relationship?

Nope

5. Are you in love?

Not as of right now but that only because I’m not allowing myself to be

6. Are you single this year? I have been for the majority of the year

7. Can you commit to one person? Fuck yeah I can

8. Describe your crush Bruh! She’s so..absolutely amazing.

Like, it blows my mind how spectacular she is!!!

9. Describe your perfect mate

A woman that’s fun to be around, smart, has her own individuality, has friends that treat her right aaaand open minded because people like that are so great to talk to.

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Absolutely

11. Do you ever want to get married?

I don’t have a goal in life that includes getting married. But you know, if it happens, it happens

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

No. Never have and never will

13. Do you get jealous easily?

I used to get super jealous insanely easily. But not anymore

14. Do you have a crush on anyone? Yeah

15. Do you have any piercings? No but I’d like to get some eventually

16. Do you have any tattoos? Yes. Nine!

17. Do you like kissing in public?

Not too much but a little here and there is tight af

20. Do you shower every day? Yeah

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

Honestly, I’m not 100% sure. The girl I’ve been talking to, we were crazy flirtatious with one another for a while. I still try to flirt with her but she’s become hella distant recently. I’m chalking that up to her just trying to do her for now though. It sucks, but I understand.

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Nah

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Absolutely! If you can’t, what are you doing in a relationship???

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

Yes but the timing isn’t right for myself and whom I want a relationship with. Ja feel?

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yeah. And none of them have lost me. I’ll always be around when they need me

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

Fuck no 😂

28. Have you ever been cheated on? Not that I know of

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

Nope

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

Nope

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Abso-fucking-lutely

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

Yeah

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

Nope

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

Yeah

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Hell yeah 😂

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yep!

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

Nope

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Nope

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Fuck yeah 😂

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

Nope

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

Nope

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

Five minutes tops if I know the person I’m kissing is down for more

43. How long was your longest relationship?

Like, 2.5 years…ish…

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

Like, 6

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

Two

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

I can’t remember yo 😂

47. How old are you?

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

“That’s fucking dope! You should ask them out!!!”

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

I don’t have a girlfriend but the girl I’m into, my favorite things about her are definitely her intellect and sense of humor

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

I mean, yeah but they have nothing to apologize for

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

There are many men and women, or even those that identify as something else, that I’d do anything for

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

Sadly, yes. Because I had to care for myself instead of putting all my energy into them.

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

Yeah 😂

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

Several

55. Share a relationship story.

Ummm I was in a “relationship” with this girl in England while I was in America and I told her that someday I’d make my way to England. Thanks to the military, I did and even though we lost some chemistry over the years that passed, we’re phenomenal friends and I’d do nearly anything for her. Even though that’s probs not what you were looking for, that’s the story you’re getting 😂

56. State 8 facts about your body

I have five scars on the right side of my face.

I shattered my knuckles in a fight when I was younger and several of them never healed right.

I have tattoos on both my calfs, both my shoulders, both my rib cages, one on my right pectoral, and one on the inside of my left bicep.

Due to years of drug abuse and smoking, I look far older than I am. At least that’s what I’m told.

My hair is dirty blond, body hair is black and my beard is red.

I wear size 11 shoes

I’ve got a birthmark loosely shaped like a heart on my butt 😂

I’m five foot ten and weigh 180 lbs

57. Things you want to say to an ex

I’m sorry I wasted 2.5 years of your life. You deserved so much more than what I was.

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

Dope music taste

Have passion for something

Have common sense

Don’t be embarrassed to pig out in front of me

Love animals

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

gimme a sec

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

Four years

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

Their voice

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

Ooooh that’s a tough one. Probably maintaining eye contact while casually talking. I find that shit so hot 😂

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

Genitalia comes in contact with partners genitalia with consent

64. What is your definition of cheating?

Getting too handsy and beyond with someone other than your partner unless you’re in an open relationship

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

Eating a girl out

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

Sorta into the whole teacher thing 😂

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

Just two people (that know they’re on a date) just hanging out together and having fun. That shit is dope

68. What is your sexual orientation?

Straight (unless Ryan Gosling wanted to get down)

69. What turns you off?

Shit personality

70. What turns you on?

Sass 😂

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

When I was in basic training I had a dream The my drill instructor and I were getting down and bruh, that’s how I learned originally I occasionally like being a sub 😂

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

I don’t really have an answer for that. Dirty talking all together is rad

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

Show me affection

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

Face. I’m not an ass or a boob man. It’s all about the face

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

Genuinely cared about me. Even if it felt short lived

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

Probs anytime I receive a 911 for someone suicidal and I talk them out of it by showing them I care

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

As long as they’re legal it’s all good

78. What’s your dirtiest secret? Hooked up with someone I shouldn’t have in order to get a passing grade at some point while I was in high school

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

When a girl I was into was into someone else. The reason why is obvious 😂

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

Last time I talked to my dad

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

The girl I kinda sorta have something going on with? 😂

Brie Larson

Ryan Gosling

Lana Del Rey

Hannah Snowden

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

One of my co-workers

83. Who was your first kiss with?

Is it bad I don’t remember her name? 😂

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

We were taking two totally different paths and we just ran out of affection for one another (I think)

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

Yeah why not

#cobesity

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thoughtsfeelingsjustblah · 5 years ago

Text

Monday 9/16/2019

It’s been a while since I posted. Things are going pretty well here. My depression levelled off a long, long time ago and though i’ve felt some depression symptoms periodically, they were short lived. That’s a huge change, for someone who almost constantly lived with depression since she was 7. I often felt suicidal, or close to it. That also started at 7. I remember the day I first told someone, it was my brother Neil. He just told me everyone feels that way sometimes. Me personally, a child tells me, i’m going to take it seriously and get her help. Oh well, it’s whatever

The past 8 months or so, i’ve felt a lot more social and it’s been great!! For years, I stayed to myself for the most part. I was really social in my teens. When I was twenty, I moved in with Nathan and secluded myself. It was almost completely just he and I. For years, I hardly socialized in real life, only online. I went out with a couple friends a few times here and there, but it was nothing like now.

For several years, I rarely went out. I’d have little spurts of being social, like one summer that I spent a lot of time with Cloyie and Jessica, and Amber to an extent. Then, I got with Mark, and it was only me, him and Nathan again. I just didn’t make the effort to get out. To meet people. To strengthen old friendships. About 8 months ago, something in me just changed. I met my friend Kristy, and we started hanging out. Then, I met a few more friends, and we spent time together. My friends have made friends with each other, and we have some awesome get togethers!

When I think about it, depression held me back. I always had more depressive episodes than manic. Though i’ve had my share of those as well. But, the depressive episodes could last for several months at a time. I’d seclude myself, stop talking to people, practically drop off the planet! Friends don’t understand. Most don’t, anyway. A lot of people just think you’re avoiding them or whatever. Kinda goes along with when my psychology instructor told me i’m aloof. Love her to death, I know she didn’t many anything by it, but that stuck with me - I wonder how many people think of me as cold, distant and aloof. I like to think i’m the furthest from that description.

I’m sampling Kratom, the Trainwreck strain, and I feel i’m a little more talky now than i have been lately. lol

Back on the aloof thing.. I wonder if people think that when i’m feeling shy and having anxiety, or when I have to be to myself for sometime. People’s first impression of me used to be that I was bitchy. Until they got to know me. Because of the shyness. I’d like to think i’ve moved past that a bit now.

I do have a weird need to be alone sometimes. In silence. When i’m around other people for an extended period of time, my mind feels overstimulated and I feel like I need to escape. Yes, even Mark. At home, I spend a lot of alone time in my room. It’s definitely nothing against him, I just need to be alone at times. I was really happy when I lived alone. And often kept it silent, no tv’s etc.. I need that alone time to feel spiritually fulfilled. To feel at peace. Labor day weekend, had a big cookout. It’s awesome! But twice, I was standing in my rather small living room/dining area and felt trapped. Anxiety shot up. I had to go back to my bedroom for a few minutes, both times, almost as if to recharge. It was odd. I love a big crowd, especially when it’s good friends, but my mind overstimulated. Sensory overload. I wish I knew what caused it. As a child, teachers, principals and a school nurse tried telling my Mom I was autistic. She would get angry over it. But, honestly, I have to wonder if I am on the spectrum, and just learned social skills. I truly did have to learn how to behave with people, how to be normal. Se;f taught. Some from reading things and some from observing people’s behavior. I was a mess as a child though, I wasn’t taught social skills at all.

Changing the subject a bit.. I’ve met someone whom has brought about feelings that i’m not used to. It’s a little confusing, and wonderful, at the same time. :) First, let me start with an explanation of my sexuality.. Ok.. I knew that I found some women attractive, even as a child. Certain types of breasts. Beautiful faces. A nice ass. lol I was never sure about my sexual preference. I admired women, but didn’t want to be with a woman....until somewhere in my late twenties or so I considered the idea. Still unsure. By the time I was 19, I had kissed a couple girls. Mostly for attention from boys at parties, i’ll be totally honest. I’m not like that now! I also had an experience that could be considered sexual experimentation when I was 16 or 17... I cheated on my boyfriend and had a hickey on my neck. One of my girls said, let’s all give each other hickies and tell the guys it was us. Which......sounds ridiculous to me as I type this. Extremely. lol But I went with it. I got nothing from it sexually, wasn’t turned on by it.

