#8 years of 1d

[dreamings-free]

The O2 on twitter 17/11/23 + the full quoted tweet:

[statementlou]

.

[foxes-that-run]

https://twitter.com/aiwahwoyse/status/1781943412327096445?t=DpjhiTwdz2Xy2SDoSdQy6w&s=19

Can stand ratty fans.

As their Monday gift to me I would like all Maylors to invest in a calendar and the ability to count to 10.

[manuelmueller]

Apparently it's this blog's 10 year anniversary?? oh boy

[hobisexually]

loveloveolivia/sopechwita ➡️ hobisexually

[piningeddiediaz]

anyways. after five incredible years zayn malik has decided to leave one direction niall harry liam and louis will continue as a four piece and look forward to the forthcoming concerts of their world tour and recording their fifth album zayn says my kife with one direction had been more than i could have ever imagined but after five years i think it is the right time for me to leave the band i’d line to apologise to. The fans if i have let anyone down but i have to do what feels right in my heart i am leaving because i want to be a normal 22 year old i know i have four friends for life in —

[mchiti]

I agree with your stances on kpopfication on players and how toxic the culture around it can be.

At the same time I think of the all the criticism I absolutely fight and don’t accept in regards of one certain player and I’m like 🥲🥲🥲 is this also about me

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

What did you think of that Matty Healy New Yorker profile? 👀

I've a lot of thoughts about this profile - and another ask where I'll talk about him more generally.

The article came out late evening New Zealand time - so I had an experience I've had a few times of seeing stuff as I'm going to bed, before anyone has reacted to it - and knowing I'll wake up to the reaction.

And in this case I was fascinated by the profile - but also could very clearly see how bits of it would be understood and the negative response that's coming. I want to focus on what was to me the most interesting part of the interview and which I could see that people were going to hate:

“But it doesn’t actually matter. Nobody is sitting there at night slumped at their computer, and their boyfriend comes over and goes, ‘What’s wrong, darling?’ and they go, ‘It’s just this thing with Matty Healy.’ That doesn’t happen.” “Maybe it does,” I said. “If it does,” he said, “you’re either deluded or you are, sorry, a liar. You’re either lying that you are hurt, or you’re a bit mental for being hurt. It’s just people going, ‘Oh, there’s a bad thing over there, let me get as close to it as possible so you can see how good I am.’ And I kind of want them to do that, because they’re demonstrating something so base level.”

I am much more sympathetic to this than most commentary I've seen, but before I explain why I'll say the ways that I think is not true - and also not a reasonable thing for Matty Healy to say.

Because my very first thought when reading this was - 'Matty Healy, who are you to call someone mental?' And more than a statement about how he navigates the world (although it's not not that) - by that I mean - he is obviously someone who is fascinated by the fan performer relationship. He is fascinated with and his whole career is based on the way fans give meanings to performers. He's talked a lot about that feeling himself. Of course Matty Healy has meaning to people - of course there have been people (with and without boyfriends) slumped over their computers, because they have an emotional reaction to what he said. It's both childish and absurd to pursue stardom and a fandom for decades and then respond to people having a problem with your actions by claiming that nobody should think you're that important.

But the other way to take 'who are you to call other people a bit mental Matty Healy?' is to take the sting out of the idea. If I'm a little bit mental, and so is Matty Healy, and his fans - if the assumption is that everyone is a little bit mental in one way or another (which is certainly a basic assumption to how I navigate the world) - then I read what he said in another way. I think that Matty Healy was saying something that is interesting, resonant, and not always articulated.

What he is saying about false outrage - of people wanting to get close to and claim a personal stake in certain sorts of controversy - that resonated with me - as I've watched the different ways on-line dynamics play out.

