#A SECOND AN HOUR A FUCKING YEAARRRR

[teddybeartoji]

@twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat

yes & no by natalie wee

[onyxheartbeat]

Should I send it?

You're a horrible person I'm finally making myself see it. I'm not the forgiving person I used to be for you anymore, and I finally am accepting it instead of being in denial. emotionally withholding when I ask for scraps. I've accepted your breadcrumbs, when you felt like giving them. then you'd switch up. yet I was basically a therapist and mother to you when you needed. treat me like a toy on a shelf to play with only if you're in the mood. you have severe avoidant attachment, and you don't even realize how much misogyny you have. for someone with a psych degree, you're unaware. I didn't say your issues to spare your feelings. a selfish user of women. seems like I've been the biggest punching bag as from what you've told me, you didn't slap or call other women you've been with a cunt over and over and over and over, violating their boundaries. but you 'don't mean it like that,' and it's a 'joke.' taking your life crisis out on me, when I was genuinely trying to bond and help soothe you out of love. holding you when you cried. yet I cried alone. COWARD afraid to hear what have to say, telling me you won't read my letters. porn addicted. just view women as temporary. call your exes 'friends' probably just so you can have access to emotional support if you want it. I should've never talked to you after the first ghosting. promised you wouldn't again, yet you did it again, BLAMING ME and saying it was because I was sending angry texts. that was NOT why. and I still forgave you and put in the emotional labor to reconnect and tried to be on good terms. said I can just come to you and talk stuff out then flipping the script and saying horrible things to me when I do when you're drunk, or just flat out not even talking to me with any affectionate tone at all if you're sober. shaming me for addressing your verbally abusive language, screaming at me to shut the fuck up when I wasn't even interrupting you, telling me you're going to commit suicide and not answering for hours, being drunk and using that as an explanation for the behavior. you're not like that because you were drunk, that's just who you are and it lies dormant in you until you want to take it out on me. you don't act like this to men in your life, so don't even think for a second you're not a misogynist. as you said, you just 'want to destroy.' textbook abuser, intentional or not. you have no idea how much I've protected your ego and life. I was the man in the relationship, the father, and the mother. YOU needed ME. forgave you when you got on your knees and begged once. but when I needed you, you weren't there. you lovebombed me in the beginning, holding me, telling me you're my man. then now if I ask you to say those things, you tell me 'I can't lie tonight.' even though when YOU needed me to tell you that I'd take a flight out to see you a few weeks ago, I SAID I WOULD. I never screamed at you until yeaarrrrs later and so many screams from YOU first. I was so sweet and loving and you still had it in your heart to speak to me so disrespectfully. I would've never done that to you. I still haven't. what I truly will never understand is how you can just keep apologizing and claim you feel bad, yet never do anything with YOUR ACTIONS to make me feel loved or important or safe. you treated me normally for like three months and then it became like dealing with two different people. I deserve an award for dealing with your mood swings so well. gave you flowers, cards, gifts, but I don't even get birthday messages from you. it was clearly a chase for a honeymoon phase high for you. Look into fearful avoidant attachment style and heal yourself for the sake of your child. tell your therapist about your usage of women. teach your son how NOT TO BE. you're getting your way, again. you pushed me out. just know the feelings never ended for me. I was always real. this is your doing. Don't talk to me again.