I refused to experiment with bisexual friends over the year, just didn’t feel like it was my thing. The closest two women to call experimentation would be a woman name Virginia. I was 19 and she was 30ish. And Jessica. Whom I actually 10 years older. lol I’ll explain both situations...

First, Virginia. She was ok looking, tall, and a bit intimidating in looks and personality. And I don’t get intimidated easily. I was already really, really drunk. Had went a type of gay dance that raised money for aids research. I had a couple gay and bi friends. That night, a friend I cared about came up to me and told me that he just hound out he’s hiv+. That hit me hard and I started stress drinking. We were invited to an after party, and of course my drunk ass went. A guy had a BIG bottle of tequila. I asked for some. He kept passing it to me throughout the night. I was so gone. The host started hitting on me, then acted like she was going to try to fight me. I’d never lost a fight in the past, but as previously mentioned, she had an intimidating presence and as drunk as I was, any fighting would have been sloppy and probably resulted in me getting myself hurt. Then, two gay men got into a fight, I was trying to stop and and she pulled me aside and told me they do it all the time. Next thing, they were kissing. And I was like, wtf? lol Anyway, I remember watching a porn on tv.. Then, I had to go pee. This older trucker guy cornered me in the bathroom. He was trying to get with me, and I was scared to straight up say no, so I kept telling him some other time. He kept insisting no, right now, he’s on the road all the time. I had no plans of getting with him. EVER. I was just trying to talk myself of out the danger that I knew I had gotten myself into. Finally, Virginia (the same one who acted like she wanted to fight me) came along, and I clung to her the rest of the night. Which wasn’t long. I had to have been about 5am by that time. I was so scared to drive as trashed as I was, had noone I could call. I was stuck. Like I said, I clung to her, it felt like she was saving me from this 50 year old pervert. She told me I could sleep in her bed. And with all the crazy drunk guys in the living room, I felt safer that way. Then, trucker dude and this big black guy she was with came in the room. People passed out around the bed. And now it was us 4 in the bed. I remember it’s like in 3rd person, as if I weren’t there, and were watching in happen instead. I ended up basically having an orgy. Both guys. (I had had a threesome with two guys before, when I was 16. I liked it. It was not forced, I didn’t feel trapped - as I did this night) The most she and I did was hold hands and kissed. I stayed close to her, she was the only feeling of safety I had at that point. As soon as everyone snuck out, I drunkenly. and quickly, drove home. Virginia tried to text me several times after, she never heard from me again. And I rarely let myself think about that night. I did not want this night to happen, but “no” wasn’t worth it, and it was a very intimidating situation. This is the first in a long time, and the most detailed i’ve ever told anyone. Even though i’m only telling my blog. I have very few readers, I keep this blog very private. I remember when I told my asshole ex about it (Jerry),July 4th 2013, he got angry at me and called me a slut and told me it was my fault. Our relationship went down hill after that.

My second serious experience, more than just a simple silly kiss.. Was with Jessica. I will start with this... Jessica took care of herself when I first met her. I thought she was pretty. Had a little interest, but no plans to take it anywhere. I also didn’t realize she had a mental impairment at the time. I thought her speach impediment was a cajun or similar accent. Anyway, right after meeting her, I went to the beach with some friends at the time. She was one of the ones going. I can’t remember exactly how it started, but we did have a little chemistry. So, at some point, she kissed me. There were several kisses that week. She stayed by my side much of the time, which I didn’t know how I felt about that. My best guy friend was on the trip too, and we had talking about hooking up. So, the whole time, I was hoping he’s make a move and Jessica ended up making the moves. lol She was really sweet to me though. Surprised with with a bottle of liquor, roses, a necklace. We didn’t “get together”. Didn’t date, i’ve never dated a woman. Did really do anything sexual....other than one night she tried to finger me under the covers and I stopped her. I told her it was because someone else was in the room with us, and that was partly why. But still, I didn’t want it. The most we ever did after that was few kisses and one heated make out session, the most we did was grind on each other. I never went there again. We cuddled sometimes though, that was sweet. We haven’t kissed or anything like that in years. Met her in 2012.

After the beach trip. Jessica was VERY persistent and moving way too fast. I stopped talking to her, and she found every way she could to get in touch with me. The primary reason I stopped talking to her, I randomly got a text on my phone asking my permission to put a gps tracker on my phone, and the company said it came from her. Later, she insisted in wasn’t her, a friend got a hold of her phone. No. It was her. It took me a really long time to talk to her again, but I finally did. After that, I stopped talking to her for an extended period of time twice.. One time, she was getting too pushy, getting frustrated when I didn’t share the feeling she had and frankly was behaving possessive and obsessive. Then next time, and it was the final time.. It was not long after I started dating Mark. She continued to “jokingly” call me hers, and I can’t remember specifically how it happened.....but she got psycho pissed at me. Wanted a Christmas gift back (which I smashed before leaving it in front of her house), texted Mark accusing I cheated on him and all this other bs. She contacted friends, trying to start shit between us. I blocked her, and it was a very long before I spoke to her again. And when I did, I promised her if it EVER happened again, our friendship is through permanently. For years, I haven’t had a problem. She still flirts with me. Year ago, I did playfully kiss her a couple times. But that’s all it was though. I don’t mind her flirting, as long as she doesn’t take it too far. And things have been good sense.

We’re not close like we used to be, though. She refers to herself as my best friend. I feel awkward and don’t correct it. She my have problems, and hasn’t been the best friend, but I do care about her and consider her a good friends. Never a best friend though. I haven’t had a TRUE best friend since my friendship ended with Amanda at 16-17. We were super close, met when I was 11. I’ve never been that close to a female since. I never had any sort of attraction for her though, she was just my best friend. I’ve wanted that closeness sense, never bonded with anyone after her though. Tried. Just didn’t feel it.

I’m taking a break from this blog. I have to. I’ve spend a LOT of time on it already, and still have things I need to say. Will continue tomorrow! <3

********************************************************************

Tuesday, 9/17/2019

Wow, that was a lot of writing. My blogs are often pretty long, but that was crazy! lol I took my first full dose of kratom yesterday, maybe that what did it. lol If so, I need to get more. Do some writing. I love to write and dream of getting published one day, I just don’t have the focus that I need.

Where to start back.. Ok.. As far as my sexuality goes, I considered myself straight until a few years ago. Then I realized i’m bi-curious. I kept it to myself though. Still do, for the most part. Most people don’t know. And I don’t see that changing anytime soon. I definitely do not want Mark’s family to know.

I always said I like dick too much to be a lesbian, and that’s still true. (excuse the trashy phrase lol) - but I do have an attraction to some women. But it’s been a subtle attraction.

However, I recently met this woman. She’s awesome. I have a very strong connection with her. It’s more of a deep spiritual connection. It’s something I can’t explain. I feel about her, something i’ve never felt before. I can’t explain it, because I don’t quite understand it yet.

We have so much in common. Religion, political views, a love of wolves. And so much more that we’ve discovered that we have in common. My niece even says we kinda look alike. lol And, she’s beautiful. Gorgeous face, love her eyes. Great body.

She told me that if she ever went there with a woman, she’d want it to be with me. And I had thought the same thing about her. I don’t know where this is going to go, but it’s definitely something new for me.

I love spending time with her. And truthfully, I think about her often. Not in a psycho obsessive sense. lol But, she does cross my mind.

It feels odd to feel this way about a woman. But it feels good. One evening, she took my hand while we were talking, and normally i’m not much of a hand holder, other than the hubby. But, it was nice. It actually felt right.

Ok, and about the hubby, while i’m thinking about it.. I love him, and would never do anything to hurt him. No matter what the situation. I’ve talked to him a little, but very little, about how I feel for her. It’s a little awkward. I plan to let him read this blog eventually. IF he wants to read this much writing!! lol

Anyway, he used to tell me he won’t share me, even if it were another woman. Now he tells me that he’s ok with it, as long as he can watch. I appreciate him being somewhat open minded, but him watching.....i’m not sure about. I don’t know how she would feel, and frankly I don’t know how I feel about it. What I feel for her is pure. It’s not all sexual and lusty. It runs much deeper. Don’t get me wrong, I *am* physically attracted to her, who wouldn’t be? But, if we were to ever take it a step further, I really don’t know that i’d feel comfortable with anyone else being around. It would be special, you know? And I don’t know if he’d ever be accepting of just her and I having a physical relationship together. Only time will tell.

Even if it never turns physical, she’s a special person in my life. I can see her turning into a lifelong bestfriend (....or more).

I guess I should be going. Have to get ready to start the day, a few things need done. I only took two kratom today (Trainwreck strain), instead of the suggested dose of 6 pills. I’m already feeling it. Thinking I may get a big bottle and make them part of my daily supplements! I’ll try to blog again very soon, though it probably won’t be nearly as long.