I first thought about this in terms of amplification. I remember when the first Hunger Games movie came out and Jezebel ran a piece about people (none of whom had very many followers) who tweeted about caring less about the Rue character, because she was black. Writing that article greatly increased the number of people who saw these tweets. I think that decision can be defended (although I suspect it was made on clickbait terms - rather than principled ones). But what I found indefensible was that afterwards the journalist tweeted something like 'Oh no I really hope Amandla Stenberg doesn't hear who don't care about Rue'. I thought then you can't have it both ways - you can't bring terrible things to a wider audience and then act as if the fact that more people know about them now has nothing to do with you. (I thought of this when I saw people blaming Taylor for the fact that teenage girls knew about the porn site mentioned in the podcast)

But it's not just about amplification - the dynamic Matty Healy names is a very real and human one. I've always been very suspicious of the politics of designating an individual man 'a sexist' or an individual white person 'a racist'. It suggests that they want to treat racism and sexism as things that are rare, unusual, and reside in the individual. And often this is part of erasing and denying their own racism. I think there's some of that going on here - particularly at some of the hyperbolic reactions from white people. Such as claiming Taylor was making them unsafe by inviting Matty Healy to Eras shows (the idea that what we know of Matty Healy's behaviour would make him stand out as dangerous in a crowd of 70,000 Americans - is totally disconnected from reality).

One of the reasons I find what Matty Healy said so interesting - is because I think it and don't say it. I often get anons who express very strong emotions that I just don't believe. They'll say they're outraged or offended or something, and it just doesn't ring true. I wouldn't frame it the way Matty Healy does - as getting close to the bad thing. I have always thought it in stan terms - anons are performing outrage as part of black and white thinking of standom. But I really like Matty Healy's framing.

If I was being generous with myself I'd say the reason I don't say anything is that I could be wrong - and for me 'what is the impact if I'm wrong' is quite a big factor in how I behave. Taking a risk that I'm telling people that their offense isn't real is something that I'm cautious about. But what this does mean is that I am part of creating and promoting something really false - and I do think that promoting that false idea of the politics of being offended is damaging - it's not something that I want to do. (For those who are new here and haven't seen me link to it dozens of times before, I think Racism is a system of oppression not a series of bloops by Gary Younge is a really important articulation of what is at stake here).

But as well as finding it interesting that anyone says things that I find myself not saying - I think it's particularly interesting coming from a celebrity. So much of what celebrities say about fans is just baby food - totally pureed and anything that might be interesting removed. 'Blah, blah, blah I have a really special relationship with my fans.' There's nothing true or real about any of it - because in general for a celebrity to say most things that are true is too high risk.

I do think what Matty Healy was saying was mostly true - particularly if you take away all the connotations of 'a bit mental' (if you take that to mean overinvested in - or even just fan). And there is something to be explained here - there is a gap between what he has done - and the response over the last few months. Some of that gap is about stan culture - but not all of it something else is going on.

I also think he's hiding behind the fact that some people are being outrageous. The people who are declaring him the worst people in the world, or suggesting that he's a danger to fans, or writing ridiculously long threads about their own accountability - they are lying and I like that he says so. But if some people are criticising you in an unjustified and absurd way that's not a good reason to ignore everything that is being said to you.

I find myself returning to the idea of standing - and asking if I have standing in a particular issue. I can have an opinion on things - whether or not I have standing. But if I don't have standing then there's no reason my opinion should matter to anyone else. (There is something in here that I haven't fully unpacked about the individualisation of all this).

There are plenty of people with standing here - Ice Spice, Rina Sawayama, fans of the 1975 who listened to the podcast and heard people like them talked about in degrading ways. The fact that someone who has never listened to the podcast and is misrepresenting it - doesn't change what was said on that podcast.

That's a lot to say about 116 words - so I'll stop. But I would love to know what Jia Tolentino said yes. And I'd want to push on the implications of a popstar believing that people who were invested in what they say were 'a little bit mental'.

