#90% of the time i am moderately normal and just have reactions to consuming Media

[themichaelvan]

why nearly every character in all of the fnaf musicals are insane in distinctly different but still very much insane ways: an essay

(this is like 80% from memory and its. checks time 2:15am as of writing this so excuse inaccuracies.)

mark: oh my god starting off with a bang, are we? okay okay. he was there for ONE NIGHT. one. one night. he spent like basically all of it crying in the corner because of puppets. theyre puppets. freddy is literally punted across the room on multiple occasions YOU ARE A FULL GROWN ADULT MARK. "in all my dreams i see / a maze of halls with bloody walls / and countless scrawls reminding me "it's me!"" YOU WERE THERE FOR ONE NIGHT. he IMMEDIATELY decides that the solution to this is not 1) taking it up with his manager 2) just fucking quitting bUT INSTEAD THAT ITS 3) BRING A DUFFEL BAG FULL OF WEAPONS, INCLUDING SEVERAL KNIVES AND GUNS TO HIS WORKPLACE INTENDING TO KILL THE ANIMATRONICS YOU WERE HIRED TO PROTECT. AND THEN THE ONLY THING HE DID TO CHANGE HIS IDENTITY AFTER NEARLY KILLING A MAN AND GETTING CAUGHT WAS TO DYE HIS HAIR. he didnt even change his ADDRESS. dipshit. he acts all tough and crap afterward too like he spent 40 years in prison. he was reduced to literal actual tears by puppets. god i love him so much.

nate: sassed the man holding a knife to one of the animatroniocs he, AGAIN, was HIRED to PROTECT. drove the animatronics to a man they KNOW is willing to use guns to protect himself in the FIRST PLACE. also he just ??? fuckign Had bb on hand like. did they give him bb when he quit the first time?? like. okay. say you have to distract an easily distracted but immensely murderous animatronic and your first thought is "hmm what if i use that rc car that looks like a child from my old workplace". bitch if its been 7 years since i worked there and witnessed a traumatizing event im gonna bury that fucker at the bottom of my closet not just have it with me. also his first concern when he was faced with a very much "i am going to die" situation is that he hasnt caught up on a tv show yet???? nate buddy please i appreciate you but get some self-worth and some therapy while youre at it

aj: he was nearly killed by an animatronic as big as he was, stopped only by like a foot or smth, and then IMMEDIATELY accepted the transfer to ANOTHER place with animatronics in it like. why would you actively choose to keep working with fazbear entertainment. im sure literally any other company ever would look at aj "nearly killed two men because he wanted to work more hours" purple guy and hire him in a millisecond. SPEAKING OF WHICH, HE NEARLY KILLED TWO MEN BECAUSE HE WANTED TO WORK MORE HOURS. DO YOU NEED THE MONEY THAT BADLY OR DO YOU JUST REALLY FUCKING. WANT TO WORK AT FAZBEARS THAT MUCH. i honeslty cant decide which is worse. he also mocked the guy with a chainsaw who burst through the wall not ten minutes before??? who was also like 2 feet away from him???? what were you EXPECTING him to do??????????????????? give you more hours????????????????????????

phone guy: yeah.

mike: looked at the absolute flaming dumpster fire that was the lawsuits, filthy animatronics, extremely low budget, and EXTREMELY sketchy boss that was the new fazbears and said "yeah i can work with this." also i think he got killed by pan stan which is such a sad way to go my god. i dont have quite as much to say about him but i DO love him very much and he REALLY SHOULD HAVE gotten a better job.

lizzy: other than the fact she hasnt quit fazent yet (which is excusable considering it looks like shes looking into the sketchy stuff and is probably mostly there for mikes death), actually not that bad. props to her tbh if i had to deal with a boss like phone guy id go considerably more feral.

those police officers who showed up for like 2 scenes in the og fnaf musical: just fucking, like. let an actual murder perp ESCAPE because they Forgot To Lock The Car And Went To Go Get Food and then just. DIDNT REPORT IT. because this, apparently, is NOT the first time theyve let someone escape, and because theyd LOSE THEIR JOBS IF THEY REPORTED IT. if the police is THAT bad in this town no fucking wonder phone guy's gotten away with everything so far.