0 notes

the-dayman-cometh · 7 years ago

Note

For the number ask thing: 1-85. Sorry m8.

Oh boy here we go

1. Are looks important in a relationship? -Yeah a lil bit

2. Are relationships ever worth it?- sometimes yes sometimes no

3. Are you a virgin?- no4. Are you in a relationship?-no 5. Are you in love?-eh not really 6. Are you single this year?-yup7. Can you commit to one person?-yes8. Describe your crush. -ahhhh ok he’s an inch shorter than me, has really curly hair, the cutest smile, and the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen 9. Describe your perfect mate- same humor and interests as me, loyal, etc 10. Do you believe in love at first sight?-no, bc every time I’ve crushed on someone it wasn’t the first time I saw them it was over time11. Do you ever want to get married?- yeah 12. Do you forgive betrayal?-hmm no 13. Do you get jealous easily?-yeah oops14. Do you have a crush on anyone?-yeah15. Do you have any piercings?-ears16. Do you have any tattoos?-no17. Do you like kissing in public?-I’m ok with a little bit of PDA20. Do you shower every day?-every other day21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?-yeah22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?-probably not rn 23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?-yeah wtf24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?- in 5 years I’ll be 23 so definitely not haha25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?-idk 26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?-yeah27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?-nah that shit is way too corny lmao28. Have you ever been cheated on?-no29. Have you ever cheated on someone?-no30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?- nah31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?-maybe when I was really young 32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?-all the time bro33. Have you ever had sex with a man?-yeah 34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?-no 35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?-yeah36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?-yeah37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?-no38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?-yup39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?-yeah 40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?-nahh lmao 41. Have you had sex so far this year?-yeah 42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?-shitt, 5 seconds?43. How long was your longest relationship?-ha44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?-not enough45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?-bruh I was 13 back then looking ugly as hell, so none46. How many times did you have sex last year?-TMI…47. How old are you?-1848. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?-I wouldn’t be angry just sad but I would just move on with my life 49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?-god I wish that were me 50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?-man, I don’t even remember who my first love was. And if so probably not cause I fell for some weird people when I was younger51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?-yeah but in a platonic sense52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?-yeah cause sometimes some people were just not meant to be together 53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?-I honestly don’t know 54. Is there someone you will never forget?-yeah 55. Share a relationship story.-went to his house and got faded as hell which led to an interesting time 56. State 8 facts about your body- I have really long black hair, thunder thighs, some killer biceps, and that’s really all I can think of without getting too specific lol57. Things you want to say to an ex-”bruh”58. What are five ways to win your heart?- be cute, be funny, be woke, be loyal, be gentle59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

Check out my /my-face/ tag for more

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?-2 years61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?-smile62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?- ;))63. What is your definition of “having sex”?-uhh making another person come? 64. What is your definition of cheating?-having romantic/sexual relations outside your relationship 65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?-TMI66. What is your favourite roleplay?-TMI67. What is your idea of the perfect date?-ok the options are literally endless68. What is your sexual orientation?- very bi69. What turns you off?-idk70. What turns you on?-haha oh boyyy71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?-uhhhh72. What words do you like to hear during sex?-”are you feeling it, Mr. Krabs?”73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?-so many things lmao74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?-would looks count? (wow I sound shallow)75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?-bought me food lmao76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?-bought them food77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?-I’m against age differences in teens (like a 14y/o with a 16/17) cause there’s a huge maturity gap, but it’s ok for older people (like 24 and 27)78. What’s your dirtiest secret?-once again, TMI79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why? -probably some dumb shit80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?-well I tell my friends I love them all the time, cause I really do 81. Who are five people you find attractive?-I’m guessing this is talking about celebs so: Chris Evans, Will Arnett, Eric Andre, Zendaya, Amber Rose82. Who is the last person you hugged?-friend83. Who was your first kiss with?-a friend84. Why did your last relationship fail?-cause shit sucked 85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?- honestly, no

#jfc this took forever #asks #anonymous #about me

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lipstickxczar · 7 years ago

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1. Are looks important in a relationship? No 2. Are relationships ever worth it? Yes 3. Are you a virgin? No 4. Are you in a relationship? No 5. Are you in love? Kinda 6. Are you single this year? Mostly 7. Can you commit to one person? Yes 8. Describe your crush. He’s funny, great story teller, he’s compassionate, he has these beautiful eyes where you can easily get lost in. 9. Describe your perfect mate. Someone with a sense of humor, likes to travel and have fun, super affectionate, a respectful, loyal human being who does believe is monogamy and is obsessed with me. Lol. 10. Do you believe in love at first sight? Ummm… I suppose it’s possible. 11. Do you ever want to get married? Of course. Sooner than later. 12. Do you forgive betrayal? Depends on how deep it is… 13. Do you get jealous easily? Yes. 14. Do you have a crush on anyone? Yes. 15. Do you have any piercings? Yes. I used to wear my tongue and belly button and nose. At this point I’m only utilizing my three holes in each ear and my anti-tragus 16. Do you have any tattoos? No 17. Do you like kissing in public? Yes but keep it minimal. 20. Do you shower every day? Yes. It’s summer time you have too. You get all sticky and sweaty and gross. 21. Do you think someone has feelings for you? Like what kind? Like sexual feelings? Yes. Romantic feelings like I love you and wanna spend the rest of my life with you feelings. No. 22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Umm… probably not. 23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? Most definitely. 24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? By the good grace of god I hope so. 25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? Hell yes! 26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Yes. What’s words when you demonstrate those words to someone else by marrying and starting a family with them? So obviously losing me ain’t all that deep for you. 27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you? Ummm… a theme song when I thought I wanted to start a YouTube channel. 28. Have you ever been cheated on? A plethora of times. 29. Have you ever cheated on someone? No. 30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body? Yes I’ve considered plastic surgery, it’s 2017 who hasn’t in world of a Instagram user lol. I would just get Lipo everywhere and enhance my ass, lift my breast. 31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl? Yes over a guy(S) 32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? Too many times to count. 33. Have you ever had sex with a man? Yes. 34. Have you ever had sex with a woman? No. 35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Yes. 36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends? Yes 37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? Ummm… yes 38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? Omg yes. 39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? Always. Probably why I keep getting shit on. 40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? Yes, a poem. 41. Have you had sex so far this year? Yes 42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? Maybe 2 minutes 43. How long was your longest relationship? Ummm… I’m gonna go ahead and say I’ve never been in a relationship there were more so involvements that went left. 44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? I wouldn’t consider those niggas boyfriends. They were all full of shit. 45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013? 😬 2ppl 46. How many times did you have sex last year? 5-6 times 47. How old are you? N/a 48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? “You should explore that and see where it goes” 49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? I have a crush and I love his eyes. 50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? Umm the way that nigga hurt me one of those presents needs to be a G Wagon, an engagement ring and an apology sang by new edition. 51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? Ummm… my bff 52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why? A few of my homeboys, they’ve become fuck niggas an I ain’t got time to handle that type of behaviour from them along with the fuck niggas that seem to like me. It’s a vicious cycle. 53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? Everyone in my life hates this guy but I’m stubborn and I never learn the easy way. 54. Is there someone you will never forget? Yea. Sebastian. 55. Share a relationship story. Not enough room, there’s nothing much to say anyways. It ended in heartbreak. 56. State 8 facts about your body. I’m short, curvy, lack of ass for a black girl, big tits that gravity has taken over, hater back roll, small child like hands, small pinky toe nail, thick thighs. 57. Things you want to say to an ex. You broke me, why? 58. What are five ways to win your heart? Be loving, be respectful, be considerate of my feelings, appreciate me, provide me with security. 59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!) meh. 60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners? 4yrs 61. What is the first thing you notice in someone? Attire. 62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? Hmmm🤔…. caress the parts of my body I’m most insecure about. 63. What is your definition of “having sex”? Coming together with another person and making each other forget the day to day fuckery and living in a moment of passion. 64. What is your definition of cheating? You doing anything considered sexual,romantic, quality time-ish with someone else. 65. What is your favourite foreplay routine? Kissing everywhere, teasing, oral, a little dirty talk. 66. What is your favourite roleplay? I haven’t done it yet, I want to. 67. What is your idea of the perfect date? Dinner, walk along the beach barefoot, make out, go home use my toy, shower, sleep. If he’s my man already we’re getting it on the beach. 68. What is your sexual orientation? heterosexual 69. What turns you off? Plaque on gums and teeth 70. What turns you on? Smell goods 71. What was your kinkiest wet dream? I can’t remember 72. What words do you like to hear during sex? Fuck. 73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? Flowers delivered at a random place I’d be. Example: flowers being delivered at the place I said I’d be doing brunch with a girlfriend. 74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? I guess I’ve never looked for one. 75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? … nothing. 76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? Sent my bff roses cause she was feeling down over a fuck nigga. 77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? I don’t see anything wrong with it as long as it’s legal. 78. What’s your dirtiest secret? Don’t have one, I’m a open book. 79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why? Yesterday. I saw a life I could’ve been living if I simply looked different. 80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? Ummm… it’s been awhile. 81. Who are five people you find attractive? kofi siriboe, Mario Lopez, baby cham, idris, gravy. 82. Who is the last person you hugged? My crush RRJ 83. Who was your first kiss with? Some guy in Jamaica 84. Why did your last relationship fail?iunno he kinda just stopped speaking to me. 85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet? Yeah, why not.