[celticwoman]

i've been thinking for a bit and i think that (like a lot of people i think) i find it really hard to get into 4th gen groups mostly because a lot of the members are younger than me now

[twoghostslarrie]

OMG. I USED TO BE A 1D ACCOUNT ONCE UPON A TIME. AND THEN BECAME A BTS ONE BUT I'M BACK AND I SEE SOME ACCOUNTS I RECOGNIZE FROM 10 YEARS AGO????????? OMFG SOME PEOPLE ARE STILL ACTIVE

[theydopissmeoffavocados]

🥺

8 years of HOME 🏠🤧

[softnasty]

i was already kind of back on my 1d bullshit (in terms of listening to them regularly again) but after seeing harold tonight... we're so back ! what a magical night, i didn't think i'd tear up a couple times but i did, because apparently i still care about this weirdo lil aquarius man <3

[poppy930]

Hoy hace 8 años que llegué a Tumblr. 🥳

[b3ach-bunn7]

WE SUFFOCATED OUR LOVE

a random number starts texting you and you decide to text back

Or, the bassist of your favourite band accidentally messages you and u fall in love

inspired by this fic 😆 and my fav band the driver era

band!au, no quirks, text form, eventual romance

————————————————————————-

September 18th

10:37 pm

Unknown: Ask Shiggy to grab me a monster on his way back

You: a monster?? are u 12…

Unknown: Shut up and ask

You: sorry I think you have the wrong number

Unknown: No I don’t

You: lowkey u do..

You: r u trying to hack me

Unknown: You’re still texting me so u would probably fall for it

You: okay ur still textjng me genius

Unknown: Texting*

You: Shut up.

You: okay don’t actually shut up

Unknown: Thought I was a hacker

You: maybe I wanna be hacked

Unknown: Is this flirting

You: maybe

You: r u really sexy

Unknown: Extremely

You: 😍 feeling bashful rn

You: why r u drinking monsters anyways

You: Wait am i actually messaging a 12 yr old

September 19th

4:03 am

Unknown: I’m not 12 years old

Unknown: I’m 24

Unknown: And i drink monsters for energy

Unknown: And because they r yummy

Unknown: And cheap

You: omfg you don’t need a separate text for every word

Unknown: Oh

Unknown: Didn’t think you’d be awake so late

You: well I wasn’t but SOMEONE is messaging me at 4am

You: also I’m 24 2

Unknown: Didn’t ask

You: kys

Unknown: Ok bye

You: pussy

You: why are u even awake so late

Unknown: I’m writing

You: omg 😳 are u an author

Unknown: Lol no

Unknown: I write music

You: OMG

You: even better

You: what do u play

Unknown: Bass

Unknown: And I sing kinda

You: kinda?

Unknown: I sing backup mainly

Unknown: Or lead if I’m feeling extra generous

You: generous?

Unknown: To please all my loving woman fans ofc 😫

You: EWW TF

You: DONT EVER USE EMOJIS AGAIN BRUH 😭

Unknown: 😭💔.

