#A CONFESSION TO QIM. THE WORST KIND.

[butchdykekondraki]

TUMBLR ATE MY ASK ISTG anyway. do you think commie would look down at ancom's body - with remorse but no regret, because it was always going to go like this, because ancom's death was necessary. do you think he would say something, to the colorless corpse. do you think commie would tell ancom he loved qim. do you think commie would try to say sorry, at the very least, because what else is there to do? sorry. not real in the slightest. but commie just wants to see - maybe there is something there, maybe he will feel regret and have that if nothing else, maybe ancom's eyes will flutter open and green will seep back into qim as if nothing ever happened, as if this is fixable - obviously not. because when the word falls from his lips it just feels dirty. like a trick to manipulate someone who could never hear it. because commie isn't sorry. apologies are for when you wish you could take it back. apologies are for when you aren't going to do it again. but he wouldn't and he will. this is how it was always going to happen, remember? so. as commie does best. he picks up a shovel and starts to dig. ancom liked the flowers, after all. the grave isn't an apology, but he hopes, as he lowers qui into the ground, it's an act of compassion. a concession to qim. the worst kind, of course - useless compassion, concessions to those who can't register them anymore (he imagines ancom's voice, thanking him, and it's not something he should be allowed to have even in fantasy.) - but, it's something, right? / he covers qim with dirt and knows that it isn't.

(help why did you make me write centricide fic for the first and last time)