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i-smile-so-i-must-be-fine · 4 years ago

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1. Are looks important in a relationship? nope but it helps

2. Are relationships ever worth it? the right ones are

3. Are you a virgin? nope

4. Are you in a relationship? yep

5. Are you in love? yep

6. Are you single this year? nope

7. Can you commit to one person? yea to say i’ve been with this person for 4 years

8. Describe your crush she’s more than a crush

9. Describe your perfect mate tall, black hair, and just overall beautiful

10. Do you believe in love at first sight? yea

11. Do you ever want to get married? eventually

12. Do you forgive betrayal? depends what they’ve done

13. Do you get jealous easily? sometimes

14. Do you have a crush on anyone? no

15. Do you have any piercings? not anymore

16. Do you have any tattoos? yea

17. Do you like kissing in public? i don’t mind it

20. Do you shower every day? not anymore

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you? i should hope she does

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? dunno

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? yep

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? hopefully

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? i am

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? yea

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you? no

28. Have you ever been cheated on? yep

29. Have you ever cheated on someone? nope

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body? no

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl? yea

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? dont think so

33. Have you ever had sex with a man? yea.. ugh

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman? yep many times

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? erm don’t think so

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends? yea.. not friends anymore though

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? yep

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? yea

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? yea

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? not for someone but i have written a song before

41. Have you had sex so far this year? no

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? depends what kind of kiss it is

43. How long was your longest relationship? 4 years and counting

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? a few boyfriends which i regret.. and i’m still with the first girl i’ve been with

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013? no idea

46. How many times did you have sex last year? a few

47. How old are you? 26

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? idk but i’d be absolutely heartbroken

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? i have a fiancee, and i love everything about her

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? haven’t really loved anyone like i do this person

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? yea

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why? a few people and honestly we just drifted apart

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? don’t think so

54. Is there someone you will never forget? yep

55. Share a relationship story.

56. State 8 facts about your body

57. Things you want to say to an ex bye fucker.. you deserve a life of hell!

58. What are five ways to win your heart? idk

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners? the biggest difference is 3 years

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone? eyes and height

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? erm my girls done a fair few things that i’ve found sexy

63. What is your definition of “having sex”? been extremely intermate, and if both people or all involved are having a good time then its great

64. What is your definition of cheating? erm kissing, flirting, sexual activites

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

67. What is your idea of the perfect date? erm the perfect date i’d love would be having some food, going for a walk, bowling, cinema, drinks, ice skating anything fun, then going home, having cuddles watching a film and depending on each others mood then possibly getting laid

68. What is your sexual orientation? lesbian

69. What turns you off? ignorance

70. What turns you on? many things

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream? can’t remember the full details but it was great

72. What words do you like to hear during sex? don’t stop... when they’re so close to finishing

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? dunno my girls full of surprises

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? i don’t

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? a few things, erm sending me flowers, kitting my whole room out with flowers candles, confetti, balloons.. idk she’s done so many things

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? idk

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? doesn’t bother me as long as both people are of consenting age

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why? when my girls friend bought her something

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? to my fiancee it was this morning on the phone to anyone else, this afternoon

81. Who are five people you find attractive? my girl Demi Lovato Margot Robbie Cameron Diaz Shay Mitchell

82. Who is the last person you hugged? my son

83. Who was your first kiss with? very first kiss, was this guy in year 7

84. Why did your last relationship fail? because he did the most unforgivable thing

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet? if a dating app counts then i currently am doing

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pete-and-pete · 6 years ago

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Rachel Bush, Jordan Poyer’s Wife: 5 Fast Facts You Need to Know

Rachel Bush is an Instagram model and the wife of professional football player Jordan Poyer. They were married in February 2018, but there were infidelity rumors just a few months later.

Poyer was accused of cheating with college student Summer Rae. He and 20-year-old Bush have appeared to have mended their relationship since then, but a feud between Bush and Rae sparked anew in October.

Here’s what you need to know.

1. Rachel Bush Claims Summer Rae is ‘Obsessed’ With Her Family & Won’t Stop Texting Them

During the summer of 2018, there was speculation that Poyer had cheated on his new wife. Those rumors were intensified when he wrote a public apology to Bush. It read, “In life we all make mistakes. Best thing to do is learn from them and to not make the same mistake twice. Letting down the ppl that mean the most to me sucks … I’m sorry @Rachel_Bush I love you to death .. can’t wait for us to grow stronger.”

The couple appears to have moved on and were working through their marital issues. But the tension publicly erupted again on October 8. The woman Poyer allegedly had an affair with, Summer Rae, shared text messages she had reportedly exchanged with Bush.

“I was told you guys were divorcing … I was not with Jordan when you called me so no I didn’t lie. Yes, there is videos … and no this isn’t a game, I don’t want your husband, I don’t want to hurt or ruin your family, I saw that y’all got back together when he came to visit you, so I said my goodbyes to him and was happy for him. It wasn’t like that at all, ik you won’t believe me and it’s already to this point and whatever happens after this I wish you guys the best!”

Bush’s alleged responses included calling Rae a “hoe” and “don’t f*ck with married men you stupid child.” You can see more of the messages here.

Bush responded to the shared text messages on her Instagram stories. She wrote in part, “Last comment i will make on this situation so it is VERY clear to everyone. I fucked up. Jordan got his feelings hurt. Lashed out with some little hoe hoe in his DMs at time from buffalo. Girl is crazy and won’t stop texting Jordan or me. I read texts of her crazy ass speaking on MY CHILD and family situation. YES i got big mad. The end lol. Now what I decide to do with my life and my daughter from here on out is completely up to me.”

2. Bush and Poyer Tied the Knot in 2018 & Have One Daughter Named Aliyah

Rachel Bush and Jordan Poyer began dating sometime in 2016. She was a college student at Florida Atlantic University at the time, and he was playing for the Cleveland Browns. She was also quickly gaining a fan base on Instagram; she now has nearly 700,000 followers on the social site.

Bush and Poyer got engaged on Christmas Day in 2016. A few days later, on December 30, they welcomed their baby girl Aliyah. According to Bush’s Facebook page, they’ve been married since February 17, 2018.

Poyer has raved about Rachel as a mother. Earlier this year, he praised her on Instagram, writing, “Words can’t explain this woman as a mother as a wife and as a friend … Aliyah is so dam lucky to call her, her mother. So caring so genuine so loving and she’s MINE .. can’t tell u how lucky I am 😍 Happy Mother’s Day my love 💙”

I'm so in love 😩😍 pic.twitter.com/VPnHUlXl4a

— Rachel (@Rachel__Bush) May 21, 2017

Read More From Heavy

Craig Coyne, Barbara Bush’s Husband: 5 Fast Facts You Need to Know

5. Bush Launched Her Own Line of Bikinis But it Appears the Business Did Not Take Off

My cake bikinis! Available now (link in bio) find products under "shop". I'm wearing the black reversible bottoms pic.twitter.com/1ViLiil9jq

— Rachel (@Rachel__Bush) September 5, 2016

Rachel Bush is apparently already looking beyond her modeling and Instagram fame. In 2016, she launched her own line of Brazilian bikinis. The line was called “Enjoy My Cake.”

Bush shared on Instagram that there was additional apparel available on her site, along with the bikinis. However, it appears the venture did not pan out. The website EnjoyMyCake.com is no longer operational.

In 2016, Bush also shared that was planning to release a fitness guide. It’s possible that she still plans to do that.

READ NEXT: Aladdin Cast: A Look at the Movie’s Stars as First Poster Is Released

source https://heavy.com/entertainment/2018/10/rachel-bush-jordan-poyer-wife/

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drippeddaily · 7 years ago

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Album of the Year 2017 #01: SZA - CTRL.

Artist: SZA Album: CTRL

Listen:

Apple Music

Spotify

Background:

SZA (Self Savior, Zig Zag Zig, Allah in the Supreme Alphabet), born Solána Rowe, is the woman I’m going to talk about today. Her, and her debut album, CTRL, my second album of the year behind Lorde’s Melodrama. At barely 26 years old, her life has taken a lot of turns: from being a gymnast to working with Beyoncé and Rihanna to being a model for Ivy Park to being a neo-soul superstar. Born in St. Louis, from a black-muslim family, she only could listen to one genre of music in her house: jazz, with the artists her father played, like Miles Davis, Billie Holiday or Louis Armstrong. This would mark the jazzy production on CTRL. Other of her influences would be given by one of her friends, in a Bar Mitzvah: she got gifted a CD mixtape with Red Hot Chili Peppers, LFO and Macy Gray, what she called emo sad white rich kid shit. She loved it.

But that isn’t everything; one day her old brother gave her an iPod. On it, she found artists that completely broke with the styles of music she was accustomed to: Wu-Tang Clan, Björk, Common, Mos Def, Nas and Jay-Z. Her brother (Manhattan) also introduced her to music: when she was 19, he asked her to do backing vocals for one of his songs, Where Do We Go?.