You: literally throwing up alllllxover my room

Unknown: Weirdo

Unknown: Go to sleep

You: don’t tell me what to do 🙄

Unknown: Okay don’t sleep

You: lowkey have to I have uni tomorrow

Unknown: Loser

You: shush

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

September 19th

8:47 am

You: FUCK YOU

September 19th

2:30 pm

Unknown: Meanie 😢

You: i overslept because of you

Unknown: Were you up all night thinking about me

You: i dont eben know ur name

Unknown: Dabi

You: oh ur sooooo emo and edgy

Dabi: Shut up

You: nobody... understands you😕⛓️🥀

Dabi: You gonna tell me ur name or what

You: Y/N

Dabi: Pretty name

You: dont stalk me plz

Dabi: No promises

————————————————————————

September 28th

10:02 pm

You: so if u dont go uni what do you do

Dabi: I told you i write music

Dabi: Am also in a band

You: wait are u like

You: successful

You: like do u make money from it

Dabi: Well yes

Dabi: Its my job

You: wait thats kinda cool

Dabi:  😎 

You: take it back so fast

You: do u stream ur music on like spotify

You: let me listen

You: whats ur band called

Dabi: No

You: mid name but i will look it up

Dabi: I dont wanna tell you

Dabi: Not right now at least

You: r u like super famous

You: am i messaging harry styles rn

Dabi: Im sorry i kept this from u for so long

You: is 1D cming back

You: plz

Dabi: Never

Dabi: Narry ruined us😔

You: HAHAH

You: HWO DO U KNOW WHAT TAHT IS

Dabi: I have a sister

Dabi: But seriously I'll tell you one day

You: how do ik ur not lying about ur music 🤔

Dabi: [image attachment]

September 28th

10:13pm

You: MINABHABHAE

You: LOOK

You: OMFG

You: [image attachment]

You: HIS HAND IS ALL TATTED UP AND SEXY

You: AND THAT BASS

You: just creamed my pants

Mina: GIRL

Mina: you dont even know what he looks like

Mina: he does have sexy hands tho

You: sexy hands = sexy face

You: its litch science

Mina: ur so whipped and its been a week

You: uhm

You: ten days actually

Mina: ur not right in the head

September 28th

10:22 pm

Dabi: Did my incredible bass shock u to silence

You: i literally collapsed when i saw it

You: i like the blue

You: also ur tattoos are cool

Dabi: Thanks babe

You: mhm

You: yh

You: did they hurt

You: when u got them done

Dabi: Nah they werent too bad

Dabi: Worst was probs the ones on my chest

You: r u like alll tatted up

Dabi: I am

Dabi: That okay?

You: mhm

You: very cool

You: i want a tatto but im lowkey scared like

You: what if it hurts

Dabi: Ill get one with you

Dabi: Ill talk you through it

Dabi: Distract you from the pain

You: mhm

You: yes

You: very good

You: my roomates calling me ttylxox

September 28th

10:30pm

You: [screenshot]

You: hes SOO FLIRTING RIGHT

Mina: oh babe this reads like a porno

You: DFHBAJHF

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

October 11th

8:37 pm

You: [link attachment]

You: listen to this song

You: LOV is the best band eva

Dabi: LOL

You: WHAT

You: its so good its my fav band

You: im seeing them next month

Dabi: Really

You: r u jelly

Dabi: Very

Dabi: If only i could be there

You: i think theres still tickets for sale if u acc wanna come

Dabi: You tryna see me in person?

You: mayhaps

You: ur just so mysterious

You: what if ur actually like a pedo

Dabi: The fuck

Dabi: I’m no pedo

You: okay cool

You: you can come to the concert then

Dabi: Seriously?

October 11th

8:47pm

You: MINA

You: PLEASE

You: [screenshot attachment]

You: SHALL I SAY YEA

Mina: UHM

Mina: YES

Mina: concerts are public so if he’s actually a creep you’ll be safe

You: OKAY

October 11th

8:50pm

You: okay omg

You: shall we actually do this

Dabi: Yeah

Dabi: You got another month to figure out if I’m a pedo

You: now I deffo think you’re one

—————————————————————————

October 17th

6:45 pm

Dabi: Does this sound good

Dabi: [audio message]

You: WOAH

You: that sounds really good

You: is that u talking at the end

Dabi: Yeah my roommate walked in

You: ur voice is so deep

Dabi: Sexy right

You: gosh so modest too

Dabi: I’m working on a new song but I can’t tell if I like that riff

You: u should like it

You: it’s very good

Dabi: Thanks babe

You: soooooo

You: can u show me ur band now 😁

Dabi: No 😁

You: 🤬

—————————————————————————

October 21st

8:33pm

You: what would u do if we meet irl and IM actually famous

You: like u pull up to the concert and I’m there but I’m actually like Jojo siwa or something

Dabi: I’d be a bit disappointed

You: u don’t fw jojo??

Dabi: No but she’s gay and I’d hope all my flirting was being put to good use here

You: hardee har

————————————————————————

October 25th

6:45pm

You: I’m supposed to be studying but

You: I can’t stop thinking if halloweeen😝

Dabi: You going trick or treating?

You: i wish

You: unfortunately too old for that now

Dabi: Loser

Dabi: My little brothers 11 so I get to do it with him

Dabi: But I gotta act cool like I don’t wanna do it

You: IM SO JELLY

You: can I borrow ur little brother on the 31st of October plz

Dabi: No weirdo

You: sigh

You: I’m going to a party at least

Dabi: Oh yeah

Dabi: What are u dressing up as

You: me and my friend are going as monster high girls 😁😁😁

You: shes draculaura and I’m clawdeen 😜

Dabi: Sick

Dabi: U have to show me when you do it

You: gosh ur so obsessed with me

You: but okay

—————————————————————————

October 28th

7:00pm

You: [image attachment]

You: the fit is ready

Dabi: Why aren’t u wearing it

You: im gonnna do the full reveal ON halloween

Dabi: Sigh fine

You: what are you wearing punk

Dabi: Punk 😭

You: LOL

Dabi: U can’t laugh

You: okay…

Dabi: You know that show curious George

You: HAHAHA

You: R U FONNA BE THE YELLOW HAT MAN

Dabi: You said u wouldn’t laugh 😔

You: NO ITS SO CUTE

Dabi: I got him a little monkey onesie

You: AWWW

You: THATS SO CUTE

October 28th

7:10 pm

You: [screenshot attachment]

You: when he’s a good older brother 😍😍❤️😝

Mina: okay bare minimum 😍😍😍

You: SHUT UP

—————————————————————————-

October 31st

6:00 pm

Dabi: [image attachment]

Dabi: Ur favourite childhood father figure

You: OMG

You: U GUYS LOOK SO GOOD

You: crazy how ur face is covered🙄

Dabi: You love the thrill of the mystery

Dabi: Let’s see ur costume

You: my party starts at like nine bruh 😭

You: im in bed watching movies

Dabi: Loser

Dabi: Imagine not trick or treating

You: u suck so much

Dabi: Ofc I do 😋

You: VOMIT 🤢

October 31st

6:07pm

You: [image attachment]

You: Mina.

You: look at his ARMS IN THAT SUIT

Mina: it’s bright yellow

You: HES CURIOUS GEORGE MAN

You: his little brothers the monkey

Mina: WAIT WHY IS THAT KINDA CUTE

You: IK

Mina: and he does look sexy in that button up

You: the tattoos🤤

Mina: love a man with a dark past 😍

You: god im so scared to see him

You: the concerts on the 10th

Mina: you’ll be okay babe Dw

October 31st

8:30pm

You: [image attachment]

You: it’s…. A full moon.. I feel myself… changing 🐺

Dabi: Woah

Dabi: You look hot

You: omg

You: thank u

Dabi: You’re pretty too

Dabi: R u wearing that to the concert

You: LOL NO

You: I haven’t decided yet

Dabi: U have to show me

Dabi: So I can find you

You: and how am I gonna find you

Dabi: You’ll find me

November 3rd

7:02pm

Dabi: [audio attachment]

Dabi: Listen please 😄

Dabi: What do you think

You: why r u acc good at this

You: I LOVE

You: yk it kinda sounds like LOV

You: I think you’ll like their music

Dabi: Girl I listen to them

You: GIRL???

You: sassy man apocalypse is alive and well

Dabi: Whos ur favourite band member

You: hmmmm

You: I like the drummer

You: himiko she’s so cute

You: but the bassist 🤤🤤🤤

You: Touya

You: need him in ways I can’t articulate over message 😳

You: uhm where did u go

You: did my thirsting freak u out

Dabi: No ur good

Dabi: I thought you’d like the guitarist

Dabi: Shiggy

Dabi: Every girl is obsessed with him

You: yeah but Touya is all emo kinda

You: I love it

November 8th

9:00pm

You: [image attachment]

You: fit check for the concert😜

Dabi: I love it

Dabi: Very Blue

Dabi: That’s my fav colour

You: that’s why I’m wearing it??