Fast forward a year: SZA self-releases her debut mixtape See.SZA.Run, which included the single Time Travel Undone. Later in 2013, she signs to TDE and releases an EP, S. Then in 2014 she released another EP, Z, including the songs Child’s Play featuring Chance the Rapper and Babylon featuring Kendrick Lamar. Some writing credits with Beyoncé and Nicki, some others with Travis Scott and ScHoolboy Q, a feature with Jay Rock, and we get to the first big jump: Rihanna’s Consideration.

Consideration is the intro track to the 2016 surprise-released Rihanna album, Anti. Well we don’t know if it was a surprise, but Tidal fucked up. SZA had previously spoken about Rihanna in a series of tweets calling her and Ciara out, but they became friends after. Consideration could be considered SZA’s first step into mainstream, especially thanks to that BRITs performance. To the track, SZA does the post-choruses and the outro. They are beautifully written, and SZA’s voice does a beautiful contrast with Rihanna’s.

When I look outside my window I can't get no peace of mind

It’s a pessimistic line, evoking a moment of sadness. The picture of people looking at the window is constant in movies and shows, waiting for something to come or happen. But when SZA looks at the window, she can’t see nothing positive. Those two lines could condense SZA’s lyrical skills.

Review:

That is my greatest fear, that if, if I lost control, or did not have control, things would just, you know, I would be… fatal.

“Supermodel”, the first track in SZA’s debut album CTRL, starts with these lines. They’re not spoken by her, but by her mother. SZA explained what control is for her in a Genius interview:

“I have no control, there is no such thing as control. I’m chasing control. I’m craving control. I’m losing control. It’s a culmination of all these things, of this word, of this concept, that’s just run my life for so long, that’s just been very obsessive. [...] Like, ‘No, don’t put out an album until you’re a better writer.’ And the truth is, sometimes you just have to let go."

We chase control in our lives. For many, our life goal is being with someone we love, in a pretty house, with a job we enjoy. But sometimes things don’t work out like that. Supermodel talks about SZA having a boyfriend, who heads to Vegas on Valentine’s Day. She later receives a call from one of his friends: they all had a orgy that day. This line feels like a bomb in a first listen:

Let me tell you a secret I been secretly banging your homeboy Why you in Vegas all up on Valentine's Day?

SZA spits the lines over the looped chords of an electric guitar, the only beat of the song until the second minute, where some drums kick in. If he can cheat on her, she cheats on him. In an interview with The Breakfast Club, she revealed that after getting that call she started to go after one of his boyfriend’s friends, who she had a crush on. She uses the second and first person to end the verse:

Oh no she didn't Oh yes I did Oh no she didn't I'll do it again

This showcases the surprise of his boyfriend, the second person, to the indifference of her. She will do it again, just to hurt him more if it’s necessary. But at the same time, she isn’t comfortable with her new… Boyfriend? FWB? At all, SZA isn’t comfortable with a man, but she can’t be alone:

Why I can't stay alone just by myself? Wish I was comfortable just with myself But I need you, but I need you, but I need you

That’s a feeling many have. Even if it hurts, you need to be with someone. At the end, one needs to love itself, and move on. But instead, SZA breaks up with her boyfriend to move on with his friend:

That's why I stayed with ya The dick was too good It made me feel good For temporary love You was a temporary lover

Still, she has insecurities she can’t let go. She looks for attention, but instead of love, only gets sex back. But it’s not bad for her, that still makes her feel good. And the chorus repeats again, going back to the wish I was comfortable just with myself lines, but this time it doesn’t apply to her old boyfriend, but to her new temporary lover. She went from a toxic relationship to another one. Sometimes, that person you love doesn’t love you as much, and that house you wanted for your future family won’t be bought. At the end, Supermodel becomes an hymn about letting go. About not being dependant of others. About getting over your insecurities. About being comfortable with yourself.

Then, “Love Galore” does a flash-forward. The second single of CTRL becomes a flash-forward from Supermodel. It starts with an intro sung by Travis Scott, that goes by I need, I need several times, to which SZA’s chorus replies love, love. While he doesn’t know what he wants (sex, love, a family), SZA is sure about her ideas: as long as they have love, they’ll be fine.

But, Love Galore has a special line that hits in the pre-chorus:

Why you bother me when you know you don't want me?

It’s a relatable sentiment. How many times has someone avoided talking with you after they started talking? In an era of digital communication where you can get everything through Twitter and talk with anybody, ignoring someone is easier than ever. Face to face, you can’t just leave running and have an excuse. Ask a girl, she’ll tell you about how she has fifteen guys texting her but none has asked her on a date. In any other context this line would feel pretty conservative, but on SZA’s words it works out. Then, the second line hits:

Why you bother me when you know you got a woman?

Now ask the same girl as before, and she’ll tell you about how half of those guys had a girlfriend and just wanted her to be either a side chick or a plan B. The whole pre-chorus is an oxymoron to the first verse, which talked about a temporary love (just like Supermodel), a summer fling, but now talks about taking any opportunity to be with her lover:

I be looking for ya Got me looking forward to weekends With you baby, with you baby [..] We do whatever we want, go wherever we want Love however we want, it don't matter You'll do whatever I want, get whatever I want Get whatever I need, it's about (love, love)

The last two lines mark a huge change in the song: they might be playing, but now it’s her time to play with him. She wants him, but at the same time she is the one who will decide over him. The one who will leaver her on read. But then you have the gorgeous outro:

I came to your city, lookin' for lovin' n' licky 'Cause you promised to put it down All up in your city, lookin' for you, uh Searchin' for you like love Only thing keepin' me from droppin' you right now Right now, love Only thing keepin' me by your side Only thing keepin' me by your side now

Go back to the same girl you talked with before. Has she been ghosted? Ever? Probably. Maybe the guy got a cold, maybe he was at a party, maybe he just forgot. SZA explains it once again to Genius:

The outro is the telltale story of you be in the area. You said you wanted to do all these things. Like, you wanted to spend time and, you know, talked a good one. Via whatever. Via text, via on the phone, and then you go ghost. That’s happened to so many girls. [...] But, I have been in a place where I felt like I liked somebody and I couldn’t say what I wanted to say. So you just end up being quiet. Like, the whole time, in this place where the other person is. It could be a city, it could be a proverbial city. It could be a room. It could be a party.

Love Galore is as a whole an anthem to digital love, in the good and the bad side. It’s a song that empowers to dump the guys who just want side chicks, to get out of toxic relationship, to recognize what’s wrong with you and your lover.

Fearin' not growin' up Keepin' me up at night Am I doin' enough? Feel like I'm wastin' time

“Prom”, the fifth track, is a come back to the sound of her old mixtapes, doing disco-pop that many other popstars could have done. It’s teen angst, but late teen angst: prom season is coming of age, growing apart, and looking forward to the future. All of this happens while SZA sings about not maturing as fast as her boyfriend:

Please don't take it, don't take it personal Like I know you usually do

While he is caring with her, she just can’t give back. She just isn’t ready for a relationship. One of my favourite lines on the song is at the end of the second verse:

To run and hide out somewhere So far away Hoppin' through poppy fields Dodgin' evil witches These houses keep droppin' everywhere

Which is a reference to The Wizard of Oz. SZA likes to reference movies in her songs, like Forrest Gump in “Doves In The Wind” or Misery in the “Love Galore” video. Those evil witches are those mean girls and high-school, and the houses are her possible futures: what career to choose, who to settle down with… and just as with The Wizard of Oz, what matters in high-school is the journey, not the ending; the friends and experiences you make along the way, not going to university.

Prom feels like a song stuck in a 90’s movie: after the couple leaves town in their convertible, the song starts to play as the camera does an aerial shot of the car far away, driving through the country roads, and then the credits kick in. Maybe it could be the ending of the album, but instead it rolls out to “The Weekend”.

And then there is “The Weekend”.

You say you got a girl How you want me? How you want me when you got a girl?

“The Weekend” starts as every other SZA song, or that’s what many people say: she is a side-chick in a relationship with a man who already has a girlfriend. These lines are from her perspective, facing his partner. The first verse follows:

Of knowin' it's selfish Knowin' I'm desperate Gettin' all in your love Fallin' all over love, like Do it 'til it hurts less

She desperately looks for his attention, trying to love him enough to make him dump his girlfriend and be with her. The irony of the last line is how even if he broke up with the other woman, and SZA became his girlfriend, the man would keep on cheating her with another woman. It will hurt less to be with him, sure, but he still won’t be only hers.