Dabi: Blushing rn 🤭

You: HAHA

November 10th

6:30 pm

You: On my way! now

You: tf

Dabi: Can’t wait to see you!

You: LOL SHUSH

You: im nervous

Dabi: Don’t be

Dabi: Im excited to see you

You: me too 😆

November 10th

6:50pm

Mina: be careful plz

Mina: there’s loads of people around but still

Mina: he could be a freak in disguise

You: I know babe Dw dw

You: I’ll keep u updated

Mina: good

Mina: r u gonna give him a biggggg fat smooch 🤤

You: SHUT UP

November 7th

7:00pm

You: are you here?

Dabi: Yeah

You: omg

You: im scared

Dabi: Lowkey same

Dabi: But im so manly and strong so im actually not scared

You: LOL

Dabi: Okay wait

Dabi: I need to tell you smth

You: is this u telling me the pedo allegations r true….

Dabi: Before we meet u need to know

You: yeah what’s up?

Dabi: Idk how to say this without u thinking I’m lying but

Dabi: I’m Touya

You: uh

You: what 😅

Dabi: I just didn’t wanna tell you because I thought you might like

Dabi: Idk people r so weird about it when they find out

Dabi: And I didn’t want you to just talk to me because of that

Dabi: Especially when I found out u listen to our music

Dabi: I’m sorry I never told u

Dabi: Y/N? You there?

You: yeah I just

You: slightly confused

You: idk how to tell if ur lying or not

Dabi: [image attachment]

Dabi: Theres the face reveal you’ve been after

You: what the sigma

You: okay

You: woah

You: so I’ve actually been dming a celebrity

Dabi: You prefer me or Harry styles

You: you deffo

You: but I think you knew that from my messages from before

Dabi: Yeah i remember

Dabi: Dw you can articulate all the ways you need me after the show

You: haahahahhahaha

You: 😁😁😁 okay

Dabi: I have smth for you though

You: you do?

Dabi: Yeah

Dabi: Go to the back door where that scary security guy is

Dabi: His name is Spinner

Dabi: Tell him Dabi sent you

You: OKAY

You: :((( THIS IS SO CUTE

Dabi: You like them?

You: I can’t believe u got me flowers 😢

You: thank you!!!

Dabi: That’s alright

Dabi: Okay I need to go warm up

Dabi: I’ll be looking for you in the crowd

You: I’ll be staring at you too

Dabi: I said looking

You: same diff

You: wait hold on

Touya: What?

You: nm nm

You: good luck for ur show 😆

Touya: Thanks babe

BONUS

November 7th

5:05pm

Touya: Toga

Touya: Toga

Touya: Toga

Touya: TOGAAAAA

Toga: WTF DO U WANT

Touya: If I was gonna get a girl flowers what should I get her

Toga: GASP GASP

Toga: WHO R U RIZZING UP

Touya: Literally fuck off never say that

Toga: is this that girl you’re always messaging

Toga: and smiling at ur phone 🥺🥺

Touya: Fuck off

Toga: IT ISSSSSS

Toga: IS SHE COMING TONIGHT

Touya: Yes

Toga: AHHSSHAHWHW

Toga: THIS IS SO EXCITING

Touya: I’m so happy ur having so so much fun

Toga: I so ammmmmm

Toga: but why don’t u ask her what she wants

Touya: It’s a surprise idiot

Toga: AWWWWWWWW

Toga: okay well if u wanna be so really romantic u could get her roses

Toga: or maybeee tulips or lillies

Toga: she’ll like whatevs u get her

Touya: Okay

Touya: Thanks

Toga: that’s okay lover boy 😍🥰

Touya: Kys

—————————————————————————-

THIS WAS SO FUN TO WRITE OH EM GEE but it lowkey took longer than I thought it would… but i hope u all enjoyed 😁😁

also y/ns messaging is literally just how I message.. I fear this is the most self indulgent fic I’ve ever written

[londonfoginacup]

Personal stream of consciousness around Liam and grief and moving forward

Every day I wake up and Liam is still dead. It continues to sort of feel like at some point I will wake up and that won’t be true, that he’ll be back, like he’s just on a trip right now. And I think that’s… a normal part of the grieving process, but it’s hard because it feels disrespectful, almost.

I only did 8 days of inktober this year. I had another ten sketched out already in my notebook, and now I wonder what to do with those. Some of them were good! (Some weren’t). I was older than Liam by a month or so, but for some reason I want to be able to go to him now, and show him those sketches, and say, I do art too! Aren’t you proud of me?

Death is a horrible and unnatural thing. It was never supposed to happen to us. We grieve because we were not made to lose people. We were made to love them forever. Grief is our body trying desperately to reconcile with a reality it was never made for. That is why it feels this way. We were not made for a life like this. We were made to hold one another in our arms. We were made to love each other. We were made for more.

I want to tell him that. That he was made for more than he got. I hope someday I can.

When tumblr started having polls, I always voted the Liam option, and in part that was because I love Liam and I would’ve chosen him regardless. But in part it was with the thought that, if he were to ever snoop on our community here, I wanted Liam to see that he had people in his corner. I don’t regret that. I’m sad it’s all I could do.

I was thinking about it earlier. About One Direction. I tried to slice it so many ways and I came to the conclusion that Liam and Louis are the ones that I think were the heart. I think 1D could’ve come back together to tour, make music, and so on, as long as it had at least those two. 1D could never exist without Liam. It just couldn’t. He loved them too much.

Obviously, I haven’t turned my queue back on. I haven’t felt right reblogging current day stuff about the boys. It feels like turning that back on will indicate being ready to move on, to some extent. And okay, I’ll never be ready so there’s that. But. The idea of turning it back on doesn’t feel right. Not yet.

That being said, I started last month preparing for Christmas. For the 25 days of fic rec I do, and the advent fic. And of course cards. I had decided just a week before Everything Happened that I couldn’t afford to do physical cards this year. And I feel ten times more guilty about that decision now, because it feels like surely people NEED that! But I am also trying to be realistic with myself; so many wonderful people have offered to help financially, and any other time I think I would’ve taken them up on that, but right now the emotional and mental weight of doing physical cards might also be too heavy.

Which, again, makes me feel like I’m letting people down when they need me. If I could, I would send all of you personalized letters every day. It is so hard to reckon with the knowledge that I am only human and must take care of myself.

But I will do the fic recs. that’s easy; I’ve already finished the post graphics.

And I will do the advent fic (I might change my plot— the original one didn’t have a lot of Liam, but i think I need him there more).

And I will make some sort of digital cards for sure. It occurred to me this year that I never put my paper dolls online anywhere and I sort of wonder why not. At least maybe this will be a treat for anyone too wary of sending a stranger online their address— all of you can print th paper dolls for yourselves. I’ll make plenty of outfits.

So. That’s my plan, I suppose. I’ve cried writing this more than I’ve cried all week, I think because it’s easy to think that I am past the worst of the grieving right up until I have to look head on at the facts again.

I miss him. I miss him. How could this happen.

[bad1dimagines]

Just want to say although I was never a fan of 1D I have followed this blog for a good 8+ years and the recent news shocked me and looking back it’s nice to reminisce about being a kid again and just reading ridiculous things on tumblr so thank you for still being active especially now

I appreciate this so much ❤️ it’s been comforting to be on here and look back on everything. It’s been really lovely to hear that this blog has been helping people find a bit of joy