Hanging out the back, all up in your lap Like is you comin' home? Is you out with her? I don't care long as you're here by 10:30, no later than Drop them drawers, give me what I want

The lines are self-explanatory. She went from not caring about the other woman to worry about his relationship with her. But still, she doesn’t care as long as she gets sex. Then you get one of the most beautiful chorus this year:

My man is my man is your man Heard it's her man too [...] Tuesday and Wednesday, Thursday and Friday I just keep him satisfied through the weekend You're like 9 to 5, I'm the weekend Make him lose his mind every weekend You take Wednesday, Thursday Then just send him my way Think I got it covered for the weekend

Where she compares herself as a weekend with him, while his girlfriend is with him during the weekdays. This line also could have a deeper meaning: while he doesn’t enjoy his work (the weekdays, the other woman) and feels stressed about it, the weekend (her) are moments of relax. He enjoys more the moments he spends with SZA rather than with her girlfriend. As she says in “Love Galore” (got me looking forward to weekends), he looks forward to the weekend to be liberated.

I gotta say I'm in the mood for a little bit more of that I mean I'm saying what kind of deal is two days? I need me at least 'bout four of them More of them, more of you on me On us, just tell me you want me, yeah

In the second SZA starts to argue about the arrangement her and the girlfriend did: while one gets 5 days, the other only gets 2.

Monday and I'll be at your door Ready to take her place Ready to give you What you've been missin' on weekdays What you've been waitin' for 10:30, no later than Drop them drawers, I know what you want

Now SZA breaks her arrangement, and decides that she wants the man all for her. One of the most interesting parts is how the last line also references the last line of the first verse: instead of give me what I want now it’s I know what you want, showing that now she wants to take control of the relationship. Another chorus goes, and then an outro.

What a good song, right? The thing is, to see what makes it great you need to switch the view on the song. “The Weekend” isn’t sung from one perspective; it’s sung from two. Both the side-chick and the girlfriend. And not just one side-chick, but two. And if you go back to the Breakfast Club interview I put around Supermodel, you’ll see she mentions how she talks from both perspectives:

A lot of these songs have dual meanings. I’m speaking from the girlfriend and from the other perspective. Like I’ve been the girlfriend that didn’t know and I’ve been the girl that didn’t know you had a girlfriend.

So at the end of the day, SZA isn’t the side-chick. She is the girlfriend, but sings from both perspectives. In some verses you can’t tell who is singing, like in the one that references home. It’s overall a very interesting song, where unless you get some context you’ll just say that it’s just good, where narratives matters.

That's me, Ms. 20 Something

“20 Something”, starts over some subtle guitar chords. It doesn’t sound like something special, but it is because it’s the first time in the whole album since Supermodel a guitar really stand out. It makes it sound like a bonfire song, and the harmonies in the chorus reinforce that feeling. It’s a campfire song, and just like “Prom”, it’s a song about being stuck but wanting to grow up. While “Prom” situated SZA at the end of high-school, “20 Something” is somewhere in her twenties, maybe finishing college, maybe right now. And while “Prom” was teenage angst, “20 Something” has a feeling of... matureness. SZA sings a beautiful chorus that sums it up:

Stuck in them 20 somethings, stuck in them 20 somethings Good luck on them 20 somethings, good luck on them 20 somethings But God bless these 20 somethings Hopin' my 20 somethings won't end Hopin' to keep the rest of my friends Prayin' the 20 somethings don't kill me, don't kill me

Who hasn’t been told ‘good luck with that’ at any stage of his life? High-school, college, and then those twenty-somethings. A moment where you have to act mature, but you aren’t mature enough for some things. Mature enough to party all night and be responsible of your own acts, but not enough to settle down and buy a house. Some want to be stuck in the former, some look forward to the latter. But as she says, *’God Bless these 20 Somethings’. It’s a stage of life that as any other you have to enjoy and live as you want. Don’t look at the future as something perfect, and try to do the best in the time you have. You need to make your way out of the twenties, stand out, but at the same time it’s necessary to spend those years having fun and being happy. And that’s hard.

Finally, the outro to CTRL is a phone call with SZA’s mother, once again:

And if it's an illusion, I don't want to wake up. I'm gonna hang on to it. Because the alternative is an abyss, is just a hole, a darkness, a nothingness. Who wants that? You know? So that's what I think about control, and that's my story, and I'm stickin' to it. That was beautiful mommy, that was perfect.

And this is what connects “Supermodel” to “20 Something”, what connects CTRL. A phone call from which we only know the start and the end. Those are two points of a story, the story of SZA’s mother, and you can connect them however you want. That’s what shines in CTRL, the skill of making songs that people can relate to. Maybe it’s not the same story they have lived, maybe it’s not their story at all, but it sure is one you can feel that has happened, to SZA and to many other people.

CTRL isn’t a perfect album, neither it has a perfect message. It isn’t free of contradictions (first I need you, but now I don’t need nobody) but CTRL doesn’t pretend to be an album of self-help since the lyrics can’t be more full of guilt, low self-esteem and self-embarrassment. As the title suggests, the control SZA assumes sometimes works and other times, just like a keyboard key, doesn’t. This is SZA’s reality, the one of a ‘twenty-something’ woman, and also many other girls’, who will come to this album not to find answers to their questions but to comfort themselves in the experience a person like them had to suffer and later found the strength to tell.

other favourite lyrics, chosen by other users:

Maybe I should kill my inhibition Maybe I'll be perfect in a new dimension

“Anything”, intro, chosen by u/ThatParanoidPenguin.

I get so lonely, I forget what I'm worth, We get so lonely, we pretend that this works I'm so ashamed of myself think I need therapy

“Drew Barrymore”, second verse, chosen by u/Leixander. It is kinda personal actually. Won't go too deep but in a point of my life I decided that I want to be alone for a while. It didn't go well as you can imagine, but I am way better now. SZA has many lyrics that I found reflecting, like in the later lines of Drew Barrymore's "I am sorry I am not attractive, I am sorry I am not more ladylike" i.e. the lack of self-worth.

How could it be? 20 something, all alone still Not a thing in my name Ain't got nothing, running from love Only know fear

“20 Something”, pre-chorus, chosen by u/-dolantello-. i love the lyrics because i think it perfectly captures the solitude and loneliness that comes to many people when they become young adults

I'm sorry I'm not more ladylike I'm sorry I don't shave my legs at night

“Drew Barrymore”, second verse, chosen by u/Fledgeland. oh and vodka, its because i think its empowering ofc.

I know you'd rather be laid up with a big booty Body hella positive 'cause she got a big booty I know I'd rather be paid up You know I'm sensitive about havin' no booty Havin' nobody, only you, buddy Can you hold me when nobody's around us?

“Garden”, second verse, chosen by u/pasalacquanian. thats my favorite song, and her flow nice there.

Somebody get the tacos, somebody spark the blunt Let's start the Narcos off at episode one

“Drew Barrymore”, first verse, chosen by u/ThatParaonidPenguin. and this, i love drew barrymore. the juxtaposition of asking if its warm enough inside and outside. i could gush about this album all day.

Discussion points:

It took SZA 3 years to release this album. Was it worth the wait or is the more left to be desired? (chosen by u/pasalacquanian)

Are we seeing another rise of storytellers in hip-hop and R&B?

With a genre so focused on objectifying women, how does SZA take the concept and turn it on its head? (chosen by u/ThatParanoidPenguin)

Based on the content of the album, why do you think the name CTRL was chosen? What do you think it means to SZA, and how do themes of the title play out throughout the album? (chosen by u/Fledgeland)

Where do you see SZA going from here? CTRL was an expansive album that covered various different sounds and concepts. Do you think she'll continue with more of the same or further explore different styles? (chosen by u/-dolantello-)

SZA has been called everything in the five years that separate the release of her first mixtape to today. The saviour of female R&B, the female Frank Ocean, the next big popstar, the new Beyoncé. Comparisons are never good, but maybe this time they are. If I wrote this review like this, focusing more on the lyrics than the production (when I prefer production most of the time), it’s because SZA has those lyrical skills that make her stand out. She is a storyteller, and maybe some people compare her with Frank Ocean for that. CTRL is an album full of stories, from falling out of love to parties to growing up, and she tells them all fantastically.

And maybe she is the next big popstar. In a year with few to no female #1s (Taylor, Cardi and Halsey as a feature), pop needs a new star. One with attitude, that is able to make hits and at the same time amazing albums. For me, it’s torn between Ariana Grande, Camila Cabello or Dua Lipa, but SZA is a big contender. She’s had a top 30 single, and her first album debuted at #3 (behind Kendrick Lamar and Katy Perry tho) with 60k copies, half of them pure sales. She has gone on a big Europe tour with Bryson Tiller, got a cover on Billboard and has been working with Kevin Parker (Tame Impala) and Mark Ronson in an album. She has a top 10 hit with Maroon 5. And on top of all, she got 5 nominations for the Grammys this year. Her becoming a star is all a possibility, of course, but SZA sure has a bright future ahead.

Artist: SZAAlbum: CTRLListen:Apple MusicSpotifyBackground:SZA (Self Savior, Zig Zag Zig, Allah in the Supreme Alphabet), born Solána Rowe, is the woman I’m going to talk about today. Her, and her debut album, CTRL, my second album of the year behind Lorde’s Melodrama. At barely 26 years old, her life has taken a lot of turns: from being a gymnast to working with Beyoncé and Rihanna to being a model for Ivy Park to being a neo-soul superstar. Born in St. Louis, from a black-muslim family, she only could listen to one genre of music in her house: jazz, with the artists her father played, like Miles Davis, Billie Holiday or Louis Armstrong. This would mark the jazzy production on CTRL. Other of her influences would be given by one of her friends, in a Bar Mitzvah: she got gifted a CD mixtape with Red Hot Chili Peppers, LFO and Macy Gray, what she called emo sad white rich kid shit. She loved it.But that isn’t everything; one day her old brother gave her an iPod. On it, she found artists that completely broke with the styles of music she was accustomed to: Wu-Tang Clan, Björk, Common, Mos Def, Nas and Jay-Z. Her brother (Manhattan) also introduced her to music: when she was 19, he asked her to do backing vocals for one of his songs, Where Do We Go?.Fast forward a year: SZA self-releases her debut mixtape See.SZA.Run, which included the single Time Travel Undone. Later in 2013, she signs to TDE and releases an EP, S. Then in 2014 she released another EP, Z, including the songs Child’s Play featuring Chance the Rapper and Babylon featuring Kendrick Lamar. Some writing credits with Beyoncé and Nicki, some others with Travis Scott and ScHoolboy Q, a feature with Jay Rock, and we get to the first big jump: Rihanna’s Consideration.Consideration is the intro track to the 2016 surprise-released Rihanna album, Anti. Well we don’t know if it was a surprise, but Tidal fucked up. SZA had previously spoken about Rihanna in a series of tweets calling her and Ciara out, but they became friends after. Consideration could be considered SZA’s first step into mainstream, especially thanks to that BRITs performance. To the track, SZA does the post-choruses and the outro. They are beautifully written, and SZA’s voice does a beautiful contrast with Rihanna’s.When I look outside my windowI can't get no peace of mindIt’s a pessimistic line, evoking a moment of sadness. The picture of people looking at the window is constant in movies and shows, waiting for something to come or happen. But when SZA looks at the window, she can’t see nothing positive. Those two lines could condense SZA’s lyrical skills.Review:That is my greatest fear, that if, if I lost control, or did not have control, things would just, you know, I would be… fatal.“Supermodel”, the first track in SZA’s debut album CTRL, starts with these lines. They’re not spoken by her, but by her mother. SZA explained what control is for her in a Genius interview:“I have no control, there is no such thing as control. I’m chasing control. I’m craving control. I’m losing control. It’s a culmination of all these things, of this word, of this concept, that’s just run my life for so long, that’s just been very obsessive. [...] Like, ‘No, don’t put out an album until you’re a better writer.’ And the truth is, sometimes you just have to let go."We chase control in our lives. For many, our life goal is being with someone we love, in a pretty house, with a job we enjoy. But sometimes things don’t work out like that. Supermodel talks about SZA having a boyfriend, who heads to Vegas on Valentine’s Day. She later receives a call from one of his friends: they all had a orgy that day. This line feels like a bomb in a first listen:Let me tell you a secretI been secretly banging your homeboyWhy you in Vegas all up on Valentine's Day?SZA spits the lines over the looped chords of an electric guitar, the only beat of the song until the second minute, where some drums kick in. If he can cheat on her, she cheats on him. In an interview with The Breakfast Club, she revealed that after getting that call she started to go after one of his boyfriend’s friends, who she had a crush on. She uses the second and first person to end the verse:Oh no she didn'tOh yes I didOh no she didn'tI'll do it againThis showcases the surprise of his boyfriend, the second person, to the indifference of her. She will do it again, just to hurt him more if it’s necessary. But at the same time, she isn’t comfortable with her new… Boyfriend? FWB? At all, SZA isn’t comfortable with a man, but she can’t be alone:Why I can't stay alone just by myself?Wish I was comfortable just with myselfBut I need you, but I need you, but I need youThat’s a feeling many have. Even if it hurts, you need to be with someone. At the end, one needs to love itself, and move on. But instead, SZA breaks up with her boyfriend to move on with his friend:That's why I stayed with yaThe dick was too goodIt made me feel goodFor temporary loveYou was a temporary loverStill, she has insecurities she can’t let go. She looks for attention, but instead of love, only gets sex back. But it’s not bad for her, that still makes her feel good. And the chorus repeats again, going back to the wish I was comfortable just with myself lines, but this time it doesn’t apply to her old boyfriend, but to her new temporary lover. She went from a toxic relationship to another one. Sometimes, that person you love doesn’t love you as much, and that house you wanted for your future family won’t be bought. At the end, Supermodel becomes an hymn about letting go. About not being dependant of others. About getting over your insecurities. About being comfortable with yourself.Then, “Love Galore” does a flash-forward. The second single of CTRL becomes a flash-forward from Supermodel. It starts with an intro sung by Travis Scott, that goes by I need, I need several times, to which SZA’s chorus replies love, love. While he doesn’t know what he wants (sex, love, a family), SZA is sure about her ideas: as long as they have love, they’ll be fine.But, Love Galore has a special line that hits in the pre-chorus:Why you bother me when you know you don't want me?It’s a relatable sentiment. How many times has someone avoided talking with you after they started talking? In an era of digital communication where you can get everything through Twitter and talk with anybody, ignoring someone is easier than ever. Face to face, you can’t just leave running and have an excuse. Ask a girl, she’ll tell you about how she has fifteen guys texting her but none has asked her on a date. In any other context this line would feel pretty conservative, but on SZA’s words it works out. Then, the second line hits:Why you bother me when you know you got a woman?Now ask the same girl as before, and she’ll tell you about how half of those guys had a girlfriend and just wanted her to be either a side chick or a plan B. The whole pre-chorus is an oxymoron to the first verse, which talked about a temporary love (just like Supermodel), a summer fling, but now talks about taking any opportunity to be with her lover:I be looking for yaGot me looking forward to weekendsWith you baby, with you baby[..]We do whatever we want, go wherever we wantLove however we want, it don't matterYou'll do whatever I want, get whatever I wantGet whatever I need, it's about (love, love)The last two lines mark a huge change in the song: they might be playing, but now it’s her time to play with him. She wants him, but at the same time she is the one who will decide over him. The one who will leaver her on read. But then you have the gorgeous outro:I came to your city, lookin' for lovin' n' licky'Cause you promised to put it downAll up in your city, lookin' for you, uhSearchin' for you like loveOnly thing keepin' me from droppin' you right nowRight now, loveOnly thing keepin' me by your sideOnly thing keepin' me by your side nowGo back to the same girl you talked with before. Has she been ghosted? Ever? Probably. Maybe the guy got a cold, maybe he was at a party, maybe he just forgot. SZA explains it once again to Genius:The outro is the telltale story of you be in the area. You said you wanted to do all these things. Like, you wanted to spend time and, you know, talked a good one. Via whatever. Via text, via on the phone, and then you go ghost. That’s happened to so many girls. [...] But, I have been in a place where I felt like I liked somebody and I couldn’t say what I wanted to say. So you just end up being quiet. Like, the whole time, in this place where the other person is. It could be a city, it could be a proverbial city. It could be a room. It could be a party.Love Galore is as a whole an anthem to digital love, in the good and the bad side. It’s a song that empowers to dump the guys who just want side chicks, to get out of toxic relationship, to recognize what’s wrong with you and your lover.Fearin' not growin' upKeepin' me up at nightAm I doin' enough?Feel like I'm wastin' time“Prom”, the fifth track, is a come back to the sound of her old mixtapes, doing disco-pop that many other popstars could have done. It’s teen angst, but late teen angst: prom season is coming of age, growing apart, and looking forward to the future. All of this happens while SZA sings about not maturing as fast as her boyfriend:Please don't take it, don't take it personalLike I know you usually doWhile he is caring with her, she just can’t give back. She just isn’t ready for a relationship. One of my favourite lines on the song is at the end of the second verse:To run and hide out somewhereSo far awayHoppin' through poppy fieldsDodgin' evil witchesThese houses keep droppin' everywhereWhich is a reference to The Wizard of Oz. SZA likes to reference movies in her songs, like Forrest Gump in “Doves In The Wind” or Misery in the “Love Galore” video. Those evil witches are those mean girls and high-school, and the houses are her possible futures: what career to choose, who to settle down with… and just as with The Wizard of Oz, what matters in high-school is the journey, not the ending; the friends and experiences you make along the way, not going to university.Prom feels like a song stuck in a 90’s movie: after the couple leaves town in their convertible, the song starts to play as the camera does an aerial shot of the car far away, driving through the country roads, and then the credits kick in. Maybe it could be the ending of the album, but instead it rolls out to “The Weekend”.And then there is “The Weekend”.You say you got a girlHow you want me?How you want me when you got a girl?“The Weekend” starts as every other SZA song, or that’s what many people say: she is a side-chick in a relationship with a man who already has a girlfriend. These lines are from her perspective, facing his partner. The first verse follows:Of knowin' it's selfishKnowin' I'm desperateGettin' all in your loveFallin' all over love, likeDo it 'til it hurts lessShe desperately looks for his attention, trying to love him enough to make him dump his girlfriend and be with her. The irony of the last line is how even if he broke up with the other woman, and SZA became his girlfriend, the man would keep on cheating her with another woman. It will hurt less to be with him, sure, but he still won’t be only hers.Hanging out the back, all up in your lapLike is you comin' home?Is you out with her?I don't care long as you're here by10:30, no later thanDrop them drawers, give me what I wantThe lines are self-explanatory. She went from not caring about the other woman to worry about his relationship with her. But still, she doesn’t care as long as she gets sex. Then you get one of the most beautiful chorus this year:My man is my man is your manHeard it's her man too[...]Tuesday and Wednesday, Thursday and FridayI just keep him satisfied through the weekendYou're like 9 to 5, I'm the weekendMake him lose his mind every weekendYou take Wednesday, ThursdayThen just send him my wayThink I got it covered for the weekendWhere she compares herself as a weekend with him, while his girlfriend is with him during the weekdays. This line also could have a deeper meaning: while he doesn’t enjoy his work (the weekdays, the other woman) and feels stressed about it, the weekend (her) are moments of relax. He enjoys more the moments he spends with SZA rather than with her girlfriend. As she says in “Love Galore” (got me looking forward to weekends), he looks forward to the weekend to be liberated.I gotta say I'm in the mood for a little bit more of thatI mean I'm saying what kind of deal is two days?I need me at least 'bout four of themMore of them, more of you on meOn us, just tell me you want me, yeahIn the second SZA starts to argue about the arrangement her and the girlfriend did: while one gets 5 days, the other only gets 2.Monday and I'll be at your doorReady to take her placeReady to give youWhat you've been missin' on weekdaysWhat you've been waitin' for10:30, no later thanDrop them drawers, I know what you wantNow SZA breaks her arrangement, and decides that she wants the man all for her. One of the most interesting parts is how the last line also references the last line of the first verse: instead of give me what I want now it’s I know what you want, showing that now she wants to take control of the relationship. Another chorus goes, and then an outro.What a good song, right? The thing is, to see what makes it great you need to switch the view on the song. “The Weekend” isn’t sung from one perspective; it’s sung from two. Both the side-chick and the girlfriend. And not just one side-chick, but two. And if you go back to the Breakfast Club interview I put around Supermodel, you’ll see she mentions how she talks from both perspectives:A lot of these songs have dual meanings. I’m speaking from the girlfriend and from the other perspective. Like I’ve been the girlfriend that didn’t know and I’ve been the girl that didn’t know you had a girlfriend.So at the end of the day, SZA isn’t the side-chick. She is the girlfriend, but sings from both perspectives. In some verses you can’t tell who is singing, like in the one that references home. It’s overall a very interesting song, where unless you get some context you’ll just say that it’s just good, where narratives matters.That's me, Ms. 20 Something“20 Something”, starts over some subtle guitar chords. It doesn’t sound like something special, but it is because it’s the first time in the whole album since Supermodel a guitar really stand out. It makes it sound like a bonfire song, and the harmonies in the chorus reinforce that feeling. It’s a campfire song, and just like “Prom”, it’s a song about being stuck but wanting to grow up. While “Prom” situated SZA at the end of high-school, “20 Something” is somewhere in her twenties, maybe finishing college, maybe right now. And while “Prom” was teenage angst, “20 Something” has a feeling of... matureness. SZA sings a beautiful chorus that sums it up:Stuck in them 20 somethings, stuck in them 20 somethingsGood luck on them 20 somethings, good luck on them 20 somethingsBut God bless these 20 somethingsHopin' my 20 somethings won't endHopin' to keep the rest of my friendsPrayin' the 20 somethings don't kill me, don't kill meWho hasn’t been told ‘good luck with that’ at any stage of his life? High-school, college, and then those twenty-somethings. A moment where you have to act mature, but you aren’t mature enough for some things. Mature enough to party all night and be responsible of your own acts, but not enough to settle down and buy a house. Some want to be stuck in the former, some look forward to the latter. But as she says, *’God Bless these 20 Somethings’. It’s a stage of life that as any other you have to enjoy and live as you want. Don’t look at the future as something perfect, and try to do the best in the time you have. You need to make your way out of the twenties, stand out, but at the same time it’s necessary to spend those years having fun and being happy. And that’s hard.Finally, the outro to CTRL is a phone call with SZA’s mother, once again:And if it's an illusion, I don't want to wake up. I'm gonna hang on to it. Because the alternative is an abyss, is just a hole, a darkness, a nothingness. Who wants that? You know? So that's what I think about control, and that's my story, and I'm stickin' to it.That was beautiful mommy, that was perfect.And this is what connects “Supermodel” to “20 Something”, what connects CTRL. A phone call from which we only know the start and the end. Those are two points of a story, the story of SZA’s mother, and you can connect them however you want. That’s what shines in CTRL, the skill of making songs that people can relate to. Maybe it’s not the same story they have lived, maybe it’s not their story at all, but it sure is one you can feel that has happened, to SZA and to many other people.CTRL isn’t a perfect album, neither it has a perfect message. It isn’t free of contradictions (first I need you, but now I don’t need nobody) but CTRL doesn’t pretend to be an album of self-help since the lyrics can’t be more full of guilt, low self-esteem and self-embarrassment. As the title suggests, the control SZA assumes sometimes works and other times, just like a keyboard key, doesn’t. This is SZA’s reality, the one of a ‘twenty-something’ woman, and also many other girls’, who will come to this album not to find answers to their questions but to comfort themselves in the experience a person like them had to suffer and later found the strength to tell.other favourite lyrics, chosen by other users:Maybe I should kill my inhibitionMaybe I'll be perfect in a new dimension“Anything”, intro, chosen by u/ThatParanoidPenguin.I get so lonely, I forget what I'm worth,We get so lonely, we pretend that this worksI'm so ashamed of myself think I need therapy“Drew Barrymore”, second verse, chosen by u/Leixander. It is kinda personal actually. Won't go too deep but in a point of my life I decided that I want to be alone for a while. It didn't go well as you can imagine, but I am way better now. SZA has many lyrics that I found reflecting, like in the later lines of Drew Barrymore's "I am sorry I am not attractive, I am sorry I am not more ladylike" i.e. the lack of self-worth.How could it be?20 something, all alone stillNot a thing in my nameAin't got nothing, running from loveOnly know fear“20 Something”, pre-chorus, chosen by u/-dolantello-. i love the lyrics because i think it perfectly captures the solitude and loneliness that comes to many people when they become young adultsI'm sorry I'm not more ladylikeI'm sorry I don't shave my legs at night“Drew Barrymore”, second verse, chosen by u/Fledgeland. oh and vodka, its because i think its empowering ofc.I know you'd rather be laid up with a big bootyBody hella positive 'cause she got a big bootyI know I'd rather be paid upYou know I'm sensitive about havin' no bootyHavin' nobody, only you, buddyCan you hold me when nobody's around us?“Garden”, second verse, chosen by u/pasalacquanian. thats my favorite song, and her flow nice there.Somebody get the tacos, somebody spark the bluntLet's start the Narcos off at episode one“Drew Barrymore”, first verse, chosen by u/ThatParaonidPenguin. and this, i love drew barrymore. the juxtaposition of asking if its warm enough inside and outside. i could gush about this album all day.Discussion points:It took SZA 3 years to release this album. Was it worth the wait or is the more left to be desired? (chosen by u/pasalacquanian)Are we seeing another rise of storytellers in hip-hop and R&B?With a genre so focused on objectifying women, how does SZA take the concept and turn it on its head? (chosen by u/ThatParanoidPenguin)Based on the content of the album, why do you think the name CTRL was chosen? What do you think it means to SZA, and how do themes of the title play out throughout the album? (chosen by u/Fledgeland)Where do you see SZA going from here? CTRL was an expansive album that covered various different sounds and concepts. Do you think she'll continue with more of the same or further explore different styles? (chosen by u/-dolantello-)SZA has been called everything in the five years that separate the release of her first mixtape to today. The saviour of female R&B, the female Frank Ocean, the next big popstar, the new Beyoncé. Comparisons are never good, but maybe this time they are. If I wrote this review like this, focusing more on the lyrics than the production (when I prefer production most of the time), it’s because SZA has those lyrical skills that make her stand out. She is a storyteller, and maybe some people compare her with Frank Ocean for that. CTRL is an album full of stories, from falling out of love to parties to growing up, and she tells them all fantastically.And maybe she is the next big popstar. In a year with few to no female #1s (Taylor, Cardi and Halsey as a feature), pop needs a new star. One with attitude, that is able to make hits and at the same time amazing albums. For me, it’s torn between Ariana Grande, Camila Cabello or Dua Lipa, but SZA is a big contender. She’s had a top 30 single, and her first album debuted at #3 (behind Kendrick Lamar and Katy Perry tho) with 60k copies, half of them pure sales. She has gone on a big Europe tour with Bryson Tiller, got a cover on Billboard and has been working with Kevin Parker (Tame Impala) and Mark Ronson in an album. She has a top 10 hit with Maroon 5. And on top of all, she got 5 nominations for the Grammys this year. Her becoming a star is all a possibility, of course, but SZA sure has a bright future ahead.

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